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Zergrusheddie
2009-11-22, 07:04 PM
Howdy folks. In every kind of game I have played, there has always been one statement that has stayed and flourished.

I was playing a Druid. When I was around 7th level, a player asked me how I was casting spells while Wildshaped and than stated "Did you actually take Natural Spell?" Before I could respond, another player shouted: "Yes, because any Druid that does not have Natural Spell is slaughtered by other Druids." I'm not really sure why, but this statement still makes me laugh uncontrollably.

Best of luck y'all.
-Eddie

TheCountAlucard
2009-11-22, 07:11 PM
"Please don't fly naked" immediately springs to mind.

Also, my Shadowrun group generally gets a kick out of having someone run frantically into the room and excitedly ask, "GUYS, did you know you can hire hackers?"

Starscream
2009-11-22, 07:27 PM
"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!!!"

Very long story.

arguskos
2009-11-22, 07:35 PM
Rule 0: Don't light anything on fire!
Rule 0, Addendum: Don't [insert energy type here] anything on [result here]!!
Rule 1: While talking to NPCs, SHUT THE **** UP AT ALL TIMES.

Boci
2009-11-22, 07:39 PM
Rule 0: Don't light anything on fire!

Rule 1: Everything burs.
Rule 2: If something doesn't burn, consult rule 1.

Achilles
2009-11-22, 07:41 PM
"Shimmerbeard not sure about this..."

My extra dimensional dwarven rogue that talks in the third person and always smokes a cigar. He's extra dimensional in that he will just appear in different campaigns as an NPC who will just say something like the catchphrase and disappear. The campaigns very well may be in totally different settings, it doesn't matter, he's extra dimensional.

arguskos
2009-11-22, 07:42 PM
Rule 1: Everything burs.
Rule 2: If something doesn't burn, consult rule 1.
We had some... bad experiences with burning stuff. Now, the party always defaults to NOT burning stuff.

Lvl45DM!
2009-11-22, 07:43 PM
in a group of drow, dueargar and a vampire
Dont quit your day job has lasted a year

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-11-22, 07:48 PM
For my current group, anything along the lines of "He keeps cranking his crossbow..." or "Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank...."

Context:
We're 4th level and are taking out a castle of goblins and hobgoblins. Our party consists of a favored soul/crusader (me), a paladin, a ranger, a druid, a cleric, a wizard, and a bard. Seven level 4 characters can handle basically anything, right? Right?

*We've basically finished clearing out the castle, have found all the clues, items, and McGuffins we need, and are preparing to leave. This was an insanely hard fight, so we're all down to single- or low-double-digit HP and almost out of spells, but I used up all my healing spells and the cleric spontaneously inflicts, so we can't heal yet*
DM: So you head out of the room and--hold on. I missed one goblin in the last fight.
Ranger: It's one goblin; can we just skip him?
DM: I've made the encounters so you get exactly to 5th level; no goblin, no level up.
Wizard: I WANT FIREBALL. Let's kill him!
*Party agrees*
DM: Okay. As you leave the room, you see a door slam shut at the end of the hall.
Ranger: Did I see anything enter?
DM: Why yes. A goblin, in fact.
Ranger: What a coincidence. Shall we?
*Party walks to the door*
DM: The door is unlocked. It's a regular wooden door with a small window in it.
Cleric: Hmm...looks like a trap. I look through the slot.
DM: You see a small goblin holding a heavy crossbow...aiming it at your face.
Cleric: Crap!
DM: *rolls d20* Crit! *rolls damage* Max! 10 damage, times 2. 20 damage.
Cleric: :smalleek:
DM: What?
Cleric: ...I have 8 HP.
DM: Um. Oo...kay. A bolt lodges in the cleric's skull, dropping him in one hit.
Wizard: What the **** was that!?
DM: That's a Monster Manual-standard goblin with a heavy crossbow.
Ranger: Kill the bastard!
*The paladin and I get in position by the door; the ranger, wizard, and druid get in back; the bard opens the door*
Paladin: CHARGE! SMITE EVIL! *rolls* Crap, a 1. :smallsigh:
DM: The paladin charges up and swings right over the goblin's head; the goblin doesn't even try to dodge, but continues cranking his crossbow. Next?
Favored Soul: For Kord! I run up and Mountain Hammer his ass! *rolls* Another 1. Crap! :smallmad:
DM: Heh. The favored soul charges up and swings right over the goblin's head, barely missing the paladin; the goblin doesn't even try to dodge, but continues cranking his crossbow.
Druid: That's it. My animal companion charges too. *rolls* Another 1!? :smallfurious: Holy ****, somebody gave us loaded dice!
DM: The wolf charges up and bumps into the wall, barely missing the favored soul; the goblin's cranking his crossbow.
Druid: I'm going to ready an action to cast flaming sphere when everyone's out of the way or if he tries to escape.
DM: Fine. Next?
Ranger: Can I attack from here?
DM: You can...but the paladin, favored soul, and wolf together provide cover.
Ranger: I'll risk it. *rolls* 7, plus 11; 18.
DM: *checks goblin's AC* Heh.
Ranger: What?
DM: With the cover, you miss. He doesn't bother to dodge and--
Ranger: Let me guess. He keeps cranking his crossbow?
DM: Yup. Crank...crank...crank.... :smallbiggrin:
Wizard: Damn him! I want 5th level! *checks sheet* I'm out of magic missiles, dammit...Yes! Scorching ray! *rolls* It's...not higher than an 18. :smallannoyed:
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank.... :smallbiggrin:
Wizard: Wait! Touch attack! What's his touch AC?
DM: 12.
Wizard: Dammit.
Druid: Still didn't hit!? Okay, that's it! I hope you guys can take a flaming sphere, 'cause I'm taking this sucker down! Flaming sphere on his space.
DM: So that's a reflex save, DC? *checks sheet* Okay... *rolls* ...uh...
Druid: And...?
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank....crank...crank...c rank...crank....
Party: GODS DAMMIT!
Bard: Come on, luck, don't fail me now...I throw my daggers. *rolls* *rolls* *looks at dice* *looks at DM* *looks at dice*
DM: :smallcool:
Bard: You know what? **** you.
DM: And...it's the goblin's turn. It's a full-round action to reload, so he takes a 5-foot step back from the flaming sphere and keeps cranking, and cranking, and cranking, and cranking....Next?
Paladin: Well, the favored soul and wolf and I can't risk the damage at this point, so I'm gonna retreat. Guys?
Favored soul: Same.
Druid: My wolf comes back, too. Give the ranger a clear shot.
DM: Okay. Next is the ranger.
Ranger: Rapid shot. *rolls* *rolls* Let's see, that's a 14 and 16 total.
Wizard: Goblins have 15 AC! You got him!
DM: Rapid shot is -2 to each. Did you take that into account?
Ranger: ...uh...no. 12 and 14.
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank....
Wizard: Fine. I don't have anything left that will help. Bard?
Bard: Daggers again, mother ****er! *rolls* *rolls* A 1, and a 2 plus 9. ****!!!!
DM: Aaaand...the goblin goes. He shoots at the wizard. *rolls* 18 total. Damage...*rolls*...8.
Wizard: :smallannoyed: I have 2.
DM: The goblin stops cranking his crossbow, levels it at the wizard, and takes him in the chest. He drops. The goblin then flees. :smallamused:
Paladin: We can't leave the wizard, and if we split up the party...
Favored Soul: DON'T. SPLIT. THE. PARTY. With our luck, who knows how many other goblins there are?
DM: So he gets away?
Party: ...yes.
DM: You do realize he was a standard goblin right?
Party: Yes.
DM: A single CR 1/3 creature held off a seven-person party of level four PCs, killing 1 and KOing 1?
Party: YES.
DM: :smallamused: I think I shall call him...Squee.
Party: RECURRING VILLAIN! WE'RE ****ED!

Seatbelt
2009-11-22, 07:49 PM
Doors are problematic in my group. We've had some bad experiences with doors that were, as far as the DM was concerned, not even encounters. But the party then turned the door into an ECL+4 challenge that must be overcome.

The Dark Fiddler
2009-11-22, 07:51 PM
"The potatoes... they're multiplying!"

"Big... big door!"

And: "Yo, dawg, if you invest, your stocks go from here to here!"

Yes, they make sense in context. :smalltongue:

Saph
2009-11-22, 07:52 PM
For my current group, anything along the lines of "He keeps cranking his crossbow..." or "Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank...."

Okay, that one was hilarious. Me like. :smallbiggrin:

arguskos
2009-11-22, 07:53 PM
For my current group, anything along the lines of "He keeps cranking his crossbow..." or "Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank...."

Context:
lolery
You know, every time I read that story, it makes me :smallbiggrin: Still one of the funniest things ever.

taltamir
2009-11-22, 07:53 PM
Me: Didn't you swear a vow of celibacy?
Paladin: Celibawho?

I am surprised nobody has mentioned "ok guys, lets split up!"

Inhuman Bot
2009-11-22, 07:55 PM
One time our DM said that there was "Two pairs of double doors." That comes up
alot. :smalltongue:

taltamir
2009-11-22, 07:58 PM
@PairO'Dice Lost: That was hilarious!

Amphetryon
2009-11-22, 08:08 PM
"When did the Halfling become gum?" :smallannoyed: I was playing the Halfling in question.

Bibliomancer
2009-11-22, 08:15 PM
"They have a ballista."

Context

I was DMing a seventh level campaign with an evil halfling rogue, an exalted human cleric, a good human swordsage, and an evil warforged. They demanded to level up near the end of the session. I didn't have any combat prepared, but they were close to leveling, so I improvised.

They were attacked by four fourth level human fighters on a hill above them. Each of the fighters were using repeating swivel ballistas. The party charged them. One of them was killed (the good human swrodsage) and another was almost disabled in the initial volley, but they were defeated easily after the PCs got to them. After the battle, the rogue was about to loot the warblade's body when the cleric passed me a note saying "I burn all my spell slots for the day to send her body and equipment to Elysium." I said yes. The rogue and the warforged then turned on the cleric. Faced with the prospect of having to run an evil campaign, I told the cleric that he had received a onetime Word of Recall spell for his selfless action. He used it to get out just before the rogue was about to turn him into shish-kebabs. After that we run alternating Good and Evil sessions, with each player having one character in each party. We planned an eventual showdown around level 15, but run out of time.

sofawall
2009-11-22, 08:15 PM
My group always hates grapple checks, not because of the rules, but because most of them usually have negative grapple mods.


"We demand to level up in one session."

Context

Ridiculous events happened in that empty context area.

Bibliomancer
2009-11-22, 08:24 PM
Ridiculous events happened in that empty context area.

And now you can read them.

Gamerlord
2009-11-22, 08:27 PM
Me: "LOOK, NO MORE EDITION WARS AT THE TABLE!!!!!"

Boy, were they slowing down the game.


Also:

Me: "EVEN IF YOU CRIT,YOU CAN'T KILL A GOBLIN WITH A PEAR!"
Long story.

infinitypanda
2009-11-22, 08:31 PM
"We're gold inspectors."
Alternatively: "I put on my gold inspector mustache."

taltamir
2009-11-22, 08:36 PM
Me: "EVEN IF YOU CRIT,YOU CAN'T KILL A GOBLIN WITH A PEAR!"
Long story.

By the RAW you can...
And IRL, you just need to shove it into its mouth hard enough to make it choke and die from chocking... or use it to punch him in the guys causing internal bleeding, etc...

Mongoose87
2009-11-22, 08:41 PM
There was an ongoing joke in my Shadowrun group from the summer about my Russian Orc Street Samurai trying to sneak around by stomping about heavily with a claymore, saying "Sneak, sneak, sneak."

Eldariel
2009-11-22, 08:41 PM
Well, whenever we get close to a body of water, especially a still, silent pond, and the DM starts to describe things as if something surfacing or something surprising happening, I invariably fill in "A kraken!"

The funny part is, that's never happened. We've never faced a Kraken in any of our games. I guess that's why I so dread DM finally throwing one at us, including places where it makes no sense.


I don't really know why I first did that, but it's become a running joke for us.

WMazter
2009-11-22, 08:59 PM
Well, whenever we get close to a body of water, especially a still, silent pond, and the DM starts to describe things as if something surfacing or something surprising happening, I invariably fill in "A kraken!"

The funny part is, that's never happened. We've never faced a Kraken in any of our games. I guess that's why I so dread DM finally throwing one at us, including places where it makes no sense.


I don't really know why I first did that, but it's become a running joke for us.

DM: "My wares has been stolen by pira.."
Chorus: "Ain't going to sea! There's Krakens!"
Dwarf: "I don't like the sea either."

When we've defeated a powerful opponent we generally look at eachother and asks the DM when he'll throw us into a barbrawl to kill us, to which he replies that we usually manage to kill ourselves without his interference.

(We don't use D&D rules, so I can't exactly relate to your perception of levels)

Zergrusheddie
2009-11-22, 09:00 PM
Eldariel's one reminded me off a good one:

Nim the Pee Dwarf

The party comes across a broken down cottage in the forest. The roof and walls have collapsed into the basement and rainwater has made filled it to about knee level. The dwarven rogue made a spot check and saw "A strange thing poking out of the basement and lapping at the ground. It is greenish-blue."
Without warning, the players shouts "KRAKEN!" and literally threw his character off of the table, indicating that he was running away at full speed. The level 7 Fighter than jumped into the basement and killed the Giant Toad in a single swing with his Greatsword.

"Nim, the Dwarf who peed his pants and RAN AWAY!"

His name is invoked more often than Brave Sir Robin...

Beelzebub1111
2009-11-22, 09:10 PM
"Ooh! we also took out Mephistopheles!"

Results in getting banned from all three Uleks.

Fridesgerte
2009-11-22, 09:12 PM
"You know what they say about elves."

Sling
2009-11-22, 09:18 PM
"SPIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRS!"


This is one of those stories which may only be funny to the parties involved, but it was big enough to result in some amusing character development, which lasts to this day. Basically, due to the DM hastily moving around some miniatures, an NPC who had wandered off was in the same room as a spider accidentally left on the map. When one of the other players asked where the NPC had gone, I pointed to the map, and screamed "SPIIIIDEEERS, while frantically swinging around an imaginary sword. It caused a few chuckles, so I made my character arachnophobic in response.

Our DM went on to play a second game, where all our characters from the first campaign had ascended to godhood. I played a paladin who worshiped my previous character. When our party ran into a giant spider, I asked my DM if I could get some sort of bonus as a result of my gods apparent hatred of them

We rolled poorly, and I was informed that, from the heavens, there was a booming, earth shaking, mountain crumbling cry of "SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIDEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRS!"

I took negatives for any spider based enemy for the rest of the game.

"Negative Energy Burst!"


One of our party members worshiped a trickster god, and was also aiming to become a necromancer, if just to mess with my paladin. Despite trying to hide the fact that he was evil to the rest of the party, he would constantly joke that he was casting a number of evil or necromancer spells, and once called out "Negative Energy Burst!". Well, our DM decided to have a little fun, and had his god step in and, one good roll later, our wizard actually cast it.

This, of course, just encouraged him, and so he started yelling "Negative Energy Burst!" at nearly anything he saw. Not wanting to give him a spell that he hadn't earned yet, the DM just had it cause random effects that had little to do with the spell. This resulted in a surprisingly large amount of destruction, and it was only through the DM outright ignoring my paladins attempts at detecting evil did he ever get away with it. The wizard would later get himself killed, and the game ended soon after. The phrase "Negative Energy Burst" has since become short hand to any sort of action that would destroy and disrupt the game on a grand scale

On the bright side, the guy who plays the wizard is surprisingly more mature than this story makes him out to be, and he hasn't made a character quite so destructive since.

Saintheart
2009-11-22, 09:56 PM
"FIFTY...FOUR...DAMAGE!!!!"

Context is that we were playing with house rules that pumped critical hit damage up the wazoo. Line was spoken by a fighter in our party who, with a decent chance of Cleave and a choice of a kobold or a Hill Giant to strike at first, took the advice of the mage and struck at the kobold first. Natural 20 came up. Kobold, of course, died. His Cleave attempt against the full-hitpoints Stone Giant? Three hitpoints.

The mage did not hear the end of it. The session was interrupted for a good forty minutes because everyone was laughing so hard. I've never had tears rolling down my cheeks from mirth before.

Yukitsu
2009-11-22, 09:58 PM
Whenever we have an insolent character go up to an authoritarian NPC, the player will either yell: "PLASMA MISSILES!", or they'll say: "My character says..." "You say "plasma missiles"?"

Acanous
2009-11-22, 10:01 PM
Jack: "Can my penis be used as a natural attack?"
Jeff: "She's a woman with Hardness!"
Joey: "It's not illegal if she can't say no"
Myself: "Me have fork! Can't eat soup!"
Evil Ben: "That baby was just slowing us down!"

jokey665
2009-11-22, 10:05 PM
"Can my penis be used as a natural attack?"
"She's a woman with Hardness!"
"It's not illegal if she can't say no"

Sounds vaguely similar to some of the stuff that's happened in my group. We had a Goliath PsyWar who was Expansioned ask the first one. The answer was yes.

Yukitsu
2009-11-22, 10:07 PM
Sounds vaguely similar to some of the stuff that's happened in my group. We had a Goliath PsyWar who was Expansioned ask the first one. The answer was yes.

I guess the one good thing about pulling the FATAL rules on me was that after some "exceptional" rolls, I got that same ruling on my 5-10, non enlarged elf. :smallsigh:

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-11-22, 10:15 PM
Well, whenever we get close to a body of water, especially a still, silent pond, and the DM starts to describe things as if something surfacing or something surprising happening, I invariably fill in "A kraken!"

The funny part is, that's never happened. We've never faced a Kraken in any of our games. I guess that's why I so dread DM finally throwing one at us, including places where it makes no sense.


I don't really know why I first did that, but it's become a running joke for us.

In the current campaign, the party owns a ship and travels between their home base on an island and the continent very frequently. They basically did the same thing:

"Well, you sail for two fairly uneventful weeks--"
"Until a KRAKEN attacks!"

"...but in the water coming toward you, you see--"
"IT'S A KRAKEN!"

"And behind those two ships is one galleon and--"
"--one KRAKEN!"

And so on and so forth. So what did I do? Well, their archenemy at this point is a graft-focused, template-happy necromancer/transmuter, so...he sent an advanced, monster of legend, half-water elemental, spellwarped, arachnoid kraken after them. :smallbiggrin:

"Rising out of the water--"
"--is a KRAKEN!"
"No, rising out of the water are several mounds of darker water that appear to have arms--water elementals! And following behind them is--"
"--is a KRAKEN!"
"Yes. Yes it is."
"...wait. Really? You're...you're kidding...right?"
"Roll initiative."

Window459
2009-11-22, 10:25 PM
"Hes like a bat out of hell", referring to former half vampire friends

Ylorch
2009-11-22, 10:52 PM
From a game of Betrayal at the House on the Hill. We had just finished reading our part of the mad bomber scenario and the traitor had apparently read the wrong scenario.

"You all age ten years."
"What?"
"You all age ten years"

It's now our auto response to misinterpretations of rules.

"I cast mage hand" is used whenever someone starts doing something superfluous after a 4e combat where the parties wizard felt it necessary to loot the bodies, ala mage hand, mid combat, every round, just to use up his minor action each turn.

Danin
2009-11-22, 11:05 PM
Happened last night actually

While in complete darkness...

"Don't worry, I'll throw my only weapon away so you know you can trust me"

*Silence ensues"

"Ooh no! I threw it into the zone of silence! In the darkness! Don't worry, you can turn your back to me and go looking for it on your hands an knees, I'll wait"


Sadly, she was telling the truth. My ninja was convinced otherwise.

Beelzebub1111
2009-11-22, 11:10 PM
"I freaking hate cats"

My character was "Warned" by Reflexis the Cat Lord to never harm a cat or allow a cat to come to harm or face his wrath. And I previously got a boon from the lion general to cure my dexterity (this is second edition and I had recently had two encounters with Gnome Vampires which drain dexterity, it went from 16 to 10 and I was unable to be a Transmuter anymore without 6 wish spells) on the condition with the exact same conditions. If I can get out of these conditions I swear that I will MURDER every cat I come across.

AslanCross
2009-11-22, 11:12 PM
"Good day, everyone! The sun is blowing and the wind is shining! The birds are buzzing and the bees are chirping!" -a newly resurrected wizard.

Kallisti
2009-11-22, 11:41 PM
"Is it more red than red should be?"

"More red than red should be" was the GM's description of a character turning on his infravision. We're playing M&M, by the way.

"EVERYTHING IS PAIN!!"

One of the characters had most of his skin replaces by a suit that interfaces with his nerves directly. It hurts like hell.

"Robert stopped me. With a taser."

Icarus was being a moron (again) and I had the taser in my hand...

Also, from a D&D 3.5 game:

"WHO THE F**K IS LADY JANE?!"

The PC's had, entirely accidentally, threatened the life of Lady Jane, an NPC they'd never even heard of. They got around six assassination attempts, all prefaced with something along the lines of "Nothing personal, but I can't let you hurt Lady Jane." Now, if they don't know why something's happening, Lady Jane did it.

desmond1323
2009-11-23, 01:06 AM
Oh, there are just TOO many...but let's give it a shot.

"Marg fly!"

This was the response of a half-orc barbarian, level one, who made an AMAZING jump check...jokes of flying half-orc barbarians abound now.

"There's a vampire in the basement!"

In a quick one shot my DM did when not all the players could show, this was a bluff a level two Rogue succeeded against both my fighter and my friend's ranger...in a level three campaign, we thought we were royally ****ed. So now anytime a basement is mentioned, we're like, "And there's a vampire in it." And I swear to god, now that that DM is a player, I'm to get him back.

Me: I open the barrel labeled 'Elf Pudding'...what's in it?
DM: It's exactly what you think it is.

Oh Elf Pudding...you mysterious-yet-not-so-mysterious substance.


Any currently deceased character: What does my character see?
DM: Gray. Lots of Gray.

Response to anyone who wants to know what they're doing while dead...yay Fugue Plane.


"And don't forget, that bird took you down...TWICE."

Response to a guy whose first character, a wizard, was killed twice by a freakin' raven.

Oh, so much good times.....I'll have to post more if I remember them.

MCerberus
2009-11-23, 01:12 AM
Me: "The Gnomish threat stopped, it would only be a two day victory march back to the town where you murdered an alchemist for a single health potion."

Ranger: So, the front gate then.








It's used a lot now to describe the general strategic non-planning that goes into their SUBTLE plans.

Mongoose87
2009-11-23, 01:13 AM
Response to a guy whose first character, a wizard, was killed twice by a freakin' raven.


Must've been the White Raven that the discipline was named after.

Dienekes
2009-11-23, 01:16 AM
I have no idea why this became popular in my group, but whatever.

One of my characters during a modern game was a rather evil folk who was more or less forced to be working with the good dudes.

Anyway one of the other players was good who kept attempting to convert mine to the light side, and the running gag was that his constant chatter was incredibly annoying to my character.

So after he had one of his rants at the virtues of friendship and kindness I in character grabbed my head and shut my eyes. "Happy place, happy place, happy place. Ok, I'm on a beach. There are dolphins. I have a machine gun. There are no more dolphins."

Apparently my timing was good or something because since then whenever my group annoys or interrupts a villainous character someone always says "there are no more dolphins."

DarthCyberWolf
2009-11-23, 01:38 AM
While looting the bandits that attacked us;

DM: So you've taken all their armor, weapons, and other items to sell. All they have left now is their loincloths.
Players: How much is the loincloths?

IvanGS
2009-11-23, 01:45 AM
"SACAVANGEEEERS", ever since one of our DMs made an amusing typo for 'scavengers'.

Also whenever we rolled a one in a different game, something would happen to a poor unfortunate golfer in the distance. That poor guy. We rolled a lot of ones.

Also, my first campaign that I ran was tentatively called "The Most Island", so we tend to use "Most X" to name campaigns / modules.

Lastly, in the most recent game, one of our players plays a warforged and kind of talks like a robot...which is apparently contagious. By the end of sessions, we all end up falling into robot voice.

Zonack
2009-11-23, 01:46 AM
We were playing Star Wars and we were prisioners aboard some space station.
After we retrieved our lightsabers and kicked the guard's asses without killing them...

Me : Ok, you can go now, just leave your weapons here, for the last time we came here to make peace! (Long story)
Soldiers : Uhh yes, sir! Sorry!
Dark Jedi (Player): Hell no dude! You punks stay here where I can watch you!
Soldiers : Uhh....
Me : We don't want prisioners! Just let them leave, they can't match us anyways! Go ahead leave.
Soldiers : Oh ok than-
Dark Jedi : NO! STAY!
Soldiers : :smalleek:
Miraluka (Player) : OOC : Dude, let em go, we don't need them, we are jedis anyways, we kicked their asses easy.
Dark Jedi : OOC : I don't want them as prisioners, they just aren't allowed to leave my sight!

Everyone : :smalleek:........:smallconfused:......... :smallbiggrin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-11-23, 02:28 AM
Whenever some gets a result of 5 or less on Spot/Listen: I see the ground. I can't even hear myself.
Surprisingly, we generally get that once per check, despite no one having a negative mod.

Shademan
2009-11-23, 02:30 AM
For my current group, anything along the lines of "He keeps cranking his crossbow..." or "Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank...."

Context:
We're 4th level and are taking out a castle of goblins and hobgoblins. Our party consists of a favored soul/crusader (me), a paladin, a ranger, a druid, a cleric, a wizard, and a bard. Seven level 4 characters can handle basically anything, right? Right?

*We've basically finished clearing out the castle, have found all the clues, items, and McGuffins we need, and are preparing to leave. This was an insanely hard fight, so we're all down to single- or low-double-digit HP and almost out of spells, but I used up all my healing spells and the cleric spontaneously inflicts, so we can't heal yet*
DM: So you head out of the room and--hold on. I missed one goblin in the last fight.
Ranger: It's one goblin; can we just skip him?
DM: I've made the encounters so you get exactly to 5th level; no goblin, no level up.
Wizard: I WANT FIREBALL. Let's kill him!
*Party agrees*
DM: Okay. As you leave the room, you see a door slam shut at the end of the hall.
Ranger: Did I see anything enter?
DM: Why yes. A goblin, in fact.
Ranger: What a coincidence. Shall we?
*Party walks to the door*
DM: The door is unlocked. It's a regular wooden door with a small window in it.
Cleric: Hmm...looks like a trap. I look through the slot.
DM: You see a small goblin holding a heavy crossbow...aiming it at your face.
Cleric: Crap!
DM: *rolls d20* Crit! *rolls damage* Max! 10 damage, times 2. 20 damage.
Cleric: :smalleek:
DM: What?
Cleric: ...I have 8 HP.
DM: Um. Oo...kay. A bolt lodges in the cleric's skull, dropping him in one hit.
Wizard: What the **** was that!?
DM: That's a Monster Manual-standard goblin with a heavy crossbow.
Ranger: Kill the bastard!
*The paladin and I get in position by the door; the ranger, wizard, and druid get in back; the bard opens the door*
Paladin: CHARGE! SMITE EVIL! *rolls* Crap, a 1. :smallsigh:
DM: The paladin charges up and swings right over the goblin's head; the goblin doesn't even try to dodge, but continues cranking his crossbow. Next?
Favored Soul: For Kord! I run up and Mountain Hammer his ass! *rolls* Another 1. Crap! :smallmad:
DM: Heh. The favored soul charges up and swings right over the goblin's head, barely missing the paladin; the goblin doesn't even try to dodge, but continues cranking his crossbow.
Druid: That's it. My animal companion charges too. *rolls* Another 1!? :smallfurious: Holy ****, somebody gave us loaded dice!
DM: The wolf charges up and bumps into the wall, barely missing the favored soul; the goblin's cranking his crossbow.
Druid: I'm going to ready an action to cast flaming sphere when everyone's out of the way or if he tries to escape.
DM: Fine. Next?
Ranger: Can I attack from here?
DM: You can...but the paladin, favored soul, and wolf together provide cover.
Ranger: I'll risk it. *rolls* 7, plus 11; 18.
DM: *checks goblin's AC* Heh.
Ranger: What?
DM: With the cover, you miss. He doesn't bother to dodge and--
Ranger: Let me guess. He keeps cranking his crossbow?
DM: Yup. Crank...crank...crank.... :smallbiggrin:
Wizard: Damn him! I want 5th level! *checks sheet* I'm out of magic missiles, dammit...Yes! Scorching ray! *rolls* It's...not higher than an 18. :smallannoyed:
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank.... :smallbiggrin:
Wizard: Wait! Touch attack! What's his touch AC?
DM: 12.
Wizard: Dammit.
Druid: Still didn't hit!? Okay, that's it! I hope you guys can take a flaming sphere, 'cause I'm taking this sucker down! Flaming sphere on his space.
DM: So that's a reflex save, DC? *checks sheet* Okay... *rolls* ...uh...
Druid: And...?
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank....crank...crank...c rank...crank....
Party: GODS DAMMIT!
Bard: Come on, luck, don't fail me now...I throw my daggers. *rolls* *rolls* *looks at dice* *looks at DM* *looks at dice*
DM: :smallcool:
Bard: You know what? **** you.
DM: And...it's the goblin's turn. It's a full-round action to reload, so he takes a 5-foot step back from the flaming sphere and keeps cranking, and cranking, and cranking, and cranking....Next?
Paladin: Well, the favored soul and wolf and I can't risk the damage at this point, so I'm gonna retreat. Guys?
Favored soul: Same.
Druid: My wolf comes back, too. Give the ranger a clear shot.
DM: Okay. Next is the ranger.
Ranger: Rapid shot. *rolls* *rolls* Let's see, that's a 14 and 16 total.
Wizard: Goblins have 15 AC! You got him!
DM: Rapid shot is -2 to each. Did you take that into account?
Ranger: ...uh...no. 12 and 14.
DM: Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank....
Wizard: Fine. I don't have anything left that will help. Bard?
Bard: Daggers again, mother ****er! *rolls* *rolls* A 1, and a 2 plus 9. ****!!!!
DM: Aaaand...the goblin goes. He shoots at the wizard. *rolls* 18 total. Damage...*rolls*...8.
Wizard: :smallannoyed: I have 2.
DM: The goblin stops cranking his crossbow, levels it at the wizard, and takes him in the chest. He drops. The goblin then flees. :smallamused:
Paladin: We can't leave the wizard, and if we split up the party...
Favored Soul: DON'T. SPLIT. THE. PARTY. With our luck, who knows how many other goblins there are?
DM: So he gets away?
Party: ...yes.
DM: You do realize he was a standard goblin right?
Party: Yes.
DM: A single CR 1/3 creature held off a seven-person party of level four PCs, killing 1 and KOing 1?
Party: YES.
DM: :smallamused: I think I shall call him...Squee.
Party: RECURRING VILLAIN! WE'RE ****ED!

that....was epic. EPIC!

The New Bruceski
2009-11-23, 02:39 AM
Me: (trying to get to a wizard without killing the mind-controlled townsfolk) "I have a message for your leader, I can only give it to him."
Guard: "Ok, show me the note and I'll let you by."
Me: "Umm... it was a verbal note..."

At this point I pointed out that while my CHARACTER had a high charisma and wisdom, I was clearly lacking. "Verbal note" is now group-code for A) that obvious part of the plan you forgot, and B) the point where one should consider going from roleplay to a die roll.

sofawall
2009-11-23, 02:42 AM
Whenever some gets a result of 5 or less on Spot/Listen: I see the ground. I can't even hear myself.
Surprisingly, we generally get that once per check, despite no one having a negative mod.

How do you fail to hit DC 0 without a negative mod?

Danger Jim
2009-11-23, 02:42 AM
"Oh..."

Context: I had recently convinced my party to commandeer an airship and become pirates. One of the first ships that we tried to take was a great big galleon that was armed with ballistas at each "corner of the ship. We took a few hits as we approached the ship, but I persuaded the party that we would be totally fine once we got on the ship because at that point they could no longer target us with the ballistas. My rogue was the first one on the ship, swinging onto the deck on a rope and taking out five or six sailors and guards. The next bit went something like this:

DM: "Three of the deckhands swivel one of the ballistas around to face you, load it, and pull the lever."

Me: "Oh..."
This is now the de facto response when we learn of a tactical disadvantage to which we were previously unaware.

Shademan
2009-11-23, 02:46 AM
wait, I have one.

NPC: sure thats creepy and all, but if it's somerthing that scares me it's your goat over there..."
------
another NPC: I don't about that, but damn that goat have me worried.
-----

Offcourse, no one but the barbarian (who was only aroud for like two sessions) knew that the goat was a trapped god.
ah yes, goats always bring out the jokes in us.

other fun stuff:
"NO MORE MASKS!" spoken by the paladin/blackguard/gray guard/something something.
He was also the first man ever to try curing madness with seal-therapy.
and he also animated the entire stock of a seal(seel, seal, you know, the mammal)-meat tradesman.



and last but not least: "Don't put the halfling in your pants."

Ecalsneerg
2009-11-23, 02:58 AM
From an evil campaign where we decided clearing the village required killing the men last...

"DESTROY THE SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!"

Nero24200
2009-11-23, 03:46 AM
"Is it a double-door?"

Mostly due to a pre-written adventure we played through. When asked which direction we go, just randomly we picked a double door...then another...and it turns out by doing this we were going straight to the boss. Since then "Is it a double-door" is usally asked when describing a door, and if it is thats the one we go for.

Because clearly, if it's a double-door, something importent is behind it.

Dogmantra
2009-11-23, 08:32 AM
"So it's a half flail, half rat magical sword?"

I swear I'm never letting him DM again.

CharlieRock
2009-11-23, 08:49 AM
"Poke it with a stick!"

This saying got started when an old player rejoined the group. We were running DCC #34:Cage of Delirium. In one part the team of PCs were exploring a section of the insane asylum where all the patients' rooms were before it caught fire. So we had this scorched hallway with dozens of little 10' x 10' rooms on either side. As we went into each room looking for clues, loot, or clues to some loot we found nothing but piles of bones where the patient died from the fire and the resultant pile of ashes. So the team Sorcerer comes up with the brilliant method of checking each sooty pile by "poking it with a stick." After a while it got monotonous so the Sorcerer scouted on ahead of the rest of the team running into the rooms and poking the piles with a stick.
However, there was a section of flooring that was weakened by the fire. The Sorcerer tread across it and plunged to the level lower. While the rest of the team scrambled to the hole to try and rescue the Sorcerer we discovered he landed on a ginormous pile of bones. Which came alive into some weird giant mutant bone worm thingy with pointed teeth.
As it stirred from it's rest, awakened by the Sorcerer's plunge into it's lap; the Sorcerer looked at me (the GM) and said:
"I poke it with my stick."
:smalleek:

We all had such a good laugh that now whenever someone merely suggests to another PC to "poke it with a stick" we all start laughing.:smallsmile:

Curmudgeon
2009-11-23, 09:05 AM
"Reincarnate me as a Bugbear!"

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 09:09 AM
Not a statement, per se:

In one adventure, one of the players was incapped (0 HP). We jokingly drew a "chalk" outline in grease pencil, and ever since then, we have left it on the board (this was about 5 years ago). EVERY time, the player ends up with a character on that square, he dies. It's not intentional, mind you, but it ALWAYS ends the session. We can't stop laughing about it....uuhh...ummm...I guess you had to be there...:smallamused:

Shardan
2009-11-23, 09:18 AM
In StarWars. My scoundrel had an on going lament of 'I'm not getting paid enough for this' which drove the DM crazy

In a Vampire: the Masqueradegame the Malkavian of our Sabbat group high jacked a news truck and sent a live feed tirade about the up coming armageddon while wearing a paper bag mask. Afterwards, he claimed there was no problem because he was "In-Cog-Nito" (emphasized that way)

2nd ed: My character suspected the party thief was trying to pilfer an item I had so when camp time came, my character always took the same watch the thief did so I was never asleep while the thief was the only one awake. In frustration, the thief blurted out, complaining to the DM, "He won't sleep with me!"

Mark Hall
2009-11-23, 10:05 AM
Two from my Pathfinder game:

1) "I keep walking."
2) "We do what we must because we can."

On the first one, our initial party was very silly. We had a halfling bard and a halfling rogue/cleric, both dedicated to the God of Chaos. We had a elven necromancer who kept insisting he wasn't evil, would bust out with the most horrific schemes, then say it was out of character. We also had a drow sorcerer, masquerading as an elf. And we had me. LG dwarven ranger/rogue.

So, we start out, and it turns out that no one has bought horses. My dwarf doesn't care, and so I inform the DM that I keep walking, figuring they'll catch up when they sort everything out. They proceed to argue about horses, turn them various colors using cantrips, and other silliness. After about half an hour of this, my DM turns to me and asks what I'm doing. "I keep walking." While they'd spent all this time messing around, my character... the one with the package they were supposed to be delivering... had just kept walking down the road.

On the second, I started using it to sorta mess with the other players, because of this. (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-9077100878790164135#) However, I kept using it, because it made sense for both the dwarven nation as our DM described it, and for adventurers in general. Now, whenever one of my characters speaks dwarven, I have them mention this aphorism.

Alex Star
2009-11-23, 10:33 AM
There are many sayings that exist at our table but the one that comes immediately to mind is "Morth".

One evening while gaming our DM asked one of the players to continue drawing out the map on our battle grid. Since the map had gotten kind of large the DM asked the player to draw a small compass on one corner so he could easily refer to directions. As was asked the player in question drew a very nice compass with a large arrow pointing in the direction of North he then proceeded to mark the large arrow with a great big M. Not everyone noticed at first but the DM sure did and his exclaimation of "what the heck is that? That's supposes to be north" brought all of our attentions around.

At this point the player in question casually erased the M and the arrow then proceeded to draw an arrow on the other side of the compass and lable it M.

This time the DM simply said "What the heck is M?". To which one of the players replied "it's Morth.". Which of course caused everyone at the table to burst out laughing.

Our group now has only one Cardinal direction. Morth, the direction in which all things lie. Where's the BBEG? His lair is to the Morth. Can't find the Inn? It's on the Morth side of town. Wherever you happen to be headed you are always headed Morth!

stonebiscuit
2009-11-23, 10:44 AM
We have a couple of repeating gags; off hand, these are the ones I remember:

1) When the flavor is describing something gross, disturbing, really weird, etc.: "Ah, college."
2) Anytime someone rolls more than three damage dice, which happens a lot with the Avenger and the Ranger: "*drops dice in messy heap* Math!"
3) Referring to powers that are just too good to be true (again, this happens alot with the Avenger): "Lie; look serious."
4) The rogue in the Ranger-less party has terrible Nature (I think it may actually be a negative mod); so any creature that flies is immediately an owl. "No worries, guys, it's just an owl." Party enters room* "WTF! Sarien, that's a dragon!"

There's also a recent development of sort of singing the new bard's full name when he comes up in the initiative order. He's a pop star; I like to think of it as his theme song guy. Also, NPCs have developed a tendency to wet themselves in fear when in the presence of my sorcerer (who, to be fair, is kinda scary).

My favorite one-liner:
When the Paladin announced he was going to "Lay on Hands" on himself in the middle of battle: "Is now really the time?

R. Shackleford
2009-11-23, 11:06 AM
In our first session, we voted on whether or not attacker or defender wins in a tie. RAW says Defender Wins, but we voted on it, and Attacker Wins was the ruling for the session, as we were level 1.

So, the first tie in every session is followed with murmurs of "Attacker/Defender Wins." With each of our DMs having to decide what the rule will be the night, and the PC's trying to persuade him to pick the one that would help the party most.

I don't use either ("Whichever one is funnier wins."), but I honor the phrase.

"Roll that beautiful bean footage." Is the entire group's prayer for damage rolls.

Sleepingbear
2009-11-23, 11:41 AM
"One of these days, we're going to learn not to be so cocky.
Today is not that day."

monkey3
2009-11-23, 11:54 AM
It was a late night, so things seemed funnier than they really were. Someone made a joke while another player was drinking a large gulp of coke. the drinker laughed so hard the entire gulp came out his nose, followed immediately by a howl of pain. We all burst into laughter, and someone yelled "Asteral Flood!"

The phrase has lasted more than 10 years, and is still said when anyone spills any liquid which disturbs the miniatures or playing field.

Somebloke
2009-11-23, 12:00 PM
"I say nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Guinea Anubis
2009-11-23, 12:27 PM
"its only a bug"

The Glyphstone
2009-11-23, 12:46 PM
"...The pirahna plant crits."


Early on in the campaign, I ran a silly one-shot game that involved the party being sucked down a strange green tube and ending up in a weird blocky place that they eventually figured out was basically Super Mario World, complete with Goombas and Koopa Troopas. They found a warp pipe and climbed down it, discovering a safe room to sleep in and a bunch of treasure after they punched the ceiling, Later on, after battling a couple of Hammer Bros. and being a bit low on HP, they find another warp pipe. The rogue demands that someone else explore the pipe this time, since he's badly hurt...the fighter disagrees. They grapple, and the fighter throws the rogue into the pipe. I roll my dice, stare at them for a moment, then announce the phrase above. The expressions on their face, particularly the fighter and rogue, were priceless.

(He went from conscious to dead from the hit...and reappeared 6 seconds later with all of his money bags mysteriously emptied.)

Indon
2009-11-23, 01:04 PM
"We've killed gods, you know." - from a previous Exalted campaign. Intended to be used in the same context as, "I've covered wars, you know."

dhampir984
2009-11-23, 01:08 PM
Howdy folks. In every kind of game I have played, there has always been one statement that has stayed and flourished.


"It's a wand of Knock. Not a wand of 'knock up'."

"You went all night. He had the Endurance feat."

Gamerlord
2009-11-23, 01:56 PM
By the RAW you can...
And IRL, you just need to shove it into its mouth hard enough to make it choke and die from chocking... or use it to punch him in the guys causing internal bleeding, etc...

No, he was throwing the pear, not punching him with it.

It just seemed too stupid for me to allow.

Ormagoden
2009-11-23, 02:30 PM
Shut the door!
This has lasted over 10 years

Plate!
After asking the hobbit if he wanted a plate for his piping hot muffin and the hobbit turning down the plate gruffly. The 300+ degree muffin is put into his hand and he barely gets out the word "plate" through the pain.

Delicious
Whenever a 17 is rolled

Dead things! Mikey dead things!
Whenever dead bodies are described or undead attack

...and by the way I memorized explosive runes today.
No spoiler description needed

after a session a few weeks ago
"I'll be sure to let them know that when I charge!" has become a beloved line.
While complaining that our satyr fighter and barbarian dwarf get us into too much danger by charging first and asking questions later the following comment was made. "But you work for Than! Lawful and just paladin of the god Torg!" To which the satyr replied "AYE! and I'll be sure to let them know that when I charge!"


There are a ton more but those are the lines that come to mind at the moment.

*EDIT: ADD

Amurion
2009-11-23, 02:33 PM
"Dawn is coming!!!"

Dawn just so happened to the name of a PC, and she was none to happy when it was repeated over and over.

Blackfang108
2009-11-23, 02:40 PM
Any currently deceased character: What does my character see?
DM: Gray. Lots of Gray.


(My actual continuation of the exact same exchange in my group. The Aesir were the chief gods of our version of Planescape.)
Me: Wow. Wait- I died in battle, weapon in hand? Where's the endless feast? WHERE ARE THE BUSTY AND WILLING SERVING WENCHES????????????
...
(10 minute "Odin, have I not done you proud?" speech, detailing all of my acts of Valor.)
...
...
Being dead is BORING. I'd almost rather not exist. (character is ME, and I'm an atheist. But I've studied mythology of all sorts.). *sigh* Oh well,
99 Kobolds with spears on the wall
99 Kobolds with spears
Take one down,
thrash it around
98 Kobolds with spears on the wall.

DM: OK, after about ten full songs, the universe decides it's had enough. A Devil that you recognize appears in front of you.
Me: Oh, hey #######. (Just because I know you doesn't mean I like you. And I REALLY didn't like this deamon. especially after he tried to get me to bargain my soul away while I was floating in Limbo.)

Fax Celestis
2009-11-23, 02:41 PM
"...you gonna eat that?"
-My dwarven druid's first words to a sentient being, after having been trapped in the Underdark alone for ~10 years. He was, of course, pointing at a goblin.

Moments later:

"It's okay, I cast purify food and drink."

Due to this, purify food and drink has turned into a gag spell than anything.

This is the same druid that likes to interrogate captured enemies by water-boarding them with judicious use of create water.

Dr Bwaa
2009-11-23, 02:56 PM
"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!!!"

Very long story.

One of my friend's PCs in a game I'm in actually has a high-tech Gnomish codpiece that does 1d2 damage, but x20 on a crit :smalleek:


On topic, "Godd*amn invisible b*tches!"
This was from the loudest campaign I ever participated in. I was playing a Dwarven berzerker wielding an intelligent bat'leth, and my friend had a human who was my character's clan-brother; also some kind of fighter-type, both evil. The other two characters in the party were female, and constantly going invisible whenever trouble cropped up, usually without our consent. Thus...

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 02:59 PM
One of my friend's PCs in a game I'm in actually has a high-tech Gnomish codpiece that does 1d2 damage, but x20 on a crit :smalleek:

That seems a little broken.

oxybe
2009-11-23, 03:02 PM
"spiders...." (said in a low, spiteful hiss)

let's say i have a... previous history... with the 8 legged beasties.

almost every one of my characters seems to be fated to have a spider-encounter that goes awry.

to give a brief history of my last few characters who encountered spiders:


two+ years ago, my 3.5 warlock shump, first session: nearly mauled from full to in the low negatives
about a year ago, my 1st ed wizard: 8-legged death from above. emphasis on death
about 5 months ago, 4th ed warforged warden, first session: backstabbed by spider. at least i got to squash it this time.
about 2 months ago, 4th ed half-orc rogue, 2nd session: spent most of the combat dazed, immobilized, restrained and/or taking continuous damage and being nibbled on by the spiders (any combination at any given time, and once all 4).


at this point, that 3.5 warlock is less afraid of Demogorgon then a spider. the warforged died in an unfortunate TPK and we started a new campaign, thus the rogue. the wizard's replacement was a remake of my first fighter (and we didn't see a spider since) :3

Nerd-o-rama
2009-11-23, 03:03 PM
Years before I met my girlfriend, "Invisible Zombie Minotaur" had become something of a catchphrase in my college gaming group, and "Flaming Zombie Minotaur" has done so in hers. I was highly amused at the parallel.

Dr Bwaa
2009-11-23, 03:08 PM
That seems a little broken.

He's a halfling with 8 charisma. The chances of him getting that crit are... low :p

It only functions as a weapon while worn, mind you-- it's not like he's going to fight ogres with it... I hope.

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 03:22 PM
Fighting the ogres (read: ogresses) would be funnier than anything else I've read today.

As in:
PC: "How you doin?"
Ogress: "Grunt, howl, grunt."
PC: "Is that Giant you're speakin', or you just happy to see me."
Ogress: "HOWWWWL!!!"
PC: "I know what you mean, let's go back to my place and..." *whisper, whisper, whisper*
Ogress: "Oo..."

*time passes*

PC: "I told you it would come in handy. I just leveled up..."
:smalleek:

drengnikrafe
2009-11-23, 03:47 PM
I shouldn't have let my PCs get away with this one in the first place, but now... it's too late. Any time they enter a town, they go strait to the tavern. Whenever their in a tavern, they ask if there are girls. If there are girls, they try to seduce them. Any and all of them, in order of decreasing charisma until they get a success. It's basically gotten to the point where I tell them how many d20s to roll when I start to describe a new town.

Dr Bwaa
2009-11-23, 03:53 PM
The worrisome part is that it is an Invention of Gnomish Make (TM). In that campaign world, anything crazy Gnomes make (guns, flying machines, hovertanks (seriously-- My character had the distinct honor of operating the weapon systems of the OmniGorgon5000)) has a (usually very small) chance of backfiring horribly. Dangerous territory when you're going for that natural 20 :smalltongue:

dsmiles
2009-11-23, 03:55 PM
I shouldn't have let my PCs get away with this one in the first place, but now... it's too late. Any time they enter a town, they go strait to the tavern. Whenever their in a tavern, they ask if there are girls. If there are girls, they try to seduce them. Any and all of them, in order of decreasing charisma until they get a success. It's basically gotten to the point where I tell them how many d20s to roll when I start to describe a new town.

"If there are girls there, I want to dooo them..."
Sorry, couldn't resist.

notagain111
2009-11-23, 04:10 PM
"I ready my action to close the door when the hobgoblins open it"

Zadus
2009-11-23, 04:17 PM
One person says, "Let's split up"
Followed immediately by, "Yeah, cause more damage that way"

We also picked up a goblin named Snerk. He is a rogue and people always yell out, in unison: "Snerk Attack!"

Kyrthain
2009-11-23, 04:21 PM
"One of these days, we're going to learn not to be so cocky.
Today is not that day."

I love this:smallbiggrin:

KIDS
2009-11-23, 04:22 PM
In a campaign I ran, my group hatched up a masterplan to collapse the sewers under the city and the city itself when the invading army has entered. Plausible enough with enough time, digging tools and magic. However, someone also jokingly mentioned "wouldn't it be better if we built a giant drill instead?"


From that day on, the word "Drill" still cracks all of us up and is used to describe everything, from critical hits to deus-ex-machina tools that the characters could use in a situation.

Eldariel
2009-11-23, 04:23 PM
I shouldn't have let my PCs get away with this one in the first place, but now... it's too late. Any time they enter a town, they go strait to the tavern. Whenever their in a tavern, they ask if there are girls. If there are girls, they try to seduce them. Any and all of them, in order of decreasing charisma until they get a success. It's basically gotten to the point where I tell them how many d20s to roll when I start to describe a new town.

You should place some Succubus pretending to be a human at a tavern, looking for some people just like that.

Rogue 7
2009-11-23, 05:15 PM
"___ IS CREDIT TO TEAM!"

Where ___ is usually either me or the cleric (I'm the wizard), depending on how our spells work. But everyone gets in on the act. Our Centaur barbarian has the habit of a few other heavy quotes for us buffers. Such as last night, when we attacked a house to get back a friendly NPC- our Duskblade/Dragon Disciple's brother. Going in for what we figured would be our only encounter of the day, I was given a chance to prepare a useful list of spells. So I decided to go crazy on the buffs for said barbarian. As a result, attacking the house, the Barbarian had Stoneskin, Keen Edge on his (flaming burst) Falchion, Aid, Bear's Endurance, Bull's Strength, Shield, and Haste. We went in through the wall. Nothing survived.

dob
2009-11-23, 05:41 PM
When considering adding a new member to the party, we always asked:

"Are you now, or have you ever been, a doppelganger?"

I think it even worked once.

Roderick_BR
2009-11-23, 06:03 PM
DM: :smallamused: I think I shall call him...Squee.
Party: RECURRING VILLAIN! WE'RE ****ED!
That made my day :smallbiggrin:
Did the goblin level up? :smalltongue:

Jokasti
2009-11-23, 06:06 PM
"I sneak attack with the ballistae....and crit."

"The fortress comes alive"

"I kill the Tree of Eternal Life, Wisdom, and Intelligence"

"I GOT LOOT"

"You guys take Orcus, my hands are full with the infinite waves of undead."

"You explode." "How?" "Positive energy, bitch."

"Plane Shift."

"I Quick-Draw the Kord-Killer."

"Heal, Disintegrate, and full BAB. What's not to love?"

"..but nothing is as sexy as a lich..."

"I bitch-slap Pelor." "Roll it."

DM:He's a Solar. He knows not the carnal pleasures of the flesh.
Me: ...yet.


and, our favorite:
DM: You approach the city of Waknaga. As you walk along the path, you hear the cry of the Waknagans. It sounds like, "WAK-WAK-WAK-WAK-WAK-WAK *beat* NAGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!".
Me: Obviously the mating season.
DM: As you come near the gate, you hear a guard say "Halt." Three men walk out, wielding crossbows.
*Diplomatic talk, which fails*
DM: The leader glares at the druid. Bang Bang Bang. You get hit by three crossbow bolts.
Druid: WHAT? IT WAS THE BARD!!!
Bard: Wouldn't it be Twang? I thought we played Fey Gnomes, not Tinker.
DM: The leader glares at the Bard. Fifty guards pop over the wall.
Bard: ...$hit.
DM: Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang Twang. Happy?
Bard: No, but dead.
Me: *snicker* Twang Twang, boyiy.

and finally:
"Oh! It was Improved Evasion! I'm still alive.

PairO'Dice Lost
2009-11-23, 07:05 PM
That made my day :smallbiggrin:
Did the goblin level up? :smalltongue:

We encountered him later in his level 10ish incarnation, dual-wielding poisoned hand crossbows. :smallannoyed:

ShadowsGrnEyes
2009-11-23, 10:10 PM
"there's a feat for that."

lol insert that after pretty much any sentance ever

taltamir
2009-11-23, 11:13 PM
No, he was throwing the pear, not punching him with it.

It just seemed too stupid for me to allow.

ok that i agree with... unless the pear is frozen solid, or you can throw with superhuman force (bird + airplane supersonic collision = vaporized bird + vaporized plane parts)

Fuzzie Fuzz
2009-11-23, 11:17 PM
Me (DM): And you see...
Players: A giant sheep?

This was due to me having the silly idea of having a vampire bite sheep for sustenance, as a way of easing into the adventure, early on in the campaign.

DM: "You walk down the road. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and there's not a soul in sight. About half an hour into this, you see the first living creature in quite some time: a smallish sheep."
Chaotic "Neutral" Player: "I kill it!"
DM: "... Really? You're really going to make me do this?"
Player: "Aww, all right..."
DM: "Good. As it gets close to you, it suddenly lunges out and bites you!"
Player: "Wait, really?"

I think that 5 damage was dealt by sheep the entire adventure. I'm still not sure where they got the idea that there would be GIANT sheep, but they decided there would be, and so it's become an ongoing injoke between us.

"The Demon Light!"
This was due to a player (the same player as above, actually, though with a different character) slowly killing what should have been a very difficult encounter's worth of kobolds by casting Ghost Sound, then casting Scorching Burst on the scouts that came out. Then killing the kobolds who came out after them. Eventually there were about half the original number of kobolds left, and the party decided to just take them on. So they go in, and it's still a reasonably difficult encounter. The wizard has some minor actions to kill, so he casts Light. A kobold goes up to it and investigates it, and as when he pokes it with his spear, the PC makes it glow brighter, startling the kobold. Eventually this escalates, with the PC using Ghost Sound to make it talk evilly at the kobold, completely scaring it, and causing him to flee into their lair, where he again freaks him out enough that he runs away, never to be heard from again. One of these days he's going to come back and run screaming out of a nearby bush when the players mention the Demon Light.

Xzeno
2009-11-23, 11:26 PM
"Beverly was day dreaming about contributing again." Used as an explanation for why my bard's turn was skipped.

"Only his druid can do that." and "Remember, you can use two move actions in one round, but not two standard actions... unless you're Xzeno." I accidentally tried to attack and cast a spell in the same round. Just the once, but I never hear the end of it.

Rixx
2009-11-24, 01:00 AM
GAMMA BEAM!!

After our friend found a character sheet from his childhood days, and we noted he homebrewed himself an ability called "Gamma beam" that dealt multiple d20s of damage.

taltamir
2009-11-24, 01:05 AM
GAMMA BEAM!!

After our friend found a character sheet from his childhood days, and we noted he homebrewed himself an ability called "Gamma beam" that dealt multiple d20s of damage.

and gives super powers to whomever survives it?

Erith
2009-11-24, 01:11 AM
PONY WOLVES!!!!!!

I honestly have no idea how that came about. I'm a bit of a late comer to the group. I just know that if another pc goes off alone, they always run back screaming it.

Bugbeartrap
2009-11-24, 01:25 AM
Years before I met my girlfriend, "Invisible Zombie Minotaur" had become something of a catchphrase in my college gaming group, and "Flaming Zombie Minotaur" has done so in hers. I was highly amused at the parallel.

That's funny. In my group "There is no charming of the Zombie Minotaur!" became a catchphrase when my then-girlfriend's enchantress tried to charm everything I put before the PC's, immune or no. We know use it for any circumstance when a PC wants to do something obviously futile.

EDIT:

Oh yes, this one is always fun:

"You ate my breakfast didn't you?"
This is of course refering to my sublime chord's Heroes Feast. Whenever someone would forget their various bonuses and immunities, I had to remind them of that awesome breakfast we shared for a whole hour. It really must be a great breakfast.

Kol Korran
2009-11-24, 04:49 AM
For my current group, anything along the lines of "He keeps cranking his crossbow..." or "Crank...crank...crank...crank...crank...."


truly an excellent story! one of the best i read in a long time. thanks!

Shnezz
2009-11-24, 08:46 AM
"And two elves fall out of a tree..."

In effect, whenever we shout, fight, do something that could have the slightest chance of surprising someone and a tree is nearby, two elves fall out and break their necks. One male, one female. Both naked.

I've got to wonder... how many elves are left? :smalleek:

Swiftest
2009-11-24, 10:22 AM
My last group's favorite slogan:

VECNAAAAAAA!!!!!!! (said while appearing to lack an arm and an eye through various silly means)

They fought some crazy Vecnite cultists ... what more is there to be said? :D

RanceGreycastle
2009-11-24, 10:37 AM
"CRAB BATTLE!!!" and usually followed by, "Aww man, crab owned."

Used any time we get into a fight that should be easy but invariably ends badly. Originates from an adventure about three years ago, when we, as 4th level characters, got completely murdered by CR 1/3 crab creatures.

Leon
2009-11-24, 11:11 AM
Do we get outnumbering?
Said often in the WHFRP game i used to play in, often in situations in that it was clear we were badly out numbered.

Doing a Daniel
Doing something really stupid in game that results in your PC dieing - two different Daniels have contributed to this one

Me: several statues line the room...
Players: we smash them
You do one encounter with Animated Statues/Gargoyles and the PCs will never leave decorative stonework unharmed again

Cyanic
2009-11-24, 11:12 AM
"Spot Check !"
"****ing Kender !"

Oddly enough, often in that order.

Ormagoden
2009-11-24, 11:21 AM
"Spot Check !"
"****ing Kender !"

Oddly enough, often in that order.

HAHAHAHAHA! That reminds me of an old one.

"Put the kender in the bag of holding, see if he can handle that!"


Later on this became popular when opening a door.

"Is there air? You don't know!!!"

Rhiannon87
2009-11-24, 11:57 AM
In our group, we have something known as "Brian-ing". A guy who was in this group a long time ago had a tendency to leave creatures at one hit point. It just... happened. A lot. So now whenever anyone leaves a creature at one hit point, it is custom for the DM to finish doing the math, grin, look up at the person who attacked, and say "Hello there, Brian." There's usually a pause, followed by "ARGH DAMMIT REALLY?!"

Works best if the monsters are next in initiative and the guy you left at 1 hp runs the hell away.

clockworkmonk
2009-11-24, 01:01 PM
"I draw my crossbows like this." That just comes up constantly. Its what a guy we used to play with said to justify drawing 2 crossbows as a free action while not having quick draw. he left pretty quickly, but that statement remains.

Then there was the back and forth, "Remember the orphans?" "You are a terrible person".

Then, to indicate a natural 1 on a spot check, "I Found a Leaf!"

BarbarianNina
2009-11-24, 01:05 PM
Our DM was asked if a player could do something (I forget what) in a rule system that we were all pretty new to. It's hard to replicate the effect in text, but...

DM: *as if it's easy* Yes.
*1 second passes*
DM: *with authority* No.
*1/2 second passes*
DM: *decisively* Yes.
*thinks for a moment*
DM: *with finality* No.
*pause*
DM: Wait...
*expectant pause*
DM: Maybe.
Ever since, the phrase "Yes. No. Yes. No. Wait... Maybe" has been used to mock DM indecision.

Bugbeartrap
2009-11-24, 05:04 PM
"I roll for butter"

I introduced one of my friends to DnD, and for his first game he rolls up a gnome barbarian. Silly, right? Well, against the giant crab in White Plume Mountain, he charges rolls 3 nat 20s in a row, and insta kills the miniboss. With that encounter done with in seconds, I describe bits of crab splattered through out the chamber, and then he lets out this quote. We know use it whenever our characters want something trivial.

Vexao
2010-10-19, 09:08 AM
"I shoot the zombie in the foot."

I have to admit, that one was all on me.....

We were in a tower filled with sentient zombies and a Lich. I misheard the DM and thought that he said they were leaving, so I decided to trip on of the zombies with my bow (I was playing a ranger at the time). Well as it turns out, the Lich was still there, as was the other ten or so sentient zombies. The lich was the usual CR, the zombies were ~7-10..........we were 5.

they have never let me live it down and everytime one of us does something stupid or does something based on a misinterpretation, we quote it.

kestrel404
2010-10-19, 10:14 AM
It has become a long-standing gag at my table (oh god, over ten years!) that people who don't know the Troll language are told that "Yahd Ho" means Hello in troll. And people who DO know the troll language know that "Yahd Ho" is the standard greeting among pirates and means 'Throw down your arms and prepare to be boarded'. MOST of the trolls you meet will understand, as "Yahd Ho" has, effectively, become troll slang. But Earthdawn is a setting in which numerous cultures have gone into hiding for the last few hundred years. This has led to much hilarity over the years.

Minor details matter, and they also make the game so much more interesting, yes?

EvilJames
2010-10-19, 10:54 AM
"We had just killed a dragon"
The response to when ever the DM asks the rhetorical question "So where were we last session?"

"I'm a shipping crate."
A rogue modron's response to "What are you doing here?" after being discovered by some particularly dim witted demons.

An old one from an older group
"He only looks like he's about to die because you are standing behind him with a knife"

The party rogue was trying to justify killing an old wizard because "he looked like he was going to die anyway" I don't remember why he actually wanted to do it in the first place. I actually miss roleplaying with this player, he generally didn't do too many stupid things on his own, but it was really really was to convince him to do something stupid when you wanted him too.

Oracle_Hunter
2010-10-19, 11:06 AM
"Sooooo Sleeeepy"

Context
In a 4E game I was playing an Eladrin Wand Wizard with Sleep. Despite my large number of attack rolls I didn't roll a single crit except with Sleep - a non-damaging spell. So, whenever I crit'd, I would comment that I made said target "soooo sleepy."

Rarely did the monsters fail their Saving Throw; however, whomever I crit'd with Sleep tended to roll very badly for the remainder of the combat. By way of explanation I would quip "well, he's sooo sleeeeeepy." Now, whenever a monster rolls poorly on an otherwise easy attack roll, the table says that he must be "sooo sleeeepy" :smalltongue:

Also: In the current game I DM, the party has taken to saying "present compan excluded."
This arose during a particularly tense meeting with some Elven Druids. The Elves weren't happy with several of the party members for racial reasons (i.e. the Warforged Warden was an abomination against nature; the Drow was... well, Drow) and the other PCs, in an effort to ingratiate themselves, kept saying terrible things about the races in question - with "present company excluded" tagged on.

Well, this quickly became a thing at the table, as the Players kept making disparaging comments about the various PCs in different contexts, but always in their presence!

It's the name of their adventuring company now :smalleek:

Aotrs Commander
2010-10-19, 12:00 PM
"Strike of Verin!" Uttered on any critical hit which does laughable damage. Named after one of the characters Verin, who player critted quite often but almost always rolled a 1 or a 2 for damage. Verin, among the players, though not the character, now has the monikor "Verin the limp-wristed."

(Actually Verin himself is a bit of a joke. He started out in 3.0 as a Bard. The player tended too get into melee, so to me and the DM'sd eternal shame, we suggested he multiclass into fighter. And then dualist. Yes, that's right, in our naivity (this was before I frequented teh internets) we took one of the weaker classes, multilcassed him into about the weakest, and then PrC'd him into one of the weakest PrC...

Also, a frantic cover up on the part of the player (he'd nicked somethng from one of the party) involved him saying it was his evil twin brother Neriv, who did stuff like poisoning villages by throwing cows down wells. Guess who we ran into later on?)

PopcornMage
2010-10-19, 12:35 PM
This shouldn't be too dangerous...

jebob
2010-10-19, 04:09 PM
I shouldn't have let my PCs get away with this one in the first place, but now... it's too late. Any time they enter a town, they go strait to the tavern. Whenever their in a tavern, they ask if there are girls. If there are girls, they try to seduce them. Any and all of them, in order of decreasing charisma until they get a success. It's basically gotten to the point where I tell them how many d20s to roll when I start to describe a new town.

Just do this (http://www.shamusyoung.com/twentysidedtale/?p=951)

Sucrose
2010-10-19, 04:26 PM
Dammit, *name*, you freakin' noobcake.

The result after the party's bard convinced the party not to bother the brother of a mayor who we had arrested, who turned out, abruptly, to be summoning a Pit Fiend that leveled the town and TPK'ed the group. Has since been applied whenever anyone has done something that resulted in absurd unforeseen consequences.

Swooper
2010-10-19, 05:04 PM
I think I've said this on these forums before, but it's worth repeating...

"You kill a crow" every time someone rolls a 2 on an attack roll. Especially in situations where there can't possibly be crows around.
I don't remember how it started, but that one time, when the evil necromancer tried to escape by turning into a crow and flying away... My transmuter was all out of spells, so I pick up my sling (this was back in 2nd edition - no crossbows for you mister wizard) and roll... a 2.

DM: Ah, shame. That was your last chance to hit him before he's to far away, and he had only one hit point left...
Me: Wait, I rolled a two. That means I hit a crow, right?
DM: ...
DM: Huh, guess you do. Roll damage!
Me: :smallbiggrin:

Grendus
2010-10-19, 06:15 PM
From a different tabletop game. In this one (homebrew based on The Fantasy Trip, a very old one) you can run into random things in the labyrinth that do things like change your race, give you a random enchant, make you weightless/invisible, etc. We usually race to be the first one to touch them, and then if that doesn't work we try random things.

DM: "You see a large pillar in the middle of the room."
Player 1: "I touch it."
Player 2: "I put a coin on it."
Player 3: "I touch it with my weapon."
...

This goes on for a while until finally I say "I pee on it."

DM: "It summons a white dragon. Well, actually it's a yellow dragon now."



Ever since then, whenever we run into something like that my first response is invariably "I pee on it", followed by whoever is DMing that night saying "It summons a yellow dragon."






In this game, armor grants a static damage reduction instead of reducing the chance to be struck. My character was a bit of an armor stacker, and could ignore the first 9 points of damage from an attack. We run into some four headed hydras that do a d8 per attack and then 2d6 if you fail 4d6 vs ST.

Me: "Bah, nothing to worry about. Those things can't even hurt me."
DM: *Rolls* "He gets triple damage."
DM: *Rolls d8* "He does 10 damage."
DM: *Rolls 2d6* "He does 12 damage with his poison, knocking you out."


Ever since then, if we run into a creature with poison, they always look at me and say "Aww, there's no way those things can hurt you." I'm usually very careful never to say it myself. We also say that when a creature with high armor takes triple damage.

Dienekes
2010-10-19, 06:34 PM
"But it's vital!"

So, this has a pseudo embarrassing story. I had just discovered the literary masterpiece "My Immortal" and so I told my roommate/player. I jokingly read the first chapter and hilarity ensued as we couldn't stop cracking up. I continued reading, and joking for awhile until we got to one of the huge plot holes in said story.
Roommate: But? No, wait. What does that mean?
Me: I don't know.
Roommate: But it's vital!

Since then, whenever an NPC doesn't give the whole story or is obviously hiding information variations of the above take place. Somehow it caught on and the entire party (most of whom weren't present during the reading) have said it at different times in the campaign.

Kaun
2010-10-19, 06:48 PM
"oh my me, would you look at the time!"


When ever the players encounter either a fight they know they will absolutly dominate or a fight where they are going to get their ass kicked.

all because of this.

http://mirror.servut.us/kuvat/meinung/rape_time.jpg

Katana_Geldar
2010-10-19, 06:57 PM
The rogue, asking if a particular NPC has any pants and stealing them. Sometimes he's too busy stealing pants and burning down inns with them to use his Sneak Attack.

I wonder how many pairs he has now.

Il_Vec
2010-10-19, 07:12 PM
"Don't worry, we have the same grandma."

This was originally said by my human character talking about an elf.

Coidzor
2010-10-19, 07:50 PM
We were running the Sunken Citadel (I believe, adventure with goblins and kobolds and some kind of magic apples/trees)
In the goblins' larder:

DM: "Blah, blah, blah, you come across a barrel, it's labeled 'Elf Pudding.'"
Player: "I open the lid to examine it."
DM: "It's exactly what it sounds like."

Since then, Elf Pudding has become a running gag both at the table and away from it.

Katana_Geldar
2010-10-19, 08:01 PM
Womder what it tastes like. :smallamused:

Eldariel
2010-10-19, 08:04 PM
Oh yeah, one thing that seems to be true:

We never miss retreating opponents. Never ever. Pick a bow, shoot, boom headshot. It's retreating, it's basically dead.

hotel_papa
2010-10-19, 10:42 PM
In the wake of YouTube memes, every time someone goes full tilt, casting their highest level spell or taking the maximum penalty on their Power Attack, it is referred to as "Full on, Double Rainbow".

Skjaldbakka
2010-10-19, 11:21 PM
I have a few...


being "Gratched"

I had a Vampire the Masquerade character (Gratch) who pulled off being an infernalist for over two years before being caught and brought into court cut up into pieces and shoved into a bucket in such a way that he was still conscious and able to speak. To this day, this treatment is referred to as being "Gratched" in the local Larp community.

____ is a Dragon!

I was in a campaign where one of the other players fixated on one of the NPCs being a dragon. There was no evidence that this was the case, and in fact seemed pretty ridiculous at the time, to the point that when some PC was drawing what we thought was a ridiculous conclusion, we would oocly say "___ is a Dragon!". Turns out way towards the end of the campaign... Faruq really was a dragon....

How did you get that motorcycle on top of the 5/3 building?

This happened in a NWOD game, and the way a new PC's entrance was described, one of the players thought he was somehow hiding in the air ducts of the top floor of a 20-30 story building with his motorcycle. This was of course not the case, but this gets referenced out of context quite often. I have actually attemtped to get other players or NPCs to attempt to get a motorcycle on top of the 5/3 building as a joke in other games...

Edit -

and how could I forget: "but those are just people. Ukko is an NPC!"

referencing the large number of people that were killed by Ukko (a friendly NPC, and long time ally to the party), when he was driven mad and went on a killing spree. was said oocly during a conversation with a group of hunters trying to track him down and take him out.

Shyftir
2010-10-20, 01:21 AM
"Do skyscrapers have buildings?"

Context: I wasn't there for it but, one of my long time friends is very bad at debate. No one remembers what he was trying to prove but in the middle of his argument this came out. We quote it even (read: especially) when he isn't there.

We have a running gag from when we had a fighter whose personality was based on Francis from Left 4 Dead.

"I hate goblins. (kobalds, cultists, crossbows, castles, redheads, etc.)" No matter what we ran into he'd say that. Now we say it whenever we encounter something unpleasant.

Mystral
2010-10-20, 01:46 AM
Every game I ever played with had a running gag, or at least any of my characters in those games. A few examples include:

"Gills sure would come in handy now!" In this campaign, the party wizard had the choice between featherfall and gills, a spell comparable to water breathing (homebrew gamesystem based on earthbound). He chose feather fall, and for the next few dozens of sessions the party encountered, at least once per session, a situation where breathing water would have solved a lot of our problems. The wizard soon died, together with my warrior, and I rolled a Water Elementalist as my new charakter. One of the random starting spells? Gills.

"It's not paranoia if you have a reason." Favorite sentence of my thayan sorceress, although in hind view her continouus castings of detect poison during every dinner were useless.

"Sand!" Running gag during the D&D Encounters Dark Sun sessions: Everything in Arthas is made out of sand. No exceptions. Yes, weapons and rations, too.

Coidzor
2010-10-20, 02:12 AM
Womder what it tastes like. :smallamused:

Exactly how it sounds. Except it's also curiously salty.

Jjeinn-tae
2010-10-20, 02:17 AM
Background:

Kind of a whole list of references to a one-shot sort of game I ran. It took a while for me to actually get a game going with anyone in my area, eventually getting my brother and a friend of ours to play, with me DMing, after the first bit of adventuring, we realized that my brother and the friend didn't really mesh well in PnP, so we split into related solo campaigns.

Friend took forever creating character, we worked together working on building it, and took hours to do it, to the point where I hadn't really been able to work much on the campaign before we had finished. He wanted to play right then, so I made a silly "adventure" if you can even call it that, as he was a silly player. Unfortunately, this is what is remembered most of my DMing from him...

His Aasimar cleric walked through the streets of whatever the Mulhorandi capitol is (Faerun) and ran into some very strange things that still get mentioned even though we don't game together anymore.

A halfling and a fatman fighting over a hotdog. after watching it for a bit, the halfling stabbed the man in the stomach with a dagger to claim the hotdog as his own. Approaching the halfling, his cleric got into a knife fight, mace to the face quickly finished him off.

Booyah booyah booyah booyah booyah booyah booyah.... I think this was next, and generally the most referred one. Walking into the mages guild (which is something I usually refrain from using) he was completely ignored by everyone in the room he tried to talk to. I don't remember everything going on in there (someone tried to respond but spouted nonsense) but the favorite was the mage who apparently just created a magic carpet. "Friend" spent about 5 minutes trying to talk to said mage, who did nothing but fly in a tight circle proclaiming "Booyah booyah booyah booyah..." endlessly. This mage was so popular that he was actually requested to appear again in the real campaign, which he did.

"Blah! I vant to suck your Blood! After leaving the mages guild, a mysterious man emerged from the sewers saying "Blah! I vant to suck your Blood!" (sounding probably about how you'd expect) He took a mace to the face, which happened to critical, so it crunched the vampires face in. Due to damage reduction his face literally "popped" back to normal to which he repeated himself. He wasn't a normal vampire as he went down on the next hit, to which he proclaimed "NYIAAAAAAAH! I'mve Melting-gb." as he melted into a puddle and dribbled back into the sewers.

"As your crossbow flies through the air..." Friend then entered the fighters guild, which also served as a five-star restaurant. Upon entering said building, a volley of arrows were loosed, as there were dozens of archery targets along the wall with the door, including directly surrounding the door.

Also at this moment, the chef of the restaurant came running out of the kitchen yelling "DEEEEMOOOONNNNSSSSS!" To which friend immediately sprang to action. Entering the kitchen, nothing seemed awry, except for a stack of pancakes "...taller than any stack of pancakes has a right to be." The pancakes also had an evil aura about them, so he started plopping his mace down, "killing" pancake after pancake, none retaliating. Then, finally the second to last pancake got his mace stuck due to syrup. Disarmed of his main weapon, the final pancake leaped into the air, creating a bright red light and laughing maniacally, swooping down and doing nothing too dangerous. Freeing his mace, he hit the pancake, which got it stuck to the ceiling, which required the crossbow.

As you probably can tell by now, if I wasn't tired of this to start off, I was by now as to continue this joke I decided that he through the crossbow instead of shooting with it, "As your crossbow flies through the air, it punctures your entrapped batter-based foe. It releases a scream unlike any other as the very fabric of reality is torn apart in this kitchen." Finishing it off, he left and spoke to the chef, who went in to check, then complained about him getting the wrong demons...

We finally ended there... I still don't understand why it was so popular, I really just wanted to fill the time with something weird, even though it was a solo adventure, most of my circle of friends quote it from time to time. Probably not funny to anyone else, but what the heck.

AerykVyrion
2010-10-20, 02:23 AM
Everytime the DM describes a double-door, everyone in the group calls out in sing-song, "DUMBLEDORE!" The DM now tries some very creative ways to describe two connected doors as something besides double-doors.

"Stormy!... SANDWICHES FOR ALL!"
My character had a airship, and we were flying through a strong storm which seemed to be getting worse and worse. We finally discovered it was a colossal storm elemental, so I used my Bind Elemental feat to connect him to the ship. I didn't have a specific use for it (there was already a air elemental powering the ship) so I'd just use my Invoke Elemental infusion to have it act as the ship's cook.

"ULTIMATE POWER!" Used whenever someone does something that sounded like a good idea at first, but once thought through didn't quite work out that way.
One of the characters in my group was a cervidal guardinal (who was really overpowered because the DM used some really stupid houserules to change how ECL worked, but that's another story) and we encountered a desecrated temple with a strange altar in it. One of the other characters inadvertently touched said altar, and a powerful blast of lightning almost killed him. The cervidal, who was immune to electricity, decided to have some fun and walked to the altar, stretched his hands out above it, and screamed "ULTIMATE POWER!" as he slammed his hands down upon the altar. It released a powerful fireball this time, the one element he had no protections from.

SilverLeaf167
2010-10-20, 03:18 AM
"Ohcrap-ohcrap-ohcrap- *BOOOM*" "Crap indeed."
In our current party, we have a classic pyromanic Wizard. I allowed the players to edit the appearance of their spells quite freely, though it didn't have any gameplay effect. For example, the Wizard's Magic Missiles were launched from the mouth and looked like actual nuclear bombs.

The spell that created the quote above was, of course, the loved-by-all Fireball. As the player was aiming for a PrC (can't remember which right now), he didn't have Eschew Materials yet and had to use actual materials. Whenever he used fireball, he would throw bat guano (the actual component for the spell) at the victims. If he ever used it more than once per encounter, the enemies would already know what was going on, and the following was always repeated by both them and the player.

Atelm
2010-10-20, 03:33 AM
We were running the Sunken Citadel (I believe, adventure with goblins and kobolds and some kind of magic apples/trees)
In the goblins' larder:

DM: "Blah, blah, blah, you come across a barrel, it's labeled 'Elf Pudding.'"
Player: "I open the lid to examine it."
DM: "It's exactly what it sounds like."

Since then, Elf Pudding has become a running gag both at the table and away from it.

When I ran that, my players just wonderered "Why is there Elf pudding here?", shrugged, and moved on.

Galileo
2010-10-20, 03:50 AM
"Is there an apple?"
Once, when I was DMing a oneshot of Forge of Fury to give our usual DM a break, the rogue/wizard snuck into the orc barracks and hid under a bed. I told him he heard a bunch of orcs talking. He spoke Orc, so he asked what they were saying, and I improvised "They're having a theological debate about this apple they found." He used prestidigitation to make it hover and glow, and convinced them it was a divine sign. He then used it to make them beat themselves unconscious. Then he kept the apple for the rest of the adventure, only losing it when he set off a trap with it. We recently replayed the module to teach a new player the ropes, and we constantly searched for apples.

And on the subject of rainbows, the artificer who owns an airship is planning on standing on the bow, dual-wielding prismatic spray wands, and firing them at opposing airships at long range. "Double Rainbow, all the way across the sky!"

Aotrs Commander
2010-10-20, 05:55 AM
"Do skyscrapers have buildings?"

For some inexplicable reason, this reminded me of the single most innane question ever voiced by one of my players (if not one of the most innane questions I've ever heard), which was

"Why is the purple star purple?"

Silence fell around the table, since a) there have never any purple stars in any of my sci-fi games (frag dammit, I use the Hertzsprung–Russell diagram when generating star systems!) and b) I'm not even sure we were playing sci-fi at the time.

Though the time one of the players asked for plain paper with lines on (i.e lined paper) comes very close...

The same player was generating a character for Stargate SG-1 D20. That system, instead of having equipment, gives you equipment points you can spend to requisition gear for the missions. Anyway, while he was doing that, the general conversation moved to making fun of the fact all his characters are notoriously combat heavy and frequently nearly (or actually) psychotically violent. He retorted by saying "I am not obessed with combat!" (or something simialr). And looked back down at his book. The very next words out of his mouth were, "so if I spend a pick I can get extra ammo...". The rest of us just cracked up.

Eldan
2010-10-20, 05:58 AM
Well, the one that stuck around was a pun.

See, there was this tavern, called "Mermaid's Rock".
With a graffiti underneath the sign saying "Yes, they do"
Inside was a water tank with a mermaid bard.

Since then, every second tavern in our games was called "Mermaids rock".

darkpuppy
2010-10-20, 06:08 AM
I've had several over the years, but the following really stand out for me, and often come with me to new groups:

"It is made of stuff! and things!"

This is a running gag in my groups, where "stuff... and things" are the most powerful, er... stuff... and things in existence. It has also been a running gag for when my wing-it-fu has failed me, and has had lots of uses over the years, in short.

Also, we mercilessly mock any player who does not acknowledge the ultimate power of the gamer god Jeff, the God of Biscuits, Provider of Munchies.

And finally,

"Oh, crap... BULETTES!"

This is for one very simple reason. I play Bulettes tactically, and, as such, I have TPKed Lvl 7 groups with single bulettes before. Not intentionally, but every damn time I think "It'll be okay this time", and introduce a bulette, somebody dies!

Coidzor
2010-10-20, 07:49 AM
When I ran that, my players just wonderered "Why is there Elf pudding here?", shrugged, and moved on.

Ahh, that reminds me. Part of why we found it so funny was that someone then made a joke about "Ahh, so that's what that hawk was trying to make out of our sorcerer." We started off with an elven sorcerer and ran through the Burning Plague in a shake-down run with the new players in the group, one of the kobolds there set his hawk on the sorcerer which drove him to the negatives (I believe the hawk got a crit)

Adam...?
2010-10-20, 09:14 AM
My players have developed a bit of a looting ritual. This stems from the fact that the one wizard in the party absolutely refuses to prepare Identify unless absolutely necessary.

DM: There is some magical equipment in the loot.
Player 1: Awesome. Hey Wizard, can you identify it?
Player 2: Aww, ****. I ain't no Deckard Cain, son.

bokodasu
2010-10-20, 01:46 PM
Hoverhorses.

We were playtesting a homebrew game, and there was a list of vehicle modifications, like extra armor or speed boosters, and a list of vehicles, which included horses. One of the modifications was "hovering", so some of us decided to spend the extra 50% to get hoverhorses, which the GM denied.

We then proceeded to ignore his denial, and every trip started out with "we saddle up the hoverhorses..."

Then, just this past week, the other druid in our D&D game put Horseshoes of the Zephyr on his mount. (Our GM failed his roll to disbelieve, and had to go with it.)

DeathsHands
2010-10-20, 04:22 PM
"He's gonna steal my axe."

That occurrence was burned into my players' memories.

Mark Hall
2010-10-20, 04:27 PM
A few others...

"Stone'll burn."
"I take my two handed sword in this hand..."

big teej
2010-10-20, 07:28 PM
"He's gonna steal my axe."

That occurrence was burned into my players' memories.

hey! axe theft is no laughing matter!:smallfrown:

Marillion
2010-10-20, 09:33 PM
"Trust me! I'm a doctor!"
No. He isn't.

Traveler
2010-10-20, 10:10 PM
"I'm not drunk, but my horse is."
Opening line from a new player's first character. Alot of lines in our group come from that player actually.

TaliaJacta
2010-10-21, 12:19 PM
"Funny story...these aren't my clothes!"

"I ride into battle on the town guard!"

Fallbot
2010-10-21, 12:37 PM
Every time we need a plan; "Girth cross-dresses!"
Girth being the bugbear fighter. The scariest thing is there's not even a story there.

(Dialogue from the maptool chatbox where typos are all too common)
Player 1: Ok, I run at them creaming!
Player 2: ...Yourself?
Player 1: *rolling with it* Well you know how it is, the thrill of battle...

Duos Greanleef
2010-10-21, 12:39 PM
I was DMing in Eberron and trying to maintain a serious mood.
We had a player that still hadn't played with us much, so he didn't realize what I was trying to do.
In character, one of the NPCs told him to shut the f*** up.
The player responded with

I'mma throw my dice at you!
It broke the mood, everyone laughed and my campaign eventually unraveled. It's been speculated that it's because of the dice throwing threat, but no one is certain.
Now, it's just an insult.

Etrivar
2010-10-21, 01:21 PM
"See?! I told you I'm not trigger-happy! I shoot him in the face!"

One of our PC's was a Chaotic Neutral (with a strong tendancy towards Evil) rogue, who was very fond of his crossbow. He would constantly shoot everything. Usually he would shoot potential allies, innocent bystanders, US, but not the bad guys. And we would constantly call him trigger-happy. So, the ONE TIME he manages to actually identify an enemy he yells; 'see, I told you I'm not trigger-happy, I shoot him in the face!' There was complete silence for a moment as we all contemplated the irony in this declaration, and then we all just busted up.



"Sooooo... About that elf lady."

At the start of one campaign, we kept getting sidetracked from the main plot, in which an elven maid had enlisted our help. and the DM kept bringing our attention back to the game by saying, "soooo... about that elf lady" and he would say it especially whenever the course of the conversation turned awkward or vulgar. he had to say this at least thirty times, ad absurdem. To this day we still use it in every facet of our lives. I even used it on the sergeant who is my direct supervisor and kept getting off topic, much to the confusion of everyone in the room, but I couldn't stop laughing for five minutes after seeing the looks they gave me.



"Ooooh, stalagtite."

We were doing a dungeon crawl, and it was quite dark in the cave. we encountered a pit, and as we did not yet have access to flying magic, we had our ranger try and jump it. he got a running jump, and made a beautiful leap, and was well on his way to the other side, when he slammed into the massive stalagtite that we were unable to see due to the dim lighting. after doing a slide down into the pit, (which we didn't think of as so great a problem, as he was holding one end of a rope)there was a deep rumbling and the stalagtite broke off and fell, effectively sealing the hole. 'oooooh, stalagtite' is what we say after any anti-PC deus ex machina, or other absurd consequence that we could not have possibly forseen.

Invelios
2010-10-21, 01:55 PM
"I'm here to destroy your city."

Said straight faced to the town guard of a holy city.


"We are but travelers......"
"I don't know about you but I'm walking not butt traveling."

Telonius
2010-10-21, 02:19 PM
"I attempt to disarm the monk."

Original source:
DM: He attempts to dis-arm the monk.
Monk player: I'm not armed.
DM: I mean that literally. Rolling for rend damage.

AtwasAwamps
2010-10-21, 02:21 PM
"You're a gnome. These things happen."

Said because of the constant gnome abuse in my 4.0 campaign. Gnomes have been threatened with being eaten by dragons, troglodytes, other gnomes; rolled down hills in barrels; forced to test for traps by running ahead onto heavily runed floors...etc. When one of them complained, I had an NPC turn to them and say "You're a gnome. These things happen." It became a constant refrain for this kind of thing.

"Go outside. Shoot yourself."

Said almost every single session...3-5 times...to a particular player who enjoys winding me up and setting of my temper because when I pop I tend to do so in an incredibly humorous fashion and don't really bear hard feelings if I know the initial actions were a joke. He's done it so many times that I've started responding only by saying the above in an incredibly flat tone. The rest of the group has started saying it to him as well.

"Best...paladin...EVER."

Said fairly constantly about the two paladins played consistently in our group - My paladin, who has defended the party from certain death multiple times, turned entire fights around, wreaked havoc on enemies, and mastered country-line dancing; and the other DM's paladin, who is played in my 4e game, who has done much the same, while on occasion juggling gnomes, because...let's face it...these things happen.

aquaticrna
2010-10-21, 02:46 PM
"For the economy!"

said spontaneously in unison by the whole party, based on a discussion on how in the dnd world the only people making enough money to afford anything were adventurers and therefor the system relied on us adventuring so we could buy things from people

amaranth69
2010-10-21, 03:05 PM
My DM: I killed the barbarian again!? Then he giggles like a schoolgirl.

DropsonExistanc
2010-10-22, 02:13 AM
"Create water!"
Cheap alarm clock, yeah?

One Encounters session (Dark Sun, beginning of chapter 2) the players were kidnapped by "cannibalistic" halflings in a hidden oasis. They manage to break out, but instead of heading for the trees and going around to where their stuff was, like the module said, the star sorcerer (pregen, nonetheless) charges right into the centre of the camp. 8 person party, 3 followed him, the rest went around. So the halflings had been planning to have (them at) a huge feast that night, and most of the mature males were out hunting, logically.

So after taking out a few guards, they plunged into the tents and found the feral women and children with wooden swords and tiny spears, ready to defend their homes...

A village died that day. And now, they occasionally ask,
"Are there women and children?"

DropsonExistanc
2010-10-22, 02:16 AM
"Trust me! I'm a doctor!"
No. He isn't.
It's funny how that one's bled into our Star Wars campaign, considering we have a doctor on-staff. It's great with the Scottish accent, while the character is holding a blaster to the addressee's head.

Because we all know that's how it really happens.

Lady Moreta
2010-10-22, 03:49 AM
"Seems trustworthy to me!"

The catch-cry of our sorceress. She has no sense motive modifier, and would always cry this when asked to roll for it. It got to the point where the DM used to say 'seems trustworthy to you' when we rolled. We eventually had to ask him to stop, because it kept making us think the various npc's were lying, we just hadn't rolled high enough to realise it.

"Kill first. Cast Speak with Dead later."

I actually read this one on here, but it's so incredibly suited to our party. Last fight we had, two of us went down to phantasmal killer. Three were still standing, and they had a couple of dead bodies and two who were alive. But the scroll of teleport the sorceress had would only take four people. Since dead bodies count as possession, they went ahead and killed one of the living prisoners so they could bring everyone back. Reasoning that 'hey, we can get the clerics to cast speak with dead when we get back'.

I then related the quote and they all cracked up. I think it's going to become a catch phrase. I just can't wait for the chance to use it in game (I play the 'talky elf' aka the bard).

Pisha
2010-10-22, 09:24 AM
The first game our friend ran for us, we were military recruits being led by this shaky, nervous, sad-sack of a sergeant. Right before our very first battle, he turned to us with droopy, mournful eyes, and said, in an earnest, solemn tone, "Gosh, I hope y'all are ready." Before suddenly turning into a puddle of goo. (He got better.)

Since then, "Gosh, I hope y'all are ready!" has made its way into every game this guy has ran or played in. :)

Other phrases:

"Never pick up a duck in a dungeon!" (Referring to the Munchkin card) - a warning against trapped/cursed treasure.

"Ah. I see. It was a load-bearing floating rock." Said sarcastically by the dwarf, when removing the magical whoosawhatsits caused the cavern to start falling down around us.

"The door does not appear to be trapped." My old GM's favorite phrase, usually accompanied with a big grin. (Similarly, "He does not detect as evil.")

And my personal favorite: While going through the goblins' stronghold, the party comes across some crates in the larder. They all look at the words on the side, and then, silently, they all turn to look at me (the only elf.)
Me: I don't speak Goblin, I don't want to know.
Cleric: ...maybe it's pudding for elves...

Squally!
2010-10-22, 10:22 AM
Druid, speaking to my Paladin: Why are you always so loud?
Me: I have to be loud, im CHARISMATIC!

there are a few more, inappropriate ones as well from that game xD, most of them involving my paladin.

And, in our most recent campaign, anytime we are in a tavern, "Give her the hammer" seems to come up a lot.

Sir Swindle89
2010-10-22, 12:38 PM
"RANDOM BLASTER FIRE!" *chuck Capri-sun box'

RBM was a mechanic our old Star Wars RPG DM used during big army fights, I happened to piss him off enough to throw the box at me as he was rolling for it so we started throwing the box on every random hit.



We are but travelers......"
"I don't know about you but I'm walking not butt traveling."

OMG i loled at work at this.

GeminiVeil
2010-10-24, 12:00 PM
"I'm helping!"

Context: We were in the records room of a city, and we were looking for a map. Our minotour barbarian, illiterate with an INT of 7, starts helping to look for said map. The people with descent search checks roll between 1 and 5 on the dice, so don't make the check. Barbarian rolls Nat 20, and beats the search of the others, so essentially pulls out papers by the handfulls and shouts "I'm helping!" and throws them at the other party members, where the correct map happens to be on top of one of the stacks. Of course, we can't convince the barbarian it's the right map, as he can't read the name of the map, so he throws a few more handfuls out until we can convince him we have the right one. He turns back to the rest of us, big grin and says again "I'm helping! HEHE!" and claps his hands like a schoolgirl.
Yes, yes he did.

ryuteki
2010-10-24, 10:56 PM
"You know, we're RIGHT here. We can HEAR you!"

...Said the NPC poking his head around the corner, after my brilliant gaming group spent about 10 minutes on the bridge outside, debating how best to approach the entrance. I consider this one to be immortal because it is used more often now in Real Life than it is in the game. :smalltongue:

Thrawn183
2010-10-24, 11:20 PM
"Goddam Warforged!"

We were running some low level modules in Eberron and kept getting ambushed by warforged. Eventually I took a level in ranger just so that I could get favored enemy (goddam warforged). Turns out I did it just before encountering a lot of wild animals, which having a level in ranger really helped with.

VirOath
2010-10-24, 11:53 PM
A new twist on an old joke.

"Mono-logging, do I get a free attack?" - Me, after the big, bad, evil Death Cultist sprung his trap and had us surrounded by 30 zombies in a corridor and started his speech.

Dust
2010-10-25, 12:09 AM
"We tackle him right off the railroad."

Context: Various things. It ended up being a joke about one of our quick-to-violence players would mess up the GM's plots, which he would then try to enforce with more and more railroading. The character's favorite way to do this was leap-tackle NPCs in the middle of important ceremonies or mid-monologue and start punching away.
Later, we ended up fighting the BBEG of a campaign during a train robbery, and we were literally on the roof of one of the freightcars. Said player's eyes lit up and he left to his feet as he roared this phrase. Critical hit, of course. Tackled him so hard we left the railroad behind us.


"For the economy!"

said spontaneously in unison by the whole party, based on a discussion on how in the dnd world the only people making enough money to afford anything were adventurers and therefor the system relied on us adventuring so we could buy things from people
I laughed the milk out of my nose. Thanks!

Marillion
2010-10-25, 12:38 AM
*Inhales deeply* "I smell a five!"

In 7th sea, there are certain conditions that lower your TN to be hit to 5, such as using a defensive knack you don't have, over-extending yourself during a lunge, etc. Considering that we're often rolling at least 7k4 to hit, a 5 is all but guaranteed, so we can voluntarily increase the TN to roll more dice for damage. This started when a player describing his attack on a prone opponent inhaled deeply as he raised his giant sword over his head and someone else cracked "He smells like five!" Ever since then, whenever someone is a 5 in any situation, everyone takes a moment to inhale deeply and proclaim "I smell a 5!" simultaneously.

"Shoulda taken raises."
Often used very soon after "I smell a five!".

*presses back of hand to forehead*"Le [servant]? Le [verb]" *waves other hand dismissively*
Originally used by a lazy noble to command his servant to carry his chair to another room, it has since come up every time we're making fun of the snooty upper class. :smallamused:

RelentlessImp
2010-10-25, 12:42 AM
Long story, short version:
One player was playing a venerable elf bard, other player was playing half-vampire fighter (heading into Dervish eventually). Unknown to the characters, the bard was the half-vampire female's father.

First meeting:
Bard makes a Charisma check upon meeting the half-vampire for the first time.
DM, to half-vampire: "You feel very... attracted to this man."
All players knew about this subplot, and every single one of us started laughing our balls off.
The DM then proceeded to do a "slap dat arse" motion while saying "You're my daughter, you're my daughter".

Due to this, "You're my daughter" has lasted at our table to the point where we need a five minute break after someone says it.

Yeah, it's juvenile.

Tvtyrant
2010-10-25, 12:51 AM
"I use the Kobolds to collect the caltrops"
"You mean you force them to collect the caltrops?"
"No, I physically roll the kobolds over the caltrops, impaling the caltrops on the kobolds and removing them from our path."
"Aren't you...Lawful Good?"
"Not anymore! Now about that level of Barbarian..."

My players do scary things to Kobolds.

RelentlessImp
2010-10-25, 01:19 AM
"I use the Kobolds to collect the caltrops"
"You mean you force them to collect the caltrops?"
"No, I physically roll the kobolds over the caltrops, impaling the caltrops on the kobolds and removing them from our path."
"Aren't you...Lawful Good?"
"Not anymore! Now about that level of Barbarian..."

My players do scary things to Kobolds.

You should introduce them to a White Dragonspawn Dragonwrought Loredrake Kobold Sorcerer 3/Shadowcraft Mage 5 who's performed the Greater Draconic Rite of Passage and has the Earth Sense + Earth Spell feats.

"The kobold weaves a spell you recognize as silent image."
"Ha! What a weakling."
"He conjures forth (anything off Summon Monster V list)."
"Bah, just an illusion."
"The (creature) rips your face off."
"I disbelieve."
"Alright. It hurts a little less, but your face is still ripped off."
"..."

AngelisBlack
2010-10-25, 01:40 AM
"Building: Best...Armor...Ever." Said by me to my players who were trying to wail on and shoot at hobgoblins that were inside of a house and trying to snipe. Almost every attack roll was high enough to miss only because of the cover bonus alone. This was swiftly followed up with a glance to the Dungeoncrasher Fighter saying, "No, if you actually equipped a wall as armor it won't count for Dungeoncrasher."

"aand the Mind Flayer of Thoon attacks with his heavy flai- *rolls a 1* fail... his heavy fail."

"Ok... this is going be either really stupid, or really awesome.." This was said by me often as I played a 4e Kobold Rouge who abused acrobatics like crazy.

Tvtyrant
2010-10-25, 01:58 AM
You should introduce them to a White Dragonspawn Dragonwrought Loredrake Kobold Sorcerer 3/Shadowcraft Mage 5 who's performed the Greater Draconic Rite of Passage and has the Earth Sense + Earth Spell feats.

"The kobold weaves a spell you recognize as silent image."
"Ha! What a weakling."
"He conjures forth (anything off Summon Monster V list)."
"Bah, just an illusion."
"The (creature) rips your face off."
"I disbelieve."
"Alright. It hurts a little less, but your face is still ripped off."
"..."

None-Srd, probably not happening :P

But the Rogue up above would still deal with it as so:
"The kobold attacks the party"
"I cast greater invisibility from my necklace"
"He casts glitterdust"
"Screw this then, I throw an acid vial on him"
"....Hit."
Me: :(

Drakevarg
2010-10-25, 02:40 AM
Order a Number 5.
- From a freeform Star Wars campaign years ago.

I don't even remember the complete context. Evidently it's some sort of Huttese cocktail or something that you can order in many cantinas. Exactly what it is I don't know, but it must've been awful because the phrase still triggers my gag reflex to this day.


Cold Stone.
- From the most recent session of my campaign.

After the party's camp was attacked by incredibly durable, bloodless, mute wolves, things looked grim when a bear lumbered in mid-battle. When it quickly sided with the party against the wolves, however, the Druid quickly decided to take advantage of his still-active speak with animals (cast in a failed attempt to communicate with the wolves) and asked the bear what was up with these weird wolves.

The bear, being a bear, explained the matter in extremely primitive terms. Since only the Druid could understand this, I had the conversation take place through notes so the party wouldn't know what's going on. Here's the exact transcription:

Bear: "No Scent."
Druid: "What do you mean, no scent?"
Bear: "Cold stone."
Druid: "Are you saying they're made of stone?"
Bear: *points at battleaxe dropped by fallen NPC*
Druid: "Is the axe the cause of it?"
Bear: "Cold stone."
Druid: "Cold stone... make wolves die?"
Bear: "Little Ones are cold stone."
Druid: "How Little Ones cold stone?"
Bear: "..."

At this point, the bear concluded that the Druid must be an idiot and stopped talking. Meanwhile, the Druid started making up wild theories, including the idea that the wolves must be vampires, despite the Rogue/Cleric having cast detect undead the previous round and informed the party that they weren't. On it's own turn, the bear crushed the head of the wolf it was fighting, revealing complex clockwork parts inside. Unfortunately, in the ensuing round the Druid was knocked unconcious, so he never got to see this explaination.

So, from now on, the party has pretty much agreed that the name "Cold Stone" will be given to anyone who manages to completely overlook an astoundingly obvious fact. (During this conversation, I had hinted to the Druid repeatedly that the bear is a bear. It doesn't speak in riddles, it just uses extemely basic concepts to express ideas.)

Lvl45DM!
2010-10-25, 02:58 AM
We were listening to a Tom Waits album whilst doing som spying on our boss thinking he might be evil. We heard various clanking and clanging while there was this spoken word song "whats he BUILDING in there?" playing
Now any successful hear noise check warrants some various variation of this
some notable ones include at a theifs guild "whats he GUILDING in there?"
a druid grove "What are they GILDING in there? a lily?" d10 pun damage
and once when we heard a hissing someone shouted "snakes!" Then came the immortal "why did it have to be-BUILDING in there"

RelentlessImp
2010-10-25, 03:54 AM
None-Srd, probably not happening :P

But the Rogue up above would still deal with it as so:
"The kobold attacks the party"
"I cast greater invisibility from my necklace"
"He casts glitterdust"
"Screw this then, I throw an acid vial on him"
"....Hit."
Me: :(

What, no greater mirror image on his spell list? Or even just mirror image cast beforehand?

People act like spellcasters don't know how to defend themselves. Jeeze.

/threadjack

Eldan
2010-10-25, 04:01 AM
An immortal one from our DM:

"The Wall does not move!"

The story behind it is pretty simple, actually. There was a room in a dungeon, and a group of PCs, convinced that there was someone hiding in the room. So the players started: "I kick the wall to check if it's alive." The DM said the above phrase, which of course only managed to convince everyone that the wall was in fact alive and spying on us. Since we were around level 2 at the time, we immediately started all the combined might of a level 2 bard, a level 2 enchanter and a level 2 monk at the wall.

2-HeadedGiraffe
2010-10-25, 07:58 AM
In a campaign I played in, and NPC threw a grenade over our heads at our enemies and shouted "Duck!" My character (a bongo-playing bard, by the way) figured that was the name of the object the NPC had thrown. Grenades were referred to as "ducks" pretty much any time they showed up in that group from then on.

Psyx
2010-10-25, 08:29 AM
The secret door is behind the throne

Don't touch the evil altar. Nothing good will happen.

Never pull levers. Anything good that might happen is eclipsed by the bad things that WILL happen.


- These are always true.

odder
2010-10-25, 08:45 AM
There was an ongoing joke in my Shadowrun group from the summer about my Russian Orc Street Samurai trying to sneak around by stomping about heavily with a claymore, saying "Sneak, sneak, sneak."

SNEAK, SNEAK, SNEAK!

My party had a similar one exept it was not an orc, but Larval Flayers. Because Larval Flayers is only capable of simple telepathic communication and thier int score is like 4. We asumed that every time they tried to sneak up on someone. Thier victim would get a primitive voice yelling SNEAK, SNEAK, SNEAK in thier head. A really scary thought.

Rodimal
2010-10-25, 03:29 PM
"I knock."

Sebeleu
2010-10-28, 05:46 PM
One of my favorites was a combo of a neutral Evil H-Orc barbarian (level 1) running into a room of kobolds with crossbows and the human neutral good cleric (also level 1) who told him not to. the barbarian was promply reduced to 1 hit point, at which time he turned to the cleric for healing. Cleric's response? "Not my turn yet".

big teej
2010-10-28, 09:21 PM
POOF CHECK!!!
see also:
"do I poof?"
and
"I make a poof check"

context
my old gaming group was playing first ed with a players father, who has been gaming for years....

the party rogue says they want to hide in the shadows and sneak ahead.
DM: roll for it
player: -rolls 95+ -
DM: -to party- you see this guy -points at player- go POOF and disapear!

ko_sct
2010-10-28, 10:27 PM
"I cast gale"

This one didn't really happened at our table because its was during a larp but it still stuck and I often remind my friend of it. Also, everyone at this larp know the story.

For the little story:
There was strong invincibles elementals that had to be distracted by some peoples while others went looking for the macguffins. My friend, being usually pretty good at stalling, partly because of his spell "gale" which allowed him to make people fall to the ground, decided to go attack the elementals.

He go up to the nearest elemental and to attract his attention go whit his usual attack routine which is: Cast gale and maul him while he's on the ground.

So he go up, say: "Instant-cast: gale"

Everyone stop fighting for a second there

The elemental look at him....

"Dude, I'm an air elemental......"

*Awkward silence*

Fighting resumed after that