So you are on your computer....

[Gamerlord]

Surfing the web, when suddenly, your computer suddenly shouts:

"We are the Borg, lower your shields and drop your weapons,resistance is FUTILE."

You then could have sworn you just heard your computer growl....

What do you do?

[Sneak]

Get some sleep?

[Assassin89]

First check if the volume for the computer is on, as it could be a series of sounds. Then question why the Borg from Star Terk would be here, as they are beings in a science-fiction universe.

[Jack Squat]

I'd kill the power. If it continued, I'd shoot the tower; I could use a new computer anyways. If it didn't, I'd turn the breaker back on and reformat the drive.

[Gamerlord]

You also hear someone knocking on your door.....

[Partof1]

Yell "Get off the internet, you darn Trekkie!"

[Innis Cabal]

I'd kill the power. If it continued, I'd shoot the tower; I could use a new computer anyways. If it didn't, I'd turn the breaker back on and reformat the drive.

Yep. Pretty much this. Issue solved. And if the Borg were really comming, wouldn't matter anyway. Then again, they don't growl. So my problem is over no matter what.

[Gamerlord]

Also, you were on the star wars wiki....

[Jokasti]

I'd say, "My narrator spelled 'your' wrong!"
Sorta like in OtOoPCs

[Mauve Shirt]

Turn my laptop off and go to bed. Or bake cookies.

[Gamerlord]

Any attempt to shut down the laptop results in the computer displaying the Borg insignia and it starts beeping what sounds like a distress signal rather loudly, and also electrocutes you...

[FinalJustice]

Open the command line terminal, fire up 'edit' and start a furious battle with it, using my own programs as my weapon of choice, which I'd write straight in Assembly. And I'd win by typing furiously fast, in slow motion, while tunes like Eye of the Tiger, Danger Zone and Réquiem rock out over every other sound in the world.

Who am I kidding, I can't code in Assembly...

[Jack Squat]

You're seriously changing the circumstances every post?

I've got an AR-15 stashed above the computer and 90 rounds of ammo loaded into mags within arms reach, w/plenty more rounds.

I think it's fair to say that even if every electronic appliance in the house that has a computer chip gained sentience and the desire to kill me, I'd be fine.

[Gamerlord]

Not any more, these are the official circumstances.

And they don't want to kill you, they just want to prepare you for assimilation.

[Jack Squat]

All the better, really. If they're not going to kill me, I've got the advantage

[Gamerlord]

All the better, really. If they're not going to kill me, I've got the advantage

Unless you force them to. Obviously.

[PhoeKun]

Not any more, these are the official circumstances.

Evidently, the only answer you want to hear is that I get up, go to the kitchen, grab a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and wait for death to come. Or will the fridge come to life and grab me in a death hug?

[Jack Squat]

Well, yeah, the advantage won't last forever, but it's a good place to start.

[Gamerlord]

Evidently, the only answer you want to hear is that I get up, go to the kitchen, grab a bottle of Smirnoff Ice and wait for death to come. Or will the fridge come to life and grab me in a death hug?

Nope, only thing that the Borg have gotten to is your computer.

[Fuzzie Fuzz]

I'd take pics, post them on Facebook, make some cookies, grab my machete, and wait for the inevitable. Also, I'd switch the "your" and the "you're" in your title. "You're" means "You are." "Your" refers to something belonging to you.

[Jack Squat]

Nope, only thing that the Borg have gotten to is your computer.

Then what's the 'knocking on your door'? Neighbor? Borg? Hallucination?

[Gamerlord]

Thanks. I stink at grammar.

[Gamerlord]

Then what's the 'knocking on your door'? Neighbor? Borg? Hallucination?

No, by "Gotten to" I meant taken control of, the person knocking on your door is a Borg that teleported in.

[Perenelle]

I'd switch the "your" and the "you're" in your title. "You're" means "You are." "Your" refers to something belonging to you.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

and I'd probably just ignore it and go to bed. maybe make some brownies, and go on with my life.

[EleventhHour]

Have another lick of schnopps, and hope it goes away.

...Shot. Whatever.

[chiasaur11]

Boot System Shock.

I figure that SHODAN would overwhelm the Borg easily.

And hopefully she'd take long enough to find the flash drive I have with Marathon on it.

I subscribe to the "Replace a problem with a worse problem" school of thought.

[SilverSheriff]

I'd go answer the door, I'd then say to the Borg waiting there 'Star Gate is better' and I'd then transform into a swarm of Replicators, if the Borg doesn't run away it will be assimilated.:smallcool:

[nanobot_swarm]

I'd tell it to shut its whore mouth, or I'll install Vista on it
Problem solved
As for borg at the door, I'd come up with some sort of logic bomb
Or find William Shatner

[Jack Squat]

OK, so my plan still stands then. I wouldn't answer the door, but if he came in I'd be disappointed if he didn't make a challenge for this redneck. (AR - my room. Setting (read: spiked) hammer - closet. Shotgun - down the hall.)

What happens after him?

[chiasaur11]

OK, so my plan still stands then. I wouldn't answer the door, but if he came in I'd be disappointed if he didn't make a challenge for this redneck. (AR - my room. Setting (read: spiked) hammer - closet. Shotgun - down the hall.)

What happens after him?

The borg utterly fail to adapt to kinetic weapons, as usual?

[mikeejimbo]

Any attempt to shut down the laptop results in the computer displaying the Borg insignia and it starts beeping what sounds like a distress signal rather loudly, and also electrocutes you...

If it electrocutes us, we don't have to worry about it anymore.

e⋅lec⋅tro⋅cute
  /ɪˈlɛktrəˌkyut/ [i-lek-truh-kyoot]
–verb (used with object), -cut⋅ed, -cut⋅ing.
1. to kill by electricity.

(Random House Dictionary)

Also


I think it's fair to say that even if every electronic appliance in the house that has a computer chip gained sentience and the desire to kill me, I'd be fine.

"Haha, you'll never escape us! You'll - wait, stop! Don't pull that pl-"

[valadil]

1) Hit the mute button
2) Open terminal
3) "for type in wav mp3 ogg ; do find / -name *.$type -mtime 2 ; done"
4) Inspect files. One of them is probably responsible for the noise. It should be removed.
5) Unmute.

For those playing along at home, step 3 is used to list all the files of type wav, mp3, or ogg that were modified within the last 2 days. There's probably a way to do it without the for loop, but it's past my bed time and find's manpage is long. I'm going on the assumption that some idiot friend of mine downloaded the file to my machine and changed my preferences so that some event triggered the sound. If find gets no results, I'd up it to a week or two.

[Bouregard]

Anyone checked if Borgs are waterproof? If not I wait with a bucket of water at the door.

[king.com]

I would simply try and get the computer to run a handful of programs. Vista would then implode on itself= problem solved.

[Elm11]

The real answer is very simple, say "yeah sure, come in. My narrator is removing every other option available to me, and railroading me anyway, so just come in and have a nice cup of tea. I'm sure the hero npc/dmpc whatever will turn up a round before i'm assimilated anyway"

See? simple! :smallamused:

[Gamerlord]

OK, so my plan still stands then. I wouldn't answer the door, but if he came in I'd be disappointed if he didn't make a challenge for this redneck. (AR - my room. Setting (read: spiked) hammer - closet. Shotgun - down the hall.)

What happens after him?

I'd say you have about 20 minutes to get in the car and escape before a squad of Borg that has adapted to one of the three weapons comes in.

[Jack Squat]

I'd say you have about 20 minutes to get in the car and escape before a squad of Borg that has adapted to one of the three weapons comes in.

Except, to quote Wikipedia on the subject:

Borg are also susceptible to holodeck-generated bullets (assuming the holodeck safety protocols are disengaged) and melee weapons, as demonstrated in Star Trek: First Contact.

They only adapt to phasers because of their shielding, which is useless against physical objects. Plus they move slow enough that I could quite easily jog and escape them.

Though how many are in the squad? What are they armed with? Am I the only target, or are they just looking for people in general? Has assimilation started elsewhere? If I left, would they search the house first, or be plot directed enough that they know where I am and where I'm headed?

[katans]

Plus they move slow enough that I could quite easily jog and escape them.

Never underestimate slow-moving baddies chasing innocent people in a horror scenario. Innocent people tend to trip or roots a lot and run in circles when confronted with such situations.

[Dragon queen]

In this case I know exactly what I would do:

1. Get the biggest grenade launcher possible.

2. Get the fastest car possible.

3. Get a map of California .

4. RUN!

[Yrcrazypa]

Throw my computer at the Borg, a 40 pound object thrown at someones skull would hurt, pretty sure you can't adapt to blunt trauma. This would more than likely knock him off the balcony for him to fall to his death. Then I promptly die, but at least I managed a big 'F You' to the Borg before it.

[Froogleyboy]

Dosen't seem like the most unlikely, hypothetical, SPAM ever?

[Shadow_Elf]

I open 4chan in my Internet window. The Borg collective implodes. Game Over.