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View Full Version : What kind of crazy pork chop is this?!



Tiki Snakes
2009-11-26, 01:00 AM
So, I'm running a planar campaign as of last night. Near the end of the session, our Dwarven Airship Captain's pet miniature wild boar was exposed to the raw essence of the Far Realm.

Jokes were had. The ever optimistic player of the Dwarf in question suggested that maybe it would develop the ability to talk. I countered with the idea that it would expand into a mountain of flesh, like the end sequence of akira, or that he would find it is now entirely made of mouths.

I'm as yet undecided. So, here's where you guys come in;

Mutate My Pig.
Go Hog-Wild!

Sstoopidtallkid
2009-11-26, 01:02 AM
basic response: Pseudonatural template from CArc.

Fun response: Dire Pseudonatural Boar were-platypus with levels in Warshaper for extra tentacle attacks.

Serpentine
2009-11-26, 01:07 AM
Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

Leon
2009-11-26, 01:10 AM
Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

I second this suggestion

term1nally s1ck
2009-11-26, 01:10 AM
^^^THAT.

Pig of Wonder

SaintRidley
2009-11-26, 01:13 AM
Thirding the Pig of Wonder.

Vitruviansquid
2009-11-26, 01:14 AM
Yo dawg, we put a dire boar in your boar, so you can eat a pig while you get eaten by pig!

Lycanthromancer
2009-11-26, 01:17 AM
Don't you mean the Hog of Wonder?

Pimp my hog, yo!

Okay, okay. I'll stop hogging the spotlight now.

Thajocoth
2009-11-26, 01:53 AM
You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!

Imagine a pig with 6 legs (4 normal ones and an extra pair in the middle), 2 tails (side by side), 4 eyes (two sets, one just above the other), 3 nostrils (the extra one is in the middle of the snout, but up a little, forming the points of an equilateral triangle), and either a mouth in it's mouth (Alien style), or a forked tongue (almost like 2 separate tongues, and unusually long). Have none of that effect game mechanics. Also make it a Wonder Pig, as suggested earlier, which certainly would effect game mechanics.

Eurus
2009-11-26, 01:56 AM
I almost think that the Hog of Wonder might be more impressive if it looked completely normal. Y'know, when not turning itself strange colors or belching clouds of butterflies. :smallbiggrin:

sofawall
2009-11-26, 01:59 AM
You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!

Imagine a pig with 6 legs (4 normal ones and an extra pair in the middle), 2 tails (side by side), 4 eyes (two sets, one just above the other), 3 nostrils (the extra one is in the middle of the snout, but up a little, forming the points of an equilateral triangle) and none of that has any effect on game mechanics. Also make it a Wonder Pig, as suggested earlier, which would effect game mechanics.

Wonder Pig must remain looking like a normal pig. It will make the players really cautious about what might have changed.

term1nally s1ck
2009-11-26, 02:20 AM
But then it shrinks to 1/12 of it's size, and breathes fire 100 feet forward, and they FREAK. Personally, I would make it an encounter for the party, but make it actually undefeatable. It uses RoW effects, but only say 20 before it stops. It does not attack them except with RoW effects, and the RoW effects (including any/all deaths/damage to the PCs) wear off 1 hour after it runs out of effects or dies. However, if they kill it, it respawns with another 20 effects to use, at full stats, but an extra 10 HP from the last incarnation

If your party plays it badly, they could spend a long time fighting the
PIG OF WONDER
and panic slightly about a lot of it. Even better, make it a greater Rod of Wonder, and it might well summon some huge creatures on them. Again, if the party is killed, they return to their original states 1 hour after the pig runs out of effects, at which point it returns to being a normal pig.

Heliomance
2009-11-26, 03:19 AM
Base response: Pseudonatural template from Complete Arcane.

Fun response: Pseudonatural template from Epic Level Handbook.

Serpentine
2009-11-26, 05:29 AM
You can't just change the mechanics of the pig, like some are suggesting. It needs to look mutated too!What if all the non-explodey effects remained indefinitely or until removed, until "dispel magic" turned up?

Grassy hog...

AslanCross
2009-11-26, 05:36 AM
Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

Best suggestion ever. Sounds more like something that the Slaadi would do, though, since the Far Realm is more madness and tentacle raep than completely random "pants yellow booking the running" weirdness, but this is just too hilarious to pass up.

Alternatively you could make the effects a great deal more unsettling.
1. The pig smiles crookedly out of the corner of a PC's eye.
2. It randomly coughs up gems, which explode into slimy protoplasm/swarms of leeches/alien parasites when held.
3. It develops the same regenerative ability that trolls had in the Drizzt novels: an arm cut off from the troll grows a whole new body.
4. Tentacles.
5. Whenever a PC opens a cabinet, he finds the maggot-infested, fly-swarmed head of the pig on a stake. The head shrieks and bites the PC, but vanishes and actually deals no harm.
...etc.

...this has good potential to become a horror campaign all of a sudden.

daggaz
2009-11-26, 08:32 AM
Pig of Wonder?? People, please. This is the far realms we are talking about here. Its not some kind of leprachauny fey prank pulled on your pig by the God of Puppets. The akira suggestion is far more inline with the stark unreality of this kind of taint.

I would say it turns into some kind of churning, ever growing mound of pigfleshmouths with much the same properties as a chaos beast.. It begins expanding rapidly, and the party does their best to nuke it, where it apparently dies.

What they dont realize is that small particles of the pigbeast are contaminating everything around it, even the grass, and that these changes are not evident immediately. An underground river courses nearby, feeding into a major waterway, which then contaminates the campaign worlds largest kingdom, including the most populous cities.

The effects are subtle, and slow, but horrifying as they begin to unfold. Entire towns are mutated into pulsating masses of feeder blobs. The city of wonders is corrupted into some alien H.G. Geiger orgy of horrendous proportions, something which puts the realms of the Slaad to utter shame, and which even the demons shy away from. The contamination is truly epic, and it is up to the party find a cure. Time travel is going to be a must here. Of course, they face infection at every turn, and many of the gods deem the world a waste, placing the party at its source and requiring their souls as a key to the cleansing process.

Sliver
2009-11-26, 08:41 AM
Every so often, an effect similar to the Rod of Wonder (or Greater Rod of Wonder) happens to it, determined randomly. For example, it may suddenly be covered in grass, cough up gems, or be followed around by a swarm of butterflies. No effect does permanent damage to it - for example, a fireball effect may cause it to explode, but a moment later it will reassemble itself and look like nothing happened.

Far realms or not, this idea is awesome and I will try to fit it somewhere in my campaign..

d13
2009-11-26, 10:31 AM
N-thing the Pig of Wonder.

Lapak
2009-11-26, 10:47 AM
The Pig of Wonder is by far my favorite idea.

If you MUST do something more horrific in line with the Far Realm business, leave the pig alone. It is, after all, just a pig, even if it does have the essence of the Far Realm in it. In fact, the utterly banal nature of a simple pig may be what causes the random effects: there are few creatures more plain and earthy than pigs, and the madness-realm swirling up against the Piggish Nature generates bizarre happenings without affecting the beast itself.

Of course, every cult of the old gods, mindflayer collective, Horror From Beyond, mad scientist, mad arcanist, and loony off the street is going to start showing up and trying to abscond with the Avatar of the Far Realm in short order. I'm picturing a gang of hooded cultists battling with a rogue mindflayer in psuedo-scientific regalia in a dark alley while the party passes by, more or less oblivious until they encounter the aftermath of such battles.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-11-26, 10:56 AM
Pig of Wonder?? People, please. This is the far realms we are talking about here. Its not some kind of leprachauny fey prank pulled on your pig by the God of Puppets. The akira suggestion is far more inline with the stark unreality of this kind of taint.

I would say it turns into some kind of churning, ever growing mound of pigfleshmouths with much the same properties as a chaos beast.. It begins expanding rapidly, and the party does their best to nuke it, where it apparently dies.

What they dont realize is that small particles of the pigbeast are contaminating everything around it, even the grass, and that these changes are not evident immediately. An underground river courses nearby, feeding into a major waterway, which then contaminates the campaign worlds largest kingdom, including the most populous cities.

The effects are subtle, and slow, but horrifying as they begin to unfold. Entire towns are mutated into pulsating masses of feeder blobs. The city of wonders is corrupted into some alien H.G. Geiger orgy of horrendous proportions, something which puts the realms of the Slaad to utter shame, and which even the demons shy away from. The contamination is truly epic, and it is up to the party find a cure. Time travel is going to be a must here. Of course, they face infection at every turn, and many of the gods deem the world a waste, placing the party at its source and requiring their souls as a key to the cleansing process.

This. You did say it was exposed to the RAW ESSENCE OF THE FAR REALMS. The MotP mentions, briefly, a cabal of wizards who managed to make a safe, secure study area in the Realms, protected by immensely powerful magical barriers...they returned with their brains literally full of spiders, yet still functioning as sentient (albeit Far Realms crazy) beings. And that's what happens within an area protected by the spells of an entire cabal of wizards. Exposure to the raw essence should be FAR worse.

BRC
2009-11-26, 10:56 AM
2 words
Rocket Pig.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2009-11-26, 11:14 AM
2 words
Rocket Pig.

2 better words:
Spider Pig

"Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, he's a pig..."

BRC
2009-11-26, 11:19 AM
2 better words:
Spider Pig

"Can he swing from a web?
No he can't, he's a pig..."

Spider Rocket Pig?

Temet Nosce
2009-11-26, 11:22 AM
First off, it causes him to die. His dead body however, smells delicious and it requires will saves to stop from cooking and consuming him. After this, you have a new and much more fun conundrum... What happens to your players after consuming the raw essence of the far realms?

Somewhere
2009-11-26, 11:31 AM
Make it super sane, not unlike the Joker
And dress the pig up like a Victorian era gentleman

BRC
2009-11-26, 11:35 AM
The PC's notice nothing wrong about the pig. It seems perfectly normal to them. Little piggy nose, curly tail, 18 eyes, writhing tentacles, seven mouths babbling a language of madness.

You know, just like them...

Melamoto
2009-11-26, 11:43 AM
You're going to have trouble with the RAW essence of the Far Planes, there really aren't many actual rules about it. You'll just have to go RAI on this one.

On a serious note, the pig would become some kind of abomination. I suggest applying completely random templates to him until he reaches a near epic-epic CR. Allow any kind of templates that actually effect the pig, even if they contradict each other, such as Celestial and Fiendish.

Fastmover
2009-11-26, 12:05 PM
Has anyone ever seen that episode of Zim Alien Invader where they had that nuclear explosion that was moving extremely slow?

have the pig burp and fart time stopped fireballs or growing orbs of fire or something like that. So it just keeps growing and growing until it reaches its limit.

heh

Oslecamo
2009-11-26, 12:31 PM
Best thread I've seen on a while:smallbiggrin:

Now, if I only could find oficial pig stats so I could mutate them...:smallfrown:

Vizzerdrix
2009-11-26, 04:13 PM
I support pig of wonder, but with a twist. If someone scares the piggy, it panics and goes pseudonatural.

hamishspence
2009-11-26, 04:54 PM
Best thread I've seen on a while:smallbiggrin:

Now, if I only could find oficial pig stats so I could mutate them...:smallfrown:

I assumed boar stats were valid for both wild and tame pigs- just as small dog stats can represent a tame terrier or a wild jackal.

erikun
2009-11-26, 05:13 PM
This sounds like a request to apply every known template to the pig and turn it into an NPC.

Zeful
2009-11-26, 05:34 PM
I assumed boar stats were valid for both wild and tame pigs- just as small dog stats can represent a tame terrier or a wild jackal.

Doubly so considering that Pigs can become feral in less than one generation.

avr
2009-11-26, 05:37 PM
Or the pig could remain apparently unaffected & be possessed by the spirit of a mind flayer. A really frustrated and hungry mind flayer ...

FoE
2009-11-26, 05:57 PM
Ever see Princess Mononoke? Go that route.

http://www.onlineghibli.com/mononoke_hime/newimages/DemonBoar.jpg

I suggest crafting a new creature or slapping some kind of "worm-covered" template on the beast.

CockroachTeaParty
2009-11-26, 06:29 PM
"Oh Great and Nameless God of Rage and Hate, I bow before you."

GolemsVoice
2009-11-26, 06:31 PM
I'm trying to find a good picture of The Flesh from the game Stalker. It looks like a good base from whcih to start. I'll take one and post it here. Baically, a flat, deformed head with more eyes thatn necessary, legs ending in insect-like "hoofs", massive, bloated body.

Cedrass
2009-11-26, 06:33 PM
Ever see Princess Mononoke? Go that route.

If you didn't, do it. NOW.

Also, wasn't there a "worm that walks" kind of template? For the Princess Mononoke effect.

Edit: Yes there was! Worms that walks (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/wormThatWalks.htm). Just ignore the requirements, the law of cool is in charge!!

Oslecamo
2009-11-26, 06:46 PM
Who needs to ignore the requirements? Give the Far pig wizard levels!

vampire2948
2009-11-26, 07:09 PM
Advance size to large and stick the abomination template to it? [Epic Level Handbook]

Oslecamo
2009-11-26, 07:14 PM
And the brood spawn template since we're at it, so it can infect others!

Juhn
2009-11-26, 07:17 PM
Wasn't there a Pseudonatural Dire Boar thread not too long ago?

Coidzor
2009-11-26, 07:32 PM
Were-Pseudonatural ManBearPig.

Otherwise it appears normal.

Ubergeek
2009-11-26, 07:41 PM
Regardless of what you decide, the pig needs to look normal, at least at the beginning.

It's going to be much better if the PCs actually have to worry about what's going to happen to it.

Maybe every now and then, the pig will suddenly change, growing an extra eye or a six meter tongue. BUT THE EFFECTS ARE NEVER PERMANENT. By the time the only player that notices it has time to attract the others' attention, the pig is back to normal. Do it to the same person every time, and the rest of the party thinks he's crazy. For example, the pig only changes in front of its normal owner.

But it doesn't stop at cosmetic changes. The power begins to grow it magnitude. Have it start out like the Hog of Wonder, but have the abilities scale with time, and change the visuals accordingly.

Early: The pig burps butterflies and farts fireballs.

Later: A giant mutant tentacle creature crawls out of the pig's back while the room darkens and faux Latin plays in the background.

By the end, it's obviously very far-realm-ish.

But while the pig is the most unstable creature ever created, it's not necessarily evil. Does the party hold onto it, or should they get rid of it? That's for them to decide.

Heliomance
2009-11-26, 08:00 PM
This sounds like a request to apply every known template to the pig and turn it into an NPC.

Make sure its first level is Commoner, and give it the Pig Bond flaw.

Tiki Snakes
2009-11-26, 09:22 PM
Okay, some excellent replies and shockingly for the internet, there is a clear consensus. Pig of Wonder it is.

I'm going to add on; Vizzerdrix's suggestion in combination with a bit of Face of Evil's Princess Mononoke twist. If startled, it assumes it's 'battle form', sprouting (hundreds of) tentacles, growing considerably in size and generally going berserk. The tentacles of course, when the pig calms down, slough off and crawl away like horrible worms.

(I really like the idea of it becomming a tentacled abomination as a defence mechanism.)

Lapak wins too. In order to properly torture the player in question, Piggy is going to be the target of much crazed cult activity, and various pignap plots (either on behalf of said cultists or various factions and speculative planar merchant types).

Really though, props to Serpentine and Sofa-Wall. Apparently Normal Pig of Wonder? Excellent. I could not have conceived of something more well suited to the situation and player/s in question. Thank you.

The rest of you, thanks also. I'll have to see about posting a mini campaign journal or something of a write up after the next session.

Serpentine
2009-11-26, 11:20 PM
Hurrah! I are useful! :smallbiggrin:

Don't forget, the Wonder effects don't have to be as-written. The patterns on the butterfly wings can cause insanity in anyone who pays too much attention to them or they could just be horrifying mockeries of real butterflies, or the Gate effect could always be through the body of the pig, and always to the Far Realms, or instead of blight all plants in the area could be transformed into unnatural diseased tentacled masses, or instead of grass the pig could be covered in small twitching cilia.