I still have family that does not respect my chosen name. What should I do? [Archive]

reorith

2010-01-16, 02:44 AM

my aunts, uncles, and grandmother on fathers side call me by my father's name as if i'm him. sure i resent this and loath ever syllable of it, but they've done this for the past fifteen years and i'm so not like my father it isn't scrubbing funny. i can empathize with you to an extent with the pain of having family members denigrate one's identity. my solution is to just flat out ignore it and even respond to it, sure i'm me and my father was his own individual but if they call my/his name, i have to be the one to respond. you are more than your name, it doesn't matter how they call you.

and if that doesn't work, spend $7.98 on claw hammer and drive the point home.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:46 AM

I would understand how frustrating it can be, but ultimately, I don't really think there's anything you CAN do, except to stop associating with the ones who intentionally refuse to call you your chosen name.

Eh. Sadly I live within a few blocks of ALL my family in the /uS. >_>

May I ask why you changed your name to begin with?

Well, let me put it this way: Just telling you what my old name was and why it was a cultural issue my Hispanic immigrant mother was not aware of might actually get me in trouble here. :/

Strawberries

2010-01-16, 02:49 AM

I feel your pain.
Where I came from, it's a common practice to give children the name of their grandfather/grandmother. Problem is, my grandmother had a truly awful name, and my parents didn't like it, so they chose to call me something else. To this date (25-odd years lather) there are still people in my father's family who call me by a name that was never my name to begin with, because "that is the tradition". It is utterly frustrating but it was worse when I was very little and couldn't understand why they weren't calling me by my name.

As for actual advice, when I was little I flat-out refused to answer to anything other than my name. Fortunatly we don't see those people very often (read: never) now, so it has become a non-issue. Would refusing to answer to your previous name help?

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 02:51 AM

Well, let me put it this way: Just telling you what my old name was and why it was a cultural issue my Hispanic immigrant mother was not aware of might actually get me in trouble here. :/Was your name a swearword or something?

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:52 AM

Wow.

I had no idea so many other people had similar issues. I figured mine would be near unique.

I feel your pain.
Where I came from, it's a common practice to give children the name of their grandfather/grandmother. Problem is, my grandmother had a truly awful name, and my parents didn't like it, so they chose to call me something else. To this date (25-odd years lather) there are still people in my father's family who call me by a name that was never my name to begin with, because "that is the tradition". It is utterly frustrating but it was worse when I was very little and couldn't understand why they weren't calling me by my name.

As for actual advice, when I was little I flat-out refused to answer to anything other than my name. Fortunatly we don't see those people very often (read: never) now, so it has become a non-issue. Would refusing to answer to your previous name help?

One of the reasons I made this thread was because I am considering just that.

Also, may I ask where you came from? That seems much more serious than my issue.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:54 AM

Was your name a swearword or something?

Well, it can be used as a swear word I guess. That, or if you hit your toe against something. LoL.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 02:57 AM

Well, it can be used as a swear word I guess. That, or if you hit your toe against something. LoL.=.=

Damn? 4-letter f-word? C-word? S-word? Racially vilifying word for black person (though why you'd use that if you hit your toe...)? Um... I dunno.
But I really wanna know, now! :smalltongue:

Interesting reason to change your name, though... Did you have it changed legally? What if, in family context, you allowed your original name to be considered a nick name sort of thing? And/or try putting your new name to the family members as a nick-name you prefer over your "real" (to them) name? It'd really just effect your own psychology, but still...

Dienekes

2010-01-16, 03:02 AM

Personally, if my name was a curse I'd probably find it hilarious (mine is an old word for penis, which I'm delightfully proud of, but an actual curse word would have been awesome)

But this is you so, that's out apparently. Really though, let them. Sure family can be annoying about such things, but that's one of families greatest skills. Roll with the punches and all that, introduce yourself by your chosen name to everyone you meet so that's what they know you as and it won't spread but outside getting incredibly angry and yelling at them (making yourself look whiny and insecure in the process) there's not much you can do.

I'd also advice against refusing to answer to them for the same reasons as yelling at them, but it's your life and your name, so go crazy.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 03:05 AM

=.=

Damn? 4-letter f-word? C-word? S-word? Racially vilifying word for black person (though why you'd use that if you hit your toe...)? Um... I dunno.
But I really wanna know, now! :smalltongue:

LoL.

Sorry.

I was named after the deity Jesus.

This kinda emphasizes one of the issues. EVERY week I had at least one argument over the name with either a religious person, a ant-religious person, someone who merely refused to say my name (the proper/English way I prefer as an English speaker), and every semester there was at least one teacher on my case about it.

And since I have had issues here in the past about politics and religion I did not want to say it or the above. >.> ... <.< ... >.>

However, I do occasionally go by the nickname "The Atheist Formally known as Jesus".

Oh, and I gamed for a good long time with another player named Thor. That was fun. :smallbiggrin:

Strawberries

2010-01-16, 03:05 AM

Also, may I ask where you came from? That seems much more serious than my issue.

I'm from Italy, and it isn't actually such a big issue in the country as a whole. In the south of the country (where I'm from) it's somewhat more of a tradition and is considered a nice way to pay homage to the grandparents, but isn't of course seen as mandatory-most people just call their children whatever they wish.
It's just that I am from a very little, very backward, very close-minded little town, and my father's family are very close-minded people, so "a nice tradition to respect if you like" became in their view "law that breaking means disrespecting your grandmother".
As I said, is never been an issue outside that very restrict group of people, and fortunately we don't see them any more

Pika...

2010-01-16, 03:08 AM

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 03:09 AM

Krade

2010-01-16, 03:13 AM

Hmm... with my incredibly patchy understanding of Hispanic naming, the most "controversial" name I can think of is 'Jesus' (Pronounced: Hay-soos [or something like that]). The only problem I can see with that is that most Americans are likely to pronounce the other way.

Of course, I'm probably wrong, so feel free to ignore me.

I wouldn't advise cutting off ties. Family is family, and while I've never had this kind of problem with mine, I doubt it could make me want to cut them out. So far, only one person I'm related to has managed me not wanting to ever interact with them and that was done with expressing racism (any racist is no family of mine).

Edit: Wow, ninja'd hardcore. And I was right:smallbiggrin:

Pika...

2010-01-16, 03:25 AM

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooh. Okay, makes sense. So you prefer to pronounce it with the "hard" J, rather than "hasoos"*? Did your parents intend it that way?
Here, I don't think it'd be all that much of a problem. Probably some double-takes and the occasional, "your parents were religious then, huh?" I can't really imagine anyone starting up religious arguments over your name, though. Not Down Under. But yeah, it's a pretty understandable reason to change your name.
So what's your new one, then, if you don't mind my asking? And have you had it legally changed?

*Or, as I prefer to say it, "Hey, Zeus!"

Yeah, I got Zeus a lot. Hmm...in hindsight perhaps switching names over to another deity would have been amusing.. :smallbiggrin:

And yeah, it was dumb. It's like people getting mad and telling me "No! It's is pronounced Tomato not Tomato!" or "No! Your name is Jesus, NOT Jesus!". One of the most common ways it went, yet one of the most irritating went Me: "Hi. I am *insert my name*.", Her/Him: "No, I will not call you that.".

Are you Australian? I asked because you said down under. If so, trust me when I say the stereotype of their being a lot of backwardness here in the US in terms of this stuff is not wrong sadly. :smallfrown:

And yes, it is all legal. Took a lot of paperwork and About $360-something I believe in getting the paperwork+the court processing fee.

As for my name, thank you for asking. It is Matthias Elven Drake. I got my first name from my first "big boy book" as a kid (Redwall), I have been fascinated by dragons since I can remember. Though my middle name is a bit less well thought out...

You see, I had been thinking about my name change from my second year of high school up until my second year of college when I finally had enough and drove to my local court office to start the process. So even though I had been thinking of my first and last name for years, and I had a good few months of tracking down the needed paperwork, it was not until around two weeks before my court date that I got the sheet I had to fill out and saw the space for the middle name. I was like: :smalleek:

I ended up opening my PHB (3.5 at the time!), and found myself taking a long look at some of my favorite and most memorable art of when I started gaming and in the process changing my life and delving far deeper into my passion for high fantasy. It is in the first few pages under Races. It is the artwork comparing the Elves and Half-Elves to Humans. I have always also loved Elves, and though I appear very Orcish on the outside I have always felt a yearning for an Elvish style of being. So Elven ended up being my middle name.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 03:34 AM

Yeah, I got Zeus a lot. Hmm...in hindsight perhaps switching names over to another deity would have been amusing.. :smallbiggrin:YUS! I recomment Apollo, or if you want to go with a similar sort of religious figure, Mithras.

One of the most common ways it went, yet one of the most irritating went Me: "Hi. I am *insert my name*.", Her/Him: "No, I will not call you that.".Lame. The closest I get to that is people refusing to accept that my name is not Jessica.

Are you Australian? I asked because you said down under.Yup. The closest you'd get to the above aggravation is people trying to show how knowledgable about the background you must have, or semi-feigning interest in it. And then making assumptions behind your back. "Jesus" and "God" just aren't automatically taboo here, in my experience (at least in context).

And yes, it is all legal. Took a lot of paperwork and About $360-something I believe in getting the paperwork+the court processing fee.Got a copy of the paperwork? Next time they say something about it not being your real name, just throw that at them. Get several copies, and you can literally throw it. I keep a copy of my birth certificate around for pretty much this purpose. Showing, not throwing.

As for my name, thank you for asking. It is Matthias Elven Drake.Weeeeeeell... To be honest, outside of our sort of group, that sort of response to the latter two names is reasonably understandable :smalltongue: Why'd you have to change your other names, though? I can see that that could be annoying, baffling or even hurtful to the rest of your family. But, on the other hand, they don't have to call you by your full name, do they?

Ichneumon

2010-01-16, 03:34 AM

I'm sorry, but why do people refuse to call you Jesus? I mean, it's just a name. Jesus was called Jesus too, only because he was named Jesus, right? I can understand react to it weirdly and make remarks, but refusing to call you that... I don't understand.

sofawall

2010-01-16, 03:43 AM

I got my first name from my first "big boy book" as a kid (Redwall)

So my first thought upon reading your name was right...

Pika...

2010-01-16, 03:54 AM

YUS! I recomment Apollo, or if you want to go with a similar sort of religious figure, Mithras.

LoL.

Well, if I wanted to fit my personality I would probably choose one like Loki. Maybe even go as far as Zagyg in honor of a special hero in my life.

Cegorach (Aka The Great Fool) of the Harlequins also entertains me, but that one is far to obscure.

Lame. The closest I get to that is people refusing to accept that my name is not Jessica.

Hmm. That seems like an interesting story.

What is your name if you do not mind me asking?

Yup. The closest you'd get to the above aggravation is people trying to show how knowledgable about the background you must have, or semi-feigning interest in it. And then making assumptions behind your back. "Jesus" and "God" just aren't automatically taboo here, in my experience (at least in context).

Would have been nice to grow up there with that name. :/

Got a copy of the paperwork? Next time they say something about it not being your real name, just throw that at them. Get several copies, and you can literally throw it. I keep a copy of my birth certificate around for pretty much this purpose. Showing, not throwing.

Well, I can always make photocopies.

That, or just fill up a notepad with Matthias on each page that I carry around. :smallbiggrin:

Love the idea!

Weeeeeeell... To be honest, outside of our sort of group, that sort of response to the latter two names is reasonably understandable :smalltongue: Why'd you have to change your other names, though? I can see that that could be annoying, baffling or even hurtful to the rest of your family. But, on the other hand, they don't have to call you by your full name, do they?

They never say my last name (most can not even pronounce the second one).

As for why Ic hanged those? Let's just say the xxxx (male organ) I rode in on did not deserve that I carry his name for the rest of my life, and then pass his last name onto my children.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 03:58 AM

Hmm. That seems like an interesting story.

What is your name if you do not mind me asking?Jessie. All too often, I have this conversation, especially on the phone:
"Hi, my name's Jessie [X] and I'm calling for [Y]."
"Okay Jessica, if we could just..."
":smallsigh:"

Well, I can always make photocopies.

That, or just fill up a notepad with Matthias on each page that I carry around. :smallbiggrin:I reckon photocopies of the official document would be best.
As for why Ic hanged those? Let's just say the xxxx (male organ) I rode in on did not deserve that I carry his name for the rest of my life, and then pass his last name onto my children.Also a good reason, but what about your mother's name?

Don Julio Anejo

2010-01-16, 04:12 AM

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 04:16 AM

Hey, Pika. I thought, originally, that you must've changed your name cuz of transexuality. The bolded "his" in the first post, in particular, suggested this. Now that it's established that that's not the reason, why is the "his" bolded?

And Don: He knows. Thus the "xxxx" where "penis-euphamism" would be, rather than "**** :smallwink: :smalltongue:"

Dallas-Dakota

2010-01-16, 04:30 AM

Jessie. All too often, I have this conversation, especially on the phone:
"Hi, my name's Jessie
You should find a boyfriend/ good friend who is named James.
And then have a cat toghetter and name him Meowth.

Though this one might be getting a tad old for you. ><
:smallamused:

Purple Rose

2010-01-16, 04:31 AM

I thought the same thine about the bolded "his," Serpentine. I can definitely relate on this one. I've been trying for some time to get people to acknowledge my chosen name.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 04:48 AM

You should find a boyfriend/ good friend who is named James.
And then have a cat toghetter and name him Meowth.

Though this one might be getting a tad old for you. ><
:smallamused:I used to sit next to a boy called Jesse James in grade 4. Also, Jesse James was an American... what's a US bushranger, again? One of those, anyway, before Pokemon was even thought of :smalltongue:

Purple Rose

2010-01-16, 05:00 AM

Cowboy, Serpentine. Or gunslinger. Jesse James was a gun-slinging desperado.

skywalker

2010-01-16, 05:04 AM

So wait, your mom named you "hey-zeus," but you're not a primary-Spanish speaker, so you liked to pronounce your name "gee-zus," which ticked people off, so you changed it? I'm having a hard time following here.

Anyway, I think first you need to acknowledge that you are not what anyone else calls you. You aren't even really what you call yourself. Tho you may call yourself Matthias, you aren't, really. "Matthias" can't possibly describe you. So really, these things called names are just convenient representative labels for a much larger entity that no one name could contain, nor could thousands of labels ever hope to describe. Neither are you Matthias, nor a man, nor "formerly known as Jesus," nor any of those other things. Seeking to put a label on yourself is self-defeating, putting one on another can be downright cruel. But either way, you shouldn't let it affect you. You are who you are. You are not the label that you or anyone else puts on you.

Failing all that existential (or similar, suitable descriptor) crap aside, I would recommend telling them, simply "I don't like that name. It has been involved in a lot of pain and strife for me in the past, which is why I chose my current name. Please use the current name, since the old one hurts me." Also, cutting family members some slack can be helpful. My girlfriend actually told me right before I met her parents that she changed her name 3 years ago (altho not legally) when she got to college. She warned me of this because her parents still use the old one, and she didn't want to shock me, but she is accepting their use of it because that was her name to them for 17-18 years. Old habits being hard to break and all of that...

I used to sit next to a boy called Jesse James in grade 4. Also, Jesse James was an American... what's a US bushranger, again? One of those, anyway, before Pokemon was even thought of :smalltongue:

My great grandfather and his brothers were named Frank, Jesse, and Howard after "old family friends." Howard was, of course, an alias used by Jesse at some point or other.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 05:04 AM

No, that's not the word I'm thinking of, I'm sure of it...

Looks like it's just "outlaw". How dull.

Totally Guy

2010-01-16, 05:09 AM

And yeah, it was dumb. It's like people getting mad and telling me "No! It's is pronounced Tomato not Tomato!" or "No! Your name is Jesus, NOT Jesus!". One of the most common ways it went, yet one of the most irritating went Me: "Hi. I am *insert my name*.", Her/Him: "No, I will not call you that.".

This exact same thing was said to me by a Playgrounder at one of our meet ups.

The name was Gianni (pronounced Janni). And people would correct him to Gee-ani. But that's not his name.

I've also had a friend change name due to gender transition. At first I got cross because because only his husband would correct us which made it feel like it wasn't coming from the right individual... That went away quickly enough but then we had to get pronouns right which started the cycle again, but more recently, after testosterone started, we all get it right because he's able to stick up for himself. Usually.

Icewalker

2010-01-16, 05:17 AM

Could be worse, I have a friend who's still having some trouble with people calling him by the correct gender identity now that he's changed, and due to choice and refusal to adapt, rather than mistake as they get used to it. His father did that for a while, but has recently corrected it.

I think the best thing to do is just to stress what you are using as your name when the opportunity arises, but not to go out of your way to point it out or correct them. Just always introduce yourself, and when referring to yourself, use your real (new) name rather than your old name, and just hope they catch on/accept it eventually. Confronting them will probably cause more trouble than it's worth.

Maybe shoot some dirty glances. :smalltongue:

Purple Rose

2010-01-16, 05:23 AM

Alternatively, start referring to yourself entirely in the third person. Before you know it, people using the right name will be the least of your problems. :smallbiggrin: :smalltongue: :smallwink:

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 05:32 AM

Also ignore 'em 'til they use the right name. And feign confusion.

"And this is my cousin, Jesus."
"Who? Me? No, Matthias. Silly cousin, forgetting your own cousin's name. Nice to meet you."

horngeek

2010-01-16, 05:47 AM

If it had been me in that situation, I would have changed my name to Joshua.

Which is the Hebrew form of the Greek name Jesus. :smalltongue:

Boo

2010-01-16, 06:46 AM

No, that's not the word I'm thinking of, I'm sure of it...

Looks like it's just "outlaw". How dull.

It's "Highwayman". They're the European versions of bushmen. In this case, Robin Hood and the Scarlet Pimpernel were such. Or... was Percy a highwayman? I've forgotten...

@Pika... : Yay! Redwall! Good luck with all that.

Kale Fangblade

2010-01-16, 07:49 AM

Jessie. All too often, I have this conversation, especially on the phone:
"Hi, my name's Jessie [X] and I'm calling for [Y]."
"Okay Jessica, if we could just..."
":smallsigh:"

I have a similar problem with my first name: Christy, people always end up either spelling it wrong (i.e. Christie, which in Britain is the female version), or asking me to spell it form them and which then leads to a lengthy discussion on how and why I was given that name.
Which sadly is then followed by the fact that I speak rather quickly and occasionally slur my words, which can lead to be people beliving that my last name is something different from what it is... (One of my friends at sixthform believed for a whole six months that my last name was 'Goddard' and i've had 'Godbert' written on forms before by people...)

Oddly enough on the Pokemon front, I had a friend who's cat was actually named Meowth... sadly he was Jay and not James and his girlfriend was a Leanne.

As for the whole Jesus thing, im religious, and I don't find that at all offensive though I understand why you got a lot of trouble from the anti-religious. Its just a name after all and it wasn't meant with religious connotations, If people get upset about you being called Jesus, just wait until they find out that it was the second most popular name after Joseph back then...

Thes Hunter

2010-01-16, 08:49 AM

Dude, totally understandable why you changed your name. Screw anyone who doesn't understand.

I am sure it will be hard, with such a close knit community, but don't respond to anyone who doesn't call you by your new/and true name.

They will learn eventually, and if they can't that means, They are the stupid ones.

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 08:52 AM

Have you considered trying to get them to call you "Jess" instead?

Asta Kask

2010-01-16, 08:55 AM

Have you considered trying to get them to call you "Jess" instead?

"Never give up! Never surrender!"

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 08:56 AM

"Never give up! Never surrender!"

:smallconfused:

Boo

2010-01-16, 09:12 AM

GALAXY QUEST AHOY! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Galaxy_Quest)

Prime32

2010-01-16, 10:00 AM

If it had been me in that situation, I would have changed my name to Joshua.

Which is the Hebrew form of the Greek name Jesus. :smalltongue:This is exactly what I was going to say (or just "Josh"). It's not too outlandish or different from your original name, so it shouldn't cause much trouble.

Heck, everyone calls my father by a similar variant of his real name, which he only uses on documents, and neither of them are unusual names.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 10:01 AM

Yay Galaxy Quest!
Have you considered trying to get them to call you "Jess" instead?I prefer being called Jessie, especially by strangers. Even if I did call myself Jess, they'd be at least as likely to still insist on calling me Jessica, which just flat-out isn't my name. My mother doesn't like being called "Ros" unless it's by someone she knows well, either, and it annoys the bajeebus out of her when she gets called that without her permission.

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 10:37 AM

Yay Galaxy Quest!I prefer being called Jessie, especially by strangers. Even if I did call myself Jess, they'd be at least as likely to still insist on calling me Jessica, which just flat-out isn't my name. My mother doesn't like being called "Ros" unless it's by someone she knows well, either, and it annoys the bajeebus out of her when she gets called that without her permission.

I was talking to Pika.

blackfox

2010-01-16, 10:54 AM

(DISCLAIMER: Not the kindest of solutions, but gets the point across.)

If someone calls you by your birth name, knowing that that is not that name that you would prefer to be called, don't answer them. Don't acknowledge that they are calling your name. Introduce yourself only as Matthias, even when someone else introduces you as Jesus. Shake the person's hand and say 'My name is Matthias, nice to meet you.'

Eventually, your family will figure out that if they want to get your attention, they'll have to use your chosen name.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 10:55 AM

But Jess relates properly to neither Jesus nor Matthias :smallconfused: At least, I've never heard Jess as a contraction of Jesus...

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 11:00 AM

But Jess relates properly to neither Jesus nor Matthias :smallconfused: At least, I've never heard Jess as a contraction of Jesus...
It was all I could think of, okay?

ScottishDragon

2010-01-16, 11:29 AM

LoL.

Well, if I wanted to fit my personality I would probably choose one like Loki. Maybe even go as far as Zagyg in honor of a special hero in my life.

Cegorach (Aka The Great Fool) of the Harlequins also entertains me, but that one is far to obscure.

if they make fun of you now imagine if you switched to one of these.

Coidzor

2010-01-16, 01:13 PM

As for my name, thank you for asking. It is Matthias Elven Drake. I got my first name from my first "big boy book" as a kid (Redwall), I have been fascinated by dragons since I can remember. Though my middle name is a bit less well thought out...

And you don't stop to consider that they'd think you exchanging the rest of your name for THAT as an insult? I mean, changing your surname while still living amongst your family alone is... Ice Cold.

I mean, at the very least you're supposed to move away before you do that.

Moff Chumley

2010-01-16, 01:27 PM

Agreed with Coidzor, to be honest. First name is fine, but you do have to think about other people's reactions...

Thajocoth

2010-01-16, 01:30 PM

I changed my middle and last name when I turned 18.

This was because, at around 5, I (and my mother) left my biological father and his whole side of the family. My mother remarried, and I was using the new middle and last name since about 3rd grade. The last name is the same as my mom's dad's and brother's now. My middle name was a change from "Donal", which was my biological father's first name, and required a lot of repetition for people to understand what I just said my middle name was, to "Daniel", a similar name that people know is a name and, thusly, don't need to ask "what?" 9 times followed by "how do you spell that?". I never had a problem with a lack of acceptance of my name change.

Though now, my parents divorced and are both seeing other people. My mom might wind up marrying again, changing her name again, and my brother, who's transgender, has said that he plans on changing his entire name (including last name), when he becomes a woman. I don't see my dad that often (we grab some pizza, like, once a month), and my mom is really the only person I've ever been able to look up to or go to for... anything ever, really. So... I really have no idea what I'm going to do or not do with my name in the future. I've thought of taking whatever last name my mom does, to continue to match with her, which could be either her maiden name or her current boyfriend's last name... Or switching even to her maiden name if she takes her boyfriend's last name... Or just allowing my last name to be meaningless, as it ceases to really mean anything regarding family.

-----

Initially, I thought you only changed your first name. In that case, your family would be being completely unreasonable... But changing your last name is like saying "I'm not part of this family anymore." I can understand them being insulted by that. Personally, I wouldn't mind, (my brother will be doing this when he becomes my sister), but I can also understand why they'd ignore the change.

Tengu_temp

2010-01-16, 01:40 PM

Have you considered trying to get them to call you "Jess" instead?

Why should he try to reach a compromise with people who are jerks and refuse to call him by his chosen name?

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 01:41 PM

Initially, I thought you only changed your first name. In that case, your family would be being completely unreasonable... But changing your last name is like saying "I'm not part of this family anymore." I can understand them being insulted by that. Personally, I wouldn't mind, but I can also understand why they'd ignore the change.

I have to agree, you expect them to NOT be insulted with you changing your last name?

Gamerlord

2010-01-16, 01:42 PM

Why should he try to reach a compromise with people who are jerks and refuse to call him by his chosen name?

It is better then nothing.

Tengu_temp

2010-01-16, 01:48 PM

It is better then nothing.

Not really. They are still not calling him by his chosen name, and if he can convince them to call him by some nickname, then with just a bit more effort he can convince them to use his chosen name too.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 01:49 PM

Jessie. All too often, I have this conversation, especially on the phone:
"Hi, my name's Jessie [X] and I'm calling for [Y]."
"Okay Jessica, if we could just..."
":smallsigh:"

I am sorry to hear that. But for some reason I just love your name as is. Very pretty, and sadly not very common.

Also a good reason, but what about your mother's name?

You mean her last name?

Well, again I have been amazed by dragons since I can remember remembering. They are my totem animal/creature if you will.

Also, I am assimilated into the main American culture. I have very little contact with the Hispanic culture aside from my family, and after my mother and grandmother die I do not expect to have any aside from friends here and there. Hence I wanted a more Caucasian/Western/Whatever sounding last name.

Plus, if my family ever gets around to making that family tree book I will be getting my own personally founded branch.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 01:54 PM

Interesting. Until you told use your name was Jesus, I thought your name was Richard and people insisted on using the short form... :amused:

BTW the short form is filtered on this forum :smallbiggrin:

Nah, I don't think Hispanics use that name. :smallbiggrin:

Hey, Pika. I thought, originally, that you must've changed your name cuz of transexuality. The bolded "his" in the first post, in particular, suggested this. Now that it's established that that's not the reason, why is the "his" bolded?

And Don: He knows. Thus the "xxxx" where "penis-euphamism" would be, rather than "**** :smallwink: :smalltongue:"

The fact that people have the nerve to tell someone else what their name is has always aggravated me.

Like when natural Hispanics get upset at me for not "feeling pride for your/my culture", then keep asking me where my mother/parents are from until I give up and tell them just to hear the predictable "You are xxxxx *insert mother's birth country*"! The nerve of them gets to me, since they usually don't know me for more than a few minutes. More than once I have wanted to swing at said people.

You should find a boyfriend/ good friend who is named James.
And then have a cat toghetter and name him Meowth.

Though this one might be getting a tad old for you. ><
:smallamused:

Meowth, that's right!

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:02 PM

So wait, your mom named you "hey-zeus," but you're not a primary-Spanish speaker, so you liked to pronounce your name "gee-zus," which ticked people off, so you changed it? I'm having a hard time following here.

It boggles the mind I know. Hence my Tomato/Tomato comparison.

Anyway, I think first you need to acknowledge that you are not what anyone else calls you. You aren't even really what you call yourself. Tho you may call yourself Matthias, you aren't, really. "Matthias" can't possibly describe you. So really, these things called names are just convenient representative labels for a much larger entity that no one name could contain, nor could thousands of labels ever hope to describe. Neither are you Matthias, nor a man, nor "formerly known as Jesus," nor any of those other things. Seeking to put a label on yourself is self-defeating, putting one on another can be downright cruel. But either way, you shouldn't let it affect you. You are who you are. You are not the label that you or anyone else puts on you.

Well, there is also a stronger meaning behind that chosen name.

Let's just say with my learning disability I would probably still be illiterate and most likely never went on to do so well in High School/later Middle School or now in college if it was not for that book. It is currently in a display case in my bedroom away from direct sunlight. I have been wanting to write the author for years, but I am not sure how or if he is still alive.

So my first thought upon reading your name was right...

Hahaha. After all this time someone else finally got the reference. :smallbiggrin:

Castaras

2010-01-16, 02:03 PM

*twitch* *twitch* Edit button...<.<

Crimmy

2010-01-16, 02:05 PM

You're not gonna make them get over that if they're too thick-headed to understand that you simply do not dig and/or disagree with your name.

I would go for something a bit more sarcastic and maybe a bit more stingy, like: "Oh, you talking to me, or that other guy called [insert original name here]?"

Maybe you can call them other names, always. When they retort back, saying they don't like those names, you can tell them then: "Neither do I like my own, so quit calling me that!"

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:08 PM

*twitch* *twitch* Edit button...<.<

Oops, sorry. Still half asleep. And now I can not delete them.... >_>

Alternatively, start referring to yourself entirely in the third person. Before you know it, people using the right name will be the least of your problems. :smallbiggrin: :smalltongue: :smallwink:

Also ignore 'em 'til they use the right name. And feign confusion.

"And this is my cousin, Jesus."
"Who? Me? No, Matthias. Silly cousin, forgetting your own cousin's name. Nice to meet you."

I LOVE these! So going to do them.

And you don't stop to consider that they'd think you exchanging the rest of your name for THAT as an insult? I mean, changing your surname while still living amongst your family alone is... Ice Cold.

I mean, at the very least you're supposed to move away before you do that.

Agreed with Coidzor, to be honest. First name is fine, but you do have to think about other people's reactions...

Why exactly?

For some strange reason my mother kept my "sperm donor's" last name, and kept it for me and my siblings. Our family doesn't care much for the guy either (though not as strongly as myself admittedly). I have not evens spoken to a member of my sperm donor's family in a good few years.

IsaacTheHungry

2010-01-16, 02:21 PM

I have been wanting to write the author for years, but I am not sure how or if he is still alive.

Hahaha. After all this time someone else finally got the reference. :smallbiggrin:

He is still alive and writing Redwall books, plus he did a cartoon on PBS following redwall and mattimao (i think i spelled that wrong), i can lend you a couple (i could lend you the whole lot if i was at home in VA)

anyway, have you tried sitting down and just talking frank with them about you fealings regarding the situation?

MethosH

2010-01-16, 02:25 PM

Was your name "Holy Jesus"?
I love guessing games! :smalltongue:

Anyway... Why don't you change your name (again) to "Max Power"! Homer Simpson did it and turned out just fine :smallbiggrin:

But seriously, you should make a trip to brazil and see some names we have down here... Some people are actually REALLY creative.

Some names:

Madenusa (Comes from Made in USA)
Usanavi (Comes from USA Navy)
Rolando Escada Baixo (It means, literaly, Rolling down the stairs)
II Guerreiro Caju (Means "Second Caju Warrior"! Caju is fruit, i'm not sure the name in english)
Indio Brasileiro (That's his FULL name... it maens "Brazillian Indian")
Um dois três da Silva Quatro (It means "One two three da silva four")

I'm not joking! We even have a law that gives the guy in the registry power to deny a name for the baby if he thinks its going to be a problem in the persons life!

Sneak

2010-01-16, 02:25 PM

When they call you Jesus, just call them Abernathy, and when they look confused, say, "What? I thought this was call your family members by the wrong name day."

Seriously, though, I can understand why they're upset. First of all, it is difficult to adjust to calling someone a new name after years of calling them another. It just feels weird. And your parents/whoever named you might feel betrayed by the fact that you're getting rid of the name they gave you.

Changing your last name, especially while still living with your family, is, as others have noted, pretty harsh. I can definitely understand why they're upset about that. Not only does it mean you're trying to separate yourself from your family, but it also sounds like you're trying to separate yourself from your entire cultural heritage. They might take offense with that.

Also, the "Elven" as your middle name might bother them—they probably think it signifies that you're just changing your name on a whim, as someone might change his or her name of facebook. They probably think that when you're 90 years old, you're not going to want "Elven" as your middle name anymore—it's just a temporary thing. So they're not taking it seriously.

Just try to be patient and explain to them how you feel and why you changed your name, instead of just getting frustrated and angry with them. It's a big change, and it's not just difficult for you. Try to think of it from their perspective as well.

All the best.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 02:29 PM

He is still alive and writing Redwall books, plus he did a cartoon on PBS following redwall and mattimao (i think i spelled that wrong), i can lend you a couple (i could lend you the whole lot if i was at home in VA)

anyway, have you tried sitting down and just talking frank with them about you fealings regarding the situation?

Really?

I guess I should try it before it is too late and I end up regretting it. :/

But then, what are the odds he will actually read them? he must get a lot of fan mail.

And maybe a good long sit-down could help, but if me annoyingly/slightly angrily saying "Jesus is dead and buried. He is not here." won't do it I somewhat doubt it.

Let's just say I understand why older cultures allowed people to pick their own names later on in life. It feels like a whole other level of meaning.

Plus for me it was sort of a new beginning in my life. Though it will not truly start until I got my degree and leave/disappear like I plan.

IsaacTheHungry

2010-01-16, 02:55 PM

And maybe a good long sit-down could help, but if me annoyingly/slightly angrily saying "Jesus is dead and buried. He is not here." won't do it I somewhat doubt it.

i disagree with you there. Angrily saying something like "Jesus is dead and buried" is very confrontational and i have seen it do a LOT of damage to relationships between people. While it is sometime necessary to be that blunt and harsh (and i understand that them not listening starts to just get plain annoying) i recommended the serous talk. It can get them thinking with their minds instead of their emotions and it can help them understand that this name changing is not a phase of you rebelling against them but something that has truly bothered you and want to change permanently in your life

PS check out www.Redwall.org

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-01-16, 03:18 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your family, but I have nothing to add that hasn't already been said on that front. I like the not responding to your original name approach myself, but it seems like it might get tiresome to you as well as them after a while. (Though I suppose getting called the wrong name would too, so...)

About Brian Jaques, (author of Redwall), he was my favorite author for quite some time. He is still quite alive, and I'm sure would be very pleased to get a letter from you. I recommend it, especially since he made such a big difference in your life.

(Obligatory bragging: I got meet him, and he signed my copy of Redwall. :smallbiggrin:)

Mando Knight

2010-01-16, 03:22 PM

Angrily saying something like "Jesus is dead and buried" is very confrontational and i have seen it do a LOT of damage to relationships between people.

*Understatement Alert*
When a statement is a direct challenge of someone's religion, it's nothing but confrontational. If you expect it to remain a civil discussion afterward, stop and take a couple dozen credit hours of persuasive discourse classes first.

Sanguine

2010-01-16, 03:24 PM

*Understatement Alert*
When a statement is a direct challenge of someone's religion, it's nothing but confrontational. If you expect it to remain a civil discussion afterward, stop and take a couple dozen credit hours of persuasive discourse classes first.

I'm pretty sure he wasn't reffering to th religous figure, but rather his old self before he changed his name. Just my two copper pieces.

Pika...

2010-01-16, 03:30 PM

*Understatement Alert*
When a statement is a direct challenge of someone's religion, it's nothing but confrontational. If you expect it to remain a civil discussion afterward, stop and take a couple dozen credit hours of persuasive discourse classes first.

What?! O.o

Um, I was Jesus. More precisely the Jesus in question, which was never misunderstood.

ps. Or to be more exact my past/dead/etc self which I myself laid to rest/hit over the head with a shovel and buried.

pss. Now do more people see some of the issues with that name in the USI?

IsaacTheHungry

2010-01-16, 03:30 PM

I'm pretty sure he wasn't reffering to th religous figure, but rather his old self before he changed his name. Just my two copper pieces.

yes, Jesus was his name, always read the context first :smalleek:

PS Mando's first sentence mostly still stands

Trog

2010-01-16, 03:51 PM

Like when natural Hispanics get upset at me for not "feeling pride for your/my culture", then keep asking me where my mother/parents are from until I give up and tell them just to hear the predictable "You are xxxxx *insert mother's birth country*"! The nerve of them gets to me, since they usually don't know me for more than a few minutes. More than once I have wanted to swing at said people.
If it helps at all, it is my understanding that the children of immigrants often feel the need to assimilate and have more of a tendency to reject their heritage in an effort to fit in. And then the next generation usually tries to reconnect back to it. So I don't think your reaction to your culture is anything unusual but then again no matter what the case there will always be people who do not agree with your decisions... that's just life.

Mando Knight

2010-01-16, 03:53 PM

Hm, yes... I apologize. It's still excessively confrontational to tell the family that your old name is dead and gone rather than politely requesting that they refer to you by a name that makes you less uncomfortable.

And whatever you do, don't point at them, drop your voice a couple of octaves, and tell them "That name is of no importance to me any more."

Solaris

2010-01-16, 04:51 PM

It's "Highwayman". They're the European versions of bushmen. In this case, Robin Hood and the Scarlet Pimpernel were such. Or... was Percy a highwayman? I've forgotten...

I'd go with outlaws, considering the rogues in question were Americans.
Of course, considering they were Americans, pretty much any term would therefor suit... hm.

Why exactly?

For some strange reason my mother kept my "sperm donor's" last name, and kept it for me and my siblings. Our family doesn't care much for the guy either (though not as strongly as myself admittedly). I have not evens spoken to a member of my sperm donor's family in a good few years.

It's not your sperm donor's last name anymore, it's your mother's and your siblings' surname. You see whatever it was as aberrant, but they see changing to Drake as aberrant.

Seriously, though, I can understand why they're upset. First of all, it is difficult to adjust to calling someone a new name after years of calling them another. It just feels weird. And your parents/whoever named you might feel betrayed by the fact that you're getting rid of the name they gave you.

Changing your last name, especially while still living with your family, is, as others have noted, pretty harsh. I can definitely understand why they're upset about that. Not only does it mean you're trying to separate yourself from your family, but it also sounds like you're trying to separate yourself from your entire cultural heritage. They might take offense with that.

Just thought that bore repeating. You understand what we're saying, yes? If my brother told me that he was changing his name to something that, with all due respect, looks like it was chosen because it sounded cool (especially Elven, but dead horses), I'd smack him upside the head and continue to call him "Alex". I'd be doubly pissed if he decided to change his surname. It's basically saying "I no longer wish to be part of this family, nor do I want to have anything to do with those who bore the name. You are strangers to me." I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it that way, but that's what I'd - and I assume your family - picked up off that.
Before we get into that, it's not the same with a girl changing her name when she's getting married. That's an old, longstanding tradition in our culture, and it's not so much the girl leaving her old family as it is joining another.

But then, what are the odds he will actually read them? he must get a lot of fan mail.

Significantly better if you write than if you don't write, I'd wager.

Hm, yes... I apologize. It's still excessively confrontational to tell the family that your old name is dead and gone rather than politely requesting that they refer to you by a name that makes you less uncomfortable.

And whatever you do, don't point at them, drop your voice a couple of octaves, and tell them "That name is of no importance to me any more."

You mean, "That name no longer has any meaning for me!"
Raspy breathing optional.

Prime32

2010-01-16, 05:23 PM

Be honest Pika, are you doing this so that if there's a thread on elves you can come in and say "Elven is my middle name"? :smalltongue:

But more seriously, while I wouldn't bat an eyelid at the name "Jesus", my reaction to finding that someone's name was "Elven Drake" would be :smallconfused:. Others could be worse and think that you believe yourself to be an elf. That's a barrier in, say, employment, that you could do without. Leaving out the "Elven" part would take it safely out of Awesome McCoolname (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AwesomeMcCoolname) territory - maybe you could replace it with something which means elf, and still have a subtle reference.

...alright, I admit I'd find it easier to call someone "Matt" in public than "Jesus"... so if I had met you I would ask if I could call you Josh. :smalltongue:

Pyrian

2010-01-16, 07:59 PM

Dagnabit you linked TVTropes and now I'm stuck again. :smallannoyed:

Tequila Sunrise

2010-01-16, 08:12 PM

Pick your battles, dude. If it's really important to you, you're going to have to commit to it. If you do, I'd second the not-answering-to-Jesus suggestion. Don't argue about it, just tell everyone that you won't be responding it it anymore.

I'll also second the warning about your family and potential employers: if your last name is a serious issue with them, consider using your family name with them. Unless you're going into an artistic field in a city known for eccentricity (New York, Los Angeles, San Fransisco), having such an unusual last name will definitely close doors for you. And with the economy as craptastic as it is, you want as many open doors as you can get.

I had a russian friend in school whose last name was Tcherkosov. Since school, he's started introducing himself as Dimitri Smith because he got tired of helping people pronounce Tcherkosov.

Also, I never found that thread where you explain your avatar.

Solaris

2010-01-16, 08:34 PM

Dagnabit you linked TVTropes and now I'm stuck again. :smallannoyed:

I still haven't found my way out. >_<

Maximum Zersk

2010-01-16, 08:55 PM

Fun Fact: In some eastern countries, people will name their kids Isa. (The Arabic Name for Jesus.)

Though, since it has a bit different significance here, maybe that's why it's not so common...

Prime32

2010-01-16, 09:17 PM

Isa. (The Arabic Name for Jesus.)Huh. The Irish is Íosa (ee-uh-sa).

I've heard of plenty of French people named Jésus.

Mando Knight

2010-01-16, 09:40 PM

Fun Fact: In some eastern countries, people will name their kids Isa. (The Arabic Name for Jesus.)

Though, since it has a bit different significance here, maybe that's why it's not so common...

Even more fun fact: many Americans name their children Joshua, a derivative of Y'shua (יהושע‎), which is...

Jesus in Hebrew. "Jesus" is actually just the same name but run through two sets of alphabets--an Anglicized transliteration of the Hellenized transliteration of יהושע‎.

What it means is simple enough: "Yahweh saves/is salvation." It's a common name among many nations that have Judeo-Christian or Islamic roots because of both Jesus of Nazareth and Joshua, son of Nun, Moses' successor sharing that same root-name.

RandomNPC

2010-01-16, 09:48 PM

I'm going to second the claw hammer for under ten dollars idea, but my family knows if I commit to something i'm in no way kidding.

I know the name thing, I live in the US but people think i've got mob ties. If I were to introduce myself in Italy I'd litterally be saying "Hello I'm Tim the Assassin" as if Tim the Enchanter wasn't enough to hear about in highschool, at least it sounds awesome.

Anyway, I'd seriously sugest going completely non-responsive to the name, then possibly tossing all kinds of deity based names at them when you talk to them. I could picture it now.

"Oh, I'm sorry Shiva, I didn't realize you were talking to me. by the way tell uncle Odin I said hi."

Ok I'm going to start doing this anyway.

Serpentine

2010-01-16, 10:52 PM

I had a russian friend in school whose last name was Tcherkosov. Since school, he's started introducing himself as Dimitri Smith because he got tired of helping people pronounce Tcherkosov.A friend of mine at uni of... Sri Lankan origin, I think, put his last name as "Longbottom" or something like that in my phone and wouldn't tell me what it really was because it was too much effort getting me to pronounce it properly. When I eventually found it out (yay Facebook!) I didn't really have any trouble with it, though I had to go over it a couple of times first.
Kanagasabapathy. Karthigayan Kanagasabapathy.
I think I even spelled it right...
edit: I got a single letter wrong in the first name. Replace the first "a" for an "e".

Pika, it's someone on your mother's side who you're having trouble with, right? If that's the case, I think that if you're having any problems with your mother or sibling/s, you need to sit down and talk to them about exactly why you've changed your name, and that it doesn't mean you're trying to distance yourself from them or that you're any less their family. The cousin, it is also worth sitting and talking to, but you don't have to worry so much about the family thing unless they're concerned about your mother and siblings. But still tell them, ernestly and honestly, that this is your name now, and that it's hurtful that they insist on ignoring it. Maybe, if the main problem is your middle and surnames, remind them that they never actually have to use those ones. Then, if they still insist on ignoring your wishes, just ignore them anytime they use your old name.

Sneak

2010-01-16, 11:29 PM

I'll also second the warning about your family and potential employers: if your last name is a serious issue with them, consider using your family name with them. Unless you're going into an artistic field in a city known for eccentricity (New York, Los Angeles, San Fransisco), having such an unusual last name will definitely close doors for you. And with the economy as craptastic as it is, you want as many open doors as you can get.

I don't think Drake is that unusual a last name. There have been tons of Drakes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drake) Sir Francis Drake, for one.

Elven, on the other hand, might be a definite turnoff. Although I'm not sure if you have to give your middle name out to potential employers or not—I'm only 16, so I've never really been in the job market.

toasty

2010-01-17, 12:36 AM

I don't think Drake is that unusual a last name. There have been tons of Drakes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drake) Sir Francis Drake, for one.

Elven, on the other hand, might be a definite turnoff. Although I'm not sure if you have to give your middle name out to potential employers or not—I'm only 16, so I've never really been in the job market.

I know very few of my college applications asked for my middle name. Actually that was rather irritating since I go by my middle name, not my first name. Not sure, however, how employers work, since I've never actually been employed. :smalltongue:

Coidzor

2010-01-17, 12:46 AM

I know very few of my college applications asked for my middle name. Actually that was rather irritating since I go by my middle name, not my first name. Not sure, however, how employers work, since I've never actually been employed. :smalltongue:

Why? :smallconfused: You have to fill out your legal first name for all kinds of paperwork anyway.

skywalker

2010-01-17, 12:50 AM

Madenusa (Comes from Made in USA)

Interesting/funny side comment: A girl of Brazilian parentage at my high school used "Made in Brazil" as her senior quote. I found that hilarious.

SDF

2010-01-17, 01:03 AM

I know very few of my college applications asked for my middle name. Actually that was rather irritating since I go by my middle name, not my first name. Not sure, however, how employers work, since I've never actually been employed. :smalltongue:

I don't think I've ever had to use my full middle name on any documentation. (Maaaaybe passport, can't remember) Usually you just need the initial, if at all. Many people don't even have a middle name.

Matthias, for that purpose, isn't that unusual either. I've known a few, and it is a biblical name after all.

Reinboom

2010-01-17, 01:18 AM

Many people don't even have a middle name.

My grandfather had to take on a middle name in order to finish many legal forms. Since nothing he would put down was really a middle name, he just decided to make the fake initial it legally. Of course, this was a time before you had to file with a judge to get it changed.

His middle name is "S".

For as far as name calling goes, I prefer the passive-aggressive *ignore* - or, for the people who truly just forget a *eh-hem*.

toasty

2010-01-17, 01:23 AM

I don't think I've ever had to use my full middle name on any documentation. (Maaaaybe passport, can't remember) Usually you just need the initial, if at all. Many people don't even have a middle name.

My middle name is on my passport.

[quote]Why? You have to fill out your legal first name for all kinds of paperwork anyway.

Not sure what you're asking. I am annoyed that they don't ask for my middle name because my middle name is the name I go by. I've gotten used to it, but it can get tiresome to walking into a room and being greeted, "Hi! X! Welcome to Y!" And going, "actually, I'd rather you use my middle name, Z, because that's my given name."

What really bothered me is my grandmother telling me she remembers filling out lots of forms saying: First Name, Middle Name, Last Name, Given (Preferred) name :smallannoyed: I guess us people who go by our middle names or even possibly last names, is a rather small minority. (And yes, I know a man who goes by his last name).

SDF

2010-01-17, 01:24 AM

That reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer J. Simpson tries to discover his middle name. (It turns out to be Jay :smalltongue:)

Sneak

2010-01-17, 02:33 AM

That reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer J. Simpson tries to discover his middle name. (It turns out to be Jay :smalltongue:)

Hah. My dad's middle name is actually Jay. His dad wanted it to just be J, not standing for anything, but his mom secretly had it put on his birth certificate as Jay. But supposedly, for a while, he thought his middle name was just J.

Because it's really such a big deal. :smalltongue:

Serpentine

2010-01-17, 02:44 AM

I have two middle names! :smallbiggrin: Fairly large ones, too, which is annoying when you only have a teensy-tiny space to put middle names :smallannoyed: Gets kinda interesting, though, when various businesses only record one or the other, and different businesses choose different names... Apparently my mum was worried, once, that my sister might be jealous of my two names, what with her having only one. She asked her whether she minded, and I wonder whether she would've offered to change it, if my sister had said she did mind...

Coidzor

2010-01-17, 02:49 AM

[QUOTE=SDF;7708277]I don't think I've ever had to use my full middle name on any documentation. (Maaaaybe passport, can't remember) Usually you just need the initial, if at all. Many people don't even have a middle name.

My middle name is on my passport.

Not sure what you're asking. I am annoyed that they don't ask for my middle name because my middle name is the name I go by. I've gotten used to it, but it can get tiresome to walking into a room and being greeted, "Hi! X! Welcome to Y!" And going, "actually, I'd rather you use my middle name, Z, because that's my given name."

What really bothered me is my grandmother telling me she remembers filling out lots of forms saying: First Name, Middle Name, Last Name, Given (Preferred) name :smallannoyed: I guess us people who go by our middle names or even possibly last names, is a rather small minority. (And yes, I know a man who goes by his last name).

Shouldn't it just be a kneejerk reaction you don't even need to think about now after years of doing it though? That's what I'm finding weird. I mean, you've had to have encountered other people who go by something other than their first name in classes and groups you've been involved with over the years, and the law doesn't care what you're called unless they're looking for you in particular in a way one does not want to be looked for, just what the name of the legal entity you constitute.

Though, I have to say, all of my college forms had "preferred name" as one of the optional boxes, especially the stuff that went to residence life.

Hoo boy though, it's really annoying to deal with mail addressed to people whose mail boxes are labeled with only their legal name when they go by a given name that's vastly different. Meant I learned what to call about 20 people without ever meeting them face to face though, due to their wonkiness being known to the mailroom and an understanding being there.

rakkoon

2010-01-17, 02:49 AM

Damn? 4-letter f-word? C-word? S-word? Racially vilifying word for black person...

Uhm, actually my name pronounced in English is the last one in your line-up.
Wonderful if you're in England and a black guy asks your name.
Funnily enough his name was "Frog" so we had a couple of laughs.

That's when people though of a nickname for me, so that I wouldn't start a barfight :smallsmile:

Serpentine

2010-01-17, 02:51 AM

Wow. Where are you from, and what is its intended meaning, if you know it?

Coidzor

2010-01-17, 02:52 AM

Uhm, actually my name pronounced in English is the last one in your line-up.
Wonderful if you're in England and a black guy asks your name.
Funnily enough his name was "Frog" so we had a couple of laughs.

That's when people though of a nickname for me, so that I wouldn't start a barfight :smallsmile:

<_< And what specific language too?

Galileo

2010-01-17, 02:59 AM

I'm currently in the middle of switching from my father's surname to my mother's. It's kinda weird, because when I introduce myself I sometimes go "Hi, I'm Joshua [father's name]. Dammit, no, I meant [mother's name]."

Also, I think Matthias is an awesome name. So's the book you got it from.

Totally Guy

2010-01-17, 05:27 AM

I have two middle names! :smallbiggrin: Fairly large ones, too, which is annoying when you only have a teensy-tiny space to put middle names :smallannoyed: Gets kinda interesting, though, when various businesses only record one or the other, and different businesses choose different names...

Hey! Me too! One of them is hereditary and passes onto any male heirs I happen to have. Cool by me.

Syka

2010-01-17, 11:23 AM

I can understand your families reluctance due to the seeming distancing with the changing last name and the (also seemingly) flippant middle name. I'd probably be totally confused, too. And for those who don't do it intentionally, go easy on them. I've had a friend since middle school. I met him as Mike. Sometime in high school, he decided to go by David (I think that's his first name and Mike the second). I STILL call him Mike. At first I just had issues, but I asked him if it was OK and he said it was. Another friend, who I knew much longer, switched and I had to learn. I still slip up, but I try. It can be realllllly hard to change from what you're used to calling someone.

I do get your annoyance, though. I have considered, legally, changing my name from the full form to the shortened form that I have gone by my entire life. My mom actually wanted me to have just the shortened form, but my dad vetoed that, so I got the full one. I'm used to having to correcting professors with my preferred name, and at work my nametag has the shortened form. EVERYONE asks if it's short for "Xxxxxx". "Yes, but I've always gone by Yyyy."

So if I change it I can actually say, "No, this is it." :smallbiggrin: I also will be changing my last name once I'm done with my education (all that paper work is too much to deal with when filling out applications), but I'm not sure what yet. I wanted my maternal grandmothers maiden name, but...with my first name it kinda sounds like something someone would use for a porn name. I'm not kidding, either.

Odd fact: the only people whom I have issue with with continuing to call me by the full form has been my boyfriend's dad's. Both of them call me by the full form, so I just kinda gave up, lol. I dunno why; the mom's have been fine, everyone else is fine. Just not...the dad's.

snoopy13a

2010-01-17, 11:47 AM

What really bothered me is my grandmother telling me she remembers filling out lots of forms saying: First Name, Middle Name, Last Name, Given (Preferred) name :smallannoyed: I guess us people who go by our middle names or even possibly last names, is a rather small minority. (And yes, I know a man who goes by his last name).

In the US, some people go by their middle name. Often, it is due to the first name being a traditional family name (name of father, grandfather, etc). I've known several people who've used their middle name, including my grandfather . It also provides an out for people who don't like their first name but don't want to legally change it. For resumes and stuff like that, people who go by their middle name either put their full name or they simply put their first initial followed by their full middle and last name, e.g. "C. Montgomery Burns".

That's one of the reasons why forms have "preferred name". It also takes into account nicknames. A William may prefer to be called Will, Bill, Willie, Billy, or just William. An Elizabeth may go by Liz, Lizzie, Beth, or Betsy.

skywalker

2010-01-17, 03:04 PM

Solaris

2010-01-17, 03:48 PM

I don't think Drake is that unusual a last name. There have been tons of Drakes. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Drake) Sir Francis Drake, for one.

Elven, on the other hand, might be a definite turnoff. Although I'm not sure if you have to give your middle name out to potential employers or not—I'm only 16, so I've never really been in the job market.

Having a name of Matthias Drake is kinda cool, even if you did pick it. Having a name of Matthias Elven Drake tells people that you're just a little too far into the geeky side.

And yes, I know a man who goes by his last name.

Not all that unusual in my line of work. I got buddies I've had for years whose first names I still don't know.

skywalker

2010-01-17, 05:35 PM

Not all that unusual in my line of work. I got buddies I've had for years whose first names I still don't know.

"Hey Hamm, why'd that guy call you Vincent?"
"Cuz that's my real name, Bergwood."

Zanaril

2010-01-17, 06:27 PM

I have a pet peeve that teachers (and other students) shorten my name.

A few of them have asked me what I prefer to be called, and they tend to remember to use my full name. But the rest of them don't. It's just irritating when people assume that they can decide what your name is even when you tell them otherwise.

Solaris

2010-01-17, 06:37 PM

"Hey Hamm, why'd that guy call you Vincent?"
"Cuz that's my real name, Bergwood."

Even better is "Hey, Steven."
"Who? ... Oh, right, that's my name."

Pyrian

2010-01-17, 06:40 PM

... people assume that they can decide what your name is...They can, y'know. It's traditional, as well as essentially factual: you have very little power over what comes out of other people's mouths. I think it's better to not get too hung up on the things that are outside of your own direct control. That's not always an achievable objective, of course, but it's something to keep in mind: we must make our own decisions (and even obedience is a decision), and other people are going to make their own decisions, and we're not necessarily going to like those decisions.

Solaris

2010-01-17, 06:41 PM

They can, y'know. It's traditional, as well as essentially factual: you have very little power over what comes out of other people's mouths. I think it's better to not get too hung up on the things that are outside of your own direct control. That's not always an achievable objective, of course, but it's something to keep in mind: we must make our own decisions (and even obedience is a decision), and other people are going to make their own decisions, and we're not necessarily going to like those decisions.

What? Sense? We can't have that in here! This is the Internet!
I still think Skywalker kinda had a good point, about the whole 'it's just air' thing in regards to a name.

littlebottom

2010-01-17, 07:49 PM

unfortunately i cannot help much with this matter as i have always flat out refused to care what people call me, as long as i know they want my attention, i dont care what form of my name/nicknames they use, so im kinda unable to sympathize directly... but something from robin hood: men in tights, comes to mind

"so... you changed your name TO Latrine?"
"yeah, it used to be s***house."

toasty

2010-01-17, 08:25 PM

In the US, some people go by their middle name. Often, it is due to the first name being a traditional family name (name of father, grandfather, etc). I've known several people who've used their middle name, including my grandfather . It also provides an out for people who don't like their first name but don't want to legally change it. For resumes and stuff like that, people who go by their middle name either put their full name or they simply put their first initial followed by their full middle and last name, e.g. "C. Montgomery Burns".

I'd know, since I am in fact an American who has a family name. :smallwink: (Yes I know my location is wonky. I'm a TCK, sue me. :smalltongue:)

And the Initial thing is something I'll keep in mind, though I hate the idea of shortening my first name but not my middle name.

Shouldn't it just be a kneejerk reaction you don't even need to think about now after years of doing it though? That's what I'm finding weird. I mean, you've had to have encountered other people who go by something other than their first name in classes and groups you've been involved with over the years, and the law doesn't care what you're called unless they're looking for you in particular in a way one does not want to be looked for, just what the name of the legal entity you constitute.

1) Yes, it is a knee-jerk reaction. I'd still prefer not to have to go through it all the time.
2) I've never been to school. W00t for homeschooled people!:smallcool:

Mystic Muse

2010-01-17, 09:15 PM

2) I've never been to school. W00t for homeschooled people!:smallcool:

WOOT! (yes I'm homeschooled)

PJ the Epic

2010-01-17, 09:18 PM

w00t!

I'm not homeschooled, but last time I said w00t, I got strange looks:smallfrown:.

Mystic Muse

2010-01-17, 09:45 PM

w00t!

I'm not homeschooled, but last time I said w00t, I got strange looks:smallfrown:.

*looks at you oddly*:smalltongue:

Gamerlord

2010-01-17, 09:47 PM

WOOT! (yes I'm homeschooled)

I have been homeschooled as well. :smallcool:

Mystic Muse

2010-01-17, 09:52 PM

I have been homeschooled as well. :smallcool:

we must start a homeschoolers in the playground club!

Gamerlord

2010-01-17, 09:53 PM

we must start a homeschoolers in the playground club!

I have the strangest feeling such a thread would drown in a endless sea of politics...why I have that feeling I don't know why...:smallconfused:

Mystic Muse

2010-01-17, 09:55 PM

I have the strangest feeling such a thread would drown in a endless sea of politics...why I have that feeling I don't know why...:smallconfused:

I meant just one of those random clubs in signatures.:smalltongue:

toasty

2010-01-17, 10:04 PM

I have the strangest feeling such a thread would drown in a endless sea of politics...why I have that feeling I don't know why...:smallconfused:

We could just keep politics out of it. :smallwink: You know, like a warning about how this isn't to rant about how bad/good one system is over the other, but a place to share awesome (or not so awesome) homeschool experiences. Politic Free.

And yes, an awesome banner would be... awesome. :smallcool:

TRM

2010-01-17, 10:13 PM

we must start a homeschoolers in the playground club!
There has been at least one of those in the past.

Matthias Elven Drake
*stuff*
Get over it.

It is rude of them to ignore your wishes, but you can't force them to.

You could try explaining your reasoning to them, and letting them know that you feel strongly and such.

But then you have to get over it.

Your new name is slightly flippant, and seems—on first glance—to be chosen for gits and shiggles. Don't you think it is a little bit natural for your family to be resistant to it?

You should politely, and firmly, correct their mistakes—but caring about it will only make you unhappy and won't change anything.

Good luck =)

Viera Champion

2010-01-17, 10:18 PM

I was named after the deity Jesus.

{Scrubbed}

Anyway, if your family refuses to call you by your name of choice, maybe ignoring them is not the best way to go around it. As much as you may think you have already explained the situation to them, I doubt you have with enough emphasis on what's bugging you. If you had then they most likely would have understood.

toasty

2010-01-17, 10:21 PM

{Scrubbed}

Religion is, off-topic. And it doesn't matter, because most people familiar with his name will associate it with the Religious figure found in a certain religious book anyways.

Gamerlord

2010-01-17, 10:21 PM

{Scrubbed}

Flame war in 5...4...3...2...1.....:smalltongue:

EDIT: Well will you look at that, looks like one started before I even posted this :smalltongue: .

Viera Champion

2010-01-17, 10:25 PM

Hey stop quoting it! I know relgion is off topic. That's why I was throwing it in as a side note. But if you guys make it a big deal it will be more than a side not getting ME in trouble.

Innis Cabal

2010-01-17, 10:30 PM

Your new name is slightly flippant, and seems—on first glance—to be chosen for gits and shiggles. Don't you think it is a little bit natural for your family to be resistant to it?

Gotta agree...while it may be your name, and one you picked...its not what you were born with. Its not what people know you by. And certainly its not common, quite uncommon in fact. Is it really that surprising? Most people here are more accepting, but people outside of the internet tend to find things that are uncommon or strange to be odd, and thus have less then positive reactons towards them.

Best advice is to get over it. You made the choice, you need to deal with the end results.

Roland St. Jude

2010-01-18, 01:09 AM

Hey stop quoting it! I know relgion is off topic. That's why I was throwing it in as a side note. But if you guys make it a big deal it will be more than a side not getting ME in trouble.

Sheriff of Moddingham:Side note or not, real world religion is an inappropriate topic on this Forum. Others quoting it makes more work for me, but it doesn't have any bearing on whether you get warned/infracted or not.

Please, leave aside the religious aspect of the OPs tale or this thread will have to be closed.

rakkoon

2010-01-18, 02:50 AM

skywalker

2010-01-18, 03:34 AM

Euhm... my name is the second part of my nickname.
It comes from Conrad which means wise advisor.
The part con is pronounced [haha, cannot even type it in this forum, well it rhymes with moon] in Dutch/Flemish/Afrikaans, and one black jazzplayer looked at me really funny when I said that ...

While you are certainly going to get a lot of funny looks from black people, that usage has gotten a lot less publicity than the n-word and most non-black people are going to have no idea what you're talking about, as well as no compunction about you using it.

Coidzor

2010-01-18, 03:36 AM

...I guess it's really bad that I immediately went to baboon then.

Anuan

2010-01-18, 03:38 AM

While you are certainly going to get a lot of funny looks from black people, that usage has gotten a lot less publicity than the n-word and most non-black people are going to have no idea what you're talking about, as well as no compunction about you using it.

It's slightly more common, or at least remembered as an offensive term, in Britain. Could be where our dear Rakkoon lives.

skywalker

2010-01-18, 03:40 AM

It's slightly more common, or at least remembered as an offensive term, in Britain. Could be where our dear Rakkoon lives.

Rakkoon has mentioned before that he does, in fact, live in Britain. I was trying to explain his difficulty in expressing it to us (who I believe are a primarily American forum, altho I could be wrong).

Anuan

2010-01-18, 03:44 AM

Oh! Right! ...Don't I feel silly :smallredface:

rakkoon

2010-01-18, 03:49 AM

As I said, my issue was indeed in Britain, the older Southern state African-Americans will now the word, people elsewhere usually don't know it...actually I should keep it like that and don't put in on forums :smallsmile: D'oh!

SDF

2010-01-18, 04:47 AM

I've referred to raccoons as ***** all my life, but I grew up in the Midwest US so I guess it can't be helped. I didn't even know it was used as a pejorative until all of five minutes ago. I'm guessing the avatar/screen name is a play off your name then?

rakkoon

2010-01-18, 05:21 AM

Yep yep, hence also the k's instead of c's (Conrad's spelled Koenraad)

Other fun point is that we get the names of our Godparents as a middle name. I have two Godmothers which means my name is something like
Conrad Sylvia Theresa
which also got me a few blank stares in the UK

Of course, Matthias, you still win dude! Ignoring them seems the best option. And wearing a large T-shirt which says "IT'S MATT!!!"

Adlan

2010-01-18, 07:21 AM

As for the whole Jesus thing, im religious, and I don't find that at all offensive though I understand why you got a lot of trouble from the anti-religious. Its just a name after all and it wasn't meant with religious connotations, If people get upset about you being called Jesus, just wait until they find out that it was the second most popular name after Joseph back then...

See, I'm anti religious, and I don't find it offensive, though I can understand why he got a lot of trouble from the religious.

And the anti religious as well. People are stupid about stupid stuff.

Dr.Epic

2010-01-18, 07:25 AM

Coidzor

2010-01-18, 03:07 PM

See, I'm anti religious, and I don't find it offensive, though I can understand why he got a lot of trouble from the religious.

And the anti religious as well. People are stupid about stupid stuff.

Weird. I've only ever heard of people getting crap for the name due to the racist angle due to it pretty much identifying one's self as a member of Latin American culture.

I mean, the one hand it's being a racist bastard. But on the other hand, the religious angle is just being a ****.

Thajocoth

2010-01-18, 05:43 PM

Hey Pika..., question: how did you go about changing your name. I kind of want to change mine too. Just my last name and maybe add a second middle name. My friends all call me by this one nickname and I want to add that to my name so I'd be M.T.T. ******* (it's sort of a vague reference to Tolkien).

I'm not Pika, but having also changed parts of my name: You have to go before a judge, who says "yeah, go ahead", then get the change printed in a newspaper. If under 18, you also need permission from all legal parents/guardians. (So for me, it would've been my mom and biological father, if I hadn't waited until 18 to get mine changed.)

Syka

2010-01-18, 05:52 PM

I'm not Pika, but having also changed parts of my name: You have to go before a judge, who says "yeah, go ahead", then get the change printed in a newspaper. If under 18, you also need permission from all legal parents/guardians. (So for me, it would've been my mom and biological father, if I hadn't waited until 18 to get mine changed.)

Also remember that you will need to put your original name on any applications- either academic or professional. The main reason I'm waiting to change mine is I want to get a steady job first, or at least to the point where I'm not filling out many college applications anymore, so I don't have to constantly write two names, lol.