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dangerprawn
2010-01-26, 06:37 PM
I was sitting in class the other day, the prof talking about Galileo and Hobbes, and he summed up Hobbes thoughts on civil government with the quip: "Rocks fall, everyone forms civil societies!", the rocks falling bit relating to how Hobbes adapted the principle of inertia to politics.

The nearness of it to the standard d&d line, "Rocks fall, everyone dies." had me cracking up. Course, no one else in the class knew what I was laughing about. But that's not so uncommon.

Anyway.

It got me thinking about other philosophers and how their thoughts or ideas could be summed up into one line catchphrases related to d&d. Yes, not even the Copernican revolution can keep my mind from d&d, apparently.

Here's a few I've thought of:

Nietzsche: "Alignments are for slaves."

Socrates: "Use True Seeing to bypass the illusions of the world."

Hegel: "The Spirit of the World is my shapeshifting animal companion."

Heraklitus*: "Everything is a Fire elemental in a different form."

Parmenides: "Only with Divine Favor will you walk the Way of Truth."

---

I suppose they wouldn't be funny unless you understand the particular philosopher. Then again, they might not be funny regardless. :smallsmile:

*Different spelling to bypass the censor.

----

And I just thought of one for Star Trek:

Nietzsche/Scotty: "She's got no will to power, Cap'n!"

Moff Chumley
2010-01-26, 08:20 PM
Just for the last one: you win my eternal adoration. :smallbiggrin::smallredface:

dangerprawn
2010-01-26, 08:22 PM
Woot. I finally won something. :smallsmile:

Alteran
2010-01-26, 08:26 PM
Descartes: "I am the DM."

Nietzsche (as Nihilist): "Rocks fall, everybody dies."

Donatien François, Marquis de Sade: "I head to the nearest brothel!"

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll
2010-01-26, 09:29 PM
Descartes: I have an intelligence score higher than 3, ergo sum.

Sinon
2010-01-26, 09:40 PM
Descartes: De ominieighteen dubitandum (All-eighteen stats are to be doubted, so roll on the table!)

industrious
2010-01-26, 10:15 PM
Hamlet: To play a monk or not to play a monk, that is the question.

Marx: Commoners of the world, unite; you have nothing to lose but your WBL.

Adam Smith: *weeps in corner crying*

Emerson: Every campaign becomes boring in the end. Play a druid instead of any other class.

Sartre: existence precedes essentia.

Thatguyoverther
2010-01-26, 10:25 PM
Socrates/DM: "So you're all in the cave..."

Dr.Epic
2010-01-26, 10:35 PM
Bruce Lee: "Boards don't hit back unless someone cast animate objects on them."

Flickerdart
2010-01-26, 10:43 PM
Socrates/DM: "So you're all in the cave..."
Nice one! :smallbiggrin:

"One death is a tragedy; one million deaths is a lot of XP."
"2+INT skill points ought to be enough for anyone."

lostlittlebear
2010-01-26, 10:45 PM
Lear: How sharper than a serpent's tooth is the same serpent's tooth with frikin GREATER MAGIC FANG +5 CASTED ON IT AGH AGH AGH OWCH -dies-

PETA: Watch out, commoners. Cats will kill you, because they can.

Arthur C. Clarke: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.

Descartes: I've rolled, therefore I am.

Mao: Power grows out of the pages of a spellbook.

Sun Tze: Know thyself and scry thy enemy.

Dr.Epic
2010-01-26, 10:59 PM
Oscar Wilde: "I can resist anything except temptations with a will save over 31."

Soterion
2010-01-26, 11:16 PM
Augustine: Oh Lord, make me Lawful Good...only not just yet.

Moff Chumley
2010-01-26, 11:36 PM
I love this thread. :smallredface:

golentan
2010-01-27, 12:02 AM
Kant: Always act as though affected by a Zone of Truth.

Lamarck: Acquired Templates become Inherited Templates in future generations.

Plato: I think Emperor Tippy has a good system of government going there.

dangerprawn
2010-01-27, 12:07 AM
Plato: I think Emperor Tippy has a good system of government going there.

Referring to the City from the Republic? From what I know of the Tippyverse Emperor Tippy is some kinda of tyrannical god, right?

The City outlined in the Republic, with the Guardians and eugenics and censorship and all, is actually Socrates description of a fevered city. His description of an ideal city happens right before they talk about that city, and is all of two paragraphs. :smallsmile:

Mystic Muse
2010-01-27, 12:14 AM
"Losing a limb is a tragedy. Falling into a pit of Gelatinous slimes is hilarious."

golentan
2010-01-27, 12:24 AM
Referring to the City from the Republic? From what I know of the Tippyverse Emperor Tippy is some kinda of tyrannical god, right?

The City outlined in the Republic, with the Guardians and eugenics and censorship and all, is actually Socrates description of a fevered city. His description of an ideal city happens right before they talk about that city, and is all of two paragraphs. :smallsmile:

Emperor Tippy was the guy who suggested the Tippyverse, wherein wizards (philosophers) take over en masse and use magic and their vast intellect to learn and solve all problems. Or at least all their particular governance's problems.

It was a a throwaway gag.

dangerprawn
2010-01-27, 12:45 AM
Ah, I see. I think my understanding of the Tippyverse was distorted as my first exposure to it was the Tippyverse '84 recruiting thread.

Solaris
2010-01-27, 02:25 AM
Adam Smith: *weeps in corner crying*

Heheheh. Heh.

Athaniar
2010-01-27, 03:53 AM
"It is said that if you have both the Monster Manual and the Player's Handbook, you will not be imperiled in a hundred encounters; if you do not have the Monster Manual but have the Player's Handbook, you will win one and lose one; if you do not have the Monster Manual nor the Player's Handbook, you will be imperiled in every single encounter."
-Sun Tzu

"All warfare is based on Bluff checks."
-Sun Tzu

"Be a rogue. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate."
-Sun Tzu

Marillion
2010-01-27, 03:57 AM
Lamarck: Acquired Templates become Inherited Templates in future generations.
Hehehehehehehehehe.

Seth1221
2010-01-27, 04:24 AM
Aristoteles: "A party is more then the sum of its members"

Eldan
2010-01-27, 04:26 AM
"Be a rogue. Thereby you can be the director of the opponent's fate."
-Sun Tzu

And here I thought Sun Tzu would suggest a combination of diviner/battlefield controller.

Cheesegear
2010-01-27, 04:27 AM
Mark Twain: Dance like you have Greater Invisibility. Sing like you're Silenced. Love like you've never taken hit point damage and live like you've been Plane Shifted to Celestia.

raitalin
2010-01-27, 05:13 AM
Mark Twain: Dance like you have Greater Invisiibility, sing like you're Silenced. Love like you've never taken hit point damage and live like you've been Plane Shifted to Celestia.

If I sigged things, I would sig this.

hamishspence
2010-01-27, 05:42 AM
Machiavelli "It is a sound maxim that when an act is evil, the result may excuse it, and when the result is good, always excuses it"

lostlittlebear
2010-01-27, 05:55 AM
And here I thought Sun Tzu would suggest a combination of diviner/battlefield controller.

Having read Sun Tzu, I'd say he'd actually be a cleric. The first line of the Art of War is actually an admonishment telling states not to go to war lightly. Funnily enough, for such a great general, Sun Tzu actually counseled that war should only be used as a last resort, which makes him all the more greater in my eyes.


Machiavelli "It is a sound maxim that when an act is evil, the result may excuse it, and when the result is good, always excuses it"

Maybe it should be - It is a sound maxim that when an act is stupid, the dice may excuse it, and when the dice is a natural 20, always excuses it.

Nietzche: The DM IS DEAD!

Eldan
2010-01-27, 06:59 AM
DM: Nietzsche, your character is dead!

hamishspence
2010-01-27, 07:47 AM
Maybe it should be - It is a sound maxim that when an act is stupid, the dice may excuse it, and when the dice is a natural 20, always excuses it.

Nice- Very D20-ish- though the other one was more suited to campaigns with an alignment system.

Calenestel
2010-01-27, 08:03 AM
All right.

First: Wasn't it Plato that talked about shadows in caves as allegories for the Idea world and the physical world? (Or whatever the concepts are called in english, I read my philosophy in swedish and you know what I mean regardless :smallamused:)

Second: Eldan, that one is AWESOME. Was this a quip at the old joke or just what you think the direct reaction would have been.?

Eldan
2010-01-27, 08:11 AM
Both, actually. I mean, it's both the well known joke:

Nietzsche: God is dead.
God: Nietzsche is dead.

And what a (bad) DM would do in that situation.

Calenestel
2010-01-27, 08:23 AM
To be fair to the hypothetical DM, Nietzsche strikes me as the kind of guy that ultimately pushes ANY DM over the edge and into "Rock falls-territory". Wich makes the earlier joke a good one as well. :smallamused:

Aure Entuluva!
Calenestel

Cyrion
2010-01-27, 09:57 AM
Hobbes: Life is nasty, brutish and pwned.

Locke: "This will make the BSF and the GC win the combat with little damage to themselves - and they will feel like "they" won. That's the point - you're God after all, let the mortals have their victory." -Treantmonk

lostlittlebear
2010-01-27, 10:02 AM
Hobbes: Life in the state of nature is like being in a tier 6 class - nasty, brutal and pwned. :smalltongue:

/quotationjack

peterpaulrubens
2010-01-27, 10:11 AM
Kierkegaard - If you label me you apply negative levels to me.

Dallas-Dakota
2010-01-27, 10:35 AM
''Do not steal cookies of/ment for the DM''

>.>
<,<
Totally not speaking from personal experience.

Athaniar
2010-01-27, 10:39 AM
"When torrential water tosses boulders, it is because the DM wants it to. When the strike of a hawk breaks the body of its prey, it is because of a critical hit."
-Sun Tzu, Complete Warrior

"To play, or not to play, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The +1 slings and flaming arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of kobolds,
And by opposing end them?"
-Hamlet (William Shakespeare, the Epic Bard)

"All the world's a game,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their character sheets and their Player's Handbooks;
And one man in his time plays many characters,
His acts being seven classes. At first the monk,
Mewling and puking in the DM's arms;
And then the whining fighter, with his backpack
And shining plate armor, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to battle. And then the bard,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a barbarian,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the dragon's mouth. And then the cleric,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth class shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd wizard,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful campaign,
Is second noobishness and mere oblivion;
Sans Constitution, sans Wisdom, sans Intelligence, sans everything."
-Jaques (William Shakespeare)

lostlittlebear
2010-01-27, 10:50 AM
EPIC WIN.

-takes hat off to Xavius-

Winthur
2010-01-27, 11:06 AM
I'm afraid I can't really contribute. I don't know many players in my hometown and my current RPG pack just kinda can't play lately.

I guess you could say that in my hometown...
*glasses*
...RPG is only a Nietzsche pastime.

My alternative take on philosophy one-liners aside... :smalltongue:

"There's one rule for the DM and that is: make the most exciting scenarios possible at the lowest railroading possible, paying the highest loot possible." - Henry Ford

Dvandemon
2010-01-27, 11:17 AM
Here there be quotable quotes!:smallbiggrin:

Totally Guy
2010-01-27, 11:21 AM
We are all the sum of our XP.

Xsesiv
2010-01-27, 12:15 PM
I am the DM. I think (I am right), therefore I am (right).

Another_Poet
2010-01-27, 12:27 PM
This thread gives me goosebumps.

Ecalsneerg
2010-01-27, 12:28 PM
"Build a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Cast continual flame for a man, he's warm for the rest of his life."

Volkov
2010-01-27, 12:30 PM
"Know your enemy but don't let them know you."
Sun Tzu, devoted Lich Cleric of Vecna.

Project_Mayhem
2010-01-27, 12:33 PM
Camus: D&D is inherently absurd

Serenity
2010-01-27, 12:40 PM
"Build a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Cast continual flame for a man, he's warm for the rest of his life."


...Except he's actually not, because Continual Flame gives light, not heat.

"Many who live deserve death, and many who die deserve life. Can you give it to them?"
Cleric: "...Yeah, pretty much."

Dust
2010-01-27, 01:21 PM
Nietzsche: "Chapter Three: Why my stats are so high"

Freshmeat
2010-01-27, 01:33 PM
It is better to cast Cause Fear than Charm Person, if you cannot cast both.
- Niccolo Machiavelli

God does not play D&D. - Albert Einstein

At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle, starting history's first alignment debate

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
- Sun Tzu, explaining the concept of the Batman wizard.



The skilful employer of men will employ the wise man, the brave man, the covetous man, and the stupid man. - Sun Tzu

Modern translation: LFG need healer, tank and rogue. Noobs welcome. Gogogo!

clockworkmonk
2010-01-27, 01:35 PM
"gaze not into the abyss, for It gazes also into you. That, and theres's at least 666 layers of the thing."
-Nietzsche

DabblerWizard
2010-01-27, 01:55 PM
Berkeley: Only one being rolls perception checks, and he is called DM. / Either you roll a perception check, or you are perceived by one.

J.S. Mill: Your actions determine your alignment, not your intentions.

Hume: Just because your sword struck me, doesn't mean that your sword is the cause of the damage I took.

Locke: That purple Deva possesses no inherent purple-ness.

Hursthouse: You're lawful good not because you act that way, but because those are your character traits.

Rhiannon87
2010-01-27, 02:05 PM
I'm afraid I can't really contribute. I don't know many players in my hometown and my current RPG pack just kinda can't play lately.

I guess you could say that in my hometown...
*glasses*
...RPG is only a Nietzsche pastime.

My alternative take on philosophy one-liners aside... :smalltongue:



:: groans :: That's just terrible and I salute you for it, good sir.

Narazil
2010-01-27, 02:14 PM
Karl Marx: The history of all hitherto existing society is the history of class struggles.


Not even altered. :smallwink:

Cyrion
2010-01-27, 02:28 PM
Richard Bach: Perspective- Use it or lose it. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world the master calls a prestige class.

Ravens_cry
2010-01-27, 02:30 PM
FDR: The only thing we have to fear, is cause fear.
And the DM

Dvandemon
2010-01-27, 02:33 PM
Socrates: I only know that I have no ranks in Knowledge

hamishspence
2010-01-27, 02:35 PM
Theodore Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a staff of the magi.

Cyrion
2010-01-27, 02:41 PM
"When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the others and assume the powers of Earth... Wait, with some editing, this could work for the Congress too!"

Thomas Jefferson, preparing an adventure for his weekend D&D session.

Sliver
2010-01-27, 02:42 PM
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Craft a create food and water trap, and you feed him for life"

Or..

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will fail survival checks constantly, because he didn't level up and invest ranks in the skill yet."

Sorry... :smallredface:

THE_BIG_CHEESE
2010-01-27, 02:43 PM
Brain experiencing some flatulence now, so the best I can think of is <insert witty one-liner comparing the concept of tabula rasa to blank character sheets>

Yukitsu
2010-01-27, 02:43 PM
The prophet of Delphi: Why Socrates, you rolled the highest wisdom score.

Neitzsche: Stare into the abyss and a Baalor stares back at you.

Telonius
2010-01-27, 02:44 PM
Will Rogers: When Wizards makes a joke, it's a rule. And when they make a rule, it's a joke!

William of Ockham: In general, entities must not be multiplied beyond necessity. But if you have power attack, go nuts.

Yukitsu
2010-01-27, 02:47 PM
If a paladin falls in the outlands, and no one's around to see it, does he need an atonement?

Radar
2010-01-27, 02:59 PM
(...)

"There's one rule for the DM and that is: make the most exciting scenarios possible at the lowest railroading possible, paying the highest loot possible." - Henry Ford
"You can choose any path, as long as it's the only one I prepared."
Henry Ford as the DM

"I, at any rate, am convinced that He does not throw dice."
Albert Einstein
"Stop telling DM what to do with his dice."
Niels Bohr

Some unchanged quotes:
"Friends share all things."
Pythagoras (probably while disputing loot division)

"Number is the ruler of forms and ideas, and the cause of gods and daemons."
Pythagoras spoke as a true powergamer. :smallbiggrin:

Something different, yet in an equally light-hearted spirit:
Philosophers Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNDTUUmz_9s)

Ravens_cry
2010-01-27, 03:03 PM
If a paladin falls in the outlands, and no one's around to see it, does he need an atonement?
Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

Keld Denar
2010-01-27, 03:06 PM
Light a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Cast Empowered Maximized Twinned Energy Admixtured Sanctum Orb of Fire on him, and keep him warm for the rest of his (short) life.

Sliver
2010-01-27, 03:10 PM
Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

If an NPC is in the forest, and no one is aware of it's existence, it doesn't exist. Until they find him dead. Then he was created dead.

If an NPC is in the city, and the party doesn't plan to fight it, does it have stats? No.

dspeyer
2010-01-27, 03:22 PM
As flies to wanton boys are NPCs to DMs. They kill us for their sport.

Yukitsu
2010-01-27, 03:29 PM
Since a paladin is one example of a one, I would say the question is invalid, as there is at least one one around to see it inherent in the question.
Unless he's an NPC, we all know they aren't REALLY people.

People still play straight paladins? :smallconfused:

Ravens_cry
2010-01-27, 03:30 PM
If an NPC is in the forest, and no one is aware of it's existence, it doesn't exist. Until they find him dead. Then he was created dead.

If an NPC is in the city, and the party doesn't plan to fight it, does it have stats? No.
And neither does the forest.

"Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the DM amongst his books for to you your characters and their equipment are mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment to be overturned by the flicking of a finger."

Ormur
2010-01-27, 03:41 PM
Locke: We all start with a blank character sheet.

Kant: I ought never to make a house rule except in such a way that I could also will that my maxim should become RAW.

Sliver
2010-01-27, 03:42 PM
The bigger they are, the larger their grapple bonus is.

Mercenary Pen
2010-01-27, 03:47 PM
Tiamat does not play dice- Albert Einstein in reference to the 4e statblock

Armoury99
2010-01-27, 03:48 PM
Confucius: "Do not be ashamed of fumbles and thus make them crimes"

Gandhi: "Hate the sin, love the succubus" :smallsmile:

Kurt Vonnegut: "Those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand." :smallcool:

Julius Ceasar: "I came. I saw. I critically hit."

Charles Darwin: "Owlbears? Well, err..."

Asheram
2010-01-27, 03:51 PM
Subtle is the DM, but malicious he is not...
...I have second thoughts. Maybe he is malicious...
...I, at any rate, am convinced that he does not throw dice. -Albert Einstein

To punish me for my contempt of authority, Fate has made me an authority myself. (After becoming the DM)

As a child, I received instruction both in the Players handbook and in the DMG. I am a player, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the DM.

Kallisti
2010-01-27, 04:03 PM
Ah, I see. I think my understanding of the Tippyverse was distorted as my first exposure to it was the Tippyverse '84 recruiting thread.

Yay! I'm twisting perceptions!

Oscar Wilde: "Nothing worth learning can be taught. Only learned through the indiscriminate slaughter of unrelated monsters."

Plato: "He who neglects his education wastes his first level on a low-education class, and his build walks lame for the rest of his progression."

Mark Twain: "I see no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure. *PLANE SHIFT!*"

Nietzsche: "A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum proves that it takes more than faith to take Cleric levels."

Nicola Abbagnano: "Reason itself is fallible, for logic must account for all the crazy **** wizards keep doing."

Anaxagoras: "The descent to Hades is the same with every Plane Shift."

Anaxagoras: "Everything has a natural explanation. The moon is not a god but ammo for cheesy Hulking Hurler builds, and the sun ammo for Half-Red Dragon Hulking Hurlers."

Anaxagoras: "Men would live exceedingly quiet if these five words, talking is a free action, were taken away."

Anaxafriggin'goras: "Appearances are a glimpse of the illusory."

Neil Gaiman: "Sod this. Fireball."

Telonius
2010-01-27, 04:13 PM
Marcus Aurelius:

- Despise not death, but welcome it, for nature wills it like all else. Besides, you might get better stats on the reroll.

- A great pile of GP is a great disadvantage to those who do not know how to use it, for nothing is more common than to see PCs blow half their loot on a single easily-sundered, easily-stolen item; riches do them no service in order to virtue and happiness; therefore 'tis precept and principle, not WBL, that makes a character good for something.

zql
2010-01-27, 04:26 PM
Schrodinger: "Quick! My familiar MAY need healing!"

Kallisti
2010-01-27, 04:28 PM
Schrodinger: "I'm gonna roll up a wizard."

Ostien
2010-01-27, 04:31 PM
Nietzsche: "Chapter Three: Why my stats are so high"


Locke: We all start with a blank character sheet.

So much win :smallbiggrin:

Also:
Foucault: "The soul is the prison of a black sapphire of at least 1,000 gp value for every Hit Die"

Marx: "The DMs have only interpreted the pre-built settings, in various ways; the point, however, is to change it."

Now I'm thinking of all the possibilities!

*runs to philosophy bookshelf*

Athaniar
2010-01-27, 04:38 PM
How has this one not been mentioned yet?

"The die is cast."
-Julius Caesar


Also, completely unaltered (except for the translation):

"I do not care to play the part of Monk; I will not play it myself, and I do not choose that others shall do so. "
-Napoleon Bonaparte

zql
2010-01-27, 04:54 PM
A campaign is the sidequests that come up while you're busy trying to achieve the main plot.
John Lennon

Freshmeat
2010-01-27, 05:00 PM
http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/1161/georgeorwellalignment.jpg

hamlet
2010-01-27, 05:01 PM
Hamlet: To play a monk or not to play a monk, that is the question.



I never said that . . .








Sorry. I apologize.

Yora
2010-01-27, 05:03 PM
Kirkegard: "I reached 20th level, what do I do now?"

Obi-Wan: "Use the d20."

Genesis 1: "I cast Genesis"

Otto von Bismarck: "If there is ever another war in Khorvaire, it will come out of some damned silly thing in the Lhazaar Principalities"

"I have an Intelligence score, therefore I am."

Dust
2010-01-27, 05:14 PM
Freshmeat, I am wholly amused at that collage. The alignment of moustaches.

Dimers
2010-01-27, 05:14 PM
People still play straight paladins? :smallconfused:

Particularly odd considering how much fun gay paladins are. :smallsmile:

Person_Man
2010-01-27, 05:17 PM
Rawls: Always write your character sheet as if you had to give it to someone else to play, and you had to accept and use the character sheet written by a different anonymous player.

Foucault: The only dungeons are the ones constructed in your mind by society. But first, let me explain the last 100 years of back story...

Derrida: What does an attack of opportunity really mean anyway? What does it mean to attack? Is it really an opportunity? And who wrote these rules anyway?

Ostien
2010-01-27, 05:18 PM
Freshmeat reminded me of something:

Image may contain language that may offend.
http://i816.photobucket.com/albums/zz88/Ostien/Alignment-Philosophy.jpg

Calmar
2010-01-27, 05:30 PM
"The death of one man is a tragedy, the death of six is a TPK."
- Joseph Stalin

"A Set of House Rules is what the people are entitled to against every game system, and what no just game system should refuse, or rest on inference."
- Thomas Jefferson

pasko77
2010-01-27, 05:43 PM
What does not kill us, gives us XP.

I LOVE this thread!

Volkov
2010-01-27, 05:46 PM
Where could I put a WH40k version of this thread?

JohnnyCancer
2010-01-27, 07:13 PM
I'd give my right arm to dual wield.
-Yogi Berra

comicshorse
2010-01-27, 08:08 PM
Ostien I'm ashamed to admit but of those images I only recognized Machievelli and the Marquis de Sade, who were the others

Mercenary Pen
2010-01-27, 08:09 PM
Where could I put a WH40k version of this thread?

Your best bet is the Gaming (other) section.

Ostien
2010-01-27, 08:31 PM
Ostien I'm ashamed to admit but of those images I only recognized Machievelli and the Marquis de Sade, who were the others

In the order of the image:
Immanuel Kant, Jurgen Habbermas, Michel Foucault
Theodor Adorno, Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli, Friedrich Nietzsche
Ayn Rand, Frederick Hayek, Marquis de Sade

I find it hilarious.

aje8
2010-01-27, 08:51 PM
Nicola Abbagnano: "Reason itself is fallible, for logic must account for all the crazy **** wizards keep doing."
Can I sig that?

In other news, win thread is win.

Locke: DnD is a social contract between the players and the DM.
Machiavelli: It is better to rule through fear than through love...... at least until some adventurers come along.
Hobbes: Life is like a Dwarf. Nasty, Brutish and Short.

Or should that last one be Kobold?

And I know everyone has done this one, but I want to as well.
Einstien: GodThe DM does not play dice with the universe. He lets his PCs do all the rolling.

sentaku
2010-01-27, 09:44 PM
modified:

I do not believe in a fate that falls on men however they roll; but I do believe in a fate that falls on them unless they role.
Buddha

The mind is everything. What you make them think they become.
Buddha

unmodified:

However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
Buddha

Jayabalard
2010-01-27, 09:54 PM
war should only be used as a last resortIf war isn't your last resort, you didn't resort to enough of it.

Winter_Wolf
2010-01-27, 10:32 PM
At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice he is the worst. - Aristotle, starting history's first alignment debate


Dammit, Aristotle, I said don't do that during the game!

I wanted to drop a quote from the Tao Te Ching, but my hardcopies are about 4000 miles away from my computer, and the only online translation I could find was translated poorly for the purpose. :smallfrown:

From memory, it should be roughly like this:
Lao Tzu: "From Gygax came the original box set D&D; from the box set came AD&D Player's Handbook and DMG; from the Player's Handbook and DMG, came the 10,000 splatbooks and accessories."

Tiktakkat
2010-01-27, 10:41 PM
We see, therefore, that combat is not merely a complex BAB check, but also a real complex skill check, a continuation of a Diplomacy check, a carrying out of the same by other means.

- Carl von Clausewitz

Devils_Advocate
2010-01-27, 10:54 PM
I forget who on this board already said this one: "Players should not be afraid of their DMs. DMs should be afraid of their players."

"The players are condemned to be free."
- Satre, on sandbox games

"When system elitism returns it will be in the guise of opposition to system elitism."

"Strange game. It seems the only winning move is not to play." (Could be said of D&D itself, and most certainly the Blood War.)

"How smart is Vecna, really? Smart enough not to let you know how smart he is."

"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?"

"I'm gonna pray. Know any good religions?"

Bibliomancer
2010-01-27, 11:01 PM
The die is cast. Fortunately, the DM didn't see it.
-Julius Caesar

An adventuring party is no more a team than a heap of building materials is a house.
-Sun Tzu

A collision at sea can ruin one's entire day, so fly.
-Thucydides

To lead 1st level PCs to war is to throw them away.
-Sun Tzu

Flarp
2010-01-27, 11:14 PM
Tier Sixes of the world, unite!
-Marx

Soranar
2010-01-27, 11:34 PM
on Barbarians:

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.
Einstein

Get mad, then get over it.
Colin Powell

The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough.
Bede Jarrett

on Paladins:

A man of courage is also full of faith.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

on Wizards:

Intelligence is not a science.
Frank Carlucci

We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
Albert Einstein

What is human warfare but just this; an effort to make the laws of God and nature take sides with one party.
Henry David Thoreau


on Experience:

Experience is the teacher of all things.
Julius Caesar

Experience is one thing you can't get for nothing.
Oscar Wilde

I think we are a product of all our experiences.
Sanford I. Weill

War grows out of the desire of the individual to gain advantage at the expense of his fellow man.
Napoleon Hill

on dungeons:

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

on teamwork:

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.
Edward W. Howe

on summons:

The best weapon against an enemy is another enemy.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Manave_E_Sulanul
2010-01-27, 11:45 PM
My best friend is the man who in wishing me well casts wishes for my sake. -Aristotle

Harperfan7
2010-01-28, 02:20 AM
Hobbes: "Life is nasty, brutish, and short."

Elan: "Life is Belkar?"

Thespianus
2010-01-28, 02:56 AM
People still play straight paladins? :smallconfused:
Outside of San Fransisco and the Greenwich Village, straight Paladins still exist. :smallredface:

EDIT: Curses! Straight Ninjas too... :(

Thespianus
2010-01-28, 03:11 AM
- "A consistency proof for RAW … can be carried out only by RAI." - Kurt Gödel

- "A life without adventure is likely to be unsatisfying, but a life in which adventure is allowed to take whatever form it will is sure to be short. " - Bertrand Russell (unmodified)

- "Anything you're good at contributes to happiness." - Russell (As a Batman Wizard, trying to cheer up the Glass Cannon and the Big Stupid Fighter)

- "There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge. " - Russell, this time after taking Knowledge Devotion! :)

Asbestos
2010-01-28, 03:30 AM
FDR: The only thing we have to fear, is cause fear. And dragons. Mummies too. And Symbols of Fear


Hijacked! But probably forgot other 'you are afraid of this!' effects.

Kaun
2010-01-28, 03:35 AM
Hunter S Thompson: If you're going to be Chaotic Evil, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.

Dimers
2010-01-28, 03:35 AM
Oscar Wilde: "The only thing worse than being talked about is having your abilities talked about by a rules lawyer while combat grinds to a halt."

C.S. Lewis: "I believe in Zeus as I believe that the foes are smited: not only because I see the lightning bolt, but because by it I see everything else."

Blaise Pascal: In the decision to believe or not believe in Zeus, it's the better wager to believe -- because, well, his avatar will come stick a lightning bolt up your nose if you don't.

DM Samuel Taylor Coleridge, setting the scene: "In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure-dome decree: Where Alph, the sacred river, ran through caverns measureless to man down to a sunless sea."

DM Lewis Carroll, setting the scene: "'Twas brilling, and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe ..."

Dust
2010-01-28, 03:38 AM
Every single one of the above is gold. 24k carats of soft, puttylike gold.

Kaiyanwang
2010-01-28, 03:42 AM
Nietzsche: "You must be of the Chaotic subtype to give birth to a dancing star"

blueblade
2010-01-28, 03:48 AM
H.P Lovecraft - That is not dead which has a 9th level Cleric and a diamond handy. And with Craft Wondrous Item and a Phylactery even death may die.

GoodbyeSoberDay
2010-01-28, 04:14 AM
Liebniz: "The DM is an optimizer, and this is the best of all possible campaign settings."

Another Liebniz: "Newton stole my commoner railgun idea!"

Oh, right, this one goes with the first one:

Voltaire: *recounts Lanky Bugger's crazy DM story, but adds in a fellow player who keeps praising the DM's style, throughout all the incidents past the session*

TheFallenOne
2010-01-28, 06:54 AM
Leibniz: Every character is as a world apart, independent of everything else except the DM.

Leinbniz: I do not believe that a world without evil, preferable in order to ours, is possible; otherwise there would be no XP

Caesar: Alea iacta est - unless you have a Luck reroll.

Caesar: Veni, vidi, vesperugoviri :smallcool:

The Devils Dictionari: Lawful good(n): A willingness to find excuses to beat people up.

Hobbes: Homo homini Tarrasquus

William James: The art of being wise is the art of knowing which spells to overlook.

Think of how underpowered the average class is, and realize half of them are more underpowered than that.

Calmar
2010-01-28, 07:07 AM
"La campagne, c'est moi."
- Louis XIV

"As a free man, I take pride in the words "Ich spiele RPGs."
- John F. Kennedy

"A player should be upright, not kept upright. "
- Marcus Aurelius

MickJay
2010-01-28, 07:17 AM
"If it won't give you XP, don't start an encounter"

"There are appropriate times for burning things with fire"
-Sun Tzu (adapted)

Mercenary Pen
2010-01-28, 07:30 AM
"Those who do not learn from previous encounters are doomed to repeat them."- George Santayana.

AslanCross
2010-01-28, 08:09 AM
This thread is made of so much win. I wish I could contribute something, but at the moment I'll just spend some time admiring all of the above posts.

Calmar
2010-01-28, 08:35 AM
"Optimize, after you have first learned to submit to rule."
- Solon

"Then our battle shall be in deeper darkness!"
- Leonidas I

"Character creation is the most important part of the work."
"Party members have all things in common."
- Plato

"When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, the DM is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?"
- Epictetus

Kaiyanwang
2010-01-28, 08:40 AM
Spinoza: Fear cannot be without saving throw nor saving throw can be done without fear.

Indon
2010-01-28, 08:59 AM
Expanding the original premise slightly:

-If all movement must take place in five-foot intervals, then how can any movement ever be completed, because to move five feet you must move two and a half?

-Pun-Pun has an infinite number of abilities on his character sheet. If you erase the first and write in a new one, then erase the second and write in the first, and so on, you will never finish; therefore, you can not grant abilities to Pun-Pun.

-If a rogue uses UMD to perfectly simulate being a Batman wizard, clearly that does not make the Rogue a Batman Wizard, but instead just emulating Batman wizardry without understanding.

Calmar
2010-01-28, 09:09 AM
"Level 20 is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at."
- Bruce Lee


It's been a long time since I've laughed so much about a forum thread. :smallbiggrin:
These quotes are my favourites:


Socrates/DM: "So you're all in the cave..."

Arthur C. Clarke: Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.

Kant: Always act as though affected by a Zone of Truth.

Lamarck: Acquired Templates become Inherited Templates in future generations.

DM: Nietzsche, your character is dead!

For to win one hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the acme of skill. To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
- Sun Tzu, explaining the concept of the Batman wizard.

Confucius: "Do not be ashamed of fumbles and thus make them crimes"

Charles Darwin: "Owlbears? Well, err..."


"The players are condemned to be free."
- Satre, on sandbox games

"How smart is Vecna, really? Smart enough not to let you know how smart he is."

GolemsVoice
2010-01-28, 09:11 AM
Alistair Crowley: If you're a wizard, do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

Nietzsche's works:
Dwarfen, all to Dwarfen
Gay Elven Science
Thus spoke Gary Gygax
Beyond Alignments
Ecce Commoner
The Will to Power and Psions

Einstein: I believe two things to be infinite: the player's ingenuity, and the DM's malignity. But I'm not sure on the last one.

TheFallenOne
2010-01-28, 09:13 AM
Adorno: What use is a high level if apart from that you're a fighter

Ambrose Pierce: RULEBOOK, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a game and making it hard and inelastic.

Richard Feynman: Character optimization is like sex; sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it.

Julien Green: Wizards fly and fighters go on foot. Therein lies all the drama of a melee-er.

Abraham Lincoln: if you want to test a man's character, give him a candle of invocation.

Ronald Reagan: How do you tell a fighter? Well, it’s someone who plays Dungeons & Dragons. And how do you tell a wizard? It’s someone who understands Dungeons and Dragons.

Asheram
2010-01-28, 09:22 AM
"Those who do not learn from previous TPK's are doomed to repeat them."- George Santayana.

Fixed that for you. :smallbiggrin:

GolemsVoice
2010-01-28, 09:27 AM
Ronal Reagan: Mr. Gorbatschwow, open this gate.

Quincunx
2010-01-28, 09:30 AM
http://i169.photobucket.com/albums/u231/Quincunx_GitP/midnighttiger.png
When the players hurled spears
and washed their sheets clean with their tears,
did he smile, his work to see?
Did he who statted lambs stat thee?

Tiger, tiger, burning bright,
in the forests of the night,
what dungeon master's hand or eye
dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

*****

A dead body, revenges not injuries.
The rogue condemns the trap, not himself.
As the caterpillar chooses the fairest leaves to lay her eggs on, so the paladin lays his curse on the fairest joys.
The sorceror wish'd every thing was magical, the fighter, that every thing was not.

--William Blake, writing on the back of his deceased character's sheet as the TPK unfurled

Calmar
2010-01-28, 09:36 AM
"Victorious warriors choose their feats first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to choose their feats."
- Sun Tsu

"In a final encounter there is no substitute for victory."
- Douglas MacArthur

Smythen
2010-01-28, 09:45 AM
[QUOTE=Person_Man;7777375]
Foucault: The only dungeons are the ones constructed in your mind by society. But first, let me explain the last 100 years of back story...
QUOTE]

Right on, that is Focault.

Killer Angel
2010-01-28, 09:57 AM
Not exactly philosophy, but still...

Kilgore: "I love the smell of guano bat in the morning. Smells like victory."

Willard: "Every minute I stay in this room, I get weaker, and every minute Tucker's kobolds squats in the bush, they gets stronger"


Spoon boy: "Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon... it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself." (rolls bluff)

Calmar
2010-01-28, 10:01 AM
"Against stupidity the very DMs
Themselves contend in vain."
- Friedrich Schiller

"All the lawful good are friends of one another."
- Zeno

"Balancing is beautiful in theory; in practice it is a fallacy. You at WotC will see that some day."
- Benito Mussolini

Freegle
2010-01-28, 10:07 AM
Richard Dawkins: In order to Craft: Apple Pie, one must first create D&D.

SlyGuyMcFly
2010-01-28, 10:21 AM
"I am I plus my circumstance bonuses."

José Ortega y Gasset

Kaiyanwang
2010-01-28, 10:35 AM
Schopenhauer: "UMD is a businness that does not cover the costs"

"A man’s sheet as a rule says more, and more interesting things, than his mouth, for it is a compendium of everything his mouth will ever say, in that it is the monogram of all this man’s skills, feats and class features".

"The fundament upon which all our knowledge and learning rests is the SRD"

"Fame is something which must be won; honor is something which must not be lost. Taint System is not clear for me, yet"

Another_Poet
2010-01-28, 11:04 AM
Xykon may have done many brutal and tyrannical things; he may have destroyed humanoid freedom in Azure City; he may have murdered and tortured citizens whose only crime was to be powered by positive energy; but one had to admit one thing about the Lich: he made the peasant rail guns run on time.

:smallbiggrin:

GolemsVoice
2010-01-28, 11:11 AM
Margaret Thatcher: Being a wizard is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

Weezer
2010-01-28, 11:15 AM
Oppenheimer upon learning epic spellcasting "I am become death, the destroyer of worlds"

Another_Poet
2010-01-28, 11:15 AM
Class features are a fact, in most instances. But character classes are but signs, symbols. No influence is of greater value or of greater help than the will of an individual.... Do not attempt to be guided by, but use the character sheet as the means to meet or to overcome the faults and failures, or to minimize the faults and to magnify the virtues in self.
~Edgar Cayce

About character classes and XP: they are good because they make people vivid and full of possibilities. They are communism at its best. Everybody has character and almost everybody has experience.
~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Godskook
2010-01-28, 11:46 AM
Margaret Thatcher: Being a wizard is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.

Hilarious, absolutely hilarious.

Another_Poet
2010-01-28, 01:13 PM
My friend HazelStone lost her login info and asked me to put up this one for her. Possible threadwin comin' online:

William S. Burroughs - Words of Advice For Player Characters
People often ask me if I have any words of advice for player characters.
Well here are a few simple admonitions for young and old.
Never interfere in a demon vs. lich fight.
Beware of wizards who say they don't want money.
The hell they don't.
What they mean is they want more money. Much more.
If you're doing business with a Lawful Evil son-of-a-gun,
Get it in writing.
His word isn't worth crap.
Not with Vecna telling him how to screw you on the deal.

Avoid screw-up NPCs.
We all know the type.
Anything they have anything to do with,
No matter how good it sounds,
Turns into a disaster.
Do not offer sympathy to the newly infected undead.
Tell them firmly:
I am not paid to listen to this drivel.
You are a terminal noob.

Now some of you may encounter the Devil's Bargain,
If you get that far.
Any old soul is worth saving,
At least to a priest,
But not every soul is worth buying.
So you can take the offer as a compliment.
He tries the easy ones first.
You know like money,
All the money there is.
But who wants to be the richest guy in Limbo?
Not much left to spend it on, eh gramps?
Getting too old to cut the mustard.

Well, time hits the hardest blows.
Especially below the belt.
How's a young body grab you?
Like three card monte, a Bluff check made by a 15th level rogue,
Now you see it, now you don't.
Haven't you forgotten something, gramps?
In order to feel something,
You've got to be there.
You have to be eighteen.
You're not eighteen.
You are seventy-eight. And you’ve taken age-related stat penalties.
Old fool sold his soul for a phylactery.

Well they always try the easiest ones first.
How about an honorable bargain?
You always wanted to be a healer,
Well now's your chance.
Why don't you become a great Cleric
And benefit humanity?
What's wrong with that?
Just about everything.
There are no honorable bargains
Involving exchange
Of qualitative merchandise
Like souls
For quantitative merchandise
Like time and money.
So tick off Tiamat
And don't take me for dumber than I look.

An old Loremaster told me -
Watch whose money you pick up.

Fayd
2010-01-28, 01:32 PM
Mark Twain: Dance like you have Greater Invisibility. Sing like you're Silenced. Love like you've never taken hit point damage and live like you've been Plane Shifted to Celestia.

Can I sig this?

Dust
2010-01-28, 01:46 PM
"A man who is good enough to shed his blood for the country is good enough to be given a standard ECL treasure reward afterwards."
- Theodore Roosevelt

"Always forgive your GMs; nothing annoys them so much."
- Oscar Wilde

Telonius
2010-01-28, 02:07 PM
Giovanni Pico della Mirandola, "On the Dignity of Druids." (A mere eight words changed from the translated original).

The DM, the Mightiest Architect, had already raised, according to the precepts of His hidden wisdom, this world we see, the cosmic dwelling of divinity, a temple most august. He had already adorned the supercelestial region with Solars, infused the heavenly globes with the life of immortal souls and set the fermenting dung-heap of the inferior world teeming with every form of animal life. But when this work was done, the Divine Artificer still longed for some creature which might comprehend the meaning of so vast an achievement, which might be moved with love at its beauty and smitten with awe at its grandeur. When, consequently, all else had been completed (as both Mordenkainen and Vecna testify), in the very last place, He bethought Himself of bringing forth multiclassing.

Truth was, however, that there remained no archetype according to which He might fashion a new offspring, nor in His treasure-houses the wherewithal to endow a new son with a fitting inheritance, nor any place, among the seats of the universe, where this new creature might dispose himself to contemplate the world. All space was already filled; all things had been distributed in the highest, the middle and the lowest orders. Still, it was not in the nature of the power of the DM to fail in this last creative élan; nor was it in the nature of that supreme Wisdom to hesitate through lack of counsel in so crucial a matter; nor, finally, in the nature of His beneficent love to compel the creature destined to praise the divine generosity in all other things to find it wanting in himself.

At last, the Supreme Maker decreed that this creature, to whom He could give nothing wholly his own, should have a share in the particular endowment of every other creature. Taking the Druid, therefore, this creature of indeterminate image, He set him in the middle of the world and thus spoke to him:

"We have given you, O Druid 20, no visage proper to yourself, nor endowment properly your own, in order that whatever place, whatever form, whatever gifts you may, with premeditation, select, these same you may have and possess through your own judgement and decision. The nature of all other creatures is defined and restricted within laws which We have laid down; you, by contrast, impeded by no such restrictions, may, by your own free will, to whose custody We have assigned you, trace for yourself the lineaments of your own nature. I have placed you at the very center of the world, so that from that vantage point you may with greater ease glance round about you on all that the world contains. We have made you a creature neither of heaven nor of earth, neither mortal nor immortal, in order that you may, as the free and proud shaper of your own being, fashion yourself in the form you may prefer. It will be in your power to descend to the lower, brutish forms of life; you will be able, through your own decision, to rise again to the superior orders whose life is divine."

Dimers
2010-01-28, 02:07 PM
Alistair Crowley: If you're a wizard, do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

The Wiccan Rede: An ye harm none, do as ye may, but if you're going to play that way you might as well take the Vow of Peace feat.

Disintegrated, soul binded men tell no tales.


Spoon boy: "Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon... it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself." (rolls bluff)

Carlos Castaneda: "It's better to get something worthwhile done using deception than to fail to get something worthwhile done using truth." (*rolls Bluff check*)

Haberdashery
2010-01-28, 02:49 PM
"This is my people shooting hat. I get a +5 competence bonus on attack rolls against humanoids in this hat."
-Holden Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye (In memory of J.D. Salinger)

"One score and sixteen years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new RPG, conceived in Chainmail, and dedicated to the proposition that all characters are created to plunder dungeons and slay dragons equally.
Now we are engaged in a great edition war, testing whether that RPG, or any RPG so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great forum of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that board, as a final resting place for those who gave their social lives that that RPG might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we cannot desecrate -- we cannot consecrate -- we cannot hallow -- this ground, for we do not have the Caster Level to do so. The brave players, washed and unwashed, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor cleric level to recast it. The forum will little note, nor long remember what we type here, but it can never forget what they did here, because those threads have many pages and are posted on daily. It is for us the players, rather, to be dedicated to the unfinished work which those who argued and insulted each other here most nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task before us -- that from these honored debaters we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these debaters shall not have debated fiercely in vain -- that in this RPG, under Pelor, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that an RPG of gamers, by gamers, for gamers shall not perish from the earth."
-Abraham Lincoln

Freshmeat
2010-01-28, 02:55 PM
All animals are created equal but the Tarrasque is more equal than others.

"Do it?" Please, I'm not a Chaotic Stupid villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my masterstroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I cast Contingency this morning. You triggered it 35 minutes ago.

golentan
2010-01-28, 03:11 PM
Since nobody seems to have done it yet: The Daigurren Brigade's philosophies as per the OP.

Kamina: A real man never retreats, no matter what the CR of his opponent.

Yoko: We've always counted on Simon to roll a Nat 20 at the last moment.

Rossiu: No matter how much you scorn me, it is my duty having taken the Leadership feat to protect my followers.

Leeron: The faster we roll the dice, the more we break free of the bonds of gravity. (Alt: I have a high dexterity modifier. Want to give it a test?)

Nia: I love Simon, but I just don't believe two characters can use the same character sheet.

Alt Nia: What the anti spirals desire is for humanity to collectively fail their will saves.

Anti Spirals: You have the exact same build as the characters in the last 100 campaigns. There is nothing special or unique about you.

Lordgenome: I used to be the big bad, but now I'm just around to make knowledge checks.

Viral: Now I see. You really munchkin-ed your build, simon.

Simon: Mine is the Improvised Weapon that will deal infinite piercing damage to the Outer Planes!!!!

Telonius
2010-01-28, 03:21 PM
Any 1 that can be rolled, will be rolled. - Murphy

Lycar
2010-01-28, 03:26 PM
"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

Freshmeat
2010-01-28, 03:33 PM
http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7210/1491/400/chesty1.jpg

"Now we can use whirlwind attack!"

- Lieutenant General Chesty Puller

Another_Poet
2010-01-28, 03:33 PM
"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

* applause *

BRC
2010-01-28, 04:01 PM
I sent the DM a wire stating, "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY GROUP THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER".
"From the moment I picked your character sheet up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"Years ago, I tried to top everybody, but I don't anymore. I realized it was killing gameplay. When you're always trying for a topper you aren't really listening. It ruins the game".
"No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his party member".
-Groucho Marx.
"Sell not Alignment to purchase GP, nor Liberty to purchase XP."
" A great Railroad Plot, like a great Cake, is most easily diminished at the Edges."
" All Wars are Follies, very expensive, and very mischievous ones. When will Mankind be convinced of this, and agree to settle their Differences by Diplomacy Checks? Were they to do it, even by the Cast of a Dye, it would be better than by Fighting and destroying each other."
"Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and the cost of a Raise Dead spell."
"Every character cries, a Party is absolutely necessary, but when they come to the Manner and Form of the Party, their weak builds are perfectly distracted"
-Benjamin Franklin

Quincunx
2010-01-28, 04:38 PM
The DC is 42, but what are you rolling to discover?

Thatguyoverther
2010-01-28, 05:01 PM
Tried to think of another one but this is as far as I got.

Schrodinger: "If you lock a commoner in windowless room with a enraged house cat..."

Haberdashery
2010-01-28, 05:27 PM
John Lennon: "All you need is Love. And the 30 splatbooks giving Love more options and potential builds."

The New Bruceski
2010-01-28, 05:36 PM
I shall not fail my fear save. Fear is the move action-killer. Fear is the little death that brings total party wipe. I will face my roll. I will permit the die to roll over me and through me. And when it has rolled past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the die has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
--Paul Atreides

Tiktakkat
2010-01-28, 05:37 PM
"There are three kinds of lies; lies, damned lies, and your die rolls."

- Mark Twain (paraphrasing Sir Charles Wentworth Dilke)

David the Gnome
2010-01-28, 05:51 PM
Not only does God play D&D, He sometims fudges die roles
Stephen Hawking

Life is a Symbl of Pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is making a bluff check.
Man in Black

Calmar
2010-01-28, 07:04 PM
"If I were not Alexander, I should wish to be Pun-Pun."
- Alexander the Great

"I know that many will call this useless work."
- Leonardo da Vinci (after completing the Arms and Equipment Guide)

"I am convinced that a good session is 10% what the DM prepares and 90% how we react to it."
- Scipio Africanus

"Playing a paladin is domination of one part of the group over the rest of the group, and domination, moreover, that rests directly on coercion."
- Vladimir Lenin

Amiel
2010-01-28, 07:16 PM
On Good

Aristotle: "What does it mean to be a good person?"

Descrates: "What does it mean to be?"

Nietzsche: "What does it mean?

Bertrand Russell: "What does it mean?"

C.S Lewis: "What does it?"

Lil John: "What?"

Dimers
2010-01-28, 07:43 PM
On Good
Aristotle: "What does it mean to be a good person?"
Descrates: "What does it mean to be?"
Nietzsche: "What does it mean?
Bertrand Russell: "What does it mean?"
C.S Lewis: "What does it?"
Lil John: "What?"

Bill Clinton: "That depends on what you mean by 'is' ..."

CTLC
2010-01-28, 09:47 PM
if you cant bring the mountain to Mohandas, you must cast shrink item on it

Ormur
2010-01-28, 10:24 PM
Jean-Paul Sartre: The Abyss is other humanoids.

RandomLunatic
2010-01-28, 11:23 PM
I want to know the DM's thoughts. The rest are just details.

-Albert Einstein


Only two things are infinite: PC stupidity and the layers of the Abyss, and I am not so certain on the Abyss.

-Albert Einstein


Humanoids are the only creatrue type that takes class levels-or has need to.

-Mark Twain


Reports of my demise are greatly exaggerated!

-Mark Twain, on Raise Dead


Well, I got better!

-Monty Python, on Raise Dead

Killer Angel
2010-01-29, 02:29 AM
Socrates/DM: "So you're all in the cave..."

...and, after a brief moment, you can see that there are Shadows inside. (*rolls initiative*)

Kaiyanwang
2010-01-29, 03:12 AM
Immanuel Kant: "The starry heavens above me, the moral law within me, two rogues flanking me. Crap."

"Reason can never prove the existence of god. Receive a Smite Evil, well, maybe"

"It is not god's will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy. Assuming he has the Happiness Domain, of course"

"All human knowledge begins with intuitions, proceeds from thence to concepts, and ends with a failed saving throw."

"Morality is thus the relation of actions to the autonomy of the will, that is, to a possible giving of universal law through its maxims. And when in doubt, cast detect good"

Lycar, I bow before you.

Calmar
2010-01-29, 10:06 AM
"Gold and XP, reward and levels, are the only motives to a rational creature: these are the spur and reins whereby all player races are set on work, and guided."
- John Locke

"Everything that is possible demands to exist."
- Gottfried Leibniz, explaining the pseudonatural half-fey half-illithid troll

"Death, therefore, the most awful of evils, is nothing to us, seeing that, when we are, the cleric casts raise dead, reincarnation, resurrection, or true ressurection, and then, we are not."
- Epicurus

Telonius
2010-01-29, 10:31 AM
Aristotle has a bunch of good ones.

"Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way... you become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions." - Aristotle, denying a player's request for his Rogue to take a level dip in Fighter, despite never having trained with armor or weapons, just because his build plan demanded it

"Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime." - Aristotle, banning VoP for cheesiness. (Too bad he didn't run the numbers on it).

"To perceive is to suffer." - Aristotle, on the Rogue who just made his spot check to see the Symbol of Suffering.

"Wretched, ephemeral race, children of chance and tribulation, why do you force me to tell you the very thing which it would be most profitable for you not to hear? The very best thing is utterly beyond your reach: not to have been born, not to be, to be nothing. However, the second best thing for you is: to die soon." - Aristotle, DMing a Call of Cthulhu game.

Godskook
2010-01-29, 03:35 PM
"What you must learn is that these rules are no different than the rules of any other gaming system. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken." - Morpheus, The Matrix

Jarrick
2010-01-29, 11:03 PM
"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."

Lycar

Brilliant. Love it. Can I sig this?

Saintheart
2010-01-30, 12:20 AM
More from Morpheus:

"D&D is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But look around you, what do you see? Fighters; sorcerers; bards - the very minds of the people we are trying to save. Understand, Neo, that most of these people are not yet ready to be min/maxed. And some of them are so inert, so dependent on the RAI, that they will die to protect it."

"I'm trying to min/max your character, Neo. But I can only show you the splatbooks. You're the one who has to read through them."

Macbeth: "Is this a light weapon I see before me, handle turned toward my off hand?"

Tiktakkat
2010-01-30, 12:38 AM
After reading Saintheart's sig:

"The single best argument against organized play is five minutes' conversation with the average RPGA or Pathfinder Society member."
--Winston Churchill Me

PhoenixRivers
2010-01-30, 01:47 AM
"And therefore never send to know for whom the die rolls; It rolls for thee."
-John Donne

Why should we subsidize character optimization?
-Ronald Reagan

T.G. Oskar
2010-01-30, 02:03 AM
I dream that I play here
on these battles I charged,
and I dreamed that in a character
happier I saw myself.
What is life? A character sheet.
What is life? A d20,
A paper, a pencil,
And the greatest profit is Fabricate mixed with Wall of Iron;
For all of life is a game,
And gaming, is nothing but awesome.

--Segismund, Life is a Game (written by Spanish DM Pedro Calderón de la Barca)

The Socratic Gaming Paradoxes (which are no longer paradoxes):

* No one desires evil, except always Evil creatures.
* No one errs or does wrong willingly or knowingly, except for always Evil creatures. (This is specially true of Paladins)
* Fox's Cunning - all casts of Fox's Cunning - is knowledge.
* 9th level spellcasting is sufficient for happiness.

PhoenixRivers
2010-01-30, 02:15 AM
"Give thy thoughts no Tongues,
Nor any unproportion’d thought his act.
Have thy familiar, but by no means animal companion.
Those party members thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them unto thy soul with party contracts;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch’d, unfledg’d player. Beware
Of entrance to a quarrel; but, being in,
Bear’t that the opposed may be crowd controlled.
Give every man thine listen check, but few thy bluff:
Take each man’s censure, but reserve thy Detect Evil.
Costly thy magic items as thy WBL can buy,
But not express’d in fancy; useful, not gaudy:
For the apparel oft proclaims the man;
And they in Waterdeep of the best rank and station
Are most select and generous chief in that.
Neither a monk nor a fighter be:
For monk oft loses both itself and friend;
And fighter dulls the edge of 'CC'.
This above all,—to thine own rolls be true;
And it must follow, as the lawyers the RAW,
Thou canst not then be false to any DM."

-Polonius, Retiring DM.

T.G. Oskar
2010-01-30, 02:25 AM
"I have no more than twenty levels of Wizard," he replied, "the whole of which I acquired myself with the help of my planar allies; and our labor keeps off from us three great evils-demons, devils and yugoloths."

--The Turk, a 20th level Wizard NPC, speaking to Candide and his adventuring group. Candide, or the Campaign Setting, by Francois-Marie Arouet (Voltaire)

"There is a concatenation of all events in the best of possible worlds; for, in short, had you not been kicked out of a fine castle for the notes of the Dungeon Master; had you not been put into the Ravagers; had you not traveled over Faerun on foot; had you not run the Baron through the body; and had you not lost all your levels, which you earned from the good slaying of dragons, you would not have been here to eat stale soup and drink watery ale."

"Excellently observed," answered Candide; "but let us kill some orcs."

--Candide, a (de-leveled) 1st level Human Fighter, retorting to Doctor Pangloss, a (de-leveled and resurrected) 1st level Human Wizard. Candide, or the Campaign Setting, by Francois-Marie Arouet (Voltaire)

Saintheart
2010-01-30, 02:28 AM
"I have nothing to declare but my 25 INT." -- Oscar Wilde on arrival in America.

"There is no such thing as society. Only a Large City with three Lawful Neutral Power Bases and a 2,000,000 gp limit." -- Margaret Thatcher.

"It's the action economy, stupid." -- Bill Clinton, one of our better DMs

Rasman
2010-01-30, 02:56 AM
Ok, not a philosopher, but, this came to mind because I've always wanted to make either a PC or NPC that was a Dread Pirate named Roberts

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you reduced my father to -10 hit points, prepare to reroll"

"You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep, no matter how high you roll your move silently check." Old Navajo Proverb

The BBEG is the path. ~Zen Proverb

It is better to know some of the questions than to always just roll for knowledge. ~James Thurber

this last one is just to make your brain go "pop"

Proverbs often contradict one another, as any reader soon discovers. The sagacity that advises us to look before we leap promptly warns us that if we hesitate we are lost; that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but out of sight, out of mind. ~Leo Rosten

a LONG time favorite, thus why proverbs are always appropriate for every situation because they're all right every time

Draz74
2010-01-30, 03:27 AM
"Surrender?!? Sir, I have not yet rolled initiative!"
- John Paul Jones

Woman: "Sir, if I were your wife, I'd put Black Lotus Extract in your Potion of Cure Light Wounds."
Churchill: "Madam, if I were your husband, I'd fail my Fortitude save against it."

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may be a Focused Specialist, but you have ceased to enjoy the protection of Mirror Image."
- Mark Twain

"I have never let my Knowledge Skills get in the way of my Factotum Levels."
- Mark Twain

"A man who won't read has no advantage over a Barbarian, and he doesn't get to Rage either."
- Mark Twain

"Animal Companions feel very strongly that they should always go with you into the dungeon, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right when you're trying to make a Move Silently check."
- Dave Barry

T.G. Oskar
2010-01-30, 03:58 AM
U.S gamers' state and territory mottos:
Alabama: Audemus experior nostra defendere (We dare defend our XP)
Alaska: Prestige Class to the Future
American Samoa: Rogue, let Wizard be First
Arizona: Ditat Confingus plus Moenia Ferrus (Fabricate plus Wall of Iron enriches)
Arkansas:Regnat Magus (The Wizards rule) - is Emperor Tippy from Arkansas?
California: κερδίζω ικανότητα (I have earned a level!)
Colorado: Nil sine orsus (Nothing without initiative)
Connecticut: Qui curatii sustinet (He who heals sustains)
Delaware: Liberty to kill and independence of magic items (the Fighter state, perhaps? Or the state that favors Martial Adepts? It's the dream of homebrewers, perhaps...)
D.C.: ...Experior omnibus (...And XP for all)
Florida: In the gods we trust (...which gods...?)
Georgia: Wisdom, Intelligence and Charisma
Guam: Guahan i tano' guali'ek-klasen (Land of the Lizard-folk) - that was one hard motto to work out!
Hawaii: The life of the adventurer is perpetuated by killing (monsters)
Idaho: Esto perpetua non (Let it not be perpetual) - conditional
Illinois: Magic sovereignity, national dominion (another magocratic state...)
Indiana: the Crossroads of (insert campaign setting here)
Iowa: Our artifacts we prize and our attitude we will maintain
Kansas: Ad hostes hostium per aspera (To the enemy through difficulties)
Kentucky: Divided we stand, united we fall (applies only to AoE spells); deo DM habeamus (let us be grateful to the DM)
Louisiana: Verbal, Somatic, Material (...what...?)
Maine: Dirigo (I lead) - whose adventurer hasn't claimed this?
Maryland: Fatti magi, parole vate (Wizardry deeds, Bardic words)
Massachussets: Ense petit experior sub competo CR experio (By the sword we seek XP, but XP only under appropriate CR)
Michigan: Si quaeris bestiam facile circumspice (If you seek an easy monster, look around you)
Minnesota: L'etoile du école de magie (The star of the school of magic)
Mississippi: Venefice et ferrum (By magic and iron)
Missouri: Salus populi suprema lex esto (Let the welfare of the people be the supreme law) - definitely the Lawful Good state
Montana: Piezas de platino y oro y plata y cobre (Platinum and gold and silver and copper pieces) - well...that was easy.
Nebraska: Equality before the law (and here we have the Lawful Neutral state)
Nevada: All For Our Own Sake (the adventurer's motto)
New Hampshire: Live Free or Die (definitely the Chaotic Neutral State)
New Mexico: Laus crescit eundo (Our fame grows as it goes)
New York: Excelsior (Ever upward) - you ol' New Yorkers have it lucky...
North Carolina: Abscondo quam videor (To hide, rather than to be seen) - the Rogue state.
North Dakota: Arcane and Divine, now and forever, one and inseparable (the Mystic Theurge state!)
Ohio: With Miracle, all things are possible
Oklahoma: Pun-pun omnia vincit (Pun-pun conquers all)
Oregon: Volat magus volat propriis (She flies with her own Fly spell)
Pennsylvania: Order, Virtue, Indecisiveness, Vice, Brutality (the new alignment system as per 4th Edition)
Puerto Rico: Jaela Daran Est Nomen Ejus* (Jaela Daran is her name)
Rhode Island: (Good) Hope (the Bard state?)
South Carolina: Dum video instruo (the Wizard's motto); Littera explosiva in mane procintu (I prepared Explosive Runes this morning) - sound familiar?
South Dakota: Under no circumstance the people rule (Lawful Evil state; sorry South Dakotans, but it's...oddly appropriate. Not exactly intended to be real. You must be good people, I beckon!)
Tennessee: Agriculture OR Commerce, but not both (...I...have no better idea for this one...)
Texas: Friendship (that which is meant to be cultivated on an adventuring party, but most of the time fails to happen)
Utah: (Magic) Industry - again, at a loss for words. I thought that they'd honestly use a Mormon motto, what with Brigham Young founding the city at all...
Vermont: Freedom and disunion (or whatever passes for a Chaotic Evil state...again, no hard feelings, people from Vermont. It's the lottery that's against you!)
Virginia: Sic semper tyrannis (Thus, always the tyrants) - or as commonly translated, "death to the tyrants": the very motto of Chaotic Good.
Virgin Islands: United with sovereign glue
Washington: By and far (if someone knows the Chinook jargon for "by and far", tell me!) - what Washingtonians always say before continuing with "Wizards are the most broken class ever". Or something along those lines ;)
West Virginia: *** Agito Libertas semper liberi (With Freedom of Movement, [you're] always free)
Wisconsin: Forward (perhaps the Ranger state, because when you ask the Ranger "where should we move", they'll probably say this)
Wyoming: Equal stats (the dream of every gamer...or at least, of the MAD classes. Could do with something better, tho...)

*The motto of Puerto Rico is really, really hard, and not because it's my home. It's hard to figure which would be an appropriate D&D equivalent to John the Baptist. Blame the old Catholic Kings for that, not me!

Volkov
2010-01-30, 09:42 AM
Charles Darwin:"It is not the strongest, nor the most intelligent species that survive, but the most adaptable. For proof of this, see the Kobolds."

thorgrim29
2010-01-30, 11:03 AM
There's something in there about the invisible hand of the dm.

Volkov
2010-01-30, 11:17 AM
There's something in there about the invisible hand of the dm.
Are you referring to my quote?

industrious
2010-01-30, 05:01 PM
No, he's refering to Adam Smith's "invisible hand".

"Those afraid of the universe as it really is, those who pretend to nonexistent knowledge and envision a Cosmos centered on human beings will prefer the fleeting comforts of playing a fighter"-Carl Sagan

"Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known."-Carl Sagan, on researching epic spells

"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent."-Carl Sagan, shortly before playing the Tomb of Horrors

"One of the greatest pieces of being a wizard is to know what you do not know."-John Kenneth Galbraith

"The only function of arcane magic is to make divine magic look respectable."-John Kenneth Galbraith

golentan
2010-01-30, 05:06 PM
"The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent."-Carl Sagan, shortly before playing the Tomb of Horrors

You made me choke on my drink. I almost want to sig that, but I don't have room...

Dimers
2010-01-30, 09:54 PM
"I am a Bear of Very Little Int, and long words bother me." -- the newly awakened former animal companion, on why he ate his smarty-pants druid master.

Saintheart
2010-01-30, 10:52 PM
*The motto of Puerto Rico is really, really hard, and not because it's my home. It's hard to figure which would be an appropriate D&D equivalent to John the Baptist.

That would be the Evangelist PrC, from Complete Divine IIRC. :smallwink:

Herbstfarben
2010-01-31, 06:46 AM
Nobody has the intention of casting wall of stone.
- Walter Ulbricht

Rasman
2010-01-31, 06:55 AM
"Madness? THIS...IS...CTHULHU!!!!!!!!" :belkar:

100% Belkar approved.

Calmar
2010-01-31, 07:26 AM
Nobody has the intention of casting wall of stone.
- Walter Ulbricht

Hahaha :biggrin:


Another glamorous personality of the multiverse:
"Mordenkainen, Bigby and Tenser. They are the funny trio." *
- Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf

*I admit I probably don't know enough about Greyhawk-politics...

Adlan
2010-01-31, 07:54 AM
Summary of:
Darwin's Theory of Class Creep through Players Selection,
Those Classes, which by happenstance are better suited to their player enviroment, are so selected by the Players, and become more popular. Thus, When new classes appear, they are those that are comparable to the already popular classes, and the power level of the overall population of classes increase. Again, this selection happens, producing the vast diversity of min-maxed builds we see in the game.

Draz74
2010-01-31, 12:25 PM
"Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, Olidammara would permit us to be Rogue/Swashbuckler/Dread Pirates with Daring Outaw." -Mark Twain

KellKheraptis
2010-01-31, 12:34 PM
"Now I am become Death, the Destroyer of Worlds." ~Vishnu, upon revealing he was Amaranth the high priest, and had a Locate City bomb.

Jarrick
2010-01-31, 08:52 PM
A Few from the Hagakure (some altered slightly):

"In Spellcasting it is progress when the material, verbal, and somatic are in harmony, but they are so wont to be disjointed!"
-Master Ittei, on concentration checks.

"If a retainer will just think about what he is to for the day at hand, he will be able to do anything. If it is a single day's work, one should be able to put up with it. Tomorrow, too, is but a single day."
-Ikuno Oribe, on playing a wizard

"Singlemindedness is all-powerful"
-Yamamoto Jin'emon, on wizards multiclassing.

"Having only wisdom and talent is the lowest tier of usefulness"
-Unknown, on monks

"A certain swordsman in his declining years said the following:
In one's life there are levels in the pursuit of study. In the lowest level, a person studies and nothing comes of it, and he feels that both he and others are unskillful. At this point he is worthless. In the middle level he is still useless but is aware of his own insufficiencies and can also see the insufficiencies of others. In a higher level he has pride concerning his own ability, rejoices in praise from others, and laments the lack of of ability in his fellows. This man has worth. In the highest level a man has the look of knowing nothing."

Swiftest
2010-02-01, 11:24 PM
Everyone can play D&D, because everyone can roll. You don't have to have a Player's Handbook to roll. You don't have to make your dm and pcs agree to roll. You only need a pouch full of dice, a character sheet generated by love. ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Among all the attributes of GOD, although they are (not) all equal, battlefield control shines with even more brilliancy than blasting." - Miguel De Cervantes

-- couple I thought of =X.

Innis Cabal
2010-02-01, 11:33 PM
If you meet the Buddha, slay the Buddha. He grants 20,000 XP-Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta

wykydtron
2010-02-01, 11:35 PM
Nice one! :smallbiggrin:

"2+INT skill points ought to be enough for anyone."

This made my day.:smallbiggrin:

Kumo
2010-07-11, 09:13 PM
"Neither a borrower nor lender be, because the sheets we keep track of those things on are easy to lose among friends."

-Shakespeare, Hamlet
The DnD Story

"I came. I spot. I crit."

Arillius
2010-07-12, 12:10 AM
"Tis but a scratch"
-So said the barbarian of 80 hp when he lost his arm to a crit deck

Kumo
2010-07-12, 12:25 AM
"The needs of the DM outweigh the needs of the PCs."

acid_ninja
2010-07-12, 12:51 AM
Henry Ford on Fighters: "You can have any tier you want, as long as its 4"

Lord Raziere
2010-07-12, 01:09 AM
"good, evil, I'm just the guy with the +5 great axe"

"If the dm doesn't lead, how can he expect his party members to follow?"
"It wasn't me who was wrong. It was the campaign!"
"The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be PCs!"
"If weakness is chaotic evil, then is power lawful good?"
-Lelouch Lamperouge

Ajadea
2010-07-12, 01:27 AM
"To play a fighter is to play the game.
To play a wizard is to understand the rules.
To understand the rules, and play a fighter, is to understand the game."


Yes. Thread Win. This is practically the reason I play D&D. Can I sig this, Lycar?

Kumo
2010-07-12, 01:34 AM
"good, evil, I'm just the guy with the +5 great axe"

"If the dm doesn't lead, how can he expect his party members to follow?"
"It wasn't me who was wrong. It was the campaign!"
"The only ones who should kill are those who are prepared to be PCs!"
"If weakness is chaotic evil, then is power lawful good?"
-Lelouch Lamperouge

I LOVE that show


"If it's fine to kill off hobos because they're npcs, then logically i can kill off your blackguard while you're in the bathroom since he's not being played."



"i LOVE ruling my game with an iron fist!" -Arlian King



"Even if i were to just walk away right now, and not turn in the quest, he would have ten less beaver tails than if i did. Whoop-de-friggen-do." -Simmons, on the pointlessness of quests


"He may have been an NPC, but he was MY npc. You had NO RIGHT to decide what to do with him." -DM to a godmodder



"And so i'm supposed to wait for you to change things?! I guess you'd rather just sit down at the table and tell your players 'don't worry, the rules suck but there will be a new edition real soon!'" -Yuri Lowell, on the correct way to pursure justice (it's kinda like Suzaku/Lelouch)



"Can't pick up chicks on a dragon..." -Tucker



"Wait a minute, did you just survive a 40hp blow when you had 20hp?"
"Yeah?"
"That's against the rules, isn't it?"
"Screw the rules, i have damage reduction!"



"Love changes people and world, shaping them into who or what they should be, making them stronger than an ox, yet weaker than a flea. It can save or destroy, bless or damn, heal or harm. And above all, it makes little to no sense to anyone outside. Love... is a crappy plot device."



"The sea is like a beautiful rogue: ye can love her, but ye can't trust her." -Pirate. Name unknown.

katans
2010-07-12, 02:31 AM
Dead are all the PHB gods, now we want Pun-Pun to live !
- Friedrich Nietzsche

All the marvels of magic items and the gains of new spells belong to the party as a whole, and never again will Wizard's brain and Outsider genius be used for oppression and exploitation.
- Vladimir Lenin

Character optimization can only be understood backwards, but it must be played forwards.
- Soren Kierkegaard

The fighter dies and his rule is over; the wizard dies and his lichdom begins.
- Soren Kierkegaard

Death of Tier 5 party members is the price we pay for progress through the dungeon.
- Alfred North Whitehead

The party's main problems are not spell preparation time, charges left in the wand of CLW, shared tavern and brothel costs, or resurrecting the Rogue. The party's main problem is the lack of mutual understanding and mutual agreement about how to proceed with those problems.
- Ken Wilber

The real intent of my DMing is not to say, you must play in this way. The real intent is: here are some of the many important facets of this extraordinary game; have you thought about including them in your own character?
- Ken Wilber

mucat
2010-07-12, 03:20 AM
"Blasphemy? Before whom? The Giant? Mods repulsed by their miserable board members? I will not be shackled by thread-necromancy rules. The only blasphemy is to wallow in outdatedness. I have taken refuse of your guidelines' failures and I have triumphed. It lives! This thread LIVES!"

- Herbert West, Reanimator


(EDIT: Just in case Dr. West was unclear, check the delay between posts 201 and 202.)

Another_Poet
2010-07-12, 09:27 AM
"Blasphemy? Before whom? The Giant? Mods repulsed by their miserable board members? I will not be shackled by thread-necromancy rules. The only blasphemy is to wallow in outdatedness. I have taken refuse of your guidelines' failures and I have triumphed. It lives! This thread LIVES!"

- Dr. Herbert West, Reanimator

Wow. I congratulate you.

Yora
2010-07-12, 09:40 AM
"The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of arcane magic."

Kumo
2010-07-12, 10:05 AM
"The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of arcane magic."

"I find your lack of faith... disturbing." -Darth Vader, speaking to a cleric

Critical
2010-07-12, 10:10 AM
"I find your lack of faith... disturbing." -Darth Vader, the cleric.

Fixed that for you.

Kumo
2010-07-12, 10:13 AM
Fixed that for you.

No, you did not. The important thing was that he was speaking to a cleric with no religious ties.

Think about that for a second.

A cleric with no religious faith has no powers. The cleric is the healer. A healer with no healing powers is all but worthless.

Viktre
2010-07-12, 10:15 AM
Since we all know that the DM = God
Genesis 1:3 "And the DM said let there be Light, and there was a 20ft radius from the point he touched for 10 min/lvl. And an addtional 20ft of dim light."

Arillius
2010-07-12, 11:38 AM
A cleric with no religious faith has no powers. The cleric is the healer. A healer with no healing powers is all but worthless.

The cleric is a divine spellcaster. That just means they get healing spells. Doesn't make them a healer. My favorite cleric character had two heals spells prepared every day, both for him.

Continuing on with the Dm = God
"And the DM said let there be life, and he rolled upon the random encounters table and what was rolled appeared."

"On the Seventh Day the DM saw what he had made, and it was good. And he he rested, and ordered pizza as he waited for his players to arrive."

Maerok
2010-07-12, 11:42 AM
Descartes: "I am the DM."

Nietzsche (as Nihilist): "Rocks fall, everybody dies."

Donatien François, Marquis de Sade: "I head to the nearest brothel!"


Nietzsche =/= Nihilist

nedz
2010-07-12, 11:48 AM
Clausewitz "Diplomancy is the continuation of combat by another means"

Snake-Aes
2010-07-12, 11:56 AM
"Screw this, I'm outta here". Ao.

PId6
2010-07-12, 12:17 PM
"By a Bluff check, a man... annihilates his dignity as a man." - Immanuel Kant.

"Character creation precedes and rules character background." - Jean Paul Sartre.

"A spectre is haunting Europe - can anyone Turn Undead?" - Karl Marx.

"No man's ranks in Knowledge can go beyond his experience level + 3." - John Locke.

"The life of BBEGs, solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short." - Thomas Hobbes.

Snake-Aes
2010-07-12, 12:21 PM
"No man can find salvation save in Celestia.",St Augustine.

Kumo
2010-07-12, 12:31 PM
The cleric is a divine spellcaster. That just means they get healing spells. Doesn't make them a healer. My favorite cleric character had two heals spells prepared every day, both for him.

Continuing on with the Dm = God

And he'd still have no powers at all. :smalltongue:

PId6
2010-07-12, 12:34 PM
No, you did not. The important thing was that he was speaking to a cleric with no religious ties.
Clerics don't need religious ties for their powers. They can follow any concept, cause, or ideology and still get awesome zilla powers.

"I find your lack of faith- *gurrh*" - Darth Vader's last words to a cleric of the cause of Awesomeness.

Morph Bark
2010-07-12, 12:36 PM
And he'd still have no powers at all. :smalltongue:

Actually, Clerics need not be tied to a religion (i.e. belief in a specific god). They just need some metaphysical concept they believe in that they tie their faith to and derive their powers from.

Yeah, I don't get those whacky Clerics either.


Julius Caesar: "I came, I saw, I concurred with the DM before he let rocks fall onto my troops."

Postmodernist
2010-07-12, 12:40 PM
“If at first you don't succeed, take 20. Then have the wizard cast a spell to fix the problem. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.” W. C. Fields

Also, I love this thread.

Kumo
2010-07-12, 12:48 PM
Actually, Clerics need not be tied to a religion (i.e. belief in a specific god). They just need some metaphysical concept they believe in that they tie their faith to and derive their powers from.

Yeah, I don't get those whacky Clerics either.


Julius Caesar: "I came, I saw, I concurred with the DM before he let rocks fall onto my troops."

They need faith in SOMETHING, though. Cause, ideology, religion... i just picked 'religion' as an example

"Roll a man's d20 and he'll live for six seconds. Teach a man to roll a d20 and he'll live through the battle. Although, if you need to teach him how to roll dice he probably wouldn't be playing the game anyway."

PId6
2010-07-12, 12:50 PM
They need faith in SOMETHING, though. Cause, ideology, religion... i just picked 'religion' as an example
Maybe they have faith in the you who believes in me?

Ranger Mattos
2010-07-12, 12:54 PM
U.S gamers' state and territory mottos:
Wisconsin: Forward (perhaps the Ranger state, because when you ask the Ranger "where should we move", they'll probably say this)

I completely believe I live in the Ranger State.

This thread is great :smallbiggrin:

Postmodernist
2010-07-12, 12:58 PM
As the archaeology of our thought easily shows, the PC is an invention of recent date. And one perhaps nearing its end. -Foucault

One never really knows who one's enemy is. -Habermas, unchanged (as every paranoid player)

Everything is arranged so that it be this way, this is what is called a campaign. -Derrida (as DM)

I do everything I think possible or acceptable to escape from this trap. -Derrida, unchanged (as every player in a trap)

Who ever said that one was born just once? -Derrida, unchanged (as Druid)

Blackfang108
2010-07-12, 01:08 PM
"But a kingdom which has once been destroyed can never again come into being, nor can the dead ever be brought back to life. Unless you've got a LOT of diamonds." - Sun Tzu

Kumo
2010-07-12, 01:38 PM
Maybe they have faith in the you who believes in me?

...

so this is what it's like when you're confused down thirty IQ points :smallannoyed:

PId6
2010-07-12, 01:49 PM
...

so this is what it's like when you're confused down thirty IQ points :smallannoyed:
:smallwink: (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TengenToppaGurrenLagann)

The-Mage-King
2010-07-12, 03:26 PM
They need faith in SOMETHING, though. Cause, ideology, religion... i just picked 'religion' as an example

Belief... In the him, that believes in him. :smallbiggrin:

Kumo
2010-07-12, 03:28 PM
Why bother responding if what you say doesn't make any sense? :smallconfused:

SITB
2010-07-12, 03:34 PM
Why bother responding if what you say doesn't make any sense? :smallconfused:

They are refering to a line from an anime called Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

On topic, this belongs to a poster named RedMagus in SA forums which I thought would be amusing to share:


"I am Halaster Blackcloak, and I am here to ask you a question. Is an adventurer not entitled to the sweat of his brow?

'No,' says the man in Neverwinter, 'it belongs to the party.'
'No,' says the man in Candlekeep, 'it belongs to intelligent.'
'No,' says the man in Luskan, 'it belongs to the powerful.'

I rejected those answers. Instead, I chose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose...

Undermountain

A dungeon where the rogue would not fear the paladin,
where the mage would not be bound by petty morality,
where the half-orcs would not be constrained by the halflings.

And with the sweat of your brow, Undermountain can become your random encounter table, as well."

The-Mage-King
2010-07-12, 03:44 PM
Why bother responding if what you say doesn't make any sense? :smallconfused:

It makes sense.


They are refering to a line from an anime called Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann.

On topic, this belongs to a poster named RedMagus in SA forums which I thought would be amusing to share:


Yes, an EPIC anime.

Also, an... interesting quote. Methink's that explains much of Undermountain...

SITB
2010-07-12, 04:21 PM
"He who gives up Character concept for Mechanical Power deserves neither." - Benjamin Franklin attributed.

cd4
2010-07-12, 04:24 PM
Neil Armstrong: This is one small step for man, one giant leap of the rails.

NowhereMan583
2010-07-12, 04:27 PM
Nietzsche =/= Nihilist

As I understand it, Nietzsche was, for a time, a nihilist, but sort of grew out of it; he claimed nihilism was a stage through which one needed to move in order to improve on society, because you had to tear down what was there in order to build something new.

(Source: "On the Three Metamorphoses", from Thus Spoke Zarathustra.)

Jaster
2010-07-12, 06:30 PM
"I may not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it as a free action"
-Voltaire

Math_Mage
2010-07-12, 06:39 PM
Hume: Examine the NPCs which have, in fact, prevailed in the game world. You will scarcely be persuaded, that they are anything but a sick DM's dreams.

Hobbes: Life in a campaign world without plot hooks is solitary, nasty, brutish and short.

Nietzsche: The ultimate goal of humanity is to roll all 18s.

Meta
2010-07-12, 07:09 PM
Not a one liner but:

DM: "You see a floating skull"
Player: "$%!& is it on fire?"
DM: "Yes"
Player: "Thank god"

Devils_Advocate
2010-07-13, 01:30 AM
"Without Rule 0, cheating is forbidden by the RAW; it is only for those acting on behalf of the DM, that everything is permitted."
- Jonathan Wallace

"It is not sufficient that I succeed. The DM must fail."
- Genghis Khan

"What glory in the kill, without peril in the hunt?"
- a gnoll barbarian, on the subjects of pragmatism, risk management, and what to have for dinner

Darth Stabber
2010-07-13, 08:34 AM
Particularly odd considering how much fun gay paladins are. :smallsmile:

Beyond sig worthy, I may change my forum name

Another_Poet
2010-07-13, 10:56 AM
"Everything in the splatbooks either agrees with the DMG, in which case it is superfluous; or disagrees with the DMG, in which case it is heretical. Burn the splatbooks."

hamishspence
2010-07-13, 10:59 AM
I've occasionally found myself wondering if some people subscribe to that, on the OoTS forum :smalleek:

Another_Poet
2010-07-13, 11:05 AM
I've occasionally found myself wondering if some people subscribe to that, on the OoTS forum :smalleek:

There are worse ways to run a game.

Though also many, many better ways.

NowhereMan583
2010-07-13, 02:15 PM
"Behold, I teach you the PC. The PC is the meaning of the campaign. Let your will say: the PC shall be the meaning of the campaign." - Nietzsche

"The campaign world has become small, and in it exists the Generic NPC, who takes ten on all checks. His race is as ineradicable as the flea-beetle; the NPC lives longest, for he never ventures into the dungeon." - Nietzsche

"My torture was not the knowledge that the gnome was the BBEG - but I cried as no one has yet cried: 'Alas, that his greatest evil is so very small!'" - Nietzsche

"There is no gaining of skill points, merely 'remembering' that you already had them." - Socrates

"I normally say that I see the plot-relevant NPCs themselves, just as I say that I see the wax. Yet do I see any more than hats and coats which could conceal set dressing? I judge that they are NPCs." - Descartes