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Deth Muncher
2010-01-27, 03:13 PM
Let's face it: we humans are so ingrained with what we think is "normal" that certain races in D&D just make us feel weird. What do you all think are some good races to weird players out?

So far, I've got Mind Flayers (c'mon, they're mini-Cthulus), Thri-Keen (multiarmed bugmen lolwut?), and the race of dual-trunked Space Elephants from...er, Shining South I wanna say?

What about you guys?

arguskos
2010-01-27, 03:19 PM
The Space Elephants are called Loxo.

My favorite race to weird players out with is the Giff, a race of literally space faring hippo people with guns. Sorta like this:
http://www.spelljammer.org/monsters/conversions/Giff2.gif

Also, the Lumi are good for this too, a race of glowy floating head people. Sorta like so:
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mmiii_gallery/83020.jpg

Jayabalard
2010-01-27, 03:27 PM
I never really saw much problem with the Thri-Kreen... bugmen are really not all that uncommon in either Sci-fi or fantasy.

Blackfang108
2010-01-27, 03:29 PM
The Tsochari disturb me to no end. Especially after reading their chapter in Lords of Madness. They're a communal entity that looks like a large mass of rope.

Also, the Psurlons creep me out. (Psionic Worm-men)

And, Chokers. So close to normal, so very, very WRONG.

As for playable races: Mongrels(RoD) and Spellscales(RotD) do this to me.

Starbuck_II
2010-01-27, 03:31 PM
The Lion wheel race in Tome of Magic.

How do they poop?

arguskos
2010-01-27, 03:35 PM
The Lion wheel race in Tome of Magic.

How do they poop?
While turning. *shudders*

Gametime
2010-01-27, 04:16 PM
Half-Giants. Breeding squick aside, something about the fact that the combination of two non-psionic races results in naturally-psionic offspring just freaks me out. I keep expecting them to start swelling up and go Akira-crazy.

Godskook
2010-01-27, 04:20 PM
The 'twins' race from Dragon magazine.

Dusk Eclipse
2010-01-27, 04:21 PM
The Tsochari disturb me to no end. Especially after reading their chapter in Lords of Madness. They're a communal entity that looks like a large mass of rope.


YES SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME!!!

faceroll
2010-01-27, 04:23 PM
The Maelephant
http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50080.jpg

arguskos
2010-01-27, 04:26 PM
The 'twins' race from Dragon magazine.
They are called Dvati, and were reprinted in Dragon Compendium, the best book ever.

hamishspence
2010-01-27, 04:26 PM
Fiend Folio has quite a few. The Ethergaunts seem a little disturbing- faceless mask, that opens to reveal a mass of mandibles.

Akal Saris
2010-01-27, 04:45 PM
I have to admit, Stormwrack's monkey people (Hadozee, originally from Spelljammer!) and Orca People definitely gave me a chuckle. And the orca people are actually pretty decent for some grappling builds and whatnot.

Kallisti
2010-01-27, 04:47 PM
Driders and Chitine.

I hate spiders. I hate people. I REALLY hate spider-people.

Rappy
2010-01-27, 04:52 PM
Algoid [Tome of Horrors]: Because nothing says "Wait, what?" like a human-shaped colony of psionic algae.

Korred [Tome of Horrors]: A close second from the same source as the algoid, the korred is a pygmy satyr with magic weapon-holding hair. Somehow this manages to loop around absurdity so far it becomes strangely awesome.

Broken One [Ravenloft: Denizens of Dread]: Imagine a flesh golem, only still alive, and pieced together with no regard for what parts you mold together into a hideously misshapen...thing. In fact, most of the beings in Denizens of Dread are pretty messed up, understandably.

Blackfang108
2010-01-27, 04:53 PM
YES SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS ME!!!

The first bad pimple I had after reading that nearly gave me a heart attack.

As it was, it was a good thing I was home alone at the time. I must've looked like a bloody fool running around shouting "OH MY GOD! THEY'VE GOT ME!!!!!"

Gerrtt
2010-01-27, 05:11 PM
Locathah, honestly.

Mastikator
2010-01-27, 05:29 PM
Friggin owlbear.

Starbuck_II
2010-01-27, 05:30 PM
Wait, what is wrong with owlbears?

Eldariel
2010-01-27, 05:33 PM
Wait, what is wrong with owlbears?

I'll let Vaarsuvius address that (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0322.html).

Volkov
2010-01-27, 05:36 PM
The Lion wheel race in Tome of Magic.

How do they poop?

The more important question is, where do their reproductive organs go?

gibbo88
2010-01-27, 06:19 PM
The more important question is, where do their reproductive organs go?

I don't think thats more important, just more disturbing.

Dragero
2010-01-27, 06:50 PM
The more important question is, where do their reproductive organs go?

Rock hard eggs.....?

Admiral Squish
2010-01-27, 07:06 PM
Teethbear! Oh God, The Teethbear!

DiscipleofBob
2010-01-27, 07:18 PM
Has no one mentioned the Hadozee race yet?

"So what are you playing?"
"A glider-monkey/ape pirate."
"..." (edges towards the phone)

Optimystik
2010-01-27, 07:29 PM
The Lion wheel race in Tome of Magic.

How do they poop?

So everyone knows what we're talking about...

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/dnd/mauler.jpg

Soranar
2010-01-27, 07:33 PM
Nearly everything from savage species.

symbiotic creatures

multiheaded

Templates about people mating with undead (the non vampire type are the worst)

Volkov
2010-01-27, 07:36 PM
So everyone knows what we're talking about...

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/dnd/mauler.jpg

Where does the uhhhh....parts go?

Corbeau
2010-01-27, 07:52 PM
My vote goes to the Quori from Eberron. Kind of a given I know, but still disturbing.

Aldizog
2010-01-27, 07:53 PM
I have to admit, Stormwrack's monkey people (Hadozee, originally from Spelljammer!) and Orca People definitely gave me a chuckle. And the orca people are actually pretty decent for some grappling builds and whatnot.
I believe the Hadozee are actually the Yazirians from Star Frontiers.

Volkov
2010-01-27, 07:54 PM
Gibbering Mouthers....Just how do they reproduce....No matter how they do it...It's going to be gross.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-27, 07:56 PM
Gibbering Mouthers....Just how do they reproduce....No matter how they do it...It's going to be gross.

By biting and infecting other critters.





Templates about people mating with undead (the non vampire type are the worst)

Oh hai I fixed this for u ^_^

EnnPeeCee
2010-01-27, 08:01 PM
So everyone knows what we're talking about...

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/dnd/mauler.jpg

Buhhh. That is wrong.

Nerocite
2010-01-27, 08:02 PM
Half-Elves make my brain hurt.

Drakevarg
2010-01-27, 08:03 PM
Half-Vampires are just stupid.

Volkov
2010-01-27, 08:03 PM
Vivesectors. To live they must eat your organs, and often, when they extract your vital organs, you'll still be alive.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-27, 08:06 PM
Vivesectors. To live they must eat your organs, and often, when they extract your vital organs, you'll still be alive.

Someone try to convince me this wasn't taken from the movie Jeepers creepers.

Also, Sounds like a fun critter for the Aberrant Wildshape feat.

Drakevarg
2010-01-27, 08:07 PM
Also, this:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG243.jpg

deuxhero
2010-01-27, 08:10 PM
So everyone knows what we're talking about...
snip


Uh, that isn't a WoTC creation
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buer_%28demon%29) (the original would be an outsider, so it doesn't need to eat or drink and thus not need to do that)

ShippoWildheart
2010-01-27, 08:12 PM
So everyone knows what we're talking about...

http://cdn-www.cracked.com/articleimages/dan/dnd/mauler.jpg

Somehow I'm sure whoever designed this was on drugs. Reeeeeeeeally heavy drugs.

*Scratch that. Whoever came up with the Buer this was on drugs. Reeeeeeeeally heavy drugs.

Xenogears
2010-01-27, 08:13 PM
I'm going to make a list of freakish monsters here.

Chwidencha:Dozens of Spider Legs with NO BODY!
Paeliryon: Think Jabba the Hut but dressed like a hooker. "Jabba the Slut"
Rukanyr: Scorpion. With three mouths on stalks. About a dozen crab claws. And a tail that has a ball made of spikes at the end. 10ft tall.
Skybleeder: Huge flying monster. Nothing but eyes, claws, and tentacles.

And thats just the Fiend Folio.
Note about half the other names people already mentioned were from that book as well.

God I love that book.

deuxhero
2010-01-27, 08:20 PM
Somehow I'm sure whoever designed this was on drugs. Reeeeeeeeally heavy drugs.

*Scratch that. Whoever came up with the Buer this was on drugs. Reeeeeeeeally heavy drugs.

Considering it was Word of Dante for a book with creatures described as eye covered wheels, that may or may not be true.

Drakevarg
2010-01-27, 08:23 PM
Considering it was Word of Dante for a book with creatures described as eye covered wheels, that may or may not be true.

Thanks alot. I just had to go on TVTropes to figure out what that meant. There goes my afternoon...

Grumman
2010-01-27, 08:28 PM
Gibbering Mouthers....Just how do they reproduce....No matter how they do it...It's going to be gross.
Fission would be my guess. One Gibbering Mouther splits into two little Gibbering Mouthers, which eat drink blood until they grow big enough to split again.

Magnor Criol
2010-01-27, 08:28 PM
I always cringe a bit at the picture for the pseudonatural griffin. Eeehhhhhch.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-27, 08:30 PM
Fission would be my guess. One Gibbering Mouther splits into two little Gibbering Mouthers, which eat drink blood until they grow big enough to split again.

Again: anything that survives an attack from one, becomes one.

Crafty Cultist
2010-01-27, 08:41 PM
Kaorti. they're so unnatural that they can be harmed by long-term exposure to reality. and they're responsible for the creation of the aforementioned Rukanyr and Skybleeders

Foryn Gilnith
2010-01-27, 08:46 PM
Let's face it: we humans are so ingrained with what we think is "normal" that certain races in D&D just make us feel weird.

Very few things human designers can come up (and, more importantly, print in a WotC book) make me feel weird. However, discussions such as this thread can unearth things. Like the details of how lion-wheelers eject fluid from their body. Or the details of gnoll reproduction.

Optimystik
2010-01-27, 08:48 PM
Uh, that isn't a WoTC creation
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buer_%28demon%29) (the original would be an outsider, so it doesn't need to eat or drink and thus not need to do that)

Uh, I don't recall saying it was.

Zaq
2010-01-27, 08:52 PM
Spikers, from Planar Handbook.

Now, they used to merely strike me as silly. And let's face it, they are. Then I took a closer look at one, and I noticed something.

She's got boobs.

This means that they're mammals. That they suckle their young. And frankly, with such spiky bodies and spiky faces, that can't be fun for mama or baby.

Or else some artist decided to put (not exactly small) boobs on a crazy spike person thing just as a knee-jerk reaction, which has its own problems.

Also, Rilkans really ought to get that rash looked at. Those aren't scales. It's a rash. A cleric can clear that up in a couple rounds.

sofawall
2010-01-27, 08:55 PM
Again: anything that survives an attack from one, becomes one.

Why do you keep saying that? I can't see anything to that effect in the SRD...

Foryn Gilnith
2010-01-27, 08:55 PM
Or else some artist decided to put (not exactly small) boobs on a crazy spike person thing just as a knee-jerk reaction, which has its own problems.

When you think of it in-character, when the gods (who supposedly created everything) remind me strongly of Zeus, I don't think it strange at all that some deity put boobs in a crazy spike thing as a knee-jerk reaction.

Runestar
2010-01-27, 08:56 PM
Vivesectors. To live they must eat your organs, and often, when they extract your vital organs, you'll still be alive.

That and their art seems plagiarized from pokemon.

Though technically, the rights do belong to wotc...

Dvandemon
2010-01-27, 08:57 PM
Squarks and Monkey Bees, not really looks but the anatomy mixing together

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-27, 09:11 PM
Why do you keep saying that? I can't see anything to that effect in the SRD...

I think it was in an old "Ecology Of" article. Or maybe an older edition or pre made adventure, but I KNOW I've seen mention of it.

Tinydwarfman
2010-01-27, 09:14 PM
Vizzerdrix! your name fits in so well with this discussion.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-27, 09:23 PM
Ayup! ^_^

Great zombie Jesus! my message is too short so I'm fluffing it with white text SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

RandomNPC
2010-01-27, 10:01 PM
skinkite they fly around stealing constitution points, and when they double origonal con they split in half making two flying peices of skin...

Not beholders, but the exploding things that look like them, yea. Someone in production was ot to kill characters.

Rust monsters are prettymuch accepted as they are, but who knows the creation story?

Gygax and friends bought a bag of weird creatures, odd mixed up creatures, ya know? there's this one that nobody will touch because they can't think of anything for it, it kinda looks like a flea with a lobsters back half. Then, towards the end of things, Gary picks it up and goes... "Guys, this is a rust monster" according to what I read he then had them fight it without telling them what "rust monster" meant.

OracleofWuffing
2010-01-27, 10:43 PM
Raptoran.

Oh yes, sure, they're pretty standard fare as far as fantasy goes. Heck, it'd be wrong if there wasn't a race which "Is a human but has wings."

Then you realize they hatch from eggs and show everyone in your group the picture of this when they don't believe you.

sonofzeal
2010-01-27, 10:50 PM
Gibbering Mouthers....Just how do they reproduce....No matter how they do it...It's going to be gross.
Then you may not want to follow this link (http://www.goominet.com/unspeakable-vault/vault/36/)....

Kallisti
2010-01-27, 10:57 PM
Uh, that isn't a WoTC creation
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buer_%28demon%29) (the original would be an outsider, so it doesn't need to eat or drink and thus not need to do that)

Many of the vestiges were named after demon lords from various occult texts. Including Buer.

VampireRot
2010-01-27, 11:49 PM
I'm going to say Gelatinous Cube.
/roll
"Umm... Okay, so the giant jello square ate you..." :smalleek:


A close runner up is the dreaded... Gazebo

Asbestos
2010-01-28, 02:15 AM
How is Buer a demon and Lord of Hell? Cause according to Wiki:
"Buer teaches Natural and Moral Philosophy, Logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants. He also heals all infirmities, especially of men, and gives good familiars."

Doesn't seem that evil to me.
"So, I summoned a Prince of Hell the other day."
"Oh, how'd that turn out, you sell your soul for treasure, women, or power?"
"No, we just discussed ethics, he gave me some tea recipes, and then he cured my bum knee. Nice fellow really. Oh, I also have this cute cat now."

Dr.Epic
2010-01-28, 02:20 AM
The Lion wheel race in Tome of Magic.

How do they poop?

They use a buttfor.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-28, 02:28 AM
They use a buttfor.

Ahem. But Dr. Epic, what is a Buttfor? :smallwink:

Dr.Epic
2010-01-28, 02:33 AM
Ahem. But Dr. Epic, what is a Buttfor? :smallwink:

You don't know what's a buttfor? Then who do you use the bathroom!:smallbiggrin:


Totally worth it.

Coidzor
2010-01-28, 02:48 AM
I don't think you're supposed to be discussing going to the bathroom in other people... Or at least not naming names...

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-28, 02:54 AM
Use the bathroom? for what? :confused:

SurlySeraph
2010-01-28, 02:54 AM
I'll second (third?) the Tsochari. There's something about things that enter your body, kill you, and use the corpse as a disguise that just doesn't sit well with me.


Rust monsters are prettymuch accepted as they are, but who knows the creation story?

Gygax and friends bought a bag of weird creatures, odd mixed up creatures, ya know? there's this one that nobody will touch because they can't think of anything for it, it kinda looks like a flea with a lobsters back half. Then, towards the end of things, Gary picks it up and goes... "Guys, this is a rust monster" according to what I read he then had them fight it without telling them what "rust monster" meant.

So rust monsters were a dickish trick to screw over fighters from the very beginning? Good to know.


How is Buer a demon and Lord of Hell? Cause according to Wiki:
"Buer teaches Natural and Moral Philosophy, Logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants. He also heals all infirmities, especially of men, and gives good familiars."

Doesn't seem that evil to me.
"So, I summoned a Prince of Hell the other day."
"Oh, how'd that turn out, you sell your soul for treasure, women, or power?"
"No, we just discussed ethics, he gave me some tea recipes, and then he cured my bum knee. Nice fellow really. Oh, I also have this cute cat now."

Lawful Evil can be extremely kind. Right up until you agree to sign the contract. :smallamused:

Volkov
2010-01-28, 07:41 AM
How is Buer a demon and Lord of Hell? Cause according to Wiki:
"Buer teaches Natural and Moral Philosophy, Logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants. He also heals all infirmities, especially of men, and gives good familiars."

Doesn't seem that evil to me.
"So, I summoned a Prince of Hell the other day."
"Oh, how'd that turn out, you sell your soul for treasure, women, or power?"
"No, we just discussed ethics, he gave me some tea recipes, and then he cured my bum knee. Nice fellow really. Oh, I also have this cute cat now."

:smallbiggrin:

deuxhero
2010-01-28, 08:16 AM
Many of the vestiges were named after demon lords from various occult texts. Including Buer.

I know that, Buer however also got his design used for a much older monster and I was quoting part of a discussion on that one.

shadow_archmagi
2010-01-28, 08:28 AM
The acid breathing shark is like a normal shark, except it can survive in pure-acid.

This is pretty weird. Then you remember:

The gelatinous cube is like a pool of acid, except it can chase and paralyze the PCs.



SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP: A CUBE OF ACID THAT CHASES YOU AND THROWS SHARKS

Tinydwarfman
2010-01-28, 08:36 AM
Wait, wait.


Buer is a spirit that appears in the 16th century grimoire Pseudomonarchia Daemonum and its derivatives, where he is described as a Great President of Hell, having fifty legions of demons under his command. He appears when the Sun is in Sagittarius. Buer teaches Natural and Moral Philosophy, Logic, and the virtues of all herbs and plants. He also heals all infirmities, especially of men, and gives good familiars.

He is depicted in the shape of Sagittarius, which is as a centaur with a bow and arrows.

Um, centaur? bow and arrows? is someone messing with wiki entries again?

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-01-28, 05:51 PM
The acid breathing shark is like a normal shark, except it can survive in pure-acid.

This is pretty weird. Then you remember:

The gelatinous cube is like a pool of acid, except it can chase and paralyze the PCs.



SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP: A CUBE OF ACID THAT CHASES YOU AND THROWS SHARKS...this. Is. Awesome. I will find a way to shoehorn it into my campaign if it kills me.

On an unrelated note, were piranhas statted out anywhere?

Grumman
2010-01-28, 05:57 PM
...this. Is. Awesome. I will find a way to shoehorn it into my campaign if it kills me.
Same.


On an unrelated note, were piranhas statted out anywhere?
Stormwrack.

Starbuck_II
2010-01-28, 06:01 PM
Wait, wait.



Um, centaur? bow and arrows? is someone messing with wiki entries again?

Nope: http://www.universetoday.com/guide-to-space/constellations/sagittarius/

That is how it is in myths. He turned himself into a horse to hide from his jealous wife and was eventually immortalized in the stars. Sagittarius may represent the son of Pan, who invented archery and was sent to entertain the Muses who threw a laurel wreath at his feet.

So wikipedia decided to combine them.

Dusk Eclipse
2010-01-28, 06:32 PM
I'm going to make a list of freakish monsters here.

Paeliryon: Think Jabba the Hut but dressed like a hooker. "Jabba the Slut"


Worst part in the fiend folio they are despicted stronger than pit Fiends!!!! the generals of hell (CR 22 vs CR 20)

Glad that diendish codex II fixed that they are now CR 18

arguskos
2010-01-28, 06:34 PM
...this. Is. Awesome. I will find a way to shoehorn it into my campaign if it kills me.
Just make sure they make their Spot checks. :smallwink:

Tinydwarfman
2010-01-28, 06:55 PM
Nope: http://www.universetoday.com/guide-to-space/constellations/sagittarius/

That is how it is in myths. He turned himself into a horse to hide from his jealous wife and was eventually immortalized in the stars. Sagittarius may represent the son of Pan, who invented archery and was sent to entertain the Muses who threw a laurel wreath at his feet.

So wikipedia decided to combine them.

I'm sorry, I still don't get it. how is this:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/d5/Buer.gif

in any way similar to this:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6a/Sagittarius2.jpg
????

I feel we are talking about different things...

Jergmo
2010-01-28, 07:03 PM
Half-Farspawn, anyone?

Pyro_Azer
2010-01-28, 07:42 PM
Half ogre. It's not all that bad until you picture how it got there.

Xenogears
2010-01-28, 07:58 PM
Half ogre. It's not all that bad until you picture how it got there.

Chances are A Wizard Did It. Maybe in a Squicky way if the Wizard is odder than most.

Also Half-Trolls are worse than Half-Ogres.

arguskos
2010-01-28, 07:59 PM
We're starting on Half-Creatures, and Half-Illithid hasn't come up yet? :smalltongue:

Half-Elementals? Demonically Fused Elementals? Those both make me go "...uh... so... how drunk WERE you?"

Xenogears
2010-01-28, 08:04 PM
We're starting on Half-Creatures, and Half-Illithid hasn't come up yet? :smalltongue:

Half-Elementals? Demonically Fused Elementals? Those both make me go "...uh... so... how drunk WERE you?"

Half-Illithids are just putting Illithid brain pods in any non-human humanoid though. No Cthulhuian Tentacle Rape Here.

Jayabalard
2010-01-28, 08:08 PM
Half ogre. It's not all that bad until you picture how it got there.Well, obviously the mother is a curse fiend actress dressed up as an ogress.

Archpaladin Zousha
2010-01-28, 08:11 PM
The 'twins' race from Dragon magazine.

You mean the Dvati, right? I never really found them too weird. The Diopsids, however (giant beetle people from the Underdark) weird me out. Still, I think they're more cool than creepy.

ZombieGenesis
2010-01-28, 09:43 PM
This I suppose is why I'm thankful for the limitations that can, at will, be placed on a campaign. All human can work, humanoid can work too. When we move into multi-limbed, no-identifiable-anatomy, 'fuh?' creatures is when I start to get a little put off. I could probably work fine with a lot, but I've seen many which I just can't imagine...even in a fantasy (unreal by definition) setting!

Andras
2010-01-28, 10:05 PM
So rust monsters were a dickish trick to screw over fighters from the very beginning? Good to know.

Doesn't that describe like half the original monsters, though?

SurlySeraph
2010-01-28, 10:52 PM
Doesn't that describe like half the original monsters, though?

Nah, most were to screw the entire party over, like the ones that disguised themselves as walls, ceilings, floors, or treasure chests. Rust monsters screw fighters specifically, because fighters need metal to live.

@V: Heat-reflective shrouds and helmets, which are coated in aluminum.

shadow_archmagi
2010-01-28, 10:54 PM
Nah, most were to screw the entire party over, like the ones that disguised themselves as walls, ceilings, floors, or treasure chests. Rust monsters screw fighters specifically, because fighters need metal to live.

If if they're fire fighters?

TheCountAlucard
2010-01-28, 10:58 PM
Well, obviously the mother is a curse fiend actress dressed up as an ogress.http://i627.photobucket.com/albums/tt356/duncan1089/see-what-you-did-there-scaled.jpg
Piers Anthony reference ftw!
And yeah, how about the senmurv?

Mushroom Ninja
2010-01-28, 11:10 PM
The Maelephant
http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50080.jpg

Wow, that thing looks just like the Dwarf Fortress elephants... It's probably not as powerful, though.

Grumman
2010-01-28, 11:21 PM
So rust monsters were a dickish trick to screw over fighters from the very beginning? Good to know.
To be fair, if the DM tells you "This is a Rust Monster" it's not much of a stretch to realise rusting may occur. It's like being told you'll be facing a Mind Flayer and acting surprised when it starts flaying your mind.

SurlySeraph
2010-01-28, 11:24 PM
Piers Anthony reference ftw!
And yeah, how about the senmurv?

That's this thing, right?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_u5_bBWktvGE/StPT1QkCnKI/AAAAAAAAAFc/oa3I-roNlBU/s400/senmurv.jpg

Yeah, I've always found that a bit questionable.

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-01-28, 11:33 PM
That's this thing, right?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_u5_bBWktvGE/StPT1QkCnKI/AAAAAAAAAFc/oa3I-roNlBU/s400/senmurv.jpg

Yeah, I've always found that a bit questionable.It's a rainbow winged humanoid wolf. WotC is reaching out to the GLBT furry community. What's so hard to believe about that?

Dvandemon
2010-01-28, 11:35 PM
By biting and infecting other critters.
I thought that was Chaos Beast:smallconfused:


Also, this:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG243.jpg

W. T. F. Is that?

Dr Bwaa
2010-01-28, 11:39 PM
The acid breathing shark is like a normal shark, except it can survive in pure-acid.

This is pretty weird. Then you remember:

The gelatinous cube is like a pool of acid, except it can chase and paralyze the PCs.



SYMBIOTIC RELATIONSHIP: A CUBE OF ACID THAT CHASES YOU AND THROWS SHARKS

I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with an Acid Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!

Also: just the regular old minotaur's creation story is pretty darn squicky.

SurlySeraph
2010-01-28, 11:40 PM
It's a rainbow winged humanoid wolf. WotC is reaching out to the GLBT furry community. What's so hard to believe about that?

It's just so... blatantly wish-fulfillment-y. It's like something a kid would think up and decide was the coolest thing ever. I'm not saying WotC is normally mature, mind you, but the Senmurv seems pointless and bizarre even by DnD monster standards.


I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with a Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can (if he has the feat) ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!

... THIS IS MY NEXT PALADIN.
He'll have Leadership and his cohort will be the one with the shark mount and they'll fire Underwater Crossbows out from inside the Gelatinous Cube and I will make terrible acid-related puns and...

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-01-28, 11:43 PM
I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with a Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can (if he has the feat) ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!What about an Awakened Acidborn Shark Paladin with a Gelatinous Cube mount?

Or an Ursine Paladin with a Bear mount?

RandomLunatic
2010-01-28, 11:46 PM
Gnomes. 'Nuff said.:smalltongue:

Vargouilles.http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG254.jpg
Flying, shrieking heads that try to kiss you and make your hair come out, your ears become wings, and your head pop off.

Oookkkaaayyyy... we are just going to put the Monster Manual down and back away slowly...

Demented
2010-01-28, 11:46 PM
What about an Awakened Acidborn Shark Paladin with a Gelatinous Cube mount?

That "Buhhhh" sound has just graduated into the buzzing of a poorly calibrated substation on a hot day.

Dr Bwaa
2010-01-28, 11:52 PM
What about an Awakened Acidborn Shark Paladin with a Gelatinous Cube mount?

Or an Ursine Paladin with a Bear mount?

Yes please! Also, I think it's actually an item somewhere in AEG that lets you ride oozes, as I'm thinking about it more. I've always wanted to make a character with this sort of background =P

Voice of Reason
2010-01-29, 12:24 AM
1) Digester
2) Displacer Beast. Those things are so thin, one wonders where they could possibly be hiding their vital organs:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM35_gallery/MM35_PG67a.jpg

And as long as we're talking about Lion Wheels, I give you the Etheral Filcher:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/dx0224fc_fightclub_taibo.jpg

Asbestos
2010-01-29, 12:33 AM
I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with an Acid Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!

Also: just the regular old minotaur's creation story is pretty darn squicky.

It isn't a feat, its an item. Apparently the drow use the Gelatinous Cubes as mounts or something?

The item apparently 'works' but tricking the cube into thinking that 'food is thataway!' Thataway being whatever direction you want the cube to go in.

Keep in mind that Gelatinous Cubes are basically invisible, so it'd look like a guy verrry slowly floating towards you.

Asbestos
2010-01-29, 12:39 AM
W. T. F. Is that?

You never heard of the Tojanida? Its in MM1, its the Plane of Water's answer to the Arrowhawk (or so I imagine.)

The Tojanida is weirder than it looks because that is only 1 possible arrangement of limbs/whatever sticking out of its shell.


A tojanida’s shell is blue-green in color. Inside the shell is a fleshy body from which extend seven stalks. Four of these stalks have paddles for locomotion, two are tipped with claws, and one bears the creature’s head. Eight vents in the shell, four at each end, allow the tojanida to thrust its stalks out in whatever configuration it finds convenient.

A juvenile tojanida is up to 25 years old. It has a shell about 3 feet long, and it weighs about 60 pounds. An adult is aged 26 to 80. Its shell is about 6 feet long, and it weighs about 220 pounds. An elder can reach 150 years of age. It has a shell about 9 feet long, and it weighs about 500 pounds.

Tojanidas speak Aquan and can be loquacious, but usually only on the subject of food.

Oh, and they can shoot ink clouds too.

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-29, 02:30 AM
I thought that was Chaos Beast:smallconfused:



W. T. F. Is that?

umm... Maybe that is what I was thinking of.

EDIT: I assume that the Displacer beast in the MM1 is a rather sick specimen of the species, as I've seen much healthier specimens in later books.

Also they are adorable, and my WS ranger build needs to find a way to turn into one. Hmm...

Bavarian itP
2010-01-29, 02:50 AM
Oh come on, three pages and no one has provided the obligatory link (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm) yet?

Also, Phase Spiders.

Altair_the_Vexed
2010-01-29, 02:53 AM
Has anyone linked here yet? (http://www.google.co.uk/url?q=http://www.somethingawful.com/d/dungeons-and-dragons/&ei=DpZiS8WhF5D00gTo_JnKBg&sa=X&oi=nshc&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=2&ved=0CAoQzgQoAQ&usg=AFQjCNHaLKnU6cPHtwLC0bVqIxwCmysC3A)

SomethingAwful.com have been trawling through the D&D and other RPG archives for comedy gold.
Warning - site contains naughty words and poor taste. These articles are generally okay, though.

Draken
2010-01-29, 08:09 AM
Century worm.

The worst part is not only the suggestive art, but that the creature's attacks add to the effect.

Tyndmyr
2010-01-29, 08:18 AM
Gnomes. There's something unholy about mini-me's, to say nothing of their ceaseless cackling and toying with technology about which man was not meant to know.

Kaiyanwang
2010-01-29, 08:22 AM
Just one thing to know about the Senmurv (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Senmurv). You know..

Optimystik
2010-01-29, 08:24 AM
Gnomes. There's something unholy about mini-me's, to say nothing of their ceaseless cackling and toying with technology about which man was not meant to know.

That, and their fiendish ability to find you hotel and travel packages at competitive prices.

MickJay
2010-01-29, 08:43 AM
I'm sorry, I still don't get it. how is this:

in any way similar to this:
????

I feel we are talking about different things...

It's the same demon, but over the centuries, two different descriptions of its physical appearance became common.

Also, just because quite a few of the mythical demons were believed to be quite "useful" (they taught a lot of things, granted certain wishes, had powers to aid mortals), their ultimate goal was to gain human souls. It's difficult to convince a man to sign over his soul to you if you breathe fire at him and eviscerate him on sight. Make the man a few favours, and he'll follow you willingly... also, occult lore generally assumed that the mortal would be summoning a demon (the demon wouldn't just approach random people), an act in and of itself damning. The "helpful" aspects of the demons were what tempted people to consider the summoning and making deals in the first place.

Anyway, most of the "good" stuff has already been listed...

dsmiles
2010-01-29, 09:06 AM
Century worm.

The worst part is not only the suggestive art, but that the creature's attacks add to the effect.

Definite +1 to this...:smalleek:

Drakevarg
2010-01-29, 09:08 AM
That's this thing, right?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_u5_bBWktvGE/StPT1QkCnKI/AAAAAAAAAFc/oa3I-roNlBU/s400/senmurv.jpg

Yeah, I've always found that a bit questionable.

Personally, I have no problem with the way thing looks. It makes for a very pretty painting.

The fact that they made it into more than a painting and into an actual monster with stats is what's silly. Bipedal Rainbow Bird-Wolf does not strike fear into the hearts of adventurers. It makes them break into fits of giggles.

Tyndmyr
2010-01-29, 09:08 AM
That, and their fiendish ability to find you hotel and travel packages at competitive prices.

The only cure is to send Shatner to "negotiate" with them.

MickJay
2010-01-29, 09:25 AM
Personally, I have no problem with the way thing looks. It makes for a very pretty painting.

The fact that they made it into more than a painting and into an actual monster with stats is what's silly. Bipedal Rainbow Bird-Wolf does not strike fear into the hearts of adventurers. It makes them break into fits of giggles.

It's Good, has smite evil etc. It's supposed to strike fear into the hearts of Evil adventurers. :smallbiggrin:

Calmar
2010-01-29, 09:28 AM
The Ormyrr. It's nut just totally dump, it's a monstrous humanoid also. :smallmad:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm2_gallery/88268_620_98.jpg

dsmiles
2010-01-29, 09:34 AM
Has anyone linked here yet? (http://www.google.co.uk/url?q=http://www.somethingawful.com/d/dungeons-and-dragons/&ei=DpZiS8WhF5D00gTo_JnKBg&sa=X&oi=nshc&resnum=1&ct=result&cd=2&ved=0CAoQzgQoAQ&usg=AFQjCNHaLKnU6cPHtwLC0bVqIxwCmysC3A)

SomethingAwful.com have been trawling through the D&D and other RPG archives for comedy gold.

Dude, this is awesome.

Malbordeus
2010-01-29, 10:09 AM
yeah, that link rates awsome from me too.

i'd go with the worm that walks (and related lesser template) as mine. it just makes me itch for some reason.

random monster-wise though, i'd have to say Lucent Worm. ewwww.

Volkov
2010-01-29, 10:31 AM
Century worm.

The worst part is not only the suggestive art, but that the creature's attacks add to the effect.

Yes, the guy who drew the century worm must have thought he was so damned clever by tricking WotC into letting him draw a giant, ambulatory.............part of the male anatomy that uhhh drools....fluids.

shadow_archmagi
2010-01-29, 10:33 AM
Yes, the guy who drew the century worm must have thought he was so damned clever by tricking WotC into letting him draw a giant, ambulatory.............part of the male anatomy.

Someone here should try to get hired by Wotc and have the Spare Mayor be an official monster in the 4E version of Cityscape.

Starscream
2010-01-29, 10:41 AM
This Thing:http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM5_Gallery/106319.jpg
Someone tell John Carpenter to come and pick up his monster, it's infiltrating my D&D game.

Also these:http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/50123.jpg
I'm reminded of the MST3K movie where they beat up the giant mutant with the big brain. "Ow! There go those piano lessons! Ow! I can't remember my dad!"

Eldan
2010-01-29, 02:03 PM
No bashing the brain vermin! They were incredibly scary and iconic in Planescape!

Kris Strife
2010-01-29, 02:21 PM
2) Displacer Beast. Those things are so thin, one wonders where they could possibly be hiding their vital organs:

Dis place, of course. :smallyuk:

SpikeFightwicky
2010-01-29, 02:34 PM
It's not D&D (d20 Modern -> Urban Arcana), but it always freaked me out:
The Roach Thrall (http://spikefightwicky.tripod.com/urbanmonst3.html#roach)

They don't go into the finer details (it's OGL), but they more or less grow up inside human 'hosts' and take over the body (killing the host in the process). Can't seem to find a picture, though. It's like Mimic, except the roaches can also infest human hosts and take over from the inside. I imagine seeing one emerge from their host would be a life alteringly nasty spectacle.

Eldan
2010-01-29, 02:41 PM
Isn't that basically that thing from Men in Black?

hamishspence
2010-01-29, 02:44 PM
It's not D&D (d20 Modern -> Urban Arcana), but it always freaked me out:
The Roach Thrall (http://spikefightwicky.tripod.com/urbanmonst3.html#roach).

Its also a monster in Eberron.

pffh
2010-01-29, 02:58 PM
Yes, the guy who drew the century worm must have thought he was so damned clever by tricking WotC into letting him draw a giant, ambulatory.............part of the male anatomy that uhhh drools....fluids.

It's a bloody ejaculating phallus, it can't be an accident! If it is an accident WotC better have hired new editors for their books after that.

Quirinus_Obsidian
2010-01-29, 03:09 PM
Spikers, from Planar Handbook.

Now, they used to merely strike me as silly. And let's face it, they are. Then I took a closer look at one, and I noticed something.

She's got boobs.

This means that they're mammals. That they suckle their young. And frankly, with such spiky bodies and spiky faces, that can't be fun for mama or baby.

Or else some artist decided to put (not exactly small) boobs on a crazy spike person thing just as a knee-jerk reaction, which has its own problems.

Also, Rilkans really ought to get that rash looked at. Those aren't scales. It's a rash. A cleric can clear that up in a couple rounds.

Everything female in the DND Universe has boobs. The fictional Queen Mother Beholder probably has boobs too. Even though they reproduce by budding and are no possible way to be bred into a half-beholder.

+1 to the bear made of teeth. Just about every creature from that book is a gaaaah inducing image.

Pathfinder Goblins:
http://worldofalidor.com/4th-ed/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/pf_goblins_2-150x136.jpg

Sinfire Titan
2010-01-29, 03:27 PM
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ToMagic_Gallery/96039.jpg
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ToMagic_Gallery/96043.jpg
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ToMagic_Gallery/96071.jpg
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ToMagic_Gallery/96076.jpg

Blackfang108
2010-01-29, 03:39 PM
Blast you, SINFIRE!:smallfurious:

I was perfectly happy just kinda remembering until YOU posted those.:smallyuk:

Gaaah!!!:smalleek:

I need Brain Bleach (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrainBleach).

There. Let's kill your productivity, too.

Sinfire Titan
2010-01-29, 04:00 PM
Blast you, SINFIRE!:smallfurious:

I was perfectly happy just kinda remembering until YOU posted those.:smallyuk:

Gaaah!!!:smalleek:

I need Brain Bleach (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrainBleach).

There. Let's kill your productivity, too.

Actually, I invested a good 4 hours in TV Tropes all ready, reading about FATAL. And I happened across the Brain Bleach page several times during that reading.

Lappy9000
2010-01-29, 04:25 PM
Is it any coincidence that every monster Sinfire just posted is from the Tome of Magic? And the Roving Mauler for that matter...

Sinfire Titan
2010-01-29, 04:27 PM
Is it any coincidence that every monster Sinfire just posted is from the Tome of Magic? And the Roving Mauler for that matter...

Just because my computer is slow, and I didn't want to interrupt my music. I would have scoured MM2/3/4/5 and a few other books for the hell of it if I were using a faster computer.

Optimystik
2010-01-29, 04:40 PM
Is it any coincidence that every monster Sinfire just posted is from the Tome of Magic? And the Roving Mauler for that matter...

Just about everything about the Binder is potential Nightmare Fuel. Some of the signs that come over your own character put those monsters to shame.

Sinfire Titan
2010-01-29, 04:49 PM
Just about everything about the Binder is potential Nightmare Fuel. Some of the signs that come over your own character put those monsters to shame.

My personal favorite is the one that makes you vomit stones for 24 hours.

Crafty Cultist
2010-01-29, 04:51 PM
I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with an Acid Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!

Also: just the regular old minotaur's creation story is pretty darn squicky.

It's a magic item from the arms and equipment guide. It creates a sphere of fore that you push into the center of the cube, then you bang on the sides to fool it's blindsight into thinking there's food in a certain direction. Onward cube, onward!!!

Optimystik
2010-01-29, 05:00 PM
My personal favorite is the one that makes you vomit stones for 24 hours.

Ugh, I can't stand that one. It actually prevents you from casting spells.

Focalor is funny - you cry constantly no matter what mood you're in.

Haagenti is interesting for that other thread of yours, with the fat teleporting warforged. She increases your weight by 150%, and she's only a 2nd-level vestige.

Karsus is disgusting - you bleed floods from scratches - though it at least has no mechanical penalty.

Ravens_cry
2010-01-29, 05:09 PM
Pathfinder Goblins:
http://worldofalidor.com/4th-ed/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/pf_goblins_2-150x136.jpg

I find them adorable.The picture that (probably) goes with the Great Cleave feat is just the cutest thing ever, their little teddy bear bodies been tossed around, limbs a'flying. Squee!:smallbiggrin:

Skeppio
2010-01-29, 07:29 PM
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/MM5_Gallery/106279.jpg

Behold, Dalmosh of the Infinite Maws. The beastly blob that eats and eats and eats. He even has a portal to another world in his stomach. This is what happens when H. P. Lovecraft or Todd McFarlane redesign Pacman, or Kirby.

Drakevarg
2010-01-29, 07:30 PM
*looks at all the mouths*

Uhhh... I think "he" is a "she"...

Skeppio
2010-01-29, 07:35 PM
*looks at all the mouths*

Uhhh... I think "he" is a "she"...

Nah, the Monster Manual calls him a he. I personally don't wanna know how anyone found out.
Interestingly, the ritual to summon him involves making a huge stew out of 10000gp of fine food and drink. The delicious ooze attracts our chubby chum into the Material Plane, which will be swiftly devoured.

Asbestos
2010-01-29, 11:38 PM
Nah, the Monster Manual calls him a he. I personally don't wanna know how anyone found out.
Interestingly, the ritual to summon him involves making a huge stew out of 10000gp of fine food and drink. The delicious ooze attracts our chubby chum into the Material Plane, which will be swiftly devoured.

Nah, he eventually goes back to his home layer of the Abyss... which is entirely made of flesh that he eternally feasts on... .... :smalleek:

Asbestos
2010-01-29, 11:47 PM
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/ToMagic_Gallery/96076.jpg

The Sea Lamprey laughs at your tooth bear.
http://www.tripbase.com/articles/images/Bizarreanimals/Lamprey.jpg
^
See, its smiling.

Excession
2010-01-30, 05:47 AM
Well, here's a parasite (http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/09/tongue-eating-parasite-discovered.php) that eats and replaces the tongue of a fish.

Best part: it's real.

The link contains photos, you have been warned.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-30, 07:11 AM
I seem to recall a feat somewhere that let you ride around in a bubble in an ooze and control it with ride checks. So you could have a fantastic pair of paladins, one with an Acid Shark mount and one with a Gelatinous Cube mount, and when they're not near water the shark can ride the gelatinous cube around for super violence!

Also: just the regular old minotaur's creation story is pretty darn squicky.

I must have this feat. Location?


Oh come on, three pages and no one has provided the obligatory link (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/article73.htm) yet?

Also, Phase Spiders.

:smallannoyed: Beat me too it.


The Ormyrr. It's nut just totally dump, it's a monstrous humanoid also. :smallmad:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm2_gallery/88268_620_98.jpg

That's the only one that made me go :confused:

Darrin
2010-01-30, 08:38 AM
I must have this feat. Location?


Not a feat. Amulet of Ooze Riding, A&EG p. 85.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-30, 08:44 AM
Not a feat. Amulet of Ooze Riding, A&EG p. 85.

Thank you. Now I must ask what book does A&EG stand for?

Eldan
2010-01-30, 08:46 AM
Arms & Equipment Guide

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-30, 08:49 AM
Arms & Equipment Guide

My next character (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/dnd%20watercolor%20riding%20the%20cube%20jared%20h indman.jpg) thanks you :smallbiggrin:

Runestar
2010-01-30, 08:50 AM
Thank you. Now I must ask what book does A&EG stand for?

Arms and equipment guide.

Dr Bwaa
2010-01-30, 04:49 PM
My next character (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/dnd%20watercolor%20riding%20the%20cube%20jared%20h indman.jpg) thanks you :smallbiggrin:

Lol. Glad this is happening :smallbiggrin:

Vizzerdrix
2010-01-30, 05:34 PM
My next character (http://www.headinjurytheater.com/dnd%20watercolor%20riding%20the%20cube%20jared%20h indman.jpg) thanks you :smallbiggrin:

take note: A&EG also has a net that turns into an ooze and back on your command :) your weapon is your mount is your weapon!

Not we need ooze armor!

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-30, 05:44 PM
take note: A&EG also has a net that turns into an ooze and back on your command :) your weapon is your mount is your weapon!

Not we need ooze armor!

:smalleek: :biggrin: I love it.

Draken
2010-01-30, 05:50 PM
Fiend Folio and MM 2 have quite a few pearls. Here go another two.

The Terlen is a shark with wings... Not the most inspired of creations, frankly. Plus those wings look like they would seriously hamper the shark's hydrodinamics.

The Rukarazyll... I have seen a number of critters in miriad of books. And never again did a monster make me wonder what the hell the creators were smoking when they made the thing.

Seriously. What the heck is the rukarazyll?

Arcane_Secrets
2010-01-30, 06:24 PM
The Elysian dragon from one of the Dragon magazines. The concept of an Elysium planar dragon isn't inherently bad...the illustration....

It has a duck-bill like a platypus, an enormous potbelly, and is shown lying on its back as if it had a hangover.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-30, 06:30 PM
The Elysian dragon from one of the Dragon magazines. The concept of an Elysium planar dragon isn't inherently bad...the illustration....

It has a duck-bill like a platypus, an enormous potbelly, and is shown lying on its back as if it had a hangover.

On that note the Howling Dragon (pic courtesy of Wikipedia) looks like it's had a giant pinecone shoved up it's backside :smallcool:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/draco_gallery/75601.jpg

Eldan
2010-01-30, 06:45 PM
Isn't that the one from pandemonium? Why is there a sky, then?

Teron
2010-01-30, 06:53 PM
The Elysian dragon from one of the Dragon magazines. The concept of an Elysium planar dragon isn't inherently bad...the illustration....

It has a duck-bill like a platypus, an enormous potbelly, and is shown lying on its back as if it had a hangover.
The fact that it looks like a drunk hadrosaur isn't even the goofiest thing about it. That distinction goes to its inebriating gas breath weapon.

Nerocite
2010-01-30, 07:31 PM
"The avolakia is a nauseating creature that combines the worst aspects of a worm, an octopus, and an insect"

Favored class? Sorcerer. LA? +5.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 06:41 AM
"The avolakia is a nauseating creature that combines the worst aspects of a worm, an octopus, and an insect"

Favored class? Sorcerer. LA? +5.

What???....I spent a while trying to imagine this thing, but I didn't even come close. (http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/88268_620_145.jpg)

dsmiles
2010-01-31, 07:15 AM
"The avolakia is a nauseating creature that combines the worst aspects of a worm, an octopus, and an insect"

Favored class? Sorcerer. LA? +5.

Great, just what we needed. Another giant phallic symbol from our friends at WoTC. :smalleek:

Eldan
2010-01-31, 07:41 AM
What???....I spent a while trying to imagine this thing, but I didn't even come close. (http://www.iwozhere.com/SRD/images/88268_620_145.jpg)

Awesome. DnD doesn't have enough weird creatures in my opinion. Seriously, the deep sea still has them beat in strangeness.

Gnorman
2010-01-31, 08:06 AM
Awesome. DnD doesn't have enough weird creatures in my opinion. Seriously, the deep sea still has them beat in strangeness.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

http://208.106.250.72/_media/imgs/articles/a60_GiantIsopod.jpg

Eldan
2010-01-31, 08:09 AM
You call that strange? That's just an isopod. It's a little big, but not much different from those you find under rocks. I'm talking really strange.

dsmiles
2010-01-31, 12:05 PM
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

http://oceans.greenpeace.org/raw/image_full/en/photo-audio-video/photos/blobfish.jpg

Fixed it for you...:smalleek:

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 12:11 PM
Fixed it for you...:smalleek:

I remember the original thread that that came from and I still don't believe it's real :smallwink:

Volkov
2010-01-31, 12:14 PM
I remember the original thread that that came from and I still don't believe it's real :smallwink:

Oh it is. The angle it's taken from makes it look disturbingly human though. But it looks more convincing from other angles. Look up blob fish.

arguskos
2010-01-31, 12:15 PM
So... we've made it this far, and no one's posted the Balhannoth yet.
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98666.jpg
For shame, gentlemen, for shame.

Or, the Necrosis Carnex?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98703.jpg

Or the really foul looking Plague Walker?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98707.jpg

Eldan
2010-01-31, 12:32 PM
What's so bad about the Balhannoth? That seems like a classic monster.

arguskos
2010-01-31, 01:02 PM
What's so bad about the Balhannoth? That seems like a classic monster.
It's a magic-eating tentacle monster. >_> That doesn't scream "fun for the whole family", it more screams "you're all going to be killed and had horrible things done to your corpses"

Starbuck_II
2010-01-31, 01:07 PM
It's a magic-eating tentacle monster. >_> That doesn't scream "fun for the whole family", it more screams "you're all going to be killed and had horrible things done to your corpses"

It is Drow. I don't think they'd mind.

Dr Bwaa
2010-01-31, 01:17 PM
A search for blobfish led me to this highly entertaining thread (http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=26882057&page=7).

I haven't seen them mentioned yet, but I think Aoa (Fiend Folio) are some of the coolest D&D monsters (even if their CR is absurdly low-- CR 3 some something with DR 10/+1 and spell turning? Yeah, right.).

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 01:19 PM
It's a magic-eating tentacle monster. >_> That doesn't scream "fun for the whole family", it more screams "you're all going to be killed and had horrible things done to your corpses"

They don't mean the same thing to you? :smallconfused:

Weird :smallbiggrin:

Temotei
2010-01-31, 01:24 PM
I will be disturbed for at least a day now. :smalleek:

Homebrew lesser version of shaken: -1 to same things. :smallamused:

Thane of Fife
2010-01-31, 01:27 PM
Well, it's more of a unique monster than a race, but I think that The Hand qualifies anyways:

http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k155/dragonlordmax/hand.jpg

Seriously, who thought that that would be an intimidating monster?

Asbestos
2010-01-31, 01:56 PM
Or, the Necrosis Carnex?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98703.jpg

Or the really foul looking Plague Walker?
http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/mm4_gallery/98707.jpg

This is what happens when Necromancers skip out on anatomy class and necromance (its a verb now!) while intoxicated.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 01:58 PM
This is what happens when Necromancers skip out on anatomy class and necromance (its a verb now!) while intoxicated.

Are you kidding. Things like this are the reason I'd be a necromancer if I could. Making weird **** like this just for the fun of it :smalltongue:

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-01-31, 02:04 PM
Are you kidding. Things like this are the reason I'd be a necromancer if I could. Making weird **** like this just for the fun of it :smalltongue:Flesh Colossus (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/colossus.htm#fleshColossus). 300 zombies melted down and shaped like wet clay into a gargantuan, dripping, monstrosity that is animated by a tortured soul now prevented from ever moving on.

Necromancy is fun. :smallbiggrin:

dsmiles
2010-01-31, 02:08 PM
A search for blobfish led me to this highly entertaining thread (http://www.gamespot.com/pages/forums/show_msgs.php?topic_id=26882057&page=7).

GAAAHHH!!!

:eek:

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 02:18 PM
Flesh Colossus (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/colossus.htm#fleshColossus). 300 zombies melted down and shaped like wet clay into a gargantuan, dripping, monstrosity that is animated by a tortured soul now prevented from ever moving on.

Necromancy is fun. :smallbiggrin:

:eek: Why have I never read the Epic Monsters before. This is unbelievably amazing :smallbiggrin:

Starbuck_II
2010-01-31, 02:32 PM
Flesh Colossus can be controlled directly by creator using Magic jar. That would be awesome pre-epic (Dragonwrought Kobold?). You only need 29th caster and a few 7th level spells.

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-01-31, 02:37 PM
Flesh Colossus can be controlled directly by creator using Magic jar. That would be awesome pre-epic (Dragonwrought Kobold?). You only need 29th caster and a few 7th level spells.And 760,000 GP.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 02:46 PM
And 760,000 GP.

1. Planar Bind Succubus'.
2. Make sure they never use their Energy Draining abilities
3. Sell them to kings as shapeshifting concubines for extortionate amounts.
4. ???
5. PROFIT!!!
7. Turn PROFIT!!! into a MEGA-ZOMBIE!!!!!!

\/-Nothing is better than the crocoduck. You know it's true.

Shardan
2010-01-31, 02:51 PM
Back in the days of 2E I had a mad wizard NPC that created all kinds of animal 'spliced' monsters like the owlbear just for random oddness including

Rhinoctopus. Body of a rhino with tentacles surrounding an octopus mouth instead of the rhino's mouth.
Snakehawk. winged and taloned cobra

I put alot of others in that were 'failures' and not combat capable too. I wish i could find those old notes.. I'm sure I'd laugh my butt off

Temotei
2010-01-31, 03:50 PM
1. Planar Bind Succubus'.
2. Make sure they never use their Energy Draining abilities
3. Sell them to kings as shapeshifting concubines for extortionate amounts.
4. ???
5. PROFIT!!!
7. Turn PROFIT!!! into a MEGA-ZOMBIE!!!!!!

\/-Nothing is better than the crocoduck. You know it's true.

:smalleek:

:mitd:

The Glyphstone
2010-01-31, 03:51 PM
And 760,000 GP.

And the ability to cast epic spells, it says so right in the description.

Kobold-Bard
2010-01-31, 04:09 PM
And the ability to cast epic spells, it says so right in the description.

Old+ Dragonwrought Kobold Sorcerer, Polymorph into a Dusk Giant, consume insane amounts of chickens, Psychic Reformation your newfound skill points into Know (Arcana) and Spellcraft to meet the Pre-reqs for Epic Spellcasting.

Done.

Gnorman
2010-01-31, 06:05 PM
You call that strange? That's just an isopod. It's a little big, but not much different from those you find under rocks. I'm talking really strange.

Strange, not really.

SCARY AS HELL? Yes. Those things are huge!

Also:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/146/398032677_dfab408834.jpg

Volkov
2010-01-31, 06:19 PM
1. Planar Bind Succubus'.
2. Make sure they never use their Energy Draining abilities
3. Sell them to kings as shapeshifting concubines for extortionate amounts.
4. ???
5. PROFIT!!!
7. Turn PROFIT!!! into a MEGA-ZOMBIE!!!!!!

\/-Nothing is better than the crocoduck. You know it's true.
Why stop at a mega-zombie? When you can have a mega zombie in SPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!
:smallbiggrin:

Deth Muncher
2010-02-01, 11:53 AM
Why stop at a mega-zombie? When you can have a mega zombie in SPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCEEEEEEE!!!!!
:smallbiggrin:

That made me think of this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AV9BPyWCKTg)

Killer Angel
2010-02-01, 12:05 PM
Don't know if it has been posted (sorry, long thread), but... Taddols (http://www.rpgnow.com/product_info.php?products_id=59989&filters=0_0_0_0&manufacturers_id=2547).

(edit: ok, I know it isn't 3.5, but still...)

Ormagoden
2010-02-01, 12:27 PM
\/-Nothing is better than the crocoduck. You know it's true.

Wrong.

From My own personal collection I present... The Duckacorn (http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a146/Ngreder/Iamthemostevil.jpg).

Blackfang108
2010-02-01, 12:29 PM
Wrong.

From My own personal collection I present... The Duckacorn.



Dude, please /sblock that thing. My screen's all stretched now. :smallbiggrin:

Ormagoden
2010-02-01, 12:41 PM
Dude, please /sblock that thing. My screen's all stretched now. :smallbiggrin:

It's not your screen...

It's so glorious it ruins monitors.

fixed!

SpikeFightwicky
2010-02-01, 01:40 PM
Isn't that basically that thing from Men in Black?

Sort of, but not quite. Avoiding the hillarious implications of something the size of a caravan fitting inside a human body, the 'Roach' from MiB didn't look very roach-like out of its human shell. Its head looks almost reptilian - and it has regular eyes and irises.
http://images.blu-ray.com/reviews/432_3.jpg

It also just wanted off the planet. The roach thrall looks like a massive roach, and does an invasion of the body snatchers gig, leaving a pile of organ/skin/bone goo when it emerges. I will admit I hate roaches (despite never seeing one in person), though, so I'm biased. Cool that they're in Eberron, though. Which book?

Also, here's some more reasons why WotC won't top the animal kingdom for weirdness:
13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares (http://www.cracked.com/article/125_13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares/)

Blackfang108
2010-02-01, 02:00 PM
Also, here's some more reasons why WotC won't top the animal kingdom for weirdness:
13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares (http://www.cracked.com/article/125_13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares/)

GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANTED TO SLEEP TONIGHT!

Also, roaches are NOT fun creatures to kill. I have been called into my bosses' offices to kill them more than once. :smallyuk:

Sinfire Titan
2010-02-01, 02:14 PM
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANTED TO SLEEP TONIGHT!

Also, roaches are NOT fun creatures to kill. I have been called into my bosses' offices to kill them more than once. :smallyuk:

Bring a BB Gun with you when you do. Makes it so much easier if you're a decent shot.



I'd like to mention the Skurids from MM4. Demonic squirrels that turn 1d6 points of your Str into an acorn, steal that acorn, and eat it. Sounds funny, until you sick them on the players in droves. And mention that they are stealing the player's nuts...

Blackfang108
2010-02-01, 02:23 PM
Bring a BB Gun with you when you do. Makes it so much easier if you're a decent shot.



I'd like to mention the Skurids from MM4. Demonic squirrels that turn 1d6 points of your Str into an acorn, steal that acorn, and eat it. Sounds funny, until you sick them on the players in droves. And mention that they are stealing the player's nuts...

I live in Chicago. Anything stronger than a Super Soaker is liable to get me arrested, even WITH my FOID.

Besides, I've never needed more than my soles.

And I am SO looking up those squirrels.

Deth Muncher
2010-02-01, 03:26 PM
I live in Chicago. Anything stronger than a Super Soaker is liable to get me arrested, even WITH my FOID.

Besides, I've never needed more than my soles.

And I am SO looking up those squirrels.

Sledgehammer, then?

Blackfang108
2010-02-01, 03:30 PM
Sledgehammer, then?

Nope. Union Rules. I'd rather not have a grievance filed against me. I don't have the time it takes to deal with one.

SpikeFightwicky
2010-02-02, 07:24 AM
GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANTED TO SLEEP TONIGHT!

Also, roaches are NOT fun creatures to kill. I have been called into my bosses' offices to kill them more than once. :smallyuk:

Bring a cat to work. They'll eat anything that's smaller than them and moves. I had a cat that went nuts for grasshoppers whenever it was outside.

BTW, those squirrels are crazy! I never even noticed them before, but now all I can think of is how to incorporate them into a game.

Xenogears
2010-02-02, 09:35 AM
The Terlen is a shark with wings... Not the most inspired of creations, frankly. Plus those wings look like they would seriously hamper the shark's hydrodinamics.

That thing is Scary. It's a shark. With Wings. And No Legs. It has a 60ft land speed. A shark. With no legs. Can run twice as fast as a human.

Vizzerdrix
2010-02-02, 11:03 AM
BTW, those squirrels are crazy! I never even noticed them before, but now all I can think of is how to incorporate them into a game.

As a wizards familiar.:smallredface:

Sinfire Titan
2010-02-02, 11:08 AM
As a wizards familiar.:smallredface:

Noctumancer/Ultimate Magus. Skurids are native to the Plane of Shadow IIRC.

Octopus Jack
2010-02-02, 03:29 PM
Bring a cat to work. They'll eat anything that's smaller than them and moves. I had a cat that went nuts for grasshoppers whenever it was outside.


I had a cat that went crazy for dragonflies, those squirrels sound awesome! I want one :smallbiggrin:

Kelb_Panthera
2010-02-03, 12:48 AM
snip

Also, here's some more reasons why WotC won't top the animal kingdom for weirdness:
13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares (http://www.cracked.com/article/125_13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares/)

Are you trying to kill people? I laughed so hard at the commentary under those pictures I almost passed out. I did manage to lose about half a can of soda all over my lap.

The Glyphstone
2010-02-03, 12:56 AM
Nope. Union Rules. I'd rather not have a grievance filed against me. I don't have the time it takes to deal with one.

The roaches have a union now? Geez.

SpikeFightwicky
2010-02-03, 07:58 AM
Are you trying to kill people? I laughed so hard at the commentary under those pictures I almost passed out. I did manage to lose about half a can of soda all over my lap.

Yeah, almost everything that site produces is great, especially the captions. Should have added a soda disclaimer, though :smallbiggrin:

I can't remember the source of another weird monster (HoH or LM perhaps...), but it was a pile of organs that whipped out its intestins to whip and strangle people.

Ormagoden
2010-02-03, 11:04 AM
Yeah, almost everything that site produces is great, especially the captions. Should have added a soda disclaimer, though :smallbiggrin:

I can't remember the source of another weird monster (HoH or LM perhaps...), but it was a pile of organs that whipped out its intestins to whip and strangle people.

It's in oriental adventures... I forget it's name but its a vampire head with only organs. It kills you and stuffs its organs in your decapitated body so it can walk around. Buhhh indeed!

I really don't understand how everyone has missed this (http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/EPIC_Gallery/Gallery5a/44165_C5_atropal.jpg)!

Aborted god fetus I choose you!

hamishspence
2010-02-03, 11:11 AM
Penaggalan is the name of the OA monster.

Though the mohrg (MM) and the vilewight (BoVD) do have "killer intestine attacks"

Eldan
2010-02-03, 11:52 AM
It's in oriental adventures... I forget it's name but its a vampire head with only organs. It kills you and stuffs its organs in your decapitated body so it can walk around. Buhhh indeed!

Wasn't that a real monster somewhere?
Hmm. Wrong word. Didn't that monster appear in some legend? I think I read something like this somewhere.


Edit: Wiki to the rescue: Indonesian "Vampire". (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penanggalan)

Kulture
2010-02-03, 01:38 PM
The 4th edition atropal is even worse.

Dvandemon
2010-02-03, 11:26 PM
Strange, not really.

SCARY AS HELL? Yes. Those things are huge!

Also:



You b*stard!:smallmad: You made me jump out of my seat and hide!


Also, here's some more reasons why WotC won't top the animal kingdom for weirdness:
13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares (http://www.cracked.com/article/125_13-real-animals-lifted-directly-out-your-nightmares/)

Ah, good times, gooood times:smallamused: I just love that site

Aeolius
2010-05-31, 05:16 PM
Locathah, honestly.

Locathah, merfolk, and sea elves are the "core races" of my current game. That being said, I gave them the coloration of larger angelfish and a caste system based on color and pattern, then I made them hermaphroditic.


Also:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/146/398032677_dfab408834.jpg

My abyssal seaholders were inspired by anglerfish like that.

Undersea beasties make for great inspiration, it's true: Inspirations (http://web.me.com/aeolius/turucambi/Inspirations.html)

Private-Prinny
2010-05-31, 05:24 PM
http://www.novarata.net/Thread_Necromancy.jpg

Aeolius
2010-05-31, 05:27 PM
Hey, I replied to a post from THIS year! That's current enough, in my book. ;)

Here's another, for consideration:
http://s.ngeo.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/208/cache/new-handfish-species-pink_20881_600x450.jpg
Handfish (http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/05/photogalleries/100524-new-species-handfish-walk-science-pictures/#new-handfish-species-pink_20881_600x450.jpg)

flabort
2010-05-31, 05:33 PM
that, there is a perfect image for mer-men. perfect.

also, i'd forgot i'd subscribed this thread, and was surprised to see posts!

Private-Prinny
2010-05-31, 05:34 PM
Hey, I replied to a post from THIS year! That's current enough, in my book. ;)

Try aiming for the same month next time. :smalltongue:

Kobold-Bard
2010-05-31, 05:41 PM
http://www.novarata.net/Thread_Necromancy.jpg

I think we have a new forum staple like the birthday comic. Cool.

Still, necromancy is bad, it says so in the PHB.

Aeolius
2010-05-31, 05:42 PM
also, i'd forgot i'd subscribed this thread, and was surprised to see posts!

I was made aware of these forums, by a cross-post over at wizards.com. As I am recruiting for new blood for my undersea game, I thought I'd take a gander.

Also, the handfish comes in a Billy Idol flavor:
http://s.ngeo.com/wpf/media-live/photos/000/208/cache/new-handfish-species-fish-ziebells_20880_600x450.jpg

Arakune
2010-05-31, 06:28 PM
Check the forum rules here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?f=25&a=1).

If a thread is more than 3 months old AND is at the 4th page or more, don't post in it. This forum have enough people that threads from 3 months before is really old news that everyone forgot. I know that in some forums they prefer to ressurect old threads instead of creating new ones, but not here.

Mystic Muse
2010-05-31, 06:37 PM
Check the forum rules here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/announcement.php?f=25&a=1).

If a thread is more than 3 months old AND is at the 4th page or more, don't post in it. This forum have enough people that threads from 3 months before is really old news that everyone forgot. I know that in some forums they prefer to ressurect old threads instead of creating new ones, but not here.

I thought it was six weeks and page 3 before a thread is unpostable:smallconfused:

Excession
2010-05-31, 06:38 PM
The 4th edition atropal is even worse.

Yep, and here's a picture:

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/Monster_gallery/11.jpg

Il_Vec
2010-05-31, 06:42 PM
Thread Necromancy
Bringing a thread back from “the dead.” If a thread has fallen to page three and hasn’t been posted in for a month and a half, don’t post to it. Start a new topic if you want to discuss the subject.

Are you starting a new thread on the subject?

Aeolius
2010-05-31, 06:56 PM
I know that in some forums they prefer to ressurect old threads instead of creating new ones, but not here.

Duly Noted. To be fair, I did skim the rules a time or two, but the info about thread necromancy was....errr... buried... in there ;)

Flickerdart
2010-05-31, 07:00 PM
I think we have a new forum staple like the birthday comic. Cool.

Still, necromancy is bad, it says so in the PHB.
Hardly new. I think it's actually older than that comic.

arguskos
2010-05-31, 07:10 PM
Hardly new. I think it's actually older than that comic.
It is. It doesn't come up much anymore though, most of the folks that post it a lot aren't around much these days. I try to, when I see a necro'd thread.

Thurbane
2010-05-31, 09:19 PM
I really wish people would think before they post that thread necro comic...it's basically treated as a license to post "In before the lock". If you feel a thread of inappropriate age has been posted to, there's a perfectly simple & straighforward "report post to moderator" button to click.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/buttons/report.gif

Kobold-Bard
2010-06-01, 02:57 AM
I really wish people would think before they post that thread necro comic...it's basically treated as a license to post "In before the lock". If you feel a thread of inappropriate age has been posted to, there's a perfectly simple & straighforward "report post to moderator" button to click.

http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/buttons/report.gif

Already used it, so I figured I might as well comment on the comic since I loved this thread so dearly when it was still alive.