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Jayngfet
2010-02-02, 07:27 PM
Based on the Evil Overlord List, I was thinking that GITP should create a sort of code of conduct for our evil dictators, according to the rules of an RPG verse.

1. I will remember that I control a large amount of space(otherwise how would I be an evil overlord). My prisons will be at least 10x10 and. Likewise I can afford good conditions for prisoners.

2. Taking into account rule 1, now that all cells have one bedsheet they will be located three stories up and directly below all windows are poisoned spikes.

3. I will not torture all prisoners. Any who attempt to break out however are fair game.

4. If I aim to take over an area controlled by an order of ancient and experienced warriors I will not attempt to end their lives. Instead I will pay any willing to train my men. Any who disagree however, are fair game.

Drakevarg
2010-02-02, 07:31 PM
I assume the Evil Overlord rules still apply?

5. Any ragtag group of adventurers that interrupt any of my operations, regardless of how small, will be eliminated with haste, using a show of force usually limited to opposing armies.

Elvenoutrider
2010-02-02, 08:08 PM
6) Once I have position at the top has been secured I will search the land for the most violently insane, uneducated, or otherwise dangerously incompetent individual I can find. This individual will have the position of second in command of my empire in case of my downfall. This will prevent any assassination or impeachment ideas my subjects or enemies might have. {Scrubbed}

Boci
2010-02-02, 08:38 PM
7) If I have an item that makes me invincable, I will try my best to keep its description a secret. If someone cooly informs me that they know where the item is and I kill them, I will then take a second to check who heard my now dead opponent spill the beans.

Mushroom Ninja
2010-02-02, 08:41 PM
8) I will use whatever means available to become completely immune to scrying.

Kitsap Charles
2010-02-03, 01:24 AM
9) I will remember that it is the Chaotic Good who are most difficult to subvert. The Lawful Good can be shown how the Law is on my side, and are thus easy to overcome.

-- Promulgated by my wife and fellow gamer, Kitsap River.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 02:24 AM
10) If I am a drow I will immediatly hunt down a magical panther, scimitars, and a chromatic dragon to kill. This will not only confuse my enemies, but I'll have magic gear and a minion to defend myself with. Also, dragon loot.

Ravens_cry
2010-02-03, 02:44 AM
11) I shall ban taverns, bars, alehouse, bar, barroom, beer joints, dives, drinkeries, gin mills, grog shops, honky tonks, hostelries, hotels, inns, joints, lodge, lounges, night spots, nineteenth holes, pubs, public houses, roadhouses, rathskellers, saloons, speakeasies, suds, taphouses, taprooms, watering holes, taverns, and any other places of public drunkenness and adventure hooking.

Sstoopidtallkid
2010-02-03, 02:48 AM
12) Shadowy hoods will be forbidden at all times in my domains. If someone wants to hire people, they can do it with their face visible.

Kelb_Panthera
2010-02-03, 03:04 AM
11) I shall ban taverns, bars, alehouse, bar, barroom, beer joints, dives, drinkeries, gin mills, grog shops, honky tonks, hostelries, hotels, inns, joints, lodge, lounges, night spots, nineteenth holes, pubs, public houses, roadhouses, rathskellers, saloons, speakeasies, suds, taphouses, taprooms, watering holes, taverns, and any other places of public drunkenness and adventure hooking.

Yeah... That didn't work for america in the 20's, but you could give it a shot I guess. Just be ready for bootlegging, secret establishments, organized crime, and the occasional outright riot.

Edit: I forgot; watch out for the lack of commerce. You won't see many traders with nowhere for them to stay while they're in town.

Ravens_cry
2010-02-03, 06:03 AM
Yeah... That didn't work for america in the 20's, but you could give it a shot I guess. Just be ready for bootlegging, secret establishments, organized crime, and the occasional outright riot.

Edit: I forgot; watch out for the lack of commerce. You won't see many traders with nowhere for them to stay while they're in town.
Well, that leads into number
13) To prevent public uprising, the home brewing, fermentation, and distillation of alcoholic beverages shall be permitted and in fact encouraged, but no sale except as a commodity permitted. Merchants and traveller shall be housed in state sponsored hostelries and be caravans protected by guild guards. Guilds may dispense with scabs as they see fit.

absolmorph
2010-02-03, 06:09 AM
14) If a group of adventurers does attempt to overthrow me, I will first attempt to convince them not to overthrow me. If that doesn't work, I will attack them. I will not kill one or two of them and then leave them alone. I will kill all of them at once and do my best to ensure they can't be resurrected by any means.

Volkov
2010-02-03, 07:06 AM
15) If I am a Lich, I will make a million fake phylacteries that look just like the real thing and can fool any form of magic detection. My real Phylactery will be indestructible.

pffh
2010-02-03, 07:11 AM
16) If I am immune to something I will constantly act like that is my weakness and ban it from my fortress. When the heroes show up and try to use my "weakness" against me I'll kill them.

17) I will not monologue.

Ceaon
2010-02-03, 07:11 AM
18) If I'm working for 'a greater good', I will make damn sure everybody knows this, instead of only revealing it as my dying words.

Rasman
2010-02-03, 07:44 AM
19) I will memorize Explosive Runes every day.

potatocubed
2010-02-03, 07:44 AM
20) I will have at least three escape plans ready at all times.

21) I will never fight the adventurers on their terms. No secret plan is so perfect that I cannot run away and either a) come back later with an army of demons or b) do it all over again on the other side of the world.

22) An adventurer in the bathroom is alone, distracted, and at least partially unarmoured. Don't hold back.

23) If I don't habitually wear a hat of some kind I will shave my head and inscribe a symbol of death on it. Scry me at your own risk.

24) If I do habitually wear a hat of some kind I will inscribe a symbol of death on the inside and specify that I am immune to it. Loot my body at your own risk.

Rasman
2010-02-03, 07:46 AM
24) All rooms in my Stronghold will be incredibly well lit, so no one can lurk in the shadows to learn of my terrible secret, unless I'm the one lurking.

Ernir
2010-02-03, 09:28 AM
25) I will use Divination. I will use it a lot.

Evard
2010-02-03, 10:09 AM
27) I will send my own agents to hire the adventurers of other towns and send them to deal with my enemies/rivals thus keeping both busy. This will make sure that I will know the strength of the adventurers, their loot, their magic items, and their fears. If they kill my enemies/rivals good, if not then I won't have to deal with the adventurers directly.

Choco
2010-02-03, 10:18 AM
28) I will be a paranoid Batman wizard.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 10:27 AM
29) I will not have a secret lair. I will have three secret lairs. Each morning I'll randomly pick one to spend the day in.

30) If a prophecy foretells that a child will one day kill me I'll kidnap the child and mind-control them into killing me when I have Contingent Resurrection ready to go. After I return from the dead I'll disintegrate the child.

31) I will keep the roadways clear of random aggressive monsters to deny adventurers any chance to hone their abilities.

Jan Mattys
2010-02-03, 10:31 AM
32) "Kill them young" will be my motto. If a party of lvl 5 adventurers enter my realm and start asking strange questions, I will not try and kill them sending my mooks first. I'll just unleash the full fury of my faithful dragon instead. He might not like the easy task, but he will surely enjoy the crispy snack.

Volkov
2010-02-03, 10:38 AM
33) I will have no dealings with the Far Realm, while the creatures there are the most powerful entities in existence, they will probably abandon me when I need them most for laughs.

Evard
2010-02-03, 10:39 AM
34) Kill them old, I will be sure to have a/an spell/spells/ability to turn those pesky lvl 5 adventurers into their maximum allowed age where their bones will be to brittle to support their armor or even their weight.

35) My minions will have plenty of vacation time and also will receive overtime pay. This will keep moral up and disgruntled employees to a minimum, any who do not like my generous gift meets an early retirement

Volkov
2010-02-03, 10:40 AM
33) Kill them old, I will be sure to have a/an spell/spells/ability to turn those pesky lvl 5 adventurers into their maximum allowed age where their bones will be to brittle to support their armor or even their weight.

34) My minions will have plenty of vacation time and also will receive overtime pay. This will keep moral up and disgruntled employees to a minimum any who do not like my generous gift meets an early retirement

Sorry, I ninja'd you out of 33.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 10:42 AM
36) My minions will ask around for a legendary artifact, "The Gauntlet Of Godhood" that will grant me infinite power. There is no gauntlet, but adventurers will waste their time trying to find it before I do.

37) I will give magic shop proprietors a favorable tax rate in exchange for them giving me a weekly record of all purchases.

38) I will cast Mindrape often, not to make people into slaves but to subtly alter them to have an mildly favorable impression of me.

Evard
2010-02-03, 10:43 AM
36) All ninjas will be dealt with extreme use of the edit button

36b) I will not thrive for a goal that reason suggest I cannot obtain, that's stupid and will cost me dearly (my existence) I will keep my goals realistic and within my power.

Jan Mattys
2010-02-03, 10:45 AM
37) I will give magic shop proprietors a favorable tax rate in exchange for them giving me a weekly record of all purchases.

LOL This is totally awesome :smallbiggrin:

Evard
2010-02-03, 10:47 AM
39) Scratch 37, I will own at least 51% of the shares in all magic shops, not only will I know what they sold but who bought the item. The foolish adventurers who buy items will only be funding their own deaths.

40) All magic items must be bought with a proper ID

pffh
2010-02-03, 11:01 AM
41) If I rule a country all adventurers in the country must be member of an adventuring guild. Guilds are free to deal with scabs as they see fit.
41b) All guilds will compete in a tournament every year, sponsored by me, to increase rivalry between guilds.

Evard
2010-02-03, 11:08 AM
42) I will give missions to the guilds, the best guild gets the best missions. I get my cut they get their cut everyone is happy.

42b) I will have a trusted (lol) minion as the leader of each guild who will go to war for me when needed

Oh here ya'll go :)
http://eviloverlord.com/

Sipex
2010-02-03, 11:27 AM
43) I will keep a strict eye on anything bearing a tragic past.

Evard
2010-02-03, 11:29 AM
So in order to be a safe great evil overlord one must make sure everyone in the kingdom is happy and have a wonderful past? :p

Choco
2010-02-03, 11:34 AM
36) My minions will ask around for a legendary artifact, "The Gauntlet Of Godhood" that will grant me infinite power. There is no gauntlet, but adventurers will waste their time trying to find it before I do.

44) I will plant the legendary artifact, "The Head of Vecna" and watch the fun

Sipex
2010-02-03, 11:35 AM
45) If a plucky adventuring party learns about my legion I will place a minion as first in command over me but less in actual power. This minion will be wholly convinced they are the leader of this charade while I act as the doubtful second in command, eventually betraying him in front of the adventurers and joining their side. If the adventurers trust me I'll wait until they're vulnerable and close, then kill them...probably with time stop.

If they don't trust me I'll simply give them a quest that goes no where, shield against scrying and leave to one of my other secret forts. My current base of operations the adventurers know about I will have completely destroyed while they are away.

Jan Mattys
2010-02-03, 11:37 AM
So in order to be a safe great evil overlord one must make sure everyone in the kingdom is happy and have a wonderful past? :p

46) Being an evil overlord and performing good actions are not mutually exclusive occupations. Good deeds here and there can make the difficult path to iron fist dictatorships much, much easier. I will not be afraid to go that extra mile out of character, especially in the early stages of my grand plan. Smart uses of deception and marketing skills will be my best friends, and my enemies' worst nightmares.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 11:58 AM
47) When a wise old wizard recruits heroes on a quest to destroy me, there will be a 99.99% chance the wizard is actually a member of my secret police ferreting out the disloyal.

48) I will never have captured heroes brought before me. If necessary I can interrogate them by telepathically relaying messages through a proxy.

49) My prison guards will be required to get at least 8 hours of sleep between shifts.

50) The attractive maiden locked in the dungeon cell next to the hero's will be a female undercover guard.

hiryuu
2010-02-03, 12:08 PM
So in order to be a safe great evil overlord one must make sure everyone in the kingdom is happy and have a wonderful past? :p

The best way to prevent rebellion is to make it so the people don't want to rebel.

Volkov
2010-02-03, 12:25 PM
51) I will turn all my dead into undead soldiers. Best to make use out of those corpses.

Evard
2010-02-03, 12:32 PM
52) I will at times go out into the world disguised as an average adventurer, recruits the best of the young adventurers, the ones with the most potential and then have them walk through a portal that just so happens to send them to the center of the sun.

Tyndmyr
2010-02-03, 12:36 PM
52) All adventurers shall work for a state sponsored agency, thus assuring my knowledge of all those who might threaten me.

53) One of the magic items I eagerly "seek" to destroy, spreading the story that "those who wear it are my only vulnerability" will be a helm of opposite alignment. Another will be a belt of gender changing, just for giggles.

54) Hiring of adventurers without going through the lawfully approved channels shall be a high crime.

55) All orphans shall be taken in and cared for from an early age. They shall form an order of paladins dedicated to maintaining law and order for me.

Renegade Paladin
2010-02-03, 12:46 PM
55) All orphans shall be taken in and cared for from an early age. They shall form an order of paladins dedicated to maintaining law and order for me.
That's a backfire and a half waiting to happen. :smalltongue: Eventually they'll either notice how evil you are or, if you only keep the exceptionally stupid ones, you'll be in the radius of a detect evil scan eventually and then, being paladins, they turn on you. :smallamused:

Tyndmyr
2010-02-03, 12:48 PM
What? Be backstabbed by my own creation in a cruel twist of fate after they learn what Im really like?

It'll never happen.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 01:10 PM
What? Be backstabbed by my own creation in a cruel twist of fate after they learn what Im really like?

It'll never happen.

Of course not. No paladin would ever attack their lord. (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0406.html)

Kulture
2010-02-03, 01:32 PM
56: A final contingency for any rebellion in my country will be the activation of an extended effect symbol of death scribed on the moon.

57: My second in command will be an uber-charger undead berserker with sociopathic tendencies, cannibalistic urges and a small business embalming children for theatrical purposes.

57b: when threatened I will magic jar into said berserker.

58: My phylactery will be located on my own demi-plane which will be upholstered with symbols of death, insanity and my own custom made "Symbol of Ebola".

59: my phylactery will be in a transdimensional coffin, the interior of which will be the same runes of my entire demi-plane plus a few more different ones, some cast with divine magic, some with arcane.

60: my phylactery will be held with roughly 2 million, similiarly warded copies, all will have symbols of death/mutation/anthrax

61: My mount will be a collosal, mindless, great rust wyrm dracolich, It will be barded with armor made from another dragon.

62: I will live a survivalist lifestyle on my compound, or totally eliminate poverty in my country, which ever is more practical.

63: I will be a generally nice person.

64: My armor will consist of specially crafted plates of directionally contained spheres of annhialation.

65: I will have a divine rank of atleast 4 before I gloat, if ever.

66: All magic items made in my forge will have an advanced safety system that any shadowrun world would be jealous of.

67: my floating doom fortress will be surrounded by a mile thick layer of anti-magic field with only small trade routes set up, the entire perimeter will be held by dragon riders on great rust wyrm zombies.

68: I will operate under libertarian guidelines.

69: I will not use paladins for elite law enforcement, that job will belong to the dread commandos.

70: My weapons, armor, and an on command toxin vapouriser in the air ducts of my fortress will all be filled with AD&D E type poison, ghoul sweat, brain scorch and agent orange.

Tyndmyr
2010-02-03, 01:37 PM
71) I will ensure the continued existance of other villians. One's far, far worse than I, that I can helpfully point aspiring heroes toward.

absolmorph
2010-02-03, 01:57 PM
That's a backfire and a half waiting to happen. :smalltongue: Eventually they'll either notice how evil you are or, if you only keep the exceptionally stupid ones, you'll be in the radius of a detect evil scan eventually and then, being paladins, they turn on you. :smallamused:
So, don't make 'em ACTUAL paladins. Make 'em knights and call 'em paladins.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 01:58 PM
72) I will not turn my enemies into stone and keep them in my palace as an art collection. All petrified foes will be shattered promptly.

73) Regardless of how evil I may have to act to secure my power worldwide, there will be at least one region I treat with utter benevolence so I have an area to recruit loyal servants who love me.

74) I will design a battle simulation game based on the rules of magic and physics that govern the world. The game will incorporate several tomes listing all conceivable creatures, people, items, and spells. I will hire a room full of intelligent teenagers to play this game all the time, and devise the most optimal tactics to use in any situation. They will be provided with limitless sodas, pizzas, and snacks. I will incorporate their findings into my security plan.

Tavar
2010-02-03, 02:02 PM
72b) If I do really want to keep enemies around as statues, I will first make sure that their head and parts of their chest are hollowed out. Specifically, the brain and heart areas.

Ravens_cry
2010-02-03, 02:05 PM
So, don't make 'em ACTUAL paladins. Make 'em knights and call 'em paladins.
Or make them dedicated to law and order, and provide law and order. No one says you can't be a LAWFUL evil overlord.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 03:03 PM
73) I will not be a jerk to every single person I meet and at least attempt to be friendly and nice. I will however remember that players tend to be self centered brats, even the noblest of which can justify murdering their own parents for a sufficently shiny blade. As such kid gloves come off whenever someone acts like a self centered prick.

This one was in fact based on a game I did. The big bad only got rude because the players under his employ refused to respect his athority, never showed up for work unless an even more omnicidal threat appeared, let their interpersonal drama get to the point where they'd laugh at civilian casualties, and nuke tokyo for no explained reason.

It's terrible when your PC's think of themselves as "good guys" and yet do hundreds of times more damage to the world than the BBEG ever could have hoped for.

vanyell
2010-02-03, 03:16 PM
74) all kobold tribes will be treated with utmost respect. especially the venerable kobolds, and those who know the name pazuzu

Evard
2010-02-03, 03:29 PM
73) I will not be a jerk to every single person I meet and at least attempt to be friendly and nice. I will however remember that players tend to be self centered brats, even the noblest of which can justify murdering their own parents for a sufficently shiny blade. As such kid gloves come off whenever someone acts like a self centered prick.

This one was in fact based on a game I did. The big bad only got rude because the players under his employ refused to respect his athority, never showed up for work unless an even more omnicidal threat appeared, let their interpersonal drama get to the point where they'd laugh at civilian casualties, and nuke tokyo for no explained reason.

It's terrible when your PC's think of themselves as "good guys" and yet do hundreds of times more damage to the world than the BBEG ever could have hoped for.

8 bit theatre? :p

74b) I must remember to change my name from pazuzu because it sounds odd during dinner conversation.

Bibliomancer
2010-02-03, 03:37 PM
72) I will not turn my enemies into stone and keep them in my palace as an art collection. All petrified foes will be shattered promptly.

72)c) I will then cast stone to mud on the dust, put the mud in the water, cast purify water, and throw the water into the ocean. I will then cast Trap the Soul on the ocean.


8 bit theatre? :p

74b) I must remember to change my name from pazuzu because it sounds odd during dinner conversation.

74c) Scratch that, better just kill Pazuzu.

Lysander
2010-02-03, 03:39 PM
75) I will build fake ancient dungeons filled with monsters, traps, and treasure and keep them under heavy watch. Any adventurers who successfully make it through will be considered for either employment or immediate destruction.

Tyndmyr
2010-02-03, 03:42 PM
72)c) I will then cast stone to mud on the dust, put the mud in the water, cast purify water, and throw the water into the ocean. I will then cast Trap the Soul on the ocean.
.

Before killing them, level drain them heavily. Keep them alive long enough to lose it. Dead level 1 adventurers can then be ressurected by enslaved casters of varying alignments until they either stop accepting rezzes or run out of con to drain.

Bibliomancer
2010-02-03, 03:43 PM
76) I will encourage the creation of orders of paladin who oppose me as a trap to get dangerous LG opponents to waste class levels.

77) I will create folklore indicating that I can only be defeated by a paladin.

78) I will burn all spellbooks not under my direct control.

79) I will recruit a Elder Evil (specifically, the one that cuts off clerics' access to spells) as a minion.

Rasman
2010-02-03, 07:29 PM
80) All low level adventurers will be awarded with finely crafted armor and weapons, specifically I will produce, en mass, Armor of Attracting Arrows, Gloves of Fumbling, -2 Swords, Amulets of Inescapable Location, Vacuous Grimiores, and MANY Crystal Hypnosis Balls.

Volkov
2010-02-03, 07:32 PM
81) I will not engage other Evil Overlords in personal combat unless it is completely necessary, until then, I will manipulate others to do him in.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 07:34 PM
78) I will burn all spellbooks not under my direct control.

79) I will recruit a Elder Evil (specifically, the one that cuts off clerics' access to spells) as a minion.

78b: I will remember that there are spells I don't know and wizards under my employ. They can have the spellbooks.

79b: Alternatively, I will set challenges soley for the hero's to level up to epic level and awaken an elder evil while on the other side of the world from the battleground. After the battle I will give them the locations to other elder evils, and take the kingdom around it that's been weakened by the forces of darkness.

Rasman
2010-02-03, 07:53 PM
82) All entrances to important rooms in my lairs will have ample Rugs of Welcome in them.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 08:02 PM
82) All entrances to important rooms in my lairs will have ample Rugs of Welcome in them.

82B: All of these rugs will in fact be scrolls with text hidden in them.

Kallisti
2010-02-03, 08:04 PM
83). I will abuse the Magic Trap rules to raise quality of life through the roof for all citizens of my empire and to fund all of my plans, thus eliminating the need for taxes. I will give aid to poor citizens and children will receive kittens as gifts from the state on their fifth birthdays. My second-in-command and potential heir will be an utter sociopath who lives to see others suffer and cannot bear to see people happy. I will keep him under lock and key until such time as I am defeated permanently.

Rising Phoenix
2010-02-03, 08:40 PM
84) I will organise tea and cookie parties and invite other evil overlords. I will only do this if I am immune to poison. Overlords who are smart enough not to try my delicious tea (upon which I've cast sympathy) or are immune to poison I shall either attempt to forge an alliance with until an appropriate assassination opportunity presents itself, possibly involving the PCs.

Frosty
2010-02-03, 09:20 PM
83). I will abuse the Magic Trap rules to raise quality of life through the roof for all citizens of my empire and to fund all of my plans, thus eliminating the need for taxes. I will give aid to poor citizens and children will receive kittens as gifts from the state on their fifth birthdays.

So how exactly is this different from being the Big Benevolent Empathic Guy?

Volkov
2010-02-03, 09:31 PM
So how exactly is this different from being the Big Benevolent Empathic Guy?

It's the means that makes the end evil.

Randel
2010-02-03, 09:35 PM
85). While I will keep my productive citizens and loyal underlings well fed and happy, I will make it a point to show that I am 'tough on crime' by performing brutal executions of rapists, murderers, and others who would hurt my society and myself. Let my enemies know that stealing from my citizens is like stealing from me... and nobody steals from me and gets away with it!

86). I will try to foster an equal opportunity work environment (as much as is convenient for me) so that anyone willing to work for me can do so regardless of gender, race, or species. This will hopefully get all the intelligent monstrous humanoids in my land to work for me instead of causing trouble with my citizens. Also it gives my army a decent diversity of talent and abilities.

87). Regarding monsterous humanoids, I will declare them as legal citizens in my lands. Thus, if they cause trouble for farmers then I can label them crimminals and send forces out there to deal with them. Or if adventurers decide to just start killing tribes of goblins then I can bring them up on charges of murderering my citizens! This should help limit the amount of XP that adventurers can get in my land and guilt-trip the lawful members into doing stuff for me do pay for their crimes.

88). As with the above, make sure that nobody goes around killing stuff without proper permits and those who refuse to do so pay a fine. Adventurers will thus either be working for me, be labeled as poachers, be unable to gain levels, or will be getting debts from fines. Hey, I'm evil!

89). If I choose to abuse the magic trap creation rules and thus put farmers and other peasants out of work, I will hire up anyone willing to work in my military. No need to start wars with other nations, just make sure that everyone's busy with something. Plus, having 90% of my nations population in the army makes for good Evil Economics... and if paladins complain then I will point out that nobody here starves and that I have next to zero unemployment or crime.

90). I will allow women to serve in the military because it provides nice gender equality, military women are likely to raise military minded children (and thus help me raise an army of super-soldiers over the generations if I plan to become immortal or something... and lets face it I will), it may prove useful against cultures who refuse to fight women or get dishonored when my elite Amazon Brigade beats them to a pulp... and to be honest keeping the female population slim and muscular can really make the it all worthwhile. No chainmail bikinis in actual combat conditions though.

91). I will have my people keep tabs on the various oracles and prophecies that are floating around. One team will be searching for actual prophecies with a chance of being true while another will be spreading around a bunch of lies that will only serve to get pesky heroes killed in stupid situations (see: Head of Venca). Hopefully my citizens will learn to not take prophecies so seriously and will instead be listening to me.

92). I will avoid using necromancy to create legions of undead to do mundane tasks. I'll save the undesirable tasks for members of my huge army do be dealt out as punishment by their commanding officers (I'll have a soldier on every street, even if they are just keeping them clean), Dangerous tasks to be taken by the criminals I haven't had horribly publicly executed yet, and monotonous tasks should either have been automated or have somebody do it for busy work. Nothing kills morale more than knowing that nearly every job in town is being done by 250 year old dead people.

93). If I choose to petrify someone, I will not publicly display their frozen figures. I will instead have a sculpture make an exact replica (perhaps chiseling his name in a corner somewhere to identify the fake) and display that. The real petrified person will either be smashed up or shoved in a secure vault somewhere. This will keep some steady income for artists in my lands... and keep people from wondering if the ornate nude statues in my garden are petrified people or not (hint: they're not. I have better things to do with beautiful women than turn them into statues!).

Volkov
2010-02-03, 09:39 PM
94) Those who attack Kobolds and Goblins will be persecuted immediately, this is an obvious sign of an adventurer rising to defeat me.

krossbow
2010-02-03, 09:41 PM
6) Once I have position at the top has been secured I will search the land for the most violently insane, uneducated, or otherwise dangerously incompetent individual I can find. This individual will have the position of second in command of my empire in case of my downfall. This will prevent any assassination or impeachment ideas my subjects or enemies might have. {Scrubbed}




WHY HALLO THAR
http://www.starseeker.0catch.com/Starscream.jpg
http://www.gamerdna.com/uimage/dFqp1gf/large/kefka-dissidia-jpg.jpg

Frosty
2010-02-03, 09:43 PM
It's the means that makes the end evil.

True, but creating magic traps to keep people fed is not an evil means. This is someone a benevolent ruler would do anyways. Good rulership and happy citizens = stay in power.

Randel
2010-02-03, 09:44 PM
So how exactly is this different from being the Big Benevolent Empathic Guy?

By providing lots of food and medicine through traps, you free up a huge chunk of your workforce. That workforce now gets hired up into your huge military since its more fun to wear a cool Evil Army uniform than to toil day in and day out on a dirt farm thats completely obsolete now.

Heck, its not fun being a farmer normally due to the medeval 'Not getting stabbed in the face tax' thing. In normal non-magical lands then most of the population toils on farms to feed the nobles and army. In good aligned lands with magical food supplies then there may be fewer farmers but where do the people work now?

In Evil Overlord Land with infinite food traps, you can now feed your population without having farmers toil day in and day out and just turn everyone into your huge Evil Army. Join the Army and you get fed, if you don't then either farm by yourself or find someone who would rather farm then join the army.

Plus, an army marches on its stomach, with lots of food you can support a bigger army and thus march however you want. Use magic to screw up economics to the point that you can support stupidly huge armies... cause you're Evil!

Volkov
2010-02-03, 09:44 PM
True, but creating magic traps to keep people fed is not an evil means. This is someone a benevolent ruler would do anyways. Good rulership and happy citizens = stay in power.

Well, intentions do any way. Not to mention farmers would be out of a job.

Frosty
2010-02-03, 09:48 PM
By providing lots of food and medicine through traps, you free up a huge chunk of your workforce. That workforce now gets hired up into your huge military since its more fun to wear a cool Evil Army uniform than to toil day in and day out on a dirt farm thats completely obsolete now.

Heck, its not fun being a farmer normally due to the medeval 'Not getting stabbed in the face tax' thing. In normal non-magical lands then most of the population toils on farms to feed the nobles and army. In good aligned lands with magical food supplies then there may be fewer farmers but where do the people work now?

In Evil Overlord Land with infinite food traps, you can now feed your population without having farmers toil day in and day out and just turn everyone into your huge Evil Army. Join the Army and you get fed, if you don't then either farm by yourself or find someone who would rather farm then join the army.

Plus, an army marches on its stomach, with lots of food you can support a bigger army and thus march however you want. Use magic to screw up economics to the point that you can support stupidly huge armies... cause you're Evil!

Still not seeing how this is evil. As a Benevolent Ruler, this is exact same thing I'd do. Having a large army is not evil. In fact it will protect my citizens. Having a huge army also employs blacksmiths. My army will be used to protect said magical traps and to maintain them. Some of the smarter ones will start teaching basic magical theory so that more of my citizenry can help create and maintain magic traps.

All of this leads to a pretty good place to live thus far. Not seeing the evil.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 09:51 PM
Still not seeing how this is evil. As a Benevolent Ruler, this is exact same thing I'd do. Having a large army is not evil. In fact it will protect my citizens. Having a huge army also employs blacksmiths. My army will be used to protect said magical traps and to maintain them. Some of the smarter ones will start teaching basic magical theory so that more of my citizenry can help create and maintain magic traps.

All of this leads to a pretty good place to live thus far. Not seeing the evil.

This is why Big bads have an overall goal that makes them evil. The Emperor who stabs random pesants in the face generally meets his end at the hands of a massive revolt before he can cause armageddon. The Emperor who keeps the population able to fight for him and happy at the same time has a completley loyal army of mooks who can retrieve the seven plot coupons of fantastyhiem or whatnot.

Jayngfet
2010-02-03, 09:59 PM
94) Those who attack Kobolds and Goblins will be persecuted immediately, this is an obvious sign of an adventurer rising to defeat me.

94b. I will remember that every race is capable of at least 12 of any stat. Anyone who shows any hint of talent at any class shall be trained for at least three levels. This ensures my employees will have their preferred job and work harder at beating the heroes.

NMBLNG
2010-02-03, 10:18 PM
95) I will always wear a monocle or eye patch.

96) I will have a fluffy white cat.

97) I will not expect the heroes to talk. I will expect them to die. QUICKLY.

98) I will have access to Shapechange/Polymorph spells.

99) I will be the fluffy white cat in disguise, and run away as soon as any adventurers attempt to confront me.

krossbow
2010-02-03, 10:40 PM
95)
99) I will be the fluffy white cat in disguise, and run away as soon as any adventurers attempt to confront me.

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2006-8/1204323/mr_scruffy.jpg

Mrow?

Falconer
2010-02-03, 10:54 PM
100) While other religions shall be tolerated, I will actively encourage the populace of my empire to convert to my arbitrarily evil religion. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/GodOfEvil)

101) If there is already a powerful, Good religious organization in place which I have been unable to replace or drive out, I will ensure that the higher-ups are my spies, taking bribes from me, or otherwise sympathizers to my cause. Or dead.

102) Should I become immortal, I will keep in mind that immortality is not the same as invincibility.

103) I will try to recruit as many of the heroes' family members as I possibly can, if only because fighting against a group of minions that includes your little brother, uncle, and cousin can be a little awkward.

Zantumall
2010-02-03, 11:41 PM
"Symbol of Ebola".
Yes.

Anyway,
104) All known ancient ruins, vaults of powerful artifacts, etc. shall be thoroughly plundered in secret before being filled with Amulets of Strangulation and other dangerous items. The locations of these areas shall then be made public knowledge and would-be adventurers will be directed towards them as soon as possible.

105) My national symbol will be a permanent (or at least extended) Antipathy spell keyed to good creatures. Anyone seen fleeing from the symbol will be killed.

106) I will have a minimum of 1 True Ressurection and 3 Apocalypse from the Sky spells on Contingencies to my death. And I'll wait a minute or two before accepting the ressurection. :smallbiggrin:

107) My personal seal on all "secret documents" of any sort will be Explosive Runes. My minions will be taught (and if they forget they will quickly learn) not to look at the top right corner.

Randel
2010-02-04, 12:12 AM
Still not seeing how this is evil. As a Benevolent Ruler, this is exact same thing I'd do. Having a large army is not evil. In fact it will protect my citizens. Having a huge army also employs blacksmiths. My army will be used to protect said magical traps and to maintain them. Some of the smarter ones will start teaching basic magical theory so that more of my citizenry can help create and maintain magic traps.

All of this leads to a pretty good place to live thus far. Not seeing the evil.

In addition to what Jayngfet said, this is an Evil Overlord list.

Some of this advice can be used by evil people who are not overlords, and some could be used by overlords who are not evil. But its overall goal is for people who want to stay in power and deal with those pesky heroes who want to stop them. The fact that some of this advice is good for people outside the target audience doesn't detract from its usefulness.

Also, Bread and Circuses (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BreadAndCircuses). As long as your evil actions don't negatively impact on the citizenry, they don't really have to care if you're trying to take over the world.


Maybe you're secretly a necromancer or a vampire or something and you're just using your citizens as raw materials for your undead army or drinking their blood for sustenance. Since they all have full bellies, their health, and things to occupy them, then they don't really care.

Heck, even if you have some kind of deal with the devil where you feed your citizens souls to some horrible eldrich monster for power then as long as you do it out of sight. Or heck, maybe start a religion or some kind of refuge in audacity ceremony where at the end of the year everyone who's grown to be sixty six years old or generally tired of living get to offer themselves up to Xnagflax the twelve and a half headed vampire mindflayer demon.

As long as you can keep people well-fed, relativly healthy and beutiful, and keep them entertained then you can probably trick them into doing all sorts of stuff for you. Normal despotic tyrants in our universe are limited by the laws of scarcity and economics, in DnD land you can screw those rules with magic.

If you can invent a trap that creates unlimited amounts of wine then you can keep your citizens too drunk and happy to rebel against you no matter how card carryingly evil you are. With a trap that cures all diseases with a touch then STDs are a thing of the past and people can have all the loose sex they want. Some would say that thats good (technically, its awesome) while others say that you're ruining the sanctity and preciousness of marriage and human relationships.

And the real kicker is that since you're the freaking overlord with a huge army and these things that pretty much make stuff for free, then you're basically the Devil in Making a Deal With the Devil. If you want to raise an undead army and offer people a life of luxury and free sex in exchange for having a Wight rip out their soul and turn it into another Wight right before they die (and by 'right before they die' you really mean, 'having your soul ripped out kills you, Genius. I can harvest you whenever I feel like it').

If you need a steady supply of virgin sacrifices for your immortality potion then you can do that. Lets say that everyone in your nation gets free love after they pass the age of consent (rape is still a major crime and is severely punished. having sex with a minor is also a major offense). Your state sponsored orphanages accept any children with no parent or their parents don't want to raise them (by messing with society, you can make it socially acceptable for parents to dump their kids at orphanages. You just raise the kids to become soldiers or something and the parent keep partying).

Then, each orphan gets an education and is prepared to become a full-fledged adult. You can set up some sort of rite of passage (like trial by combat or getting past traps or something. Not everyone survives but its still a rite of passage so all the adults are glad they made it through and anyone so weak they didn't survive obviously didn't make it.) and secretly screen those going through. If you need virgin sacrifices, then just detect those people going through that fulfill the virgin part, and then select one or more of those that won't be missed.

Thus, you've basically got a set-up where you can easily sacrifice people or stuff because the people who survive are too happy with the system to care about those you are sacrificing.


In short, Create Food and Water traps are a huge bonus for Evil Overlords because food is valuable. You're basically printing your own money out of nothing. As long as you control the food generator then you can use that buy whatever the heck you want and control the population. To take over the world you need money and if this thing makes infinite money out of nothing then... yeah, its good.


As for Good Overlords using a Create Food and Water trap, they can but then again will they remain good? One of the things about Good and Evil is that Good is what you do to help people without hurting them and Evil is hurting them more than helping them. Now then, what if you create a system of Food and Healing things that makes it next to impossible for anyone to starve or get seriously injured? Now the Good Overlords sense of justice and right and wrong isn't as necessary as before.

If the King mismanaged the Kingdom before they set up the traps then people could wind up starving or injured. After the traps, it hardly matters what he does since the traps keep everyone fed and healthy regardless.

Suppose he has the traps cure diseases and people start having sex more often since STDs aren't a danger? Will he shut off the traps to prevent promiscuity? Will he leave them on for everyone regardless of this? Will he pass more stringent laws against promiscuity even if the people don't mind it as much anymore? Will he start limiting access to these traps that instantly cure all disease with no cost whatsoever because he dislikes the fact that people can enjoy themselves now?

Effectivly, the Create Food and Water traps do the same thing for Good Overlords as they do for Evil ones... make the people content enough that the Overlord can do whatever the heck he wants... as long as he lets them benefit from them. If the King wants to go Lawful Good and demand that everyone be nice to everyone else all the time and that 'rude' people are punished for it then thats okay (who like those 'rude' people anyway?). If he wants to go Lawful Stupid and makes some huge list of laws that everyone has to memorize and obey at all times then hey, as long as they are kept fat and happy then thats okay as well.

If the King insists that Goblins and Orcs are always chaotic evil subhuman beasts that should be exterminated on sight then people will likely go along with that as well. Even people with the best of intentions can slip up every once in a while and without any feedback to the contrary then they will just assume that they are doing the right thing. With Create Food traps then the general population is pretty much automatically happy and they don't really give back negative feedback unless their King goes totally nuts and starts killing people for sneezing.



So basically, Evil Overlords have plans other than keeping their citizens happy and the Create Food and Water traps are just the rubes content while they try to take over the world. A Good Overlord presumably is trying to keep their citizens happy and the Create Food and Water traps pretty much instantly solve the problem themselves. I mean, once the Good Overlord gets the traps set up then he really doesn't have to do anything else. He either gets lazy, goes crazy, or tries taking over the world so that everyone can be happy. He's got a whole kingdom full of people who love him and will do what he asks and if he doesn't ask for anything then it all goes to waste.


And the last bit, Create Food traps and Healing traps allow much more people to be fed in an area and prevents people from dying by disease or famine. Thus, the human population grows exponentially with fewer things stopping it. A Good Overlord will protect his people from any monsters that try to kill them, any diseases that strike them, or famine. By just building more traps then there is no real limit to human growth.

Unfortunalty, those people have to go somewhere and in a few years the nations population doubles. The Kingdom may be able to easily support all its citizens with food and healing but it must expand. Unless the civilization with Food and Healing traps intentionally limits its own growth then it will keep increasing exponentially. It may take over a continent, or start plane shifting into other planes of existence but it would have to keep expanding. And with that, it would run into other civilizations mess with the environment and such.

So... Evil Overlord could get away with Create Food and Water traps by either intending to take over the world or sacrificing some of his population regularly to keep the numbers down. Good Overlords would either have to put everyone on birth control or otherwise limit population growth... or take over the world.

I thus propose that Create Food and Water traps break economics enough that the mere use of them constitutes a slightly evil or neutral act (but certainly not good).

Sorry, that was a really long rant and its late so I'm not sure if it makes sense.

krossbow
2010-02-04, 12:33 AM
Why don't we stop wasting time and just go ahead and post Machiavelli's The Prince?

Falconer
2010-02-04, 12:44 AM
Very well. If you insist.

Machiavelli's The Prince (http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Prince_(Hill_Thomson))

The reason nobody posted it before is that Machiavelli offers no advice whatsoever on the proper uses of zombie foot soldiers and such.

krossbow
2010-02-04, 12:59 AM
Very well. If you insist.

Machiavelli's The Prince (http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Prince_(Hill_Thomson))

The reason nobody posted it before is that Machiavelli offers no advice whatsoever on the proper uses of zombie foot soldiers and such.

One could infer that he viewed them in much the same way as mercenaries when arguing for the proper makeup of one's armed forces.

oxinabox
2010-02-04, 01:10 AM
108 It will be bluffs all the way down:
Secrety I wil;l no ojnly control the Goverment, and the criminal underworld.
I will also control (and create if nescissary) the rebal organisations who's goal is my eventual defeat.
i will future control (and create if nescissary) secret rebal orgainastions who think they know that the previose organisation is really controlled by me, but they will inturn be controlled by me.
i will create futhur rebal organistions each one half the size of the previos who believe that the rebal orgaistion i previosly created, was a controlled by me.
This huge number of more and more seacret (and smaller) organisations will all know that the organisations larger than them are evil (and the ones smaller then them, who keep attacking them are evil, clearly) so will be to busy fighting each other to fight me.
this will also have the benifit of keeping everyone oposed to to busy fighting others oposed to me to harm me.
the smallest most secret organisation will consist of one person - me.

so
org A, hates me.
org B, is half the size of org A, hates me, and hates org A because it believves (correctly) that org A serves me.
org C, is halfd the size of org B, hates me and org B and org A.
and so on.
seactely I control all of them.

thusly I will keep all my enemies too busy fighting each other to have time for me.


109
I will sponsor a university for all wise men and magic uses (or all forms, inc truenaming binding, incanium, even ninja ki powers and martial adpets). anyone will any powerful knowledge, will be a memeber.
I will then help them see that inorder to keep there power, as an organisation, and as individuals:
a) it is highly undesirable to have compition from the outside the unbiversity (therefore they will catch any i missed)
b) telling anyone, anything is a bad idea - if others knew there secrets then they would not be needed anymore. (thus preventing them answering anyones questions).
c) to ensure that apprentices never became compition they will be kept under lock an key until they become masters themself - by wich stage they will be to old and too engageds with university politics to leave site, and will have lost all there passion through decades of boring study.

110: I will (at the begining of my accent to power) establish and advisory commitee of trusted individauls from all walks of like (including children).
to esablish them i will hire (and pay) a independent company, who will servay them to determine who should be in the comitee and that they can be absolutly trusted, and also how i can keep them loyal.
every 6 months i will hire a differnt compamny to reanylise the loyalty of my advisory compitee (likely using mind reading abilities).
appart from this the comittee will have my absolute trust.
and i will be confidant wiull all, my plans knowing that they have been looked at from every angle.
I will know that any tendancies one way or another will be palanced py opposing parties in the comitee.

111: even if popular with noone else i will be imessly popluart with the pessentry and the serfs.

112: I will maintain an elite guard of warriors, with and awsome name, such as the SwordMaster of the Evertine Legion, loyal olnly to myself.
I will establish them as a legentry entity, know for being sent into the fircest battles, and never stepping back an step.
It will be every childs dream to join them.
There duties will include guarding me.

113: every single on of my soldier will be given a badge of honour.
if with have a command activated enchantment of:
Dominate monster (agree to fail all future saves), maze, disintergrate,vitrify, shatter.

114: I will maintain on my person verious, ways of summoning powerful perfectly loyal warriors.
Not just he usual: gate, summon monster/nature/undead X. wich my enemies may have expected and prepared to counter, but also stanger ones such as "Blacksand/awaken sand" and "Fabricate (dragon statue), stone to flesh, animate dragon"

115: My stadard procedutre for dealling with enemies/there corpes is:
Flesh to stone: shatter: stone to mud,soul bind, putify, create unholy water

Falconer
2010-02-04, 01:25 AM
But I desire to demonstrate still more clearly the untoward character of these forces. Necromancers of the undead are either able spellcasters or they are not. If they are, you cannot trust them, since they will always seek their own aggrandizement, either by "accidentally" soul-binding you, or by their ascent into lichdom and their turning you into a zombie. On the other hand, if your necromancer be not an able spellcaster the chances are you will be ruined.

Something like this, I imagine?

Rixx
2010-02-04, 01:58 AM
116) If I hear stories of an adventurer who's life and career choices seem to have no coherence, I will check popular optimized character builds before writing him off as an insane idiot.

magic9mushroom
2010-02-04, 02:57 AM
117) My lair will be suspiciously reminiscent of Tomb of Horrors, except that about halfway through the way to progress in Tomb of Horrors will instead dump you in a Sphere of Annihilation. The way to actually get to me is entirely controlled by me.