The Expendables: Action movie to end all action movie

[Fri]

I'm not actually an action movie fans... but... but... why I've just heard about this upcoming movie?

The cast:

Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lungren, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarznegger, in ONE MOVIE.... and they're just half of it.

Jean Claude van Damme and Wesley Snipes was supposed to be in there, but not, for various reason.

This would be a plotless action movie with mindless explossion, but godamnit, this would be the plotless action movie with mindless explosion to end all plotless action movie with mindless explosion.

Thank god Jean Claude van Damme wasn't able to be there, because, honestly, if he's also there, set will definitely implode for the concentrated 80s hot bloodedness and take the earth with it or something.

Say what you will for the current condition of hollywood or something, but I would give them a break, just this once.

[chiasaur11]

I think Seanbaby said it best.

"Sylvester Stallone is making an action movie called The Expendables. It stars himself, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Mickey Rourke and Danny Trejo as mercenaries in South America. Hold on, my spell checker just told me that the last sentence should actually be spelled, “Impossible eyeball orgasm.” The Expendables is almost terrifying since it’s exactly what the human race would put on its bucket list if you told it that it had six months to live."

[starwoof]

This will easily be the greatest movie ever made.

[Setra]

Excuse me I need to make sure I'm not dreaming...

[nyarlathotep]

Sadly it is not the greatest action movie ever made as it is missing Bruce Campbell and Clint Eastwood. :smallamused:

But damn is it close. :smallcool:

[reorith]

call me a heretic but sylvester stallone, dolph lundgren, bruce willis, and arnold schwarznegger are too old to be awesome. there should be a rule that if you were alive when vostok 1 launched, you can't be a main character in an adrenaline high explosive summer thriller. Michael Caine and Clint Eastwood are the only exceptions. Li and Statham proved their onscreen chemistry in War. there are so many badass actors that aren't old fossils that could have rounded out the roster.

[Fri]

Ah, they also missed steven seagal, sadly. It seems that he's been asked, but rejected for bad experience with the producer or something like that.

[chiasaur11]

call me a heretic but sylvester stallone, dolph lundgren, bruce willis, and arnold schwarznegger are too old to be awesome. there should be a rule that if you were alive when vostok 1 launched, you can't be a main character in an adrenaline high explosive summer thriller. Michael Caine and Clint Eastwood are the only exceptions. Li and Statham proved their onscreen chemistry in War. there are so many badass actors that aren't old fossils that could have rounded out the roster.

You shut your dirty heretical mouth.

And Nyarlahotep?

It could also use Stephan Chow and Tony Jaa, but we're pushing our luck already.

[starwoof]

Sadly it is not the greatest action movie ever made as it is missing Bruce Campbell and Clint Eastwood. :smallamused:

But damn is it close. :smallcool:

There are sequels planned.:smallbiggrin:

[Lycan 01]

So... Judging by the title, we get to watch a ton of actors who deliver their best lines with their fists and feet (and do so gloriously, mind you) go around killing people and getting killed in turn?

Awesome. :amused:

[thubby]

soul food for your inner sadist.

[paddyfool]

Heh. Ageing action heroes all dumped together in one movie? Awesome. And it nicely reminds me of a versus thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=120319)I made some time back.

[Nerd-o-rama]

Awesome. Awesome to the max.

[Starbuck_II]

Yes, Bruce for the sequel Throw in the guy from Riddick in the sequel too!

[Finn Solomon]

Isn't this basically the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny for the big screen?

If it's going to be a serious action blockbuster than it could be horrible, but if it's more action comedy with macho posturing and the like it would be a massive hit.

They need to find room for The Rock and Jackie Chan.

[paddyfool]

Isn't this basically the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny for the big screen?

If it's going to be a serious action blockbuster than it could be horrible, but if it's more action comedy with macho posturing and the like it would be a massive hit.

Jet Li's character is apparently called "Yin Yang", and Sly's is called "Barney". (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1320253/) I'd be worried they might be going too far down the action comedy route if anything.

[Optimystik]

But who will bring all the walkers, the Metamucil, and the Geritol Complete? :smallconfused:

[Jerthanis]

call me a heretic but sylvester stallone, dolph lundgren, bruce willis, and arnold schwarznegger are too old to be awesome. there should be a rule that if you were alive when vostok 1 launched, you can't be a main character in an adrenaline high explosive summer thriller. Michael Caine and Clint Eastwood are the only exceptions. Li and Statham proved their onscreen chemistry in War. there are so many badass actors that aren't old fossils that could have rounded out the roster.

Au contraire, I posit that you cannot be badass until you have kicked the crap out of old age as well.

In Norse Myth, Thor would wrestle the god of old age and would lose every time.

Bruce Willis would knee it in the junk and bite its ear off.

[SurlySeraph]

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) is a man with nothing to lose. Fearless and void of emotion, he is the leader, the sage and the strategist of this tight-knit band of men who live on the fringe. His only attachment is to his pickup truck, his seaplane and his team of loyal modern-day warriors.

Truck gets blown up ten minutes in. Plane twenty minutes after that. That's when Stallone starts doing the "Now it's personal" routine, and things kick into high gear.


The team behind him is made up of Lee Christmas (Jason Statham), former SAS and a savant with anything that has a blade; Yin Yang (Jet Li), a master at close-quarter combat; Hale Caesar (Terry Crews), who has known Barney for ten years and is a long-barrel weapons specialist; Toll Road (Randy Couture), a skilled demolitions expert and considered the intellect of the group; and Gunnar Jensen (Dolph Lundgren), a combat veteran and an expert in precision sniping who struggles with his own demons.

Sample scene: Dolph Lundgren shoots a terrorist on a guard tower with an enormous sniper rifle, flipping him over the rail and sending him screaming downwards. Statham, climbing up the tower, casually slices said man in half as he falls. Before he can hit the ground, Jet Li flies in from offscreen and dropkicks both halves over to Randy Couture, who wires them with explosives in a matter of seconds and loads them into a pair of oversized rocket launchers. Stallone and Terry Crews fire off the rocket launchers towards the Dictatorial Palace of Evil on the horizon. Cut to the interior of the palace, where 20 seconds of exposition occur before the inexplicably flaming terrorist halves smash through the windows and explode.

[Finn Solomon]

I love Terry Crews, the man is one of my shamelessly favourite actors. Now I really have to see this.

[Lifeson]

Where's Summer Glau?

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/action_movies.png

[Lycan 01]

Sample scene: Dolph Lundgren shoots a terrorist on a guard tower with an enormous sniper rifle, flipping him over the rail and sending him screaming downwards. Statham, climbing up the tower, casually slices said man in half as he falls. Before he can hit the ground, Jet Li flies in from offscreen and dropkicks both halves over to Randy Couture, who wires them with explosives in a matter of seconds and loads them into a pair of oversized rocket launchers. Stallone and Terry Crews fire off the rocket launchers towards the Dictatorial Palace of Evil on the horizon. Cut to the interior of the palace, where 20 seconds of exposition occur before the inexplicably flaming terrorist halves smash through the windows and explode.


I'm honestly having trouble telling if this was a joke, or an actual scene from the movie... :smalleek:

[warty goblin]

I'm honestly having trouble telling if this was a joke, or an actual scene from the movie... :smalleek:

I honestly don't care. Either way it's awesome.

[SurlySeraph]

This is going to be the kind of film where asking "Is this supposed to be serious?" is not going to yield any useful answers.

[chiasaur11]

This is going to be the kind of film where asking "Is this supposed to be serious?" is not going to yield any useful answers.

Better question:

Did that dude's head just implode due to Jet Li kicking him?

[Amiel]

Needs more Donnie (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donnie_Yen)Yen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ip_Man_film) and Sammo Hung (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sammo_Hung)

Corey Yuen, John Woo, Ang Lee to direct; Yuen Woo Ping for the fight scenes

There better be some damn brilliant fight choreography :smallcool:

[pita]

Is Simo Hayha still alive? we need a cameo of the White Death in a movie as awesome as this. Maybe have the sniper character kneeling by his grave.

[KnightDisciple]

Is Simo Hayha still alive? we need a cameo of the White Death in a movie as awesome as this. Maybe have the sniper character kneeling by his grave.

The actual Hayha? He died in 2002. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simo_Hayha)

[pita]

The actual Hayha? He died in 2002. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simo_Hayha)

Gah dammit.
We need Wahlberg then.

[Grumman]

The actual Hayha? He died in 2002. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simo_Hayha)
He's not dead, he was just waiting in ambush. One of these days he's going to dig his way out of his grave, using Death's skull as a shovel.