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V Junior
2010-12-20, 12:45 PM
((TPAM, you're confusing.))

758: If I play as a wizard, I am not allowed to have any of the following as my animal companion: bear, kitten, puppy, adult cat, adult dog, rabbit, any form of marsupial, any kind of bird, goat.

759: I may not go cow-tipping.

760: As an extention of the above, every chicken in the campaign setting is a Cucoo [sp].

761: "Time Lord" is not a playable race.

762: My backstory cannot involve any of the following: the Doctor, a taco, Arceus, people made of shadow, chipmunks, Mr. Scruffy, tinsel, or a very unhappy Christmas.

763: Rabbids do not exist in the campaign setting; therefore, I may not have one as an animal companion, familiar, pet, or P.C..
763b: even if I sneak this past the DM, Rabbid paladins do not and cannot exist.

764: I'm not allowed to have a Bag of Holding. To be fair, this one only turned up after they found out that I was keeping kobolds in it to use as ammo.

765: If I am finding it difficult to carry around both a Bag of Holding and a Portable Hole, I may not throw one into the other. (I may have filled them up with kobolds...)

Stickthief
2010-12-20, 01:01 PM
766. I am not allow to put "Totally Awesome" In my list of descriptions.
767. I am not allowed to kill the torches on the wall for XP.
768. I am not allowed to eat the inkeeper.
769. I am not allowed to use my Robot of Mutilation.
770. I am not allowed to ask an elf if he works with Peter Pan.
771 I am not allowed to ask an elf if he knows Frodo.
772. I am not allowed to ask an elf if his best friend has pixy dust.
773 I am not allowed to slap an elf.
774.I an not allowed to throw my partner into a vat of toxic waste to see how he mutates.
775. I am not allowed to torch the city because there was only 1 piece of candy in the inkeeper's tip jar.

Lateral
2010-12-28, 10:26 PM
776 I'm not allowed to use the party halfling rogue as ammunition.
777 I'm not allowed to make my cleric worship O-Chul.
778 I'm not allowed to create a character who only speaks Elder Evil.
779 I'm not allowed to play a pyrokineticist. EVER AGAIN.
780 I'm not allowed to play a pyrokineticist. Must. Stress. This. Point.

Marxism
2010-12-29, 11:48 PM
781: I am not allowed to create magic potions that mimic the effects of real world drugs and sell them for a profit
782: I am not allowed to play a Stone Giant fighter without telling my DM how race levels work.
783: Aristocrat is an invalid choice of class in a dungeon crawl!
784: Plane shifting with no intent of ever returning to the material plane is not a valid way of dealing with a local tyrant.

Lord Raziere
2010-12-30, 06:47 PM
785: I am no longer allowed to post in this thread, it gives me too many ideas.

Ahew27
2011-01-02, 06:18 AM
786: I may not be a total ass to my fellow players just for the sake of obeying my alignment.

GaiusCaligula
2011-01-05, 11:42 PM
787. My vampire cannot drop steamrollers on people.
788. My vampire will refrain from yelling "WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" when he feeds.

Rob Roy
2011-01-06, 12:03 AM
788: If m vampire ever sparkles, it is automatically destroyed. It may never be brought back into existence, ever.

Nosferocktu
2011-01-06, 01:54 AM
789: I'm not allowed to play a character who wears all green, tights, carries a bow, and robs from the rich.
790: Same as above but from the poor.
791: I'm not allowed to speak in any accent anymore whenever I pc speak. Two things happen, the game never gets anywhere because they are laughing so hard or B: Small followed promptly by large heavy things are thown at me by the DM.
792: I'm not allowed to play drunk and have my pc be smashed for the entirety of the game to feel my pain.

Prince Zahn
2011-01-06, 03:42 PM
793: as an enchanter or high Charisma character, I am not allowed to wager with my teammates (them doing so Willfully or otherwise) about if I could talk our 3 wisdom/3 intelligence leader into eating his own shoes.

794: as any spell caster, I may not eliminate my party and replace them with any of the following: clay golems,Iron Golems, any construct, any undead, the following animal companions:Tigers,wolves,kittens,newborn kittens, basilisk, any Giant+ creature, or Zombies/skeletons, for the purpose of making them dance to a famous musical reference that it's source will not even exist for another 600+ years.

795: gloves that qualify for the use of "Bigby's _____ hand/fist" spells is not an improvised weapon, and will not deal damage.
795a:Ever.
795b: if it is hilarious.
795c:Circumstance bonus from an argument between gentlemen still is no exception.
796: a warforged Playable character may NOT skin a human, wear it as a costume, and refer to himself as "Inspector Gadget."
796a: Same goes for the name "Doohickey P.I." or anything similar.

Combat Reflexes
2011-01-07, 08:51 AM
797. I am no longer allowed to abuse the robe of many things by dropping rowboats on people's heads.

798. I can no longer Diplomance in a dungeon crawl.

799. I can NEVER, EVER again create zombies with ranks in Perform: Dance

Lateral
2011-01-07, 09:22 PM
800. Bluff checks cannot change reality by convincing the universe that it obeys different laws than it does.

802. Skipping numbers is cheating. :smalltongue:

805. It's still cheating, even if I do it twice.

803.
Not. Allowed. To play. Pyrokineticist. EVAR.

TechnoScrabble
2011-01-12, 03:25 AM
804 This is DnD, not dwarf fortress.

805 Please, for the love of all that is good, stop trying to make it dwarf fortress.

Rob Roy
2011-01-12, 03:30 AM
805a: This does not apply when the DM is running a game set in the ruins of Boatmurdered
806: I can not treat the party as a team of troubleshooters.
807: I cannot apply a ZAP mentality to Straight or Classic Paranioa. Doing so is treason against our "Friend, the Friendly Computer, who would never hurt us."

Prince Zahn
2011-01-12, 12:20 PM
808: I may not use the Craft wondrous Items feat to make a magic Jukebox.
808a: The penalty for breaking this rule is increased five-fold if the primary purpose of the device making such a device is making a zombie+skeleton+protagonist+antagonist+ some random NPC musical sing'n dance number.

809: I may not give directions/orders/instructions/tips/commands about making a magic Jukebox to anyone.
(Prerequisites: Craft Wondrous Item, Otto's Irresistible Dance, Perfrom(any instrument or singing) 15 Ranks. Control Undead.)

810:Sentient Magic items are no longer playable races.

811: The DM doesn't care how low my strength modifier is, so I may not use a 32gb flash Drive as a spellbook.

812: during an important storyline battle, I may not hide behind nearby bushes and say "you guys handle this, I'm just gonna sit this one out."

813: I have been recently informed by my DM that I am now banned forever from using the "Light" spell. (don't ask me why)

Combat Reflexes
2011-01-15, 05:42 PM
814. I may never combine the words 'commoner' and 'railgun' in one sentence. D'oh!
815. If an NPC has a name, I must always let him/her finish her monologue.

816. No matter race or class, my characters can never have a mouthpick greatclub.

817. Rule 1: The DM is always right.
Rule 2: when the DM is wrong, immediately consult Rule 1.

818. Garden Gnome is not a Gnome subrace.

Rob Roy
2011-01-15, 06:17 PM
818a: Unless they're the evil Garden Gnomes from Quintessential Gnome.
819: There is no conspiracy amongst gnomes to control the world from behind the scenes.
820: Gnomes don't have a racial ability that gives them mind control.

Nosferocktu
2011-01-16, 10:42 PM
821: I am not allowed to have my wizard yell "Curse you, Runcible Spoon!!!" whenever a spell backfires.

822: I am not alllowed have a sword longer than I am if I play a melee class character. Accidental NPC woundings, going through doorways, and tripping over the tip attest to that.

washmcrack
2011-01-21, 10:13 AM
823 Negotiate with Kobalds

Stix
2011-01-22, 02:43 PM
D&D player:

824: casting faery fire on every vampire i meet will result in death by vampire.

824: i shall not fill a spell book with explosive runes and use it in trade with an elder dragon.

825: kender are no longer allowed in the campaign. (generally goes withot saying)

826: regardless of the rules i may never put an infinite amount of anything in a container.

827: regardless of having a rules legitimate way of doing so i may never play an "awakened ham sandwich"

828: i am no longer allowed to fill magical bags/boxes/holes/bottles/etc. with sand or gravel.

829: i shall never again play or utter the word "bardbarian"

839: if i play a dashing swordsman he must be mute to save the other players from my pun'ch lines.

840a: my sneaky characters are no longer allowed to operate solo
840b: or get creative
840c: or make the plan

841a: creating new ecosystems using well rigged bags of holding censers of endless air and bottles of endless water is considered in bad taste.
especially if the goal is to speed time until something in there gains sentience and decides you are it's god.
841b: starting any church that worships you is right out.

842: convincing another party member to sacrifice themselves for "the cause" is only acceptable if there is a cause.

843: even if the barbarian grabbed nearly 250 pounds of extra gear succeeded the ridiculous jump check and critted on the attack the BBeG shall never again be slain by a half orc orbital strike. *

844: i may not cast percussion, dancing lights, ghost sound and fog to make the tavern into a rave.

WoD st:

845: "And then you wake up" is not an acceptable end to a story arc.

846: i will not engineer encounters simply to f over my players for thinking like the mages they're playing.

847a: Merlin is not a surviving NPC in modern Chicago... probably
847b: nor is queen mab
847c: nor is Rasputin

848: historical powerhouse figures are no longer allowed in my campaigns.

LARP

849: I am no longer allowed the trap skillset.

850: nor am i allowed to make the plan of attack for the npc bandits. this will almost always result in the party losing large amounts of money or a tpk.

other:

851: Cthulutech (call of cthulu mixed with robotech) is not a legitimate homebrew

*party charged up to the edge of the cliff where they had "cornered" the BBEG only to see him at the bottom of the 600 foot cliff riding away while waving. at the taunt the barbarian rages grabs everyones packs to speed him in his "pursuit" (we had dropped them in preperation for battle) at which point he swan dives from the cliff with his great-ax. he lands on top of the BBEG ax first. BBEG dies, barbarian dies, all our gear is FUBAR campaign ends 5 levels early.

Rob Roy
2011-01-23, 01:43 AM
852: In any play by post game I must use proper capitalization.
853: I can not start a program to breed kender and tinker gnomes, ever again.
854: When the Illuminati is destroyed, using their time machine for fun and profit, or to replace The Conspiracy is frowned upon.

Tychris1
2011-01-24, 12:31 AM
856: Summon a succubus and attempt to rape it.
857: I am not allowed to us dragon breath (fire keyword) as a form of jetpack
858: I am never allowed to go to a market with any spells prepared. EVER.

BrainFreeze
2011-01-24, 05:34 AM
859: Contrary to rules as written a Druid/Shadowdancer in Dire Bear form is not allowed to HIPS in the shadow of a pencil he just threw into the ground...

860: Throwing a bag of holding into a rope trick is NOT the magical equivilant of dividing by 0

861: +1 Vorpal dentures are not a valid magic item for a elderly halfling

862: Turning a preist with true faith into a lawn chair does not make him a really cool vampiric torture device

Cieyrin
2011-01-25, 03:41 PM
863: Not allowed to start a halfling breeding cult in pursuit of the Fullling.

Gideon Falcon
2011-01-25, 07:12 PM
864: My Bard can not inspire anything with Perform: Mime. Not even competence on move silently checks.

865: My Bard cannot inspire anything with Perform: Interpretive Dance

866: The same applies to Perform: One Man Band

867: And Perform: Pun

868: ESPECIALLY not Perform: Pun

Coplantor
2011-01-28, 03:00 PM
869: No adventure time references.

870: I already got away with playing a transformer in a medieval fantasy setting so o laser eyes for me

Creed
2011-01-29, 10:50 AM
871: Own a gun in a middle ages setting, no matter how primitive.
872: Own a vorpal weapon
873: Own a crossbow ("CRUCIFY HIM ON MY WEAPON!!!")

Prince Zahn
2011-01-29, 11:12 AM
874: being a Halfling with an unnaturally large hair on my head(or unnaturally large anything, for that matter), does not increase my size catagory.
875: I may attack any female adventurers with a swarm(or any) flying size-medium Zombie Spellstitched(CA), owl's wisdom-ed Toads.
875a:Male adventurers are fine.
@I took 875, the number that ended your post is 1 higher(875 mine, 876, 877 and 878 879 880 and 881 are yours) the number the next poster starts on is 882.

Gideon Falcon
2011-02-01, 02:49 PM
875: Nor may I inspire anything with Perform: Kazoo.

876: I may not have ranks in Perform: Kazoo, Mime, Interpretive dance, or Pun.

877: I may not use an Alphorn as a bardic instrument, even if the rules specifically allow it.

878: If I break #877, I may not practice said Alphorn within 100 feet of my party.

879: I may not practice my Alphorn anywhere while everyone is trying to sleep.

880: I may not practice a musical instrument while everyone is trying to sleep.

ZaradAnNasr
2011-02-03, 02:40 AM
881: I may not play an evil character who "has scryed" the Evil Overlord list.

Wookieetank
2011-02-03, 09:23 AM
882: As a DM I may not have the BBEG scry the Evil Overlord list.

Prince Zahn
2011-02-04, 09:28 AM
883 884(Real number I'm on): Detect plot Hook, enchant DM, and Dismiss storyline(as well as lesser/greater Dismiss Storyline) are not Legit spells for any spellcaster, and I may not cast any of them as a result.
884a: nor do they make legit class or monster features/abilities.

885: In any Scenario that My character makes a most-likely Lethal mistake, I may not say my character does any of the following:
- "Hold A+B+start+Select".
- "Hold L1+R1+L2+R2+Select+Pause".
- "Press the Reset button".
- "Summon an unltimate being of any kind by calling his name(I.e Chuck Norris,Cthulhu O-chul, the GM) to unmake my mistake."

886: The pizza(and the delivery commoner bringing it) that our hungry barbarian ordered back in town at the day of the invasion may not arrive "BBEG's Castle of Crisis" during the epic final battle.
886a: even if our player's and characters are starving.
886b: if it does arrive, but after 30 minutes or more after ordering, you still have to pay full price and a 20% tip.

Cieyrin
2011-02-04, 02:37 PM
887. I don't have Resist Plot as a skill.
888. I don't have Internal Monologue as a language.
889. Making wishes in Modron doesn't make them any less likely to be twisted, even if everything in Modron is perfectly clear and never implied.
890. When the DM gives me irritated looks, that doesn't mean use more metamagic.

Drynwyn
2011-02-04, 06:48 PM
891-I will not write any battle plan longer than 5 pages.
892-If I make a battle plan, I may not write it while using Sun Tzu's Art of War (I actually did this... the plan worked- until the DM got out his replica sword.)

Lord Raziere
2011-02-04, 06:52 PM
893: not allowed to exploit the Henchmen and Command backgrounds at character creation to achieve an army of 100,000 troops starting out...

IronWilliam
2011-02-06, 09:20 PM
I thought you weren't allowed to read this anymore....
894 My Druid cannot be the walrus. (Yay Beatles!)

Marxism
2011-02-18, 03:17 AM
895: When my DM tells me to stop killing things its not a suggestion.
896: When my DM sets up and anti magic field its not because he wants me to leave.
897: I may not rename a farming town into "The killing Fields" for a single bad joke
898: If I am told to save a town from mind flayers I may not help the mind flayers turn the town into a corral for enslaved human cattle.
899: Fire does not solve everything.
900: I may not use dominate person on anyone's friends or family
901: In order to preemptively stop the above I may no longer play a Neutral Evil Wizard at high levels.

Miliardooz
2011-02-26, 05:15 PM
902 When playing a druid i am not suppose to shape change into a squirrel and drop flame strikes from the tree's.

903 I am not suppose to cut off my houses head and wear it as a helmet.

Pregnant_Pickle
2011-02-27, 09:22 AM
904) I am not allowed to play an orc with an Intelligence of 1 just for the comic possibilities.

905) I am no longer allowed to bring in ONE MORE GODDAMN GELATINOUS CUBE. (But they're so fun... :smallfrown:)

906) I am not allowed to make my party think they're going to fight a white dragon when it's actually an albino red dragon.

Cleavon
2011-03-03, 02:37 PM
907): I am not allowed, EVER, to play in an evil aligned campaign as a cleric of a god involving rogues or roguishness, and employ the Leadership feat to acquire a Fighter type with the feat that allows Coupe De Grace as a standard action.

908): I am not allowed, EVER, to cast hold person on an important humanoid enemy, and have said cohort slay him in one shot with his quickened Coup De Grace.

:smallfurious:

mangosta71
2011-03-04, 11:05 AM
909) I cannot play a 7-foot tall halfling.
910) A didgeridoo will not fit in my pack. No, not even a bag of holding.
911) I can never again play any character or NPC of my own alignment.
912) Rohypnol is not an appropriate substitute for Diplomacy.

ZaradAnNasr
2011-03-06, 06:51 AM
913: I can never make a Gestalt Monk/Sorcerer
914: I can not have a character hand delivering Delayed Blast Fireballs.

Lord Raziere
2011-03-06, 10:12 AM
915: Invent the dirigible then kill two of my party members with it.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-06, 01:06 PM
916. If I play a ninja with max ranks in heal, I am mot allowed to call him Dr. Mcninja. (http://drmcninja.com/)

917. If I play an Italian man with max ranks in jump who was a plumber before an adventurer, I am not allowed to have him wear red clothes, a red cap, and suspenders.

918. I'm not allowed to have said plumber's younger brother wear green clothes, a green cap, and suspenders.

919. I am no longer allowed to play CN blaster sorcerers, especially if they get bored easily.

920. If playing said sorcerer, I am no longer allowed to cast amnesia on the party paladin.

921. If our DM hands us a list of items we have from a treasure chest, I am not allowed to take out a shotgun and say "it's from the list".

922. As above, but with a chainsaw.

923. As above, but with a lightsaber.

924. As above, But with dynamite.

Azuyomi244
2011-03-06, 03:35 PM
925. I am not allowed to have my characters father be a weapon-smith.
926. I am not allowed to put a bucket on the person giving the quest.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-06, 04:46 PM
927. I am not allowed to name my dinosaur companion Yoshi.

Lemonus
2011-03-06, 04:52 PM
928a. My good fighter may not wear green clothes, be named Link, and come from Hyrule.

928b. He also cannot have ranks in Peform (Ocarina)

929. Nor may my evil wizard be named Ganondorf, and he can't multiclass into druid to wildshape into a giant boar/pig.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-06, 04:55 PM
930. When DMing, the princess may not be an elf named Zelda (hyrulians have pointy ears).

Geno9999
2011-03-06, 05:14 PM
930. When DMing, the princess may not be an elf named Zelda (hyrulians have pointy ears).

931: I cannot have a Elf Ranger named Link
932: Nor can I have a black Warlock/Fighter named Ganondorf.
933: I can't make any Zelda references at all.

KoboldRevenge
2011-03-07, 12:49 AM
934. I can't believe it's not Butter! hahaha!

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-07, 07:55 PM
935. I'm no longer allowed to use suggestion on a dragon that I've already used charm monster on.

936. I'm no longer allowed to use charm monster on a dragon.

937. I'm no longer allowed to use enchantment spells, period.

ScottishDragon
2011-03-07, 11:06 PM
938: Make a Warforged and name him Hk-47. This can never happen again. No campaign deserves to be broken that bad.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-07, 11:11 PM
939. I can't make a warforged named iron man.
939a. Especially if he's red and yellow.

940. Or a warforged named R2-D2.

941. Or a warforged named C-3P0.

942. I have to let the DM name my warforged for me.

943. I am no longer allowed to play alchemists, or anyone with ranks in craft (alchemy). Don't ask.

944. I will not form a group of like-minded individuals to conquer the world and draft others into my service. Ever again.

BladeofOblivion
2011-03-09, 12:47 AM
938: Make a Warforged and name him Hk-47. This can never happen again. No campaign deserves to be broken that bad.

(Off Topic: I actually did this one in a PvP. (http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=238195))

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-09, 11:41 AM
945. I'm not allowed to roll a natural 20 and then confirm critical while wielding a pick against what was supposed to be a recurring villain.

Wookieetank
2011-03-09, 12:19 PM
946. I am not allowed to crtically fail an attack roll and thus kill myself in the same adventure as another party has done so earlier, thus reducing the party's size by half :smalleek:

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-10, 12:57 PM
947. I am not allowed to play a barbarian in an intrigue campaign.:smallfrown:

Crisis21
2011-03-10, 01:28 PM
948. I am no longer allowed to cast light-based illusions on the party cleric who worships the sun. ((It was great, he [the cleric] believed he'd been empowered by his god and got a bonus from the DM!))

KazilDarkeye
2011-03-10, 06:17 PM
949. I am no longer allowed to make any of the following my battle cry:

a) BING!
b) "Are you pondering what I'm pondering?!"
c) "This is delicious!!"

Internet Flea
2011-03-10, 06:45 PM
950. I cannot use firewall in the enchanted forest outside of combat.
950a. I cannot attack a bug, tree or other non-threatening lifeform for the sole purpose of casting firewall in the enchanted forest.
951. If I burn down the enchanted forest, I will not receive XP for all the woodland creatures that died in the blaze.

Spleen Flayer
2011-03-10, 09:05 PM
952:Ride a swarm of kittens as my paladin mount.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-10, 10:19 PM
953. I am not allowed to play an awakened house cat, even if I am a cat person!:smallfrown:

Crisis21
2011-03-10, 10:22 PM
954: I am not allowed to paint my party members green.

Geno9999
2011-03-10, 10:59 PM
955: I cannot play as a chaotic-evil rouge who has green hair and wears clown makeup. (Wanna see a magic trick? *holds up a pencil*)

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-12, 03:49 PM
956. Using a miniature catapult does not increase the range of acid flasks or alchemist's fire.:smallfrown:

Ranger Mattos
2011-03-12, 04:17 PM
957. My paladin is not allowed to carry around a List of Things That Make My Paladin Fall
958. My CG rogue is not, in fact, chaotic first and good second.

Cieyrin
2011-03-13, 11:23 AM
956. Using a miniature catapult does not increase the range of acid flasks or alchemist's fire.:smallfrown:

You, sir, need a Gnomish Calculus (A&EG). :smallbiggrin:

959. No, I'm not allowed to call in a stunt double for all the dangerous scenes while my bard takes coffee off-set till the fight's over.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-13, 10:45 PM
960. I am not allowed to play multiple characters just so I can back up my ridiculous plans with force of numbers. Not even if I'm the DM.

mangosta71
2011-03-14, 03:50 PM
961) I am not allowed to use children's television shows as bases for horror campaigns.

962) My players don't think it's funny when the campaign begins with the BBEG hiring them to slaughter his opposition.

963) Rainman is not an appropriate homebrew PrC.

Lemonus
2011-03-14, 07:08 PM
964. My campaign may not be identical to the storyline of OOTS.
964a. Again.

Gideon Falcon
2011-03-14, 11:59 PM
965) The Verbal components for Wish, Limited Wish, and Miracle are not "Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Left, Right, Right, A, B, Square"

Wookieetank
2011-03-15, 08:35 AM
965) The Verbal components for Wish, Limited Wish, and Miracle are not "Up, Down, Up, Down, Left, Left, Right, Right, A, B, Square"

It should be though! :smalltongue:

966. I am not allowed to design characters for the sole purpose of breaking the DM and/or plot of the campaign.
966a. Even if the resulting BSOD that the DM suffers is hiliarious to the entire party.
966b. Particularly when incoherent sputtering occurs as well. :smallbiggrin:

Combat Reflexes
2011-03-15, 01:56 PM
967. I may not ask nameless commoners to tell their full, detailed life story.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-15, 02:19 PM
968. I may not ignore obviously important NPCs.

Cieyrin
2011-03-15, 02:25 PM
969. Not allowed to make up NPCs on the spot to support my own plans and machinations to the detriment of the DM's adventure, even if my characters are better thought out and aren't two-dimensional.

Temassasin
2011-03-17, 04:43 PM
970: i will not transform the air or a major organ in my enemies body

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-17, 05:36 PM
970: i will not transform the air or a major organ in my enemies body

970a. Even though the rules fully support it.

Creed
2011-03-18, 11:20 PM
971: No half-weretiger demigods. (A.K.A. No tiger-blood/ Adonis D.N.A.)
972: No characters named "Charlie Sheen" or any combination of those two words. Or including either of those words.
973: My character is not allowed to kill someone and then shout "Winning!"
974: Or shout "Winning!" for any reason

TheBrowncoat
2011-03-19, 04:07 PM
975:"Where is the evil overlord?", "How do we destroy him?" and "Where is his power source?" and "How do we destroy that?" are not valid questions for the Divination spell, even if it turns out that I can cast it four times a day and the spell specifies a 'useful' answer.

976:Not allowed to replace all Sense Motive checks with Augury spells, the question being "Is he lying?" This also goes for replacing Zone of Truth.

977:Despite what the Full Cover rules say, Tower Shields cannot block collapsing buildings, rockslides, or meteor storms. Alternatively, all such events automatically attempt to sunder the shield, the ability of such things to target my shield deemed non-relevant.

978:Ride by attack is fine, but using it with a flying mount is not.

979:Despite the fact that 75% of the party plus the DM are engineers, no thunder spell even attempts to follow Ohm's Law.

980:Whatever the rules say, I will stay the same alignment as my god when playing cleric.

981:Paying the rogue to assassinate the king then assuming his position is never within the alignment of a lawful good cleric. Even if said king was evil.

981b:In fact, if I did something in Fable, I can never do it in D&D.

982:No leadership anymore. Ever.

983:Having a theme song for my character is fine. Having it be "End of the world as we know it" by R.E.M. is not.

983b:"Man on the Moon" is also vetoed. In fact, anything by R.E.M. is not allowed as a theme song.

984:No matter how I go about giving my undead minions Perform(Dance) ranks, they cannot be my background in a Thriller dance.

985:While "Nudist" cannot be a flaw, it also cannot be considered a virtue, no matter what my charisma and comeliness is.

986:When presented with a puzzle, which when completed unlocks the door to proceed, not allowed to bash the door down. The fact that I had 35 strength does not help this.

987:Not allowed to have 35 strength, even if most of it is buffs.

988:Not allowed to convince the entire party to go bard.

989:The fact that both rogues have Drow Silent does not mandate that we communicate using ASL constantly. In fact, we may never use ASL during gameplay unless the DM also knows it.

990:Despite the fact that my wizard's only known language is Drow Silent, he still has verbal components to spells.

991:In Exalted, not allowed to play an extra.

991b:If I do violate the former rule however, not allowed to still somehow kick the Solar's butt.

992:Not allowed to play Jane from firefly. Even if we're playing the firefly role playing game.

993:The protestant reformation goes badly when the gods actually do interact solely with chosen appointees, I.E. cleric.

994:Given that clerics can smite, atheism is not a good long term prospect. Given that the party cleric is the only way to be raised from the dead, it's a good idea to at least acknowledge the possibility.

995: Blind characters are no longer allowed. Especially if I somehow get a Darkness spell.

Lemonus
2011-03-19, 08:16 PM
996. My druid animal companion may not be a T-Rex.:smallfrown:
996a. Not even if the rules allow it. :frown:

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-19, 08:18 PM
997. I am not allowed to play a ranger/Druid with max ranks in ride and a rhino companion.

997a. Or a lion companion.

997b. Or a tiger companion.

TheBrowncoat
2011-03-20, 04:46 PM
998: No longer allowed to use Hide in Plain Sight
998b: No longer allowed to use Shadow Jump
998c: No matter what I do with Shadow Illusion and Ghost Sound, there are no sanity checks in D&D.
998d: Outright not allowed to take Shadowdancer anymore.

999: Applying contact poison to my assassin's bare hands is not covered by his Poison Use special ability, no matter what the rules say.

1000: The massive supercomputer that gained sentience and is trying to kill us all is indeed Y2K compliant, regardless of when the GMPC said it was constructed. As such, my Technomancer cannot just change it's system time to right before the year turns over.

Temassasin
2011-03-20, 06:04 PM
1001:i can not sell my soul to a devil to get the BBEG killed at first level.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-20, 06:05 PM
1001:i can not sell my soul to a devil to get the BBEG killed at first level.

1001a. I can't even sell my soul to an angel!

Temassasin
2011-03-20, 06:32 PM
1002: i can not use plane shift to get my character to real life and have him rewrite his character as a god.
1002a: not allowed to use it to get to real life at all.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-20, 06:36 PM
1002: i can not use plane shift to get my character to real life and have him rewrite his character as a god.
1002a: not allowed to use it to get to real life at all.

Have you ever seen "the gamers"? The characters become real, and when the barbarian looks at his character sheet he says "my intelligence is 4!? Outrageous! Gimme that pen!".

Temassasin
2011-03-21, 09:50 PM
970b: not allowed to use clean water to take all the blood cells out of my opponets blood stream(make that water stream)

Bhu
2011-03-21, 11:50 PM
971) I am not allowed to make a super powered hairy hominid with sidekicks called 'Pimpsquatch' on pain of having the GM throw stuff at my head anymore.

Gideon Falcon
2011-03-23, 05:16 PM
972) The verbal components for Fireball, Meteor Swarm, Detonate, and the like, are not "Zeeky Boogy Doog."

Temassasin
2011-03-23, 05:17 PM
1005. may not change numbers sign posts to cause chaos

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-23, 05:20 PM
1006. The verbal component for hail of stones is not "rocks fall".

Crisis21
2011-03-23, 06:06 PM
1006. The verbal component for hail of stones is not "rocks fall".
1006a. Nor is the verbal component for cloudkill "everyone dies".

BladeofOblivion
2011-03-23, 07:22 PM
1005. may not change numbers sign posts to cause chaos

1005a: The above is number 973.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-23, 08:08 PM
1005a: The above is number 973.

No, what he was saying was he accidentally changed it because he was adding on to a previous one without quoting it. Notice the b in front of the number.

SquirrelKing
2011-03-23, 08:12 PM
1007. I'm not allowed to make a Luck feat build Factotum anymore. Especially one named "Chance".

1008. I'm not allowed to roll my black d20, not-so-fondly referred to as the "d20 of death".

Dire Moose
2011-03-23, 09:43 PM
997. I am not allowed to play a ranger/Druid with max ranks in ride and a rhino companion.

997a. Or a lion companion.

997b. Or a tiger companion.
997c. Or a liger companion.

997d. I am banned from choosing my own animal companion.

Crisis21
2011-03-23, 09:49 PM
997c. Or a liger companion.

997d. I am banned from choosing my own animal companion.

997e. I am banned from having an animal companion of any kind at all in any campaign ever after the 'bunny incident'. (AN: No, this didn't actually happen to me, though it is now something to shoot for. :smalltongue:)

Groundhog
2011-03-23, 09:59 PM
1009. I am not allowed to insinuate that the sole female member of my party is sleeping with the party's rogue.
1009a. If the above happens, the sole female member of my party is allowed to kill me.

(Yes, this happened.)

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-23, 10:03 PM
1010. I am not allowed to play a CN barbarian, apparently he's too disruptive.:smallfrown:

TheBrowncoat
2011-03-24, 08:57 PM
1011: No artificers.

1012: Glyph of Wounding, Symbol of Pain, and other such spells do not in fact have a permanent duration.

1013: The main villain is invulnerable to Death Attacks.

1014: No matter how low the fighter's Int score, I cannot choose him as my animal companion.

1015: No prestidigitation. Ever.

1016: The dwarf is not an improvised weapon.
1016b: not even if his armor has armor spikes.

1017: No power words. Especially not on main villains.

1018: If I have leadership, my cohort cannot have leadership. And under NO circumstances can my followers have leadership.

1019: If he can roll a D20 as damage, the character is not allowed.

1020: The number of bards in a party cannot exceed one.

1021: Contrary to popular belief, there is a limit on how many weapons one can quick draw in a single action.
1021b: Especially if I attempt to draw more weapons than I actually hold.
1021c: ESPECIALLY especially if I attempt to draw the opponent's weapon.

1022: If for any reason I can cast a Silenced, Stilled, and material-less spell, the character is banned.

1023: Flirting with NPCs is a charisma check, not an attack roll, despite the fact that I am indeed attempting to "hit that."

ZaradAnNasr
2011-03-25, 06:45 AM
1024: I may not have the party meet a trio of druids, who's animal companions are a lion, a tiger, and a bear.

1025: I also may not have the party meet a a group consisting of 2 warforged, a catfolk, and a spellcaster with a scotty familiar.

Lemonus
2011-03-25, 07:22 AM
1024: I may not have the party meet a trio of druids, who's animal companions are a lion, a tiger, and a bear.

1025: I also may not have the party meet a a group consisting of 2 warforged, a catfolk, and a spellcaster with a scotty familiar.

I believe that you mean a Warforged, a straw golem, an awkened lion, and a spellcaster with a scotty familiar. :smallbiggrin:

Temassasin
2011-03-25, 08:52 AM
1026: i am not allowed to make a magic item that can levitate and sheild and fly and use necromancy and happens to be black
1027: i can no longer use giant in the playground homebrew

Ezeze
2011-03-25, 11:34 AM
1028: My Dragon-Blooded Sorcerer does not get to call "Grandpa" for help.

1029: I can not "disarm" the monk's foot.
1029b: Nor can I attempt to sunder it.

1030: I can not make a Thri-kreen with the Shock Trooper and Leap Attack feats.

mangosta71
2011-03-25, 02:02 PM
1031: I will not give the party obstacles that can only be overcome if the cleric/paladin openly renounces his/her faith.

1032: There is no such thing as a paladin of Hextor.

1033: Symbol of Despair does not restyle anyone's hair.
1033a: It also does not force anyone to compose/read/recite poetry.

1034: "Really long fingernails" do not give my human monk the ability to deal piercing or slashing damage with unarmed attacks.

1035: My character has never danced with the devil in the pale moonlight, even if it would fit in the setting.

Alkapwn21
2011-03-25, 03:47 PM
1036. I'm no longer able to use diplomacy to barter our PC Beguiler teammate for the rest of our team's freedom from a Fang Dragon when the PC is not playing that night
1037. We're no longer able to use a huge skeleton dragon summoned by the team's necromancer to throw the team's samurai at the flying dragon in the air
1038. We're no longer able to use the spell create water, followed by bless water, followed by animate water to make a holy water elemental in the middle of a cave to fight a vrock and his minions
1039. We're no longer able to make a random npc from a barfight become the most powerful character in our party
1040. The team's cleric is no longer able to taunt the god-like demon-lich so he can die and come back as the Risen Martyr PrC
1041. No longer able to point at that my race tends to be quiet, so that when I don't say anything in conversations, I should get roleplaying experience for remaining quiet
1042. Our mage can no longer use his wand of summon monster I to summon a porpoise 20ft above an enemy to deal 2d6 damage as it falls on top of the enemy
1043. No longer able to cast charm spells on PC's mother npcs as a good character
1044. Nimbus of Light is just gay, and therefore banned.
1045. Color Spray is just gay, and therefore banned.
1046. Prismatic Spray, on the other hand, is badass and is encouraged.
1047. No Monks. Ever.
1048. The DM should not be expected to roleplay flirting when both players are male
1049. No Druid or Ranger can ever just add a "y" to the end of the animal for that to be its name (A Wolf is named Wolfy, the Wolverine was named Wolveriney)
1050. The phrase "Can we just pretend that I took.... at an earlier level?" should NEVER come up

Crisis21
2011-03-25, 03:58 PM
1051: My party wizard is no longer allowed to cast Ice Storm (floor-freezing version) so that he can use the unconscious party Paladin as a toboggan.
1051a: Or the unconscious party Barbarian.
1051b: Or the unconscious party Fighter.

((Yes, I've actually done this. It became a running gag among my last campaign group. In his defense, it was the fastest way to escape from the extra-powerful undead abominations our sadistic psycho of a DM kept sending at us.))

@V:

1053: Good character should never ask "Would that make me evil?"
1053a: Just like Paladins shouldn't ask "Would that make me lose class abilities?"

Yeah, this is one of those 'If you have to ask, the answer is probably yes' situations.

CaylynEsuzam
2011-03-25, 04:05 PM
1052: Only characters can have a running jokes. It is not okay to continue the theme of dead enemies falling on a high AC warrior onto the player's new Human Necromancer.
1053: Good character should never ask "Would that make me evil?"
1053a: Just like Paladins shouldn't ask "Would that make me lose class abilities?"
1054: We are no longer allowed to carry unconscious party members in the ribcage of an undead mega-raptor mount owned by the party's fighter.

Temassasin
2011-03-25, 04:41 PM
1055: no longer allowed to make pun pun
1056: no longer to ask the party wizard to use dominate person in a anti scrying circle and make me do evil things that would be very helpful to the party when i'm a paladin

Bhu
2011-03-26, 02:21 AM
1066: I may no longer buy ranks in Professions that have truly disturbing names and or applications...

ZaradAnNasr
2011-03-26, 02:54 AM
1057: I am no longer allowed to use eldritch abomination at 1st level as my rangers favored enemy.

Alkapwn21
2011-03-26, 12:36 PM
1058: I am no longer able to use the spell/invocation Summon Swarm to summon a swarm of 300 rats, and convince the DM that since a single rat has a strength score of 2, and can therefore push/pull 100 pounds, that my swarm of rats can technically push/pull 30,000 pounds for as long as I concentrate
1058a. A summoned swarm can also not serve me as a mount
1058b. A summoned swarm is also no longer able to burrow a tunnel for the PCs, simply because they don't feel like crawling through the small hole
1058c. Summon Swarm is now a combat-only spell... :smallfrown:

Temassasin
2011-03-26, 08:09 PM
1059: i am no longer allowed to hide hide my treasure then kill my self make a new character with full wealth for the level find treasure and be rich
1060: no longer allowed to make a insane character:smallfrown:

Crisis21
2011-03-27, 12:21 AM
1061: My wizard is no longer allowed to possess any item, feat, or other game bonus which allows him to use infinite cantrips.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-03-27, 09:44 AM
1062. I am not allowed to wield a weapon using Mage hand. (I actually do allow that as a DM)

Groundhog
2011-03-27, 03:59 PM
1063. I am not allowed to have Navi as my animal companion.
1064. I am not allowed to have a Na'vi as my animal companion either.

@V: Yes, I do know why you chose to say that at that number. Our history teachers would be so proud.

Temassasin
2011-03-29, 08:31 PM
1065; i'm no longer allowed to name my character Duex ex Machina
1066: no longer allowed to name my character William the Conquerer and ask if i can bring my army(how else did i conquer hastings? anyone know why i chose to say this at this number)

Temassasin
2011-04-01, 10:17 AM
1067: not allowed to name my character Belkar
1067a: not allowed to name my character after ANY OOTS character
1068: i can not kill all the Drizzt rip offs in my party
V i know but it has bean 2 days

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-01, 10:47 AM
1069. You are not allowed to double post.

1070. I am not allowed to name my Mouse Guard character Martin. I've never played Mouse Guard. I wanna play it.

CaylynEsuzam
2011-04-01, 04:16 PM
1071: I am not allowed to jump across a chasm when my strength modifer is only 1.
1071a: This leads to overexposure to pits of insanity and growing an arm out of my back.

1072: Goo that smells like rotting flesh, even when breathable, can cause uncontrollable vomiting.

IronWilliam
2011-04-01, 09:14 PM
1073: I will never again be allowed to become the King of a tribe of Lizardfolk by killing their previous king and getting a 31 on a Diplomacy check. (this was as a level 6 character)

Lemonus
2011-04-01, 11:08 PM
V i know but it has bean 2 days


How does that make any difference?

1074: I may not use my Druid animal companion to test for poison.
1074a. Even if the party has the ability to cast Neutralize Poison.

Geordnet
2011-04-02, 12:15 AM
1075: I am not allowed to say my character expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Crisis21
2011-04-02, 12:28 AM
1075: I am not allowed to say my character expects the Spanish Inquisition.

1075a: I am not allowed to tell others about the Spanish Inquisition.
1075b: I am not allowed to mention the Spanish Inquisition.
1075c: I am not allowed to mention anything related to the Spanish Inquisition.
1075d: I am not allowed to form the Spanish Inquisition.

Temassasin
2011-04-02, 07:55 AM
1076: i may not use dominate on the DM

Necroticplague
2011-04-02, 10:10 AM
1077:I may not have any of the following as my favoured enemies:
BBEGs
PCs
NPCs
Munchkins
Stormwinders
Powergamers
The Plot
Walls
Doors
Floors
Ceilings

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-02, 10:15 AM
1077:I may not have any of the following as my favoured enemies:
BBEGs
PCs
NPCs
Munchkins
Stormwinders
Powergamers
The Plot
Walls
Doors
Floors
Ceilings
Railroading
The DM
Generic monsters

CaylynEsuzam
2011-04-02, 02:10 PM
1078: I am no longer allowed to ignore the large symbol of insanity on my bedroom ceiling even if I'm really tired and my pillows are very comfortable.

Giovedi
2011-04-02, 09:21 PM
1064. I am not allowed to have a Na'vi as my animal companion either.
.


Lol'd IRL.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-02, 09:23 PM
1063. I am not allowed to have Navi as my animal companion.
1064. I am not allowed to have a Na'vi as my animal companion either.

1079. I am not allowed to play Link.

Temassasin
2011-04-02, 10:22 PM
1080: no longer allowed to devastate the 4th until it's just crumbling ruins

DM_for_once
2011-04-02, 11:17 PM
1081a: "Born to be Wild' is not a proper marching song.
1081b: No, not even if we are in a monster campaign.
1081c: Especially not if my character is a druid/bard.

1082a: There is no such thing as a keyboard, and even if there was the Warforged does not have USB ports (or any ports, for that matter) so ctr+alt+delete is not a viable solution if the Warforged in the party goes insane.
1082b: Warforged do not have an operating system, so no I can't blame Vista for the above insanity.
1082c: I cannot create a mecha-virus to infect the Warforged just to take him down a peg.
1082d: No, I cannot refluff the Warforged to be highly sophisticated manikins that are brought to life by magic disks.

1083a: Even if the NPC Warforged does have a female personality my flirting will not lead anywhere, and is not appreciated.
1083b: There is no Japan in the campaign, so no, they did not, in fact, build "that kind" of Warforged.

1084a: There is no China in the campaign world, so no, there isn't a Chinese food restaurant.
1084b: Even if there was the Vampires would not be afraid to go in there, regardless of the large quantities of garlic and the fact that everyone has a pair of "mini-stakes" at the ready.

1085: I am not witty and my feeble attempts are not appreciated by the DM.

Groundhog
2011-04-04, 03:44 PM
1086: I am not allowed to say "yoink" whenever my rogue steals something.
1087: My berzerker may not be green.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-04, 03:50 PM
1088. I can't play an adolescent, even if it's a sorcerer.
1088a. Especially if he specializes in fire spells and is named Zuko.

Spleen Flayer
2011-04-04, 05:36 PM
1089: im not allowed to make my favored enemy "things i want to hurt"
1090: im no longer allowed to use epic magic and obscure feats to permanently turn myself into a Tressym with thumbs and bipedal movement.

Crisis21
2011-04-04, 05:39 PM
1091: I am no longer allowed to name the animal companions of my teammates.
(It's actually quite funny. The campaign started out with all of the players having been slaves. Then one of them decided to buy a canine companion. Everyone else decided to call the dog 'lunch', and were deadly literal about this. The DM even ruled that it wouldn't answer to another name.)

Temassasin
2011-04-04, 09:15 PM
1088. I can't play an adolescent, even if it's a sorcerer.
1088a. Especially if he specializes in fire spells and is named Zuko.

1088b: especially if it's younger then 10 years old

Bhu
2011-04-04, 11:50 PM
1092: I am not allowed to drug the BBEG and then subsequently marry her.

KoboldRevenge
2011-04-05, 02:27 PM
1093:I'm not allowed to unleash 12 giants from the hidden passage.
1094: Can't have the door open into a room full of lava.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-05, 02:35 PM
1092: I am not allowed to drug the BBEG and then subsequently marry her.

1092a. Not even if she's hot.
1092b. Not even if she got redeemed with the atonement spell, and she's hot.

1095. I am not allowed to play a red warforged with an armblade and name him Protoman.

HypoSoc
2011-04-05, 07:22 PM
1096. I may not commit suicide as a replacement for plane shifting.
1097. Any character sheet with the phrase "noodle incident" is to be burned.
1098. TvTropes is not a Cursed Tome.
1098a. Nor is it an excuse to show up late.

Geordnet
2011-04-05, 07:36 PM
1059: i am no longer allowed to hide hide my treasure then kill my self make a new character with full wealth for the level find treasure and be rich...Except in DF :smallwink:

Groundhog
2011-04-05, 10:59 PM
1097. Any character sheet with the phrase "noodle incident" is to be burned.
1097a. In fact, any character sheet that references Calvin and Hobbes at all is to be burned.



1099. My bard may not have an electric guitar as an instrument.
1099a. Or an electric violin.
1099b. Or an electric lute.
1099c. Or an electric shaver.
1099d. My bard is hereby forbidden from playing anything electric as an instrument.

TechnoScrabble
2011-04-06, 01:44 PM
1100. Add my DM's mother to this list.

Temassasin
2011-04-06, 04:27 PM
1101:may not make a totally power creep class on Giantitp and play it in the game without the Dm knowing it's mine (never done so but would be awesome)
1102: may not build something out of materials stolen from the 4th wall (such as the bricks)

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-08, 08:29 PM
1103. My character cannot worship the DM.

1104. My character cannot be questing to penetrate the 4th wall and slay the DM.

Ezeze
2011-04-08, 10:20 PM
1105. Take the "Aberration Wild Shape" feat.
1106. Take the "Exalted Wild Shape" feat.
1107. Take the "Dragon Wild Shape" feat.
1108. Know what? Wild Shape is off limits all together.

Crisis21
2011-04-09, 09:07 PM
1109. I am no longer allowed to invent burial rites from my character's past. (In the campaign where everyone started as a slave, there was a giant pit in the middle where dead slaves were thrown. We decided that an 'honorable burial' for us involved throwing someone into a pit.)

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-09, 09:19 PM
1110. My character's backstory cannot be that a powerful wizard killed his family and tried to kill him when he was a baby.

Groundhog
2011-04-09, 10:24 PM
1111. I may not name my animal companion "Fluffy Foo-Foo."
1112. I may not cut off my ear and offer it to a woman as part of a Diplomacy check.

Geordnet
2011-04-10, 11:24 PM
1112. I may not cut off my ear and offer it to a woman as part of a Diplomacy check.1112b. i) I may not cut off my ear to spite my face.
1112b. ii) I may not cut off my nose to spite my face.
1112b. iii) I may not cut, sever, detatch, or in any way remove any body part or part of a body part to spite any other body part, including that one.
1112c. I may not name my character "van Gogh".

Lither
2011-04-11, 03:41 AM
1113. I may not cross the Moral Event Horizon more than once a minute (funny story...)
1114. Not allowed to play as a character capable of having a direct and noticable negative adjustment on the total population of any plane of existence.
1115. Not even an epic character.
1116. The class "Paladin of Slaughter" is the name of the class, not a direct challenge to a kill competition.
1117. No more kill competitions.
1118. Not allowed to buy or create any weapon capable of killing one of the gods within ten rounds.
1119. Explosive Runes cannot be cast on the Wizards spellbook without the wizard knowing.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-04-14, 12:47 AM
1120: I will not allow the Warforged Fighter take ranks in Craft (Self).

1121: If 1120 happens, I will not allow said Warforged to use said skill to drill a hole in the plating between the legs and below his center of gravity large enough to fit a sunrod.

1122: If 1121 happens, I will not allow said Warforged to then subsquently let him put an activated sunrod is previously crafted hole.

1123: If 1122 happens, I will not allow said Warforged to then make an improvised weapon melee attack with said sunrod while flanking a quadrapedle creature from behind.

Groundhog
2011-04-14, 11:48 AM
1124. My wizard may not repel a horde by shooting a beam of light from the end of his staff.
1125. I may not take ranks in Craft: Sexual Image, and make a quick buck selling my creations in every town I pass through.
1126. I may not start a brawl in a tavern full of commoners, join the fight, and kill all commoners involved for the XP.

Crisis21
2011-04-14, 01:12 PM
1127. I may not use cantrips to tie my party members' boot laces together.

1128. No vorpal spoons. Ever.

Wookieetank
2011-04-15, 08:39 AM
1129.Invisible fireballs are not allowed to be cast without warning the party first.
1129a. Even if cast by a blind wizard who thinks if he can't see them, why should anyone else.
1129b. Particularly not allowed to chain cast invisible fireballs, even when fighting trolls.
1130.Same blind wizard is not allowed to enchant a snowboard so that it flies and leaves an ice trail behind it and is able to shoot lightning on command.

ZaradAnNasr
2011-04-17, 08:55 AM
1131: If the survival of my players hinges on multiple different future versions of them coming to their rescue, i am doing something wrong.

Groundhog
2011-04-17, 08:57 PM
1132: I may not make more than three pop-culture references in one campaign. I will accept any consequences that the DM chooses to mete out as a result of my going over that quota.
1133: My bard may not sing "Thriller" while the rest of the party is fighting a horde of zombies.
1134: I may not comment on the violence inherent in the system.
1135: I am not allowed to skip buying armor for my female characters, and then claim that they're protected because of the law of inverse armor saves.

Dire Moose
2011-04-17, 10:29 PM
1136. The fact that the campaign is set in Imperial Rome is not an excuse to name my character "Biggus Dickus".

1136a. "Cockus Maximus" is also forbidden.

1136b. "Phallus Giganticus" is also forbidden.

1136c. I may not name myself, my animal companion, and my cohorts "Spartacus", and I was never allowed to name the other party members.

1136d. I am banned from the Ancient Rome campaign.

Crisis21
2011-04-17, 10:51 PM
1137. I am forbidden from learning phrases in obscure languages for the express purpose of making insulting nicknames for my fellow party members that they can't understand.

(Yes, I did this. I learned how to say, in badly mangled Cherokee, 'Man with voice like wounded duck' in regards to another character who insisted on singing with the most horrid voice I've ever heard. Both phenomena were in-character)

mangosta71
2011-04-18, 08:46 AM
1138: I can not get free vampire/lycanthrope templates by goading monsters we encounter to bite me.

1139: While accurate, it is inappropriate to change the name of the spell Evard's Black Tentacles to Evard's Surprise Butt***.

1140: It is not appropriate to laugh at someone who is entangled in EBT. Especially if said individual is a fellow PC.

1141: The rest of the party is not "acceptable losses".

1142: "Fist" is not a verb in-game.

1143: No matter the relative size difference, I can not climb into the monster's backside to overcome its damage reduction.
1143a: Or for any other purpose.

1144: City Hall is not a good place to work on the Pyrokineticist PrC's special entry requirement.

Groundhog
2011-04-18, 12:24 PM
1145: I may not use poison ivy as a weapon.
1146: I may not punt any gnomes that may be in my party.
1147: As a DM, I may not use a Sesame Street character as a monster.
1147a: Nor may I use a character from any other children's show.
1148: I am no longer allowed to use an AK-47, even if it fits the setting.

Geordnet
2011-04-18, 04:52 PM
1149: I may not summon a Surprise Elemental.
1149b: Even if I could take the "Sketch" domain.
1150: I may not play a cleric dedicated to Monty Python.

Crisis21
2011-04-18, 05:15 PM
1150: I may not play a cleric dedicated to Monty Python.

1150a. I may not play a bard dedicated to Monty Python.
1150b. I may not play a wizard dedicated to Monty Python.
1150c. I may not play a fighter dedicated to Monty Python.
1150d. I may not play a rogue dedicated to Monty Python.
1150e. I may not play a character of any class dedicated to Monty Python.

Mr Shadyface
2011-04-18, 06:48 PM
1151: I may not multiclass as a Barbarian Rogue. Sneaking up on someone in full plate armour and then hitting them with a war axe is just WRONG.

1152: I am no longer allowed to wear my ring of Home-send on my d**k and activate it by shouting "TAKE ME HOME, WONDER-C**K" and punching myself in the crotch.

1153: I cannot use my head as a bludgeoning weapon, no matter how low my intelligence is.

1154: I am not allowed to use zombies as improvised weapons.

1155: I am absolutely banned from interrupting any important characters speeches with "That's what she said"

ShadowySilence
2011-04-18, 07:58 PM
1156: I will not cause my character to have asthma and speak like Darth Vader when confronting Big Bads.
1157: I will not play a monk dedicated to peaceful protest and sit down during the heat of battle.
1158: I will not suggest to NPC characters that make me mad to take "Skill levels in kiss my a**" even if they deserved it.
1159: I will not fight fire with fire, it just makes those darned elementals stronger...
1160: I will not call upon the priests of Pelor to retrieve me the "Holy Hand Grenade"
1161: I will not make my characters goal in life to stop and sniff all the flowers, and then ask the DM every five minutes how many flowers the party has come across.
1162: I will not take skill points in craft: keyblade.
1163: I will not take skill points in synthesis.
1164: I will not create a paladin and allow him to break the rules because he is "a loose cannon paladin who doesn't play by the rules."

MesiDoomstalker
2011-04-18, 08:13 PM
1160: I will not call upon the priests of Pelor to retrieve me the "Holy Hand Grenade"

1165: I will not have my Cleric of Pelor throw alchemists fires while screaming "HOLY HAND GRENADE ATTACK!"

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-19, 06:21 AM
1166: I will not shoot arrows at people passing by shops yelling 'Get off my lawn you darn kids'
1167: I will not tell adventuring parties to get off my lawn when they are trying to enter a dungeon
1168: I will not tell people to get off their own lawn
1169; I will not intentionally die in every metre of an area just to tell people to get off my grave.
1170: I will not kill people then tell them to get off their own grave
1171: I will not kill key NPCs claiming they were being racist when I am of the same race
1172: I will not kill guards claiming they wrongfully accused me of a crime I failed at doing

Milo v3
2011-04-19, 07:05 AM
1173. To throw the macgufin into a Bag of Devouring
1174. Tricking a party member to stick their hands in a bag of devouring
1175. Tricking said party member into entering the bag to search for his hand
1176. Having my character kill vampiric children and saying its symbolic
1177. Amassing an army of followers and use their life force to turn me into a god (I've done this once and I'm never allowed to do it again).
1178. Sing "Cheese is a type of meat" (In or out of Character)

Groundhog
2011-04-21, 01:18 AM
1179: I may not stick daisies into anyone's weapon.
1180: I may not answer "Sorry, I was hungry" to anything.

Viszla
2011-04-21, 03:39 PM
1181: I may not, as the GM of a Star Wars campaign, tape the people and/or technology, ships, weapons, cylons, etc, of Battlestar Galactica onto the Star Wars galaxy at will, especially if calling them Galacticans or not warning the party in advance.

1182:I also, as a GM, of any type of campaign, may not make the slang term "bro" a part of any main character's name. As a general rule, I should avoid making the term "bro" a part of any character's name, at least unless I can disguise it to the point where most people would not notice.

Our SWSE GM is doing this right now, and there's evidently going to be a whole story arc based on the Galacticans. Their leader's name is Chee Brodama -.-. In addition, they evidently have EMP grenades, rendering the lightsabers and blasters of half the party useless.

Prince Zahn
2011-04-21, 04:01 PM
1183: just because our party includes a warforged that still doesn't have a name doesn't mean I get keep him to name him "Clunky".
1183a:even if this one does has a -10 penalty on dexterity-based checks, no exceptions.

1184: I may not make a living off selling corpses to necromancers in the free market.

1185: I may NOT accept an epic quest just to redirect it to a different adventuring party "who just happen to have a few leftover GP."

1186: The final battle between me and my arch nemesis may NOT be in the form of a challenging game of Monopoly.

1187: A dragon is a suitably fine rival to face in combat for your average 9th level adventuring party. a Great Wyrm Prismatic Dragon with 29 levels in druid - is not.

1188: As a player - my character may not buy the same pre-made-adventure book the DM is currently using.

TechnoScrabble
2011-04-21, 04:52 PM
1189. My paladin's battle cry may NEVER be 'For Great Justice!'.

Mr Shadyface
2011-04-21, 05:23 PM
1190: I am no longer allowed to wield a mop.

1190a: Furthermore, I am not allowed to wield parsnips as throwing knives or any other form of thrown weapon.

Crisis21
2011-04-21, 05:26 PM
1191. I may not take weapon focus or specialization feats in 'silverware'.

dr.ebhan
2011-04-21, 07:30 PM
1192 I am no longer allowed to attempt Inception
1193 ever
1194 I am no longer allowed to play a 6 year old sorcerer.
1194 Nor can I play someone with multiple personality disorder and an irrational fear of the color yellow.

Ezeze
2011-04-21, 08:18 PM
1195: I am no longer allowed to play male characters. Not after the duck incident.

Groundhog
2011-04-21, 09:43 PM
1196: I may not cast a spell on a nuclear warhead and then claim that it's a Magic Missile.
1197: I may not refer to my half-halfling party member as a quarterling.
1198: I may not use a pen as a weapon and then claim that I have to beat every enemy I come across because the pen is mightier than the sword.
1199: "A La Peanut Butter Sandwiches" is not a spell.
1200: It is not appropriate for my bard to sing "Another One Bites the Dust" if my side is losing. Actually, it's not appropriate for my bard to sing that at any time.


1194 Nor can I play someone with multiple personality disorder and an irrational fear of the color yellow.
Is that a reference to The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time?

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-21, 11:55 PM
1201, I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to a wet t-shirt contest to win my freedom
1202, I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to Calvinball to win my freedom
1203, I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to highest number to win my freedom
1203a, not even if i let him go first
1204, I am not allowed to say 'All your base are belong to us' when raiding a dungeon
1205, I am not allowed to move zig
1205a, not even for great justice

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-22, 11:09 AM
1202, I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to Calvinball to win my freedom

1206. I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to a wagon race down the hill in the forest in Calvin's backyard to win my freedom.

1207. I am not allowed to challenge the Grim Reaper to an Agni Kai to win my freedom.

Snowyowl
2011-04-22, 12:02 PM
1208: My Psionic Contingency may not be tied to the New York stock exchange.
1209: Cannot use Prestidigitation to change die rolls.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-04-22, 04:24 PM
1210:I'm not allowed to play a Bard dressed like a cowboy.
1210a: Especially if his instrument is a harmonica.
1210b: Even more especially if he only plays "Clementine."

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-22, 06:16 PM
1211. I am not allowed to play a character who fills up the entire alignment chart on his own.
1211a. Especially if he manages to do it in a single game session.
1211b, Especially if he manages to do it in a single game session, every game session.

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-22, 11:00 PM
1212, I am not allowed to summon a skeleton, give him a cloak and then trick people into thinking me and the Grim Reaper are best buds
1212a, not even if i take him to an amusement park

Groundhog
2011-04-23, 10:26 PM
1213. I may not have my cleric start a holy war. Not even if it benefits my fellow PC's.
1213a. I may not try and convince the DM that my cleric starting a holy war would benefit my fellow PC's.
1214. I may not use Baleful Polymorph on my fellow PC's.

Crisis21
2011-04-23, 11:00 PM
1214. I may not use Baleful Polymorph on my fellow PC's.
1214a. Not even if it would help them in the current situation.
1214b. Or if it makes the others laugh.
1214c. Especially if it makes the DM laugh.

The Boz
2011-04-24, 06:21 PM
Here are a couple of things that are banned in my RP group:
1215. I may not play a Bugbear who dualwields Goblins that dualwield Flails.
1216. The correct course of action when faced with a man who holds a dead-man's-switch to the explosives in the entire room is not to shoot him with a shotgun. Twice.
1217. Dominate Person is not a date-rape drug, and should not be used as such.
1218. I am no longer allowed to make a MnM character who can survive orbital descent and subsequent crash, bullets, rockets, poison, radiation, decapitation, disembowelment or a strategic nuclear strike.
1218a. May not use said character as an orbital-drop kinetic weapon, even if he can increase his mass to ten thousand pounds.
1219. I do may not own a goblin slave for the odd blood sacrifice, trap deactivation or emergency food.
1220. I am no longer allowed to place a Bag of Holding inside a Bag of Holding.
1221. I can not craft the Portal Gun.

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-25, 12:29 AM
1222: I am not allowed to use magic advertisements trying to prove that magic isn't real
1223: I am not allowed to say I survive being beaten tortured, shot and stabbed just because my character's name is Rasputin, but Chuck Norris still applies
1223a: (Next day) No it doesn't

mangosta71
2011-04-25, 11:44 AM
1224: I can not play any character based on a Samuel L. Jackson role.
1225: Or Adam Baldwin.
1226: My wizard may neither refer to himself as Batman nor be named Bruce, no matter my spell selection.

ZaradAnNasr
2011-04-25, 11:57 AM
1227: I cannot the concept for a dungeon from another game.
1227a: especially of most/all of my players have played that game.

Beowulf DW
2011-04-25, 04:56 PM
1228) I am no longer allowed to play any character above 9th level without some kind of item to increase my saving throws.

1228a) I am no longer allowed to play any class that does not have good saves.

1229) Under no circumstances may I engage anything that might have a prismatic attack, especially when I'm using the one d20 that I own.
__________________

Kroozer101
2011-04-25, 05:19 PM
1230: I may not use lewd conduct with goats to demonstrate a flaw in a house-rule.

1231: I may not beat helpless NPCs to death.

1232: Even if they started it.

Clepto
2011-04-25, 09:59 PM
(1233) -- When in solo combat against superior numbers of superior foes, my escape strategy cannot be to quick-draw a Deck of Many Things and draw a card.

(1233a) -- When in solo combat against superior numbers of superior foes, my escape strategy cannot be to "52 card pickup" the entire Deck of Many Things at my foes.

(1233b) -- I am explicitly forbidden from owning a Deck of Many Things.

(1234) -- I am no longer allowed to use the abilities of Master of Many Forms to disguise myself as an ogre, take over the ogre kingdom and become the Ogre King, forge a pact between the ogres and giants, or use said pact to lead an army the likes of which noone has seen in order to completely annihilate the human kingdom whose throne is rightfully mine (and am destroying out of spite).

(1234b) -- I am no longer allowed to play a Master of Many Forms.


(1235) -- I am not allowed to create a custom mechanika item that is basically a gun that shoots unstable batteries.

(1235a) -- I am not allowed to create a custom mechanika item that is basically a gun that shoots soul cages.

(1235b) -- I am not allowed to create a custom clockwork item that is basically the exo-suit loader from Aliens.

(1235c) -- I am not allowed to mount the aforementioned guns to the arms of the aforementioned exo-suit.

(1235d) -- I am not allowed to play an Arcane Mechanik.


(1236) -- I am not allowed to play a Xexto Jedi Guardian that quad-wields lightsabers.

(1236a) -- I am not allowed to play a Xexto Trooper that quad-wields heavy blaster pistols.

(1236b) -- I am not allowed to play Xexto characters at all.

(1236c) -- I am not allowed to play any race that has more than two arms.

(1236d) -- I am not allowed to play any race that has more than two appendages that are used for anything other than movement.


(1237) -- I cannot hide the last known bottle of tainted zombifying whiskey in the hopes of causing a zombie apocalypse at an undetermined point in the future.

(1238) -- While under the effects of bibliophobia, I am prohibited from entering any school, university, or library.

(1238a) -- While under the effects of bibliophobia, I am prohibited from carrying anything that produces an open flame.

(1238b) -- I am not allowed to read books that are bound in human skin.

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-25, 11:06 PM
1239: I am not allowed to summon Cthulhu
1240: I'm not allowed to summon anything from the Necromonicon
1241: I'm not allowed to do anything in the Necromonicon
1242: I'm not allowed to read the Necromonicon
(Imagine these as one day after the last)

Omeganaut
2011-04-26, 12:47 AM
1243 I'm not allowed to play a gay centaur barbarian.
1243a I'm not allowed to play a centaur
1243b or any creature that is large
1243c or has powerful build
1243d or is gay
1243e or has sex with orcs
1243f and eats the meat.
1244 I'm not allowed to create a weapon out of the spine of anything, no matter how much sense it would make
1245 I'm not allowed to use the profession skill
1246 I'm not allowed to by adventuring equipment that can be used as weapons, especially not shovels
1247 I'm not allowed to use detect evil to ruin the DM's entire plot
1247a or even to reveal a succubus
1247b or hump said succubus to death
1248 I am no longer allowed to play anyone else's character, even if it is what they would actually do
1249 I am no longer allowed to be the primary spellcaster, primary healer, and leader as a bard
1249a In fact, I am not allowed to be the party leader if I am a bard
1250 Bards are not sorcerers who manifest their powers through music, and under no circumstances can I convince the DM of this
1250a I am not allowed to suggest anything to the DM's girlfriend
1251 I am not allowed to win a grapple check against a paladin two sizes larger than myself to chase after cute gnome chicks. Not even if its in character.
1252 I am not allowed to use polymorph spells to be an animal that is riding another animal of its own species.
1252a I am not allowed to use polymorph spells period. Especially not on other PC's in their sleep. Especially not to cow
1252b The school of transformation is forever banned for me.
1253 I am not to take Weapon Focus: Rod of Wonders
1253a I am not allowed to have the Rod of wonders
1253b The Rod of wonders does not, has not, and will never exist.
1254. I'm not allowed to kill the BBEG by throwing badgers
1254a I'm not allowed to kill the BBEG with airborne summoned animals period

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-26, 12:54 AM
1255:I am not allowed to make up a class just so I can be more awesome
1255a: I am not allowed to combine classes to make new ones
1255b: I am not allowed to change classes in the middle of a game saying that it is a class ability to be able to change to said class in the middle of a game
1255c; I'm not allowed to pretend to have a fit when I am denied said class in the middle of a game
1256: I am not allowed to catch enemies in round, physics-defying objects
1256a: Not even if it's a Master Ball

Shpadoinkle
2011-04-26, 05:03 AM
1256: I am not allowed to shrink myself to the point of invisibility with magic or technology so I can plant foreign objects inside the body of the enemy leader undetected, resulting in his death when they rip him apart from the inside when the effect ends.
1256-a: I am also not allowed to shrink myself and plant shrunken explosives inside the enemy leader's body so I can detonate them all remotely (while still shrunken) and kill him via internal bleeding.

Bayar
2011-04-26, 06:14 AM
1257 - My first action after realising I got transported to the Warhammer 40K universe is not to shoot myself.

1258 - No longer allowed to attach grenades to a jeep with duct tape, remove the pins then charge the alien ship at full speed.

1259 - The right thing to do when faced with surrendering enemies is not always to kill them so there won't be any witnesses.

1260 - My kobold warblade wielding a pick cannot act like Kamina.

1261 - I can talk both out of character and in character with my own voice, it is not necessary to have them both different. Especially when both are different from my normal voice.

1262 - No longer allowed to go fishing with a flamethrower. Or a greataxe.

1263 - If I don't have any Use vehicle (space) ranks, won't volunteer to fly the shuttle.

1264 - Laser shotguns do not exist.

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-26, 06:46 AM
1265: No matter how much gunpowder I take, diamond I mine or any other materials I use, I cannot make a diamond shotgun simply because I saw it in a youtube video
1266: I can no longer drive any vehicles because I keep trying things I saw in movies

Wookieetank
2011-04-26, 08:10 AM
1267. I am not allowed to refer other RPG players to this thread.
1267a. Particularly if their DM is unaware of this thread.
1267b. Especially if said player is in the same campaign as myself and we're atempting to use ideas from this thread to see how quickly we can make the DM BSOD. :smallwink:

mangosta71
2011-04-26, 08:55 AM
1268: I will not use Baleful Polymorph to turn one of my companions into my mount.
1269: I will not use Polymorph to turn my mount into my sidekick.
1270: I cannot crush my enemies with an enlarged wheel of cheese.

Kroozer101
2011-04-26, 01:33 PM
1271: I may no longer stab the daughter of the man who hired us to rescue her, simply to get rid of witnesses.

Doctor_Payne
2011-04-26, 02:07 PM
1272: All puns are frowned upon, especially bear puns around the high leveled NPC druid. Said puns will likely end with multiple books thrown through the air.

PerfectPhantom
2011-04-26, 06:19 PM
1273: I am not allowed to kill important NPC's simply because chain quests annoy me
1273a: Not even if they're from said chain quest

Drynwyn
2011-04-26, 07:38 PM
1274- I may no longer have access to time travel through any means.
1275- Munckinry is not an art form.

Milo v3
2011-04-26, 08:26 PM
1276. I'm not allowed to fireball an entire city because a halfing bumped into me.
1276a. Even if I think he stole my money.
1276b. Even if he did steal my money.
1277. I'm not allowed to disarm my companions.
1278. I'm not allowed to snap the necks of teens and leave their bodies in bushes for wild Pokemon to eat.
1278a. Even if I'm playing as an Antagonist.

Crisis21
2011-04-26, 08:42 PM
1279. I am not allowed to use the phrase '[Insert Monster Here], I choose you!', or any variant thereof, when using any kind of magic that lets me summon monsters.

Wookieetank
2011-04-27, 08:02 AM
1280. I am not allowed to say, "I attack the darkness!" even when fighting shadows, or shadow beasts.
1281. Also am not allowed to cast magic missle at said creatures, even if it would be beneficial for the party.
1282. Am not allowed to even attempt turning a bag of holding inside out, just to see how the DM would handle the situation.
1282a. Am not allowed to attempt turning a bag of holding inside out for useful applications either.
1282b. I am allowed to throw myself into a bag of many things however, but only if the rest of the party has wiped and its the last action of my charater, ever.

Omeganaut
2011-04-27, 10:41 AM
1283. I'm not allowed to make a gnome ranger
1284. I'm not allowed to grapple a centaur paladin when I am a gnome bard and win. Even if it would be to the party's benefit
1285. I'm not allowed to sail the ship. EVER.

Beowulf DW
2011-04-27, 03:51 PM
1285. I'm not allowed to sail the ship. EVER.

Sounds like there's a story behind that.

1286a) I am not allowed to say "Here kitty-kitty!" to the tiger aspect monk.
1286b) When said monk subsequently teleports right in front of me, I am not allowed to say "Good Kitty."
1286c) I am however, allowed to use various critical feats to blind and deafen the above mentioned monk after he drops me from 180 to 60 hp in one round.

JysusCryst
2011-04-28, 09:11 PM
1287) I am not allowed to play a zombie-triple-vampire-double-lich-specter, even if said character can be created within the rules.

Marxism
2011-04-29, 12:04 AM
1288) The book of vile darkness is now banned content permanently with no exceptions
1289) I may never ever commit an act of mass murder because "Well we need a place that is inherently evil and that temple is really far away."

Herr Munchkin
2011-04-29, 02:28 AM
1287) I am not allowed to play a zombie-triple-vampire-double-lich-specter, even if said character can be created within the rules.

1290: I am not allowed to be a zombie-triple vampire-lich-bear with a bear companion.

Choco
2011-04-29, 08:52 AM
1291) I am no longer allowed to make characters that appear normal, but are actually based on a collection of obscure in-jokes that leave 1-2 people at the table in tears laughing every time I do anything while everyone else just stares confused. This goes double if one of the laughing people is the DM.

1292) If the list of my special abilities is too big to fit in the designated space on the character sheet, written 2+ per line, I need to remake my character.

1293) I am no longer allowed to apply "half-anything" templates to my characters.

1294) I am not allowed to play an owlbear wizard who claims to have created humans thousands of years ago.

1295) I am not allowed to exclaim "Sweet, <current anime I am streaming the simulcast of>'s new episode just got posted!" and start watching during a lull in the game. Yes, even if the lull is because the DM is spending 20 minutes looking up some obscure rule that even the person who originally asked the question no longer cares about...

Omeganaut
2011-04-29, 01:34 PM
1296. Now allowed to use any sort of charisma check to convince an NPC to kill their family.
1296a. Not allowed to say the words "kill your family" together.

as for the above, lets just say my objective differed from the party's. Paladins are so uptight!

Hiro Protagonest
2011-04-29, 06:27 PM
1297. I am no longer allowed to go anywhere without the party paladin.

Crisis21
2011-04-29, 06:41 PM
1297. I am no longer allowed to go anywhere without the party paladin.

1297a. I am not allowed to be out of the party paladin's sight for any reason. Not even to relieve myself.

Ilmryn
2011-04-29, 07:42 PM
1298: I am not allowed to use an obscure energy-conversion table to power my heavy particle cannon off a car battery.

Mindfreak
2011-04-29, 08:13 PM
1299: I am not allowed to go off on a quest to restore a baby lich dragon back to elder lich dragon level power by finding a powerful wizard that manipulates time all because I rolled a natural twenty on diplomacy and I don't want to face an evil warlock

MesiDoomstalker
2011-04-29, 09:07 PM
1297a. I am not allowed to be out of the party paladin's sight for any reason. Not even to relieve myself.

1300: I'm not allowed to play a gay Paladin.

Rob Roy
2011-04-29, 09:17 PM
1300: I'm not allowed to play a gay Paladin.

1300a: I can't be a homophobic paladin either.

Crisis21
2011-04-29, 09:20 PM
1300a: I can't be a homophobic paladin either.

1301. I am not allowed to play a paladin for the express purpose of having a legitimate excuse to condemn the other characters in my party for their beliefs which are common to their respective in-game cultures.
1301a. Nor am I allowed to play a paladin so that I have an excuse condemn the cultural practices of every NPC we come across.

HalfDragonCube
2011-04-30, 08:49 AM
1302. I am not allowed to use the rebuilding rules to replace my level of the Master Specialist Prc for a level of commoner just so I can get the Chicken-infested flaw.

1302a. I'm not allowed to take any levels of commoner for any reason.

Choco
2011-04-30, 09:30 AM
1303) I am not allowed to design a character who's only shtick is having so many immunities that I may as well write "immune to everything" on my character sheet.

1304) If the DM needs to spend any amount of time hunting through rulebooks to find a way to damage my character, I am not allowed to play that character.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-05-01, 03:38 PM
1305a: I am not allowed to play a character who gets at least one opportunity attack against anything in his threatened area, no matter what they do.
1305b: Especially when he can do so over half a dozen times per round on top of his normal iterative attacks.
1305c: Or can one-hit-kill anything with an opportunity attack either by vorpal or by sheer damage output.
1305d: I'm not allowed to take combat reflexes feat.
1305e: I'm not allowed to make opportunity attacks. Ever.

Omeganaut
2011-05-01, 09:39 PM
1306 I am no longer allowed to have reduce person or enlarge person spells.
1307 I am also not allowed to cast spells on party members without them agreeing to the spell first.
1308. Aforementioned agreement applies to that particular time, and not to casting the same spell hours later.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-01, 09:56 PM
1309. I may not play a human who has a backstory that he had reduce person and permanency cast on him, just because humans are a more powerful race then halflings.

The_Final_Stand
2011-05-02, 11:38 AM
1310: There is a limit of one Monty Python joke per session.
1311: Including the one about how you didn't expect the rumours of the inquisition to be true.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-02, 03:24 PM
1312. I am no longer allowed to try to explain to party members that cutting off the Wyvern's stinger and keeping it is a bad idea because it will eat into the WBL.
1313. Dual-wielding gnomes is not acceptable behaviour for a Psychic Warrior.
1313a. Not even if they have manifested Expansion beforehand.
1313b. Especially if they have manifested Expansion beforehand.
1314. The gnomes are not allowed to transform into wolves or teleport away and subsequently kill the psychic warrior if they do get used as weapons.

Groundhog
2011-05-02, 04:51 PM
1315. I may not use a live fish as a weapon.
1316. I may not defeat the BBEG by getting him too drunk to fight.
1317. I may not summon a hippopotamus and then cast Flight on it.
1318. I may not barter the internal organs of my fellow party members for an expensive item.
1318a. I can't barter my own internal organs either.
1319. I may not shoot at anything that moves just because it might be something that would give me XP.
1319a. I can't shoot at anything that doesn't move either. The chance that it will give me XP is even smaller, and the innkeeper is getting mad about all the arrows in the furniture.
1320. I may not leap through closed windows, no matter how impressive it looks, or how "helpful" it would be to my fellow party members.

Choco
2011-05-02, 05:01 PM
1318a. I can't barter my own internal organs either.

1318b. This goes double if I have Regeneration.

Mindfreak
2011-05-02, 06:34 PM
1321: I am not allowed to play a bard just to justify singing Justin Bieber in campaign.

Temassasin
2011-05-02, 06:54 PM
1322: i may not se my magic in conjunction with out of character scientific knowledge rule the universe
1323: i may not annoy everybody enough to warrant a saving throw against insanity

Choco
2011-05-03, 09:40 AM
1324) When I show up with a min-maxed character and the DM tells me I can't play it without a REALLY good backstory justifying all the obscure feats, templates, and class dips, I am not allowed to then produce said backstory.

1325) When another player is RP'ing his character in a way that is an obvious attempt to make me uncomfortable, I am supposed to tell him to stop, NOT play along with it until he (and everyone else at the table) is too uncomfortable to carry on the game for the night.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-05-03, 10:33 AM
1326a: I am not allowed to play a tank build who can out run a monk of equal level.
1326b: Especially if he is a Gnome.
1326c: Or wearing Fullplate.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-03, 02:05 PM
1327. I am no longer allowed to stand at the back of the group and then cast Colour Spray.
1327a. Even if it would hit an enemy.
1328. Summoning octopi and throwing them does not count as contributing to the fight.
1328a. This goes double on land.
1329. Asking for a king-size altar that you could sacrifice at least 20 people on is going to attract attention, no matter how much you Mindrape somebody.

lord of kobolds
2011-05-03, 04:35 PM
2330: The DM doesn't care that my kobold rogue has 14 ranks in disguise and can fit through any spaces that a tiny creature can fit through, he is not disguising himself as the noble's housecat.
2330a: Aforementioned kobold cannot get a reduce person and pretend to be a rat.
2330b: The aforementioned reduced kobold cannot pretend to be a snakeskin purse.
2330c: Kobolds no longer can use disguise.
2331: Bonus points are not awarded for "side missions" that I make up on the spot.
2331a: Especially if said "side mission" is "kill all civilians".

Kroozer101
2011-05-03, 06:14 PM
2332: I may not cast invented spells.

2332a: Especially if the purpose of said spell would be to go forward in time and bring back a school bus.

2333: Automobiles are not allowed in 3.5.

2333a: Period.

2333b: Especially not ones pursuant to 2332a.

Choco
2011-05-04, 08:38 AM
1334) When playing with a low optimization group, I am not allowed to make my own character.

1335) When given the character that the group made for me, I am not allowed to play him in a way that still overshadows everyone else.

1336) I am also not allowed to help the other group members make their characters, ESPECIALLY if the DM isn't any good at encounter design/balance.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-05-04, 08:14 PM
1337a: I am not allowed to beat players playing full melee classes with my full caster without casting a single spell.
1337b: Even if the DM forced us to fight.
1338a: I may not use any spell that paralyzes, hypnotizes or any other condition where my will is easily forced on the target to force NPC to follow me.
1338b: I may not do the above with PC's either.
1338c: I may not cast any such spell. Ever. Even if its against the BBEG and is the only viable way to win the fight.

PerfectPhantom
2011-05-05, 02:26 AM
1339: I am not allowed to cast spells on the GM
1339a: Not even if it's because he won't let me turn the big bad into a frog
1339b: I'm not allowed to 'miss' the big bad and 'accidentally' send the spell out of the game and 'purposely' turn the GM into a frog

Groundhog
2011-05-05, 11:33 PM
1340: No matter how mad he is, my berserker may not uproot and throw trees.
1341: I may not create characters that are thinly veiled copies of well-known superheroes.
1341a: Or thinly veiled copies of anyone who is well known, fictional or not.
1342: My character may not wear a veil, thick or thin. This includes ninja masks and harem costumes.

Omeganaut
2011-05-06, 11:18 AM
1343. I am no longer allowed to play any character that can change his own form.
1343a especially a druid
1343b I am also banned from brothels. In fact, I am now a wanted sex criminal.
1343c No, there is no such thing in dungeons and dragons as beastiality, and any attempts to put it in the game will result in my character being killed.
1343d. No exceptions.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-06, 12:43 PM
1343. I am no longer allowed to play any character that can change his own form.
1343a especially a druid
1343b I am also banned from brothels. In fact, I am now a wanted sex criminal.
1343c No, there is no such thing in dungeons and dragons as beastiality, and any attempts to put it in the game will result in my character being killed.
1343d. No exceptions.

Book of Vile Darkness has stuff like that.

1344. If you break the game, the DM breaks you.

ZaradAnNasr
2011-05-06, 02:56 PM
1344a: If the DM breaks the game, the players break the DM.

mangosta71
2011-05-06, 03:59 PM
1345: If someone says bite me, my response can not be "I go for the jugular."

1346: When informed that violence is not the answer, I may not respond "Of course not. Violence is the question. The answer is yes."

1346: I do not have the heart of a small child in a jar.

1347: I may not tear out people's eyes to keep them from witnessing my actions.

1348: When playing a member of a small race, I may not headbutt people in response to short jokes.

Xerinous
2011-05-07, 09:41 PM
1349) As a DM, I may not introduce an Aasimar Oracle DMPC with the battle mystery, who then kills the party rogue. (He started it...)

Groundhog
2011-05-08, 11:24 PM
1350: I may not give any character, PC or NPC, amnesia.
1351: I may not incorporate My Little Pony into the game.
1352: I may not attempt to bribe anyone with cheese.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-05-09, 09:39 AM
1353a: I may not, as a DM, give divine characters that can fall wine made from grapes grown in soil watered with the blood of a dieing god to make said characters fall because the dieing god was a former ally of their patron(s).

1353b: Especially before the first encounter of the campaign and they are far below the ability to cast or afford an attonment spell.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-09, 01:33 PM
1354. If I gain access to a Wish spell, then I may not use it to POA myself into a solar.
1354a. If I do POA myself into a solar, I may not use the Wish SLA again to POA myself into a solar again to make the change permanent.

1355. I may not scream 'HADOKEN!' whenever I cast a spell.
1355a. This goes double if it is a healing spell.

1356. Arcane lock may not be used as an offensive spell.