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Mordokai
2011-05-09, 02:34 PM
1357. I am not allowed to do more damage with a cantrip than a fighter with a full attack.

1358. My cleric cannot go around, chanting "vololo" and expect everybody to convert to his religion.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-09, 04:11 PM
1359. My character cannot be a dragon. Even if the party is the same level as his CR.

1360. I am no longer allowed to play a tier 1 caster.

1361. Making a thousand paper cranes does not grant me a single wish spell.

Choco
2011-05-09, 04:41 PM
1362) I am not allowed to make a character that makes the DM's BBEG look like the good guy.
1362a) Even if we are playing an evil campaign.

1363) The proper response to the BBEG's monologue is NOT "Alright, I kinda agree with what he is saying, I think I'm gonna join him!"

1364) When someone else at the table claims they are thick skinned and not easily offended, I am not allowed to view that as a challenge.

Groundhog
2011-05-09, 05:26 PM
1365: If my animal companion can speak Common, it may not tell knock-knock jokes.
1366: I may not slip hemlock into the food of my dwarven party member to see if he can survive it.
1367: I may not use magic to make my elven party member's hair look like Legolas'.

BizzaroStormy
2011-05-09, 09:33 PM
1368: I am no longer allowed to attempt a death attack on the BBEG only to have it succeed and turn him into dust which another party member quickly blows the ashes into the wind with a spell.

1369: I may never again look into the weaver's eyes gaining +60 on perception and insanity.

1370: While insane, I may not use a barbecued robot owl as a guitar.

Combat Reflexes
2011-05-10, 05:16 AM
1363) The proper response to the BBEG's monologue is NOT "Alright, I kinda agree with what he is saying, I think I'm gonna join him!"

Why not? Siding with the BBEG is good roleplaying. Especially if the rest of the party doesn't agree :smallbiggrin:


1371. I am no longer allowed to call a friend, recruit the DMs brother/sister/whatever or bribe someone in the street just to get more PC power.

Omeganaut
2011-05-10, 09:28 AM
1372 I am certainly not allowed to change the entire party into ponies
1372a Even if the campiegn was silly from the start.

1373. I am not allowed to homebrew classes that are just other classes with the word sex in front.

1374. I am no longer allowed to homebrew classes with any sexual references.
1374a I am no longer allowed to play my own homebrewed classes.
1374b. I am no longer allowed to use my homebrewed classes when I am dming.
1374c. I am no longer allowed to use any class that has not been published or subjected to serious peer review.

lerg2
2011-05-13, 10:38 AM
1375: I am no longer allowed to use Craft:(weaponsmithing) and Craft:(sciencystuff) to build a Hwacha.
1376: I may no longer play an assassin/ranger/rogue/ninja ever again. EVER. (if anyone wants to try, it goes: Ranger 3/Rogue 2/Ninja 4/Assassin---/lvl 1 something

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-13, 01:53 PM
1378: I may no longer use feather tokens to one-shot a bunch of clerics three levels higher than me.

1379: I may no longer kidnap two sacrifices so I can use one to get a chain lightning spell to one-shot whatever happens to turn up to stop my sacrifices, then use the other for whatever spell I like.

1380: The Wish spell may not be used to POA myself into a solar so I can use Wish again to POA myself into a solar again to make the change permanent.

1380a. Especially if this causes someone to ask the question 'Why don't all solars POA themselves into solars?'

@V: Prestidigitation only works on nonliving material.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-13, 02:46 PM
1378: I may no longer use feather tokens to one-shot a bunch of clerics three levels higher than me.'

1381. I cannot use cantrips to break the game. (example: you can use prestidigitation to raise someone's body temperature by up to 35F, use that 10 times to maximum effect. Especially if your opponent is a white dragon)

1382. I can no longer take ranks in craft (machinery).
1382a. Especially in a medieval fantasy setting.
1382b. Especially if I make an army of robots.
1382c. Especially if I make an army of robots in a medieval fantasy setting.
1382d. ESPECIALLY if the robots are all mech dragons.

Mindfreak
2011-05-14, 08:05 PM
1383. I cannot create a character that can throw 18 Katanas
1383a. Especially if I got the class from this forum
1383b. I also cannot create a character that can throw 18 anything.
1384. I cannot make any puns
1384a. Especially if they are groan worthy.
1384b. Especially if they make others want to strangle me with my shoelaces.

EagleX16
2011-05-14, 08:51 PM
1385: I am not allowed to have a monk with more tumbles ranks than attack bonus anymore.
1386: No, no matter what I say or what I roll, my cleric cannot, in fact, climb the equivalent of the Empire State Building.
1387: Druids love nature; however, you are not allowed to become a PETA-esque ecoterrorist.

Omeganaut
2011-05-14, 09:37 PM
1388 I am no longer allowed to play wizard
1388a Or druid
1388b In fact, I'm not allowed to be a magic-user.
1388c Or use anything in any way magical
1388d Especially if its an item
1388e From now on, my entire character sheet will remain in the possession of the DM, except when it is my turn in combat. After my turn is over, I must return said sheet for the good of the game.
1389 I am no longer allowed to automatically succeed on a natural 20. Just no.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-14, 10:03 PM
1385: I am not allowed to have a monk with more tumbles ranks than attack bonus anymore.Come on! That's the only way to optimize monk without using the ascetic X feats from Complete Adventurer or Tashalatora from Secrets of Sarlona.

1386: No, no matter what I say or what I roll, my cleric cannot, in fact, climb the equivalent of the Empire State Building.Hey! That's a valid use of climb! Even if it is an epic use!

EagleX16
2011-05-14, 10:16 PM
It got to the point where the entire party would be in combat and I'd be just screwing with the enemies. i had something like 17 ranks in tumble by the time we quit. And my cleric became Spiderman and the DM didn't like it haha.

Milo v3
2011-05-15, 02:32 AM
1389. I'm not allowed to play as an Illusionist.
1389a. Or a Transmuter
1389b. Or a cleric of Atheism (Even though the rules say you can)
1390. Must keep Paladin away from Little Girls (I'm Amazed he hasn't fallen)

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-15, 08:08 AM
1391. I may no longer go near any members of the party that have any possible way of losing some or all of their class abilities due to committing acts against their alignment.
1391a. Not even the evil ones.
1392. I may not cast Grease on the cliff face I am falling past and deliberately fail the balance check so I stay in the area.
1392a. Especially if I have Feather Fall prepared and just felt like breaking the game.
1392b. Even if this is the only way I could survive.
1392c. Even if this is the only way the party could survive.
1393. If I gain access to any Wish spells from any source before 17th level then I am devoured by a horde of whatever happens to be around.
1394. If may character has more spells prepared than the rest of the group combined, then I may not play that character.
1394a. Even if they are all fighters.

ArcaneSaint
2011-05-15, 09:04 AM
1395. I am no longer allowed to use this thread as inspiration for my character. Ever.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-15, 10:11 AM
1395. I am no longer allowed to use this thread as inspiration for my character. Ever again.

Fixed that for you. :smallbiggrin:

ORione
2011-05-15, 06:08 PM
1389b. Or a cleric of Atheism (Even though the rules say you can)


OMG, I'm going to be a cleric of Atheism now.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-15, 07:38 PM
1396. I am not allowed to play a cleric of attractiveness and seduction.
1396a. Especially if the cleric is lawful good.
1396b. Or neutral good.
1396c. Or even chaotic good.

Mordokai
2011-05-15, 10:19 PM
Most Sunites would like a word with you.

BladeofOblivion
2011-05-15, 10:34 PM
Most Sunites would like a word with you.

Do note that the game's intention is to be humorous: Chaotic Good is entirely reasonable for a Sunite, but the implication is that the DM has banned the player from doing this, setting up a long list of Noodle Incidents. :smallsmile:

Groundhog
2011-05-15, 11:40 PM
1397: I may not have an opera-singing bard.
1398: My bard may not insert the words "Hey nonny nonny" anywhere into a song, regardless of how "in-period" this is for the game.
1399: I may not have any female character enter any building through its bathroom window.
1400: My character may not wear a bandanna tied around his or her forehead. No matter how awesome it looks.

ShadowySilence
2011-05-15, 11:54 PM
1401: I may not scry using a toilet as the medium.
1402: I may not homebrew a spy class and claim to sap sentries.
1403: I may not play as a troll and add the "annoy" skill to their list.
1404: I may not use bottlecaps as currency (even if it fits the campaign).
1405: I may not choose gibberish as a language.
1406: That goes for pig-latin as well.
1407: Or regular latin...
1408: I may not simply add Sir to a name to make it sound appropriate to the setting.
1409: I may not play as a warforged character named C3PO or R2D2.
1410: I may not only mention my familiar or animal companion when it suits me and then abruptly forget about them 5 minutes later.

EagleX16
2011-05-16, 07:10 AM
1411: My wizard with a sketchy past may not run into random buildings shouting "Troll! Troll in the dungeon!"
1412: Clerics of Heironious cannot, I repeat, cannot slay people because they had "a feeling" that they secretly worshiped Hextor.
1413: My rogue cannot be a suicidal life criminal whose only goal is to go out in the most entertaining way possible: detonating explosives in the middle of a crowded room.

Wookieetank
2011-05-16, 08:30 AM
1414. I am not allowed to throw all of my force points into making an explosion bigger.
1414a. Particularly if I'm carrying multiple canisters of naplam at the time and am level 7 without having spent a single force point at this point in the campaign.
1414b. Especially if I'm doing so because I know I'm going to be dead anyways and am just trying to take out the half of the party that the other half of the party doesn't like.
1415. Even if half of the part condones my actions, I am not allowed to take out the other half of the party.
1415a. Even if they deserved it

Choco
2011-05-16, 08:40 AM
1401: I may not scry using a toilet as the medium.

Glad I'm not the only one who has tried this.

1416: My character's battle cry cannot be "Called shot to the nuts!"
1417: No matter how funny, possible, OR in-character it is, my character cannot have a giant afro (or any other hairstyle) that s/he uses to store items.
1418: I am no longer allowed to carry my weapons with me everywhere by disguising them as parts of my outfit.
1419: Even if my character has fast healing and/or regeneration, I am not allowed to hide a weapon inside of myself.
1420: Even if I can, I am not allowed to "assist the party face" in a debate by stealing the pants off of her opponent.

ORione
2011-05-16, 10:20 AM
1411: My wizard with a sketchy past may not run into random buildings shouting "Troll! Troll in the dungeon!"


1411a: In fact, none of my characters are allowed to shout "Troll! Troll in the dungeon!", even if it's true.
1411b: Especially if it's true.
1411c: I'm not allowed to shout it OOC, either.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-16, 12:35 PM
1411a: In fact, none of my characters are allowed to shout "Troll! Troll in the dungeon!", even if it's true.
1411b: Especially if it's true.
1411c: I'm not allowed to shout it OOC, either.

1412. I am no longer allowed to make Harry Potter references.

1413. I am no longer allowed to make Sly Cooper references.
1413a. Even if the party is a three man group consisting of a barbarian//unarmed swordsage, an alchemist//rogue, and a rogue//swashbuckler.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-16, 12:44 PM
1424. I may no longer leave one paladin alive to warn the rest of them just so I get more to kill in ever-increasingly inventive ways.
1424a. Or if I think their souls taste nice.
1424b. Not even if they are the evil paladin variants.
1425. If I make an illithid start to cry, then I am no longer allowed spatulas.

Another edit: BWAAH! The counting is screwing up here!

Mordokai
2011-05-16, 01:23 PM
1421. I must learn to count and pay attention :smalltongue:

Emperor Ing
2011-05-16, 02:05 PM
1422: Use d19s or d21s just because your luck on the d20 is terrible
1422a: Because your luck will NOT get any better.

ORione
2011-05-16, 05:51 PM
1421. I must learn to count and pay attention :smalltongue:

Are you talking to Giantmudkip? Because he had it right. Swiftmongoose was going on the number after the one I did. Problem was, I wasn't making any rules, I was just making corollaries to a previous one. Giantmudkip was setting things right. So, let's set it right again...

1427: I am not allowed to use the laws of physics to justify that something should work. The laws of physics don't exist. That's why there's magic.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-17, 02:14 PM
1428. If the DM is unable to attend, I may not create a completely new campaign where all players are gelatinous cubes with one template each and no class levels.
1429. Vomiting rainbows is bad.
1430. I may not have more templates than I do WBL.

Grongore
2011-05-17, 10:05 PM
1431: im not allowed to have a cauldron on me if im playing a halforc
1432: Bear puns are off limits
1433: any elf with a ranged weapon cant use it "ours is a tkft"

Choco
2011-05-18, 10:02 AM
1434: I am not allowed to point out to the DM, who loves the alignment system, the many flaws of black-and-white alignment.
1435: When playing Exalted, I am no longer allowed to stunt torture scenes. In fact I get a 3-die bonus by default just for shutting up, to save the other player's sanity.
1436: I am not allowed to figure out who the DM's BBEG is early and manipulate the other PC's and some NPC's into ganking him.
1437: As DM, I am not allowed to make friendly NPC's have any shady characteristics at all. (He has skeletons in his closet, he MUST be evil!)
1438: As DM, I am not allowed to make friendly NPC's have no shady characteristics at all. (He is too perfect, he MUST be evil!)

ORione
2011-05-18, 10:21 AM
1437: As DM, I am not allowed to make friendly NPC's have any shady characteristics at all. (He has skeletons in his closet, he MUST be evil!)
1438: As DM, I am not allowed to make friendly NPC's have no shady characteristics at all. (He is too perfect, he MUST be evil!)

1439: As a logical result of the above, I am not allowed to make friendly NPC's.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-18, 11:15 AM
1440. If my fellow PCs gank me, then I receive no sympathy from the DM because I probably deserve it.
1440a. If my fellow PCs attempt to gank me, I may not kill them all and run a one-man band.
1440b. The above go double if this is in front of the BBEG.
1441. When the party is presented with a choice of two paths, I may not ignore all hints at which one is safe and collapse them both.
1442. Paladins named Qwerty Uiop shall fall the instant the campaign begins.

Choco
2011-05-18, 01:53 PM
1443: I am not allowed to laugh when the DM is describing something that should be horrible and upsetting.
1444: I am not allowed to be powerful enough to take out the entire rest of the party AND the BBEG + minions all at once by myself.
1444a: Even in a PvP game where you are expected to prepare defenses and counters against the other players.
1444b: Even if I was being nice and they started it.
1445: I am not allowed to create a character that basically walks around with a "I'm a weakling, easy crime target here!" sign and enter the rough part of town just so I can play deathwish with the low-level thugs.
1446: I am no longer allowed to have a character that is skilled in provoking NPC's (and PC's!) to violence just so I can kill anyone I don't like and legitimately claim it was self defense.
1446a: This goes double if the "victim" was the BBEG.
1447: I am no longer allowed access to any ability that lets me play dead.
1448: I am not allowed to abandon the rest of the party and run away from the final encounter of the campaign.
1448a: Even if I am required to do so by the rules.
1448b: ESPECIALLY if "running away to the best of my ability" involves teleporting to a place where the villain can't reach me and from where I can't make it back into the fight until long after it is over.

IronWilliam
2011-05-18, 08:40 PM
1444: I can never again use charm person or other mind control spells on party members, even in an evil campaign.

Groundhog
2011-05-18, 11:09 PM
1445: My character may not own a sword forged out of the iron from the blood of all the people he's killed.

DM_for_once
2011-05-19, 10:22 AM
1445: My character may not own a sword forged out of the iron from the blood of all the people he's killed.

"How deliciously evil!"
http://blogtwitternews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/climb-aboard-evil-stewie.jpg

And now on topic.
1446: I may not make an anthropomorphic chipmunk Monk named Chip.

Choco
2011-05-19, 11:53 AM
1447: As DM, I am not allowed to follow a certain trope for multiple games and then invert it after the PC's get used to the pattern.
1447a: Especially if I do this on purpose just to catch the players metagaming and laugh at how bad they just screwed themselves over.
1448: As DM, I am not allowed to make insane NPC's.
1449: As DM, I am not even allowed to make mildly unpredictable NPC's.
1450: As DM, I am not allowed to use any shades of gray when it comes to morality. (How can we tell who is actually good or evil if they don't always act that way!)
1451: As DM, I am not allowed to take the same PC to the brink of death in every single session.
1451a: Even if I am not doing it on purpose and it truly is all the dice's fault.
1451b: Even if said PC has a habit of charging headfirst (and alone) into combat with everything.
1451c: Especially if there is no combat that session.

lord of kobolds
2011-05-19, 06:54 PM
1452: No matter how many brilliant plans I can come up with, my 5 int barbarian can't think of any of them.
1452a: Nor can he understand any of the complicated ones, even if I have another character come up with them.
1452b: No, my barbarian is not a savant.
1452c: The tactical expert of the group is no longer allowed to play the barbarian.
1453: Power word: blind is not an acceptable way to bypass the paladin's moral code.
1453a: Power word: kill, on the other hand...
1454: The PCs are not allowed to start a secret betting pool on how long the paladin will last before falling.
1454a: Especially if the paladin is the one running it.
1455: My bard cannot have ranks in perform: belch

Milo v3
2011-05-19, 09:36 PM
1456:I'm not allowed to play as a Kobold.
1457:Or an Aegis.
1458:Or a Sarli.

bladescape
2011-05-19, 09:43 PM
1448: As DM, I am not allowed to make insane NPC's.
1449: As DM, I am not even allowed to make mildly unpredictable NPC's.
1450: As DM, I am not allowed to use any shades of gray when it comes to morality. (How can we tell who is actually good or evil if they don't always act that way!)

I pity you, I'm allowed to do all of the above, and I certainly enjoy it.

1459: I am not allowed to intentionally get the party lost merely so we can run into more Encounters.
1460: I am not allowed to create a Master of Control so that I can enslave all enemies we face. (Note:The rest of the party tried to kill me last time, as I was 'depriving' them of experience!)

Milo v3
2011-05-19, 09:48 PM
1461. I'm not allowed to kill every gnome I see
1461a. Especially not in a Gnomish City

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-19, 09:51 PM
1452a: Nor can he understand any of the complicated ones, even if I have another character come up with them.

Coming up with them is intelligence. Understanding them is wisdom.

EagleX16
2011-05-20, 04:32 AM
1462: no, your vorpal sword cannot moonlight as a boomerang, javelin, or arrow.
1462a: to use said vorpal sword, both hands must be on it. even if it's a one handed weapon.

Grongore
2011-05-20, 07:55 AM
1463: if i am to dm and have horrifyingly tough creatures for the campain, i must punish the lowest of the group first

Wookieetank
2011-05-20, 08:33 AM
1464. As a DM I am not allowed to have a thief steal the party mage's ring of invisiblity
1464a. Even if he deserved it
1464b. Although it did make for an easy plot hook to get the party into the dungeon I had prepared... :smallwink:

1465. As DM I am not allowed to let a player play as Kratos
1465a. Particularly in a Dragonlance setting
1465b. Even if it makes sense for the campaign and makes it more interesting.

Choco
2011-05-20, 11:27 AM
1466: As DM, I am not allowed to have the enemies outsmart the players.
1467: As DM, I am no longer allowed to put the PC's against black dragons.
1467a: This includes refluffing black dragons into something else and using that.
1468: As DM, I am not allowed to use plot hooks that involve going into or even anywhere NEAR a swamp.
1469: I am not allowed to make my character mute just to get out of a lot of the RP.
1470: My characters are not allowed to have corny British accents. (not dissing my homies in England, just that my attempts at sounding British have some very... special results)
1471: I am not allowed to play any character that I used the aid of a stereotype checklist to create.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-20, 11:33 AM
1472. My blind character does not gain tremorsense 90 ft.
1472a. Even if he is an earthbender.

1473. My blind character does not gain blindsense 90 ft. because he can "hear the air".
1473a. Even if he is an airbender.

Milo v3
2011-05-20, 05:05 PM
1473. My blind character does not gain blindsense 90 ft. because he can "hear the air".
1473a. Even if he is an airbender.

He should be able to. I know of at least 3 cases of blind people (Don't remember there names though) which could "See" via ecolocation. One used to ride a skate board around the neighborhood.

But echolocation only tells you were they are each time they use it so your DM might restict you to only knowing whats "Visually happening" when its your turn.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-05-20, 05:54 PM
1444: I can never again use charm person or other mind control spells on party members, even in an evil campaign.

1444b. Especially not in an Evil campaign.

1474. I am not allowed to name parts of the map after Tropes for my own amusement.
1474b. Especially not if the name is appropriate to the planned action in the campaign.

1475. As a DM, I am not allowed to give the party more than one quest at a time. The variety is not worth the indecision followed by a plan which benefits none of the three quests that are yet to be finished.

1476. As a DM, I am not allowed to use dragons.
1476b. Not even if the party asked for it.
1476c. Especially not if the party asked for it.

1477. As a DM of an Evil campaign, I may not out-Evil the players.
1477b. As a player in a non-Evil game, I may not out-Evil the BBEG.
1477c. I may no longer play Evil characters.
1477d. I may no longer DM Evil campaigns.
1477e. I may not make the next BBEG even more evil to show that I was holding back so the above bans are uncalled for.
1477g. Under no circumstances am I to escalate this trend until the bans are lifted.
1477h. Under no circumstances am I to DM.

1478. I may not have my character murder a peaceful old married couple because "crossbow bolts are cheaper than both decent inns and camping equipment!"

Edit: @^ There's at least one blind person known for their mountain-biking skills, so they could easily have it always on. They are, after all, a PC.

Omeganaut
2011-05-20, 06:05 PM
1479. My bard is no longer allowed to challenge Evil deities to performance matches with the reward being a magical instrument and the penalty being my eternal soul.
1479a Above, except for any deity, especially good ones.
1479b My bard is no longer allowed to talk to gods at all
1479c Okay, since he is the face of the party, the rest of the party can dictate my words.
1479d I am not to suggest what my bard says. In fact, I must be silent.

1480. Death Metal does not exist in fantasy settings.

Mindfreak
2011-05-20, 06:31 PM
1481. I am not allowed to create anything my Character really dislikes in his bio.
1481a. Especially if he will take the disliked item from any character that has it.
1481b. Especially if he is going to eat it after he takes it.
1481c. Especially if the disliked item is beards.

1482. My character cannot learn Supernal as a bard
1482a. Especially if it is to be able to speak to gods easily
1482b. Especially if it is used to impersonate another god by crank calling the first god.
1482c. In fact, my bard may only open his mouth when another person is controlling him.

1483. My Bard cannot try to seduce every woman he meets that has a charisma 17+.
1483a. My bard cannot also yell: "NATURAL 20! I CAN SEDUCE ANYONE WITH THAT ROLL!"
1483b. In fact, my bard cannot quote anything from Dorkness Rising.

ORione
2011-05-20, 07:08 PM
1484. I am not allowed to kill myself and have the party druid reincarnate me until I become a creature with physical stats I like.
1485. On a related note, hawk is not an advisable species for a sorcerer.

Yes, someone in my party did this.

Necroticplague
2011-05-20, 07:16 PM
1484a: Nor may I be an animal who was targeted by an intensified awaken to have 36s in all mental stats.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-21, 06:54 AM
1475. As a DM, I am not allowed to give the party more than one quest at a time. The variety is not worth the indecision followed by a plan which benefits none of the three quests that are yet to be finished.

1475a. As a PC, I may not add in more quests. Such as 'We go and find a commoner, torture and sacrifice them so I can get untold wealth and the party gets some clerics to fight.'

1486. 'Yoshi' is not an acceptable paladin special mount.
1486a. Nor is a toad, even if I get an item to make me small enough to ride it.
1486b. My paladin may not have a special mount.

1487. Eating people is wrong.

lerg2
2011-05-21, 10:24 AM
1488: I am not allowed to poison Dragons anymore.
1488a: I am not allowed to poison members of playable races.
1488b: I am not allowed to buy poison anymore.
1488c: I am not allowed to craft poison, especially if it is a byproduct of my confusing the dm with rules.
1488d: If I am ever in the possesion of poison again it will be force fed to me by the party Half-Celestial fighter.
1489: I am not allowed to make 'Fighters are stupid' jokes while aforementioned fighter is at table.
1489a: Especially not if it results in the death of my character which I was tired of and I get to roll up a new one that optimizes.

Groundhog
2011-05-21, 11:11 PM
1490: I may not use duct tape, even if it's a modern-day campaign.
1491: As a DM, I may not create an Aristocrat NPC named Lord E Lordy.
1492: I may not play a monk named E See, or E Do.
1493: I may not have a chimaera as my animal companion.
1494: I may not have armor whose surface has more spikes than flat area.
1495: My rogue may not steal random things with no resale value just for the heck of it.
1496: I may not use a Bag of Tricks as an endless supply of food.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-05-22, 04:30 AM
1496: I may not use a Bag of Tricks as an endless supply of food.

1496b. Nor the Mount spell.
1496c. Nor Summon Monster.
1496d. Nor Summon Nature's Ally.

1497. I am not allowed access to the Conjuration school or items which mimic its effects.
1497b. No, not even then.
1497c. Nor Transmutation.

1498. I am not allowed access to magic.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-22, 06:29 AM
1499. I am not allowed access to anything with sharp edges.
1500. If my DM cries, I am not allowed to play a character.
1500a. Ever again.
1501. I am not allowed to say 'rocks fall, everybody dies' as a player.
1501a. Or as a DM.
1502. I may not carry around a portable hole and a bag of holding and have a contingent Mage Hand set to activate when I bored.
1502a. I may not own a portable hole or a bag of holding.
1503. My halfling rogue with reduce person cast on them and a sky-high escape artist check may not escape into another party member.
1503a. I am not allowed to do scenes from the alien movies.
1503b. If the rogue does escape into a party member, the they may not place an immovable rod inside them and leave.

Choco
2011-05-23, 11:41 AM
1504: As DM, I am not allowed to use invisible Immovable Rods coated in Sovereign Glue and placed roughly face height (for a human) as traps.
1504a: Especially if the rogue is the only non-medium character in the party and can thus get past it without issue and without even knowing it is there.
1505: As DM, I am not allowed to have pit traps with a thin layer of Sovereign Glue at the bottom.
1505a: It is in fact NOT funnier to have Sovereign Glue coated spikes in the next pit.
1506: I am not allowed to cover the BBEG's toilet seat with Sovereign Glue to "keep him occupied" as the other PC's do their own mission.
1507: I am not allowed to use Sovereign Glue. In fact, it no longer exists in any campaign setting I run or play in.

lerg2
2011-05-23, 02:04 PM
1508: I am not allowed to use Caltrops as thrown weapons.
1508b: Especially if they are poison-coated
1509: I am not allowed to have a 'Baby Cthulu' as my animal companion.
1509b: I am not allowed to have as my animal companion anything that has mind-affecting abilities. I'm also not allowed to play those creatures.
1510: I am not allowed to have anything from a rulebook that the dm doesn't have.
1511: I am not allowed to play the MitD because 'I think I know what it is' when we game. EVAR!!! (ps: for you who want to know, read the guide to the planes to find it.)

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-23, 02:25 PM
1504: As DM, I am not allowed to use invisible Immovable Rods coated in Sovereign Glue and placed roughly face height (for a human) as traps.
1504a: Especially if the rogue is the only non-medium character in the party and can thus get past it without issue and without even knowing it is there.
1505: As DM, I am not allowed to have pit traps with a thin layer of Sovereign Glue at the bottom.
1505a: It is in fact NOT funnier to have Sovereign Glue coated spikes in the next pit.
1506: I am not allowed to cover the BBEG's toilet seat with Sovereign Glue to "keep him occupied" as the other PC's do their own mission.
1507: I am not allowed to use Sovereign Glue. In fact, it no longer exists in any campaign setting I run or play in.
1512. Sovereign glue is not the D&D equivalent of duct tape.

1511: I am not allowed to play the MitD because 'I think I know what it is' when we game. EVAR!!! (ps: for you who want to know, read the guide to the planes to find it.)

Wait, the MitD is in the Manual of the Planes?! Must. Buy. Book.

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-23, 02:46 PM
1513. Should a fire alarm go off during the game, I may not stride ahead of everyone else, hide around a corner, wait until they pass me by, go back to the room we play in and rearrange the minis more to my liking.
1513a. Or rub out some of the walls.

1514. If I have a chicken, I may not use it.

Wookieetank
2011-05-24, 09:01 AM
1514. If I have a chicken, I may not use it.

1514a. Counts double if its a rubber chicken

DM_for_once
2011-05-24, 01:29 PM
1515: My Warforged anything is not named War Machine. As far as the DM knows. Yay google translate.:smallbiggrin:

Omeganaut
2011-05-24, 03:11 PM
1516 I'm not allowed to reference Pokemon and Mars Attacks at the same time.

Milo v3
2011-05-24, 05:22 PM
1516 I'm not allowed to reference Pokemon and Mars Attacks at the same time.

1517. None of my player can name their familiar Ack.

DM_for_once
2011-05-25, 09:20 AM
1518a: Incoherent screaming is not acceptable as my verbal component.
1518b: No, not even on pre-battle buff spells.
1518c: Goku was not a mage and I may not model my mage after him.
1518d: I may not model any character after any anime. Or tv show, or movie.
1518e: All characters must be 100% original ideas.

Choco
2011-05-25, 11:15 AM
1519: "SHUT THE F*** UP!!" is not acceptable as my verbal component when casting the Silence spell.
1519a: Nor is the somatic component/touch attack a backhand to the face.
1520: I am not, under any circumstances, allowed to model a character after anything from my dreams.
1521: As DM, I am not allowed to use my dreams as inspiration for encounters.
1522: As DM, I am not supposed to be proud of the fact that I accomplished my goal and made some players uncomfortable and disturbed.
1522a: Even if I was running a horror game.
1522b: ESPECIALLY if I was running a "surprise" horror arc in an otherwise tame game.
1522c: There is apparently such a thing as taking it too far, and where some people draw the line is WAAAY closer than I do.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-05-25, 12:34 PM
1518e: All characters must be 100% original ideas.

1518f. Having seen the results of this, all characters must be generic and, more importantly, bland cliches.

1523. As a player, I may not name Unicorns I come across either Rarity or Twilight.
1523b. Nor may I name Pegasi Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy.
1524. In fact, if it doesn't have a name yet I am not allowed to name it.
1525. If it does have a name I may most certainly not name it something else anyway.
1526. I am not allowed to use the names I come up with to try to get the DM to say it and then exclaim "That's accepting it, this is now [x]!"

1527. Sovreign Glue was not made from "Super Horses".
1528. There is no such thing as "Super Horses" in this or any campaign world.
1529. I may not research a spell to summon, create or transform myself into a "Super Horse".
1529b. No, doing the same for a "Super Pony" would not be more balanced, nor is it allowed.
1530. The above rules go double if my character's name is "Lauren".
1530b. Triple for "Faust".
1531. The above character may not - under any circumstances - exist, nor be a Bard with Perform: Animation used via the various Image spells even if they did.

Choco
2011-05-25, 01:12 PM
1527. Sovreign Glue was not made from "Super Horses".
1528. There is no such thing as "Super Horses" in this or any campaign world.

Oh man, thanks for the idea! Now I can go around claiming that Sovereign Glue is OBVIOUSLY made from Paragon Horses. That would explain why it's so expensive, Paragon Horses aint all that common!

1532: If the one and only reason I can come up with for doing anything, at any phase of the game, is "because it'll be funny", then I cannot do that.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-25, 01:13 PM
1533. I cannot play an elf princess paladin with a pegasus or unicorn as her special mount.
1533a. This also applies to elf princess druids.

Edit: Ack! Swordsages!

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-25, 04:43 PM
1534. Sovereign Glue may not come with a note saying 'Apply directly to the nostrils'.
1534a. Or any other part of the body.

1535. Dropping one portable hole into another containing the party so that they fold in on themselves is not an acceptable method of escape from BBEGs.

1536. I may not have any of the following (just summing stuff up here):
Sovereign Glue
Immovable Rods
Candles of Invocation
Bags of Holding
Bags of Devouring
Knives
Salve of Slipperyness
Spellbook
Divine Focus
Twigs
Chickens

1536a. In fact, when I play, my character may not have anything. At all. They shall be kept tied up in a cart which the BBEG steals and dumps off a cliff whenever possible.
1536b. I may not be a spontaneous caster or have a massive escape artist check to circumvent this.

@V: Maaaaagggggic...

Hiro Protagonest
2011-05-25, 04:47 PM
1535. Dropping one portable hole into another containing the party so that they fold in on themselves is not an acceptable method of escape from BBEGs.

What does happen when you put a portable hole in a portable hole or a bag of holding in a bag of holding?

ScionoftheVoid
2011-05-26, 01:22 AM
What does happen when you put a portable hole in a portable hole or a bag of holding in a bag of holding?

Presumably, you have an extra- or non-dimensional space inside another. Weird things only start to happen when you mix multiple kinds and only react explosively with those two items in particular within one another. A better question is what would happen if you crafted a Bag of Holding whilst in a Portable Hole (or vice versa).

1537. I may not craft a Bag of Holding whilst inside a Portable Hole (or vice versa) to "see what happens".
1537b. "For SCIENCE!" is right out.
1537c. I may not hire someone to do it for me, either.

bladescape
2011-05-26, 01:27 AM
1538: I'm not allowed to play a Human Artificer/Warforged Anything combination and call them Ed and Al Elric.

Choco
2011-05-26, 12:00 PM
1537. I may not craft a Bag of Holding whilst inside a Portable Hole (or vice versa) to "see what happens".

1539: My reasoning for doing ANYTHING cannot be "just to see what happens".
1539a: Especially if my actions are endangering the group, our interests, and/or our allies.
1539b: Especially^2 if I am doing it without the group's consent.
1539c: Especially^3 if I am doing it without the group's knowledge.

1540: I am not allowed to randomly jump in and play NPC's during an RP scene that my character is not a part of unless I have express prior written permission from the DM.
1540a: Provided I have the above, I am supposed to follow the notes the DM gave me, not wing it.

1541: I am not allowed to model my characters after anyone at the table.
1541a: Especially if I portray them in a very unflattering way.
1542b: Even if it is myself.

1542: During character creation, I am not allowed to conspire with the rest of the group to name our characters after another person at the table just to cause mass confusion.

Wookieetank
2011-05-27, 08:57 AM
1543. I may not use dimension door to create portals.
1543a. In fact any attempt to use any sort of magic to create portals is forbidden.
1544. If I somehow get 1543 past the DMs radar at first, I will be smited by a mechanical deity know as GLaDOS.
1544a. Even if the use of portals was awesome.

mangosta71
2011-05-27, 12:00 PM
1545: No matter how many ranks in "The Oldest Profession" my ogre barbarian with 1 Cha has, he will not be able to earn a living with that skill in a human settlement.
1545a: Or ANY settlement, for that matter.
1546b: And no matter the result of the bluff check, he is NOT a "comely lass".
1545c: The other PCs are not allowed to use ANY of their social skills to encourage me in this pursuit.
1545d: In fact, no matter how well it fits the setting or story, I may no longer purchase ranks in "The Oldest Profession".

1546: My male drow character will be promptly told to STFU if I start ranting about the glass ceiling in Menzoberranzan.

Temassasin
2011-05-27, 05:00 PM
1547: i may not make a 10 year old girl named Mandy as a PC in evil campaigns
1547a: if i somehow do i cannot use "i smiled" to make the universe tear
1547b: i cannot make any evil 10 year olds
1547c: or evil 8 year olds
1547d: i cannot make any evil kids as PCs

HalfDragonCube
2011-05-27, 05:36 PM
1548. I may no longer choose my verbal and somatic components.

1549. I may not research a spell called Summon Rabbit, with top hat lint as a material component.

1550. If a gelatinous cube or dragon appears in the campaign, I may not find the missing counterpart and force-breed them.
1550a. If I do perform this, then I may not keep the offspring.
1550b. If I keep the offspring, then I may not find a way to take it over and be my avatar.
1550c. If I do perform this, I may not repeat it with a continuous shrink effect to make my squishydoll.

Combat Reflexes
2011-05-27, 05:51 PM
1551. I'm not allowed to use the ship's twelve-pounder to gain a circumstance bonus on Profession (fishing)

1552. I am only allowed to fire cannonballs with a cannon.
1552b. No more coating cannonballs in black lotus poison.
1552c. or Spell Storing cannonballs.

1553. I am not allowed to come within 10 feet of any gunpowder weapon.
1553b. If I ever use a long pole to light the fuse while staying exactly 11 feet away from the cannon, it automatically blows up in my face.

1554. I can't board ships anymore.

Choco
2011-05-27, 10:24 PM
1555: I am not allowed to withhold from the DM the fact that studying ships and naval combat/tactics throughout all eras is a hobby of mine when I know he plans on running a naval campaign.
1555a: Grapeshot does not exist, and I am not allowed to invent it either.
1555b: Chainshot does not exist, and I am not allowed to invent it either.
1555c: If the DM has no clue what bilge keels are, I am not allowed to bring them up.
1555d: I am no longer allowed to play (or DM) in naval campaigns.

1556: I am not allowed to design/build my character specifically to be used as a weapon by another PC.

1557: I am not allowed to fire myself out of a cannon for any reason.

1558: If the DM is describing how delicious our characters find the "mystery food" they were just served, I am not allowed to exclaim "I think I've had these before!"
1558a: Especially if the DM is the only one who does not get the reference and is left looking dumbstruck as to why everyone else at the table is either rolling on the ground laughing or looking like they are gonna puke. Or both.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-01, 01:30 PM
1559. I am not allowed to completely derail the plot FOR SCIENCE!
1559a. Or just to see how the DM reacts.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-06-01, 02:29 PM
1559. I am not allowed to completely derail the plot FOR SCIENCE!
1559a. Or just to see how the DM reacts.

1559b. My justification for any action is not allowed to be "FOR SCIENCE!"
1559c. "FOR PONY!" is right out.

1560. I am not allowed to make a character who fights with umbrellas.
1560b. Nor lampposts.
1560c. If it has questionable use as a weapon, you may not use it as a weapon.

1561. You may not take proficiency with improvised weapons.
1561b. Not even if you buy them seperately.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-01, 02:30 PM
1561. You may not take proficiency with improvised weapons.
1561b. Not even if you buy them seperately.

A Pathfinder feat, Catch Off Guard, gives you proficiency with all improvised weapons.

TheBrowncoat
2011-06-01, 10:55 PM
1562: While adding some atmosphere to the murder mystery game is appreciated and the players appreciate not having anything spoiled, any orders I give to non-playing friends must first be double checked through one of the players.
1563: I am forbidden from wearing a concealed microphone during gameplay.
1564: A set of speakers hooked to my laptop used to play sound files during gameplay is acceptable. 16 speakers set up concealed around the room, just outside the front door, and in the attic are not.
1565: Playing or DMing, in character or out, I am not allowed fake blood.
1565b: This is especially true if DMing a murder mystery where we use ourselves as characters, (Or at least, the base for characters) having the players arrive at my apartment to find it torn apart is in a violent struggle and myself lying in a pool of fake blood.
1565c: while it does show remarkable forethought, having one of them actually a necromancer who 'raises' me from the dead, and the playing all night with blood leaking out of my mouth is not okay, as much as it did get us in the mood.
1565d: To sum up- As DM, the goal is never to generate nightmares, tears of remorse, screams of horror, or upchucks in the players.
1565e: This is doubly true if I am a player attempting this on the DM.
1565f: 1565d is apparently true unless any of the following are true; the players fully understand how far I am going to go, the players know in advance exactly what is going to happen, or the new player turns out to be both a goth and this night's game was the first date between her and one of the regulars.

Wookieetank
2011-06-02, 10:01 AM
@^ I approve of this :smallbiggrin:

1566. As a DM I am not allowed to have the mysterious group of knights in the woods request a shrubery as a quest.
1566a. As a player, if faced with said knights and quest, I am not allowed to return with poison oak.
1566b. I'm also not allowed to return with an animated awakend shurbery that I've compelled to eat said knights once we give them the shrubery. :smallwink:

mangosta71
2011-06-02, 10:09 AM
1566c. I may neither find nor create a herring that can be used to chop down the mightiest tree in the forest.

Choco
2011-06-02, 10:37 AM
1567: If the DM adds powerful 1-shot, 1 minute reload firearms to the setting, I am not allowed to abuse this by spending all my money on about 16 pistols, a Belt of Battle, some form of Haste, and getting the Quick Draw and Two-Weapon Fighting feats.

1568: I am not allowed to do anything that forces the DM to retcon a spell, item, or anything else out of his campaign.

TheBrowncoat
2011-06-02, 10:32 PM
1569: While playing D20 modern, my technomancer's homunculus cannot control summoned vehicles, even though the motorcycles are identical in every other way to a normal version. As such, repeatedly summoning them and having them run down the corridors at full speed retconed.

1570: Just as I have to keep my D&D books out of sight during physics homework, I have to keep my physics books out of sight during D&D.

1571: While yes, Drizzt copies are annoying, I am not allowed to play a Chaotic Evil dwarf striving to break free of the yoke of his lawful good races reputation. Especially if this involves Flame Strike.

1572: I cannot play a cleric of any lovecraftian god.

1573: I also cannot play a cleric of any lovecraftian ideal.

1574: The A.I. Singularity is not a valid god for my cleric to worship.
1574b: Especially if we're in Greyhawk.
1574c: The party artificer's level has no bearing on this discussion.

The_Final_Stand
2011-06-03, 06:35 AM
1575: Researching spells which do not allow saving throws does not make you many friends.

Mercenary Pen
2011-06-03, 07:10 AM
1576: I may not take ranks in Craft: Perfect character sheet as a means of retraining during combat.

Choco
2011-06-03, 09:25 AM
1577: If I am playing an evil character in a "good" party, said character is not allowed to make the rest of the party look like murderous tyrants by comparison.

1578: I am not allowed to surprise decapitate a major character just because "it's a good way to grab people's attention and move the story forward!"

1579: None of my characters may speak in the High Strung Evangelist voice from NWN.

1580: My character that has Wis as a dump stat is not allowed to have more common sense then the Cleric.
1580a: Even if I am already playing my dump stat properly and can prove it.
1580b: I am not allowed to point out 1580a if the Cleric's player is at the table.

BladeofOblivion
2011-06-03, 10:16 AM
1579: None of my characters may speak in the High Strung Evangelist voice from NWN.

1579a: Each other player is permitted one punch if ever again I utter the words: "Attack! I saaaaaid, Attaaack!"

Temassasin
2011-06-03, 03:03 PM
1581: i may not use "why not" for my reason to do something
1582: i may not worship myself
1583:making deals with a devil is not a acceptable way to finnish a campaign
1584: i may not kill the perfect boss that was supposed to be the campaigns main villain and took the DM weeks to create on my first adventure
1585: there is no such class as munchkin
1586:i may not randomly kill people for the xp
1587:i may not destroy the universe on my first adventure
1588:no matter what i say my character is NOT a god in human form even if the DM said it was ok if it "Brakes the Game"

Mindfreak
2011-06-03, 03:17 PM
1589. I may not spend 200gp to buy 20,000 pigeons.
1589a. I may not set them on fire either.
1589b. I may not yell: "Let slip, the pigeons of war", while sending said flaming pigeons ahead.
1590. I may not use 200gp to buy 2,000 cats either.
1591. I must pay attention to the weight limits.
1592. All money I get shall be given to another character.
1593. I may not use clever words to confuse the DM into letting me take Labor Elephant as a weapon proficiency.
1594. I may not then assign 6d20 damage to a labor elephant.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-05, 01:35 PM
1595. CW samurai are not allowed to break the game.
1595a. Even if I found a way to do it.

1596. As a DM, I cannot make a CW samurai as an opponent just to show how unoptimized the PCs are.

1597. My wizard is not allowed to make a mech dragon as a type of golem.
1597a. Not even at epic levels.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-05, 02:10 PM
1598. I may not calculate the reflex save DC for dodging a wrench.
1599. I may not create a character based around throwing wrenches.
1600. Wrenches do not exist in this campaign setting anymore.

@V: Didn't I already do 1604 recently?

ShadowySilence
2011-06-05, 02:23 PM
1601: I am not allowed to yell "Down with big brother!" when the DM makes me mad (which luckily has never happened!)
1602: I am not allowed to create a character optimized for cooking and start a fast food chain, thus becoming rich.
1603: I am not allowed to put a Killer Rabbit monster in the campaign. (even if it is Monty Python based)
1604: I am not allowed to have my character yell "Hadouken!" whenever they use magic.
1605: My character cannot "Attack the darkness!"
1606: I am not allowed to troll trolls.
1607: Not even if they deserved it...
1608: I may not create a troll character and homebrew a troll class just so I can troll the other players.

Drynwyn
2011-06-06, 08:20 AM
1609: My charachter names mus pt be setting appropriate. And cannot bw the same as the name of the BBEG.

TheBrowncoat
2011-06-06, 01:17 PM
1610: Apocalypse From The Sky is not a reasonable way to settle a dispute with the big bad.
1610b: Especially if the whole point of the campaign is to stop him from casting it.
1610c: scribing it on a scroll and handing it to a follower is just plain wrong.

1611: yes, I can play a kobold, and yes, my backstory may include references to tucker's kobolds, but no, I may not betray the party when we encounter them.
1611b: this is because tucker's kobolds do not exist in this world.

1612: When I am half-something, the other half is human. And that is the only other half.

ORione
2011-06-07, 11:49 PM
1613: Putting back a bad card from the Deck of Many Things (http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Deck_of_Many_Things) does not work.
1614: I cannot get someone else to draw and give me any good cards they get.
1615: I may not draw the entire deck.

Milo v3
2011-06-08, 12:27 AM
1616. You can't play poker with a deck of many things.

Wookieetank
2011-06-08, 08:07 AM
1616a. I am however allowed to do a Tarot reading with the deck of many things, however if the cards were to consume my essense and render me non-existant afterwards, I am not allowed to complain.

Asta Kask
2011-06-08, 09:37 AM
1617) My characters' names should no be based on Internet Passwords. Yk43/#reB% is not an Elven name.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-08, 11:30 AM
1618. It helps if players are capable of dealing with their own attack methods. Following this line, I am not allowed an emergency eyewash facility.
1618a. Or a set of tongs.
1619. Delayed Blast Fireball may not be used to give a circumstance bonus to Diplomacy checks.
1620. I may not choose to mulligan with a deck of many things.

Wookieetank
2011-06-08, 02:31 PM
1621. I may not shuffle a deck of many things before drawing from it.
1621a. Even if I can figure out how to do it without removing the cards from their container.

Erik Vale
2011-06-08, 09:29 PM
1622 I may not cry rape whenever a monster/enemy grapples my character.

1623 I may not play a shim

1624 I may not play any bad stereotype(IE old male preist, jamacan)

1625 Play a Halfling Druid, with riding wolf companion and a spear

1626 Discribe a females +10 fullplate as a G-String

1627 I may not teleport people into dangerous situations, example include: Over Volcanoes, Into large animals stomachs, under large animals feet, outer space, over a ocean, places marked "tresspases will be shot" and infront of moterized verichals.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-09, 11:47 AM
1622 I may not cry rape whenever a monster/enemy grapples my character.

1623 I may not play a shim

1624 I may not play any bad stereotype(IE old male preist, jamacan)

1625 Play a Halfling Druid, with riding wolf companion and a spear

1626 Discribe a females +10 fullplate as a G-String

1627 I may not teleport people into dangerous situations, example include: Over Volcanoes, Into large animals stomachs, under large animals feet, outer space, over a ocean, places marked "tresspases will be shot" and infront of moterized verichals.

1627a. I may not use teleport to get out of dangerous situations either: if the DM wants the party somewhere then escaping is bad.

1628. I may not more contingencies than my WBL.

Erik Vale
2011-06-09, 07:35 PM
1629 I may not play a troll planeswalker with immunity to acid, fire and death spells. (simple effective immortality is nice)

Im having a psychic vision
Rule 2000: Im not allowed within 1 AU of anything to do with roleplaying. (1 AU=distance from earth to sun)

AsteriskAmp
2011-06-09, 10:27 PM
1630, I should not follow the evil necromancer walking through the gigantic graveyard he has just produced, no, not even if I have SR, DR and I'm an invisible pixie flying at 40 ft from the ground.
1631, I'm not allowed to call the cockatrice a gigantic chicken.
1632, I will not call the ranger's eagle a condor painted in brown and white.
1633, I will not try to act as parachute, my strength is abysmal, one dead is better than too badly hurt at the bottom of a ravine.
1634, I may not shape the search skill's volume into an infinite set of points and go Cantorian on the DM while simultaneously searching all the universe.
1635, I may not ask the DM if I found the Higgs Bosson, not even when rolling a Nat. 20 and having an insane modifier to search.
1635, Even if I'm invisible, and I tell the translator what to say, I'm not allowed to be called his conscience.
1636, I am not allowed to get to the bottom of a falling pile of comrades to save them all since winged creatures don't take falling damage.
1637, I am not allowed to claim my pockets experience quantum fluctuations, and as such there are new items there.
1638, Even if I convince/pay 20 commoners to form a circle and pass two buckets in opposite directions I am not allowed to call this the Commoner Bucket Collider and say it's impossible to both know the speed and location of a bucket at a given time.
1639, I am not allowed to throw the ranger's ring of sustenance to any volcano, call it the one ring to rule them all or push him with the ring and thank him on his way down for saving middle earth.
1640, I am not allowed to tell the DM his images and plot are obviously from LOTRO, even if the copyright notice clearly says so.
1641, I am not allowed to offer merchants a pound of my heart as assurance when taking a debt, even if I hadn't DR, and specially if the merchant is Italian.

1642, I may not convert Bespin into the core of my booze empire, even if the DM said that Tibana gas was Ethane.
1643, The Force is not any elemental particle, it's not a new fermion or the gravitron in disguise.
1644, I cannot roll a bluff high enough to justify such nonsense as midichlorians.
1645, My mount is not food or a sleeping bag and may not be used as such, specially if still alive.

1646, Cthulu does not wish to have tea with me, no, not even if my character is British and is currently carrying a set, a table and two chairs.
1647, There are no tentacles in the roof, and no, neither is a shoggoth, or a violinist for that matter.
1648, R'lieh is not Atlantis, not even if they seem exactly the same in drawings and the DM copied the fluff from a pseudo history book.
1649, I am not allowed to make a pyramid scheme out of a Cthuluian cult.
1650, The Necronomicon has no translated edition, specially not braile.
1651, I may not sell Necronomicon audio recordings.

@V :smallbiggrin:

BladeofOblivion
2011-06-09, 11:20 PM
1638, Even if I convince/pay 20 commoners to form a circle and pass two buckets in opposite directions I am not allowed to call this the Commoner Bucket Collider and say it's impossible to both know the speed and location of a bucket at a given time.

1641, I am not allowed to offer merchants a pound of my heart as assurance when taking a debt, even if I hadn't DR, and specially if the merchant is Italian.

My respect for you just jumped up a few tiers. And it was already high. :smallsmile:

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-11, 10:36 AM
1652. I may not kill every suspect of a crime just because I couldn't be bothered to roll sense motive.

Elvenoutrider
2011-06-11, 11:33 AM
1653) trolls do not reproduce by budding

1654) now limited to one profession per character

1655) the vehicle section of the arms and equipment guide is now considered banned material

1656) a fire hose is not an acceptable method of discipline for a 6 year old
1656a) nor is the artificers new chile recipe
1656b) even if the child in question is half vampire

1657) when confronted with a monster with swallow whole, plan A can no longer be getting intentionally swallowed so explosives can be placed in the monsters stomach

1658) mad scientist is now banned
1658a) angry scientist is out at well

1659) mad mechanic is likewise now forbidden

1660) no mechanical contraptions may be made with the sole purpose of forced intrusion

1661) chicken farmer is now a banned profession

1662) wish may no longer be used to make more than one object, especially after the bbeg's city was destroyed by a swarm of 1.2 million chickens

1663) chickens are now extinct, and no amount of wishing can bring them back

Omeganaut
2011-06-11, 11:06 PM
1653) trolls do not reproduce by budding
1663) chickens are now extinct, and no amount of wishing can bring them back
Sounds like its time to move onwards and upwards. Goats it is!

Choco
2011-06-14, 10:33 AM
1664: As DM, I am not allowed to make the players roll a fortitude save against soiling themselves if they fail a will save against fear.
1664a: As a player, I am not allowed to roll my own save against soiling myself either.
1664b: I am also not allowed to just skip the roll and say my character soils himself in fear.

1665: If I know for a fact that my target is somewhere in the city, and I have the means to destroy the entire city, I am not allowed to do so just because "I don't feel like looking right now".
1665a: Even if it is in character.
1665b: Even if it is an evil campaign.
1665c: Especially if the DM's favorite NPC's live there.

1666: I am not allowed to use improvised weapons.

1667: Just because my character has more HP than almost everything we fight, can fly, auto-passes massive damage saves, and has fast healing does NOT mean I can kill everything we fight by purposely crashing into it at max speed from above.
1667a: Any further attempts to do so will be met with readied quickened castings of Wall of Force.
1667b: And my Anklet of Translocation no longer works to bypass this....
1667c: In fact, I am not allowed to use myself as a weapon, in any way, ever again.

1668: I am not allowed to show the group a video of how cows are turned into steak to demonstrate what I am doing to the enemy.
1668a: Especially if there are hardcore animal lovers at the table.

1669: I am not allowed to play a normal and perfectly sane character, as this weirds the group out too much and makes them more paranoid than usual.

1670: I am not allowed to outsmart the DM.
1670a: By extension, none of my characters are allowed to outsmart the BBEG.
1670b: Even if the character actually *IS* smarter than the BBEG.

Milo v3
2011-06-14, 04:48 PM
1671. "Protection from Law" doesn't stop you from being charged with murder.

ORione
2011-06-14, 05:53 PM
1671. "Protection from Law" doesn't stop you from being charged with murder.

You need an epic level spell for that.

D_Lord
2011-06-15, 12:00 AM
1672. Not allowed to become an Elder Evil.
1672 b. Even if you tell GM months ahead of time.
1673. Even if you have to go and fight gods latter, and it's the perfect way.
1674. Don't turn another member of your party into an Elder Evil.
1675. I'm not allowed to use anything from the book "Elder Evils".

AsteriskAmp
2011-06-15, 01:07 AM
1676. A retirement home is not the ideal place to look for elder evils.
1677. Neither is a nursing home the ideal place to look for them.
1678. After finding the Elder evils I can't confine them to a retirement home, specially not under the pretence of their senility.
1679. Neither is a mental asylum fitting, no, not even if I drove them insane in the battle.
1680. There are no Cthulu plushies, there is no Tiethulu, and the Necronomicon is not the Bible but METAL!
1681. I can't start a merchandising line with any of the above.

Temassasin
2011-06-16, 02:31 PM
1682: Zero used his a Geass on me is not a good excuse for anything
1682a: or everything

Shadowy
2011-06-16, 09:17 PM
1683: I am no longer allowed to use sense motive in roleplaying. Especially aginst other PCs

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-16, 09:19 PM
1683: I am no longer allowed to use sense motive in roleplaying. Especially aginst other PCs

1684. I am no longer allowed to do anything that requires a bluff check against the other party members.
1684a. Especially if there isn't a paladin in the party.

Lateral
2011-06-16, 09:44 PM
1685. My PC's battle cry cannot be 'LEEROY JENKINS.'
1685a. Not even if he's insane.

Elvenoutrider
2011-06-17, 10:03 AM
1683) the solution to the dungeoncrawl is not to use a decanter of endless water to flood the dungeon

1684) nor to use a lyre of building to divert a nearby watersource into the dungeon

1685) nor am I allowed to build a competing dungeon to hire out all of the bbeg's guards

1686) using loud polka music as psychological warfare is also banned

1687) not aloud to use decanters of endless water as a makeshift jetpack

1688) decanter of endless water is now banned

Omeganaut
2011-06-17, 10:21 AM
1689: I am not allowed to use sense motive on the DM
1689a: I am not allowed to use diplomacy on the DM
1689b: Nor intimidate
1689c: Nor Bluff
1689d: I am not allowed to try to use knowledge skills to figure out the DM's plan
1689e: I am not allowed to use any skill in any relation to the DM (that means ANY SKILL):smallbiggrin:
1689f: Yes, Craft (NPC), profession (DM) and perform (Metagame shenanigans) count as banned.

1690: I am not allowed to create my own skill challenges just to see if I can do it.

Mercenary Pen
2011-06-17, 10:29 AM
1691: Perform (social experiment) is not a valid skill.

ORione
2011-06-17, 11:00 AM
1692: Perform (Surgery) is a Heal check, not a Perform check.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-17, 11:20 AM
1693. Abrupt Jaunt may not be used to negate the entire fighter class.
1694. Abrupt Jaunt may not be used to teleport into somebody.
1695. If a clifftop is just out of reach and too difficult to climb up to and out of range, then having a barbarian throw a character with Abrupt Jaunt upwards is not a solution.
1696. I may not stop preparing Feather Fall simply because I can save my character with Abrupt Jaunt.
1696a. If I do perform the above, the party is allowed to find another character advertising themselves as a utility character.
1697. Abrupt Jaunt is not an excuse to bull rush the BBEG into a volcano, convincing the DM that it is a 'noble sacrifice' and then reappearing as if nothing had ever happened.
1698. Grabbing hold of the world and jaunting is not a way of making half of the population buried and the other half bashed in.
1699. Trapping someone in a large metal cube filled with water and then jaunting in to hurt them with pressure damage is not a valid method of torture.
1699a. Or execution.
1699b. Even if I have the blackwater domain and water breathing to stay alive myself.
1700. Abrupt Jaunt is now banned on pain of anyone being able to decide to trigger it.

Edit: By the way, the numbers seem a little off like Lateral is pointing out.

Choco
2011-06-17, 01:58 PM
1697. Abrupt Jaunt is not an excuse to bull rush the BBEG into a volcano, convincing the DM that it is a 'noble sacrifice' and then reappearing as if nothing had ever happened.

1701: If any of my characters "nobly sacrifice" themselves, they are not allowed to survive.
1701a: Even if it was all luck of the dice and I was in the process of pulling out a blank character sheet when it happened.
1701b: Yes, even if the DM is the one who rolled.

1702: I am not allowed to be immune to the BBEG's trump card.

1703: I am not allowed to play characters that are smarter than me (basically nothing higher than 5 int...) so I can justify metagaming by saying "If *I* could figure this out, my char should easily be able to do the same!"

1704: My response to the DM putting the party into a certain death situation, with the intent of building dramatic tension, is not allowed to be "Sweet, now I can play this new char I been working on!"
1704a: Nor is it allowed to be "Good thing you forgot about my ability to <x>, which basically renders the invincible enemy impotent!"

1705: I am not allowed to argue with the DM about instituting a terminal velocity rule just because my character has the HP to survive a max damage roll from falling at terminal velocity.
1705a: After the DM vehemently refuses 1705, I am not allowed to then use this decision against him by pulling a stunt that deals almost 1000d6 damage.

Lateral
2011-06-17, 02:05 PM
1709 (the number we're ACTUALLY on): Just because I blew up Sigil last campaign doesn't give me the right to play Pun-Pun in this one.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-17, 02:17 PM
1709 (the number we're ACTUALLY on): Just because I blew up Sigil last campaign doesn't give me the right to play Pun-Pun in this one.

Actually, that one was 1708.

1710. I am not allowed to grapple an enemy, jump off the cliff with him, let go of him, and remind the DM my action in the first round of combat was to cast Fly on myself.
1710a. Nor can the barbarian do this if I cast Fly on him.
1710b. I definitely can't do this if I cast bull's strength and Tenser's transformation to boost my grapple bonus.
1710c. Or if I cast bull's strength on the barbarian.
1710d. I am now banned from the transmutation school.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-17, 04:16 PM
1711. Perform (Projectile Vomit) is not like Iaijutsu Focus for chucking up.

@V: I have a funny feeling that some of those were aimed at me... :smallannoyed: You deserved it, though.

ScionoftheVoid
2011-06-18, 03:58 PM
1711b. Perform (Projectile Vomit) is not a skill, and never will be.

1712. If the DM says "no" to something I may not be deliberately obtuse about the matter until he slips up and accidentally says "yes" via double negatives, or anything similar.

1713. Not only is Jax a silly name for a character, I may not play anything that fights using a streetlamp.

1714. I am not allowed to take inspiration from video games for my characters anymore.

1715. I may not change the topic of conversation in the middle of an important ruling and act as if it was ruled in my favour when we get back on track, insisting that the decision was made and it is final.

1716. I may not slap my players anymore, seriously or in jest.
1716b. No, not even if they bring up a banned topic.
1716c. Not even if that topic is that unfortunate random guess as to the meaning of the abbreviation "MLP".

1717. Any player bringing up that guess may expect to be torn limb from limb and beaten. And I may kill their character, too.

Choco
2011-06-20, 08:34 AM
1718: If I am doing anything the DM doesn't want me to do, and he says "only on a natural 20", I am not allowed to then roll a natural 20.
1718a: "Only on a natural 20" really means "no".

1719: I am not allowed to stop time as a way to catch and/or kill what was supposed to be a recurring villain.

1720: If the evil cult succeeds in summoning a powerful being of great evil, I am not allowed to counter it by summoning an even more powerful being of great evil.
1720a: Especially if I didn't bother thinking about what we are going to do about it after the fact.
1720b: Especially if we are the "good guys".

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-20, 02:01 PM
1719: I am not allowed to stop time as a way to catch and/or kill what was supposed to be a recurring villain.

1721. I am not allowed to use the Time Stands Still maneuver to do anything other than get two full attacks.

AsteriskAmp
2011-06-20, 09:55 PM
1724. I may not call 4E any other name that is not 4E.
1725. I may not call the fireball spell the firecube.
1726. No, not even if I have the math laid down and in effect, it is a cube and has such effect when exploding.
1727. Firehexahedron is neither anappopiate term.
1728. Or Fire-regular-square-prism.

@V The "a"s and "b" clauses should be separated entries, a correction was made last time taking all of those into account by Bhu I believe.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-06-20, 10:12 PM
1722. I may not call 4E any other name that is not 4E.
1723. I may not call the fireball spell the firecube.
1724. No, not even if I have the math laid down and in effect, it is a cube and has such effect when exploding.
1725. Firehexahedron is neither anappopiate term.
1726. Or Fire-regular-square-prism.

Numbers corrected.

Asta Kask
2011-06-21, 05:11 AM
1727. I am not allowed to read through this thread for hints and tips.

Mercenary Pen
2011-06-21, 07:26 AM
1728: I may not take ranks in craft (logical fallacy) on pain of being beaten with every sourcebook currently at the table.

Omeganaut
2011-06-21, 08:02 AM
172something; I may not confuse others as to which number we are on. Which number are we actually on anyways?

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-21, 08:18 AM
172somethinga. Does it really matter?

Wookieetank
2011-06-21, 01:14 PM
172somethingb. I think not. I also think we're shooting too low with 2000 and should change it to 20,000 :smallwink::smallbiggrin:

Omeganaut
2011-06-21, 01:18 PM
172somethingc. I will not derail the thread by nitpicking about the numbers.

1730: If I wish to make a character two half-somethings, I may not describe the parental relationship in my backstory for fear of making the DM sick.

Mercenary Pen
2011-06-21, 04:46 PM
1731: Manual of the helicopters is not a sourcebook, and I may not use any of the mechanics found within such a manual.

dangermunk
2011-06-21, 09:25 PM
1732: I cannot keep playing after someone leaves, lest they return to find everyone else is five levels up and has magic armor
1733: I will not kill my party members and join the villian
1734: I will ask permission before killing something

Asta Kask
2011-06-22, 01:11 PM
1735: I will not model my Bard on Le Petomane. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Le_P%C3%A9tomane)
1736. Even if I do, I am not allowed to take Stinking Cloud as a Bard spell.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-22, 01:56 PM
1737. If a player is ill, I may not decide to play their character for them.
1737a. Especially if their character would 'nobly sacrifice themselves for the rest of the party' in my opinion.
1737b. Especially if I use up their lovely one-shot magic items whenever I feel like it.
1737c. I may not use the character of a player not present as a meatshield.
1737ci. Especially if their character is a caster and actually has the Shield spell and I just couldn't be bothered to check.
1737d. Giving up on using another player's character because I am bored with it and leaving them alone in some room full of traps and monsters in a dungeon is not allowed.

1738. If the spellcaster is making a heal check to find out what killed an NPC, I am not allowed to say 'devoured by cats' as DM.
1738a. Nor am I allowed to awful, awful things with the corpse as another player.

1738. I am not allowed to make all my posts in this thread thinly-veiled jibes at other people in my group.

1738. I am no longer allowed to be ill when there is a session.

Combat Reflexes
2011-06-22, 04:04 PM
1739. I can't cast create water above anyone without first recieving multiple fireballs, even in a hamlet entirely consisting of 1st-level NPCs.

1740. I can't cast control weather or Call Lightning just for dramatic purposes.

1741. There is no such thing as the Nonexistent flaw.

1742. If my character's initiative modifier is larger than his his hit point total, he is veto'd. This goes double for characters above 5th level.

and lastly:

1743. Listening to heavy metal on MP3 does not give a bonus vs fear checks.

Mr Shadyface
2011-06-22, 08:22 PM
1744: I cannot attempt to seduce party members

1744a: or dragons

1744b: or the final boss.

1745: I must not attempt to steal from every single character i meet.

ORione
2011-06-22, 09:37 PM
1746. It is okay to make my minifigure out of Legos. That does not mean that all Legos (IE, assault rifles and bicycles) are acceptable equipment for my character.

1747. When playing a Chaotic character, I may not point out that the Lawful characters are against stealing, and thus should not take a share of stolen treasure.

Choco
2011-06-22, 10:52 PM
1747. When playing a Chaotic character, I may not point out that the Lawful characters are against stealing, and thus should not take a share of stolen treasure.

I am NOT stealing it, I am repossessing it for the greater good!

1748: I am not allowed to come up with reasonable justifications for my actions when the DM is clearly hinting that I should not be doing that.

1749: When I am told in character and out of character that my Paladin is acting like a villain, I am not allowed to point out that it only appears that way because everyone else is just a bunch of moral-less heathens.

1750: I am never again allowed to play any character, paladin or otherwise, that is fanatical and over-zealous to the point of foaming at the mouth.

1751: I am not allowed to design characters around getting martyred.

HalfDragonCube
2011-06-24, 05:30 PM
1751: I am not allowed to design characters around getting martyred.

Isn't there a whole PrC for that? You know, the one with the capstone of 'you are ascended to the celestial realm and never seen again'.

1752. My character may not create plans of attack.
1752a. Or any other kind of plan.

1753. Plans may not be based around the phrase 'moon logic'.
1753a. Plans may not contain any of the following: RAINBOWZ Squirrels Firin' mah lazor Firin' someone else's lazor Cannibalism This thread Killing NPCs that were meant to be social encounters Killing any kind of NPC Killing game mechanics Killing in general

Kroozer101
2011-06-24, 05:44 PM
1754. My Rogue may not be a "pimp", nor may he title himself "Le Big Mac Daddy Playa de Carabas".

1754 (a). No matter how much the ladies love him.

1755. That's not the way, uh-huh uh-huh, I like it.

1756. "Fireball" is not romantic.

1756 (a). Even if I'm lighting candles.

1757. No matter what, I do not get a +2 to Intimidate if my Rogue exposes himself.

1757 (a). No, even if it's that large.

1758. No, I am not "corrupted by the power of the Dark Side".

Mercenary Pen
2011-06-24, 06:26 PM
1759. It may very well be the eye of the (dire) tiger, but I must not sing about it.

1759a. Even if I resist the obvious choice of song and come up with something more original.

ORione
2011-06-24, 08:57 PM
1760. If a bullet that missed should be in the area I'm in, I could shove it up my enemy's nose, but it will be treated like an unarmed strike.

Doomboy911
2011-06-24, 09:31 PM
1761. My character is not allowed to attempt to train the bear while it's chasing us.

1762. My character is not allowed time to himself.

1763.My character can not use polymorph to remove: skin,organs, brain cells,bones.

1764.My character can not use polymorph to warp their mind to make them believe they've always worked for me.

1765.I can't use contigency: true resurrection in a X-crawl campaign.

1766. I am not allowed to flood the underdark with compost heap in hopes of "smoking them out".

1767. Polymorph is for making yourself bigger not causing nuclear explosions.

1768. I am not allowed to try and tame the epic level faerie beast in hopes of fighting the tarrasque.

1769. Nor am I allowed to use it "just to pick up milk"

1770. Stop buying constructs just to play cards with them.

1771. When your mind is under control "moving" is not one of the things you'd never do and it does not allow a will save.

1772.Just because you're an immortal bard (stasis clone since babylonian times) doesn't mean you can take the wrap for all the great crimes. Examples: Black Plague, Jack the Ripper, WW1, the fall of the ottoman empire,tunguska event, the dinosaurs.

1773. The mithral golem is called a mithral golem not "Pepito"

1774. The iron golem is called an iron golem not "Big Jim"

1775. You do not own a golem dealership.

1776. The constructs are not "gay for you"

1777. Stop plotting to burn down down the primal fey realm because a faerie pushed you.

1778. I can not use the psion's Time hop power to skip past the big crunch and the big bang and end up in the place I am now just because the dm is making up everything and it bothers me.

1779. I am not allowed to do anything I saw in disney.

1780. That includes singing the work's of Alladin.

1781. Not allowed to invent the chainsaw.

1782. Stop quoting Ash Williams.

1783. I am not allowed to use the troll on our team for jerky.

1784. Nor am I allowed to use a tarrasque for jerky.

1785. Even if I do have a few thousand stasis clones lying around I can not keep trying to date the drow matriach because I could survive it.

1786. Stop using Stasis clone to create an army of bad guys to throw at other bad guys.

1787. When someone says that's impossible they are not challenging me.

1788. I am not allowed near the dwarven mining industry any more.

1789. Not allowed to use the laid off dwarven miners as cheap labor.

1790. Stop asking the strongest character to do a "fastball special" because you think you're bound to crit eventually.

PM me if you want the story on one of these.

The_Final_Stand
2011-06-25, 09:26 AM
1791: Demons, Daemons and Devils are evil. Bargaining with them is always, always, always a bad idea.

1792: May not kill party members for XP. Not even if I'm chaotic/evil.

1793: No, my character can not kill God. No matter how well I've optimised him/her/it.

Grytorm
2011-06-25, 10:33 AM
1794: I am not allowed to play FATAL.

1795: I am not allowed to skip to the end of the thread and hope I am not copying anyone.

Asta Kask
2011-06-25, 11:04 AM
1796: My Bard does not get the spell "Conjure Broadway-style Musical Number"

Doomboy911
2011-06-25, 01:13 PM
1797. "He was getting uppity with me" is not how you answer for your actions.

1798. Stop shouting "EL KABOMB" after you hit the enemies with your guitar.

1799. Must stop trying to commit suicide when the encounter gets too hard just because I have stasis clones lying around.

1800. After hitting the adamantine golem with my signature hat weapon I can not go and put the hat on the troll and say it was him.

1801. I can not use a jabberwock as a mount.

1802. Stop trying to rig the fights in X-crawl so you can earn more money on your bets with the fairies.

1803. Stop using baleful polymorph to start up a bunny farm.

1804. Your golem's are for defending your homestead not killing bunnies.

1805. Stop recruiting homeless folk as an army.

1806. Stop recruiting the homeless community just to play cards with the golem.

1807. When you have: a rope, a sword, and an encounter made of made up junk committing suicide by hanging yourself from the sword is not the proper response.

1808. Spark Lizards are not batteries.

1809. Nor are they defibrilattors.

1810. If everyone laughs at the thought that is not the green light to do it.

1811. The difference between rogues and bards is not "bards can carry a tune"

1812. Asking the fellow players to step on your head is not how you handle the adamantine golem. Even if you do have stasis clones.

1813. You can not use the cleric for a sled even if he does cover himself in salve of slipperiness.

1814. Siege weaponry is not a proper weapon for x-crawl.

1815. Neither are grenades.

1816. No revolvers either.

1817. Keep the chainsaws out of x-crawl.

1818. If someone casts dispel magic on my daylight spell it does not mean my batteries died.

1819. When the dm says that one vampire can't drink all the blood from a T-rex it does not mean hire more.

1820. Having your hand chopped off is not a good excuse to replace it with chainsaw. Especially if I did it to myself.

1821. Even if Ash Williams did it.

1822. When you know a monster is behind the door animating the door and walking away is not how you handle the fight.

1823. "Because I had a pun for it" is not how one justifies their actions.

1824. No one in my party is getting uppity with me.

1825. Paintball guns filled with holy water, acid, poison, unholy water, and lemonade do not belong in X-crawl.

Again pm me if you want to hear the story behind these.

slaydemons
2011-06-26, 12:22 AM
1826. I am not allowed to paint a bulleye on the fighter
1827. expecially when we are in a gladiatorial ring

Choco
2011-06-27, 08:21 PM
Isn't there a whole PrC for that? You know, the one with the capstone of 'you are ascended to the celestial realm and never seen again'.

I know, but I wasn't talking about doing it just to get into that PrC. I just thought it would be cool being a martyr....


1773. The mithral golem is called a mithral golem not "Pepito"

1774. The iron golem is called an iron golem not "Big Jim"

1828: I am not allowed to name my gargantuan flesh golem "Big John" just so I can refer to him as "BJ".
1828a: This also applies to anything that can have a name.

1829: It's Large Hadron Collider, NOT Large Hardon Collider.
1829a: I am not allowed to offer my description of what a Large Hardon Collider is and how it works.
1829b: If I do the above, I am not allowed to complain when the DM kills my character on principle.

1830: If I figure out the source the DM is copying almost word for word for this adventure, I am not allowed to "accidentally" break the plot-critical item (that no one knows is plot critical yet of course!) just to see how the DM responds.

NeoSeraphi
2011-06-27, 09:03 PM
1831. I am not allowed to construct a Warforged with my artificer. Not even if I have the Craft Construct feat.

1832. If I somehow sneakily convinced my DM that taking the Leadership feat would allow me to craft my own cohort, I am not allowed to make him into a Warforged Artificer who crafts his own followers that are all level 1 Warforged Artificers.

1833. Even if I have the Powerful Build trait, I am not allowed to pick up Small sized enemies (after I have defeated them) and throw them at the party's cleric in an effort to make "Gnomeball" a national past time.

1834. If I ever kick a squirrel again just because it's running playfully around my legs after I cut down the tree it was in for firewood, I will be changed to Chaotic Evil temporarily, no matter how much I point out that my feet deal nonlethal damage.

1835. I am not allowed to ever question why my DM's creatures have d12 hit dice despite their type being something other than undead or dragons. She will stop the game for ten minutes, log onto Giant, and homebrew a new template or race that has d12 hit dice and Con to HP. And she'll throw on the undead immunity to Fort saves just for me slowing the game down, fluff be damned.

1836. I am not allowed to play male bards.

1837. I am definitely not allowed to play lesbian bards.

1838. I am not allowed to play rogues with max ranks in Perform (Sing) and a few levels of illusionist.

1839. I am not allowed to play paladins unless I sign a contract swearing that I will, under no circumstances, quote or paraphrase Powder Keg of Justice.

Gravitron5000
2011-06-28, 09:42 AM
1840. When playing a centaur, I can not take leadership to acquire a jockey.
1840a. No, I can't do the above as an awakened horse either.
1840b. Or any other quadruped.
1840c. Or if my character has no legs at all.
1840d. No, not for a bipedal character either.
1840e. Dang it. Just no jockeys.

Doomboy911
2011-06-28, 04:01 PM
I feel as though I could fill up the rest of thread with my antics despite the fact that I've been in five games two of which I was the dm.

1841. My character did not bone the pale night mother of demons from 4th edition especially since we're playing 3.5.

1842. Even if he could survive it.

1843. The immortal bard is not allowed to come up with plans of attack that he's sure he'll live through.

1844. Not allowed a ring of X-ray vision in a X-crawl campaign so I can see what's coming.

1845. Don't use the pied piping spell to have the faeries limbo through cacti.

1846. The proper response to shambling mounds is not to hire more gardeners.

1847. Not allowed to take over the artic because no one is there.

1848. Not allowed to wish for a country in the artic that I owned.

1849. Not allowed to use said country to burrow into the underdark and try to take over it.

1850. Not allowed a country just to house my homeless man army and golems.

1851. Stop trying to get diplomatic immunity in an X-crawl campaign.

1852. When trying to railroad the party back to the town a Tarrasque is not what I'm to use.

1853. Especially if they're only level 2.

1854. When we think the world is about to end I'm to try and save the day not pack up all my stuff head to my own demiplane and watch the fireworks.

1855. Not allowed to sell tickets to watch the end of the world.

1856. Must stop getting the group to start singing "the babe with the power" from "Labyrinth".

1857. Stop getting everyone to quote "Spaceballs".

1858. The troll on our team is not to be used as a shield especially if I'm immortal.

1859. Neither is the necromancer.

1860. Stop mocking the necromancer.

1861. When the necromancer has a fortress of solitude I am not to keep rushing in over and over again until I get through.

1862. I should stop invading the bad guy's dreams.

1863. Not allowed in Ronald Reagan's dreams either (tried to, couldn't get in)

1864. Just because the troll on our team is using m&m's as a weapon I am not to respond with Skittles.

1865. Not allowed to animate a few thousand Skittles to make a Skittles golem.

1866. Not allowed to hire Succubus to be my cheerleaders.

1867. Even if they do have spirit, yes they do.

1868. When magically forced to the bottom of a water trap I am not to start singing "under the sea" even if I can breathe underwater.

1869. My time alone in the woods did not warp my mind (because I was only in there for five minutes.)

1870. Not allowed to tamper with the traps I'm sure we're going to get into.

1871. Freedom of Movement does not make me immune to cuddling.

1872. When I survive having my mind and body warped by an Eldritch abominations "wheee do it again, do it again" is not the proper response.

1873. Not allowed to throw an Iron Golem at a mostly magic based party.

1874. Not allowed to plan how to kill the party ahead of time.

1875. When I have enough gold that I can buy forty Apparatus's of a crab I am to spend it on items to improve my character not start up a cockfight with apparatus of a crab.

1876. In an X-crawl campaign I am not to spoil the illusions with my hat.

1877. When I know a minotaur will be on our team I am not to have my character come in dressed up as a cowboy.

1878. Not allowed to try and blind the Beholder with a spotlight.

1879. Not allowed to animate every part of my house. That includes the boards and nails.

1880. There's a reason a bag of holding doesn't go in a portable hole and I'm not allowed to find out why.

1881. Not allowed to look up the Goofy Scream when I fall a good distance.

1882. Nor should I do this whenever someone else falls a good distance.

1883. Not allowed to unleash 1,000 awakened squirrels with levels in Wizard.

1884. I am not to give out team jerseys with bullseyes on them. Even if I don't like that guy.

1885. Must refrain from getting into an insult war with the dwarf enemy. Even if I did see better beards on girl scouts.

1886. Stop kidnapping the homeless for my empire.

1887. I should have a better plan than "go for the crotch". Especially if it's an epic level force of nature.

1888. Can't have my golem pet the Heck Hound to death.

1889. Shouldn't use level 0 spells to blow up cars.

1890. Not allowed to enlist pixies to help blow up cars.

1891. Me and my golem are not allowed to go on a rampage because we could outlive life imprisonment.

1892. Not allowed to animate a train, give it the power to fly and breath fire just so I can do a prison break.

1893. Not allowed to just crash the train into the building the bad guy is in.

1894. Not allowed to use polymorph any object to turn pennies into black holes.

1895. Nor am I allowed to use it to make dying stars to make black holes.

1896. Not allowed to cast Earthquake in a populated city.

1897. Even if it is Detroit because the people will notice.

1898. Not allowed to use hideous laughter for bad jokes.

1899. Not allowed to have a Vorpal Rubber Chicken.

1900. When someone gets hit by Otto's irresitble dance and starts doing disco moves helping them does not include using illusions to make him look like John Travolta.

NeoSeraphi
2011-06-28, 05:58 PM
1901. I am not allowed to take the Leadership feat to attract prostitutes and have my Cohort stay behind to run my brothel and act as a bodyguard.

1902. Not even if by being 2 levels below me he is actually stronger than the entire town put together.

1903. I am especially not allowed to do 1901 as a beguiler named Loki Manipulato who has a poorly done mafia accent.

1904. I am not allowed to give the Rakasha Polymorph as a spell known

1905. I am not allowed to be a true neutral character.

1906. Especially if I am the only person in my party with Knowledge (The Planes)

1907. If I am the only person in my party with Knowledge (The Planes) and the rest of my party is of good alignment, I should really tell them that the Rakasha they're intervening to save from the Coatl is Lawful Evil, instead of keeping it to myself because "the tiger looks bad ass".

1908. I am not allowed to stack Web and Stinking Cloud on my players, especially if the sorcerer who will never make his Strength check or Fortitude save is the only way the party will beat through the DR/15 good.

1909. I am not allowed to touch strange glowing swords we are sent by our questgiver to collect.

1910. Especially if I have the lowest Will save in the party

1910b. Even more so if my Will save is actually negative

1910c. And definitely if the entire party combined could not stop me from killing them should I be dominated.

1911. Frenzied Berserker is not an actual class. I just keep failing my Will saves against that permanent illusion spell WotC put on page 34 of Complete Warrior.

1912. I am not allowed to homebrew a Frenzied Berserker class based on the aforementioned illusion.

1912b. Especially if I change the DC of the Will save to resist being Frenzied for my teammates to 20+my new Strength modifier.

1913. Inspire Frenzy does not affect all rabbits within 30 feet of me.

1914. Getting a potion of speak with animals and making a Handle Animal check, spending 30 minutes of game time learning everything I can about a rabbit, and asking him to be best friends with me does not make him my "ally" for the purposes of Inspire Frenzy.

1915. The house rule that two natural 20s in a row automatically kills a foe vulnerable to critical hits does not apply when the creature rolling the two natural 20s was a frenzied rabbit attacking a Gargantuan red dragon.

Doomboy911
2011-06-29, 02:10 PM
1916. My frenzied berserker can not be a poet at heart. Because we're playing pathfinder.

1917. When rule 1916 is broken I can not name them after indestructible things, like cockroach, tardigrade, diamond.

1918. Never allowed to have a wall blade.

1918. B. Especially a large size one because there is not that much metal in the world.

1919. Can't play a drunken master.

1920.Do not throw the halfing (self-imposed rule)

1921. When DMing I should not play the drow like a couple from an old Leave it to Beaver family.

1922. When we fight ghosts I am not allowed to say "that's not a ghost it has no bed sheet"

1923. Definately not allowed to whip out a proton pack. Even if I do know how they're made.

1924. Radioactive material is not allowed in X-crawl.

1925. Especially if it's for the spell "create nuke"

1926. When my bard can destroy an armored vehicle with just two cantrips I'm being two creative.

1927. Should not animate the enemy's heavily armed helicopter just because I'm having trouble knocking out the guys driving it (unbelievably funny)

1928. Not allowed to teach the half fiend fighter how to properly break into a tank with his imp sword. (I told him that he could stab a hole in the door, force the sword through and have it turn back into an imp and unlock it. Not allowed because of the next one.)

1929. Not allowed to make atomic bomb noises when the troll casts meteor swarm on the aformentioned tank.

1930. The titanic toad does not exist. Nor does any homebrewed version of it.

1931. The mighty master of magic, controller of all logic and nature had better have a better name than Moe.

1932. Hellboy is to be observed not outdone.

1933. The bard musn't stalk the clown. (big story)

1934. When the DM gives us magic devices fitted to our personalities I am not allowed to ask for "tradesies".

1935. When I get saved from a water trap I shouldn't start praising aquaman. Especially when I know the name of the guy who saved me.

Feel free to pm me on these.

Temassasin
2011-06-29, 04:21 PM
1936: i may not spend all my time taking over a kingdom
1936a: if i do i can't succeed
1946b:if i do then i may not use the citizens as cannon folder when i'm CG

MesiDoomstalker
2011-07-04, 06:56 PM
1947: I may not, as a DM, introduce a magical trap with clear mechanical parts with possibly detachable magical parts that may or may not be able to be removed and used as a magical gun by my players.
1948: I may not, as a DM, introduce a circular room without immiediatly pointing out all possible exit routes.
1949: I may never have acess to Detect Magic as an at will SLA.
1950a: I may not, as a DM, present Disney villians to my players as some body they may not attack immidiatly on sight.
1950b: If 1950a does happen, I may not make said villians be epic+ in level and sufficient power to TPK in less than 2 rounds if my players to attack on sight.
1950c: If 1950a and b happens, and my players have gotten wise and stopped instantly attacking Disney villians, I may not have the villian force them to be his subserviants, using epic magic .

Grongore
2011-07-04, 07:05 PM
1951: 10 gp worth of free bolts isnt worth putting a stink bomb in a house and pissing off every merchant
1952: make sure to note a good person to act decoy, dont use the useless one he might be useless as a decoy too

Choco
2011-07-05, 11:29 PM
1952: make sure to note a good person to act decoy, dont use the useless one he might be useless as a decoy too

1953: If I know that I am going to be the decoy, I am not allowed to just wing it with no escape plan in mind.
1953a: Even if it worked spectacularly.
1953b: Especially if the DM cares more about my character dying then I do.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-08, 08:43 AM
1954. Casting Grease on a slope, followed by Blockade is not an excuse to say 'Fear my wooden blocks of doom!' as it hurtles towards an enemy.
1954a. Nor may this be on a cliff edge just to have all of the fighters bull rush me to the other side of the chasm once I climb on.

Choco
2011-07-11, 08:30 PM
1955: Tentacle monsters are not allowed to exist in any game in which I am a player or DM.

1956: I am not allowed to look around at the random plushies/action figures/dolls/whatever I have in my apartment for character concepts.
1956a: Especially if the one I settle on is Luka Megurine (http://vocaloid.wikia.com/wiki/Megurine_Luka).
1956b: ESPECIALLY if it is a "swords and sorcery" campaign.
1956c: When the DM gets annoyed, I am not allowed to remind him of how lucky he is that I don't have any Pokemon anymore.

1957: If the DM says "all books allowed", he really means "all books allowed EXCEPT Erotic Fantasy".
1957a: Especially if a kid will be joining us for that game. (In my defense, I didnt know about this until after the fact)

1958: I am not allowed to use jpop as "background music", because apparently jpop doesn't lend itself well to being in the background.
1958a: And apparently I am the only one at the table that can listen to it for more then 5 minutes without getting a headache.

1959: Any idea I get from Dungeons & Doritos (http://nerdyshow.com/dungeons-doritos/) is instantly vetoed.

1960: I am not allowed to turn myself into a car for any reason.

KoboldRevenge
2011-07-11, 10:11 PM
1961: Not allowed to have my Cat familiar leave a "surprise" in my enemy's shoes.

1962: Not allowed to invent electricity and make money off the commoners.

1963: Can't Reveal at a opportune moment that "my character was hiding wings under his clothes and flew away from the danger."

1964: Can't challenge the big bad to a Breakin contest.

Doomboy911
2011-07-13, 02:41 PM
1965. No one is EVER allowed to tell my character "just do what makes you happy"

1966.Can't challenge anyone to a fight.

1967. Especially if I say I'm willing to blindfold myself to even the odds.Because I have pseudodragon to tell me what's happening and the blindfold doesn't really matter.

1968. Can't illusion clothes on and just walk out in armor.(because they have true seeing).

1969. Don't threaten the troll with the daylight spell because you got the idea from Tolkien.

1970. Not allowed to cast shrink item on clothing.

1971. Especially if it's women's clothing.

1971 A. Especially if it's for a distraction.

1972. Not allowed smoke bombs that double as hallucinogenics.

1973. Not allowed to invent "Batman"

1974. Never allowed sovereign glue.

1975. As DM I am not allowed to give the party of level one a free wish just so I can twist it.

1976. When the barbarian tries to remove the window from the wall quietly instead of just opening it and climbing through I can not have it shatter into a thousand pieces waking up everyone.

1977. Can't say a rock fell on it when they demand an explanation for how it broke.

Choco
2011-07-13, 02:48 PM
1968. Can't illusion clothes on and just walk out in armor.(because they have true seeing).

1978: Can't illusion clothes on and just walk out naked (to give anyone with true seeing something to look at :smalltongue:).
1978a: Especially if my character is a troll, flesh golem, or anything else considered "butt ugly" by the society we are living in.
1978b: This goes double if I also illusion myself into being an attractive woman.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-13, 06:51 PM
1979. As a DM, I may not place antimagic fields wherever I feel like one would be interesting.
1980. I may not put a skill point in Speak Language (Pirate)

My, aren't we getting close to the 2000 things?

Trufflehound
2011-07-13, 07:09 PM
1981. As a DM, I may not place area-affecting Hold Person traps.

KoboldRevenge
2011-07-13, 07:16 PM
1982 Can't Go get ideas from a movie in the middle of a game.

1983 Can't hum the same song over and over. Till friends are doing it too.

1984 Not allowed to enter godhood by having ants worship me.

1985 Not allowed to kill the guy with the clue to where the treasure is.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-07-13, 08:44 PM
1986a: I may not, as a DM, give the players options on which group they wish to try to ally and make all the other options become enemies because NPC's that aren't observed suck at everything unless they are against the party, at which point, they become extremly good at everything.
1986b: Especailly when the allied NPC that accompanies my players does most of the talking and convincing.
1987: I may not allow my players the option to have allies with an ECL higher than the average party level -10.
1988a I may not play a character who can move faster than the party monk and stll be effective in all situations.
1988b:Especially if said character can make more attacks per round while using a single weapon (no TWF) than the monk or the TWF Rogue.
1989: I may not play a character who defies an archetype. (Ex: A wizard whos afraid of magic)
1990: I may only adopt a prestige class if I'm vastly underleveled compared to the rest of my group.
1991a: I may not make any homebrew material I created.
1991b: Even if it was designed and actually functions as a tier 4 or below
1992a: I may not have access to the Permancy spell
1992b: Even if 1992a is ignored, I may not ask for revisions to what spells Permancy can be used with.
1992c: Even if its for the benefit for other, non-optimizing, players.
1993: I may not be able to fight natural disaters like they are monsters.
1994: I may not use a Healbot Cleric when I know the campaign will focus mainly against Undead.
1995: I may not have an effective Caster Level 3x my level.
1996a: I may not use any class with a large selection of spells.
1996b: I may not play any class who automatically gains access to it's entire spell list at any given level.
1997a: I may not have a guitar, electric or acoustic, as my Bard's instrument.
1997b: Especially if its enchanted to shoot out Lightning Bolt spells with a caster level equal to my Bard levels, whenever I hit a power cord.
1997c: Even more especially if hitting a power cord is the only way to activate any Bardic Music ability as it counts as a Bardic Music usage.
1998: I may never have access to Relics. EVER!
1999a: My Fighter may not be better than everything in melee.
1999b: And ranged.
1999c: Especially if he is better than a Rogue, TWF Ranger, Archer Ranger, Scout, Warblade, and a Swordsage in both melee AND ranged. (this seriously happened in a no-magic campaign).
2000: Will be left for someone else! :smallbiggrin: (Note, 2000 is still open, have at it somebody)

Omeganaut
2011-07-13, 08:59 PM
2000. I will not give the party munchkin a copy of this thread! :smallcool:

MesiDoomstalker
2011-07-13, 11:15 PM
2000. I will not give the party munchkin a copy of this thread! :smallcool:

Thread won! I don't think I have the authority to do that but whatever :smalltongue:

The-Mage-King
2011-07-13, 11:35 PM
2001: I will not make the thread keep going by providing precedence for it.
2002: No conspiracy theories regarding the rulers of major countries in my campaign world. Really.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-13, 11:46 PM
2003. I am not allowed to play a commoner with max ranks in handle animal who has a wolf he raised and calls himself a ranger.
2003b. Especially if he's the most powerful ranger my group has ever seen (he would be in my group).

Cieyrin
2011-07-14, 08:06 AM
2004. Not allowed to buy up all the stray dogs in town, train them as warbeasts and forge an unbreakable legion of fangs to take over every thorp from here to the sea.
2004b. Not allowed to buy up all the stray cats in town, either.
2004c. Not allowed to buy animals at all.
2004d. I'm never allowed to use Handle Animal ever again.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-14, 08:12 AM
2005. The druid's animal companion is not a 'mobile food source'.
2005a. Neither are familiars.

@V: I call over 9000.

Mercenary Pen
2011-07-14, 09:14 AM
Rule 2006: 2000 rules is nowhere near enough, perhaps 20000 will suffice.

Ardent
2011-07-14, 10:13 AM
2007: I will not min-max my diplomacy and bluff skills in order to successfully seduce every NPC (and occasional PC) my party comes across.

Choco
2011-07-14, 11:26 AM
2007: I will not min-max my diplomacy and bluff skills in order to successfully seduce every NPC (and occasional PC) my party comes across.

2007a: Especially if I am playing a flesh golem.

2008: As DM, I am not allowed to have everything automatically attack the diplomacy munchkin every time he opens his mouth.

2009: As DM, I am not allowed to counter the diplomacy munchkin by creating a mechanical race that is reasoned with using knowledge(logic) as opposed to diplomacy.

2010: I am not allowed to play a "power up song" every time my shifter uses her racial power.

2011: My character is not allowed to be so awesome (in character design, personality, backstory, etc. not mechanics) that the rest of the group feels inadequate.

2012: My character is not allowed to start with ANY fame/infamy or recognition of any kind.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-14, 02:31 PM
@V: I call over 9000.

That's funny, because I was thinking when we get over 9000 (somewhere in the 2nd-4th thread), the next thread would be called "it's over 9000!".

2013. I am not allowed to survive the falling rocks, not even if I've maxed out my reflex save and have improved evasion.

Omeganaut
2011-07-14, 04:14 PM
2014. I'm not allowed to take all the good ideas before the rest of the party can come up with them, as they want cool, original characters too.
2015. I'm not allowed to create a martial character, and play him like a wizard.
2015a. Especially if he is a half-orc barbarian with an intelligence of 3.
2015b. Or even Rangers and Paladins. They would never be that delusional.
2015c. Not allowed to prove previous rules wrong.
2016. Not allowed to have boiling oil. Ever Again. Otherwise said oil will turn into a burning ooze creature.
2017. Not allowed to survive the max damage the DM can come up with for said ooze, and then use a cold spell to kill it.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-14, 05:33 PM
2018. Craft (Baby) is not a valid skill.
2018a. It is certainly not Charisma-based.

2019. I am not allowed to eat spell components.

Esprit15
2011-07-14, 07:51 PM
#2020: I am not allowed to play as a Pyrokineticist ever again.
#2021: I am not allowed to have an Inteligence or Charisma over 15. Ever.

Omeganaut
2011-07-14, 08:42 PM
2021a. I'm not allowed to have any stat over 15. Ever!

Milo v3
2011-07-14, 09:15 PM
2021a. I'm not allowed to have any stat over 15. Ever!

As two of your DM's may I ask why? :smallconfused:

also:
2022. I can not use Tucker Kobolds against a group of first time D&D players with level one characters.

Esprit15
2011-07-14, 09:48 PM
As two of your DM's may I ask why? :smallconfused:

I assume he was playing off of my joke.

Bhu
2011-07-14, 09:50 PM
2023: If the DM's mom walks in drunk and somewhat nude-ish, I am not allowed to compliment her...

Omeganaut
2011-07-14, 10:11 PM
As two of your DM's may I ask why? :smallconfused:

Well, with strength I was going to bash in all the wall, Dex I would pump tumble and avoid most damage, as well as auto hit most things from long range. Con to.... I think just because it was easier to ban it all... Int for skills for everything, Wis for cleric spells, and Cha for that brothel incident... In all seriousness, I never actually followed through, just made a joke about it. Most of the people I play with de-optimize their characters, so I mostly just joke about crazy rules exploitation. I enjoy RP too much to be a munchkin.

Or what Espirin said. Yeah, lets go with that...:smallwink:

Also, Can I sig this?

Thread won! I don't think I have the authority to do that but whatever :smalltongue:

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-15, 01:17 PM
2023: If the DM's mom walks in drunk and somewhat nude-ish, I am not allowed to compliment her...

Duuuude...

Somebody make the scary kitty go away!

MesiDoomstalker
2011-07-15, 11:39 PM
Also, Can I sig this?

OF COURSE! Just make sure you quote me for it. :smallbiggrin:

Ardent
2011-07-16, 06:53 AM
2024: I am no longer allowed to play an Illithid, a race option usually allowed by my Dungeon Masters.

2025: Especially not for the diplomacy/buff min max trick.

2026: I am not allowed to select an Eldritch Abomination as my character's Race/Deity/Class ect.

2027: I am no longer allowed to play a Fire Genasi for the purpose of burning down forests and towns with my hair.

Choco
2011-07-18, 02:03 PM
2028: As DM, I am not allowed to judge how well the session went by how close to, and scared of, dying the players/PC's were.

2029: As DM, I am not allowed to utter joyous exclamations when one of the PC's gets KO'd or killed.
2029a: Yes, even if they do it all the time when they kill a monster or npc....

2030: After I successfully acquire the MacGuffin, I am not allowed to escape the dungeon before the DM can begin describing how the villain comes in and traps me.

Xerinous
2011-07-20, 04:07 PM
2031: Neither I nor any other player at the table is allowed a sap.
2031a: Especially when the only ones it gets used on are female.

2032: I'm not allowed to try to convice NPCs to trust us by starting my attempt at diplomacy with "Look, we could have killed you at any time..."

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-20, 05:16 PM
2033. Iron Heart Surge doesn't end the condition "isn't Fire Lord Zuko".

2034. Or the condition "isn't the Avatar".

2035. Or the condition "must meet feat prerequisites".

2036. Or the condition "can't be whatever level I like".

2037. Or the condition "can't take multiweapon fighting and fight with a sword in each hand and one in my mouth".

2038. Or the condition "isn't Roronoa Zoro".

2039. Or the condition "doesn't have the sword abilities of Zoro and Mihawk combined".

2040. Or the condition "can't use Iron Heart Surge anymore".

Mercenary Pen
2011-07-20, 06:18 PM
2033. Iron Heart Surge doesn't end the condition "isn't Fire Lord Zuko".

2034. Or the condition "isn't the Avatar".

2035. Or the condition "must meet feat prerequisites".

2036. Or the condition "can't be whatever level I like".

2037. Or the condition "can't take multiweapon fighting and fight with a sword in each hand and one in my mouth".

2038. Or the condition "isn't Roronoa Zoro".

2039. Or the condition "doesn't have the sword abilities of Zoro and Mihawk combined".

2040. Or the condition "can't use Iron Heart Surge anymore".

2041: Iron Heart Surge does not end the harmful condition that is "Heard too meny of the dungeon master's awful puns"

2042: If I try using Iron Heart Surge to stop acceleration due to gravity, be prepared for the world to suddenly decide I am no longer part of it.

Metahuman1
2011-07-21, 02:03 PM
2043: I am not allowed to break the game with a core Druid or Wizard just because the Dm wouldn't let me play my Tier 3 Melee character becuase the Tier 3 character was "Broken".

Choco
2011-07-22, 08:38 AM
2043: I am not allowed to break the game with a core Druid or Wizard just because the Dm wouldn't let me play my Tier 3 Melee character becuase the Tier 3 character was "Broken".

2044: I am not allowed to break the game with a core Wizard, Cleric, or Druid just to show the DM that the most broken stuff is in core after the DM limited the game to core only to keep it from "being broken by all the splatbooks."

Gideon Falcon
2011-07-23, 01:14 AM
2055: Iron Heart Surge does not end the condition 'hoarse throat from shouting IRON HEART SURGE too many times.'

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-23, 02:00 AM
2055: Iron Heart Surge does not end the condition 'hoarse throat from shouting IRON HEART SURGE too many times.'

2056. Nor does it end the condition "hoarse throat from shouting BY CROM too many times".

ScionoftheVoid
2011-07-23, 05:32 AM
2055: Iron Heart Surge does not end the condition 'hoarse throat from shouting IRON HEART SURGE too many times.'


2056. Nor does it end the condition "hoarse throat from shouting BY CROM too many times".

2057. Nor does it end the condition "it is possible to shout IRON HEART SURGE and/or BY CROM too many times" because it should instead never be often enough.

Choco
2011-07-29, 11:53 AM
2058: I am not allowed to build a character that is generally weak/average, but once per day can go nova to the point of being able to kill any level appropriate + 4 and down monster in 1 round.

2059: As DM, I am not allowed to homebrew monsters on the spot.
2059a: Even if the group had a great time and they didn't even know I was doing it until someone tried looking up said monster in the MM and I told them.

2060: As DM, I am not allowed to look at "cool abilities" that high-level boss monsters have and give "scaled back" versions of said abilities to generic grunts.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-29, 07:17 PM
2058: I am not allowed to build a character that is generally weak/average, but once per day can go nova to the point of being able to kill any level appropriate + 4 and down monster in 1 round.

It's called Ruby Knight Vidicator with DMM: Quicken and at least one Extra Turning. Drops half a dozen flame strikes in one round.

Cieyrin
2011-07-29, 07:31 PM
It's called Ruby Knight Vidicator with DMM: Quicken and at least one Extra Turning. Drops half a dozen flame strikes in one round.

I wouldn't call a Ruby Knight Windicator without Divine Impetus weak by any means; just b/c she doesn't have her silver bullet doesn't mean she's useless or mediocre.

2061. I don't get to call captain on every vehicle we commandeer.
2062. I don't get to call first mate, either.
2063. I'm not allowed any kind of command.
2064. Just because I've made my artificer a minionmancer of homunculi doesn't mean I can get divine rank by having them all worship me.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-29, 07:42 PM
I wouldn't call a Ruby Knight Windicator without Divine Impetus weak by any means; just b/c she doesn't have her silver bullet doesn't mean she's useless or mediocre.

It can be built mediocre. Don't use your spells for anything other than healing (prepare other spells, than spontaneously cast cure spells), and don't trade away maneuvers that age quickly (stone bones and crusader's strike come to mind). Now it's basically fighter without bonus feats.

Milo v3
2011-07-29, 07:49 PM
2065. I'm not allowed to play an Awakened Pebble
2065a. Or Awakened Clothes.
2065aa. Especially if I'm awakened under garnments.
2065b. Or an awakened Dandylion.
2065ba. Especially if I am a warlock blasting fire out of my hands.
2065bb. Especially if I call myself the Dandylion King
2065c. Or an awakened leech.
2065ca. Escpecially if I'm a wizard who moves via his cat familiar.
2065d. Or an awakened blue spotted b-ooby.
2066. I'm not allowed to play as a Hanar Biotic
2066a. Especially if I move by latching onto a companion so I don't waste biotic energy.
2066aa. Especially if I start every battle by yelling "Onward this ones trusty steed!"

Dire Moose
2011-07-29, 08:06 PM
2067. I am no longer allowed to call "Shotgun" whenever the party boards a vehicle.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-29, 08:15 PM
2068. "12 year-old boy who can control air, water, fire, and earth" is not an archetype.

2069. Neither is "16 year-old banished crown prince of the 'evil' nation".
2069a. Especially if he becomes fire lord leader of that nation and starts an era of peace while still 16.

Betropper
2011-07-29, 09:21 PM
2070: I'm no longer allowed to OTK the campaign boss mid sentence.

The-Mage-King
2011-07-29, 11:35 PM
2071: No playing anyone who could be mistaken for a Time Lord.
2071a: EVER.

Lord Raziere
2011-07-29, 11:39 PM
2072: no playing anything that isn't a Kender

The-Mage-King
2011-07-29, 11:56 PM
2072a: AND NO KENDER TIME LORDS!

Metahuman1
2011-07-30, 08:49 AM
2073: If you play a Kender, you MUST play against racial fluff.

2074: ESPECIALLY if your a caster class.

The_Admiral
2011-07-30, 09:37 AM
2074 I'm not allowed to play a Bard/Sorceror with disguise spell in a gestalt game.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-30, 02:15 PM
2076. Still Silent Invisible Disintegrate is not an acceptable way of ending a conversation.

Metahuman1
2011-07-30, 03:33 PM
2077: Still Silent Invisible ANYTHING is not an acceptable way to end a conversation.

2078: And unless you know he's evil and you can justify it beyond the fact that he's evil, sword/fist/hammer/ax/lance/mace/claws to the head is also not acceptable.

2079: Just stop having conversations, let the person who's built to talk do that part.

Edit: Fixed.

Hiro Protagonest
2011-07-30, 05:40 PM
2073: If you play a Kender, you MUST play against racial fluff.

2074: ESPECIALLY if your a caster class.


2074 I'm not allowed to play a Bard/Sorceror with disguise spell in a gestalt game.

How'd you get swordsage'd by 48 minutes?

Cieyrin
2011-07-31, 09:11 AM
How'd you get swordsage'd by 48 minutes?

People make mistakes. It happens.

2080. If I'm the main melee combatant of the party, I can't also be a pacifist.
2081. I also can't be a pacifistic barbarian who only rages "when the feeling strikes"
2082. I also can't be a pacifistic grapple monk "who only wants hugs"

Mercenary Pen
2011-07-31, 10:14 AM
People make mistakes. It happens.

2080. If I'm the main melee combatant of the party, I can't also be a pacifist.
2081. I also can't be a pacifistic barbarian who only rages "when the feeling strikes"
2082. I also can't be a pacifistic grapple monk "who only wants hugs"

2083: In fact, pacifism is banned on pain of the world turning to rotten cheese.

HalfDragonCube
2011-07-31, 07:05 PM
2083: In fact, pacifism is banned on pain of the world turning to rotten cheese.

2083a. I may not play a pacifist Horizon Walker and have my chosen terrain as 'rotten cheese'.
2083b. Not even if I have a brilliant backstory to go with it.

MesiDoomstalker
2011-07-31, 08:34 PM
2084a: I may not play a character where someone dear to my character dies in his backstory.

2084b: If 2084a is ignored, I may not ressurct said person once I have the funds available and leave the party because I don't need to adventure anymore.

2084c: I may not have any member of my direct family die.

2084d: My backstory may not include any death, whether directly or indirectly connected to my character.

2084da: Or completly unrelated to my character

2084e: I may not have an emotionally scaring background. My background may only include happy memories and events and my only motivation should be because how easy my life has been and that I need to go adventuring to make up for this.

Wookieetank
2011-08-01, 08:06 AM
2085. I am not allowed to play an atheist Cleric.
2086. Even if said cleric worships the laws of physics.
2086a. Or uses the sun as a stand in deity.
2087. Not allowed to claim own awesomeness and force of will as the wellspring of my powers, even if I have the charisma and Wisdom to back it up.
2088. If said cleric should die, and meet any deity in the after life, the proper response is no longer to go crazy and become hell bent on deitycide to prove himself right.

UrsielHauke
2011-08-06, 05:08 PM
2089: I am not allowed to play a fifth-level Kobold.

2090: I am not allowed to play a cleric with two conflicting domains (law and chaos, peace and war, wrath and mercy, etc).

2091: I am not allowed to develop an epic spell called "Tactical nuke".

2092: I am not allowed to represent my insane math teacher, Mr. Grable, as an NPC in a campaign I am running.

2092a: Especially not a gestalt scout/wizard with the Pyromaniac flaw.

2093: I am not allowed to smite somebody without a good reason to do so.

2094: I am not allowed to play with alchemist's fire in a forest with very real, very flammable trees.

2095: I am not allowed to devise how alchemist's fire would work in real life (Though I suspect it could be done with francium, red and white phosphorous, and an oxidizer of some sort).

Esprit15
2011-08-07, 02:08 AM
2095: I am not allowed to devise how alchemist's fire would work in real life (Though I suspect it could be done with francium, red and white phosphorous, and an oxidizer of some sort).
I'd think that it would be more akin to Greek fire or napalm (which is thought to work similarly to Greek fire).

2096: I may not use a fiddle/banjo/guitar/accordion/bongo/etc. as a makeshift weapon.

2097: Should I break rule 2096, I may not play music on said instrument until I fix it or purchase a replacement.

2098: I forfit my right to continue as a bard if I set fire to my instrument before breaking rule 2096.

2099: Just because it's in gas form does not mean it's combustable.

2099a: Especially if the ignition source is a flaming fiddle.

2100: I am allowed to speak in a non-English language to replicate speaking in a language besides common.

Exception to rule 2100: Unless nobody else speaks that language.

2100a: If I am speaking said non-English language, I must actually be talking about something ingame.

I just gave myself so many ideas.

2101: I may not use this thread for ideas.

2101a: Not even if they are not that bad.

2102: I may not cast explosive runes on my money to prevent it's theft.

2102a: Even if the party rogue has it coming.

Choco
2011-08-07, 10:03 AM
2093: I am not allowed to smite somebody without a good reason to do so.

2093a: "I Detected Evil, so I Smote Evil" does not count as a good reason.

2103: If I utter the phrase "here, let me show you how it's done," then the action I am about to do is automatically disallowed.

Xerinous
2011-08-07, 02:07 PM
2104: I am not allowed to use the spell Entangle.
2104a: Even if the DC to avoid being entangled is something like 12.

2105: If an NPC is named Sigfried, I may not ask after Roy.
2015a: Especially if Sigfried is a dragon.

Temassasin
2011-08-08, 09:56 AM
2106: i am not AO in a human/elf/halfling/etc form
2106a: or any other god
2106b: or anything else close to as powerful
2107: there is no sexy domain
2108: i cannot take over the factory which makes 70% of the cloth in the kingdom and permanently animate all the orders going out and take over the world that way

HalfDragonCube
2011-08-08, 10:15 AM
2107: there is no sexy domain

2017a. There is no shoeless domain either.

Cieyrin
2011-08-08, 11:14 AM
2017a. There is no shoeless domain either.

2107b. My holy symbol is not my shirtless chest.
2107c. Especially if my character is female.

Asta Kask
2011-08-09, 08:57 AM
2108. Can't model my paladin on Leatherface.

Wookieetank
2011-08-09, 10:15 AM
2017b. My holy symbol is not my shirtless chest.
2017c. Especially if my character is female.

2107d. Doubly so if my character is a female half-orc :smalleek:

HalfDragonCube
2011-08-09, 11:49 AM
2109. 'Flammable' is not a flaw.
2109a. It is not a feat either.

Choco
2011-08-10, 08:46 AM
2110: I am not allowed to complain when the campaign ends early because I killed the villain a lot earlier then we were supposed to, and without using any cheese either.

2111: Mindrape is not how you solve arguments.