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Wookieetank
2012-02-15, 09:23 AM
2625: Random word generators are not good sources of adjectives to base a character on.


2625a. Drawing a randomly determined number of green cards from apples to apples is also not allowed as a way to create a character.


2632. I'm no allowed to use :http://wiki.white-wolf.com/exalted/index.php?title=Things_one_is_not_allowed_to_do_in _Exalted as inspiration for things to do.
2632a. In fact any list detailing things that shouldn't be done, is not to be taken as a list of achievements to be accomplished.

GuesssWho
2012-02-15, 11:28 PM
2633: I am not a merdusa, were-aboleth or half-farspawn half-dragon halfling.

Karoht
2012-02-17, 10:57 AM
2634: Using Baleful Polymorph to turn someone into farm animals and perform their normal role upon that farm as a form of punishment is now forbidden.
2634a: I am not allowed to Baleful Polymorph some bandit into a Cow, followed by milking them, nor am I allowed to turn someone into a sheep and sheer them, nor am I allowed to turn someone into a hen and force them to lay eggs for several days.
Corrollery: Turning someone into a Mule and having them perform a day or two of labor is potentially acceptable, on a case by case basis, depending on the degree of transgression.

Metahuman1
2012-02-17, 01:29 PM
2634b: Existing is NOT a transgression in and of itself. Neither is "being here.".

PurityIcekiller
2012-02-17, 06:51 PM
2635: My healer cannot take advantage of the Geneva Convention.
2636: I'm forbidden from playing a Shinto shrine maiden with levels in paladin, especially if she's Lawful Stupid.
2637: My character's name mustn't be longer than the entire rest of the character sheet.

Milo v3
2012-02-17, 06:59 PM
2638. I can't cut out the eyes of people we meet along the road.
2638a. Even if they are evil.
2638b. Even if I allow them to see again by using Remove Blindness.
2638c. Especially if I taunt them about the fact they can see without their eyes.

GuesssWho
2012-02-17, 07:18 PM
2639: a naga/drider/aboleth is not even possible, much less playable.

Metahuman1
2012-02-17, 09:23 PM
2636: I'm forbidden from playing a Shinto shrine maiden with levels in paladin, especially if she's Lawful Stupid.


I'm sensing this is a reference to something. Any chance you'd be willing to tell me?

PurityIcekiller
2012-02-17, 09:43 PM
I'm sensing this is a reference to something. Any chance you'd be willing to tell me?

Two (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miko) kinds (http://oots.wikia.com/wiki/Miko_Miyazaki) of "Miko".

2640: Friend Computer is not a pony fan.
2641: When rescuing fellow PCs from terrible fates, I'm not supposed to wait for the last possible moment just because it's more dramatic.
2642: No participating in contests to make the DM facepalm the hardest.
2643: I may not use mind-affecting magic on the party leader just because I disagree with their latest decision.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-02-17, 10:14 PM
In Exalted...

2644. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts to unnerve my opponents in negotiations.

2645. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts to learn what the girls think of me.

2646. No, I can't use the Gemstone of Surface Thoughts on Malfeas and gather anything useful without making a DC 50 Conviction+Integrity check to resist going insane.

2647. That's it, no more Gemstones of Surface Thoughts!

GuesssWho
2012-02-17, 11:29 PM
2648: I cannot convert Demogorgon to Lawful Good.
2649: Curing the wounds of Asmodeus is not a good thing.
2650: Good PCs may not own a Cauldron of Zombie Spewing, an Angelkilling sword or a Rack of Irresistable Torture.
2650b: Not even if you find evidence that they were based on a mythical hero. Mythical heroes were *******s.

Choco
2012-02-18, 12:44 AM
2641: When rescuing fellow PCs from terrible fates, I'm not supposed to wait for the last possible moment just because it's more dramatic.

2651: When fellow PC's are about to suffer terrible fates and it is in my power to stop it, I am not allowed to just watch it happen.
2651a: Especially if I am also pointing and laughing.
2651b: Even if they were chaotic stupid and deserved it, and ignored all my previous warnings.

2652: In Exalted, I am no longer allowed to take the Deliberate Cruelty virtue flaw.
2652a: Especially when combined with the 5-point Greater Curse flaw.
2652b: Especially when I go out of my way to limit break.
2652c: ESPECIALLY if I am using all of the above as a legitimate excuse to play a sadistic character in a "good" party.
2652d: Even if the party is otherwise letting their so-called morality get in the way of saving the world...

2653: Offering myself up to be the host to an all-powerful, world-destroying demon in place of the hostage that would have been used for said purpose is not considered "taking one for the team".
2653a: Especially if doing so makes it even easier for the villain to summon said demon.
2653b: Especially if the quest was to stop the summoning, NOT save the hostage.
2653c: Even if it was completely in character.

2654: If the rest of the party gets sick of me constantly pointing out when they are breaking the rules, I am not allowed to stay silent when their characters die entirely due to a rule being broken.

2655: There is no such thing as a legitimate excuse for being a douche.

Audren
2012-02-18, 09:10 AM
2656: I am not allowed to do this. (http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/images/photos/001/417/738/107688150_crop_650x440.jpg%3F1319722218&imgrefurl=http://bleacherreport.com/articles/913212-tim-tebow-sparks-awesome-tebowing-craze-you-must-include-in-your-daily-routine&h=440&w=650&sz=83&tbnid=cIxLKR1XnWC6kM:&tbnh=90&tbnw=133&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dtebowing%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=tebowing&docid=BDY848iyXzauUM&sa=X&ei=Nq4_T8WxKvO00AH-_YHOBw&ved=0CHwQ9QEwCw&dur=16130)
2656a: Even if he's my deity.

Xerinous
2012-02-20, 10:50 PM
2657: If I tell the royal guards that I am an assassin looking to kill the king, simply because he refused to see us, I cannot object when the other players beat me. Or when the DM throws a book at me.

PurityIcekiller
2012-02-20, 11:49 PM
2658: Using repeated hasting spells will not turn the blue dragon into a red dragon.
2659: I may not cast Glitterdust anywhere near a vampire under any circumstances.
2660: I cannot wield any kind of atmospheric reentry weapon.

GuesssWho
2012-02-21, 03:43 AM
2661: Moving to the other side of the blue dragon won't turn it into a red dragon either.
2662: The milk of human kindness does not give a Sense Motive bonus.
2662b: It doesn't allow you to cast Charm Person, either.
2663: There are no special rules for cannibalism.

Choco
2012-02-22, 07:37 PM
2657: If I tell the royal guards that I am an assassin looking to kill the king, simply because he refused to see us, I cannot object when the other players beat me. Or when the DM throws a book at me.

2657a: Nor can I whine if the other PCs proceed to help the guards kill me in order to salvage their own reputation.

2664: Having the group record for most character deaths in one session is not something to be proud of.
2664a: Even if it was entirely the fault of the dice.

Xerinous
2012-02-24, 01:36 PM
2665: Slapping the farmer who asked us to save his daughter, who had been kidnapped, is not acceptable.
2665a: Not even if my DM has thrown that plot hook at us a dozen times.
2665b: If he slaps back, it's not license to kill him "in self-defense".

2666: If I am playing a bard, none of my performances may start with "Now you all know, the bards and their songs..."
2666a: Similarly, if there is some sort of protector, who happens to be unable to see, there is a rather large list of songs I may not begin singing upon meeting said him/her/it.

GuesssWho
2012-02-26, 03:51 AM
2667: I will not sing vulgar pub songs for the Queen.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-03-08, 03:06 PM
In Exalted...

2668. The Mask of Winters does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
2668a. The First and Forsaken Lion does not call renegade abyssals "rebel scum" and/or "traitors to the Empire"
2669. The FaFL is not my father
2669a. The Mask of Winters is not my father
2669b. I may not name my character Skywalker
2670. No keychains
2670a. Or keyblades
2671. The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears seduces the heroes, not the other way around
2671a. Even if she is unbelievably sexy
2671b. Especially if she is unbelievably sexy
2672. Just because I (the hero) rescued the Scarlet Empress (the girl) from the Ebon Dragon (the dragon, duh) doesn't mean I get to lay her
2672a. Even if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
2672b. ESPECIALLY if her beauty is outmatched only by The Lover Clad in Raiment Tears and a couple others in the entirety of existence
2672c. I might've been able to, if I didn't tell the ST that was the only reason I rescued her
2673. If we're flying in a first age flying machine and we get knocked off course and start heading towards the sun, I may not peer closely and say "that's no sun, that's a space station"
2673a. Or a battle station
2673b. Even though it is

Necroticplague
2012-03-08, 05:12 PM
While we're on the topic of exalted...

2694:The hand affected by One Handed Fury may not be my masturbation hand.
2694b:or my "pimp hand."

Hiro Protagonest
2012-03-08, 07:04 PM
We're in the 2670s, not the 2690s.

2675. My Infernal martial artist does not have dark red skin, does not have hair the color of white-gray ash, and does not have glowing white eyes.
2675a. Even if Asura is a dead ringer for a Slayer with Malfeas charms.

Grue Bait
2012-03-08, 11:22 PM
2676: My barbarian doesn't get carnal rewards for rescuing a damsel in distress.

2677: I cannot play a fighter/rogue.
2677b: Or fighter/bard
2677b1: Lutes are not one-handed weapons
2677c: Or bard/rogues
2677c1: I cannot "stealth-sing"

Wookieetank
2012-03-09, 08:59 AM
2678. "For pony" is not a valid explaination for my motivations to do anything.
2678a. Even if I am playing a Richard expy.
2678b. Or a warlock in general.

2679. When rescuing any person of importance from a dungeon, bandit camp, etc. I'm not allowed to leave to leave them there if they're annoying beyond belief.
2679a. Even if they totally deserve it.
2679b. Especially if I have the bluff/diplomacy skill to lie to the quest giver that the person was found dead upon our arrival.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-09, 06:43 PM
2680: "Chaotic Lawful" is not an alignment.
2681: I cannot have weapon proficiency with white flags.
2682: My fighter cannot be specialized in cutting other people's clothes off.
2683: The smartest member of the party optimally should not be a familiar or paladin mount, and definitely should not be an animal companion.

Ninjaman
2012-03-09, 06:58 PM
2684: I am not alowed to refer to myself as ''neutral good'' in-game.
2684a:Especially if i am chaotic evil.
2685: I cannot have ranks in knowledge (game mechanics).
2686: My wizard cannot use his craft (magic artifact) to create a copy of the monster manual.
2686a: Niether can he create a spell that allows me to see the enemies' stats.
2687:my ranger cannot have favored enemy (anything that moves).

GuesssWho
2012-03-09, 10:55 PM
2688: I am not Evil Good, either.
2689: This is D&D. Complex moral issues need not apply.
2690: You cannot play a good demon just to make a statement.
2690b: Or a devil, or an illithid . . .
2691: Don't use Bluff to trick the dumbest party member into riding a kelpie.
2692: Lovecraftian old gods are not your friends. If they are, we don't want to hear about it.
2693: Just because you don't want to buy food doesn't mean cannibalism is the answer.

Choco
2012-03-10, 01:32 AM
2694: My character's one and only motivation for risking his very soul on the grand quest to save all of creation cannot be "because he had nothing better to do and that seemed like a good idea at the time".

2695: Weapon Proficiency (soccer ball) does not exist.

2696: If I am playing a character that has absolutely no combat skills, I am not allowed to single-handedly solve any combat while the rest of the (combat-specialized) party just watches.
2696a: I am especially not allowed to utter the line "see, I told you guys that brains beat brawn" after the above happens.

2697: I am not allowed to "accidentally" hit a fellow PC with an area of effect spell/item.
2697a: Even if it was honestly an accident, at least that one time....

2698: I am not allowed to abandon a plot-relevant quest just because my character doesn't feel like doing it anymore.

2699: I am not allowed to only roll 15's and higher all session.

2700: When a PC dies, and the player is obviously upset, I am not allowed to say "well now you have a chance to roll up a character that isn't a complete ass".

Mordokai
2012-03-10, 08:07 AM
2687:my ranger cannot have favored enemy (anything that moves).

Kratos(yes, of the God of War fame) would like to have a word with you.


2690: You cannot play a good demon just to make a statement.

I can only assume you not familiar with Eludecia?

Xerinous
2012-03-10, 02:01 PM
2701: Unless I'm playing a paranoid character, I'm not allowed to start keeping flour around when a party member gains the ability to turn invisible.
2701a: At least, until I see that they are, in fact, completely evil.

2702: It doesn't matter how high my perception roll is, I cannot "hear someone think".
2702a: Especially not other players, its just metagaming then.

2703: No complaining when the DM brings the evil party member back via deus ex machina if he also brings back the only healer.
2703a: It doesn't matter if the evil one killed the healer in the first place.
2703b: Killing him (again) immediately after the final battle is fair game though.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-03-10, 02:03 PM
Kratos(yes, of the God of War fame) would like to have a word with you.

Psh, Kratos is obviously a totemist (soulmelds for jump and climb bonuses, soulmelds for good AC without armor)/warblade.

Cieyrin
2012-03-11, 12:19 PM
Psh, Kratos is obviously a totemist (soulmelds for jump and climb bonuses, soulmelds for good AC without armor)/warblade.

No way, Kratos is a Godblooded Strength Prodigy Human Warblade, full stop. He started high level, he's well into Epic by now, with minor artifacts.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-03-11, 08:22 PM
No way, Kratos is a Godblooded Strength Prodigy Human Warblade, full stop. He started high level, he's well into Epic by now, with minor artifacts.

He could get the strength through the correct Manual and through a Belt of Giant Strength as well as being a water orc who rolled an 18 for strength, and dumping all his stat bonuses into it. That is, at level 20, 22+5+5+6=38 strength.

I haven't actually seen Kratos in action, I just know he's a lot like Asura from Asura's Wrath, who I would prefer to stat up in Exalted rules (mainly because he's a dead ringer for an Infernal with Malfeas charms with the Motivation "save Mithra" and the Urge "kill the Seven Deities", although then Yasha goes the equivalent of Solar Akuma and joins Asura, so it's more like "kill the other six guys"), but I would peg as a totemist/warblade with a barbarian dip and some homebrewed Greater Girallon's Blessing (gives an extra four arms) as an ability he gains whenever he Rages. So I know Kratos is some really strong epic level guy with a Divine Rank, and is probably a totemist/warblade for super jumping skills and unarmored AC bonuses.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-11, 08:41 PM
2704: I may not play a fighter with the stereotypical greedy rogue personality just to screw with people.
2705: "Smite Stupidity" is not a paladin ability no matter how much I wish it were.
2706: No matter how few hitpoints they have, I cannot kill mages just by nudging them too hard.
2707: I cannot steal creatures' eyes no matter how high I roll on my Pickpocketing check.

Loreni333
2012-03-11, 09:56 PM
2708: My female Paladin dragonborn 'Illiad' cannot have breasts...

2709: Nor can she literally have a stick literally implanted up her but.

mangosta71
2012-03-12, 09:17 AM
2710: No matter how much my character thinks someone else needs exercise, manifesting psionic Dominate and forcing him to do jumping jacks is not the answer.
2710a: Forcing someone that's under the effect of Crisis of Breath to do jumping jacks is not something that anyone of good alignment would do.

2711: I am not allowed to feed the bit of brain removed by Decebrate to my victim's family.
2711a: Especially if I tell them what it is and force them to eat it anyway.
2711b: Nor may I eat it, even if my character is an illithid.
2711c: Nor may I keep a collection of jars containing bits of brains that I've removed over the years.

Loreni333
2012-03-12, 04:06 PM
2712: My laser cleric may not use a sci-fi gun as his implement.
2712a: Nor can my multiclass laser-cleric and fighter use a light saber
2912b: Nor may I use my laser cleric anymore.

Karoht
2012-03-13, 09:59 AM
2712: My laser cleric may not use a sci-fi gun as his implement.
2712a: Nor can my multiclass laser-cleric and fighter use a light saber
2712b: Nor may I use my laser cleric anymore.
Question. Is your Laser Cleric allowed to open up a Laser Clinic?

Groundhog
2012-03-14, 08:51 AM
2713: "Cheddar Monk" is not a prestige class.
2714: My character's name cannot be based on the name of a food, contain the name of a food, or even sound like it should be the name of a food, even if it's not.

Xerinous
2012-03-15, 04:38 PM
2715: I'm not allowed to quote Pirates of the Caribbean.
2715a: Even if we're playing a pirates campaign.
2715b: Similarly, singing Alestorm (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hfYq-7zAQFA) songs is prohibited.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-15, 08:51 PM
2716: Slaying the vampire should be done with a stake, not elaborate mirror setups.
2717: My fellow party members' stupidity cannot actually cause SAN loss.

Kelvin360
2012-03-16, 01:01 AM
2718: I am allowed to explain that my enemies catastrophically explode when I reduce them to -153 HP, but this does NOT do 15d6 awesomesauce damage in a 30' radius.
2719: My rogue cannot be 'awful greedy' in alignment.
2720: My rogue cannot be named 'Befsack'.
2721: Even if I'm playing in an MLP campaign, my character's catchphrase cannot be 'FOR PONY!'
2721b: Especially if the character is a psychotic unicorn.
2722: While I can attack the embodiment of the entire universe, I can't actually kill it.
2723: Nor am I allowed to survive the Intensified Vengeful Gaze of God reprisal.

Reindofall
2012-03-18, 07:43 PM
2724: I will not destroy the whole entire enemy base by my self in realistic campain.
2725: I will not use one liners when its completly out of context.
2726: I will not have dwarf barbarian that can pick up a great wyrm red dragon while its still alive.
2727: Rickrolling is here by banned. No esxcuses.
2727b: This goes double for the "Hamster Dance"
2728: Dominating the party just because their idiots is not a good escuse to do so.
2729: Catching the dwarf with ridiculous health and then using him as ammunition for our catapult is not proper conduct (even though he completly agreed to it and would have destroyed the wall):smallbiggrin:

Choco
2012-03-18, 08:32 PM
2730: Having Improved Evasion and practically auto-passing any Reflex save still does not let me survive (much less take no damage) from detonating explosives I had hidden within myself.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-03-18, 08:36 PM
2730: Having Improved Evasion and practically auto-passing any Reflex save still does not let me survive (much less take no damage) from detonating explosives I had hidden within myself.

*looks at numbering since your last post*

...Okay.

2726. When in a standoff with an enemy, and they say "who the hell do you think you are!?", I cannot say "god"
2726a. Nor can I say "...lightning ninja cowboy... can't you hear the music (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GIufkLyJuMM&feature=related)?"
2727. No, I may not play a Solar Akuma who was betrayed by his fellows right after the Primordial War, and have the Motivation "save his daughter" and the Urge "kill the ones who betrayed him"
2727a. No, his former master cannot have the Flaw "Blind", then invest half the bonus points in a homebrew Awareness Charm that gives him the ability to sense where others are and the other half in his fighting skills

Reindofall
2012-03-18, 08:58 PM
2733: Head butting is no longer allowed. (After the Herbalist Incident)
2734: No longer allowed able to have telekinesis as a power.
2735: When pissed off at the party I'm no longer allowed to plane shift everyone to the elemental planes and leave them there.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-18, 09:09 PM
*looks at numbering since your last post*

...Okay.

Actually, that was correct. Reindofall mixed up the count immediately before.

2736: No class has weapon proficiency with the rulebooks.
2737: I cannot fit an entire ship into my backpack no matter how high my Strength score is.

Reindofall
2012-03-18, 10:12 PM
I would say sorry but that was slightly entertaining.:smalltongue:

2738: Players are no longer able to run nude (mixed company and he was dwarf)

Cieyrin
2012-03-19, 11:48 AM
2739. No, I may not use a minibus as my favored weapon.
2739b. Being able to drive one is not the same as being proficient in its use as a weapon.
2740. I may not use Profession(Cook) offensively.
2740b. Nor Profession(Janitor).
2740c. Nor Profession(Botanist).
2740d. My characters aren't allowed to have Professions anymore, they're all hobos and homeless drifters now.
2741. I can't call dibs on the soul devouring sword.
2741b. Especially when we're questing to destroy it.
2742. No, everything is not better when it's on fire.
2743. I may not cast Quickened Greases before the Monk runs down the hallway to see him go careening into the opposite wall.
2743b. Monk-bowling is not our national pastime.
2744. I may not get the rest of the non-halflings in the party killed so we can reincarnate them into halflings.
2745. I will not Charm every new party member to make him part of the team, I can just talk him into it.

Xerinous
2012-03-19, 01:13 PM
2746: If any of my plans have "fire", "ignite", or any similar words in them, they will be thrown out immediately.

2747: Stël Dirigible is not the name of the band of wandering bards, and I must stop referring to them as such.
2747a: Nor is it Mithril Damsel, so stop calling them that too.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-19, 01:58 PM
2748: Having ranks in Profession (Lumberjack) does not give a bonus on Disguise checks to appear to be the opposite sex.
2749: Rainbow-coloured clothing does not protect from a fifth of all fire damage.
2750: I cannot use the entire dungeon as a weapon.

Omeganaut
2012-03-19, 02:22 PM
2751: Not allowed to demonstrate my character's current state of dress.
2752: Clothing is now mandatory for all party members
2753: If I am not fully clothed, I am no longer allowed at the table, no matter how it relates to roleplay.
2754: Vow of Nudity does not exist, so stop asking about it.

Mordokai
2012-03-19, 02:52 PM
2754: Vow of Nudity does not exist, so stop asking about it.

Yes it does (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=45529) :smallbiggrin:

Choco
2012-03-20, 12:13 AM
2755: In D20 Modern, I am not allowed to make a TWF-focused Gunslinger with the Quick Reload feat who dual-wields automatic pistols.
2755a: Especially if said character also has the stealth skills maxed out.
2755b: 8 "sneak attack" autofire attacks on the BBEG and his 3 most powerful followers, all boosted with the Bullseye ability, is not a satisfying way to end the campaign (for the other players :smallbiggrin:).

Groundhog
2012-03-20, 07:55 AM
2756: I cannot have a werewolf as my animal companion.
2756a: If I am a werewolf, I cannot be my own animal companion.
2757: Taunting giant spiders only works in The Hobbit. Having my character do it is a surefire way to get him/her killed.
2758: I may not do anything that could be connected to Pulp Fiction.

Wookieetank
2012-03-20, 07:58 AM
2756. Secretly altering the DM's notes while their not looking is right out.
2756a. Particularly if I can mimic their handwriting :smallwink:

2757. Keeping the DM's beverage of choice full so they have to take frequent bathroom brakes is right out.
2757a. Especially if its to add more opportunities for 2756 to happen.

Mordokai
2012-03-20, 08:34 AM
2758. I can't put down Old Man Henderson as my deity and/or patron saint.

Cieyrin
2012-03-20, 10:07 AM
2758. I can't put down Old Man Henderson as my deity and/or patron saint.

2758a. I can't put Harrison Ford as my deity and/or patron saint, either.

GuesssWho
2012-03-26, 08:15 PM
2759: If it's too nasty for the BoVD to mention, we can't do it in a good campaign.
2759b: Yes, we know the BoVD wasn't very imaginative. That's not the point.

2760: There is no god of drool.
2760b: Or of small stinking things, or random blobs, or running around in circles like an idiot, or . . . anyway, it wouldn't be a very powerful god if there was one.

2761: I cannot play the Tarrasque.
2761b: Especially with templates added.

2762: I can't level up by killing lots and lots of flies.

PurityIcekiller
2012-03-26, 08:52 PM
2763: No matter how badly we're doing against a villain, killing weaker allies so as to level up mid-battle is not a valid strategy.
2764: Not all princesses have levels in rogue.
2765: I do not get bonus experience for keeping my sanity in the midst of a completely crazy party.
2766: I may not play a multiclass paladin/rogue with a lamp and a magic carpet just for the "Paladdin" pun.

Hbgplayer
2012-03-27, 12:42 PM
2767: I may not thwack the poster above me for that horriblness.
2768: I may not install Heavy catapults in my row-boat.

A: Even if they do fit.

PrometheusMFD
2012-03-27, 09:07 PM
2769: Surprise birthday parties are not a rogue feat

2770: Neither are regular birthday parties

Groundhog
2012-04-02, 06:46 PM
2771: No using jargon from my profession for any names, spells, deities, or dialogue.
2772: I may not refer to the party's healer as "the walking bandaid."

Loreni333
2012-04-02, 06:51 PM
2773: I may not instantly make a race for my character by adding 'half' to anything in the monster manual.
2773a: Nor by adding born to the end of it.

2774: I can not instantly make a new race by mating with any monster we meet. I impregnated the mimic? AND a beholder!?
:smalleek:

GuesssWho
2012-04-03, 05:01 AM
2775: Our campaign is not set in New Crobuzon.
2776: Even if it was, I would not be allowed to play a Weaver.

Wookieetank
2012-04-03, 08:02 AM
2775: Our campaign is not set in New Crobuzon.
2776: Even if it was, I would not be allowed to play a Weaver.

2777. Or allowed to play a remade.

Groundhog
2012-04-04, 07:57 PM
2778: Regardless of how high my Initiative is, the BBEG always gets to attack first. (My first DM inisisted on this. :smallmad:)
2779: As a DM, I may not borrow monsters from Doctor Who.
2779a: As a player, I may not use a creature from Doctor Who as my animal companion. Especially not K9.

Grue Bait
2012-04-04, 11:58 PM
2778: Regardless of how high my Initiative is, the BBEG always gets to attack first. (My first DM inisisted on this. :smallmad:)
2779: As a DM, I may not borrow monsters from Doctor Who.
2779a: As a player, I may not use a creature from Doctor Who as my animal companion. Especially not K9.

2779b: I may not have favored enemy(Dalek)
2779c The Silence is not a possible BBEG

GuesssWho
2012-04-05, 05:09 AM
2779d: Neither is the Master.
2779da: I can't play the Master either
2780: I am not allowed to stat up the Vagina Dentata
2781: There is no such thing as a wifwolf, even if my werewolf is female. No one but me will understand the word
2782: Even if it is more accurate, I can't speak in nothing but Middle English during a play session

PurityIcekiller
2012-04-05, 08:36 AM
2783: I cannot protect myself from sonic damage by failing my Listen check.
2784: Killing my fellow PCs during the final battle because "it's more dramatic" is not approved of.
2785: Money splits can't always be perfect, and no shop accepts thirds of copper pieces.

WonderfulAngus
2012-04-07, 03:40 AM
2786; Half Blue Dragon, Half Green Dragon, Half White Dragon, Half Black Dragon, Half Red Dragon, Paragon, Insectile, Feral, Reanimated Fossil Baboon is NOT a proper Challenge for a 1st level party, despite what Libris Mortis may say

PrometheusMFD
2012-04-07, 09:28 AM
2787: Summon: Captain Planet is not a real spell.
2788: Neither is Summon: In Defense mode

Xerinous
2012-04-07, 04:30 PM
2789: The druid's theme song is not Animal I Have Become.
2789a: Similarly, the warforged's theme song is not Mr. Roboto.

2790: If anyone at the table cannot say my character's name with a straight face, I have to choose a new name.

PurityIcekiller
2012-04-07, 08:13 PM
2791: Dread Pirates do not get bonuses on saves against poison.
2792: There is no such feat as Marital Weapon Proficiency.
2793: I may not use a bronze dragon to power my laptop.

@V: You forgot the numbers.

Doorhandle
2012-04-07, 08:24 PM
2775: Our campaign is not set in New Crobuzon.
2776: Even if it was, I would not be allowed to play a Weaver.

*May not create the possible sword.
*There are no Avanics, and I cannot cause the ritual to summon one.
* There is not enough L.A in the world to let me play a Grindlylow.
* Cacticae and Scabmettlers are right out.


I can't level up by killing lots and lots of flies.
*Depends on the flies in question...
* Can’t send the same enemy with different templates to attack the P.Cs over and over again just to take the effort out of making stat-blocks.

*Cannot use an amulet of mighty fists to give my punches the vorpal enchantment.
*Even if I can to slashing damage with them!
* Cannot enchant a spiked glove with the throwing enchantment.
* Even if I do it still isn’t a ROKETTO PUNCH.
* Cannot enchant this glove with Ki-focus and seeking so I can delver a stunning fist from across the continent.
*Not matter my skill ranks, I cannot steal the eyes out of the watches’ heads without them knowing.
*Likewise with their hearts.
*Likewise with the barmaid’s virginity.
*if you steal a national landmark pre-epic, people WILL notice, thank you very much.
* Even if dragons do have a breath-weapon gland, making a called shot to it will not make them explode like a pinto.

PrometheusMFD
2012-04-07, 10:21 PM
2808: No matter what the rules and my skill check say, I cannot sell life insurance to the undead.
2809: I cannot outsource the party, even if they work for coppers on the gold piece.

feo2
2012-04-09, 09:37 AM
2810: I may not convince the minions of a cult to attack their leader.
2810b: Even if they are worshiping a fire god and I project my voice though a fire orb that our wizard produced
2811: I do not get a bonus for talking to minions of a cult for being able to turn one before

Kyrian
2012-04-09, 11:10 AM
2812: I am not to try and kill every mayor, governor, king, queen, important Quest-giving NPC that I see.

2812.2: Even if I can give a legit in character excuse as to why my character would want to destroy the hierarchy and take over himself...

2813: I'm not allowed to make my mutt characters anymore, though honestly I question the DM that allowed me a Drow/Dragon(all, I didn't feel like narrowing which breed)/Fire Elemental.

2813.2: I'm also not allowed to roll 3d20 and keep that number for said character, though again I question the DM on that one. o.O

PurityIcekiller
2012-04-09, 06:17 PM
2814: 2d3 is not the same as 1d6.
2815: I may not stack Bags of Holding.
2816: Even if my weapon is a pickaxe, I'm not allowed to use the battlecry "Remember Tunnel 17!".
2817: Nymphs do not get massive bonuses to stealing.

Wookieetank
2012-04-10, 08:09 AM
2815: I may not stack Bags of Holding.


2818. I may not stack bags of holding in order to use the resulting planar rift as a means to remove the BBEG from the prime material of the campaign setting.
2819. If I am to do so, the campaign is not considered complete, and all quest rewards are with held untill the BBEG is in fact Dead.

Karoht
2012-04-10, 11:09 AM
2820: I will not add the words "...of DOOM *dun dun dun daaaaaaaaah*" to anything anyone says, regardless of if it would be in character for me to do so.

PrometheusMFD
2012-04-10, 01:03 PM
2821: I am not to recreate any scene from The Eye of Argon
a: Nor any dialogue
b: Nor any character

Balmas
2012-04-10, 01:37 PM
2822: If I am the party's main warrior, I am not allowed to take Vow of Peace.

Kane0
2012-04-10, 06:07 PM
2823. I am not allowed to homebrew a class that is better balanced than half of the core classes.
2823a. Especially if the character is better at what is does than the base class dedicated to that role without being OP.

2824. I am not allowed to roleplay a homebrewed class better than others using clearly fluffed core classes.
2824a. Especially if the DM becomes inclined to give me useless things / abilities with no use but for RP.

2825. I am not allowed to present both rule- and fluff- based reasons to keep and use the homebrew class that fit better than some base classes.

Choco
2012-04-12, 02:48 PM
2822: If I am the party's main warrior, I am not allowed to take Vow of Peace.

2826: If I am NOT the party's main warrior, I am not allowed to be a better warrior than the party's main warrior.
2826a: Especially if I am a caster.
2826b: Even if it is somewhat unavoidable in 3.5 that properly built casters will be better than everyone at everything.

Xerinous
2012-04-13, 02:48 PM
2827: I'm not allowed to make a +5 returning adamantine heavy shield.
2827a: Especially if I name it The Shield Of The Avenger.
2827b: If I build a character around throwing my shield, I am not allowed to call myself Captain <nation>.

Balmas
2012-04-13, 03:07 PM
2828: If the party consists of Bob the straight-laced paladin, Kayndar the Radiant Servant of Pelor, and Aerith the nature-loving druid, my next character should not be Rhomus, the Vecna-worshipping undead necromancer.
2828a: Even if he's neutral.
2828b: And no, sending a horde of wights to save children from a burning orphanage is not going to end well.

Cieyrin
2012-04-16, 04:42 PM
2827: I'm not allowed to make a +5 returning adamantine heavy shield.
2827a: Especially if I name it The Shield Of The Avenger.
2827b: If I build a character around throwing my shield, I am not allowed to call myself Captain <nation>.

Tell that to Captain Andoran (http://paizo.com/forums/dmtz4pwr?Captain-Andoran). :smallcool:

2829. I'm not allowed to kill just one enemy and then hold back while I tap my foot expectantly for the rest of the party to pull their weight and kill the rest.
2829b. Doesn't matter that there are equal amounts of PCs to enemies.
2829c. Especially when I'm playing a Summoner and by my own logic I should kill 2 enemies, since I provide both my Summoner and Eidolon.
2830. I'm not allowed to continue torturing enemies after the party extracts all useful information out of an enemy.
2830b. Especially when none of us are evil but neutral is pretty prevalent.

PurityIcekiller
2012-04-16, 05:11 PM
2831: Aimlessly and aggravatingly alliterative announcements of actions are always to be avoided.
2832: No matter how many Reverse Gravity spells I use, I cannot go into space.
2833: Adventuring parties do not need balloons, cake, or presents.
2834: I do not get experience points for killing the Dungeon Master.

Balmas
2012-04-17, 12:27 AM
Split the Sky: As you strike, you invoke ancient words of holy wrath that rumble with the power of storm clouds, causing your foe to stumble backward and fall.

2835. Regardless of the flavor text, the name of the power is not "Fus Ro Dah."

2836: Any character that makes the DM bookmark more than ten pages for reference is automatically vetoed.

2837: Just because I can play a wizard with enough minions, gold and stats to solve both the national debt and cancer at the same time does not mean that I should.

Kelvin360
2012-04-17, 01:14 AM
2838: I am no longer allowed to make custom Epic Level Weapons, no matter how much gold I have.
2839: I may not make a cleric who takes a homebrew vow of suffering (+8 Wisdom, double healing effects, cannot heal himself) and cast healing spells on a party member with spell turning active to bypass it.
2840: Not matter how much ego it has or how powerful it is, evil intelligent weapons cannot possess their wielders by shouting 'ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL'.
2841: Nor can the weapon fire slow-moving concussive fireballs that activate a symbol of pain and shout 'THIS HURTS YOU'.
2842: Evil intelligent weapons are not Harbinger!
2842b: However, a CE intelligent greatsword is perfectly allowed to shout things like 'Murder Death Kill Bwa ha haaa!' in combat.

anmgarmvits
2012-04-29, 03:15 AM
2843: I am no longer allowed to hit bartenders in the back of the head with Whiskey bottles while invisible.
2843a: I am also not allowed to sever their heads and pull out their intestines, and make him into a hand-puppet.
2843b: Also not allowed to make him sound like the Merchant from Resident Evil 4 while saying "Sorry I got ahead of myself, what do you want to drink. Oh wait! I don't have hands!"

2844: I am no longer allowed pickpoket the alchemists vials and pretend it was the party's healer.
2844a: I am also not allowed to decapitate the party's healer for not healing any of the injured party, proclaiming "He was deaf" and couldn't understand us.
2844b: Also not allowed to loot the Healer's gear and scream out "Trolls in the dungeon, Trolls in the dungeon!" while running away.

2845: I am no longer allowed to play Chaotic Neutral.

GuesssWho
2012-04-29, 11:28 PM
2846: I do not have a Cannibalism Superpower (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/CannibalismSuperpower).
2847: I am not a Half-Ooze.
2848: I may not play a Great Wyrm Prismatic dragon. Even in an epic campaign.
2849: We can't play gods on adventures, nothing we meet will be enough of a challenge to be interesting.

The Second
2012-04-30, 12:20 AM
2850: If I am playing the paladin, I may not make lewd innuendos while I lay hands on someone.
2851: I may not use the spell Transmute Rock to Mud to create a mud wrestling ring then challenge the bard to a match.
2952: The apparatus of the crab does not have a V10, six speed gearbox, and comfy seating for eight.
2953: Absolutely no playing solitaire with the deck of many things.
2954: If my character is eating steak while the rest of the party is eating iron rations, I had better have bought enough to share.
2855: If the rangers wolf bites me after I have been poking him with a stick for the last hour I may not suggest we cut off it's head and have it tested for rabies.

PurityIcekiller
2012-04-30, 04:56 AM
2856: I may not wield undead or constructs or use them as ammunition, either. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=12452349#post12452349)
2857: The shark pit must be crossed with a method other than the Jump skill.
2858: I may not persuade the entire party to have maximum ranks in at least one Perform skill.
2859: I do not have weapon proficiency with trees.
2860: I cannot play a donkey-person assassin under any circumstances.

anmgarmvits
2012-04-30, 12:52 PM
2859: I do not have weapon proficiency with trees.


2861: I am Not Allowed to play any type of character named "Reginald"
2861a: Reginald Carmichael the Third Esquire Jr. Sr. Jr. Former Mad Alchemist, Present Leader of Our Lady of Perpetual Invincible Bears, Future God Fearing American, is the only PC, turned NPC, turned Cthul-ian Mythos character to bear the Cursed name "Reginald" for all time.

The Second
2012-04-30, 05:35 PM
2062: I am not to sing 'We represent the Lollipop Guild" while visiting the secret halfling homelands. Even if I am playing a halfling bard. Even if my character is the grandson of the ancestral ruler of the secret halfling homelands, and the hero destined to save it from eternal ruin.

2063: I may not, under any circumstances, even if I ask nicely, cast Otto's Irresistible Dance on the ancestral ruler of the secret halfling homeland.

2964: I am not allowed, ever again, to play a halfling bard who is unknowingly the prince of the secret halfling homeland.

2065: The DM will remember that asking me for plot inspiration is a really bad idea.

Wookieetank
2012-05-01, 08:24 AM
2065: The DM will remember that asking me for plot inspiration is a really bad idea.

2065a. If the DM for some reason doesn't remember, they get whats coming to them :smallamused:

2066. Playing a clumsy character who has a tendency to fall into water named Kerplunk Sploosh, is frowned upon.

2067. When playing a blilnd wizard, fireballs are not the first, last and best line of defense.
2067a. Especially if they're invisible fireballs :smallbiggrin:

2068. The deck of many things is not meant to be loot found in the first adventure.
2068a. Even if you just want to see if the characters are brave enough to even draw 1 card.

2069. Having a partially used deck of many things as loot is just plain mean, and in some cases evil.

Choco
2012-05-22, 01:58 AM
2070: When my character's family is kidnapped the proper response is to bite the plot hook and go rescue them, NOT to say "They can take care of themselves, I'm not their babysitter. And besides we have a world to save, that kinda takes priority anyway and this is obviously meant to distract us."
2070a: Even if it is entirely in character and said family ARE trained warriors.

2071: I am not allowed to create a character that is so good at stealth that the only way they can even be spotted is if the DM min/maxes them around doing so.

2072: I am not allowed to make fun of stereotypes.
2072a: Especially stereotypes that are represented at the table.
2072b: Even if I am the one representing.

Emperor Ing
2012-05-22, 02:14 AM
2073: NEVER question the GM's prejudice against the Book of Weeaboo Fightan Magic

Metahuman1
2012-05-22, 05:09 PM
2073: NEVER question the GM's prejudice against the Book of Weeaboo Fightan Magic

2074: Never play with any DM who has a prejudice against the Tome of Melee was finally given SOMETHING Nice!

GuesssWho
2012-05-22, 05:10 PM
2074: 'It's magic' does not explain everything.
2075: 'It's magic' does not explain anything in a sci-fi campaign.

Balmas
2012-05-23, 02:06 AM
2576: If at any point in time my animal companion is stronger than any party member, the character is vetoed.
2576b: Ditto for familiars.

2577: I shall never forget Rule Zero: if the book states that I can auto-crit with a vorpal sword and insta-kill any and all, but the DM says otherwise, the DM wins.

PurityIcekiller
2012-05-23, 04:05 AM
2878: There is no such character alignment as False Neutral.
2879: The guy giving us the quest may not be killed for experience as an alternative.
2880: Other players do not get docked experience points for copycatting my character design no matter how blatantly they do so.

Karoht
2012-05-24, 04:25 PM
2881: Oatmeal is not allowed to be used as ammunition for a catapult, trebuchet, or cannon. No matter how thick and heavy the Dwarf makes it every morning.
2881a: Gnome ammunition is still acceptable if the Gnome has eaten the oatmeal first.

EDIT: Actually, looking back up, I have no idea what number I should be.
2081?
2581?
2881?
I'll edit as advised.

Balmas
2012-05-24, 04:29 PM
2882: Teammates are not to be used as ammunition in any circumstances. See rule 2882B
2882B: Teammates may be flung at enemies because that's just really cool.

2883: Thou shalt make sure to keep an accurate count of rules.

Choco
2012-05-26, 02:19 AM
2884: If the DM specifically says that any cheap tactics the party uses will then become fair game for the NPC's, I am not allowed to collaborate with the rest of the party to come up with extremely cheap tactics AND easy (and not obvious :smalltongue:) ways for us to counter those tactics at the same time.

2885: I am not allowed to keep asking every NPC I talk to for their name.
2885a: Especially if I know the DM is bad at pulling names out of thin air and refuses to keep a list of names made ahead of time.
2885b: Even if I am doing it on purpose to get him to improve on one of his few glaring weaknesses and become a much better DM for it.

PurityIcekiller
2012-05-26, 02:32 AM
2886: The line on my character sheet for "Class" refers to character class, not taxonomic class.
2887: My first wish from the genie cannot be "I wish that there would be no restrictions on what I can wish for".
2888: Defeating myself does not give experience points.
2889: "Chainsaw Good" is not a valid character alignment.

Balmas
2012-05-26, 02:55 AM
2890: Chaotic Neutral does not give me the right to do whatever I want.
2891: Keeping track of how many minutes pass between Monty Python jokes will result in DM smitage.
2892: Especially if I'm keeping track so I can inject something every five minutes or so.
2893: If the character can be recognized by an outsider as belonging to any pantheon, I should probably rework my character sheet.
2894: Positioning myself east of a castle and programming a Stationary Rod to remain stationary compared to where the earth was will not result in the speed of the planet's rotation to smash the castle against the rod.
2895: If, at any point after third level, my character draws from twice as many sourcebooks as I have levels, I die.
2896: Books are meant to be read; however, at the table while we're playing is probably not the best time.
2897: Building little book forts is right out.
2898: I will not make any vulgar gestures at dice as I roll them. Whispering, cajoling, blowing, rubbing, hissing, kissing, are all permissable.
2899: Bards are not an acceptable source of ammunition.
2900: I do not have a holy hand grenade, in this reality or any other.

ShadowySilence
2012-05-26, 10:10 AM
2901: I am not allowed to have 3+ 18 level abilities on my first level character, even if I did roll them!
2902: I may not wield a large greataxe that causes 3d6 damage and can possibly crit for 72 total damage at level 1.
2903: I may not demand that my character be a time lord and have a Tardis.
2904: I may not demand that said character also secretly be a pony.
2905: I may not use quotations from the Princess Bride, Monty Python, Star Wars, or any other media incessantly.

planswalker
2012-06-02, 10:31 AM
2906: I may not create a character with called armor in a primary color who punches his enemies with his fists.
2906: I may not create a character with an animal companion/mount/cohort of at least huge size and call that critter any name ending in "-zord".
2907: I may not have said critter combine with four others to form a mega-critter.
2908: I may not play a floating head in a jar who uses leadership shenanigans to gain five cohorts who all are teenagers.
2909: I may not create a construct Whose name is Alpha. If that one is destroyed, I am not allowed to recreate it and just tack on a roman numeral. I am especially not allowed to repeat this process five times.
2910: I am not allowed to shout "make my monster grow!" before casting enlarge person, giant vermin, or animal growth.

Hiro Protagonest
2012-06-02, 12:56 PM
l2893: If the character can be recognized by an outsider as belonging to any pantheon, I should probably rework my character sheet.
Do the X-Men count as a pantheon? What about the Avengers?

2894: Positioning myself east of a castle and programming a Stationary Rod to remain stationary compared to where the earth was will not result in the speed of the planet's rotation to smash the castle against the rod.

2894a. Alternatively, it will result in a neat little hole the shape of the rod appearing in the castle wall.

Seriously, if a small gas tank (like a welding tank) can propel itself hard enough to leave a neat little hole in a wall of cinderblocks (from Mythbusters), something going many many times faster shouldn't have a problem.

2911. My Slayer cannot be based off Kamina, Augus, Asura, and King Bumi.
2911a. This extends to all my characters.

PurityIcekiller
2012-06-02, 02:20 PM
2912: I cannot take "Improved Tsundere" as a fighter bonus feat.
2913: Speech bubbles are not deadly weapons.
2914: Dwarven rangers do not automatically have elephants as their favoured enemy.

ShadowySilence
2012-06-02, 04:51 PM
2915: I cannot suggest that the party and the BBEG just simply solve their problems by sitting in a circle and singing Kumbaya.
2916: I cannot go super-saiyan, no matter how hard or long my character screams.
2917: I cannot be a zombie, vampire, werewolf, lich, pony all at the same time.
2918: I cannot take joy in attempting to make every little spell OP by giving partially logical reasons why it would be.
2919: I cannot become the new BBEG and hold the world hostage for $100 Billion worth of gold coins.

planswalker
2012-06-02, 04:56 PM
2920: I can become the BBEG and ransom the world for 100 billion gold... but the plucky band of heroes will destroy me at the last possible moment.

Metahuman1
2012-06-02, 06:09 PM
2906: I may not create a character with called armor in a primary color who punches his enemies with his fists.
2906: I may not create a character with an animal companion/mount/cohort of at least huge size and call that critter any name ending in "-zord".
2907: I may not have said critter combine with four others to form a mega-critter.
2908: I may not play a floating head in a jar who uses leadership shenanigans to gain five cohorts who all are teenagers.
2909: I may not create a construct Whose name is Alpha. If that one is destroyed, I am not allowed to recreate it and just tack on a roman numeral. I am especially not allowed to repeat this process five times.
2910: I am not allowed to shout "make my monster grow!" before casting enlarge person, giant vermin, or animal growth.

Oh. My. God.

I actually JUST finished watching the original Mighty Morphing Power Rangers Movie form 1995. God, I can remember why the original was such a hit now, SOOOO many fond early child hood memories brought back!

You know what, I'm totally breaking some of those rules in a game and soon!

planswalker
2012-06-02, 07:36 PM
I recommend rule 2808,

Hiro Protagonest
2012-06-02, 10:44 PM
I recommend rule 2808,

You mean 2908?

2921. My Synthesist Summoner cannot have ten eidolons.
2921a. And no, they can't all be stored in a magic item that looks like a wristwatch.
2921b. And his last name (and in some cases, middle name/middle name initial) can't lend itself as a pun when compared to his age.

Balmas
2012-06-03, 07:12 PM
2922: Despite its use in such classical works as the 1812 overture, my bard can never have ranks in Perform (Cannon).

Omeganaut
2012-06-04, 06:45 AM
2923: Not allowed to use body percussion to perform if I forgot my drum in my other pair of pants.
2923a: Not allowed to spend a half-hour debating with the DM over why body percussion is a legitimate performance method.
2923b: Not allowed to use a list of expected proficiencies of the average professional dancer and percussionist to prove my point.
2923c: Not allowed to find relevant historical evidence to prove it was the same in misdeal times (it is a medieval setting!)
2923d: Not allowed to play a bard if you are a musician.

PurityIcekiller
2012-06-04, 02:06 PM
2924: I may not call any NPC with levels in Expert "The Criminologist".
2925: Harper Scouts are not particularly susceptible to Prismatic Spray.
2926: I may not give players of recently-killed characters punny one-liners about their cause of death followed by asking them whether they want to Restore, Restart or Quit.
2927: Rogues do not have weapon proficiency with mugs.

@V: Uh... That's a bit behind there.

Cuthalion
2012-06-04, 04:33 PM
2928. I'm not allowed to sell or clean fullplate that's a size category too small after it fell into a cesspool and you spent a while trying to get it out.

planswalker
2012-06-04, 05:05 PM
2926: I am not allowed to reference strange indie movies in my character's dreams while bleeding out in combat.

ShadowySilence
2012-06-04, 06:50 PM
2927: I am not allowed to smash the pixie that is stuck inside the bag, no matter how annoying it gets (long story).
2928: I am not allowed to mend the book I broke using mend with another mend spell.
2929: I am not allowed to fill my bag of holding with gold coins, then jump in and take a money bath.
2930: I am not allowed to play as an Ilithid doctor, ever...again.
2931: I am not allowed to claim myself the goblin god-king.
2932: I am not allowed to make it my master plan to cause my raven familiar to ascend to god-hood.
2933: I am not allowed to have a bard who is skilled in "Perform: Rap"
2934: I am not allowed to have a choice in whether or not my bard becomes the living shield again.
2935: I am not allowed to play a wizard who speaks only in Gandalf and Dumbledore quotations.

Choco
2012-06-04, 07:12 PM
2939: My sorcerer's familiar is not allowed to be the most intelligent member of the party.
2939a: Even if this happened entirely by the rules, and on its own without any planning on anyone's part.

2940: In D20 modern, when one of the party members gets 1-shotted by someone with a big gun, I am not allowed to point and laugh and say "see, THAT is why I told you to not fight without cover!" (both in and out of character).

2941: It doesn't matter if my character is a sniper and it's OK by the rules, the DM is not going to let me put a scope on my rocket launcher.
2941a: On that note, my sniper cannot specialize in rocket launchers.

2942: While explosives are often good at solving the problem immediately at hand, they have the habit of creating many more problems, especially when set off in a densely populated area.
2942a: My response to the DM telling me the above is not allowed to be "Why do you think I bought so much dynamite? I got enough to handle whatever other "problems" this city throws at me!"

2943: Maxed out stealth scores (with all possible positive situational modifiers!), a silencer, subsonic ammo, and all range-increasing feats/class features/equipment available MAY lead to the DM deciding to just carpet bomb the whole area cause that's the only way my character is ever going to get hit by anything.
2943a: If the above happens, and the DM is glad he finally hit me with something, I am not allowed to point out that I have Evasion and easily passed my reflex save.

2944: I am not allowed to (ab)use evasion in order to survive unscathed carrying out a suicide bombing. Multiple times.

2945: After all the BS I have done in the game, I am not allowed to cry when my character gets sniped in the street.
2945a: Especially if that is a tactic that I myself have used.

PurityIcekiller
2012-06-04, 08:50 PM
Thanks for getting us back on track, Choco.

2944: There is no skill synergy between Bluff and Perform (String Instruments).
2945: No character class has weapon proficiency with surprise, fear, ruthless efficiency, an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope or nice red uniforms.
2946: I may not make a business out of Tarrasque rides.

Balmas
2012-06-04, 09:37 PM
2947: I am proficient with stringed instruments. That does not grant me proficiency with garottes.

Karoht
2012-06-05, 10:15 AM
2947: I am proficient with stringed instruments. That does not grant me proficiency with garottes.
If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
If you can string a guitar, you can string someone's neck just fine.

Nerefen
2012-06-06, 03:29 PM
2948: I am not allowed to ride Zombie goats.
2949: I am not allowed to sleep through the bandit ambush
2950: I am not allowed to barter with with the bullywug vampire
2951: I am not allowed to use a dead clay golem as shelter
2952: I am not allowed to use the zombie goat (aforementioned) to kill my party
2953: I am not allowed to eat mouldy horse burritos covered in spit
2954: I am not allowed to exchange my leather armour for gnomish chaps

(My players all attempted or did these... all while they were 1st level:annoyed:)

Mordokai
2012-06-06, 03:40 PM
2933: I am not allowed to have a bard who is skilled in "Perform: Rap"

2955: That goes double for Perform: Rape.

PurityIcekiller
2012-06-06, 03:42 PM
2956: Making any "pal" jokes around paladins is seriously not a good idea.
2957: Dwarves do not have murderous hatred of aristocrats as a racial trait.
2958: I may not play a half-elf or half-orc bard if I've been listening to Cher lately.

Karoht
2012-06-07, 03:02 PM
2958: I may not play a half-elf or half-orc bard if I've been listening to Cher lately.:smalleek:
Seconded.

2959: For the last time, no, I may not take an Iron Golem and wear it like a suit of armor. Especially if my name is any derivitive of Anthony or Antonius. Non-compliance will result in a stark reminder of who the real war machine is.

North_Ranger
2012-06-10, 05:41 AM
2943: Maxed out stealth scores (with all possible positive situational modifiers!), a silencer, subsonic ammo, and all range-increasing feats/class features/equipment available MAY lead to the DM deciding to just carpet bomb the whole area cause that's the only way my character is ever going to get hit by anything.


Interesting fact: This is actually how the Soviets tried to off Simo Häyhä, a Finnish WWII-era sniper. (http://www.cracked.com/article_17019_5-real-life-soldiers-who-make-rambo-look-like-*****.html)

Apparently they only snagged his jacket a bit.

Phosphate
2012-06-10, 07:12 AM
2960. I am not allowed to give my barbarian ranks in Perform: Orgies.
2961. I am not allowed to claim that the above provides him with a competence bonus to fortitude saves.
2962. Hitting someone with the broad side of my dagger is not a valid way of dealing bludgeoning lethal damage.
2963. When communing with St. Cuthbert, I may not ask "Stupid says yes or no, right?".
2964. My Neutral Good softie character cannot stop the group and force them to prepare a funeral for every single plant-type we slaughter.
2965. I cannot take ranks in Craft (Smart Lies), Craft (News Network), Craft (Disguise), Craft (choreographies), Craft (taunts), Craft (Mutual Benefits) just because my cha modifier is too damn low for Bluff, Gather Information, Disguise, Perform, Intimidate and Diplomacy to work.

Ninja PieKing
2012-06-15, 12:59 PM
2966. not allowed to get through 3 sessions of game play in less than 45 minutes again.
2966a. even if it was in character
2967. can't win the boss fight by declaring myself batman then taking out a third of the bosses hp.
2967a. especially not in a post apocalyptic batman universe while rescuing Robin and the Penguin
2968. not allowed to claim the bosses spine as a weapon
2969.can't make anymore cannons out of oil drums

now for pathfinder
2970. not allowed to build a strength based two weapon ranger specialized in throwing weapons

Xerinous
2012-06-15, 01:30 PM
2971: I'm not allowed to turn into a talking allosaurus in the middle of a crowded market just to freak out the commoners.
2971a: Or any kind of large, carnivorous dinosaur.

2972: Control Weather is not to be used to destroy cities, just because I don't like the people who live there.

2973: If any part of any plan I propose involves some rope, the mayor/village elder/governor/monarch/whatever's daughter, and a horde of rabid monkeys, I am not allowed to see that plan through to completion.
2973a: Anyone protesting this rule will be hit by a flying Core Rulebook. Pathfinder's, specifically. That thing's ridiculous.

Markadelf
2012-06-15, 02:26 PM
2974: I will not have my atheist Charechtor to ask the dietys to smiteth me foes

PurityIcekiller
2012-06-15, 02:36 PM
2975: As interesting as it might be, I cannot have the entire party play NPC classes.
2976: I'm automatically exempt from party leadership if my character's name is Donner.
2977: If the party gets giant bird mounts only to have them killed in mid-flight, I may not say "Rocs die, everyone falls".
2978: I may not play an archer character named Laura who has the Dagger of Amon Ra as a melee weapon.

Ninja PieKing
2012-06-15, 02:59 PM
2979. Can not convince my group to play nothing but wizards each specialized in a different school of magic

MesiDoomstalker
2012-06-15, 03:03 PM
2980: I may not play an elementallly based character unless I'm ok with constant Avatar references:
2980a: If I'm ok with references, I'm not allowed to have the character go volatile when under extreme emotional duress and go hog wild with his/her elemental powers.

North_Ranger
2012-07-05, 06:55 AM
Some rules I intend to make a certain male player of mine agree to:
2981.) You are not allowed to play a gnome sorceress with huge boobies.
2981b) Especially if said boobies become instrumental in her spellcasting.
2982) You know what? You're not allowed to play anything with the phrase "huge boobies" attached to their description.
2982b) Variants thereof - including but not limited to "massive mammaries", "knock-out knockers", "bulging sails" and "tits resembling over-inflated basketballs" - are also forbidden.

Karoht
2012-07-05, 10:40 AM
Some rules I intend to make a certain male player of mine agree to:
2981.) You are not allowed to play a gnome sorceress with huge boobies.
2981b) Especially if said boobies become instrumental in her spellcasting.
2982) You know what? You're not allowed to play anything with the phrase "huge boobies" attached to their description.
2982b) Variants thereof - including but not limited to "massive mammaries", "knock-out knockers", "bulging sails" and "tits resembling over-inflated basketballs" - are also forbidden.

What if said player takes the Trait "Rich Parents"
That way said player could in fact start the game owning
*cue the sunglasses*
Huge... Tracts of Land

planswalker
2012-07-05, 10:43 AM
2983: I may no longer enter into RAW debates on the forums and then bring them to my RL group, taking devil's advocate just to kill time and play the bait and switch on my dm so he'll accept the ruling I really want pushed through.

AsteriskAmp
2012-07-05, 12:26 PM
2984. Let it snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow! is not a spell, furthermore, it does not make it snow, not even if I'm in fact the druid.
2985. No, not even if I chant it in latin.
2986. Or any other language the DM doesn't know.
2987. Each time I say something in a language different from English I must have a translation ready for the DM.
2988. Elven wine is not in fact vinegar mixed with water, regardless of what my dwarven cooking teacher said.
2989. Water Walk does not allow me to walk over elven wine, even though its technically water in its alcohol content.
2990. If a succubus kidnaps a party member, offering to tape the encounter is not the appropriate course of action.
2991. Nor is reassuring his/her girlfriend/boyfriend that it will be a sex-ed lesson at worst.
2992. The fact that I have INT 19 does not mean I can start thinking of infinitely small pieces of something and invent calculus.
2993. While Oil of Vitriol and Aqua Fortis are alchemical substances, mixing them carefully on a freezing bathtub is not alchemy.
2994. My character cannot be named Alfred, nor is he to invent modern chemistry based on the discovery of trinitrotoluene by performing alchemy.
2995. A tesla coil is not something I can make with my Dungeoneering check, despite the word neering being in it and it involving an Engine.
2996. I cannot call a black clump of doughy materials Rogue 2.0 because it can open doors and blow up traps.
2997. I must mention it being black powder to the DM before we reach the dungeon.
2998. Charcoal, fertilizer and sulfur are of limits to any character I make... ever.
2999. My character can no longer have ranks in craft and diplomacy, running a business is not what my level 12 character should be doing when the world is near its end and he has the McGuffin of world saving atop of Ominous Mount.
3000. Hegelian philosophy should not be presented to celestial creatures, we don't want Baator to refill.

Cieyrin
2012-07-05, 12:43 PM
What if said player takes the Trait "Rich Parents"
That way said player could in fact start the game owning
*cue the sunglasses*
Huge... Tracts of Land

3001. I may not justify any character decisions with references to Monty Python.

PurityIcekiller
2012-07-05, 03:34 PM
3002: My cleric's deity cannot be the Dungeon Master.
3003: Under no circumstances may I name my thief "Robin McSteel".
3004: Batman is not a character class.

Karoht
2012-07-05, 04:00 PM
3003: Under no circumstances may I name my thief "Robin McSteel".
I had to read this 3 times before I got it. I'm having an off day it seems.

Balmas
2012-07-05, 06:35 PM
3005: If the DM calls for a spot check and I roll a 20, but don't see anything, that means that the DM is trolling me. What it does not mean is "Oh gads something invisible fire missiles."

Ninja PieKing
2012-07-09, 05:51 PM
3006. The DM's favored weapon is not the ban hammer

PurityIcekiller
2012-07-09, 06:55 PM
3007: Mattocks and lockpicks are not interchangeable.
3008: My character cannot have an accent that even I can't understand.
3009: I cannot avoid the Magic Missile spell with bad puns about "miss-iles".

Karoht
2012-07-09, 07:01 PM
3008: No one in the party is now allowed to have anything resembling, even in name only, an "Atrocity Knife." Forks, spoons, and sporks are not acceptable either.

Amidus Drexel
2012-07-09, 09:52 PM
3009. I am not allowed to use my Luck domain daily reroll on my hit points for leveling up.
3010a. My holy symbol may not be a fifth of vodka.
3010b. No, not even if I am a dwarf.
3011a. My dwarf cleric may not adventure schlozzled, inebriated, tipsy or any other word that means drunk.
3011b. I also may not pronounce my spells as if my cleric were any of the above. Lay Sliving!
3012. The NPC's are not just "potential enemies", and I may not target them with flame strikes, especially the commoners.

Wookieetank
2012-07-11, 08:01 PM
3013. I am no longer allowed to taunt the DM in character.
3013a. If I do so I get what's coming for/to me.
3014. Luring guards into darkened areas in hopes of getting them eaten by a grue, will instead get me eaten by a grue.
3014a. Even if I have grue repellant on me.

Ninja PieKing
2012-07-12, 04:53 PM
3015. may not reference the bible.
3015a. especially not by naming my cleric Jesus.
3015b. doubly so if I take leadership and gain a cohort named Judas.
3015c. if I do so it will end with my character being crucified.
3015d. If I do the above I won't bribe the paladin with booze to resurrect me .
3015e. If all that comes to pass I will not then reveal that my cleric was plotting the destruction of the evil empire we are in for irony.

Balmas
2012-07-12, 08:45 PM
3016: No, I do not have a herd of sheep handily tucked in my backpack. Any attempts to convince the dragon otherwise will result in him eating me along with the backpack.
3017: No matter how well I roll, I cannot bluff the DM.

PurityIcekiller
2012-07-17, 11:40 PM
3018: Descriptions of baked goods do not give me roll-playing experience.
3019: Characters who have been raised from the dead do not get an extra share of the treasure.

thrompton
2012-07-18, 11:43 AM
3020: My character is won't gain skill point in Knowledge(nature) or Knowledge(monster) pis cutting the cadaver into pieces.

3021: If my character is small and not menacing, i won't be able to intimidate a Giant of any kind.

Choco
2012-07-19, 01:19 PM
3022: When another player complains that I am min/maxing, I am not allowed to respond with "Your character is actually built way better than mine, you can start overshadowing me any time you decide to stop playing like a 6 month old monkey with ADD and start putting some thought into your actions for a change."
3022a: Even if it is true.
3022b: Even if I have proven this point multiple times over the past few years.
3022c: Saying "L2P N00b!!!" isn't any better.

3023: Uttering the line "like that is enough to kill me" causes the damage source to grow and multiply until it IS enough to kill me.

3024: My character is not allowed to heroically and epically sacrifice himself to save the villain from the rest of the party.
3024a: Even if said "villain" is much more of a good guy than anyone else on the party and my character knows it.

3025: My character's (actual, not faked, and permanent) death cannot be a part of any of my long-term plans.

Ninja PieKing
2012-07-19, 04:08 PM
3026 May not destroy an entire plane to kill a kolbold.
3026a even punpun.
3026b mostly because that won't work

3027 my minions may not out number the followers of all three major gods combined

3028 may not sell my nemesis into slavery for a copper peace
3028a especially not a sex slave
3028b repeatedly, every time we meet.
3029 when the chaotic evil cleric of the god of destruction takes her under his wing I shall not continue trying to sell her
3030 may not instead strip her naked and use her as a distraction to get sneak attack.

PurityIcekiller
2012-07-19, 04:51 PM
3031: I may not wield an alchemical silver warhammer, especially if my character's name is Maxwell.
3032: I do not have weapon proficiency with dirty limericks.
3033: Dwarves do not have inability to notice being on fire as a racial trait.

Karoht
2012-07-19, 04:53 PM
3033: Dwarves do not have inability to notice being on fire as a racial trait.

Do orcs?

"Trog on bunnies! Trog on bunnies!"
*Trog was in fact, covered head to toe in lantern oil and was actually on fire*

GuesssWho
2012-07-21, 07:35 PM
3031: I may not wield an alchemical silver warhammer, especially if my character's name is Maxwell.

3031b: Nor may he be a demonologist.

3034: My wizard with a cat familiar may not be named Schrodinger.
3034b: Nor may the cat be named Cheshire--or named after anywhere else in the UK.

3035: Drunkfighting is silly. Tiredfighting is just sad.

Ninja PieKing
2012-07-22, 08:24 AM
3036. My bard may not worship the following: Fergie, David Bowie, Kieth Moon, Mozart, any of The Beatles, Freddie Mercury, Steven Tyler, or Ozzy.

Xerinous
2012-07-22, 10:19 AM
3036. My bard may not worship the following: Fergie, David Bowie, Kieth Moon, Mozart, any of The Beatles, Freddie Mercury, Steven Tyler, or Ozzy.

3036a: Dio is okay though.

3037: "When in doubt, burn everything" is generally not an acceptable plan.

3038: My druid cannot be named Drew Idd.

mattsdelf
2012-07-22, 10:29 AM
3039: I am not allowed to polymorph all the peasants into juvenile green dragons. Not even if it's a good idea.

Archmage1
2012-07-24, 09:49 AM
rule 3040: I am not allowed to craft nuclear weapons in a medieval setting
rule 3041: Not even if I have a way to learn how from the future
rule 3042: I am not allowed to use wish/gate to create a nuclear weapon
rule 3043: I am not allowed to create a spell with a 7 second duration that creates non-magical items.
rule 3044: if I do so, I may not create anything that explodes, could do damage, or could be useful

newBlazingAngel
2012-07-31, 12:07 AM
3045: Just because rule 34 exists doesn't mean the dungeon master follows it.
3046: That doesn't mean I should follow rule 35.
3047: Should my halfing bard with 17 charisma take a job delivering pizzas, I will be killed by a succubi who enjoys pizza.

PurityIcekiller
2012-07-31, 12:17 AM
3048: Bards cannot wear armour designed for mounts.
3049: If the party cleric is a werewolf or other canine, I may not order them to "heal".
3050: Any character name that might result in Abbott-and-Costello-style confusion will be rejected.

Amidus Drexel
2012-07-31, 10:50 PM
3048: Bards cannot wear armour designed for mounts.

XD I had a bard in my party who did that.

3051. I may not cast tasha's hideous laughter on an NPC to make them appreciate my puns.

Xerinous
2012-08-01, 02:59 AM
3052: The somatic component for Finger of Death is not giving the enemy the finger.

3053: Bigby's Grasping Hand cannot grasp concepts.

3054: No more Half-Celestial, Half-Fiend, Half-Dragon enemies.
3054a: Especially if the base creature is a Half-Elf or Half-Orc.

Wookieetank
2012-08-01, 08:54 AM
3052: The somatic component for Finger of Death is not giving the enemy the finger.

3053: Bigby's Grasping Hand cannot grasp concepts.

3054: No more Half-Celestial, Half-Fiend, Half-Dragon enemies.
3054a: Especially if the base creature is a Half-Elf and Half-Orc.

Fixed that for ya :smallwink:

3054a. As a player or DM if my character/NPC/monster is less than 1/4 anything due to the number of Half-whatevers, it is instantly percived as an abomination and will be hunted down and killed as such.

3055. As a wizard, am not allowed to create abominations and claim that they are creative "flesh golems"

3056. In fact I'm no longer allowed to play half anything.

EagleX16
2012-08-02, 02:47 PM
3057: No, Sam, you can't name your elf Legolas. And no, your elf can't be a fighter with a bow. Ever. Actually, none of your elves can have bows.
3058: No, your elf can't be named Elrond, either. Actually, you can't play elves at all anymore. Or half elves.

Hexalan
2012-08-12, 10:33 PM
3059. I am not allowed to ask what "Core" means.
3060. I can't join a game where the shtick is "Core only", then ask if I can use 12 different sources.
3060a. I can't do the above, then use 12 different sources anyway.
3061. Book of Vile Darkness/Exalted Deeds do not count as core just because they are mentioned in the DMG.
3062. Pathfinder is not "the other 3.5".
3063. CoC is not "the other Pathifnder".
3064. 4e is not "the other CoC".
3065. I cannot convince all the players in my party to create male human barbarians all named Spartacus.
3066. I cannot make something up ridiculously overpowered, then convince the DM that it was from an anonymous homebrew I found on the internet.
3067. I cannot make a male goblin multiclass fighter/rogue/cleric/barbarian/paladin/monk/wizard/sorcerer/bard/ranger/druid named Senor Vorpal Kickasso.
3068. I can't get Weapon Proficiency (Furniture).
3069. Not being able to rhyme or wink is not a valid character flaw.
3070. I am not allowed to be a half stone golem.
3071. I am no longer allowed to read Goblins.
3072. I can't encourage friends new to DnD to be Elven Barbarians or Half-Orc Wizards.
3073. I can't make the Sphinx's Riddle "How do magnets work?".
3073a. or Are you smarter than a fifth grader?
3073b. or Doctor Who?
3073c. or How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
3073d. or Is the answer no?
3074. I can't make riddles anymore.
3075. If I make NPCs walking around but forgot to actually have them do anything, I can't make them say "Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter."
3075a. "I used to be an adventurer like you, but then I took an arrow to the knee."
3075b. "We won't go quietly, Legion can count on that."
3075c. "Ave true to Caeser."
3075d. "Come to Mick and Ralph's for all your shopping needs!"
3076. I can't take off all my clothes and try to use "Sexiness" as a weapon.
3076a. Especially if my character is female.
3076b. Especially if my character is a female nymph.
3076c. Especially if my character is a female troll.
3077. "Too sexy for my shirt" is not a valid character flaw.
3077a. Even if my character is female and has 18 charisma.
3077aa. Even if it is literal.

PurityIcekiller
2012-08-12, 11:00 PM
XD I had a bard in my party who did that.

Great, punning minds think alike! :smallamused:

3078: The existence of Awakened animals does not imply the existence of Obeyer or Taker animals.
3079: Grappling hooks do not give an actual bonus on grapple checks.
3080: I may not take levels in Dashing Swordsman, especially if my character is a kobold.
3081: Craft (Love) is not a skill.

rewinn
2012-08-13, 12:10 AM
3082: I am no longer allowed to use Time Stop to assemble world-ending supercritical quantities of transuranic isotopes. Even though it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Balmas
2012-08-13, 02:37 AM
3083: Weapon Proficiency (Enemies) is not a real feat.
3084: Dual-wielding enemies is right out.
3085: No matter how good a bluff check I roll, the merchant will not believe that the dead parrot is anything but.

Cieyrin
2012-08-13, 08:21 PM
3078: The existence of Awakened animals does not imply the existence of Obeyer or Taker animals.

3085. No, I may not homebrew and play a Shaper.
3086. The Geneforge does not exist.
3087. There are no canisters for my absorption.
3088. No thorn batons for my use, either.

newBlazingAngel
2012-08-13, 09:39 PM
3089) I am not to write my own players manual.

Kelvin360
2012-08-14, 01:16 AM
3090: My mallet-wielding druid cannot summon moles.
3091: My halfling does not gain any benefits from eating mushrooms, no matter how rockin' his mustache is.
3092: My paladins cannot all be stereotypical stoners.
3093: My warforged cannot have names entirely in binary.
3093a: ESPECIALLY if the name turns out to be 'Dave'. Every time.
3094: Witty one-liners have to actually be one line. I am not allowed to explain every nuance of it mid-battle to my nemesis.
3094a: ESPECIALLY if we're playing CoC and I tell the DM that this requires a SAN check.
3095: Puns can only do physical damage if they actually give the DM a migraine.
3096: I'm not allowed to give the DM any more migraines.

The Succubus
2012-08-14, 04:46 AM
3097. I am now formally banned from the Homebrew section after attempting to create a magic item "Orbs of Beguilement". I got as far as three pages before anyone caught on. >:)

Karoht
2012-08-14, 04:41 PM
3098: I do not own, nor am I permitted to own, a Banana Guided Autonomous Monkey Device, or BaGAMD.
This especially includes any time I have a primate for an animal companion or familiar or cohort or any other time one of my characters has access to a monkey and/or bananas.

Grue Bait
2012-08-14, 11:07 PM
3090: My mallet-wielding druid cannot summon moles.

3090a: This includes the small, fuzzy mammal as well as anything of Avogadro's number.
3090b: No matter how funny, this applies doubly to a mole of moles.

newBlazingAngel
2012-08-14, 11:51 PM
3099) Fighting the DM for power is wrong.

Xerinous
2012-08-15, 02:18 AM
3100: The Trapfinding ability does not grant an automatic spot check to notice a man disguised as a woman.

mattsdelf
2012-08-16, 10:46 AM
3101: As Dungeon Master, I am not allowed to base my loot off of the magic item creation page in the Dungeon Master's guide; Giving my party magic items with the power of lesser artifacts.

3102: If we are entering a dungeon where the primary enemy is undead, I cannot make a cleric with a charisma of 4.

Markadelf
2012-08-16, 11:02 AM
3103: My rouge cannot be a tea-bandit.

PurityIcekiller
2012-08-16, 12:32 PM
3103: My rouge cannot be a tea-bandit.

3104: My rouge cannot be overpowdered.

3105: Control Water is not the solution to everything.
3106: I do not have weapon proficiency with chess pieces.
3107: I may not have Snuggles (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5064368&postcount=91) as my animal companion no matter how high my druid level is.

Jester of Doom
2012-08-26, 11:05 PM
3108: My Favored Soul/Risen Martyr cannot be named "Bryan."
3108a: Nor can he be named "Bwyan."
3109: I may not make a divine spellcaster who worships themselves as their Patron Deity.
3110: Meteor Swarm does not deal bonus damage against dinosaurs.
3110a: Neither does Melf's Minute Meteors.
3111: I am not allowed to play as an amnesiac changeling with Multiple Personality Disorder.
3112: After rescuing the princess, I cannot simply ransom her myself.
3112a: Especially if I'm playing as a paladin.
3113: A paladin's "special mount" ability gives you a magical animal suitable for riding, and cannot be misconstrued in any way.
3114: If the DM says that 2+2=5, there can be no dissagreement on that matter.
3115: When the DM asks how my Warlock gets his Invocations, my response cannot be "by being awesome."

NPC White Mage
2012-09-13, 03:37 PM
3116: I am not allowed to "Summon Bigger Fish"
3117: I am not allowed to seduce the Cleric
3118: I am not allowed to seduce the enemy
3119: I am not allowed to seduce anyone for any reason.
3120: I am not allowed to have an angry badger on a stick as a weapon
3121: I am not allowed to but a bee hive in a bag and use it as a grenade
3122: I cannot, under any circumstance, make a "The Princess Bride" joke, under penalty of physical pain
3123: The above applies for Monty Python as well

PurityIcekiller
2012-09-13, 05:14 PM
...Uh, that's not quite right.

3225: In a modern setting, my half-elf character may not drive a hybrid.
3226: Player/character separation is not a flaw I can take.
3227: My ranger's favoured enemy cannot be "the rest of the party".

Kelvin360
2012-09-16, 02:51 AM
3108: My Favored Soul/Risen Martyr cannot be named "Bryan."
3108a: Nor can he be named "Bwyan."


3108b: Is he is named Bryan, he must be introverted and low-key, especially when under the effects of a 'bless' spell.

3228: Dropping squirrels from orbit is not an instant kill against whoever they hit.
3228a: Doing the same with dragons is, though.
3229: The DM doesn't care if I get every epic level mage in a hundred-mile radius to add spellcraft checks to the ritual OR how many Gods owe me favors; I can't use the Epic Spell 'rocks fall, everyone dies'.
3230: I can cast 'Nailed to the sky', but only during daylight hours.
3230a: If I somehow subvert this rule, and there is a full moon out, I cannot cast it while shouting 'I BANISH YOU TO THE MOOOOOOOOON'.
3231: If we're on the elemental plane of fire, suggesting we solve all our problems with 'MORE FIRE' does not get me a bonus to diplomacy checks vs. the inhabitants.
3231a: It'll make everyone and their brother unfailingly hostile on the elemental plane of WATER, though.
3232: 'I only memorized it once' is not a valid excuse for not saving the party with a spell that could easily target everyone.
3232a: ESPECIALLY not 'Water Breathing'.
3233: Even a cleric/druid of the storm god can't summon lightning strikes underground.
3234: I cannot subvert the above by convincing the Transmuter to create a spell that turns the dungeon roof into copper.
3234a: Random holes above our heads to the surface are fair game.
3235: Do not poke the gelatinous cubes while giggling like a simp! :smallfurious:

AgentofHellfire
2012-09-27, 05:26 PM
3236: I am not allowed to put "Bestow Curse" or "Mark of Justice" on party membrs to ensure their loyalty.
3236a: I may not go through my fellow Wizard party members' spellbooks and tear out any pages displaying the spells "Dispel Magic", "Remove Curse", "Break Enchantment"...you get the idea...so that when I put the aforementioned spells on them, they can't do anything about it.
3236b: I am especially not allowed to tell them none of this, and replace their torn-out and/or erased pages with pages that look similar enough but in fact contain some cleverly hidden errors, so they won't try to remove my contigencies in case they betray me.
3236c: No, I may not instead put Arcane Marks on their spell component pouches (or the Clerics' Holy Symbol) , so I can cast Drawmij's Instant Summons on it if they get uppity.
3236d: ...and no, it isn't their fault for not getting eschew materials, like a smart player.
3236e: Yes, this even applies when the players have a history of backstabbing their friends.

North_Ranger
2012-10-13, 07:28 PM
Things that I wish to inflict upon my gaming group:

3237. I will not try to hijack, capture or commandeer every damn vehicle that comes my way.
3238. A magic missile will never, ever be Nyan cat.
3239. Sex will not be roleplayed.
3239b. Especially paid sex.
3239c. ...with the team member who used to be a temple prostitute.
3239d. ...and who is a man.
3240. A level 1 character attacking an adult dragon will die by s*itting his pants in fear.
3241. Dire rats do not drop loot.
3241b. Not even when you perform an autopsy.

PurityIcekiller
2012-10-13, 08:42 PM
3242: Any character concept that is the set-up for an awful pun is automatically rejected.
3243: There is no such thing as bone-eating dire half-dragon saltwater werepiranhas.
3244: I may not take the Weapon Focus feat with brooms, cabbages, or ridiculous French accents.

AvocadoAvenger
2012-10-28, 09:25 PM
3245: I will not try to convince my dm to make dragons from dragon cave,
3246: or dragons based on Yoshi's small ball,
3247: or dragons based on pokemon.
3248: I cannot play an eleven-stalt (like gestalt but gets every class in phb).
3249: I will not name my character "James Bond."
3250: All of my characters cannot have the same backstory. Especially if they are in the same campaign.

Cieyrin
2012-10-29, 08:06 PM
3248: I cannot play an eleven-stalt (like gestalt but gets every class in phb).

3248a. I may not make this eleven-stalt a goblin named El Vorpal Kickasso.

Unbeknownst
2012-11-13, 02:59 AM
3251: My Rapier Wit is not a piercing weapon. (It's a Slashing)

Groundhog
2012-11-14, 11:25 PM
3252: I may not name any of my weapons "Vera."
3253: I may not trade any of my weapons for a concubine.
3253: My character may not dance under any circumstances, as that would cause all the other characters to instantly go insane.

Grue Bait
2012-11-14, 11:42 PM
3254: My rogue may not take Craft(fishbowls) for the sole purpose of transporting Gary the Mystical Rainbow Trout, a pandimensional, omniscient, hyperintelligent, evil, immortal, invincible fish.
3254a: Mounted Combat cannot be taken at first level in hopes that the DM will let me ride Gary into battle. Especially as a rogue.
3254b: Gary may not be a British stereotype with a monacle and top hat.
3254c: Gary will not evolve into Garydos at level 20.

3255: Mage Hand cannot perform "surgery" on kobolds.

3256: Summon Pure Water can not and will not be used for nefarious purposes.

3257: My character cannot be called Scoliosis because he has no background

3258: The half-elf bard and half-orc barbarian cannot be blood relatives.

3259: A lizardfolk wizard cannot be an animal familiar.
3259a: Stanley the Honeybadger, however, is a-ok.
3259b: Honey badgers will take what they want, and may not care at all.

PurityIcekiller
2012-11-15, 02:58 AM
3260: Regardless of what the rules say, I cannot dig my way out of a volcano with my bare hands.
3261: My wizard's familiar must be a normal cat, not an Exceed.
3262: The Kleptomaniac flaw is forever off-limits to me.
3263: I may not make a neutral-aligned character just to test for Helms of Opposite Alignment.

Doorhandle
2012-11-19, 07:26 PM
3264:Chainsaw kung-fu is forever off-limits to me.

3265:Cannot strap 2 brooms of flying to my back, and make a jetpack.

3266:Cannot make it a campaign goal to heard together 2 of every monster on earth, and beat the crap out of every single one.

3267:The resultant battleground is not called a zoo.

3268:Cannot refer to a messy dismemberment with a donkey's jawbone as "getting biblical" with someone.

3269:Cannot refer doing the same thing with a fossil t-rex jaw as "getting Darwinist." Also, I'm pretty sure Darwinism doesn't work that way anyway.

3270:Hammer time, eastern-pain time, and beatdown o' clock are not actual times.

3270: Not to make a watch using similar denominations.

3264: the time defined by a second is not "the approximate amount of time it takes a tarrasque to eat a village.

GuesssWho
2012-11-20, 01:22 AM
3270:Hammer time, eastern-pain time, and beatdown o' clock are not actual times.

3270b: Nor is Eastern Standard No-Time-At-All. Except in All-World.


3272: I may not play the Anti-Christ. Or regular Christ.

3273: Playing a shopkeeper is boring, so don't do it.
3273b: A politician PC is just sad.

Groundhog
2012-12-05, 12:34 AM
3274: My female fighter may not use Great Cleave. Ever.
3275: The fact that I have a ton of skill points in various types of Craft does not make me MacGyver.

PurityIcekiller
2012-12-05, 01:39 AM
3276: I may never have my rogue turn out to be a fairy in disguise again.
3277: My character's sexual orientation cannot be chosen purely for min-maxing purposes.
3278: Using the Manyshot feat to exploit True Strike is not allowed.

newBlazingAngel
2012-12-06, 12:13 AM
3279) If my first roll with a character results in injury, I am to immediately retire it.

Wookieetank
2012-12-06, 09:38 AM
3280. When playing a blind character I may not be the party's navigator.
3281. When playing a blind wizard, my first, best, and last line of defense is not to be wildly slinging fireballs about.
3281a. Particularly if they are invisible.
3281b. Not even when fighting trolls, despite them not being able to dodge what they can't see.
3282. When playing in a friend's homebrew and told that its possible to make a level 1 wizard who can turn into a dragon, I shouldn't take this as a challange and/or goal.
3283. When encountering two clans of kobolds (one with a red flag and one with a blue flag), the proper response isn't to show up with a purple flag and unite them into one clan and then procede to use them as the party's personal cannon fodder.

Edit: @V: Due to my friend's system we were using, I had gained the ability to dual cast, either casting two spells at the same time, or one spell on another spell to get altered effects. My wizard knew an invisibility spell, and liked casting "stealth" fireballs. He also had a tendency to summon invisible falling anvils. I miss that wizard, he was fun :smallbiggrin:

mangosta71
2012-12-06, 11:49 AM
3281. When playing a blind wizard, my first, best, and last line of defense is not to be wildly slinging fireballs about.
3281a. Particularly if they are invisible.
If you're blind, how would you know that they're invisible?

3284: If I run across chained captives in the course of my adventures, I may not drag them around as personal mules, and then light them on fire and sling them at my enemies at the first opportunity.
3285: My "good"-aligned character is not allowed to be more bloodthirsty than the neutral/evil adherent of the god/goddess of death.
3286: If I play a "pragmatic" paladin, I should expect to fall the first time I open my mouth.
3286a: Even if I'm speaking out of character.
3287: Even if fire is the appropriate response, the amount I advocate is never appropriate.

Karoht
2012-12-06, 01:02 PM
3288: Toppling Spell plus the spells Spiritual Ally + Spiritual Weapon no longer exist for me. Why? Because making more trip attempts every round than the Spiked Chain + Tripping focused Fighter sitting at the table won't exactly be amused.
3288a: Especially if the arcane caster at the table is backing it up with Toppling Spell + Magic Missile

Proud Tortoise
2012-12-07, 10:12 PM
3289: I may not eat dragons.
a. Not while they're alive.
b. Not when they're dead.
3290: I may not cook and eat enemies. Unless playing a sorcerer/ozadrin with Fireball.
3291: I may not use my laptop to google monster stats in the DM's line of sight.
3292: I may not play Batman.
3293: I may not play Superman.
3294: I may not play a Kender under any circumstances.
a. That goes double for Kender Batman.
3295: I may not send letters containing explosive runes.
3296: I may not post wanted flyers with explosive runes cast on them.
3297: I may not skip numbers.
3299: I may not toss handfulls of gold into crowds to incite rioting.
3300: I may not create a circular wall of flames around a group of rioters. In conjunction with a darkness spell cast by the sorcerer.
3301: I may not kill the sorcerer to stop her from telling on me.
3302: I may not lie to the DM about my character's intentions so as to fool a zone of truth.
3303. I may not break out of jail using sonic energy to shatter the walls.
3304: In pvp battle, I may not play a psion.

Drakeburn
2012-12-07, 10:33 PM
3305: Never use the treasure chest as an alternative "outhouse".
3306: Don't adopt any monsters as pets. You don't know where they've been.
3307: Don't eat any food you find laying around in the dungeon floors. You don't know how long it's been down there.
3308: Unless dying of starvation, ignore 3307. (Results may vary)

PurityIcekiller
2012-12-08, 12:30 AM
3309: There are no such creatures as koitalics and kounderlines.
3310: Princesses do not have Wild Empathy as a class feature.
3311: I may not play a half-celestial celestial.

Kelvin360
2012-12-09, 02:15 AM
3312: In the event that my nordic paladin/fighter hammer weapon master is asked to disarm, I may not initiate a smite attempt and shout 'YOU WANT ME TO PUT THE HAMMER DOWN?!'

3313: My half-giant barbarian cannot constantly remind the party wizard of his profession.

3313b: Especially not if his name is 'Harry'.

3314: In the event that our party wizard IS named 'Harry', he may not use a hockey stick as a magic staff. This goes for all of us.

3314b: Nor may he have more than 10 ranks in Escape Artist.

3315: Even when used by homebrew catpeople races, catnip does NOT activate an automatic barbarian rage. Or a haste spell.

3316: Even if I stab someone with a two-bladed sword, I cannot shout 'You just got Maul'd!'.

3317: The DM does not care how much Tumble I have. Breakdancing does NOT deal 'awesome damage'.

3318: If one of my biotic abilities is 'Dominate', shouting 'Assuming Direct Control' while using it will get me shot by everyone. Including multiple fleets. Even if they're on the other side of the galaxy.

3319: Improved Evasion no longer works against a point-blank nuclear blast.

Mordokai
2012-12-09, 03:15 PM
3318: If one of my biotic abilities is 'Dominate', shouting 'Assuming Direct Control' while using it will get me shot by everyone. Including multiple fleets. Even if they're on the other side of the galaxy.

I would let it slide. If only because Harbinger is so cheesy it's awesome already :smallbiggrin:

Groundhog
2012-12-10, 12:55 AM
(Proud Tortoise skipped a number back there, so...)

3319: I may not take ranks in Craft: Doughnuts and then sell my creations to NPC clerics as "Holy Cakes."
3320: I may not attempt to create an infinitely recursive Bag of Holding by smashing the openings of two Bags of Holding together, so that they go into each other.

Komodo
2012-12-10, 08:27 AM
3321: If my magical animal companion is killed, but is brought back as a vampire that is still loyal to me, I will consider easing up on my vow of revenge.
3321a: This goes double if my character was a vampire beforehand.

3321b: This goes quadruple if the killer was a fellow PC.

3322: If I wish to create a sailor character, I will first check with the DM to find out if the area the group adventures in is anywhere near water, or if oversea travel will ever be deemed necessary/likely.

3323: The nationality of "French" is no longer to be found in my character's backstory, my character's allies' backstories, or any of my character's equipment.

3324: If any of my fellow PCs have flesh-crafting powers and/or mind control/mind warping powers, I will think carefully before insulting them, regardless of what they look like or how dumb they act. This rule is must still be considered even if my character is a pompous noble who would be quite in-character to insult him.


3324a: No longer allowed to play pompous, insulting nobles.

Wookieetank
2012-12-10, 10:19 AM
3321: If my magical animal companion is killed, but is brought back as a vampire that is still loyal to me, I will consider easing up on my vow of revenge.
3321a: This goes double if my character was a vampire beforehand.

3321b: This goes quadruple if the killer was a fellow PC.

3322: If I wish to create a sailor character, I will first check with the DM to find out if the area the group adventures in is anywhere near water, or if oversea travel will ever be deemed necessary/likely.
3323: The nationality of "French" is no longer to be found in my character's backstory, my character's allies' backstories, or any of my character's equipment.

3324: If any of my fellow PCs have flesh-crafting powers and/or mind control/mind warping powers, I will think carefully before insulting them, regardless of what they look like or how dumb they act. This rule is must still be considered even if my character is a pompous noble who would be quite in-character to insult him.


3324a: No longer allowed to play pompous, insulting nobles.

3322a. If I find out that we are not to be adventuring near any major bodies of water, I may not then create a Salior *insert celestial body here* and then parade around as a magical girl.

GnomeFighter
2012-12-11, 11:46 AM
3325: Loot dose not include scrap metal, beds, hides of monsters, wooden items to be broken down as fire wood, doors (No matter how much brass is in them), fixtures and fittings, marble, high quality masonry, clothes, gold teeth, thatching (no matter how new), cooking implements, etc.

3326: Arranging monsters or bad guys into a macabre tableaux will not "serve as a warning to others".

3327: Having a Cha of 18+ and training in Bluff, Intimidate & Diplomacy is not aloud for the sole purpose of using commoners to "Overwhelm them with bodies".

3327a: Said skills will also not work to convince the GM otherwise. No matter how good the roll.

3328: Feeding summoned animals to a Dragon until he "falls in to a meat coma" is not going to work.

3329: I may not look after the party gold.

3330: I cannot play a chaos sorcerer.

3331: I cannot have a shotgun. Even if I now know how they work.

Cosmic Traveler
2012-12-21, 03:17 PM
3332: I may not use a charm person on a commoner so we can have endless supplies of chickens for lunch

3333: i may not use said commoner to asphyxiate a dragon by stuffing his throat with an ungodly ammount of chickens

3334: I may not light on fire chickens from a commoner and use them to blaze a camp of orcs

3335: I may not net said chickens into a giant ball, put it into a catapult, light it on fire and launsh the ball-net of chickens as live, flamming ammunitions

3336: I may not sell said infinite chickens for infinite profit

3337: I may not use mass polymorph said army of chickens into a devastating army of monsters

3338: I may not use mass true domination of said army of monsters

PurityIcekiller
2012-12-21, 04:43 PM
3337: I may not use mass polymorph said army of chickens into a devastating army of monsters

3339: Even if I somehow do get away with turning an army of chickens into monsters, I may not say, "This was no chicken. This was evil manifest."

3340: Elves do not go through pon farr.
3341: I do not have weapon proficiency with breaking the fourth wall.
3342: My bard may not have ranks in Profession (Lumberjack).
3343: Profession (Applejack) is not a skill no matter how much I wish it was.
3344: I cannot slaughter housecats just to keep first-level commoners safe.

mangosta71
2012-12-22, 12:06 PM
3345: I am not allowed to run campaigns that require 13 PCs.
3345a: Especially if I require 12 of them to be dwarf bards and the last to be a halfing commoner.
3345b: This goes double if I have a high-level wizard DMPC that saves the party from every crisis before vanishing into thin air again.

Groundhog
2012-12-23, 02:30 PM
3345: I am not allowed to run campaigns that require 13 PCs.
3345a: Especially if I require 12 of them to be dwarf bards and the last to be a halfing commoner.
3345b: This goes double if I have a high-level wizard DMPC that saves the party from every crisis before vanishing into thin air again.

3345c: This goes quadruple if the BBEG is a dragon.

3346: My bard is no longer allowed to own an umbrella. Not after the song-and-dance number that happened last time it rained.
3347: If my character wields a hammer, I may not name him Maxwell.
3348: I may not spend all of my skill points on Knowledge: Mathematics and then claim that I am undefeatable because there is strength in numbers.
3349: As a DM, if my players start singing or humming "I've Been Working on the Railroad" I am to revise the campaign to be less restrictive.

Jormengand
2012-12-23, 04:11 PM
3350: I will not put everything that I can into bluff and then tell the BBEG that I am Asmodeus.
3351: I will not give girdle of masculinity-femininity to a character named Arcanus and then start taking knowledge (Arcana) checks.

Kynarus
2013-01-05, 10:05 PM
3252: I, as a player, am not allowed to cut off my hand in an offering to a god in hopes that they will give me an awesome one in return
3252b: Even if that god is Bahaumut
3253:I, as a DM, am no longer allowed to make a half-orc barbarian roll a Will save when going into a dark room with every possibility of failure.
3254: I, as a DM, am no longer allowed to have two missed attacks by mobs at the same time cause the mobs to kill each other to appease my characters
3254b: Even if they're really pissed
3255:I, as a player, am not allowed to explain how I will feed and fit two miles of commoners in our party to make a railgun.

Asta Kask
2013-01-09, 07:51 AM
3256: My Bard does not sing Alice Cooper songs
3257: I may not make a character centered around creating new cocktails

Karoht
2013-01-09, 01:56 PM
3257: I may not make a character centered around creating new cocktails
Have you never heard of the Martini Mage?
He spends all of his standard actions (except those gained from Belt of Battle or Celerity) making or drinking martini's.

PurityIcekiller
2013-01-09, 02:37 PM
3258: I cannot make an artefact called "The Gun of Chekhov".
3259: Two templates on a creature is a bit excessive. Three templates is pushing it. Five is right out.
3260: I may not play an Awakened eagle bard under any circumstances.

xilokix
2013-01-09, 02:41 PM
3261: I can't have a character in DH who's only purpose is to inadvertently miss and hit other pc's with a shotgun when they say something snide OOC.

Ninja PieKing
2013-01-10, 06:58 PM
3262: May not have an animated table for a mount.

Groundhog
2013-01-10, 11:37 PM
3263: I may not corrupt new players by telling them how to exploit flaws in the system.
3264: I may not play any character that resembles a Borg, or is even vaguely reminiscent of a Borg.
3265: My character is not the Cat in the Hat, so he cannot own a hat full of miniature minions plus a superweapon.
3266: As a DM, I may not program my own dice-rolling app that is rigged to make the players always fail their saving throws.

Hexalan
2013-01-11, 12:02 AM
3267. My character cannot wear a Bag of Tricks as a hat.
3268. If a party member complains the encounters are too easy for good XP, I cannot force feed him The Calling.
3269. I cannot kill the BBEG by shoving him into a Bag of Holding and then tying it shut and setting it on fire.

Grim ranger
2013-01-14, 04:00 PM
3270: If I will attempt to wage one-man war against the local Empire, I am expected to inform the rest of the party.

3271: I am not allowed to copyright top-secret files

3272: I am not allowed to sell the souls of other player characters

3272a: Expecially not without their consent

3273: I am not allowed to kill anyone via alcohol poisoning

PurityIcekiller
2013-01-15, 04:20 AM
3274: My bard may not wield the sword Sting.
3275: I cannot play an Awakened fennec regardless of how adorable they are.
3276: My ranger's favoured enemy cannot be gazebos.

Scholar23
2013-01-15, 12:34 PM
3275 :I may not have a roll of this when rolling a d20
1d20+100

Wookieetank
2013-01-15, 01:16 PM
3275 :I may not have a roll of this when rolling a d20
1d20+100

3275a. Espeically at lvl 1.
3275b. Regardless of how many templates I may have stacked
3275c. No, not even then.

PurityIcekiller
2013-01-17, 02:05 AM
3278: Before rolling a die, I will always make sure it has the right number of sides.
3279: If I attempt to recolour cloth, I may not make "dye roll" jokes.

Shadebolt
2013-01-19, 08:58 AM
#3280: I cannot cast a spell to "win" the game. Or can I......

Komodo
2013-01-19, 03:30 PM
3281: It no longer matters what size I am, what race I am, or how big my mouth supposedly is. The gods will have it in for me if I ever again attempt to eat a halfling.

3282: If I attempt to drag something larger than myself, out of a river as deep or deeper than my neck, while wearing full plate armor, I deserve every natural 1 the universe throws at me.

3283: Flame weapons do not hurt teammates in TF2. In a D&D campaign, my half-dragon has never heard of TF2, and will remember that his breath weapon is not as selective.

3283a: Any character I play that uses a breath weapon is not to wear a gas mask.

3284: Unless I am playing Paranoia, I will take a few moments to seriously consider whether I want to enact any plan that only exists so I can murder my teammate.

3284a: Even if I am playing Paranoia, I will stop to consider if it would not be possible to get someone else to kill my teammate for me.
3284b: If I truly want to appear remorseful for my teammate's death, I will refrain from looting the corpse. Well, I'll wait until someone else has had a go, at least.
3284c: Any and all plans to murder fellow PCs are to be cleared with the GM beforehand.

Karoht
2013-01-25, 02:50 PM
3285: Leaving a criminal alone in the same room as a Bard who wants to show off his 1 man 10 act play (spoiler alert, the robot falls in love) is not a valid form of interrogation.
3285a: Even though the criminal bit his own tongue off and choked to death on his own blood, of his own free will, we will be held responsible.

AttilaTheGeek
2013-01-28, 09:45 PM
3286: I will not play an antipaladin in the same party as a paladin.

3287: I will use Time Stop for something other than five Delayed Blast Fireballs.

Amidus Drexel
2013-01-28, 11:29 PM
3286: I will not play an antipaladin in the same party as a paladin.

3287: I will use Time Stop for something other than five Delayed Blast Fireballs.

3288: This does not mean I should cast five Delayed Blast Fireballs in addition to five quickened Transmute Rock to Muds.

Groundhog
2013-01-29, 10:10 PM
3289: My fighter may not wear an orange and yellow knitted hat.
3290: I may not purposefully let my chracter get surrounded by enemies so that he can fight his way out really impressively.

newBlazingAngel
2013-01-30, 07:22 PM
3290) I am to stop playing characters with genders different than my own

2391)Because I force other players into uncomfortable situations.

3292) If my pathfinder campaign is set in the old west, I can not be a snake oil salesman.

PurityIcekiller
2013-01-31, 02:47 AM
3293: I may not spend the entire session complaining about the rules for tracking.
3294: No matter how high I roll on my Bluff check, I cannot convince the DM that I have a higher Bluff modifier than I actually do.
3295: My druid cannot summon a kraken at first level no matter how cool it would be.

GuesssWho
2013-02-02, 04:41 PM
3296: My LG character cannot worship horrible lovecraftian entities.
3296b: He can't have an alternate personality that does, either.

Groundhog
2013-02-02, 11:36 PM
(there's a repeated number back there, so...)

3298: I may not have a canine animal companion that is very good at detecting Commoners who are stuck in wells.
3299: I am not allowed to use the "pick a bunch of consonants and then stick vowels in between them" method to create slightly dirty-sounding deity names.
3300: I may not use technomancy to make modern items in an otherwise medieval setting.

Cuthalion
2013-02-07, 10:29 PM
3301: I may not use the World Wide Crystal Ball Network to watch kitten videos.

Wookieetank
2013-02-08, 09:27 AM
3301: I may not use the World Wide Crystal Ball Network to watch kitten videos.

3301a. I may not use the WWCBN and my extensive pile of loot from dungeoneering to start the home shopping network.

Karoht
2013-02-21, 12:51 PM
3301b: I may not circulate a notice stating that the WWCBN suffers from a fatal flaw, which could destroy the network if certain wards are not established (aka purchased at an insane markup), and due to the funny mumbo jumbo voodoo that governs fate and divination, possibly destroy the world as well.
3301c: I may not claim to be a prince from a far away nation with a vast pile of wealth with the intention of smuggling it out of the country and sharing it with someone. The phoney nation must especially not be named Nigeria.

PurityIcekiller
2013-02-21, 01:01 PM
3302: If I'm the only nongood member of the party and still the voice of reason, something is seriously wrong.
3303: I cannot take the Multiple Personalities flaw, and neither can my evil side.
3304: There is no such spell as Mass Orgy.

GuesssWho
2013-02-21, 06:34 PM
3302: If I'm the only nongood member of the party and still the voice of reason, something is seriously wrong.

3302b: If I'm the only evil member of the party and still the voice of reason, we're starting over.

3305: I may not argue about moral relativism with the paladin.

3306: My LG character may not be a cannibal; even if there is nothing innately evil about it, it still freaks everyone out.

3307: The Barbarian is not a pacifist. Or a consciencious objector.

3308: We will not waste Detect Evil on every random critter we see.

3309: Killing babies is not a good act, even if they are monster babies. Therefore, the hero of the land shall not have the title Childslayer.