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Techmagss
2013-02-21, 08:19 PM
3310: I'm not allowed to charm a green adult dragon

3310b: Not even with 18 charisma and all points poured into diplomacy

3311: nor am I allowed to create a invisibility ring called The One.

mangosta71
2013-02-22, 01:05 AM
3312: My "good" character should not advocate creating an army of dracoliches.

3313: Casual blasphemy is another thing a "good" character should probably avoid.

3314: Any idea that stuns the rest of the players at the table into horrified silence is automatically vetoed.
3314a: I will not abuse DM powers to unveto such ideas. No matter how appropriate they may be.

Loreni333
2013-02-22, 03:06 AM
3315: I will not use a wish given to the party by the DM for a deck of many things instead of the plot.
3315a: I may not have a deck of many things after last time.
3316: I will not attempt to date the lady of pain.

Wookieetank
2013-02-22, 09:03 AM
3316: I will not attempt to date the lady of pain.

3316a. Even thinking about attempting this is enough to get me mazed, if not transmuted into a Dabus.

PurityIcekiller
2013-02-22, 03:17 PM
3316: I will not attempt to date the lady of pain.

Not even if you're a bard and attempt it by singing "Lady of Pain, I adore you"?

3317: My bard may not know "Lady of Pain, I adore you".
3318: No matter what the rules say, I cannot parry fireballs, lightning or acid.
3319: I cannot bake a cake with a Bluff check.
3320: Facepalming does not count as an unarmed attack against yourself.

GuesssWho
2013-02-22, 10:14 PM
3317b: Or 'King of Pain,' for that matter.

Loreni333
2013-02-22, 10:17 PM
3317c: Nor any other assorted variety of royal pain related creatures.

newBlazingAngel
2013-02-23, 02:13 PM
3318: Bringing cake does not make me the DM's favorite.

PurityIcekiller
2013-02-23, 02:49 PM
What is with people and disregarding all but one of the numbers in my posts?

3322: I may not play a vampire unicorn.
3323: My cleric's deity cannot be Susan Ivanova.
3324: I'm not allowed to give Jaela Daran a lollipop.

GuesssWho
2013-02-23, 06:39 PM
Being unable or unwilling to backtrack?

3325: I may not play Gollum. Especially not in D20 Modern.
3326: I cannot RP my elf character as one of the Fair Folk.
3326b: That goes double if I'm the only one who knows faerie lore.

Groundhog
2013-02-24, 12:12 PM
3327: This is not SSB, so I may not have a "taunt."
3327a: If I do attempt to use a "taunt", it will take up the entirety of my current turn and my next turn.
3328: If I'm in a game where the DM is insisting that we semi-LARP and stay in character for the entire session, as well as act out everything, I may not kidnap the DM while he's playing an NPC and refuse to let him go because my character wouldn't release said NPC.
3329: Even if my cleric is essentially the party's doctor, I may not give him armor that looks like scrubs or a lab coat.

Prince_Ornstein
2013-03-07, 07:14 PM
3330: i may not challenge the party cleric's deity for the right to wield " the power of the gods "
3331: i may not then believe that the party cleric should have my back when his deity shows up and gladly excepts my challenge

MPG
2013-03-08, 10:45 AM
3332: I am not aallowed to eat party members. Dispite how "tasty" they look when our characters meet.

3333: I am not allowed to use bluff to alter reality, thus solving a crime spiree is one roll rather than half a game session.

GuesssWho
2013-03-08, 10:25 PM
3332b: Eating enemies is still pretty iffy.

3334: I may not play a wolfwere werewolf.

3335: There is no such thing as a werepumpkin.

3336: Playing an Awakened goose is probably not going to work.

Kieran Cage
2013-03-15, 01:04 PM
3337: Yes, primitive, and even magical forms of (ahem) "marital aids" exist in fantasy settings. No, my character may not wield them in combat.

3338: No, I may not take Weapon Focus with any of them

3339: Or Weapon Finesse, Weapon Specialization, etc.

3340: I may absolutely NOT take any critical hit feats with them either.

3341: On second thought, ignore the first half of rule 3337.

Ninja PieKing
2013-03-26, 04:23 PM
3342: The DM is no longer allowed to attempt to make a campaign setting that makes Dark Sun look like "a trip to the day spa."

PurityIcekiller
2013-03-26, 05:44 PM
3343: I may not play a cleric of Armok.
3344: I cannot spend all my starting gold on llamas.
3345: If I take any ailment flaws, they cannot be contagious.

Jaikei
2013-03-27, 05:18 AM
3346: Pugs are not considered unarmed weapons.
3347: Returning effects may not be applied to ladders exceeding 40ft.
3348: Licking other players' dice for good luck is banned.
3349: The phrase "belly button" may not be mentioned more than twice per round.
3350: Belly buttons are not viable targets.
3351: Wrist sheathes and boot sheathes are acceptable; armpit sheathes and "space-between-the-toes" sheathes are not.
3352: I may not have more than one moustache.
3353: The lizardfolk are not considered ranged projectiles, regardless of the size of the crossbow.
3354: Wedgies deal no damage, and invite attacks of opportunity.
3355: I may not surrender to the merchants.
3356: I may not have an alignment beginning with the letter D.
3357: I may not use Sense Motive or scrying to determine the Origami Killer.
3358: Rice Golems do not exist.
3359: Tribbles are not vermin, or otherwise existent.
3360: I may not have a solo adventure focused around the sport of curling.
3360b: Or Dwarf Tossing.

Alexkubel
2013-03-27, 04:20 PM
3361. I may not exploit being a rouge and steal tanks, aircraft, cars, trucks or trains.
3362. I may not have any more the 500 lb of weapon grade uranium on me at any time.
3363. I may not teleport Cows to other planes while Playing as my Mage character 'Trevor'.
3364. as Trevor I may not cover a target in a cloth, soak it in petrol, set it on fire. and then summon rain to put it out as a shrink spell unless everyone agrees.
3365. I may not cut pigeons in half with sticks.
3366. Poisoning Pigeons in parks is not approved of.
3367. I may not use nuclear weapons unless it's approved of by everyone else.
3368. I may not make a nuclear reactor.
3369. I may not discover electricity unless it's by accident.
3370. I may not have with me at any time more then 3 trucks that have been taken from obscure sources (ie stolen).
3371. I may not try to build a replacement aeroplane despite having everything I need.
3372. the party may not have more then 30,000 lb of explosives at any time unless agreed in advanced
3373. I may not nuke every cleric I find.
3374. I may not nuke every place of worship I find no matter how evil the cult is.

GuesssWho
2013-03-27, 07:32 PM
3366. Poisoning Pigeons in parks is not approved of.
3366b: Neither is anything else Tom Lehrer has sung about.

3375: Zombie ghoul vampire liches are not allowed.

3376: Neither are wereeverythings.

3377: No reverse mermaids, either.

Amidus Drexel
2013-03-27, 09:14 PM
3366b: Neither is anything else Tom Lehrer has sung about.


I'm not allowed to use math? :smalltongue:

GuesssWho
2013-03-27, 11:23 PM
As long as you avoid new math you should be fine :D

PurityIcekiller
2013-03-28, 12:14 AM
I guess that means Redcloak-style elementals are off-limits too.

3378: I may not insist that other characters refer to my wizard as "The Great and Powerful {CHARACTER NAME}".
3379: Zombies do not have ranks in Perform (Sing) or Perform (Dance).
3380: The party ranger and druid do not have to share an animal companion.
3381: I cannot take the "Phenomenal Cosmic Power" advantage in exchange for the "Itty-Bitty Living Space" disadvantage.

Jaikei
2013-03-28, 07:17 PM
I guess that means Redcloak-style elementals are off-limits too.

3378: I may not insist that other characters refer to my wizard as "The Great and Powerful {CHARACTER NAME}".
3379: Zombies do not have ranks in Perform (Sing) or Perform (Dance).
3380: The party ranger and druid do not have to share an animal companion.
3381: I cannot take the "Phenomenal Cosmic Power" advantage in exchange for the "Itty-Bitty Living Space" disadvantage.

The Great and Powerful Trixie's talents are natural; ergo, Sorcerer. And if that all fails, she can go grab a certain amulet and use its powers. Also, I need to assert 3381.

Mnemophage
2013-04-03, 03:21 PM
3382: If I must try and eat the demon's face, at least wait until it's unconscious.

3383: If all of the lizard babes in the manual have breasts, that means that my lizard babe does too, regardless of vehement anatomical disagreement and/or PowerPoint presentations.

3384: This does not mean that my iguana familiar has nipples.

3385: The Glitter Boy is only fabulous when he explicitly states as much.

3386: If my charge attack will result in myself taking more than 5d10 of falling damage, we can assume that the target does not survive.

3387: Force-feeding a love potion to the magmin WILL make him lava me, but not at all in the way I expect.

3388: If the back alley surgeon offers one free cyborg organ in return for a favor, choosing the liver will result in no more work, ever.

3389: If there are two oni in the party, that does not make the other guy Twoni.

3390: Gently insinuating that the wolf shaman is a furry will either result in missing fingers or the best night of my life.

3391: Oni cannot 'gently insinuate' anything.

3392: There is no Sindarin word for "colostomy bag".

3393: If the DM has to institute Sanity points just so I can lose some, I cannot do whatever I was planning.

FleshrakerAbuse
2013-04-04, 10:26 PM
3394: When fighting demons, do not take the assumption that their natural form is any more powerful than their possessed bodies.
3395: I may not optimize my underleveled unarmed melee unit to "one-two" said demons.
3396a: I may not play a druid.
3396b: I may not play a monk.
3396c: I may not play a paladin.
3396d: I may not play a wizard.
3396e: I may not play a barbarian.
3396f: I may not play a paladin.
3396g: I may not build a bard who does more damage than the party evoker.

PurityIcekiller
2013-04-04, 11:25 PM
The Great and Powerful Trixie's talents are natural; ergo, Sorcerer. And if that all fails, she can go grab a certain amulet and use its powers. Also, I need to assert 3381.

True, but it still applies to wizards as well. After all, the book isn't called "The Wonderful Sorcerer of Oz".

3397: My fighter cannot be possessed by a space alien.
3398: No matter how high my Strength score is, I cannot wield a greatsword in one hand.
3399: I do not have weapon proficiency with any kind of baked good.

Doorhandle
2013-04-20, 04:41 AM
3400: If I'm asked to introduce my character to the party in a mutants and masterminds game, not to just play "hope rides alone" on my laptop can say nothing.

Ninja PieKing
2013-05-06, 04:00 PM
3401: I can't use alchemy to make a flower that produces chloroform to give ladies.

GuesssWho
2013-05-09, 03:59 PM
3402: I can't use it to create ClF3, period.

PurityIcekiller
2013-05-09, 04:44 PM
3403: I cannot take "Ugly Enough To Kill People" as a disadvantage.
3404: Kobolds do not get a cuteness bonus on Diplomacy checks.

sengmeng
2013-05-11, 08:16 PM
3405: Even if I have nothing better to do with it, my bonus language cannot be "secret language I made up with my twin."
3406: Even if another party member is my identical twin.
3407: Even if my twin's player and I really do share a language that the rest of the player's don't know.

Ninja PieKing
2013-05-11, 09:31 PM
3408: My character may not speak solely in lyrics from Disney songs.

Quiddle
2013-05-12, 05:23 PM
3409 Cast polymorph any object. How was i suposed to know they didn't want me turning this pebble into another planet?

sengmeng
2013-05-14, 01:30 PM
3410). "Absorbed my twin in utero" shall never appear in my character's backstory again.

4here4
2013-05-24, 12:45 PM
#3411: My character is not allowed to loot his slain enemies' eyes.
#3412: Or make an eyeball bracelet out of them.
#3413: Or threaten bartenders with the removal of their eyeballs.

Jormengand
2013-05-24, 02:58 PM
3414: I did NOT prepare explosive ru... *Boom*
3415: My character is like Poland: he cannot into space.
3416: I may not buy an obscene number of tame war-trained rats, nor housecats, to fight for me.
3417: I may not take Death By Thorns.
3418: I may not take anything else from the Book of Vile Darkness.
3419: I may not be an Initiate of the Sevenfold Veil, nor a Beholder Mage, nor a DM, nor a Metagamer.
3420: I may not take a bard with blood caster levels.
3421: If there are 3420 things that I am expressly forbidden from doing, I should probably stop playing RPGs.

PurityIcekiller
2013-05-24, 03:23 PM
3422: I cannot have negative ranks in Swim.
3423: The line on my character sheet for "Class" does not mean what they are studying at school.
3424: My animal companion may not be a stuffed tiger.

Ninja PieKing
2013-05-24, 03:23 PM
3422. May not create a less powerful version of wail of the banshee called wail of the baby

sengmeng
2013-05-27, 01:35 PM
3423: I may not play as an Awakened house cat ranger with favored enemy: commoner.

Edit: 3424: I am still allowed to play rogues with no ranks in open lock, disable device, sleight of hand, hide, and move silently, but I must inform the party leader that he might want to have an additional rogue in the party before I attempt to open a door with a crowbar, portable battering ram, or explosives.

PurityIcekiller
2013-05-27, 03:20 PM
Guys, 3422-3424 already happened. My posts exist, you know.

3428: The Pyromaniac flaw is forever off-limits to me.
3429: I do not have weapon proficiency with soap bubbles.
3430: I cannot play a cleric of myself.

North_Ranger
2013-05-27, 03:59 PM
3431. I cannot freelance in a bordello for a night.
3431b. ...except if my character used to be a temple prostitute.

DJ Yung Crunk
2013-05-29, 01:35 PM
3432 - I cannot name my character "Trap-A-Holics"
3432b - I subsequently cannot constantly quote "Trap-A-Holics", in character, for fear of talking no longer being a free action
3432c - Who even gets this reference?

Wookieetank
2013-05-29, 03:08 PM
3432 - I cannot name my character "Trap-A-Holics"
3432b - I subsequently cannot constantly quote "Trap-A-Holics", in character, for fear of talking no longer being a free action
3432c - Who even gets this reference?

3433 - I may not use Trap-A-Holic as a character concept.
3433a - If I do, I may not define Trap-A-Holic as someone who is addicted to consuming traps orally.

Komodo
2013-05-29, 08:32 PM
3432 - I cannot name my character "Trap-A-Holics"
3432b - I subsequently cannot constantly quote "Trap-A-Holics", in character, for fear of talking no longer being a free action
3432c - Who even gets this reference?3433 - I may not use Trap-A-Holic as a character concept.
3433a - If I do, I may not define Trap-A-Holic as someone who is addicted to consuming traps orally.


3433b - If made, the Trap-A-Holic must, at some point in his existence, actually use a trap.
3433c - There is no such thing as "Trapaholics Anonymous," and no tavern in all the land will serve such a thing as "Trapahol."
3434 - If my character finds himself trapped in an illusory dream world in which all the problems ever are solved and everything is perfect, he must at some point actually attempt to escape this world.
3435 - Bows that shoot six-foot long arrows are a thing, but bows that shoot halflings are not. No, I may not invent them.
3436 - It may be perfectly in-character to say that I find it impossible to tell between a halfling, a gnome, and a dwarf. That does not make it any safer to say.
3437 - Playing as a half-dragon, or any reptilian humanoid for that matter, is a privilege, not a right, and this privilege will be revoked if I ever again attempt to swallow a gnome whole.
3438 - There are no half-dragons in My Little Pony: Roleplaying is Magic. This discussion is over.

PurityIcekiller
2013-05-29, 09:54 PM
3439: I may not hire John Rhys-Davies to voice my character.
3440: Pick Noses is not a rogue skill.
3441: My rouge may not mascara people.

Wookieetank
2013-05-30, 08:38 AM
3438 - There are no half-dragons in My Little Pony: Roleplaying is Magic. This discussion is over.

3438a - Discord does not count as half anything, and is at best 1/8 any one thing, if even that.
3438b - I may not play as Discord period.

DJ Yung Crunk
2013-05-30, 08:49 AM
3442: I cannot chant "Hey batter, batter, batter, batter" as the DM is preparing to roll.

The Succubus
2013-05-30, 09:54 AM
3443. I will not attempt to introduce the concept of calamari to my campaign world by Plane Shifting a kraken to the Elemental Plane of Deep Frying.

HuskyBoi
2013-05-30, 10:23 PM
3444: Following the unfortunate and unspeakable incident with Merlin the heavy horse, I am never allowed to play any class with access to an animal companion again.

wxdruid
2013-06-14, 01:23 AM
3445 - cast holy water on a vial of endless water and drown all the undead in the dungeon

Wookieetank
2013-06-14, 07:56 AM
3445 - cast holy water on a vial of endless water and drown all the undead in the dungeon

3446 - May not use a flask of endless holy water to fashion a proton pack for fighting undead. :smallwink:
3447 - Instasmiting will occur if attempted in an undead campaign.

PurityIcekiller
2013-06-14, 12:52 PM
3448: I may not play a multiclass bard/dread pirate ever again.
3449: No matter how high my Speak Language skill is, I cannot know more languages than there actually are in the campaign world.
3450: My ranger's favourite enemy cannot be "idiots".
3451: I may not play a fairy princess with levels in rogue under any circumstances.

Kelvin360
2013-06-14, 01:52 PM
3452: I cannot play bards anymore, on account of them being too overpowered
3453: Same with CW Samurai
3454: And Truenamers...
3455: I can only ever play a wizard (Because at least then the DM EXPECTS it)
3456: I'm not allowed to call my DM a moron for any of the above
3457: Mystic Theurges do not technically count as a wizard class, and I can't play them either
3458: When we're fighting a monster who gets stronger the more pain it feels, tickling it with a feather is no longer acceptable
3459: Similarly, 'To The Pain' is only acceptable if there is actual pain involved
3460: When I inevitably still call the DM a moron, it has to be for an actual good reason
3460a: The reason cannot be because he mispronounced 'svirfneblin', 'dweomer', or 'geosynchronous'
3460b: My wizard himself can feel free to call the gods morons, though the DM is not responsible for the consequences thereof
3461: 'Spell Turning' no longer applies to spells cast by gods
3461a: Even if it did, it would not retain their DC and certainly cannot summarily kill them

GuesssWho
2013-06-14, 03:44 PM
3462: The other PCs are not there to be emergency rations.
3462b: Especially not when there isn't actually an emergency.
3462c: Even if my character is a ghoul.

mangosta71
2013-06-14, 04:33 PM
3463: If allowed to play a Necropolitan Dread Necromancer, I may not refer to the rest of the party as "my collection of meat puppets".
3463a: Not even if it's completely in-character.
3464: I can not kill everyone in town that's under the age of 16 simply to prevent any of them from growing up to become a future BBEG.
3464a: I am not allowed to subsequently turn said children into my undead minions and turn them loose on their parents.
3465: My character is NOT the local judge, jury, and executioner.

BasketOfPuppies
2013-06-18, 07:09 PM
3463) I may not magically remove the Bugbear's hair while he sleeps, then turn him into a featherless chicken, hen make him grow his fur back, then make him a Large-sized creature just to ride him into battle.

If you want the story, feel free to PM me.

scsimodem
2013-06-20, 11:45 PM
3464) My Changling character cannot be the 'real' Michael Jackson, taken sometime during the 80s and replaced with a fetch, no matter how much sense that makes.
3465) The same applies to George Lucas
3466) I am not allowed to bring my chemistry notes to the session when playing a matter mage.
3467) My character cannot know as much about computer systems as I do. Spending more than 30 seconds describing one roll to the GM is only interesting to me.
3468) Though the rules technically allow it, I am not allowed to save up xp and amass wealth solely to make a ring of unlimited limited wishes.
3468b) I cannot use the 'acquire money' function of this ring to get enough money to make a ring of unlimited wishes.
3468c) I will not wish for a grilled cheese sandwich just to hammer home the point that I can do this all day.
3469) I may not have a second Heward's Handy Haversack if the first one is entirely full of scrolls.
3470) I may not use the item creation rules to the extent that a corporate auditor is required just to track my spell completion items.
3471) Wearing two rings of friendship with their counterparts worn by magic immune creatures does not make me immune to damage.
3472) I may not abuse the item creation rules.
3473) I may no longer craft magic items.
3474) I will not use foresight and shapechange simultaneously.
3475) No plan will end with contain the phrase 'thus collapsing the entire planet into a singularity.'
3476) There never was a wizard class. Any claim to the contrary is heresy.

Vesth
2013-06-22, 01:53 AM
3477) I am not allowed to name my rogue 'Rouge' just to confuse people, even though everyone misspells it anyway.

PurityIcekiller
2013-06-23, 04:15 PM
3478: Robin Banks is not a good name for a rogue either.
3479: The party may not use the "pirates puzzle" style of treasure-splitting.
3480: I can't take Honest, Traditional, Brave, Handsome, Strong, A Man of Action (I used to be a Baby of Action), A Good Dancer and Tall as advantages all at the same time.
3481: Even if my cleric is a dwarf, their deity cannot be Sankis.

Cuthalion
2013-06-23, 04:20 PM
3482:I may not put an adamant flask of endless water on full blast inside a force cage, teleporting away before the city blows up.

Groundhog
2013-06-26, 11:02 PM
3483: I may not DM a session full of first-timers while wearing a full costume and speaking only bad Shakespearean English.

Krobar
2013-06-29, 03:42 PM
3484: I am no longer allowed to store an army of greater shadows in bags of holding.

Or portable holes.

Blueiji
2013-07-05, 06:26 AM
3485: I may not use summoned invisible horses as meat shields.

3486: I may not make calzone golems.

Korith
2013-07-05, 10:58 AM
3487: I may not swap the DM's campaign notes with my latest attempt at writing fanfiction.
3488: Nor may I swap said notes with a copy of 50 Shades of Grey.
3489: A life-size stuffed moose does not make an appropriate gaming miniature for my character, even if they are an Awakened Legendary Moose.
3490: Putting the cat's food dish in the middle of the table is not a legitimate method of dealing with a challenging encounter.

PurityIcekiller
2013-07-09, 04:48 PM
3491: My ranger's favoured enemy cannot be windmills.
3492: If a magical robe of protection fails to work properly, I may not make jokes about "ward robe malfunctions".
3493: Not all maids have levels in rogue.

Ninja PieKing
2013-08-05, 01:50 PM
3494: No genocide on demons.
3495: no ripping planes apart and surviving pre-epic

Wookieetank
2013-08-05, 02:48 PM
3494: No genocide on demons.
3495: no ripping planes apart and surviving pre-epic

3495a: Doing so as a chicken infested commoner is right out.

Korith
2013-08-06, 10:34 AM
3496: Even if I do roll a natural 20, an "Ascend to godhood" check is not a thing unless the GM first decides it is.
3697: My vorpal weapons are not big enough to cause an avalanche by "decapitating" a mountain.
3698: While burning down the field did deal with the hobgoblin infestation, I should remember that commoners to not have Create Food and Water as a class ability and actually needed that harvest to survive the winter.
3699: The enemy of my friend is my enemy, ergo, fire is not my friend when my allies aren't fireproof.

Navok
2013-08-06, 02:15 PM
3700: When playing a Kender I'm not allowed to have a wand of wonder.
3701: I'm not allowed to a deck of wonder.
3702: No annoying the Cleric or I will get the crap kick out of me by the cleric. An I mean physical come around the table and kick the crap out of me.
3703: No summoning anti-matter. Annihilating everything including you and your friends is not an option.

Ninja PieKing
2013-08-15, 09:16 AM
3704: May not be a half-fiend aasimar nor a half-celestial tiefling.
3705: My paladin may not decide that the only way to end suffering is to make existence never exist so nobody would ever suffer.
3706: May not almost succeed at said goal.
3707: May no longer decide to become the new BBEG even if I can do it 20 times better than the current DM.

PurityIcekiller
2013-08-18, 04:25 PM
3704: May not be a half-fiend aasimar nor a half-celestial tiefling.

I actually tried that once. :smallbiggrin:

3708: To spare my fellow players from confusion, I will not have a Lawful Good rogue in the same party as a Chaotic Neutral cleric.
3709: Waffle Good is not a valid alignment.
3710: I may not play Poker with a deck of illusions or deck of many things.

Arkhosia
2013-08-19, 07:45 AM
3711: My Teifling may not be a devilslayer

3712: The wizard may not use fire spells to fly

3713: My dragonborn paladin of Balamut may not become a metallic dragon slayer

DJ Yung Crunk
2013-08-27, 05:51 AM
3714: I may not avoid a saving throw by excusing myself to go to the bathroom

3175: I may not be expected to pick up where I left off last time when I escaped through a bathroom window and drove to Illinois

3176: I may not invite players from my Illinois game to sit in on my other game

Korith
2013-08-28, 10:09 AM
3177: The save DC against my breath weapon cannot be increased by old cheese or burritos.
3178: Casting Earthquake is not an appropriate response when an overweight noble walks onto the scene.
3179: Chaining Polymorph Any Object to turn the enemy army into copies of myself the party's meat shield is really pushing it, even if it can be done pre-epic with an Artificer
3180: Chaining Polymorph Any Object to turn the stones forming the enemy fortification into a group of 21 Stone Golems is right out.

Wookieetank
2013-08-28, 10:31 AM
3181: Chaining Chain Lightning spells does not make me a sith lord.
3181a: Or Cole MacGrath.

Arkhosia
2013-08-28, 02:51 PM
3182: my illusionist's Cloud of Daggers spell can not actually be throwing enchanted cards at people!

3183: The bard may not try to purchase a scroll of Evard's Black Tentacles. Ever.

TinyMushroom
2013-08-28, 04:12 PM
3184: Perform (sexual act) is not something a character should take ranks in.
3184b: Checks made with this skill can't be used to sway an audience's attitude.
3184c: Checks made with this skill aren't the automatic answer to any character being less than Helpful towards us, and certainly won't turn anyone Fanatic.
3184d: This skill will never "inspire greatness" in party members, it will only mildly disturb them.

GuesssWho
2013-08-29, 04:44 PM
3185: I may not base my character concept off of "The Culling of the Fold" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EeE3443Fzo), "Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlOqXcPkUis) or "Excitable Boy" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJefPK_UkdM)

Laughing Dog
2013-09-05, 10:33 AM
3816: I am not allowed to ever again equip my fighter with a 'Ring of Constant Anti-Magic Field'.

Ninja PieKing
2013-09-05, 06:49 PM
3817: My psychic did not get her powers by being bitten by an irradiated Professor X

Wookieetank
2013-09-06, 07:51 AM
3817: My psychic did not get her powers by being bitten by an irradiated Professor X

3818: Nor does eating the ashes of Phoenix grant me psychic powers.

Arkhosia
2013-09-06, 01:25 PM
3818: Nor does eating the ashes of Phoenix grant me psychic powers.

3819: If I name my next character ____ II after my first one died a fiery death, I may not claim he is part Phoenix.

mangosta71
2013-09-06, 02:02 PM
3820: A decanter of endless water does not permanently kill a phoenix.

BasketOfPuppies
2013-09-06, 04:16 PM
3821: a decanter of endless water in a forcecage is not an acceptable April fools prank

Arkhosia
2013-09-22, 09:56 PM
3822: Making a fat monk in a red fur coat with a bag of holding is not funny unless it's a one-shot
3823: I am not to be surprised if the GM says I take con damage for not being real.
3824: If I try to start the holiday of Pelormas, I will be banned.

4here4
2013-09-23, 03:21 PM
3825: I cannot demand the DM to fetch me a "stine of mead and a bloody shank of lamb" in a loud, Scandanavian accent. At 1 AM. In his third floor apartment.

Korith
2013-09-26, 03:09 PM
3826. It is considered rude to refer to the DM's wife or girlfriend as "wench".

Wookieetank
2013-09-27, 07:54 AM
3826. It is considered rude to refer to the DM's wife or girlfriend as "wench".

3826a. Even if it was her week to bring the snacks.
3826b. I shall not be surprised by my quick and sudden smiting by the DM, or the sudden and inevitable objects being throw at my head by said DM's significant other.

4here4
2013-10-02, 03:23 PM
3827: My character cannot buy a Dungeon Master's Guide so he knows what's up.
3828: My warforged may not stay up all night to find out exactly what happens inside an Everfull Purse.
3829: No shopkeeper has a +1 Girdle of Virility no matter how much I ask.

Jormengand
2013-10-02, 03:33 PM
3830: If for some reason I have the Whirlwind Attack feat, I am no longer entitled to utter the words "Spin to win".
3831: Gating in epic creatures as a Spell-like ability several times a day is not acceptable at level seventeen.
3832: Solar angels' Wish SLAs do NOT undo the Law of Resistance.
3833: Screw it, the Conjunctive Gate utterance no longer exists.

Arkhosia
2013-10-02, 03:37 PM
3834: My character cannot have a climatic battle with a blue, horned demon with a snake tail.

3845: Nor can he have one with a giant bird and scorpion in a bridge

3846: Especially not while wielding a giant arm cannon and a katana

3847: DON'T YOU DARE EVER TRY TO REFERENCE ANIME AGAIN!

Hiro Protagonest
2013-10-02, 04:08 PM
...
3845: Nor can he have one with a giant bird and scorpion in a bridge
...
3847: DON'T YOU DARE EVER TRY TO REFERENCE ANIME AGAIN!

'Cept that's not anime.

3848. I cannot play Jim Possible.
3848a. Or Tim Possible.
3848b. No way can I play both.

@V: Ninja edited on the number. Also, three post rule.

Arkhosia
2013-10-02, 04:11 PM
'Cept that's not anime.
Just go with it.
:smallfrown:
Also, 3848: you cannot solve all your problems with a chainsaw.

Crystalwind
2013-10-02, 04:28 PM
^Isn't that 3849?

3850: I am no longer allowed to use Fireball to cook meat, no matter how cool it is.
3851: I am no longer allowed to use Fireball to heat water for tea, either.
3852: In fact, I am no longer allowed to use Fireball, period.

Laughing Dog
2013-10-02, 07:16 PM
3853: If Mr. Welch isn't allowed to do it, I am to assume the same goes for me.
3854: If the character I am playing resembles Old man Henderson in the slightest, He dies.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-10-03, 05:41 PM
3855: when playing a seductive character, I will either describe my attempts from a narrative standpoint or say my dialogue aloud. I will not roleplay the encounter by wrapping myself around the DM and whispering into his or her ear.

3856: The large, armored van is a transport meant for carrying the party and all of our equipment from one base of operations to the next. It is not my own personal Mystery Machine.

EDIT:

3857: I will not punctuate moments of suspense with honking noises.

3858: My character is not allowed to be an annoying brat who drools on everyone's shoes.
- 3858a: Rule 3858 applies even if the DM says that I am allowed to play an awakened dog.
- 3858b: I am no longer allowed to play as an awakened animal of any kind.

Jormengand
2013-10-04, 10:52 AM
3855: when playing a seductive character, I will either describe my attempts from a narrative standpoint or say my dialogue aloud. I will not roleplay the encounter by wrapping myself around the DM and whispering into his or her ear.

3859: I may not seduce the DM.

4here4
2013-10-07, 02:37 PM
3860: I cannot force people to roll a Spot check when I ask them if they see what I mean.
3861: I can no longer make innuendos referring to my rod of splendor to the female members of my party.
3861: Pulchritude is not a valid stat.
3862: Neither is corpulence.
3862: Nor salubriousness.
3863: I can no longer bring a thesaurus to the session.

Ninja PieKing
2013-10-08, 04:28 PM
3864: if the others begin referring to my weapon as the "MEGA DOOMER" in character I am to relinquish control of it.
3865:: this goes double for the character himself.

Edit:
3865: May not become a god pre epic.

GuesssWho
2013-10-18, 02:08 AM
3865: May not become a god pre epic.

3865.5: May not become a god period.

3866: Even in a god game, it is still forbidden to be god of pizza bagels, empty bottles, a few random rocks and/or the color puce.

Penny67
2013-10-18, 09:54 AM
3867: I am not allowed to be a touch spell mage with enormous charisma, to fake being sad so enemies give me hugs. Only to kill them with my touch spells.

4here4
2013-10-18, 02:18 PM
3868: I cannot Greater Teleport away from a boring conversation with another player.
3869: Yo dawgz, I ain't allowed to talk like dis no mo' by makin' a custom bonus lingo called "Jive", no'msain?

Arkhosia
2013-10-18, 02:24 PM
3870: I cannot play a drow paladin of "The Turtles of Infinity".

3871: There is no such thing as Michael Bay's Pyrotechnic Implausibility.

3872: Nor is there a Shamylan's Greater Mind****.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-10-18, 10:42 PM
3873: ...nor Lucas' Lore Ruination.

4here4
2013-10-24, 03:05 PM
3874: I cannot perform a hilarious puppet show with the Hand and Eye of Vecna.

Wookieetank
2013-10-24, 03:07 PM
3874: I cannot perform a hilarious puppet show with the Hand and Eye of Vecna.

3875. Assimilating both and pretending to be a zombie is right out.
3875a. Assimilating both and pretneding to be a Dredlord may be accurate, but is still a no.

Korith
2013-10-25, 02:15 PM
3876. Suggesting that all critical misses automatically strike the new player's character is not a good idea to propose to the GM.
3877. Hiding expensive jewellery found in the poorly locked treasure chest from the rest of the party by swallowing it will eventually come back to haunt me. (See: Amulet of Inescapable Location, Ebony Fly, Elemental Gems, Necklace of Fireballs, Necklace of Strangulation, Ring of Clumsiness, etc)
3878: Lining the party fighter's sheath with Sovereign Glue is never a good idea in a warzone.

Havokca
2013-10-26, 11:25 AM
3879: As a DM, I'm not allowed to end a campaign by giving my players a deck of many things (This was back in 2ed days & none of my players ever pulled less than 4 cards)

Rover
2013-10-26, 08:02 PM
3880: I am no longer allowed to cast air breathing on enemies under the effect of a water breathing spell when they are underwater.

3881: Nor Siren's song directly afterward

hKennyrules
2013-10-26, 08:44 PM
I am not allowed to... [stolen from a friend]

3881: If the big bad is the "One", refer to myself as the "Two"

3882: Begin an adventure on fire.

3883: Invest in a Tequila Golem.

3884: Send the tank into battle via catapult.

3885: Wield a butter churn filled with bees.

3886: Get married to another RPC without their consent.

3887: Power Word: Beer Me.

3888: Gain weapon proficiency in cat.

3889: Pimp out a teammate

3900: Berserk during royal masquerades.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-10-28, 10:15 PM
3901: I may not alter my prepared spell list in the middle of the day as a, "retcon."
3902: Nor may I check a spell off that list and say I cast it 5 hours earlier.
3903: Nor may I offer to have lent a party member my ogre-bane sword earlier in the day because he is ambushed by ogres in the afternoon when I'm not there.
3904: The Mountain Dew is in the fridge. I can just go get it.

4here4
2013-10-30, 02:32 PM
3905: I may not make a multiclass wizard/warrior/thief who knows the Shout spell, dresses in full iron armor, and has a particular dislike for dragons.
3906: Dude, no, seriously. I cant do that. I should leave.

Wookieetank
2013-10-31, 08:05 AM
3905: I may not make a multiclass wizard/warrior/thief who knows the Shout spell, dresses in full iron armor, and has a particular dislike for dragons.
3906: Dude, no, seriously. I cant do that. I should leave.

3907: Prestiging into Dragon Disciple is just poor form at this point.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-11-01, 06:55 PM
So, what's your character concept?

I'm a fighter.

Ahh. Tier 4.

3908: "Tier 4," is not a character concept.

GuesssWho
2013-11-01, 07:59 PM
3909: I cannot summon a chlorine trifluoride elemental. Not even at epic levels.

Arkhosia
2013-11-01, 09:27 PM
3909: I cannot summon a chlorine trifluoride elemental. Not even at epic levels.

3910: Nor a Dioxygen Difluoride elemental.
BOOM!:smallamused:

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-11-02, 01:07 PM
3911: Shouting, "A-HAA! You just released my trap card!" is only funny if I actually have a follow-up.

3912: Similarly, shouting, "[summoned creature], I choose you!" only works when I'm actually summoning something.

3913: When playing a diplomat, I will describe my attempts at negotiation from a narrative standpoint or make some attempt at reasonable dialogue. I will not role-play the encounter by pointing my finger at my target and shouting, "DIPLOMACY!"

4here4
2013-11-02, 04:26 PM
3914: I may not bring my stereo and a subwoofer to assist me in the execution of my bard song.
3915: I may not resist touch spells on the principle of "personal space"

Laughing Dog
2013-11-04, 08:14 PM
3916. I must never attempt to make Garzooka.
3917. Or Odious.
3918. Or Abnermal.
3919. Or Starlena.
3920. Or Compooky
3921. I am not allowed to make their counterparts, either.:smallfrown:

EbrithilAdaniel
2013-11-05, 11:48 PM
3922: At gaming sessions I am not allowed to speak a language that no one else at the table understands
3923: Especially if it's not a real language

GuesssWho
2013-11-06, 01:38 AM
3924: Even if I were playing a cop instead of an adventurer, the punishment for cruelty to animals is not to be hunted through the Abyss by Hellhounds.

3925: I am not allowed to base my characters on any folk or folk rock song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pUR9oxXDMA).

Wookieetank
2013-11-06, 09:28 AM
3924: Even if I were playing a cop instead of an adventurer, the punishment for cruelty to animals is not to be hunted through the Abyss by Hellhounds.


3926. Using summons creatively to become the mastermind behind the Hounds of Baskerville is highly frowned upon.
3926a. Particularly when there isn't a Baskerville in the current setting.

Techmagss
2013-11-25, 06:21 PM
3927. Should I whip out my 'massive gun' at any time, I will be banned from the RPG.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-11-26, 12:39 AM
3928: Should I whip out my massive gun at any time, the host of the gaming session reserves the right to call the cops to report an armed robbery.
3929: Should my character whip out his massive gun at any time, the GM reserves the right to ban it in a fantasy setting.
3930: Should either I or my character whip out our, 'massive guns,' at any given time, it will not in any way impact the bonus to my intimidate check.
3931: ...or seduction check.

Laughing Dog
2013-11-26, 01:05 AM
3932. My character is not allowed to have any of the following: Falconets, Field guns, Culverins, Culverin Royales, Mortars, Howitzers, Heavy Cannon, Great Bombards, or any other form of cannon not listed here.
3933. I am not allowed to have any of the following: Falconets, Field guns, Culverins, Culverin Royales, Mortars, Howitzers, Heavy Cannon, Great Bombards, or any other form of cannon not listed here.

4here4
2013-12-02, 05:34 PM
3934: I cannot speak in
haikus throughout the entire
RPG campaign.

GuesssWho
2013-12-05, 06:24 AM
3935: Cooked spaghetti is probably not a weapon.

FinnLassie
2013-12-05, 12:47 PM
3936: I can't sing "You Spin Me Right Round (like a record)" anymore whilst swinging my warhammer.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-12-07, 05:08 AM
3936: I can't sing "You Spin Me Right Round (like a record)" anymore whilst swinging my warhammer.

:elan:: Aww, man!

3397: After a campaign played entirely off-screen by NPCs, the party's avid optimizer is no longer allowed to stat out his character's cohorts or followers himself.

Eternis
2013-12-14, 06:40 AM
3398: I am not allowed to create a new nation in the middle of a long-running campaign or quest just so I can create a new economy.
3398b: ESPECIALLY not at lvl1, or equivalent.
3399: I am not allowed to buy off the rights to a country from a king or other head of state through an illusion of money, even if it's a really good one.
3399b: Once again, Especially not at lvl1 or equivalent.
3399c: Neither can I scam said head of state through skill, magic, or a really good bluff check.
3400: I am not allowed sneak-murder an entire village. EVER. Any mass-murder of entire villages must be blatant and obvious.
3400b: And no, the above does not include starting a suicide cult.
3401: I am not allowed to create a character with a minor allergy to any foods just in order to use myself as a biological weapon.
3401b: Y'know what? I am no longer allowed to make myself a biological weapon in any way, shape or form.
3402: Derail the campaign too severely, and the character that derailed it is killed by a pack of llamas. No exceptions.
3402b: No derailing the campaign specifically to have my character's child swear eternal vengeance on the llama species and go on a quest to genocide them. (DM's note: WHY ON EARTH DID I HAVE TO SPECIFY THIS?! WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS?!)
3403: I am no longer allowed to become a leprechaun god. IN ANY SENSE OF THE PHRASE.
Note: All of the above have happened, including side-notes.
I have had some very silly DMs.

GuesssWho
2013-12-16, 10:55 PM
3404: My character is not allowed to have an extra five ECLs in grafts.

Laughing Dog
2013-12-16, 11:55 PM
3404: My character is not allowed to have an extra five ECLs in grafts.

3405. This does not mean my character can get away with having four extra ECLs in grafts either.

TheOnlyCleric
2013-12-20, 11:51 PM
3405) I am not allowed to impersonate a giant and get away with it (especially if im a halfling.

3406) I am not allowed to summon enough wheels of cheese to feed the entire kingdom for a year.

3407) I am not allowed to be more powerful than the DM

4here4
2013-12-21, 12:02 AM
3408: My rakshasa wizard cannot reanimate immediately after death even if I point out that cats have nine lives.

Wookieetank
2013-12-23, 11:00 AM
3408: My rakshasa wizard cannot reanimate immediately after death even if I point out that cats have nine lives.

3408b: Having contingency: resurrect on myself 9 times as a rakshasa is just adding insult to injury.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2013-12-24, 11:23 PM
3409: I don't care how high your gather information check was or how cheap and simple the guide says it is, you can't find a giant wooden alpaca at this hour because nobody in the city has a giant wooden alpaca at this hour.

GuesssWho
2013-12-24, 11:57 PM
3409: I don't care how high your gather information check was or how cheap and simple the guide says it is, you can't find a giant wooden alpaca at this hour because nobody in the city has a giant wooden alpaca at this hour.

I LOLd

3410: When the dragon is the least powerful PC in the campaign, something has gone very wrong.

3411: We cannot have a Far Realm campaign unless the players are all schiziophrenics.

3412: The previous rule does not mean we invite people from the local insane asylum.

3413: I don't care what Savage Species says, you can not enchant your natural weapons to be throwing/returning.

Socksy
2013-12-28, 05:31 PM
3414: If the DM figures out we're playing as The Order Of The Stick, then rocks will fall, and everyone will die.
3414a: Ditto for The Linear Guild.
3414b: Ditto for Team Evil and/or Tarquin's group.
3414c: Also applies to the Sound Five, Akatsuki, any Survey Corps team, and anything similar.

3415: If the cleric is the only one with a Wisdom over 7, the entire party is vetoed.
3415a: This applies doubly if this means the cleric is the only one with a positive Will modifier.
3415b: Especially in a fifth-level party.

Lord Raziere
2013-12-29, 05:53 PM
3416: No matter how cool my typeface is, if it leads to all the capital "I"s looking like "J"s on the map, it is banned.
3417: I may not refer to the evil overlord as "His Jmperial Majesty"
3418: or his army as "His Jmperial Legions"
3419: nor may I shout "FOR THE JMPERIUM!" in Warhammer 40k
3420: nor is the goddesses name "Jsis"
3421: the party fighter is not "Jgnorant"

Chadamantium
2013-12-30, 10:23 PM
3422: Not allowed to outshine the DM's NPCs. Ever.
3423: No longer am I allowed to kill the DM's NPCs. It's pointless as they'll just get reskinned as someone new and come back anyway.
3424: Not allowed to call bullcrap on DM's Girlfriend's equipment no matter how overpowered
3425: The dice only allow us to roll 20s on arbitrary things. Never when we need it.
3426: Not allowed to complete any side quests given to us in previous campaigns. Because what's happening now is more important.
3427: Not allowed to let the druid ask too many questions. That's how plot holes are made.
3428: Not allowed to usurp command of the party from the DM's girlfriend. Even if it is her first time playing.

Socksy
2013-12-31, 07:48 PM
3429: If the captain offers me a glass of port, I'm not allowed to ask for a glass of starboard instead.

3430: Not allowed to make a were-wookiee with a storm trooper blaster. Especially not in d&d.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-02, 02:51 PM
3431: There are, in fact, situations which cannot be resolved with just the Bluff, Diplomacy and Intimidate skills.
3432: I may never again conspire with the GM to make my PC look like an NPC as a surprise for other players when they actually join the party,
3433: I cannot take as advantages "Swift as the Coursing River", "All the Force of a Great Typhoon", "All the Strength of a Raging Fire", or "Mysterious as the Dark Side of the Moon".

Socksy
2014-01-02, 04:04 PM
3434. The Epic Level Handbook is not allowed at the table until everyone is at least ECL 15.
3434a. If it does appear at the table, the DM has the right to smile nastily and turn to the monster section...

Dr.Gunsforhands
2014-01-02, 10:17 PM
3435: In new campaigns, I am no longer allowed to make slight 'variants' of characters from previous campaigns. (I.e. [D&D character] ...IN SPACE.) Come on, man. Everyone knows I can be more creative than that.

Socksy
2014-01-04, 05:40 PM
3436: Having no divine rank is NOT the same as having Divine Rank 0.

rs2excelsior
2014-01-07, 07:05 PM
3437. When I headshoot a zombified farmer, I may not sing, "Old McDonald had a bullet in his skull..."
3438. If I tell my teammate to go ahead and fire a burst at the zombie that's attacking me regardless of the chance that I will be hit, I will not subsequently complain about the non-life-threatening arm wound that I receive.

Cristo Meyers
2014-01-07, 08:30 PM
3439. Sending the werecrow out on a date with the Warden of Philadelphia is not an acceptable way to distract her.

3440. No, you don't get to cry to me that it worked too well and now you can't get rid of her. That's what you get for pimping out your fellow party members

Socksy
2014-01-16, 04:33 PM
3441: The spell is called "disintegrate", not differentiate, regardless of the two words looking like they should mean the same thing.
3441a: Can't invent a new spell to differentiate my opponents.
(Although I suppose it would be a level drain (reduce the power) followed by a mirror image (multiply)...)

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-16, 05:48 PM
3442: I do not get alignment-based bonuses on Diplomacy or Intimidate checks.
3443: My character's dying words cannot be "Hastur Hastur Hastur".
3444: Being of Scottish origin does not give a bonus to repairing starship engines.
3445: Princesses do not automatically have levels in fighter, either.

Arkhosia
2014-01-16, 09:13 PM
3443A: Especially if that's his name.

Dr.Gunsforhands
2014-01-18, 03:30 AM
3446: Bloody Mary, Pazuzu and their ilk are not in this campaign.
3446 - 2: Even if they were, they would not come when called in the manner you're suggesting.
3446 - 3: No, they do not do that in real life, either.
3446 - 4: (...idiot.)

Socksy
2014-01-18, 07:29 AM
3446.5. Cannot make a character called Bloody Mary who specialises in the spell Summoning hook.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-18, 04:24 PM
3447: I may not hire a high-profile voice actor to speak my character's lines.
3448: Dread Pirates do not have an extraordinary ability allowing them to hold their breath for ten minutes.
3449: Characters sacrificing themselves heroically to defeat the villain is acceptable. Sacrificing each other is not.

Arkhosia
2014-01-18, 04:32 PM
3450: I may not play a Ranger with the ability to turn into a giant.
3451: He doesn't use waist-mounted grappling hooks to fight.
3452: he has not sworn a vow to kill all giants
3453: His adoptive sister was not rescued from kidnappers.
3454: If I even think about having him fight giants in giant form...
3456: Especially if it's with a person who also can transform into a giant

Creed
2014-01-18, 07:29 PM
3457: I'm not allowed to put a dragon inside the hold of a boat. At least not anymore.

OniTenyu
2014-01-20, 09:47 AM
3458: I am not allowed to summon any type of whales while not on, in or under the appropriate habitat for said whale, and each case the whale shall not drop upon the 'squishy bodies of my frail foes'.
3458a: Not allowed to twin my summoning spell to summon whales while I am on a longboat just off the coast. (can not summon them with any metamagic feat or without them either, don't go there.)
3458b: Both of these rules my be temporarily suspended with express permission from the DM to avoid a TPK that I instigated from Dispater.

3459: In conjunction I am not allowed to use gate to bring forth and bind a war hulking hurler to use said summoned celestial whales as an improvised weapon upon those it didn't crush initially after falling on an archdevil.

Laughing Dog
2014-01-20, 12:29 PM
3460. My character wears a belt. End of story.

Wookieetank
2014-01-20, 12:52 PM
3460. My character wears a belt. End of story.

I'm morbidly curious as to what the start of that story is. :smalltongue:

Laughing Dog
2014-01-20, 01:26 PM
I'm morbidly curious as to what the start of that story is. :smalltongue:

My character holding an everburning torch between his teeth, actually.:smalltongue:

Socksy
2014-01-20, 06:03 PM
3450: I may not play a Ranger with the ability to turn into a giant.
3451: He doesn't use waist-mounted grappling hooks to fight.
3452: he has not sworn a vow to kill all giants
3453: His adoptive sister was not rescued from kidnappers.
3454: If I even think about having him fight giants in giant form...
3456: Especially if it's with a person who also can transform into a giant

3450-3456a: If I do do this, the DM will make sure my entire campaign consists of being forced to clean castles by an Epic-level ranger NPC.

3461: 3461: Can't play a giant that can turn into a human, either.
3461a: Especially not if she has a crush on the Duke/King/whoever's daughter.

3462: It doesn't matter if giants are affected by critical hits, their weak spot is not on the back of their neck and 1m long by 10cm wide.
3462a: Come to think of it, the same applies to titans. Which are a borderline-Epic level challenge in d&d, and WILL come to eat your dual-wielder path ranger with the grappling hooks for their own sick amusement.

Wookieetank
2014-01-21, 08:59 AM
3462: It doesn't matter if giants are affected by critical hits, their weak spot is not on the back of their neck and 1m long by 10cm wide.
3462a: Come to think of it, the same applies to titans. Which are a borderline-Epic level challenge in d&d, and WILL come to eat your dual-wielder path ranger with the grappling hooks for their own sick amusement.

3463: For any giant or larger bipedal creatures, despite being accurate, the back of the knee is not a weak point.
3463a: Said area is also immune to ranged attacks.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-21, 03:58 PM
3464: I may not accidentally establish an entire civilization all by myself again.
3465: Black dragons and white dragons do not annihilate each other on contact.
3466: Languages are not genetic.

Socksy
2014-01-21, 05:04 PM
3467: suvat equations have no place in the Forgotten Realms.

sengmeng
2014-01-22, 02:22 PM
3468: If my character has a Charisma of 6, it's because he's ugly, not because he makes horrible puns constantly.

Socksy
2014-01-22, 02:28 PM
If you read your sig from bottom to top, it makes for a very interesting letter... Someone should make up the events which led to it being sent.

3469: I can't have a holy unholy cold iron silver adamantine longsword +1. Or any other weapon with those properties. Or a flaming, frost touch weapon. Or anything like that. No. Just no.

Wookieetank
2014-01-22, 03:01 PM
If you read your sig from bottom to top, it makes for a very interesting letter... Someone should make up the events which led to it being sent.

3469: I can't have a holy unholy cold iron silver adamantine longsword +1. Or any other weapon with those properties. Or a flaming, frost touch weapon. Or anything like that. No. Just no.

3469b: Any attempt to make any of the above mentioned items gets me the effects of putting a bag of holding inside a portable hole local to just my character.
3469c: I am not allowed to use this as a means to travel the planes.

Afool
2014-01-22, 10:22 PM
3469d, No you can't use that fact it works in DDO to prove it works, stop it.

Meth In a Mine
2014-01-22, 11:26 PM
3470a You CANNOT make a make weed out of psionic energy
3470b You most certainly CANNOT sell such ectoplasmic weed for beer money.

Socksy
2014-01-23, 06:10 AM
3471: Can't make LSD using Acid Splash.

GuesssWho
2014-01-24, 01:43 AM
3471b: If you do, you have to share.

Socksy
2014-01-24, 04:25 AM
3471c: But not with the berserker, Psion, or wild mage.

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-25, 12:48 AM
3472: I cannot multiclass to my current character class.
3473: I may not get discounts at every shop in town in exchange for endorsements.
3474: My battle cry may not be longer than one full sentence.

Arkhosia
2014-01-25, 08:34 AM
3472: I cannot multiclass to my current character class.
3473: I may not get discounts at every shop in town in exchange for endorsements.
3474: My battle cry may not be longer than one full sentence.

3473A: especially if you say it's your favorite shop in town

Socksy
2014-01-25, 11:51 AM
3475: Can't play anyone from 8-bit theater.
3475a: Only allowed one set of parents and one set of foster parents in my backstory.

Arkhosia
2014-01-25, 06:34 PM
3476: My PC cannot be a cowardly knight with a personal group of minstrels.
3478: My paladin is not named Elwood or Jake.
3478A: Nor is he devoted to saving orphanages
3479: My irish cleric cannot multiclass into a rogue

Socksy
2014-01-27, 02:01 PM
3480: Shouldn't apply the half-fiend template to the Tiefling.

FinnLassie
2014-01-27, 02:31 PM
4381: No more licking the mouldy walls of Alpha Complex. :smallannoyed:

Dr.Gunsforhands
2014-01-27, 09:16 PM
4381: No more licking the mouldy walls of Alpha Complex. :smallannoyed:

4381a (for Blue clearance or higher only): You may only lick the walls if you are assigned a proper license for architectural taste-testing.

Laughing Dog
2014-01-27, 10:05 PM
3482: I shall not use the following as inspiration for character creation:

Tippy
Old Man Hendersen
Mr. Welch
Skippy
Lists inspired by/done in the format of the preceeding two
Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflys and/or similar works
Other entities as defined by the DM

Cieyrin
2014-01-27, 10:22 PM
4383: I shall not demand compensation in livestock in order to break the economy.

Socksy
2014-01-28, 03:36 AM
3482: I shall not use the following as inspiration for character creation:

Tippy
Old Man Hendersen
Mr. Welch
Skippy
Lists inspired by/done in the format of the preceeding two
Please Stop Eating the Hell Butterflys and/or similar works
Other entities as defined by the DM



MONTY PYTHON

PurityIcekiller
2014-01-31, 02:00 PM
3484: If I'm the party ranger, I must put some skill points into Survival.
3485: Being able to pull off a decent English accent does not give me a bonus to hit.

Socksy
2014-01-31, 03:33 PM
3486: Under NO circumstances can the Pyrokineticist take the Pyromaniac flaw.
3486a: This applies doubly if her wisdom is lower than eight, or if her Will save, well, won't save.

Meth In a Mine
2014-01-31, 08:53 PM
3487: You cannot craft a minigun as an artificer.
3487a: That minigun cannot shoot rockets.

ts20fan
2014-01-31, 09:50 PM
3488: In a medieval-themed game (I'm not talking about D&D), even with magic, one cannot have anything using gunpowder.
3488a: Especially if it is fully automatic
3488b: But, yet, you can shoot arrows that explode into giant fireballs.:smallsigh:

Socksy
2014-02-01, 02:06 PM
3489:My Summoner does not have bull horns.
3489a: Nor does he have grey skin.
3489b: No wings either.
3489c: Being in a relationship with a drow Dread Pirate is right out.

3490: My Psionic character does not have two of anything he should not have two of.
3490a: He is not used to power a ship.
3490b: His son didn't accidentally kill his girlfriend.

3491: No making characters based off homestuck characters.

3492: Cannot make a Psion Scion. It confuses people.
3492a: Especially if there are Saiyans in the campaign world.

3493: "Druids have to be neutral" refers to alignment, not electrical charge. Using a Shocking Grasp spell or the like does not cause my druid to lose her powers, no matter how badly I want to play a Blighter.

Laughing Dog
2014-02-02, 05:30 PM
3486: Under NO circumstances can the Pyrokineticist take the Pyromaniac flaw.
3486a: This applies doubly if her wisdom is lower than eight, or if her Will save, well, won't save.

I thought pyromania was a requirement to become a Pyrokineticist?:smallamused:

3494. Unless there is an 'Art of War' by Sun Tzu in the campaign setting, any characters I have shall not quote it.
3495. If I break any of the above rules, I shall not be suprised that books are thrown at me.
3495.a) Even if it is a play-by-post game.

Socksy
2014-02-04, 09:21 AM
3496: Yes, I'm allowed to play a bard who specialises in percussion.
3496a: Yes, she is allowed to be a wood elf.
3496b: ... Sure, she can be 2.72 centuries old.
3496c: Her backstory involves teaching maths? Interesting, that's allowed.
3496d: Saying things like "She's got interesting curves" will result in a look of realisation slowly appearing on the face of the DM.
3496e: The word 'logarithm' and its derivatives are now no longer in the dictionary.

rs2excelsior
2014-02-04, 09:56 AM
3497: Apparently, I am allowed to play a dwarf bard who plays the bagpipes.
3497a: The bagpipes can act as an area-of-effect weapon that affects all non-dwarves, dealing nonlethal damage and stunning enemies for a round as they cover their ears.

After all these things we can't do, it's nice to have one we can :smallbiggrin:

Wookieetank
2014-02-04, 11:39 AM
3497: Apparently, I am allowed to play a dwarf bard who plays the bagpipes.
3497a: The bagpipes can act as an area-of-effect weapon that affects all non-dwarves, dealing nonlethal damage and stunning enemies for a round as they cover their ears.

After all these things we can't do, it's nice to have one we can :smallbiggrin:

3497b: Enchanting the bagpipes to shoot lightning and fireballs when played is right out. :smallwink::smalltongue:

Socksy
2014-02-04, 01:19 PM
3497b: Enchanting the bagpipes to shoot lightning and fireballs when played is right out. :smallwink::smalltongue:

3479c: No, the bagpipes cannot be used as the material component for Wail of the banshee.

Amidus Drexel
2014-02-04, 01:26 PM
3479c: No, the bagpipes cannot be used as the material component for Wail of the banshee.

That's because they're the focus. You can use them more than once. :smallwink: :smalltongue:

BasketOfPuppies
2014-02-04, 02:33 PM
That's because they're the focus. You can use them more than once. :smallwink: :smalltongue:

I am so doing that for my next character.

Socksy
2014-02-06, 08:19 AM
Should someone make a new thread? Who is responsible for that?

PurityIcekiller
2014-02-09, 06:00 PM
We will next page, and anyone can make it just so long as they know what they're doing.

3498: If I'm the Dungeon Master, I cannot have shopkeepers try to sell the players herbs when they want bows.
3499: Characters without ranks in Survival do not die instantly after creation.
3500: We must go at least one session without anyone attempting to kill fellow party members.

Socksy
2014-02-10, 04:04 AM
3501: Can't dump all my d4s on the floor when my rogue drops caltrops.
3501a: No, not even if we're LARPing.

Wookieetank
2014-02-10, 09:31 AM
3498: If I'm the Dungeon Master, I cannot have shopkeepers try to sell the players herbs when they want bows.

3498b: I may not have shopkeepers attempt to sell the players ribbon either.
3498c: Just because the party didn't specify what type of bows they were looking for is no reason to mess with them.

3502: May not have merchants selling words that begin with the letter S when players are attempting to buy swords. :smallwink:

Arkhosia
2014-02-10, 12:12 PM
3498b: I may not have shopkeepers attempt to sell the players ribbon either.
3498c: Just because the party didn't specify what type of bows they were looking for is no reason to mess with them.

3502: May not have merchants selling words that begin with the letter S when players are attempting to buy swords. :smallwink:

3502a: or the word ****. :smallwink:

Omeganaut
2014-02-12, 06:35 PM
3503: My campaign can not be modeled on Monty Python sketches
3503a: Not allowed to have the spanish inquisition TPK the party when they figure it out
3504: Not allowed to base my campaign off of Mel Brooks movies either.
3505: Not allowed to respond to allegations of imitative campaigns by pointing out every single campaign I've made has been based off of something else, to the horrified looks of the players.

Afool
2014-02-12, 06:38 PM
3503: My campaign can not be modeled on Monty Python sketches
3503a: Not allowed to have the spanish inquisition TPK the party when they figure it out
3504: Not allowed to base my campaign off of Mel Brooks movies either.
3505: Not allowed to respond to allegations of imitative campaigns by pointing out every single campaign I've made has been based off of something else, to the horrified looks of the players.

You must share more with us, oh master of the reference!

Omeganaut
2014-02-12, 07:43 PM
I'll admit, it was mostly the one campaign where I Meetra Sulik, Rand Atton, and Aitchkay Seven-four running around as NPC's and Trayadarth as my BBG, although only about half the group had played KOTOR 2. Its amazing how great KOTOR translates into a D&D campaign.

Arkhosia
2014-02-12, 11:18 PM
3506: I may NEVER play an American man named Toby who works as a songmaker and game player
3507: Or a Swedish man of the same profession nicknamed "Pewds"

Socksy
2014-02-13, 02:43 AM
3508: Can't wish my teammate would stop being chaotic stupid.
3509: I'm forever banned from the Axiomatic template and the Expert class

GAAD
2014-02-15, 06:17 PM
3510: I am not allowed to actually sing my bard songs.

deathsli'helper
2014-02-15, 10:32 PM
3511) I am not allowed to tell my ally where i will stick his greatsword if he doesnt stop bragging about how cool fighters are

It Sat Rap
2014-02-16, 06:41 PM
3512: Selling loot for the book price. Only NPC are allowed to do that, you can only sell them for half the value!

Zweisteine
2014-02-17, 05:05 PM
3514*: Steal from the merchant.

*You missed 855.

Snowyowl
2014-02-20, 08:39 AM
3515: There is no such thing as a cleric of C'thulu.

Socksy
2014-02-20, 11:39 AM
Perhaps we should post on this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087) once we run out of room here?

3515a: Neither is there such thing as a Cleric of Pun-Pun.
3515b: Even if there was, they would most certainly not get Perform: Innuendo or Perform: Comedy as class skills.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-02-20, 02:20 PM
Perhaps we should post on this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=293087) once we run out of room here?

No! We were here first! :smalltongue:

Besides, I like numbers.

3516. No longer allowed to play hackers.
3516a. Or robotics experts.
3516b. Or demolitionists.
3516c. Just play a street samurai, dammit!

Afool
2014-02-20, 10:03 PM
Ah, But they've already filled four threads and on their fifth.

3516d. NO MORE EXPLOSIVE BULLETS.

Arkhosia
2014-02-20, 10:23 PM
3517: I may never, ever, ever Na e the party The Wild Geese
3517A: Even if most of our quests come from vampires

Socksy
2014-02-21, 02:43 AM
3518: While a pair of Flaming Gauntlets of Troll Strength sound reasonable, they would deal fire damage, not Ego or Wisdom damage.

Hiro Protagonest
2014-02-21, 03:02 PM
...*facepalm* we just repeated 14 and 16 twice.

And I suspect that thread is more popular because it was posted in roleplaying games. Where most of the roleplayers go. We must show them the error of their ways! Grab the C4!

3521. No more C4.

PurityIcekiller
2014-03-07, 02:31 PM
3521. No more C4.
We are allowed to use d4, though, right?

3522: I may not take "Hitbox Dissonance" as an advantage.
3523: I do not get a bonus on attack rolls with a sword if I use a witty insult while doing so, even if I can rhyme it.

Jester of Doom
2014-03-07, 07:06 PM
3524: The king does not have a "court paprikamancer" and no I cannot trick the guards into thinking I'm him no matter how high my Forgery skill is.

Wookieetank
2014-03-10, 10:06 AM
3525. Even if psionics exists in our campaign, I may not have psychic paper.
3525a. Psychic paper is not a suitable replacement for forged documents.
3525b. I don't care if it'd make for an awesome masterwork forgery tool, its still OP.
3523c. You know what, our setting no longer has psionics. :smalltongue:

Socksy
2014-03-10, 02:12 PM
3523d: No, I do not get XP for removing entire races from existence.
3523e: ... You know what? Fine. Advance to 20th level, you're now the BBEG. Save vs. Hitler moustache.

BasketOfPuppies
2014-03-10, 02:18 PM
3523d: No, I do not get XP for removing entire races from existence.
3523e: ... You know what? Fine. Advance to 20th level, you're now the BBEG. Save vs. Hitler moustache.

Do you mind if I use the last one?

Socksy
2014-03-10, 03:06 PM
Do you mind if I use the last one?

Sure!
OuO

Eternis
2014-03-14, 08:50 PM
3524: Summon Cthulhu from the outer planes because I was bored wanted a super-special hug.
3524a (consequences of the above): I am no longer allowed to use anything apart from internal power to fuel spells, and I am ESPECIALLY not allowed to use the suffering of children and the cuteness of animals as a power source.
3524b: Summoning an elder god to kill them and take their place is ALSO frowned upon, especially if you start devouring OTHER GODS afterwards.

riaierb
2014-03-21, 08:25 AM
3255. no starting as a paladin and intentionally falling in the first session (true story:biggrin:)

Jpw1218
2014-03-31, 10:00 PM
I can't have my character sit down and play an rpg

Groundhog
2014-04-09, 03:25 PM
3257: I may not summon giant squids and use them as ink cannons.

Soarel
2014-04-27, 01:09 AM
3258: I shall not seduce the Lady of Pain.

Socksy
2014-04-28, 06:21 AM
3255. no starting as a paladin and intentionally falling in the first session (true story:biggrin:)

Same goes for Druids.

Venetian Mask
2014-05-09, 01:06 PM
3259. HALO dropping while on a motorcycle is not an appropriate means of stealthy insertion. Not even if you have a built in parachute on your cycle.
3260. If your plan involves murdering more than a third of the Seattle Megaplexes elite it is vetoed from the start.

PurityIcekiller
2014-05-18, 11:25 PM
3261: I may not keep posting in the old thread once the new thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?349657-Things-I-m-Not-Allowed-To-Do-In-An-RPG-2-Why-No-One-GMs-For-Me-Any-More) becomes available.

Mark Hall
2014-05-20, 10:34 AM
The Mod Wonder: Closed for Length. Restart if you haven't already.