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Asta Kask
2010-02-17, 12:56 PM
1) I may not play an elf cook named Falafiel, who wields a frying pan as his primary weapon

2) Nor may I play an undead houri minotaur

3) Nor an Oriental cook named Sashimi Hirimaki

Optimystik
2010-02-17, 01:07 PM
Are we supposed to continue the list?

4) I am not allowed to be a misunderstood rebel Drow, yearning to defend a world that hates and fears my kind.

5) I am not allowed to stand idly by while the BBEG completes his tortuously long and involved transformation sequence.

Asta Kask
2010-02-17, 01:10 PM
Yes. You are supposed to continue. This thread was inspired by the identical thread on the SJG forums.

6) I am not allowed to shoot the BBEG before he has finished his dramatic speech.

7) Especially if I would kill him in one shot.

Iceforge
2010-02-17, 01:13 PM
8) Streaking the throne room

9) Having big secrets like "I am actually an evil wizard who was just pretending to be a good paladin" SPECIALLY not if this is a secret from the GM as well

10) No matter how welsh my characters name is, I am not allowed to buy sheep to form a "harem"

D-naras
2010-02-17, 01:13 PM
11) I am not allowed to polymorph, use metamorphosis, shapechange or even alter self.

Harperfan7
2010-02-17, 01:20 PM
12) That counter dividing the kitchen from the restaraunt may as well be the Himalayas because I'm not allowed to jump it.

Ormagoden
2010-02-17, 01:27 PM
13) I am not allowed to play oriental men over 6 feet tall.
14) I am not allowed to name my character after any mortal kombat characters
15) I cannot cast Ragnarok
16) I cannot throw party members who are smaller than me at the enemy
17) I am not allowed to explain the commoner railgun in any detail to anyone at the table at any time
18) I am not allowed to play a cyber ninja
19) I am not allowed to play a duskblade that has access to true strike AND arcane strike
20) I am not allowed to make my own problems so I can solve them over the course of many sessions
21) I cannot use staggering strike unless I have the page for it open

Choco
2010-02-17, 01:29 PM
22) If even one player at the table cannot say my character's name with a straight face, I am not allowed to use that name.

23) I am not allowed to name my Greek-themed hero Testicles.

24) My casters are not allowed to assign custom names to their spells just so they can shout them out manga/anime style with every casting.

25) Next time I shout out "TENTACLE RAPE!!" when I cast Black Tentacles my alignment will instantly shift to Chaotic Evil and I will be smited by my LG God.

26) Same goes for using the line "OPEN WIDE AND SUCK ON MY ROD!!" when I use a metamagic rod.

27) I will stop instigating racial hatred between dwarves and elves in a setting where they happen to get along just fine.

28) I am not allowed a Necklace of Fireballs, ever, for any reason. In fact they no longer exist in the setting.

Felyndiira
2010-02-17, 01:29 PM
29) I am not allowed to use the disintegrate spell on platforms under the BBEG, walls, ceilings, and anything other than enemies and enemy weapons.

30) In the event that I come across a castle in the road, in no circumstances will I bypass the castle to fulfill my character's personal goals.

31) I cannot defeat the gazebo.

Ormagoden
2010-02-17, 01:32 PM
32) (the real number were on)
I am not allowed to buy more trade goods than can fit in one wagon
33) I cannot build anything using rigger 3

Math_Mage
2010-02-17, 01:35 PM
34) Can't use a name with more than 10 different consonants or 5 of the same one.

Melamoto
2010-02-17, 01:35 PM
35) I am not allowed to declare my character to be the son of a candlemaker and get a free Candle of Invocation.
36) I am not allowed to give my character any name that has more special characters than letters.

Seatbelt
2010-02-17, 01:41 PM
10) No matter how welsh my characters name is, I am not allowed to buy sheep to form a "harem"

Just throwing this out there to combat the orientalism. A harem is not a place for wanton sexuality. A good way to think of it is as arabic or turkish for the european concept of a home. It is the private place a family goes. It comes from the roots hrm which are part of words meaning things like sacred, private, holy, etc.


Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.

White_North
2010-02-17, 01:45 PM
37) It doesn't matter if the rules allow it, outrunning F1 racecars is wrong.
38) I am no longer allowed to have my characters wear glasses of any size, shape or color.

drengnikrafe
2010-02-17, 01:53 PM
39) My backstory must make sense for the character level, and is not allowed to include the words "level drain". Furthermore, I can't just have amnesia and forget all the cool stuff I learned when I leveled up.
40) If my character's name involves any of the following words: "Badass, Laser, Awesome, Fish, Killer, or Slaughter", I will be forced to rename him.

Greenish
2010-02-17, 02:02 PM
Just throwing this out there to combat the orientalism. A harem is not a place for wanton sexuality. A good way to think of it is as arabic or turkish for the european concept of a home. It is the private place a family goes. It comes from the roots hrm which are part of words meaning things like sacred, private, holy, etc.


Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.I'm sure he meant that his character is going to settle down to be a sheep farmer. You and your dirty mind brought up "banging the sheep". Eew. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.














:smalltongue:

Poil
2010-02-17, 03:10 PM
41) I'm not allowed to summon up spirits to posses fellow party members.
42) I'm not allowed to hire hackers to upload pedo pictures to club owners computer systems.
43) I'm not allowed to play a dwarf. :smallfrown:
44) I'm not allowed to play evil, ever.
45) I'm not allowed to set things on fire.
46) I'm not allowed to play a sexcrazed nymphomaniac lesbian fey. Elf is fine.
47) I'm not allowed to carry an elephant rifle on the streets.
48) I'm not allowed to be overpowered, even if the dm was the one who helped me optimize my character.
49) I'm not allowed to pick Kane (from c&c) as a deity.
50) I'm not allowed to set party members on fire.
51) I'm not allowed to loot good stuff such as operation tables, beer kegs or store merchandise.
52) I'm not allowed to halt the dungeon crawl to put my skill points in mining to use on ore deposits.
53) I'm not allowed to chose the flaw phobia: elephants.
54) I'm not allowed to play a scorpion-centaur.

I'm going to stop here now.

Zom B
2010-02-17, 03:13 PM
55) I am not allowed to play a Kobold Sor1/Egoist 13 with a viper familiar.

Poil
2010-02-17, 03:17 PM
56) I'm not allowed to chop off orc testicles and brew them into magic potions.

randomhero00
2010-02-17, 03:19 PM
57- I am not allowed to fake torture NPCs cause ya know, that'd be taking roleplaying an evil PC too far. Its not like we're playing a game of gratuitous violence.

Ernir
2010-02-17, 03:25 PM
58. I am not allowed to be more powerful than the rest of my party combined. :smallfrown:

Cyrion
2010-02-17, 03:27 PM
59) I am not allowed to use Magic Mouth to make the meager-minded sword flinger's sword scream "Help meeeeeeee!"

60) I am not allowed to use Glyph of Warding on another party member's bedroll.

61) I am not allowed to introduce modern labor practices and change the world economy for my benefit.

62) As a GM, I am not allowed, ever, access to dragons, gnomes, and/or small fuzzy animals that could be termed "cute but deadly."

Blackfang108
2010-02-17, 03:35 PM
16) I cannot throw party members who are smaller than me at the enemy
19) I am not allowed to play a duskblade that has access to true strike AND arcane strike
20) I am not allowed to make my own problems so I can solve them over the course of many sessions

20 IS the plot of more than one campaign I currently have going. Not intentionally, but still...
16 is a common tactic in our evil campaign. Bugbear Fighter throwing the halfling Barbarian.
I play 19. it's worth it.

Choco
2010-02-17, 03:42 PM
63) If another player is playing a child, I will not play a pedophile just to create "dramatic tension", even if the player of the child is only doing so to abuse obscure stat boost/aging rules and deserves it.

64) Nothing about my character can make the DM and/or anyone else at the table physically uncomfortable.

65) Nothing about my character can be a reference to an obscure in-joke that makes me and/or anyone else at the table chuckle every time it comes up.

66) I am not allowed to use Mindrape on other party members, even if the target is chaotic stupid and the rest of the party is in full support.

67) I am not allowed to use Mindrape ever, for any reason. In fact the spell no longer exists.

68) I am not allowed to create a pure CW Samurai character to kill the party wizard AND cleric, at the same time, just becasue I got bored and wanted to show them how unoptimized they are.

69) I am not allowed to create a barbarian if there is already a fighter in the party.

70) I am not allowed to instigate fights between party members just to see who will win.

71) I am not allowed to instigate a fight between the halfling and another player's mount just to make a Belkar reference.

72) My centaur character is not allowed to have a human parent and a horse parent.

Godskook
2010-02-17, 04:15 PM
73)I am no longer allowed to put ranks in Diplomacy so that I can turn the campaign's BBEG into my cohort.

74)I am no longer allowed to put ranks in Handle Animal or use wild empathy checks so I can tame every Tarresque I find.

75)After next session, I will no longer be allowed to put ranks in Perform(See #73).

76)I am no longer allowed to utter the word 'dinosaur' during character creation, *especially* in Eberron campaigns.

77)I am not allowed to buy scrolls of PAO, even if I can afford them.

Ormur
2010-02-17, 04:16 PM
78) I'm not allowed to give my wizard a perfectly mundane name, unless it's after a Jazz musician.

subject42
2010-02-17, 04:23 PM
79) The answer to a problem is not "livestock", and the answer to the problems caused by my previous answer is not "even more livestock".

Bouregard
2010-02-17, 04:26 PM
80) I'm not allowed to sell dungeon furniture. Looting goldcoins is fine, taking the adamantite door is not.

AstralFire
2010-02-17, 04:34 PM
It's like Skippy's List, but not as funny.

Sipex
2010-02-17, 04:41 PM
81) I am not allowed to bluff the party wizard with high diplomacy into believing something so he can, in turn, use that high diplomacy skill to make the NPC with high insight believe him all because he actually believes in the lie I told him originally.

82) I may not bluff the monster into believing it's dead, not even on a 20. Even if the final result is a 31 a level 1.

83) I am no longer allowed to make characters with short term memory loss.

84) Regardless of how funny it is my gnome is not allowed to ride a german shephard as a mount.

85) My gnome also cannot wear all green and speak with an irish accent.

86) When I'm presented with the main plot hook of the game I am not allowed to answer "No thanks, I think I'd rather just stay home and play out my day to day life."

87) I am no longer allowed to barter with dragons.

88) I'm not allowed to use Alien 3 as an arguement that fire + ice should force a fortitude save or cause instant death.

(well, we can't all be skippy, so this'll have to make due)

Choco
2010-02-17, 04:45 PM
89) My centaur cannot serve as another party member's mount.

90) I am not allowed to make a centaur paladin unless I don't mind not having a mount. This discussion is over.

91) I am not allowed to cast Silence on another party member to end an argument.

92) My monk's unarmed strikes can't all be backhand slaps and groin kicks.

93) My monk is not allowed to speak with an Asian accent.

Dust
2010-02-17, 04:56 PM
94) There is no creature known as the Fantastipotamus, nor am I allowed to create one for the explicit purpose of using it as a projectile weapon.

95) 'When in doubt, ask a hobo,' is not a generally-accepted method of information gathering.

96) Plutonium is not considered to be one of the core elements.

97) 'I'm meta-gaming,' is not a valid explanation for my actions.

Riffington
2010-02-17, 05:14 PM
Even for the Sultan, it was not a place for him to go bang a dozen chicks. Or sheep, in this case.

In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.

Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.

Thomo
2010-02-17, 05:16 PM
98) Apparently I'm not allowed to cut off the hands and feet of recurring bosses when we knock them out for the first time

99) Knee-capping is also not an approved method of gathering information

100) Likewise, when we need a boat we are meant to hire one, not kill the owner and dump the body overboard to hide the evidence.

AtopTheMountain
2010-02-17, 05:20 PM
101. If my character's backstory includes a dead father, I am not, under ANY circumstances, allowed to name him Inigo Montoya.

102. I am not allowed to do anything on this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=140757&highlight=bearman) or anything similar. Not even if I have a legitimate backstory for it.

Boci
2010-02-17, 05:22 PM
103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".
105. I am allowed to give new players advice on how to build their character, provided it is no longer than 5 pages. A4, Size 12, double spaced, Times New Roman.

Milskidasith
2010-02-17, 05:31 PM
103. When making a character, I am not allowed to use more source books than (x+3)^2, where X is my character level.
104. There is a big difference between the threads "horribly broken material" and "sample character concepts".

Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)

Amphetryon
2010-02-17, 05:42 PM
104) Not allowed to declare that I'm "killing Commoners until I level, just tell me when."

105) Not allowed under any circumstances to play a Robot Ninja Pirate Zombie on a Dinosaur, even if the rules for such do exist.

AslanCross
2010-02-17, 06:03 PM
106) I am not allowed to leave the table in the middle of a serious strategic discussion and then return to the table shouting "LEEEEEEROOOOOY JENNNNKIIIIIINSSS!" after which I charge into the dungeon/booby-trapped room/dragon's lair/Abyss.

Kulture
2010-02-17, 06:07 PM
107) Littering the surrounding countryside with landmines is not a socially acceptable method of defending the small village from werewolves.

107b) Especially not when they're mines designed to propel themselves 4 feet into the air before detonating.

108) In fact, alchemical landmines other than blast discs in their entirety no longer exist.

109) Proffession (Demolitions expert) is not an actual skill.

110) I will not use alchemy to brew ADAM, EVE and magical plasmids from casters in order to make it possible for my level 3 swashbuckler to cast prismatic ray.

111) "Drop the hammer" is not an appropriate activation phrase for a magical device housing meteor swarm.

112) I will not take my leadership cohort tactics out of the SAS handbook.

113) Dirty bombs in built up areas are always in bad taste.

114) My swashbuckler cannot Frenzy and rage as a result of losing/damaging his fancy hat without taking the appropriate levels.

115) My character's family will take a higher status in his agenda than his hat.

116) Quoting Kaiser Soze and murdering my character's family is not acceptable, even if I describe my marriage as "Only in it for the trait point."

117) Alchemical fire cannot be injected into the king's bloodstream via my poison ring, EVER.

118) If my actions place me in the "Complete monster" cattagory, they are immediately vetoed.

119) I will not take ranks in perform as an excuse to have psychotic musical numbers.

120) Disintergrate and charm spells are not an effective alternative to social interaction, no matter what that article/book said.

Boci
2010-02-17, 06:12 PM
Uhh... 103 is 16 sourcebooks for a level 1 character, and 25 for a level 2. Past that, there aren't even enough sorcebooks to possibly use in creating a character... (well, OK, maybe at level 3, but the only way a level 3 character can use 36 sourcebooks is if it's through being pun-pun or buying mundane gear from all those books. Maybe if you also picked entirely random spells from different books, too.)

I know. It was an exaggeration.

elonin
2010-02-17, 06:30 PM
121: I'm not allowed to use a skull as a cup

122: I'm not allowed to play a Dalek

123: Or play my wizard as though he is one...

124: I'm not allowed to backstab the quest giver even though he was going to do the same thing himself.

125: I'm not allowed to psychologically abuse anyone who has surrendered.

126: I'm not allowed to make someone think that his buddies who we killed in combat were killed with a truth telling potion.

Seatbelt
2010-02-17, 06:34 PM
In every culture and in every time, people with power have a tendency to use that power in a sexual way. There may be individual exceptions, but the tendency for all rulers is to translate their position of power into sexual promiscuity (along with other displays of their power). If you think Sultans were somehow immune to this tendency, you are confused.

Much as Croesus became known for an ostentatious display of gold, and the British royal family became known for an ostentatious display of gems, Ottoman Sultans became known for an ostentatious display of wealth in the form of women.

Well yeah I'm sure there were Sultans who were more sexual than others. But the harem in the ottoman royal context was not designed specifically as an outlet for the imperial sex machine and everyone who thinks so is emphatically wrong. :P

Actually, the ostentatious display of woman thing is a western construct, too, by the way. It runs counter to some very fundamental aspects of the culture, but it plays nicely into western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.


Will edit this to be OT. Just a sec. :P

127: I am not allowed to play a druid just so the Paladin can ride bears into combat without ranks in handle animal.

jiriku
2010-02-17, 06:44 PM
128: I am no longer allowed to start a subplot involving hunting for a dragon at the same time that I purchase a scroll of shivering touch unless I fully explain the implications of these acts to the DM beforehand.

129: When the enemy army is camped just across a narrow bridge which our ragtag command must dramatically defend against overwhelming odds until help arrives, it is in bad taste to dimension door the party into the command tent to assassinate the enemy commander.

130: Item 129 is especially inappropriate if both sides are honorable and I have just successfully convinced the enemy commander that we will settle the matter with a duel between himself and our commander tomorrow at dawn.

131: If the enemy army calls for reinforcements in response to our dirty tactics, I am not permitted to utilize any defense that involves sub-orbital kinetic energy weapons, even if I know all the requisite spells.

132: It is not permissible to place a permanent DC 40 maximized symbol of weakness on the 12th-level hexblade's shield to "improve party balance".

133: There is also no excuse for "forgetting" to exclude the party's annoying warlock from the symbol's effect.

Roderick_BR
2010-02-17, 06:54 PM
134: I'm not allowed to play a paladin, when my character's class is rogue. Or wizard. Or any other class.

Ishcumbeebeeda
2010-02-17, 07:01 PM
135) My first response upon meeting every NPC cannot be "I loot him."

Starbuck_II
2010-02-17, 07:06 PM
136) I'm not to form the Head!
137) Even while using Fusion while yelling "Let's form Voltron"

Kulture
2010-02-17, 07:08 PM
135) Slender man's magnificent mind-**** is not an appropriate spell name, even if it matches the contents of theproverbial tin.

136) My sorcerer will not abuse psychological warfare to route an entire orc batallion with nothing but level 4 and under spells.

137) I will keep a character for more than 1 session.

138) I will not make an army of dominated enemies that I sew to other objects or carrion to make mind-**** shock troops.

139) If my actions would make the Axis of Evil shirk, then the idea is vetoed.

140) I will not mind rape the Wizard for no reason other than "I'm a sorcerer, it's a cat VS dog thing"

141) If I make the Lord of Blades nervous, My character goes immediately to limbo.

142) I will not use psychological warfare against Nerull and take his scythe.

143) Any use of the slender man as a character archetype is hereby banned.

144) I am no longer allowed to DM.

145) I am not allowed to complain when 75% of the already too short session is wasted discussing Naruto: Shipuuden.

146) I am no longer allowed to bring Psychology text books to sessions.

147) If I bring the prop EVE hypo to another game, I will be slung out.

148) There is no such thing as a +0 LA undead or abberant outsider template.

Riffington
2010-02-17, 07:09 PM
western conceptions of a misogynistic backward paternalistic and hyper-sexualized culture.

Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.

OT: 151) I'm not allowed to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Lucas Pitta
2010-02-17, 07:17 PM
149) I can't turn the party gnome into a statue and sell him for a masterwork sculpture

Nai_Calus
2010-02-17, 07:30 PM
150: I am not allowed to play an elf in Deadlands d20, even if the game system rules theoretically allow for it.
151: I am not allowed to name him Li Shang, even if I forgot that it was the guy from Mulan's name.
152: I am especially not allowed to sing I'll Make A Man Out Of You during the session should the former two occur.

(Yes, this happened, all of it.)

Choco
2010-02-17, 07:45 PM
157) As DM, I am not allowed to give players a photocopy of my ass when they ask where certain campaign ideas came from.

158) As DM, I am not allowed to base my entire campaign on a Shojo manga, especially when my group is composed entirely of men who consider themselves masculine.

159) Should 158 occur I am not to give players my copies of said Shojo manga when they ask where I got the idea for the campaign from because they loved it so much, and instead do 157 to spare their egos.

160) To make sure 158 never occurs again, my players must be given my campaign background/handout at least a week before the first session so they may search manga sites/forums for my "sources".

Seatbelt
2010-02-17, 07:51 PM
Why must we promote these Occidentalist claims about Westerners' conceptions?
The Ottomans had plenty of stories about various Sultans' paternalism and hypersexuality; no need to put this on Westerners. Heck, Sultans themselves started a lot of those stories on purpose. There's nothing wrong with talking about the splendor of the British Crown Jewels or the Ottoman Harems: they were designed to be an ostentatious display of wealth, and therefore if you are impressed you aren't being racist: you are just doing exactly what the owners wanted you to do.



That's fine. Sultan Suleyman the Magnificient had a huge headdress build by the Venetians that was designed to fit in to the western rulers' conceptions of him. He wore it on campaign to impress. Topkapi palace was built to impress. The Blue mosques were built to impress. I can't remember which one but one of them was built with the specific intention of being so impressive that it was even more impressive than Hagia Sophia, which was pretty darn impressive.

Turkish society today even plays upon notions of sexuality in the harem and the exotic otherness of the Sultanate when marketing to other Turks!.

The problem that I have is that people have this notion of the harem as collection of women whose existence serves the sexual pleasures of another. (Admittedly you can switch around the genders and this conception works for any pairing. But the male/female conception is the one I think of so I go with it). That was not the point of the harem. Thats not what the word means. Thats not what the men and women living in that context would have thought. Thats not what the western women who were allowed in to the Harem thought. Over the length of Ottoman history that was not the context within which the harem existed. It is a fabrication.
There are exceptions. I don't know of a Sultan who was excessively sexual but I'm sure there were some. I know that Suleyman fell so madly in love with a woman that he actually married her, which no Ottoman Sultan had done up to that point, and he presumably became monogamous to her. But I guess we can't know for sure.

161: I am not allowed to inflict madness on the party wizard and command him to destroy the rest of the party, because he is probably the only one who can.

The Dark Fiddler
2010-02-17, 07:53 PM
162. I'm no longer allowed to play any character that could for any reason speak in a robotic monotone, regardless of what system we are playing in.
162b. The above rule now applies to NPCs I DM.

163. I am not allowed any character with a horse. If I have any other mount, I may not utter any of the following words in the same sentence: look, {mount's species}, amazing, lick, or raisins.

Beorn080
2010-02-17, 07:59 PM
164. I am not allowed to purchase more gallons of lamp oil then my character weighs.

165. If somehow I come into possession of a vast quantities of lamp oil, I am not allowed to keep it in my halfling rogue's backpack.

166. Improved evasion doesn't work, even on a successful save, against a fireball striking you with 1000 gallons of oil in your halfling rogue's backpack.

Milskidasith
2010-02-17, 08:30 PM
167. Love's Pain is not an appropriate way to tell if your spouse is cheating on you.
168. Nor is it an effective method of checking to see if somebody is interested in you.
169. If it hits somebody else instead of yourself when cast on your beloved, as it inevitably will since you're clearly evil, you cannot refer to it as "thinning the competition."

Zombieninja
2010-02-17, 08:38 PM
I thought it was more Mr. Welsh.

waterpenguin43
2010-02-17, 08:40 PM
170. I am not allowed to find clever loopholes allowing my penguin companion to have spells.
171. I am not allowed to use electrical spells into "water walls" to conduct the electricity into my foes.
172. I am not allowed to have highly toxic, radioactive, or any alkali metal in a material component pouch.
173. As a DM (Which I often am), I am not allowed to TOO heavily lace my campaigns with Mother 3 references.
174. To be a Stormcaster when there's already a Stormlord in the party.

Vulkarius
2010-02-17, 08:48 PM
174. LG Paladin is not allowed to Coup de Grace sleeping enemies
175. Coup de Grace cannot be renamed Coup de Soup
176. Not allowed to collect random items such as curtains and a worthless shoe

The Glyphstone
2010-02-17, 08:50 PM
137. I am not allowed to have the party members sign waivers releasing their bodies to me for 'spare parts' in lieu of paying for their grafts.

138. I am not allowed to have more Persistent spells than the party collectively has Hit Dice.

139. I am not allowed to have more punctuation than actual letters in any character name.

140. I am not allowed to attempt to deliberately disrupt the number count of a silly RPG ban-list and see if anyone falls for it/cooperates.

CrimsonAngel
2010-02-17, 08:56 PM
1401. I am not allowed to have a one night stand with the DM's sister.

Blas_de_Lezo
2010-02-17, 09:00 PM
142. My DM didn't allow me to play with a halfling rogue because of the name I chose: Limoncito Amargo (roughly meaning "Little BitterLemon")

Zombieninja
2010-02-17, 09:16 PM
143 I may never base my character off of an xman
144 not even if it fits the setting

DracoDei
2010-02-17, 09:40 PM
16) I cannot throw party members who are smaller than me at the enemy

16b.) Throwing party members who are LARGER than me at the enemy is right out. (Actually it is totally awesome, but so are about 20% of the other ideas on this thread, so...)

Tao the Ninja
2010-02-17, 09:41 PM
145. I am not allowed to play as GLaDOS.

MoriHikari
2010-02-17, 10:11 PM
146. I am no longer allowed to ask the local temples what their religon/god could offer me in terms of a benifits package.

147. putting my characters name down in the god worshipped space will get me smote and thus is not allowed.

Geno9999
2010-02-17, 11:01 PM
148: I can't buy a sword that is heavier than my character.

149: Cannot shout "LEEEEROY JENKINS!!!" whenever I enter a battle

150: Cannot have a battlecry shouted in the room at all.

drengnikrafe
2010-02-17, 11:35 PM
106) I am not allowed to leave the table in the middle of a serious strategic discussion and then return to the table shouting "LEEEEEEROOOOOY JENNNNKIIIIIINSSS!" after which I charge into the dungeon/booby-trapped room/dragon's lair/Abyss.


149: Cannot shout "LEEEEROY JENKINS!!!" whenever I enter a battle

151: I will not ignore my party members when they say things anymore...

Groundhog
2010-02-17, 11:37 PM
152: My character may not have more than two races.
153: If said character must have more than one race, I may not use my character's mixed heritage as a premise for a tragic backstory.

Dire Moose
2010-02-17, 11:50 PM
154. If the campaign is a serious storyline full of action and intrigue, I am not allowed to play a 400-pound transgender halfling named "Mort Periwinkle the Second." Same goes for a druid named Snappy FiveSmax whose reason for adventure was "I had a bet going with the koalas" and had a camel randomly airdropped in as her companion.

And yes, these were both actual attempts at creating characters in the early stages of my campaign. I was not amused.

The Dark Fiddler
2010-02-18, 06:26 AM
155. I may not abuse the absurdity but technical legality of applying several "Half x" templates to a Half-Elf or Half-Orc.

156. I am no longer allowed more than one template and cannot play Half-Elves or Half-Orcs.

157. In fact, just forget templates altogether.

jolus
2010-02-18, 09:43 AM
158. I am not allowed to use abbr.

Ormagoden
2010-02-18, 11:25 AM
102. I am not allowed to do anything on this thread (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=140757&highlight=bearman) or anything similar. Not even if I have a legitimate backstory for it.

AHHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAHA


159. I am not to shout "This ones for you Morph!" Every time I sneak attack an enemy.

160. None of my weapons make the Snick sound when I unsheathe them.

Kulture
2010-02-18, 01:05 PM
161) My character is not pyramid head

162) my cohort is not pyramid head

163) I am not to turn major cities into silent hill style hell holes

163) Bringing a chunk of the abyss to my home forest is frowned upon by the druid council.

164) My Sorcerer/Dread witch/Nightmare spinner is not a more effective version of a druid just because anyone wanting to harm my forest defecates in their britches before they can do any real damage.

165) I will not have theme songs.

166) If my character is more horrifying than the BBEG, I cannot usurp his position.

167) I will not "Drag the party to hell" just because my character is a heartless monster/tragic villain and I wanted a morally ambiguous campaign.

168) I will not abuse absorb fear and my undead immunities to give my fear effects +37 to caster level, or to cast mind rape 147 times per round...when it isn't my turn.

169) Any cohort with the uber-charger build will be smote.

170) My harem and monstrous army ARE mutually exclusive. No exceptions.

171) I cannot harness fear as an arcane power source in order to boost my physical stats into the 100's.

172) I will not orchestrate strange mind-fornication pranks via use of my slender man character and my friend who is easily 7' in height.

173) If the DM is no longer willing to be in the same room as me until I stop roleplaying, I will not expect bonus XP.

174) Sanity is not necisarily for the weak

175) I will not abuse prestige class abilities to intimidate Strahd.

iElf
2010-02-18, 01:22 PM
176) I will not quote monty python
177) I WILL NOT QUOTE MONTY PYTHON! (oww, stop shouting)

purple gelatinous cube o' Doom
2010-02-18, 02:02 PM
178) When I play a druid, I may no longer have a dire tiger as my animal companion (3.5).

Felyndiira
2010-02-18, 02:05 PM
179. 2 + 2 does not equal 22.

180. I am not allowed to play an advocate of democracy in a medieval fantasy.

181. Explosive Metamagic cannot be attached to divination spells.

182. In no circumstances will I line more than 50 peasants in a single file and give them a 10-foot pole.

183. I will not play a 10-year-old dragonborn girl with a rod of wonder.

184. If my erudite attempts to seek out a wizard with mental pinnacle, I will be defenestrated by a copy of Complete Psionics.

185. Magical girl is not a valid prestige class.

186. The use of maneuvers to end "DM's Girlfriend" is strictly forbidden.

187. MY NAME IS ALWAYS HUGE.

188. Polymorph Any Object is not able to produce any of the following: rail guns, rocket launchers, meteors, nuclear warheads, Jesus, blood of virgins, varia suits, marijuana, sodium, or zippo cat.

189. In the event that I play a heartwarder, I may not take the leadership feat and wear black corsets.

190. Being drunk does not make me immune to being dead.

191. "Have a p*n*s" is not a valid flaw.

192. If I purchase or possess any more than 20 chickens, I am no longer allowed near flammable substances.

193. A katana is not immune to sunder, disarm, missing, or the status "I am not on fire."

194. If I meet a cleric, I will not attempt to use my diplomacy skill to convert him to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

195. BESM: My mechs are not allowed to take the "Owns a Mecca" ability.

MoriHikari
2010-02-18, 02:34 PM
196. I am no longer allowed to refer to the half orc in the party as my animal companion

197. if I insist on calling him that I am not to complain about any broken arms, legs, teeth or unstoppable bleeding that may occur

Hyozo
2010-02-18, 02:48 PM
198: After the last incident, whip feather tokens are retroactively nonexistent.

199: The fact that rust monsters pose no threat to the party do to the lack of metal use also means they are not a challenge, which means no experience may be gained by overcoming them. So no, the party may not become epic via rust monster genocide.

200: I am not allowed to team up with an NPC who was supposed to be my personal rival, immediately upon their introduction, to fight two of the other PCs ever again.

To be fair, I had a perfectly good reason, and the other PCs deserved it.

Solaris
2010-02-18, 02:50 PM
201. After charging madly into battle and shouting 'LEEEROY JEEENKIINNNS!' just to piss off the WoW addict, I will not say "Least I have chicken" at the end of the resulting slaughter. I do not, and if I do it will be taken away.

DracoDei
2010-02-18, 03:02 PM
185. Magical girl is not a valid prestige class.
Of course it isn't... Sentai (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=140247) is a base class.

Also:
((old 202 and 203 moved to THIS (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=142474) thread))

202. Picking up small children with your tail to give them "dragon-back rides" is frowned upon, even if you never leave the ground and move them around quite slowly and gently and the country has both humans and dragons co-existing (mostly) peacefully.

megabyter5
2010-02-18, 04:53 PM
203. After much whining, I am allowed a single Monty Python reference per campaign, but only one per source.

204. I cannot create homebrew material for said reference.

205. If my character dies while fulfilling the reference, I cannot have a new one until the next campaign.

206. The previous rule extends to the campaign after the next if my character reenacts the last scene from Life of Brian.

207. The reference cannot involve a class feature for my character, ESPECIALLY not a familiar.

208. It doesn't matter if I'm not saying any quotes, my Dread Necromancer doesn't get a Zombie Parrot as a familiar.

209. I can never again trick the DM into making my reference for me, especially not by declaring my character to be the Messiah.

210. Ok, screw it; No more references!

Ranger Mattos
2010-02-18, 05:13 PM
211. I am no longer allowed to use a chicken as a weapon :smallmad:

MoriHikari
2010-02-18, 05:15 PM
212. while playing a rouge, I will no longer try to steal people's pants during battle

213. in addition, no matter how sneaky I am, If I do attempt to steal the pants right off the bad guy, he will notice me doing so...

Jarrick
2010-02-18, 07:11 PM
214. I will not make 7 different types of undead from 1 corpse.

215. There is no such thing as an adamantine toilet.

216. Adamantine toilets do not do enough damage to knock out the sorcerer when he kicks it.

217. Skeletons cannot form mariachi bands.

218. Aquatic elves do not ask if you'd like to "Rides de shoopuff?"

219. Keeping kobolds impaled on your lance as trophies is in bad taste.

220. I will not smoke EVERY bush/plant/tree in sight.

221. I will not use a ring of invisibilty to drop yogurt on passersby from the rooftop while making pidgeon noises.

222. There is no such thing as a were-cow.

223. "Ehlonna's Seed Pouch" is not to be referred to as "Ehlonna's N*t Sack"

The Dark Fiddler
2010-02-18, 07:28 PM
218. Aquatic elves do not ask if you'd like to "Rides de shoopuff?"

224. I am not allowed any more Final Fantasy references. This includes, but is not limited to characters with names from the series (Cloud, Leon), characters with similar backgrounds (Warriors of Light, Summoners on a Pilgrimage), and calling attacks with similar names (Ultima, Omnislah).

225. The previous rule now applies to 8-Bit Theater and Cactuar and Tonberry.

226. The above rule now applies to any webcomic and video game whatsoever. Don't try for getting books, movies, and shows banned too.

Dire Moose
2010-02-18, 08:10 PM
227) Level-advancing cards in Munchkin (like "Whine at the GM") were not intended as actual suggestions.

Geno9999
2010-02-18, 10:55 PM
211. I am no longer allowed to use a chicken as a weapon :smallmad:

228: I will NOT, EVER, UNDER THE PAIN OF CHARACTER DEATH... attack the chickens because it's funny.

229: If the chicken does attack first, I am not allowed to abuse it.

230: JUST DON'T EVER SUMMON THE CHICKEN DEATH SQUAD AT ALL!!! (Hot Wing division.)

231: i can no longer use shift or capslock whenever i type.

Acanous
2010-02-19, 02:47 AM
232: Being a Drow is not a capitol offense
233: It is also not punishable by 8 Bestow Curse's, Hold Person, Charm Monster and Gaes.
234: Especially not if they are PC's.
234b: "Numpty" is not Draconic for "drow".
235: I may not strand my rival outside of the galaxy.
235b: Especially not by simply choosing to allow him to do what he has planned.
236: I am not allowed to equip enemy Orks with Heavy Bolters because "It'll be funny, just watch!"

Talon Sky
2010-02-19, 02:30 PM
As a PLAYER:

237: I am not allowed to take Skill Focus on any skill ever again.

238: I am not allowed to use my ridiculous Bluff skill to convince the king his daughter got herself pregnant because she has actually been replaced by some kind of asexual evil outsider.

239: I may not name my weapons "A**reamer".

240: I may not use a pick again, especially with the feats Weapon Focus/Specialization (pick) and Improved Critical (pick).

241: I am not allowed to play a Barbarian whose name is Me-Gusta Boooom, especially if those are the only words in Common he can speak and his preferred battlecry.

242: Ring of Three Wishes has it's limits, and I cannot affect the other party member's genitals in any way. *sadface*

As a DM:

243: I cannot affect the other party member's genitals in any way. *sadface*

244: Silent Hill is not an appropriate name for the undead city.

245: The BBEG's signature spell can be "Kamehameha", however if his name is also Goku, then the players are allowed to throw their PH's at me.

246: Every single intelligent monster race cannot have it's own cult devoted to a strangely ambiguous god.

247: I cannot call the Drow 'Sin'dorai' just to tick off the WoW players.

248: I am not allowed to flick open the MM to a random page and force the players to encounter what's on the page. Sometimes, the fight is easy. Usually....

249: A wizard raising an army of Melted Adamantine Oozes is only funny (as hell) to me.

250: Said oozes cannot also be immune to the Wish spell, simply because the wizard used his own Wish spell to make them that way. Especially if I haven't stated so beforehand.

Choco
2010-02-19, 04:18 PM
212. while playing a rouge, I will no longer try to steal people's pants during battle

213. in addition, no matter how sneaky I am, If I do attempt to steal the pants right off the bad guy, he will notice me doing so...

251: I cannot make sneak attacks with siege weapons.

252: If I am not playing a rogue, I cannot convince the new guy who is that he in fact can make a sneak attack with that ballista.

253: I am not allowed to play any Divine-flavored classes ever again.

Jarrick
2010-02-19, 06:20 PM
254. They are not taking the hobbits to isengard (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uE-1RPDqJAY)

255. The elf will not win the drinking contest.

256. The elf wizard will not be involved in a drinking contest because alcohol and magic don't mix.

257. Any loss of property incurred by disobeying 256 will not be paid for by dominating other party members into working it off.

Ranger Mattos
2010-02-19, 07:05 PM
222. There is no such thing as a were-cow.

WHAT!!!1!!!!one!!1!

258. I cannot strap achemist's fire to a chicken and let it wander into the enemy commander's tent.

259. I cannot throw cows at my enemies, not even if I am a half-dragon orc with 40 strength.

260. I am not allowed to kill my enemies by getting a way to fly and then falling on them.

Sahaar
2010-02-19, 08:04 PM
161--I cannot do a dance in place of a Bluff check

162--I cannot buy items in the middle of a dungeon crawl

163--I cannot sneak attack a ninja

164--I cannot watch TV in the middle of a dungeon crawl

165--I cannot spot a ninja in less than low-light

166--I cannot poke a guard, then proceed to stab him in the face.

167--I cannot be listening to heavy metal while making a move silently check.

MoriHikari
2010-02-19, 09:42 PM
umm...aren't we in the two hundreds

268. I will not win a battle, as a druid, by wild shaping into a bear and sitting on the bad guy until he says uncle.

269. I will not bet the princess of a country in a wager...even if she's a member of my party.

270. I will not drink my self into a stupor to forget losing the bet I wagerd the princess in.

waterpenguin43
2010-02-19, 09:50 PM
271: I will not sell my fellow party members souls to Levistus.
272: I cannot make "Move Loudly" checks.

Moff Chumley
2010-02-19, 09:58 PM
273: Keytar is not a playable weapon.
274: Likewise, The Power of Rock is not an actual spell.

XtheYeti
2010-02-25, 07:24 PM
275: If when thinking about what I'm about to do, I vomit more than once. The action is not allowed.

276: If my character actions cause other players to vomit, my character is now Chaotic evil. And then smote to non-existence by the DM.

277: If I cause the entire group to vomit all at once, I get beat into unconsciousness with multiple PHBs

Gem Flower
2010-02-25, 07:28 PM
278. I am not allowed to let the others in my party eat each other
278. I am not permitted to allow the others in my party to sit down in front of a raging monster and eat moldy bread
279. I am not allowed to mention Bob the Undead Barbarian

Ranger Mattos
2010-02-25, 07:31 PM
280. I am not allowed to construct cunning plans if my character is a barbarien, even if he has 18 Intelligence.

Cryssandra
2010-02-28, 11:20 AM
281. I am not allowed to bribe any unfriendly NPC with the bag of doritos I have sitting next to my Character Sheet...

Jesse Drake
2010-03-01, 08:33 AM
282 I am not allowed to lock my fellow rogue in a chest as punishment for carelessly setting off the trap that was in it.

Mordeus_Dire
2010-03-01, 10:12 PM
283 When a party member is dying on -9, I will not 'drown him back to 0'.
284 I will not immediately slaughter the town guards if they charge me 2 silver pieces for a legal road toll.
285 I will not complain that the chances of hitting an enemy 10ft away with a longbow is exactly the same as hitting him 100ft away.
286 When in parley, I will actually negotiate with the leader of the enemy army instead of killing him as soon as he steps foward.
287 As a DM, I will refrain from attacking the PC's with fiendish Shocker Lizards riding on Shambling Mounds.

Cryssandra
2010-03-02, 12:14 AM
288. I am not allowed to insist on casting 0th level Wizard spells as a barbarian, even though I am technically a 0th level Wizard....

bobspldbckwrds
2010-03-03, 12:56 AM
289: i am not allowed to make sneak attacks with my severed arm, especially on the monster the monster that bit it off in the first thing.

Brainstomper
2010-03-03, 03:50 AM
290: I am not allowed to throw the unconious cleric at the vampire and make the arguement that the vamp should take damage because the cleric is a "holy item."

Ishcumbeebeeda
2010-03-03, 04:26 AM
290: I am not allowed to throw the unconious cleric at the vampire and make the arguement that the vamp should take damage because the cleric is a "holy item."

I think that if anybody did this in any of the groups I've been in they'd get bonus RP XP. There was a president for other party members being improvised weapons after all. Which leads me to:

291: I am no longer allowed to list "Kitsune Bard" in the weapons field of my character sheets.

292: "FLYING KITSUNE BARD!" is not an appropriate battle cry for a Warlock, even if I can fly and am strong enough to lift/carry/throw the Kitsune Bard.

293: A person who shall remain nameless is no longer allowed to play a Kitsune Bard, or anything that my character could possibly pick up.

PallElendro
2010-03-03, 09:52 AM
294. I cannot play an Archangel/Eladrin Paladin.
295. I can't play a Paladin/Rogue just for the Sneak Attacks.
296. I am not allowed to have the Cake be a lie.
297. I can't make an Athletics check to hit harder to a foe, with a +30 bonus to that Athletics.
298. I cannot teabag my dead foes.
299. I cannot imitate Nelson when an ally is bloodied. HA-HA!
300. I can't go into a city ready for war and shout "THIS! IS! SPARTA!":wink:
301: I can't have a Spartan birthed for war, over the other 300.

Geno9999
2010-03-04, 08:30 PM
300. I can't go into a city ready for war and shout "THIS! IS! SPARTA!":wink:

302: I can no longer kick people into their deaths while shouting "THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAA!!!

Ranger Mattos
2010-03-04, 08:40 PM
303. I cannot use the air as an improvised weapon.

bobspldbckwrds
2010-03-04, 09:33 PM
304: i can no longer play as a litch named eddie. \m/

Zexion
2010-03-05, 12:28 AM
305. I may not be a doppelganger named Frida who wears a pink leotard and does gymnastics.

Choco
2010-03-05, 09:14 AM
306: Any character based on Bon Clay is instantly vetoed.

Zexion
2010-03-05, 11:14 AM
307. When taking a full-round action to run at high speeds, I may not argue that it should grant a bonus to AC.

clockworkmonk
2010-03-05, 02:16 PM
308. I am not allowed to play Arthur Dent
309. especially in a fantasy setting
310. I am no longer allowed to use zombies to freak out the cops in Scion.
311. Nor am I allowed to initiate a pissing contest with Titanspawn
312. I am no longer allowed to build a Halfling ballista to break siege. especially when I don't have the Halfling's permission.

Geno9999
2010-03-05, 03:08 PM
313: I cannot use one of my teammates as a improvised weapon.
314: I cannot say "The Cake is a lie!... But Pie isn't."
315: In a sci-fi setting, I cannot make a blue-skinned who runs around in his underwear and is named Freakazoid (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Freakazoid)
316: I cannot make Freakazoid in a time period before computers.
317: I cannot ask the guys in the middle of a battle if they want to go for a snowcone.
318: I cannot make a villain named Candle Jack
319: I will never sa

Zexion
2010-03-05, 09:27 PM
320. I may not start a romantic relationship with the BBEG.
321. If 320 is broken, I may not attempt a sexual encounter.
322. Especially if the BBEG is a nonhumanoid.
323. I may not make references to SWAIM (http://www.cracked.com/video_18153_4-child-vloggers-who-make-us-fear-their-future.html)during an encounter.

drengnikrafe
2010-03-05, 11:12 PM
324. I am no longer allowed to "accidentally" forget a piece of the GM's errata and apply them to things that involve several modifiers.

325. I am no longer allowed to "accidentally" forget a piece of the GM's errata at all.

326. The answer to negotiations is no longer able to be "Stick it in the bag of holding, and wait for it to surrender".

327. No matter how broken my wizard is, his power levels will never be over 9000.

PallElendro
2010-03-07, 12:28 AM
328: I can't be a Paladin of Freedom/bard/sorcerer/rogue.
329: I can't integrate RuneScape into the campaign.
330: I can't play Master Chief in the games.
331: I can't submit my ideas. Trust me, you shouldn't want to know
332: My DM won't let me use my +56 Diplomacy.
333: I can't divide 999 by 3 for this "2000 things I'm not allowed to do in an RPG" thing.
334: The crossbow can't be loaded with bullets.
335: I can't do an Acrobatics check to avoid an attack skillfully.
336: I can't have my character end up doing everything. Even if the other players agree.
337: I can't houserule Smite Evil to my character.
338: Detect Evil is something I should never use in a 3.5 game. (Which is rare for me to play)
339: Will Defense is not "will defend"
340: Fortitude is not a crunched word of "Fortress of Solitude".
341: I can't use Kryptonite for a weapon.
342: I can't brag about getting a Bonus Feat at 1st level should I play a Human.
343: 343 Guilty Spark can't be used as a boss.
344: I can't substitute a Roleplaying Game with a Rocket-Propelled Grenade.

CelesTial
2010-03-07, 04:14 AM
345: I am not allowed to call shots to turn arrows into bashing damage by firing another arrow at them to flip them around
346: Before fighting an abyssal, I am not allowed to set my ipod to My Chemical Romance.
347: I am not allowed to call shots and stun to turn people into eunuchs
348: I am not allowed to quote Gurren Lagann when delivering a dramatic speech
349: I am then not allowed to make an artefact battle drill and a war strider
350: If I create another war strider, I am not allowed to use moonsilver to combine the two.

Zexion
2010-03-10, 11:47 PM
351: I am not allowed to question the DM.
352: If I DO question the DM, my character is struck down by a disease only known as "the angry lightning from the sky."

Wookieetank
2010-03-11, 05:43 PM
353: I'm not allowed to put things into low orbit by throwing them when playing a Wookiee in Star Wars campaigns.:smallbiggrin:
354: In 3.5 I'm not allowed to survive any given adventure, and if I do its with negative hp and blatent DM fudging of the numbers to keep me alive... :smallconfused:

Ishcumbeebeeda
2010-03-11, 06:06 PM
355(a)- I am not allowed to make a perform(fiddle) check every time the group encounters a devil.
(b) Especially if I don't have any ranks in perform(fiddle).
356- The party will never encounter a were-rat barbarian in a prison.
357- Should the party, for some reason, encounter a were-rat barbarian in a prison my character is not allowed to comment innocently "So, despite all your rage you're still just a rat in a cage, eh?"
358- I am no longer allowed to listed to music immediately before, or during a session.

icastflare!
2010-03-11, 06:37 PM
359- I am not supposed to shout " Lolth is a dumb spider, who smells, and you should join my religion" When we enter a drow temple

Choco
2010-03-11, 09:35 PM
360: I am never again allowed to make a character that the DM has to keep separate from the rest of the party just so they will not feel useless. It does not matter that said character is an unoptimized tier 3 class. "It isn't my fault they only bother to crack open a book whenever they level up" is not a valid argument.

Deca
2010-03-12, 12:42 AM
361: I am not allowed to select Weapon Focus: Ostrich as a feat.
362: My Enchanter is not, and never will be, named Tim.

V Junior
2010-03-13, 01:27 PM
363) I am not allowed to play a Cleric who worships Kira.
364) I *can* play a Paladin who worships Kira, but I Fall the moment I do anything.
365) I can't choose Kira as my deity, full stop.
366) If my character is a red-haired man with goggles and a stripy shirt who smokes and plays lots of video games, he is shot by 50 crossbows with 50 bolts each the moment he enters a dungeon (read: I can't play as Matt).
367) I cannot use "Summon Monster" to summon a Persona or a Pokemon, no matter how much I want to use Jack Frost or Pichu in a battle.
368) My character cannot have Japanese as any of their languages.
369) My bard is not allowed to sing the theme tunes from anything, VOCALOID songs or stuff by Voltaire. Singing "When You're Evil" is an auto-smite from every god in the campaign setting.

Kallisti
2010-03-24, 12:08 AM
370. I cannot play a CW Samurai and still outdo the party sorcerer.

Closak
2010-03-24, 11:59 AM
371: I am not to attempt to rape Tiamat. No, not even if i have the power to pull it off.

372: No, i may not summon Turalisj Nugri.

373: I am not to feed the Elder Evil known as Hesheit.

374: I am not allowed to pull a flaming chainsaw out of my bag of holding every time we meet an NPC.

Choco
2010-03-25, 01:11 PM
372: I am not allowed to kill the BBEG in the surprise round, by myself. This is apparently only cool and funny to me.

Ranger Mattos
2010-03-25, 04:04 PM
372: I am not allowed to kill the BBEG in the surprise round, by myself. This is apparently only cool and funny to me.

373: Especially if I am a CW Samurai.

Penny67
2010-03-25, 06:03 PM
374: I am not allowed to eat the Eye of Vecna.

Creed
2010-03-25, 06:05 PM
375: I am not allowed to devour the essence of your immortal soul

Choco
2010-03-26, 08:14 AM
376: No, my character most certainly CANNOT be from Papuwa Island. Next time I bring this up or RP my character as if he was I am getting my nose broken.

Emperor Ing
2010-03-26, 09:49 AM
377: Thou shalt not create a Dragonborn fanservice character.
378: Thou shalt not, by extension of rule 377: create a Kobold, Lizardfolk, or Dragon fanservice character.

Geno9999
2010-03-27, 09:42 PM
377: Thou shalt not create a Dragonborn fanservice character.
378: Thou shalt not, by extension of rule 377: create a Kobold, Lizardfolk, or Dragon fanservice character.
379: I will not create a fanservice character of ANY race at all.
380: I will not use my fake dice during my campaigns, and if I am found doing so, my hands will be broken by sledgehammers.
381: I will not make any reference to Micheal Jackson's "Thriller" whenever we meet undead characters.

lord of kobolds
2010-04-02, 09:20 AM
382: I shall not face off against an army of formians armed with a giant can of bug spray.
383: I am NEVER allowed to play any race with tentacles, especially if one of the enemies is a schoolgirl in a short skirt.
384: If my vision is always blocked, and enemies can't see my head, I have too many Ioun stones.

Creed
2010-04-20, 03:18 PM
385: I am no longer alowed to Bluff the princess into thinking I'm her soon-to-be husband.
386: I am no longer allowed to be a vampire whose coffin is carryed by an ogre hireling, in a campaign where when vampires are killed, they rematerialize in their coffin instantly.
387: I am no longer allowed to Bluff the DM (DC 1000) into thinking I always crit.

Ranger Mattos
2010-04-22, 03:43 PM
388: I am not The Wizard Who Did It.
389: I am not allowed to be a wizard at all.
390: Reason for #389: I cannot PAO a colony of ants into humans that will worship me as their god, thereby making me a diety.

Biophysicist
2010-04-22, 04:22 PM
391: I may not play a kitten.
392: I may not play a doack. This should be obvious, seeing as "doack" is a random word that means absolutely nothing.
393: I may not play Jim Raynor.
394: I may not play a Zergling.
395: I may not play a multiclass wizard/sorcerer.

Watcher
2010-04-22, 04:52 PM
396: I may not feed this bag of kittens to this Ancient Red Dragon; I cannot tame it that way.

moomoomooy
2010-04-24, 11:17 AM
397) if i play a black character my entire action may not be "fcissle my nissle dog"
398) i can not play a wookie under any sircumstances
399) allah is no longer a deity choice
400) my charecters goal in life is no longer allowed to be to catch em' all

Dashwood
2010-04-24, 02:34 PM
401) I am not allowed to start a Bar Fight in EVERY Tavern I enter, because I'm bored and they're all level 1 NPCs.

402) I am not allowed to argue with the GM, because he controls the threads of my character's life.

403) I am not allowed to raise my voice in dramatic situations, because if the tenants downstairs complain to the landlord we're all screwed!

D_Lord
2010-04-24, 05:35 PM
402. I am not allowed to build an undead empire of any farm animals.

Creed
2010-04-25, 07:13 AM
404: I am not allowed to be an epic level magic user (who arm-wrestled Thor and won using magic and who now has the Hammer of Thor and the strength to use it) who killed a thief-god and took over the position as god of thieves and then proceeded to steal ALL magic, arcane or otherwise.

DONT JUDGE ME!

PhoenixRivers
2010-04-26, 05:00 AM
405: I am not allowed to mindrape chickens to want to jump into frying pans.

406: Fireballs in rooms of commoners are not acceptable, even if it is to find a werewolf.

407: I will not use Suggestion to suggest that the person suggest that others suggest to me people who are vulnerable to suggestion.

Robert Blackletter
2010-04-26, 05:04 AM
408 All my p.c must wear underwear

Choco
2010-04-26, 09:03 AM
408 All my p.c must wear underwear

409: My character is not allowed to have a curse that prevents him from ever wearing pants.

Ishcumbeebeeda
2010-04-26, 12:38 PM
409: My character is not allowed to have a curse that prevents him from ever wearing pants.

410: "Nudist" is not a valid flaw for any of my characters. Especially the Half-Ogre Goliath.;)

Creed
2010-04-26, 03:24 PM
411: No midgets/ halflings/ gnomes.
412: I am not allowed to play a constuct. Especially one with a Small size.
413: I can not use Wish to wish that I could cast Permanacy on any spell. (PERMANANT FLY! PERMANANT FIREBALL! PERMANANT HASTE!, etc.

Lord Loss
2010-04-26, 05:39 PM
414: I'm not allowed to hit the DC to break the rules.
415: I'm not allowed to play a cleric of the Banjhulu
416: I'm not allowed to play a cleric of Banjo, either

nanobot_swarm
2010-04-27, 02:47 PM
417. You cannot start a communist revolution against the king and nobility
418. You cannot introduce capitalism into a medieval land, just so you may start a communist revolution later
419. You cannot try to start a Protestant reformation

Word Salad
2010-04-28, 04:59 AM
420: I cannot start a pipeweed bodega, and no, it's not exactly what it sounds like it should be.
421: Chaotic Evil is a privilege and it can be revoked.
422: I cannot polymorph into the ebola virus.
423: If my milkshake brought Nyarlathotep to the yard, something very wrong has occurred.

wrybread
2010-04-28, 01:05 PM
424: I am not allowed to compile a Top Ten List of ways to mispronounce Utgaard-Loki while dealing with Frost Giants, even if his name does sound suspiciously like Ulki-Louie to me.
425: I am not allowed to engineer campaign situations so that I can show off a new pun I just thought of. It doesn't matter how clever it is to observe that if we all rolled Natural 1s on our Fear save for a really big avalanche, and our hair turned white from fear and shock, it would be a case of Rocks Fall Everybody Dyes.
426: If my DM's house rules say I don't get a Paladin mount, I don't get a Paladin mount. It doesn't matter how many random creatures I try to saddle and ride.

wrybread
2010-04-28, 04:00 PM
427: I am not allowed to put any more ranks into the following skills:
Perform (An impression of what the DM would sound like if he was gay and /or East Indian)
Knowledge (of the DM's momma)
Craft (Macaroni and glue picture of the DM doing unmentionable things with a horse)
428: If a ritual requires either someone LG to conduct it, *or* the blood of said LG person, I will absolutely not start chasing the Paladin around the dungeon armed with a butcher's knife and a flask.

Creed
2010-04-29, 03:36 PM
429: ^I will not double-post:smallmad:
430: I am not allowed to have my monk named "Captain Falcon" yell "FALCON PUNCH!"
431: My character may not be an awakened animal, no matter how cool an awakened T-Rex is and how sneaky an awakened squirrel would be.
432: I may no longer create my own class using words the DM doesn't understand and that he's too vain to ask what are, thus resulting in every weapon I use vorpal starting at level one.

Sydonai
2010-04-29, 07:44 PM
433:I will not use the acid-driping, bone-marrow sucking chainsaw we looted of that demon.

wrybread
2010-04-30, 02:13 AM
429:431: My character may not be an awakened animal, no matter how cool an awakened T-Rex is and how sneaky an awakened squirrel would be.

432: My character *certainly* may not be a hypothetical offspring of those two animals.
433: My ventriloquist's dummy does not get to roll his own Initiative.
434: "Wrybread Bucks" are not legal tender.
435: I am only allowed to quote Monty Python if it was something either really obvious, a really obscure Python quote, or a very creative application of said Python quote. Randomly shrieking "SPAM!" and then singing the lumberjack song accomplishes nothing.

Choco
2010-04-30, 09:02 AM
436: I will not use the Fly spell to defeat overwhelmingly powerful foes/entire armies by myself by just slowly picking at their HP from out of reach.
437: I will not "break the DM" and make him call off the session early so he can try to salvage the encounter. This is IN NO WAY related to the above. OK, maybe it is....

Watcher
2010-04-30, 03:25 PM
440: I will not build a computer and the internet and back up this list a couple numbers back to delay this thread for a few more posts. (Post 158)

moomoomooy
2010-05-02, 06:01 PM
441) even my bard is not allowed to make friendship speeches
442) my race cannot be quarter elf
443) my comlyness cannot be so high the BBEG falls in love with me

Quincunx
2010-05-03, 06:15 AM
444. The XP penalty will be applied both to the person who makes the grievous OOC quote in game and the person whose character was set up for the sole purpose of delivering the play on words.
445. Ok, if the setup character was oblivious to the incoming pun damage, it's only half XP penalty, but you still need to pay.

446. You are not Walder Frey, Lord of the Crossing, and thus are incapable of "fielding an army out of your breeches". Your character is female, for gods' sake--
447. --Elven. Whatever.

Choco
2010-05-03, 10:00 AM
441) even my bard is not allowed to make friendship speeches
442) my race cannot be quarter elf
443) my comlyness cannot be so high the BBEG falls in love with me

448: I am no longer allowed to make speeches, period.
449: Self-imposed rule - I will no longer play characters with high charisma, and if I do I will specify CLEARLY that the score is from force of personality alone, and the character actually looks like ass. (Having a high charisma/comeliness/seduction score and routinely abusing it can have some.... unintended consequences when someone/something much more powerful "takes a liking" to you)

Torick
2010-05-03, 04:48 PM
450) I am not allowed to use my Arcane Trickster's Ranged Legerdemain ability to give Wet Willies to the local nobility.

451) Or to grope them.

452) Or to disrobe them.

Omegonthesane
2010-05-04, 04:48 AM
453) Having crashed my vehicle, I am not allowed to hijack the nearest moving vehicle on a motorway by flying up, landing on it, and tearing the roof off.

454) When asked to provide a distraction, I will think twice before crashing my van into a church when we're not meant to be drawing attention to the supernatural.

Charity
2010-05-04, 05:07 PM
455) No longer allowed access to plastic explosive and a forming machine.

456) Not allowed to lay any wreaths for worthy adversaries especially plastic ones.

457) Plastic daffodils are not a welcome gift in any household.

458) Cannot have Tupperware salesman listed as profession on any ID that acts as a boarder pass.

459) I do not uncannily share the same surname of a famous hardhat supplier.

460) My nick name is not 'Ray Ban'.

Steilos
2010-05-04, 05:11 PM
461) I must not load the rocket-grenade into the firing tube incorrectly.
462) I am barred from making oh-so witty comments like the one above.

iElf
2010-05-04, 05:15 PM
463) any character who spends more points on gear than on abbillity scores is vetoed
464) not allowed to start with a gauss canon, even if the rules allow it
465) you are not playing ezio auditore da firenze. nor are you Brian.
466) you're wife is definite nor Brian as well
467) THERE IS NO RULE 6!

Ranger Mattos
2010-05-04, 08:22 PM
468. I cannot be a half-fey half-ogre half-minotaur half-elf.
469. I cannot play a really fat sorcerer who Dimension Doors above the enem and falls on them.
470. No lumberjacks. Don't ask.

Wookieetank
2010-07-06, 10:02 AM
471. I will not instigate a war with the elves, however much my character may think that they're behind a cult that is plotting the end of the world.
472. I am not allowed to punch ghosts to death, even if I have an extrodinary willpower score.
473. I am not allowed to use Piercers whenever I'm DMing and the party goes into a cave.

super dark33
2010-07-06, 03:05 PM
474.i am not allowd to eat gnomes as a humen (or may i?)
475.im not allowd to cook elfs as an orc
476.im not allowd to have a pet terrasque

Watcher
2010-07-06, 04:12 PM
477. I'm not allowed to rip off the limbs of our prisoners to get them to talk.
478. I'm not allowed to let the mage get mauled by a bear.
479. I'm not allowed to turn random civilians into monstrous humanoids as soon as they are alone.
480. I'm not allowed to start brawls by shooting the barbarian from outside the tavern.
481. I'm not allowed to sabotage the mage's lycanthropy cure so he is stuck with an unfavorable character.

KerfuffleMach2
2010-07-08, 08:52 PM
482. I must not use the dead party member's body as a flail.

483. I must remember to warn everybody in my party before using Soundwave.

Trobby
2010-07-08, 09:17 PM
484. I am not allowed to break more than 21 stereotypes per character.

485. Trying to create an "accurate" Senor Vorpal Kickasso is strictly forbidden.

HypoSoc
2010-07-08, 09:18 PM
486) Charm person does not include the GM

ZaradAnNasr
2010-07-13, 12:59 AM
487 I am not allowed to play a stupid character, and then solve all the puzzles by being dumb enough not to think about things.

Geno9999
2010-07-13, 01:40 PM
488) I am not allowed to be a "spy-crab" whenever we're in a James Bond-themed D20 adventure.
489) I am not allowed to be a "spy-crab" in any setting whatsoever.
490) From now on, whenever some thing is banned for me in one campaign, I will assume that it is banned in another campaign, no matter the setting.

Trobby
2010-07-13, 03:11 PM
491) Not allowed to wish for "The Power Over Rule Zero".

492) Not allowed to wish for the power to wish for "The Power Over Rule Zero".

493) Not allowed to recursively eliminate these rules through any means of wishing, especially this one.

PallElendro
2010-07-14, 11:23 AM
494. I cannot my Ardent slip under the enemy, even if he is psychic.
495. I can't let people believe that as innuendo.
496. Torchwood is not an applicable party name.
497. If I use Teleport, the improvised focus will not be a blue police box.
498. When a rat appears, don't give it a disease.
499. Protoss are not acceptable forms of psionic creature.
500. I won't quote that only 1,500 more things are required to suggest not to do in a Roleplaying Game.
501. Neither will I call 1,499.
502. If I have to call a Zerg creature, they won't speak Deep Speech.
503. Repeating crossbows with magazines will not inpsire a person to think of a gunpowdered weapon they call a rifle.
504. When I'm on a boat, be sure to get an Ioun Stone, and a Handy Haversack.
505. Perks are not the new Feats.
506. I won't call whenever I reach a water source after days I was adventuring that I fill my waterskin. They already know that.
507. Gummy Bears are not available in Field Rations.
508. I can't cast Fireball whenever I need to make a fire.
509. Element bending will never be part of the scenario.
510. If I have to make a call to Hammerfast, it will be with a Sending ritual.
511. I will not watch the ways to die in a Roleplaying game by MagicNet.
512. Paladins shouldn't get picked by anyone playing a revenant.
513. All races of non-humanoids were created equal. Except for tiered monsters, they were never equal.
514. I won't make up my own Paragon Class.
515. When I make a Warhammer refereance, it will not be in the middle of battle.
516. I will never mix up editions with each other. Except Advanced Dungeons & Dragons with 4th Edition.
517. As long as there is a campaign running, you will never spot a Wizard Tower near a river.
518. Only one of each class/race stereotype is to be made per day, if necessary.
519. Plastic is not the solution to leather.

MonkeyBusiness
2010-07-19, 07:51 PM
520. Not allowed to give the DM's knee a squeeze during the scary, dramatic parts of the story.

DM: As you turn the corner of the dark, dank hallway, you hear a click and a - squeeeeeeek!

Players: A squeak?

DM: No, no, no ... <glares at Monkey>

Monkey: Tee hee!

GaiusCaligula
2010-07-24, 12:21 AM
521. When told to create a character, I am to remember that there are other books for classes than Tome of Battle. When told to choose a deity, I will not flip through the Cthulhu Mythos or anything similar.

522. I will not attempt to bring down the Spire in any D&D game, even if I have worked out the calculations and plans down to the last tenth of a percent.

523. When told I can play any race, I will not reach immediately for anything Lovecraftian or any manual with deity rules.

524. Descriptions of obese male characters' outfits will not start and/or end with the phrase "You are familiar with the women in the magazine Heavy Metal?" or the phrase "Stiletto heels, nothing else."

525. The Doctor from Doctor Who is not a Son of Aether, nor am I allowed to create a version of him as such.

526. And if I do so and the GM kills him, he dies, he does not "regenerate".

527. The Orbital Strike is not authorized for use on my fellow operatives, even if I "think they're all suspicious".

528. The above will always stand, even in Mage.

529. There is no such thing as a "Literate Zen Buddhist barbarian."

530. GURPS comes with a 40-point disadvantage limit for a reason and you will NOT go over this.

531. I will understand that I am not to shout "WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" every time I feed or embrace in Vampire.

532. While the .44 Magnum may "Blow the head clean off a guy", it is not an acceptable weapon to use while hunting vampires.

533. The Gun Bunny is no longer allowed to read the possibly explosive runes.

534. There is no "Vow of Violence"

535. There is no "Vow of Material Wealth"

536. "Riverdance" is not a martial art.

537. "Bullet to the Face" can be, but only in Feng Shui.



Not all gold, but hopefully some good ones.

Mr. Moon
2010-07-24, 12:33 AM
538: My characters must not all be offensively homosexual pansy-men who can shoot rainbows.
<<
True story.

mangosta71
2010-07-26, 11:58 AM
539: I am not on a boat.
540: Nor am I the boss.
541: I will not, under any circumstances, "cut a hole in a box".
542: I am no longer allowed to use psionics. At all.

Trobby
2010-07-26, 12:22 PM
543) No longer allowed to make obvious jokes when the DM's PC pokes the elf with a wand.
544) ABSOLUTELY not allowed to make jokes about this, even ones that are implied.
545) No longer allowed to even discuss rule 543. This rule is the only exception.

mangosta71
2010-07-27, 08:57 AM
546) Hydrophobia is not an appropriate flaw for an aquatic elf.
547) Nobody is impressed by my "sea cucumber familiar". Especially not if I cast Magic Mouth on it.
548) I will not cast Grease on dance floors.
549) I will not play a caster. :smallfrown:
550) Nymphomania is not an acceptable flaw. We will never discuss this again.
551) The priestess of Pelor will not, under any circumstances, agree to raise an army of nubile undead to "service" the soldiers on the eve of battle. Nobody cares how big a morale bonus they would get.
552) I will not throw diamond dust at vampires.
553) My D&D character does not know "Another One Bites the Dust". It is especially inappropriate when a PC falls in combat.

Case
2010-07-27, 03:16 PM
554) No, I am not allowed to play a woman named Lola, who was a show girl, with feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there.

Cealocanth
2010-07-27, 06:57 PM
555) I am not allowed to play an Umber Hulk gifted by Pelor with +10 intelligence and strength. (with psychic powers)

GaiusCaligula
2010-07-29, 12:40 AM
556. You cannot use Intimidate to convince people they cannot see you. It does not work as a hide check.
557. "Prunes, Celerity, Bend Over, Repeat" is not a battle strategy in WOD
558. I am not a "tall handsome man in a dusty black coat with a red right hand"
559. In fact, if Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds sang it, it is no longer part of my character description.
560. Nor am I allowed to use Electric Six lyrics as lines of dialogue.
561. I will not play male characters until I can make one that isn't a)creepy, b)working against the party, or c) homicidal.
562. My caster will not use anything from the Book of Blue Magick/Nymphology
563. No, we do not care if you can justify practical application for it.

RE:Insanity
2010-07-30, 06:42 AM
564: I am no longer allowed to play CG or NG folk heroes.
565: I can not play as a favored soul of gruumsh who just happens to be a gnome.

Trobby
2010-07-30, 08:39 AM
566) There is a bonus cap of 50 on any skill that I can have.
567) Jumping on my enemies until I receive a 1-up is not an effective way to revive a party member.
568) It is not funny to do it the second time.

The_Final_Stand
2010-07-30, 02:44 PM
569) Interrupting transformation sequences to see what happens is verboten.

Cealocanth
2010-07-30, 10:05 PM
(570) It is virtually impossible to roll 18s for stats all across the board.

Trobby
2010-07-30, 11:10 PM
571) It is literally impossible to roll 20s for stats all across the board.

Internet Flea
2010-08-02, 12:36 AM
572) The complete destruction of the kingdom does not count as "acceptable losses".
573) The Party does not count as "acceptable losses". Even if someone will survive. Especially if it's me.
574) Not allowed to implement a plan that involves "acceptable losses".
575) Or "collateral damage".

kolbaldoracle
2010-08-04, 09:52 AM
576) i am not allowed to make an untrained craft(totally amazing rock song)check

Emperor Ing
2010-08-04, 10:01 AM
577) I will not Wish to become Pun-Pun

fizzybobnewt
2010-08-11, 10:17 AM
94) There is no creature known as the Fantastipotamus, nor am I allowed to create one for the explicit purpose of using it as a projectile weapon.

95) 'When in doubt, ask a hobo,' is not a generally-accepted method of information gathering.

96) Plutonium is not considered to be one of the core elements.

97) 'I'm meta-gaming,' is not a valid explanation for my actions.

there is now a Fantastipotamus. Search for it on Spore. I tried to put a picture of it, but the thing wants a URL. Apparently it can't come from my actual computer.

Prince Zahn
2010-08-11, 04:37 PM
578: As a DM, I will not open my pokedex every time i need an encounter.
579:as a DM, I will not use a rogue NPC as an exuse to play poker.
580: my old yu-gi-oh cards may NOT be used as a cheap MM, in fact, all Cards are forbidden from being in the room during a session.
581:Anyone who says "I believe in the heart of the cards" is banned for the rest of the CAMPAIGN, regardless of the reason.
582:I will not shout bad words in an obscure D&D language that no one else in the session understands to another character, even if it IS at a character who shoved a Pearl of speech down my character's throat.

PallElendro
2010-08-11, 06:42 PM
583. Should I fire a Burning Hands, I will not scream I'ma firin' mah lasor!
584. Lawyers can't be a counterattack to any trademarked D&D monsters.
585. Kenny will not be used as a meat shield.
586. I won't use Summon Instrument to create a piano atop my foes.
587. Prestidigitation will not a way to levitate a level 30 1 pound rat before running away.
588. I cannot use the Player's Handbook as a spellbook, every daily spell available whenever.
589. Sleep body lotion is not a Sleep Poison applied to the exterior body.
590. I can't entertain the crowd with Arcana checks.

Trobby
2010-08-11, 07:41 PM
591: Not allowed to quote Earthbound every time a Mole-like enemy arrives. Especially in Weremole campaigns.

HypoSoc
2010-08-11, 07:47 PM
592: My characters have never heard of TVTropes, so they cannot quote it as proof for not splitting up and the like.
593: My characters have never heard of "Ye Old Book of TVTropes" so they cannot quote it as proof for not splitting up and the like.
594: Quoting TV tropes OOC is banned for the rest of my DM's campaigns.
595: I cannot bring my laptop to a session just to show the DM is unoriginal in his plot hooks are unoriginal via TVTropes.

Gamblerjoe
2010-08-12, 01:59 AM
596) if i kill an opponant with deathblow the same round they failed against the clerics hold person, the game will be paused, and i will be given a stern warning about that kind of behavior in the future.

597) i cannot make a Warforged Druid/Paladin of Hextor.

598) i cannot FTS a major NPC and sell him to his arch enemy.

599) i cannot yell "snicker-snack" at the top of my lungs when i cut someones head off with a vorpal blade.

600) i cannot have a druid cohort whos animal companion is an awakened bear-holding-a-shark with its own leadership cohort; a paladin with a special mount that is a 12 headed Ancient Lernaean-Cryo-Pyro-Hydra, each head having a 120ft "cone of mind flayers" breath weapon.

601) i cannot trick someone into sticking their arm into a ring gate, then quickly throw the other gate into a portable hole.

602) "Adolecent girl with superpowers" is not an archetype no matter what Joss Whedon sais.

603) i cannot play a clown themed character with an addiction to pixie dust.

604) i cannot play a were-house.

605) i cannot keep the eversoaking sponge, and throw it into every body of water i ever come across.

606) i cannot automatically assume a beholder is an enemy, even if its in the dungeon of a known enemy where every encounter has been hostile, and my character knows all beholders are evil and completely insane.

Prince Zahn
2010-08-12, 04:40 AM
607: Regardless of my race, template or whatever I was polymorphed into, I may not "Regurgitate" a Cure Moderate Wounds potion just because "It heals better the 2nd time!"
608:When I'm in charge of setting up camp, I will not cast Leomunds Tiny Hut, simply because I need something to burn, and I will not use the excuse "whaat? I wanna sleep outdoors." for this reason.
608b:the same goes to any shelter with good-aligned people.
609:I will not break the fourth wall with LOLCATS quotes. even if it is hilarious.
610: I will not use put my ranks of perform (drum set) to good use while the rest of the town is asleep, even if I DO have an audition tomorrow.
611: when interrogating a captive/prisoner or the like, I may NOT use the "Good-Cop-Bad-Cop" routine to gather information due to the huge advantage it gives "Game-mechanics-wise."
612:I may not get my party heavily drunk(or the like), followed by casting mass suggestion to tell them to give me their magic Items.
613: I may not buy a scroll of a powerful spell of which I do not have in my spell book, in order to write it in my spell book, shortly followed by making more of the same spell scroll to sell for profit, and I will not repeat this process to my hearts(and bag of holding's) content.
(a couple of Exalted rules next)
614: In an Eberron-exalted setting, I may not use my high diplomacy skill to convince the party artificer to take "Vow of Poverty", just so I can take his magic items.
615:I may not take "Vow of Non-Violence" in the same level I take "Vow of Peace" the night before the final battle with the BBEG.
EDIT: 616: I may not charge 45 ft directly towards a chaos beast (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/chaosBeast.htm), and initiate a hug attack, such an attempt will be vetoed.

PallElendro
2010-08-15, 04:34 PM
617. MagicNet is not a suitable form for a futuristic Internet.
618. Just because my ranger can trance 2 hours less than sleep 6 hours doesn't mean I can always run off twice to look for nutrients.
619. If I save the nation, I don't have to agree to wearing a free tabard with the crest of that nation.*
620. If I knew any better, I wouldn't use Flare to throw a Magic Missile off course.
621. A paladin won't be used like that PALADIN series on newgrounds (which happened to give my old computer a virus)
622. I'm not allowed to let the rogue in my party be the leader. They might levy me for Gold.
623. When I am called upon by Moradin to be his forger via Demigod epic destiny, I cannot make a new armor called Mjolnir.
624. Vampires never drink Blood Lite, Bloodweiser, or Diet Blood.
625. If I have to look at a crystal ball to see events come, I cannot heat up popcorn.
626. RuneScape cannot be referenced, ever.
---
* I rescued Fallcrest from certain doom from a released spirit, and agreed to a tabard.
For some reason, even when I'm the rogue, I'm always picked to be the leader. I think it's my ranks in Profession (tactician), or a Craft (plan) (or an Intelligence check, depending on which edition I'm playing)
Play RuneScape! Best MMORPG, for free! Advanced features cost $5.95/month with subscription to exclusive features, unless you were a previous member (like me), in which case you "grandfather" it, and save 95 a month. Only problem is the size, I asked for a 450% size increase, and 16% increase in monsters.

Watcher
2010-08-15, 04:58 PM
627. I cannot Gate Closak in.

Fay Graydon
2010-08-15, 05:07 PM
628. My character cannot use the reverse armor rule if male.
628b. The above rule does not apply if character in question equips a belt of genderchange

lord pringle
2010-08-16, 04:14 PM
629. I may not make 7 back up characters
629B. I may not make them all siblings.
629C. they may not be lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, sloth, envy and pride.
629D. nor may they be Red orange yellow green blue indigo violet.
629DA. especially if they are themed after the lantern corps.

Emperor Ing
2010-08-16, 04:38 PM
630: The Space Marine Commandments are not a substitute for the Paladin Code.
631: The Paladin Code is not a substitute for the Space Marine Commandments

Cealocanth
2010-08-16, 10:43 PM
632: I am not allowed to force the party to play pregenerated power rangers.

Jivundus
2010-08-18, 12:56 AM
633: I am not allowed to play a halfling thief with a cockney accent
634: I am not allowed to play an evil mage with a Russian accent
635: I am not allowed to use an accent...ever
636: I am not allowed to play an evil gnome
637: I am not allowed to research a spell that allows me to divide by 0
637b: Not even if it's a wild surge
638: I am not allowed to engineer a situation where wild magic causes supernovas or other cataclysmic events
639: After several breakings of Rule 638, I am no longer allowed to use wild magic
640: I am not allowed to jump through windows, no matter how awesome it would look in bullet time
641: I am not allowed to start a barfight and blame it on someone else
641b: Not even on a natural 20
642: I am not allowed to use Knowledge (The Barrens) to make Chuck Norris jokes
643: No matter the setting, we do not need additional pylons

IcarusWings
2010-08-19, 12:35 PM
644. my gagged wizard is not allowed to substitute his verbal components with 'interpretive dance'.

Lord Raziere
2010-08-21, 02:42 PM
645. I can't purchase any chairs. EVER.

EvilJoe15
2010-08-21, 11:15 PM
646) Just because I know the chemical composistion, mixing procedures, and proper handling protocalls of several improvised explosive devices, doesn't mean any of my characters do. Reguardless of Int score, or Craft ranks.

Fay Graydon
2010-08-22, 05:35 AM
647) I cannot take Craft: Doomsday device as a legit skill.
648) I cannot take Perform: "Leet Ninja Skills" as a legit skill.
649) I cannot poison the DM/GM's drink and offer a trade for the antidote for the above two skills.

Cealocanth
2010-08-22, 10:22 PM
650) I cannot decide to have my race as an absurd race of troll that feeds on only flaming spam.

monkman
2010-08-22, 10:29 PM
651) i cannot make a human ranger named adam west that uses a cat launcher as a weapon

Quincunx
2010-08-23, 04:24 AM
Granted, if there was a win to be had from this thread, Choco won it back at #157--but there might be a runner-up prize!

652. The protocol officer will not announce your entry to the throne room in the same manner in which Jeremy Clarkson introduces the Stig, even if any of them apply to your character.
653. If the DM did not have the foresight to ban 'royal sexual favors' as a reward for rescuing the heir, the DM will have the good grace not to retroactively add a spinster minotaur with a library of bodice-ripper romance novels to the royal family.
654. However, the DM can and will retroactively remove both the Flaw: Unquenchable Fertility and any merits bought with same.
655. On an unrelated note, the phrase 'royal sexual favors' is stricken with a curse and no longer audible to anyone with any excuse to be in, or scrying upon, the throne room.

656. It is not necessary to roleplay sanity loss when playing Call of Chthulu in board game form.
657. Yes, from this small sample size roleplayed sanity loss corresponds with rolling lots of 6s--no, we are not spending two gaming evenings setting up double-blind roleplaying-while-rolling-d6s trials in order to get a usable sample size.

658. You cannot loot the bard's amphibracer. You certainly cannot equip it.
659. You do not need to roll UMD against the DM's rhetorical device.

Mercenary Pen
2010-08-29, 03:30 PM
660: As the DM, I may not introduce the Silent Order of Miming Nuns into the campaign as an organisation, no matter how appropriate I think it is.

Necroticplague
2010-09-16, 09:17 PM
661: Yes, you have a class ability that ignores sizes unless it would be advantageous for grappling purposes. You are not allowed to use this to be fine sized and pin the gargantuan boss down (even though the mechanics allow).

Saint Nil
2010-09-16, 09:55 PM
662:If the DM slaps you after reading your build, you may not use it.

Ranger Mattos
2010-09-18, 01:23 PM
662:If the DM slaps you after reading your build, you may not use it.

663. If this happens more than 3 times during character creation, you may not play in the game.

Project_Mayhem
2010-09-18, 01:28 PM
664.) In Mage the Awakening, I am not allowed to play a matter mage who focuses on turning things into faeces. No matter how effective as a debuff that would actually be. True story.

littlekKID
2010-09-18, 01:29 PM
665) To hide all the battle, then ask for roleplaying XP

Mercenary Pen
2010-09-18, 01:36 PM
666) I may not confuse other players with multiple acronyms using the same sets of letters- e.g. Putting Rocket Propelled Grenades in my roleplaying games.

StreetPizza
2010-09-18, 02:20 PM
667) I am not allowed to imitate my character's actions in combat sequences using a yardstick as a substitute for his weapon.

Necroticplague
2010-09-19, 10:26 AM
668: My character backround cannot give a too detailed description of why the bonus feats from necrophilia and lecherous are improved grapple and improved bull-rush.

Dragon Star
2010-10-14, 02:25 AM
669: You may not play an ogre mage.
669b:Especially not if you ignore the level adjustment.

MonkeyBusiness
2010-10-14, 05:20 PM
670. The list of things my wizard is not allowed to enchant includes (but is not limited to) the following items:

brassieres (I personally think it would be great to have a bra that could be used to cast "Magic Missile"!)

socks (I don't know why.)

wigs (I still think a "wig of the Medusa" is a grand idea, but no-one else seems to concur.)

bagpipes (I'm told that a homunculus-type critter that has its origin in a set of bagpipes is unacceptable. I feel this is entirely irrational. A wizard with an animated set of bagpipes as a familiar would be quite an asset to the group.)

tobacco pipe (C'mon! Wouldn't you love to huff a fireball out of an old Meerschaum pipe? That would be classy!)

dolls (This at least should be considered, I feel, because it's a folkloric tradition! I mean, Vasilissa's doll, for crying out loud! Just because my doll happens to look more like Charlie Mcarthy ...)

chewing tobacco (My DM maintains that a "chaw of eloquence" is a contradiction of terms. I maintain that it is irony. Besides, remember Marine Boy and his "oxy-gum"? Why does it have to make sense?)

shoe laces (Now here's a versatile item!)

teapot (Merlin had one in The Once and Future King! Why can't I? It can serve tea to my friends and spout hot water all over my enemies. I promise it will be nothing like Mrs Potts!)

Umbrella (Long before this method of transportation was popularized by cinematic classics such as Mary Poppins and Totoro Father Christmas used an umbrella to travel on Christmas Eve! I think that's in Belarus, but I might be mistaken. At any rate, it's no more a cross-cultural feature than a magic carpet or throwing stars, which are widely accepted, and *not* an anachronism!)

doorbell (In real life I often wish I had a "doorbell of disintegration" that could identify and dispose of encyclopedia salespersons and their ilk. You'd think that would get some support, but nooooooooooo ...)

chamber pot (My DM does not even want to admit that these items even exist, much less that they can be enchanted. I'd love to bewitch the chamber pot of a certain rival, so that it sings Don't Cry For Me Argentina every time it's being used. Loudly. And then discuss the stock exchange. If things take too long, it ends by playing the Lawrence Welk theme and blowing bubbles.)

I don't understand the objections whatsoever. My desires are so modest, and so relevant to the momentum of the plot. :smallwink:

.

TaliaJacta
2010-10-18, 05:06 PM
671. If my drunken character is hitting on another PC, it is not appropriate for me (as a player) to grab her player's thigh. Especially when I don't really know that player very well.

672. In a setting where guards are the equivalent of cops, I will not kill every guard I come across with wanton abandon.

673. If I ignore Rule #672, I will not act surprised when lots of people want to kill me.

zyborg
2010-10-19, 11:48 AM
674) I will not pretend that a d100 is a d20, and that I just got a REALLY lucky roll.
675) In a PbP game, I will not break the fourth wall and cast 'Exploding Runes' on my post, so that other players that read it will have their computers explode.

Necroticplague
2010-10-26, 08:40 PM
675) I will not read A munchkin's guide to power gaming while I'm playing.
676) If my character background is longer than all of Homer's work compiled, I must not use all of it.

TaliaJacta
2010-10-27, 01:40 PM
677) If I have an animal companion with a truly terrifying appearance, I will not try to ride a horse with my companion next to me. Especially if I have no ranks in Handle Animal.

678) If I am stupid enough to say "It couldn't hurt" in Call of Cthulhu, I will not be surprised when the GM finds a way to make it hurt.

Bhu
2010-10-28, 06:56 PM
679) If the BBEG is dead I will not sever his head and begin to beat his body into pavement goo with it while singing "Memories" just to mess with the other players.

Sway
2010-10-29, 08:36 AM
680) Play as an assassin and actually have fun just completing contracts on anyone from annoying peasants to repressive nobility... I always have to have a base quest :smallmad:

681) Kill the DM's character who always hops in to help us out :smallfurious:

682) Go off on random tangents... The DM character from above always hops in and "ASKS" us to go and finish the quests. :smallfurious:

Necroticplague
2010-11-08, 06:40 PM
681) Use swallow whole to end most of your encounters in 2 turns.

IncarnumJunkie
2010-11-30, 07:04 PM
684.) I am not allowed to debate for two hours whether or not to open the door to the next room.

Rob Roy
2010-11-30, 10:29 PM
685:I am not allowed to use dwarf barbarians in a rage as throwing weapons
686:Elves have souls too
687:The Dwarven word for "demon" and "elf" are not synonyms
688:I can't act out dwarven bar fights, ever again
689:You can't kill a succubus with a belt of gender changing and some rope
690:I must never be allowed to try and breed gnome, dwarf, and halflings again, ever
691:I must never use The book of Exalted Deeds should during a campaign in which I'm a slave driver, the other players are to remind the DM of this.
EDIT
I numbered incorrectly.

Geno9999
2010-12-01, 11:07 PM
692: I will not use my Munchkin cards as a substitute for any actual skills/items.
693: I cannot use Munchkin cards as a substitute for monsters either.

Wookieetank
2010-12-02, 09:33 AM
694. I am not allowed to use duct tape to tape two weapons together to increase their damage.
695. I am not allowed to ignore the raging ogre in order to chug his secret stash with the rest of my party, just because it seemed like a good idea at the time.
696. Turning into a black dragon and breathing acid on my opponent is not an acceptable form of dueling. :smallcool:
697. I'm not allowed to sled down stairs on any form of shield, snow board or etc. no matter how obnoxiously long the stairwell may be
698. Just because casting invisible fireballs is fun, doesn't mean it can be done while in town. :smallamused:
699. I am not allowed to play any sort of evil character when the DM is LG in real life.
700. If I do play an evil character with said DM and make off with a churches holy magical relics I shall not be suprised when the rest of the party is hired to track me down and I have a spell of true finding cast upon me to help them do so. :smalleek:

KerfuffleMach2
2010-12-02, 09:36 AM
701) I am not allowed to jump into every moat I see.

702) Shadow jumping is not the solution to all problems.

703) I am not allowed to wrestle a large fish bare handed, break its spine, and use said spine as the base for a sword.

Ghotifish
2010-12-08, 05:53 PM
704. I am not allowed to convince the DM that a mundane greatsword taken as a suppository would bypass a dragon's DR.

705. I am not allowed to instigate a mass jailbreak/riot in the prison on the fifth (I think) level of hell.

706. The halfling is not allowed to touch important things.

707. The halfling is not allowed sugar.

708. The halfling is not allowed to touch anything.

709. I may not base my druid off of the Karate Kid.

710. I may not base my druid off of Ralph Maccio.

711. After leaving several planets in flames, my Tech Priest may no longer have any means to create fire.

TechnoScrabble
2010-12-08, 06:02 PM
712. Orks get bigger when they fight. Orcs do not.
713. My monk does not hit himself in the forehead with his book.
714. My necromancer's motto is not: People die when they are killed!

WeLoveFireballs
2010-12-08, 06:08 PM
715: I am not allowed to include a self destruct in my armor set to go off if I die or if the armor is removed powerful enough to TPK and then threaten other party members with it for command.

716: I am not allowed to create anime style mechas using animate object and a few dozen other custom magic items.

I got ninja'd!

ShadowySilence
2010-12-09, 12:58 AM
717: I am not allowed to claim to be a sexy shoeless god of war

718: I am not allowed to ride like the wind on my marvelous wiener dog

719: I am not allowed to paint 20 on all sides of my dice

720: I am not allowed to create a rip in the space time continuum

721: I am not allowed to use the "Summon Chuck Norris" spell

722: I am not allowed to use my fellow adventurers as meat shields

723: I am not allowed to eat the minstrels (or bards for that matter) no matter how much rejoicing that would cause

724: I am not allowed to trick my friends into wearing a bag of devouring as a sock

Mr. Filcher
2010-12-09, 04:07 PM
725. I am not allowed to say "You know what would be better game than this? Rifts."

Ishcumbeebeeda
2010-12-09, 05:17 PM
726: a) I'm not allowed to win arguments outside the game by raging.
b) I'm not allowed to rage outside the game.
c) Even though it's in the game my Wizard cannot "rage," even if I'm not trying to get the mechanical benefits.

727: Similarly my Barbarian is not allowed to win a fight by suggesting that we all sit down and discuss our differences over tea.

728: I'm only allowed to be a smartass in game if it's because of in game reasons; situations like the above are considered metagaming and metagaming will not be tolerated.

729: a) I am not allowed to use Int as a dump stat while playing a Savant (dragon compendium) just so I can call myself an "Idiot Savant."
b) When playing a Cleric I am not allowed to chalk friendly fire up to a "Clerical error."
c) My Monk is not allowed to have a flaw called Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
d) The proper term for a female Sorcerer is Sorceress, not Sorcer-her.
e) I'm no longer allowed to make any puns except by accident.
f) I'm no longer allowed to make any puns; not even by accident.
g) I'm no longer allowed to say the word "punishment." No, not even in character.

lordyoshi01
2010-12-10, 12:40 AM
730) I am not allowed to make Cthulu the first boss. Ever.
731) I cannot make a homebrew monster that would make H.P. Lovecraft proud.
732) No matter how cleverly I use it, I cannot use a cantrip to kill an enemy.
733) Even if there are some parrallels between the two settings, I may never, EVER, have any creature in my campaign be similar or based off of a mamono from the Monster Girl Encyclopedia.
734) My character may never quote a line from Mortal Kombat. Even if it is appropriate.
735) It is cruel to have the players kill children, despite their alignment. It is forbidden to make all of the PC's enemies children.
736) I cannot ever have the characters "accidentally" end up in the Tomb of Horrors.
737) If the campaign includes having the PC's have sanity meters, I will inform them about it before their characters go insane.
737b) I must now tell them about their sanity meters before we start the game.
738) Having the actual players lose sanity means I'm doing something wrong.
739) Under no circmstances, even if it is justifiable or even possible; I will never have a vampire in my campaign "sparkle".
740) I am never allowed to take up the spell Evard's Black Tentacles.
741) I am never allowed to take up any polymorph, alter self, or similar spell.
742) I am never allowed to take up a arcane class.
743) I am never allowed to take up a class that isn't martial.
744) I should only use resource books that are legal in the game we are playing.
745) If I and my team mates are fighting a horned enemy, I will be beaten to death if I ever utter the phrase, "Aim for the horn!" or anything similar.
746) I cannot make any changes to my character sheet without the DM's supervision.
747) I cannot do anything that Red Mage would do or has done.
748) Removing my clothes doesn't make any difference on a stealth check. Removing parts of my body doesn't either.
749) A butter knife is not a dagger.
750) Any homebrewed creature that has a diet consisting of any bodily fluid from humanoids and it isn't blood, is vetoed.
751) Killing a friendly character or a PC just so I can use his/her weapon or armor get's me kicked from the game.
752) I cannot choose Haruhi as my character's deity.
753) No matter how majestic it is, I can never include the Space Duck into a campaign.
754) Neither a gnome nor a halfling will ever make a successful intimidate check on a dragon.

Rob Roy
2010-12-10, 12:45 AM
755: Under no circumstances can I con my way to becoming the Kobold leader and overrunning the world with millions of hoards of the scaly freaks,ever again.

Wandiya
2010-12-10, 07:07 AM
756: I am not allowed to have more actions than I have WBL.

lordyoshi01
2010-12-11, 08:17 AM
757) It isn't ok to look at any notes the DM made about the campaign we're playing. Especially if it includes parts we haven't gotten to yet.
578) My warforged isn't a transformer.
579) I can't kill a fire elemental by just throwing water at it.
580) I have to pay the group a tenth of my gp every time I make a pun.
581) I cannot make a monk named Chuck Norris and expect him to have his stats be at infinity.
581b) I cannot name any character after any famous person.
582) Making the threat, "I will knock you all down!" is only going to work if there is something nasty that I can knock someone down into nearby.