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View Full Version : 2000 things im not allowed to do again as a DM



Kaun
2010-02-18, 02:14 AM
I know this is similar to another thread but these lists always seem to be more heavly dedicated to things players are no longer allowed to do.

Well every experianced GM has no doubt droped a few aces that there players "tho impressed" have vowed to tie them upside down from the ceiling fan if they every try to do it again.

This list is for those moments.

I will get things started.

1) Rust monster stampede is not to feature on ANY random encounter tables ever again no matter how funny i found it the first time.

2) I am not allowed to get Frustrated with the munchkins build and just throw evil clones of him at the party to point out how OP he is.

3) No matter how many years of tactical warfare experiance the BBEG has he can't walk the PC's into an almost flawles ambush when they figured they had him on the run.

4) I am no longer allowed to prevent the players from haveing an extended rest for 3 consecutive sessions just to prove that they are not all powerfull.

5) I am no longer allowed to gloat when the players realise they have been missing something completely obvious 5 minutes after it is to late to do anything about it.

golentan
2010-02-18, 02:20 AM
6) I must not introduce Cthulhu elements into a non-Cthulhu game.

7) I must not begin chuckling every time I roll dice.

8) Evasion works, I must not question why the nuclear weapon failed to kill the entire party.

9) I must not use nuclear weapons against the party again unless they are plot points and/or disarmable.

Melamoto
2010-02-18, 03:32 AM
10) I will remember that there is no such thing as a "CR 12" Asmodeus.

OracleofWuffing
2010-02-18, 03:54 AM
11) Tucker does not own Ochre Jellies, nor should they be thrown at a party that only has electricity combat spells and slashing/piercing weapons.

Godskook
2010-02-18, 04:28 AM
11)I am no longer allowed to read Ikea catalogs.
11a)Illithid's voidmind template is incompatible with lycanthropy
11b)Strains of lycanthropy are incompatible with each other.
11c)If a creature is "invulnerable except (A)", I am not allowed to hide (A) in a way that the PCs can not legally get at it.

12)I am no longer allowed to run adventures with Lycans, Illithids or Half-Golems.

13)I am no longer allowed to run adventures where the BBEG has read the evil overlord's list.

14)I am no longer allowed to read the evil overlord's list.

15)I am not allowed to slip the ToH into a regular campaign without warning my players before hand.

16)I am not allowed to take ideas from the ToH for other types of campaigns.

17)I will not keep a count of the PCs I killed marked clearly on the outside of my DM screen.

18)I may not make a trap built around illusionary air.

19)I am no longer allowed to use illusions in traps.

illyrus
2010-02-18, 04:37 AM
20. I'm not allowed to simulacrum the party for a bunch of half strength clones used to discredit them.
20a. I'm not allowed to have an NPC request for a piece of hair from each PC to "make scrying on them easier so she could message them on further jobs".

21. I'm not allowed to have an evil NPC question the party on that artifact that they have in their hands and ask if he or she could examine it "for just a second." Furthermore, I am not allowed have the NPC laugh at the party when they ask for it back.

Katana_Geldar
2010-02-18, 05:23 AM
22. I am not allowed to throw a star destroyer at the party just because they so cleverly got off my plot rails.

Felyndiira
2010-02-18, 06:02 AM
23. In the case that I need to throw the DMG at my players, I will make sure that the book doesn't actually leave my hands.

24. My BBEGs will not possess Mage's Disjunction.

25. I will not fail to prepare and outline at least three of: large cities, forests, underwater castles, recognizable ruins, tourist attractions, PC's fifth summer homes, castle of a local archduke, plains, and ancient libraries on all planes within 100 miles/wizard caster level of any location, in case teleport is used.

26. My DMPCs are forbidden from being level 5 kobolds with three levels in Master of Many Forms.

27. If a wish spell is used to solve any legitimate problem, I will not set the party on fire.

28. In no circumstances will my games contain a gazebo, sentient or otherwise.

29. Please do not take these items.

30. The use of catgirls as minions of an evil wizard is forbidden except in campaigns where the laws of physics clearly do not apply.

31. If reading this topic has taught me something, I will promptly cease any DM activities until I have memorized this list backwards and forwards, in Latin and in English.

Kaun
2010-02-18, 06:20 AM
32) If one of my players takes the flaw - Enemy (max point value) i can't just have him rig their car to blow up the first time they go to get in it in the game. (who would have guessed having a powerfull enemy with lots of contacts and resources that wanted you dead was a dangerous way to earn some extra build points.)

potatocubed
2010-02-18, 06:49 AM
33) Never again will I introduce the house rule 'make a Heal check to see if he's dying or just unconscious'. So many buried (well, 'disposed of') alive...

Oslecamo
2010-02-18, 07:38 AM
34-The CR on a monster's entry stands for the monster alone, not for his organization. Thus, 3-6 digesters aren't just CR6.

35-If when I review a minion's statistics, it has more hp than the fighter, better skills than the rogue and casts better than the wizard, then I went overboard and must tone it down or not send him in groups of 4.

36-I will not again send the dragon BBEG I had prepared if just half the normal players show up for this session.

Megaduck
2010-02-18, 07:39 AM
37) The BBEG does not have a Death Note and he does not know the characters names and faces. No matter how annoying the players are at the time.

PairO'Dice Lost
2010-02-18, 08:30 AM
38) That CR 9 guy immune to literally everything in the game except non-mind-affecting illusions? Never again.

39) If it has more than 7 templates, I can't use it.

40) When players say "Give us your best shot!" only give them your tenth-best, and then only if you're feeling particularly mean.

bosssmiley
2010-02-18, 09:40 AM
41) Wandering Harlot Table :smalleek:

Zergrusheddie
2010-02-18, 09:50 AM
42. Run the party through the Tomb of Horrors if all they have is a Rogue Cohort level 7.

43. Fireball a level 1 party.

44. Make the players roll to see if they passed out while having a beer at the inn.

45. Pun-Pun is not angry with the party.

I knew a DM that did number 43 and I have played where 42 and 44 came up.

alisbin
2010-02-18, 09:56 AM
46: invisible rust monsters are only funny for me

absolmorph
2010-02-18, 10:42 AM
47) A level 2 Orc Barbarian might be a good challenge for a level 1 party. Alone. Adding three other orcs makes it not a challenge.

(Amusingly, the likelihood of him killing them all was only realized in retrospect. The sorcerer used Open/close to open his pants, which took him out of the fight.)

Thelas
2010-02-18, 10:45 AM
48: Do not house-rule in a potion of... what's it called... a certain 9th level wu-jen spell from somewhere (either CAr or CM, can't remember) that I cannot remember the name of.

Nich_Critic
2010-02-18, 11:05 AM
49: Mirror match encounters are not CR appropriate
50: I will not rope the PC's into a situation where they will be inevitably killed by high level NPC's

incubus5075
2010-02-18, 11:35 AM
51) Kenders are apparently only funny to me
52) No towns will have a smart/reliable/efficent guard. (cause when you steal/kill in town there are consequences...especially in Luskan with the carnval of torture in town)....

Amphetryon
2010-02-18, 11:45 AM
53) Illusions of Huge Ancient Red Dragons are not "an amusing diversion" for a 1st level party.

Ormur
2010-02-18, 12:06 PM
54) I'm not allowed to steal NPC names from DM's that are players in my campaign.

55) I'm not allowed to give my players the opportunity to visit brothels (this one's self imposed).

56) I'm not allowed to give NPCs names that sound like foodstuffs.

57) I'm not allowed to say my players don't know the name of their aristocratic quest giver despite rolling 20 on the knowledge: nobility/royalty check because I hadn't thought about it.

58) I'm not allowed to demand that my players have ranks in all the knowledge skills so they can listen to my lectures on the history and demographics of my campaign world (oh, what the heck I'll do it anyway).

Skrizzy
2010-02-18, 12:34 PM
59) Grabbing a bag full of dice and throwing em, and spawning the resultant multiplication of totals in level 30 black dragons is not an appropriate response to a player meta-gaming.

PairO'Dice Lost
2010-02-18, 01:21 PM
53) Illusions of Huge Ancient Red Dragons are not "an amusing diversion" for a 1st level party.

Funnily enough, though, your party won't mind if they're the ones with the ancient red dragon illusion. Last campaign, one of the players was an intelligent item, one of whose powers was major image; the other PC wielding him became known as "The Great and Mighty Summoner of the Great Red Dragon."

Saph
2010-02-18, 01:32 PM
60) Not allowed to include a saboteur in the party unless the saboteur is one of the PCs.

61) (next session) Not allowed to include a saboteur in the party even if the saboteur IS one of the PCs.

62) Not allowed to have every dragon in my game pre-buff with Shield and Mage Armour just to teach the party spellcasters to pack a dispel.

63) Calling for Will saves in the presence of a psionic monster and then asking to speak with one of the players in private is considered mean.

64) Illusory effects that trick the PCs into attacking each other should not generally be placed in every room.

65) It is considered poor form to kill the party in the surprise round, even if they're 12th-level and the creatures I'm hitting them with are technically only CR 3.

Douglas
2010-02-18, 01:35 PM
65) It is considered poor form to kill the party in the surprise round, even if they're 12th-level and the creatures I'm hitting them with are technically only CR 3.
How'd you pull that one off?

Roland St. Jude
2010-02-18, 02:04 PM
Sheriff of Moddingham: #1: You're not permitted to restart new versions of threads previously locked or moved to Silly Message Board Games.

This isn't a discussion, it's a game. Take it to SMBG, if you think it will play there.