View Full Version : Coolest lines you (as your player) has ever said in a game

Lucas Pitta
2010-02-24, 07:15 PM
Simple, tell us the best one liner, comment, joke, insult or monologue you were able to come up in a game.
Mine came up with a gnome that was selling us bad potions:

*I think that you're full of (pooP), I've got twice the weapons, twice you're size and need no more then two seconds to cleave you into a pair of lovely little gnome bits*
I then shove the bogus water breathing potion down his neck and hold him in a barrel of water (good times) :smallbiggrin:

2010-02-24, 07:37 PM
A character of mine caught a child that was trying to cut his purse and had his cohort mark him by cutting a deep gash in his cheek. A guard comes running and asks for an explanation, so my character tells him what happened and the guard says, that he'll have to report the incident(it was a Good city, people were shocked by what my character had done), so he replied "Oh, that's very dutiful of you, but there's no need to report the child, I already had him marked, see"

2010-02-24, 07:39 PM
One time my character tried to cast Banishment on a Nightwalker. Quoting Gandalf, my character said "Go back to the shadow!"

Then, the Nightwalker made its save, and retorted "I am the shadow."

Nor really a cool line I said, but that's still one of the better lines I've heard in any game I've played in.

Beowulf DW
2010-02-24, 08:09 PM
A bandit attacks my sick monk (the illness reduced his Dex by 2 I think) saying, "I have you now!"

He misses.

My monk criticals him and responds, "You have nothing. No honor. No skill. And now you have no life."

It's a shame that we didn't finish that campaign.

Zom B
2010-02-24, 08:18 PM
Setup: A white dragon lands in front of the party in a tundra-like area and starts to fight us. My enchanter casts Charm Monster on it and succeeds (save DC was something like 38) and so I'm its friend but not the rest of the party. I tried to talk it out of fighting us but it was too hungry and food too scarce. So I make a Knowledge (Geography) check to see if I know of any silver dragon dens nearby. Yes, I did. Okay, I make a Knowledge (local) check to see if I know the name of one of them. Yes, I did.

Me: *casts Whispering Wind*
Dragon: *identifies spell* What are you doing, mortal?
Me: Argent the silver dragon has just received the message that I, Metanach, a mere mortal, have mentally controlled the white dragon known as Frost. If you wish to save any face, I suggest you flee this area now.

Too bad the dragon decided the simpler course was to try to eat me.

The Dark Fiddler
2010-02-24, 08:27 PM

Sure, it doesn't seem that great, but picture the context: my Halfling Sorcerer had just flown up and landed on a burning roof in front of a (not so intelligent, homebrewed) dragon, and stuck a dynamic pose. And then the dragon stopped attacking the city and walked away.

2010-02-24, 08:38 PM
Ok so my cleric had been taken on by 5 of the elite knights of the BBEG who was trying to achieve godhood. They try to swarm him but my Cleric keeps rolling lucky, he takes out their leader (three levels higher than me) in the first round with two twenties, Then proceeds to run another through, and decapitate two others (called shot:neck) As the last Knight Attacked me, and failed to beat my AC i turned to him and said "My name is Aegis, Cleric of Saint Cuthbert, and Prince of the Cisturn Kingdom, Do you know why your men have fallen so easily? Because Your god IS WEAK" the last knight chose to join my party as a cohort

The Valiant Turtle
2010-02-24, 10:16 PM
I have 2 great line memories, although neither of them were me:

1st story: We were playing Rolemaster and a friends sorcerer got challenged to a duel in a bar. He tries casting Break Limb first, but the guy resists. The second round he unleashes a fireball from a runed glove he wore, which turns the poor guy into charcoal and causes the local authorities to go crazy. Once we've found a hideout we ask him why he had to fireball the poor guy and he just answers "Well, Break Limb didn't work." The delivery was so nonchalant that it was just priceless. In addition to the glove he wore his ex-wifes shrunken head as an amulet and had an eye-patch covering his missing eye that was now a portal to the nether plane.

2nd story: Playing 3.0 and a different friend was playing a cleric of a God of Wealth and Greed. We encounter a bunch of undead entering a cave and he holds forth his money bag (holy symbol) and declares "Drop your money and run!" (turn undead). Several run and 2 are destroyed. "I guess those 2 didn't have any money."

One Step Two
2010-02-24, 11:09 PM
Exalted campaigns always have a good bit of banter.

One such event was when we met our recurring villian for the story, he was a vain creature, and I asked my ST that since I couldnt wound him, if I could marr his face with a bruise for dramatic effect. It was allowed, and the villian before making his grand exit glared at me and said: "Stay right there, I want to make sure I remember that face."
I glared back and said, "If you ever begin to forget, all you need to do is look over your shoulder."

In a different campaign playing a half-caste exalt (children of the gods more or less) I was being escorted to heaven, I had managed to find someone who would help me avenge my parents, and was given directions in the form of a riddle. My character had no patience for this so asked his escort for any advice, who decided to be mystic and said: "I understand this, but meaning is best earned."
I rolled my eyes and remarked, "I don't have time for this, last time I checked I am here under your watch, so remember this: I can get you into trouble."
Having had a rather large track record for shenanigans, I was given very the directions in a more normal manner.

2010-02-24, 11:11 PM
As a 9th level fighter who was more of a pacifist than he'd willingly admit.

“Strike. There is nothing greater or more important than that. Protect your people, protect your family. Accept the misfortunes of your life, but do not submit. Fight, even though it means nothing. Strike. Strike true, strike hard, but strike. Do not turn away, do not blink. There is only the enemy and yourself. Nothing else. Strike.”

-Torm of the Silver Hammer

2010-02-24, 11:16 PM
As one of the party healers, I cast cure minor wounds in order to bring the psion back to life. He went "scouting" to find intel on a goblin compound. He got a negative hide check and was mobbed by a pack of displacer beasts. He was level 5. Anyways, when he comes back to life I state that I just healed him so I could kill him myself for being an idiot. I proceed to disembowel him and have the cleric heal him to full HP.

2010-02-24, 11:20 PM
We were playing a Call of Cthulhu game. It was set in 1920s. My friend was playing a "madcap heiress" who was richer than God. She had an NPC chauffeur who was a Japanese gentleman named "Ito".

As we were on the road, the sun was setting and it was getting dark. About that time, we started being followed by nightgaunts. They were flying up behind the car and then flying beside us and beating on it with their arms.

The madcap heiress screams to the chauffeur, "Drive faster, Ito! Drive faster! Godzirra, Ito! Godzirra!"

2010-02-24, 11:29 PM
"Why Hello, Black Dragon. Would you like to hear a song?"

2010-02-24, 11:31 PM
My Half-Orc paladin of Tyranny (who worshipped Kelemvor) was on a crusade to kill a bunch of worshippers of Cyric (some Gods just won't stay dead) with good aligned characters (which made for some fun roleplay, nothing like a Lawful neutral deity to make things complicated for it's followers).

Obviously , unlike my companions, I was allowed to enjoy torturing and slaughtering my enemies, and when our diplomat failed I was sent *intervened without consent* to intimidate people. Anyway, they're trying to question a prisoner, and we're in a hurry so I decide to take the lead.

-(the Face) Where is the temple?


I step in and cut off his right foot

-(me) Tell me where it is and you get to die.

2010-02-24, 11:47 PM
-(the Face) Where is the temple?


I step in and cut off his right foot

-(me) Tell me where it is and you get to die.

My favorite one was from a particularly sadistic factotum I rolled a while a go:

Holds dagger to bound prisoners pinky,

Me: "You have 10 fingers. Who hired you to kill the prince?"

Assassin: "I cannot tell you,"

Me:"You have 9 fingers. Who hired you to kill the prince?"


2010-02-24, 11:48 PM
"Yes, I've been trying to pull the sword down from being stuck up in the roof, especially when I've been climbing up to the room beside it to get you a freakin' saddle. So, yeah, you go pull that down while I DON'T ride away on your horse."

Then I made the bluff check.

Also, with my Warforged Knight: "The side door greatly offends my honour. I cannot close such a thing."
and "Oh, ya come back because you still have one unbroken arm, knave? That is a funny thing to do."

2010-02-25, 12:01 AM
As a small curious tribal goblin stepping out into the world beyond the sealed cave he called home for the first time. He had a tendency to eat things...

At a banquet he was invited to he was dressed in a little "sailor boy" outfit because that was the only thing available that would fit him.

He asked what everything was on the table every time he tasted it. Needless to say there were a great many laughs from his questions. The funniest exchange was between the 6'4" human druid and my goblin character.

"Excuse me, Big guy, whats this?"

Said the goblin as he begins chewing on a flower from the center piece.
He suddenly made a horrified face at the taste and swallowed the flower with an agonizing gulp.
"That's the centerpiece." the druid said chuckling.

To which the goblin replied in a raspy, slightly woozy voice
"OhhhHhh, I don't like center piece."

This spawned the "Excuse me, big guy." Line of questioning throughout the campaign along with the "I don't like _____." line of exclamations.

Such as
"Excuse me, big guy...Why his her butt so fat?"
"Ohh, I don't like horse men!"

2010-02-25, 12:19 AM
My first D&D 3.5 experience:

Me and my group were climbing a very tall very snowy mountain where a huge storm was brewing. We were trying to find a old giant and get his treasure. Just before the storm strikes we find a huge cave and we go inside. Minutes later we find the Frost Giant who promptly asks:

Giant: "Who dares to climb Jarl Olav's mountain and enter his cave!?"

Group: "Well, we are just a bunch of folk from the lowlands, you know..."

Giant: "Then, what are you doing here climbing MY MOUNTAIN! Searching for my goods perhaps!?" (at this time we were already rolling initiatives).

Me: "Well... We climb mountains for sport. You know, healthy stuff *rolls a 20 for a bluff check (plus bonuses)*."

Giant: "Well then... *rolls a 1 for a sense motive check* Keep going them... I Guess..."

Five minutes later we had a pincushion of a sneak attaked giant and a pile of gold and I had a new battlecry for when I wanted to roll a 20. "*doing anything* for Sports!".


This and all the "guild code talking" for the rogues in the party while my character (who is not from the guild) was listening:

Qallas (NPC): Well them, I think we have to "bake that duck"... (bake the duck meaning "bring a specific necromancer's head on a silver plate")

Hagah (PC): Wait. We were not supposed to be "breaking a teeth" (referring to find some money)?

Vale (PC): Of course we need to "break some teeth". We will need it so we can "bake the duck". But before we do that we have got to "drown the elf" (no meaning at all here).

Hagah (PC): Wait, wait, wait! I am an Elf, why'd you try to "drown an elf"? I don't get it.

Ashnard (Me): Thats it. You've lost me for good.

2010-02-25, 12:26 AM
I don't remember the exact lines involved, but the short version is one of my campaigns featured a monk (not the class, but a similar concept), who had two main traits. One of which was that he could only speak in proverbs. So naturally, there was an entire monastic order which did this (The proverbs thing was my idea, the player had trouble with a character concept, so I felt obligated to add it). The conversation between the monk and the order was incredible, particularly since both of us, as players, understood it, while the rest of the group gawked on and tried to figure out what it meant. The conversation was about forming up into a military, and over the course of the conversation pretty much every ocean creature in existence was mentioned in some way or other, along with a bunch of parables.

Admiral Squish
2010-02-25, 12:53 AM
Psion is confronting an elder salamander in his tent in the middle of his camped army ready to storm the city. I'm the one sent to negotiate, since I was the one who killed his scouts. One elder salamander, four guards.

Salamander: "Ha! All they send is this pitiful whore to appease me?! Run along, woman, and return with something valuable to offer me! That is, if such a pathetic city has anything to offer in the first place!"

I should mention my character is both not very patient, and rather severely feminist.

Psion: "I have brought something to bargain with, lord."
Salamander: "And what would that be, wench?"
Psion: "PAIN."

With that, an overchanneled, empowered mind thrust to the face shuts him down, and a quickened energy missile (cold) takes his guards out of commission. Then she proceeded to stride out of the tent, taking out chunks of his army with widened energy balls and widened energy bursts, all in the cold flavor. Eventually she went down under the damage of overchannel, but I believe her final kill-count was over a hundred. I never saw the actual number.

Irreverent Fool
2010-02-25, 01:28 AM
An overzealous Paladin (Cleric class) fighting a band intelligent velociraptors. They'd already dropped a pair of party members. With his smite attack, he shouted:

"Pray to your dark lizard gods!"

2010-02-25, 01:34 AM
This one time in a savage worlds type game, we were fighting a dark sorcerer that turned out to be Tiny Tim from the Christmas Carol (This was a Christmas spoof game). So my Vietnam War veteran called a double tap head shot on the little monster with my M1 Garand that proceeded to take his head clean off.

To which I replied, "God bless us, everyone."

Everyone at the table started loosing it and couldn't stop laughing. The DM even gave me a couple of Bennie points for it.

Kitsap Charles
2010-02-25, 01:36 AM
Well, I was the DM instead of a player, but... at one point the half-orc pulled off something particularly spectacular and said, "Now is the winter of our discontent."

I replied, "...made glorious spring attack by this son of orc" and the whole table applauded.

2010-02-25, 01:51 AM
My party was given an "any last words?" situation. My bard pulls out a classic OotS line.

"Knock Knock."
"Who's there?"
"Roland who?"

I proceed to roll 20 on my initiative roll, before I add my unnaturally high Dex, and Improved Initiative.

2010-02-25, 01:52 AM
"You want ice with that?"

I was a robot bartender. We were playing Paranoia. It was lethal.

2010-02-25, 01:53 AM

I was playing a Fighter. That's the Fighter quote for their entry in the 4E PHB.

Then uncoolness of the line combined with my over-the-top Fighter-Guy-Voice and the rest of the party being stunned (fightful presence) somehow made it awesome.

2010-02-25, 02:16 AM
*at a troupe of low-level bandits holding us up on a road*

"You're new to this, aren't you?"

(Said by the person pictured in my avatar, who is scarcely 5 feet tall)

PairO'Dice Lost
2010-02-25, 02:22 AM
I had a pair of good lines in sequence from last session that require a bit of setup. My party (a wizard, a druid, and a factotum [me]) was sneaking into an aristocrat's house to steal some documents. We've just snuck in and are trying to pick the locks on his office when we hear a sound; the druid sends his rat to investigate, and the guy's butler nails it with a dagger—we'd heard he's a tough bodyguard, and apparently he's also twitchy. We hid, invisible, while the butler came downstairs, did stuff with the rat in the kitchen (the druid sobbing at every sound in there), and came back to the stairs where he found us:

Butler: Well, this is rather interesting. I wasn't expecting to run into people in the middle of the night.
Wizard: Believe me, we feel the same way.
Butler: The question is, what should I do about you? I assume the rat was yours, Mr. Wizard? [We'd met the aristocrat and butler before, so they knew what our abilities were in general terms.]
Druid: Actually, that was mine.
Butler: Ooh, I'm so sorry.
Druid: How can you bear to kill one of nature's creatures so remorselessly?
Butler: Don't worry, its sacrifice wasn't in vain. *grins* I've skinned it.
Druid: :smalleek:
Butler: The meat is cooling in the icebox, and its skin should serve me well as a dishtowel.
Druid: ...a dishtowel!? :smallfurious: Why you—!
Butler: :smallamused: Indeed. Such a luscious coat of fur on your late, lamented companion. Wouldn't want to waste nature's bounty, hmm?
Factotum: "Nature's bounty: the quicker picker upper." :smallbiggrin:
*three seconds of silence*
*DM and wizard's player die laughing, druid's player fumes*
DM: Heh heh...that was...heh heh...that was amazing. You get one Get Out Of Instant Death Free card.
Wizard: Yeah, that was awesome.
*druid's player staring daggers*
*DM and wizard look at druid's player, look at me, look at druid's player*
Me: ...too soon?
*DM and wizard's player die laughing again*
*druid's player finally cracks up*

2010-02-25, 02:24 AM
I think my favourite line is from my 2nd ed mage who was a bit of a pyro. The group is at a party and one of the ladies says something along the lines of 'So I hear you have some talent with magic.' My reply was 'A little bit. I can start a 'camp fire.'

The joke being that he could single handedly start a fairly sized camp on fire.

2010-02-25, 05:13 AM
In 7th Sea, I was playing Luc, a prissy Montaigne (Frenchman). One of the other party members tried to speak to me in either the German or the Gaelic analogue. I replied "Stop honking at me and speak in a civilized tongue, if you please."

His natural charm has made him a very good sprinter.:smalltongue:

2010-02-25, 05:13 AM
Not so much a quick thinking line of my own, but just good timing.

The druid in the campaign I am playing in was talking about a person thought to be a traitor (another PC) and said"
"You can't claim neutrality, you are either helping us or you are on your own"
So I said "Only the Sith deal in absolutes..."

Funnily enough only the druids player didn't get the reference. The rest of us thoroughly enjoyed it.

2010-02-25, 05:33 AM
Two lines

So i was protecting this 8 year old girl-child, Amy
with one other PC, (i had a sword (well magically enhanced car bumper), he had a gun.
when a guy comes after us (bearing a sythe), i know him (we've met before once breifly and he seemed sinister).
I give the girl to the other PC,
"Look after Amy, and be ready, when I say Run you RUN! got it?"
"Err, Ok"

I confront the guy, (we bowed to eachother, just as we had lastimg we met) we have brief discussion, I say "If you want Amy, you'll have to go through me"

He says "Ok"
And uses this spell to basically, make me cower for the next 4 rounds in fear, it also puts me on full bashing damage, luckly i make my stamina roll and stay concious.
the guy attacking me draws back his sythe, to complete the killing blow.

Instead of Running the other PC, turns, draws his gun, comes towards us (he was at the top of a hill a fair distance off), and fires, hitting the sythe guy squarely. (saving my life, definatly)
My responce, the next round?
"What the Hell do you think your doing?! I TOLD YOU TO LOOK AFTER THE GIRL!"

2010-02-25, 05:49 AM
This is my line, so I can't really claim it to be the 'best' without sounding like an egomaniac, but I still love the line myself.

Four daelkyr(remember that number, it's important) show up on an airship the PC's attained, entirely unannounced and yammering in ways that made their motives utterly incomprehensible but apparently nonviolent. They managed to convince them to stay in the brig and not make any attempts to escape, and stayed quiet for a long time, right up until they started going on about a terrible apocalypse that they were the harbingers of. The whole party was in the hall outside squabbling about how they should be dealt with, everything from hearing them out to murdering them without another word. The door at the end of the hall opens and an NPC warforged assassin named Violin walks down the hall, drawing his sword and slipping between the squabbling party in their confused silence, walks into the brig, closes the door quietly and there's just muffled sounds for the next minute or so. Violin comes out with one of the daelkyr's massive crab claws severed and hung over his shoulder and he's covered in aberrant blood and ichor.

"The... three of them have decided they would like to talk."

2010-02-25, 06:26 AM
As the party's druid, I was scouting ahead as a mouse. Now, there was a good roleplayer in our party playing a minotaur, so he talked in broken phrases. He said, "What happen?" My reply? "Somebody set us up the bomb!"

2010-02-25, 06:53 AM
I was playing a priest turned vampire in Vampire The Masquerade. I was a LaSombra. A group of bandits attacked our carriage (We were playing in the middle ages), I summoned a bunch of shadowy tentacles, I looked down to my enemy and this followed:

Me"Child, do you renounce Satan and accept God our lord as only saviour?"
Me"I'll take that as a yes"

2010-02-25, 07:12 AM
*at a troupe of low-level bandits holding us up on a road*

"You're new to this, aren't you?"

(Said by the person pictured in my avatar, who is scarcely 5 feet tall)

Was that before or after the big reveal you posted on TV Tropes?

"So would you guys care to explain what you were just talking about? In Common this time, for those of us who don't speak phlegm."

Said by Anya Ebrin (human warblade) to a pair of swordsmen who'd been conversing in draconic. Seriously; have any of you tried to say some of the draconic words in the Draconomicon or Races of the Dragon out loud? It sounds like you're gargling spit half the time (that exact description was also used by her shortly before the above remark).

2010-02-25, 07:23 AM
3.5 ed, playing as a changeling wizard who was seriously sadistic. He also had a pretty good CHA and maxxed Intimidate. Set-up is this: We had been told that there was to be pirate raid on the seaside village that was our base of operations. Interestingly, the pirates weren't working alone. They had goblin help. So, we used our "Gather Information". Okay, okay, we slaughtered a few goblins that lived nearby, and nabbed the sole survivor (Taking him back to the village for questioning). The rest of the party was getting nowhere when it came to questioning, so I asked the DM if there was a blacksmiths' nearby. He said that there was, but that the blacksmith was helping to fortify the village with everyone else. So I dragged the goblin there, put its hand on the anvil, grabed a sledgehammer and began to sing.

"This little piggy went to market"
"This little piggy stayed at home"
"This little piggy had roast beef"
"This little piggy had none"
"And this little piggy?"

At that point, the goblin broke down and told me everything. THe DM said that the gblin had gone "Wee wee wee" all over the floor, to the merriment of all. I tied it up and slung it over my shoulder. When questioned "Why?", I told everyone that I knew what I was doing.

Later on, we snuck our party rogue on to the flagship of the pirate fleet to scupper the vessel. Unfortunately, the ship set sail before he managed to complete his mission. The fleet makes it to the costal town, where we start whaling on the ships and the elves within... Not knowing that to rogue is still aboard one of them. I set fire to one of the ships from the air just as the rogue makes it to the top deck. I was the only person who was capable of flight, and my carrying capacity was nowhere near enough to carry the rogue and all his gear. The DM smiles his evil smile, thinking that the party has been tricked into killing one of their members. I grin back.
"Remember the goblin that I tied to my back?"

While I couldn't carry the rogue while he was fully laden with gear, I could fall the 50ft to the beach with him on my back. We both survived. The goblin didn't :smalltongue:

2010-02-25, 07:28 AM
We were a first level party, composed mostly of goblins and humans, and I was an orc dragon shaman with a greatsword, named Urglen. We were going to meet with a goblin cartel to get work as mercenaries. We had come to the front door of the cartel, but two angry orcs showed up, and started beating on the gates.

Me (to orc on the walls we were talking to): You want Urglen deal with them?
Guy on wall: That would be good
*Rolls initiative, I go first, 1 hit destroy the first orc*
Our human ranger: Not bad, let's see a little more precision
*Rolls a 3 on attack with is bow*
Me: Is precision same as fail?

2010-02-25, 08:06 AM
"Last word." I used it to slay the ruler of all humanity. Yes, it was THAT last word. The fight had gone on for twenty rounds and was going nowhere, so I had the psion translate the scroll of the last word.

Lucas Pitta
2010-02-25, 09:34 AM
another really good one, as always a barbarian:
In a burning carriage with a hostage we were trying to save, my 6 INT barbarian shouts:
Utilizing the poor poor hostage as a rug to put out the flames
My alignment changed from chaotic good to chaotic moron :smallbiggrin:
(so much fun to play a barbarian)

2010-02-25, 09:48 AM
In our Mage the Awakening game we had some gems. My friends character, a bumbling ghost tour guide called Joseph was good for these.

In this instance he had been drugged up, and we were busting him out of an underground murder club. While the fighty characters held off the psychopaths, one of us went up to him and tried to calm him down. Cue this:

Joseph running around screaming: Monsters everywhere, demons!

Bart: Listen Joseph, calm down. We're here to help you.

Joseph: Oh thank god Bart. Quick help me, there's demons everywhere

Bart: There's no demons Joseph

Joseph: *Points* Yes there are, look

Bart: Joseph, you're seeing things.


Joseph: Yes I know. Demons

2010-02-25, 10:01 AM
One party I was in had a cleric named Ursinia. My gnome consistently tried to muscle in on introductions and when a new PC joined us I managed:

"...and this is MY Sinia?"

"Your Sinia?"


In a campaign I was GMing, one of my PCs had acquired an estate that had goblins in the basement, and the goblins kept coming up at night and filling in the well outside of the manor.

The PC who owned the estate didn't really want others to know about the goblins, and prior to them starting to fill the well he had blamed some other small problems on "rats." In the morning, looking at the filled in well, the Frenchman in the party turns to the owner's character and asks (and it was the delivery in a French accent that put this over the top)- "So, do your leetel rats have leetel shov-els?"

2010-02-25, 10:23 AM
not me, but our cleric worships the high god of chaos (which makes for amazing theater all on its own), but the farewell that he generally uses always makes me smile. "Travel Recklessly!" usually said with a slightly insane grin.

as for ME, our party was on our way back from, um, retconning a goblin tribe and we got jumped by bandits:
*bandits fire an arrow and call out, interrupting me and another party member making a bet* your money or your life.
*me as party face (telepath diplomancer) rolls nat 20 on diplomacy, total 35* hmm 4 to 7? hold on a minute, we've got to figure out these odds...
*bandits* um... ok...

i proceed to invite the bandits to join in on the betting and, by rigging things, let them win 30 gold and we walked on. i really WANTED to win gold from them, but my party was giving me looks to say that we should just give them the gold. a pity, i managed to get their numbers, locations and armament while keeping them totally off guard.

Lin Bayaseda
2010-02-25, 10:34 AM
This was actually me as a DM.

Setup: the PCs arrived at a destitute underground village, populated by misshapen folk. The village elder tells the PCs the story of how, 500 years ago, their ancestors were enslaved by a powerful dragon to go into the underground tunnels to retrieve some treasure. Fearing the dangers of the Underdark, they decided not to press forward, but, fearing the wrath of the dragon, could not go back. They found a relatively safe cavern and stayed there, growing whatever vegetables would survive in the stony ground and foraging for food. A glow-moss on the cavern walls provided weak illumination, and a nearby brook provided water. Life was hard, but at least it was better than being eaten alive.

As the elder finished his poignant speech, his son butted in with the words: "and twenty-five generations of inbreeding later, here we are."

2010-02-25, 11:44 AM
Not actually me, but my DM. A Pathfinder game, me(wizard) and a bard decide what to do with a some kind of magic stone that's guarded by an elf camp and how to take it. All of the characters have dumped Wisdom.
*After some time of thinking*
Me:"Maybe Silent Image?"
Bard:"Alright, you cast Silent Image, how do I take it?"
Me:"Wait, you cast Silent Image!"
Bard:"But I don't have it, I switched it to Cure Light Wounds!"
Me:"But I didn't take it, because I thought you would, because, you know, it's better with spontaneous classes!"
DM:"Low Wisdom RP'd brilliantly." :smallbiggrin:

The Random NPC
2010-02-25, 11:47 AM
My party and I were playing Scion, and we needed to talk to the gods. It wasn't urgent though, so I said, "I'll try to talk to the gods when they aren't busy, say tomorrow around lunch time."

2010-02-25, 12:16 PM
Vampire: the Requiem game. I was playing a character who was desperately clinging to her Humanity, whereas the rest of the party was a little less moral. For this reason, she did not trust the rest of the party. My character had Malkavia, and I had statted myself out to use Dementate.

One night, thanks to Dementate 2, she realized there was a spirit in the party's shared Haven. She spoke to the spirit and found out the Mages in the area were capturing spirits for their own use. The party, once informed of the spirit, wanted to keep him around. The spirit said if he could anchor himself to something, it would be easier to resist the Mage's pull.

Since my character does not trust the others, she does not believe that they have pure motives for keeping the spirit around. Without thinking about what I was saying, thinking only of wanting to protect the spirit, my character said "You can shackle yourself to my bedpost."

I'm told my blush went right past red and landed at purple after I realized what I had said.

2010-02-25, 12:21 PM
background: Lich Wizard (Me), destroyed, waiting for phylactery ressurection. Final day (out of 5... damn d10.) Evil party, due to Pazuzu involvement.

1: "So... We don't get any more wishes out of him [Pazuzu]?"
2: "Nope..."
1: "Why don't we try something else?"
2: "Like?"
1: "Uh... Anyone who can somehow telepathically hear me... we'll give up... what do we have left? Something for wishes."
-Cue Lich Respawning, inside his backpack, ripping it open and spilling various items.-
Me: Really guys? I was having the best dream.

2010-02-25, 12:47 PM
My fave was during a great bit of creative wording, considering I was in a monsterous campaign

Me, I was a Half-Illithid Half-Shadow Dragon (Don't ask, don't tell ;p) Psion/Wizard/Cerebremancer who we all nicknamed "Lil' Cthulu" and I used the Abberant Blooded and Dragon/Illithid Heritage feat trees to make myself a flying spouting raving nutcase. We though had a Gloura Saint Bardic Sage/Paladin who's Diplomacy was nearly illegal and we had to face an epic Great Wyrm White Dragonic Vampire living in a Volcano, who he literally killed in the most anticlimactic way...

Dragon: Who Dares Enter My Cove?
Bard: Brrrrr....It's cold. Hey! That lava looks warm. Wanna go in for a quick dip?
Dragon: Yeah. Sounds good!
-Dragon dives headfirst into the lava. Instant Death-

2010-02-25, 01:03 PM
Last night actually...

My group and I are playing good ol' Rifts. We're currently clearing out a Vampire infested ward in Montreal so that we can make it out own territory... Under one of the apartment complexes (Vampire owned), we found an old Tactical Nuclear Warhead... After building a timer, a proper detonator, and making sure the thing won't blow up in our faces... We decide to drop it in a big office building.

Cue my character flying over the tower and dropping the Carrier Robot that we found the bomb in... A failed roll on the timer sets the bomb off early... One Natural 20 and a Direct Hit on a Scatter Dice later... The blast actually tears clean through the tower, destroyed everything within about a block and a half.

Me: Uhh... Guys... I think we broke something...

I don't think our DM will be giving us anymore Nukes any time soon... :smalltongue:

2010-02-25, 01:08 PM
"You there! Unhand that maiden, throw down your weapons, surrender and renounce evil and I shall be... ahhh! By Pelor, what has happened!?"

My first (and only) Paladin, Sir Wolfram the Noble, upon seeing a group of soldiers harassing a young woman. He was just getting into the good part of his speech while marching toward the bad guys when the DM had me roll a spot check. It turned out not to be soilders as I first thought, but a group of cannibals tearing out the entrails of a still living woman, just to see what she tasted like. Soon after this, I rolled a new character.

In retrospect, I would probably do the same thing to my players, now that I'm a DM myself.

2010-02-25, 01:32 PM
said to mr stoutheart, a wealthy aristocrat, from a bard with an incredible bluff check, coupled with glibness

Mr Stoutheart: What are you doing in my mansion?
bard: Hello, i am mr stoutheart, i own this mansion
DM: roll for bluff
DM:He believes you

2010-02-25, 01:53 PM
Mage: The Ascension game. I am guy 2.

During a discussion of how to pursue our current mission:
1: Yeah, well, we could just kill them all [allies and innocents].
2: (looks horrified)
1: I'm joking. Man, can't you take a joke?
2: Listen, if we were just some kids playing a game or something, maybe it'd be cool to joke about killing and murder and stuff. But we're actually dealing wtih this stuff. It's not a time for joking!

Another time, right after shifting to M:tA from D&D, we left someone paralyzed with Paradox alone in his room for 2 or 3 days without food or water. By accident--we were so use to not dealing with food and water that it never occurred to us to provide it for an ally.

Him: What do humans need for food?
Me: Wha?
Him: FOOD AND WATER! Humans need food and water to live? You're studying to be a doctor. What possible excuse do you have?
Me: I'm sorry. We've been playing D&D for so long that it never occurred to me that we have to eat and drink.

2010-02-25, 02:01 PM
Ogres! Lend me your ears! The dwarven village down in the foothills has a new liege lord, and he stands before you here today. Though young, he is wise beyond his years, and has achieved a string of victories that would not shame any of you. Indeed, they would bring honour! You all bear witness to his strength, for you saw him defeat your chieftain in single combat, and as all the world knows, any who lay claim to the title of ogre chieftain must be strong indeed. How much stronger, then, this dragon?

Therefore, I bring you an offer. Join with us, and accept him as your new chieftain, and your tribe will win honour, fame and glory beyond your dreams! If you decline this offer, then we will leave, and agree not to interfere with each other's business. But I warn you, if you break that agreement and attack us, your tribe will be eliminated, even down to the very last ogre.

But don't let that spoil our meeting. I've talked too long already, so without further ado may I present to you the fearsome foe of the frost giants, the defeater of the dracolich of Darkcloud. He annihilated the aboleths of this very island near single-talonedly. He is the one, the only, the undefeated Great General Pan!

~Cuhlahn, Copper dragon, Herald to the white dragon known as the Great General Pan and consort to the Keeper of Tales, to a tribe of ogres following the defeat of their champion in single combat by the Great General Pan. Following this event, the ogres swore allegiance to Clan Shadow, accepting the general as their leader.

2010-02-25, 02:52 PM
"Sleepy Time!" My recently uncryogenically frozen chemistry student PC, just before he smashed a whole bottle of ether into the face of an enemy. And then took the downed enemy and knelt on his neck until he stopped breathing.
*blink blink*
"What, do I have to roll to see if that kills him?"
The DM's face was priceless

I scared the party a little by doing that. My guy was supposed to be the nice medic of the party. Of course, in that campaign, the diplomancer tried to fight everyone we met rather than talk, our best melee fighter had no melee weapons and we strapped an old woman in a rocking chair to the roof of our recently stolen truck (with the heads of aforementioned mooks tied to the front bumper) and played the Beverly Hillbillies theme every time we drove somewhere -_-
The DM had some crackers as he was forced to continue to roleplay this old woman who he never expected to appear except in one sequence, including attempting to hit on one of our party while RPing a 70+ old woman.

2010-02-25, 02:57 PM
Another time, right after shifting to M:tA from D&D, we left someone paralyzed with Paradox alone in his room for 2 or 3 days without food or water. By accident--we were so use to not dealing with food and water that it never occurred to us to provide it for an ally.

Him: What do humans need for food?
Me: Wha?
Him: FOOD AND WATER! Humans need food and water to live? You're studying to be a doctor. What possible excuse do you have?
Me: I'm sorry. We've been playing D&D for so long that it never occurred to me that we have to eat and drink.Funny, I always thought D&D humans had to eat too.

[Edit]: It seems you were right, in D&D you can go out for three days without food before you start taking d6 of nonlethal damage per day, but starvation won't kill them.

2010-02-25, 03:01 PM
A conversation spoken entirely in Draconic. Done through notes passed to the DM. We didn't reveal what we said to each other until it was too late for the party to interfere.

Dragon, from 200 feet above: "What do you taste like, morsels?"

Me (dragonborn fighter): "We taste like death, you lizard-loving son of a kobold [redacted]!"

Dragon: *rolls initiative*

Probably not the most badass line I've ever given, but certainly the one that got the best response from the table.

2010-02-25, 03:41 PM
The other day, in a one-shot campaign, we were face to face with the BBEG Lieutenant...
The elven sorcerer (likes to blast. A lot) and my gnome swordsage (don't ask) were having a killcount challenge, much like Legolas and Gimli in LotR.

SBEG - "So you are here at last, fools as I've never seen before. You have witnessed my powers before. My weapons are made to kill people; my hands are made to kill people. My minions kill people, the power granted to me by the Gods themeselves, kill peop..."

Sorc - "Yeah, we get it, you kill people".

SBEG - "You dare to interrupt my speech? Rise, my undead minions! Teach them their place!"

Sorc - *preparing an empowered fireball" "You know what else kills people? My godlike arcane pow..."

Me - "No, pointy ears." *Shadow Jaunts behind the SBEG* "I do."

OK... It looked better at the time we were playing... :smalltongue:

2010-02-25, 05:05 PM
Playing a Weretiger elf rogue, the party was down for a few days in a port city and I decided (playing a cleptomaniac), to go down to the docks/market and pick a few pockets. I told the GM that I was basically choosing targets at random. She rolls d% and gets an evil, evil grin on her face and says roll pick pocket (D&D 3.0). I roll nat 20 + like 15 or so and her jaw drops. The captain of the guard happened to be my target and I stole everything from him, including his boots and uniform without him knowing and in full daylight.

Later that same day, I decided to keep going and picked another pocket perfectly but it turns out that the NPC was a woman with her baby child.
(I learned that after the fact)
DM: Good job you just stole the last coppers this woman had to live on.
Me: (pause for reasons to keep the money, I was CG) Well I don't know the woman, and didn't know it was her last coin, so I keep it.

2010-02-25, 05:22 PM
You don't tumble at someone's funeral!

2010-02-25, 05:37 PM
In a 4e game I'm in my Eladrin Avenger|Barbarian is awesome because I play him like I don't care if he dies (with the sole exceptions of asking OOC for heals and not doing things when I know for a fact the damage I'm gonna take is gonna drop me before (key word there) I can do it).
His other habit is leveling his axe at the enemy when he makes them his oath target.
So we're fighting a brown Dragon, and like all but one party member gets blinded in the surprise round, I get away from the party taking an opportunity attack in the process, I make my, but end up caught in his Sand Breath anyways cause I didn't move far enough.
The Dragon Action points, and uses it's frightful presence which hits everyone but me and the party member who avoided getting blinded.
I emerge out of his Sand Breath actually getting a good look at it for the first time, level my axe at him and "Was that supposed to scare me, Dragon?" then teleport onto his back, and action point into one of my Barbarian Rages.

2010-02-25, 06:01 PM
"I'm sorry, is this a private party or can anyone dance?" This was said by my Half Red Dragon Blackscale Lizardfolk fighter as he barged into the capital city of the Human empire. The kill total of that day was more non-epic characters than I could care to count, and two hundred fifty epic level characters of various kinds, including ten wizards. I have never been so thankful for great cleave since then. And this was just my kill count, and we had a blast role-playing the slaughter of the capital of the human and demi-human empire.

All of the PC's of that group, including me went on to become DMs who always used that setting ever since. It was somewhat similar to greyhawk and had many major characters (somewhat altered for my DM's needs) in it, and also had some forgotten realms elements. I am happy to say that the Circle of Eight and the Company of Seven did in fact assist us as the majority of humanity and of the demi-human races had become a great danger to reality.

But the emperor was not our final foe, as we finished him off, we had to deal with the killer penguin, who wanted revenge since we constantly kept on killing him in his past lives. He was a soldier I sliced the head off of, he was a rat the Black Ethergaunt wizard threw a hellball at (to say the wizard was trigger happy would be an understatement), he was a beetle the Lich cleric stepped on, he was a prince the Dark Kobold rogue assasinated, he was a rabbit the poison dusk lizardfolk skinned and ate, he was a goblin the Ultralithid psion ate the brains off amongst other things.

Anyone who read the killer penguin thread knows how we beat him the first time around.

2010-02-25, 06:12 PM
In a real-life 4e game, I've been playing the Teleporting Warlock build out of Dragon magazine. Just before this had happened, we'd hit level 9.

After I used three encounter powers and an action point in a single round to get me and the barbarian out of a 'take your weapons away without a chance to fight back' plot twist, the DM had the people who captured the rest of the party chase us around the city. This ended with the BBEG third-in-command facing off against me on top of a guard tower.

BEG: "Any last words?"
Me: "Yeah..."
*backs against edge of tower*
Summons of Khirad
"...stop following me."

BEG: *takes 59 falling damage.*

Which, after the running battle which had featured the barb doing the 'go ahead, come back for us later' thing (very cliche-heavy so far) before using his last rage, was enough to kill the bugger. The next day, I broke the party out of the dungeon. Party rouge was both impressed and annoyed.

2010-02-25, 06:42 PM
he was a beetle the Lich cleric stepped on... he was a rabbit the poison dusk lizardfolk skinned and ate,

And then decided he didn't like and left on the side of his plate?

Did you at any point smash a jar of flowers?

2010-02-25, 06:55 PM
Wasn't me, but was certainly one of the most epic bits of roleplaying I have ever seen.

We are in a campaign where the elves are the keepers of the old world (ie, magic and secrets) and the rest of the world has been destroyed in a huge flood. We land on an island and attack a few pirates and take them prisoner. Do note this was a Chaotic Good party.

Kang: "Tell us where your hideout is or you will not leave this island alive."
Pirate: "*scoffs* Killing us would only be a big problem for you. You won't do it."
Kang: "*smiles* Fools; the Elves killed you!"
DM: "Jesus, that gave me goosebumps."

2010-02-25, 09:07 PM
"You think I'm a devil? Well, I am the closest thing to a devil walking this earth that you will EVER see. And you should be thankful even for that honor."

My cleric of Hextor, enraged at someone who worked for an organized resistance that abducted his 6 year old son. The grunt had referred to him as 'devil' in reference to his policies (it was a political game).

I loved that scene :)

2010-02-25, 09:16 PM
One of our players got (unbeknown to us) imprisoned inside a tree (in addition to our characters being a couple hundred feet away we were all out of the room at the time). So in order to get our attention he started singing to get our attention. Unfortunately for him his singing got the attention of my stupid CE hobgoblin fighter. His response"


Guess who didn't make it?

2010-02-25, 10:05 PM
The party had been hounded by the BBEG and his minions for a while, and they always seemed to be able to retreat if things went bad for them. After a long while we finally got a prisoner, and all in all were not in a good mood. So after failed diplomacy my dark kobold assassin took him to the back room. (Note: I had a dagger that chanelled negative energy, and a wand of lesser vigor...)

me(to tied prisoner): We are all rather tired of *stabs dagger through hand* all these *places wand on other* attacks. So why don't you tell us were your from?

prisoner: *curses*

me: pity *starts channeling negative energy through his body*

Basically the dm agreed that the negative energy would simply crouse through him, from the dagger to the wand. Needless to say we got our answers.

Another game:

Lich: I've always wondered what it would be like to be a wand.
After a rather angry gold dragon (don't ask) rips his head and spine "out" of his body.

And Dark Heresy:


7-1/2' tall storm trooper in full black carpace armour, wielding two chainswords after he was hit with holocaust. They figured out we was a Null fast.

2010-02-25, 10:49 PM
So second session of our campaign we're in out in some desert after escaping a castle in the demon wastes where we freed a PC. The pc chaotic evil and a serious pyromaniac. We run into some kobolds that my shadow craft mage gnome immobilized with nightmare terrain. The other pc wanted to have them follow him, but I didn't let him take control. So he tries to establish dominance by one shot killing me (not good role player / DnD player, but amusing). He fails miserably whereupon with a nifty little spell and al 100 kobolds throwing their spears at him he loses all his Con. I slowly walk over in the stillness of a pc death, kick him in the head and say "Don't F with the Gnome"

Gan The Grey
2010-02-25, 11:54 PM
As a 9th level fighter who was more of a pacifist than he'd willingly admit.

“Strike. There is nothing greater or more important than that. Protect your people, protect your family. Accept the misfortunes of your life, but do not submit. Fight, even though it means nothing. Strike. Strike true, strike hard, but strike. Do not turn away, do not blink. There is only the enemy and yourself. Nothing else. Strike.”

-Torm of the Silver Hammer

Aside from using 'Strike' in place of 'Cut', this is taken nearly verbatim from The Sword of Truth series. Still, if he managed to memorize it and use it in game, that's pretty cool.

2010-02-26, 02:29 AM
We had JUST hit lv7 PF. and I was a DM made Homebrew class [Tech Specialist]. No tech feats to get, I op't for full RP ones. Almost always max'd out RP skills on him, and I looked at my 9 ranks in Intimidate.. and I picked Frightful Presence. (Not I have Renown Feat, and my character is +3 Famous)

On that note. Me and another player were dropped into a Prision hole underground were other people from the Waste were being kept by Silver City officials. My friend decided to mount an attack against my "Fort" (The larger pile of trash in the room) complete with a army of lv1-3 crazy people who rode eachother for mounts..
(No one but the DM knew I picked Frightful Presence)

It went like this:

Friend: "Come my comrades! Rise against Simon Boosh and we will take his Fort and his Riches!!"
DM to Me: "You start to hear the clumping of tin cans from outside, you look outside your pile of trash and see <player name> along side about 30 prisioners. What do you do?"
Me: "I walk outside, and glare at <player name>. What is this crap!? I just cleaned this place and Im trying to work on an escape plan! :smallfurious:"
Player: "We have come to storm the fort Boosh! Your riches will be mine!"
Me: "... BOOSH IS OUTRAGED!!! [to DM:] *Activate Frightful Presence* :smallcool:
Player: O.O Can he do that?
DM: "Rofl. You see the prisioners start to bow down and run and flee from all angles."
Entire Group: :smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin::smallbiggrin: "lmao"

Hida Reju
2010-02-26, 05:17 AM
Not me but one of my group was playing a goblin named Herby in a modified Iron Kingdoms game. The local area Sheriff (think roving Judge) was recently deceased and our Goblin friend was a part of his team.

He had been telling everyone how much he honored his mentor for helping him out to the point that he even gave him Goblin funeral rites.

Herby: "He was involved with our most important gobber ceremony."
PC Team leader with a dawning look of dred: "You ate him didn't you Herby!"

We laughed on this for weeks.

2010-02-26, 06:08 AM
Not necessarily cool, but funny. I was DMing and the party was ambushed by goblins on ledges with alchemist's fire. The elf in the party was having terrible luck with the dice and in frustration yelled at one of the goblins (I have no idea how I came up with this comeback; it popped out of my mouth before I even registered what the elf had said):

Elf: Your mother was a dwarf!
Goblin: So was yours!
Elf: :smallfurious: *proceeds to kill goblin messily*

2010-02-26, 06:24 AM
Aside from using 'Strike' in place of 'Cut', this is taken nearly verbatim from The Sword of Truth series. Still, if he managed to memorize it and use it in game, that's pretty cool.

I knew I recognised it.

2010-02-26, 06:42 AM
"By the power of the gods! I command you to stop!"

Not a cool line, but the situation made it cool.
We were dragged into an alternate Fearun in wich Corellon was the evil bastard, Lolth was a freaking saint a patron godess of the whole freaking non drow world. The drow conquered the entire world and they still looked like regular elves.
Four of us were marching through a forest, we didnt knew about the above because we never knew we screwed up the past (wich was screwed thanks to my awesome knowledge skills and the fact that I was beign interrogated via charm person, they found I was a time traveler and immediatly proceeded to learn as much as they could), anyway, the party? Me, the completly unnequiped factotum because I barely managed to escape my captors with my clothes and a robe and I was carrying a quarterstaff I picked up from the ground, a pacifist favoured soul, a deranged Chaotic Evil/Stupid grey elf swashbuckler and a wood elf scout with a taste for combat.
Suddenly, an ambush! Arrows emerginf from the woods in almost all directions! We roll initiative, I go last. The wood elf and the swashbuckler rush into the woods and engage with a group of humans shootng from behind a bush, the enemies turn, a volley of arrows strike both elves and one of them gets down, unconcious, lucky for him, he was stabilized almost immediatly, the favoured soul prays, and tries to heal the other elf. My turn, in my hands, a quarterstaff, around me, wounded friends, in my mind, one levle 0 spell prepared, Light. I cast it in my quarterstaff, and raise it above my head as I shout "By the power of the gods! I command you to stop!"

One incredible diplomacy check after and the battle was over.
Apparently they thought the elves were drow.

2010-02-26, 09:06 AM
I was looking through the pages of the draconomicon and found an oddly specific phrase... "Martivir thric Gixustratt tundar" I never actually thought that I'd have the opportunity to use it. and yet here I am.

2010-02-26, 10:48 AM
"To stop moving is to give up. To give up is to die. To die is to fail our mission. To fail our mission is to lose our honor. To lose my honor is something I am not going to allow, so get yer pansy Elf ass in gear and keep marching."

My Dwarven Samurai, as our party was starting to experience some major fatigue from a forced march through a desert (we were leading reinforcements trying to reach a city to aid in it's defense before it fell to the enemy army currently attacking it) and the elf started talking about taking a break, despite the fact we were only carrying enough supplies to last our nonstop march (travelling light to get a bonus to our endurance checks) and stopping would in fact probably mean death.

2010-02-26, 02:27 PM
"GET THE NINJA OUT OF ME!!!" My Dragon clan samurai during a night-time ninja raid on our camp, as I got dropped to 0hp in one melee attack and my colleagues awoke.

And one from my warforged artificer, who had multiple personality settings including:
Patriot (think Metal wolf: chaos or Liberty prime)
Deus ex Machina (god complex, very much like shodan, used for the following quote) and
Intimidation (use in conjunction with other settings, and deploys his built in "Urtengor-36 multi-barreled assault caster" essentialy a modified rod of wands with 3 chain-fed slots for ray wands and one for prestidigiation to keep the barrels cooled)

After being criticalled by a dragon and miraculously surviving, I called that his usual patriot mode was switched to his original programming, back when he was just a human who experimented on himself.
With this, he deployed the Urtengor-36 and I used all the meta-magic I had to knock the dragon out of the sky, onto the ground (luck shots on my part), I then spoke with a broken, distorted voice, mimicing a malfunctioning sound card (The room lights were turned down and we had decent background music since it was a semi-horror campaign)

"L-l-l-look at you, insect, A pathetic creature of meat and bone, p-panting and sweating as you cling to the rotting, putrescent meat you call a body. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?"

To my fellow players and DM alike, who were either too old or too young to remember System shock 2, it was a crowning moment of terror.

I suppose then deploying my other custom item "Metal wolf's All American Armory" a modified haversack that allowed me to (once a day) activate every magical device there-in with a single command word, may have played its part.
I love using homebrew warforged componants.

2010-02-26, 03:21 PM
the first was done by two of my friends, but it's still an awesome line.

So, we're an evil party and we're in the hold of a pirate ship. There's a contest going on between the crewmembers, you take a drink and hit your opponent, then he does the same, and whoever is last standing wins. So, my friend's a Grey Elf Wizard, 2nd level, and sipping wine. He challenges the biggest guy there, who is built like a freaking barn. The Elf whispers something to his Warforged Barbarian friend, who leaves, then, he sips his wine, reaches forward, and pokes the Guy in the chest.

Guy: "Was that supposed to hurt?" (laughs).
Elf: No. This was.

He then casts a spell, switching his position with the Warforged, who'se been running across the deckat full tilt. The Warforged smashes into the guy's chest and hit him with a Haymaker.

The Elf just looks over the back of the ship and laughs maniacly, sipping his wine.

Lycan 01
2010-02-26, 03:35 PM
And Dark Heresy:


7-1/2' tall storm trooper in full black carpace armour, wielding two chainswords after he was hit with holocaust. They figured out we was a Null fast.

Can we hear the story behind this one, please? :smallbiggrin:

"BACK TA HELL WITH YOU, YE FOUL ABOMINATION UNTO THE LORD!!" - My Catholic Priest in Call of Cthulhu, as he passed a Sanity Check and head and shoulders of a Deep One High Priest into paste with both barrels of his shotgun.

2010-02-26, 06:14 PM
Elven Cleric: (casts Speak With Dead)
Corpse of Cult Leader: "I awaken"
Elven Cleric: "Who or what killed you?"
Corpse of Cult Leader: "Why should I help you?"
Elven Cleric: "I'm on a mission from God"

Blues Brothers FTW :smallbiggrin:

2010-02-26, 06:43 PM
Well.my evil wizard enters a city.

A little thief tries to steal my gold,but he fails.I had a lvl of mind bender & now party starts.i begin talking to the boy via telepathy.
(I AM YOU CONSIOUS.WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WAS TERRIBLE!YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT!YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!NOW AEVERYTHING YOU LOVE WILL DIE!WHEN YOU GO HOME ALL YOUR FAMILY WILL BE DEAD....I rly can;t remember the hole of it.but the best part was after a while.where all other guys where crying due to laughing & my dm said "OK OK!!boy killed himshelf!!!HAPPY NOW??let's continue our game morron" :smallbiggrin:

2010-02-27, 12:17 AM
Can we hear the story behind this one, please?

warning, wall of text...

They acolytes had just almost finished getting a prisoner out from a very, very high security prison. All they needed to do was get to the hangar, manage to hijack something, and leave (their plan. Because Valks will definetly not be guarded, and there will definetly be no flak).

They had managed to, so far anyways, not kill too many guards outright, but take them down fast and quietly (needle rifle with sleeper toxin, gas grenades, techpriest down in the shafts working to generally cause confusion)

The pyromancer has become slightly agitated by all this stealth, so goes to find the fastest way to the hangar. Through the main staging ground of the complex. Where they had been told, training was to take place that day. Where they figured out that the current command area was. Yea...

Anyways, he goes in blazing. Firestorm, then gets as far as he can before he uses holocaust. 6d10. gets a 54. KILLS EVERYTHING, except the largest guardsmen in the area. He just starts to walk towards him.

So, cue rule one. Everything burns. One firebolt barage later, see rule two. Except nothing happened, asides the armour being a bit scorched. Thats when the guardsman threw his head back and shouted:


And charged. Two hits later (one on each leg), we have a legless psyker. (Damage was enough to outright kill him, but...)

They killed him eventually, after a 20 round duel between him and the feral worlder, even though the assassin got the kill. Feral worlder was about to be decapitated when the assassin rolled about 4 rigtheous furies in a row. On a head-shot.

Likely one of the best "cinematic" scenes I have ever seen.

2010-02-27, 01:06 AM
In a recent 4th Edition game my party had been attacked by bandits, and our newest member had been led to us by a mysterious figure. All of us were sucpicous of the new guy so the Paladin kept his warhammer raised and ready when asking the new guy his name. I, a revenant sorcerer, was standing by.

Paladin: Who are you?
New guy: Tradition dictates you should tell me your name first.
Me: Tradition dictates he's got a raised weapon.

Later in a fight that broke open in a tavern, one of the enemies got flung upwards through the steps of a staircase, and was stuck there for most of the battle watching his friends get slaughterd. After he was the only one remaining, I ran up the stairs to him and glared menacingly at him.

"You about ready to surrender?'

(natural 20 on the intimidate check, needless to say he was)

In an evil campaign I was playing an arrogant noble, and one of our party members was nicknamed "whore" because they found hre naked, and about to be sacrficed by our enemies. This was before my character joined the group, and he had no idea why they called her whore. So after a particularly long fight he turned to her, and said

"I hear they call you whore I think it's about time you got on your knees and started doing your duty"

Needless to say she shot him with her bow without hesitation.

2010-02-27, 11:02 AM
We were playing a fairly high (15ish) level game. (DnD 3.5) My character, a stormcaster wizard, owned a tower atop a high mountain that I kept constantly surrounded by storms.
One day, a minotaur vampire barbarian (Str:omg) decides that he really likes my tower and decides to take it for himself in the dead of night. He attacks me in my sleep, doing enough damage to freak me out, so I teleport out to the nearby town.
Long story short: I meet up with the party, we defend the town from a horde of vampire spawn and later break our way back into my tower. We get to the top and confront the vampire.
The top floor of the tower was dark, and I had built the ceilings high, so no one noticed him until he pounced on top of me. I reacted with a disintegrate spell, he saved, and counterattacked, reducing me to 0 hp, and then flew out of the (Melee) party's reach.
He laughed saying "This is a fine home you've made for yourself! I have grown quite fond of it, you won't be getting it back, and I'm not putting up with your housecalls forever. Any last words?"
Me:"Yeah... *gasp*... GET OUT OF MY TOWER!" at which point I cast my last disintegrate spell, not at him, but at the ceiling. We had timed it so that it was daylight out and I had long ago dispelled the stormclouds. Broad daylight poured into the room as I fell unconscious. The vampire had just enough time to run for the door only to be stopped by the three other party members. He turned to a fine dust the following round and the tower was mine once again.

Other notable quotes:
To a pair of vampires "I took the commission to end your eternal lives because I need the money to buy myself a new hat (of disguise). How does that make you feel?"
While walking through a cave, we were attacked by allips. My char was hit especially hard and ended up with a 4 wis. At one point, immediately after the DM describes the room in the cave we just entered, I lean over with a dead serious, almost fearful, look on my face and tap on player's shoulder.
Him: What?
Me: *points around and at the ceiling*
Him: What!?
Me: ...*Still pointing up*... ... ... "Cave!"
Room: *Cracks up laughing for 10 mins*
"I'm from house Cannith! We blow things up for a Living! War is our bread and butter and we are happy to be the ones providing the five nations with bigger and bigger explosions!" Said when asked why my answer to every problem was to blow it up.

2010-03-03, 12:06 PM
In a dark and grim campaign involving an undead invasion, in which I was playing a character with a personal grudge against them:

"I'M SICK OF THESE [swearing] UNDEAD ON THIS [swearing] PLANE!"

And no, the character's name did not contain the words Jules, Samuel, Mo, Jackson, Faux, or similar.

2010-03-03, 12:30 PM
second edition, epic flying fightet mage after getting slapped around in huge melee brawl including loads of devils and demons. flew up 1/2 mile pulled a gold coin from his pocket. casts polymorph any object making said coin about three city blocks wide.

"money is the roof of all evil"

2010-03-03, 01:10 PM
D&D 3.5 (for all these). After our party composed entirely of Norse-themed characters is joined by a Asian-style monk. We encounter a CR-progressed Owlbear and are having a hard time of it, in part thansk to the monk constantly whiffing with his unarmed flury of blows. My Gothi (Cleric) of Odin bellows: Draw your weapon fool! What are you trying to do? Tickle it to death?

Same campaign (Monk is long since gone) the party has progresed to 17th level and has just rescued a prince from his father's evil high chancelor. An otherwise well-intentioned squad of Royal troops were sent to stop us. Upon hearing their demads that we surrender I reply "I don't think I'm going to let you arrest us today." I roll a nat20 on an intimidate check, and they just let us go.

2010-03-03, 01:29 PM
These are not mine. A friend of mine sent logs of a character of him in ArmageddonMUD and to say, there are a lot of cool stuff.

Introductory information:

Just in case, a MUD is a multiplayer text-based role-playing game. ArmageddonMUD is a game played in a DarkSun-like setting. Just like in DarkSun, metal is rare - even rarer than it is in DarkSun. Defiling/preserving rules are very similar to the DarkSun, but elementalists aren't clerics at all. Elementalists are actually people who have a natural link to one of the seven elements - Suk-Krath=fire, Vivadu=water, Whira=wind, Ruk=Earth, Elkros=energy, Drov=shadow, Nilaz=everything else unearthy including undeath, entrophy and extraplanar creatures. Each elementalist can only and only cast the spells of his elements, with a mere few exceptions, like water elementalists can create food just like earth elementalists do, every elementalist can gate in an extraplanar creature drawing the power from Nilaz etc.

Every sentient being in the world of Armageddon is slightly psionic just like they are in DarkSun. Without exception, every character can form a mental link to someone and send telepathic messages.

Our hero Caibar is a Rukkian - an earth elementalist. He is in Allanak, a city-state ruled by the God King Tektolnes. He is a gemmed elementalist, that means there's a dull black, magickal gem on his neck that can't be taken off and can be used by the ruling priest/warrior caste - the templars - to inflict pain upon the individual wearing it from afar. Caibar's brainwashed into Allanaki ideals since childhood so he is utterly loyal. He is a servant of House Oash, a noble house focused on fine wine and magickal lore.

The player in question had announced to the staff members that his character sees hallucinations of D&D glooms watching him regularly and it has been accepted by the staff beforehand. He also has a client-side script that lets him feel the eerie presence of the glooms based upon a randomized timer, so even the player doesn't know when the hallucinations will appear before seeing the message.


You send a telepathic message to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian):

"We are alive, that means we're fit for duty."

The next one is a snipped from that Caibar's visit to a strange cave. Just as the quote happens, Caibar's power of controlling earth is stripped from him, he's separated from his companion and he's facing several undead sand-raptors - very intelligent preying animals which are already very dangerous without powers of undeath. Furthermore, the character starts hallucinating and he believes he faces a D&D gloom.

I didn't paste the entire exploration because it's pages long.
You say, in sirihish:

"We'll sit along together, silently, forever.. But before that I have to serve... I have to relay the message."

A male voice whispers to you, in unnaturally toneless sirihish:

"You have to serve?"

Voice soft, you ask, in sirihish:

"The Suk-Krathi portal is open.. It's expanding.. May Nilaz shut down the portal?"

Someone glares at you, but nothing seems to happen.

Milky, blind eyes flying wide, the sockets weeping black blood, the undead body of a striped sand-raptor exclaims, in an unfamiliar tongue:

"bbualh hubg ggugbg gol-hlobl og hbo bhglgluaaul haolgg, obl hha bhogu gublbob!"

You say, in sirihish:

"I am a servant.. I was, since I were ten.."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man smirks, touching your dull black gem with a trembling hand.

You say, in sirihish:

"I.. I serve because I've been taught well what happens otherwise.. It's my last service to my master, Gloom."
In this one below, 'a stern-faced, dark-haired man is the elder of the Suk-Krathi Temple - namely Temple of Sun. He is a NPC temporarily animated by the staff because in a mission my friend's character is 'mark'ed on his wrist by a lich and dispelling magick is mainly done by fire elementalists. 'The bald, handlebar-moustached man' is our hero - Caibar. 'The somber, cerulean-eyed man' is the heir of House Oash; Caibar's master. Estorian is another earth elementalist just like Caibar, though much weaker.

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says to you, in sirihish:

"Well... Alrighty... If that didn't do it... it's possible there's nothing to be done."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man nods once, body stiff.

You suffer from use of the Way.

In a curt tone, canting his chin towards the pillar of flame lingering within the upward cast bowl, the somber, cerulean-eyed man says to a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:

"Certainly, there is. Put his hand in the flame."

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says to you, in sirihish:

"Well that is, without some major magick doings."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man turns to regard the somber, cerulean-eyed man a moment, then turns back to a stern-faced, dark-haired man.

You suffer from use of the Way.

A stern-faced, dark-haired man raises his eyebrows, looking over to the somber, cerulean-eyed man.

"We shall do as Lord Heir Oash asks."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man pulls and folds the sleeves of his cloak up to the elbow.

You think:

"Damn it will hurt."

A stern-faced, dark-haired man asks, in sirihish:

"You want me to burn it off?"

You think:

"Damn it will hurt a lot."

You think:

"I will possibly lose the hand."

You think:


You suffer from use of the Way.

You feel fear of pain.

Adjusting the hem of his pair of dragon-etched damask gloves, to him with a loose nod, the somber, cerulean-eyed man says to a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:

"If it is cursed, then it must be destroyed. The flames will be less painful to a removed section of dead flesh, then sawing it off."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man wipes some sweat from his face and cheeks.

You sense a foreign presence withdraw from your mind.

You think:

"I will lose the hand."

You think:

"I will have to."

You suffer from use of the Way.

A stern-faced, dark-haired man asks, in sirihish:

"The whole hand?"

You think:

"He must know that this is the only cure."

You suffer from use of the Way.

In a curious tone, the somber, cerulean-eyed man asks a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:

"Less you can think of some way in particular to remove a section of the wrist without taking the entirity of the hand?"

Voice dry, you ask the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian), in sirihish:

"Hold me, while it burns?"

A stern-faced, dark-haired man looks thoughtfully at your hand.

You ask the somber, cerulean-eyed man, in sirihish:

"Lord Heir Oash, may I be permitted to empower Estorian's muscles, so he can hold me still if I struggle with pain?"

You say, out of character:

"Consent given for graphic description."(As part of the game rules, when there's a graphic adult scene like sex, torture or mutilation, all players seeing the event must consent for graphic description. Or they 'fade'; it still happens but it's not played out graphically. For rape, consent must also be given even for the event happening or the offender must retcon his aim to something else in character and he cannot attempt rape.)

Moving towards you, the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) nods his head once as he reaches down and grasps your arm and shoulder firmly.

You suffer from use of the Way.

The scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) says, out of character:


You say to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian), in sirihish:

"A moment, Estorian.. Believe me, I'm really powerful for a human."

With a gentle dip of his head to your words, the somber, cerulean-eyed man says to you, in sirihish:

"Certainly, if this present infliction does not hinder you from casting in your magickss."

The bald, handlebar-moustached man nods, then turns to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian).

Voice hushed, you say to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian), in sirihish:

"Clench a fist, afore your chest."

After a slight pause, the somber, cerulean-eyed man asks a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:


A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, out of character:

"alright, I don't have the ability to make any changes to your character"(This is the staff member speaking out of character)

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, out of character:

"Any changes will have to be made later on"

You suffer from use of the Way.

The scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) brings a fist towards his chest, his fist clenched tightly.

You suffer from use of the Way.

The bald, handlebar-moustached man nods once, then grasps the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian)'s fist in his hand.

You suffer from use of the Way.

The bald, handlebar-moustached man grunts a chanting, the muscles of the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) bulge and ripple.


The earth trembles in response to your call.

The bald, handlebar-moustached man utters an incantation.


You exhale a sandy cloud towards the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian), and his muscles bulge with newfound strength.

You are not saving against subdue attempts.

You say to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian), in sirihish:

"Now grab me.. tight."

You suffer from use of the Way.

You suffer from use of the Way.

You say, out of character:

"Nosave subdue, my character won't resist.."

The somber, cerulean-eyed man says, out of character:

"Ah, this'll bring me back - Fine, consent for the horrifying dismemberment."

Nodding his head as he moves towards you once more, the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) gabs your arm and shoulder in an extremely firm grip.

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"Now... this is rather extreme..."

The scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) subdues you.

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"I've never done this kind of thing before... so..."

You are resisting subdue attempts.

You suffer from use of the Way.

You dissolve the psychic link.

You think:

"I must hold myself together."

Raising his left hand to trace his fingertips through his ebon-hued hair, the somber, cerulean-eyed man says to a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:

"Unless you have a better idea, Ulfas - To my present understanding, the source of such a curse may have a connection with the cursed."

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"I'll conjure the flames, you hold his hand in.."

Continuing, in a fluid tone, the somber, cerulean-eyed man says to a stern-faced, dark-haired man, in sirihish:

"I am not willing to put others at risk - So, to my knowledge, this is the only way."

With a shrug, a stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"We don't really know what it is."

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"Not without more study at least."

You whisper to the scarred, amethyst-eyed man(Estorian) in sirihish:

"I may struggle, but your strength must be great right now.. You may hold me tight."

A stern-faced, dark-haired man says, in sirihish:

"But I'll tell ya, vivaduan magick probably ain't going to be able to heal your hand after this."

Flicking his gaze aside, the somber, cerulean-eyed man asks you, in sirihish:

"Feeling the effects - Caibar, and having experienced the hallunications which you have - Do you believe the hand should be removed?"

You say to the somber, cerulean-eyed man, in sirihish:

"Lord Heir Oash knows the best.. The hallucinations, err... they have been with me since I were ten, Lord Heir Oash."

You suffer from use of the Way.

You are unable to reach their mind.

You suffer from use of the Way.

You contact the somber, cerulean-eyed man with the Way.

You suffer from use of the Way.

You suffer from use of the Way.

You send a telepathic message to the somber, cerulean-eyed man:

"They knew me since I was a child, Lord Heir Oash.. I don't think the mark is a link, but just in case, it should be removed if you believe so."

I keep reading on and seems until Caibar died, the lich has actually watched him closely but that moment his Lord decided Caibar should keep the hand.

This last quote starts with Caibar casting one of the Earth Elementalist incantations that takes him underground, to safety.
You utter the incantation, 'ruk un divan grol kral'.


You call upon Ruk for safety, and the stony ground swallows you.

You find yourself in...

A Small Underground Burrow [U Save]

You are resting in a tiny burrow, apparently underground

somewhere. The walls surround your body, restricting your movement

and blocking your vision, but are cool and comfortable to the

touch. Above your head is a flickering portal, through which

you can see the place from which you entered this magickal


You go to sleep.

Your new ldesc is:

The bald, handlebar-moustached man is sleeping here in fetal form.

You feel an eerie presence... (Client-side code announcing that Caibar will have a hallucination of glooms)

You dream:

"I walk into a room I am unfamiliar with."

You dream:

"There's a man sitting at a stone table, looking pale."

You dream:

"I ask him; "Who are you?".."

You dream:

"The man motions silence with a finger on his lips.."

You dream:

"I say "Huh?", watching the man."

You dream:

"The man starts trembling uncontrollably, repeating the 'hush' gesture, tears rolling down his cheeks."

You dream:

"I suddenly see the wide grin, the dagger, the dark silhouette, the gloom sitting beside the man from the beginning."

You feel utter terror.


After reading these, DAMN I want to play again. I wish I had time.

2010-03-03, 02:02 PM
A monk and I (a paladin) are standing at the lip of a giant pit, with the rest of the party behind us. There are stairs going down into the pit. We can vaguely see a battle down there. We know one of our friends is down there, fighting the forces of evil.

Paladin (Roland): Dark down there... (Looks at the monk and grins)

Monk (Lee): Let's bring the light. (Grins right back)

Swashbuckler in the background: Lee, stop encouraging the paladin, dammit!

2010-03-03, 02:08 PM
One of my characters was a low, low charisma dread witch. When you talked to her, she'd usually just stare at you catatonically, or ignore you, even if you were incredibly dangerous. Some situations were considered cool due to a reaction of silence instead of reacting, like my reaction to a bandit ambush when I was by myself, or when trying to gather information from someone we needed information from.

My other is a wisecracking elf who has a move set similar to Dante from devil may cry.

*Party encounters 15 Baalors who are attacking hell.*
"Wow, what a warm welcome. You here just for us? I'm flattered."
(after we beat them)
"And fireworks! These gentlemen certainly know how to throw a welcome party."

And we then met Bel, the lord of the first.
"Finally, looks like I've got a real challenge on my hands. Well? Bring it on."
(after solo killing him. Bel was surprisingly weak as written.)
"Feh. I was expecting a little more than a few sparks." (directly quoting Dante.)

(Shoots a guy in the hand.)
"Hey, nice catch jackass."

2010-03-03, 05:42 PM
"I necropsy the bodies." (This was back in the days when "backstab" required detailed knowledge of an enemy's anatomy. My Thief character trained in surgery, and used to cut open corpses to figure out their anatomical weak spots. This paid off with a 1-shot kill of a dragon, once.)

2010-03-03, 06:12 PM
For me it was a time when I was down hard with a cold/flu and hopped up on whatever symptom relief I had taken. During a scifi game (space master) the scene was that there was a raging gun battle as we were invading this base the klaxons were blaring. With all of this going on I say "Don't shoot the glass. They'll know we're here".

On another day we were playing dnd through the day when All of a sudden I noticed that we had 2' of snow and said "Hey, it's snowing".

My favorite one from in the game was: "I don't care who hired us. Dealing with the drow neutralizes their threat!" That was bought on during a in party debate about accepting the drow offer to start a trade contract. We had been hired by the mayor of a city who is paranoid about everything being caused by the drow.

2010-03-03, 06:32 PM
Treasure included a cloak of camoflage or somesuch, made principally of moss:
*Hands to party rogue/sneakytype* "Take this, it'll grow on you".

Oh Sorry, this isn't the lame (and old) puns thread?

Did happen though
*runs away*

2010-03-03, 06:38 PM
This is an ongoing thing amongst the group I was a part of with my last DM to flesh out the backstory of the campaign setting we now all use in our games.
(Me as Vecna):"So Primus, tell me this, what happens if I went back in time to kill someone before they became a threat and succeeded"
(The man who typically plays the Kobold rogue as Primus):"Simple he is erased from history....but then you would have no reason to go back in time to do so so you wouldn't have gone backwards in time....but then you would in fact go back in time to do so....paradox detected, intelligence unit not capable of resolving EEUUUURRRRGHHH!!!"*Explodes*
Vecna:"Ah, just as planned." *steals this Primus's divine power*

2010-03-03, 09:33 PM
this happened to me next last session

King "Your mission, did thee fare well"
Cleric (me) "No m'lord, I was unable to retrieve the town manifest from the goblins"
King "That is indeed troubling news"
Cleric "Yes sir, but that's not all, we lost six men in the battle"
King "Against...goblins?"
Cleric "Not just goblins, they have aligned themselves with the air elementals"
King ":smalleek:"
Cleric "And the Air Elementals have declared war upon us"
Rogue "It's the clerics fault!" <runs away>

2010-03-03, 10:48 PM
My Lawful Evil assassin character was going to 'question' a prisoner.

Prisoner: "Or what, you're going to kill me?"

Assassin: "Oh, heaven forbid, no."

P: "Heh, too chicken to kill in cold blood?"

A: "Actually, because it is too inefficient."

P: "Eh?"

A: "Sure, I could just slit your throat and have the Cleric over there cast Speak With Dead to get all the relevant information out of you, but why bother? I mean, your boss is a pretty big hotshot caster of some flavor or another. He'd probably be able to do the same. I simply cannot afford to risk you dying right now."

P: "So what, how are we going to do this, you beat the crap out of me while I say nothing until you get frustrated enough to shank me anyways?"

A: laughs "Oh goodness no. I am a professional, not some rank amateur. I'm going to use this blade right here. Oh, don't worry, I won't cut deep. The poison on the blade isn't very deadly, although it does act as a nerve stimulant... think of it like a pain-blocker, in reverse. And I'm going to make very small cuts all over your body. To keep them from getting infected, I'm going to use lemon juice on them. And we're going to continue this until you no longer have any skin left, having removed it inch by inch.

But that's not really a problem either. You see... that Cleric over there? Also can cast Regeneration. So he can whip that skin right back on you in no time. And we'll start all over again. And again. You see... the information you have? Probably worthless crap I already know. This is just an excuse to try out a new technique for skinning an entire victim and keeping them conscious for the duration of the operation. I am an artist, you should be honored to be my canvas..."

Yanno? For some reason, that prisoner became most talkative...

2010-03-03, 10:55 PM
"Did your reduce potion wear off or are you just happy to see me?"
-Crystal (Cerebramancer that really should have been a thrallherd)

2010-03-03, 10:57 PM
My 11yo brother had a cool line said by his 1st level blue goblin expert, as he bravely volunteered to run a message through hostile territory to the nearest city that supported troops. Here's the excerpt from my Diary of a Low-Powered PC: Chapter 2.

"You're a damn fool then, goin' off to be a hero. Why you Gibby? Why should you go? Why should you risk your life when no one else will!?" his friend demanded. Gibby nodded and climbed up onto his swift-strider. "It's like you said. No one else will."

I once had a pretty cool (or clever) retort in a game once. I was playing a decidedly neutral good necromancer. She was all about the animating of the undead and all (3.0 game so stupid rules like alignments on mindless creatures), and ended up in a heated discussion with a Paladin who was giving her a hard time. He said something along the lines of, "Well you must understand that people have a right to hate you. The fact you raise their loved ones from the dead and use their bodies to attack them is proof of that." to which she replied "Or any other wizard could merely enchant your living loved ones and kill you with them, or force you to kill them in self-defense. You tell me which is worse.", to which he replied: :smalleek: