Habeas Corpses: Zombies Gain Constitutional Rights (Minnesota, USA)

[13_CBS]

Well, okay, I'm exaggerating. But at least the title is amusing. (http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/98716-Court-Gives-Zombies-Constitutional-Rights)

Long story short: a while ago, a bunch of protesters who were dressed up as zombies got arrested by the police, and were held in jail for two days. An appeals court recently ruled that, indeed, the arrest was unlawful.


But the real question is: should zombies be treated equally as normal, living, breathing humans? Discuss. :smallamused:

(I hope this doesn't tread on politics too much. :smalleek:)

[Solaris]

Zombies of the undead sort have the inalienable right to getting blasted in the head.

... Wait, wait, wait. Cell phones are WMDs? God, cops make me sick.

[chiasaur11]

No.

Zombies should get their own, unique rights.

The right to be shot in the head. The right to be hunted like dogs. That sort of thing.

[Kobold-Bard]

Since zombies are dead and so don't breathe they could set up an underwater nation on the sea floor. They'd have basically as much land as they needed and wouldn't be a threat to Humans so we'd have no reason to eradicate them. Everybody wins.

[13_CBS]

But surely folks like Reg Shoe (http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Reg_Shoe) deserve the same rights as anyone else, yes?

[Solaris]

Since zombies are dead and so don't breathe they could set up an underwater nation on the sea floor. They'd have basically as much land as they needed and wouldn't be a threat to Humans so we'd have no reason to eradicate them. Everybody wins.

Zombies are their own reason to eradicate them.

[chiasaur11]

But surely folks like Reg Shoe (http://wiki.lspace.org/wiki/Reg_Shoe) deserve the same rights as anyone else, yes?

Okay, fine.

Viral zombies and voodoo zombies, no rights.

Zombies who came back through sheer cussed stubbornness?

Same rights as anyone else.

[Solaris]

Okay, fine.

Viral zombies and voodoo zombies, no rights.

Zombies who came back through sheer cussed stubbornness?

Same rights as anyone else.

I disagree. Voodoo zombies are just brain-damaged.

[Kobold-Bard]

Zombies are their own reason to eradicate them.

That's a bit harsh if they're sentient. If they're not then blast away, but if they are then we should all take advice from Optimus Prime and give them a chance.

[DraPrime]

But the real question is: should zombies be treated equally as normal, living, breathing humans? Discuss. :smallamused:

Are they normal? No. Are they living? No. Are they breathing? Ok, well that depends on what sort of zombie we're talking about. But still, they don't deserve our rights.

[Drakevarg]

Most zombies are non-sentient, and so would get the same rights as animals. And since they're predators with humans as their primary food source, they would be dealt with the same way as any other aggressive animal.

Though the inevitable formation of PETZ would certaintly be amusing.

Of course sentient zombies would be treated equally to humans, but if they take the Jason Vorheez rout and start killing us, they'd be dealt with accordingly.

[Randel]

It really depends on how they behave themselves:

If they are infectious shambling maniacs bent on eating people and spreading their infection across the world then they should be stopped. Depending on how extreme the situation is then it would probably be best to disable and trap them so they can be examined later and either cured, examined, or put out of their misery.

If they can be reasoned with then they are basically human (albeit possibly diseased and infectious, insane, or not at all well) and deserve to be treated decently. Or at least address the consequences of their condition. There are plenty of insane and murderous humans out there who, while it may be quicker and easier to just shoot them in the head and be done with it, should at least be given a fair trial before deciding to execute them. Zombies are just humans who've gotten a serious transformation going on and its just common courtesy to determine their intentions before shooting them.

So yeah, if you come across someone who looks like a zombie, try to determine their intentions before opening fire. Though to be honest, if a zombie apocalypse goes down then nobody should fault you for trying to protect yourself from hordes of people. Just treat zombies like wild angry mobs of brain-damaged humans who are probably on serious drugs that makes them hard to kill and you should be all right.

[Raiki]

Wow, now I have "RE: Your Brains" stuck in my head. This thread has really made my day.

And Habeas Corpses? I love it!

In my opinion, Zombies should be judged on a case by case basis. If an individual zombie can demonstrate his ability to restrain from eating the brains and flesh of humans, by all means he should have the same rights as anyone else. Otherwise, it's the double-tap for you my rotting friend.

But back on topic. No way did they deserve to be arrested. Cell phones as simulated WMD just smacks of a quickly contrived excuse. Sounds more like a case of some mall cop getting all swelled up with his own importance and deciding to "put his foot down on these disrespectful kids". And being held in jail for two rutting days? Thats a rights violation if I've ever heard of one. I do have to concede that 50k a piece is a bit steep though.

~R~

[Solaris]

That's a bit harsh if they're sentient. If they're not then blast away, but if they are then we should all take advice from Optimus Prime and give them a chance.

Nonsense and blasphemy, even if they're sentient zombies still smell funny.
...
What?

[DraPrime]

Nonsense and blasphemy, even if they're sentient zombies still smell funny.
...
What?

I think the bigger issue is that they look funny.

[Dallas-Dakota]

I think the biggest issue is, is that they eat funny.

[Solaris]

To say nothing of the issue of their poo.

[Kobold-Bard]

To say nothing of the issue of their poo.

After the initial shock of being made into a zombie why would zombies poo?

[chiasaur11]

After the initial shock of being made into a zombie why would zombies poo?

How am I to know the intricacies of the undead mind?

[FoE]

Well, they don't have digestive systems anymore, so their food basically just ... slides out of them.

[Kobold-Bard]

How am I to know the intricacies of the undead mind?

I don't know, I just assumed you would :smalltongue:

[Solaris]

Well, they don't have digestive systems anymore, so their food basically just ... slides out of them.

Exactly. 'Sides, everybody knows they don't have minds, just brains that haven't been splattered yet.

[TSGames]

No.

Zombies should get their own, unique rights.

The right to be shot in the head. The right to be hunted like dogs. That sort of thing.
The mantra of the masses. "Separate, but equal." It's been done time and time again, and I will tolerate no more of it! Just because someone has slightly paler skin than you, rotting flesh, and an unquenchable hunger for the flesh of the living is not a reason to deny them basic rights. This is discrimination of the worst kind, and I will have none of it. BRAINS.....

[Solaris]

The mantra of the masses. "Separate, but equal." It's been done time and time again, and I will tolerate no more of it! Just because someone has slightly paler skin than you, rotting flesh, and an unquenchable hunger for the flesh of the living is not a reason to deny them basic rights. This is discrimination of the worst kind, and I will have none of it. BRAINS.....

Can we feed him to the 'people' he's defending?
... Oops, too late. Time to exercise my right to a good time.

[Mercenary Pen]

BRAINS.....

And here, you will note the quaint vocal mannerisms of the common zombie. You may also note- if you are one of our more observant viewers- that we have chained this one inside a phone box and set him on fire.

However, not content with this, we're going to bulldoze the phone box. That should provide a definitive end to the existence of our specimen, and indeed bring an end to this episode of 'Zombie Control'. Thanks for watching.

[chiasaur11]

And here, you will note the quaint vocal mannerisms of the common zombie. You may also note- if you are one of our more observant viewers- that we have chained this one inside a phone box and set him on fire.

However, not content with this, we're going to bulldoze the phone box. That should provide a definitive end to the existence of our specimen, and indeed bring an end to this episode of 'Zombie Control'. Thanks for watching.

Man, poor episode this week.

No shotguns, no chainsaw.

And no celebrity cameos. Anyone else remember the Tallahassee sketch from season 3?

Now that was television.

[Mercenary Pen]

Man, poor episode this week.

No shotguns, no chainsaw.

And no celebrity cameos. Anyone else remember the Tallahassee sketch from season 3?

Now that was television.

Well, the celebrities stopped volunteering right after we zombified DeNiro. That was a good one though, we ended up setting him on fire so that we could lock onto him with a heat-seeking missile.

Besides, they banned chainsaws, and other close range weapons, at the beginning of season four, right after the 'chainsaw vs. zombie chorus line' incident went horribly wrong. Why that poor chump started in the middle of the line and didn't start his chainsaw first I don't know.

Also, that last episode was from Britain, and you know how strict the gun laws there are.

[Solaris]

Well, the celebrities stopped volunteering right after we zombified DeNiro. That was a good one though, we ended up setting him on fire so that we could lock onto him with a heat-seeking missile.

Which is why I've been sayin' all along that they need to start drafting celebrities nobody cares about. A'course, it's not like anybody would be able to tell if Paris Hilton got turned into a zombie...

[Rockphed]

Which is why I've been sayin' all along that they need to start drafting celebrities nobody cares about. A'course, it's not like anybody would be able to tell if Paris Hilton got turned into a zombie...

They didn't notice when we had her give us a cameo in the pilot.

[chiasaur11]

Well, the celebrities stopped volunteering right after we zombified DeNiro. That was a good one though, we ended up setting him on fire so that we could lock onto him with a heat-seeking missile.

Besides, they banned chainsaws, and other close range weapons, at the beginning of season four, right after the 'chainsaw vs. zombie chorus line' incident went horribly wrong. Why that poor chump started in the middle of the line and didn't start his chainsaw first I don't know.

Also, that last episode was from Britain, and you know how strict the gun laws there are.

Hey, the last episode from Britain had the Stig kill zeds at ninety miles an hour.

I mean, I didn't know how they could top it, but this wasn't it.

[Coidzor]

Okay, fine.

Viral zombies and voodoo zombies, no rights.

Zombies who came back through sheer cussed stubbornness?

Same rights as anyone else.

I just don't think undead parent's would be able to keep a sanitary enough environment in which to bring up children.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

[Mercenary Pen]

I just don't think undead parent's would be able to keep a sanitary enough environment in which to bring up children.

Won't somebody please think of the children!

Fine, we don't let zombies adopt. As far as I can see they won't be in a position to manage the job the other way.

[Dexam]

But the real question is: should zombies be treated equally as normal, living, breathing humans? Discuss. :smallamused:


Indeed they do - support the Zombie Rights Campaign! (http://www.zombierightscampaign.org/)

:smallbiggrin:

[Mercenary Pen]

Indeed they do - support the Zombie Rights Campaign! (http://www.zombierightscampaign.org/)

:smallbiggrin:

The question was 'should zombies be treated equally', not 'do zombies deserve to be treated equally'.

These are, whilst heavily related, two separate questions.

[Inhuman Bot]

Dear humans... (http://armorgames.com/play/505/sonny)

[Quirinus_Obsidian]

I am reminded of the 'Angel' episode when the Beast destroyed 95% of the LA branch of Wolfram&Hart... (poor Gavin...) I believe it was named Habeas Corpses. You know, cuz they're zombie lawyers. :smallcool: It was never known if it was the Beast zombifying them, or a clause written in their contracts with W&H. Either way, awesome zombie episode.

Back to the point... people dressed as zombies and pretending to be one should be treated just like any other member of society. If one or a group of them go off the deep end and start killing ppl, then those responsible should be punished accordingly.

Actual mobile dead things, that is a different story. If they are smart zombies, and are acting as lawful members of society, then I would say let them have their own island. If they are not being good member of society, then blast away.

[Supagoof]

If Shaun of the Dead taught me anything, it's that zombies can be chained up and kept as pets in a woodshed in the backyard. :smallamused:

Though, being a resident of MN, I should also note that violence in our many mall systems has been precedent in the news as of late. Not with protesters dressing up as zombies, but more with teenagers "clicks" (the new word for gang I guess) who are taking their fights indoor because it's too freaking cold outside. I can see why the mall cops over-reacted. But they ride segways, so chasing down out of hand zombies shouldn't have given them any more trouble that out of hand teenagers, and should have been dealt with in the same fashion. If the zombies weren't out of hand, then go courts. If they were, the go cops.

My two cents.

[Solaris]

Cliques, not clicks. The problem is they were trying to claim cell phones were WMDs.
A nuke is a WMD. Sarin gas is a WMD. Smallpox is a WMD. A cell phone is not. They could try making the argument that these kids were planting IEDs and triggering them with cell phones, but then the logical conclusion of that would be to ban cell phones everywhere because of something someone might do.

[Cyrano]

Cliques, not clicks. The problem is they were trying to claim cell phones were WMDs.
A nuke is a WMD. Sarin gas is a WMD. Smallbox is a WMD. A cell phone is not. They could try making the argument that these kids were planting IEDs and triggering them with cell phones, but then the logical conclusion of that would be to ban cell phones everywhere because of something someone might do.



A nuke is a WMD. Sarin gas is a WMD. Smallbox is a WMD.


Smallbox is a WMD.


Smallbox

I am never moving again.

[Solaris]

I am never moving again.

*Cough cough*

[Dr.Epic]

I fully support zombie marriage. I'm pro brains.

[Brainstomper]

Hey I live in Minneapolis and these zombie things are all over downtown,
moaning and scaring the yokels.. Until it gets to be -35 degrees outside then they use their cellphones to call mom to come get them and bring them to the Mall of America to scare the tourists. And we offered the MPD the chance to lets us chase the zombies down and burn them. The cops said that it would be illegal. BTW these particular zombies in this article were threating to unleash bombs and WMD thats why the cops were called. We have many other groups of wanna be dead in this frozen Hades.