"What did you just say?" [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Amiel

2010-03-09, 08:17 AM

We hear these every day; from inane chatter to frivolous conservation, they interrupt our lives like persistent flies; offering hilarity (perhaps unintentional) but more facepalms than not.

All of these were Overheard. Reading these may actually deprive you of brain cells.

Guy ordering coffee: "Can I get a coffee with soy sauce and one without?"
Girl behind counter: "Don't you mean soy milk?"
Guy: "Yeah, that one"
---
Boy: "I don't know what the plural of seats is"
---
Schoolgirl: "I'm so stressed. I'm going to get stomach warts"
Girl 2: "Don't you mean ulcers?"
---
Guy 1: "CO2, that's what we breathe, right?"
Guy 2: "No"
Guy 1: "Oh right, CO2 is water"
---
Guy 1: "I can't ask her out, man, she's out of my league"
Guy 2: "Are you a Mexican or a Mexi-can't?"
Guy 1: "Dude, are you serious? I've told you like three times, I'm from Chile"
---
Girl to friend: "Oh my god, I burped at work today"
Friend: "How?"
---
Boy to friend: "Was that your sister you were walking with?"
Friend: "No, that was my other sister"
---
Woman to friend on phone: "Yeah, but Rosie doesn't text me back. I know she had a major operation last week, but she's obviously ignoring me so she isn't worth my time"
---
Boy 1: "I thought I was gonna have to go to bed smelly last night"
Boy 2: "Why?"
Boy 1: "Because the power wasn't on"
Boy 2: "You do realise the water doesn't turn off when the power does?"
Boy 1: "Really? Oh..."
---
Girls gossiping: "Like, her, actions, like, totally contradicted what she, like, did"
---
Man on bus: "I didn't quit, I just stopping going"
---
Girl 1: "I've never sprained a bone before"
Girl 2: "Oh! Me too"

Sometimes I really wonder about the intelligence of my fellow humans :smallsigh:

Also, if you guys have interesting, weird, hilarious et al conversations that you have had or may had overheard, please do share! :smallsmile:

JediSoth

2010-03-09, 08:20 AM

At the Zoo, a mother and her young daughter were looking at the ring-tailed lemurs.

Mom: "Look at the raccoons, honey!"

Manga Shoggoth

2010-03-09, 08:45 AM

Boy 1: "I thought I was gonna have to go to bed smelly last night"
Boy 2: "Why?"
Boy 1: "Because the power wasn't on"
Boy 2: "You do realise the water doesn't turn off when the power does?"
Boy 1: "Really? Oh..."

Actually, that one is quite reasonable. After all if the power goes you may have lost the water heating as well.

Unless you like cold showers, of course.

(Depends on how your house is set up, of course. Things like small hot water tanks, timed thermostats, on demand systems, electric water heating and so forth may cause trouble. I don't think I have lived in two houses that were heated in the same way...)

Amiel

2010-03-09, 08:51 AM

Well, it's a fail on both sides of the conversation :smallbiggrin:

I've heard of people using thermos flasks and washing themselves with the hot water in those.

Haruki-kun

2010-03-09, 09:18 AM

Can't remember where I heard this one.

Girl: "I really like uniforms, they're somewhat sexy. But I can't stand how they make everyone look the same."

Ashen Lilies

2010-03-09, 09:24 AM

And? 'tis possible to enjoy the uniform, yet hate the concept of it.

More on topic, a moment from a good friend durig break time, though I forget the exact context.
"... Milk doesn't come from cows." :smallannoyed:
Much blonde jokes were to be had, much to her sudden embarrasment.
Usually, though, it is myself who tends to fall prey to these moments. Unfortunately, the only case which I have not repressed the memory of is not forum safe, so yeah.

Starfols

2010-03-09, 09:28 AM

Somebody: So you're Canadian, so you speak...French?
Me: No, I'm not from that part of Canada.
Somebody: Oh, right, most Canadians speak British.

The conversation was in English :smallsigh:

"[Books] don't matter if the author's already dead!" even worse, she was defending Twilight.

Groundhog

2010-03-09, 10:17 AM

Actually, that one is quite reasonable. After all if the power goes you may have lost the water heating as well.
And there are actually some places (usually on higher ground) where if the power's gone, there's no water either, due to the fact that the water needs to be pumped into the buildings.

One of my classmates said this during a pre-AP all-night study session:
"That is the saddest life that I've ever heard in my entire story."

Haruki-kun

2010-03-09, 10:18 AM

One of my classmates said this during a pre-AP all-night study session:
"That is the saddest life that I've ever heard in my entire story."

Those are unbelievably common during or after all-nighters.

JediSoth

2010-03-09, 10:23 AM

The first time my wife made REAL whipped cream for her step-daughter-in-law:

"Where's the can? Doesn't that come from cans?"

Liffguard

2010-03-09, 10:24 AM

Boy to friend: "Was that your sister you were walking with?"
Friend: "No, that was my other sister"

I love this one, it's deliciously zen-like. One of those statements that's so completely nonsensical it almost comes across as profound.

My sister had a great one the other night. My family were chatting over dinner and for some reason carpentry had come up (don't ask me why, I can't remember).
Sister: Why are you talking about wood?
Us: Uh, because that's what carpenters work with.
Sister: No they don't, carpenters install carpets!

faerwain

2010-03-09, 11:47 AM

I love this one, it's deliciously zen-like. One of those statements that's so completely nonsensical it almost comes across as profound.

Reminds of the old saying: "At home we boys were all named Fritz, expect of Thomas, his name was Klaus."

Well, the only one I remember at the moment was not overheard, but the actual masterwork of our local newspaper, who produced a lot of gems in their effort to sound professional.

Headline of the report about the investigation of a dead child:

"After the autopsy it's certain: Maria is dead."

And I assure this is not a made up by me, I still have the article.

Asta Kask

2010-03-09, 12:43 PM

Well, the only one I remember at the moment was not overheard, but the actual masterwork of our local newspaper, who produced a lot of gems in their effort to sound professional.

Headline of the report about the investigation of a dead child:

"After the autopsy it's certain: Maria is dead."

Reminds me of the World's Funniest Joke:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Aedilred

2010-03-09, 01:12 PM

This one's stayed with me for what must be at least six years. I was working as a shelf-stacker and saw a woman go past with two relatively young children.

Child: Can we go to McDonald's now?
Mother (?): You can't go to McDonalds, you went there for lunch! We'll go to Burger King instead.

RandomLunatic

2010-03-09, 01:16 PM

"After the autopsy it's certain: Maria is dead."

Reminds me of thsi transcript from a court proceeding:

Lawyer: "At what time did you autopsy the victim?"
Witness: "About 9:30 AM."
Lawyer: "And he was dead at this time, right?"
Witness: "No, he was sitting on my examining table, wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him."

Pyrian

2010-03-09, 01:56 PM

Girl at a Sundae bar loads up her bowl with ice cream, whipped cream, fudge, and a cherry. Then she gets to the peanuts. "Should I put peanuts on this? ...No, nuts are fattening..." :smallamused:

2xMachina

2010-03-09, 01:59 PM

Boy to friend: "Was that your sister you were walking with?"
Friend: "No, that was my other sister"I love this one, it's deliciously zen-like. One of those statements that's so completely nonsensical it almost comes across as profound.

Well, he could have been referring to a specific sister, and they somehow knew which (past convos maybe).

SensFan

2010-03-09, 02:11 PM

Girl at a Sundae bar loads up her bowl with ice cream, whipped cream, fudge, and a cherry. Then she gets to the peanuts. "Should I put peanuts on this? ...No, nuts are fattening..." :smallamused:
In line at McDonalds:

Woman - I'll get a double-quarterpounder with cheese combo and an extra double-quarterpounder sandwitch. Supersize the combo.
Cashier - What would you like to drink?
Woman - Diet coke.

Asta Kask

2010-03-09, 02:16 PM

Eurus

2010-03-09, 02:16 PM

In line at McDonalds:

Woman - I'll get a double-quarterpounder with cheese combo and an extra double-quarterpounder sandwitch. Supersize the combo.
Cashier - What would you like to drink?
Woman - Diet coke.

See, I don't see that as being quite as nonsensical as most people make it out to be. Every calorie you're cutting back on with a diet soda is one more calorie you can eat of something you enjoy more. It's all about priorities. :smallbiggrin:

Fostire

2010-03-09, 02:18 PM

thubby

2010-03-09, 03:02 PM

Maybe she just prefers the taste of diet coke over regular coke.

no one like diet, that way lies madness.

Supagoof

2010-03-09, 03:15 PM

no one like diet, that way lies madness.I love diet, and I'm not insane. Shhhhhhhh! I'm posting to the interwebs.

Don Julio Anejo

2010-03-09, 03:18 PM

"Are you a Mexi-can or a Mexi-can't?"

I'm going to use it on my Brazillian friends :smile:

TheThan

2010-03-09, 05:21 PM

Actually, that one is quite reasonable. After all if the power goes you may have lost the water heating as well.

Unless you like cold showers, of course.

(Depends on how your house is set up, of course. Things like small hot water tanks, timed thermostats, on demand systems, electric water heating and so forth may cause trouble. I don't think I have lived in two houses that were heated in the same way...)

your forgetting wells. If you have a well and the power goes out, then your outta water. unless its like a propane or natural gas driven well.

So yeah, it is quite reasonable statement.

Kobold-Bard

2010-03-09, 05:43 PM

...Headline of the report about the investigation of a dead child:

"After the autopsy it's certain: Maria is dead."

And I assure this is not a made up by me, I still have the article.

http://www.xerxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/alive_before_dead1.jpg

----------------
Spoken by Friend 1 at Friend 2's 21st b-day party:

"Yeah well it's my birthday next week so I'll be older than you again."

Yes its Friend 1 was 20 at the time. No Friend 1 is generally not an idiot. Hilarity ensued.

Shas aia Toriia

2010-03-09, 05:50 PM

http://www.xerxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/alive_before_dead1.jpg

Wait, whaaaa. . . ? :smallconfused:

Solaris

2010-03-09, 06:17 PM

Wait, whaaaa. . . ? :smallconfused:

It's best not to think about it too hard. Clearly, the editor didn't.

Mando Knight

2010-03-09, 06:34 PM

Actually, that one is quite reasonable. After all if the power goes you may have lost the water heating as well.

Unless you like cold showers, of course.

(Depends on how your house is set up, of course. Things like small hot water tanks, timed thermostats, on demand systems, electric water heating and so forth may cause trouble. I don't think I have lived in two houses that were heated in the same way...)

And if you're not hooked up to the city water supply (i.e. you're on a well or something), losing the power may very well mean that you lose all running water as well.
...And TheThan beat me to it. Serves me right for not reading the whole thread.

Lupy

2010-03-09, 07:05 PM

A little different but:

(At Lunch, at school, in a cafeteria with a tile floor)

ME: Hey Kaylee, what colour is grass?
*she looks down*
KAYLEE: Green?

Deth Muncher

2010-03-09, 07:34 PM

In line at McDonalds:

Woman - I'll get a double-quarterpounder with cheese combo and an extra double-quarterpounder sandwitch. Supersize the combo.
Cashier - What would you like to drink?
Woman - Diet coke.

The last time I went to my dentist, the dental hygienist told me that diet drinks actually kill the bacteria on your teeth that cause cavities because they eat the aspartame and die because they can't process it. So, maybe the woman got the Diet Coke because she cares about her teeth. :P

TamerBill

2010-03-09, 07:34 PM

http://www.xerxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/alive_before_dead1.jpg

That's blatantly a spoof. "Exclusive to all newspapers"? Come on.

Escef

2010-03-09, 10:16 PM

Nvm............................................... .................................

Vulkarius

2010-03-09, 11:48 PM

When I worked in a deli (still do but a different one than mentioned here) we carried this ham that was called "ham off the bone." Because it was like a Christmas Ham that that you would serve "off the bone" so...

Customer: Hey does that ham have bones in it? (being serious)
Me: Im sorry but our slicers do not double as bone saws.

Coidzor

2010-03-09, 11:56 PM

The last time I went to my dentist, the dental hygienist told me that diet drinks actually kill the bacteria on your teeth that cause cavities because they eat the aspartame and die because they can't process it. So, maybe the woman got the Diet Coke because she cares about her teeth. :P

It's still drinking acid. ACID!

TheCountAlucard

2010-03-10, 12:00 AM

It's still drinking acid. ACID!Yay, carbonic acid! :smallbiggrin:

Regular soda contains carbonic acid as well. :smalltongue:

Extra_Crispy

2010-03-10, 12:35 AM

In high school during a drivers education class in which we were having our reflexes tested. It was a simple machine with two pedals one for gas one for brake, a stop watch, and some lights. You pressed on the gas while the light was green then when it went red you were to slam on the brake, the stop watch would time your reflexes. There was this one girl in class....The light turned red and she just sat there, after about 3 min...

Teacher: "um are you going to hit the brake"
Girl: "why?"
Teacher: "the redlight came on, you know like a stop light."
Girl: "OH that is what red means" and she proceded to slowly put on the break. Mind you she was not the first student to be tested, at least 5 other went to the front of the class and was tested before her.

same girl when we went to look at a car and identify things on the engine. There were 20 things, I understand that people dont know about cars but this freeked me out.

After being at the car for 20 min the girl approached me (I was up there for less than 5 min) with a blank paper, none of the parts were identified.
Girl: "can you help me for a sec"
Me: "ok?"
girl: "this is the battery right?" pointing to the radiatior overfill tank
me: "um no, this is" pointing to the battery
girl: "great ok thanks"

Brainstomper

2010-03-10, 01:13 AM

I was stabbed in my right forearm by a client in a pysch eval unit I was working at. It went completely thru my arm.

1) My co-worker actually asked " Does it hurt?" Ummm YES!

2) Filling out the incident report waiting for EMT's MY Supervisor on duty.. sitting next to me.. asked "Which arm was injured?" THE ONE WITH THE 6 INCH SCREWDRIVER STUCK IN IT!

3) Incident review "Was there any other way the client could have resolved the issues? Err Not stabbing me?

SilverSheriff

2010-03-10, 01:37 AM

I was stabbed in my right forearm by a client in a psych eval unit I was working at. It went completely Through my arm.

1) My co-worker actually asked " Does it hurt?" Ummm YES!

2) Filling out the incident report waiting for EMT's MY Supervisor on duty.. sitting next to me.. asked "Which arm was injured?" THE ONE WITH THE 6 INCH SCREWDRIVER STUCK IN IT!

3) Incident review "Was there any other way the client could have resolved the issues? Err Not stabbing me?

The first one is semi-reasonable, in theory your arm could have numbed.

Coidzor

2010-03-10, 01:52 AM

...Why was there a screwdriver in a room with someone who potentially could be crazy and in this case turned out to be violent as well? :smalleek:

Solaris

2010-03-10, 01:52 AM

...Why was there a screwdriver in a room with someone who potentially could be crazy and in this case turned out to be violent as well? :smalleek:

Because he had a few screws loose.

Brainstomper

2010-03-10, 01:54 AM

He smuggled it in froma homevisit. One of the staff got lazy and didn't take the time to go thru all his stuff. We had words..

Fiery Diamond

2010-03-10, 01:56 AM

Actually, that one is quite reasonable. After all if the power goes you may have lost the water heating as well.

Unless you like cold showers, of course.

(Depends on how your house is set up, of course. Things like small hot water tanks, timed thermostats, on demand systems, electric water heating and so forth may cause trouble. I don't think I have lived in two houses that were heated in the same way...)

Or if you have well water - then the water DOES stop when the power goes out. But that isn't a concern in cities. It always amazes me how city folk assume that everything works like it does in the cities everywhere else. You know, just like not everyone has a garbage disposal under the sink.

Lycan 01

2010-03-10, 02:32 AM

"Yeah, after I'm done fooding,"
"Fooding?"
"I mean eating! See how hungry I am?!"

Said by my girlfriend when she meant to say eating. Fooding is now a verb (to eat hungrily) for us...

I'm too tired to think of better stuff right now... :smallsigh:

Escef

2010-03-10, 02:36 AM

Explaining special moves in Mortal Kombat II

Friend: How do you do Kung Lao's hat?
My Younger Bro: Oh, easy, forward-back-hat... er, low punch

And for some time after, low punch was dubbed the "hat button".

Dogmantra

2010-03-10, 02:54 AM

We were talking about our new cat that we got when my brother lived in Japan. He was back now though. I forget the exact context, but my mother told him:
"You weren't here when he was babying!"

A moth fell into her drink and she asked
"Why would anyone have a moth in their drink?"

Amiel

2010-03-10, 02:58 AM

More hilarity;

Girl to boyfriend: "Babe, it is easier to change a tyre on an automatic or a manual?"
---
Girl: "I want to get my name tattooed in Roman Numerals."
---
Man on the phone: "What? You're taking up a hospitality course? So you can become a doctor or a nurse?"
---
Girl: "Oh my god. Did you know that prawns come from the sea?"
Friend: "Yes, What did you think they were?"
Girl: "Oh, I thought they were lizards"
---
Girl 1: "Don't eat too much chocolate, you'll get diabetes."
Girl 2: "It's okay. I brush my teeth"
---
Girl: "Hey, have you ever noticed that the Target sign is actually a target? I always thought it was just two circles"
---
Girl: "What nationality was he?"
Boy: "Um, I think he was like Albanian or something?"
Girl: "What? Don't you mean albino?"
Boy: "That's not a nationality"
Girl: "Yes it is. Isn't it that one country where all the people are really pasty white?"
---
Male: "Is the United States of America the same as the United Kingdom?"
Female: "Duh, they both start with 'United'"
---
Girl: "What's the capital of Perth?"
---
Girl: "Is he tall?"
Friend: "He's the same height as you, but you're a taller version of him"
---
Girl 1: "What does the divided by (sign) look like?"
Girl 2: "I can't believe you don't know that. It's the two parallel lines"
---
Girl on phone: "I can't hear cos I've got the sun in my eyes"
---
Girl to friend: "Why are you going there? Is Canada even a city?"
---
Girl to boy: "I have a pain in my head"
Boy: "Is it your brain?"
Girl: "I think so"
---
Guy looking at his friend's hair: "I love it when your hair is short. You can walk heaps faster"

Liffguard

2010-03-10, 03:38 AM

http://www.xerxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/alive_before_dead1.jpg

That's from Private Eye, a satirical magazine. It's supposed to be nonsense.

Athaniar

2010-03-10, 03:44 AM

http://www.xerxy.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/alive_before_dead1.jpg

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i235/Ethros/fake.jpg
It's a faaaaake!

Anyway, this site (http://www.rinkworks.com/said/) is relevant to the discussion. Sandly, I cannot think of anything I've heard personally at the moment.

Manga Shoggoth

2010-03-10, 08:24 AM

Or if you have well water - then the water DOES stop when the power goes out. But that isn't a concern in cities. It always amazes me how city folk assume that everything works like it does in the cities everywhere else. You know, just like not everyone has a garbage disposal under the sink.

What is this "garbage disposal under the sink" of which you speak? We use something called a compost heap.

I live on the edge of London - move less than quarter of a mile from my house and you are in cess-pit country.

JediSoth

2010-03-10, 08:28 AM

Totally Guy

2010-03-10, 09:49 AM

What is this "garbage disposal under the sink" of which you speak?

I thought that those things were only in movies.

Manga Shoggoth

2010-03-10, 10:18 AM

I thought that those things were only in movies.

Well, Fiery Diamond's location is given as "The Imagination".

Force

2010-03-10, 10:24 AM

"... Milk doesn't come from cows." :smallannoyed:

Technically some doesn't.

It's still drinking acid. ACID!

Every time you take aspirin you're taking an acid variant. Same thing with eating some fruits and veggies-- pineapple, or tomatoes.

Faulty

2010-03-10, 11:16 AM

Guy 1: "I can't ask her out, man, she's out of my league"
Guy 2: "Are you a Mexican or a Mexi-can't?"
Guy 1: "Dude, are you serious? I've told you like three times, I'm from Chile"

This one made me laugh.

Kobold-Bard

2010-03-10, 11:32 AM

That's from Private Eye, a satirical magazine. It's supposed to be nonsense.

Well I thought it was real and it made me laugh. I feel cold and hollow now, how could 4Chan lie to me? Thanks for ruining my life :smalltongue:

Fiery Diamond

2010-03-10, 11:59 AM

What is this "garbage disposal under the sink" of which you speak? We use something called a compost heap.

I live on the edge of London - move less than quarter of a mile from my house and you are in cess-pit country.

EXACTLY! ...I was in high school before I even knew what a garbage disposal was. At my place we also have a compost heap.

Amiel

2010-03-20, 12:42 AM

I weep for the future.

Me too, me too :(
Ah well, they should remove the safety labels from all things, it will solve everything.

More

Girl 1: "I want a sausage dog"
Girl 2: "Don't you mean a hot dog?"
Girl 1: "No, you idiot. You can't buy that at a 7-Eleven"
---
Guy: "You're off chops!"
Girl: "I don't eat chops, how can I be off them?"
---
Girl to guy: "What part of the cow is the lamb?"
---
Girl 1: "What caused the drought?"
Girl 2: "Someone dropped a ShamWow"
---
Girl 1: "I went to yoga for 3 1/2 hours the other day"
Girl 2: "You must have a lot of time on your hands"
Girl 1: "You don't do it all on your hands. Some of it is standing"
---
Schoolgirl: "My friend has the most amazing cat. It's not even hers. I thought it was a fake cat until I picked it up one time"
---
Girl: "Is it hundreds or thousands? I get confused sometimes"
---
Guy: "Hee hee, that lady had a dove and grenade and they looked the same"
Girl (shocked): "What?"
Guy: "On her T-shirt"
Girl: "Oh, I thought you meant she was carrying a dove in one hand and a grenade in the other"
---
Girl: "Is chicken a steak?"
Guy: "No?"
Girl: "But I saw it on the Nando's menu"
---
Girls gossiping: "Oh my god, that Beth freak has the grossest hair. She needs to wash it"
Beth: "Um, I can hear you..."
---
Girl to friend: "Not eating is less effort than exercising"

Temotei

2010-03-20, 01:01 AM

Me: "I hate going to the bathroom. It's so much work."

Serpentine

2010-03-20, 01:13 AM

Neade moar fyba.

My dad's girlfriend's solution to the disproportionate number of uni students under the poverty line: "They should quit and get jobs."
:confused:

golentan

2010-03-20, 01:21 AM

I had a doozy a while back.

"So, what you're basically saying is that if you know the cheat codes you can bypass god and get candy?"

ClockShock

2010-03-20, 01:45 AM

Girl A: I prefer Jimmy, it's only four letters.
Girl B: Yeah, but so's James.
...
Girl B: Wait, Jimmy is five letters.
Girl A: Whatever.

absolmorph

2010-03-20, 03:11 AM

"...San Francisco 69ers..."
This was said in Disneyland... By one of a group of teenagers. You can imagine how we reacted.
It's been at least a year, and it still occasionally comes up.

Castaras

2010-03-20, 04:15 AM

Male: "Is the United States of America the same as the United Kingdom?"
Female: "Duh, they both start with 'United'"

RAGHGGHHGHGHHHHHHAHHAGHAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. :furious:

*ahem*

Lord of Rapture

2010-03-20, 04:30 AM

Me: What? You have a flag on your tower?
Friend: Yeah, so?
Me: The teacher specifically stated that we had to make the tower using only geometric solids.
Friend: Yeah, but...
Me: Sorry, but I'm afraid I have to declare this tower HERESY!

Vaynor

2010-03-20, 04:31 AM

your forgetting wells. If you have a well and the power goes out, then your outta water. unless its like a propane or natural gas driven well.

So yeah, it is quite reasonable statement.

Or, you know, a well powered by a bucket. :smallcool:

Mathis

2010-03-20, 08:43 AM

Starbuck_II

2010-03-20, 10:17 AM

http://i73.photobucket.com/albums/i235/Ethros/fake.jpg
It's a faaaaake!

Anyway, this site (http://www.rinkworks.com/said/) is relevant to the discussion. Sandly, I cannot think of anything I've heard personally at the moment.

It's a real! Can't you see it is real to me! :smallbiggrin:

Tequila Sunrise

2010-03-20, 10:18 AM

Man on bus: "I didn't quit, I just stopped going"
Fixed that for you.

Sometimes I really wonder about the intelligence of my fellow humans :smallsigh:

So do I. :smallwink:

Amiel

2010-03-20, 11:00 PM

Fixed that for you.

Man on bus: "I didn't quit, I just stopping going"

Fixed it for you. I'm just relaying what I heard :smalltongue:

Graymayre

2010-03-20, 11:11 PM

Friend: "I'm not entirely convinced that evolution exists."

Serpentine

2010-03-20, 11:19 PM

Crimmy

2010-03-20, 11:28 PM

Oh! One that comes up repeatedly in anti-climate change assaults (paraphrased): "The idea that carbon dioxide could be harmful is ludicrous! It's a natural gas and/or only makes up a tiny percentage of the atmosphere!"
I wonder whether they've tested this theory. Say, but sticking their heads in a plastic bag...

I would like to propose two subjects for this experiment. They have the same thoughts, y'know, and as such, I daresay they would survive the plastic bag. (Though I hope they don't.)

Remmirath

2010-03-21, 01:16 AM

The worst one I heard was when I was visiting a zoo. I no longer recall which one, though I'm thinking it might've been Washington DC.

Anyhow. It was a few years ago, so I no longer remember the conversation exactly, but it went something like this:

Kid: Daddy, what do giraffes eat?
Father (perfectly serious): Anything in sight.
Kid: Would they eat the roofs off of houses?
Father: Yes, that's why they have such long necks.
Kid (scared): Do they eat people?!
Father (still dead serious): They're carnivores. They'll eat anything.

We later saw these two in the gift shop area, where they were still talking in this vein in a perfectly serious manner. I believe the same man mis-identified several animals despite the signs, but I don't remember those well enough to relate them.
I hope it was all a very subtle joke.

Oh! Also, while taking a tour in Mammoth Cave...

Tour Guide: -Talks about the room we're in, the formations, et cetera-
Kid (interrupting out of the blue): Can we touch the bodies now?
Tour Guide: ... What?
Kid: When are we going to touch the bodies?
Tour Guide: ... There aren't any bodies.
Kid: My parents said we were going to touch the bodies!

I do not think the tour guide even knew what to say to that. I know I wouldn't've. Creepy kid. And yes, the parents were right there and did not appear surprised or make an attempt to quiet the kid down.

Serpentine

2010-03-21, 01:20 AM

...bodies? :smallconfused:

Remmirath

2010-03-21, 01:23 AM

Yeah, it was pretty weird. I'm relatively certain from the way he said it all that he meant it as in 'corpses'.
Which is just... odd. I've no idea where that came from. :smallconfused:

The Vorpal Tribble

2010-03-21, 01:27 AM

I do not think the tour guide even knew what to say to that. I know I wouldn't've. Creepy kid. And yes, the parents were right there and did not appear surprised or make an attempt to quiet the kid down.
Oh man, I would have had SO much fun with them :smallamused:

Pyrian

2010-03-21, 01:33 AM

Presumably they thought there were mammoths. :smallamused:

Crimmy

2010-03-21, 01:34 AM

Easy. Take a shotgun, blow his parent's heads. And then he can touch the bodies.

Simple.

Thajocoth

2010-03-21, 02:04 AM

no one like diet, that way lies madness.

My mom & bro both prefer diet.

Girl on phone: "I can't hear cos I've got the sun in my eyes"

I doubt this to be the case, but they could be synesthetic.

-----

In line at McDonald's:
Girl 1: "I don't think I can eat anything here, since I don't eat meat anymore."
Girl 2: "You could get a salad or a wrap."
Girl 3: "Or a fish sandwich."
Girl 2: "Yeah, that'd work."
Girl 1: "No I don't eat fish anymore either. Oh, I could just get chicken."
Girl 2: "Um, you know chicken is meat, right?"
Girl 1: "No, I just don't eat meat or fish anymore. Chicken is fine."

I figured out at this point she meant "beef", not "meat".

Then I ordered and didn't here the next conversation segment, but after I did so I heard:

Girl 1: "Well, now that you've ruined salads for me too..."

Amiel

2010-04-06, 10:09 PM

Schoolgirl after seeing a friend being kissed by a boyfriend: "You two kiss too much. What if you vomit?"
---
Girls sitting on train: "Tupperware is so in right now. If you take a sandwich to school it's so not cool. Salad all the way"
Girl 2: "Seriously?"
---
Girl: "It took Activision three years to get Kurt Cobain on Guitar Hero"
Girl 2: "Why couldn't they just ask him?"
---
Guy: "Help! I can't swim. Could someone throw me a stick?"
---
Woman on phone: "She's vegetarian, so can you pick up some chicken breasts to put on the BBQ?"
---
Girl: "Where's Cairns?"
Guy: "Where do you think it is?"
Girl: "Where all the politics and stuff are?"
---
Girl 1: "I don't get it. Do trains have steering wheels?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, I'm not sure either"
Girl 3: "I don't think so"
Girl 1: "So what does the driver do then?"
Girl 3: "I think he just makes it go forwards and backwards"
---
Girl 1: "I just bought myself a new iPod. I can't believe how heavy it is"
Girl 2: "Yes, it is heavy"
Girl 1: "Does it get heavier when I load my songs and photos on to it?"
---
Colleague when asked how the day was going: "Not bad for a Wednesday...except it's Thursday of course"
---
Girl 1: "I wish raindrops made music"
Girl 2: "I don't. Can you imagine trying to sleep with rain music all the time?"
---
Train guard: "I don't usually make announcements like this, but someone is eating takeaway food in the first carriage and the smell here in the cab is abominable"
---
Girl at Mexican restaurant: "Why are the black beans green?"
Friend: "Uh, that's the guacamole"
---
Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

Innis Cabal

2010-04-06, 10:10 PM

Girl 1: "I wish raindrops made music"
Girl 2: "I don't. Can you imagine trying to sleep with rain music all the time?"

Whats so odd about this one exactly? If it rained and made music when it rained...I'd agree with girl 2. That would be awful.

Amiel

2010-04-06, 10:12 PM

It was probably so out of left field. As something that a normally high person would say.

Serpentine

2010-04-06, 11:08 PM

Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"BAM :smallbiggrin:

Have I mentioned the conversations I've had with my fellow postgraduate man? Here's the conversations, as close as I can remember them, with summaries where actual quotes can't be remembered (quotation marks in these indicate the words he actually used):

Him: *tells me the exciting, "scandalous" news that his supervisor is a lesbian*
Me: *somethin', can't remember*
Him: "And there's this thing over here... this thing... the woman has this... "allee" something..." *drags me over there to see* "I think the rainbow is a gay thing" *shows me an "allyUNE" sign this woman has. I actually hadn't noticed it before, for some reason*
Me: "Oh, "Ally UNE". Must be a new Queer support group thing. Cool."
Him: "Mm." *talks about other stuff, can't remember what* "And this girl here. She's not... she isn't... is she..."
Me: "She's a lesbian, yeah."
Him: "Oh."

This other one came the week after I talked to him about my ex-friend (whom it turned out he knew from her work), the circumstances of the end of our friendship, end of my last relationship, etc. So he knew a lot about that situation.
Him: "I saw [ex-friend]. At her desk. Her boyfriend comes in a lot. He visits her a lot. Sits with her."
Me (in my "I don't want to talk about it" voice): "Yeah, I know. He's my ex-boyfriend."
Him: "Oh. Yeah, he sits next to her all the time, gazes lovingly at her... He gazes at her lovingly... He visits her at work a lot."
Me (in my "what the hell?" sarcasm voice, turning my back on him): "Yeah, thanks."
Him: *continues in the same line for several minutes*
Me: *ignores him until he goes away*

neoseph7

2010-04-06, 11:40 PM

Andraste

2010-04-09, 07:30 PM

Today, someone was drawing something, and I heard them say, "And these are the color molecules."

Tavar

2010-04-09, 07:41 PM

Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

I know some people who would say this.

Also, one story from a family gathering, well over 10 years ago, so my sister was 3 or so at the time. She was getting to say a prayer(younger children really are easy to please), and she does alright, up until the very end. It was the Lord's Prayer, and she said "and Deliver us to evil".

Perenelle

2010-04-09, 07:56 PM

Superglucose

2010-04-09, 08:00 PM

"It should be illegal for anyone to say anything that offends me."

The worst part? She was serious :smallsigh:

The really worst part? Most people I know agree with her :sigh:

Oh and my stepsister once seriously asked if it would play music videos if you stuck your CD into a DVD player. I laughed so hard I got grounded.

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-09, 08:15 PM

(heard when walking down the hall at my school)

Girl 1: "do you think they speak English in England?
Girl 2: "hmm... I dont know. I always thought they spoke mainly French."

and when I passed by the Earth Science class:

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"

:smallsigh:

To be fair for the second one, she could have been asking "what's the sum?"

Of course, that's kind of a stretch.

Alright, I think I've got one.

Girl 1: So you follow -followersofreligion-
Me: No, the religion itself is called -nameofthereligion-
Girl 2: Oh, so you're an -nameofthereligion-
Me: ...no, I just said, the followers are called -followersofreligion-
Girl 3: Oh, so you follow -followersofreligion-
Me: *facepalm*

A bit foggy, since I can't really remember it, but that's basically how it went down.

pinwiz

2010-04-09, 08:40 PM

me: "can i use your VHS player?"
friend: "... wait... what did you just say?"
me: "uh... VHS player. You know. the thing that plays the tapes"
friend: "..."

mucat

2010-04-09, 08:45 PM

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"
Might just sound wierd because you heard that one sentence out of context.

Though I did once have a student insist, with absolute conviction and a good dose of superiority, that the moon does not actually exist...

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-09, 08:52 PM

me: "can i use your VHS player?"
friend: "... wait... what did you just say?"
me: "uh... VHS player. You know. the thing that plays the tapes"
friend: "..."

To be fair, nobody calls it VHS. Also, they probably haven't used one in 10 years.

Temotei

2010-04-09, 08:55 PM

To be fair, nobody calls it VHS. Also, they probably haven't used one in 10 years.

I have and do call it a VHS VCR (my bad). I don't need it, but hey. A few teachers are still getting into the technology of today...or...many years ago. Whatever. :smallamused:

If you're flying in your canoe and your left wing falls off, how many pancakes does it take to fill in a gopher hole?
Three, because elephants don't wear t-shirts.

pinwiz

2010-04-09, 09:00 PM

To be fair, nobody calls it VHS. Also, they probably haven't used one in 10 years.

Just to clarify, i was pointing out my own folly. The actually name of the things are VCRs.

yeah i haven't used one in years. Except now my speech teacher is requiring us to record our speeches and watch them, and my school is apparently too cheap to go digital. despite it being a technical school.... :smallconfused:

Grimtina

2010-04-09, 09:24 PM

A long long time ago in school.

Friend: You know I'm not dumb, right?
Me (knowing she was somewhat): Uh, why?
Friend: You know so much about stars and the planets and such, maybe you also know about the moon?"
Me: Errr sure.
Friend: Maybe you can tell me why the moon is over there in the morning and now it's over there? *pointing left and right*
Me (close to laughing): Because the moon orbits the earth. It is moving.
Friend: That's not possible.
Me: Why not?
Friend: Because our physics teacher says we always see the same side of the moon. So it is not moving.
Me: If it is not moving, then why is it over there in the morning, and there in the afternoon? *imitating her pointing*
Friend: See, that is what I want to find out for the longest time!
*insert mad laughter on my part here*

Temotei

2010-04-09, 09:29 PM

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-09, 09:32 PM

I have and do call it a VHS. I don't need it, but hey. A few teachers are still getting into the technology of today...or...many years ago. Whatever. :smallamused:

If you're flying in your canoe and your left wing falls off, how many pancakes does it take to fill in a gopher hole?
Three, because elephants don't wear t-shirts.

You're canoeing up a tree and you blow a tire. How many pancakes does it take to build a bridge, none 'cause Ice Cream doesn't have bones, true or false?

Klose_the_Sith

2010-04-09, 09:43 PM

Woman on crowded train: "Do you mind standing so I can sit down?"
Man: "Unfortunately, you are not elderly, pregnant or smokin' hot, so no"

Heh, that one's just awesome. I'd totally do that :smallamused:

Temotei

2010-04-09, 10:01 PM

You're canoeing up a tree and you blow a tire. How many pancakes does it take to build a bridge, none 'cause Ice Cream doesn't have bones, true or false?

Neither, because Lanky's bananas are blue. :smallbiggrin:

Mystic Muse

2010-04-09, 10:21 PM

---
Girl 1: "Don't eat too much chocolate, you'll get diabetes."
Girl 2: "It's okay. I brush my teeth" to be fair, they may have misheard the person.
---

Girl: "What's the capital of Perth?"

what's supposed to be so face palmy about this one? I'm not even sure what Perth is.:smallconfused:

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll

2010-04-09, 10:26 PM

what's supposed to be so face palmy about this one? I'm not even sure what Perth is.:smallconfused:

Perth is, I believe, a city in either Australia, UK, or both.

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-09, 10:48 PM

Perth is, I believe, a city in either Australia, UK, or both.

Ah, the wonders of the Universe. It can make two countries that are no where near each other share a city.

Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll

2010-04-09, 10:53 PM

Ah, the wonders of the Universe. It can make two countries that are no where near each other share a city.

"So I was in London for the weekend..."
"You went to England for a weekend?!?!?"
"No, I meant London, Canada!"
"Ooooooh"

ForzaFiori

2010-04-09, 10:55 PM

Ah, the wonders of the Universe. It can make two countries that are no where near each other share a city.

That would be because the UK owned Australia for a while. Just like in the US, there are New York, New Jersey, several Charlestons, etc. When people move to a new place and make a city, they tend to name it, and base it, off of the one they left.

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-09, 11:00 PM

"So I was in London for the weekend..."
"You went to England for a weekend?!?!?"
"No, I meant London, Canada!"
"Ooooooh"

Gotta love Canadian town names. There's a town called Pickle Lake somewhere in the east. Close to where I live, there's Salmon Arm. Yeah.

That would be because the UK owned Australia for a while. Just like in the US, there are New York, New Jersey, several Charlestons, etc. When people move to a new place and make a city, they tend to name it, and base it, off of the one they left.

What? No, I meant that one moment you're in Queensland, then you take a few steps, and suddenly you're in Cornwall.

Pyrian

2010-04-09, 11:03 PM

We have a lot of places named Fairview (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fairview). :smalltongue:

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-09, 11:07 PM

Not to mention Springfield (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Springfield).

D'oh!

Serpentine

2010-04-09, 11:20 PM

I think it's Sandy Creek here. And all the towns in this region are named after Scottish places (my town was misspelled, apparently).

llamamushroom

2010-04-10, 02:21 AM

what's supposed to be so face palmy about this one? I'm not even sure what Perth is.:smallconfused:

The joke being that Perth is the state capital of Western Australia.

For me, the only one I've heard that made me angry was when an extremely annoying child said "It's only racist if it's white people bashing up [insert derogatory racial term here]". How can he... GAH!

Oh, and when my History teacher said "Don't worry about forgetting to do the assignment - in the holidays, I forgot what an avocado was."

Serpentine

2010-04-10, 02:24 AM

I once forgot how to say "computer". I got to "comp", but just couldn't manage the rest. I think that was somehow related to a migraine, though.

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-10, 02:43 AM

The joke being that Perth is the state capital of Western Australia.

For me, the only one I've heard that made me angry was when an extremely annoying child said "It's only racist if it's white people bashing up [insert derogatory racial term here]". How can he... GAH!

Oh, and when my History teacher said "Don't worry about forgetting to do the assignment - in the holidays, I forgot what an avocado was."

Waiy, is it stupid because of the thought that he was explaining, or that he worded it with a slur.

But yeah, I think it's stupid to have the idea that only white people can be discriminatory, and I'm the minority.

mucat

2010-04-10, 02:56 AM

I once forgot how to say "computer". I got to "comp", but just couldn't manage the rest. I think that was somehow related to a migraine, though.
I once spent weeks trying to remember the verb "to commandeer". Except, of course, that I didn't know that the word I was looking for was commandeer, because I've forgotten it. I kept racking my brain, saying "what do you call it if a cop or a soldier takes someone's car because they need it for an emergency? They seize the car? Confiscate it? Requisition it? No, there's a better word for it, but what the hell is it?" I had no particular need for that word, but it was driving me nuts that I couldn't remember it.

Eventually, of course, the word came to me when I was thinking about something else...but the weird part is, once a year or so ever since then, I will forget that specific word again, and once more it takes days or weeks to remember it. I now have a text file on my computer which contains the single word "commandeer", ready for the next time I forget it.

Fin

2010-04-10, 04:17 AM

Two of my friends talking in the garden...

'Dude, does your grass always grow this short?'

'No... We just cut it!'

Three girls on a bus....

Girl One: 'What is the capital of Italy again, I forget?'

Girl Two: 'It's Athens.'

Girl Three: 'Haha, your so dumb sometimes. Everyone knows it's Milan'

I literally wanted to scream at the last one!

Athaniar

2010-04-10, 05:15 AM

Serpentine

2010-04-10, 05:46 AM

Three girls on a bus....

Girl One: 'What is the capital of Italy again, I forget?'

Girl Two: 'It's Athens.'

Girl Three: 'Haha, your so dumb sometimes. Everyone knows it's Milan'

I literally wanted to scream at the last one!It's Berlin, right?

Amiel

2010-04-10, 06:32 AM

The girl got it partly correct; Milan is the fashion capital of Italy :smalltongue:

Serp, I'm unsure whether you are screwing with our minds, as you probably are; but, it's Rome.

Zeb The Troll

2010-04-10, 06:55 AM

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"I once had a college level instructor give our class several misinformed pieces of information as though they were fact:

* The sun is made of lava.
* DSL stands for Direct Line Service (he was our Intro to Networking instructor, I might add).
* You should never have a computer in your bedroom because hackers can use your monitor to watch you. (No, he was not talking about webcams, he was talking about CRT's. At the time, broadband internet access was still in its infancy and hardly ubiquitous like it is now.)

After one week I dropped the course and cited those quotes as the reason.

Serpentine

2010-04-10, 06:58 AM

Serp, I'm unsure whether you are screwing with our minds, as you probably are; but, it's Rome.I never was very good at geography. Let you keep thinking I'm a twit, or not...?

Klose_the_Sith

2010-04-10, 07:07 AM

Guy screaming at the rugby: "****ing hell ref, can't you see it's all part of their elaborate plot? Shove the guy off the field and just restart the bloody game! Do you even know the rules?!?"

Yes, truly that poor guy writhing around in pain was part of their highly organised conspiracy plot.

It must be one hell of a convoluted conspiracy plot too, seeing as we won 61-15 ...

I once spent weeks trying to remember the verb "to commandeer". Except, of course, that I didn't know that the word I was looking for was commandeer, because I've forgotten it. I kept racking my brain, saying "what do you call it if a cop or a soldier takes someone's car because they need it for an emergency? They seize the car? Confiscate it? Requisition it? No, there's a better word for it, but what the hell is it?" I had no particular need for that word, but it was driving me nuts that I couldn't remember it.

Eventually, of course, the word came to me when I was thinking about something else...but the weird part is, once a year or so ever since then, I will forget that specific word again, and once more it takes days or weeks to remember it. I now have a text file on my computer which contains the single word "commandeer", ready for the next time I forget it.

I do the same thing with 'Headlock' except I forget it every couple of months.

It's a really weird feeling :smalleek:

Eddums

2010-04-10, 07:23 AM

Kobold-Bard

2010-04-10, 07:30 AM

I know some people who would say this...

I basically do this (minus moving for the opposite sex). Unless you have a card that says you can take my seat you'll have to drag my dead body out of it to get it.

Ah, the wonders of the Universe. It can make two countries that are no where near each other share a city.

Take a look at an American map. There are so many stolen cities, basically every English town/city has been nicked.

Also New Orleans, which still surprised me despite having New at the start of its name.

-----------
I have heard someoe utter the following line: "I was so drunk last night I think I went full circle and ended up sober again. That's why I'm not hungover".

:smallconfused: :smallannoyed:

Grimtina

2010-04-10, 07:30 AM

We're also rotating. :smallbiggrin:

Forgot to mention that she did not believe that the earth is rotating. Because she would have felt dizzy if it would (she had some balance issues, too). So mentioning a rotating earth around her would have made you a moron in her eyes.

rollfrenzy

2010-04-10, 07:36 AM

Here's a couple,

From my girlfriend-now-wife:

"How do the ducks get south? I know they can't fly?"

She has a sens of humor about it though, her fantasy football team name is "the long hike south" :smallbiggrin:

From a Professor of Psychology speaking to a group of graduate students about mental illness...

"I don't believe schizophrenia even exists"

"...then there are the myths of biology"

Basically rambled on about how theres no such thing as a biological basis behind mental illness and how the drug companies are evil.

Amiel

2010-04-10, 07:36 AM

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

Athaniar

2010-04-10, 10:22 AM

GolemsVoice

2010-04-10, 10:48 AM

It's Berlin, right?
Wasn't Berlin the capital French?

Rae Artemi

2010-04-10, 11:12 AM

Take a look at an American map. There are so many stolen cities, basically every English town/city has been nicked.

I live in the only Coshocton in the world. In AMERICA!:smalltongue:

Helanna

2010-04-10, 07:26 PM

From a friend In response to my reciting Pi to a few dozen digits (demonstrating my 133t nerd skillz).

Him: Wow! This guy knows, like... all of pi
Me: Pi is an infinite number
Him: Ok. Half of pi.
Me: :smallsigh:

A while ago, one of my friends asked me whether mathemeticians had found the last digit of pi, because she thought she remembered her brother telling her that they had built a computer that had finally calculated the last number.

It was bizarre, because normally she's one of the smartest people I know, if inclined to . . . rather unorthodox views.

Capt Spanner

2010-04-10, 07:50 PM

From a Professor of Psychology speaking to a group of graduate students about mental illness...

"I don't believe schizophrenia even exists"

"...then there are the myths of biology"

Basically rambled on about how theres no such thing as a biological basis behind mental illness and how the drug companies are evil.

Well, Big Pharma does have some pretty unscientific, unethical practices, most of which boil down to cherry picking data. (Ben Goldacre (http://www.badscience.net) thinks so.)

I'm led to understand that, while some mental illnesses are caused by chemical imbalances that many of them don't have a known biological (as opposed to psychological) root, though I guess it depends on the semantics.

I think it has been argued that schizophrenia is, in fact, a collection of different illnesses all under the same umbrella.

You're probably far more clued up about these then me (I know physics, really) so feel free to tell me I'm outright misinformed or wrong.

Wasn't Berlin the capital French?

I believe "F" is the capital of France. :smallbiggrin:

Cleverdan22

2010-04-10, 08:03 PM

I believe "F" is the capital of France. :smallbiggrin:

I see what you did there and I am quite impressed.

So, for overheard ridiculous conversations, there was this time I was walking down the road, and there were this pretty big gangster-looking types arguing about something very loudly, and it seemed pretty intense. I moved up a little closer to hear, and it went a little like this.

A: "Nah, man! But Electrode in your team! He's amazing!"
B: "Dude, shut up! You know I got that Raichu already!"

Made my friggin' day.

Cealocanth

2010-04-10, 11:01 PM

{Scrubbed}

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-10, 11:49 PM

I see what you did there and I am quite impressed.

So, for overheard ridiculous conversations, there was this time I was walking down the road, and there were this pretty big gangster-looking types arguing about something very loudly, and it seemed pretty intense. I moved up a little closer to hear, and it went a little like this.

A: "Nah, man! But Electrode in your team! He's amazing!"
B: "Dude, shut up! You know I got that Raichu already!"

Made my friggin' day.

I see you were judging someone by their look. Shame on you! :smallmad::smalltongue:

Vaynor

2010-04-11, 12:22 AM

Forgot to mention that she did not believe that the earth is rotating. Because she would have felt dizzy if it would (she had some balance issues, too). So mentioning a rotating earth around her would have made you a moron in her eyes.

If that were the case, you'd probably get more dizzy just walking.

Milskidasith

2010-04-11, 12:44 AM

Here's one I had about our recent standardized tests. First of all, there was one question tons of people got wrong, somehow; it was a political cartoon (made just for the question, I'm pretty sure), that showed the two sides in WW2 squaring off in their caricatures (uncle sam for the US, hitler for germany, etc.). Uncle Sam and Hitler were the only ones full drawn (the others were on the side of the globe just kind of standing) and were in boxer poses. Several people, including people who I thought were fairly smart, thought it was WW1. That was bad, but this was worse.

Me: So, what did you put for that one question? A lot of people thought it was WW1, and I'm just wondering if you got it right.
Her: I put the Civil War, is that wrong?
Me: Yes... why did you think it was the Civil War? It wasn't about the Union fighting the Confederacy.
Her: I know, but they were just fist fighting, not using guns and stuff, so it seemed a lot more civil than most wars. More of a little dispute than a war, actually.
Me: You're joking, right?
Her, annoyed: I'm not joking.
Me: *holds back laughter*

Temotei

2010-04-11, 03:15 AM

Kris Strife

2010-04-11, 03:26 AM

This isn't something I've heard, but something I've said. And I'm sure it deprived those who listened of more than a few brain cells.

Me: "I did not care for the Godfather."
Everyone who listened: *Dead silence*.

A buddy of mine was in an airsoft rifle store when he said that he'd never seen RoboCop... No less than three of the others inside were about to shoot him, one person left the store to get his airsoft gun from the car.

Athaniar

2010-04-11, 04:25 AM

A buddy of mine was in an airsoft rifle store when he said that he'd never seen RoboCop... No less than three of the others inside were about to shoot him, one person left the store to get his airsoft gun from the car.
So they were about to inflict physical harm on him for not watching a movie? Not watching the movie and not liking it, but just not watching it? Are you serious?

Raveypoos

2010-04-11, 06:28 AM

Teacher: Name the two types of water
Friend: Saltwater and... chlorine water?
-----

I facepalmed and might have said "Oh for ****s sake"

Kris Strife

2010-04-11, 08:42 AM

So they were about to inflict physical harm on him for not watching a movie? Not watching the movie and not liking it, but just not watching it? Are you serious?

Its airsoft... I don't think I'd call it physical harm... And as much as he goes on about how awesome the 80s are and how much grief he gives me about not having seen certain movies, I'd say it was justified. :smalltongue:

Exeson

2010-04-11, 09:11 AM

The girl got it partly correct; Milan is the fashion capital of Italy :smalltongue:

So actually you mean she is totally wrong but gave the correct answer to a different question?:smallconfused:

Also my contribution:

Schoolgirl: *walks into room with a poster of Gordan Brown and Obama* Hey, look it's gordan brown, and who's the funny guy with big ears?

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-11, 11:57 AM

Schoolgirl: *walks into room with a poster of Gordan Brown and Obama* Hey, look it's gordan brown, and who's the funny guy with big ears?

To be fair, Obama does have funny-looking ears.

Cealocanth

2010-04-11, 09:42 PM

{Scrubbed}

Sorry about that last post everyone. If anyone saw it shield your eyes! Won't happen again. I'm listening in for anything better suited for this forum.

Fuzzie Fuzz

2010-04-11, 10:17 PM

I see what you did there and I am quite impressed.

So, for overheard ridiculous conversations, there was this time I was walking down the road, and there were this pretty big gangster-looking types arguing about something very loudly, and it seemed pretty intense. I moved up a little closer to hear, and it went a little like this.

A: "Nah, man! But Electrode in your team! He's amazing!"
B: "Dude, shut up! You know I got that Raichu already!"

Made my friggin' day.

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

llamamushroom

2010-04-11, 11:43 PM

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

That is very cool.

Annoying 7-year-old Boy on Bus: Your mum's so fat, she... umm...
Other Annoying 7-year-old: What?
A: ... I forgot...

Bearing in mind that this was after about 10 minutes of high-pitched screeching about other incredibly unfunny "ya mum!" jokes.

Oh, and one I overheard in maths:

"I wish I was a manwhore..."

Cleverdan22

2010-04-12, 12:39 AM

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

That is too cool for my brain to handle.

Amiel

2010-04-12, 12:57 AM

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

But are they real gangstas? :P

Also, what does "sag" mean?

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-12, 12:59 AM

But are they real gangstas? :P

Also, what does "sag" mean?

I think that means their back sags.

llamamushroom

2010-04-12, 01:11 AM

I think that means their back sags.

Huh. I thought that it said "bag" as in "baggy pants".

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean by "their back sags", though. Do you mind explaining it to a poor, frazzled not-down-with-the-lingo forumite?

Amiel

2010-04-12, 01:12 AM

I, uh, don't think your back should sag; else you would need to see a doctor ASAP and stat :P

Marillion

2010-04-12, 01:38 AM

Eldan

2010-04-12, 02:48 AM

Oh god yes. My father had a lot of fun with that stuff when I was a kid.

"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Are there lions in switzerland?"
"Oh yes. . But around here, they are as big as elefants, and grey, so you don't see them in the city."
"How can I stop them from breaking into my room at night?"
"Oh, you don't have to. See, your mother's secretly a witch, and she cast a spell to protect the house."

I directly blame him for becoming a nerd :smallbiggrin:

Zocelot

2010-04-12, 06:13 AM

Heh, I have some gangsta's in my Java class. They act cool, use slang, sag, play WoW and wear Pokewalkers. They're kind of amazing.

When I go down to a gaming store, I notice that not just some, but most people playing Yu-Gi-Oh are gangster looking people who I would not want to meet in a dark alley. I don't know what it is about Yu-Gi-Oh that attracts that type of people to it; Magic: The Gathering is made up of pasty white nerds .

Reshbj

2010-04-12, 06:58 AM

I have one, but it's not very good. Forgive me if I don't recall all the details.

*absurdly stupid comment*
*rant about how stupid the comment was*
"Somebody's using long words today."
"The longest word I used was 'consciousness'. As in your lack of it when I'm done."
"Is 'consusness' even a word?"

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-12, 09:54 AM

Huh. I thought that it said "bag" as in "baggy pants".

I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you mean by "their back sags", though. Do you mind explaining it to a poor, frazzled not-down-with-the-lingo forumite?

As in their bag arches. It isn't straight. Their shoulders droop. Need I go on? :smallwink:

What's wrong with baggy pants? :smallconfused:

evisiron

2010-04-12, 03:08 PM

"...even Canadians."
"Dude, that's why we never go to Canadia"
-Random guys in Florida

zeratul

2010-04-12, 03:19 PM

But are they real gangstas? :P

Also, what does "sag" mean?

Sagging means when you have your pants below your boxers basically. It's pretty common among gangster type kids. I'm pretty surprised my knowledge of ghetto stuff would be useful in anyway on this forum .

ApeofLight

2010-04-12, 06:15 PM

Something a friend told me that someone said to him.

"A grain of salt, yo. No two cups."

I'm still wondering what it means or if it's just gibberish.

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-12, 06:23 PM

Sagging means when you have your pants below your boxers basically. It's pretty common among gangster type kids. I'm pretty surprised my knowledge of ghetto stuff would be useful in anyway on this forum .

Oh! That sag! I thought it was sagging back. You know, when it's not straight.

But, yeah, that's kind gross. I've heard of it before.

Amiel

2010-04-13, 07:53 AM

Ah, so that is what sagging is, I'm surprised they don't regularly fall flat on their faces :smallamused:

Girl 1: "Airforce is like the army right? Only in the sky"
----
Boy to mates: "Oh, it's my birthday this afternoon"
----
Girl 1: "I think we should have Easter one week after Easter"
Girl 2: "Why?"
Girl 1: "So we can buy all the Easter eggs and bunnies really cheap"
Girl 2: "Oh yeah, so true and they should even move Christmas one week after Christmas"
----
Train announcer: "For security reasons, this train will be stopped for a while due to an alienated passenger"
----
Guy: "The only time I can sleep is when I am tired"
----
Guy: "Why is there a staple in these dollar bills?"
Girl: "Oh, one of my mates did that. They thought it was paper"
----
Boy to girlfriend: "I have to tell you something, it's over"
Girl: "Yeah, well I've been seeing your best friend"
Boy: "April fools!"
Girl: "Oh ****"
----
Girl talking about job interview: "They want me to come back in and proofread a document with a few other girls"
Someone who overheard: "That's stupid, because obviously someone has typed it up and already used spell checker. What a stupid exercise"

Cobalt

2010-04-15, 02:43 PM

This happened to me today, and it fits perfectly.

(After looking at the average hours per week of a job)

Girl: The work hours are 40?!
Boy: A day?

I don't know which is sadder: That the boy here is me, or that the girl didn't notice until I pointed it out...

Cealocanth

2010-04-21, 10:14 PM

Boy 1: Hey guess what I found out today? Apparently the method for freezing chicken was invented during the Rennaisance.
Boy 2: That's impossible! Who do you think invented it anyway?
Boy 1: It was a guy named Francis Bacon.
Boy 2: Now i know you're lying. Francis Bacon innvented bacon, duh! Why else do you think they call it that?

Voila! proof that our education system is declining. Boy 1 is me, boy 2 is an Indian that transferred from a private school into an american gifted school. There's something wrong here.

Dust

2010-04-21, 10:34 PM

Overheard in the local university:

"It's so crazy they're getting ready to send people to MARS when they still haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon yet."

Mystic Muse

2010-04-21, 10:40 PM

"It's so crazy they're getting ready to send people to MARS when they still haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon yet."

I hate to say it but I need this one explained to me. Are we not sending people to Mars or was my dad lying/ignorant when he said we haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon?

Dust

2010-04-21, 10:49 PM

We haven't had any manned landings since the 70s, but there have been a total of six.

mucat

2010-04-21, 10:51 PM

I hate to say it but I need this one explained to me. Are we not sending people to Mars or was my dad lying/ignorant when he said we haven't sent a second manned expedition to the moon?

There were about a half-dozen manned moon landings in the late 60's and early seventies. What your dad probably meant (and what the random university guy may have meant) is that after that series of Apollo missions, humans have not yet gone back to the moon.

Mystic Muse

2010-04-21, 10:56 PM

There were about a half-dozen manned moon landings in the late 60's and early seventies. What your dad probably meant (and what the random university guy may have meant) is that after that series of Apollo missions, humans have not yet gone back to the moon.

ah. Thank you. and you dust.

so, out of curiosity why haven't there been any other moon landings other than those?

Serpentine

2010-04-21, 10:57 PM

Just so's Kyuubi doesn't feel (too) stupid: I didn't get it either.

Mystic Muse

2010-04-21, 10:58 PM

Just so's Kyuubi doesn't feel (too) stupid: I didn't get it either.

I didn't really feel stupid. I don't really care that much about the moon landing, space travel or any of that.. It's not that I don't consider it a big deal, it just doesn't really interest me. (unless I can get Samus Aran's suit.)

Serpentine

2010-04-21, 11:01 PM

That's the last time I throw in a word of support for you! D=
Not really. Probably someday I'll leap to your defense in an overreactionary manner. Just the way it is.

Mystic Muse

2010-04-21, 11:02 PM

That's the last time I throw in a word of support for you! D=
Not really. Probably someday I'll leap to your defense in an overreactionary manner. Just the way it is.

Sowwy.

Thanks anyway.:smallsmile:

Dust

2010-04-21, 11:03 PM

Indeed, the Moon Landing one wasn't so good for a first entry. It made me facepalm enough that it was the first thing that came to mind upon seeing this thread, but I can see how it's not common knowledge.
In an apologetic manner, I humbly extend the list below.
Some more I found from my old journal, where I used to jot down amusing things I heard throughout the day. Some of these are not precisely 'wait...what?' but amusing nonetheless.

"God really is the Omega. If not to live life for love from Him, then why is love worth obtaining?"

Woman: "I...I'm scared because I don't like needles."
Woman's doctor: "So, obviously, you don't want surgery?"
Woman: "No."
Woman's doctor: "TOO BAD! HA!" *walks out*

"The woman's bathroom spells like roses. In fact, that's the first time I've peed on the seat and felt obligated to clean it up!"

"Ugh...it feels like a Sunday."
*checks watch*
"Wait, it is."

My Ex-girlfriend: "Ok, so I was walking and this big dog was all like 'YIPYIPYIP' and what a boring stretch of highway, seriously. Except there was this constellation that I was all like 'hm, I wonder where that frickin' north star is,' and also there was ths white horse so I had to guess a bunch of horse names, like, Clopper Princess. 'Cause that is the sound that horses make."

Me: "If you had ten minutes, completely consequence free, what would you do?"
Friend 1: "I'd probably kill you."
Friend 2: "I'd hump a cat."

"I've got this wierd rash. I must be allergic to butter. It's all I've eaten all day."

Friend 1: "I mean, how do you respond when your girlfriend says that in ten years, she sees you married and with kids?"
Me: "I was in that situation once. And as I am bad at politely getting out of things like that, I called her fat and ran away."

"How come in real life only bald people in wheelchairs get superpowers?"

Mystic Muse

2010-04-21, 11:15 PM

one from a while ago but I couldn't find a post mentioning this so I'll say it (possibly again)

There was this girl, walking a dog. She comes right through a big group of people (me, some of my cousins/relatives and one of my brother's friends.) and this other dog (who is owned by my brother's friend.) comes out to start interacting with the other dog. The dog starts barking and its owner starts complaining saying "that thing should be on a leash." "She doesn't like big dogs." and "we have leash laws for a reason" So my brother's friend grabs his dog and takes her out of the way to be nice. Now here is the relevant info.

this was a big group of people.
My brother's friend's dog was definitely visible
the "big dog" was about an inch or two bigger than hers
and last but not least There was very little traffic where we were if any. She could easily have gone around.

Yeah, she was a *****. her dog was too.:smallmad:

Agamid

2010-04-22, 12:03 AM

I remember when i was in high school a girl i once overheard a girl in the library complaining to her friend as she was reading 'The Two Towers'
"This is all wrong! None of this stuff happens in the movie!"

Serpentine

2010-04-22, 01:03 AM

"Dogs are all horrible, viscious beasts that should be destroyed" in response to my being sad about my dog dying was a fun one.

Wish I had some good ones... I've already posted them all. I need to listen better =/

Thajocoth

2010-04-22, 02:12 AM

...when I passed by the Earth Science class:

Girl: "Mr. Smith, what's the sun?"

:smallsigh:

When I was in Earth Science, our review was done Jeopardy style. Being out of context, this could simply be a case of that.

Serpentine

2010-04-22, 02:21 AM

Yeah, it could've been something along the lines of "what is the sun made of?" I can't explain that. Can you? Something about super-hot gases or somesuch.

Delta

2010-04-22, 02:30 AM

so, out of curiosity why haven't there been any other moon landings other than those?

Well, to put it simple, because it's not worth it. We got most of what we needed to know about the moon from those missions, and there's pretty much nothing you need humans up there that a machine can't do as well, and as you might imagine, it's incredibly more expensive to send humans into space than machines. And if you want to do something in space that you need a human for, well that's what the ISS is for (which as a whole lot closer to earth than the moon, obviously, so it's a lot cheaper to send people up there)

When we send a manned mission to Mars one day, it will not be because it makes sense financially (because it most likely won't) but to prove that it can be done.

For Serpentine: Hydrogen and helium. Lots of it. Very hot. Basically, it's as simple as that :smallwink:

Amiel

2010-04-22, 02:57 AM

Yeah, it could've been something along the lines of "what is the sun made of?" I can't explain that. Can you? Something about super-hot gases or somesuch.

Pumbaa: [...] Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?
Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh … got stuck up in that big bluish-black thing up there.
Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were balls of gas burning billions of miles away.
Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.

:smallbiggrin: From the Lion King; who knew Pumbaa was the most insight and knowledgeable of their motley trio?

Anuan

2010-04-22, 03:25 AM

That right there is the difference between responsible parenting and fun parenting.

Yeah. I thought he was stupid not because of the teasing his kid thing (assuming he was, of course, joking) but because he said "They'll eat anything, they're carnivores."

Carnivores only eat meat >.>

KuReshtin

2010-04-22, 03:58 AM

I once saw this guy in a forum say that 'Carnivores only eat meat." and I was like.. 'What?', since not all carnivores only eat meat, just that they mainly eat meat. Sorry, Anuan, couldn't help myself. *evilgrin*

Amiel

2010-04-22, 04:00 AM

More hilarity

Boy 1 (holding a boiled egg): "If I drop this egg on the concrete, will it break?"
Boy 2: "Hey, dude, concrete is really hard to break"
---
Woman to friend: "I've got this theory, if you put on weight I'll look skinnier"
---
Girl to friend: "Yeah, me and my sister have been busted smoking by our parents, but never on our faces"
---
Girl: "Do they do autopsies only on dead people?"
---
Guy 1: "I have a date with a girl"
Guy 2: "Nobody normal would ever consider you attractive. She must be, like, missing three legs or something"
---
Girl: "I don't get people that eat rose water. I want to gag. So they bite the rose and drink water on top. Gross"
---
Guy: "I was up 'til 2 am, defrosting the freezer. The ice was rock hard, so I got out the soldering iron"
---
Girl 1 discussing movies: "Who is Richard Gere?"
Girl 2: "An old George Clooney"
---
Younger brother eating packet of lollies: "I got ripped off. The packet says grape flavour, but there's a strawberry one in here"
Older brother: "You haven't been ripped off. That's a bonus. Like when you get a Big Mac with a booger in it"
---
Girl: "I don't like eating fish, they taste fishy"

Serpentine

2010-04-22, 04:32 AM

Rose petals are quite tasty.
Also, you don't want fish that tastes fishy :smallyuk: Girl needs to get fresher fish.

Griever

2010-04-22, 04:50 AM

And if you want to do something in space that you need a human for, well that's what the ISS is for (which as a whole lot closer to earth than the moon, obviously, so it's a lot cheaper to send people up there)

I wouldn't say the ISS is a whole lot closer to the moon... it is closer yes, but not that much closer.

ISS maintains a orbiting distance of 300-450 km above Earth's surface.

The Moon averages... 384,403 km in its elliptical orbit.

Not disagreeing it is easier to go from the ISS to the Moon, but not by that much.

Delta

2010-04-22, 04:58 AM

I wouldn't say the ISS is a whole lot closer to the moon... it is closer yes, but not that much closer.

I think you misunderstood me there, completely so. What I meant to say that the ISS is a whole lot closer to earth than the moon is, so if you have to send people into space for something, you send them to the ISS and not the moon.

Anuan

2010-04-22, 05:31 AM

Coatl Ruu

2010-04-22, 05:41 AM

I've got a few:

Boy: Wait, Walt Disney was a real person?

Also, if the rest of my social studies class is to be believed, Thomas Edison was present at the Constitutional Convention, and Emperor Napoleon's last name was Dynamite.

Anuan

2010-04-22, 06:06 AM

My cousin, to her sister: "Who's Hitler?"

Serpentine

2010-04-22, 07:11 AM

I wouldn't say the ISS is a whole lot closer to the moon... it is closer yes, but not that much closer.

ISS maintains a orbiting distance of 300-450 km above Earth's surface.

The Moon averages... 384,403 km in its elliptical orbit.

Not disagreeing it is easier to go from the ISS to the Moon, but not by that much.That's nearly 400,000km further, or roughly 1000 times as far.
Sounds like " a whole lot closer to Earth" to me :smallconfused:
Or did you think he meant it's closer to the Moon than to Earth? :smallconfused:

banjo1985

2010-04-23, 09:35 AM

My mom came out with a doozy, several years ago now but it was so good I remember it still. My parents were out looking for a new dining table, and they'd got a tape measure to make sure it would fit in the gap we had for it:

Dad - "So, what do you think of this one?"
Mom - "Will it fit?"
Dad - *measures* "Yep."
Mom - "Ok, what about width-ways?"
Dad - "...it's a circular table. :smallsigh:"

Also, one I never let Mrs B forget:

Me - You know, without the Moon, we would really be screwed at night.
Mrs B - Why's that?
Me - Well, it would be a lot darker for a start.
Mrs B - But without the Moon wouldn't it be light all the time?
Me - ...so the Moon radiates darkness now does it?

Sorry Mrs B, I love you to death, but that was too good not to share. :smallbiggrin:

Ranna

2010-04-23, 09:38 AM

Ah this thread could easily become my home, I am very good with saying things before I think them through of course i'd rather not share just what a huge idiot i can be but there was an incident with some short grass and my fascination over this "dwarf" grass species.

- They had just mowed it....

I've just thought of something else silly and for once I hadn't said it so I am going to share this one..

One of my friends dads believes that plants are not alive because they are not animals. - Woo

banjo1985

2010-04-23, 09:49 AM

I'm capable of some real "moments" as well.

We were at the supermarket, and Mrs B asked me to go get a lettuce. I went to the vegetable isle, picked out a nice big lettuce, and returned to the trolley. Turned out it was a cauliflower. :smalleek:

Ranna

2010-04-23, 09:51 AM

Lol whenever I send Fin anywhere in the supermarket to get ANYTHING he'll come back with Haribo.. Only Haribo.

Whammydill

2010-04-23, 12:09 PM

Rose petals are quite tasty.
Also, you don't want fish that tastes fishy :smallyuk: Girl needs to get fresher fish.

Man, I totally interpreted that the wrong way....:smallbiggrin:
someone throw a tarp over me.

tonberrian

2010-04-23, 01:15 PM

In high school, in my second year of Spanish, there was a really ditzy girl.

Teacher: What are the five vowels?

Girl: A, E, I, O, R?

The funny thing was that they were talking about the English language here.

Same Girl: When's Cinco de Mayo?

Second. Year. Of. Spanish.

Tricksy Hobbits

2010-04-23, 02:43 PM

That's nearly 400,000km further, or roughly 1000 times as far.
Sounds like " a whole lot closer to Earth" to me :smallconfused:
Or did you think he meant it's closer to the Moon than to Earth? :smallconfused:

There's no atmosphere to slow moving things down in space, so travelling 1000km in 1 hour would take about the same fuel as 10000km in 10 hours.

Thing is, if something goes wrong on the ISS, it'll take a few hours to get a crew up there, if something went wrong on the moon, it'd take 3 days to fly there. And that you'd have to pack O2 and food for the 3 days. And that the ISS is somewhat shielded from radiation but the moon doesn't have a magnetic field to protect it.

And for the strange sayings, I overheard a group of students talking about the Martyrdom perk in Call of Duty but none of them could pronounce it right. They kept saying "marty-drum"

And one of those same people was in highschool and hadn't figured out the Queen was the head of state (we live in Canada), he also thought it was Elizibeth, not Diana who died a decade ago.

Pyrian

2010-04-23, 03:38 PM

There's no atmosphere to slow moving things down in space, so travelling 1000km in 1 hour would take about the same fuel as 10000km in 10 hours.Okay, that's rather horribly misrepresenting the situation. There's no atmosphere thick enough to create significant drag, but there IS a rather substantial gravity well which the ISS is most of the way down. Reaching the moon takes something on the order of 4 times(!) as much fuel as reaching low earth orbit. It's not like "once you reach space you can just coast" at all.

Eldan

2010-04-23, 03:44 PM

Teacher: "What's your favoured literary genre?"

Student: "Books."

Tricksy Hobbits

2010-04-23, 04:15 PM

Okay, that's rather horribly misrepresenting the situation. There's no atmosphere thick enough to create significant drag, but there IS a rather substantial gravity well which the ISS is most of the way down. Reaching the moon takes something on the order of 4 times(!) as much fuel as reaching low earth orbit. It's not like "once you reach space you can just coast" at all.

That's true but the main thing slowing down something on earth is atmospheric drag. I was merely trying to say that distance is not as limiting in space travel than it is in earth based travel. Pehaps it would have been better to say that 1000 times as far away wouldn't take much more fuel than 100 or much less than 10000.

Hope I'm not derailing this thread too much.

mucat

2010-04-23, 04:28 PM

Also, you don't want fish that tastes fishy :smallyuk:

You're absolutely right, but it's still a funny piece of language. "I love fish, except that sometimes they taste like themselves."

Cicciograna

2010-04-23, 04:43 PM

My English teacher was a complete dork. Two of her best ones.

"Catullus and Shakespeare lived in the same years."

"Clockwork Orange is the story of a violent guy who calms down only listening to Beethoven's fortieth Symphony..."

Cealocanth

2010-04-23, 10:34 PM

Yeah, it could've been something along the lines of "what is the sun made of?" I can't explain that. Can you? Something about super-hot gases or somesuch.

Serpentine, the sun is made of Hydrogen and Helium mainly, with amounts of other stuff. The two elements were ignited by nuclear fusion when a large cloud of particles got sucked together under the strain of it's own gravity. The remaining elements got stuck inside the resulting explosion, vaporizing instantly. If any of them were lucky, they got sent out in a blazing halo and became the solar system. (some scientists theorize that the sun is so hot, that the ignited gasses within cound not be gasses at all, (in other words, the sun could be made of plasma.))

Now when i explained this to one of my friends their response was; "Ok, but did humans come before or after the halo?" Me; "-facepalm-"

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-25, 06:22 AM

And one of those same people was in highschool and hadn't figured out the Queen was the head of state (we live in Canada), he also thought it was Elizibeth, not Diana who died a decade ago.

To be fair, all the queen really does is sign the occasional documents. In practice its the Prime Minister who's in charge.

Serpentine

2010-04-25, 07:12 AM

Same Girl: When's Cinco de Mayo?

Second. Year. Of. Spanish.What is Cinco de Mayo? :smallconfused:

One of my friends dads believes that plants are not alive because they are not animals. - WooSomeone right here on this very forum thought plants don't have DNA :smallbiggrin: And did I mention the person who confused "race" and "species" again, yet? :smallamused:

Shas: Dunno about there, but here she can (and (sort of) has) dismiss our government.

People explaining the sun: Well, I do have a vague idea what it is and how it works (it involves things like "production of hydrogen and all the elements", fusion, heat, plasma (though only recently know that), really hot gasses, and the like), but my point was more that "what is the sun?" can be more involved than "that big glowy thing in the sky", if poorly worded.

Eldan

2010-04-25, 07:51 AM

My guess is "Cinco de Mayo" would mean fifth of may? Never had any Spanish, just a guess.

shadow_archmagi

2010-04-25, 09:13 AM

I think a lot of those are jokes.

"Concrete is hard to break" for example.

That said, I present

http://notalwaysright.com/

Pyrian

2010-04-25, 01:03 PM

What is Cinco de Mayo? :smallconfused:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cinco_de_mayo For some weird reason it appears to be celebrated more outside of Mexico than inside of it.

And did I mention the person who confused "race" and "species" again, yet? :smallamused:Mother nature gets those two mixed up all the time, which is how we get new species. :smallcool:

Tricksy Hobbits

2010-04-25, 03:52 PM

To be fair, all the queen really does is sign the occasional documents. In practice its the Prime Minister who's in charge.

It's a bit inexcusable when her face is all over our money and her offical representitive just dissolved our parliment a few months ago.

ScottishDragon

2010-04-25, 03:55 PM

http://notalwaysright.com/
Hehe this is hilarious!How many pages are there?

Dusk Eclipse

2010-04-25, 06:12 PM

What is Cinco de Mayo?

I can answer that, cinco the mayo (fifth of may) was a date in which a mexican general Ignasio Zaragoza, defeated the french army during the french intervention.

And Pyrian is right, for some odd reason here in Mexico is not celebrated as much as in the states:smallconfused: why? I don't know

sofawall

2010-04-25, 07:37 PM

That said, I present

http://notalwaysright.com/

The Backup Mayor links well.

From that site, one that tickled my funny bone:

(A customer walks up to the counter and sets a plastic shopping bag down.)

Customer: “You have to help me!”

Me: “I’d be more than happy to assist you, ma’am. What seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “I’m being hacked! You have to get them to stop using my computer!”

Me: “Do you have your computer with you so that I can see what’s going on?”

(She just turns the bag upside down. Parts of a laptop spill everywhere motherboard, LCD panel, hinges, keyboard, palm rest, etc.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am? Why did you dismantle your computer?”

Customer: “That’s the only way to get them to stop! When computers are powered down, they aren’t really off! Those people in India are hacking into them while you have them off and are using it
to teach their kids how to speak English! That’s why jobs are outsourced!”

Me: “I really don’t think I can help you, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, put back together my computer! I have a warranty with you people. I’ll get the FBI or police to help me with the hackers.”

Me: “Our warranty does not cover you taking apart your computer.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You’re one of the people helping those hackers, aren’t you?”

Me: *speechless*

Customer: “Aren’t you?!”

Faceist

2010-04-25, 09:33 PM

Girl: "Is he tall?"
Friend: "He's the same height as you, but you're a taller version of him"

That's so fundamentally stupid I think it loops back around on itself and becomes wise. These are the kinda sentences that will save our asses when the Robot Revolution occurs. Let's logic bomb some artificial intelligences, baby!

Partof1

2010-04-25, 09:45 PM

That's so fundamentally stupid I think it loops back around on itself and becomes wise. These are the kinda sentences that will save our asses when the Robot Revolution occurs. Let's logic bomb some artificial intelligences, baby!

I guarantee it will kill robots. It almost broke me for a few moments there.

Who in any mind, right or wrong, would say that?!

Serpentine

2010-04-25, 10:19 PM

Mother nature gets those two mixed up all the time, which is how we get new species. :smallcool:Sure, but not in a "the different races of humanity are actually different species and anyone who says otherwise is just afraid of being called racist" way. Love ya, He Who Must Not Be Named :smallwink: :smalltongue:

Maximum Zersk

2010-04-25, 10:40 PM

Not Always Right is always hilarious. Especially the ones where the customers think they know more about something than the people they're talking to.

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [travel agency]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I need to get to Hawaii by Saturday.”

Me: “Okay, let me just see what flights are available.”

Caller: “Flights? As in flying? No way! I am terrified of flying! Can you look up some train tickets for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, Hawaii is in the middle of Pacific Ocean. There is no train service to Hawaii.”

Caller: “What? Hawaii is part of the United States, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It is.”

Caller: “Then how can it be in the middle of the Ocean? Fine then, what about taking a boat?”

Me: ”Ma’am, there are cruise services to Hawaii, but I can assure you that the only way you are going to get to Hawaii by Saturday is by flying.”

Caller: “Well, what about those speed boats that drug users use from Cuba?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, those boats don’t have the ability to cross the ocean, and Cuba is only 90 miles from the United States.”

Caller: “90 miles? Sonny boy, Cuba is out in the middle of the ocean. Haven’t you ever looked at a map?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Forget it, I’ll just call another travel agency that knows their history.”

Me: “Do you mean geography?”

Caller: *click*

THAC0

2010-04-26, 12:49 AM

Back in '07, CNN showed a home video of a tornado. It was WAY too close to the camera-person to be safe.

In the background, a child is crying, saying "Daddy, I'm scared!"

Daddy proceeds to say "Don't worry, sweetheart. It's a Magic Cloud!"

Lioness

2010-04-26, 01:07 AM

Not Always Right is always hilarious. Especially the ones where the customers think they know more about something than the people they're talking to.

Yeah. I've been reading it all day instead of doing my homework :(

Thajocoth

2010-04-26, 01:23 AM

Yeah. I've been reading it all day instead of doing my homework :(

Sites like that one are dangerous, and they just get more dangerous over time as they get more content.

"Sure, I'll just read a few", and before you know it, it's three weeks from next Tuesday!

Eldan

2010-04-26, 02:40 AM

Sure, but not in a "the different races of humanity are actually different species and anyone who says otherwise is just afraid of being called racist" way. Love ya, He Who Must Not Be Named :smallwink: :smalltongue:

Well, I did that "History of Science" course, where we read a text from the 1920 which said that there was obviously a Homo africanus, Homo caucasicus, Homo mongoliensis and... one more, I can't remember. Australian natives, I think. So, that opinion isn't that old.

Serpentine

2010-04-26, 02:49 AM

Did you mean "new"?

Lioness

2010-04-26, 04:10 AM

Sites like that one are dangerous, and they just get more dangerous over time as they get more content.

"Sure, I'll just read a few", and before you know it, it's three weeks from next Tuesday!

I'm 153 pages into it, in two days.

I should stop. Now

potatocubed

2010-04-26, 06:28 AM

That's why I only read these things at work - eventually someone comes along and I have to stop.

Thajocoth

2010-04-26, 09:59 AM

I'm 153 pages into it, in two days.

I should stop. Now

There's only a little over 300 pages... You're about halfway to the end...

2xMachina

2010-04-26, 10:39 AM

Quick! Finish it before they add more.

Cleverdan22

2010-04-27, 12:57 PM

Platinum_Mongoose

2010-04-27, 04:31 PM

Overheard on the sidewalk from a guy on a cell phone: "I know I'm an as*hole, technically, but I'm not that kind of as*hole."

...Then what kind are you? What are the options? What do you mean by "technically?"

Mystic Muse

2010-04-27, 04:49 PM

The Linker

2010-04-27, 10:53 PM

Our theatre teacher is the master of accidental double entendres.

One day after a rough rehearsal, she said the following: "Sometimes, I know it can get really hard and tense, and you just have to remember to swallow."

Also, when yelling at a student for talking: "Your mouth is always open! That's why I'm always coming on you!"

Fawkes' (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/member.php?u=19574) current signature is my very own semi-accidental double entendre, marked for posterity. :smalltongue:

Lin Bayaseda

2010-04-27, 11:23 PM

A Chinese guy I work with approached me a few days ago and asked "You know Warlock? I need some help with Warlock."

I didn't quite know what to say ... I had no idea he was into D&D, and why would he need help with Warlock, of all classes? What's wrong with a Wizard?

But he kept asking whether I had any experience with Warlock, whether I used Warlock before ... then he asked me to come to his office and take a look. I glanced at his computer screen, and almost broke my jaw trying to keep myself from laughing. Turns out, he was asking me about ...
Verilog (a programming language)

Zeb The Troll

2010-04-28, 01:46 AM

And Pyrian is right, for some odd reason here in Mexico is not celebrated as much as in the states:smallconfused: why? I don't knowIt's because we yanks need yet another reason to have a drinking holiday. :smallcool:

Pink

2010-04-28, 11:54 AM

I was wondering when "not always right" would be mentioned here. That site makes me weep for humanity at least once a page or so.

PJ the Epic

2010-04-28, 12:33 PM

My favorite was this:

Antagonizing Student: ...and that is why I can't answer your question.
Teacher: Honestly, I don't care.
Student: But...
Teacher: SHUTUP! SHUTUP AND TALK ALREADY OR I WILL FAIL YOU!!
Student: Uhh?
*laughter*

To be fair she did have a bad cold.

Then of course, we gave her grief, but she did get the better of one kid.

Other student: Shutup and talk [teacher's name]
Teacher: Everyone wishes you'd shutup, but you don't.

:smallbiggrin:

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-28, 02:34 PM

I was wondering when "not always right" would be mentioned here. That site makes me weep for humanity at least once a page or so.

Sometimes the people that post them are the ones that make me weep.

Things like this:

Me: Hello welcome to [my store].

Stupid Customer: Can I have a milk?

Me: Look, we haven't had milk here for years, so don't be stupid and just leave.

Stupid Customer: *Mouth open*

Not word for word, but pretty close to one I found there. The worst thing is the surprising number of people that thought the person "Me" was doing well, championing the cause of part-time workers everywhere.

Pink

2010-04-28, 02:41 PM

I will admit that there are some where the 'me' does seem to be at fault or a jerk, but I find these in the minority. One I thought was particularly jerkish was not accepting canadian quarters in a US transaction. Are places really that anal about coinage?

Quincunx

2010-04-28, 03:58 PM

Unless the person was willing to accept a substantial cut in the exchange rate to make up for the jerkishness of using illegal tender, yes, people are that anal about accepting money from another country. . .

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-28, 04:10 PM

Pyrian

2010-04-28, 04:20 PM

U.S. and Canadian currencies are very close at the moment, but there's nothing locking them to each other. Regardless, getting money changed is a cost to the business, at best. If they're not doing so regularly, the cost in labor to get the money changed properly will dwarf the amount of money involved. I.e., send someone off on an hour-long (or even half-hour-long) errand to exchange a few dollars? You're better off just throwing the money away. More likely, you'll just hand it to your bank in your regular deposit, and they'll charge a fee because they can.

Quincunx

2010-04-28, 04:23 PM

(This is the sound of me repeatedly slamming my forehead into my desk. It's not adding anything to the conversation, but it's there.)

Yes, especially coins and bills which resemble the currency you're trying to imitate; there's then an added assumption that you are trying to imitate and thus debase the target currency. What are the honest reasons behind saying "I don't have the money you use, but this kind is almost as valuable, so why not treat it the same"? Additionally, almost all currencies are floating currencies, so no, no two different currencies are not worth the same amount; they may not even be worth the same amount relative to each other by the time the merchant goes to change it into usable money. Your money ceases to be money when you step outside the region where it is legal tender. It becomes pretty, yet worthless, circles of metal.

(Yes, I've lived outside the U.S. Yes, I have lived near a border with differing currency on the other side of it. Yes, I have exchanged money in order to trade with the natives, instead of waving a fistful of USD at them and hoping for universality.)

Shas aia Toriia

2010-04-28, 04:27 PM

Well, maybe its been different for you, but if I have to give somebody change for something and 5 cents of a different currency gets thrown in, I don't care and neither do they.

Cealocanth

2010-04-28, 09:27 PM

Overheard a call on speakerphone. Someone ordering a pizza:

Worker:Thank you for choosing [our store] will this be order or delivery?
Person: Delivery please, I'd like a plain pizza with no sauce or cheese, oh and can you cut it up into little strips and put it in a bag?
Worker: Of course sir, but we already have a product here like that. We call it [insert product name here.]
Person: I know what I asked for I said I want a plain pizza with no cheese or sauce cut up into slices and put in a bag.
Worker:I understand sir, but we already have...
Person: Forget this! If you're not willing to get me some [insert same product here[ then I'll just go to annother store!
Worker: I'm completely willing to I just want you...
Person: -hangs up-

That was weird. Person probably has a problem putting 2 and 2 together. I weep for the dying Wisdom of humanity.

Pyrian

2010-04-29, 12:48 AM

...Breadsticks? :smallconfused:

Cealocanth

2010-04-30, 06:11 PM

Basically. I learned the hard way about the strict rules on this forum. (Notions toward the infraction scar. -I'm not taking any chances.-) yes, what i'm referring to is breadsticks, although where I live we call it C***y Bread. If you still can't figure out what it's called let me just say that like Person, the bread is insane.

[Unless you're being dirty, in that case, you know, never mind.]

Mystic Muse

2010-04-30, 06:15 PM

Cealocanth

2010-04-30, 10:04 PM

Oh...That explains so much. And I wondered why I was the only person in the playground that had been given a warning. Maybe I should stop openly announcing it now. Thanks for that.

Serpentine

2010-04-30, 11:38 PM

Heh. Yeah. I know lots of people have them :smalltongue:
(not me though, no siree, I are good girl <.< >.>)

Crazy Bread? Short-for-type-of-rodent bread? :smallconfused:

Thajocoth

2010-05-02, 01:09 AM

I'm unaware of any words that could both describe breadsticks and have a reason to be censored.

The words that describe breadsticks of any sort that start with C that I know are "Cheesy", "Crusty" or "Crazy".

Sliver

2010-05-02, 04:15 AM

My mind is dirty, but my record is clean! :smallbiggrin:

Cealocanth

2010-05-02, 07:30 AM

Heh. Yeah. I know lots of people have them :smalltongue:
(not me though, no siree, I are good girl <.< >.>)

Crazy Bread? Short-for-type-of-rodent bread? :smallconfused:

Yes, you got it right on the money. That name is trademarked. I think they call it that because of it's crazy shapes instead of something referring to a rodent. (:smallconfused:) As I said, just playing it safe, a warning is bad enough.

Amiel

2010-05-05, 05:50 PM

Be amazed; at human stupidity

Girl in library: "As you move further away from the Earth, time slows down. It's a theory of Einstein's"
Guy: "Oh my god. Really? So that's why mountains are so old?"
---
Transit officer: "This train fine will cost you $42"
Guy: "So you couldn't get into the police force, eh?"
---
Schoolgirl: "She is really weird"
Friend: "Really, how so?"
Schoolgirl: "Like, she's weirder than me"
Friend: "Oh, that is weird"
---
Girlfriend pointing out to an island: "Look! Over there! It's snow"
Boyfriend: "No babe, that's sand"
---
Girl on phone to friend: "You know those bushmen that live in the Calamari desert?"
---
Girl 1: "What are those wires above the train?"
Girl 2: "That's how they put the petrol in. They can't take a train into the petrol station"
---
Girl: "What do you do for a living?"
Guy: "I own a tow truck"
Girl: "Oh, so what exactly do you do then? Help people move house?"
Guy: "I, ah, tow cars"
Girl: "Oh, OK"
---
Guy: "Hey, you're back from the States!"
Girl: "Yeah, I'm missing it already! Like, Australia is really awesome but in New York they have cherry soda and free ketchup. That's my kind of town"