PDA

View Full Version : Your Best OOC lines.



Beelzebub1111
2010-03-11, 05:58 PM
We all know that we have our badass funny and so forth lines that our characters have said. but What have we said out of game that brings you to laughter, joy, or groans?

Here's one of my favorites:
DM: Through the door you see 12 grimlocks and one really big one that looks like it's been mutated
Player: What's a Grimlok?
Me: Giant Robot Dinosaur.
<beat>
Player: Really?

Cue everybody laughing for five minutes.

Siegel
2010-03-11, 06:04 PM
You can't attack him with your Greatsword, you have a cauldron in your hand

Starscream
2010-03-11, 06:45 PM
"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!"

Yukitsu
2010-03-11, 07:05 PM
The reason I'm doing well, and you're failing, is that I'm playing an engineer and am basing my science on the actual technology available in the period, whereas you are playing a theoretical scientist who bases his ideas off of star trek.

holywhippet
2010-03-11, 07:10 PM
Goblins, the other green meat.

AngelisBlack
2010-03-11, 07:23 PM
To DM: My character does have, Knowledge (Common Sense) right?

Oracle_Hunter
2010-03-11, 07:31 PM
(In a 4th Edition Game)
N00b: How do we determine facing?
Me: There is no facing, only Zuul

Reference (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087332/quotes?qt0475951)

Really though, this is just a good go-to line :smallbiggrin:

oxybe
2010-03-11, 07:33 PM
The reason I'm doing well, and you're failing, is that I'm playing an engineer and am basing my science on the actual technology available in the period, whereas you are playing a theoretical scientist who bases his ideas off of star trek.

dunno why but this made me think of this Hark, a vagrant! (http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=231) comic.

as for my contribution: "so we Shag the monster then?"

by "Shag the X" I meant to send the dwarf barreling towards it in a suicide charge, usually carrying some sort of explosive. the dwarf in question was a HP machine and could usually survive several point blank explosions with only minor injury and somehow exploding dwarves worked well in several occasions.

needless to say, when the monster is a huge sized aberration with no discernable anatomy, i could have picked better words.

Rezby
2010-03-11, 07:45 PM
My friend and I were talking about the rogues sneak attack and his rogue and how it uses a rapier.

me: A rapier? or a raper?
him: heh.... rape sneak attack... thrust up the ******* for xd6 extra damage... ouch. Imagine how much that would hurt. There's a sword up your ass.
me: If you're going to be doing that sort of dickery, might as well just stab through the balls into the anus.
him: ouch.... *acts out such a motion*
me: critical hit.

MachineWraith
2010-03-11, 08:02 PM
I was DMing a homebrewed zombie apocalypse campaign, that had several different types of "boss" zombie, some ripped straight from Left 4 Dead, some made up on my own.

One of the "Hunter" types had pounced a player and brought him to very low HP. Following round, I roll damage for the Hunter and look up at the player. He says, "Well?"

I respond, "He's playing with your guts like a two year old plays with spaghetti."

He went white as a sheet and the rest of the party erupted in laughter. :)

icastflare!
2010-03-11, 08:02 PM
Me: how did the devil steal his soul?
DM: he lost the fiddle contest of course

Stubbed Tongue
2010-03-11, 08:22 PM
"Play big or go home"

Starbuck_II
2010-03-11, 08:36 PM
DM: You've just defeated the frost giants. You see a stew pot.
Me: I smell it. Does it smell good?
DM: Yeah, it smells great.
Me: I try a bit. How does it taste?
DM: Yes, they used a lot of spices to enhance the taste.
Other party: what are you doing?
Me: I was hungry.
DM: You guys keep searching and see dwarf bodies cut up.
Dwar PC: You ate Dwarf! (hits my PC on back of head)
Me: It tasted great (I said like Tiger on Frost Flakes). Look if you ever find some stew made of elves, go ahead dig in.

Katana_Geldar
2010-03-11, 08:53 PM
No, you didn't want to go with the other players, who are now twenty minutes away from you, so you can't arrive just in time to join their conversation. This isn't Star Trek and you just can't beam in there, Scotty.

RandomLunatic
2010-03-11, 11:44 PM
DM: Random, you take 13 damage, and the genie's invisibility drops and he appears right next to you.
Me (In a perfect imitation of the then-still-living Ed McMahon): Heeeeeeeeeeer's Janni!

desmond1323
2010-03-12, 12:06 AM
Me: It tasted great (I said like Tiger on Frost Flakes). Look if you ever find some stew made of elves, go ahead dig in.

Me: "I open a barrel of elf pudding, what's inside?"
Dm: "It's exactly what you think it is."

Kalirren
2010-03-12, 12:31 AM
We'd been playing a WoD-esque campaign revolving around the intrigues and the politics of a particular vampire lord. At some point, things were just falling apart, and we set off to find the one man whom we knew could set things right. Some two sessions later, at long last we tracked this elder down, and he told us in his basement that he'd sold his soul to the Devil to save the Order of Hermes, and was taking poisoned blood to make sure he couldn't betray anything he had built. He then gave us his final instructions and his dying wishes.

Then he died, leaving behind several important artifacts.

Now I'm a very serious player by instinct. At this point I said to my DM, "You know, in the six years I've been playing with you, I've been waiting for a good opportunity to say this."

He asks me, "What is it?"

And I said, "'I loot the room.'"

Penny67
2010-03-12, 12:38 AM
Epic. Win.

taltamir
2010-03-12, 12:40 AM
"No, you can't crit with a codpiece!"

"are you saying I need to take it off first?"

This one isn't mine, but it happened in a game I played in:
Cleric: Ale and wenches
DM: Aren't clerics supposed to be celibate?
Cleric: celibawho?

The delivery was so smooth and well done that we all laughed and laughed.

The Glyphstone
2010-03-12, 12:44 AM
This is a DM line, so it's not really OOC, but still worth sharing...one of my favorite stories.

Context: A goofy one-shot game where the party got teleported into a Super Mario World expy, complete with teleporting green pipes that led to loot-filled safe rooms.

The buildup: A small argument over who should go down a certain green pipe first, that looked exactly like all the others (they had met a Goomba down one which bit a few people). The fighter decided to grapple the rogue and throw him down the pipe. I roll a die.


The Line: "The pirahna plant crits."

mikej
2010-03-12, 12:46 AM
Me: "Can I eat what's left of the dead duergar Fighter?"
Group: " . . . "
DM: " sure..."

Few levels later

Me: Can I eat what's left of the dead Centaur Fighter?"

jguy
2010-03-12, 01:02 AM
DM: I am trying to use Logic in this game!
Me: Logic?! We're a party of two halflings, a Dwarf who uses a bloody harpoon, and a centaur/dragon thing who has a magical connection with a Dire Iguana! Logic has no place in this world!

Cisturn
2010-03-12, 01:14 AM
while fighting goblins and wolves our fighter takes a critical and goes into the negatives
Cleric "Hey, throw your rations to distract the wolves"
Hexblade "Can't we just throw the fighter?"

Mordokai
2010-03-12, 01:26 AM
"Well, nobody can say this group is homophobic..."

And I would rather not got into details :smallbiggrin:

Apropos
2010-03-12, 01:36 AM
dunno why but this made me think of this Hark, a vagrant! (http://www.harkavagrant.com/index.php?id=231) comic.

as for my contribution: "so we Shag the monster then?"

by "Shag the X" I meant to send the dwarf barreling towards it in a suicide charge, usually carrying some sort of explosive. the dwarf in question was a HP machine and could usually survive several point blank explosions with only minor injury and somehow exploding dwarves worked well in several occasions.

needless to say, when the monster is a huge sized aberration with no discernable anatomy, i could have picked better words.

Why use a valuable party member when you could use an expendable critter from a bag of tricks?

Saintheart
2010-03-12, 02:14 AM
DM: "So you want a greatsword?"
Player: "Hell yeah. A big greatsword. I want a sword so big that if it were a penis it'd stretch from A to Z on a keyboard."
(beat)
Player: "Waitaminute..."

Callos_DeTerran
2010-03-12, 02:39 AM
A bit of set-up. I had been running a short game where the PCs were two adventurers contracted by a company to go investigate and explore a jungle island. They had steam-punk type gear, but no magic, set up a base camp, and prepared to head off into the rain-forest. I reminded them, considering the adventure could almost be called D&D Oregon Trail that if they didn't have it on their sheet, then they didn't have it (we were usually lenient about stuff like rations, bedding, and stuff). Que them marching off four days into the jungle and discovering it was full of dinosaurs and other nasty creatures (They enjoyed it since I told them that they could 'name' landmarks and undiscovered creatures).

On the fifth day, it began to rain. Hard. And they fought a...rather large and carnivorous reptile that managed to land some good hits on them so they wanted to rest. Cue the conversation of...

DM: Alright, since it's raining so hard I'll say that you take a -1 morale penalty if you sleep outside a tent. You two have tents, right?
P1: Hmm, lemme check...nope. You?
P2: Uhhh....
DM: ...Alright. If you have blankets you can improvise them into a make-shift shelter.
P1: Yeah, don't have those either.
DM: Then you spend a wet and miserable night in the rainforest.

The next day the trek continued, they refused to go back for meager things like supplies, but ran into another random encounter of a large reptile that they had some trouble with because of that simple -1 penalty.

Prompting...

DM:Alright, the massive reptile collapses down unto the ground with a thud, the rain washing the blood of your wear bodies and...
P1: SKIN IT!
P2: Yes, we must skin it!
DM: What?!
P1: We need a tent, and it doesn't need it's skin. Win win.
P2: Yessss, we must skin it!
DM: Do either of your characters know how to tan hides or sew?! You'll ruin most of the hide!
P1: Then we will skin everything we come in contact with until we have a gorram tent!

'SKIN IT!' quickly became their battle-cry. When discovered they could get rations, daggers, and other useful adventuring supplies they had also failed to buy, it changed to 'Mangle it! Use every piece just like the Indians! Then...we SKIN IT!"

rockdeworld
2010-03-12, 03:47 AM
And I said, "'I loot the room.'"
Why the blank-out?

Delta
2010-03-12, 04:23 AM
Why the blank-out?

So you don't accidentally read the punchline before the build-up, I guess

Manga Shoggoth
2010-03-12, 04:48 AM
"Is Cthulhu large?"


Me: "Can I eat what's left of the dead duergar Fighter?"
Group: " . . . "
DM: " sure..."

Few levels later

Me: Can I eat what's left of the dead Centaur Fighter?"

I rememver an old Punch cartoon with two men and a mermaid on a desert island. The line:


"Be a sport, Jethro. Can't we eat the bottom half?"

senrath
2010-03-12, 04:59 AM
Me: "Can I eat what's left of the dead duergar Fighter?"
Group: " . . . "
DM: " sure..."

Few levels later

Me: Can I eat what's left of the dead Centaur Fighter?"

You were playing a lot of Nethack (or similar) before that came up, weren't you?

Edit: Scratch that. It wasn't exactly an OOC line.

Kaiyanwang
2010-03-12, 05:22 AM
Meleer player, to the cleric player, after an epic, devastating
fight, epic levels:

"Do you realize that we reached this level and we all are alive because you are a freaking powergamer?"

LordFluffy
2010-03-12, 09:32 AM
I was running a sort of assassin-cleric in this home-brew game that a friend was running. They'd been running it for years, so their characters had well established homes, civic ties and kids.

Two of these kids come home, both very magically talented and horrendously intelligent. They were clever enough that they'd altered their bodies a bit.

My character, who wasn't used to such things, watched them for a while, but hadn't commented.

Over dinner, the girls start talking about genetics.

GM: Roll Intelligence.
Me: (rolls) (pretty high roll)
GM: It dawns on you that teenage girls don't usually discuss genetics and science in this kind of detail.
Me: (channeling my character's state of freak out)Teenage girls usually don't have cat eyes and retractable claws. Your point?
Other players: *laughter*

OOC Line the second:

I was playing with a group in a Spelljammer scenario. My bard was one of the two spellcasters in the group and could therefore theoretically pilot the ship, I knew.

It was a late night and I feel asleep while playing in a big comfy chair. The other players continued in my unconsciousness.

At one point I wake up just a little and...

GM: The ship goes out of control...
Me: (sits stark upright) I take control of the ship!
Everyone: (Looks at me in shock and surprise)
Me: (falls back dead asleep)

TheCountAlucard
2010-03-12, 10:30 AM
Oh, we've had a few gems in our gaming group...

So, in our Exalted game, we were attempting some manse repair (essentially fixing up a nexus of magical power). Our brilliant talkative Twilight Caste, Cassius (imagine a young one-eyed Doc Brown from Back to the Future, only he knows kung-fu), is the one doing most of the actual repairs, but some of the "environmental effects" in the area were rather harsh. Our Zenith Caste, Erdrick (a battle-priest of the Unconquered Sun), is wearing the game's equivalent of power armor, so he decides to let Cassius borrow it for an underwater area that needs some repair (we're pretty sure the whirlpool was not part of the design), since the power armor has an hour's worth of air in it. After getting tossed around rather heavily by the whirlpool, he gets to the bottom and starts fixing it. When he finally surfaces, Cassius is described by his player as "gasping for air."

Erdrick: What's the matter? That suit has an air supply.
Me: They're called "Odor-Eaters," Erdrick.

Benejeseret
2010-03-12, 12:40 PM
Nearing the end of a pitched battle defending a hilltop from a tribe of orcs, one of the main shamans is grappled and pinned down by the fighter. Our own orc monk (different tribe) walks over and calmly joins the grapple.

Monk: (OOC) My hand presses against the shaman's face and I begin SLOWLY crushing it into the ground. (IC) "Going down!" (rolls each 'grapple attack' and damage)

DM: The orc struggles, then screams. His shrieks rise until he is thrashing and spewing blood out of his ears. His head pops.

Monk: My orc looks at his hands covered in brains, and licks them, (IC) "Hmmhmm, tastes like victory!"

Wizard: (OOC) I cast prestidigitation and make it actually taste like victory

WIN!! er, VICTORY!!

Oracle_Hunter
2010-03-12, 05:40 PM
DM: "So you want a greatsword?"
Player: "Hell yeah. A big greatsword. I want a sword so big that if it were a penis it'd stretch from A to Z on a keyboard."
(beat)
Player: "Waitaminute..."
Niiiice :smallbiggrin:

Cedrass
2010-03-12, 05:46 PM
We were in a Drow town, and me and my IC twin start talking in elven. So it goes like

Drow: Hey you there, if you care for your tongues, you better stop that.
My twin: *Stops talking in elven*
Me: (In elven of course!) Hey brother, they can't order us around. You don't have to stop
Drow: Hey I told you to stop!!

And then OOC I go: "No comprendo senior!"

It became an inside joke at our table as soon as someone did not understand something :P

Leicontis
2010-03-12, 07:09 PM
The quote in my sig, from when one character was sent off invisible and flying to steal a McGuffin. His greatsword turned out to be a reasonably effective way of getting the skeletons carrying it to let go...

Soonerdj
2010-03-12, 07:27 PM
If were going for personal best then I would have to say...

While fighting their way through a halfling underground smugglers den, our intrepid villains enter a long, narrow hallway. Some Tucker's Kobolds inspired halfling hijinks ensue and the floor drops out sending them sliding way down into a large pool of water. This forced swim checks, however, I am not totally cruel and placed debris in the water that they could cling to with the compunction that it limited them to a single move or standard action per round.

Then the sharks attacked, with some difficulty they managed to wound one after the bard had been bitten. Then for some reason the sharks quickly swam away. The one the rogue had been slicing up only managed to get a little bit away before a Dire Shark bit and then SWALLOWED IT WHOLE.

Needless to say the reaction from the halfling Sorc (for whom being eaten spelled certain doom)

Holy S**t, That shark just ate that other shark and I am small and bleeding in the same water.

The terror (for the character) was surprisingly fun. Unfortunately, the Sorc had charm animal on his list from all the draconic feats he took and managed to get it to go away before I could gobble up anyone.

TheCountAlucard
2010-03-14, 03:56 AM
The one the rogue had been slicing up only managed to get a little bit away before a Dire Shark bit and then SWALLOWED IT WHOLE."Yo, dawg, we heard you like sharks, so we put a shark in your shark..." :smallbiggrin: