Things gaming has taught me

[Brainstomper]

1) When you break your glasses on the stem and there is no availble Lenscrafters and your in a wedding in less than 24 hours all you need is a knife, pin vise, brass rod, glue, file and black paint. Good as new.

[RandomNPC]

How to barricade during the zombie apocalypse

How to check for untrue dice.

also, who of my gaming group is not a good strategy leader in a drawn out battle. I mean WOW! bad.

[Asta Kask]

All you need is dice. Love is for suckers.

[Brainstomper]

In real life 1d3 from a knife seems a lot worse for you than your 12 level fighter.

[ScottishDragon]

7)In older versions one throwing knife can kill an adult dragon.

[Dragero]

7)In older versions one throwing knife can kill an adult dragon.

Omg, realy? How much damage did a knife do?

Also,

8) When slitting sombodys throat, you must roll a high number to be able to kill them.

[ScottishDragon]

Omg, realy? How much damage did a knife do?

Also,

8) When slitting sombodys throat, you must roll a high number to be able to kill them.

nat 20 on hit and 99 on crit.

[Vulkarius]

9) When someone asks "are you sure?" odds are you're about to be mauled by flaming zombie orphan kittens with rabies(flaming zombie rabies)

[Raiki]

After you blow up the first leader's head, the second leader will be much more cooperative.

Also, if you see something with more arms than you have party members, run.

~R~

[BisectedBrioche]

Omg, realy? How much damage did a knife do?

Also,

8) When slitting sombodys throat, you must roll a high number to be able to kill them.

If you're slitting their throat then surely it counts as a coup de grace?

[Pyrian]

Probably, but in 3.5 that's just 2d3 damage and a DC10+2d3 fortitude save. You might kill them... Much better to slit their throat with a scythe. :smallbiggrin:

[BisectedBrioche]

Probably, but in 3.5 that's just 2d3 damage and a DC10+2d3 fortitude save. You might kill them... Much better to slit their throat with a scythe. :smallbiggrin:

Well that's potentially enough to kill a level 1 commoner...:smallwink:

[Graymayre]

10) cats are stronger than the average person.

[Raiki]

10) Cats are stronger than the average person who thinks he's harry potter.

Fix'd that for ya. C'mon, what normal person is stupid enough to make Con their dump stat? Only a wizard would have the sheer amounts of confidence necessary to even think they could survive that.

~R~

[MethosH]

11) Never summon something bigger than your head.
12) If you fail at first try again and pray that the GM won't notice.

EDIT:

13) If the guy in charge is smiling something terrible is about to happen... to you.

[RandomLunatic]

14: Fire always works.
15: If 14 fails, use more fire.

[Graymayre]

16: There will always be more goblins

[MethosH]

17) Anything can be solved with the correct amount of explosives.

[Temotei]

18) How to read.
19) Crouching will make you sneaky.
20) The sun really does hurt.

[Vulkarius]

21) you will roll a one on your most powerful attack but crit on a frivolous skill check.

[golentan]

From Video Gaming:
22) Food is almost as good as bandages, and is never spoiled. Always eat it.
23) Unless you are playing nethack. Never eat anything in nethack, ever. If you suspect your life is nethack, walk up every set of stairs you can find until you're free.

From Tabletop Gaming:
24) Automatic Fire is less likely to hit anything than single shots.
25) 1 twentieth of the time you will fail at what you try. This includes walking.
26) You can always lose more SAN.

[Temotei]

From Video Gaming:
22) Food is almost as good as bandages, and is never spoiled. Always eat it.
23) Unless you are playing nethack. Never eat anything in nethack, ever. If you suspect your life is nethack, walk up every set of stairs you can find until you're free.

From Tabletop Gaming:
24) Automatic Fire is less likely to hit anything than single shots.
25) 1 twentieth of the time you will fail at what you try. This includes walking.
26) You can always lose more SAN.

Or Fallout 3 (not sure about the first two...I really should get out there and play those).

[MethosH]

27) If someone looks at you, drop food on the floor and start walking like nothing happened... Don't eat it. It's poison and they want to loot your body.

[BisectedBrioche]

Or Fallout 3 (not sure about the first two...I really should get out there and play those).

IIRC, food never spoils in any of the Fallout games (including three and those TBS games that never happened!). There was a handwave involving radioactive sterilization and large amounts of preservatives.

[Katana_Geldar]

28) A crit is the answer for everything, including stealing someone's pants.

[Temotei]

IIRC, food never spoils in any of the Fallout games (including three and those TBS games that never happened!). There was a handwave involving radioactive sterilization and large amounts of preservatives.

True, but they still give you "rads."


27) A crit is the answer for everything, including stealing someone's pants.

That's number twenty-eight. :smallsmile:

[BisectedBrioche]

True, but they still give you "rads."



That's number twenty-eight. :smallsmile:

Radiation's not really that big a deal (unless you have a perk connected to your rad level) though.

[MethosH]

29) If you hear the words "troll" and "flying" on the same sentence you better run. Fast.

[Temotei]

Radiation's not really that big a deal (unless you have a perk connected to your rad level) though.

That's true as well. I suppose I just hate being at all irradiated beyond 50 rads. :smallbiggrin:

[Egiam]

30) Always search doors for traps.

31) If someone offers you a paying job, never reject it, as your life will fall into an unremarkable, plotless, GM-forsaken mess until you get back on the railroad tracks.

32) If something attacks you, you should always be able to defeat it. If not, you really have to sacrifice more to your divine entity of choice, be it the GM or other.

33) if da GM dont leik u u b screwd.

34) Never travel without a ranged weapon.

35) Daggers don't work. Always use a greatsword.

[TheCountAlucard]

After you blow up the first leader's head, the second leader will be much more cooperative.Heck, The Fifth Element taught me that. :smallamused:

x) I may be able to punch a man hard enough to send him flying thirty yards, but if the door is locked and I don't have the key, there is no way I'm getting in.

x+1) Even if I can do a standing jump twelve yards straight up, that chest-high roadblock is undefeatable.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Everybody either has, or has a friend, with insane lockpicking skills. Nobody is safe.

[UnChosenOne]

34. There isn't such thing as overkill.

35. That kid kidnapped by Orcs? He can wait. Orcs won't kill him, even if you spent next 20 years hunting monsters.

[Mathis]

36. If Plan A did not work, move on to plan B: More gunpowder.

[BisectedBrioche]

37. Hometowns exist to be destroyed.
38. In the event of a destroyed hometown head into the wilderness or locate the nearest tavern subject to game format in order to find allies with a similar grudge.
39. If you survived (without collaberating with the destroyers) you were the target. No exceptions. The amount of angst you may display is directly proportional to how pretty you look and thus how easily your fangirls defend your actions.

[Trog]

5% of the time things go spectacularly awesome.

[PJ the Epic]

Real men don't need pause menus.

[Vulkarius]

Every and anything you can kill carries gold even if it can't spend it even if it's a wild pig odds are it has gold.

[GolemsVoice]

Real fights will always be just hard enough to challenge you. Everything else is unfair and deserves to be complained about.

No matter how improbably big the weapon you wield is, you can still hit more than five times in 5 seconds.

If something doesn't work, train for a ridicilous combination of personal talents and magical gifts to solve EVERYTHING.

IF your boss doesn't want to promote you because you can't read, go kill a few monsters and come back when you have learned it.

[golentan]

Time sensitive missions can actually be delayed indefinitely, unless the GM says otherwise or there is a countdown in the upper left corner of your vision.

It is okay to shoot people without warning if it's not a cutscene: they are badguys.

You can tell it's a cutscene because everything looks suddenly sharper and clearer, and has more detail than normal.

Dice can be microwaved for 10 seconds to shift their center of mass without visibly deforming them. It is a good idea to do this, as a surprising number of save the world scenarios are dependent on games of chance between the PC and an NPC. But if you do it for an actual game it loses it's fun.

Nobody believes I don't cheat. Because I don't cheat, I cannot be caught cheating. When I win, people will latch on to the most plausible explanation for how I cheated with no possible mechanism. I can use this to convince people I have psychic powers.

I have psychic powers.

[katans]

30) Always search ceilings for traps.


Corrected that.

[Ranger Mattos]

Sometimes a single word, that takes up less than a line, fills up 7 pages.

[Thanatos 51-50]

Corrected that.


You're looking for 30 Corollary A, which states, "Actually, just search everything for traps."

[MethosH]

??) If it's ugly there is a 98.9% chance it's bad and wants to kill you.
??+1) No matter what you do, if you win you are still the good guy.
??+2) Most of the time children are actually immortal.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Not sure if this counts, but I DID learn it while gaming: the hottest sauce available at Taco Bell will, in fact, clean a coin to a polished shine, regardless of its condition.

[BisectedBrioche]

Not sure if this counts, but I DID learn it while gaming: the hottest sauce available at Taco Bell will, in fact, clean a coin to a polished shine, regardless of its condition.

Technically any sauce will if it's sufficiently acidic.

[Anuan]

??)
??+2) Most of the time children are actually immortal.

Or time-travelling religious zealots.
Curse you, Alvin! D<

[GolemsVoice]

I've learned that on the one hand, you ahve to get out of here, Stalker, but on the other hand, I said come in, don't just stand there. I'm confused.

[wadledo]

??) My players hate me, and I hate my players.

[Ormagoden]

5% of the time things go spectacularly awesome.

Yes this!

but also

Shut the door. Bad guys can't get you if they can't get to you.

If you ever need to use a weapon on full auto make sure to load it up with recoil compensation.

There is another world much like ours but darker and filled with strange magic. It's one parted curtain/torn veil/out of body experience away.

Unless you know how to grapple you shouldn't grapple.

If you get enough people lined up you can break the laws of physics.

[Vulkarius]

Magic is no longer magical. It is an accepted field of science.

[MethosH]

Always reload. Even if you still got 199 bullets left. Reload.

[Indon]

Talk To Everyone.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Players must fear the the DM more than any Tarrasque.