Need help convincing a friend's parents

[Jallorn]

My friend is willing to try roleplaying, but his mom is concerned about murder. How can I convince her otherwise? I do not yet know why she's concerned other than that she has apparently heard about a lot of DnD related murders.

[RationalGoblin]

My friend is willing to try roleplaying, but his mom is concerned about murder. How can I convince her otherwise? I do not yet know why she's concerned other than that she has apparently heard about a lot of DnD related murders.

Tell her that no murder has EVER been concretely connected to D&D. If needed, find evidence on the internet, and then give it to her.

[Graymayre]

reference D&D roleplaying to similar activities. Does the person you are talking about own any vidyagames? If so that would be a road you can lead the mother down.

Another activity you can try is comparing D&D to is child roleplaying. How many children do you know who have played doctor went on to kill their entire family because they were trying to perform surgery? Saying that DnD causes murder is as ludicrous as that. Unless the kid itself is incapable of distinguishing the real from the imaginary then there is absolutely no danger from the activity.

I'm not sure how open you are to this last idea, but maybe you could let the mom sit in on a session. Empiricism is the best way to prove how harmless the game is.

[ApeofLight]

reference D&D roleplaying to similar activities. Does the person you are talking about own any vidyagames? If so that would be a road you can lead the mother down.

Another activity you can try is comparing D&D to is child roleplaying. How many children do you know who have played doctor went on to kill their entire family because they were trying to perform surgery? Saying that DnD causes murder is as ludicrous as that. Unless the kid itself is incapable of distinguishing the real from the imaginary then there is absolutely no danger from the activity.

I'm not sure how open you are to this last idea, but maybe you could let the mom sit in on a session. Empiricism is the best way to prove how harmless the game is.

Totally agree. Just be careful with your reasoning with the first one. If you explain it wrong the mother might take the video games and whatnot too.

[endoperez]

"Roleplaying is an activity where people create stories, and try to have fun in the process. The genre, focus and quality of these stories vary from comedy to tragedy and from drama to adventure. Roleplayers are no more likely to do weird stuff than writers or cartoonists or actors."

Also consider asking her what kind of stories are inappopriate. Depending on her personality feeling a bit of control over what her child is doing could go a long way. As long as she understands that most games have "fantasy violence", she'll probably list things like "no drugs, no R-rated stuff", and those aren't necessary to a game. Anything you want to keep is "magical medicine"! :smallsmile: You could also draw a direct comparison to a movie, Narnia or LotR or something.

Also, consider printing the "has gaming ever got you in legal trouble" thread, or parts of it. It's full of situations where games have caused misunderstandings like police being called because people discussed a game "killing" over a pizza. Aedilred's post on the first page is great for the purpose. Then you might have to explain differences between larping and roleplaying, though...

[Dragero]

Errr no offence to your freinds mom, but she sounds like a bit of an idiot.

Has he ever seen TV past 6pm?
Has he ever read a book(including the bible)?
Has he ever watched the news or read a newspaper?
Has he ever been to school?

If you awnser yes to any of these, you now have a great argument.

[Jallorn]

Errr no offence to your freinds mom, but she sounds like a bit of an idiot.

Has he ever seen TV past 6pm?
Has he ever read a book(including the bible)?
Has he ever watched the news or read a newspaper?
Has he ever been to school?

If you awnser yes to any of these, you now have a great argument.

Well, she's not exactly completely sane. Or that reasonable. but yeah.

Great ideas guys, thanks, I'll let you know how it goes.

[Dragero]

Can you define "Not completly sane"?

[Jallorn]

Can you define "Not completly sane"?

Well, my friend thinks she's a little schizophrenic, but all I'm sure of is that she's overly controlling and unreasonable.

[Stubbed Tongue]

How old is this friend?

[Jallorn]

He''s sixteen

[Stubbed Tongue]

WHAT?!?! The mother is afraid her 16 year old son is going to kill someone? If he isn't in therapy already then apparently she doesn't really believe that.

OK, ask the mother if he can join a drama class? Assuming the answer is a yes: Tell her that the game, DON'T tell her it's D&D, is a lot like acting. Yes, lie to her. It's as much a shame as it is true that D&D has a bad reputation. Call the game something else. Make up a name. Before you know it he will be 18 (an adult) and it won't really matter what his mother thinks.


OR Just play out of her house without telling her.

There are MUCH bigger issues here than a game.

[Jallorn]

No, she's afraid he's going to get killed. Apparently she thinks I might be dangerous, I'm hoping to assuage that fear.

[Syka]

How well does she know you?


I have friends my mom didn't mind me being out 'til all hours of the night with; I had other friends my mom didn't trust as far as she could throw 'em and thus didn't like me hanging out with. Had nothing to do with games (or hell, even drugs) and everything to do with what they thought the person, intrinsically, was like.

Chances are if she's worried you'll hurt him, it's NOT because of D&D.

[Stubbed Tongue]

No, she's afraid he's going to get killed. Apparently she thinks I might be dangerous, I'm hoping to assuage that fear.

I would bring over the dice, miniatures, pencils, and paper and show her and say: "These are what we play the game with, it's not a full contact sport. You must be thinking of another game besides D&D. D&D is a geek's game(and no I don't believe that but she might)."


And if that's not enough "Besides (16 year old's name here) is a friend of mine and wouldn't hurt him for anything in the world."

[Dragero]

Errrrr he`s 16!!!

1) Have him come over to your place.
2) Play D&D.
3) Tell Mom you where playing video-games
4) ??????
5) PROFIT!!!

Or do the above and show her the things you need to play.

[TheThan]

My friend is willing to try roleplaying, but his mom is concerned about murder. How can I convince her otherwise? I do not yet know why she's concerned other than that she has apparently heard about a lot of DnD related murders.

Invite her to sit in on a game. Once she realizes what it's all about, she'll think its a silly little hobby and be cool with it.

[MethosH]

A power point presentation.
Show her that there are more death/murder related to:

god
school
rock
drugs
airplanes
movie tickets
oil
territory
even (belive it) kittens.


EDIT:
I also recommend lies. But that may be just me... I believe some people are just hopeless stupid and there is no point in waste time arguing with them

[icastflare!]

even (belive it) kittens.
[/LIST]

kittens? *gasp!*

[Maximum Zersk]

Don'tcha know, icastflare!? Kittehs are the most diabolical and most adorable creatures out there. '3'

[MethosH]

oh yeah... I almost forgot...
There is more murder related to MARRIAGE.

[ghost_warlock]

oh yeah... I almost forgot...
There is more murder related to MARRIAGE.

Gonads will get you every time.

[ClockShock]

No, she's afraid he's going to get killed. Apparently she thinks I might be dangerous, I'm hoping to assuage that fear.

To be honest. One of the easiest things you could do is go over, talk to her, and show that you're a lovely well rounded person (you ARE a lovely well rounded person, aren't you?)

To me it doesn't sound like an issue with DnD itself, but the fear of what YOU might be like. It's paranoia sure, but people can get like that with their kids. If the nature of the game crops up you've got plenty of things above, just be reasonable when saying it.

[littlebottom]

a few points, one take another roleplayer and show her how sensible responsible and reasonable he is (but if he is anything like the roleplayers i know, dont let him say anything :smalltongue:)

or a better point to put across, is that the male mind is naturally egotistical, and craves competition, a creative, mind expanding, perfectly safe way to do this is by roleplay, as opposed to saaaay rugby where people stamp on his face, or football where an evil minded opposing player might kick at his legs rather than the ball, in roleplay, the kicking is imaginary, between friends and cannot physically harm him. where as any other outlet for such things can. even video games can harm you, more than a roleplay, because people can get so frustrated they punch holes in walls, i mean come on, whats safer? rolling dice? or any of the other above mentioned everyday outlets?

if he is the type who never plays football, or even leaves the house virtually at all, just tell her that 9/10 accidents happen in the home, so his more likely to get hurt by staying there :smallwink: or a more substantial argument would be, "the worst that could happen is that he doesnt like it and he just doesnt play again"

anyway, all the best, i hope you manage to convince her.


EDIT: as i notice you dont mention where you come from in your profile, i shall assume you may not know what i meant at some parts, so here you are just incase

Rugby: its like american football with less protection and you can only pass backwards (meaning all your ground gaining comes out of running forward through the opponent or kicking it which is unreliable)

Football: in america, its called soccer.

i believe that covers it....

[Jallorn]

I live in Chicago. I know what rugby and football are. Thank you.

Really though, thanks, lol. You know, it's fun to try and convey sarcasm via internet sometimes.

[Gaelbert]

Tell her that no murder has EVER been concretely connected to D&D. If needed, find evidence on the internet, and then give it to her.

I'd suggest you show her Dark Dungeons, the Jack Chick tract.

[Yarram]

I think you should tell her, that yes, you are a bloody axe murderer, and in fact have slain 3 of your previous friends when their characters died in the middle of the night, but no, because the police are on to you, you won't be able to murder her son until you at least manage to pin them on someone else.

No. Don't do that.
I'm not politically correct, and so I'd tell her what I felt, which is insulted that she'd implied that I was some sort of axe murderer, worshiped the devil, and fornicated with anything that moved... But perhaps that's not the angle we're looking for.

[Egiam]

Well... I'm not very optimistic. I've had three new players walk out for similar reasons (except more related to the game, less about me). I've tried to convince them otherwise, but parents don't like listening to "children" tell them what is good for their kids.

I'm just not sure that it is worth the effort.

[2xMachina]

Tell her that's a giant smear campaign against role playing.

[Yarram]

Tell her that's a giant smear campaign against role playing.

START a giant smear campaign against role-playing, then show how you're the source behind it.
Wait...
I have to wonder though, why does she expect you to talk to her about it? Has she arranged a meeting for you both? Do you plan to confront her over it?
If she's said she doesn't like it, and you haven't got any plans for arranging a confrontation, I feel awkward, just because it makes you seem defensive, which is what many people see as a sign of guilt.

[Jallorn]

I'm planning to approach her this monday after school to ask her to tell me her concerns so that I might be able to assuage them.

[Asta Kask]

You could let her read these forums and see what a bunch of normal, well-adjusted people we are.

[icastflare!]

You could let her read these forums and see what a bunch of normal, well-adjusted people we are.

your not helping the case asta kask. [/sarcasm]

but ya, show her that all these fears have no truth to them.

[Asta Kask]

I have no idea what you're talking about, icastflare. :smallbiggrin:

[Arti3]

Join PETA.

[Dragero]

You could let her read these forums and see what a bunch of normal, well-adjusted people we are.

You think we're "Normal, well adjusted people"?


NO! I HATE YOU, YOU KILLED HER!
/puts on glasses
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU GET IN MY RABBIT????


/draws colt .45 and shoots
now it's a dead rabbit.
WHY DID YOU KILL MY CHICKEN?????

[/case]

[Asta Kask]

You think we're "Normal, well adjusted people"?

Either that or I'm practising my deadpan mode... :smallbiggrin:

[Dragero]

Well today he is asking, so we should get the results tonight!

[Rutskarn]

Compare it to acting.

You're just playing the role of a character. Arnold Schwarzenegger has acted out brutally murdering thousands of people, complete with firing prop weapons and seeing blood splatter, but how likely is he to go off and murder people?

[Jallorn]

Would someone lock this thread?

[Froogleyboy]

I've had this problem before with my friends (all of 'em). Tell her that it's a game about being a hero. You save the world from evil so peace and love can flouris!

[Lycan 01]

You're not gonna tell us how it turned out? :smallfrown:

[Jallorn]

It's not gonna happen. There's no way to even talk to her without something going wrong.

[Lycan 01]

What happened? :smallconfused:

[Jallorn]

My friend said she said there was no way she'd talk to me, and all my other ideas end in big trouble. Basically, it's just not worth it. Specially since my friend is a bit of a compulsive lier, so I'm not even sure the whole story is true.

[Yarram]

My friend said she said there was no way she'd talk to me, and all my other ideas end in big trouble. Basically, it's just not worth it. Specially since my friend is a bit of a compulsive lier, so I'm not even sure the whole story is true.

:smallfrown:
I am sad for you.

[Lycan 01]

Yeah, that does sound like more trouble than its worth... :smallsigh:

[Egiam]

*Plays somber violin music*

It's just sad how much the public image of the art medium that is the RPG has been warped.

[742]

for the future when talking to the insane and/or deluded: describe RPGs as "a cross between a game and a collaborative writing project, with just a touch of childish make believe". im not particularly diplomatic though, and i generally compare it to the religion that those types inevitably have and how most RPG settings are less violent and some people can differentiate between reality and fiction; things generally go downhill from there.
i would recommend avoiding that last part though; most people tend to get a little miffed when you tell them theyre schizophrenic and their entire world view is based on a delusion.