I please ask for a lot of help/advice from the LGBT community here, and their friends

[Pika...]

Hi,

This is a long story, and it is 3:12am here and I have not slept in two days, so sorry for the bad grammar/etc.


So long story short is that the transgender soon to be father of my offspring (they are one of the couples I will be helping, and who want me in the kid's life) is at the deathbed of his grandmather who raised him, was like family to his wife, and from what I have been told is/was very supportive of him (formerly her).

The guy is from a poor family to the point that they could not afford to fly him over there. I put my own credit on the line to get him there, and now will be doing more so to get her there because he is falling apart.


...
......
.........
Anyway, midway through typing this message she heard back that they got the parent/grandparent on some meds which will buy her some time. Possibly even a few weeks!

I was so happy for them.


However, the Mrs. asked me to see if either way I could help her in attempting to gather his surgery funds/surgery money by the time he comes home. In her own words 'It's what his grandma would have wanted." when she thought there was (or there really wasn't) almost no time left.

Anyway, I am both tired and emotionally saddened a bit (and guilty for not helping her there sooner) so I will update this message in the morning (afternoon perhaps if I wake up later). What I would really like to know if there are any ways you folks could suggest of making up this money (and no, my local bank+mask is not an option here). I remember seeing around the next a signature by multiple people asking for donations to get a friend in/through school. Would that be feasible? It's the only thing I can come up with to be honest.


Thank you so much in advance!!!

[golentan]

...

We have an LGBT thread. And this isn't so much an LGBT issue as a financial one, for which I have no advice (I tend to recommend only ponying up funds to individuals with a written understanding or in the case of very specific needs).

[Faulty]

Yeah, in the future post in the LGBT thread. As far as getting money, you can ask for donations here but otherwise... save up? There's no miracle way to get money. His surgery may be paid for by the state/government/whatever depending on where you are.

[Pika...]

His surgery may be paid for by the state/government/whatever depending on where you are.

OK, THAT is the kind of information I was hoping to hear here. :smallbiggrin:

Long-shot, but what states/etc do this?

[Castaras]

What's wrong with the LGBT thread or the Relationship Woes and Advice thread? Or even the depression thread?

[SDF]

OK, THAT is the kind of information I was hoping to hear here. :smallbiggrin:

Long-shot, but what states/etc do this?

The only state with government healthcare for now is Massachusetts. I'm sure there is a residency issue, though. The sentiment seems nice, but you really shouldn't spend money you don't have.

[Pika...]

They will be raising my offspring. Trust is a must here.


Anyway, anyone know if there are any organizations who deal/help with this?


ps. Sorry I did not put this in the LGBT thread. It was just so big, and I was not sure if it fits there.

[Faulty]

This is legit stuff for the LGBT thread. You may want to continue this line of thought there rather than in this thread.

Trust doesn't require you pay for someone's transition. Support is important, but you don't need to be a sacrificial lamb to prove yourself.

[Pika...]

OH NO!


I lent them money for his plane ticket. I am not nearly able to pay for a transition.

I am here trying to help his wife find options/help/ways to get him his dream, and what his grandma would want for him.

[golentan]

Just to raise a small quibble, if they can't pay for the GRS for the husband, are you truly sanguine about their ability to provide adequate security for the child at this point? And if your combined efforts have insufficient funds, how could you really take up the slack?

[Pika...]

Just to raise a small quibble, if they can't pay for the GRS for the husband, are you truly sanguine about their ability to provide adequate security for the child at this point? And if your combined efforts have insufficient funds, how could you really take up the slack?

They are smart. The problem is the guy is still in the process of getting into the military. The guy is trying to get himself, her, and their current kid ahead in life, so he chose to join the military. They are quite certain their money issues will be over once he is in, and this is why they are planning for next December/January.


edit:
Can a mod combine this into the LGBT thread?

[golentan]

Umm... At least for the time being, being trans is automatic disqualification from service in the armed forces of the united states...

[Pika...]

Umm... At least for the time being, being trans is automatic disqualification from service in the armed forces of the united states...

"Don't ask, don't tell". :smallsmile:

[golentan]

"Don't ask, don't tell". :smallsmile:

The trouble is that as part of the process, prospective service members go through a physical examination. Any form of genital surgery is grounds for being turned down. That's even before getting into all the paperwork and background checks.

There's a waiver process, but the process is arcane and rarely has a positive result.

Also, please don't say "Don't ask don't tell" with a smiley. It's destroyed friend's lives.

[llamamushroom]

This looks like a "go round to various social gathering places with a tin and rattle it" sort of situation. There are probably a couple of charities you could try asking, and if you explain the particulars maybe a couple of LGBT support groups could lend a hand.

[SDF]

The trouble is that as part of the process, prospective service members go through a physical examination. Any form of genital surgery is grounds for being turned down. That's even before getting into all the paperwork and background checks.

There's a waiver process, but the process is arcane and rarely has a positive result.

Also, please don't say "Don't ask don't tell" with a smiley. It's destroyed friend's lives.

I had a friend who lied about calf surgery he had two months before he went into the Marines. They don't really dig too hard to keep anyone out of the military.