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Egneil
2010-04-16, 09:05 AM
I felt that my character Glish (http://www.myth-weavers.com/sheetview.php?sheetid=200465) has too long of a backstory. Although he's not in a campaign yet, I'm trying to get him in one and felt a more concise backstory would help. I just don't want to scrap everything I wrote to do it.
Any help will be appreciated, thanks.

Optimystik
2010-04-16, 09:13 AM
I would revise your stats - 10 Con is far too dangerous for a melee class, especially one as squishy as a monk.

...Oh, you wanted fluff advice? Okay :smalltongue:

It doesn't seem that long to me - two paragraphs are usually fine. Your tribe met some dwarves with aspirations to conquer your territory, they sent you to mediate (with minimal gear so they could defend the village if you failed), you learned Common, and the negotiations aren't making much progress so you're looking for a partner to help apply pressure.

Why would woodcrafts attract suspicion? If anything, the locals should either take you at face value (itinerant merchant) or be more wary of your half-orc nature than of your knickknacks for sale. :smallconfused:

Djinn_in_Tonic
2010-04-16, 09:18 AM
Backstories have no required length, although some DMs have preferences. The characters I run, for example, usually work their way into high-RP campaigns where backstory is important: 5+ pages is often the norm for me.

Most DMs will be 100% alright with a couple of paragraphs. You're doing fine. :smallbiggrin:

valadil
2010-04-16, 09:22 AM
The length is fine. Most GMs who are serious about backstory want a page. Others want a paragraph or two. I'm the kind of jackass who writes 14 page backstories.

Your story is a little bland though. Have some fun with it. If you have fun writing, it'll be more fun to read. I'd rather read four fun paragraphs than two bland ones. I find that backstories are boring when they're biographical. Throwing in a little dialogue goes a long way to livening things up. It also helps you feel out your character before you play him.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2010-04-16, 10:08 AM
Your story is a little bland though. Have some fun with it. If you have fun writing, it'll be more fun to read. I'd rather read four fun paragraphs than two bland ones. I find that backstories are boring when they're biographical. Throwing in a little dialogue goes a long way to livening things up. It also helps you feel out your character before you play him.

This. A general rule I like to follow is "Show, don't Tell." Narratives, little stories of key moments in his life, thoughts, emotions...show us the character's history through the eyes of the character, or the eyes of those around him. We'll get a much more convincing character out of the resulting story than we would out of a timeline style biography.

Egneil
2010-04-16, 10:22 AM
I would revise your stats - 10 Con is far too dangerous for a melee class, especially one as squishy as a monk.

I only had a 32-point buy and half-orcs have the stupid minus four-stat, for only two-points of strength. I felt that it was better spent in armor.


Why would woodcrafts attract suspicion? If anything, the locals should either take you at face value (itinerant merchant) or be more wary of your half-orc nature than of your knickknacks for sale. :smallconfused:

Woodcrafts usually have cultural significance and the dwarves would have knowledge of various cultures. What the half-orc in the market is selling can't be pointed to any culture even the most culturally versed know of. It wouldn't be that big of a leap of logic to think that it came from the area they didn't explore than that it came from a village or town that escaped notice in the mainland. It would raise a few eyebrows but not cause the captain of the guard to knock on his door.


Your story is a little bland though. Have some fun with it. If you have fun writing, it'll be more fun to read. I'd rather read four fun paragraphs than two bland ones. I find that backstories are boring when they're biographical. Throwing in a little dialogue goes a long way to livening things up. It also helps you feel out your character before you play him.

Same here, but I felt it might make the tone too much like telling the DM what to do.

Djinn_in_Tonic
2010-04-16, 10:29 AM
Same here, but I felt it might make the tone too much like telling the DM what to do.

Not really...it's telling the DM who you are. He'll know more about your character: how you act, how you think, how you envision yourself...and will therefore be able to build a more convincing game around you.

Also, he might just be more interested in your backstory. An interesting one is always more fun to read!

valadil
2010-04-16, 10:33 AM
Same here, but I felt it might make the tone too much like telling the DM what to do.

That's understandable. How your DM reacts depends on your DM. Some of them don't want you to assume too much because they're totally in control of the world. I'm a lazy DM. The less I have to do the better. If a player has a nemesis left over from his troubled teenage past, awesome. I'll make that nemesis into a major villain. The PCs think I'm doing more work because I'm spending time in their backstories. I'm not. I'm lazy. I recycle what they give me, so the more hooks they give me the better. Sometimes I'll change a name or two around (usually to match with a name another PC gave me), but other than that players should go nuts with their background.

Optimystik
2010-04-16, 10:36 AM
I'm not sure of the parameters of your setting, but find it strange that Dwarves would be so versed in woodwork. Sculpting and gems yes, but recognizing that a wooden creation is sufficiently exotic as to warrant notice by non-collectors seems a bit iffy.

Are you going into Druid later? That's the only reason I can think you'd need a 16 in Wis, and your backstory seems to hint in that direction. Keep in mind that your Con will stay low even after you wild shape though, if that is the case.

Sorry in advance if you don't want to discuss mechanics, I can't help myself.... just give the word and I'll stop.

Egneil
2010-04-16, 10:46 AM
I'm reluctant to change it, but I can see some places I can add dialogue and a few line I can replace with some. It just took me the better part of the night to do, and I don't want that progress overshadowed, or swept under the proverbial rug.
If you could point to some more concrete areas to change that would be great. :smallsmile:

Edit: I don't plan to have him go into druid, but monks need wisdom because armor makes them weaker. Though I could sacrifice some wisdom and dex to give him some more life without losing that much of an edge.
As for the woodworks; the dwarves aren't the only ones looking at them and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person could have the guards look at him too closely.

Fallbot
2010-04-16, 11:08 AM
It seems a little odd that his woodwork draws more attention than him being half-orc. Is his ancestry not obvious, or am I missing something?

Otherwise it seems like a pretty solid starting point, and I really don't think it needs cutting down.

Egneil
2010-04-16, 11:16 AM
It seems a little odd that his woodwork draws more attention than him being half-orc. Is his ancestry not obvious, or am I missing something?

Otherwise it seems like a pretty solid starting point, and I really don't think it needs cutting down.

I see it more as the half-orc suspicions were already addressed at the gate, and that most people assume that the guards would keep out the spies and bandits.
Although I should make that more clear.

Optimystik
2010-04-16, 11:24 AM
I'm reluctant to change it, but I can see some places I can add dialogue and a few line I can replace with some. It just took me the better part of the night to do, and I don't want that progress overshadowed, or swept under the proverbial rug.
If you could point to some more concrete areas to change that would be great. :smallsmile:

I would leave it as-is, and do something else today. Then sleep on it and look again, you'll have a dozen things you want to tweak. Our minds are funny like that :smallsmile:

It really does look fine to me. I don't consider it particularly bland either - an orcish tribe attempting diplomacy as a first course of action is sufficiently bizarre enough to add spice, in my opinion. Your actions thus far also fit your alignment - words if they'll work, force if they won't.


Edit: I don't plan to have him go into druid, but monks need wisdom because armor makes them weaker. Though I could sacrifice some wisdom and dex to give him some more life without losing that much of an edge.

You have to balance armor with health - both are necessary for survival, and d8 isn't as beefy as it looks.

While Wis does indeed protect you against physical attacks, HP protects you against everything, and you can still be diseased and poisoned until levels 5 and 11, respectively.

14 Wis is really all most monks need, and won't impact your concept in any way. 10 Con is definitely low.



As for the woodworks; the dwarves aren't the only ones looking at them and saying the wrong thing to the wrong person could have the guards look at him too closely.

What race are these guards? If he had to evade sentries to get into town, why would anyone want to even speak with him? I'd wager a half-orc would stick out like a sore thumb in a dwarven city, woodcraft or no woodcraft. Won't the guards pick him up right away anyway?

EDIT: Ninja'ed on the last point, which you already said you'd clarify.

Egneil
2010-04-16, 11:41 AM
You have to balance armor with health - both are necessary for survival, and d8 isn't as beefy as it looks.

While Wis does indeed protect you against physical attacks, HP protects you against everything, and you can still be diseased and poisoned until levels 5 and 11, respectively.

14 Wis is really all most monks need, and won't impact your concept in any way. 10 Con is definitely low.

I see your point and decided to give him +2 con at the cost of two points of wisdom.


What race are these guards? If he had to evade sentries to get into town, why would anyone want to even speak with him? I'd wager a half-orc would stick out like a sore thumb in a dwarven city, woodcraft or no woodcraft. Won't the guards pick him up right away anyway?

EDIT: Ninja'ed on the last point, which you already said you'd clarify


The sentries were on the other side of the mountains which they don't know much about; much less that there could be anything that could evade them, their only on the lookout for dangerous beasts that could reach the town.
The dwarves would have some relations with the orcs that originated on their side of the mountains, if only of the merchant variety.

Forever Curious
2010-04-16, 11:48 AM
That's understandable. How your DM reacts depends on your DM. Some of them don't want you to assume too much because they're totally in control of the world. I'm a lazy DM. The less I have to do the better. If a player has a nemesis left over from his troubled teenage past, awesome. I'll make that nemesis into a major villain. The PCs think I'm doing more work because I'm spending time in their backstories. I'm not. I'm lazy. I recycle what they give me, so the more hooks they give me the better. Sometimes I'll change a name or two around (usually to match with a name another PC gave me), but other than that players should go nuts with their background.

This. And, seeing as how I'm making the bulk of the game based on backstory...yeah. :smalltongue:

Strawberries
2010-04-16, 03:09 PM
That's understandable. How your DM reacts depends on your DM. Some of them don't want you to assume too much because they're totally in control of the world. I'm a lazy DM. The less I have to do the better. If a player has a nemesis left over from his troubled teenage past, awesome. I'll make that nemesis into a major villain. The PCs think I'm doing more work because I'm spending time in their backstories. I'm not. I'm lazy. I recycle what they give me, so the more hooks they give me the better. Sometimes I'll change a name or two around (usually to match with a name another PC gave me), but other than that players should go nuts with their background.
This

Really??? Awesome. Expect more PMs from me! :smalltongue:

Egneil
2010-04-16, 04:52 PM
I updated his sheet so I'm wondering if it's better or worse.
Any thoughts will be appreciated, thanks.:smallsmile: