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Vinyadan
2010-04-24, 07:37 AM
Good day everyone!
I have not been playing D&D for about a year and now I may have the chance to play again. I would like to play as a muffin. And, by muffin, I mean soft, sweet bread.
My idea would be that of a muffin with two little legs and two little arms, running around and wreaking havoc. I was thinking of a barbarian, a bear warrior or a rage mage.
Is this a joke? Well, partly. I believe I am doing this because it is hilarious. But I'm also sure that roleplaying a muffin will be one of the hardest challenges in my whole life.

My question is: how is to be stated such a character? Is there a muffin race, or something like that? Are there "muffin elves"? Which sources are best?

I also would love some help in choosing the classes. I would like something aggresive, like barbarian or monk, because I enjoy a lot the idea of a killer muffin who jumps out of nowhere and starts bashing opponents.

EDIT: It is a 3.5 character.

Toliudar
2010-04-24, 08:00 AM
Ignoring for the moment the oddness of this entire thread, I'll suggest a few things:

I'm reasonably sure there's no pre-existing 'muffin' race, so you're on your own in building this. Since you're only getting to play this if the DM has a whopping dose of whimsy anyway, homebrew is the least of your worries. You might want to start with warforged as a base, and then adjust strength down and dex up as you shrink down to your desired size.

The challenge with most melee-focused classes will be that a Fine-sized muffin, in addition to being soft and squishy, doesn't threaten outside of its own square, so can only attack by entering an opponent's square. A reach weapon helps with this, I think. Ninja or swordsage might be your ideal classes - able to lay down a serious smackdown, but not tremendously reliant on strength.

Zeta Kai
2010-04-24, 08:07 AM
Tell us again why you haven't played a game in the last year. Could it possibly be because your DMs balks at your insistence on roleplaying a bald cupcake? I don't know how your games are run, but when I DM, the settings that I create & the stories I try to tell rarely involve ambulatory pastries. It's something to consider.

However, in the interest of being constructive, you may want to take a look at the Gingerbread Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html), from the mind that brought you the Order of the Stick. It might be a good place to start.

Volthawk
2010-04-24, 08:11 AM
However, in the interest of being constructive, you may want to take a look at the Gingerbread Golem (http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html), from the mind that brought you the Order of the Stick. It might be a good place to start.

Add soulfused construct to that, and you should be good to go.

Forget that, I just noticed it's intelligent.

ghost_warlock
2010-04-24, 09:17 AM
Muffin

+2 Charisma, -4 Intelligence. Everyone loves muffins, but they're not exactly the brightest cookies in the jar.
Construct (Living): Living constructs combine aspects of both constructs and living creatures, as detailed below.
Tiny: As a Tiny creature, a muffin gains a +2 size bonus to Armor Class, a +2 size bonus on attack rolls, and a +8 size bonus on Hide checks, but it uses smaller weapons than humans use, and its lifting and carrying limits are half of those of a Medium character.
Muffin base land speed is 20 feet.
Half-Baked Aggression: Muffins are highly trained in engaging larger foes in combat and do not provoke attacks of opportunity when entering an opponent's space.
+2 racial bonus on Move Silently checks.
+2 racial bonus on Tumble checks.
A character with the Profession (baker) skill can provide long-term care to an injured muffin, healing the muffin 2 hit points per character level of the muffin for a full 8 hours of rest in a day, or 4 hit points per level for each full day of complete rest. A muffin with ranks in the Profession (baker) skill can provide care for itself.
Automatic Languages: Common and Muffin. Bonus Languages: Gnome, Halfling, Dwarven, Elven.
Favored Class: Bard-barian. Anything less would be uncivilized.


Living construct:


Unlike other constructs, a living construct has a Constitution score. A living construct does not gain bonus hit points by size but gains (or loses) bonus hit points through a Constitution bonus (or penalty) as with other living creatures.
Unlike other constructs, a living construct does not have low-light vision or darkvision.
Unlike other constructs, a living construct is not immune to mind-influencing effects.
Immunity to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, disease, nausea, fatigue, exhaustion, and energy drain.
A living construct cannot heal damage naturally.
Unlike other constructs, living constructs are subject to critical hits, effects requiring a Fort save, death from massive damage, nonlethal damage, stunning, ability damage, ability drain, and death effects or necromancy effects.
Unlike other constructs, a living construct can use the run action.
Living constructs can be affected by spells that target living creatures as well as by those that target constructs. Damage dealt to a living construct can be healed by a cure light wounds spell or a repair light damage spell, for example, and a living construct is vulnerable to a harm spell. However, spells from the healing subschool provide only half effect to a living construct.
A living construct responds slightly differently from other living creatures when reduced to 0 hit points. A living construct with 0 hit points is disabled, just like a living creature. He can only take a single move action or standard action in each round, but strenuous activity does not risk further injury. When his hit points are less than 0 and greater than -10, a living construct is inert. He is unconscious and helpless, and he cannot perform any actions. However, an inert living construct does not lose additional hit points unless more damage is dealt to him, as with a living creature that is stable.
Can be raised or resurrected.
Does not need to eat, sleep, or breathe, but can still benefit from the effects of consumable spells and magic items such as heroes' feast and potions.
Does not need to sleep, but must rest for 8 hours before preparing spells.

Heliomance
2010-04-24, 09:19 AM
1) Be a Psion
2) Buy a muffin
3) Polymorph the muffin into a rabbit
4) True Mind Switch with the rabbit
5) Dispel Polymorph

Congratulations, you are now a psionic muffin. I suggest Psionic Levitation for mobility purposes.

ArcanistSupreme
2010-04-24, 09:28 AM
1) Be a Psion
2) Buy a muffin
3) Polymorph the muffin into a rabbit
4) True Mind Switch with the rabbit
5) Dispel Polymorph

Congratulations, you are now a psionic muffin. I suggest Psionic Levitation for mobility purposes.

You could also get a friendly spellcaster to PAO you into a muffin.

While both of these methods undeniably accomplish the goal of being a muffin, it also means that you are a nonliving object. You might encounter difficulties doing anything.

Saintheart
2010-04-24, 09:45 AM
Ensure you take the mighty name of Attila the Bun.

The Glyphstone
2010-04-24, 09:59 AM
You could also get a friendly spellcaster to PAO you into a muffin.

While both of these methods undeniably accomplish the goal of being a muffin, it also means that you are a nonliving object. You might encounter difficulties doing anything.

That's why you use the Psionic Sandwich Muffin trick - you retain your own mental scores even after the Metamorphosis wears off, because it had mental scores when you switched minds with it. Or something.

ArcanistSupreme
2010-04-24, 10:03 AM
That's why you use the Psionic Sandwich Muffin trick - you retain your own mental scores even after the Metamorphosis wears off, because it had mental scores when you switched minds with it. Or something.

But...but...you're a muffin!

Divide by Zero
2010-04-24, 10:04 AM
That's why you use the Psionic Sandwich Muffin trick - you retain your own mental scores even after the Metamorphosis wears off, because it had mental scores when you switched minds with it. Or something.

You do lose all your physical scores, and you can't take any physical actions, but if you're a level 17+ psion, who cares about that? Manifest psionic overland flight and call it a day.

Volthawk
2010-04-24, 10:06 AM
But...but...you're a muffin!

You don't take the muffin's mental stats. Sure, your physicals would probably be nonabilities, but you're still as persuasive as ever.

wumpus
2010-04-24, 05:57 PM
Do you know the muffin man
the muffin man
the muffin man?

wumpus

now that I've had a few too many glasses of wine, off to MMO (DDO to be precise).

Tyrmatt
2010-04-24, 06:16 PM
http://www.giantitp.com/articles/Cc85LTNvTgOuH1xTRjz.html

If there was ever a instant template for one of these, this is it. Add living construct and away you go.

Myou
2010-04-24, 06:21 PM
You don't take the muffin's mental stats. Sure, your physicals would probably be nonabilities, but you're still as persuasive as ever.

But you'd probably have str, dex and con 0.
So you have a base AC before powers and the like of 5 (although size will help), -5 to initiative, reflex and fortitude saves of 1 (assuming you're level 20, but at least only fortitude effects that target objects will work), you'd have exactly 20hp, total, and you'd be considered 'helpless' at all times.

Volthawk
2010-04-24, 06:21 PM
But you'd probably have str, dex and con 0.
So you have a base AC before powers and the like of 5 (although size will help), -5 to initiative, reflex and fortitude saves of 1 (assuming you're level 20, but at least only fortitude effects that target objects will work), you'd have exactly 20hp, total, and you'd be considered 'helpless' at all times.

If you had a con score of 0, wouldn't you be dead?

Myou
2010-04-24, 06:25 PM
If you had a con score of 0, wouldn't you be dead?

Good point. I think most DMs would rule you were dead purely because your body couldn't possibly support life.
A lenient one would probably give you str/dex/con --, so you wouldn't die. But that's the same as a 0, except you can't even boost it.

Escheton
2010-04-24, 06:34 PM
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/253287

NSFW

gingerbread drunken master...

Divide by Zero
2010-04-24, 06:46 PM
If you had a con score of 0, wouldn't you be dead?

Not Con 0. Con -. The latter means you never had a Con score to begin with, and would be no different from playing an undead character.

Volthawk
2010-04-24, 06:47 PM
Not Con 0. Con -. The latter means you never had a Con score to begin with, and would be no different from playing an undead character.

That's what I said. He then said it would have Con 0. I was saying the ramifications of his reading.

Radiun
2010-04-24, 07:43 PM
If you had a con score of 0, wouldn't you be dead?

Just play a ghostly psion if you're that worried

But Metamorphosis lets you be an object with no repercussion.

http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/metamorphosis.htm

"You can also use this power to assume the form of an inanimate object. You gain the object’s hardness and retain your own hit points. You can take the shape of almost any simple object you can think of. If you attempt to take the form of a complex object, you must make an appropriate skill check.. If you fail the check, your manifestation of the power does not succeed. Likewise, you cannot take the form of a complex mechanical mechanism unless you have some sort of skill associated with the object. You cannot use this power to assume the form of a psionic item or a magic item, or any object with a hardness of 15 or higher. You also cannot take the form of a psionically animated mechanism or any object formed of ectoplasm. "


Ok, so you might need "Proffession: Cook" if your DM considers muffins complex, but still.