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View Full Version : Need help: How To Be A Jerk



evisiron
2010-05-02, 04:32 PM
In character, of course.

So, I am about to take part in a game of (World of Darkness) Mage: The Ascension and my character is going to be a serious Douchebag. I haven't actually tried running a character like this before without being outright evil, so I was hoping for some tips on behavioural patterns of jerks and *******s.

So far I was thinking the likes of:
-Belittle the opinions of others for no obvious reason and uses phrases like "you're entitled to your opinion, but the fact is _____"
-Criticise peoples plans without offering constructive solutions, and whine about how people "should have listened to me" when things go wrong.
-Use fairly racist/bigoted/sexist stereotypes or remarks but start the sentence with "I'm not being racist/bigoted/sexist but _____"
-Give people irritating or insulting nicknames based on physical differences or quirks.

This feels like a good start, but do you have any suggestions (either thought up or from personal experience)?

Project_Mayhem
2010-05-02, 04:35 PM
Belittle the opinions of others for no obvious reason and uses phrases like "you're entitled to your "opinion", but the fact is _____"

Fixed. remember to pronounce them.

What path and arcana did you pick? Maybe there's some specific stuff to do with that?

Mongoose87
2010-05-02, 04:36 PM
Don't you think this might rub the other players the wrong way?

Lord Raziere
2010-05-02, 04:38 PM
Don't you think this might rub the other players the wrong way?

maybe he got permission from his other players or DM beforehand?

Project_Mayhem
2010-05-02, 04:40 PM
I've played in a few groups where this would be fine - e.g. my current one. Bear in mind NWoD seems to encourage more character driven rp than DnD (IMO), which allows for this sort of thing more

Lord Loss
2010-05-02, 04:40 PM
1) When your teamate(s) are/is in trouble, loudly debate the pros and cons of saving them. Then save them at the last possible moment. Then constantly remind them that they owe you their lives.

2) Why are you even helping these idiots? You're far more important than them (or so you think), so constantly complain about it. (ex: ''This is so not worth 1000 gp'' or ''I'm not here to help the King, I'm here cause these shmucks killed my brother''

3) ''Mercy? You expect me to show you mercy?'' General thing about survivors: Don't leave any. Are you expected to be capturing that guy to be interrogated? Oops. I forgot.

Finally, always be a jerk. Not just to the party, but to the NPCs. Your philosophy is simple: Everyone owes you a living, and everyone who annoys you had better stop. or else.

A word to the wise: Don't take it too far. Don't actively sabotage your mission, don't let the party die, don't traitor your party (at least, not without a hefty sum of gold) and don't spoil the fun of the other players. You can let your personality show without crushing that of the other players.

Private-Prinny
2010-05-02, 04:46 PM
Optimize your character with everything you can find, then be the most arrogant and condescending version of this (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InsufferableGenius) possible.

Prodan
2010-05-02, 04:48 PM
Your method of acting like a jerk lacks class. For information on how to be a jerk with style, watch episodes of House.

TheThan
2010-05-02, 05:04 PM
Go to local fraternity party, copy members.

Seriously though, do some research on some characters and borrow from them.

Check out Biff Tannen from back to the future. He’s not really evil, but he’s an ******* through and through.

He’s the only one that I can come up with off the top of my head though.

Greenish
2010-05-02, 06:07 PM
"I'm more of a classy ***hole -- A cl*******, if you will." (http://xkcd.com/72/)

The man with the hat is made of win.

valadil
2010-05-02, 06:14 PM
Know that you're better/more important than the other PCs. Expect them to know it too. Everything else derives from that.

My best jerk character was also in a WoD game. He wouldn't bring a wounded ally to the hospital because he didn't want to get blood on his car's interior. It worked out pretty well in establishing what a jerk he was.

The problem was that the group thought it was funny. They decided my character was hilarious. Instead of avoiding the jerk who doesn't help anyone, they came up to me whenever possible to see what I'd do next. I'm glad they didn't take my insults personally, but this wasn't the right reaction either.

Greenish
2010-05-02, 06:16 PM
Know that you're better/more important than the other PCs. Expect them to know it too. Everything else derives from that.

My best jerk character was also in a WoD game. He wouldn't bring a wounded ally to the hospital because he didn't want to get blood on his car's interior. It worked out pretty well in establishing what a jerk he was.

The problem was that the group thought it was funny. They decided my character was hilarious. Instead of avoiding the jerk who doesn't help anyone, they came up to me whenever possible to see what I'd do next. I'm glad they didn't take my insults personally, but this wasn't the right reaction either."So, he refused to drive you to the hospital? Hehe, what a jolly old chap!"

Umael
2010-05-02, 07:14 PM
"I wouldn't expect you to be able to do it. Here, let me. Honestly, if it wasn't for me, you'd never get anything done."

"There is nothing wrong with being a peasant. Someone has to be one, and, well, you just aren't as good as me."

(In response to someone suffering a loss, setback, whatever, and being very upset):
"Look, it's not that big a deal."

(Anytime anyone criticizes you)
"What? What did I do?"
...
"Yeah, whatever." *ignore*

denthor
2010-05-02, 07:19 PM
Accuse them of not following the battle plan and make them heal naturally.

Be prepared for the same to happen to you.

valadil
2010-05-02, 08:05 PM
"So, he refused to drive you to the hospital? Hehe, what a jolly old chap!"

Pretty much. They'd curse me out in character while laughing about it out of character and then stick around me just to watch more. They character was downright popular, which just wasn't quite right.

Now that I think about it, that character never quite got into the right game. The instance I described was in a short lived IRC game. I liked the character enough that I recycled him later, but he didn't work out there either (or rather, I didn't work out playing for that GM). Third time's the charm?

Kylarra
2010-05-02, 08:13 PM
Actually, that sounds like one of the better ways that [someone else] acting like a jerk in character could be handled to me.

Yukitsu
2010-05-02, 08:16 PM
Be ready to be killed off relatively early on. I've had a pal play one of these, and while he was appreciated, between a paycheque and the party jerk, I kept on with the mission rather than deviate to save him.

krossbow
2010-05-02, 08:21 PM
its amazing that human beings need tips on how to be douches :smalltongue:


Such should come naturally to one!

Geiger Counter
2010-05-02, 08:24 PM
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Jerkass

Thiyr
2010-05-02, 09:32 PM
If you want to be a helpful jerk, always comment when you have to help people. Comments like "Y'know, I really should save this for myself, but...Here you go" or "Y'know, you really need to stop getting yourself in trouble and wasting my time like this", or "Don't waste this by getting yourself killed". You're a valuable, contributing member, so they don't want to get rid of you...but they have to face the facts that you don't really want to be there helping them. Take hints from Nick from Left 4 Dead 2.

If you want to make the other characters frustrated, go out of your way to help random other people as you make a fuss about helping your group.

ShneekeyTheLost
2010-05-02, 09:46 PM
1) Re-read Order of the Stick
2) Emulate Belkar as much as possible
3) ????
4) Profit!

Seriously, the Belkster is like your living role model on how to play a Jerk.

Other role models for you to follow:

House
Jayne
Xykon
Wolverine

KillianHawkeye
2010-05-02, 10:05 PM
Don't actively sabotage your mission, don't let the party die, don't traitor your party (at least, not without a hefty sum of gold) and don't spoil the fun of the other players.

Traitor is a noun, not a verb. The word you're looking for is betray. :smallannoyed:

Lycanthromancer
2010-05-02, 11:01 PM
:smallannoyed: Or you could try to be a know-it-all and correct everyone on every little thing they do incorrectly. :smallamused:

Be very passive-aggressive about it all, and talk behind peoples' backs.

Also, make a habit of rolling your eyes and huffing every time someone needs your help. "Fine. I'll keep you from dying, even if it's just to shut you up."

Mastikator
2010-05-02, 11:15 PM
Be ready to be killed off relatively early on. I've had a pal play one of these, and while he was appreciated, between a paycheque and the party jerk, I kept on with the mission rather than deviate to save him.

This.
The thing about evil characters is everybody wants them dead, except perhaps other evil characters who benefit from their continued existence.
So make sure that your teammates actually benefit from you. Otherwise your back might receive a well deserved dagger in your sleep.

Ozymandias9
2010-05-02, 11:41 PM
Traitor is a noun, not a verb. The word you're looking for is betray. :smallannoyed:

And the word you're looking for is "antimeria." You're welcome.

@OP: Incidentally, this post is a good example. Rolling it into your character will be another issue: whenever someone is making any check, see if you can find a way to a) call them stupid if they fail and/or b) belittle the action if they succeed.

P.S.: If you have an experienced storyteller, you'll likely have to do this fast. I recommend making a few formulas so it's just a matter of finding something relevant to the act to insert.

Edited for that extra Vinegar flavor.

sonofzeal
2010-05-03, 12:33 AM
And the word you're looking for is "antimeria."
And the word you're looking for is "anthimeria". Do I win anything?

Project_Mayhem
2010-05-03, 12:35 AM
And the word you're looking for is "anthimeria". Do I win anything?

you win a resounding ZING

Ozymandias9
2010-05-03, 12:40 AM
And the word you're looking for is "anthimeria". Do I win anything?

Its been a while, so I goggled it. As, you know, even I'm not perfect.
Not really-- I deliberately chose the more obscure and snotty spelling as an example for this thread.


Anthimeria, traditionally and more properly called antimeria. From the Greek: ἀντί, antí, "against, opposite" and μέρος, méros, "part". (Emphasis mine)

Good effort though.

@OP: Another example- I was sorely tempted to break out the character map so I could write this whole post except the English transliteration in a language most readers wouldn't understand. I took that particular tip from a random person I saw driving a yellow Spider with the vanity plate APAXNH. Try having your character carry on conversations in languages the other player's characters don't understand. Then take a tone of either pity or disgust when asked to translate.

Edited because I wavered over whether to include something. Left the error though, because magic goggles are fun.

Project_Mayhem
2010-05-03, 12:48 AM
Its been a while, so I goggled it

And the word you're looking for is "googled" :smallbiggrin:

Edit: Unless you used magic goggles to scry the answer

Mastikator
2010-05-03, 12:49 AM
There are some great examples of how to be a jerk in this thread. :smallamused:

Ozymandias9
2010-05-03, 12:50 AM
And the word you're looking for is "googled" :smallbiggrin:

Edit: Unless you used magic goggles to scry the answer

Really, if you're not scrying enough to need accouterments, you're obviously not role-playing to your wizard's intellect.

Touché. Though magic goggles would be fun.

@OP: This is Example 3. Never admit you're wrong. Just sidestep the issue, preferably by insulting someone else.

Example 4. Does it help that I'm numbering them now?

Ormur
2010-05-03, 01:04 AM
And the word you're looking for is "anthimeria". Do I win anything?

Verbing weirds words.

Rixx
2010-05-03, 01:12 AM
Jerkishness stems from a lack of empathy. Just keep in mind: nobody matters but you, ever.

Semidi
2010-05-03, 01:16 AM
You have a couple of options for jerk characters:

1) Be a douche bag in terms of personality, but be a decent "person" who's just kind of a jerk.

2) Act all nice and stuff, but be an evil mother f- behind closed doors.

3) Be a douche bag in terms of personality, and be a generally f- up person overall.

I would not recommend the third one as it usually comes off as "wrah! I'm evil look at how evil I am guys!" Boring and gets you killed easily.

The first one is a lot of fun, I've played a lot of characters like that. It's important to remember that being a jerk (but not evil) doesn't mean that "normal" people will want to kill you; people tend to hate you but will usually grudgingly respect you despite this.

The second one is awesome too, it makes for a rather scary character. It doesn't mean you're playing an antagonist; you could just be playing a sociopath who's willing to do whatever it takes for victory, or it could be an incredibly mercenary character who would switch sides at the drop of a hat if it benefited them.

a_humble_lich
2010-05-03, 01:25 AM
I think it should be remembered that there is a big difference between having a character that is a jerk and being a player that is a jerk. The first one is fun. The second one may be fun for you....

Seriously though, this can work really well, just make sure that everyone else is having fun too. Don't start using the excuse "it's what my character would do" to do things that are opposed to the party. (Unless it is a PvP sort of game)

Project_Mayhem
2010-05-03, 01:27 AM
Don't start using the excuse "it's what my character would do" to do things that are opposed to the party. (Unless it is a PvP sort of game)

The Best sorts of games :smallbiggrin:

sonofzeal
2010-05-03, 01:47 AM
Good effort though.
Ahah, I wasn't even aware that there were multiple spellings. Serves me right.


There are some great examples of how to be a jerk in this thread. :smallamused:
Yeah, I noticed that. :smallsigh:

Irreverent Fool
2010-05-03, 03:52 AM
In a campaign I played in awhile ago, the world was on the verge of destruction by a nazi-esque empire called Hellguard who had a profound hatred of every non-human intelligent race. A spy was called for at one point and I jumped at the opportunity to play a former Hellguard lieutenant who thought that they were going too far.

When my character was introduced to the rest of the PCs, I had the character speak in haughty tones whenever possible. He didn't dismiss every non-human suggestion out-of-hand, but would say such things as, "Clever. I would have never suspected that from the likes of you," or "It seems that maw of yours is useful for something other than breathing," etc. If you can get into the "evil overlord" mentality that the rest of the party are nothing more than your idiot minions, you'll go a long way toward passing yourself off as an elitist jerk. He worked willingly and efficiently with the party, and made every effort to protect them and be a team-player, but he was just a total ass. It worked well because I game with long-time friends who know me, though they absolutely loved to hate my character.

The best part was when Rath (my character) insulted "The Fisherman" (our party fighter's nick-name and the only other human) by insinuating that his dead wife would be sorely disappointed in him and that it was probably his failure as a man that had gotten her killed in the first place. (The Fisherman's wife had been slain by Hellguard for being a half-elf. That was the whole reason he had taken up the sword. Of course, the Fisherman already hated Rath and this set off the most plot-appropriate in-party conflict ever.)

You have to cast off all your instincts of decency and "niceness". Speak without thinking. Forget what your mother may have told you. You're not being a jerk, you're informing the incompetent and ignorant. Do it flippantly. Do it as if you don't even think what you're saying is an insult, but a statement of fact. Be a bigot. Make them wish you'd fall off a building. Bonus points if they need you.

obnoxious
sig

The_Admiral
2010-05-03, 04:38 AM
watch House MD and learn from the main character.
That guy is a funny jerk.

PhoenixRivers
2010-05-03, 04:52 AM
You don't need to actively belittle others. You just need to make it known that their views are utterly meaningless compared to your own whims and beliefs.

Follow that up by either using sarcasm and reason to chew holes in their arguments or dismissing/ignoring their ideas (when you can't do the latter).

Be the center of the universe when you speak.

And, if this isn't a PbP? Look at the forum rules here. They're designed to show you how to NOT be a jerk. Just do in your game what you shouldn't do here, and it'll come through fine.

cenghiz
2010-05-03, 05:51 AM
"They're just jealous.."

"What?"

"You're asking me how to be a jerk because those useless swine told you that I'm a magnificent jerk, right? I can hear better than their so-called rogue.. Gah.. she should have been named 'rouge', she belongs to a whorehouse, not adventuring... I heard them call me that.. Faithless bastards. My god-given mission tries my faith by being forced to be close to them. Eh.. I'm patient enough."

"But.."

"You can't be.. There are two kinds of people. People who deserve and people who serve. Your mold's not one to deserve. To act like a jerk - I wonder why you had the impression - you need to have something to be a jerk about. What yer gonna do? Tickle people to death with your so-called magic? Come on! You have a lot more stew to chew yet. Try to become stronger. I can aid with that."

"You.."

"That crossbow.. Learn to use it. You'll need it. Drop the robes. You're already a wimp, don't make monsters understand it too easily. I know it's going to be a struggle for you to to wear armor, but hey.. You'll have to build that body unless you believe a miracle will happen and suddenly you'll be enlightened with real magic sometime."

"But the armor impede.."

"The armor impedes you because you make it so. I've seen people call their juju in armor. Just because you can't do it it's not impossible. It's nice to know your boundaries, but please don't come to me with the -laws of magic- crap. You claim you can rewrite the rules of the universe; then do so. By the way, you've got a pretty face... Maybe you should try becoming a little more social, stop burying your face into your books every frigging moment you're free so you can at least be useful to me by speaking to people. I'm too intimidating for usual folks, so even though I get what I want, I don't want to make it a habit to scare people into my way. It's not, y'know, righteous."

"I don't.."

"Look.. Order is a good thing, y'know? To be orderly, you should be careful with the rank and file. You must know when to speak and when to keep your thoughts to yourself. Possibly this is why people don't get along well with you. Now now, it's all the advice I can offer you for now. It's dinner time. You have that presdigitation stuff now? I'd rather have a bit of cinnamon in my stew. For all the free advice you got, you can make the fighter feel less hungry, y'know.. You'll all depend on me when dire wolves decide to gnaw on your ankles next time, too."

"...."

"Chop chop.. Fetch me a bowl. I'll have to clean my weapons. Poor things have faced so much wear and tear today. Every noble soul has his luggage, mine's nicely packed into the shape of a 'party'.. Sad, eh?"

"...."

"You're still here?"

Johel
2010-05-03, 06:16 AM
"I'm more of a classy ***hole -- A cl*******, if you will." (http://xkcd.com/72/)

The man with the hat is made of win.

Dude, if I wasn't laughing so hard, I would punch that guy.
Awesome !! :smallbiggrin:

Quincunx
2010-05-03, 06:33 AM
There's also taking the route of Selective Ignorance of whatever social graces you choose: the fact that other people's opinions may be worth more than yours, or that double-crosses occur after the group thinks it has gotten its fair reward, or that the well-being of a PC is worth more than an NPC*. This may work better to bind the group together, since where there is a group and an ignorant member, someone frequently takes it upon themselves to be a teacher, or try to be.

In fact, no matter what kind of jerk you try to be, try to ensure that you scratch someone else's social itch and you will be safe. The ignorant jerk satisfies the itch to teach. The blunt-spoken jerk satisfies the itch to speak plainly no matter what the consequences. The self-centered jerk satisfies the itch for flair and style. The double-crossing jerk satisfies the itch for intra-party revenge (and if done well, the itch for dramatic tension).

*Caution: breaks other people's fourth wall for them. This is at odds with the out-of-character social contract. Be ready to instantly drop the roleplaying that you would sacrifice fellow players (people) for an NPC should it start to annoy people out-of-character.

Irreverent Fool
2010-05-03, 06:35 AM
Dude, if I wasn't laughing so hard, I would punch that guy.
Awesome !! :smallbiggrin:

The tophat man is one of my idols.

On the subject of people to emulate in order to be a jerk, House is an excellent suggestion. Depending on the flavor of jerk-itude you're going for, you might try the tv show "Becker" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Becker_(TV_series)). Just a dash of Becker could liven up the character. He's not so much a jerk as one who fails to roll with the punches and complains constantly (that's pretty much the premise of the show). When he does show his jerkish side, it's usually a result of having been burned in the past. This can give you grounds to form some history and annoy everyone with stories of what happened the last time you tried being nice and doing X. The trick to Becker is to do it with a hint of dry, bitter humor.


*Caution: breaks other people's fourth wall for them. This is at odds with the out-of-character social contract.
This. It can't be said enough times how important it is that your fellow players recognize that you are roleplaying and that your character isn't just a full extension of yourself. (A small extension is okay though :smallbiggrin:.)

obnoxious
sig

Whammydill
2010-05-03, 07:17 AM
Invite everyone over to your sanctum for tea. Use the matter spell perfect lock on the doors, dump successes into potency. Use space 2 ward so they can't bamf out, likewise with the potency. Combine fate2 with prime dispelling to set conditional dispel if they try to cast things (I think thats how it works, been a while.) Now that everyone is there for the stay proceed to cast vulgar spells untill you rack up 5 successes so you can invite Cthulu or one of his best mates over for tea too.

Everyone wins!