Ferrin
2010-05-12, 08:17 AM
So, I wrote a small backstory for a character, a Strongheart Halfling Psion in the FRCS. I'd like some comments on things to improve or change. Since I suck at writing the backstory is less of a backstory then it should be, but ah well.
His family has a rich tradition of clerics, having a high standing in Luiren. He, however, doesn't believe that the gods are worthy of being worshipped. Respected for what they have achieved, surely, but to blindly follow them is not for him. He unlocked a power within his mind by sheer will, the will to burn to ashes. He set out and left his village to join a mercenary band. To keep his psionic talent hidden he trained with the longbow, as well as practicing his stealth. When the time finaly came where he earned enough of his share from the mercenary band he set out to his village again. For despite hating that they worship the gods, it's still his family.
When he finaly arrived at the village it was being attacked by ogres from the mountains. The village was burning, the hin running and screaming as no child or woman was spared. The few militia who were left standing were cornered by a group of ogres. Sparing no time he manifested a ring of fire spreading outwards from the group of militia, incinerating the ogres in seconds. No one yet knew it was him who summoned the ring of fire.
Following the screams he came upon a man clad in black iron, hewing through his kin with a greataxe, cackling like a mad-man. This man, covered in blood, grinned as he saw Ren. "I was hoping I'd meet you here, young Ren Legstrong." Kicking away a burning Hin corpse he moved towards Ren. "It's time to repay a favor I owe to your family. Have you heard, foul priest-son, what your family did twenty years ago?" He spat on the ground, heaving his greataxe to the sky. "Surely you remember, but no matter, I will stain my axe with your blood, as I have done with your brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents! And don't worry, your foul divine magic won't work, for I deny it, believing that is. Now come, and let me cleave you in two!" The iron clad man said as he suddenly charged.
"I've been waiting for you to shut up." Ren suddenly unleashed an explosion of fire into the man, pushing him back. "Don't joke with me!" The warrior screamed as he charged again. "Joke with you? Surely you're the one joking, I can see your every move." He said as he neatly dodged the swing. "I never did follow my parents, I do not even believe in worship. What can I have possibly done wrong to you?" Concentrating to move in synch with his enemy he prepared himself to unleash another burst of fire. "But that makes me madder still, for what reason do you have then, to butcher my kin?" The man grit his teeth, readying another attack. Just as he was about to raise his axe another blast of fire smashed into the burned man, smashing him in a nearby house. "Tell me and I might be mercifull. For I do not wield the power of any god, I wield the power of my own will, the will to burn you to ashes." A ray of white-hot fire shot out from Ren's hand, burning right through the mans armor and into his heart. "You can't be the only one responsible for this... I'm sure of it, and I'll find out who it was. But first..." Running towards more screams he cleaned up the village of the last of the ogres. The only remaining militiamen being those he saved, being protected by the ring of fire.
Helping douse the village with his power and arms to carry water. No time for explaining now, he thought, he didn't recognize anyone anyway. Which wasn't that strange really, seeing as most Hin regulary move out and about Lurien for something else. Later he searched the village for the dead to give them a proper burial. No one asked yet, surely they must have noticed something was off about his 'magic'. No matter, he thought, first he had to help the villagers.
A day passed and everyone worked hard, the corpses of the hin given a proper burial, and the marauders burned on bonfires. People came to help from nearby villages, until finaly he recognized someone, an old friend of him, Dillan, who joined the priesthood of yondalla. "Been long, hasn't it? Wish the circumstances would have been better. Could lecture you a bit that way, but alas, no time for that!" Dillan grinned. But his expression changed quickly. "I heard your family got butchered, Ren, I'm sorry. But I have some news for you; it's about your sister, she's still alive. She ran away from home just a week ago, came to visit me and told me she was going on a journey. Wish I could say where she went, but you know her, allways energetic but never thinking, much like a Lightfoot I guess. But enough of this, I have wounded to tend to still." His old friend, walked off without letting him say a thing. "He's allways been like that..." He muttered as he walked off to help an old hin with some wood.
As the village was rebuilt to be liveable again he looked his friend up again, having some questions regarding the disaster and his sister. "...So you want to know if there are any cults or other such groups active arround here that despise the gods?" Dillan cocked an eyebrow. "You're not thinking of joining them, are you?" He laughed heartily. "But yes, I know of one, they've been at odds with your family for decades until 20 years ago when they suddenly dissapeared. I thought you knew of them?" Ren sighed. "Surely you know me better then that. I never did learn much about cults and the like, I hated it. But do you know why it stopped?" Ren said, shaking his friend by the shoulders. Burning with energy again now that he can set his mind to another task. "N-No, I don't, but I think your younger sister does, she was really adept with her studies so I've heard." Letting go of his friends shoulders he looked back at his friend with a confused expression. "You mean she joined the clergy? Don't joke with me, she has the same thoughts about it as me!" DIllan grinned. "Don't worry, she didn't, not formally at least. She does good wherever she goes, and wields powers matching those of the clergy, but it's different somehow. Like her whole mind and body are dedicated to the cause, not the belief." Ren ran awat then, determined to find his sister, his last relative. "Hey, if you're going to search your sister, I know of a good place to find some people to help you!" Dillan sighed. "Would have gone with him too, never got to tell her I love her... To bad I have my duties here."
...And that's how it started, the quest to find my sister. If not to find the cult responsible for the disaster, then to protect my sister from them. Should watch out for that band of mercenaries I was in as well, they weren't to happy when I left. The place Dillan mentioned seems like a good place to start, let's hope his friends aren't as crazy as the last bunch I met...
Ofcourse, I added some plot things for the DM to use, several are the sister(name undecided), the friend Dillan, the mercenary band, and the godless cult. Not so sure if the DM would agree with the godless cult thing, but I could change the backstory to instead have the mercenary group he was in be the instigator of the distaster.
So all in all I'd like to hear what DM's would like to see in a backstory and what things are troublesome to include.
His family has a rich tradition of clerics, having a high standing in Luiren. He, however, doesn't believe that the gods are worthy of being worshipped. Respected for what they have achieved, surely, but to blindly follow them is not for him. He unlocked a power within his mind by sheer will, the will to burn to ashes. He set out and left his village to join a mercenary band. To keep his psionic talent hidden he trained with the longbow, as well as practicing his stealth. When the time finaly came where he earned enough of his share from the mercenary band he set out to his village again. For despite hating that they worship the gods, it's still his family.
When he finaly arrived at the village it was being attacked by ogres from the mountains. The village was burning, the hin running and screaming as no child or woman was spared. The few militia who were left standing were cornered by a group of ogres. Sparing no time he manifested a ring of fire spreading outwards from the group of militia, incinerating the ogres in seconds. No one yet knew it was him who summoned the ring of fire.
Following the screams he came upon a man clad in black iron, hewing through his kin with a greataxe, cackling like a mad-man. This man, covered in blood, grinned as he saw Ren. "I was hoping I'd meet you here, young Ren Legstrong." Kicking away a burning Hin corpse he moved towards Ren. "It's time to repay a favor I owe to your family. Have you heard, foul priest-son, what your family did twenty years ago?" He spat on the ground, heaving his greataxe to the sky. "Surely you remember, but no matter, I will stain my axe with your blood, as I have done with your brothers, parents, aunts, uncles, and grandparents! And don't worry, your foul divine magic won't work, for I deny it, believing that is. Now come, and let me cleave you in two!" The iron clad man said as he suddenly charged.
"I've been waiting for you to shut up." Ren suddenly unleashed an explosion of fire into the man, pushing him back. "Don't joke with me!" The warrior screamed as he charged again. "Joke with you? Surely you're the one joking, I can see your every move." He said as he neatly dodged the swing. "I never did follow my parents, I do not even believe in worship. What can I have possibly done wrong to you?" Concentrating to move in synch with his enemy he prepared himself to unleash another burst of fire. "But that makes me madder still, for what reason do you have then, to butcher my kin?" The man grit his teeth, readying another attack. Just as he was about to raise his axe another blast of fire smashed into the burned man, smashing him in a nearby house. "Tell me and I might be mercifull. For I do not wield the power of any god, I wield the power of my own will, the will to burn you to ashes." A ray of white-hot fire shot out from Ren's hand, burning right through the mans armor and into his heart. "You can't be the only one responsible for this... I'm sure of it, and I'll find out who it was. But first..." Running towards more screams he cleaned up the village of the last of the ogres. The only remaining militiamen being those he saved, being protected by the ring of fire.
Helping douse the village with his power and arms to carry water. No time for explaining now, he thought, he didn't recognize anyone anyway. Which wasn't that strange really, seeing as most Hin regulary move out and about Lurien for something else. Later he searched the village for the dead to give them a proper burial. No one asked yet, surely they must have noticed something was off about his 'magic'. No matter, he thought, first he had to help the villagers.
A day passed and everyone worked hard, the corpses of the hin given a proper burial, and the marauders burned on bonfires. People came to help from nearby villages, until finaly he recognized someone, an old friend of him, Dillan, who joined the priesthood of yondalla. "Been long, hasn't it? Wish the circumstances would have been better. Could lecture you a bit that way, but alas, no time for that!" Dillan grinned. But his expression changed quickly. "I heard your family got butchered, Ren, I'm sorry. But I have some news for you; it's about your sister, she's still alive. She ran away from home just a week ago, came to visit me and told me she was going on a journey. Wish I could say where she went, but you know her, allways energetic but never thinking, much like a Lightfoot I guess. But enough of this, I have wounded to tend to still." His old friend, walked off without letting him say a thing. "He's allways been like that..." He muttered as he walked off to help an old hin with some wood.
As the village was rebuilt to be liveable again he looked his friend up again, having some questions regarding the disaster and his sister. "...So you want to know if there are any cults or other such groups active arround here that despise the gods?" Dillan cocked an eyebrow. "You're not thinking of joining them, are you?" He laughed heartily. "But yes, I know of one, they've been at odds with your family for decades until 20 years ago when they suddenly dissapeared. I thought you knew of them?" Ren sighed. "Surely you know me better then that. I never did learn much about cults and the like, I hated it. But do you know why it stopped?" Ren said, shaking his friend by the shoulders. Burning with energy again now that he can set his mind to another task. "N-No, I don't, but I think your younger sister does, she was really adept with her studies so I've heard." Letting go of his friends shoulders he looked back at his friend with a confused expression. "You mean she joined the clergy? Don't joke with me, she has the same thoughts about it as me!" DIllan grinned. "Don't worry, she didn't, not formally at least. She does good wherever she goes, and wields powers matching those of the clergy, but it's different somehow. Like her whole mind and body are dedicated to the cause, not the belief." Ren ran awat then, determined to find his sister, his last relative. "Hey, if you're going to search your sister, I know of a good place to find some people to help you!" Dillan sighed. "Would have gone with him too, never got to tell her I love her... To bad I have my duties here."
...And that's how it started, the quest to find my sister. If not to find the cult responsible for the disaster, then to protect my sister from them. Should watch out for that band of mercenaries I was in as well, they weren't to happy when I left. The place Dillan mentioned seems like a good place to start, let's hope his friends aren't as crazy as the last bunch I met...
Ofcourse, I added some plot things for the DM to use, several are the sister(name undecided), the friend Dillan, the mercenary band, and the godless cult. Not so sure if the DM would agree with the godless cult thing, but I could change the backstory to instead have the mercenary group he was in be the instigator of the distaster.
So all in all I'd like to hear what DM's would like to see in a backstory and what things are troublesome to include.