Enix18
2010-05-15, 06:12 PM
THE PARTY:
Val, Grey Elf Wizard
Krugar, Orc Cleric of Gruumsh
Graxl, Kobold Alchemist
"Wood Elf", Wild Elf Ranger (no one really bothered to learn his name, so we called him Wood Elf)
So, our 2nd level party is walking through the merchant district of a rather wealthy city when they are approached by a random trader (They've gain some fame already for wiping out a dragon-led tribe of Kobolds and "accidentally" destroying an ancient Dwarven fortress. No, it was an accident, we swear!) and asked for assistance dealing with a pesky gang of criminals that's been harassing him. He offers a reward of 200gp apiece to the party. Naturally, Val attempts to haggle for a better reward, but the trader says that he's sure he can find someone else more capable. Just at that moment, the DM says that a heavily-armored dual-greatsword-wielding fighter walks by, proving this point. However, Val takes this opportunity and, with a little creative magic, undoes the clasps on the fighter's armor, humiliating the man in a manner that Val chalks up to clearly amateur adventuring skills.
Unfortunately, the DM is rather annoyed by all this, and in his vindictiveness decides that this stranger is actually a 10th level fighter with a ring that detects when people are casting spells at him, allowing him to easily pick out Val as his humiliator. The fighter comes up to the party, greatsword drawn threateningly, and demands an apology. At this point, the cowardly Wood Elf casually strolls away whistling and pretending not to be affiliated with the rest of the party. Meanwhile, Krugar draws his greataxe and steps between Val and the fighter, unaware that his opponent is 10th level. Graxl is also sitting on Krugar's shoulders, as the old alchemist often does (don't ask). Krugar tells the fighter to back off, but is surprised to find himself grabbed by the neck and lifted into the air. Graxl interprets this as combat starting, and proceeds to dump a sack of seven alchemist's fires on the fighter, dealing 7d6 fire damage and lighting him on fire! In the same turn, he stuffs a potion of enlarge self in Krugar's mouth, transforming him into a 12'-tall orc.
Unfortunately, this further upsets the DM, and just then the 10th level fighter's party comes waltzing out of a conveniently nearby tavern. The impressive 10th level human wizard and half-orc cleric approach the party as the 10th level halfling rogue drops out of nowhere onto Val's shoulders, pressing a dagger to his throat. The halfling demands that he/she (it's an elf) put out the fighter immediately. Val, still denying any responsibility, replies that he has absolutely no idea what the halfling's talking about, and that he's only a simple merchant! Of course, the halfling doesn't believe him, and after waiting one more round for the alchemist fire to burn the fighter Krugar is forced to douse him with a create water. And of course, Krugar makes sure to create this water in a concentrated sphere as far as possible above the fighter's head, dealing damage on impact due to house rules on falling objects.
Just about now, Wood Elf asks why the city guards haven't done anything yet, at which point a retinue of soldiers approaches the party. Coincidentally, the captain of the guards is a good friend of the fighter, who saved his village just the other day. Again. For the fourth time.
Now begins the game of "Blame the Kobold". When the guards ask what's going on here, Val immediately replies "The Kobold did everything!" Now, no one actually believes him, so Krugar backs him up, saying that the kobold just jumped onto his shoulders out of nowhere and started throwing alchemist's fire. Then, Graxl (the Kobold) shouts out "Yeah, the Kobold did it!" which of course doesn't help his case at all. The guards try to take Graxl into custody, saying that they're also going to fine him an exorbitant sum to pay for the fighter's healing. Krugar, seeing that things are quickly getting out of hand but wanted to maintain the facade that he and Val are unaffiliated with Graxl, starts shouting insults at the kobold and pulls him off his back. He then proceeds to toss Graxl away from them, pretending as though he's throwing him (remember, Krugar is still 12' tall). In mid-air, Graxl quaffs a potion of expeditious retreat, and as soon as he lands he books it for the town gate.
Wood Elf grabs Graxl as he's running by, pulling the Kobold into an alley way and out of sight. Meanwhile, Krugar and Val attempt to prevent the guards and the 10th-leve party from pursuing the Graxl. They shout "After him!" and pretend to give chase, only to trip over each other and fall into the whole crowd of people. Of course, neither the guards nor the 10th level party are very interested in the kobold. Before either can get up, the fighter puts his greatswords to each of their throats, again demanding an apology AND compensation. Val, of course, replies "The Kobold did it!", inciting the fighter to kick him forty feet away. Val then casts expeditious retreat on himself and books it.
This leaves Krugar alone with the 10th level party, and the fighter puts both swords to the orc's throat, demanding an apology. Krugar's response: "I apologize for being assaulted by you and trying to defend myself. My bad." The fighter quickly gets fed up, and decided he's going to cut off Krugar's hand! Graxl starts running back, hoping that he can somehow save Krugar, but he isn't fast enough. The fighter slices the orc's hand clean off and then walks off in the direction that the rest of the party went, leaving the rest of his party to deal with Krugar. This is when all hell really breaks loose.
It's Kobold Cannon time.
The fighter is walking away when suddenly Graxl comes running towards him. The kobold spends a full-round action to run at full speed, and combined with the expeditious retreat we calculate that he's moving... 27 miles per hour! Graxl leaps into the air and slams his body into the fighter's face. The 10th level fighter's skull is shattered, ripping his brain to pieces and killing him instantly. Miraculously, Graxl gets away alive, although the DM rules that nearly every bone in his body is shattered. Before the guards can apprehend Graxl, Val comes rushing back and spends his full-round action to fun at over 40 miles and hour, scooping up Graxl as he runs by. The 10th level wizard teleports in front of Val, longsword outstretched, attempting to prevent their escape, but a spectacular reflex save allows Graxl to dodge out of the way and keep on going strait out of town.
Meanwhile, the 10th level halfling rogue apparently attempts to keep Krugar in place on the ground by sitting on the orc's face. The giant orc's face. Krugar immediately grabs the halfling, forces it into his mouth, and begins chewing! Unfortunately, the rogue's arms are still free, and be somehow opens up every vial of poison he has, pouring them into Krugar's mouth. Krugar manages to avoid swallowing the poison immediately, but this gives the rogue the opportunity to escape his mouth. However, once the halfling is out, Krugar proceeds to spit all of the poison at him. The poison enters the halfling's open wounds, and the 10th level rogue then fails a saving throw, immediately suffering 5 STR damage to his already low strength of 12, bringing him down to 7 strength.
The cleric then uses inflict critical wounds to lower Krugar to negative HP, knocking him unconscious. The wizard returns, and the three remaining level-10's pay a few random commoners to carry the giant orc corpse with them to a warehouse. Of course, before they get there the halfling takes secondary damage from the poison. The dice are rolled, and the result... is 9! The halfling is slain by his own poison!
At this point, the party receives experience points—enough to bring everyone (except the Wood Elf, who didn't really do anything...) up to level 5! (Sensible house rules allowed for multiple level-ups with sufficient XP.)
Krugar is tortured and killed at the hands of the 10th level cleric, all the while insulting his half-orc captor for being a disgrace to the One-Eyed God. Val and Graxl mend their copious wounds, and as they do so they make plans to purchase a resurrection spell for poor Krugar. Overall, everyone (except the Wood Elf) is pretty satisfied with their success at taking down two 10th level characters with only one real casualty.
It is at this point that the DM decides to retcon the entire thing and bring us back to our conversation with the trader.
And I was so excited to be fifth level... =(
Val, Grey Elf Wizard
Krugar, Orc Cleric of Gruumsh
Graxl, Kobold Alchemist
"Wood Elf", Wild Elf Ranger (no one really bothered to learn his name, so we called him Wood Elf)
So, our 2nd level party is walking through the merchant district of a rather wealthy city when they are approached by a random trader (They've gain some fame already for wiping out a dragon-led tribe of Kobolds and "accidentally" destroying an ancient Dwarven fortress. No, it was an accident, we swear!) and asked for assistance dealing with a pesky gang of criminals that's been harassing him. He offers a reward of 200gp apiece to the party. Naturally, Val attempts to haggle for a better reward, but the trader says that he's sure he can find someone else more capable. Just at that moment, the DM says that a heavily-armored dual-greatsword-wielding fighter walks by, proving this point. However, Val takes this opportunity and, with a little creative magic, undoes the clasps on the fighter's armor, humiliating the man in a manner that Val chalks up to clearly amateur adventuring skills.
Unfortunately, the DM is rather annoyed by all this, and in his vindictiveness decides that this stranger is actually a 10th level fighter with a ring that detects when people are casting spells at him, allowing him to easily pick out Val as his humiliator. The fighter comes up to the party, greatsword drawn threateningly, and demands an apology. At this point, the cowardly Wood Elf casually strolls away whistling and pretending not to be affiliated with the rest of the party. Meanwhile, Krugar draws his greataxe and steps between Val and the fighter, unaware that his opponent is 10th level. Graxl is also sitting on Krugar's shoulders, as the old alchemist often does (don't ask). Krugar tells the fighter to back off, but is surprised to find himself grabbed by the neck and lifted into the air. Graxl interprets this as combat starting, and proceeds to dump a sack of seven alchemist's fires on the fighter, dealing 7d6 fire damage and lighting him on fire! In the same turn, he stuffs a potion of enlarge self in Krugar's mouth, transforming him into a 12'-tall orc.
Unfortunately, this further upsets the DM, and just then the 10th level fighter's party comes waltzing out of a conveniently nearby tavern. The impressive 10th level human wizard and half-orc cleric approach the party as the 10th level halfling rogue drops out of nowhere onto Val's shoulders, pressing a dagger to his throat. The halfling demands that he/she (it's an elf) put out the fighter immediately. Val, still denying any responsibility, replies that he has absolutely no idea what the halfling's talking about, and that he's only a simple merchant! Of course, the halfling doesn't believe him, and after waiting one more round for the alchemist fire to burn the fighter Krugar is forced to douse him with a create water. And of course, Krugar makes sure to create this water in a concentrated sphere as far as possible above the fighter's head, dealing damage on impact due to house rules on falling objects.
Just about now, Wood Elf asks why the city guards haven't done anything yet, at which point a retinue of soldiers approaches the party. Coincidentally, the captain of the guards is a good friend of the fighter, who saved his village just the other day. Again. For the fourth time.
Now begins the game of "Blame the Kobold". When the guards ask what's going on here, Val immediately replies "The Kobold did everything!" Now, no one actually believes him, so Krugar backs him up, saying that the kobold just jumped onto his shoulders out of nowhere and started throwing alchemist's fire. Then, Graxl (the Kobold) shouts out "Yeah, the Kobold did it!" which of course doesn't help his case at all. The guards try to take Graxl into custody, saying that they're also going to fine him an exorbitant sum to pay for the fighter's healing. Krugar, seeing that things are quickly getting out of hand but wanted to maintain the facade that he and Val are unaffiliated with Graxl, starts shouting insults at the kobold and pulls him off his back. He then proceeds to toss Graxl away from them, pretending as though he's throwing him (remember, Krugar is still 12' tall). In mid-air, Graxl quaffs a potion of expeditious retreat, and as soon as he lands he books it for the town gate.
Wood Elf grabs Graxl as he's running by, pulling the Kobold into an alley way and out of sight. Meanwhile, Krugar and Val attempt to prevent the guards and the 10th-leve party from pursuing the Graxl. They shout "After him!" and pretend to give chase, only to trip over each other and fall into the whole crowd of people. Of course, neither the guards nor the 10th level party are very interested in the kobold. Before either can get up, the fighter puts his greatswords to each of their throats, again demanding an apology AND compensation. Val, of course, replies "The Kobold did it!", inciting the fighter to kick him forty feet away. Val then casts expeditious retreat on himself and books it.
This leaves Krugar alone with the 10th level party, and the fighter puts both swords to the orc's throat, demanding an apology. Krugar's response: "I apologize for being assaulted by you and trying to defend myself. My bad." The fighter quickly gets fed up, and decided he's going to cut off Krugar's hand! Graxl starts running back, hoping that he can somehow save Krugar, but he isn't fast enough. The fighter slices the orc's hand clean off and then walks off in the direction that the rest of the party went, leaving the rest of his party to deal with Krugar. This is when all hell really breaks loose.
It's Kobold Cannon time.
The fighter is walking away when suddenly Graxl comes running towards him. The kobold spends a full-round action to run at full speed, and combined with the expeditious retreat we calculate that he's moving... 27 miles per hour! Graxl leaps into the air and slams his body into the fighter's face. The 10th level fighter's skull is shattered, ripping his brain to pieces and killing him instantly. Miraculously, Graxl gets away alive, although the DM rules that nearly every bone in his body is shattered. Before the guards can apprehend Graxl, Val comes rushing back and spends his full-round action to fun at over 40 miles and hour, scooping up Graxl as he runs by. The 10th level wizard teleports in front of Val, longsword outstretched, attempting to prevent their escape, but a spectacular reflex save allows Graxl to dodge out of the way and keep on going strait out of town.
Meanwhile, the 10th level halfling rogue apparently attempts to keep Krugar in place on the ground by sitting on the orc's face. The giant orc's face. Krugar immediately grabs the halfling, forces it into his mouth, and begins chewing! Unfortunately, the rogue's arms are still free, and be somehow opens up every vial of poison he has, pouring them into Krugar's mouth. Krugar manages to avoid swallowing the poison immediately, but this gives the rogue the opportunity to escape his mouth. However, once the halfling is out, Krugar proceeds to spit all of the poison at him. The poison enters the halfling's open wounds, and the 10th level rogue then fails a saving throw, immediately suffering 5 STR damage to his already low strength of 12, bringing him down to 7 strength.
The cleric then uses inflict critical wounds to lower Krugar to negative HP, knocking him unconscious. The wizard returns, and the three remaining level-10's pay a few random commoners to carry the giant orc corpse with them to a warehouse. Of course, before they get there the halfling takes secondary damage from the poison. The dice are rolled, and the result... is 9! The halfling is slain by his own poison!
At this point, the party receives experience points—enough to bring everyone (except the Wood Elf, who didn't really do anything...) up to level 5! (Sensible house rules allowed for multiple level-ups with sufficient XP.)
Krugar is tortured and killed at the hands of the 10th level cleric, all the while insulting his half-orc captor for being a disgrace to the One-Eyed God. Val and Graxl mend their copious wounds, and as they do so they make plans to purchase a resurrection spell for poor Krugar. Overall, everyone (except the Wood Elf) is pretty satisfied with their success at taking down two 10th level characters with only one real casualty.
It is at this point that the DM decides to retcon the entire thing and bring us back to our conversation with the trader.
And I was so excited to be fifth level... =(