Batman VS Chuck Norris

[Brett Wong]

Common this is a pretty even fight i must think!

[Daniel_Q]

They both die, horribly and painfully

[Brett Wong]

you know Macgyver? he has intelligence almost as great as batman BUT-

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

[TinSoldier]

You know, I've been watching a lot of Walker, Texas Ranger recently and as much as I like Batman I have to say that Chuck Norris wins this one. I mean, he's got that big Dodge pickup and always shows up in the nick of time.

Plus his sidekick Trivette is much cooler than Robin and could kick his ass too.

My next D&D ranger is going to be named "Chuck Norris". Or "Cordell Walker" ::) .

[Alchemistmerlin]

Bruce Lee wins.


Seriously, have you seen Way of the Dragon? Lee kicks Norris' ass 6 different ways to sunday.

[Brett Wong]

You know, I've been watching a lot of Walker, Texas Ranger recently and as much as I like Batman I have to say that Chuck Norris wins this one. I mean, he's got that big Dodge pickup and always shows up in the nick of time.

Plus his sidekick Trivette is much cooler than Robin and could kick his ass too.

My next D&D ranger is going to be named "Chuck Norris". Or "Cordell Walker" ::) .

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

... its true!

[Idiotbox90]

I think the Ultimate Showdown answered this problem quite nicely.

[Alchemistmerlin]

I think the Ultimate Showdown answered this problem quite nicely.


What are you talking about? (http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/ultimate+showdown/)

*Sneaky*

[Brett Wong]

I think the Ultimate Showdown answered this problem quite nicely.


what is this ultimate showdown you speak of?


Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

[Nerd-o-rama]

And then there was
An Angelic chorus
As down from the heavens
Descended Chuck Norris

Screw that emo yankee. Walker wins.

[Brett Wong]

And then there was
An Angelic chorus
As down from the heavens
Descended Chuck Norris

Screw that emo yankee. Walker wins.



so true!!


In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

[Idiotbox90]

Chuck Norris is a genius as well. He counted to infinity. Twice.

[Brett Wong]

The atom bomb isn’t real.. It’s just Chuck falling out a plane and punching the ground..


lets see batman prepare for THAT

When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

and he moves as fast as the flash if not faster!


and yeah, lets see batman count to infinity evan once!

[Gralamin]

1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity
1 2(to) infinity

There I did it 10 times. Batman Would Realize that Chunk Is powered by hordes of fans and he would juat use each of you as shield, slowly decreasing chunks power.

[Idiotbox90]

Plus Chuck Norris contributes to society more. Batman only stops crimes, Chuck Norris does so much more. For example, Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

[Brett Wong]

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to chuck,”excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole”. Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

Can batman score a hole in zero? i think not!

[Idiotbox90]

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

If you break open Batman, you find various bones and organs.

[Brett Wong]

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

If you break open Batman, you find various bones and organs.



thats awsome! and chuck has never blinked EVER and he dosnt sleep he waits therefor a sneak attack would be almost imposible.

Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is “The Two”

[Daniel_Q]

If there was really a kind and loving God, this thread would not exist

[Idiotbox90]

Is it worth noting that Superman sleeps in Chuck Norris pajamas?

[TinSoldier]

There you go, bringing God into it...

The only One who could really kick Chuck Norris' ass.

[Brett Wong]

China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

Lets see Batman moove china back!

[Brett Wong]

There you go, bringing God into it...

The only One who could really kick Chuck Norris' ass.


i beg to differ.

A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.


Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.


When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."
It is said that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten. Every time God masturbates, Chuck Norris kills a lion.


According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

[Alchemistmerlin]

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/2829/way025un.jpg

The guy in white? Yeah, that's your precious Chuck. :P

[Brett Wong]

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/2829/way025un.jpg

The guy in white? Yeah, that's your precious Chuck. :P


thats not chuck thats an imitator, but what can you expect? so many people wanna be like him ::)

[Alchemistmerlin]

thats not chuck thats an imitator, but what can you expect? so many people wanna be like him ::)


No no it's most certainly him. I know, it hurts to watch your reality shatter huh? Like Chuck's glass jaw. :P

[Daniel_Q]

Alchemistmerlin, at this moment in time you are the greatest person, EVER

[Good_Old_Aslam]

Chuck Norris killed Bruce Lee as soon as the cameras were off. He hates fiction.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Chuck Norris killed Bruce Lee as soon as the cameras were off. He hates fiction.


What fiction? Chuck was like "I want a bigger part in way of the dragon, I don't think my atrocious haircut gets enough screen time"

Bruce just looked at him and yelled "WAPA! BITCH!" and kicked him in the face.

Chuck soiled himself and cried for 3 hours. The film was delayed a month.

Bruce once locked Chuck in his trailer just by shouting "Stay in there or else I'll kick you in your jaw again!" None of that was in English but the message got across through wavelengths of sheer anger. Chuck soiled himself again and didn't leave his trailer for ten days.

[totalnerduk]

The only thing that can kill Chuck Norris is a gun that fires Chuck Norrisses at its target. So Batman would use this gun on Chucky, and win.

[Saithis Bladewing]

Chuck Norris is not a very impressive actor nor martial artist. Bruce Lee was far superior. Also, Batman would dominate Chuck Norris twelve ways over.

Also, that picture is awesome. ;D

[Ing]

Chuch Noris can be defeated with an oar


incidently Noris and Lee were doing a movie together, it was cancled to due problems with "shooting"



if anyone needs me i'll be burning in hell for that one. ;D

[Alchemistmerlin]

Chuch Noris can be defeated with an oar


incidently Noris and Lee were doing a movie together, it was cancled to due problems with "shooting"



if anyone needs me i'll be burning in hell for that one. ;D


Wrong Lee, that was Brandon. :'(

[razmafft1]

Batman. Sure, Chuck Norris kills him in Ultimate Showdown, but he's been shot three times by then.

[Brett Wong]

but then whyd he get shot? and then that batman vs everyone makes no sence cause batman lost against like3 people.

[Ing]

Wrong Lee, that was Brandon. :'(


please let go of your selfish grasp of reality for the greater good of comedy

[Alchemistmerlin]

please let go of your selfish grasp of reality for the greater good of comedy

Please let go of your tentacles, it's obscene to touch them in public. Bad cthulu, bad! :P

[Haggis_McCrablice]

We're assuming they would fight. I imagine they would be fabulous friends. Although what would Chuck make of Batman's rogue's gallery, I wonder? He'd probably mop the floor with freaks like Joker, Two-Face, and Penguin without breaking a sweat, then tongue-kiss Catwoman right in front of Batsie's nose. "That's how you skin a cat, pointy-ears." ;D

[nothingclever]

There you go, bringing God into it...

The only One who could really kick Chuck Norris' ass.
Not so!

12. God wanted 10 days to create the earth. Chuck Norris gave him 6.

24. When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

4. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.

5. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

16. It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.

3. Chuck Norris doesn’t like being famous, which is why he’s called Adam in the bible.

13. In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

19. On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

11. God didn't impregnate the Virgin Mary... Chuck Norris did.

1. According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.

[gallow]

Chuck Norris. No doubt about it.

[thundering voice] I do not understand this pesky debate about the various ways the almighty Chuck could kick the lame-goth butt of ear-boy. Neither do I see the point in dragging in any Lees in this conversation, as it is, in fact, about Chuck kicking some flying mammal butt. [/thundering voice]

... sorry, that was the fangirl in me. I apologize :(

But still, I say Chuck. There is no jaw behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Chuck Norris. No doubt about it.

[thundering voice] I do not understand this pesky debate about the various ways the almighty Chuck could kick the lame-goth butt of ear-boy. Neither do I see the point in dragging in any Lees in this conversation, as it is, in fact, about Chuck kicking some flying mammal butt. [/thundering voice]

... sorry, that was the fangirl in me. I apologize :(

But still, I say Chuck. There is no jaw behind Chuck Norris' beard, only another fist.




Fine, Chuck's "Glass beard-fist" Either way, Lee kicked his wannabe behind. (Actually, his wannabe FACE if you look at the picture)

[walkeronthehorizon]

chuck all the way hed kill the bat with out even a good 1-2 punch or a roundhouse kick. :D

[Warpfire]

Batman because Barrens chat makes me cry. :'(

[Finwe]

This isn't anywhere near as bad as barrens chat. There hasn't even been at least four sexual references per post!




Onto the discussion: I'm going ot have to go with Chuck Norris on this one. Both because of precident and because everyone needs a foil.

[Saithis Bladewing]

Well, we already know how this one works.

Batman (having been previously wounded by three 7.62mm rounds fired by Abraham Lincoln's AK-47) removes his costume to try and hide, but Chuck Norris saw him do it and crushes the wounded Bat's head between his thighs.

Then Gandalf the Grey and Gandalf the White, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail's Black Knight, and Benito Mussolini, and the Blue Meanie, and Cowboy Curtis, and Jambi the Genie, Robocop, the Terminator, Captain Kirk and Darth Vader, Lo Pan and Superman and every Single Power Ranger, Bill S. Preston and Theodore Logan, Spock, the Rock, Dock Ock and Hulk Hogan all came out of nowhere lightning fast and they kicked Chuck Norris in his cowboy ass!

Bat and Chuck Norris both lose. In the end, Mr. Rogers in a bloody sweater defeats all!

[Crusher]

Being a caring man, Chuck Norris certainly donates his own blood to the Red Cross. He just goes into one of their offices and asks for a gun and a bucket.

[Ing]

ever just sit back and wonder where the hell memes like thsi come from? not that i'm complaining

by the time he was 4 years old, Chuck NOris had already beaten a grizzly bear at Chess and killed a Russian grandmaster with his bare hands.


Chuck NOris...is the other white meat

Chuck Noris was originally going to star in 24, but due to his massive abilities had solved all of the first season's problems a bit too soon...since the title 3 minutes isn't nearly as catchy as 24 he was replaced.

[Docta_Dillon]

Bruce Lee wins.


Seriously, have you seen Way of the Dragon? Lee kicks Norris' ass 6 different ways to sunday.


ok, lets break this down. Now, dont get me wrong, i love bruce lee, i even named a cat after him once. He is the epitome of martialistic awesomeness. That being said though, the fight scene in Way of the Dragon is not in any way a fair fight between the Great Bruce Lee and the Great Chuck Norris. Why? Lets look at the numbers:

Way of the Dragon was made in 1972, which means that both Norris and Lee were 32 are the time. However, Lee grew up in a martial atmosphere, learning bits and pieces of training in his childhood, even before he started his formal training at a young age. Norris on the other hand, grew up unathletic and did not start any training until he entered the Air Force and was stationed in South Korea. Therefore, Bruce Lee has at least a 13 year (Subtracting 5 from 18 when Chuck started, giving Bruce time to learn to walk and such) head start at the time of the movie shooting.

I mean really, if you throw a martial artist that been refining his art for close to 30 years to someone who hasnt even studied for 20, what do you think will happen?

Anyway, back on the subject of the thread, the flash video proves it. Chuck wins. The part about Batman getting shot is bogus too, anyone who has watched all the batman movies knows that batman's suit is impervious to most ballistic weaponry.

[Saithis Bladewing]

Anyway, back on the subject of the thread, the flash video proves it. Chuck wins. The part about Batman getting shot is bogus too, anyone who has watched all the batman movies knows that batman's suit is impervious to most ballistic weaponry.

Most, but an AK-47 with armour-piercing rounds could likely penetrate batman's armour. Especially when you consider that Abraham Lincoln fired an entire clip (30 or 40 bullets depending on the clip!) and only penetrated batman's armour three times when he did hit.

[Ing]

bogus too. where would a LIncoln, get such a weapon, especally right after comming back from teh dead. what did he bring back from hell with him? where did he get a weapon that would be anacronistic to his time period?

[Saithis Bladewing]

bogus too. where would a LIncoln, get such a weapon, especally right after comming back from teh dead. what did he bring back from hell with him? where did he get a weapon that would be anacronistic to his time period?


He got it because it rhymed. Plot device.

[Ing]

then its a flawed argument because that also means batman and Chucky lost because it Rhymed.


QUID PRO QUO!
*ZAP*

[Zzarchov]

It is clearly stated the AK-47 was under his hat, DUH!

[nothingclever]

Chuck Norris owns us all. GG.

[Flak_Razorwill]

http://img99.imageshack.us/img99/2829/way025un.jpg

The guy in white? Yeah, that's your precious Chuck. :P

Last time I checked, only one of them is alive.

He won the battle, but not the war...

[coron]

Also about the movie.... it has a script... and a script says wat happenes... the script writer paid chuck a lot to get beat.. you dig dawg?

[Ing]

why id lincoln get the gun under his hat?

QUid pro QUO

*zap*

[Alchemistmerlin]

Last time I checked, only one of them is alive.

He won the battle, but not the war...


Actually Lee ascended into heaven to give Jesus **** for taking so long in coming back, but the Norris-ites covered upt to hide some of their own suck.

[Flak_Razorwill]

Actually Lee ascended into heaven to give Jesus **** for taking so long in coming back, but the Norris-ites covered upt to hide some of their own suck.

Doubting Chuck is the worst possible way to die.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Doubting Chuck is the worst possible way to die.


Nope, still alive. :P

My knowledge of the truth of Bruce Lee the Almighty One protects me from your pathetic false prophet.

[Flak_Razorwill]

Nope, still alive. :P

My knowledge of the truth of Bruce Lee the Almighty One protects me from your pathetic false prophet.

And yet Bruce is dead. Chuck is alive.

No kidding. Really. Look at an almanac. Google it.

'struth.

[Alchemistmerlin]

And yet Bruce is dead. Chuck is alive.

No kidding. Really. Look at an almanac. Google it.

'struth.


One must ascend before one can become truly powerful.

Bruce is dead, and remembered as a master of his craft.

Chuck is alive, washed up and a running gag on the internet.

[Brett Wong]

BIIAAAAACHES ITS A VS MATCH

BATMAN VS CHUCK NORRIS

NOT

BRUCE LEE VS CHUCK NORRIS

GET BACK ON TOPIC PEOPLE!

[Alchemistmerlin]

BIIAAAAACHES ITS A VS MATCH

BATMAN VS CHUCK NORRIS

NOT

BRUCE LEE VS CHUCK NORRIS

GET BACK ON TOPIC PEOPLE!


Nah the Vs. trend sucks and should die painfully.

[Brett Wong]

You should suck and die painfully....

[Zzarchov]

why id lincoln get the gun under his hat?

QUid pro QUO

*zap*

Cause he's a ZOMBIE! Duh. Game Set and Match.

[Ulicus]

I'd have thought we'd know how these threads end by now.

With preparation time, Batman wins gets roundhouse kicked to the face and dies.

[nothingclever]

Nah the Vs. trend sucks and should die painfully.
YOUR FACE SHOULD DIE PAINFULLY WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK TO THE HEAD< OH WAIT YOU"RE NOT WORTH IT>!!

[Flak_Razorwill]

That took a quick trip to hell.

So yeah...Chuck wins over Batman because of sheer "Braskiness?"

[gallow]

That took a quick trip to hell.

So yeah...Chuck wins over Batman because of sheer "Braskiness?"
I believe the right word would be "Chuckiness".

As said, Chuk wins. Big time. With preparation time, Batman could make peace with his gods. And maybe pray for a quick death.

[SpoonlessJedi]

Chuck Norris may beat Batman, but Stephen Hawking pwns all.

[Jukashi]

Don't you realise?

Batman just has to take his anti-Chuck Norris pills, handily located in his utility belt.

[Ing]

or us his chuck noris repellent...which would cause Chuck Noris to fly into a range ram a dolphin and explode into a cloud of facial hair

[Vylan_Antagonist]

Chuck Norris would be beaten like the dead horse he already is.

This internet fad is slightly fresher than, say, Star Wars Kid or Leroy Jenkins, but only just barely.

[Alchemistmerlin]

Chuck Norris would be beaten like the dead horse he already is.

This internet fad is slightly fresher than, say, Star Wars Kid or Leroy Jenkins, but only just barely.


It's actually older the Jenkins. :-/ At least I remember it from before I remember the video.

[twyst976]

Batman Vs. Chuck Norris Vs. DITKA!

Ditka 413 to 3 to 3.

You can figure out how that works out....