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Gorbash
2010-05-18, 03:37 PM
Inspired by the topic of the similar name for Paladins, where I found tons of awesome quotes to use for my Paladin, I'm opening this one for Wizards. Because the above-mentioned derailed into discussion about morality, evil/good etc, I'd ask you from refraining discussing the omnipotence of wizards, suckiness of monks and any combination of those two and foucs just on quotes please. :smallsmile:

So, to start of with a few I gathered:

"Mastery is achieved when telling time becomes telling time what to do."

"Your deeds cannot be undone. You, however, can be. <casts Disintegrate>"

"Sorcery? Bah. Anyone can pick up a brush and paint, call themselves an artist even. But only through years of dedication and study can you create a true masterpiece. A sorcerer is like a child with paints, barely understanding what they are doing. I have mastered the art.”

Drakevarg
2010-05-18, 03:39 PM
"...also, I can kill you with my brain."

For a Wizard with a cat familiar;

"Don't make me angry. You see, when I get angry, Mr. Tibbles gets scared. And when Mr. Tibbles gets scared... people die!"

JohnnyCancer
2010-05-18, 03:46 PM
Marvel Comic's Dr. Strange has a bunch of mystic expressions he frequently uses. You could probably find them listed online.

Gauntlet
2010-05-18, 03:55 PM
Plenty of stuff from Magic: The Gathering. An example, from 'Last Word' (a counterspell):


Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

PId6
2010-05-18, 03:56 PM
"Mastery is achieved when telling time becomes telling time what to do."
Well, if we're going with MTG quotes...

"Masters of the arcane savor a delicious irony. Their study of deep and complex arcana leads to such a simple end: the ability to say merely yes or no."

Telonius
2010-05-18, 04:02 PM
"Time is my ally. When I am eighty, I will shape reality itself to my will. And you? You will barely be able to lift that sword."

Fayd
2010-05-18, 04:05 PM
Had to.

http://pix.motivatedphotos.com/2008/6/14/633490829993472720-Wizard.jpg

Flickerdart
2010-05-18, 04:05 PM
"I prepared Explosive Runes this morning."

Avilan the Grey
2010-05-18, 04:07 PM
A good start (http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Baldur's_Gate_series)...

Ah, nostalgia...

Ravens_cry
2010-05-18, 04:09 PM
"Behold your fate creatures of darkness!
Your demise is at hand, for I wield arcane power beyond your feeble goblin reasoning! The forces of the very cosmos are mine to command, and yet still you cannot comprehend the dark dismal end in store for you and your wicked compatriots. Nay! Your little brains can only leave you gasping in horror as I bend reality to my very will! The magic I wield is capable of rending asunder the universe-nay, the whole of the multiverse, and in fact is wasted on such pitiful creatures as yourself. But I shall bring it to bear nonetheless, and you shall rue the day I chose to wreck such unimaginable havoc on your lives with the sheer power of my arcane works. . .etc."
Can also double as a sleep spell.
(http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0010.html)

Avilan the Grey
2010-05-18, 04:13 PM
"BUUUUUUUuuuuuuurnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!"

CoffeeIncluded
2010-05-18, 04:19 PM
"Sure, I may be squishy. Sure, I can't use a 20-pound hunk of metal as a weapon like you can. But what I lack in brawn, I more than make up for in brain.

You can cut down a tree with a few-well placed swings. I can rewrite reality with a few words and hand gestures. And I don't even need that if I use metamagic.

So let me put it this way: If you lay one finger on me, or my property, or anybody I care about..."

*Uses Stone Shape to make a figure that resembles the person the wizard is talking to*
*Casts Delayed Blast Fireball*
*Casts Disintegrate*
*Casts Meteor Swarm*
*Delayed Blast Fireball Explodes*
*Charred bit of the sculpture bounces and comes to rest at the person's feet for emphasis*

"And that's if I'm in a good mood. Got it?"

The Shadowmind
2010-05-18, 04:19 PM
"So you trained for ages toughening your body? And fought strong beasts?Well, here are some pretty colors to stare at while I slit your throat."

AtopTheMountain
2010-05-18, 05:01 PM
"Your deeds cannot be undone. You, however, can be. <casts Disintegrate>"


Also works for a Paladin, if you replace <casts Disintegrate> with <draws longsword>.

Eldariel
2010-05-18, 05:10 PM
"Your deeds cannot be undone. You, however, can be. <casts Disintegrate>"

I prefer "Your deeds cannot be undone...*chuckle*...actually, I lied. It's easy, really. <casts WhateverSpellUndoesTheDeedTeleportThroughTimeIfNec essary>"


Hm:
"Stand in my way, will you? Realize that the last one who tried is now my most loyal servant in hell." - and let it sink that he's going to die and he's going to thank you for it and serve you for the rest of eternity as a devil.

"Do you really think you are prepared to face a millennium of preparation?"

"Once I'm through with you, all memory of you will be erased from existence. You will perish, and nobody will mourn."

"It may be wise to instead go vex somebody whose thoughts don't contain more might than your entire being."

Demons_eye
2010-05-18, 05:27 PM
"This tale is the truest tale of all! Once upon a time there was a puny samurai warrior, AND THE WIZARDS DESTROYED HIM!

The End"


From the panther but wizards could use it too:

Assassin: I have trained my entire life to face you!
Panther: Then you have already lost. I have trained my entire life to face the unexpected

Frozen_Feet
2010-05-18, 05:35 PM
"You shall not pass!"

"When in doubt, kill it with fire."

"What? Never heard of Searing Spell, have you?"

Anything in this song. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUfxZ1lDyPI)

Private-Prinny
2010-05-18, 05:58 PM
Anything will work as long as it sends 3 basic messages.

1. I'm smart. Much smarter than you.
2. I'm powerful. Much more powerful than you.
3. I'm not afraid to show you just how true statements 1 and 2 are.

World Eater
2010-05-18, 06:00 PM
"Where did I leave my shotgun again?"

Kurald Galain
2010-05-18, 06:01 PM
"BUUUUUUUuuuuuuurnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire.


And of course the classic, "Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for *poof* RIBBIT!"

PId6
2010-05-18, 06:07 PM
"Magic must defeat magic!"

"One mooore thing...!"

Fayd
2010-05-18, 06:12 PM
"When life gives you lemons, make hot chocolate."

"I am <name>. My will be done."

JohnnyCancer
2010-05-18, 06:13 PM
Baldur's Gate has some memorable lines from the lips of casters:

I cannot be caged! I cannot be controlled! Understand this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools!
-Irenicus

Tedious monkey work.
-Edwin

Doc Roc
2010-05-18, 06:36 PM
I had a time-traveling wizard build who would go back in time and become the father of any of his opponents. Naturally, this led to:

"....I am your father."

Loxagn
2010-05-18, 07:31 PM
Whenever casting an elemental spell, always use puns. Always.

"Let me get this straight. I have the capability to undo all of creation with a flick of my wrist and a few nonsense words. You have a pointy stick. And you want to challenge me to a fight?"

"I'm surrounded by idiots..."

"May I tell you a story?" <casts Finger of Death> "Once upon a time, you died. Then I lived happily ever after."

"I am so unbelievably angry right now, that killing you? Just isn't enough anymore. So here's what I'm going to do. First, I'm going to kill you. Then, I'm going to animate your corpse into something completely horrible. After that, I'm going to Plane Shift over to wherever your soul has gone, and I'm going to make your body kill your soul. And when that's done with, I'm going to annihilate the undead until nothing is left but a pile of ash. Then I am going to defecate on the ashes, and then open a portal to the plane of elemental Fire, and dump whatever's left into it. Are there any questions before I begin to show you how incredibly wrong you were to trifle with me?"

Drakevarg
2010-05-18, 07:33 PM
After that, I'm going to Plane Shift over to wherever your soul has gone, and I'm going to make your body kill your soul.

I'm not sure if souls work that way, but if the guy you're taunting pisses themselves and runs I guess it doesn't really matter.

Loxagn
2010-05-18, 07:47 PM
I'm not sure if souls work that way, but if the guy you're taunting pisses themselves and runs I guess it doesn't really matter.

You're a Wizard. Make souls work that way.

Divide by Zero
2010-05-18, 07:50 PM
"Your deeds cannot be undone. You, however, can be. <casts Disintegrate>"

Replace that with unname from ToM for more lulz, since then you're literally retconning them out of existence.

Private-Prinny
2010-05-18, 07:53 PM
"I'm surrounded by idiots..."

I use this one a lot.

KnightOfV
2010-05-18, 08:04 PM
An original I came up with on the spot for my low level scholarly illusionist.

"Why yes, wizards are all taught to be needlessly vague and confusing. I once had a class on magical theory where the final essay topic was: 'Explain'." :smallcool:

Enix18
2010-05-18, 08:17 PM
"Magic must defeat magic!"

"One mooore thing...!"

I applaud the fact that you were able to work TWO quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures in here. You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar!

Greenish
2010-05-18, 08:45 PM
Whenever casting an elemental spell, always use puns. Always.Elemental, dear Watson.

"I'm surrounded by idiots..."Relatively speaking, yeah, few people have wizard-level intelligence.

Stompy
2010-05-18, 09:10 PM
"Learning is fun, 'cause Knowledge is Power!"

JohnnyCancer
2010-05-18, 09:15 PM
*Uses Stone Shape to make a figure that resembles the person the wizard is talking to*
*Casts Delayed Blast Fireball*
*Casts Disintegrate*
*Casts Meteor Sward*
*Delayed Blast Fireball Explodes*
*Charred bit of the sculpture bounces and comes to rest at the person's feet for emphasis*

"And that's if I'm in a good mood. Got it?"

"Just...wait eight hours before you induce me to do that to you." :smallbiggrin:

Temotei
2010-05-18, 09:17 PM
"I win." :smallamused:

Alternatively, rename all of your spells to horrible, frightening things and then yell them out as you cast. Or make them curse words.

Siosilvar
2010-05-18, 09:18 PM
"Just...wait eight hours before you induce me to do that to you." :smallbiggrin:

In that vein, "I'll give you an eight-hour head start. Start running."

tribble
2010-05-18, 09:43 PM
A wizard is never late. Nor is he ever early. He arrives precisely when he means to.

This was not a FLUKE! I did not get LUCKY! I AM [insert name here]-AND I AM IN CONTROL!

Godskook
2010-05-18, 09:49 PM
This was not a FLUKE! I did not get LUCKY! I AM [insert name here]-AND I AM IN CONTROL!

What is this from. I know I've seen this.

Fayd
2010-05-18, 10:00 PM
It ALMOST sounds like Sarda from 8-Bit Theater, but I can't find the exact source.

tribble
2010-05-18, 10:12 PM
It ALMOST sounds like Sarda from 8-Bit Theater, but I can't find the exact source.

Nope. (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071203)
character length ugh.

Greenish
2010-05-18, 10:21 PM
Nope. (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071203)
character length ugh.Wulfenbachs are made of awesome. Both of them.

tribble
2010-05-18, 10:51 PM
Wulfenbachs are made of awesome. Both of them.

yeeeeep. you are correct.
now, back to quotes...
...Do not provoke me to violence, For you could no more evade my wrath...Than you could your own shadow.

Some kind of Dr. Facilier-type character could do it, I guess.

Prodan
2010-05-18, 11:31 PM
It ALMOST sounds like Sarda from 8-Bit Theater, but I can't find the exact source.

Here's something from Sarda, I believe.

"Wizard? Wizards perform parlor tricks, I throttle the heavens."

krossbow
2010-05-18, 11:56 PM
"do you want to see my magic wand lassy?"

Lysander
2010-05-19, 12:16 AM
"Don't attack! I'm unarmed!"

Private-Prinny
2010-05-19, 12:19 AM
*cast a BFC spell*

"90% of them are now blind. I'm done here. Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do with my time."

Mystic Muse
2010-05-19, 12:22 AM
Nope. (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20071203)
character length ugh.

I believe there's another one where he intimidates his butler guy. I wish I could remember which comic that was. it ends with "I am Gilgamesh wulfenbach and there is nothing I could not do if I had reason. And now, now I have a reason."

dspeyer
2010-05-19, 01:20 AM
I believe there's another one where he intimidates his butler guy. I wish I could remember which comic that was. it ends with "I am Gilgamesh wulfenbach and there is nothing I could not do if I had reason. And now, now I have a reason."

Yes, (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060301) there (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060303) is. (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306)

Mystic Muse
2010-05-19, 01:22 AM
Yes, (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060301) there (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060303) is. (http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20060306)

I think he rolled a natural 20 on his intimidate check on the last one.

Greenish
2010-05-19, 01:32 AM
I think he rolled a natural 20 on his intimidate check on the last one.Meh, that's Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, son of Klaus Wulfenbach. I'd say low to mediocre roll.

rubycona
2010-05-19, 01:39 AM
Many of the lines from Slaughter Your World (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcbazH6aE2g), courtesy of the LFG Comic, are great.

An example that comes to mind,

"Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run, your village will burn like the heart of the sun!"


Or, let's see...

"How would you like to die? I've got Humiliating, Quick, Slowly, Fiery, Erasing you from all existence, Interesting Places you won't live to remember... quite a variety! And it all depends on my mood. You wouldn't want to upset me, now would you? Else I might have to get imaginative, and my, that's dangerous."

Deca
2010-05-19, 01:42 AM
Here's something from Sarda, I believe.

"Wizard? Wizards perform parlor tricks, I throttle the heavens."

If we're going with Sarda quotes, there's always:

"You know what the best thing about magic is? Everything."

"This...This isn't right...This...will not be.....I am Sarda. And I am older than time and possess a power beyond mortal imagination. My plans will not be undone by such amateur-hour horsesh*t as absorbing too much power and exploding...I am Sarda. My will be done."

And a non-Sarda but still 8-bit quote:

"I AM BLACK MAGE! I CAST THE SPELLS THAT MAKE THE PEOPLES FALL DOWN!"

CrimsonSoul
2010-05-19, 01:44 AM
I suppose you can say I...
*put on sunglasses*
killed it with fire

then shout
YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHH

JohnnyCancer
2010-05-19, 01:47 AM
You can also use single words, and I'm not even talking about the Power Word spells. Every evil wizard has probably had occasion to intone "Tremble," or "Despair!"

ShneekeyTheLost
2010-05-19, 02:07 AM
"This is my Fireball. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Without my fireball, I am useless. Without me, my Fireball is useless...

Heh, who am I kidding, that spell sucks" <Time Stop, Cloudkill, Forcecage>

"I would explain to you just how serious a mistake you just made by annoying me, but you do not have the wit nor the vocabulary to be able to comprehend a tenth of it. Therefore, it behooves me to simply demonstrate..."

"Hmmm? Okay, yea, you kids have fun. What, me? Nah, I'm bored, I think I'll go Plane Shift over to the abyss and top Lloth. That was fun, she's been begging me to do it again for months now. She's been nice, maybe I should reward that..."

"Pardon me while I tell the laws of physics to sit down and shut up."

"Unnecessarily verbose? Good sir do you realize that I, as a Wizard, am a master of manipulating the very fabric of reality through my superior linguistic skills? Perhaps rather than imply that I am necessarily verbose, perhaps you should contemplate that you are simply incapable of fathoming the true depth of discourse which I had originally assumed, based on your standing with the local community, you were capable of comprehending. For this lamentable lapse of judgment, you have both my apologies and sympathies."

"Bored now..." <casts whatever spell flays the skin from your body>

Ravens_cry
2010-05-19, 02:15 AM
I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six missiles or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Empowered Maximised Magic Missile, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question:
Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

Lord Vukodlak
2010-05-19, 02:25 AM
"You dare to attack me here? Do you even KNOW whom you face? You will suffer! You will ALL suffer!"

"I cannot be caged! I cannot be controlled! Understand this as you die, ever pathetic, ever fools!"

"Your pathetic magics are useless. Let this end!"

I just had to put in some Jon Irenicus quotes.

Here's an actually quote from an adventure last week.

"In death you shall only make me stronger I hope this comforts you in our grave"
—Wizard.

"What grave were going to animate them all as undead"
—Sorcerer

"Catch"
—Wizard throwing a trigger object for trap the soul.

"There can be only one Lord of Shadows and I do not share power!"
—Shadowcraft Wizard

Myou
2010-05-19, 02:37 AM
"SPELLS FOR THE SPELL GOD!"

:roy: "Is that another 'fighter are dumb' crack?"

Deca
2010-05-19, 02:39 AM
"I am a master of arcane mysteries and you're trying to stop me by hitting me with hunks of metal? ....Heh. That's funny. I like you. "

Dr.Epic
2010-05-19, 02:40 AM
One word: Gandalf

...and maybe Merlin from the various novels and movies based on Authorian legends.

Lord Vukodlak
2010-05-19, 02:49 AM
"I am a master of arcane mysteries and you're trying to stop me by hitting me with hunks of metal? ....Heh. That's funny. I like you. "

I actually had a wizard say that to my martial character once[not exactly that but more or less], then he realized he was incapable of casting on the defensive due to the mage slayer feat. And I had reach.

Krazddndfreek
2010-05-19, 02:51 AM
My favorite one:

"BURN!!"
:smallbiggrin:

Greenish
2010-05-19, 02:52 AM
BURN! All that you'll have to say.

[Edit]: Burn, bloody ninjas, burn!

Krazddndfreek
2010-05-19, 02:55 AM
"Great minds think alike, eh?":smalltongue:

The great thing about that one is it works for a wizard too. Only if he's willing to admit that someone might be as smart as him.

Lord Vukodlak
2010-05-19, 02:57 AM
More from BG
"It's aggravation like this that will eventually cause me to fireball the entire party as they sleep. Yes indeed, everyone peaceful and quiet and then FOOM!"
—Edwin.

Ravens_cry
2010-05-19, 03:30 AM
I actually had a wizard say that to my martial character once[not exactly that but more or less], then he realized he was incapable of casting on the defensive due to the mage slayer feat. And I had reach.
You bastard. You, wonderful, wonderful, bastard.:smallamused:

742
2010-05-19, 05:03 AM
(exasperated)"if you continue to be unresonable about this then im going to have to do it for you *mind control* now do it."

"got your nose soul"

"yeah but *save or die spell of choice*"

J.Gellert
2010-05-19, 05:11 AM
Summoner or Enchanter: "You know how the game of chess is played... Pieces must be sacrificed."

Evoker: "My power will consume you."

Necromancer: "Die."

Ravens_cry
2010-05-19, 05:52 AM
The warp and waft of reality are at my beck, and you? You are fly on the loom, to be shaken away with less then a thought.:smallsigh:

Reality is what I make it.:smallamused:

Trouble rather the dragon in his lair than the mage amongst his spellbooks. For to you kingdoms and their armies are mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment to be overturned by the flicking of a finger.

megabyter5
2010-05-19, 07:19 AM
Wizards are the best class for gloating over enemies before handing out fates worse than death. Here's an example off the top of my head:

"To fully grasp the extent of my power, and by extention how utterly doomed you are, you must begin with the terminology behind it. 'Arcane' is quite literally a word for that which you simply cannot comprehend. It is a closely guarded secret that drives many who seek its power mad. I am not mad, but I can sever your ties to sanity with a single word. Or, if I'm in the mood for something flashier, I could conjure a few fireballs out of my fingertips. But since I'd rather make you suffer before you die, I'll just have the earth beneath your feet open and swallow you whole. Can your big metal toys do anything about that? [casts Imprison] Didn't think so."

J.Gellert
2010-05-19, 07:37 AM
Yes, and all the buffs give you time to be verbose if you so wish.

"Well, I now have (Caster Level)/2 * 6 more seconds to gloat over you, dear warrior. Would you like me to explain exactly what each of my spells is going to do to you?"

OldFart
2010-05-19, 08:00 AM
"Kill them all? Why yes, my dear warrior friend, I suppose I could quite easily do that. However, I did not master the secrets of altering the universe to suit my whims merely so I could approach every situation with the mindset of a muscle-bound killer. You see, the goal you have spent your entire life pursuing mastery of is what I view as the least efficient method of removing an obstacle in my path. I have far better techniques. Watch; I shall enlighten you."

Lord Vukodlak
2010-05-19, 01:39 PM
You bastard. You, wonderful, wonderful, bastard.:smallamused:

For further insult to injury, the spiked chain wielding rogue was behind him.

The Shadowmind
2010-05-19, 01:46 PM
After casting Bestow curse/Curse of Despair.
"You felt that tiny little tap? That one the filled you with dread as soon as it occurred? That is my curse to you, and I've stolen half your life. Why did I do it? Because you annoyed me. Don't do it again or I'll steal the other half or do worse."

Dada
2010-05-19, 02:57 PM
"I do not fight. I win."

"I was looking for a battle of wits, but I'm afraid you are unarmed."

Realms of Chaos
2010-05-19, 04:43 PM
"My will be done"

Though it's a bit more of a catch phrase than a saying, this one is my favorite and it suits just about all wizards in just about all situations.r

If reading it confuses you, the word will refers to what you desire to happen.

AtopTheMountain
2010-05-19, 04:53 PM
"I once trained to be able to ignite and engulf my foes in great blasts of magic. To burn the skin from their bones, to electrocute them into a coma, to freeze them solid and smash them where they stood.

Then I realized that was too weak. Here's what I learned instead..."

Flickerdart
2010-05-19, 05:28 PM
Necromancer: "You are more useful to me dead than you are alive. Don't push your luck."

Morty
2010-05-19, 05:31 PM
Another one from 8-Bit Theatre: "Magic is the incarnation of will and its expression upon the face of reality. Not a sad scrawl upon some ancient parchment". It might fit a sorcerer more, though.

Drascin
2010-05-19, 06:24 PM
A few I actually used:

"I have seen many a piece of idiocy in my travels, not the least from my own companions. But I must say, spending several minutes gloating to a wizard trained in the Silent Spell disciplines is probably going to go into the annals of my order, and we see everything that happens in this idiot-filled continent. In a twisted way, you should probably feel proud"

(It's nice when DMs allow you to use Sleight of Hand checks to mask the fact you're casting)

"Magic doesn't solve everything. Magic and the right intellect guiding it, however, does"

"Tch. Unstylish. You don't use magic as a cudgel, you amateur. You use it as a subtle wedge. After you get raised, learn some finesse and maybe I'll deign talk to you next time. Mr Hack, if you'd do the honors?" (To an enemy Wizard that liked his damage spells way too much. Hack was the party's Barbarian and charger. Turned out elven wizards have this problem with adamantite greataxes).

Arcane_Snowman
2010-05-19, 07:34 PM
Arguably this was used by a Psion, but it could be used in equal measures by a powerful enough Wizard:

"Distance holds no boundaries, for one such as I..." *Teleports*
"...Neither does Time..." *Time Stop/Temporal Accelaration*
"...Nor Reality itself." *Spells of your choice*

Math_Mage
2010-05-19, 07:44 PM
(It's nice when DMs allow you to use Sleight of Hand checks to mask the fact you're casting)


Allow, nothing. It's a skill trick.

Greenish
2010-05-19, 07:50 PM
Allow, nothing. It's a skill trick.Isn't that use of Sleight of Hand mentioned in some book or other? I mean, as an application of the skill, not as a trick. I seem to recall having seen it somewhere…

Eldariel
2010-05-19, 09:10 PM
Why haven't we got the obligatory Chrono Trigger ones yet?
"Alright, give me your best shot. If you are prepared for void!"
"Behold, my pretties! Destiny in its most brutal form. All the dreams that might have been, all the happiness, and sorrow, gone forever. For you, there will be no tomorrow."
"Don't worry. You won't die...immediately, that is!"
"The weak only strive to be weaker."
"Make it like the wind and blow outta here!"
and of course "It's over for you. Your life ends here."

Reynard
2010-05-19, 09:23 PM
My favorite one:

"BURN!!"
:smallbiggrin:

Not:
"Burn for me."
"What"
BUUURRRRNNNN FOOORRRR MEEEEEEE!!"
"AAAAHHH"
?

Greenish
2010-05-19, 09:26 PM
Not:
"Burn for me."
"What"
BUUURRRRNNNN FOOORRRR MEEEEEEE!!"
"AAAAHHH"
?Illusionary fire is for sissies.

[Edit]: no offense meant for SCS or anyone else, but real fire is so much better (unless you're a shadowcraft mage).

tribble
2010-05-19, 09:38 PM
This whole place is about to blow.
What? why?
Because I don't like it!

Water, 35 litres. Carbon, 20kg. Ammonia, 4 litres. Lime, 1.5kg. Phosperus, 800g. Salt, 250 g. Niter, 100g. Sulphur, 80g. Fluorine, 7.5g. Iron, 5g. Silicon 3g. And fifteen other elements. Those are the elements to make an average adult human body. You can buy these elemental ingredients at the market with the pocket money of a child. Humans are made so cheaply. (more of an alchemist thing, but w/e)

Damn it, there are so many idiots whose asses I have to kick! I'll have to start carrying a list just to keep track of 'em all!

I don't mind being the smartest man in the world. I just wish it wasn't this one.

Knowledge is Power, and with the key to the Black Library I shall claim it all.

I am <name>, and <name> means me!
If I say he is a [whatever], a [whatever] he is.
You know nothing, [other person]

Ravens_cry
2010-05-19, 09:42 PM
For further insult to injury, the spiked chain wielding rogue was behind him.
You fill me with unholy glee considering the rather self congratulatory nature of many all of the phrases presented here for mage-kind.
Thank you.:smallamused:

Greenish
2010-05-19, 09:45 PM
Water, 35 litres. Carbon, 20kg. Ammonia, 4 litres. Lime, 1.5kg. Phosperus, 800g. Salt, 250 g. Niter, 100g. Sulphur, 80g. Fluorine, 7.5g. Iron, 5g. Silicon 3g. And fifteen other elements. Those are the elements to make an average adult human body. You can buy these elemental ingredients at the market with the pocket money of a child. Humans are made so cheaply.Double those and go to town with "yo momma so fat" jokes.

tribble
2010-05-19, 10:47 PM
I've walked across the sun. I've seen events so small and so fast they can scarcely be said to have happened at all, but you... you are a man.

It's magic, I don't gotta explain sh*t.

Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds.

When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

we missed a Vaarsuvius:As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero.

Scared? You're talking to a man who laughs in the face of death, sneers at doom, and chuckles at catastrophe. I was petrified.

This hand of mine glows with an aweomse power! Its burning grip tells me to defeat you! Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! SHINIIIIING FINGEEERRRRR!!!

Ravens_cry
2010-05-19, 11:30 PM
This hand of mine glows with an aweomse power! Its burning grip tells me to defeat you! Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! SHINIIIIING FINGEEERRRRR!!!
*adds to list of things you do not want to hear from your gynaecologist*

Yukitsu
2010-05-20, 12:08 AM
Things I've said in game:

"You're the king of what now? Sorry, I have better things to do with my time than indulge dressed up boys who think politics is power. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make a world and becomes its God."

"Hmm? Oh yeah, right that war we're fighting. Give me a moment. *horrible slaughter* Ah, if only you had something interesting for me to do. A challenge now and then."

"The source of all divinity? Boooorriiiinng."

"Look, would you please go away? I didn't crush your skull with my awesome arcane might until tomorrow, so you may as well go home until then. I was around to see you at noon tomorrow."

Deca
2010-05-20, 12:11 AM
"Feh. In the arena of wits, you fight like a monk. Poorly and Unarmed."

Math_Mage
2010-05-20, 01:40 AM
Isn't that use of Sleight of Hand mentioned in some book or other? I mean, as an application of the skill, not as a trick. I seem to recall having seen it somewhere…



UNOBTRUSIVE SPELLCASTING
As part of casting a spell, you can make a Sleight of Hand check to make your verbal and somatic components less obtrusive, muttering magic words under your breath and making magic gestures surreptitiously. Your Sleight of Hand check is opposed by any observer's Spot check. The observer's success doesn't prevent you from casting the spell, but it keeps you from doing it unnoticed.

I guess that obsoletes the skill trick...:smallyuk: Can't they at least try to be consistent about these things?

Zen Master
2010-05-20, 07:20 AM
"Who are you, and what are your concerns to one such as I?

I can twist reality around you to suit my desires - your perceptions, evne your thoughts are mine to shape as I will. While there are those mightier than I, unto you I am like a god.

You will grovel, worm - or you will burn. I hope this is simple enough for your pitiful mind to grasp."

"Weigh carefully, insect, how much of my vaulable time you waste, against the expedience with which I can reduce you to cinders. Now, what was the question again?"

Greenish
2010-05-20, 07:24 AM
I guess that obsoletes the skill trick...:smallyuk: Can't they at least try to be consistent about these things?Well, the trick is an automatic success, isn't it? It also prevents AoOs (dunno if the skill check would).

Tankadin
2010-05-20, 10:25 AM
One of the Penny-Arcade/PvP podcasts had this example. Perhaps a little less noble, but discretion is often the better part of valor:

Badass Mook: "First rule of combat: Wizard dies first!"
Jim Darkmagic: "I'm not a wizard. I'm an entertainer, sir!"

mikeejimbo
2010-05-20, 10:28 AM
Well if we're going to steal stuff and hammer it to fit with a wizard, I always liked this one:

"I'm a wizard. That means I solve problems. Not problems like 'What is beauty?' That falls under your purview of philosophy. I solve practical problems. Like 'What do you do if some Mother Hubbard wants to tear you a structurally superfluous new behind?' The answer - use a spell. If that don't work, use more spell."

Cyrion
2010-05-20, 10:33 AM
Ask not what your Enchanter can do for you; ask what you can do for your Enchanter!

Kris Strife
2010-05-20, 10:45 AM
Stercus, Stercus, Stercus Moritorius Sum

Morituri Nolumus Mori

Heliomance
2010-05-20, 10:49 AM
Well if we're going to steal stuff and hammer it to fit with a wizard, I always liked this one:

"I'm a wizard. That means I solve problems. Not problems like 'What is beauty?' That falls under your purview of philosophy. I solve practical problems. Like 'What do you do if some Mother Hubbard wants to tear you a structurally superfluous new behind?' The answer - use a spell. If that don't work, use more spell."
I recognize that quote. Where's the original from?

SlyGuyMcFly
2010-05-20, 10:49 AM
Ask not what your Enchanter can do for you; ask what you can do for your Enchanter!

That one made me grin.

Fayd
2010-05-20, 10:52 AM
Heard this on TV a little bit ago. Thought it... kinda... applies.

"Cathedra maia, regulai maia...it's Latin: my chair my rules..."

Ravens_cry
2010-05-20, 11:54 AM
I recognize that quote. Where's the original from?
I solve practical problems. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipYkuCZ2IYI)

Thrantar
2010-05-20, 12:18 PM
"You have far yet to go."

For best results, combine with Plane Shift, reached if necessary. Also works well with previous presented variants of "Try again later."

Fayd
2010-05-20, 12:21 PM
"You have far yet to go."

For best results, combine with Plane Shift, reached if necessary. Also works well with previous presented variants of "Try again later."

Go directly to Hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 gp.

mikeejimbo
2010-05-20, 12:23 PM
I solve practical problems. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipYkuCZ2IYI)

Yes, this.

I always liked the engineer. Soft-spoken, calm, down-to-earth, but still brilliant.

Math_Mage
2010-05-20, 04:10 PM
Well, the trick is an automatic success, isn't it? It also prevents AoOs (dunno if the skill check would).

The trick is not an automatic success, but an opposed check. However, you're right that the regular version might not prevent AoO's.

Ravens_cry
2010-05-20, 04:24 PM
Yes, this.

I always liked the engineer. Soft-spoken, calm, down-to-earth, but still brilliant.
I agree, though I think the 'when all you have is a hammer' (or wrench as the case may be), attitude fits the Fighter types better, which is why I used modified version for the sayings of warriors thread.

mikeejimbo
2010-05-20, 04:48 PM
I agree, though I think the 'when all you have is a hammer' (or wrench as the case may be), attitude fits the Fighter types better, which is why I used modified version for the sayings of warriors thread.

True, though I think the intelligence fits the Wizard well too.

Ravens_cry
2010-05-20, 04:52 PM
True, though I think the intelligence fits the Wizard well too.
Well, with good rolls, even a Fighter can have delectible. . .I mean high, intelligence (http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0031.html).

mikeejimbo
2010-05-20, 04:53 PM
Yeah, it would work for an intelligent fighter. Doesn't the Combat Expertise line require Int? Or something?

Ravens_cry
2010-05-20, 05:03 PM
Yeah, it would work for an intelligent fighter. Doesn't the Combat Expertise line require Int? Or something?
Yes, Combat Expertise requires at least 13 intelligence (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/feats.htm#combatExpertise).
Back to our thread:
"Child, I can so thoroughly destroy you, your own mother will forget the day of your birth."

Mr. Anon Omys
2010-05-20, 09:03 PM
Quickened, Maximized, Empowered, Silent, Still Lightning Bolt. Twice.

I cast disintegrate on the sun. I don't care if it is physically impossible, I do it anyway!

Said to the wizard: Will you please stop making everything explod--Boom!
Wizard: No.

Greenish
2010-05-21, 04:07 AM
Yeah, it would work for an intelligent fighter.I believe those are called "warblades".

Quirinus_Obsidian
2010-05-21, 04:22 AM
Probably ninja'ed, but...

"Thrice Damned Spell Resistance!"

My personal favorite: ""Get off me you damn dirty ape!"
-Party spellcaster being grappled and utterly controlled by a were-baboon

katans
2010-05-21, 04:49 AM
Abjurer: "So far, your methods of swinging or tossing pointy or sharp objects at me have proven pointless. What are your other options?"
"Funny how you utterly fail at hurting me, don't you think? Maybe you should be worried about that, but you'll have plenty of time to think about it in Heaven, or Hell, or wherever you'll be when I'm done with you."

Conjurer: "Of course I cannot match your mastery of the sword. But may I introduce you to someone who can?" *points to the Solar standing beside him*
"This is not the kind of magic you can disbelieve or ignore thanks to the inborn resilience of your kin, Drow. This one is real."

Diviner: "I know what you've been doing all along, I know what you think, what you want, what you are. You have only come this far because I allowed it. Think carefully about it before you do anything stupid."
"There are exactly four ways you could beat me. But I've had a long, long time to design ways to counter them."

Enchanter: "Listen, can't we just be friends?"
"- You and what army?
- THIS army.
- Oh, but you seem to be misinformed here. This is MY army."

Evoker: "Some say there is no subtlety in destruction. You know what? They're dead." (MtG FTW!)
"That was quite a strong blow. My turn."

Illusionist: "Illusion? Reality? By the time you tell the difference you'll be dead. In a very non-illusory way."

Necromancer: "I spent a lifetime of study mastering the secrets of life and death. You do not seriously believe mere mortal means can maim me?"
"Yes, fooling around with brainless minions is fun for a while, but there's more to my craft than that. Let me demonstrate. *Finger of Death*"

Transmuter: "Weapons? You mean these flowers you and your companions are holding? Did you hope I'd suffer from pollen allergy or something?"
"I create, redefine, and destroy matter as I see fit. With a thought I can shape cities, tear down walls, control a volcano, turn a pebble into a dragon. What can YOU do?"

Generalist: (singing) "Seven deadly sins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell and your trip begins..."
"The question whether I have the right solution to this problem is utterly preposterous. The answer is always yes. The good question is, do I have it right now? And the answer is yes as well."

onthetown
2010-05-21, 07:04 PM
How about some Warcraft?

Necromancer- "I love the dead. Frequently."

Endarire
2010-05-21, 07:09 PM
"People are puppets."

Fayd
2010-05-21, 07:30 PM
How about some Warcraft?

Necromancer- "I love the dead. Frequently."

From the Lich:
"I'm so poor, I don't even have calcium deposits."
"EEEEEEEHHMOOOOOTEP!"


From the elven sorceress:
"I don't remember casting Slow on you."
"For the end of the world spell, press Control Alt Delete."

Loxagn
2010-05-21, 07:32 PM
From a human necromancer, to a lich:

"People like you disgust me. I spend my entire life studying that of life, and that of death, suffering the scorn of all my peers for resorting to such an act. But why? Why do I insist upon staining my soul with these magicks when I could far more easily pursue other forms of arcane capability? I'll tell you.
It is because by remaining just, remaining pure, remaining whole-heartedly a man who is using his power only to better the lives of everyone around him, maybe, just maybe I can prove that just as a sword or a hammer, magic is only a tool. Neither good nor evil, only a tool, in the hands of those who wield it.
You, on the other hand? The only reason you have taken this path, is because you cannot bear to face your own mortality. It's selfish fools like you that give Necromancy a bad name.
But, take heart. For you see, if there is one thing I have come to understand about death... It is that it waits for absolutely no-one. Not me...
And certainly not you. Undeath to Death."