You have a unicorn. What do you do?

[EmeraldPhoenix]

I was eating lunch with my friend the other day, and we were talking and laughing and making up scenarios like "if you were stranded on a desert island and could only have # ____, what would you do?", and he came up with this one. I want to know what you think.

Okay. So, you're chaotic evil. You have aquired a unicorn. The only unicorn in existance. What do you do?

Here are a few I came up with:

clone it and sell unicorn burgers at a fast food chain
put it in a zoo and charge money to see it
ride it around New York City with a black mask on yelling "The end is near!"

[Tulio d Bard]

Breed it with some Demon or something like that. CE Experiments are just wonderful. :smallcool:

[icastflare!]

Breed it with some Demon or something like that. CE Experiments are just wonderful. :smallcool:

I like this idea.

Mine would be to train it be chaotic evil and if possible have it learn slay living everything it touchs people with its horn.

[Doc Roc]

Just chillax with it. I mean, I might be chaotic evil, but it's still a pretty cool horse. It's probably a paragon of good, and maybe law, but I bet it loves things that are delicious.

When you consider some of the things that are Evil acts, or Chaotic ones, it's quite easy to end up with a CE alignment and still be thoroughly heroic.

[Altair_the_Vexed]

Forge a living weapon out of it.

Wielded like a greatsword, only made of Unicorn.

[Tulio d Bard]

I like this idea.

Mine would be to train it be chaotic evil and if possible have it learn slay living everything it touchs people with its horn.

Or make it even more inocent than before, but also slay living everything it touches with its horn even involuntarily.

Little Girl: Look Mom! An Unicorn!
Unicorn: Hey girl! Come her, let me show you some- *slay living*

(and farewell Dio :smallfrown:)

[KilltheToy]

Step 1. Clone it numerous times
Step 2. Sell clones to highest bidder(s)
Step 3. ????
Step 4. PROFIT!!

[Tulio d Bard]

Step 1. Clone it numerous times
Step 2. Sell clones to highest bidder(s)
Step 3. ????
Step 4. PROFIT!!

I don't think selling is a good idea...
The ones that bought it from you could use them against you...or worse: sell unicorns themselves!

: I mean, the competition and stuff, but also imagine a world full of unicorns...:smalleek:

One is more than enough. (http://games.adultswim.com/robot-unicorn-attack-twitchy-online-game.html)

[Ravens_cry]

*looks up at unicorn*
Well, I guess there are benefits to been a virgin.
I guess I would talk to it, ask it questions. And no I would not rub its horn to make magical unicorn mayonnaise.

[Etcetera]

Use Unicorn with Blender.
You have got Unicorn Purée.
Use Unicorn Purée with Vodka.
You have got Unicorn Cocktail.
Consume Unicorn Cocktail.
You consume Unicorn Cocktail. You feel a little odd. Rainbows pour from every orifice as you ascend skyward, broiling balls of stars shepherded by faries orbit around you.
You take 4 constitution damage.

[Semidi]

Pick up chicks. Chicks dig unicorns. They're like horses. Chicks dig horses. But they, like, got a horn and stuff. So that makes them even more cool.

[Sneak]

Join the band The Unicorns. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjsPp7R6ONY) I wouldn't play anything, I'd just ride around on stage at their gigs.

[Pyrian]

The primary economic value of a unicorn is the fact that its horn is (supposedly) a universal antidote. After testing this theory on an unfortunate hero, the next step is to arrange a large poisoned meal for the local aristocracy which only I and my minions survive. :smallcool:

Sadly, only virgins can ride one, so that's right out. ...Pity!http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d3/Pyrian/Party/2009_LoJ/Friday/LoJ12_Friday_17.jpg

[Comet]

I would press Z to make my dreams come true X to crush down all that oppose me, man and wall alike.

[Pyrian]

:smallbiggrin: Robot Unicorn Attack is more fun than it ought to be.

[potatocubed]

I would cure the world's ills and change my alignment. Or possibly the other way around.

Trivia Moment! The proper name for a unicorn horn is 'alicorn'.

[Dallas-Dakota]

1. Make it kill a small happy girl.
1B. Make the unicorn smile or grin while doing it.
2. Videotape that.
3. Put it online.(on youtube)
4. ????
5. PROFIT.

[Nerzi]

Eat it. I have no need (or enough money) for a horse, let alone a prissy judgemental one that won't let me do anything with it cause I've dared to have a love life in the past. I do however need to eat, and it's something interesting I've never tried before. Not like the species is gunna survive anyway if there's just one left.

I could sell it I suppose, but I kinda want to eat it and use the horn as a toothpick, just for giggles.

[mikeejimbo]

Sadly, only virgins can ride one, so that's right out. ...Pity!

I think Pyrian took my idea. :(

[CrimsonAngel]

ride it around New York City with a black mask on yelling "The end is near!"


I would do this. But I would also be wearing a speedo and paint my body green.

[Kuma Da]

Chaotic evil unicorn application? Hmm.

Make it a fast food mascot. :smalleek:

[Jibar]

Why is this a question?

I have a Unicorn.

What more could I want.

[Force]

Four healing spells a day as SLAs... hmm. Ride it to the local ER, most likely, and broker a deal involving an exchange of money for CLW and CMW.

[The Glyphstone]

I'd cut off its horn and glue the horn to my forehead, giving me super powers. (http://www.axecop.com)

[Mando Knight]

Pick up chicks. Chicks dig unicorns. They're like horses. Chicks dig horses. But they, like, got a horn and stuff. So that makes them even more cool.

...So chicks like unicorns because Freud was right? :smallconfused:

...:smalltongue:

Of course, one would have to ask: what kind of unicorn is it? Is it like Sparklelord and hates all that is radical (http://drmcninja.com/archives/comic/15p65), and was thus banished from the Radical Land by the Most Radical Man?

[Orzel]

ride it around New York City with a black mask on yelling "The end is near!"

This one. Since I live in NYC, I don't have to pay to travel there.

or Axecop it.

[Makensha]

Sell it and pay for college. Hey, practicality beats fantasy with this one.

In fact, I would do that, chaotic evil or not.

[Saint Nil]

Obviously you take it to Candy Mountain.

[Tulio d Bard]

Or make him take the amulet to the Banana King. :smallbiggrin:

[onthetown]

Name it Sparkles and ride around on it, making yourself appear to be good. Dye its fur black and light its mane on fire for nighttime crimes. Nobody will suspect a thing.

Except maybe when they notice the smudged, charred unicorn you're riding around on.

[Serpentine]

I would love it and hold it and call it George.

Just cuz I'm Chaotic Evil doesn't mean I don't still love frickin' unicorns! And calling a noble majestic beast "George" is pretty evil...

[Jimorian]

Join the band The Unicorns. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjsPp7R6ONY) I wouldn't play anything, I'd just ride around on stage at their gigs.

Wrong band.
http://www.fastcompany.com/pics/sites/fastcompany.com.mba/linkedfiles/imagecache/slideshowlarge/slideshows/unicornio.jpg

[742]

cloning genetic engineering and scientific research. then i would go find and kill the bastard who gave me "chaotic evil". first i would devour their soul then i would rend their mortal form asunder as i ride away on my unicorn sled of doom to conquer norway. why norway? because im already most of the way there and today is the 21st and um okay fine; CE kinda sorta works i guess.

[Project_Mayhem]

cloning genetic engineering and scientific research. then i would go find and kill the bastard who gave me "chaotic evil". first i would devour their soul then i would rend their mortal form asunder as i ride away on my unicorn sled of doom to conquer norway. why norway? because im already most of the way there and today is the 21st and um okay fine; CE kinda sorta works i guess.

The Norwegians would not be an easy conquest. They routinely kill bears with their bare hands.

[Amiel]

Play a real-life game of Robot Unicorn Attack.


Alternatively, clone it, then breed myself an army of righteous steeds. Watch as my opponents are zerg unicorn rushed crushed under the triumphant hooves of my unicorns.

So begins the reign of Overlord Amiel.

[Anuan]

I had a unicorn.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/other/canned_unicorn_meat.jpg

[Grimlock]

Eat it! mmmmmm Unicorn!

[Lioness]

My boyfriend informs me that he would attempt to sacrifice it to Cthulhu and awaken the old ones. Bwahahaha.

[Lykan]

I'd probably see if it can be made into magical glue.

Ooh! Or jell-o! Magical jell-o.

[Coidzor]

Not sure, I guess it'd depend on how much of an ass the unicorn was. I'd probably have to brutally slaughter it, what with the being male thing and unicorns being total pedophilic symbols.


Sadly, only virgins can ride one, so that's right out. ...Pity!http://i32.photobucket.com/albums/d3/Pyrian/Party/2009_LoJ/Friday/LoJ12_Friday_17.jpg

At first I was like :smallconfused: because it was just a photo of two girls, presumably virgins of some sort.

Then I was like :smallbiggrin: because that girl was condemning herself to a life of vapid bad sex.

[RobertoBlasini]

http://www.fastcompany.com/pics/sites/fastcompany.com.mba/linkedfiles/imagecache/slideshowlarge/slideshows/unicornio.jpg

This picture made me facepalm and then I was speechless, nonetheless. I mean that in a not-good way either >.> :smalltongue:

I would cut off it's head, make it into a helmet, carve a unicorn hord sword fused with my evil blood, and make it's carcass into a set of armor fused with demon blood. And then go destroy childrens' dreams.

[Quincunx]

I'd find out if corrupted unicorns really do turn black and gain the ability to harmtouch with their horns.

[Strawberries]

So I'm chaotic evil, eh? Let me think....

I'll offer it to the stereotypical party paladin as a gift.
If he's able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for being a loser. If he isn't able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for having broken his vow of celibacy. Either way should make that poor sod's life hell. :smallbiggrin:

[Tyrandar]

Sell unicorn rides and make millions.

[The Glyphstone]

So I'm chaotic evil, eh? Let me think....

I'll offer it to the stereotypical party paladin as a gift.
If he's able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for being a loser. If he isn't able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for having broken his vow of celibacy. Either way should make that poor sod's life hell. :smallbiggrin:

What if he's a paladin who didn't take the Vow of Celibacy? Then it's a zero-sum game, except he's still got a unicorn he can ask nicely to heal everyone except you.:smallsmile:

[Coidzor]

^: See, this is why CE can't have nice things.


I'll offer it to the stereotypical party paladin as a gift.
If he's able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for being a loser. If he isn't able to ride it, I'll mercilessly taunt him for having broken his vow of celibacy. Either way should make that poor sod's life hell. :smallbiggrin:

The stereotypical party paladin isn't celibate, just no woman wants anything to do with him. Also, neither do men wish to associate with him.

[Strawberries]

What if he's a paladin who didn't take the Vow of Celibacy? Then it's a zero-sum game, except he's still got a unicorn he can ask nicely to heal everyone except you.:smallsmile:

That's why I mentioned stereotypical...I'd check first, of course :smallbiggrin:

[Mauther]

Finish med school, specialize in Child Psychology. Take the unicorn to a park or Jonas Brothers concert. Shoot the unicorn. Hand out business cards. Profit$$$

[Comet]

Finish med school, specialize in Child Psychology. Take the unicorn to a park or Jonas Brothers concert. Shoot the unicorn. Hand out business cards. Profit$$$

Okay, I cannot lie. That made me break down into a awkwardy ROFLing mess. :smallbiggrin:

[The Glyphstone]

That's why I mentioned stereotypical...I'd check first, of course :smallbiggrin:

In which case it still ends up a win-win situation for you?:smallconfused::smallcool:

[HypoSoc]

Merge it with my hydra then keep cutting off its head. It will have hundreds of magical horns which I will use to take over the (insert large body of land here).

Or, I could reinstate the gladiatorial era of ancient Rome, sell tickets, and make it my prize attraction as it will obliterate any challenger in a rainbow-colored bloody mess. I would promise a mountain of gold to the slayer, then sacrifice him to bring back the unicorn if he wins.

Or, I might just neglect to feed it.

Or all 3.

[Graymayre]

1. Drain some of its blood to create a philosopher's stone.

2. become immortal

3. flaunt my new steed

4. ???

5. Profit!

[Threeshades]

If I had a unicorn, I would for something less lame, like a dragon, a goblin or even just a monitor lizard with a fake stegosaur plate crest glued to its back.

Yes miserable 20s movie dinosaur effects are less lame than unicorns.

[RandomNPC]

I would have the conversation with it that goes on about never beleiving in unicorns, but now that we've met we don't need to beleive because we know.

from there it's either friendship or rivalry, and in the case of rivalry, I've got the opposable thumbs.

[Threeshades]

I would have the conversation with it that goes on about never beleiving in unicorns, but now that we've met we don't need to beleive because we know.

from there it's either friendship or rivalry, and in the case of rivalry, I've got the opposable thumbs.

And the advantage of being the less lame species.

[CrimsonAngel]

Dinner. White text.

[Dr.Epic]

Unicorn soup.

[Tricksy Hobbits]

Breed it with some Demon or something like that. CE Experiments are just wonderful. :smallcool:

How does a Chaotic experiment even work?
"Okay, we've got a pair of mythical beasts getting it on, what do we do now?"
"Let's throw sticks at them to see if it makes the clouds turn purple!"

[Octopus Jack]

It's the only one in the world right? Sell it!

Failing that either experiments or food, depends if I'm hungry or not.

[Theodoriph]

If I'm chaotic evil as the first post indicates....

I'd use it as bait to lure virgins to me so I could use them for my own carnal pleasures. I'm surprised I didn't see that response...seemed the most obvious one to me.

[Raistlin1040]

I would take it back to my nefarious CE Villain lair and, after many hours of painstaking experiments, confer upon it a Half Iron Golem template. Then I would rip out its eyes and replace them with gemstones that fired Prismatic Sprays at my command. Then I would replace its legs with Dwarf-forged mechanics that gave it absurd speed and the ability to jump very far. Lastly, I'd cut off its horn (for other uses), and replace it with an adamantium one, for breaking through things.

[The Librarian]

Preferably what the first post indicates would be my general actions.

However, I would be inclined to one other option: I would name the unicorn Charlie and teach to speak if it couldn't already. I would then ride across the land shirtless. When people stop to ask me what I am doing, I will merely reply: Me and my friend Charlie here...were going to Candy Mountain.:smallbiggrin:

I would also tell the little kids not to touch the horn for...obvious reasons already forementioned here.

[Dragon queen]

my plan has been coordinated::smallbiggrin:

Raise the unicorn to be a paladin's mount.

Then sell unicorn to any currant paladin I find.

Charge about 100,000 gold.

Kill paladin then take Unicorn and repeat the process.

[Dragero]

1. Burn the unicorn
2. Take a picture
3. Put a stupid caption Under it.
4. ?????????
5. Science!

[Leecros]

post it on the internet of course like this:


i has a unicorn!!!

http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1320/1466997409_1d9844194c.jpg

jealous yet?

[Surfing HalfOrc]

Well, whatever you do, DON'T play Leapfrog with it! :wink:

[megabyter5]

First, I clone it. Then I conduct hideous breeding experiments on each clone individualy, applying any squicky template I can think of to at least one.

[Ikialev]

Harvest unicorn's blood to keep myself from dying.

[Cobalt]

my plan has been coordinated::smallbiggrin:

Raise the unicorn to be a paladin's mount.

Then sell unicorn to any currant paladin I find.

Charge about 100,000 gold.

Kill paladin then take Unicorn and repeat the process.

You're going to kill a unicorn mounted paladin? :smallconfused: And how, pray tell, does that fall into the realm of possibility?

I myself would, quite clearly, lock it in the basement and painfully experiment (Science!) create a one-animal petting zoo in my front yard.

[742]

oh! i would turn it into a potted plant! i dont know how i would do that. maybe i would splice its DNA with a plant. that would be fun. maybe i would just get a bunch of dirt and bury the unicorn up to its neck; that could be fun too! might be harder to water though and i would need a big pot unless it was a mini-unicorn.

[Recaiden]

So I'm not neutral anymore? That would actually be rather nice.
Eh, profit a bit off its blood or something and just use it to ride aronud.