Q: What do Eschatological Lamas believe in?

[AstralFire]

A: The Alpacalypse.

This is my best joke ever.

[Mando Knight]

You should tell that to the Dalai Llama! :smalltongue:

[Catch]

Never post again.

Okay, I smirked. Nice work.

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

A vampire walks into a bar. The bartender says to him "We don't serve your type!"

[AstralFire]

A vampire walks into a bar. The bartender says to him "We don't serve your type!"

So... What type is a vampire? Ghost?

[Shas aia Toriia]

Blood type.

[Catch]

A vampire walks into a bar. The bartender says to him "We don't serve your type!"

No, no. It's a Tiefling, and the bartender says to him, "We don't take too kindly to outsiders here."

[Gwyn chan 'r Gwyll]

Blood type.

And Shas wins the shiny!

Took me a coupla seconds to get the joke the first time I heard it.

[Ditto]

AstralFire = Troll in the playgroudn.:smallamused:

Okay, it was horrible, but I grinned.

[AstralFire]

I've settled on them being Dark type, actually. I'm being purposely dense.

[Xuc Xac]

A human and an elf walk into a bar. The dwarf walks right under it.

[Tirian]

My friend's favorite joke (which she made up) is "What's big and gray and doesn't matter?"

An irrelephant.

I still say the best joke is "What's brown and sticky?"

[AstralFire]

Maple Syrup?

[Mando Knight]

Melted chocolate?

[Deth Muncher]

I still say the best joke is "What's brown and sticky?"

A stick. :p

[Tirian]

A stick!

What do they teach in schools these days?

[AstralFire]

They teach us about Canadia.

[Jokasti]

A group of miners walk into a bar.

[AstralFire]

Gold, silver, or copper?

[Eldan]

What's long and white and lying in the desert?
A piece of white string.
Whats long and black and lying in the desert?
The White String's shadow!

[Keld Denar]

How many elves does it take to light a candle?
- Three, one to sing, one to dance, and one to conjour the spirit of joyful flame into the realm material.

How many dwarves does it take to light a candle?
- None, dwarves just sit stubornly in the dark. (Darkvision yo!)

How many gnomes does it take to light a candle?
- Just one, but it only appears to be lit.

How many halflings does it take to light a candle?
- What, you'd actually trust a HALFLING with your CANDLE?

How many trolls does it take to light candle?
- Just one, but he does it VERY VERY VERY CAREFULLY!

How many half elves does it take to light a candle?
- One...apparently half elves ARE good at something!

[Eldan]

How many boring people does it take to light a candle?
One.

[GrlumpTheElder]

What's white and can't climb trees? A Fridge!

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

What's white and can't climb trees?

Edit: Ninja'd. Ninja'd hard.

[Eloi]

A gigantic dwarf is a?

[Keld Denar]

A gigantic dwarf is a?

Duergar? Racial Expansion 4tw!

[senrath]

A gigantic dwarf is a?

The one guy in my WoD group. At least, his character is.

[Eloi]

A gigantic dwarf is a?

A gigantic dwarf is an oxymoron.

[Keld Denar]

You try telling that duergar that hes a moron. I garuntee he won't like it!

:P

[Eldan]

Welcome to the club.

[mrpitchfork]

What does Count Chocula eat alphabet soup with?

A spoon.

[Ashen Lilies]

No, no. It's a Tiefling, and the bartender says to him, "We don't take too kindly to outsiders here."

>.>
<.<
*steals joke for sig*
Tiefling related humor is always appreciated. :smalltongue:

[Xzeno]

Why did the cockatrice cross the road? I'm sure one of you has it. PUN!

[mrpitchfork]

To get to the other side.

Why did the indentured servant cross the road?

[WalkingTarget]

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have a pint." The second one says "I'll have half of what he's having." The third one is interrupted by the bartender who says "You're all a bunch of idiots." The bartender then gives them two pints.

***

A termite walks into a bar and asks "Is the bartender here?"

***

René Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Would you like a beer?" Descartes replies "I think not," and then promptly disappears.

[Rothen]

A: The Alpacalypse.


:smallannoyed:
:smallbiggrin:
:smallannoyed:


Did you know Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

[MeatShield#236]

This thread confuses me.

[Cobalt]

A group of miners walk into a bar.

They are then promptly arrested.


What's black and white and read all over? (I'm suprised this hasn't been said yet)

[Flickerdart]

They are then promptly arrested.


What's black and white and read all over? (I'm suprised this hasn't been said yet)
A newspaper. Alternately, Constructivism.

[Xzeno]

What's black and white and read all over? (I'm suprised this hasn't been said yet) A sunburnt nun.

A lion walks up to a zebra and asks: "What's black and white and red all over?"

One atom says to another: "I think I lost a proton!"
The other asks: "Are you sure?"
To which he relies: "I'm positive."

A rogue, a cleric, a fighter, and a wizard walk into a bar. The bartender says: "Get out of here!"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Dieing alone.

Wanna here a joke? Modern standards of grammar.

Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

[GrlumpTheElder]

One atom says to another: "I think I lost a proton!"
The other asks: "Are you sure?"
To which he relies: "I'm positive."


That should be lost an electron, because otherwise it doesn't make sense...

A skeleton walks into a bar and asks for a pint and a mop.

[Milskidasith]

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guys.

Why didn't the zombie cross the road?

He didn't have the brains.

Why did the human cross the road?

Because he wanted to get away from the undead!

These are terrible, I know.

[RationalGoblin]

I am going to steal every last one of these jokes. And thus I will be PUNMASTER! :smallbiggrin:

Anyways, I've got one.

What do you call alcohol that comes from the bottom of a tree?


Root Beer.

[Xzeno]

That should be lost an electron, because otherwise it doesn't make sense...

The way I saw it was: That should be lost a proton, because otherwise it makes sense. Don't worry, I was aware of the chemistry involved when I typed up the joke. Still, thanks for the correction. Always appreciated, even if I don't need it.

How much does a skeleton weigh? A skele-ton.

What did the crow say to the skeleton? "I've got a bone to pick with you!"

[Xyk]

I was wondering why the meteor was getting better. And then it hit me!

[Zocelot]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot

What's green, fuzzy, has 6 legs, and if it jumps out of a tree on you, you're dead?
A pool table

My dog has no nose.

[Thajocoth]

Person A: :smallsmile: What do you get when you cross a Human and a Bull?

Person B: :smallamused: A Minotaur, of course.

Person A: :smallannoyed: No. You get arrested.

Person B: :smalleek:

[Jokasti]

I was wondering why the meteor was getting better. And then it hit me!
You mean getting bigger?

[Xyk]

You mean getting bigger?

yes...:smallredface:

[Xzeno]

What's the difference between a rich man on a bicycle and a poor man on a unicycle? Attire.

[BisectedBrioche]

What do you get if you write a llama's name in a Death Note?

A lama

[Telonius]

Welcome to the club.

That's what the giant said to the dwarf.

[Tyrandar]

Person A: :smallsmile: What do you get when you cross a Human and a Bull?

Person B: :smallamused: A Minotaur, of course.

Person A: :smallannoyed: No. You get arrested.

Person B: :smalleek:

On a semi-related note...


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v620/theweaselking/main5/40586405.jpg

I... don't know any lame jokes. :smallfrown:

[Keld Denar]

A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a pint.

Bartender says: We don't serve your kind here!

Mushroom says: Why not? I'm a fungi!

[Froogleyboy]

Person A: :smallsmile: What do you get when you cross a Human and a Bull?

Person B: :smallamused: A Minotaur, of course.

Person A: :smallannoyed: No. You get arrested.

Person B: :smalleek:

I don't get it

[Keld Denar]

If you take out the excuse of "a wizard did it", then biologically it would get pretty squicky. Beastiality is *NOT* condoned in most cultures, and outright illegal in others.

[Drakevarg]

Beastiality is condoned in most cultures,

Huh. Really?

I'd join in with the joking, but I never put any ranks into Craft (Puns).

[Thajocoth]

I don't get it

Crossing two species implies intercourse. Humans crossing with other animals is generally illegal.

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

I do believe he meant to say "condemned", for most posters here surely know the opposite of "beastiality is condoned in most cultures" to be true.

[Zocelot]

I was confused about the meaning of condoned for a long time. I only recently (about a year ago) learned that it is synonymous with approve of and support.

[AstralFire]

If you take out the excuse of "a wizard did it", then biologically it would get pretty squicky. Beastiality is condoned in most cultures, and outright illegal in others.

Hey, hey. Just because I'm ugly doesn't mean it's bestiality. :smallbiggrin: It's charity. (And lord do I have a charitable girlfriend.)

[Keld Denar]

Gah, of all the times to slip up and miss a word...thats embarassing. Edited in a big shiny *NOT* for clarity...

[Tyrandar]

Oh! I remember one (courtesy of XKCD)

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A: Elefino

[Dancing_Zephyr]

What does a french existentialist crow ask?
PourCAW?

[KoboldRevenge]

What do you call a bad joke about eggs?

A Bad yoke. I know it's dumb.

[Xzeno]

I... don't know any lame jokes. :smallfrown:

Neither do I.

That was my best one yet.