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Human Paragon 3
2010-06-08, 10:53 AM
Hi Playground!

My Silver Hellstar campaign has taken an interesting turn, and I may be seeing my party head to the local adventurer's guild for work. I want to have a lot of jobs available of many different kinds and written in different voices. I was hoping you guys might want to help!

Don't worry about place names, I can change or adapt. Think of it as craigslist for D&D adventurers, and you won't go far wrong. Thanks.

Protecar
2010-06-08, 11:03 AM
Rugged Dwarf be lookin' for a few good men that dinnae mind getting their 'ands dirty! (Elves need not apply). Talk to teh lad at desk an' let 'em know yeh be lookin' for 'ol Slaghart.

Are you interested or knowledgeable in the realm of botany? Come out to the Lurkingwood Forest and look for the innocuous cabin by the Framedeath River--in need of some good eyes.

Something like those?

If not, I got a kick outta writing them. :smallbiggrin:

Totally Guy
2010-06-08, 11:05 AM
Sacred birthing cave taken by spiders. Need spiders removing so that the wife, Luvatar, can have our baby the way god intended, blessed to the birthing pool. We intent to camp there from the night of the new moon to until we have our child.
-Olgin.

Human Paragon 3
2010-06-08, 11:09 AM
Hehe, yes these are good. Do you think compensation should be listed on the postings? Probably makes sense to have it most of the time.

Pink
2010-06-08, 11:11 AM
Rugged Dwarf be lookin' for a few good men that dinnae mind getting their 'ands dirty! (Elves need not apply). Talk to teh lad at desk an' let 'em know yeh be lookin' for 'ol Slaghart.

Are you interested or knowledgeable in the realm of botany? Come out to the Lurkingwood Forest and look for the innocuous cabin by the Framedeath River--in need of some good eyes.

Something like those?

If not, I got a kick outta writing them. :smallbiggrin:

I like how the dwarf writes with an accent.

Protecar
2010-06-08, 11:11 AM
Hmmm....good point:

Addendum for first:

10gp per hour of yer time

For second:

15% off my apothecary wares. May also choose 30% of potions made from ingredients found.

Edit:


I like how the dwarf writes with an accent.

One of my favorite humor-isms! :smallbiggrin: I love when a character/race with an accent ends up writing in one too(given a proper opportunity to do so). :smallsmile:

rat-morningstar
2010-06-08, 11:50 AM
law abiding and totally not evil wizard in need of some adventurers to test some new ... spells ...
for more information, look for the giant dark purple tower with the thunderclouds.

reward to be discussed upon completion as if that will ever happen you puny mortals

dragonfan6490
2010-06-08, 11:58 AM
ATTENTION ALL ADVENTURERS OF GOOD ALIGNMENT

My honor has been tarnished by the Dreaded Serpent of Jal-Akar and I am in need of Heroes to aid me in seeking out and slaying this fell creature. Any treasure found is yours for the taking, so long as you make your tithe. Seek me out at the Temple of <insert good deity here>. I am called Sir Althair Brenesin Dulvarios III, Captain of the 3rd Knighthood of the Most Holy Order of <insert good deity here>.

Ormagoden
2010-06-08, 11:58 AM
My basement is filled with RATS! Need willing individuals to kill them all! Paying 2 copper a tail. 5 copper for big tails! Come see _____ at ______.

Looking for help locating an object that has gone missing, magic and information gathering skills a must! Big lugs with great-axes need not apply.

the humanity
2010-06-08, 12:00 PM
Lost Dog named Scruffers.
Labrador, Black. Loves chicken and fuzzy toys.
Return to John Miller at 17 wizards way
2sp

Ormagoden
2010-06-08, 12:01 PM
ATTENTION ALL ADVENTURERS OF GOOD ALIGNMENT

My honor has been tarnished by the Dreaded Serpent of Jal-Akar and I am in need of Heroes to aid me in seeking out and slaying this fell creature. Any treasure found is yours for the taking, so long as you make your tithe. Seek me out at the Temple of <insert good deity here>. I am called Sir Althair Brenesin Dulvarios III, Captain of the 3rd Knighthood of the Most Holy Order of <insert good deity here>.

EDITED SO AS TO NOT MELT EYES



Wizard walks up to board...


"What the hell is alignment?"

Gamerlord
2010-06-08, 12:05 PM
Red dragon requires sna-er, adventurers to deal with pesky kobolds. Come to northernmost cave lightly armed.
-Adventurerstasteyummy the red dragon.

nedz
2010-06-08, 12:14 PM
Found: Stange little creature in a box.
What is it ?
All knowledgable folk should come to the stables and there might be a pint in it for yer.

Caliphbubba
2010-06-08, 12:17 PM
Desperately Seeking Arcanists

It has fallen on me, Lord Rutherford of Bottomsworth, to provide entertainment and security for the bachelor party of my dear friend Baron Daylein. It is his request that his party be "out of this world", so after hearing tales of outerplaner seductress's and dancers from a passing minsteral I have decided to produce such for the party. I am willing to pay the standard fee for the casting of the rituals required to summon and control our special "guests". An additional sum of 3000g will be levied to you to secure any further security measures.
Also paying for:
Skilled Minstrals
Acrobatic Performers
Animal Trainers
Illusionists

Human Paragon 3
2010-06-08, 12:18 PM
Desperately Seeking Arcanists

It has fallen on me, Lord Rutherford of Bottomsworth, to provide entertainment and security for the bachelor party of my dear friend Baron Daylein. It is his request that his party be "out of this world", so after hearing tales of outerplaner seductress's and dancers from a passing minsteral I have decided to produce such for the party. I am willing to pay the standard fee for the casting of the rituals required to summon and control our special "guests". An additional sum of 3000g will be levied to you to secure any further security measures.
Also paying for:
Skilled Minstrals
Acrobatic Performers
Animal Trainers
Illusionists

This is made of win. I only regret that my party probably couldn't take the job!

Caliphbubba
2010-06-08, 12:21 PM
This is made of win. I only regret that my party probably couldn't take the job!

Haha I'm glad you liked it :smallbiggrin:

Can you give us an idea of what the party is capable of, so we can maybe write some postings that will fit better? maybe just a Class/level breakdown would work.

Human Paragon 3
2010-06-08, 12:38 PM
Well, it doesn't really matter what the characters are capable of, since the in-game job givers don't know. The idea of the bulletin board is to seem like a real adventurer's guild hall board.

However, for those inquiring minds, the party makeup is:

Human Wizard 5
Dwarf Fighter 4/Something 1
Human Barbarian 4/ Paladin of Freedom 1
Half Orc Warblade 5 (fluffed to duelist)
Human Monk ??? May be leaving the game soon.

The campaign log is here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145066).

Balain
2010-06-08, 12:38 PM
1. Last surviving cousin needs adventures to retrieve documents proving his lineage.

2. Foppish son needs to be escorted to _____ by _____ for the festival of _______. Will pay ____ for expenses and ___ when son is returned back home dead or alive.

Caliphbubba
2010-06-08, 01:23 PM
Well, it doesn't really matter what the characters are capable of, since the in-game job givers don't know. The idea of the bulletin board is to seem like a real adventurer's guild hall board.


That's true I suppose, but I'm assuming you'll at least some of them to fall into a typical range. Like, depending on how lawful the guild is it might have different boards like "Novice" "Intermideate" "Advanced" so members dont bite off something hugely out of their capabilities.


Pirates!!

I, Reginald Fenwich-Smythe, High Mercer of the most Resplendant Order of Haberdashers & Clothier Local 3861 have found my self in a pickle. A shipment of rare Green Giant Spider Silks is a fortnight past due for arrival. Inclosed is a copy of the map of the shipping lane the merchant vessel intended following. I will offer my services as a Master Tailor, plus a reward of up to 1000g (depending on the mount of Silk recovered) to the brave company that recovers my merchandise. Also buying Raw Giant Spider Silk of other hues.

AtwasAwamps
2010-06-08, 01:28 PM
Giant Baby Needs Killing

Found giant baby in cornfield. Keeps killing farmhands and animating them into mockeries of life. Ate my cow. Please help!

Farmer Otis
Reward: My other cow
http://www.d20srd.org/srd/epic/monsters/abomination.htm

Prodan
2010-06-08, 01:30 PM
Desire fame, glory, or wealth? Join SOLDIER today!
-Shinra company advertisement.

hamishspence
2010-06-08, 01:38 PM
I liked the articles in Mordheim's Town Cryer paper. Funny obituaries, For Sale adverts, and so on. For example:

LOST: Enchanted nose ring that went missing somewhere in Garden district. Greatful reward will be given for return of said nose ring. A bonus of 50 Gold Pieces will be given if the nose is still attached.

Ravens_cry
2010-06-08, 01:43 PM
Power, Unlimited Power can Be Yours if you Send 5 Silver to Monsignors Feeble and Kep.
Make the Laws of the Universe Your Obedient Mistress by Taking This 5 Week Correspondence Course.
You Too can be A Powerful Mage or Subtle Wizard by Taking This Course. Our Loyal Customers Were so Pleased, They Voluntarily Sent In These Words of Recommendation:
"Before, I couldn't cast the simplest Cantrap, Now I cast at Epic Levels and have Attained Godhood, thanks to 'Feeble and Keps Wiz Bang Book of the Wizardry and Arcane Learning'."
V.
"My fireballs used to lack pep, my ice bolts melted. But now, thanks to 'Feeble and Keps Refresher Course for Experienced Sorcerers' I can now freeze a frost giant and burn a Red Dragon. Thank you Feeble and Kep!"
G.
These Results and Others even Better Can Be Yours if You Send Away 5 Silver Now for "Feeble and Keps Correspondence Course of Wondrous Power."
Order Within The Next Month and We Will send a Free Random Spell Component, an up to 5000 Gold Piece value, Yours for Free!
Send Silver Pieces to:
Monsignor Feeble and Kep Cutstring
Skid Row
Rattlebone City

Radar
2010-06-08, 02:22 PM
Pretty standard in big cities:
City Counsile seeks adventurers to cleanse the sewers from X infestation. Payment for every X slain.

Other:
1. Do you like to travel? Do you want to visit exotic places? Or if you're just seeking a breathtaking adventure, join Planet Express - a rapidly growing postal company!
Footnote in tiny letters: Planet Express does not take any responsibility for any injury, death or property damage caused by or to its employees.

2. Lord H.J. Farnsworth seeks valiant adventurers to put his late relatives back to eternal rest.

3. Damsel in Distress look for some discreet help in an important private affair. Interested adventurers should go to Lions' Heart Tavern on (set date here) evening. Bring an iris as a sign.
(this one can be anything inculding a scheme to frame some wisdom-impaired adventurers into sombodys' else crime)

Truthseeker
2010-06-08, 02:44 PM
Wife ran away with my prized magic ring. Happier without her, but want the ring back. Reward to be paid in gold.

Mercenaries urgently requested to deal with bandit problem in town of (hamlet). If you can swing a sword you're probably qualified.

Please help me dismiss a terrible curse! Your discretion is requested but you will be rewarded with money or a magic item of admittedly somewhat dubious utility, your choice. Come to the Golden Lyre and ask the innkeeper to put you in touch with my representative.

Orc problem in Ravenwood! You slay, we pay. Price is (a tiny amount appropriate to your campaign) per orcish right hand returned to town, half for children, double for females. It may not seem like much, but there's a LOT of orcs so it adds up!

Lady in need of escort from (somewhere) to (somewhere else). I cannot offer much but my gratitude, but action is likely and whatever you can pull from our attackers is yours. (This is actually the ring-borrowing lady from the first listing, but we needn't tell the players that).

Unknown, invisible monster besieging countryside around Haplessville. We need a monster expert to tell us what it is so that we can kill it. It does bleed; green, if that means anything. If you want to kill it yourself that's a plus, but presently there is no reward.

The raven stalks the spires at mid-day. (That's it, but the note itself is done in ornate calligraphy --there's no real explanation to be had, but be prepared with some oddball side-quest in case the players insist on getting curious, taking it literally, and nosing around every temple, tower, rock outcropping, and anything else they think they might have a spire).

Wizard sought to augment town defense on the frontier. We already have a working town militia, but desire magical support. Long-term position working to keep good people safe. Potential problems to include goblins, gnolls, and the odd ogre or two. Come to Boondocks for the monsters, stay for the food!

Human Paragon 3
2010-06-08, 09:06 PM
Good... Good...

aje8
2010-06-08, 10:24 PM
Come one, come all to the legendary game show Who Wants to Be a GLADIATOR! Gladiators paid X gp doubling each fight! As a special bonus, the Gladiator who does the most brutal finish wins an extra X gold! Tickets 5gp! Fierce combat, amazing prizes, absurd betting, dubious food, this is a show you don't want to miss. Who Wants to be a Gladiator is not responsible for any death or injury inherent to combat. You must be 18 years or older to gladiate.

I needs mah gold plated idol statu back. Locat me at the Red Herring Inn if yu see it. I will pay monee for it. A lot o monee.
-Khan the Barberen

urbanpirate
2010-06-08, 10:28 PM
EDITED SO AS TO NOT MELT EYES



Wizard walks up to board...


"What the hell is alignment?"

ya know it's that thing the stars do just right every 13.5 centuries

Gralamin
2010-06-09, 12:45 AM
Need to free person from Curse by Destroying the Moon. Travel by boat to <Remote Deserted Island> to apply.

Harperfan7
2010-06-09, 01:03 AM
(picture of a cow with an "X" through it, under which is written in very poor handwriting and very large letters "Torr")

Coidzor
2010-06-09, 04:50 AM
Wanted: Adventurers well-versed in a variety of combat styles and battle magics. Eclectic and unusual power sources a plus. Inquire at Golemtec Labs, ask for Solberg.


Home Improvement: Pesky X keep sneaking into my tower and disrupting my experiments by dying horribly. Need skilled skullduggerists to identify methods and routes of gaining access to the tower. 50 GP and a scroll of choice per method found.


Gobbo and Hobo Extermination: The Government of X has authorized Schlakir Tirial, the Regional Liason, to offer a standing bounty of 1 GP per pair of goblin ears, 2 per hobgoblin. Additional bonuses available for proof of cleansing a breeding warren.


KOBOLD EGGS: After a prolonged scholarly debate, the professors of Derawqa College need to replace specimens lost in the heated arguments that led to the loss of the Hall of Specimens. 100 GP per living egg, 2 GP for well preserved deceased specimens. Contact Incantatrix Yhonders for delivery.


Request: Volunteers for research into the relation between Humans and Elves. Unusual hybrids of the two races may be eligible for a bonus. Half-Orcs need not apply. Familial compensation available for posthumous donations.


Half-Orcs: Tired of being mocked by humans and bullied by orcs? Speak to Otar Lokar of the Band of the Crimson Star to start your first steps on the road to a new place in the world.


Husband and Dog taken by drunk pair of Ogres last night. Reward for prompt return of dog or dog's remains.


Needed: Individuals of the utmost discretion to handle a delicate matter. Contact Hresh Kant of the Inn of the Blubbery Dragon and ask for the Fishdog Special.

A recent earthquake has revealed a tomb of unknown origin. Priests from the Temple of X that went to investigate suffered injury from an immolation of flammable vapors. Confirm that the area is safe to enter and investigate the nature of the tomb. A additional reward for preventing any undead from escaping is available .

true_shinken
2010-06-09, 08:30 AM
Need to free person from Curse by Destroying the Moon. Travel by boat to <Remote Deserted Island> to apply.
Fairy Tail detected!

Milskidasith
2010-06-09, 08:44 AM
A lot of these seem to have the bare minimum of reward even for life risking work... while I wouldn't expect them to pay well, 1 GP for every goblin killed is very low even for a level 1 campaign, although that may have to do with D&D economics being screwed up because commoners make near nothing.

Anyway, a few I've got in mind:

Adventurers requested to protect me from an annoying brute who claims he owns the land I built my laboratory on. Contact me at 18 Dragon Scale Lane. Reward offered.

Guards requested for a caravan. Only skilled and non-curious need apply. Payment negotiable depending on the number of fatalities suffered on the trip.

Need help finding missing pet. Goes by the name Steve, stands a few dozen feet tall, short arms, scaly body, powerful teeth. Mostly tan, roars when angry, likes to eat meat. Ask the bartender for Crazy Joe if interested.

Some dumbass wizard built his fancy lab on the vacant lot I owned. I'd like a few capable men to "convince" him to move out. Ask for Donovan at the bar, and you'll find me.

Quincunx
2010-06-09, 09:00 AM
A notice pinned at human belt level: One of those too-talls overhead grabbed my hat! I liked that hat. I kept my favorite things in it! I'll share my favorite things if you get me that hat back. (Recommended reward: a gnome muttering "guess I don't need these then" and handing over a set of 5-foot telescoping adamantium grabbing poles.)

A notice illegible unless Read Magic is active: Unpleasantries written thus on my gate. Locate gate, dispel obscene arcane marks, apprehend scribe, receive noble compensation.


!!!HARD ROCK FESTIVAL!!!
frontliners IRON GOLEMS are programmed only to ROCK!
headbang with the best -- headbang AGAINST the best
HARDEST headbangers bash heads! crack skulls! win prizes!
helms are for halflings, what are you, some kinda baby?

MICHAEL IF YOU'RE READING THIS YOU'RE IN A WHOLE HEAP OF TROUBLE YOUNG MAN LEAVE THOSE ADVENTURERS THIS INSTANT!

huttj509
2010-06-09, 09:15 AM
Written in a stylish hand:

Looking for adventure of a different sort?
Tired after a long hard day defending our city?
Come down to Madame Eva's and relax in comfort and style.
All races welcome, we can suit any taste in comfort.

Balain
2010-06-09, 12:44 PM
Some bandits have decided to use my farmlands as their base of operation. I have written a letter requesting them to leave. Need adventurers to deliver the letter.

Human Paragon 3
2010-06-09, 01:09 PM
!!!HARD ROCK FESTIVAL!!!
frontliners IRON GOLEMS are programmed only to ROCK!
headbang with the best -- headbang AGAINST the best
HARDEST headbangers bash heads! crack skulls! win prizes!
helms are for halflings, what are you, some kinda baby?



This thread was such a good idea.

Xallace
2010-06-09, 01:55 PM
WANTED: Group of five to help wizard defeat 1,000-year-old witch, recently released from cosmic dumping site. Combat experience necessary. Must not mind matching uniforms. Attitudes optional. Take poster, we'll find you.
REWARD: Custom magical armor of your choice, worth at least 3,000 gold!
Ai yi yi yi!

VAMPIRE HUNTERS NEEDED! Murderous vampire in town does not react to normal weaknesses, and disappears well before sunlight. Local clergy of Pelor at wit's end. Please inquire at the temple. Free food, lodging, and confessional provided. Price negotiable.

Darkxarth
2010-06-09, 03:29 PM
I realize that a number of these are similar to earlier posts, but I just could not help but post my own versions as well.

Looking for able adventurers to seek out the legendary Goblet of Blood. Approximate location will be given in person. Reward negotiable, but includes all other treasures acquired on expedition. Ask for Professor Sedgewick von Inglefeld at Society for the Preservation of Artifacts headquarters.

The Sacred Order of Nonviolent Resolution is seeking willing dungeon-delvers to rescue Father Drellin from his unknown captors. He was seen being kidnapped by several masked, cloaked assailants into the nearby catacombs. Reward for the return of Father Drellin includes access to the monastery's comprehensive library and participation in the Ritual of Seven Chakras. (DM's Note: magic ritual that grants one of a number of magical effects for 6 months)

Notice: Be on the lookout for ads requesting unarmed adventurers to go to Squatter's Cave for all the gold you can carry. No one has cleared out that pesky Roper and it keeps somehow posting fliers.

Mercenaries needed to kill small band of Hill Giants near Elkwood. Payment: 1000 gold (half in advance), magical longspear (upon completion), plus whatever goods the giants have managed to collect (with the exception of one small item). Details on arrival.

Help! My daughter was kidnapped by a giant monster! (DM's Note: Gray Render who has bonded to her) If you return her safely, you will be rewarded with a modest amount of jewelry and Thatchbury will hold a feast in your honor. (Signed) - Mayor Krestan of Thatchbury.

The Sisters of Guidance request the assistance of experienced warriors to once again ensure the safety of the convent by dealing with an infestation of magical insects (DM's Note: Hellwasps). Kindness is its own reward, but for the more avaricious warriors we promise a not insubstantial sum of gold (taken from the Orphan Feeding, Lodging, and Education Program).

I have an overabundance of wealth and wish to share it with the impressive and renowned adventurers of our land. Please come to Squatter's Cave for all the gold you can carry (no carts, horses, or magical bags). Armament not required, novices welcome.

Attention heroes! Sir Albrecht of Suncrest, Knight of the Golden Throne, Champion of the Valley of Prosperity, Honorary Member of the Silverbeard Clan, Slayer of Greatfang the Malevolent, and Future Hero of the Glittering Diamond Halls of Aragania requests your valiant aid in his holy quest! Sir Albrecht intends to descend into Hell itself in order to save the fair and virtuous Princess Mirabelle of Aragania from the vile clutches of the Demon Lord Kt'chexifar. King Darfellan of Aragania has promised a rich reward to Sir Albrecht and any others who help to save Princess Mirabelle, and Sir Albrecht has generously agreed to provide noble steeds and divinely-blessed weapons to those courageous enough to ride beside him.

Mr. Anon Omys
2010-06-09, 04:44 PM
These are posted nearly one on top of the other.

X clan seeking adventurers to remove Y clan from our land. 5 GP

We were here first. Y clan will pay 10 GP to kick X clan off.

No, we have been here for a century. You got here fifty years ago. Offering 15 GP for removal.

Y clan offering 100 GP for complete slaughter of X clan.

How dare you post that. X clan offers 500 GP for (rest of post splattered in blood.)

Y clan advises that you ignore previous post.

Noble peacekeepers sought to end the blood feud between X and Y clans. Inquire at Z clan, located in the field, right between the X and Y clans. Offering whatever it takes to keep them from going to war again.

Quincunx
2010-06-10, 03:20 PM
Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop! Clear my good name! I'll pay anything! --Lady Furibella the Goatswife! pfah, not like she married it

Seeking planar travelers to traverse the nether planes and locate my mother. Don't bother rescuing her; I just need her signature on some tablets. 5000gp or item of equivalent value required as deposit before receiving tablets, payable at the pepperer's guild.

(appended to any other notice) we r gonna take care of it 4 you nice lady Jeremy age 8 Georgie age 10 Elfy Vivvy age 27 Michael age 10 Shorty age 11.

There's no old, bold wizards, either. I am too craven to live and too feeble to do what must be done. Take pity on me. Take me with you so I may die in pursuit of one last, great quest.

Darkxarth
2010-06-12, 09:10 AM
I have a few more I thought I might add.

Looking for mercenaries to guard a shipment for the Merchant's Guild of Eastvale from Eastvale to Tack City. Payment is 400 gold per mercenary (no more than 2000 total) and an additional 1000 gold bonus (not per mercenary) after safe arrival at Tack City. The road will be dangerous; mercenaries and merchants are expendable, this cargo is not.

Do you have a "friend" that you want to "throw a party" for? We "throw parties" for 1700 gold per "friend," including "cleanup." Contact Tommy the "Clown" for details.

Greetings from Mavid the Mellifluous! (DM's Note: She is a Wizard/Sorcerer with a ton of low-level spells that she uses to craft low-level magic items.) Many of you may know me from my magic shop, Mavid's Magical Matters. I have recently purchased a shipment of rare components for my latest arcane devices. Alas! some miscreant has gone and absconded with them, much to my dismay. Return of my goods will be rewarded with a temporary 25% discount at Mavid's Magical Matters as well as my deepest gratitude. Visit my store for more details.

Darkxarth
2010-06-16, 08:40 PM
Come on, nobody has any more ideas?