Who knows, it might work

[Teeka]

Out where I live there's pretty much no way to meet people. After my last friendship (by last I mean with the very last friend I had living in the area) turned into an abusive relationship about two years ago I ended up more or less in complete isolation. I've been looking everywhere for ways to meet people to hangout with or just talk to face to face where I live and I haven't had any luck even though I've been at it for over a year now.

Since I spend most of my time on the internet and the people here are nicer than those at the other sites I go to, I figure I might as well try something crazy.

I live on the eastern end of Long Island, New York and am wondering if there's anyone on here that lives in the area. If so, hey maybe we can see if we have any common interests (like gaming, heh) and maybe see about hanging out.

Laugh at me if you will, but I'm desperate at this point, having exhausted everything more plausible, so I figured that it's worth trying.

Please don't suggest I try looking into local gaming stores, they're all over an hour away and the sessions take place so late at night that I wouldn't be getting home until like two in the morning and then have to get up to go to work. The local library is also out of the question, because of the way it's set up, only little kids go there, or old ladies interested in poetry. I really don't want to hang out with people old enough to be my grandmother.

[Lev]

Mm, I suggest a combination of facebook and long distance travel.

Back a few years ago I had to relocate out to across a straight to the tip of the wilderness and it took a 4 hour walk just to go see my friends, I managed to go see my friends 2 days a week (8 walk per visit), I'm not suggesting that you do that, because that was kind of nuts, but an hour drive or bike or walk or whathaveyou is a decent albeit elongated travel time to go see friends, and if there's pretty much no other way in your area then I'd say it's a good deal.

[Teeka]

I don't really want to risk facebook, I've had some bad things to happen to me because of that site and I really don't want to put myself through it all over again. I really just want to find a nice, safe place to meet people.

If I already had friends an hour drive to visit them wouldn't be so bad, but just to meet people who odds are wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire it's a bit much.

I guess I should also mention that when I say the nearest places are an hour or more away, I mean by boat because they're not on the island or even in the same state. If I wanted to stay on Long Island, I'd need to go even farther, and the traffic out on this end of the island this time of year is hellish. I have a job so I really can't be driving home so late that I'll probably be seeing sunrise (and not the highway) before going to sleep.

[Keld Denar]

I found Ravenblood Games (http://www.ravenbloodgames.com/) in Plainview, NY. Its on Long Island, albeit more west central than east, but at least you don't have to take a ferry.

Alternative, I dunno how close you are to Stonybrook College or St Joseph's College, both in eastern Long Island. Universities are notorious hot spots for forward thinking gamer types. Go to whichever is closest, find the student union, and see if they have any kind of bullatin board. If they do, post up an email address on an ad that says you are looking for gamers in the area to play and/or socialize with. You might get some luck there.

Good luck!

[Yarram]

I send you my condolences. I would hang with you, but I guess we're too far away. =(

[ForzaFiori]

I would chill with you, but like Yarram, I'm way to far away. If your ever in upstate SC though, let me know. I'll show you the places all the cool kids hang out.

[AstralFire]

A third for 'would chill, but too far.' Best of luck to you.

[Teeka]

Keld, I already looked into Raven Blood games, the place is about two hours away and I don't really want to be driving that far. I really don't think I could manage driving home that late at night. As for the colleges, I was going to one of Stony Brook's smaller campuses (which they decided to shut down before I finished getting my degree), most of the people there had come to get away from the main campus. One of the girl's I talked to, upon finding out that she would have to go back to the main campus to take a few classes ended up on the verge of tears and this girl was as tough as they come. Supposedly there's a gaming group on the campus though, and I've tried to contact them, but like everything else at that school, you need to be friends with at least three of the people in the group to get any information. The people there are the sort I'm trying to avoid because I really don't need to meet more people of the sort who are cool with hitting girls or abusing small animals. When university shut down the campus I was on I had a nervous breakdown and couldn't even finish the semester because of how horrible the thought of going to the main campus was.

[Kiren]

I have never seen that school, but I know how terrible the main populas of a school can be. Anyway good luck finding some friends in your area, I wish I could help but I am up in New Jersey. Their are the recruitment forums if you are looking for a game though. Sorry I couldn't be more help.

[SpiderMew]

Find a new job in a better place and move. Perhaps just a drastic life change is what you need.

[Teeka]

Mew, I don't have a college degree, the campus I was going to shut down when I still had about a year and a half's worth the classes to go. What sort of job can I get and where if I don't have a degree?

If you've got an idea, please tell me, because I have no clue what to do and am desperate. I don't want to be alone anymore, it hurts too much.

[Force]

I hate to ask, because it's painful, but is it at all possible for you to finish your degree through online courses or any other similar means? A degree means greater financial freedom, which could probably help you greatly.

I would suggest looking at meetup.com for any possible groups of roleplayers in your area. Check Craigslist as well.

[Teeka]

Force, I've tried meetup.com, and not just for trying to find gaming groups. Everything I get is either in another state or well over an hour from where I live.

As for finishing my degree online, I have like 36ish credits to go, and it's mostly lab classes that I need. I was a marine biology major until the campus shut down. Right now though, I just want to start talking to people face to face again. it's been over a year since I've had any real conversation, and it's gotten to the point that when my mother has to travel upisland to go shopping I go with her so I can stop at a specific pet store on the way back. I'm running out of space in my saltwater tank for any more corals, but I keep going there just to talk to the guys working there, then I end up buying a coral or two because I feel bad if I don't buy something.

[Force]

Well man... I don't honestly know what to say. I'm way over in Michigan, so I can't come see you myself. My best advice would be just to try to find any way at all to finish your degree, even if you have to work yourself into the ground to do it. It's not fun, and it won't solve your problems in the short-term, but it would give you potential freedom in the future. At the very least, it could get you into a place with a few more people around and some spending money.

As for the here and now... There's a long island craigslist site. Have you tried running through the various listings? (activities, groups, maybe even personals?) What about volunteer opportunities-- I know you're at the end of nowhere, but if there are places to work then there must also be at least a couple places to volunteer.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Out of curiousity... if your marks aren't half-bad, any way you can use the credits you've accumulated to transfer to another school, one in a more populated area? I know this is a pretty major change and potentially may not even work at all for you, but just throwing it out there. For a lot of people a drastic change in their life is often exactly what they need if it isn't working out for them.

[Teeka]

I've pretty much exhausted everything, the places where I could volunteer really wouldn't give me any more chance to socialize, it would just be like another job and one I don't get paid for.

As for finishing college, in the state I'm in, I don't think I can handle it. I had to leave half way through last semester due to a nervous breakdown and I'm not in any better shape right now. I'm still spending a lot of the time crying and if I were to go back to school it would be at a location far enough away that I'd have to live on campus, which I don't think I can handle. I'd need to give away my fishtanks (saltwater reef setups are too much trouble to move and way too much for my parents to take care of) and I wouldn't be able to go for walks (one of the only things keeping me sort of sane right now - on the campus I'd be going to it's pretty unsafe for a girl to be out alone unless she's going to some place, and since I have no friends, I'd be stuck in my room).

Really, I just want to have something good happen to me. I want to have a friend, or have fun, or just have it stop hurting so much all of the time.

EDIT: Don, I don't have much money and I don't have it in me to take chances. If I go away from home, unless I know that there'll be someone there who'll be nice to me I can't risk it. I went to a school away from where I lived and it nearly killed me. I don't have it in me to take any chances in the state I'm in.

[Force]

=/

Right at this moment, Teeka, it sounds like you need to get some help dealing with what you're feeling before you do anything else. Being sunk down in the depths of despair, like what I think you're feeling right now, tends to drain you of any hope or ability to find a way out of the despair. I would suggest you try to find some encouragement in the Depression Thread, or the Relationships Woe & Advice thread.

[Teeka]

You think some of the people on either of those threads might live out here?

Because I've been seeking help elsewhere, and what I need is someone to spend time with. Just talking to someone or getting advice hasn't done me any good, and it's been at least a year of that. I need someone to spend time with.

[Don Julio Anejo]

Is driving 1+ hours really not an option at all? I mean I do almost that daily to get to school... (well, not exactly, I don't drive and instead bus for around 1.5 hours, but if I drove, it would be around 50 min in rush hour traffic and 40 without).

Going somewhere to socialize even once a week will do wonders.

[Teeka]

There is nothing out here. Driving for an hour or so isn't so bad, it's the times I'd be doing the driving. I tried, ended up having to head home when I was to exhausted to drive (because everything was so late at night) and I got lost, three times I nearly got into an accident, and when I got home I was so stressed from the drive that I couldn't get to sleep for another hour, then four hours later it was light out and I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep and I was so tired it hurt even more than usual to move.

I can't do something like that once a week, it would kill me.

[Keld Denar]

Enlist. The army is really good about helping you finish your degree and getting your life on track. It might be hard, but it'll be worth it. If you really want a change, its right there...oh, and they PAY you for it. My ex-girlfriend was pretty depressed with her life. She finished her degree, but it was in music education. She got a job in a school, and figured out she hated it. She hated the kids who weren't as eager to learn as she was. She hated the parents who dictated her curriculum. She hated the superintendent who threatened to fire her unless she met a rediculous recruiting quota. Oh, and having moved to where she did for her job, she didn't really have any friends or social life.

So she enlisted. She did well on her ASVABs (you should too, if you are smart enough to do Marine Bio), and is leaving for basic in about 2 months. After basic, shes slated to go to training for a satalite intell position, which sounds cool. She has some self-esteem and self-confidence issues, but I'm confident that the army will break through those and make her a much stronger, confident, and decisive person. Oh, and once she gets out, they are gonna pay for her to get her MBA, assuming she doesn't have a ball there and go career.

I'm sure it won't be easy, but nothing worth having is. Saying "I have no options" is NEVER an option. Uncle Sam takes very good care of his men and women in uniform. Give it some thought.

EDIT: Also, I hear a lot of people find good gaming groups in the military. Cheers!

[SpiderMew]

Enroll back in the place you droped out of. Why? Because you can get free help in these places. You can usualy get someone to talk to, who will help you with your emotional problems. Theres nothing wrong with getting help, ive had to, my mom's had to.

But to answer your question

What sort of job can I get and where if I don't have a degree?
Blockbuster video, Movie Gallery/Hollywood video, any fast food place, movie theaters, supermarkets, book stores, any job where you have to deal with the public usualy dosnt require any sort of education.
I spent 5 years working as a video store clerk, 2 at Hollywood Video and 3 at Blockbuster video. You end up making friends with your co-workers and some of the customers, and its good exersize.

[Lillith]

First get help for your mental health at like a therapist or whatever. Besides the fact that they are personal contact they might help with ideas. To be honest you come across as someone who's so deep down in the dumps that you refuse to accept any sort of advice. I heard a lot of advice here but every single one got shot down. Chances are pretty big that nobody on this forum lives around your place, so what would the next step be?

The best thing you could do is get over your driving problems and over the fact that you seem to have problems living away from your family. Cause honestly, those are the only two options that will help you if you don't have someone to live around your area. If there really is nothing for you to do in your area, then find a new area. I got no clue how old you are, but sometimes you just have to grow a spine and try something new. If there really isn't anybody around your area, but you're desperate for friends, you'll have to move.

Though right now you seem mentally incapable of doing such a thing. So your choices are to either live with the isolation or to work on yourself and take a big step. Also, find a way to finish your education. Degrees are important and I can't stress that enough. Without one, you'll indeed have not a big chance to land a good job and become financially independent. Things might be harder then you want, but if you don't try it then you won't make it. It didn't work the first time? Then try again.

[Teeka]

Mew, the school I dropped out of no longer exists. I'd have to go to main campus, which is hell on earth, stronger people then me have had panic attacks at the prospect of going there.

Lillith, I've been trying things for over a year, the majority of the 'good' advice that's been given here is something I've already tried and had fail miserably. I even tried going to a therapist and that didn't work at all, because even she told me that I wouldn't have any luck meeting people out here. It's pretty obvious that you've never lived out here, because otherwise you wouldn't be thinking that it would be so easy for me to change my situation. My problem with living away from my family is that if I go anywhere I'll pretty much lose all contact with people. I really don't want to totally isolate myself at a time like this. I need to make friends not be totally alone. And as for my driving problem, you try driving out here, I suggest on a Friday night or any weekday morning when the weather is nice. Long Island, is, and this is kind of hard to believe, I guess, a long, rather narrow island, there are two highways that you need to get on if you want to get anywhere, and they can be a nightmare when the traffic is heavy. Oh, and this place is a tourist trap. Those lines to get on rides at theme parks, visualize that sort of thing, except with cars. That's what the highways are like out here when the weather gets nice. When I say something is over an hour drive away I mean a winter hour, as in a distance I could travel in an hour in the winter. In the summer we're talking like two to three hours, as long as there are no accidents on the highway. To give you an idea, it can take easily, over four hours to go around 100 miles when the traffic out here is bad and there are no accidents(yes, I've timed this sort of stuff). Something fifty miles away might not seem far to you, but out here a fifty mile drive can take two hours or more, and driving in bumper to bumper traffic is pretty stressful.

[Fifty-Eyed Fred]

I suggest a good dose of pragmatism, and a bit of elbow grease.

[Keld Denar]

Sounds like you need to see a different therapist, the one you had is broken.

What about enlisting? Like I said, Uncle Sam will be your family. You'll be surrounded by people, most of which will support you, encourage you, and help you grow. Seriously, don't discount it.

[Teeka]

Every therapist I've been to is the same, they're all useless.

Right now I'm too anxious to do anything drastic, I just need to see a real person face to face who'll be nice to me. I need reassurance from someone I can actually see that...I don't even know anymore. I just need something to change for the better. Right now everything I try is going farther and farther wrong and there's no one to help me through any of it. I'm all alone and trapped.

[Lillith]

Ever considered trying to talk to your family? Honestly what you're saying that you're looking for is someone IRL who's there to listen to all the wrongs in your life. So you'd just want to find a complete stranger that wants to listen to you, but since you already did it on the internet and it's not working, what do you think you'll gain from doing the same thing but then with a real person? I wouldn't be too happy to tell all my woes and perils to someone I just met. And vice versa wouldn't really want to meet a person just because they want to tell me everything that is wrong in their lives.

So tell me what is it that you're hoping to get out of "I just need to see a real person face to face who'll be nice to me. I need reassurance from someone I can actually see that...I don't even know anymore." People around here will be nice to you. People around here are willing to listen. People around here can reassure you. What would be so different of seeing a complete stranger next to you and someone online? Again, shouldn't you tell this to your family? It seems like they're the only ones around.

[Teeka]

My situation is pretty much destroying my family. My mom is on the edge of a nervous breakdown, my dad is basically sick with worry and I'm the cause of it all. Whenever I try talking with them it only makes things worse. None of us have any fun anymore.

I want to meet with someone face to face to spent time with and have fun because I'm sick of spending my whole life on the computer. I want to go out and do things with someone else rather than being alone all the time. I don't want to talk about my problems with someone, I want to have fun for once. It's been so long since I've last had fun that I really just want to do something enjoyable for once rather than being alone and miserable.

[thorgrim29]

Not to seem like I'm belittling your problems, but how bad can the main campus be? You said you had a lot of lab classes to do, that usually means lab partners right? Plus in a program as niche as marine biology, you're bound to meet people with common interests as yours. Even if you have to drive a few hours each day to go to classes, it seems to me it wouldn't be out of the question to at least start with a lessened work load and see how you handle it. Unless the school is seriously out of control you should be able to show up and leave without running into trouble.

And if you think you can't handle it right now, with a partial degree in marine biology you could probably find a job at a petstore specializing in fishes or at an aquarium.

[BritishBill]

Out where I live there's pretty much no way to meet people. After my last friendship (by last I mean with the very last friend I had living in the area) turned into an abusive relationship about two years ago I ended up more or less in complete isolation. I've been looking everywhere for ways to meet people to hangout with or just talk to face to face where I live and I haven't had any luck even though I've been at it for over a year now.

Since I spend most of my time on the internet and the people here are nicer than those at the other sites I go to, I figure I might as well try something crazy.

I live on the eastern end of Long Island, New York and am wondering if there's anyone on here that lives in the area. If so, hey maybe we can see if we have any common interests (like gaming, heh) and maybe see about hanging out.

Laugh at me if you will, but I'm desperate at this point, having exhausted everything more plausible, so I figured that it's worth trying.

Please don't suggest I try looking into local gaming stores, they're all over an hour away and the sessions take place so late at night that I wouldn't be getting home until like two in the morning and then have to get up to go to work. The local library is also out of the question, because of the way it's set up, only little kids go there, or old ladies interested in poetry. I really don't want to hang out with people old enough to be my grandmother.
you will find some friends dont worry! dont let life get you down!

[tomandtish]

I’ve seem gaming mentioned as something you’ve considered but not an easy option in your area. Besides that, what else do you enjoy? A little more detail on the activities you enjoy (especially those involving face to face interaction) would be helpful .

Without more specifics, here are some general thoughts:

Join a bowling league. Most bowling alleys have bowling leagues that include walk-ons – teams where anyone can sign up and be placed on a team. It’s a way to meet people, and you can be placed by skill level.

Look at a community theatre. Joining one can be a lot of fun, and they are always looking for tech crew or stage hands if you don’t want to act. I spent 5 years doing lights and sound at a community theatre, and it was wonderful. I really wish my current job left me the time to do it today.

Check your local book store for a book club.

Anyway, just some thoughts.

[llamamushroom]

I'll second tomandtish's community theatre suggestion. Generally, people in theatre are incredibly accepting (hence the "everyone in showbiz is gay" stereotype).

But I'll also put in a slightly diametrically opposed suggestion. Churches have outreach programs or youth groups, and a lot of the time they don't necessarily ask that you be a believer to attend - mine focuses a lot more on "how to be a good person" sort of stuff rather than "how to be a good Christian".

[Keld Denar]

I'm sorry, what I'm seeing here is a growing trend of American over-entitlement. "Woe is me, I can not help myself, someone please help me! Life is not fair!"

The one piece of advice my mother gave me that stands out the strongest was thus: Life is not fair.

Some people have it easy. They inherit a great deal of money, or are naturally talented with great gifts or whatever. Then there is the rest of us.

Little anecdote: I'm a middle class Caucasian male; probably the MOST discriminated against in the American university system. My parents made enough money that I didn't qualify for most government compensation to go to school, but my parents couldn't afford my school. I didn't qualify for most of the school grants and loans because I wasn't a minority or poor, or any other protected set. So I worked hard, and I busted my butt to get a rather obscure $20,000 scholarship. It wasn't easy, and I was like, one of 5 that got it out of probably 50,000+ applicants. That was amazing, but it wasn't enough. When I got to school, I worked hard on my classes. I got a good GPA. That GPA helped me get a really lucrative engineering internship that I fought hard to get. The money I earned from that helped pay for the rest of my schooling. I finished school with VERY little debt because I found ways, most of which I found on my own with no help or support. Put the effort in, and you will be rewarded. The more effort you put in, the more likelihood you will get something out of it. It isn't guaranteed though, and you may fail once or twice, but just keep at it.

Now, I could have just sat back and said "woe is me, I can't get money from the government so I can't finish my education, life's not fair!", but I didn't. I worked hard, made some sacrifices, took some risks, and made it.

Back to you. You can do this too. You just need to get over yourself. Yea, you've been dealt a crappy hand. I'm sorry the campus you went to closed. It sucks. Shed a tear for the fallen, and move on with life. I'm sorry your last friend was an abusive relationship. Learn from it, don't put yourself in relationships that give others power over you, and then move on. You've gotten some second hand stories that the main campus is bad, and that everyone there has red horns and stabs each other with pitchforks on a daily basis. This sounds like an over-exaggeration. I suggest you figure it out for yourself. It sounds like you had a bad experience with a therapist. Let me be the first to tell you that they AREN'T all the same. YOU are the consumer, YOU have the power to say "You aren't helping me solve my problems, I'm gonna go talk to someone who will". If your 2nd therapist isn't any better, leave them too. I guarantee you will find one who will be helpful and give you what you need to overcome these doubts and this sense of entitlement.

Don't live your life based on someone else’s opinion, or you'll be sorely disappointed. Stop making excuses for why you can't, and figure out how you can. This is America. There are opportunities. Not all of them are easy. Not all of them have the same results. If you fail something, that just means that it wasn't right for you and you should try something else.

You sound like you are smart, given that you are studying marine bio, a scientific field. That’s a good thing, you already have an advantage. Go with it. Intelligence + hard work = success.

I hope this doesn't sound too mean. I'm not here to judge you. I'm a bit disappointed knowing that you have potential that you aren't using because you got a raw deal. I hope you can see this, and channel it into a constructive avenue that motivates you to take a couple risks, put in some hard work, and live up to the potential that we all here at the playground believe you can reach.

[valadil]

Please don't suggest I try looking into local gaming stores, they're all over an hour away and the sessions take place so late at night that I wouldn't be getting home until like two in the morning and then have to get up to go to work.

That doesn't mean you can't meet people at the gaming store and play games at another time. Drop in once a month on the weekend. If they have a bulletin board for recruiting players, check that. Maybe some games are happening half way between you and gaming store. If there aren't any, maybe you could offer to run one.

I agree that an hour away is prohibitively far for you to be going there regularly. But it shouldn't stop you from meeting people there and hanging out with them somewhere convenient.