[Nexus] And Make Me Your Empire [Closed plot]

[Beans]

They arrive in the SPIRE dealio.
Let's get these troops down there and fighting.

[Durp]

You got it.
He picks up a radio, and addresses the troops.
Evenin', fellas. I know it's been a while since we've had a full operation going. Around a year, actually. (That's big for us.). Some would call this good. An era of peace, they would call it. I would call it something else. I would call it a moment of weakness. A hesitation, if you will. If we're gonna change this pit we like to call Earth, we can't sit around the campfire singing Kumbiyah, and braiding each other's hair. We need action. We need to take control. We need to be the majority. Special Protective Intel, Reconnaissance and Execution, Move out.
A great war cry is heard from the troops, and they arm, and march to battle.

[Beans]

Thryza grins.
My husband the speechmaker.
I so call dibs on the victory speech.

After a while, they can see a battle ongoing. The Drones and the Chanzai, who are made up of a mix of humanoid races.

[Durp]

S.P.I.R.E begins to move in, Hovertanks setting up an armored line, and infantry filing into trenches. Flyboys warm up, and move out into bombing positions. Chris points his Chainsword in the direction of the enemy.
Attack!
Melee troops with chainswords storm into the fray, and Hovertanks' guns boom. Giant plasma bombs are unleashed upon the Chanzai and Drones from flyboys. Death rays of all kinds fire from the trenches, and forward encampments.

[Beans]

The armies soon begin to draw back, but the Drones are slower. The Chanzai, on the other hand, are speedy in their retreat.

Crush them.

[Durp]

The melee troops head after the drones, their warpainted helmets grining at the enemy, and their chainswords letting out high pitched whirrs. The G.I's head after the Chanzai, firing into their ranks with grim order and control. All the while, artillery and air strikes hammer the foe with plasma and laser blasts. Chris dashes towards the drones, his death ray drawn and set to automatic.

[Beans]

The Chanzai begin screaming as acid-laced mines fly into their ranks, courtesy of Thryza.
No survivors besides the leader of each army.

The Drones are cut to pieces.

[Durp]

Chris lets automatic plasma bursts into the crowd of fleeing Drones, reveling in the spurting oil and broken mechanisms. He fights along his equally insane Close Encounter troops, all of them cackling maniacally. not so much of a battle as a game of tag. Except all of S.P.I.R.E is it. And they have Chainswords and Death rays.

[Beans]

The direction the foes try to flee to reveals their camps' positions.

Thryza just mercilessly cuts through the Chanzai, especially those trying to surrender.

The Drones keep putting up a fight, but are made into chip dip.

[Durp]

If any drone looks, they'll notice Chris wearing his Drone-Commander head necklace. He continues to follow them, cutting down as many as possible.

[Beans]

Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes, they all die like the scum they are.

The Chanzai all die too.

[Durp]

Chris stomps in the head of the last drone on the battlefield.
That'll do. Let's head in the direction of their camp.

[Beans]

I'll get the Chanzai.

When the two commanders are brought together...

One is a dark green Drone in a khaki uniform. He sits stoically, staring at his hands.

The other is a catgirl that is always slightly moving; her hair is overdyed in hollow shades of the rainbow.

[Durp]

Chris smiles at both, but focuses on the Drone. He holds up a large horseshoe magnet.
F*cking magnets, how do they work?
He grins maniacally.
On the atomic level, there actually is a hell of a lot we don't know about 'em. But what we do know, is what they do to computers.
He spins the magnet around on his index finger.
They literally pull the coding out of you. Programming, data, subroutines, memory, even. And all i have to do is drag this big, bent metal stick across your CPU.
He grasps it tightly in his hand, and leans in close to the drone.
Gimme a reason not to.

[Beans]

"... Listen, first of all, that'd work if we weren't biomechanical. As it is, all that'll do is give me a headache.
... Sorry to burst your bubble, kid." He sounds oldish.

The Chanzai commander inhales to giggle, but regrets it as Thryza's hand clamps on her neck.

[Durp]

... Well, there goes that idea.
He tosses the magnet over his shoulder.
Seriously, though, tell me stuff or i'll download the biggest porn virus conceivable to man onto your central processing unit. Or i'll shoot you. That'd work.

[Beans]

"... We've got genetic facilities and stuff. Okay, they were there when we took this place, but... take 'em?
Hell, ask the kitty---her nation's wanted those facilities for years now."

The dyeheaded catgirl swallows.

[Durp]

Really now?
He fires his Magnum directly at the head of the drone, then struts over to the Chanzai.
Why would you fellas want those?

[Beans]

"Ow." Ded.

Well, we've got these supercool projects all planed out and stuff but they's got the stuffs we needs and we's like WE CAN HAS PLZ and they's like NOE and we's like FFFFFFUUUUU and don't shoot me.

[Durp]

What projects?

[Beans]

Geneticky-engineered thingies an' stuff. Like, for kicking butt.

That's why our nation wanted all those Echoes in one place---to do lots of tissue sample tests and spit tests and blood tests and pee tests and stuff because they're the closest thing to what we need and stuff.

And it's called Project Mercator! That's a cool name, right?

[Durp]

You kidnapped my daughter. Ain't nothing cool about it. See, here's what you're going to do. You're going to make those facilities work. But you're going to be doing it for us. One single complaint, and we snuff out your entire race. purge it from every corner of the galaxy. I've done that kind of thing before, i can do it again.
(( deadtime. ))

[Beans]

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh OKAY!
...
Are we there yet?
How about now?
Are there cook---OW. Thryza hits her.

[Durp]

I guess they head in the general direction of the chanzai camp with the hostage...?

[Beans]

Yes they do.
From which they collect the project data.
They then head toward the Drones' facilities, which happen to be in a bunker.

[Durp]

The army marches with them, having nothing better to do.

Oh, and by the way, he adds the dead drone guy's head to his necklace.

[Beans]

Thryza kicks down the door and the Chanzai commander (henceforth known as Kanda) leads the way inside.
Blah blah blah they come upon three tanks with green fluid and murky shapes in them. One tank is unlit and dusty.
Here it is!

[Durp]

What is it?
He looks closely at it.

[Beans]

Looks like the drones already went and stoled our setup 'cause they's trollin'. Anyway, thiiiiiiiis tank contains a blank template for a Resonant, and so does that one, but that tank there is all failsauce.
... You'll tell us what a Resonant is.

[Durp]

What she said. What's a Resonant?

[Beans]

Reaaaaaaaaally powerful dudes/dudettes. They're all based on Echo organic material, but with moar awesome.
The way they work iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis you have a template and then you input a specific emotion to apply to them. Like how Echoes are all FEAR or SAAAAAAAD or RAAAAAAAGE. Except you can do more stuff.
And you get two awesomes out of the deal.

[Durp]

Where are the rest?

[Beans]

... There aren't.
These things aren't clones of Jingly Fett, kaythanks? These are like... two Darth Vaders. With less betrayal.
... Huh.

[Durp]

Right. You said something about drones stealing your stuff.

[Beans]

Uh-huh. And they wanted it for themseeeeeeelves, but they were all like HOW DO WE DO THIS and they were like HERP DERP and they didn't get anywhere except they tried to make one and that failed.
But I know how to work this stuff, so you guys can have ones that aren't failbutt! Yaaaaay!
... Okay?

[Durp]

... Walk us through.

[Beans]

So, like, you input a modifier emotion into Template A and it'll grow to workable maturity in a few days. The template-growing took years, and the easy part's now.

They'll learn fast and be kicking butt in no time!
I have a feeling that we'll have to keep you around, judging by your eagerness. What is it?

[Durp]

Hmm... So, like, Loyalty or something?

[Beans]

I can input that. Boring and not sexy, but it works.
What about the other one?

[Durp]

Hmmm... How 'bout Violence?

[Beans]

Totally makes up for the lack of sexy.

She hits some beeps and boops and stuff.
There, maturing at the speed of plot!

[Durp]

Fun.
He turns to Thy.
Now what?

[Beans]

We kill the Drone "civilians". And by "civilians" in air-quotes, what everyone means is reserves.
City's not too far from here.

[Durp]

Lock n' load.
He grabs his gun and starts to walk out.

[Beans]

Boys, watch the kittycat. If she makes a wrong move, have her taxidermied.

She heads out.

The Drone city lies in its blockiness, its Brutalist architecture. People... no, they aren't people... go about their jobs, their labors all powering the military that once was.

[Durp]

Chris shoots a giant blast at the base of a tall building powerful enough to evaporate vapor.

[Beans]

The building falls to the might of the Redundenator Beam of Redundance.

Thryza wreaks havok too.

Shizzle gets broke.

[Durp]

Destroyed building is destroyed. Chris cackles evilly, mowing down hundreds of drones. Fun!

[Beans]

The clankers fall, oil spilling everywhere.
Thryza blows open the main gates.

[Durp]

He storms in, backed by the S.P.I.R.E troops, and hovertanks. They flood in.

[Beans]

The few Drones left are picked off easily.
Thryza kicks down the Council Building doors.

[Durp]

WE'RE HERE FOR YOUR BALLS!
He points his death ray at whoever's there.

[Beans]

The Drone Council, seated at their long table, all put their hands up.
"You can have them."

[Durp]

Alright, then.
He fires.

[Beans]

KABOOM, the lead guy is dead.
"... Oh."

Thryza starts firing away!

[Durp]

DAKKADAKKADAKKA.
... I love killing people.
Whaddya know, you finally said it. Holy crap, when did you guys get back? When you stopped being mentally stable. Righto.

[Beans]

What a coincidence! I'm killing people!
Thryza sexily wipes oil from her face and licks it slowwwwwly off her finger.
And coughs and hacks and spits it out and wipes her tongue on her lapels because oil tastes horrible.
Agghhhhhh.

[Durp]

Chris laughs, but catches a gob of the stuff in his mouth and vomits.
GAK!

[Beans]

Ew.
Ugghh.

I brought ginger-flavored Altoids.

[Durp]

I need them, now...
He finishes the last drone offhandedly, reaching for said mints.

[Beans]

She reaches into her coat and gives him a handful.

[Durp]

Nom. He stashes his Death ray in his coat.
... I love you.

[Beans]

I love you too.
She noms sum ginger altoids.
... My mouth is pleasantly burning to death.
Let's head back to SPIRE to chill.

[Durp]

Sounds good.
He snaps, and a hoverbike shows up. He looks at Redna, who is suddenly there.
Kill everything and make a colony. I like this area.

[Beans]

She jumps on.
Isn't it sad that we're one of the more bearable couples in the Nexus?

[Durp]

Hell no.
He revvs the bike, and they speed off to the Spire.

[Beans]

... Yeah.
Punch it, Chewie!

[Durp]

SHOOM! They arrive. Cheers are heard. Fun. They walk in.

[Beans]

Thryza grins.
We are so badass... what now?

[Durp]

Think the Resonants are done cooking yet?
(( Deadtime. ))

[Beans]

Maybe by tomorrow.

[Durp]

(( UGH! it's good o be back. ))
Chris stiffly undeadtimes, and looks around.
They done now?

[Beans]

They're being brought in right now.
Loyalty: http://public5.tektek.org/img/av/1006/d16/2048/b6e0720.png
Violence: http://public5.tektek.org/img/av/1007/d01/1647/f86d668.png

[Durp]

... Well, isn't that neat?
He looks them up and down, then sticks his arms out, offering a hug to one of them. Loyalty takes said hug, latching onto him quite hard, as to make Chris short of breath.
Strong kid. *Cough*
Thanks, Dad.

[Beans]

Violence tacklehugs Thryza.
You're our parents?
Are you going to, like, tell us we can't smoke lizards and snort cathedrals?

[Durp]

Eh. Our morals and ethics are rather loose. You can let go, now.
No.

[Beans]

Don't hurt your father too much, dear, that's my job.
Heh.

[Durp]

Loyalty slowly lets go, and Chris can breathe again. Chris sits down, And Loyalty scoots over to Thy, wrapping his arms around her.
So, um, what should we name you two? 'Cause calling you by your primary emotion is like calling me Angst-fueled rage, and your mom would be... Probably just rage in general.

[Beans]

Name our new son Lloyd and make Code Geass jokes at him.
And our new daughter can be Viletta.
Yay for no originality.

[Durp]

Huh. I always liked the name Hannibal.

[Beans]

For which one?

[Durp]

Honey, Hannibal is a guy's name.

[Beans]

Fair dealio.
What about the one with two X chromosomes?

[Beans]

Yay! We're alive!

[Durp]

Why don't you pick one?

[Beans]

Ophelia?
Hmmm...

[Durp]

I'm likin' it. Makes you think before she rips your trachea out.

[Beans]

I liiiiiike it.
Awesome.
Well, we have two countries. Now what?

[Durp]

What we do every night, Thryza, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. That or have crazy monkey sex. Both are fun.

[Beans]

What we do every night, Thryza, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD. That or have crazy monkey sex. Both are fun.

Ophelia scoots away from her parents.

Mmmhmm.
Maybe take a little break from conquering... just a bit.

[Durp]

Works for me.
Hannibal makes a face and reluctantly edges away from them.

[Beans]

Thryza punches him in the shoulder for old times' sake.


Why is Mom dressed like a duuuuuude? She asks her brother.

[Durp]

Laugh. Tacklehug.


You think i know? I've been in existence for five minutes... Wait a minute, you think she's wearing boxers?

[Beans]

She laughs and pins him.

No doubt.

[Durp]

He grabs one of her arms and rolls, so he's on top of her, and undoes a couple of his shirt buttons.

The thought of that scares me. I mean, what if Dad crossdressed?

[Beans]

She follows suit; her coat was already off, so her vest hits the wall with her belt.
---
Ophelia whimpers and shudders.
Ewwwww.
Let's go watch Batman or something.
She flees.

[Durp]

He rips off his shirt, revealing his large quantity of huge scars, most of which he got from dear old dad. One of them is a brand with a W on it. Fun.


I'm with you on this one. HEath ledger can wipe this image from my mind.
Shoop!

[Beans]

Curtain!
---
Ophelia nods emphatically.

[Durp]

Hannibal plops himself on a couch and turns on a DVD player. A lone man holding a clown mask appears on the screen. He sighs with relief.

[Beans]

Ophelia sits next to him.
---
Elsewhere, Thryza is looking for her pants.
Didn't break too many bones, did I?

[Durp]

Hannibal lip syncs with the joker's first why so serious speech.

Just a rib or two. Your arm okay?
Chris decides that his labcoat was always sleeveless.

[Beans]

She re-locates her shoulder with a POP.
Aghhhhhyeah.
Heh.
She re-dresses... oddly enough, her wondrous hat has been on the whole time.

[Durp]

Chris tries not to imagine the implications of that. He fails.
There's my left boot...

[Beans]

Heh...
We're so weird.

[Durp]

Good thing, too. 'Cause if it weren't for us being weird, we'd be normal. And what's worse than that?

[Beans]

True dat.
She nods.

[Durp]

Chris stands up.
Well, we just conquered two entire countries with a flick of our wrist, i'd say that's cause to go home for a bit. My spine of steel hurts anyway.
(( HAHAHAHAHOHOHOHOHEHEHEHE ))

[Beans]

Indeed.
TO THE SKIES!
Teaaaaaaam LASER EXPLOSION!