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un_known
2010-06-17, 12:24 AM
I will be adding more to this as I write.

Phantasm
“People dream of a world they’ve always wanted when they sleep. They say that someday those dreams will come true. But one might wonder can those dreams dream of our world to?”

RACIAL TRAITS
Average Height: 4´6˝–5´70˝
Average Weight: 90–145 lb.
Ability Scores: +2 Wisdom, +2 Charisma
Size: Medium
Speed: 6 squares
Vision: Low-light
Languages: Common
Skill Bonuses: +2 Insight, +2 Perception

Immortality is a Dream: For the purpose of discerning origin you are considered an Immortal.
Dream-like Fantasies: You have a +2 racial bonus for saving against attacks with the Illusion keyword in them.
Dreamscapes for Reality: Whenever you complete an extended rest. Choose one of the following aspects of the Dreamscape to manifest.
Intertwining Dreams: You can use the Dreamscapes for Reality power while you are in this aspect.
Intertwining Nightmares: You can use the Nightmarish Visage power while you are in this aspect.

Dreamscapes for Reality Phantasm Racial Power
You bend reality around you like within a dream.
Encounter ✦ Teleport
Move Action Personal/Single-Target
Trigger: When bloodied by an enemy
Effect: Teleport yourself and the enemy into a dreamscape version of this world and immediately return to the world with your positions reversed. The disorientation caused by this dazes the enemy until the end of your next turn.

Nightmarish Visage Phantasm Racial Power
In a moment of weakness you reach into your opponents mind pulling out their most feared Nightmare and becoming one with it.
Encounter ✦ Illusion
Standard Action Personal/Single Target
Trigger: Opponent fails a Will Save
Attack: Charisma VS. Will
Hit: 1d6 + Charisma modifier psychic damage.


In a place where our world constantly affects its structure and flow creatures are created from our dreams. These beings created of our own mental capacity can break the barrier between worlds and step forth into our unknown plane of existence.

Play a Phantasm if you want . . .
- To be a foreign entity in a whole new world.
- To be a reflection of someone’s dreams or nightmares.
- To be a member of a race that favors the Warlock, Sorcerer, Psion, Druid classes.


Physical Qualities
Natives of the Dreamscape beyond our world and all connected planes Phantasms cling to the similar appearance of whatever they were dreamed from. Their form is dark and shifting constantly. Their face glows and when unclothed they appear to be a shifting mass of pure darkness with stray points of light flowing across; like the cosmos. A Phantasm has no hair but upon its head are patterns or ‘Dream-Links’ as they call them which can be read to discern the type of dream they were spawned from. A Phantasm also has no physical gender and though they may take upon mannerisms of certain genders they are neither male nor female. While sitting or standing at rest, a Phantasm is constantly looking around taking in their surroundings; each sensation is new to them and everyone more enriching then the last. Phantasms do not have children. When a person of considerable magical talent has a vivid dream which shapes their life and causes emotions from them it bleeds across into the dreamscape. This signature of emotion draws the events of a dream in around it creating a being much like its creator. A happy dream from a bard could create a jovial and ever content Phantasm while a dark and malefic nightmare from a warlock may spawn forth something of nightmarish proportions.

Playing a Phantasm
Play a Phantasm if you want to be an inquisitive, curious, and impulsive creature. You have only just been born into a world of infinite possibilities and no real barriers stand before you that you cannot overcome. You do not know the extent of the world and wish to learn all that you can. You find yourself in new situations and must think as abstractly as you can to overcome these obstacles.

Phantasm Characteristics: Alert, Curious, Impulsive, Inquisitive, Intuitive, Perspective, Trusting, Restless,

Phantasm Names:
Adriel, Breshu, Craid`lu, Phaen, Rh`l, Rhe`I’en, Tev`raix, Van`hupo, Xorithe, Xurb`k, Xyri.

DiscipleofBob
2010-06-17, 12:47 AM
Hm... good flavor, definitely unique. Little overpowered though.

Any reason the race has Darkvision? Not even dwarves get that anymore.

Most races have exactly one racial feature which acts like a power. You have two: Fury of Shattered Dreams and Dreamscapes for Reality. My advice: ditch Fury of Shattered Dreams altogether. It doesn't really fit the flavor you've presented. Dreamscapes for Reality is good, but ditch the stun (save ends) as that makes it way overpowered. Dazed until the end of your next turn is more appropriate for a racial power.

Dream-Like Fantasies is A) misworded and B) a tad too much, as well as a little confusing. Either you're referring to a bonus to defense against attacks with the Illusion keyword (in which case it should only be a +2 bonus), or you're referring to skill checks to notice and see through illusions (not sure off the top of my head whether that's Arcana, Perception, or Insight.) If the latter, I'd only make it a +3 bonus at most, because you already get a +2 from your skill bonuses.

All-and-all a good race that has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work.

Chainsaw Hobbit
2010-06-17, 04:14 PM
Dreamscapes for Reality Phantasm Racial Power
You bend reality around you like within a dream.
Encounter ✦ Teleport
Move Action Self/Single-Target
Trigger: When bloodied by an enemy
Effect: Teleport yourself and the enemy into a dreamscape version of this world and immediately return to the world with your positions reversed. The disorientation caused by this stuns the enemy (Save Ends).
Stunned is overpowered, replace it with dazed.



Vision: Low-light, Darkvision
Get rid of darkvision.



Speed: 5 squares
Why so slow? :smallconfused:



Fury of Shattered Dreams: The first time you are bloodied during an encounter, you make a basic melee attack against the nearest enemy moving up to 6 squares.
At level 11 make a 1[W] + Charisma Modifier attack.
At level 21 make 2[W] + Charisma Modifier attacks.
Get rid of this NOW!!! :smalleek:


Well, if you follow all of my feedback than the race is fixed! :smallbiggrin:

Djinn_in_Tonic
2010-06-17, 04:28 PM
The stun should be dazed, and only for a single round. It's an auto-hit encounter power: anything more is overpowered. Also, as it's a reaction, it should be an Immediate Reaction rather than a Move Action to use it.

Deathdarken
2010-06-17, 06:22 PM
they are right no race had darkvision, its been done away with, unless you got a good racial reason to give it to then then make it part of their racial features, and again you should stick with only 1 racial power, well as they have also said its a good race and good job over all

Orzel
2010-06-17, 06:31 PM
No darkvision, stunned to dazed, and change Fury of Shattered Dream to something else.

Otherwise looks good.

Nefarion Xid
2010-06-17, 06:45 PM
Drow and one other race have darkvision. I'm sure about drow, but I can't remember the other race.

The auto-stun is horribly overpowered like everyone said. So is a daze effect with no attack, especially one that ends on a save. Heck, even the teleport effect itself is overpowered without an attack roll.

You don't specify what kind of action the Fury of Shattered Dreams power is.

un_known
2010-06-17, 07:04 PM
Edited to fit with the changes you guys brought up.

Thanks for the feedback.

The Darkvision was mainly for fluff to do with the fact that they can be created from nightmare or dream. So their world would be two polar opposites.

When I originally wrote them I had planned on making them like shifters with two possibilities for racial powers, one based on being a Dream and the other a Nightmare.

DiscipleofBob
2010-06-17, 07:20 PM
Edited to fit with the changes you guys brought up.

Thanks for the feedback.

The Darkvision was mainly for fluff to do with the fact that they can be created from nightmare or dream. So their world would be two polar opposites.

When I originally wrote them I had planned on making them like shifters with two possibilities for racial powers, one based on being a Dream and the other a Nightmare.

Okay, the only thing I still see that should really be fixed is the still confusingly-worded Dream-like Fantasies, which I think should read as follows.

Dream-like Fantasies: You gain a +2 bonus to all defenses against attacks with the illusion keyword.

Also, Dreamscapes for Reality should be until the end of your next turn. Right now it just reads until the end of the current turn, which really doesn't make sense.

I like the idea of having an alternate racial power based off of Nightmares instead of Dreams. Maybe make it similar to the Wilden in that a Phantasm character gets both racial powers, but has to choose between them every extended rest.

Grey Watcher
2010-06-17, 07:25 PM
I don't think "Outsider" exists as a type anymore. Origins I've seen so far are Natural, Fey, Shadow, Elemental, Immortal, and Aberrant. Maybe this might call for a homebrew origin, though that's potentially either problematic or meaningless, since it doesn't interact with any non-homebrew mechanics. Unfortunately, coming from dreams doesn't really suggest any of the existing origin types, though Immortal might be a good choice (perhaps the plane of dreams is an Astral Dominion?) Basically, I think you have to decide where, cosmologically, dreams exist, and choose the appropriate origin to match.

un_known
2010-06-17, 09:07 PM
Re-edited again.

I changed them to Immortals since the phrase my grandfather always told me before he passed away, "You may outgrow your dreams one day, but be warned for dreams never truly die."

And now for the next set of races. I have 5 underwater races, and one ship-born template planned for an underwater 4e campaign possibly.

un_known
2010-06-17, 10:49 PM
My first Deep Sea race: The Sunken Ones

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/9017/cropdeepone.jpg
The Sunken Ones (Eldu)
“Of all the creatures that I have ever met beneath the waves in my submersible I have always dreaded a time when I see The Sunken Ones again. Outcasts, damned, and defiled I often have nightmares of how these abominations could have come to be.” –Explorations of Captain Dominique Calthos, Gnomish Explorer

RACIAL TRAITS
Average Height: 7´2˝–9´4˝
Average Weight: 190- 265 lb.
Ability Scores: +2 Strength, +2 Dexterity
Size: Medium
Speed: (I don’t know how to do swim speed in 4E)
Vision: Low-light, Deep Sea
Languages: Gillmen (Sea Common), Trench-speech(Deepspeech Equivelent)
Skill Bonuses: +2 Endurance, +2 Intimidate

Deep Pressure: You are unaffected by the impending effects of deep sea pressure. (New Rule-system to be implimented)
Outcasts Grip: You have a +2 racial bonus for grappling.
Aberrant Prayer: Whenever you complete an extended rest. Choose one of the following prays which you may intone to your Elder Deep-Sea God.


---(More to be added when I finish writing it)----

A Picture of the next race to be made:
http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/2699/lentian.png


Lentians
“The many creatures that I met in my travels beneath the waves I found that it was ever present no matter where I went that my Lentian friends would always be there, for beneath the sea, they are the rulers.” –Explorations of Captain Dominique Calthos, Gnomish Explorer

DiscipleofBob
2010-06-18, 07:46 AM
Well, I see these next ones are still works in progress, but my most immediate suggestion? Spoiler the images. They're pretty large and stretch the page. Not fun for forum readers.