3.5 ridiculous monster

[Ilmryn]

With all the templates existing in dnd, some pretty ridiculous monsters can be created. What would be the most ridicoulous monster ever?
Use these categories for ridiculousness.

Looks: A half-celestial beholder for example. Monsters can start looking very ridiculous with certain templates
Stats/Powers: Any weird, funny or contradictory powers or abilities.
Background: You don't even want to think about how a Half-Celestial Beholder would come to exist.

[hamishspence]

Half dragon plants, and oozes, rank pretty high on the "wha?" scale.

There's also a gelatinous template that can be added to ordinary creatures.

So you could have encounter which consists of a group of gelatinous dragons and half-dragon gelatinous cubes.

[Lhurgyof]

Half-Dragon Gelatinous Cube.


Looks: A slightly reddish cube of jello.
Stats/Powers: A gelatinous cube... that breaths fire!
Background: Long, long ago, a dragon was very lonely...


Edit: Damnit, someone beat me to it... how about... a Tauric Goblin/Giant Space Hamster?

[EvilJoe15]

Half-Farspawn Pseudonatural Multiheaded Winged Insectile Aboleth.

[hamishspence]

Half-Dragon Gelatinous Cube.


Looks: A slightly reddish cube of jello.

It would have wings- in 3.5 all half dragons of large size have wings.

[sonofzeal]

Pretty much all of these guys (http://www.wizards.com/default.asp?x=dnd/eo/20060922a). I especially love the Fiendish Gelatinous Cube Monk. Flurry of Pseudopods!

[Ilmryn]

Thanks. Now my cult of mages who like to do weird experiments on creatures have something to do...

[Another_Poet]

Any half-undead creature or anything with "undead ancestry" makes me want to cry into my pillow at night and then donate money to orphanages.

[Telonius]

Most ridiculous I've ever encountered as a player: a herd of Fiendish Cows. The DM was running a module (can't remember what it was) that called for them. He was really at a loss as to what they were supposed to do. His reaction was something along the lines of: "Okay, they're supposed to be the essence of evil ... but ... they're ... cows." I think they just ended up staring at us and mooing threateningly as we passed by.

[hamishspence]

Now if they'd been charging bulls, that might have been a little scarier.

If fiendish creatures get little decorations, then the sight of a pitch black bull, with blood red horns, little spikes all down the back, and glowing eyes, snorting tiny clouds of black smoke, might be intimidating.

On the other hand, if it looks like the Dairylea cow but with red eyes, might be somewhat underwhelming.

[Ilmryn]

Fiendish cows! Look perfectly innocent...until they stampede you!
Noooooo....The Monster Manual doesn't have stats for cows :smallfrown:

[hamishspence]

I figured the bull stats are a basic representation of cows of both sexes :smallamused:

If you want better fiendish powers, and a relatively innocent appearence, the Unholy Scion from Heroes of Horror (which can be applied to animals) may fit the bill. Almost indistinguishable from the normal creature- but comparable to a half-fiend.

[Volthawk]

I figured the bull stats are a basic representation of cows of both sexes :smallamused:

If you want better fiendish powers, and a relatively innocent appearence, the Unholy Scion from Heroes of Horror (which can be applied to animals) may fit the bill. Almost indistinguishable from the normal creature- but comparable to a half-fiend.

Seriously, that is one messed up template.

It's a baby that's intelligent while it's inside the mother, permanently charms the mother, is 'irredeemably evil', has unholy claws, and spell-like abilities. Oh yeah, and they can be formed by a fiend possessing the foetus. Or just conceived in a very tainted area.

[Rappy]

Okay, a question before I contribute anything of note: do we have to draw on Wizards of the Coast books only, or can we use 3rd-party material for this thought experiment?

[Volthawk]

Okay, a question before I contribute anything of note: do we have to draw on Wizards of the Coast books only, or can we use 3rd-party material for this thought experiment?

From the Tome of Horrors?

[Scorpina]

In my group, we have in the past used a homebrewed 'Swarm of Babies'. Depending on who was DMing, it was either this our just plain creepy.

[hamishspence]

It's a baby that's intelligent while it's inside the mother, permanently charms the mother, is 'irredeemably evil', has unholy claws, and spell-like abilities. Oh yeah, and they can be formed by a fiend possessing the foetus. Or just conceived in a very tainted area.

Given that the half-fiend template can't be added to creatures of Int 3 or less- instead of the possession or taint, just ordinary fiendish hybridization with animals might do it.

A good candidate would be an imp in animal form.

In Robin Jarvis's The Alchymist's Cat, one of the main characters is a cat who is the offspring of a minor fiend.

[Lhurgyof]

How about... An axiomatic Umberhulk? He wears a suit and a tie, and works as an accountant on the plane of Mechanus. His name is Mr. Bumblebux.

Ah, the noble bumblebux. We encountered him in a game once, and in a later game I decided to create a homage to the epic mr. bumblebux and his accounting powers.

Or Steve From Accounting, a reason stealer.

[Fax Celestis]

Picture this.

[Rappy]

From the Tome of Horrors?
Not this time, no.

Ah well, I'll give this 3rd-party example, and if it's a no go I'll use WOTC only materials for another one.

3rd Party Example: Rot Nymph
A shambling mound with the nymph child (half-nymph) template from Book of Templates Deluxe Edition 3.5 applied to it. Yes, this seriously is a valid use of the template, no fudging rules needed.

Looks: A shambling mound with a voluptous body. I'll let that sink in for a moment.
Stats/Powers: You now have a shambling mound that can daze or stun (depending on its mood) creatures with its...erm..."beauty", as well as Wild Empathy as per an 8th-level druid.
Background: Can love bloom between a rotting heap of semi-sentient vegetation and a blindingly beautiful water fey? ...Apparently so.

[hamishspence]

Does Dragon Magazine count as 3rd party- or does it fall in between 3rd party and WOTC material?

Dragon 313 has a version of the half-nymph template- but it can only be added to humanoid creatures.

[Telonius]

Not this time, no.

Ah well, I'll give this 3rd-party example, and if it's a no go I'll use WOTC only materials for another one.

3rd Party Example: Rot Nymph
A shambling mound with the nymph child (half-nymph) template from Book of Templates Deluxe Edition 3.5 applied to it. Yes, this seriously is a valid use of the template, no fudging rules needed.

Looks: A shambling mound with a voluptous body. I'll let that sink in for a moment.
Stats/Powers: You now have a shambling mound that can daze or stun (depending on its mood) creatures with its...erm..."beauty", as well as Wild Empathy as per an 8th-level druid.
Background: Can love bloom between a rotting heap of semi-sentient vegetation and a blindingly beautiful water fey? ...Apparently so.


Oh dear. And given the picture of the shambling mound ... :smalleek:

[hamishspence]

Maybe it would end up more like a plant version (instead of the normal fungus version) of Zuggtmoy? She's a demon queen- her body is basically a fungus, but part of her form is shaped as a female humanoid.

[Flickerdart]

Vargoiulle. Just...Vargouille.

[Frosty]

Most ridiculous I've ever encountered as a player: a herd of Fiendish Cows. The DM was running a module (can't remember what it was) that called for them. He was really at a loss as to what they were supposed to do. His reaction was something along the lines of: "Okay, they're supposed to be the essence of evil ... but ... they're ... cows." I think they just ended up staring at us and mooing threateningly as we passed by.
The cows should wield Halberds, and with each successful hit against them, they release Lesser Orbs of Electricity. :belkar:

[Rappy]

Does Dragon Magazine count as 3rd party- or does it fall in between 3rd party and WOTC material?

Dragon 313 has a version of the half-nymph template- but it can only be added to humanoid creatures.
I'd imagine Dragon is on the "not quite 3rd Party" line, gray as it is.

Also, while I would say that may be a little too restrictive, it is more logical than the BoT's Nymph Child, which can be applied to anything except for constructs, undead, elementals, oozes, and its own species (nymphs in this case). Same thing with said book's Half-Troll template.

On the other hand...and here's where it gets weird...the Paradrafyte (half-medusa) adds Plant to the list of "no go" creature types for the template. Huh. So we can have shambling nymph-child monstrosities, but a snake-tendriled assassin vine would be too weird? *Shrugs*

[chiasaur11]

Duckbunny.

It is the best.

[Volthawk]

The cows should wield Halberds, and with each successful hit against them, they release Lesser Orbs of Electricity. :belkar:

I see what you did there.

[Dusk Eclipse]

I see what you did there.

I don't care to explain please?

[Greenish]

I don't care to explain please?It probably has nothing to do with the secret cow level, since that doesn't exist.

[hamishspence]

I don't care to explain please?

Its a nod to the Secret Cow Level in Diablo 2- full of halberd-armed cows who walk around on their hind legs, mooing.

A Lightning Enchanted Unique example of one of these (or of any monster), would release lightning every time you hit it- which was nasty.

[Volthawk]

It probably has nothing to do with the secret cow level, since that doesn't exist.

That's why it's secret.

[Dusk Eclipse]

Its a nod to the Secret Cow Level in Diablo 2- full of halberd-armed cows who walk around on their hind legs, mooing.

A Lightning Enchanted Unique example of one of these (or of any monster), would release lightning every time you hit it- which was nasty.

That would explain it, never had the opportunity to play Diablo

[Frosty]

And incidentally, most if not all of the uniques that spawn in the SCL are Lightning-Enchanted. Lightning is the theme there for some reason.

Fun note: In Starcraft 1 a Cheat Code for you to immediately achieve victory condition in a single-player campaign mission is to type in: There is no cow level