GITP Monster Competition Chat Thread III [Archive] - Page 3

unosarta

2011-01-02, 12:04 AM

I am open to anyone who wants to be partners.

Deviant Art is really not giving me very many good images, here. :smallfrown:

[Edit]: Yay, concept art!

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs13/f/2007/057/1/f/Balance_by_Toob_Rat.jpg

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs5/i/2005/004/4/d/Balance_by_thienbao.jpg

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs50/i/2009/274/3/d/Out_of_Balance_by_Kehsan.png

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/109/4/b/Balance_by_Nekranea.jpg

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs20/f/2007/298/f/6/Balance_by_WhiteRaven90.jpg

http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs7/i/2005/194/f/f/Balance_by_Typhoon89.jpg

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2010/110/1/e/Enemies_by_Nature_by_KonnorWite.jpg

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs42/f/2009/071/3/2/32ea94a3fef7ed0ac5570fbb3e4ccc88.jpg
Destruction.

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs51/i/2009/327/a/7/The_Natural_by_CarinaJorgensen.jpg
Creation.

http://fc00.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/034/8/3/Finding_his_Resolve_by_TheTyro.jpg

http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs24/i/2009/036/1/c/Bast_by_valse_des_ombres.jpg

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs45/f/2009/136/0/1/ANUBIS_by_ovopack.jpg
Anubis, god of the afterlife.

http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs36/i/2008/251/9/c/Anuket_by_Birdolina.jpg
Anuket, goddess of the nile, and life.

http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2010/313/5/9/ravine__sardaheim_and_shivas_by_nebezial-d32hoon.jpg

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/163/4/9/Dragon_of_Destruction_by_NikitaDarkstar.png

http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs43/i/2010/184/7/6/Agiratum_by_LimKis.jpg

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-02, 12:17 AM

Aaaand... banners are done and added to first page of contest. More folks that knows about it, more folks to vote for you later, so feel free to spruce up your signature with one :smallwink:

Deviant Art is really not giving me very many good images, here. :smallfrown:
Pfft, don't I know it...

Vaynor

2011-01-02, 12:21 AM

I am open to anyone who wants to be partners.

Deviant Art is really not giving me very many good images, here. :smallfrown:

I'll be your partner, if you'll have me. :smallwink:

I have IM contact information in my profile if you want.

unosarta

2011-01-02, 12:37 AM

I'll be your partner, if you'll have me. :smallwink:

I have IM contact information in my profile if you want.

That would be great!

@VT: Actually, after searching "natural enemies" and common motifs of combat between two animals/spirits/gods (I actually found a few for egyptian ones, like Anubis and Anuket, and bast is in there somewhere), I found quite a few. They are spoilered in my previous post, as both reference for me, and for anyone else who wants to use it.

[Edit]: @Vaynor: I don't suppose that AIM and Gmail are compatible, are they? I never really liked AIM, and I highly dislike Yahoo. :smallsigh:

Eh, nevermind, I just made an aim account for the heck of it.

Vaynor

2011-01-02, 12:45 AM

Before seeing your edit, I made a Google account (it's the same as my others: thevaynor). I have a Google account, but it uses my real name.

Someone keeps taking "vaynor," so I'm trying to affirm that I am the one and only Vaynor.

centuriancode

2011-01-02, 06:26 AM

Alright, who wants to partner up?

If you're still looking for a partner, I'd be happy to work with you. My gmail account has the same name as this one.

Debihuman

2011-01-02, 08:48 AM

I wouldn't mind working with a partner on this. I have some ideas....

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-02, 09:06 AM

Looks like we've got 6 interested entrants already, so that's three potential partners right there http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

Partners
Admiral Squish & Centuriancode
Debihuman & LOTRfan
Unosarta & Vaynor

Unpartnered
Morph Bark

Debihuman

2011-01-02, 10:01 AM

Well, I'd certainly be willing to partner up with LOTRfan :-)

Debby

Morph Bark

2011-01-02, 10:19 AM

Once I got my exams out of the way by Friday, consider me fully willing to enter this one. :smallwink:

LOTRfan

2011-01-02, 10:20 AM

Well, I'd certainly be willing to partner up with LOTRfan :-)

Debby

Sounds good to me.:smallsmile:

Admiral Squish

2011-01-02, 01:38 PM

I'd be glad to partner up with you, centuriancode. Have to go make a Gmail account, tho...

EDIT: Okay, so I have no idea how a Gmail chat thingie works. I think i sent an invitation?

BisectedBrioche

2011-01-02, 02:13 PM

Well I'm looking for a partner if anyone needs one....

EDIT: Scratch that. It looks like I might not have the time this month. :smallfrown:

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-02, 02:14 PM

I volunteer my services if anyone needs a partner. I have no ideas of my own thus far, however.

Best to PM me, I'm bad for chacking thisthread...

The Glyphstone

2011-01-02, 04:01 PM

Guess I need a partner then. Volunteers with SAN to spare?

Melayl

2011-01-02, 10:32 PM

I guess I'd be willing to partner with someone, if they want. I don't have any ideas at this point, either, but I'd be willing to help someone.

Let me know, here or PM.

Edit:

BTW, VT, just wondering when you'll be finishing the critiques of the last challenge. I'm curious to see what you thought of mine. :smallbiggrin:

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-02, 11:58 PM

Hey guys, just to let you know, sigs can only have 12 lines worth of material (more if they are spoilered). The big banner is 8 lines, and the smaller one 5 1/2. Formula is basically 1 line = 15 pixels (in height).

I don't want y'all getting in trouble over them so just a head's up.

BTW, VT, just wondering when you'll be finishing the critiques of the last challenge. I'm curious to see what you thought of mine. :smallbiggrin:
I'm going to try to hunker down and do them for the third time. I literally did them twice and then ice took out my power to find all my stuff gone.

After that I was kind of in a 'screw it' mood :smallannoyed:

Mangles

2011-01-03, 12:49 AM

Also looking for a partner. Will PM a few of you guys but if i miss anyone PM me also.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-03, 02:23 AM

I've already had too many awesome ideas for this competition. I'm probably going to have to homebrew the ones I don't get to use...

Melayl

2011-01-03, 11:42 AM

I'm going to try to hunker down and do them for the third time. I literally did them twice and then ice took out my power to find all my stuff gone.

After that I was kind of in a 'screw it' mood :smallannoyed:

:smallamused: Yeah, I can see how that would give one a 'screw it' mood. I'll wait more patiently, then. :smallwink:

Admiral Squish

2011-01-04, 09:52 PM

I, too, would love to hear a review on Mr. Grinch.

Also, I just have to say, this competition is turning out to be much more epic than I expected.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-04, 09:56 PM

So who all has officially partnered up?

Partners
Admiral Squish & Centuriancode
Debihuman & LOTRfan
Mangles & The Glyphstone
Melayl & Mulletmanalive
Unosarta & Vaynor

Unknown

I, too, would love to hear a review on Mr. Grinch.
Just finished some stuff of mine, so looking over them... again. Probably won't see anything until tomorrow though.

Also, I just have to say, this competition is turning out to be much more epic than I expected.
Awesome. You mean HD level or greatness/scope?

Admiral Squish

2011-01-04, 10:11 PM

Just finished some stuff of mine, so looking over them... again. Probably won't see anything until tomorrow though.

Awesome. You mean HD level or greatness/scope?
Alright, looking forward to it!

As for epic... Little of column A, little of column B.

Melayl

2011-01-04, 10:21 PM

So who all has officially partnered up?

Partners
Admiral Squish & Centuriancode
Debihuman & LOTRfan
Unosarta & Vaynor

Unknown
Mangles
Melayl
Mulletmanalive
The Glyphstone

Mulletmanalive and I are paired up (if we can figure out a concept :smalleek:), and Mangles and Glyphstone are (per Mangles).

Mangles

2011-01-05, 03:20 AM

Tis true. Me and Glyphstone are working together

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-05, 03:46 PM

Good deal. Ok, been busy, but going over the entries. Feeling like crap, so will finish them up after I've taken a short siesta.

In the meanwhile, if anyone would like to also go over a creation of mine, I'd be most appreciative. I'm entering it in our sister PrC competition.

The Goodwife (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=181315)

Edit: Aww, c'mon Glyphstone, you just totally wrecked the alphabetical thing we've had going on :smallyuk:

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-05, 07:20 PM

Ok, last crunch look-overs. Will get to fluff after dinner.

Gingerbread Men

Full Attack: 2 Claw +7(+9 Raging) (1d6+2, 1d6+4 Raging, +fire), 1 Bite +5 (+7 Raging)
Claw +7 melee and bite +5 melee

Saves: Fort +5 (+7 Raging)
Fort +6

Aloysius, The Ebony Tsar
First suggestion would be to look at other entries and do as they are done, or look in the monster manual. If the format is altered it's probably not correct. Dunno where the squigglies and weird commas and the like come from.

<Size> Medium <Type> Monstrous Humanoid
<Size> and <type? are just there to tell you where to put the specific size and type. It'd merely say 'Medium Monstrous Humanoid' and nothing else.

Hit Dice: 15d8(+30) ~= 97
Hit Dice: 15d8+30 (97 hp)

Speed: 50 feet per round (10 squares)
Speed: 50 ft. (10 squares)

Base Attack/Grapple: +17/+17*
A Monstrous Humanoid has full BAB. Therefore is base attack should be equal to it's HD, in this case 15.

Should be +15/+17

Full Attack: Carving Knife attacks, +17/+12,/+7 (1d6+2)
Full Attack: Carving Knife +17/+12/+7 melee (1d6+2)

Also surprised you didn't give it weapon finesse as a bonus feat. That'd bump that up nicely.

Saves: Fort +14, Ref +27, Will +18
Base saves for a 15th level monstrous humanoid is +5/+9/+9

With feats and ability modifiers added it would be as so.
Saves: Fort +9, Ref +19, Will +15

Is there anything else I didn't notice that bumps them up?

Special Attacks: Spell-like abilities
Special Qualities: Flickering Darkness, Christmas King
Need to add all the abilities I'm about to go over up here.

Description/background/characteristics
This also doesn't need to be there. It's just a marker saying 'put them here'. Also, there is no mention of what language it speaks, if any.

A distorted version of Awaken is cast on what was to be the family's roast lunch. It gains sentience (as per the Awaken spell) and insanity (as per Gift of Insanity).
This is very creepy and flavorful (ba dum ching!). Perhaps you should say the items become awakened constructs, or perhaps aberrations. As is, the spell would turn them into plants.

A DC: 20 Will Save negates the curse, or it can be lifted by any spell designed to remove curses.
What's the save DC based on?

This spell functions exactly like a Tiefling's racial Darkness ability, save that it also leaves incredibly persistent (even in the face of magic) soot stains on the walls, ceiling, and floor of wherever it is cast.
Even such spells as Prestidigitation used to clean it is thwarted?

Aloysius', The Ebony Tsar's, most terrible ability, reserved for those whose houses are true traversties, is the creation of a Coalem, a coal golem. All the presents in the house (and, if there aren't enough presents, all the furniture) are transformed into coal. After the presents have been unwrapped and the disappointment is at its peak, the coal begins to move of its own accord, cmoing together to form an enormous Coalem.
Typos boldened. Just run the thing through a spellchecker and you should be good.

Coalem

Hit Dice: 20d10+40 = 150HP
20d10+30 (140 hp)

Base Attack/Grapple: +15/+30
Grapple would be +33.

+15 BAB, +14 Str, +4 Size mod

Attack: Slam +27 mêlée (3d10 +20)
+28 melee (3d10+14)

Immune to Mind-Affecting, Immune to Poison
Just add 'Construct Traits' and it'll cover that.

Saves: Fort +12, Ref +3, Will +15 (immune to mind-affecting)
+6/+6/+6 base for a 20th hd construct.

With stats the final saves should be:
Fort +6, Ref +5, Will +7

This gas forces everyone within a 50' radius to take a Fortitude Save against poisoning (DC 25).
Need to make mention what the save DC is based on.

Challenge Rating: 14
This guy is around a 17 I'm thinking. He's pretty much untouchable. The Spell resistance alone is a little absurd. A 30th level caster would have to roll a 20. SR is normally around 10 + CR. A SR 30 tops.

The damage reduction is almost as bad. DR 20 is incredibly tough. Certainly should go no higher than that pre-epic.

DracoDei

2011-01-05, 08:19 PM

Vorpal Tribble: Having participated in the paired PrC contest, I think that this month the "No reserving posts" rule should have an exception: Reserving a post directly after your partner's should be HIGHLY ENCOURAGED. It makes comparisons of the pairs MUCH easier.

Everyone else: I am available for partnering, but have no ideas (yet). PM me if interested.

unosarta

2011-01-05, 08:24 PM

Vorpal Tribble: Having participated in the paired PrC contest, I think that this month the "No reserving posts" rule should have an exception: Reserving a post directly after your partner's should be HIGHLY ENCOURAGED. It makes comparisons of the pairs MUCH easier.

I agree whole heartedly. I am pretty much done with my monster, but my partner still has a bit to do.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-05, 08:52 PM

That sounds reasonable. I'll adjust the rules. Go for it.

BisectedBrioche

2011-01-05, 08:57 PM

Does this mean there's nothing wrong with the crunch on the Nicks?

LOTRfan

2011-01-05, 09:06 PM

Don't think so, Bisector.

Unosarta, the image doesn't come up. Shouldn't it have the (Psionic) subtype, if it can manifest powers?

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-05, 09:08 PM

Does this mean there's nothing wrong with the crunch on the Nicks?
Yup, it was totally clean :smallcool:

unosarta

2011-01-05, 09:13 PM

Don't think so, Bisector.

Unosarta, the image doesn't come up. Shouldn't it have the (Psionic) subtype, if it can manifest powers?

Yeah, the image URL was linked from the wave document I was using, and now I don't know the URL for the orginal image.

Adding in the Psionic subtype now.

LOTRfan

2011-01-05, 09:19 PM

I like your monster, by the way. Diminutive mastermind. :smallamused:

Are the hosts going to be of the giant type?

unosarta

2011-01-05, 09:24 PM

I like your monster, by the way. Diminutive mastermind. :smallamused:

Are the hosts going to be of the giant type?

They are giant moles that live underground.

So... no?

LOTRfan

2011-01-05, 09:36 PM

They are giant moles that live underground.

So... no?

Oh, sorry. I was just asking because giants have the glaringly low will saves. Still, giant moles = awesome. You and your partner's idea was pretty cool.

unosarta

2011-01-05, 09:48 PM

Oh, sorry. I was just asking because giants have the glaringly low will saves. Still, giant moles = awesome. You and your partner's idea was pretty cool.

Oh. Well, the save for Touch of Possession is intentionally high, so it shouldn't be a problem.

strawberryman

2011-01-05, 10:26 PM

Damn. Me and Draken are working on a pair of Psionic monsters ourselves, looks like you beat us to the punch. :smalltongue:

Melayl

2011-01-05, 10:29 PM

Ok, last crunch look-overs. Will get to fluff after dinner.

Gingerbread Men

Claw +7 melee and bite +5 melee

Fort +6

Oops. Fixed.

unosarta

2011-01-05, 10:31 PM

Damn. Me and Draken are working on a pair of Psionic monsters ourselves, looks like you beat us to the punch. :smalltongue:

Its probably fine. We were going more for the "inner struggle"/"inner conflict" aspect, as compared to the "conflict of minds" thing.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-06, 12:36 AM

Felpine Shambler
This fellow is pretty cool. With current theme seems a little cheesy with its eeeevil ability to make gloom of unhappiness, and grows poisoned berries and hand grenades. Its very fun though. Tree Travel is a great ability. You don't just disappear, no, a tree appears. Can just imagine filling that tree full of something... like slavering creatures or carved all over with explosive runes, and then switching places with it. Kaboom!

I can also imagine it more serious, putting into a Fimbulvinter style campaign. Its not just gloom it spreads, but is a literal foreshadow of the eternal darkness that will one day cover all.

Dryad of the Sanguine Holly
While I like what you've done here, and the name is pretty awesome, this is like a dryad dons a belt of gender changing and introduces a succubus to their ironwood.
None of the abilities are really unique, but you've put a new face on them. Its a case of the fluff making the monster.
Despite my negative comments, I'd like to add this to my Dying Ember campaign. There is even a forest devoted to fey creatures, called the Red Dew. Humans and fae signed a treaty. Where the red dew drips from the branches you have entered their wood. You enter at your own risk and if you die it is your own fault. Can imagine these gals like at the most northern and southern edges where the forests turns to frigid evergreens.

Chanukah Chorror
Is so bad, in a politically incorrect way. It's awesome :smallbiggrin:
I only catch most of the jokes in a vague way however, as only really knew one Hebrewish gal, but its enough to make me snicker. She was my landlady, came from a mixed background so like wore a star of david, a cross and buddha on a necklace. She was crazy. Occasionally would crack a yiddish joke about her mother.

Anyways, can see this as a joke entry, if not a creepy one with that head. Not sure how it'd fit in most games as a serious creature however with current fluff, but perhaps tweak it a little to fit the creation of some evil religion to counteract the holy golems.

Christmas Goose
This is definitely an under-rated entry, though the goose christmas card is so 80's and definitely doesn't help it any :smallwink:

The honk and flaming bite is dangerously humorous, especially if you think upon it being raised by some kind of magical farmer. The horror however seems more in the fact it's an intelligent creature being force-fed to be eaten by other intelligent creatures.

If prepare to be eaten it definitely needs to become a Feastfleshed Creature (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=100934).

Insanity Claws
This fellow is basically what its name says. Evil, weird little elves. This needs some fluff rewrite to really make it useful in a serious campaign, but the fey proclivity to give gifts and deadly mischief has strong possibilities.

Grinch
This is a very interesting take on the classic Grinch. Basically giving it the powers he had while his heart was large, but its still evil-inclined. The abilities match with the song very well, and manage to be interesting and unique to boot. It's kind of like a furry male hag with oafish giant ways.

I'd probably use one as some sort of follower of an evil nature deity or spirit requiring sacrifice and blood. Lichens and mistletoe sprouts from the fur, giving it the green tinge, and the rot of their hearts manifests physically, visible only about the teeth, but inside they teem with vermin. Could go very dark with it.

Goat of Sacrificial Horror
This is very humorous and dark at the same time. Very evil. Evilly evil.

"...to prevent an evil spirit of punishment from entering the surrounding hamlets and committing unspeakable evil."

Just that evil. Yet when I read it I am reminded of that old kid's board game 'Hey Pa, There's A Goat On the Roof!'. There is literally a tourist trap spot around here where there is a ramp going to the business' roof and real goats roam about up there. So this is actually pretty realistic since they like elevated places. Creepy however in thinking how they could be waiting up there, ready to pounce and eat my soul while staring at me with those soulless goat eyes.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXlUhis9dnvuaQ2f-CBsXhZvBT6fL1tkUTEw0sutq42qK0F5RDMw

BisectedBrioche

2011-01-06, 10:30 AM

Yup, it was totally clean :smallcool:

I suppose I have Debi to thank for that.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-06, 11:26 AM

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-06, 12:58 PM

Does it have to be the prey that is specifically foused on defence?

The marker between predator and prey is often immunity to the defences of the target...

Or, as long as the prey is MORE defensive, it it ok for the predator to be basically immune to the prey's abilities?

unosarta

2011-01-06, 05:04 PM

Dryad of the Sanguine Holly
While I like what you've done here, and the name is pretty awesome, this is like a dryad dons a belt of gender changing and introduces a succubus to their ironwood.
None of the abilities are really unique, but you've put a new face on them. Its a case of the fluff making the monster.
I guess I can see what you are saying, but a lot of monster variations are defined by their fluff and not their abilities. This is actually a more tame example. For instance, although it may not seem like a lot of abilities have changed, that is probably only because the base dryad had so few abilities to begin with. It could cast spells and... die if it got too far from its tree. I don't really think you should blame a variant monster for its parents problems. Also, although the base abilities are fairly similar, there are some key differences. Notably, the combat style. Dryads as they are do not really have a very defined combat style, mostly because they have so few abilities. The dryad of the sanguine holly functions best when it grapples an opponent and drinks their blood. That is a very defined difference from the original, who had almost no grappling capability at all. The ability to kiss an opponent and drink their blood is also important because of its intrinsic value for the theme of the competition, Christmas. It is a tradition to lay holly around, and kiss underneath it (probably from its days as a fertility festival, where holly was an important symbol of life and rebirth). The Dryad of the Sanguine Holly takes those principles and subverts them, going from life to death, rebirth to destruction, and a kiss that brought love, to a kiss that stole from it. These are important to facilitate the fact that the monster is in fact a horror, who brings terror to those who face it. Also, the original dryad had some spell-like abilities; a spell or two was added to give it a more "bloody" feel.

Those are some pretty major changes from the original, not even counting the fluff.

Despite my negative comments, I'd like to add this to my Dying Ember campaign. There is even a forest devoted to fey creatures, called the Red Dew. Humans and fae signed a treaty. Where the red dew drips from the branches you have entered their wood. You enter at your own risk and if you die it is your own fault. Can imagine these gals like at the most northern and southern edges where the forests turns to frigid evergreens.

I would love that. I could see the evergreen forests, the trees strong and hale, and every so often, a woman wearing all red dances through, her eyes locked on yours, her skin slicing through the clean air. She dances into the grove, and her smile almost seems to beckon you...

The Glyphstone

2011-01-06, 06:02 PM

For that matter, you could make similar criticisms of the Felpine Shambler. If I had made it a deciduous tree instead of a conifer, it'd basically be 'Treant, but Bigger, Meaner, and EEEEVIL'.

unosarta

2011-01-06, 06:07 PM

For that matter, you could make similar criticisms of the Felpine Shambler. If I had made it a deciduous tree instead of a conifer, it'd basically be 'Treant, but Bigger, Meaner, and EEEEVIL'.

That just makes me think of a Barksinger + Everflowerer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=168124) combo made of Dryads of the Sanguine Holly and Felpine Shamblers.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-06, 06:08 PM

That just makes me think of a Barksinger + Everflowerer (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=168124) combo made of Dryads of the Sanguine Holly and Felpine Shamblers.

The horror, the horror...

unosarta

2011-01-06, 06:23 PM

The horror, the horror...

As the red haired beauty slowly kissed the cragged and anciently scarred face of the tree that stood before her, blood slowly seeped down her face, reaching her chin and falling off, onto the cold and dry snow. The gashes that lined the tree healed over, and his limbs started moving again. She looked back as a single man stood before them, his terrified face and trembling limbs twitching, as if seeking flight. His dead comrades lay before him, their lifeblood staining the snow and spreading out over the ice.

She glided forward, her hands lightly caressing his face. His eyes tried to follow her, but as she moved behind his back, he found his body immobile in fear. Her long tongue lightly played on his ear, and he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He looked down, and saw a tree limb puncturing his lower abdomen. She knelt down, and caught the first drop of blood as it left the already decaying wound on her finger, and drew in a long, gasping breath as she started to feed.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-06, 06:40 PM

It's somewhat synergistic too. One of them feeds on blood, the other on flesh, so they wouldn't be competing for prey either.

LOTRfan

2011-01-06, 07:01 PM

Goat of Sacrificial Horror
This is very humorous and dark at the same time. Very evil. Evilly evil.

"...to prevent an evil spirit of punishment from entering the surrounding hamlets and committing unspeakable evil."

Just that evil. Yet when I read it I am reminded of that old kid's board game 'Hey Pa, There's A Goat On the Roof!'. There is literally a tourist trap spot around here where there is a ramp going to the business' roof and real goats roam about up there. So this is actually pretty realistic since they like elevated places. Creepy however in thinking how they could be waiting up there, ready to pounce and eat my soul while staring at me with those soulless goat eyes.

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSXlUhis9dnvuaQ2f-CBsXhZvBT6fL1tkUTEw0sutq42qK0F5RDMw

Awesome. :smallbiggrin:

Where can I find this 'Hey Pa, There's a Goat on the Roof!' board game? I've never heard of it.

EDIT: Never mind, found it (http://www.boardgamegeek.com/boardgame/11371/hey-pa-theres-a-goat-on-the-roof). :smallcool:

Admiral Squish

2011-01-06, 07:35 PM

Grinch
This is a very interesting take on the classic Grinch. Basically giving it the powers he had while his heart was large, but its still evil-inclined. The abilities match with the song very well, and manage to be interesting and unique to boot. It's kind of like a furry male hag with oafish giant ways.

I'd probably use one as some sort of follower of an evil nature deity or spirit requiring sacrifice and blood. Lichens and mistletoe sprouts from the fur, giving it the green tinge, and the rot of their hearts manifests physically, visible only about the teeth, but inside they teem with vermin. Could go very dark with it.

You know, that was an angle I really didn't think about when I was creating, but now that you say it it makes perfect sense. He's literally rotten to the core. The exterior looks perfectly normal, but underneath he;s foul and tainted. Since the mouth is the only part you can see into, that's where you notice the vermin festering within.

unosarta

2011-01-06, 10:06 PM

It's somewhat synergistic too. One of them feeds on blood, the other on flesh, so they wouldn't be competing for prey either.

Good point. :smallbiggrin:

In other news, I still can't find that dang picture.

Melayl

2011-01-06, 10:23 PM

unosarta

2011-01-06, 10:26 PM

Just a quick question:

As I'm going through the stat block of my draft entry, I'm noticing that many creatures (particularly animals) have many more skill points than their Hit Die, Type, stats, and racial bonuses would give them.

Can someone explain this to me, please? Can we just give creatures more skill points and/or unexplained bonuses as we desire?

Bonuses are not the same as skill points. Animals get a lot of racial bonuses for a lot of skills, especially hide/move silently. Those bonuses are not from skills.

Melayl

2011-01-06, 10:45 PM

unosarta

2011-01-06, 10:51 PM

Ok, I forgot to take some size modifiers into account, but I still come up with cats and lizards (as examples), having 4 more skill points (after ALL bonuses have been subracted -- size, racial, stat, feat, etc -- AND all skill points have been subracted) than they should have. Specifically, +2 to Listen and +2 to Spot.

Unless I'm still missing something...

The cat has 4 skill points. All of them are spent on Listen and Spot. Hide is arbitrarily high because it is taking the +8 circumstance bonus from tall grass into account, and assuming that the cat is already in tall grass.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-06, 11:09 PM

For those wondering, will go over the other entries soon.

Or, as long as the prey is MORE defensive, it it ok for the predator to be basically immune to the prey's abilities?
Let's go with that.

The dryad of the sanguine holly functions best when it grapples an opponent and drinks their blood. That is a very defined difference from the original, who had almost no grappling capability at all.
That's where the succubus part comes in :smallwink:

It'd also be fun to see Giving, one of the Seven Heavenly Virtues I made, simply sit there and let her take of him until she explodes.

You know, that was an angle I really didn't think about when I was creating, but now that you say it it makes perfect sense. He's literally rotten to the core.
I think that fact means you are mentally healthy. Unfortunately that was the first angle that came to my mind.

Can someone explain this to me, please? Can we just give creatures more skill points and/or unexplained bonuses as we desire?
Basically as Unosarta says. Also keep in mind a number of creatures are off here and there. Some blatantly. Makes you wonder how they got passed.

unosarta

2011-01-06, 11:31 PM

That's where the succubus part comes in :smallwink:

It'd also be fun to see Giving, one of the Seven Heavenly Virtues I made, simply sit there and let her take of him until she explodes.
I can just imagine the little bits of dryad and blood flying everywhere, while a serene virtue (demigod?) floats past, another good deed done. I imagine a heavenly chorus of floating spirits/angels following him around, singing a praise for every good deed done. :smallbiggrin:

Basically as Unosarta says. Also keep in mind a number of creatures are off here and there. Some blatantly. Makes you wonder how they got passed.
The real problem lies in Wizards of the Coast. They released the SRD in a word document form, so all of the crunch of the monsters on that site remains fairly intact. All the site did was format it, and I doubt they would do anything really major to any crunch. Whoever edited the original SRD (before it was released) deserves a swift kick to the groin area, though. :smallfurious:

Melayl

2011-01-06, 11:59 PM

The cat has 4 skill points. All of them are spent on Listen and Spot. Hide is arbitrarily high because it is taking the +8 circumstance bonus from tall grass into account, and assuming that the cat is already in tall grass.

Perhaps my math was off...

Basically as Unosarta says. Also keep in mind a number of creatures are off here and there. Some blatantly. Makes you wonder how they got passed.

Indeed it does.

The real problem lies in Wizards of the Coast. They released the SRD in a word document form, so all of the crunch of the monsters on that site remains fairly intact. All the site did was format it, and I doubt they would do anything really major to any crunch. Whoever edited the original SRD (before it was released) deserves a swift kick to the groin area, though. :smallfurious:

:smallmad: Yeah, I thought some of them might be typos, but you never know.

Thanks, both of you.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-07, 06:15 PM

One of the big things that concerns me here is that my creation is pretty heavily focused on fire damage, and that PCs would just be able to get a ring of fire immunity or whatever and just go to town on 'im.

unosarta

2011-01-07, 09:47 PM

I finally got the dang image uploaded. I am going to add it to my entry now. >_>

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-07, 10:06 PM

Btw, still going to get to the rest of the critiques, but power been going out off an on all day due to 40 mph winds knocking trees on the power lines.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-08, 03:34 AM

Ladies and gentlemen, the Champion of Krav, for your viewing pleasure.

DracoDei

2011-01-08, 04:51 AM

I just remembered that one of my projects on the drawing-board was, in fact, fluffed as being created to kill a unique celestial. If I can get back to the computer it is on, I might be able to post it in THIS thread, and if anyone wants to partner with me, then we could do that (unless VT really wants me cluttering up the competition threat with what might be an unpaired post).

EDIT: Actually, I can remember enough about the celestial that it might help if I state it here so people would know what they would have to design to.
His/her main schtick for MY purposes (feel free to add others) is that (s)he can turn into a swarm of 1 hp dragon-flies and beetles and such... turning back is a very slow process, but only requires ONE of the insects to survive. Did I mention that the insects all have his/her full saving throws, maybe SR, and gain definitely gain Evasion? :smallbiggrin: Served as a scout in the Blood-war, because even if an entire region was impassable to [Teleportation] effects (s)he could be reasonable sure of making it back alive.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-08, 10:13 PM

Well, all I can say is I'll get to post my critiques when weather permits. Power was out half the day from more blown over trees. Never seen wind like this for so long.

I just remembered that one of my projects on the drawing-board was, in fact, fluffed as being created to kill a unique celestial. If I can get back to the computer it is on, I might be able to post it in THIS thread, and if anyone wants to partner with me, then we could do that (unless VT really wants me cluttering up the competition threat with what might be an unpaired post).

EDIT: Actually, I can remember enough about the celestial that it might help
That sounds fun, but remember your partner is supposed to be in charge of the other one. We don't need backseat homebrewers :smallwink:

Melayl

2011-01-08, 10:23 PM

Well, all I can say is I'll get to post my critiques when weather permits. Power was out half the day from more blown over trees. Never seen wind like this for so long.

I can tell you're not from my neck of the woods. :smallsmile: Sustained 40 mile per hour wind is not considered all that windy here (unless there is snow to be blown around). Sustained 70 mile per hour wind is considered pretty windy here.

Hrmm... makes me want to brew a monster that creates massive wind storms...

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-08, 10:28 PM

I can tell you're not from my neck of the woods. :smallsmile: Sustained 40 mile per hour wind is not considered all that windy here (unless there is snow to be blown around). Sustained 70 mile per hour wind is considered pretty windy here.
Is your neck of the woods surrounded by actual woods? :smallwink:

This isn't across the prairies here, this is 'in' the woods, blowing trees over all across the state's power lines.

Edit: Waaait a sec. 70 mph? Where outside the arctics do you get sustained 70 mph winds? I wasn't aware of sustained hurricanes, which is what that speed literally is.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-09, 02:36 AM

Not even a single comment upon my lovely firebird? I am saddened.

For those who are interested, the idea for the bird itself came from this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oSTyWYGJ6E) (You might wanna turn up the sound to hear it right).

Mangles

2011-01-09, 06:38 AM

Cyclones in Australia get that strong and stronger and can last a couple of days on the coast or weeks off the coast. A cyclone at 70 mph is classified as a category 3. The largest we get are classed as category 5 and have winds double that speed. Needless to say category 5 cyclones demolish cities.

Melayl

2011-01-09, 10:56 AM

Is your neck of the woods surrounded by actual woods? :smallwink:

This isn't across the prairies here, this is 'in' the woods, blowing trees over all across the state's power lines.

Edit: Waaait a sec. 70 mph? Where outside the arctics do you get sustained 70 mph winds? I wasn't aware of sustained hurricanes, which is what that speed literally is.

Not surrounded by woods, no. Mostly surrounded by prairie. And we don't often get sustained winds of 70 mph. During some thunderstorms, however, we'll get them for 3-4 hours. Gusts during those will reach 100 mph occasionally.

BisectedBrioche

2011-01-10, 06:13 PM

So are you going to give any feedback on the other Christmas contest entries, Tribble? It would be nice to get some on my entry... ^^;

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-11, 03:18 PM

Btw, still going to get to the rest of the critiques, but power been going out off an on all day due to 40 mph winds knocking trees on the power lines.
That was just the start. Now I'm snowed in and knocking things down and causing my power to go out. Will do what I can as weather permits.

Debihuman

2011-01-12, 08:11 AM

Soldier of Misfortune is up and ready for some PEACHing. Did I miss anything?

Debby

unosarta

2011-01-12, 09:37 AM

Rejuvenation (Su): It is difficult to destroy a solider of misfortune through simple combat.

Other than the spelling error, this looks really good. Saves, AC, BAB, abilities. One question I have; why exactly is the longsword defined as rusty? I mean, does it really provide any in game stuff (is the Red Ache tied directly to it being rusty?) Also, because it is rusty, does that mean that it is susceptible to Rusting Grasp and other such spells? Are the Soldiers of Misfortune only able to use longswords?

Admiral Squish

2011-01-12, 10:11 AM

*cracks knuckles* Let's break it down, then.

Soldier of Misfortune, from the top:

That AC is kinda low. Perhaps throw on a little NA from the bodies being all preserved and hardened, or a wooden shield perhaps?

I thought attack and damage were off, but then I noticed the feats. Carry on.

Other than that, the only thing that sticks out at me is that you mention 'widow's weed' elsewhere, but you call it 'willow weed' in the nocturnal ability.

I like the fluff, I think it's interesting to see an undead in a predator/prey competition, and I'm looking forward to seeing Widow's Weed

Know what? While I'm at it, I'll take a crack at the Maltressor.
From the top:

Your AC format is odd. It should be 23 (+7 Dex, +4 size, +2 Natural) No problems with the math, though.

Attack bonus is a bit off. +5 BaB, +4 Size, -5 str = +4, not +1, and you should add 'melee' between the attack bonus and the damage.

You should mention melee touch attack in the touch of possession ability. Also, this sounds unpleasant. Can it enter from any body part? Like, say it was hiding in your shoe. Could it go through the foot and all the way up the the brain? Or does it have to be able to reach of the target's head somehow? If you picked one of these things up with a well-gloved hand, could it get still get into you? Also, it implies that the maltressor can remain in the brain, trying again every 1d4 rounds if the target passes the save. Is there a way to kill it/remove it?

Dependency needs a fortitude DC. Also, why do you require saves every minute. If they pass a save after failing one, are they not dependent for the next minute? I think it would be simpler to say they must make a fortitude save, and if they pass it, they must make another save a minute later and so on. Once the thing is removed (You never specify actually how to remove the thing), they take the damage each round for one minute or until they receive 10 points of healing or DC 20 heal check.

Also, if you're not going to fill out the optional bits, why not just remove them from the entry?

Debihuman

2011-01-12, 03:48 PM

Thanks for the feedback on the soldier of misfortune. I totally forgot about a shield bonus (there's no reason they wouldn't have one) will add that in.

The willow is a typo and I'll fix it. The plant is a widow's weed.

Debby

Admiral Squish

2011-01-12, 04:25 PM

No problem didn't take long. :smallbiggrin:

Though, I would certainly be similarly appreciative were someone were to, say, perhaps provide a similar review of my entry... *looks innocently to the side*

LOTRfan

2011-01-12, 04:59 PM

Soldier of Misfortune is up and ready for some PEACHing. Did I miss anything?

Debby

I think it looks pretty cool. especially like the aura of unluck, and it has given me a couple new ideas for the plant. I'll have it up either later today or tomorrow, but I'll probably e-mail you first to get your opinion.

unosarta

2011-01-12, 07:17 PM

Your AC format is odd. It should be 23 (+7 Dex, +4 size, +2 Natural) No problems with the math, though.
Yeah, the format on the Maltressor is the one that I normally use, and is mostly easier than any other format, and the one I use the most often.

Attack bonus is a bit off. +5 BaB, +4 Size, -5 str = +4, not +1, and you should add 'melee' between the attack bonus and the damage.
Forgot the size modifier. Also, it is not -5 for Strength, that would mean that the Strength score was 0 or -1. 2-10= -8. -8/2= -4.

You should mention melee touch attack in the touch of possession ability. Also, this sounds unpleasant. Can it enter from any body part? Like, say it was hiding in your shoe. Could it go through the foot and all the way up the the brain? Or does it have to be able to reach of the target's head somehow? If you picked one of these things up with a well-gloved hand, could it get still get into you? Also, it implies that the maltressor can remain in the brain, trying again every 1d4 rounds if the target passes the save. Is there a way to kill it/remove it?
Any body part. The Touch of Possession is more like the maltressor becoming a form of metaphysical energy and traveling into the target's psyche. I probably forgot it, but the maltressor becomes expelled when the target dies or hits half hit points, or receives a DC 30 heal check. If the target makes the will save, they get control over their body for 1d4 rounds, and then they must make the Will save again. I am thinking if they make the save 3 rounds in a row, then the maltressor is instantly expelled. The partner monster is kind of screwed in this case, because the maltressor specifically hunts it, since it is the largest organism in the vicinity of the habitat of the maltressor. Because of this, the maltressor is not expelled unless the host is killed, and they constantly battle for supremacy within the hosts body.

Dependency needs a fortitude DC. Also, why do you require saves every minute. If they pass a save after failing one, are they not dependent for the next minute? I think it would be simpler to say they must make a fortitude save, and if they pass it, they must make another save a minute later and so on. Once the thing is removed (You never specify actually how to remove the thing), they take the damage each round for one minute or until they receive 10 points of healing or DC 20 heal check.
Those fortitude saves are kind of badly worded and not intended. Once the maltressor is removed, the target goes into withdrawal from the neurotoxin, and must make a fortitude save or take 7d6 damage every round for a minute. After that, they are no longer dependent upon the neurotoxin. During that time, someone can make a DC 20 heal check or heal them for 10 points of damage and stop the neurotoxin. I will update the description.

Also, if you're not going to fill out the optional bits, why not just remove them from the entry?
Because I intend to fill them out later, and would like to keep them for reference?

Admiral Squish

2011-01-12, 07:37 PM

Responses in Bold

Yeah, the format on the Maltressor is the one that I normally use, and is mostly easier than any other format, and the one I use the most often.

Still, it's not standard, so I'm not sure if there's points off or something.

Forgot the size modifier. Also, it is not -5 for Strength, that would mean that the Strength score was 0 or -1. 2-10= -8. -8/2= -4.

Well, actually, in the SRD (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/theBasics.htm#abilityScores), it says a that 1 in an ability score is a -5 mod. Low scores are slightly awkward like that.

Any body part. The Touch of Possession is more like the maltressor becoming a form of metaphysical energy and traveling into the target's psyche. I probably forgot it, but the maltressor becomes expelled when the target dies or hits half hit points, or receives a DC 30 heal check. If the target makes the will save, they get control over their body for 1d4 rounds, and then they must make the Will save again. I am thinking if they make the save 3 rounds in a row, then the maltressor is instantly expelled. The partner monster is kind of screwed in this case, because the maltressor specifically hunts it, since it is the largest organism in the vicinity of the habitat of the maltressor. Because of this, the maltressor is not expelled unless the host is killed, and they constantly battle for supremacy within the hosts body.

Okay, that works. You're going to have to clarify all this in the entry, but I see no issue once you've got it settled. Oh, can the maltressor still manifest it's psionic abilities while dominating a creature? Or make the monster manifest for it?

Those fortitude saves are kind of badly worded and not intended. Once the maltressor is removed, the target goes into withdrawal from the neurotoxin, and must make a fortitude save or take 7d6 damage every round for a minute. After that, they are no longer dependent upon the neurotoxin. During that time, someone can make a DC 20 heal check or heal them for 10 points of damage and stop the neurotoxin. I will update the description.

Ahh, okay. I get it. If they make the save, does the once/round for a minute thing end prematurely?

Because I intend to fill them out later, and would like to keep them for reference?

Makes sense, just checking.

unosarta

2011-01-12, 07:55 PM

Still, it's not standard, so I'm not sure if there's points off or something.
It is exactly the same as the other format, but with actual arithmetic.

Well, actually, in the SRD, it says a that 1 in an ability score is a -5 mod. Low scores are slightly awkward like that.
Huh. You learn something new every day.

Okay, that works. You're going to have to clarify all this in the entry, but I see no issue once you've got it settled. Oh, can the maltressor still manifest it's psionic abilities while dominating a creature? Or make the monster manifest for it?
Yes, the maltressor can. It is still limited to the normal number of actions, so it can't, say, manifest a power and attack in the same round.

Ahh, okay. I get it. If they make the save, does the once/round for a minute thing end prematurely?

Currently, the ability is more like a "make a save or take 7d6 damage per round until someone heals you or a minute is up."

Debihuman

2011-01-12, 09:41 PM

Other than the spelling error, this looks really good. Saves, AC, BAB, abilities. One question I have; why exactly is the longsword defined as rusty? I mean, does it really provide any in game stuff (is the Red Ache tied directly to it being rusty?) Also, because it is rusty, does that mean that it is susceptible to Rusting Grasp and other such spells? Are the Soldiers of Misfortune only able to use longswords?

The reason for the rusty sword was mostly flavor. It's not really worth having and also carries disease. Originally, the idea was that they carried tetanus, but red ache fit the bill. In the text it also says that any wooden weapons would be broken and used as clubs. I suppose I could make them proficient with all simple weapons and shield to clarify that.
I think it looks pretty cool. especially like the aura of unluck, and it has given me a couple new ideas for the plant. I'll have it up either later today or tomorrow, but I'll probably e-mail you first to get your opinion.

I'm glad you liked the soldier of misfortune. I edited it to clarify everything. I hope this makes it easier. I look forward to seeing what you do with the widow's weed.

Debby
P.S. Fixed double post

unosarta

2011-01-12, 09:56 PM

The reason for the rusty sword was mostly flavor. It's not really worth having and also carries disease. Originally, the idea was that they carried tetanus, but red ache fit the bill. In the text it also says that any wooden weapons would be broken and used as clubs. I suppose I could make them proficient with all simple weapons and shield to clarify that.

Debby

I was just wondering if there was a "Rusty" enhancement that I was missing, or something. Maybe any metallic weapon they wield becomes rusty, to show the wear that they put upon a weapon even by proximity. It would probably be more fluff than an actual ability, but it could add some flavor to the monster.

Debihuman

2011-01-13, 08:01 AM

I didn't want to make another weapon quality but certainly that would be possible.

If I were doing this properly, a Rusted Weapon would be half the value of a standard weapon and would carry the disease red ache. It's not much.

Debby

Admiral Squish

2011-01-13, 08:39 AM

It is exactly the same as the other format, but with actual arithmetic.

The only difference between the versions is that yours includes the +10 that is supposed to be a ubiquitous standard, and a few extra []s which are visually distracting.

Huh. You learn something new every day.

Yeah, it's the same principle that makes a 9 ability score a -1 mod. It's a tad awkward, but it works, I think.

Yes, the maltressor can. It is still limited to the normal number of actions, so it can't, say, manifest a power and attack in the same round.

Okay, that works.

Currently, the ability is more like a "make a save or take 7d6 damage per round until someone heals you or a minute is up."

So, just one save at the beginning? Okay, I get it now. Makes more sense now.

I didn't want to make another weapon quality but certainly that would be possible.

If I were doing this properly, a Rusted Weapon would be half the value of a standard weapon and would carry the disease red ache. It's not much.

Debby

Hm. I'd put on a qualification that a rusty weapon cannot be masterwork, ever, or you run the risk of PCs buying rusty magic weapons to save moolah.

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-13, 11:02 AM

My entry, the Spectre Breeders, is up and Melyl's Skyclimber Lizard should be following shortly...

Debihuman

2011-01-13, 11:41 AM

Just for you Unsorta, I defined a rusty weapon more clearly in the entry. I hope the new changes work better.

Now on to some PEACHing...

Maltressor is a deceptively powerful little lizard.

Unfortunately, that's what I find wrong with it. At 7 HD, it is simply too overpowered. It needs a lot more HD to justify the power you've given it.

Int 7 with telepathy 100 ft. doesn't make a lot of sense. How is it going to understand creatures with Int higher than it? Rather, give it telepathic bond and make it only affective on animals and magical beasts with Int 6 or lower at that range. Also, this fits better with a psionic creature.

I'm a little confused by the Will save (DC 22) for the Touch of Possession. What is the ability modifier that you used? Also, there is no general dominate spell. It is one of the following dominate animal, dominate person, or dominate monster. Dominate monster is a 9th level spell requiring CL be a minimum of Wiz 17. At 7 HD, this is excessively overpowered.

What is it targeting? Since we know nothing about its prey, this is really difficult to PEACH.

If it is an animal, then touch of possession would be based on dominate animal spell and assuming that Charisma is the ability it is based on the DC would be 19 not 22 (10 + 1/2 creature's HD (+3) + ability modifier (+6). Dominate animal only requires a CL 5 (as a Druid).

If the meltressor actually has to burrow into the host's brain, why doesn't this cause physical damage to the host every round that the maltressor is there? How big is the brain of the host creature that it can withstand that onslaught? It's a Diminutive creature (6 inches minimum and 1/8th lb. minimum).

However, you do not state whether the melfessor physically has to be inside the brain of a creature in order to possess it.

"When a _____ eats a maltressor, the maltressor burrows into the soft palate of the hulking creature, and directly into the brain. This allows them to bypass the deadly stomach acid of the _____. " How does this not cause the host creature physical damage for each round that the maltressor is inside its brain? Is this in any way related to the Touch of Possession? You seem to imply it but it should be directly stated. Also, wouldn't this cause physical damage to the host creature. Would it cause a lowering of the host's Int as well?

The way you word the Touch of Possession isn't clear about how it works. It is vastly different from Demonic Possession say from Book of Vile Darkness or Fiendish Codex(es).

"If the touch attack succeeds, then the maltressor has been able to burrow into the target's mind. While inside of their target's brain, the maltressor cannot be directly attacked, except for mind affecting abilities." There seems to be some text missing as you go from the target's mind (mental) to brain (physical). Mind and Brain are not necessarily synonymous. Ewww. But perhaps more important than this, how does it "burrow into the mind" of the host? Is this a physical burrowing or something else. Some game mechanics should be in order. If it doesn't physically burrow into a creature's brain, then what is the range of this ability. It should be limited by distance from the target.

Next up: Champion of Krav.

I like this one a lot and I generally hate looking at epic creatures.

Full Attack -- missing the ranged attack from the Attack line.

While the skills are correct, it seems kinda odd for an epic creature to have only 2 skills.

Debby

Melayl

2011-01-13, 01:02 PM

Skyclimber Lizards are up. I'm not sure on the CR, though...

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-13, 02:42 PM

Nicks
These things are like a mix between gremlins and christmas elves with a little Grinch mixed in.

Unwanted gift is a pretty cool ability in that you are supposed to use it for the purpose it was made. I could see these guys going around giving out garrotes or explosive and folks going out to choke and blow things up. Specially if this stuff was given to little kids.

"Look what I got, Mommy! A carbine action, two-hundred shot range model!"

*puts eye out*

Share and share alike I can imagine in some romantic comedy. Like a wedding band or a diamond or something that they both want to possess, but while literally sharing life's experiences they fall in love, blah blah blah.

I think you could work this into a serious campaign. Perhaps an urban locale, and they are being used by smugglers or spies to plant evidence on folks and the like.

Twelfth Knight
It's the spirit of Boxing Day! I believe I remember someone explaining where this came from and why it's called the '12th Knight' but I forget the details.

Basically seems to be a spirit of chaos and contrariness, which can always be fun. I thought at first it would be wholly a joke fellow, but then I thought, what if we let this thing loose in king's castle or equivalent. Jester is now king, king is a lowly fool. Perhaps there is a special extradimensional container that trapped him. A jack-in-a-box lets say, but has been hidden and guarded for the spirit inside trying to level the entire nation by flipping all its rules and positions upside down.

You slowly turn the lever on the side and hear the *thunk* *thunk* *thunk* as inner barriers are raised. Finally the lid springs up and the Knight rears out of it.

Crimson Candyman
I was intrigued by the concept of this fellow, and am amused with the part where he is candy-striped fiend, but grimmer.

That he loves to gatecrash and party til everyone is dead is a nice touch. The poison is vicious and I much approve. Reminds me somewhat of Zombieland. Everyone just go flesh-crazy.

I'd see no reason why he could appear in practically any event, perhaps celebration of the PC's heroic deeds or whatnot, to tarnish it. Just need to make sure he's introduced so that they don't expect it, cuz it seems everyone is expecting party poopers.

Santa Claws
I laughed when I read this one, about him pulling out gigantic pieces of coal to hurl. Very clever. Wonder of he could set it on fire beforehand to set forests/villages/PC's on fire? That's be pretty wicked.

Then when they run out of the burning area he can zap them with the cold. I can see a great bit of fun coming of it. Perhaps can also say that the coal is made from the burned embers of those he kills, compressing them with his great strength. Adds a bit of grim to it.

Gingerbread Men
I believe a creature under this name was actually published by Wizards on their sight or something. Was a baked construct of course. However, these guys are a bit darker.

Basically you made a fiendish Gingy (from Shrek). Fully aware and capable of his own deeds and doings. Not certain you could particularly use this 'seriously', but its not merely a joke creation either.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-13, 05:08 PM

Next up: Champion of Krav.

I like this one a lot and I generally hate looking at epic creatures.

Full Attack -- missing the ranged attack from the Attack line.

While the skills are correct, it seems kinda odd for an epic creature to have only 2 skills.

Debby

I suppose I should be glad that's the only bits you can find wrong with it. :smallbiggrin:

Anyway, the magma jet is a standard action, so it can't actually be used as part of a full attack. I just put an entry on it in the attack line so I could state the modifier and make sure nobody missed it.

Well, it really doesn't need more than that, is the thing. Fly speed seems to negate a lot of the skills it would otherwise use. It doesn't need a climb speed, or jump, and certainly won't be out swimming... The only reason it has survival is so it can hunt down it's fast-moving preybeast. Though, it's prey generally leaves a pretty wide swath of destruction, so I don't think it would be that much of an issue, anyways.

unosarta

2011-01-13, 06:30 PM

Maltressor is a deceptively powerful little lizard.

Unfortunately, that's what I find wrong with it. At 7 HD, it is simply too overpowered. It needs a lot more HD to justify the power you've given it.
CR is more important than HD. HD represent not its power, but its physical ability to take damage, as well as its experience. CR represents how dangerous it is to opponents. The malressor isn't used to combat, or fighting by itself. It is used to being hit, or killed. It doesn't necessarily live that long, either. It uses others, and this allows it to be powerful.

Int 7 with telepathy 100 ft. doesn't make a lot of sense. How is it going to understand creatures with Int higher than it? Rather, give it telepathic bond and make it only affective on animals and magical beasts with Int 6 or lower at that range. Also, this fits better with a psionic creature.
I think you have some strange preconceptions about how telepathy works. Telepathy does not necessarily entail that the two users directly give thoughts to each other, especially in this case. As an aberration, the maltressor does not have the kind of mind that would allow it to be able to speak with another person's mind directly in the first place. The maltressor's innate magical ability allows it to translate images and sounds and feelings into a form it is better able to understand and parse. This does not entail intelligence; its mind naturally does it.

I'm a little confused by the Will save (DC 22) for the Touch of Possession. What is the ability modifier that you used? Also, there is no general dominate spell. It is one of the following dominate animal, dominate person, or dominate monster. Dominate monster is a 9th level spell requiring CL be a minimum of Wiz 17. At 7 HD, this is excessively overpowered.
Check the feats. Ability Focus (Touch of Possession). As for the ability to possess, I am thinking of making it Psionic Dominate (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/dominatepsionic.htm), but covering all creature types. As for the overpowered-ness, why exactly?

What is it targeting? Since we know nothing about its prey, this is really difficult to PEACH.
You kind of have to wait for Vaynor, I can't force him to work faster, and he is working at his own pace.

If the meltressor actually has to burrow into the host's brain, why doesn't this cause physical damage to the host every round that the maltressor is there? How big is the brain of the host creature that it can withstand that onslaught? It's a Diminutive creature (6 inches minimum and 1/8th lb. minimum).

See my earlier quote:

Any body part. The Touch of Possession is more like the maltressor becoming a form of metaphysical energy and traveling into the target's psyche.

"When a _____ eats a maltressor, the maltressor burrows into the soft palate of the hulking creature, and directly into the brain. This allows them to bypass the deadly stomach acid of the _____. " How does this not cause the host creature physical damage for each round that the maltressor is inside its brain? Is this in any way related to the Touch of Possession? You seem to imply it but it should be directly stated. Also, wouldn't this cause physical damage to the host creature. Would it cause a lowering of the host's Int as well?

Again, see earlier quote. Burrow in this case is more of a metaphor. The creature does not actually go through the soft palate, but they are able to channel directly into the brain there, making it a lot stronger (the energy that the maltressor converts to doesn't dissipate in the creature). It isn't a large enough difference of strength to be an in game difference.

"If the touch attack succeeds, then the maltressor has been able to burrow into the target's mind. While inside of their target's brain, the maltressor cannot be directly attacked, except for mind affecting abilities." There seems to be some text missing as you go from the target's mind (mental) to brain (physical). Mind and Brain are not necessarily synonymous. Ewww. But perhaps more important than this, how does it "burrow into the mind" of the host? Is this a physical burrowing or something else. Some game mechanics should be in order. If it doesn't physically burrow into a creature's brain, then what is the range of this ability. It should be limited by distance from the target.
They are synonymous in this case. Again, they touch the target to make a link to their consciousness, and then convert to psychic energy and enter the target's psyche.

BisectedBrioche

2011-01-14, 09:19 AM

Nicks
These things are like a mix between gremlins and christmas elves with a little Grinch mixed in.

That's pretty much what I thought of them as. :smallbiggrin:

Debihuman

2011-01-14, 02:42 PM

CR is more important than HD. HD represent not its power, but its physical ability to take damage, as well as its experience. CR represents how dangerous it is to opponents. The maltressor isn't used to combat, or fighting by itself. It is used to being hit, or killed. It doesn't necessarily live that long, either. It uses others, and this allows it to be powerful.

The only thing the challenge rating represents is what level the party should be to be an adequate challenge. It is neither more nor less important than any other aspect of creature design.

Also, why couldn't the maltressor be used in combat? You also neglected to mention their short life spans.

I think you have some strange preconceptions about how telepathy works. Telepathy does not necessarily entail that the two users directly give thoughts to each other, especially in this case. As an aberration, the maltressor does not have the kind of mind that would allow it to be able to speak with another person's mind directly in the first place. The maltressor's innate magical ability allows it to translate images and sounds and feelings into a form it is better able to understand and parse. This does not entail intelligence; its mind naturally does it.

Second, I'm rather insulted that you think my reading skills are inadequate and that I have strange preconceptions how telepathy works. Telepathy is defined in the SRD as thus:

A creature with this ability can communicate telepathically with any other creature within a certain range (specified in the creature’s entry, usually 100 feet) that has a language. It is possible to address multiple creatures at once telepathically, although maintaining a telepathic conversation with more than one creature at a time is just as difficult as simultaneously speaking and listening to multiple people at the same time.

Some creatures have a limited form of telepathy, while others have a more powerful form of the ability.

Since the melfessor has telepathy 100 ft. I figured it should have a language. It has plenty of Int to have one.

Check the feats. Ability Focus (Touch of Possession). As for the ability to possess, I am thinking of making it Psionic Dominate (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/psionic/powers/dominatepsionic.htm), but covering all creature types. As for the overpowered-ness, why exactly?

What does the feat have to do with the ability modifier that you left out of your text? You are supposed to have that information in the body of the text.

Upon first reaching the brain of their target, that target must make a Will save (DC 22) or be Psionic Dominated, as the power.

The next line should read, "The save is X-based and includes a +2 racial modifier." X is the ability it is based on. I have no idea which ability you used because you neglected to mention in the text. Glad you changed it to Psionic Domination as that has a level of Telepath 4. Unfortunately you have only have the maltressor manifesting as a Wilder :-(

In your first paragraph you wrote this:

When a _____ eats a maltressor, the maltressor burrows into the soft palate of the hulking creature, and directly into the brain. This allows them to bypass the deadly stomach acid of the _____.

So it physically does burrow into the ___'s brain, unless you left of the word "figuratively" somewhere. If the meltressor is not physically burrowing into the prey's brain then perhaps you should have written it better.

My only problem with Touch of Possession is that it could have been a little clearer such as this:

Touch of Possession (Su): the maltressor may make a melee touch attack as a standard action (with an attack modifier of +12). If the touch attack succeeds, then the maltressor has been able to psychically burrow into the target's mind. While inside of its target's mind, the maltressor cannot be directly attacked by the target, except for mind-affecting abilities.

[This makes it clear that it is psychic attack and not a physical one. However, the maltressor could be still attacked by the target's allies, if it has any. Hence, only the target cannot directly attack the maltressor while possessed so I fixed that as well.]

Upon first reaching the target's mind, that target must make a Will save (DC 22) or be psionic dominated, as the power. The Save is X-based and includes a +2 bonus.

[So again what ability should replace the X in this?]

If the target makes the saving throw, then the maltressor may force the target to make another Will save 1d4 rounds after breaking control.
During that period, the creature is in control of their body. If a creature makes 3 Will saves in a row, the maltressor is immediately expelled from the creature, unless the host is a _____, that the maltressor has specifically evolved to target. A ____ may not expel the maltressor unless the maltressor reaches 0 hit points, or a DC 30 heal check is made upon the ____. For non___, the maltressor may be removed if the maltressor reaches half hit points or fewer, or if the target receives a DC 30 heal check. This ability is a mind-affecting ability, and not useable on creatures without intelligence.

While the maltressor is dominating a creature, it may still manifest, but is still limited to the regular number of actions in a round.

[These small changes make a big difference]

Creatures with Int of 3 or more can have a language. You may want to consider giving the maltressor a language.

Debby

strawberryman

2011-01-14, 05:37 PM

There. The beast is complete. Just have to wait on Draken. :smalltongue:

unosarta

2011-01-14, 07:11 PM

The only thing the challenge rating represents is what level the party should be to be an adequate challenge. It is neither more nor less important than any other aspect of creature design.

Also, why couldn't the maltressor be used in combat? You also neglected to mention their short life spans.
Yes, and I am not seeing why it should have higher hit dice. Hit dice are not a direct indication of power level, usually. It can be used in combat, sorry if I wasn't clear, I was simply saying that it isn't as good at combat and combat related activities as others with the same CR. Sorry, I think I forgot it. It usually doesn't come into play much, since they usually only live long enough to get their hosts to mate with another ____ and then either kill the host before dying, or just die. I will update the fluff accordingly.

Second, I'm rather insulted that you think my reading skills are inadequate and that I have strange preconceptions how telepathy works. Telepathy is defined in the SRD as thus:

Since the melfessor has telepathy 100 ft. I figured it should have a language. It has plenty of Int to have one.
I am sorry! I didn't mean to insult you at all!

However, I still don't think that it works like that necessarily for aberrations. The SRD doesn't seem to require that the one with telepathy has to have a language in and of itself. The creature isn't intelligent, it is above sentience certainly, but not close to the intelligence of a human, or very smart humans. Its Telepathy isn't powered by intelligence, but rather by its ability to empathize with others, like an emotional field, but because of its aberrational and magical nature, it can convert thoughts as well. Do you think I should add this to the fluff?

What does the feat have to do with the ability modifier that you left out of your text? You are supposed to have that information in the body of the text.
Your question seemed to be asking more about how it had the extra bonus, rather than the ability. I will add that in.

The next line should read, "The save is X-based and includes a +2 racial modifier." X is the ability it is based on. I have no idea which ability you used because you neglected to mention in the text. Glad you changed it to Psionic Domination as that has a level of Telepath 4. Unfortunately you have only have the maltressor manifesting as a Wilder :-(
It is based on Charisma, and I will add that in. As for being Wilder, I don't think an ability that is not based on the maltressor's manifesting needs to be tied to a class. The ability mimics the power, but it doesn't involve actively manifesting it per se.

In your first paragraph you wrote this:

So it physically does burrow into the ___'s brain, unless you left of the word "figuratively" somewhere. If the meltressor is not physically burrowing into the prey's brain then perhaps you should have written it better.
I will add that in.

My only problem with Touch of Possession is that it could have been a little clearer such as this:

Touch of Possession (Su): the maltressor may make a melee touch attack as a standard action (with an attack modifier of +12). If the touch attack succeeds, then the maltressor has been able to psychically burrow into the target's mind. While inside of its target's mind, the maltressor cannot be directly attacked by the target, except for mind-affecting abilities.

[This makes it clear that it is psychic attack and not a physical one. However, the maltressor could be still attacked by the target's allies, if it has any. Hence, only the target cannot directly attack the maltressor while possessed so I fixed that as well.]

Upon first reaching the target's mind, that target must make a Will save (DC 22) or be psionic dominated, as the power. The Save is X-based and includes a +2 bonus.

[So again what ability should replace the X in this?]

If the target makes the saving throw, then the maltressor may force the target to make another Will save 1d4 rounds after breaking control.
During that period, the creature is in control of their body. If a creature makes 3 Will saves in a row, the maltressor is immediately expelled from the creature, unless the host is a _____, that the maltressor has specifically evolved to target. A ____ may not expel the maltressor unless the maltressor reaches 0 hit points, or a DC 30 heal check is made upon the ____. For non___, the maltressor may be removed if the maltressor reaches half hit points or fewer, or if the target receives a DC 30 heal check. This ability is a mind-affecting ability, and not useable on creatures without intelligence.

While the maltressor is dominating a creature, it may still manifest, but is still limited to the regular number of actions in a round.

[These small changes make a big difference]
I will update with your changes, thanks. :smallsmile:

Creatures with Int of 3 or more can have a language. You may want to consider giving the maltressor a language.

Debby
It doesn't really seem like it fits the creature, though. I mean, the maltressor lives deep underground, away from humanity and anything that speaks a language. As a creature, it has no use for a language, and as a monster, it doesn't need it because it isn't needed for balance. It could, but that would make about as much sense as giving Phase Spiders (http://www.d20srd.org/srd/monsters/phaseSpider.htm) a language.

Mangles

2011-01-14, 08:08 PM

Hey all.

Me and Glyph were working together on the monsters but due to some flooding that has been going on in my house I'm not able to finish it (actually haven't been able to start it) for this competition. Glyph got something sorted out though so I'm sure you will all get to enjoy his entry soon.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-14, 08:41 PM

On that note, I need a new partner. My monster's all complete and lacking its intended counterpart, but unfortunately Vorpal has vetoed the idea of me being my own partner. It shows a disturbing lack of understanding towards the nature of non-Euclidean sentiencies, but meh.

Any volunteers? I've got popcorn.

LOTRfan

2011-01-15, 10:32 AM

The Widow's Weed (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=10168320&postcount=9) is here, to strike fear into the shriveled hearts of Liches, Death Knights, and, most importantly, Soldiers of Misfortune (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=10143246&postcount=5).

Debihuman

2011-01-15, 03:04 PM

@Unsorta: Phase spiders also don't have telepathy. What works to a greater or lesser extent would be this sentence: Maltressors understand Terran but cannot speak it.

I think Terran is a severely underused language.

Glyph, would an extension of the contest help? VT, I think that this is something that you should consider.

LOTRfan: hit points is missing hp (41 hp); speed is missing squares (4 squares; remove the word "damage" in the Attack lines. I already sent you an emails on this and other suggestions.

Debby

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-15, 03:29 PM

If VT will allow it, I'm happy to make the critter for the opposite number of Glyphstone's and then just keep it out of the individual creature voting...

I [unusually] have about 3 days off coming and i'm at a loose end because of impaired fitness...

The Glyphstone

2011-01-15, 04:47 PM

If it was up to me, I'd just take on the entire thing myself. But I'm told to open it up for a replacement partner first.

LOTRfan

2011-01-15, 05:15 PM

Argh, accidentally pressed quote instead of edit on the entry page. Fixed it, though.

Anyways, minor changes have been made to Widow's Weed.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-15, 05:22 PM

If it was up to me, I'd just take on the entire thing myself. But I'm told to open it up for a replacement partner first.

If VT will allow it, I'm happy to make the critter for the opposite number of Glyphstone's and then just keep it out of the individual creature voting...
I'll leave it up to y'all. If Glyphstone wants to go for it on his own, I won't say a thing.

unosarta

2011-01-15, 05:38 PM

@Unsorta: Phase spiders also don't have telepathy. What works to a greater or lesser extent would be this sentence: Maltressors understand Terran but cannot speak it.

My point was that they were intelligent magical beasts who could not speak a language. And, although terran sort of works, (to a small extent), why exactly would the creature need it from a biological standpoint? Or even use it ever? They wouldn't be speaking to creatures with who spoke terran, they wouldn't be interacting with them. They spend most of their time finding hosts and mating, not speaking.

LOTRfan

2011-01-15, 05:41 PM

My point was that they were intelligent magical beasts who could not speak a language. And, although terran sort of works, (to a small extent), why exactly would the creature need it from a biological standpoint? Or even use it ever? They wouldn't be speaking to creatures with who spoke terran, they wouldn't be interacting with them. They spend most of their time finding hosts and mating, not speaking.

Forgive me if you mentioned this in your creature entry, but how about allowing them to speak the languages of their host when controlling them?

*thinks of a situation where one of the PCs must allow these things to control him/her so the party can communicate with it* :smallamused:

unosarta

2011-01-15, 06:09 PM

Forgive me if you mentioned this in your creature entry, but how about allowing them to speak the languages of their host when controlling them?

*thinks of a situation where one of the PCs must allow these things to control him/her so the party can communicate with it* :smallamused:

I guess this could work, but that really wouldn't affect how its telepathy functions on a basic scale.

Debihuman

2011-01-15, 10:39 PM

I think you need to explain how its basic telepathy works since it isn't standard.

Telepathy works the same for Aberrations as it does for every other creature. The one with the telepathy has to be able "to communicate." Normally, the form of communication is by having a language in common. (Note that Mindlink allows you to bypass the requirement of having a language in common).

If you don't want it to be communication by language, then you have to describe how they communicate. It should be in the fluff and probably in the Special Abilities text under Telepathy. Telepathy is a supernatural ability.

Telepathy (Su): a maltressor can communicate telepathically with any creature within 100 feet that has an Intelligence score. The creature can respond to the maltressor if it wishes—no common language is needed.

This wording is from the Couatl entry in the SRD but it would also work for the maltressor.

Debby

unosarta

2011-01-16, 12:50 AM

I think you need to explain how its basic telepathy works since it isn't standard.

Telepathy works the same for Aberrations as it does for every other creature. The one with the telepathy has to be able "to communicate." Normally, the form of communication is by having a language in common. (Note that Mindlink allows you to bypass the requirement of having a language in common).
Except that the description that you linked for Telepathy doesn't require that the creature have a language. It requires that the target does, but not the one initiating. Simply because all creatures who have Telepathy have a language doesn't necessarily mean that all creatures who have Telepathy need a language.

Telepathy (Su): a maltressor can communicate telepathically with any creature within 100 feet that has an Intelligence score. The creature can respond to the maltressor if it wishes—no common language is needed.

This wording is from the Couatl entry in the SRD but it would also work for the maltressor.

Debby

That is good! Thanks!

Admiral Squish

2011-01-16, 01:01 AM

I begin to grow concerned. I haven't heard from Centuriancode in a couple days...

LOTRfan

2011-01-16, 08:53 AM

I begin to grow concerned. I haven't heard from Centuriancode in a couple days...

Well, be concerned no longer. He posted the basics of his creature this morning. It looks cool, but kinda big (30 ft. by 200 ft.?). I eagerly await the finished beast.

Debihuman

2011-01-16, 10:38 AM

I have to say this because it may impact the voting. I generally help everyone who enters this contest by editing and critiquing each entry. We seem to be getting more and more entries with each contest (yay!) and the quality is much improved (double yay!) but there are some issues with this.

First, the time crunch is killing me, especially since this time I actually entered this contest. I just don't have time to read the later entries and give them as much feedback as the earlier ones. Now, that's just timing and it hasn't been too much of a problem until the last 2 contests.

People want feedback and could use the help. VT caught a lot of minor stat block errors after the contest even after I tried to go through them. I realize now, that I just can't get to every monster. It's not fair to the people who post later since they don't get the benefit of my response. Also, I sometimes don't say much if there isn't a problem. I don't judge the writer, only the creation (and sometimes the writing). I firmly believe that every monster should be as good as it can be for this contest.

Second, I really don't much care to critique epic creatures. I see a wall of numbers and just want to cry. It's a lot of work to critique an epic creature; and it is work that I don't really enjoy. It's not fair to the people who post epic creatures. I've generally avoided critiquing epic creatures, by passing that job to VT. Unfortunately, this gives epic creatures the short end of the stick as neither of us is getting to them in a timely fashion.

Least you think this is ploy for sympathy, it's not. It's a way of judging how fair the contest is. So I'm asking for some feedback here. So here are my questions.

How fair has the contest been?

How can I make the editing and critiquing process better?

Is there something you'd like me to do that I haven't done?

Are there things I consistently do that get on your nerves?

Is anyone else willing to help with this?

Be honest. This is a subjective question so go with your gut response. I promise that I am wearing my big girl flame-retardant undies, but please keep your responses PG13.

As for me, I would LOVE to see more participants in this process. We can all learn from each other.

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-16, 11:31 AM

I think you've been doing great Debi and I definitely appreciate your help.

I usually send my critiques through a message so even when it looks like I've not said a word, I just did privately.

My main problem of late however is that the weather has been insane and knocking out power in the midst of critiques.

Everything is clean though, so if your creation is done, not just bare bones, and you haven't been critiqued yet, let me know and I'll go over it. Those already critiqued will also be looked at as time permits.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-16, 11:34 AM

Melayl

2011-01-16, 12:36 PM

If no one else objects, then, I'll shoulder the creation of my opposing number and finish it up today. That's probably the best way to preserve the original vision of myself and Mangles' creatures anyways.

Go for it. I'd like to see the original concept.

Everything is clean though, so if your creation is done, not just bare bones, and you haven't been critiqued yet, let me know and I'll go over it. Those already critiqued will also be looked at as time permits.

I wouldn't mind a critique when someone gets the opportunity. Mulletmanalive gave me good feedback during the creation process, but critique by someone not involved is always helpful.

As for helping with critiques myself, I'm great at concept but not always at execution, so I don't know how helpful I'd be.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-16, 12:50 PM

Well, if you're having that much trouble with it, I can try my hand at reviewing to take some of the load off.

Jergmo

2011-01-16, 04:23 PM

Whoo! It's been some time since I've entered one of the monster competitions - this is one that's made me excited. :smallsmile: The Kettumere and Ramovita are in for the lovely borked up contest that is D&D's wilderness.

My partner, Ganara, is unlikely to be on the forums - if there's any critique or message for him, I can pass it along.

Debihuman

2011-01-16, 04:24 PM

Thanks for the offer of help. The more eyes checking, the better it will be.
Debby

Draken

2011-01-16, 04:55 PM

There. The beast is complete. Just have to wait on Draken. :smalltongue:

Wait no more, for the barrier wyrm has been completed.

You might need to buff the Herzen a bit. The powers I took ended up giving the Meinung a titanic armor class and some pretty wicked saves.

The initiative is lame, however.

strawberryman

2011-01-16, 05:56 PM

Gave it some psi-likes to compensate. Not sure what else I can do. >>

Draken

2011-01-16, 06:11 PM

Add Metaphisical Claw to the Psi-like abilities. It gives a much needed enhancement bonus.

Also, psionic Keen Edge is for manufactured weapons only. Duodimensional Claw is the natural weapon variant.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-17, 01:10 AM

The Shadefeather and Dawnwing, two sides of the same feathery coin, are now posted for review.

A bit of commentary from (one) of the creators regarding the intial vision of the pairing: We had wondered about a pair of creatures deliberately blurring the line between predator and prey - at first, this was having them be constant predators of each other, but that was deemed as not suiting the concept. Instead, we went with two creatures that repeatedly exchanged their roles, taking turns as the predator and prey. Our visual inspiration was the sun and moon - like the celestial bodies they draw power from, the Dawnwing and Shadefeather are deliberately locked into a neverending cycle, effectively light and dark mirrors of each other. Their special abilities were chosen with this in mind, each having a powerful offensive dive and a selection of passive auras to choose from, while becoming much less powerful outside their respective time of ascendancy.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-17, 05:30 AM

Alright, I'm gonna sink my teeth into some crunch, then.

Let's begin with Spectre Breeders
From the top:

Well, all of your numbers seem accurate. There are a few things that seem oddly-worded. For example, 'Immune: Flanking, criticals, weapon damage, mind affecting' should be 'Immunity to flanking, critical hits, weapon damage, and mind-affecting abilities'. Also, you should mention Hitchhikers in special attacks.

Environment is also off. 'Magically infused swamps' isn't technically an appropriate entry. I'd just call it 'Warm Swamps'.

In you fluff description, you describe them as the size of 'an undersized honeybee', which is honestly not all that descriptive. Perhaps you should just pick a different insect to compare them too. Like, they resemble a bee in shape, but they're more like the size of a fly.

Also, I had to look up interstitial, and I like to think I have a pretty impressive vocabulary. Perhaps a simpler word would be advised.

You mention 'the fabric of the target', which makes me think more along the lines of eating the targets clothes as opposed to the consuming the very fabric of their existence. Might want to clarify that. Also, wouldn't it be a case of swarm breeder larvae? The eggs themselves don't really do anything.

You refer to them as 'swarm breeders' in the hitchhiker ability, which I'm assuming to be a relic from an earlier draft.

In describing vile honey, you seem to have lost track of your brackets for a moment. I'd suggest simply removing the [ before 'further details'. Also, you contradict yourself in terms of the frequency of doses being produced, saying at first that they produce a dose every two hours, then later that they continue producing one dose per hour even after the target is dead.

Otherwise, I see no real issues with it.

Moving on to the partner-beast the Skyclimber Lizard

Numbers all seem fine...

You call it concussive blast in the block, and concussive breath in the combat section. Which is accurate?

Environment is the same concern I had for the spectre breeders.

Normally combat section includes a short description of tactics and other such things.

On concussive breath, how do you have a 5 -foot-wide cone? Isn't that mechanically a 10-foot line? I'd just say 10-foot cone and leave it, it's not that impressive.

I think force body should, instead of granting natural armor, just make mention that their natural armor applies against incorporeal touch attacks. The natural armor already exists, the force body should just clarify that it applies.

Force Armor seems fine, though it doesn't look like it has much purpose on this beastie.

Your shield ability, I'm sorry to say, doesn't work that way. The shield spell is very specific. It just grants a shield bonus, it doesn't produce a force plane you can manipulate. Instead, you should say it instead creates a 5x5 wall of force. to be honest, you could roll a lot of these abilities into one so there's not SO MANY entries in the combat section.

They don't need spider climb, just give them a climb speed. It's functionally the same, but it can't be dispelled or antimagic-ed. They do lose the ability to run vertically, though...

Sky climb seems fine.

Your force subtype seems rather... bare bones. I'd think a lot of the lizard's abilities would actually be better suited to be parts of the subtype.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go discuss creations with my partner. I'll be back to do some more reviews later.

Debihuman

2011-01-17, 09:49 AM

Peaching to continue here....

Maltressor

It is missing Advancement.

AC is worded oddly. The base 10 is understood and should not appear in that line. Also, the numbers normally appear after the Touch and Flat-footed breaks separated by commas. No brackets are needed.

Armor Class: 23 (+7 Dex, +4 Size, +2 Natural), Touch 21, Flat-footed 16

Attack lines are missing the word "melee" and the Critical modifier X2 never appears as that is the standard modifier. Only Threat Ranges other than 20 and Critical modifiers other than X2 should appear in the stat block as those are standard.

Attack is BAB + Strength Modifier + Size Modifier (+5, -5 + 4 = +4)

Attack: Claw +4 melee (1d2-5)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +4 melee (1d2-5)

Champion of Krav

Armor Class: 32 (+20 Natural, -8 size, +10 Dex), Touch 12, Flat-footed 22

Numbers should go after the the designator.

Full Attack line should have "Or Magma Jet +52 Ranged Touch (20d6 fire)" as that appears in the Attack line above.

Nice use of Special Abilities as they really complement this creature.

Spectre Breeders

Speed is written oddly and the maneuverability (which is missing) should be Perfect because it is incorporeal. Squares is only noted in Land speed.

Speed: 5 ft (1 square), Fly 40 ft. (Perfect)

As was noted earlier, Environment is odd (and misspelled).

Advancement is strange. Creatures normally increase in size when they double their hit points. They shouldn't suddenly go from Fine to Large.
Of course, this also greatly belies their description as "undersized."

Advancement: 7-12 (Diminutive) 13-24 (Tiny) 25-36 (Small)

Vile Honey is a a very nice touch.

Skyclimber Lizard

You should note the Type and Subtype without the words of either.

Tiny Magical Beast (Force*) and the asterisk should reflect that Force subtype listed below the entry and should be repeated there as well.

Attack lines do not require brackets. See for example creatures that make Fire attacks.

Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)
Full Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)

Normally the space and reach are written 2 1/2 ft./0 ft. (or 2½ ft./0 ft.).

What would normally be excessive for a creature with 2 HD is the Damage Reduction, actually makes sense when considering its favorite prey, the incorporeal spectre breeders.

However, this makes its other Special Abilities seem a tad excessive when taken together.

A general rule of thumb is 1 special Ability per HD . Your creature has 10. I'd actually recommend that you increase the number of Hit Dice to at least 5 and maybe lose a Special Ability. Now both darkvision and low-light vision are from its Type so those you need to keep.

Force Armor and Force body do similar things so I'd recommend picking one or the other. It doesn't look like the armor bonuses should stack as they both are Force bonuses. I'd recommend losing the Force Body as it is only intermittent.

Sky Climb would be a lot easier to explain by levitation spell which is the basis of an Immovable Rod. This is a matter of keeping it as simple as possible. I understand that you like the idea of it climbing on an invisible platform, but that's not an Immovable Rod does. It would be like climbing on a branch. Better would be using Floating Disc as the basis and it could use Spider Climb to hang upside from underneath the disc.

More to come later.

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-17, 10:32 AM

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman
Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

Here's what I found for you to look over:

A swallowed creature can cut its way out by dealing 50 points of damage to the herzenterich’s digestive tract (AC 25).
I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.

Aggressive Heart (Ps)
A herzenterich is a creature of emotion, most commonly that of unbridled rage. It is constantly under the effect of a Barbarian's rage of 20th level (these changes are reflected in its statistics); however, it may still manifest and concentrate on powers.
If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.

Improved Natural Attack (flail)
This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?

In addition, any creature within 30 feet of the herzenterich must make a Will save every round (DC36) or also be affected as a barbarian's rage of 20th level, or their level, whichever is lower.
Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Augmented Critical (Ex)
A herzenterich's tail flail deals quadruple damage on a critical hit, and its threat range is 18-20.

Full Attack: Flail +77 melee (6d6+52, 15-20/x4)
Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Meinungenterich (Mind Drake) by Draken
Abilities: Str 35 (+12), Dex 14, Con 33 (+11), Int 35 (+12), Wis 28 (+9), Cha 29 (+9)

Armor Class: 83 (+30 Natural, +13 Insight, +10 shield, +22 Armor, +2 Dexterity, -4 Size), 31 touch, 68 flat-footed.
I believe the shield bonus would be +13.

+4 base. Then +1 per 4 additional levels. 36 divided by 4 is 9.

9 augmented + 4 base = 13.

Saves: Fort +43, Ref +35, Will +37
Fort +31, Ref +22, Will +29

Base saves for a 37 HD dragon is 20, and I couldn't find anything but your stat bonuses to increase them. Am I missing anything?

Base Attack/Grapple: +28/+52
Dragon base attacks are always equal to their HD.

It should thus be the following:
+37/+61

Attack: Bite +45 melee (3d8+12) or Claw +45 (2d6+8) or Tail Slap +45 (4d6+12)
Base Attack 37 + Str mod 12 + Offensive Precognition 13 - Size mod 4 = +58 melee

Special Qualities:
Special Qualities: needs boldened :smallwink:

Any darkvision in there? Dragons normally have it.

A successful reflex save (DC 39) halves the damage and prevents the slow effect.
Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Typical Powers Known (Power Points: 574; Save DC: 22+power level):
I get 565 power points.

Base power points are 343. Ability modifier 12 x your manifester level 37 / by 2 = 222

343
+222
565

Is there a feat or anything I might be missing?

Admiral Squish

2011-01-17, 10:37 AM

Champion of Krav

Armor Class: 32 (+20 Natural, -8 size, +10 Dex), Touch 12, Flat-footed 22

Numbers should go after the the designator.

Full Attack line should have "Or Magma Jet +52 Ranged Touch (20d6 fire)" as that appears in the Attack line above.

Nice use of Special Abilities as they really complement this creature.

Yay, more review! I have fixed the aforementioned problems. Also, while I was looking, I noticed i said +1 enhancement instead of +10 enhancement under obsidian talons, which is a pretty big discrepancy.

And thanks! I try. :smallbiggrin:

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-17, 10:47 AM

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-17, 11:03 AM

Bleh. That means I'll have to decide which of the birds is supposed to be the primary predator...I guess I'll make it the Dawnwing, as its abilities are more offensive in nature overall.

unosarta

2011-01-17, 11:05 AM

Peaching to continue here....

Maltressor

It is missing Advancement.
Added it now.

AC is worded oddly. The base 10 is understood and should not appear in that line. Also, the numbers normally appear after the Touch and Flat-footed breaks separated by commas. No brackets are needed.

Armor Class: 23 (+7 Dex, +4 Size, +2 Natural), Touch 21, Flat-footed 16
Is that really a big deal breaker? The second bit about numbers coming after I see, and have edited in, but I really don't get why the format I use is "wrong". (not that I am quoting you as saying such, but the general sentiment seems to be going that way). They literally say the same thing.

Attack lines are missing the word "melee" and the Critical modifier X2 never appears as that is the standard modifier. Only Threat Ranges other than 20 and Critical modifiers other than X2 should appear in the stat block as those are standard.
Fixed.

Attack is BAB + Strength Modifier + Size Modifier (+5, -5 + 4 = +4)

Attack: Claw +4 melee (1d2-5)
Full Attack: 2 Claws +4 melee (1d2-5)

Debby
... and fixed.

[Edit]:

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

Added it.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-17, 11:05 AM

Champion of Krav by Admiral Squish

This guy has some seriously flavorful mechanics, but right now just focusing on stats.

Base Attack/Grapple: +50/+80
Grapple would be: +81

(Base Attack 50 + Str mod 15 + Size 16)

Feats: Multiattack, Improved Multiattack, Flyby Attack, Improved Flyby Attack, Dodge, Mobility, Power Attack, Great Flyby Attack, Diving Charge, Hover, Track, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Defensive Sweep, Spellcasting Harrier, Hostile Mind, Epic Will.
Epic feats always go on a second line.

Feats: Multiattack, Improved Multiattack, Flyby Attack, Improved Flyby Attack, Dodge, Mobility, Power Attack, Great Flyby Attack, Diving Charge, Hover, Track, Combat Reflexes, Improved Initiative, Defensive Sweep, Hostile Mind
Epic Feats: Epic Will, Spellcasting Harrier

Those who do not attempt attacks of opportunity must succeed on a DC 45 Reflex save or be engulfed

Any weapons that strike the Champion of Krav must succeed on a DC 35 fortitude save or melt into useless slag.

All creatures with fewer HD then the Champion of Krav that can see it must make a DC 45 will save or become shaken for the next hour.
Need to make mention what the save DCs are based off of.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-17, 11:08 AM

Well, since I already gave my review for the Soldiers of Misfortune, and since VT has covered the Herzenterich, I might as well take a crack at the Widow's Weed. Let's see...

Numbers seem accurate, though you should note the increased crit for the tendrils. Also, perhaps the speed should go down to 10 or so? Since it doesn't have any specialized structures designed for mobility, I would see it moving much like an assassin vine. Slow and crawly. Plus, it's not like their prey is moving or anything, it's dead.

Moving on to abilities, absorption seems to be worded such that it would avoid any DR, but you may want to include a specific note.

Feed looks good, though you may want to fix 'it can engulf the corpse the corpse'. Also, you mention it can only gain HD by consuming undead with greater HD than itself. If that's the case, you should include a scaling max HD for the command undead and absorption abilities.

Other than that, looks cool, and you two have a nice dynamic.

Draken

2011-01-17, 11:16 AM

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman
Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

Here's what I found for you to look over:

I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.

If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.

This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Meinungenterich (Mind Drake) by Draken
Abilities: Str 35 (+12), Dex 14, Con 33 (+11), Int 35 (+12), Wis 28 (+9), Cha 29 (+9)

I believe the shield bonus would be +13.

+4 base. Then +1 per 4 additional levels. 36 divided by 4 is 9.

9 augmented + 4 base = 13.

Fort +31, Ref +22, Will +29

Base saves for a 37 HD dragon is 20, and I couldn't find anything but your stat bonuses to increase them. Am I missing anything?

Dragon base attacks are always equal to their HD.

It should thus be the following:
+37/+61

Base Attack 37 + Str mod 12 + Offensive Precognition 13 - Size mod 4 = +58 melee

Special Qualities: needs boldened :smallwink:

Any darkvision in there? Dragons normally have it.

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

I get 565 power points.

Base power points are 343. Ability modifier 12 x your manifester level 37 / by 2 = 222

343
+222
565

Is there a feat or anything I might be missing?

Saves receive a +13 Insight bonus from Defensive Precognition.

Epic Monsters - as per the ELH - abide by the same rules as characters as far as BAB and saves are concerned, they don't advance, but they get a +1 Epic attack bonus at every even level and a +1 epic save bonus to all saves at every uneven level.

So my saves are actually missing one point.

I did make a mistake in regards to the AC, it shall be fixed. Thanks for pointing the rest.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-17, 11:22 AM

Saves receive a +13 Insight bonus from Defensive Precognition.
Ah, keep missing it also adds to saves.

Epic Monsters - as per the ELH - abide by the same rules as characters as far as BAB and saves are concerned, they don't advance, but they get a +1 Epic attack bonus at every even level and a +1 epic save bonus to all saves at every uneven level.
Do you have a page quote for that? I don't believe monsters do follow that. I just went over some in the ELH to verify and all of them follow the same formula of Good saves are half HD +2 and bad saves 1/3 HD.

Considering we have 20+ HD creatures even in the Monster Manual 3.5 and nothing is mentioned of using epic rules (and I verified they don't, all the monstrous vermin at least), I conclude that they don't.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-17, 11:26 AM

Champion of Krav by Admiral Squish
*snip*

Alright, I fixed the grapple and the feats. Didn't know that thing about epic feats being on a second line... I also added what the DCs were based off of and corrected the actual DCs for the abilities. The engulf ability actually included a line later on that detailed that it was strength-based, but somehow I got the numbers wrong.

Also, Draken, I'm not so sure. The Tarrasque is clearly epic, but it's got a BaB equal to it's HD, and it's saves progress normally.

Draken

2011-01-17, 11:27 AM

Then checking again, I am full of fail in that part. Going to edit.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-17, 11:45 AM

Champion of Turtia by centuriancode
Abilities Str 46 (+18), Dex 18, Con 54 (+22), Int 10, Wis 20 (+5), Cha 14

Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1100 + 50 ~= 1425
No squiggling :smallyuk:

Also forgot the +3 from Toughness.

Standard format with corrections:
Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1153 (1428 hp)

Feats: Power Attack, Improved Bull Rush, Awesome Blow, Improved Grapple, Improved Swimming (effect not included in swim speeds listed here – stopping distance for swimming does not double to match), True Believer (Turtia), Defensive Strike, Toughness, Improved Toughness, Endurance, Die Hard, Iron Will Remain Conscious.
Be in order these alphabetical need to :smallwink:

Still missing a few. You get 17 feats.

Also, with Improved Swimming, that note needs to be put at the bottom of the page.

Armor Class: 66, -4 Touch, 42 Flat-footed.
This needs finished up.

[b] Base Attack/Grapple: +50/+84
Bold is broken.

Attack: Slam, +60 mêlée (2d8+18)
Since you only have one attack the strength mod to damage would be 1 1/2.
Attack: Slam +60 mêlée (2d8+27)

Looks like you're still working on this so I'll save the rest of my critiques until it is. A note, special qualities and special attacks are not put separately with the details below. You just list all abilities, qualities and attacks, alphabetically.

Also be sure each ability has an extraordinary (Ex), supernatural (Su) or spell-like (Sp) beside each name, and that they, with the qualities/attack's names, are boldened.

strawberryman

2011-01-17, 12:07 PM

Herzenterich (Heart Drake) by strawberryman
Man, that was a lot of calculation, and you got pretty much all of it dead on. Good work http://www.giantitp.com/forums/images/icons/icon14.gif

Here's what I found for you to look over:

I believe this would be AC 20 as internal AC is 10 + half natural AC.

If this is the case he needs to add a +4 to Will saves and a -2 to AC.

This is basically a useless feat because you, the maker, determine how much damage it does to begin with. Feats such as this are only useful for when improving an existing monster by HD. As it becomes bigger and stronger you can make its attacks nastier. However, for the base creature it has no purpose.

Might I suggest Improved Initiative?

Need to mention what the save DC is based off of.

Duodimensional claw specifies that: "This benefit does not stack with other effects that improve a weapon’s threat range."

Not to mention duo doesn't say it doubles crit range, just that it lowers it to 19-20. So even if they did stack, the text doesn't allow for it.

Woo! A compliment. At any rate, changes accommodated.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-17, 12:53 PM

Movin' right along, a review of the Kettumere:

That climb speed is odd. Usually, creatures have either half-speed climbing, or full-speed climbing. If you don't like either of those, I'd still suggest bumping it up to 40 feet, since that's a nice, round speed and makes the book-keeping slightly simpler.

You could include the +4 to survival when tracking by scent in the skills section, without needing to make a separate line.

Generally, when creating a monster, one gives the DCs of the monster's abilities as it is described in the stat block. Also, I'm not sure why one of them id DC 14 base, and the other is DC 12 base. According to my calculations, both parts of the pheromone spray should be be DC 15 saves.

I would suggest using the standardized glide format for the glide ability, which is usually something like 30 ft of forward movement for every 10 feet of descent, and includes a line about being able to glide to the ground safely after a fall of any height.

Finally, I am concerned by the physiological uses. That's a lot of cash to put in the hands of level 1 PCs.

And why not, I'll do it's companion the Ramovita as well!

Numbers seem okay. Though, I'm not sure how it's supposed to 'get away' if it's camouflage fails with a speed like that. Also, your tongue entry should read 'tongue +5 melee touch (Improved Grab)'

You shouldn't have ability focus as standard feats. Those are generally reserved for when you advance your creation's HD. You can simply handwave in a +2 racial bonus to the DCs.

In your poison spines, you missed an 'are' before 'coated with a potent toxin'. Also, just say HD instead of racial hit dice, it's faster and it's unlikely an int 3 beast will be growing character levels. Also, 'targeted' square, since you didn't actually specify what square beforehand. Really, I think the whole reflex save is unnessecary. It's a ranged attack. Multishot doesn't offer it's targets a reflex save to avoid the arrows. It's the same principle.

Well, the physiological uses are a lot less unbalanced in terms of raw cash gains than the kettumere, though I remain slightly concerned.

Jergmo

2011-01-17, 04:37 PM

Debihuman

2011-01-17, 06:12 PM

Is that really a big deal breaker? The second bit about numbers coming after I see, and have edited in, but I really don't get why the format I use is "wrong". (not that I am quoting you as saying such, but the general sentiment seems to be going that way). They literally say the same thing.

Technically, it's wrong. It isn't "a deal breaker" here because we're fairly lax about the contest. However, this is good practice for learning the proper way to do things. Just "good enough" is okay here, because we have fairly low standards1. If you want to see a contest with high standards, I recommend you check out the Paizo's Superstar Contest.

I could make this a long and boring screed, but I'll condense it to the things I consider important.

It's important for people who are learning to know the right way from the wrong way. I wish I had time to edit and proofread the main texts, but I'd wear out my keyboard changing "it's" to "its" among other such things.

Monster design isn't just good number crunching, it's also an art. However, there are some things that just make good sense. I have a list of 6 things that I keep in mind when I'm making or critiquing a monster.

Be respectful of the material: How will it challenge the players, how will other DMs will use it, and how does it fit in its world.

If a creature has a higher CR than HD, there's almost always a problem with it.

If it has more Special Abilities (except for those given for Type and Subtype) than HD, there's frequently a problem with it.

If a special ability does something but lacks a game mechanic for it, there's a definite problem with it.

K.I.S.S. principle. (Keep It Simple, Stupid).

Sometimes, it's okay to break the rules.

Those are things I think are important. The advice is free.

1Voting is strictly subjective. Monsters aren't disqualified for misspelling, improper grammar, incorrect formatting, stat block errors and bad design. If they were, we'd run out of things to vote on.

Now back to the regularly scheduled programming...

Hey all, I request all of you take a page out of Admiral Squish's book here and add who your prey/predator is, such as he has.

Done.

Debby

LOTRfan

2011-01-17, 07:26 PM

Well, since I already gave my review for the Soldiers of Misfortune, and since VT has covered the Herzenterich, I might as well take a crack at the Widow's Weed. Let's see...

Numbers seem accurate, though you should note the increased crit for the tendrils. Also, perhaps the speed should go down to 10 or so? Since it doesn't have any specialized structures designed for mobility, I would see it moving much like an assassin vine. Slow and crawly. Plus, it's not like their prey is moving or anything, it's dead.

Fair enough. Changes shall be made.

Moving on to abilities, absorption seems to be worded such that it would avoid any DR, but you may want to include a specific note.

I'll add that in right now.

Feed looks good, though you may want to fix 'it can engulf the corpse the corpse'. Also, you mention it can only gain HD by consuming undead with greater HD than itself. If that's the case, you should include a scaling max HD for the command undead and absorption abilities.

I'll see what I can do.

Other than that, looks cool, and you two have a nice dynamic.

Thanks!

unosarta

2011-01-17, 07:32 PM

Technically, it's wrong. It isn't "a deal breaker" here because we're fairly lax about the contest. However, this is good practice for learning the proper way to do things. Just "good enough" is okay here, because we have fairly low standards1. If you want to see a contest with high standards, I recommend you check out the Paizo's Superstar Contest.

But it's one thing. Like, literally, I dislike that you are suggesting that my monster is just "good enough" because I don't format the Armor Class the way that WotC does, even though they are functionally the exact same. Anyone who understands the WotC format can understand the format I use. Anyone who simply looks at my format can understand it. Honestly, format, style, font, don't matter. What matters is whether the DM can use it. If the format were so ridiculous that no DM could understand or use it, then I would change it, and happily.

D&D is a game, meant to be played by a DM and players. Balance, numbers? Sure, they are important to keep an overall even play experience. Anything past that is really just kind of meaningless. If the DM and players can understand, and it works, then nothing else matters.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-17, 07:42 PM

Armor Class: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat]), touch 21, flat-footed 16

Armor Class: 22 (-1 size, +4 Dex, +9 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 18

Frankly, I see no functional difference between the two - the addition of a few superfluous brackets make it look a little oddly nested, but it's inconsequential enough that I wouldn't have noticed without it being called out specifically.

unosarta

2011-01-17, 07:44 PM

Frankly, I see no functional difference between the two - the addition of a few superfluous brackets make it look a little oddly nested, but it's inconsequential enough that I wouldn't have noticed without it being called out specifically.

Actually, I think the math on the second quote is off. 4+9=13, 13-1=12, 12+10=22, not 23. :smallwink:

[Edit]: And the flatfooted needs to account for the size modifier, which was probably what was throwing it all off.

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-17, 07:44 PM

Ah, the joy of cultural relevence...

Honeybees are almost always about 18-22 mm in length in the British Isles, so they seemed like a good reference. Flies vary massively [the ones in Indianna were visibly smaller than the ones in Georgia], so i'm stuck for a comparison here.

Aside from "It's standard" is there any particular reason why we don't note the movement rate of other speeds in squares? "It's standard," is rarely a good reason and Wizards actually changed this when they revised their stat blocks to be easier to read [along with Debi and I's major point of butting heads, spell based bonuses not being included in the old writeups]

I've corrected everything else; the dose rate on the Samson and the Lion scenario is back to normal, the size thing was actually due to the confusing way swarms are listed by size in D&D [they stay fine, the swarm just gets denser] and i've put "Warm Swamps" for the Environment.

Melyl:

I'll send you a note...

The Glyphstone

2011-01-17, 07:45 PM

Actually, I think the math on the second quote is off. 4+9=13, 13-1=12, 12+10=22, not 23. :smallwink:

Um....
*cough cough*
No clue what you're talking about. Nope, none at all.

unosarta

2011-01-17, 07:47 PM

Um....
*cough cough*
No clue what you're talking about. Nope, none at all.

Of course not.

*whistles idly*

Melayl

2011-01-17, 09:47 PM

Moving on to the partner-beast the Skyclimber Lizard

Numbers all seem fine...

You call it concussive blast in the block, and concussive breath in the combat section. Which is accurate?

Environment is the same concern I had for the spectre breeders.

Normally combat section includes a short description of tactics and other such things.

On concussive breath, how do you have a 5 -foot-wide cone? Isn't that mechanically a 10-foot line? I'd just say 10-foot cone and leave it, it's not that impressive.

I think force body should, instead of granting natural armor, just make mention that their natural armor applies against incorporeal touch attacks. The natural armor already exists, the force body should just clarify that it applies.

Force Armor seems fine, though it doesn't look like it has much purpose on this beastie.

Your shield ability, I'm sorry to say, doesn't work that way. The shield spell is very specific. It just grants a shield bonus, it doesn't produce a force plane you can manipulate. Instead, you should say it instead creates a 5x5 wall of force. to be honest, you could roll a lot of these abilities into one so there's not SO MANY entries in the combat section.

They don't need spider climb, just give them a climb speed. It's functionally the same, but it can't be dispelled or antimagic-ed. They do lose the ability to run vertically, though...

Sky climb seems fine.

Your force subtype seems rather... bare bones. I'd think a lot of the lizard's abilities would actually be better suited to be parts of the subtype.

Skyclimber Lizard

You should note the Type and Subtype without the words of either.

Tiny Magical Beast (Force*) and the asterisk should reflect that Force subtype listed below the entry and should be repeated there as well.

Attack lines do not require brackets. See for example creatures that make Fire attacks.

Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)
Full Attack: Bite +7 melee (1d4-3 Force)

Normally the space and reach are written 2 1/2 ft./0 ft. (or 2½ ft./0 ft.).

What would normally be excessive for a creature with 2 HD is the Damage Reduction, actually makes sense when considering its favorite prey, the incorporeal spectre breeders.

However, this makes its other Special Abilities seem a tad excessive when taken together.

A general rule of thumb is 1 special Ability per HD . Your creature has 10. I'd actually recommend that you increase the number of Hit Dice to at least 5 and maybe lose a Special Ability. Now both darkvision and low-light vision are from its Type so those you need to keep.

Force Armor and Force body do similar things so I'd recommend picking one or the other. It doesn't look like the armor bonuses should stack as they both are Force bonuses. I'd recommend losing the Force Body as it is only intermittent.

Sky Climb would be a lot easier to explain by levitation spell which is the basis of an Immovable Rod. This is a matter of keeping it as simple as possible. I understand that you like the idea of it climbing on an invisible platform, but that's not an Immovable Rod does. It would be like climbing on a branch. Better would be using Floating Disc as the basis and it could use Spider Climb to hang upside from underneath the disc.

More to come later.

Debby

Thank you both for the reviews and advice. I'll be making some updates later tonight or tomorrow, and I'll post my rationale for the changes here after that.

Debihuman

2011-01-17, 10:32 PM

But it's one thing. Like, literally, I dislike that you are suggesting that my monster is just "good enough" because I don't format the Armor Class the way that WotC does, even though they are functionally the exact same. Anyone who understands the WotC format can understand the format I use. Anyone who simply looks at my format can understand it. Honestly, format, style, font, don't matter. What matters is whether the DM can use it. If the format were so ridiculous that no DM could understand or use it, then I would change it, and happily.

I beg to differ. I think very strongly that format, font, and style DO matter. They just don't matter to you. I care about such things because they represent an attention to detail. If someone can't be bothered to follow directions (and the formatting is required by the rules of the contest), then I know that the person probably isn't detail-oriented. Consequently, that entry is almost guaranteed to have errors in it. I've done enough critiquing to see a correlation between the two. Certainly, you are entitled to your opinion and there's nothing I can do to change your mind. However, a person who follows proper format makes my job a little easier.

D&D is a game, meant to be played by a DM and players. Balance, numbers? Sure, they are important to keep an overall even play experience. Anything past that is really just kind of meaningless. If the DM and players can understand, and it works, then nothing else matters.

Actually, good spelling and proper punctuation should matter. VT didn't used to disqualify entries for being incomplete initially. As this contest progresses, perhaps a stronger stance on the formatting will occur. In any case, the use of proper formats is in the rules of the contest.

Debby

unosarta

2011-01-17, 11:23 PM

I beg to differ. I think very strongly that format, font, and style DO matter. They just don't matter to you. I care about such things because they represent an attention to detail. If someone can't be bothered to follow directions (and the formatting is required by the rules of the contest), then I know that the person probably isn't detail-oriented. Consequently, that entry is almost guaranteed to have errors in it. I've done enough critiquing to see a correlation between the two. Certainly, you are entitled to your opinion and there's nothing I can do to change your mind. However, a person who follows proper format makes my job a little easier.
But, again, this is for one thing. Also, you are taking that correlation the wrong way. If someone isn't detail oriented, making them use the "right" format won't change that. People might not be detail oriented, but that doesn't mean that by using a certain format they suddenly have less errors. Also, simply because someone uses a different format, that does not mean that their numbers are automatically wrong. And even if they do use a different format, does that really mean that they are not entitled to a critique?

As for it making your job easier, why? In this specific case, where only one thing has been changed, why does that make your job any harder? If it does, then is it really so much more noticeably difficult so as to make it impossible for you to check the numbers?

As for the "not following directions," let us use me as an example again. How am I "not following directions," in this case? If you note in the rules, VT says that "Entries must be 3.5 edition, using the standard format listed below (not that new one seen in the Monster Manual IV-V, except for a lore section which is encouraged)."
If you look at the format he lists below that post, the spot with AC is conveniently blank. According to his own rules, he has no basis for DQing me. According to the definition of rules in this case, I am following them.

Actually, good spelling and proper punctuation should matter. VT didn't used to disqualify entries for being incomplete initially. As this contest progresses, perhaps a stronger stance on the formatting will occur. In any case, the use of proper formats is in the rules of the contest.

Debby

No, it is not in the case that we are currently debating. See my above point for as why not. And I never said that good spelling or proper punctuation didn't matter. If wrong spelling and improper punctuation are used, then it makes an overall detraction from the players' and DM's ability to read the entry.

Debihuman

2011-01-18, 07:37 AM

But, again, this is for one thing.

An easy thing to fix and it's taken far longer to complain about it.

Also, you are taking that correlation the wrong way. If someone isn't detail oriented, making them use the "right" format won't change that.

Not true. I don't actually "make" anyone do anything. I merely point out the errors. The individual is wholly responsible for any corrections.

However, pointing out the error is usually enough for most people to get back to their creature and make the corrections because they want to win.

D&D (not just 3.5 specifically) is very detail-oriented. That's why gamers have been arguing the rules, bemoaning the official books, and demanding higher quality products. This has been going on for over 30 years.

People might not be detail oriented, but that doesn't mean that by using a certain format they suddenly have less errors.

Gamers are generally detail-oriented because that's the nature of the game. That's why "rules lawyers" exist.

However, if someone is using a different format, I've frequently found that they are missing more things and making more mistakes. Not always but more often than not and usually for things like hit points or flight maneuverability. If the stat block is standard, then I can go through it quickly. If not, it takes me longer.

Also, simply because someone uses a different format, that does not mean that their numbers are automatically wrong.

Not automatically wrong but more often wrong than if they had used the proper format. It's a lot easier to forget something like hit points, flight maneuverability, speed in squares, etc. when you don't use a standard stat block. It also make my job easier because I can see what's missing at a glance rather than hunting for it elsewhere.

And even if they do use a different format, does that really mean that they are not entitled to a critique? Sometimes. I won't critique anything written in the the MM3 format because it's even harder. In fact, that format makes my job take at least twice as long. I don't usually fully critique epic creatures or true dragons with age progressions either.

As for it making your job easier, why? In this specific case, where only one thing has been changed, why does that make your job any harder? If it does, then is it really so much more noticeably difficult so as to make it impossible for you to check the numbers?

I was speaking to generalities, you are speaking to specifics. One stat block line isn't the deal breaker but I'll still point out the error because it's wrong. It wastes my time to point it out. It wastes my energy and my patience. Of course it doesn't make it impossible for me to check the numbers? Where on earth did you get that idea? It makes me not WANT to check the numbers. That is different. If I stop wanting to critique your entries because of bad formatting that's not unreasonable. Even one line. Ask people how much I resented pointing out "intentional" errors because they couldn't be bothered to note a homebrew rule. It's a waste of my time.

As for the "not following directions," let us use me as an example again. How am I "not following directions," in this case? If you note in the rules, VT says that "Entries must be 3.5 edition, using the standard format listed below (not that new one seen in the Monster Manual IV-V, except for a lore section which is encouraged)."

If you look at the format he lists below that post, the spot with AC is conveniently blank. According to his own rules, he has no basis for DQing me. According to the definition of rules in this case, I am following them.

Here's the line in question

Armor Class: (), touch, flat-footed

It is exactly the same as the MM 1 and SRD, except you fill in the blanks. Is it really that hard to suss out? Because it shouldn't be. 3.5 format is the one in the SRD.

Here's the line from the Medusa's Armor Class:
Armor Class: 15 (+2 Dex, +3 natural), touch 12, flat-footed 13

That's how it should look. I'm just asking everyone to put the numbers in the right place because it should be after the designation. It's a waste of my time to have to point this out.

All this was over one line....

ON TO OTHER STUFF...

Aside from "It's standard" is there any particular reason why we don't note the movement rate of other speeds in squares? "It's standard," is rarely a good reason and Wizards actually changed this when they revised their stat blocks to be easier to read [along with Debi and I's major point of butting heads, spell based bonuses not being included in the old writeups]

Because vertical movement isn't represented by squares on a grid. Burrow, Climb, Fly and Swim could all have vertical movement.

Debby

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-18, 08:27 AM

Because vertical movement isn't represented by squares on a grid. Burrow, Climb, Fly and Swim could all have vertical movement.

Debby

Dang it, that makes sense. Well, would if we hadn't bought those tube/rubber band things at GenconUK that were advertised in Kobold Quarterly...

Fine, you win.

Debihuman

2011-01-18, 09:26 AM

Dang it, that makes sense. Well, would if we hadn't bought those tube/rubber band things at GenconUK that were advertised in Kobold Quarterly...

Sounds cool though.

Fine, you win.

Now go console yourself with a cookie :-)

Now on to more PEACHING...

Widow's weed

Hit points should be 41 (7 x 4.5 = 31.5 + 10 = 41.5 and you round down. I erred on this earlier.

Since this entry belongs to my partner in crime, I will defer more critiquing to someone else.

It was great fun working in tandem on this contest. As a rule, I don't like group projects but this was an exception. Thanks for taking my ideas and running with them!

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-18, 01:15 PM

- Official Ruling on Personalized Stat Format -

We seem to go through this every competition, so here is my official ruling:
Keep as close to standard 3.5 Monster Manual stat format as possible.

If the alterations were beneficial that's one thing, but in general I've yet to see any personalization that were better than standard, and some have been nothing less than distracting.

Armor Class: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat])
Brackets and plus signs are never used here, nor necessary, not really useful. They add extra length and to my eyes are distracting. As such I ask you remove them and make it usual.

Hit Dice: 15d8(+30) ~= 97
This is another unnecessary and distracting personal alteration. There is no use for a squiggly line or an equal sign. Nor is there a need to put extra hit points in the brackets. Hit points should go in there.

This however would be a useful change.

Epic Stats
- Sometimes its nice to know the modifiers of extremely large stats.
For instance, Draken's Mind Drake. I mean, damn. Abilities: Str 35 (+12), Dex 14 (+2), Con 33 (+11), Int 35 (+12), Wis 28 (+9), Cha 29 (+9)

This is useful and I, personally, don't find it distracting.

There is adding information, and then there is changing around how it is displayed. The latter I discourage, the former within reason.

unosarta

2011-01-18, 06:49 PM

- Official Ruling on Personalized Stat Format -

Brackets and plus signs are never used here, nor necessary, not really useful. They add extra length and to my eyes are distracting. As such I ask you remove them and make it usual.

I agree with your other points, and I am going to be changing the format in accordance, but I have a quibble here.

AC: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat]).

AC: 23 (7 dex, 4 size, 2 natural).

You lose 4 character spaces. Seriously.

Secondly; it really isn't that visually distracting, logically, since for the last 4 contests I have gotten critiques from you, as well as Debbi, as well as several others, and none of them have commented on it. So, until now, this is the first time anyone has said anything. In fact, the AC format for the One From the Waves and the Dryad of the Sanguine Holly was even weirder (but with the same overall structure) than the AC format for the Maltressor. Yet no one said anything. :smallconfused:

The Glyphstone

2011-01-18, 06:52 PM

I agree with your other points, and I am going to be changing the format in accordance, but I have a quibble here.

AC: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat]).

AC: 23 (7 dex, 4 size, 2 natural).

You lose 4 character spaces. Seriously.

Secondly; it really isn't that visually distracting, logically, since for the last 4 contests I have gotten critiques from you, as well as Debbi, as well as several others, and none of them have commented on it. So, until now, this is the first time anyone has said anything. In fact, the AC format for the One From the Waves and the Dryad of the Sanguine Holly was even weirder (but with the same overall structure) than the AC format for the Maltressor. Yet no one said anything. :smallconfused:

I think it's more the parsing than the # of characters added or lost - anyone who's taken basic math, or programming, has been hard-wired to think of parentheses and brackets as a STOP in the mental telegram of reading - stuff isolated by them is important to consider separately, whether as a command or for the order of operations. It 'feels' a lot longer when your brain is repeatedly pausing after every word or two.

I'm not bothered by it only because I'm only paying attention to the numbers, but Vorpal's logic makes sense.

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-18, 08:08 PM

As the cutter who doesn't know programing, all i see with parenthases as a change in tone to the lighter, elaboratove tone and brackets a change to the flat, informative tone.

Doesn't serve much purpose in the AC bonuses line. Then again, VT has told me off for including the stat mods on last month's entry...guess that's oficially repealed now :smallsmile:

I've found that programmers then to have a very different view of the world of writing than those of us who took creative writing or the like [such as a famous condemnation of Microsoft Word by a Linux programer, stating that "no professional wordsmith prefers Word to VI" which is flagrantly untrue because I know about 15 reporters and authors, none of whom prefer VI, especially if they have tried it].

Debihuman

2011-01-18, 08:18 PM

I only like the notation of modifiers on epic creatures. I can look up the modifiers on the SRD if I am being math impaired. However, missed "+" signs are distracting. I'm never sure if it's a modifier or the actual ability.

And no, we've not been consistent. I'm aware of this.

The main reason for not including things like spell modifiers or power attack in the stat block is simple. Those effects may or may not come into play. It's a lot more work to remember to remove an effect than it is to remember to add it on. I can add a modifier, but I can almost guarantee that I will forget to remove an effect that's added on. Also, if I forget to add a modifier, it's a boon to the PCs. If I fail to remove one, it's a penalty. In the long-term, I'd rather err on the PCs favor.

I worked for an attorney who was enamored of VI because he didn't need a mouse. He also had it memorized for formatting his legal briefs. On the other hand, I hated it with a passion that's reserved for people who kick dogs and steal candy from babies.

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-18, 10:15 PM

AC: 23 (10+7[Dex]+4[Size]+2[Nat]).

AC: 23 (7 dex, 4 size, 2 natural).

You lose 4 character spaces. Seriously.
And I have to say that looks so much cleaner

Secondly; it really isn't that visually distracting, logically, since for the last 4 contests I have gotten critiques from you, as well as Debbi, as well as several others, and none of them have commented on it. So, until now, this is the first time anyone has said anything. In fact, the AC format for the One From the Waves and the Dryad of the Sanguine Holly was even weirder (but with the same overall structure) than the AC format for the Maltressor. Yet no one said anything. :smallconfused:
It was somewhat distracting, but it normally wasn't something I had time to get into. I've said use the standard stuff for years, and usually am ignored, but its generally minor stuff, so I didn't feel it worth my time. Blatant stuff though I'll jump on. After, what, two (three?) pages of debate on it, it's better for me to show my opinion than keep reading it.

With those contests other entries were more distracting (I'm looking at YOU squigglies), so it took away from your little AC adjustment.

I'm not going to disqualify you if you keep doing it that way however. It still gives the necessaries. Just asking what I will continue to ask, as a favor to me, make the basic format of the entries as uniform as possible.

(btw, no, not a programmer either)

Then again, VT has told me off for including the stat mods on last month's entry...guess that's oficially repealed now
Eh? :smallconfused:

Vaguely recall saying something about it, but thought I mentioned that they were useful?

Melayl

2011-01-18, 11:40 PM

Ok, changes and updates made. I'll try to get some Lore and Plot Hooks up later.

Many abilities were rolled into the Force subtype, and slightly altered.

I was misremembering my cone rules, and thought I had to put a width in for the endpoint of the cone. :smallredface:

I went with a Wall of Force ability instead of the Shield ability, as was (wisely) suggested by many.

I kept the Spider Climb, which had be (Ex), by the way, but changed it slightly into Climbing Pads.

I altered the wording on Sky Climb, removing the Immovable Rod reference, but otherwise keeping it the same. I like the ability and feel that both the flavor and the mechanics work.

They do still end up with 3 special abilities outside of their type and subtype (well, 2 1/2 really, as the DR is very specific). I don't really feel right giving them much more HD as a Tiny creature, so that'll have to do.

Thanks for the critiques, and let me know if anything else needs work.

centuriancode

2011-01-19, 04:18 AM

Hopefully the basic errors are fixed. Terribly sorry they were there to begin with, I thought I'd fixed them. This is what happens when you edit late at night without coffee (the store didn't have any. It was horrible).

As to the formatting wars, The Glyphstone mentioned mathematics and programming, I think? The most fundamental law of both is that some random stranger must be able to look at your work and understand it completely, instantly, without explanation, and without being distracted by excess punctuation. As such, your own opinion means nothing: if someone else has a problem with it, then you must fix it. Also, I applaud Debi's pedantry and insistence on on grammatical accuracy. Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma) should be punishable by something just short of death.

unosarta

2011-01-19, 09:21 AM

Well, Vaynor has been sick/getting ready to go to college/at college for the past week, so he hasn't really been able to finish his entry. :smallfrown:

I am going to work on it, and hopefully get it up by tonight.

[Edit]: Is it OK if I edit the monster into my first post? I would rather not delete my first post, put up a new one, and then put up the one with Vaynor's monster.

Debihuman

2011-01-19, 12:33 PM

Hopefully the basic errors are fixed. Terribly sorry they were there to begin with, I thought I'd fixed them. This is what happens when you edit late at night without coffee (the store didn't have any. It was horrible).

Editing late at night, even fully-caffeinated, wouldn't be my first choice. :-)

As to the formatting wars, The Glyphstone mentioned mathematics and programming, I think? The most fundamental law of both is that some random stranger must be able to look at your work and understand it completely, instantly, without explanation, and without being distracted by excess punctuation. As such, your own opinion means nothing: if someone else has a problem with it, then you must fix it. Also, I applaud Debi's pedantry and insistence on on grammatical accuracy. Wanton Cruelty to the Common Comma (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/WantonCrueltyToTheCommonComma) should be punishable by something just short of death.

The common comma hasn't suffered the most; it's the overlooked and much-maligned semi-colon. If you really want some fun with grammar, read "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" by Lynn Truss. Now, if could just get everyone to learn the difference between "its" and "it's," I'd do the happy dance.1

Debby
1 Just in case you were wondering, I do have a most awesome happy dance!

centuriancode

2011-01-20, 05:18 AM

Now, if could just get everyone to learn the difference between "its" and "it's," I'd do the happy dance.1

Ah, apostrophes. I know a guy who started yelling at a sign writer because the sign above his bakery didn't read "Hot Pie's". You have to love an education system like that. Back on topic, does anyone have any additional feedback that they'd like to give out on any of the creatures, or have we mostly finished?

unosarta

2011-01-20, 09:19 AM

The talpidae has yet to receive any critiquing, probably because it was put up yesterday. :smalltongue:

Debihuman

2011-01-20, 09:30 AM

I think we've beaten the grammar issue into submission :-)

Today is the last day to submit your entry and to fix any problems. I'm seeing a lot of new updates... Most look pretty good. I hope I can get to everyone early enough to make changes. If I don't get to yours, I apologize in advance.

Talpidae
Obviously, it needs feats.

How many appendages does it have that it gets 2 claws and a slam? It would need 3 arms to get 2 claws and a slam. It looks like it should be 2 claws and a bite.

It should have both acid and fire immunity.

The only way a creature gets to have a triple critical with claws is if it has Augment Critical (Ex) special ability (see Tarrasque), unless there is also a feat which grants this. I don't know all feats so you should check that.

Improved Critical feat would give the creature a 19-20 threat range on a critical hit. It would make a lot of sense for this creature to have that as well.

I'm not sure this is actually a CR 15 creature yet.

Skyclimber Lizard

The special abilities that it gets from Force Subtype must be listed in the Special Qualities or Special Attacks lines, whichever is appropriate. It has too many special abilities for a 2 HD monster. I'd recommend doubling its hit dice to make it balanced. Its CR is higher than 2.

Kettumere In no particular order...

It has too few HD. For all it can do and for all the bonus feats, it is not CR 1. I recommend that you increase its HD to at least 3, lose the run feat and change CR to 2.

Attack should be +6 not +5. BAB + Size modifier + Dex modifier (from Weapon Finesse) +2 +1 +3= +6.

Treasure should just probably be Double Standard (only silver items), since that is how it is described in the text. I'm not sure your original breakdown of treasure works properly. 1/2 and 1/2 and 1/10 = more than 100%.

If a creature needs 3 bonus Feats then it really should have an extra hit die to give it an extra feat. At low HD, it doesn't make sense to give out more than 2 bonus feats. Weapon Finesse should not be a bonus feat since it would qualify for this feat if it had 3 HD. This is another reason why I recommend giving it the extra hit die.

It doesn't need Run at all since it already is very fast at 50 ft. (and much faster than its predator I might add). It gets a bonus to jump for its glide so this feat is just overkill and unnecessary. I can't tell whether you included the +4 bonus to your Jump skill but if you did, you should remove it when you lose the feat.

Special Abilities are only one type. Pheromone spray doesn't do what it sounds like it should do. Pheromones are chemicals which affects creatures of the same species. If you really like this ability, it should act as a warning scent to other keetumeres in the area. This also distinguishes it further from the Stench ability of its predator.

Although you originally gave pheromone spray a +4 racial modifier, I think it is too powerful . Also, your original numbers were off. You always calculate the DC for the creature. DC is 10 + 1/2 creature's HD + ability modifier + racial bonus. Those numbers were 10 +1 +0 +4 = 15. DC 15 is too high for CR 1. Even at CR 2 it too much. I strongly recommend dropping the racial bonus to +2.

Pheromone Spray (Su): If threatened, a kettumere may fire a 10-foot cone of pheromones at an opponent, causing the target to become Nauseated unless the targets succeed on a Fortitude save (DC 13) as well as confused, as the spell unless the opponent also succeeds on a Will save (DC 13). The saves are Constitution-based and includes a +2 racial modifier. The Both effects last for 1d4+1 rounds, and can only be used once every 1d4+1 hours. This acts as a warning scent to any other kettumere in a 300-foot radius. A kettumere is immune to to its own pheromone spray.

Ramovita

There were some things that struck me about this creature that were lacking. First, it is not a Plant, but resembles one. I think you need to figure out the Spot check made to notice that it is not a Plant. Also, the creature should probably have a +2 racial bonus to Disguise itself as a normal tree branch as part of its Camouflage ability.

There's no reason it shouldn't have at least Cha 8.

Full Attack and Attack lines should be identical.

Armor Class is missing Touch and Flat-footed. Both should be 13.

Space/Reach should be written as 5 ft./5 ft. (10 ft. with tongue)

You should list your Special Abilities in Alphabetical order. I almost thought Camouflage was missing because it was at the end instead of at the beginning.

It has too many attacks and too many Special Abilities for the Number of Hit Dice. I've stated this many times. You shouldn't have more Special Abilities than HD other than those that come from Type and Subtype.

I'm not entirely convinced that Tongue shouldn't be treated as a Secondary attack even if it is used as a primary attack. I think you are making it too powerful. Having 3 kinds of attacks is a lot for 4 HD monster even if it can only use one at a time.

Immunity to Confusion should be spelled-out in Special Abilities section since it isn't a standard immunity. I think you need to state that it is immune being confused as a result of spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities.

You left out Darkvision 60 feet and low-light vision. It should have those things as a Magical Beast. If it doesn't have those things, you need to state it explicitly. I recommend that it lose those abilities since it has Tremorsense.

Otherwise, it looks good.

unosarta

2011-01-20, 09:41 AM

Talpidae
Obviously, it needs feats.
Oh, shoot, forgot that they weren't all done. :smallsigh:

How many appendages does it have that it gets 2 claws and a slam? It would need 3 arms to get 2 claws and a slam. It looks like it should be 2 claws and a bite.
It could get a slam from a kick, or by throwing its body at the enemy. I don't think it is necessary for the slam to be from claws only, else the monk's fluff would be really quite blatantly false. The bite is represented by the Dissolving Bite ability, and a normal bite attack doesn't make much sense, since the talpidae cannot really turn off the acid it naturally produces.

[Edit]: Yeah, found a reference for it:
"Slap or Slam: The creature batters opponents with an appendage, dealing bludgeoning damage." (http://www.darkshire.net/jhkim/rpg/srd/srd_revised_html/TypesSubtypesAbilities.html) (ctrl-f "slam" will get you to the natural weapons section.)

It should have both acid and fire immunity.
Good point.

The only way a creature gets to have a triple critical with claws is if it has Augment Critical (Ex) special ability (see Tarrasque), unless there is also a feat which grants this. I don't know all feats so you should check that.
I don't know, I only did the special abilities. :smalleek:

Improved Critical feat would give the creature a 19-20 threat range on a critical hit. It would make a lot of sense for this creature to have that as well.
Good idea. :smallsmile:

I'm not sure this is actually a CR 15 creature yet.
Really? What do you think its CR really is then, and what would you recommend in order to make it CR 15?

[Edit]: Feats and skills are done. Is anyone willing to EACH now?

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 10:34 AM

[Edit]: Is it OK if I edit the monster into my first post? I would rather not delete my first post, put up a new one, and then put up the one with Vaynor's monster.
Well, we need to link to each individual creature, so however you want to do it, just one entry per post.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-20, 10:56 AM

I guess for the next contest, I'll actually do critiquing of other people's monsters. It seems to be what engenders reciprocal treatment, rather than passively waiting around.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 11:04 AM

Note: Those that are Incomplete are those that are lacking information in such a way as that it would be unplayable in its entirety without the user (DM) having to fill in the blanks.

Champion of Turtia by centuriancode
(Incomplete)

First before I forget, please put text of abilities directly under the ability name.

Also, this will need filled out to be complete:

Armor Class: 66, -4 Touch, 42 Flat-footed.
Need to know it's natural armor in there. We know it has a +4 from dex and a -8 from size.

We also need to know this before you can calculate its gizzard AC.

Colossal Magical Beast (Prey)
This goes right above its Hit Dice. Also, if you could link under the Champion's name to its hatemate that'd be great.

Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1165 = 1440
Hit Dice: 50d10 + 1165 (1440 hp)

Attack: Slam, +60 mêlée (2d8+18)
Full Attack: Slam, +60 mêlée (2d8+27)
For a colossal creature this is pathetic. 4d6 is usually the least a colossal creature does with its slam.

(Will Save, DC 37, + 5 for every size category smaller than the Champion of Turtia, negates).

(Large and smaller creatures get no save, Huge and larger creatures get Fortitude DC 57 for half damage).
Need to make mention what the save DC's are based off of.

Swallow Whole (Ex)
Should the Champion of Turtia succeed in a grapple check against a target of Huge size or smaller, then it may swallow the target whole on its next turn. The only way to avoid this is by escaping the grapple through a successful escape artist check, successful grapple check, or similar method. If swallowed, the target takes 10d6 bludgeoning damage and 10d6 acid damage at the start of each turn spent inside the Champion of Turtia. If it dies from the damage inflicted it is digested, so no body remains. To escape from inside the Champion of Turtia, the swallowed enemy must force his way out by dealing 75 damage to the Champion of Turtia's gizzard, which has an AC of 62. Casting spells requires a concentration check with DC equal to the damage taken at the start of that turn. Any damage dealt to the champion's gizzard regenerates at the same rate as any other wound. Once the target has cut its way out of the Champion of Turtia, the hole immediately closes over and regenerates (regeneration of damage waits until the start of the Champion of Turtia’s next turn – the hole closes over but the innards must wait to repair themselves).
A few things, first, you have to show how many creatures can fit within or this entry is incomplete. Second, even the tarasque only does 2d6 internal damage. 10d6 seems... excessive. Also, internal AC is half natural AC. However, here is all you need to make the above standard:

Swallow Whole (Ex): A Champion of Turtia can try to swallow a grappled Huge or smaller opponent by making a successful grapple check.

A swallowed creature takes 10d6 points of bludgeoning damage and 10d6 points of acid damage per round from the behir’s gizzard. A swallowed creature can cut its way out by using a light slashing or piercing weapon to deal 75 points of damage to the gizzard (AC 15). Once the creature exits, regeneration and muscular action closes the hole; another swallowed opponent must cut its own way out.

A champion of turtia's gizzard can hold...

Challenge Rating: 20
This guy easily buries the Tarasque as well. I'd give him around a 28-30 CR.

Spell Resistance 60
However, even with that CR you could still never hit his spell resistance. You'd have to be at least level 40. SR should never be more than creature's CR +15, and generally is only CR +10. Otherwise you might as well give it immunity to spells because no one will be beating it until they are three times its CR themselves.

@Glyphstone
I made a cursory go over and everything looks basically correct, so I'm focusing more on those that are incomplete or having glaring gaps/errors.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 11:21 AM

Talpidae

Full Attack: 2 claws +28 melee (3d8+11, 19-20/x3) and slam +23 melee (3d3+5)
Claw +26 melee (-2 size mod)

And slam 3d3 damage? Really?

Challenge Rating: 15, hopefully!
I get more around a 17. Pretty gnarly AC, almost immune to sneak attacks, average attack of +38 with average damage for just the bite of 60 damage, not including subsequent rounds or hitting with other weapons.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 11:36 AM

Shadefeather

Base Attack/Grapple: +10/+19
Grapple +17
(Base Attack 10 + Str mod 3 + Size mod 4 = 17)

Full Attack: Bite +17 melee (2d6+3) and 2 claws +12 melee (1d6+1)
Bite +16 melee, claw +11 melee (-1 size mod)

Dawnwing

Bite +16 melee (2d6+7 /19-20/x2) and 2 claws +13 melee (1d8+3)
Bite +15 melee claw +12 melee (-1 size mod)

Improved Critical (Bite), Improved Natural Attack (Claws)
Both of these are under 'useless feats' for a base creature since the base critical value and attack damage is determined by the maker. Only used for advancing another creature.

Challenge Rating: 11
I wouldn't put this fellow as a higher rating than a Duskwing. Both get about the same CR by my calculations and lookover. Duskwing actually seems marginally stronger.

The Glyphstone

2011-01-20, 12:14 PM

Shadefeather

Grapple +17
(Base Attack 10 + Str mod 3 + Size mod 4 = 17)

Bite +16 melee, claw +11 melee (-1 size mod)

Dawnwing

Bite +15 melee claw +12 melee (-1 size mod)

Both of these are under 'useless feats' for a base creature since the base critical value and attack damage is determined by the maker. Only used for advancing another creature.

I wouldn't put this fellow as a higher rating than a Duskwing. Both get about the same CR by my calculations and lookover. Duskwing actually seems marginally stronger.

I had put the Dawnwing as a higher CR than the Shadefeater mainly because of its nova potential - in full offensive mode, the Dawnwing can pump out a significant amount of damage in a very short time against someone who's not warded vs. fire. And if it goes defensive, that hefty boost to saves and AC would make it difficult to finish off. I'll drop it to CR10 though if that's not good logic, and swap the feats for something else.

unosarta

2011-01-20, 05:05 PM

Talpidae Response

Claw +26 melee (-2 size mod)

And slam 3d3 damage? Really?
I will edit in the first point; as to the second, talk to vaynor. :smalltongue:

I will change it to 3d4.

I get more around a 17. Pretty gnarly AC, almost immune to sneak attacks, average attack of +38 with average damage for just the bite of 60 damage, not including subsequent rounds or hitting with other weapons.
17 works for me.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 05:15 PM

Talpidae Response
as to the second, talk to vaynor. :smalltongue:

I will change it to 3d4.

Heaven help it be a simple 2d6, lol

Nothing wrong with either just... unusual. I wonder how many folks even own three d3's

Edit: Could you make your entries on separate posts? Gotta be able to link to it individually.

I had put the Dawnwing as a higher CR than the Shadefeater mainly because of its nova potential - in full offensive mode, the Dawnwing can pump out a significant amount of damage in a very short time against someone who's not warded vs. fire.
There is that, though it's also the most common resistance/immunity. CR 10 should probably be fine either way.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-20, 05:25 PM

Everyone please link to your partner's beneath your entry name.

Ramovita by Ganara

Armor Class: 16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural Armor)
Armor Class: 16 (+3 Dex, +3 Natural Armor), touch 13, flat-footed 13

Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1) or Tongue melee +5 (touch) or Spine +7 ranged (1d4+1 plus poison)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Need to switch it around:

Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1)
Full Attack: Bite +5 melee (1d6+1) or Tongue melee +5 (touch) or Spine +7 ranged (1d4+1 plus poison)

All objects within the square are entitled to a DC 13 Reflex save for half damage (this does not negate the poison, but a creature with evasion that succeeds the reflex save avoids the spines and does not have to make a Fortitude save). This save DC is Dexterity-based.
That'd be a DC 15.
(10 + half HD 2 + dex mod 3)

The Glyphstone

2011-01-20, 05:29 PM

There is that, though it's also the most common resistance/immunity. CR 10 should probably be fine either way.

PCs don't really have a most-common resistance/immunity, since almost all energy protection/resistance spells are variable in what they affect. Unless someone has done a MCR/I analysis for all of 3.5's PrCs/races/base classes, I was only aware of fire being the most common resistance/immunity for monsters.

unosarta

2011-01-20, 05:38 PM

Heaven help it be a simple 2d6, lol

Nothing wrong with either just... unusual. I wonder how many folks even own three d3's
Psh, 2d6 is overrated. Yeah, that was probably the main concern, online dice rollers being kind of a pain to operate, usually.

Edit: Could you make your entries on separate posts? Gotta be able to link to it individually.

I suppose. :smallsigh:

Mangles

2011-01-20, 05:38 PM

No there isn't a more common PC immunity. But when you get a choice of immunities and fire is the one you are most likely to be facing on a regular bases. People tend to choose what makes them safe.

BTW I think you did an awesome job on the write up

The Glyphstone

2011-01-20, 06:24 PM

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-21, 12:02 PM

Hey Glyphstone, can I presume you can't make two polls for one page, or a poll that allows two options?

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-21, 02:03 PM

Everyone please link to your partner's beneath your entry name.

Done and because of the character minimum, here is some music...

The Glyphstone

2011-01-21, 03:31 PM

Hey Glyphstone, can I presume you can't make two polls for one page, or a poll that allows two options?

Multiple polls, no. I might be able to set it up so people can vote twice each, if that's what your second query is. Will play around and see.

EDIT: And nope. One poll per thread, and I can set it up for either 1 choice per voter, or unlimited choices. With the latter, you can still only vote once, but make as many choices as you want during your pick.

Let me know how you want to set it up...personally, I thought we'd be voting on predator/prey pairings, not so much the monsters individually.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-21, 03:41 PM

Let me know how you want to set it up...personally, I thought we'd be voting on predator/prey pairings, not so much the monsters individually.
We'll be voting on both. That's why I was thinking if we could allow two votes we could list them separately and individually.

I'll just make a new page for them so everyone has to post to vote.

Will be up shortly.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-21, 04:20 PM

THE HUNT voting thread is up! (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=184376)

Jergmo

2011-01-22, 04:53 PM

PEACH PEACH PEACH

Thanks for your help, Debi. I did leave the DC alone, but I took the majority of your advice. My players are resourceful little buggers and many of my NPCs are fairly well built. For a low-powered campaign, I'd agree that it's too high, though.

Mulletmanalive

2011-01-22, 07:18 PM

Guh, this is proving really hard to pick things for...

Debihuman

2011-01-29, 08:45 AM

For the next contest can we limit it to Non-epic only. Pleeeeease. My brain needs a break.

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-29, 08:51 AM

For the next contest can we limit it to Non-epic only. Pleeeeease. My brain needs a break.

Debby
...actually, next contest is going to be somewhat epic-friendly :smallredface:

Don't worry though, I'll take the epical challenges!

Debihuman

2011-01-29, 09:18 AM

The sound of gnashing teeth and whimpering shall now commence.

Debby

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-01-29, 10:03 AM

LOTRfan

2011-01-29, 10:09 AM

That could be interesting. Statting out plants from the Tangle could be very fun.

unosarta

2011-01-29, 10:09 AM

You'll be a'ight :smallwink:

Y'all think it might be too self-serving if I had a contest in the future based on my campaign setting? Be very interested to see what would come out, but that'd also require folks to actually look through it a bit.

I certainly would like that. Or, just campaign settings in general, with campaign setting specific fluff, or something.

I would imagine it like "create a monster from or for a specific campaign setting."

LOTRfan

2011-01-29, 10:23 AM

I certainly would like that. Or, just campaign settings in general, with campaign setting specific fluff, or something.

I would imagine it like "create a monster from or for a specific campaign setting."

In that case, would it have to be an official campaign setting, or just any campaign?

unosarta

2011-01-29, 03:05 PM

In that case, would it have to be an official campaign setting, or just any campaign?

I would hope any setting.

Admiral Squish

2011-01-29, 04:39 PM

I would hope any setting.

'Twould be a great opportunity for me to create something for my campaign setting that I hope to revive soon.

centuriancode

2011-02-01, 12:45 AM

I quite like the idea of making a monster for a specific setting, and I'm not especially fussed about the source. Given the work VT does for each competition, I also see no problem in him using it for his own campaign setting.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-02-01, 12:49 AM

I think I'll make it setting specific. However, I'll expect a bit of special back knowledge for any of them used. Perhaps I'll add that you have to add a special section just talking about its purpose in the specific campaign, but perhaps also how it might be used generically for any.

Either way, working on the next one.

Just got back from 4 days at the hospital where my sister was having a really tough time with a birth. Finally gave birth last night after nearly 60 hours without any special procedures and both of them are doing great.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-02-01, 01:24 AM

GITP Mon Comp LIV - Achilles Heel
(http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?p=10279533#post10279533)

...is up!

Admiral Squish

2011-02-01, 11:38 AM

Oh-ho! New contest! This is an interesting theme...

The Glyphstone

2011-02-01, 12:01 PM

Me likey, me likey.

Admiral Squish

2011-02-01, 12:39 PM

Oooh, I have four awesome ideas already and I can't pick...

Mangles

2011-02-01, 01:53 PM

Posted a creature. Don't know if you guys know much about cricket but hopefully someone does and finds this as funny as I do.

Also I am working on a campaign called Stralia, its a bit tongue in cheek, and i think these guys will now have to feature.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-02-01, 01:58 PM

Posted a creature. Don't know if you guys know much about cricket but hopefully someone does and finds this as funny as I do.

*snrks mightily*

I know almost nothing, but I'm still snickering :smallamused:

Quick critiques, needs bonus/average HP and flat-footed/touch AC.

TheGeckoKing

2011-02-01, 02:00 PM

I might have a go at this. It's probably going to be an abomination of text, as i'm not good at all at statting up monsters, but oh well. Probably a Shadow Fae, if I can think of good abilities.

And a weakness. Must remember that.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-02-01, 02:05 PM

And a weakness. Must remember that.
A 'unique' weakness, mind.

TheGeckoKing

2011-02-01, 04:13 PM

Hrrrrm. I guess I can try and make it's weakness more unique. It should involve lazers at midnight.......

Admiral Squish

2011-02-01, 04:21 PM

Hrrrrm. I guess I can try and make it's weakness more unique. It should involve lazers at midnight.......

oh, suggestion: Perhaps weapons with a 'light' spell on them would have similar effect? Brilliant energy is a rather rare and expensive enhancement.

TheGeckoKing

2011-02-01, 04:29 PM

I dunno......Light spells are not really hard to come by. I can change it though. Slightly.
EDIT: There. Now it can only be killed by bolts made of light, or literal lasers.

LOTRfan

2011-02-01, 05:28 PM

Ah, man. I already have one that fits this well, but I already posted it. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=174403) Oh, well... I'll see what I can do. :smallfrown:

EDIT: Well, then again, the monster wasn't "original," and probably wouldn't have qualified anyway...

Must... resist... urge for Immortal's Handbook creation rules! :smalltongue:

EDIT II: It seems that the Stone Golem already had mechanics for the weakness of my next idea. So much for the Primal Lava Paraelemental. :smallfurious:

EDIT III: Would an elemental creature based off of the Starmetal special material be considered "unique" enough?

Mangles

2011-02-01, 08:08 PM

about to be hit by a cyclone. For those that don't know this cyclone is a category 5, which is as bad as they come. Apparently the winds are expected to be 300km/hr or more. Plus its the size of Queensland.

Check out the path of destruction (http://www.bom.gov.au/products/IDQ65002.shtml).

Probably won't be able to post for a few days.

LOTRfan

2011-02-01, 08:14 PM

The Glyphstone

2011-02-01, 08:16 PM

Admiral Squish

2011-02-01, 08:19 PM

That doesn't look good. Be safe!

Seconded! :smalleek:

Mangles

2011-02-01, 08:21 PM

Not at the moment, but i'm not the worst off and at least I have already submitted my entry this time. :D Also please do critique it but I probably wont be able to respond once this cyclone hits.

EDIT: For all my American friends. Here is how big the cyclone is compared to your country.

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2011/02/02/1225998/738933-tc-yasi-superimposed-on-usa.gif

Link (http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/special-reports/how-cyclone-yasi-compares-around-the-world/story-fn7rxoal-1225998850720)if anyone wants to read into it some more

Admiral Squish

2011-02-02, 12:13 AM

Well, this entry won't be EPIC epic, but it will be CR10-15 or so. Not too bad...

Debihuman

2011-02-02, 05:55 AM

Not at the moment, but i'm not the worst off and at least I have already submitted my entry this time. :D Also please do critique it but I probably wont be able to respond once this cyclone hits.

EDIT: For all my American friends. Here is how big the cyclone is compared to your country.

Stay safe. I think you have more to worry about than your entry. I'll start critiquing it tomorrow. And please, if you can, let us know how the storm goes. I'm sure you'll be w/out power for a while (never fun) but this is indeed one heck of a storm.

Debby

Admiral Squish

2011-02-02, 02:22 PM

There you go, the Dullahanni are ready for the first round of review.

The Vorpal Tribble

2011-02-02, 02:35 PM

Don't get blown away, Mangles! That's a whopper. Was looking it up and that's a Category 3-4 Hurricane equivalent to over here. Hopefully it breaks up a bit before hitting.

There you go, the Dullahanni are ready for the first round of review.
Just curious, you ever heard of the original Dullahan?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dullahan

Basically headless horseman origin.

Admiral Squish

2011-02-02, 02:48 PM

Just curious, you ever heard of the original Dullahan?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dullahan

Basically headless horseman origin.

I did find that out while I was looking around. However, I was more going with the later interpretation as animated suits of armor, and really, the name's just a a name. 90% of this was made before I came up with the name.

centuriancode

2011-02-03, 01:16 AM

Bhu

2011-02-03, 06:18 AM

why does it say ive reached a nonexistent page when i click on the spoilers?

Debihuman

2011-02-03, 02:21 PM

Now for some critiquing and editing... I'm getting to them slowly.

Mangles, that 'Stralian Fast Bowler is a hoot. I particularly liked Beer dependency as a weakness. I don't understand why your attack and full attack lines are different.

Ranged weapons should be listed with their magical enhancement. +2 cherry or standard cherry. I think you should note that the cherry is a magical weapon in both lines.

+2 cherry +12 ranged (1d8+4)

Speaking of weaknesses, where's the Dullahanni's vulnerability or weakness? I don't see how Dullahanni's curse is an "Achilles' heel" for the Dullahanni. It only affects other creatures. I think you missed the point of the contest. The creature has to have a new weakness or vulnerability of its own, not something passed to other creatures.

GeckoKing, you need to fix your stat block. Regeneration belongs in Special abilities not on the hit dice line. Regeneration doesn't affect the number of hit dice or the total number of hit points that a creature can have. Your AC line should list +5 Dex not +5 Modifier. Attack lines are incorrect. You never list critical damage unless it is other than x2.

Attack: Claw + 10 melee (1d6 plus poison)
Full Attack: 2 claws +10 melee (1d6 plus poison)

I'll have more later as I'm working on my own entry.

FYI, I don't critique incomplete entries.

Debby

Admiral Squish

2011-02-03, 02:53 PM

Speaking of weaknesses, where's the Dullahanni's vulnerability or weakness? I don't see how Dullahanni's curse is an "Achilles' heel" for the Dullahanni. It only affects other creatures. I think you missed the point of the contest. The creature has to have a new weakness or vulnerability of its own, not something passed to other creatures.

Near the bottom of the Cursed Blood entry: "Since the dullahnni’s form is the result of a curse, a Remove Curse spell instantly slays a dullahanni. If a dullahanni is slain like this, the dullahanni’s body is reduced to a hollow shell of bone-and-scale armor, with the body of the original victim curled inside the chest."

A third or fourth-level spell takes them out on the spot. I'm not sure if that's too specific, though.

Cheesy74

2011-02-03, 03:58 PM

Alright. Aside from some refinements on spell-like abilities available and uses per day, I'd say the Petranarch is ready for critical review.

EDIT: herp derp derp adding feats

centuriancode

2011-02-03, 09:15 PM

OK, so Petranarch.

The HD and size don't seem to match the advancement progression. The Petranarch listed is said to be Huge with 15 HD, yet according to the advancement progression given lower, it should only become Large when it has at least 16 HD, and only then become Huge when in has 21 or more HD. According to this, the Petranarch appears to shrink upon gaining its next HD.

You forgot to include the size modifier in the attack bonus. As I calculate it, it should be +10 from strength, +11 from HD, -2 from Huge size (unless you're changing the Petranarch's size to fit the Advancement progression, in which case you would need to remove the size modifier to AC instead).

It looks as though you haven't added the damage increase from the Improved Natural Attack feat. You may well have increased from something else to 1d10 (though I wasn't able to see how that could be done), but it appears that the Petranarch's stone tentacle attack should be dealing 2d8+10 instead.

Also, I believe you need one more feat (1st, 3rd, 6th, 9th, 12th, and 15th is 6 but you only have 5)

The rest of it looks good, though, and the concept is nicely thought out. It's mostly a very solid creature (pardon the pun).

Cheesy74

2011-02-03, 10:09 PM

The advancement is a small clerical error - these guys were initially Large. Being fixed.

Size modifier - Fixing straight away, thanks.

Damage increase - I got my base damage of 1d8 at Huge from the Otyugh's tentacle attacks in the Monster Manual. Does INA not go from 1d8->1d10?

The Glyphstone

2011-02-03, 10:10 PM

The advancement is a small clerical error - these guys were initially Large. Being fixed.

Size modifier - Fixing straight away, thanks.

Damage increase - I couldn't find a base damage for tentacle attacks, so I arbitrarily set them to 1d8 at Huge, upping to 1d10 with INA. If there's an actual base damage, I'd deeply appreciate a link.

We're getting yelled at if we include Improved Natural Attack/Armor in our feats, since as homebrew monsters we set attack damage to whatever we feel like. If you want your tentacles to do 1d10 damage, they do.

Mangles

2011-02-04, 05:20 AM

I'm back now that we have power again. Only to about 70% of our city but we are good. none of my family or my house got damaged at all thankfully and while we do have a lot of fallen trees that need cleaning up, cleaning up is all we need to do. Thanks for all the support guys. I'm not going to update my creature tonight, but thanks for the critique deb. Ill get to it in the morning

Melayl

2011-02-04, 08:38 AM

Glad to hear you came through the storm OK, Mangles.

BisectedBrioche

2011-02-04, 09:17 AM

I hope to have an entry up this weekend, but I'm a little short on ideas.

Debihuman

2011-02-04, 02:37 PM

We're getting yelled at if we include Improved Natural Attack/Armor in our feats, since as homebrew monsters we set attack damage to whatever we feel like. If you want your tentacles to do 1d10 damage, they do.

I never yelled at anyone for this. I just point out how it is a wasted feat. In this contest, you are making the base creature not an advanced version, so the feat doesn't belong.

The Arcadian shade should have the Incorporeal traits noted in the stat block and listed below:

Incorporeal Traits: An Arcadian shade is harmed only by other incorporeal creatures, magic weapons, spells, spell-like abilities, and supernatural abilities. It has a 50% chance to ignore any damage from a corporeal source, except for force effects or attacks made with ghost touch weapons. It can pass through solid objects, but not force effects, at will. Its attacks ignore natural armor, armor, and shields, but deflection bonuses and force effects work normally against them. An incorporeal creature always moves silently and cannot be heard with Listen checks if it doesn't wish to be.

The dullahanni needs hit points in the stat block.

The use of remove curse isn't very effective since the spell is low level. It would be difficult to bypass the SR 25 or get the creature to fail its save and the spellcaster has to touch the dullahanni. It would be better to buy/make scrolls of remove curse than to waste spell slots on this critter.

Debby