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joe
2010-06-24, 03:59 PM
So I'm building a mostly ineffective wizard character for my party to fight. He's 5th level, and I'm in need of spells that could be considered otherwise useless.

Any ideas for spells I should give him. Looking for spells levels 0-3. Basically I need spells that would be largely ineffective to use against a party, but where the party could still be considered valid targets.

Claudius Maximus
2010-06-24, 04:05 PM
Hold Portal needs to be involved somehow.

PersonMan
2010-06-24, 04:10 PM
Hold Portal needs to be involved somehow.

Make sure you know it's for doors and windows. A player of mine once tried to use it to stop a demon summoning. That would've made it useful.

Dancing Lights to try and scare them, Grease-on the floor/ground under the wizard are some good ones.

Thrice Dead Cat
2010-06-24, 04:10 PM
Grease is effective, but could lead to laughs if timed right.

EDIT: swordsage'd by seconds.

Beorn080
2010-06-24, 04:12 PM
Bugsby's Expressive Single Digit.

Mr. Anon Omys
2010-06-24, 06:08 PM
Silent image of an ineffective summoned monster, mayhap a celestial monkey.
Accompany with ghost soud - "Flight of the valkeries." Make them think that the helicopters are backing him up. Positive energy subsituted magic missle.

dgnslyr
2010-06-24, 06:10 PM
Excessive use of Prestidigitation can make things fun.

HunterOfJello
2010-06-24, 06:14 PM
I would limit yourself to amusing spells and not break things into categories of effective or ineffective.


Grease is an amazing spell that is very amusing. So are many others like Sleep, Charm Person, Disguise Self, Ventriloquism, Reduce Person, and Summon Monster (octopus on top of someone). Those are all just 1st level spells from the PHB.

Bibliomancer
2010-06-24, 06:15 PM
Try Launch Bolt (a cantrip from the Spell Compendium). It allows you to fire a bolt from your hand (producing normal crossbow damage, so rather underwhelming for a CR 5 encounter). The fun part? The somatic component requires the caster (and [optionally] the person describing it) to make a gun shape with your hand. The verbal component might or might not be 'bang.'

Summon Undead I (SC again) is a fairly weak spell (so weak that the cleric might actually be able to turn the skeletons thus summoned without major optimization).

Lastly, you could always try Rope Trick on a rope owned by the party and command it to strangle them (with no effect, see odd description of Rope Trick in the PHB).

J.Gellert
2010-06-24, 06:15 PM
Expeditious Retreat.

When running, "to" is never important, what matters is "from".

Mastikator
2010-06-24, 06:22 PM
Cast charm person on hot chicks/dudes to make them sleep with you. That's always a hoot.

Then there's always snappy sarcastic lines. Practical jokes.

Grumman
2010-06-24, 06:31 PM
If you were level 7, I might suggest playing an exceptionally lazy wizard who uses the Dimensional Jaunt reserve feat because he's too slack to walk. Just make sure that your lawn chair is light enough for you to teleport.

Actually, if you were willing to play a Wizard 4 / Swordsage 1, you could do the same thing, teleporting 50 feet every 2 rounds.

Wonton
2010-06-24, 06:40 PM
He could spend the whole combat buffing his familiar, with lines like "Fluffy! My spells have endowed you with the strength of twenty Dire Bears! Now crush them!"

Saya
2010-06-24, 06:50 PM
In terms of simply looking through the Spell Compendium:

Stick: Glues an object weighing 5lbs or less to another

Master's Touch: Gain weapon proficiency in a touched weapon or shield (Be creative with what is considered a weapon with this one)

Scatteryspray: Group of small objects flies apart in a burst

Mostly level 1 spells, just look through the compendium, there's a lot of random things you can do and still be somewhat effective in combat.

Beorn080
2010-06-24, 08:24 PM
If you don't mind WBL abuse, give him a gate scroll. When the PC's burst in, have him declare, in a sufficently campy way, that now that he has deciphered the scroll of ultimate power, which OOC or IC you should have let them learn its gate, he will use it to destroy them. Then gate in something pathetic, like a Formian Worker.

avr
2010-06-24, 08:32 PM
Taking fear of imaginary invisible opponents and glitterdusting himself would work. If you're going to have him self-grease make sure it's somewhere that he could fall a decent distance (feather fall to save the wizards butt long enough for the scene to be more than 1 round long.)

Optimystik
2010-06-24, 08:33 PM
He could spend the whole combat buffing his familiar, with lines like "Fluffy! My spells have endowed you with the strength of twenty Dire Bears! Now crush them!"

You're on to something - a comedy wizard would probably argue very loudly and frequently with his familiar.

Ilmryn
2010-06-24, 08:55 PM
Make sure you know it's for doors and windows. A player of mine once tried to use it to stop a demon summoning. That would've made it useful.

I think i know who that might be...

Anyways, most illusion spell can cause any ridiculous effect you want them to, but not have any real effect.

Or you could just give him a Rod of Wonder. Best comic relief item in the game.
As in: "Oh no, i just turned permamently green. Noooooooo...."

And then there is of course, the best comic wizard of all time. He just dosen't cast spells...

Sc00by
2010-06-24, 09:08 PM
Dress him in Full Plate with a tower shield then give him useful spells. (glamer the armour and shield if need be, just to confuse everyone)
Have great fun watching him fail every arcane armour check...
Also give him a dex penalty and have him specialise in ranged touch attack type spells. (so that if he does get one off there's no actual chance of it hitting anyone)

If all else fails:


Fireball! (aimed at the ceiling)

The-Mage-King
2010-06-24, 09:10 PM
Can thou say "Evil Squirrels in a Wizard suit"?



It'd surprise the players...

Akal Saris
2010-06-24, 10:59 PM
You're on to something - a comedy wizard would probably argue very loudly and frequently with his familiar.

That was my gimmick for my first sorcerer when I started 3.0 actually. Harloon of Halruua, the 8-int sorcerer who argued loudly and constantly with his smarter toad familiar, hiding in his boxer.

"What's that, Bobbo?! I can't hear you!!" (While screaming at his crotch)

On a sidenote, Snilloc's Cream Pie was an actual 2E spell, along with Snilloc's Snowball and Snowball Swarm. Definitely a must for comedy wizards IMO.

Wonton
2010-06-24, 11:22 PM
You're on to something - a comedy wizard would probably argue very loudly and frequently with his familiar.

"What? YES, attack them! ... Because I said so! ... Yes I AM the master of you! Literally!"

Tedesche
2010-06-24, 11:30 PM
Have him use arcane mark to scribe "NPC" on all the PCs' foreheads. :smallamused:

dextercorvia
2010-06-24, 11:35 PM
Erase, Shatter, Chain Animate Rope, Hideous Laughter, Flaming Sphere (Its a flaming spongeball!), Message(Talk to people who don't know you are there!), Explosive Runes, Sepia Snake Sigil.

PersonMan
2010-06-25, 08:35 AM
Erase, Shatter, Chain Animate Rope, Hideous Laughter, Flaming Sphere (Its a flaming spongeball!), Message(Talk to people who don't know you are there!), Explosive Runes, Sepia Snake Sigil.

Eh, Flaming Sphere can be useful. If you're in a long battle, being able to deal 2d6 fire damage per round and cast a spell is alright, especially if you can't really move.

Have him try to Erase unexploded Explosive Runes.

Skaven
2010-06-25, 11:27 AM
If you don't mind WBL abuse, give him a gate scroll. When the PC's burst in, have him declare, in a sufficently campy way, that now that he has deciphered the scroll of ultimate power, which OOC or IC you should have let them learn its gate, he will use it to destroy them. Then gate in something pathetic, like a Flumph.

Fixed that!

Good idea.

dextercorvia
2010-06-25, 09:31 PM
Eh, Flaming Sphere can be useful. If you're in a long battle, being able to deal 2d6 fire damage per round and cast a spell is alright, especially if you can't really move.

Have him try to Erase unexploded Explosive Runes.

I suggested it for bowling for commoners. All of my suggestions were for out of combat use. Erase the inn sign, Sepia Snake Sigil it in return. Leaving I prepared Explosive Runes 'notes' in random places. Cast Hideous Laughter on a party member in the middle of an important meeting. A practical jokester kind of guy.

Zovc
2010-06-25, 09:37 PM
He could spend the whole combat buffing his familiar, with lines like "Fluffy! My spells have endowed you with the strength of twenty Dire Bears! Now crush them!"

Hi, I'm Zovc, and I approve of this post.