Ego Boost Flattery

[Redrat2k6]

So I was flirting with a girl and she was flirting back. Things were going good with me making her laugh and I got her number. I get free movies so I asked if she wanted to go to the movies the next day and she said it sounded great and was really enthusiastic.

Well called her today around noon, and left a confident message and she hasn't called me back.

Two Questions:
1) What did I do wrong?
2) What is it called when girls with low self esteem flirt with guys just to make themselves feel good and like they are wanted.

[Maximum Zersk]

Maybe she didn't read it yet?

[Xallace]

She could be busy this afternoon and hasn't had the time to check!

[Catch]

1) What did I do wrong?

Any number of things, or nothing. Give it a day or so.



2) What is it called when girls with low self esteem flirt with guys just to make themselves feel good and like they are wanted.

Being a woman. Or you're being a bit judgmental.

[mucat]

{Scrubbed}

[Sneak]

Maybe her phone ran out of batteries.

Maybe her mother just died and she's holed up in her room crying.

As fun as it is to jump to unreasonable and potentially offensive conclusions, maybe you should just wait more than a few hours for her to respond.

[Redrat2k6]

@mucat

I just want to point out that I dont think she was doing #2 I just wanted to know what its called because I like thinking about social behavior.

Hehe now im going to think about the social mindset of that post.

[mucat]

{Scrubbed}

[shadow_archmagi]

Give her a few days before you start to doubt.

After a week your doubt should be at about 80% or so

[Redrat2k6]

Speaking of communication skills, maybe I was wrong in thinking she was having a good time. Or maybe she is just like really super nice and laughs at peoples jokes even if they arn't funny.

I wish people were better at communicating in general. I mean communication can be compared to a two way street, one direction giving information and the other recieving and interpreting.

I guess I should wait before being super clear and saying something like "Hey I like you and want to spend time with you." or sumsuch.

[mucat]

All right, you're sounding now like a perfectly decent person. I apologize for losing my temper with you. (But please be more careful about the whole assigning-motives-to-other-people thing...)

I suppose the explanations you mention might be true -- she laughs even if a joke isn't funny, and so on -- but it's just as possible that she simply doesn't check her messages as often as you imagine. Or there are other possibilities. Maybe she really was having fun talking to you, but she's already involved with someone, and just couldn't find the right way to say so...among a hundred other possibilities.

My advice: just let it go. You had fun talking to her; that's worthwhile in its own right, even if it never leads to anything else. You called her and let her know you'd like to see her again. Good; that can take courage.

And next? Either she gets back to you sooner or later, which is great, or she doesn't, in which case at least you had a fun conversation. Either way, it's not a loss. Don't track how long she's "ignored" your message, just get on with living, and if she calls you, even better. :smallsmile:


EDIT: And by scrubbing my short-tempered diatribes at you, Roland has likely made the universe a better place. Peace to you both. :smallsmile:

[Pheehelm]

How long have you known her? How well? (It sounds like you've just met her.)

What constitutes a "confident message" in this case?

How the heck do you get free movies?

[Em Blackleaf]

I, for one, rarely check my voicemail. Mostly because my phone's pretty lame and doesn't always tell me when I have a message.

What I'm saying is, it's possible that she just hasn't gotten the message. If it's a cell phone, it's likely that her battery died and she's away from an outlet or she just left her phone at home and she's busy.

Like everyone else said, I think you should give it some more time before you start to doubt. Worrying is natural and acceptable, especially if you really like her, but there really is no reason to be concerned at this point.


Speaking of communication skills, maybe I was wrong in thinking she was having a good time. Or maybe she is just like really super nice and laughs at peoples jokes even if they arn't funny.
Okay, this might actually be common. I do (something like) this and I feel bad. I'm accused of "hitting on" people when I really didn't mean to and was just trying to be nice. It's possible that she's just unintentionally flirting like that, but it's just as likely that she was doing it on purpose. We'll just have to see.


2) What is it called when girls with low self esteem flirt with guys just to make themselves feel good and like they are wanted.
It's called girls with low self esteem. :smalltongue:

Buuut, I think I said what everyone else has already said... >.> *slinks out of thread*

[snoopy13a]

There's three possible reasons I can think of off the top of my head:

1) She hasn't checked her voice mail yet

2) She didn't actually want to go to the movies with you but gave out her number because she didn't want to deal with the hassle of rejecting you face to face. Instead, she was planning to silent reject you by not calling you back

3) She was interested in going to the movies at that instant but she changed her mind for some reason or another.

[Defiant]

Welcome to my world.

You have to go through somewhere around 10 girls before one actually calls you back or does anything. That's just the way it is. Most girls are dead-ends.

[thubby]

you could have done everything, one thing, or nothing wrong.

people aren't like competitions. you can have all the best parts, make all the right moves, be better than all the competition, and still "lose".

[Pyrian]

A woman I was hitting on called me back right away once. I was kind of shocked, honestly. It's never happened before. Nor since. Frankly, I wouldn't think anything of it. Call again in a day or two and leave another message, then once more (no message), then drop it and chalk it up to - well, whatever makes you feel better, because you'll probably never know why.

[Winter_Wolf]

Maybe this is just too obvious, but did you leave a call-back number? I mean it's a tiny little thing, until someone goes to call and does not know what number to dial.

Some mobile phones have a caller ID block feature. If you were relying on her seeing the number to know who to return call to and you blocked your ID, she might ignore it. Hey I do it all the time: if caller ID is blocked on a phone number I let it go (for which I blame telemarketers and auto-dialers).

Or like a good many people, she doesn't check voice messages but once in a blue moon.

Or any number of things. Just wait a day or two, try one more time if she hasn't called back, then move on with your life; either she calls back or doesn't.