One line rules for Gaming

[devinkowalczyk]

What are some one line rules you have learned (mostly from mistakes) in your gaming career.


Examples



Always have an exit strategy, especially for plane walks into the Abyss

Don't assume the GM will be pleased with your "nifty accounting strategy"

Never drink the last soda if it is the GM's/house owner's favorite

[Private-Prinny]

No matter how far you think ahead, the PCs can and will derail the plot.

Disparate power levels in the group does not make for a fun game.

Chaotic Stupid brand sociopathy can find its way into any game.

[Fouredged Sword]

Talking cannot solve everything.

Never tick off the healer.

Always protect the glass cannon.

[Catch]

Players are like cats. They easily get distracted, do whatever they want, and don't pay attention when you talk unless there's a reward involved or you squirt them with the spray bottle.

[The Rabbler]

don't let the guy with the big sword do the talking.

if your damage gets to the point where you need a calculator for every spell, it's time to maximize.

there is always room for more dakka.

[kladams707]

Don't try to sell gnomes into slavery, especially if they're illusionists.

If a troll claims they own a bridge, don't look over the edge to see his name written at the bottom.

Running after a group of enemies by yourself is a bad idea, especially when they're bigger than you.

If you play a mentally challenged character, you're probably not going to have much money (mainly because of other players)

Above were observed mistakes, or mistakes such as the last that I managed to use to my advantage :smallamused:

My early gaming career mistakes:

If you're invited to a gala/party/social, make sure you know the location and the time.

If you try to backstab the innkeeper and fail, don't go back to your room.

When picking up gnomes (and no I don't mean in terms of seduction), make sure you have their permission.

[WarKitty]

Learn the DM's favorite candy and buy it. :smallbiggrin:

[LibraryOgre]

My friend, don't be a jerk.

[Math_Mage]

The DM has the last word. But the DM can be bribed. Bring pizza.

The cooler you make your shenanigans sound, the more likely he'll allow them.

It's never a bad time to pickpocket another player.

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a custom-made monstrosity the DM put together just to make your lives miserable, so roll initiative.

No NPC is so helpful or plot-important that the PCs will not kill him if given the opportunity.

No clue is so obvious that the PCs cannot fail to miss it.

If the Paladin is faced with a choice between killing a helpless child and watching a village burn down before his eyes, the only Good solution is to punch the DM in the face.

Finagle's Law: The perversity of the game world tends to a maximum.

There is no problem that cannot be solved by the application of sufficient brute force and ignorance.

[nysisobli]

no turning an orphan into a juiced up boy wonder on chemo.

[Andion Isurand]

Drawing quick encounter sketches on a large dry erase board can help a DM from repeating themselves.

[subject42]

As a player:

No matter how awesome your plan is, anything involving livestock will end poorly.

Paladins should ALWAYS have 0 ranks in spot, listen, and sense motive.

As a DM:

All flavor text will be exploited by the players to maximal advantage.

If a player starts using physics to do something, summon Inevitables.

[Rising Phoenix]

Help your GM keep track of initiative, spells etc and the game will run much more smoothly.

Keep track of all your spells and abilities, your GM cannot remember all of them and will not like it when you ask them to look them up for you.

If you whine all the time and your GM is being fair, chances are you are irking him and the other players so don't do it.

An interesting back story and character will let you enjoy the game more.

[Zaq]

Assume that the players will get their hands on everything. Yes, especially that.

If you can't come to the game, real life comes first, but at least tell the group ahead of time.

No plot survives contact with the PCs.

[Keld Denar]

Don't split the party.

DON'T SPLIT THE PARTY!

[The Rabbler]

its not that the party should never leave the wizard alone; rather, the wizard should never leave the party to themselves.

[big teej]

never. be. alone.

Don't. Be. Stupid.



"I feed him the health potion!!!"

"I follow the skeletons"
The legion of black skeletons who just marched down the tunnel?
"yes"
rest of party: "we go the other way"

[Math_Mage]

If the DM starts throwing sourcebooks at you, it's time to stop optimizing.

If the players start throwing sourcebooks at you, it's time to stop roleplaying.

[Ranger Mattos]

All the worst traps are in the ceiling. Always. Poke. The. Ceiling.

[The Shadowmind]

Jello always has room for you.

[Private-Prinny]

There is always a 10x10x10 room for jello.

If the DM is laughing, you have already lost.

No matter how strong you are, rocks falling will still kill you.

[Saya]

Read everything, careful to make sure you get all the minor details.

Find ways to read everything where you won't trigger explosive runes.

No slapping more than 10 evolved undead templates onto any creature.

[Math_Mage]

Read everything, careful to make sure you get all the minor details.

Exception: If in a Call of Cthulhu campaign, read nothing.

[KenderWizard]

When you enter and look around a new place, ALWAYS look up. (That was how the griffen got us!)

If all else fails, attempt to disbelieve the illusion.

Make everyone roll for it, who knows who might roll a twenty?* (This avoids the wizard convincing the party that werewolves do not, in fact, exist, and may result in the foreign fighter suddenly remembering everything about the history of the previous royal family of the town. True stories! :smallsmile:)


*This does NOT apply to attempting to disarm traps.

[WarKitty]

The fireball is mightier than the sword.

[AsteriskAmp]

If the Battle won't go to the Harpischord, the Harpischord will go to the battle, mounted over a wooden plank and two fleshrakers.

You can mindrape a tree and convince it to grow into the ground.

Potions of True Resurection don't work, neither do Vorpal Sword of Cure Minor Wounds.

Never leave the Alcoholic Wizard alone if he still has spells for that day.

Saltpetre, Charcoal and Sulfur should not be placed together, like in a backpack, which should be kept away from any liquid.

Players are Chaotic Neutral, they are inclined to either destroy your plot or follow through with it.

Improvisation doesn't mean that you can forget the battlemap, double if you are the DM, and you are DMing a hack-n-slash campaign.

[zenanarchist]

don't let the guy with the big sword do the talking.




I have a homebrew that nullifies that :smallbiggrin:

[Tar Palantir]

Read nothing.

Disbelieve everything.

Twice.

If you think you're unkillable, you aren't.

If you think you can kill anything, you can't.

While your DM has a right to know your character build in general, there is no need to bore him with fiddly details that could save your ass if he doesn't take them into account.

Relatedly, there is no need for the other players to know anything about your character's capabilities beyond those you have previously demonstrated.

Explanation for ^: any game has room for PvP.

[Venerable]

Help others have fun. (Rule #1 of our gaming group)

When running a game, say yes to players' suggestions and ideas whenever possible.

[The Rabbler]

friends don't let friends play monks.

someone has to play the meatsack. make sure it isn't you.

[devinkowalczyk]

These are AMAZINGLY HILARIOUS
avoiding hw for this



Never combine several templates so that the strength exceeds 50 for an average 10th lvl game

Never read HP Lovecraft before writing anything




Boredom is the death of everything

[Ravens_cry]

Have fun.
Try to help others have fun.
You are a bunch of dorks sitting together chucking dice and telling a story together. Remember this, and know that you are strong.

[opheliagonemad]

No matter how finely crafted the social challenge, the gnomish bard will inadvertently insult half the NPCs, or just get lost in the crowd.

No matter how clearly you attempt to telegraph that your gorgeous femme fatale-style sorceress is definitely not a nice person and probably linked to the mystery the players should be solving, the paladin will decide that he's madly in love with your intended arc villain and he needs to help her, because she's probably just misunderstood.

No matter how obvious the clues you give them about where to go, and the big dumb muscle will manage to convince the rest of the party to go check out the romance novel party at the bookstore that was just there for color.

No matter what you plan for the encounters, plan on having to rewrite them on the fly as your players will pick up on the stupidest little details and turn them into an adventure hook.

All this, I learned in my first session of running a game.

[hotel_papa]

Don't be the least sober person at the D&D table.

Find out when the campaign setting's version of Christmas is. Buy your party thoughtful gifts of miscellaneous magic items.

Compliment other characters. In game. Even if you're the hardcore loner character. Respect, even begrudging respect goes a long way toward making a party that honestly cares about one another.

Honestly care about one another. These are your battle buddies. They fight life-threatening things alongside you several times a day. Watch their backs.

[Beorn080]

When disabling traps, simply shoving the rogue in does not always work.

[Malificus]

Moderation is for the dm, so put your best weapon forwards at all times.

You can never have enough explosives

Always keep at least 600 ft of rope on hand

Always bring at least one item that seems useless.

[Grail]

We have a few.....


Do not let Brian play a wizard.
Do not let Craig be in the front rank.
Do not trust Jeremy.
Do not trust Roger.
Definately, whatever you do, do not trust Mark.
Add up Scots dice rolls for him.
Do not let Brian play a Cleric.
Audit all of Brian's character sheets, there will be many, many errors.
Do not trust the hot chick NPC just because she is hot.
Children, all alone in the Cannibal Sector are bad news and not to be pitied.
When playing SLA Industries, always, always, ALWAYS have your identification readily available and handy.
Trust that the DM (me) will have incredibly elaborate plans and schemes unfolding in the background.
If you get hold of the DMs (me) die of death, do not return it.
MERP combat is deadly. Do not get into it lightly.
Piloting an ocean tanker is not the same as driving a car....

[arrowhen]

As a DM: The farther you plan ahead, the more stuff you'll have to throw out.

[Maeglin_Dubh]

As a DM: The farther you plan ahead, the more stuff you'll have to throw out.

What is this planning?

In our group:

If the DM asks for a will save, you're already losing.

[SilverLeaf167]

Chaotic doesn't always equal Stupid. But usually, it does.

Don't stab the sleeping beast.

If something looks too dangerous to face in a fair battle, just run, have a strategic conversation and set the whole place on fire.

Never try to hit inside an otyugh's mouth, even if it is big, ugly and always open. You'll be nauseated. Badly.

[Curmudgeon]

Don't split the party.
On the other hand:


Keep the stealthy scout well in front of the noisy party!

[Telonius]

Do not annoy the DM.
Statues are dangerous until proven otherwise.
Never, ever, ever say anything remotely similar to the following: "Don't worry, I only need to roll a ..."

[TheAmishPirate]

The ability to dodge falling rocks is the most valuable skill you can have.

[Ormagoden]

Never leave Seattle
Never go to Columbia
Never throw a grenade in a confined space
Never leave the suspicious guy in the back of the party
Never trust the Johnson
Always buy rope
Always kill casters first
Always stand behind the Fighter/StreetSamurai/Troll/Paladin
Always trust the Rigger

Nobody suspects the sparrow

[Sir_Elderberry]

How many adventurers does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them. Never split the party.

[Choco]

While your DM has a right to know your character build in general, there is no need to bore him with fiddly details that could save your ass if he doesn't take them into account.

Relatedly, there is no need for the other players to know anything about your character's capabilities beyond those you have previously demonstrated.

Explanation for ^: any game has room for PvP.

+1

Never remind the DM or other players that you have a certain ability until the moment where it would save your life.

The less you use or make mention of a powerful but obscure ability, the greater the chances that the DM will forget you have it. (note: our DM keeps our character sheets)

If your character is going to be an ass make sure he's got the power to back up his words, cause people/monsters/gods WILL get offended.

Other players hate it when you make a character that overshadows them in combat, yet they hate it even MORE when you show them that they are actually more powerful than you if they just play their character right.

[Agzarah]

Never annoy the Drow

If Simon can Fail, Simon will Fail

Never bluff you're a Spoon (long story resulting in a rampaging drider cleric. ex servant of lolth...)

Ordering the takeaway with Percentiles will ALWAYS end with the one food you dont like

Dont let the dwarf decide where to have breakfast...

if its shiny and all alone. then leave it alone

wyrmlings dont fly by them selves
-no matter how clear the sky seems there will be a parent near by

[onthetown]

Always roll Search in a new room or area.

Don't forget to loot the bodies.

Don't forget to ask further about that obscure object in the corner of the room that, for some reason, the DM described elaborately.

Only tell the DM what he needs to know at the moment, because he's only going to tell you what you need to know at the moment -- your trump card spell that you have ready is just as good to keep to yourself as that obscure object's trap is good for the DM to keep to himself.

Lawful Stupid characters should not be played by lawful stupid people. They will not know when they've crossed the line into trying to be their character.

[nedz]

No plan is final until it has been run, and even then, ...

If you design an encounter just for RP, the PCs will kill it out of hand without talking to it.

If you design an encounter purely for combat, the PCs will attempt to strike up a conversation.

[Kylarra]

No plot survives an encounter with the PCs.

Anything supposedly simple will become inexplicably complicated.

[Cespenar]

Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. :smalltongue:

[Ravens_cry]

Bad, over the top, accents are fun.

[Dairun Cates]

I think my favorite has to be a line that gets constantly repeated in the Pirates vs. Ninjas beta test. It somehow manages to catch a certain spirit of gaming in it's simplicity and beauty. Simply put, the mantra is:

Teamwork is broken.

[ScIaDrd]

-Always have 50 feet of rope, torches, flint and steel and writing implements on hand.
-when handing people stuff via telekineses remember to say:'I throw it to him, not at him.
-when presented with a mystery case, always have your character ,write everything down in case you forget It OOC. Whine at the DM if he doest´t tell you the info even then.
-Don´t be a scrooge. Gold was made for buying nifty stuff with, not for being sat on. Although having a reserve is always nice.
-Don´t go up to the dungeon and say: 'Hello there! Could you please hand over the Macguffin? It is really important to us! " You´ll save yourself both the embarrassment and the surprise round.
-Don´t trust other players unless you trust them OOC really well.
-On second thought, not even then.
-Work out a scheme or a contingency plan to bring down or discredit your fellow adventurers at any given time. That does not mean you actually should (or have to) do it (Achieving this one is my dream goal)
-As a corollary to the above: Know when to do so and be absolutely sure of it.
-Find out how to get even your hated enemies do to what you want with just a whisper into their ear. (Also a dream goal) (I´m not kidding.. one guy I played with in my past game really pulled that off. I´m at a loss how, but he was our resident munchkin, plotter and a Killer DM. Also, he was pretty much LE in real life. We aren´t seeing him much anymore.
-establish a power base of your own, not matter how small. Intimidating a a rag tag band of highwaymen into doing your bidding, lest you blast them do death with fireballs, shadowbolts and blood whips is a good start even if your sheet says you´re CG.(another must-do when- I get-to-play)
-When on an infiltration mission, taking off your invisibility ring when there is even one presumed hostile in the room isn´t a good idea even if you´re 100% sure he can´t see you.
-When apprehending an unarmored and unshielded murder suspect for interrogation, a 3 ft long and 1/2 fl wide blast of fire isn´t exactly nonlethal force.

[WarKitty]

One from the DM: Any character that is more of a threat to the party than a help is banned from the table:

Subrules:
If said character kills the rest of the party, he will be smitten and the rest of the party raised.
If the party kills said character, there will be no sympathy.

[Fitz10019]

Buy at least 2 ropes, and add climbing knots to one of them, if not both.

[Volomon]

The DM is after you, MIN/MAX!!
If the other players don't need it, greed it.
Everything goes to charity to help orphans, (after I get my share...).
Magic, magic, magic, and some more magic.
If I can't speak Common, it might be evil.
If it don't look Humanoid, it might be evil.

[Aroka]

Friendly fire is never friendly.

[Ravens_cry]

Have fun. Do this and all shall be well.

[Bharg]

No plot survives an encounter with the PCs.

Anything supposedly simple will become inexplicably complicated.

So true...

[For Valor]

Boiling anthills doesn't provide level-ups.

[Zaq]

Always, always aid another.

Physically stand up when you want to go over the top. You'll be more active. Just make sure you have room for the sweeping arm gestures.

Even if it's not trapped, if you poke it enough, it might spontaneously BECOME trapped. Use this to your advantage.

[NM020110]

Bit of a bonus for one of my players:

Don't submit a ninth level character with unlimited spell slots (of all levels, including possibly epic). (Character in question is a Great Wyrm Prismatic Dragon with the arctic, unseelie fey, magic blooded, white dragonspawn, spell-hoarding, riddled, amphibious, riddled, fire-souled(I'll ask him to remove this one), spellward. There are probably others but the character sheet display doesn't scroll far enough.)

In the event that the DM accepts the above character, expect to have challenging battles.

If you are using the above character and the first encounter is with ludicrously weak enemies, then it is time to start running.

[Zephiniah]

If you are playing like the DM is trying to kill you, eventually he will start trying to kill you.

The Flask of curses is the best cursed item to be used against enemies.

The moment you start trusting the players at the table is the moment you realize what it's all about, or the moment you sealed your now inevitable death.

[fil kearney]

For players:
-Instead of focusing on making the coolest character you want, focus on being a part of the best team.
-when in PbP, spend more time responding/interacting with the other players, and less time on how important/cool your character is.
-always check with the DM before taking a potentially game-changing action.
-help the DM manage administration as much as possible.

for DMs:
-you can kill the characters whenever you want.. instead, try making them regret they are still alive.
-when writing your plots/stories/plans; give them concrete timelines regardless of what the players are doing. life waits for no one.
-ALWAYS be ready to praise and reward the players for easily defeating your villains/clever trap/campaign plot.
-when writing the "big story", write 3 instead.... the heroes can't resolve all of them... once they've chosen which one they abandon... make THAT one the most important problem to have resolved. You can change your mind about this as fast as they can.
-when an enemy is outmatched, have them run away unless they lack self-preservation.

For both:
-get familiar with how comedy improv works well... and how it doesn't.