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Sir_Chivalry
2010-07-20, 10:38 AM
Hello all again. This time, I'm taking a walk on the good side, and doing a two-fold homebrew project. There are no angelic paragons, and due to certain restrictions, I can't use archangels, so I'm creating both angelic paragons and PrCs for those from whole cloth. This is the fifth of the bunch, the Penitent of Scarumaiel! Fluff for the angelic paragon coming soon, but I'll start with the basics now. Oh my this was hard, so it probably needs extra PEACH.

The fabled shores of Avalon cannot be reached easily, distant and hard to understand. Scarumaiel's power and prestige, her role as leader of the angelic paragons, and even her very existence is tied to this plane and its mysteries. Long ago, three powerful fiends sought out Avalon for various reasons, each hoping the mercurial plane could prove fruitful where all others had failed. They sought happiness, prestige and fulfillment of nature, and Avalon perceived their pain, a pain born of evil itself, and made their presense known to the solar angels that stalk Avalon's shores.

With their deathes at the hands of the solar angels, each fiend's soul-body drifted on the tides of Avalon, floating on the rivers, running with the currents, and wafting on the mists, drawn to an island far removed from the others. When all three of the fiends soul-bodies rested on a hill overlooking the island, they all burst into flames, igniting a prismatic yet colourless fire that came to be known as the Thrice-Bound Soul.

At this time, another fiend became drawn to Avalon, seeking the three who had gone before. A pit fiend of some great arcane skill, Scarumaiel sought the energies of the Thrice-Bound Soul, hoping to use this energy to carve out a realm on a plane removed from her infernal masters. When she finally beheld the monumental pyre, she found the three fiends had become redeemed by the nature of Avalon, and that their energies would be of no use to her. Where she had hoped to use the fiends to further her goals, the Thrice-Bound Soul now reached into her soul, and redeemed her, removing the weight of evil from her heart, and setting her upon a new path, to bring enlightenment and redemption to both the mortal world and one day to her former extended family, the fiends.

Though the Thrice-Bound Soul burns on the island now known as Fiend's Rest, Scarumaiel does not reside there, instead holding her court on a ship of unimaginable size, propelled by the waters of Avalon itself to patrol the plane and allow Scarumaiel to both give and receive counsel from the other powers of Avalon. Many a minor god of good has sought her words of wisdom on the nature of good, and even the mightiest of the good gods sometimes speak with her on important matters concerning the lower planes, wishing to know how she would have thought as a fiend herself.

Standing two stories high, Scarumaiel is by far one of the largest celestials in existence. Her body is a bright silver, nearly always shimmering white in the moonlight of Avalon, mared (or accented) only by swirling patterns of red scales running along her body, branching out from her chest and back to stretch out to clawed feet and hands, and two swept back horns on her head. Her eyes are glowing pools of white, misty energy spilling forth from them at all times, and her wings are neither feathered (as she was not always angelic) or leathery (as she is no longer fiendish), but instead are intricate butterfly-like wings, opalescent and brilliant.

The Order of the Triumverate in the mortal realms concerns itself with only one thing, redemption of evil beings. Blackguards, warlocks, even ur-priests are the targets of the orders pursuits. The order seeks them out, captures them and attempts to turn evil's weapons to the pursuit of good. Scarumaiel's symbol is a silver and red flame.

Penitent of Scarumaiel

Requirements

To qualify to become a penitent of Scarumaiel, a character must fulfill all the following criteria.
Alignment: Any good
Skills: Bluff 8 ranks, Knowledge (religion) 4 ranks, Knowledge (the planes) 8 ranks
Feats: Acolyte of the Archangels (Scarumaiel)
Caster Level: 3rd
Special: Must have possessed a Cha based ability that required the character to have a Non-Good alignment to posses. This may well have been lost by becoming good.

Penitent of Scarumaiel
hit dice:d6
{table=head]Level|Base Attack Bonus|Fort Save|Ref Save|Will Save|Special|Invocations

1st|
+0|
+2|
+0|
+2|Dark champion|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

2nd|
+1|
+3|
+0|
+3|Redeeming touch 1/day|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

3rd|
+2|
+3|
+1|
+3|Penance of Shalbal|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

4th|
+3|
+4|
+1|
+4|Redeeming touch 2/day|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

5th|
+3|
+4|
+1|
+4|Brilliance of Scarumaiel|-

6th|
+4|
+5|
+2|
+5|Gift of Etaluriel, redeeming touch 3/day|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

7th|
+5|
+5|
+2|
+5|Keeper of the soul|+1 level of spellcasting class

8th|
+6|
+6|
+2|
+6|Redeeming touch 4/day|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

9th|
+6|
+6|
+3|
+6|Skin of Tabatyphus|+1 level of existing spellcasting class

10th|
+7|
+7|
+3|
+7|Mists of Avalon, redeeming touch 5/day|- [/table]

Class Skills
The penitent of Scarumaiel's class skills (and the key ability for each skill) are Bluff (Cha), Concentration (Con), Craft (Int), Diplomacy (Cha), Disguise (Cha), Intimidate (Cha), Jump (Str), Knowledge (arcana) (Int), Knowledge (the planes) (Int), Knowledge (religion) (Int), Profession (Wis), Sense Motive (Wis), Spellcraft (Int), and Use Magic Device (Cha)

Skill Points
2 + Int modifier per level

Dark Champion: Upon taking the 1st level of penitent of Scarumaiel, the character regains any lost class features from the classes warlock, dread necromancer and hexblade lost due to an alignment change. The penitent is freely able to take levels in those classes despite being good. Levels in penitent of Scarumaiel count as levels in either warlock, dread necromancer or hexblade for the purpose of gaining damage reduction, lich body or hexblade’s curse. The penitent must choose one of the three classes which she has at least one level in at the time of taking the first level of this class to apply her penitent levels to. Once this choice has been made, it cannot be changed.

Redeeming Touch: Once per day, a 2nd level penitent of Scarumaiel can overwhelm the evil within her opponent with a touch. As part of a melee attack or melee touch attack, the penitent can infuse her attack with a small portion of energy from the Thrice-Bound Soul, forcing an evil target to have to succeed on a Will save (DC 10+ the penitent's class level+ the penitent's Cha modifier) or become nauseated for a number of rounds equal to the penitent's Charisma modifier. If the target succeeds on the Will save, he/she must make a new save each round for the same number of rounds, with the nauseated effect's duration decreasing in duration accordingly. Each round that the target is nauseated, he/she takes 1 point of temporary Strength damage. This damage goes away at the end of the current encounter. The penitent gains a new use of this ability at 4th, 6th, 8th and 10th level.

Penance of Shalbal: Shalbal, a former concubine of Levistus, came to Avalon seeking mighty treasures, artifacts that surpassed even her master’s treasury. Now, within the Thrice-Bound Soul, she lends her knowledge of basic universal weakness to all those who listen to her whispers. On reaching 3rd level, Shalbal teaches the penitents how to redeem by showing the errors of greed and passion. As a Full action,a penitent may target one enemy within 30ft with a Bluff check, which they may oppose as per a Feint. If successful, the target becomes fascinated for a number of rounds equal to the penitent's charisma modifier.

Brilliance of Scarumaiel: A 5th level penitent of Scarumaiel can, as a free action, emit bright light in a 10ft radius, with shadowy illumination in a 20ft radius beyond. While this light is active, evil creatures within 10ft of the penitent take 1d6 points of damage a round, while good creatures in the same aura heal 1d6 hit points a round. Also while this aura is active, the penitent gains a bonus equal to half her penitent of Scarumaiel level on Charisma based checks.

Gift of Etaluriel: Etaluriel, the sole male creature in the Thrice-Bound Soul, was one of the early tanar’ri, one of the first tanar’ri to form in the days after the War of Pesh who did not seek the position of demon lord. Instead he sought power by slaying powerful celestials and presenting their heads and weapons to certain demon lords as gifts. It was in seeking such a prize that he lost his soul on Avalon’s shores. When a 6th level penitent slays an evil outsider, if she takes a full minute of study over the body of the slain fiend, Etaluriel whispers suggestions of how to harvest a piece of the fiend’s inner evil essence left in the corpse. While studying the corpse, the penitent can undertake other actions so long as her attention stays focused on the corpse. After 10 rounds of study, she must make a Knowledge (the planes) check (DC 10+HD of slain evil outsider). This essence, if the check succeeds, gives the penitent a +2 sacred bonus on her effective caster level for a number of days equal to the slain fiend's HD, after which time it fades away. Hunting fiends purely to gain their essence is an evil act.

Keeper of the Soul: When she reaches 7th level, a penitent of Scarumaiel transcends her mortal origins and becomes a creature of Avalon. Her type changes to outsider (native), and she gains damage reduction 10/evil. Also, the radius of illumination and the damage dealt and healed of Brilliance of Scarumaiel is doubled.

Skin of Tabatyphus: Tabatyphus was a unique fiend, born of both yugoloth and demodand blood. Her unique nature made her wholly evil, never being tainted by either chaos or law, and she sought out the quiet of the Gray Waste to contemplate her existence. Over time, her body warped from exposure to Hades’ wasting energies, and she began to take on certain characteristics of the undead. Seeking a cure for her necrotic metamorphosis, she came upon Avalon, and there she was slain, her impotent rage at her state drawing Shalbal and Etaluriel’s souls toward her creating the Thrice-Bound Soul. A 9th level penitent of Scarumaiel learns to transcend her mortal form, allowing her to become like Tabatyphus. For a number of rounds each day equal to her Charisma modifier, the penitent can become incorporeal and change her creature type to deathless, gaining the immunities and vulnerabilities (including all her hit dice becoming d12s, and losing her Con score) inherent in that. While in this state, the penitent may, once per day, touch a willing creature and give them the benefits of a heal spell, as if cast by the penitent. This change requires a move-action, and the penitent can return to her normal form as a move-action. The rounds of use need not be consecutive.

Mists of Avalon: Scarumaiel draws power from both the Thrice-Bound Soul and the magical energies of Avalon, and powerful members of her order also can draw from this wellspring. At 10th level, a penitent of Scarumaiel can call forth a mist in a 60ft radius around her as a full-round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. Maintaining this mist is a swift action, and the mist remains for 10 rounds. Any non-good creature who enters this mist must make a Fortitude save (DC 20+ penitent's Cha modifier) or be dazed for the duration of the effect by the awe-inspiring visions of Avalon the mist gives them. Evil creatures are instead blinded for this duration. A non-good creature must make saves against this effect each round they remain in the mists. Blinded evil creatures must instead save against becoming paralyzed. If an evil creature is both blinded and paralyzed by this effect, the penitent may touch him/her and grant him/her the santified template, making him/her good and cured of the blindness and paralysis. The creature is friendly towards the penitent after this transformation, but must be made helpful to convince it to fight for her, and leaves to seek Avalon after the encounter is over, though it remains a life-long friend to the penitent.

And the Acolyte of the Archangels feat

Acolyte of the Archangels (Scarumaiel) [Exalted]
You swear fealty to Scarumaiel, whose mighty power slows the passage of time and makes bare the hearts of others.
Benefit: You can sense another creature's emotions as a free action, giving you a +2 on Charisma based and Sense Motive checks against that creature (A Will Save, DC 10+half your character level+ your Wisdom modifier, negates). You also only age at 1/4 the normal rate for a member of your species.
Special: Once you take this feat, you may not take it again, nor can you take either the Servant of the Heavens feat, Knight of the Stars or the Favored of the Companions feat. Your allegiance is only yours to give once.

Sir_Chivalry
2010-07-23, 06:56 PM
Angel description and fluff added.

Mulletmanalive
2010-07-24, 09:29 AM
Right, starting at the beginning:

Fluff. Intersting. I can now review this one.

The angel itself is a nice idea, more a presence than anything else in the fluff right up to the point where you describe her as being bigger than a house. Perhaps changing that to being the living embodiment of the mists of Avelon itself, with an avatar that forms to converse with folks, a la, Lady of the Lake. just a thought.

Prerequisites: You make reference to Blackguards, Ur-Priests and more in the description but bar their entry. Change the "special" prerequisites to "Must have possessed a Cha based ability that required the character to have a Non-Good alignment to posses. This may well have been lost by becoming good."

This way, other folks can get in on the fun. Not that Ur-priest casting would do anything but screw up game balance, but it's the principal of the thing. Redemption for all!

Dark Champion: Not much to say about this, though you know i'm not a fan of Full caster prestige classes. Their flavour is always overpowered by the spellcasting. I'd skip at least two levels from it, though that is slightly mitigated by the fact that this class isn't actually accessible to the most munchy of casters.

The Dread Necromancer should not function unchanged if it passes into this class: It should become a master of Deathless. This should be as simple as replacing any reference to negative energy in its description with references to positive energy.

Redeeming Touch: Better way of doing this is simply to turn them good. Each round, they must make a Will save, similar to the first or be so wracked with guild that they are Nauseated. Your original is too metagame and has little or no effect on Blackguards and other critters of serious evil such as Devils.

Penance of Shalbal: You don't need the comma after the "Now" at the beginning of the second sentence.

It doesn't strike me as particularly appropriate as an ability of a redeemer, somehow...You become a treacherous bastard? Perhaps something more like this:

Penance of Shalbal: Shalbal teaches you how to redeem by showing the errors of greed and passion. As a Full action, you may target one enemy within 30ft with a Bluff check, which they may oppose as per a Feint. If you succeed, they gain a +5 to hit you and a -5 penalty to hit everybody else until the end of the round. In exchange for this, they become reckless, hunting your weaknesses, suffering a -5 penalty to AC against all attacks.

Brilliance of Scarumaiel: A bit specific. Would be more impressive if it damaged Evil creatures and Undead and healed Good creatures and Deathless. Otherwise, it's just a souped up version of something that you can get anyway with Exalted feats. I'd make it more general and maybe kill the spellcasting on this level, but that's me.

Gift of Etaluriel: Way too abusable. You never state whether it stacks on itself and that's just leading to abuse. You should make a note that hunting devils and other evil outsiders for this purpose violates your exalted status, too. Don't make it stack. It would probably work better with a static bonus and a duration of 1 day per HD of your collected essence, which does stack.

Mists of Avalon: Nice name, more or less a missed opportunity. Here are three much better things you could do with a name like that, all of which i thought up in under 4 minutes:

A Save or Sanctify effect. The target, who must be within 30ft, finds silvery mist attempting to rush in through his nose and mouth. The vic must make a Fort save or gain the Sanctified Creature template from BoED and consider the Penitent his source of spiritual and moral guidance. You may only have one such Sanctified creature at a time, though you are free to advise them to leave you to pilgrimage to Avelon and other such Exlated places.

You create a shroud of mist that interferes only with the sight of evil creatures. Maintaining this is a Swift action and the area also counts as Hallowed. The area moves with you.

Mists rise over 2 rounds [and two full actions] to surround a 30ft area areound you. At the end of the second turn, the entire area is translocated to Avelon. Evil creatures drawn there must make a Save each round or fall under the weight of their sins, paralysed. Non-Exalted, non evil creatures must save each round or become dazed by a weaker version of the effect that strikes down the evil ones and the sheer awe that Avelon inspires.

Skin of Tabatyphus: Changing the HD or HP of the character in combat is really, really foolish. Incorporeality is nice, though. I'd be inclined to give the critter a potent healing touch attack, something along the lines of Heal. Make the ability worth something other than just passing through a wall occassionally.

Keeper of the Soul: Lame capstone. Barely worth taking the last level if it wasn't granting spellcasting. I'd suggest putting this in the place of Mists of Avelon and using one of my suggestions here. Probably with a better rate than 1/day.

Sir_Chivalry
2010-07-24, 02:23 PM
Right, starting at the beginning:

Fluff. Intersting. I can now review this one.

The angel itself is a nice idea, more a presence than anything else in the fluff right up to the point where you describe her as being bigger than a house. Perhaps changing that to being the living embodiment of the mists of Avelon itself, with an avatar that forms to converse with folks, a la, Lady of the Lake. just a thought.

Prerequisites: You make reference to Blackguards, Ur-Priests and more in the description but bar their entry. Change the "special" prerequisites to "Must have possessed a Cha based ability that required the character to have a Non-Good alignment to posses. This may well have been lost by becoming good."

This way, other folks can get in on the fun. Not that Ur-priest casting would do anything but screw up game balance, but it's the principal of the thing. Redemption for all!

Dark Champion: Not much to say about this, though you know i'm not a fan of Full caster prestige classes. Their flavour is always overpowered by the spellcasting. I'd skip at least two levels from it, though that is slightly mitigated by the fact that this class isn't actually accessible to the most munchy of casters.

The Dread Necromancer should not function unchanged if it passes into this class: It should become a master of Deathless. This should be as simple as replacing any reference to negative energy in its description with references to positive energy.

Redeeming Touch: Better way of doing this is simply to turn them good. Each round, they must make a Will save, similar to the first or be so wracked with guild that they are Nauseated. Your original is too metagame and has little or no effect on Blackguards and other critters of serious evil such as Devils.

Penance of Shalbal: You don't need the comma after the "Now" at the beginning of the second sentence.

It doesn't strike me as particularly appropriate as an ability of a redeemer, somehow...You become a treacherous bastard? Perhaps something more like this:

Penance of Shalbal: Shalbal teaches you how to redeem by showing the errors of greed and passion. As a Full action, you may target one enemy within 30ft with a Bluff check, which they may oppose as per a Feint. If you succeed, they gain a +5 to hit you and a -5 penalty to hit everybody else until the end of the round. In exchange for this, they become reckless, hunting your weaknesses, suffering a -5 penalty to AC against all attacks.

Brilliance of Scarumaiel: A bit specific. Would be more impressive if it damaged Evil creatures and Undead and healed Good creatures and Deathless. Otherwise, it's just a souped up version of something that you can get anyway with Exalted feats. I'd make it more general and maybe kill the spellcasting on this level, but that's me.

Gift of Etaluriel: Way too abusable. You never state whether it stacks on itself and that's just leading to abuse. You should make a note that hunting devils and other evil outsiders for this purpose violates your exalted status, too. Don't make it stack. It would probably work better with a static bonus and a duration of 1 day per HD of your collected essence, which does stack.

Mists of Avalon: Nice name, more or less a missed opportunity. Here are three much better things you could do with a name like that, all of which i thought up in under 4 minutes:

A Save or Sanctify effect. The target, who must be within 30ft, finds silvery mist attempting to rush in through his nose and mouth. The vic must make a Fort save or gain the Sanctified Creature template from BoED and consider the Penitent his source of spiritual and moral guidance. You may only have one such Sanctified creature at a time, though you are free to advise them to leave you to pilgrimage to Avelon and other such Exlated places.

You create a shroud of mist that interferes only with the sight of evil creatures. Maintaining this is a Swift action and the area also counts as Hallowed. The area moves with you.

Mists rise over 2 rounds [and two full actions] to surround a 30ft area areound you. At the end of the second turn, the entire area is translocated to Avelon. Evil creatures drawn there must make a Save each round or fall under the weight of their sins, paralysed. Non-Exalted, non evil creatures must save each round or become dazed by a weaker version of the effect that strikes down the evil ones and the sheer awe that Avelon inspires.

Skin of Tabatyphus: Changing the HD or HP of the character in combat is really, really foolish. Incorporeality is nice, though. I'd be inclined to give the critter a potent healing touch attack, something along the lines of Heal. Make the ability worth something other than just passing through a wall occassionally.

Keeper of the Soul: Lame capstone. Barely worth taking the last level if it wasn't granting spellcasting. I'd suggest putting this in the place of Mists of Avelon and using one of my suggestions here. Probably with a better rate than 1/day.

All incorporated, except I didn't give dread necros a positive energy touch due to that equaling unlimited healing outside of battle. If you'd still suggest it, I'll add it. I also didn't make Scarumaiel part of Avalon, but I made her two stories now, she's still meant to be Huge size.

Might I request some PEACH on the Physic of Peoneir and Fury of Tresanerva? It's just you are pretty much one of the best I have for PEACH, you see things I miss.

Mulletmanalive
2010-07-24, 04:06 PM
I'd be willing to do so, did they not require me to learn how another class works first.

Being entirely frank, the Brawler class looks to be a mess in its design an layout. Things come in big chunks: class features that hand out multiple feats in one go and five dead levels? Bad idea...

Sir_Chivalry
2010-07-24, 09:46 PM
I'd be willing to do so, did they not require me to learn how another class works first.

Being entirely frank, the Brawler class looks to be a mess in its design an layout. Things come in big chunks: class features that hand out multiple feats in one go and five dead levels? Bad idea...

Well that is neither here nor there, I didn't design the brawler class, I merely am using it as a basis for the class. I'm looking for feedback on my classes, just treat the class progressions like spellcasting progression if you need to. I need someone to PEACH them. As always, would greatly appreciate and incorporate your opinions.

Sir_Chivalry
2010-11-17, 04:28 PM
Reopening this so someone can PEACH it, doing a little PEACH exchange.

Note:
Homebrew (and only that poster) may revive a creation beyond the six-week threshold without prior Moderator approval.

Jallorn
2011-05-15, 02:22 PM
Penance of Shalbal: Shalbal, a former concubine of Levistus, came to Avalon seeking mighty treasures, artifacts that surpassed even her master’s treasury. Now, within the Thrice-Bound Soul, she lends her knowledge of basic universal weakness to all those who listen to her whispers. On reaching 3rd level, Shalbal teaches the penitents how to redeem by showing the errors of greed and passion. As a Full action,a penitent may target one enemy within 30ft with a Bluff check, which they may oppose as per a Feint. If successful, the target gains a +5 bonus to hit the penitent and a -5 penalty to hit everybody else until the end of the round. In exchange for this, they become reckless, hunting the penitent's weaknesses, suffering a -5 penalty to AC against all attacks.

I'm really not getting this ability. The crunch doesn't do anything I'd expect from the fluff, and the duration should be fixed to, "until the end of the Penitent's next turn," since as is, it's nowhere near as useful against someone who goes before you in the Initiative order.

I just realized this is thread necromancy, sorry.

Sir_Chivalry
2011-05-15, 04:52 PM
I'm really not getting this ability. The crunch doesn't do anything I'd expect from the fluff, and the duration should be fixed to, "until the end of the Penitent's next turn," since as is, it's nowhere near as useful against someone who goes before you in the Initiative order.

I just realized this is thread necromancy, sorry.

Mods, please don't lock this thread just yet, I have to deal with this. I, the OP, will re-open this thread for review again.

Sir_Chivalry
2011-05-15, 04:54 PM
So Jallorn, what would you suggest as a fix. I'm sorry, but it's been quite some time since I made this class, so I'm not in the zone at the moment. Suggestions?

The idea of the ability is it draws the enemy away from others towards you, a tanking feautre present in Crusaders and the like. Shalbal is meant to be seductive, and that's a way I thought of using her influence in combat. Perhaps something else?

Jallorn
2011-05-16, 02:46 PM
Well, perhaps make the target enthralled with the Penitent for a number of rounds equal to the Penitent's Cha modifier? Not so much tanky as just debuffy, but it fits the idea of seductiveness.

Sir_Chivalry
2011-05-16, 07:05 PM
Well, perhaps make the target enthralled with the Penitent for a number of rounds equal to the Penitent's Cha modifier? Not so much tanky as just debuffy, but it fits the idea of seductiveness.

I had wanted to avoid that originally, as the class itself isn't meant to be seductive, but I now realize Shalbal would be like that, so I'll do it.

Jallorn
2011-05-16, 07:12 PM
I had wanted to avoid that originally, as the class itself isn't meant to be seductive, but I now realize Shalbal would be like that, so I'll do it.

It doesn't have to be seductive, it's just about attracting and holding the target's attention.

Sir_Chivalry
2011-05-16, 07:13 PM
It doesn't have to be seductive, it's just about attracting and holding the target's attention.

That's what I mean with the whole Shalbal thing. She's channeling through the penitent, the penitent is just letting the power flow.