(Paranoia) Mission Alert!

[Thelas]

You're all at the Mandatory Recreational Teela-O-MLY vidshow in GTP sector. Your mandatory relaxation (served with Cold Fun) is interrupted by the beeping of your PDC, however. It seems to be a mission alert, directly from your Friend The Computer. How exciting! It's your very first mission as newly promoted RED clearance Troubleshooters. And of course it will be fun, because The Computer says it will be fun.

Well, let's open up the Mission Alert and see what you've got...

This Mission Alert is cleared for viewing by RED-clearance and higher citizens only. Only those citizens who were sent this alert on their PDC or are of [REDACTED] clearance or higher may view it. Due to an outbreak of [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS], there is a high risk of [REMOVED FOR [REMOVED FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY]], which we need you to [DELETED FOR IMPORTANT REASONS]. Please [HELP I'M TRAPPED IN A MISSION ALERT FACTORY] to Briefing Room GTP*1!33@#¯≥AL1 for further instructions.


Oh dear.
Well, can't keep your Friend The Computer waiting, can you? Let's get to it.

[Gunther]

Ducks-R-HOT was as loyal a citizen as any! He had a duty to Alpha Complex to attend the briefing, but mandatory recreation time was an important aspect of even a Troubleshooter's day! As such, he made a very important note in his PDC to have double the relaxation time after his next service shift! Finishing his Cold Fun (A mandatory part of any working day!), he put his PDC back onto his belt before moving to the briefing room with all due haste. After all, tardiness was a Communist past-time!

And as a bonus, he could even inform his superior officer of the Communist agent inside of the mission alert factory!

[Thelas]

moving to the briefing room
Citizen, please be more specific. How are you going to get to the briefing room? It's not like it's directly adjacent to the relaxation room or anything.

[Gunther]

Oh my! A Communist appears to have clouded Ducks' intention. He will take the standard Alpha Complex transtube to the briefing room, for a glorious introduction as to how he might best serve Alpha Complex as a Red citizen!

[Thelas]

*beep* "Please state the name of the room you would like to travel to, citizen."

Oh dear. How do you plan on pronouncing "GTP*1!33@#¯≥AL1"?

[Kythorian]

Adam-R-TRO hops out of his seat as he gets the mission alert. What an exciting mission! And Friend Computer clearly cares so much for our safety, since it is taking out all of the dangerous information from the message. What could possibly go wrong with Friend Computer obviously wishing to keep us so safe!

Adam follows Ducks towards the tubestation. He hesitates for a short moment, but knowing that hesitation in doing his duty of reporting to the Briefing room was clearly treason, he quickly does the best he can. "Gtpaleeaz Vali"

He looks around at the other troubleshooters to see if anyone else had any ideas of a better pronunciation, but otherwise waits quietly for the correct transbot to arrive.

[bue52]

Hoseah is glad to be of service to his Friend The Computer, he moves out of the show, immediately, making sure to stay neat and finish his Cold Fun! He will not fail to please his Friend The Computer, and will do everything he cans to make his Friend The Computer proud!!!!! Making sure that no Commie or mutant terrorist will get in the way of the safety of the Complex which he will defend, for his Friend The Computer!!!

[Thelas]

1 perversity to Kythorian.

[Gunther]

"Gtpaleeaz Vali sounds assuredly correct!" Ducks states to his fellow Troubleshooter, "I am glad that such a concisely verbose citizen as yourself shall be riding with me to the Briefing Room!" He commented eagerly, as he also waited for the transport to arrive, "Precise and clear speech is the key to any friendly, fun working day for Friend Computer, after all! Wouldn't you agree, citizen?"

[Thelas]

That location could not be found. Please state the location you would like to travel to.

1 pp to Gunther.

[term1nally s1ck]

Krupp-R-BFG reads his PDC, confused greatly by the name of the briefing room. He tries reading it out one symbol at a time, hoping that the transtube can recognise the name from that. If not, he'll think of another way to solve his problem, to please his Friend Computer, and to thwart the communist agent that has scrambled his message.

[Thelas]

The good news is that the transtube can find the indicated location.
The bad news:

The knowledge of the security clearance of the transtube route to that location is clearance ORANGE , citizen.

[Gunther]

Oh dear! ORANGE knowledge! It was a good thing Ducks-R-HOT didn't press the matter with his own attempt, Friend Computer might have become suspicious of him, an innocent citizen!

Of course, since the knowledge of the security clearance was limited to ORANGE clearance, that left a few options. Ducks, a thought entering his head, decided to act upon one of those.

"Friend Computer! May I please make a request of you? I do not wish to consume your precious time needlessly, but I believe if you would be willing to listen to it I could increase the efficiency of time usage of myself and my fellow RED trouble shooters!"

[Thelas]

Assuming, of course, that you are actually using the com-link to contact FC and not speaking to the nearest air:

Yes, of course. What is your request?

[Gunther]

Well, Friend Computer can hear us no matter where we are, after all! But a com-link is the Alpha Complex-approved means of private Friend Computer contact (Though what should one have to keep private in a glorious, free place like Alpha Complex?).

"Friend Computer, we appear to have been moderately inconvenienced by the transtube system. In order to reach our briefing in a most timely manner, and to better increase our overall usage of Communist-hunting time, we require ORANGE clearance! Not wishing to detract from the valuable work time of other citizens, Friend Computer, I would like to request a one-minute period of YELLOW clearance, so I and my fellow Troubleshooters may access the transtube route without infringing upon the laws of Alpha Complex, or wasting precious briefing time! I only ask for such a great responsibility to better serve the Complex, after all, and should you deem it necessary to further fill the tunnels with foot traffic- and extend the time spent before our briefing and fighting Communist Traitors- then I shall gladly oblige!"

[Thelas]

Who has stated to you that the transtube route requires ORANGE clearance? Given that even the knowledge of the clearance of the route is ORANGE clearance... [DELETED FOR SECURITY REASONS]

[term1nally s1ck]

"Friend Computer, the transtube recording said "The knowledge of the security clearance of the transtube route to that location is clearance ORANGE, citizen." This means that, as RED clearance citizens, we are not allowed to take the transtube, or we would become aware that the security clearance is RED, which is knowledge above our security clearance."

[Thelas]

Citizen, the knowledge whether or not the security clearance of the transtube route is either INFRARED or RED is RED clearance. However, the knowledge of the actual clearance of the route is ORANGE clearance, as was stated.

[Gunther]

"Thus my request, Friend Computer! While I would never question your mighty security ranking, the more time we spend waiting- or even getting to the briefing room on foot- the more likely Communist Traitors are going to succeed in whatever devilish plots they have schemed up!"

[Kythorian]

Adam, using his own PDC, says, "Should Friend Computer, in its infinate widom, feel it is best for us to know in order to more speedily receive our mission, is the security clearance for knowing the name of the nearest transtube station to briefing room GTP*1!33@#¯≥AL1 either red or infrared?" He spells out the name of the briefing room character by character.

[Thelas]

Treason point to Kythorian for failing to capitalize and colour security clearances. ((This may or may not be a real Treason Point, why would I tell you that?))

Citizen, you are currently located at the nearest transtube station from which you would be able to reach that room.