Getting babys to sleep.

[Guinea Anubis]

So as a new parents my wife and I are looking for any advice anyone can give us on how to help to get are new son to sleep through the night. He is only two months old and everyone keeps telling us the best thing we can do is just to let him cry himself to sleep, we are just worried he is still to young and could hurt himself.

What do you all think?

[thubby]

what makes you think he'll hurt himself?

[wxdruid]

Here is my opinion.

Your baby does need to learn how to get himself to sleep and stay asleep. If you hold him every single time, he'll think that's the only way and you'll spend forever breaking him of that habit. I just let catlover (when she was a baby) cry for a while. It didn't hurt her and she learned how to go to sleep without me standing there holding her or rocking her.

It is best to learn to discern the different sorts of cries your son makes. So if he does need something, you can help him with it. Things like hunger, wet diaper or too hot, too cold. You fix those and if he still cries, leave him for about 10-15 min and check on him. If there's nothing obviously wrong, leave him again by himself.

Mind, this is my opinion... :smalltongue:

[Guinea Anubis]

what makes you think he'll hurt himself?

My wife is worried that him crying and screaming he could chock, puke, or even burst a lung.

[wxdruid]

I would think the baby would stop crying before that happened and usually a baby crying just because they haven't fallen asleep yet shouldn't choke or puke or anything else. But, that's why you check on the baby every once in a while.

Here are some tips from webmd.

Bedtime tips:

* At night, set up a soothing routine. Give your baby a bath, sing lullabies, read a book, or tell a story. These activities can help your baby relax. They also signal that it is time to sleep. Don't get your baby excited with active play right before sleep.
* Put your baby down for sleep in a quiet, darkened room.
* Don't rock your baby to sleep after about age 4 to 6 months. Rock your baby, but lay the baby down to sleep while he or she is drowsy but still awake.
* Don't add cereal to your baby's bottle. Adding cereal to a bottle won't make a baby sleep through the night. Babies don't need solid foods until they are at least 4 to 6 months old. Check with your doctor to see when your baby is ready for solid food.
* Put your baby down for a nap as soon as he or she acts sleepy. If your baby gets too tired, it may be hard for him or her to get to sleep.
* Remember to put your baby down to sleep on his or her back. This helps prevent sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). When a baby is at least 4 weeks old, falling asleep with a pacifier has also been shown to reduce SIDS.

Getting baby to go back to sleep:

* Act quickly-but not too quickly-when your newborn wakes up for a feeding, so he or she doesn't have a chance to fully wake up. But wait a minute or so to see if the child goes right back to sleep.
* Keep the light off during nighttime feedings, and use a soft voice.
* Settle your baby down to sleep as quickly as possible if he or she is not acting hungry during a nighttime feeding.
* If your baby does not settle down, check to see if he or she is hungry or needs a diaper change. Feed or change your baby quietly. Keep the light low. Don't play with or sing to your baby. Put him or her back in the crib as soon as you can.
* Talk to your doctor about whether to let your baby "cry it out."
* Try to stay calm. Young children are very sensitive to a parent's feelings of frustration.
* Be consistent. If you change your plan for how to handle nighttime crying, make sure that you and your partner agree on it before you go to bed.


I think one thing to be sure of, is that both you and your spouse treat the crying the same way. Babies learn how to get what they want, even without being able to use words.

[Trog]

Welcome to parenthood, first of all. :smallbiggrin:

Here's how it usually goes (in my experience, being a father of two):

The child will maintain an erratic schedule during the first few months of life. Having a regular schedule of bedtime and such helps get them into a routine. Routine is your friend at bed time. At first you will encounter your child falling asleep easily in your arms and the transition from lap to crib will be an easy one. When your child wakes they want you there, so they cry out - the only way they know how to communicate.

Kids are smart, and here's the lesson they learn: When I cry, someone comes.

Now of course at first this is a good lesson for them to learn to inform you of hunger, discomfort, etc. But after they learn this they do it whenever they want to be near mom or dad. Again, this is all fine.

Until it isn't.

When your child who once was easy to put in the crib begins to wake instantly upon being placed in the crib or when you can no longer sneak them successfully into bed even for a brief time, then it is time for you to do one of the hardest lessons in parenthood.

You let them cry themselves to sleep.

Without this lesson they never learn to go to sleep by themselves. Or if they do I have no idea how anyone does it because -every- parent I have -ever- know has let them do it. And those that haven't have merely prolonged this stage until they did so. Sometimes for months.

Please note: This lesson is much harder for mom and dad to learn than for the child.

Anyway, it's a very hard thing to do - one of the toughest moments to do in early parenthood. Just make sure the crib is set up properly and that everything else is in good order and that the child is in no danger of anything save exhaustion from crying. It'll last longer if you go in at all to "fix" something or "check on them" so my advice is don't because it will be easier on your child.

Good luck! :smallsmile:

[Cealocanth]

Newborns never sleep through the night. Their body clocks haven't adjusted to the day/night setting we use, so they demand constant attention just like they recieved in the womb. For now, nurture that attention, that'll make sure the baby stays healthy. When the baby's approaching a few months, it's time to establish that cycle. Every baby has it's tricks to go to sleep, it's just a matter of finding that. The trick my parents found for me was that I'd always sleep when something was over my eyes.

[Xyk]

Disclaimer: As a 17 year old, I only know things in theory.

Babies are much like animals. If you can keep relaxed, the baby will most likely follow. Now, naturally, that's not an easy thing to do, what with crying babies and whatnot. But I think if you can keep your heart rate slow and hold the baby close, they will go to sleep. That is, of course, assuming he/she has no needs (like hunger, diaper changing, etc.).

[THAC0]

Two months is a bit early to expect baby to sleep through the night, I think...

[KenderWizard]

Well, I'm only 20, and I haven't had children of my own yet, but it's a subject I read extensively on, and I've hung out with a lot of babies in my time, so I'm going to be bold and comment anyway. :smallsmile:

There seems to be a huge disagreement between those who let the baby cry herself out and those who get up every time the baby makes a sound. The fact that there still is an ongoing debate suggests to me that either approach will be just fine, if the parents are loving and consistent, and don't ignore the baby's needs. Anyway, both approaches call for a predictable routine, to get the baby into the habit of getting sleepy after, say, bathtime or whatever the nightly routine happens to be, so that seems to be really worth doing. Especially since it'll probably help you to sleep at the right time too!

Also, I imagine you have been doing this if it's possible, but when the new baby comes is often when you start relying on your own parents again, if they're around. They've been there and done that (presumably) and they're possibly the only other people in the world who still think your little bundle of joy is adorable when she's screaming her head off at 2am. :smalltongue: So for practical advice, your own parents, your partner's parents, or older siblings who have children already, or aunts and uncles, or close family friends: whoever you have around you who's had children can be a really great support for stuff like this.

Edit: I used female pronouns for the hypothetical baby out of habit, but the OP baby was a boy, so on reflection, male pronouns might have made more sense, so sorry about that!

[rakkoon]

I'm a father of two and in my experience the baby is always crying for a reason, it might be a tummy ache, a dirty diaper, something. So we never let the baby cry itself to sleep. You cannot spoil a child under 6 months so I danced a lot at night with a baby in my arms (waltz, sometimes a gentle salsa).
There is something to be said for putting it down drowsy so that it is not confused when it wakes up but that hardly ever worked for us.
Endure it, it will get better :smallsmile:
And night ritual is essential, first a bath, than a story and a lullaby.

Also, sometimes it is better to let the child cry itself to sleep than to throw it across the room. Sometimes it can be a bit too much and you need a moment to keep yourself together.

[wxdruid]

Catlover (my daughter) was a pretty good baby, she started sleeping through the night after 2 months. Right about the time I had to go back to work.

[Asta Kask]

Have you tried giving him a nappy soaked in vodka? Works wonders...

Don't actually try this.

[super dark33]

hypnotize him with relaxing music.

[rakkoon]

We tried that. Our youngest had a bear that played music each time she cried. It did help. Bad thing was that sometimes it went off when she moaned and woke her up.
Ah well :smallsmile:

[Telonius]

Not a doctor, just a dad - my first kid is just one year old now, so we've just gotten through this.

Up to about 5-6 months or so, if the baby is crying there's almost always a good reason for it. Don't ignore it. Either the kid is hungry, or cold, or needs a diaper change, or something else is wrong.

After around 6 months, the kid will probably be sleeping 6-8 hours, possibly waking up once for a bottle then going right back to sleep. This is usually the time when the kid starts crying whenever you leave the room. This is also normal; it's separation anxiety. The kid doesn't yet fully understand that things don't disappear when they don't see them.

The method my wife and I are using for our daughter (now almost a year) is this. First, bedtime is 9pm, period. Make sure it's consistent. When you put the kid to sleep, do it in the same way each time, and leave the room. Then look at the clock. If the kid is still crying after two minutes, go back in the room, comfort her for awhile, then leave. If still crying after five minutes, go back in and comfort, then leave. After that, ten minute increments. So far it's never taken more than a single ten minute increment to get her to sleep.

[Melayl]

A vibrating bouncy seat worked wonders for our first two children. Our third was a bit more difficult. Basically, we just kept trying. He didn't sleep through the night reliably until he was two.

rakkoon had some good advice as well. Just try to be patient (each kid is different) and keep trying.

[Zeb The Troll]

Here is my opinion.

Your baby does need to learn how to get himself to sleep and stay asleep. If you hold him every single time, he'll think that's the only way and you'll spend forever breaking him of that habit. I just let catlover (when she was a baby) cry for a while. It didn't hurt her and she learned how to go to sleep without me standing there holding her or rocking her.

It is best to learn to discern the different sorts of cries your son makes. So if he does need something, you can help him with it. Things like hunger, wet diaper or too hot, too cold. You fix those and if he still cries, leave him for about 10-15 min and check on him. If there's nothing obviously wrong, leave him again by himself.

Mind, this is my opinion... :smalltongue:My method matches this one. (Telonius's method is pretty much the same, too.) This covers two important necesseties. First, the baby needs to learn to self soothe. Second, the baby needs to know that if something really is wrong, you'll be there, but you're not going to coddle just because he squeaked. The message you send when you check in on him is "I'm here, I'm not ignoring you, but you're going to have to do this on your own."

And like Trog said, this is usually tougher on Mom and Dad than it is on baby, even for successive children. (Let's face it, most parents are hard wired to want to solve whatever's causing the crying and it's hard to set that aside, even for 10 to 15 minutes at a time, even when you KNOW it's what you have to do for everyone's long term sanity.)

Also seconding Rakkoon's notion that, if you're feeling frustrated and anxious, best to put Junior down and walk away while breathing deeply and counting to ten or whatever it is you do to bring the blood boil down. On top of the fact that it'll keep the kid out of arm's reach while you're on edge, kids notice when you're tense and it upsets them (this is in my personal observation), so holding them while you're irritated with them isn't really helping things anyway.

[IonDragon]

Have you tried liquor?

This suggestion was made in jest. Alcohol is extremely dangerous to a developing mind and body.

[rakkoon]

Also no coughing medicine, it is better than whiskey but can still lead to many developmental problems.
My nephew was born with an alcohol addiction and had to kick the habit after being born. This is not fun to watch.

Also, you can never roll over and squash your child, your brain will not allow it. UNLESS under the influence of alcohol or drugs, then apparently that part of the brain goes on holiday.

Just general info :smallsmile:

[Delusion]

Also no coughing medicine, it is better than whiskey but can still lead to many developmental problems.
My nephew was born with an alcohol addiction and had to kick the habit after being born. This is not fun to watch.



How can you actually know that a newborn has an alcohol addiction? :smalleek:

[hamishspence]

If the mother has drunk a medium-sized to large amount of alcohol all through pregnancy, then the baby shortly after birth starts showing withdrawal symptoms?

[rakkoon]

Yup what he said.
Mom kept drinking whiskey all 9 months long and baby had withdrawal symptoms.
Crying for something it should never have had.
He turned out...pretty okay in the end but had some very interesting middle years.

So warm milk! :smallwink:

[Zeb The Troll]

Also no coughing medicine, it is better than whiskey but can still lead to many developmental problems. Sadly, I've known parents who feel this is an acceptable part of the bedtime routine. They basically skipped the "teach your child to self soothe" part of natural development and went straight to "need drugs to sleep". :smallsigh:

[rakkoon]

Yeah..that's also why I mention it here.
You would think that the sentence
"I need some kind of sedative to get my baby to sleep every night"
would trigger some alarms in your head.
Some people see absolutely no problem with this.

Now there were quite a few nights when I though about taking a sedative but that's a different topic :smallsmile:

Actually I was more of a Cola for breakfast kind of Dad in those days.
Thank [INSERT DEITY] that they grow up!

[IonDragon]

Yup what he said.
Mom kept drinking whiskey all 9 months long and baby had withdrawal symptoms.
Crying for something it should never have had.
He turned out...pretty okay in the end but had some very interesting middle years.

So warm milk! :smallwink:

Sounds like they actually got extremely lucky. Even small quantities of alcohol through the pregnancy can lead to this thing. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_syndrome) Or so I hear on CSI.

[rakkoon]

Yes, without going in further detail he has (had) all the secondary characteristics at least.

How are you holding up Anubis ?

[Guinea Anubis]

We are ok. We still have him sleeping next to are bed in a bassinet. My wife wants to wait a little longer before we start him on the crib. But over all things are going well he is sleeping 3 or 4 hours.

[Zherog]

As would be expected, wxdruid gave solid advice. I also strongly recommend this:


The method my wife and I are using for our daughter (now almost a year) is this. First, bedtime is 9pm, period. Make sure it's consistent. When you put the kid to sleep, do it in the same way each time, and leave the room. Then look at the clock. If the kid is still crying after two minutes, go back in the room, comfort her for awhile, then leave. If still crying after five minutes, go back in and comfort, then leave. After that, ten minute increments. So far it's never taken more than a single ten minute increment to get her to sleep.

You don't have to use this exact routine, of course. But a solid bedtime routine very much helps your baby learn how to fall asleep on his/her own. Our routine was to have the baby in bed by 8pm. So around 7pm, we stated to wind down -- quieting the house a little bit (not completely quiet, in my opinion; you want your baby to be able to sleep through some noise so you don't have to tiptoe around the place :) ), reading, bathing (bath every-other night, wiping off hands and face the other nights), last bottle (when they were real small), and so on. The longer you stick to the routine, the stronger these queues become.

Once the pre-bedtime routine was completed (close to 8pm), we changed the diaper and put on pajamas. We'd read two short books (Goodnight Moon was a favorite of both our kids), then we'd sing a lullaby. For my daughter, I sang "Daddy's Little Girl" (I'm a terrible singer, but at 9 1/2 she still loves it). For my son, my wife sang "You Are My Sunshine" (my wife is a better singer than me, so I think my son got the better deal ;) ). Then we laid them in their crib, told them we loved them, said good night, turned off the light, and left the room. The only exceptions I can ever recall to this while they were under the age of 2 is when they were sick.

As the kids have gotten older, things change a bit -- but it's also still very similar. Now we start getting ready somewhere between 7 and 8. They get their shower/bath, brush their teeth, comb their hair out (for my daughter at least ;) ), and so on. The goal is to be in bed by 9pm. When they're done their routines, they're allowed to read in bed until "lights out" -- that encourages them to wrap up the routine and get in bed, so they can begin to drift off.

The biggest difference now is that we're more flexible. When they were babies, we were extremely rigid about bedtime. I can remember, for example, bathing my daughter at a friend's apartment because it was bath night and we were still there at bedtime. Now, if they're up a little late we don't sweat it too much. For example, last week we went to the beach for a day, and they stayed up to watch the fireworks at 10pm.

*

tl;dr version: there's two real keys to it. First, have a consistent routine that leads up to bedtime. Second, let them learn to fall asleep on their own rather than in your arms. It's painful to a parent, sometimes, to "let them cry it out" but in the long term it's for their best interests. If you teach them good sleep habits now, it's a valuable skill they'll have for the rest of their lives. And the crying will stop. I promise. :)