Favourite Mathematical In-Jokes

[DwarvenExodus]

Hello, fellow mathematicians (and all other playgrounders, too).

What are your favourite mathematical In-Jokes?

For Example:

There are only 10 types of people in the world —
those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

[Lioness]

We've had a couple of joke threads locked in the past couple of weeks, so I'm thinking this one might go the same way.

[Andraste]

There are only 10 types of people in the world —
those who understand binary, and those who don't.

There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.

[DwarvenExodus]

We've had a couple of joke threads locked in the past couple of weeks, so I'm thinking this one might go the same way.

Oh. Maybe I should move it to, say, silly message board games?



There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.

I don't follow. 10 in trinary would be 3 in base ten, wouldn't it?

[darkjubs]

What's purple and commutative?
An abelian grape. (yes, this is a horrible pun)

What do you get when you cross a rock climber and a mountain goat?
Nothing. You can't cross two scalars.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. The second orders half a beer, the third a quarter, and so on. After a handful of mathematicians have ordered, the bartender gets fed up, says "You're all idiots," and pours two beers.

[Andraste]

I don't follow. 10 in trinary would be 3 in base ten, wouldn't it?

(1) Those who understand trinary, (2) those who don't, (3) and those who mistake it for binary. (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Ptitle0t9r68ih?from=Main.DontExplainTheJoke)

[mangosta71]

A pair of mathematicians went out to lunch one day. While one was in the restroom, the other beckoned the waitress over and said, "When my friend comes back, I'm going to ask you a question. I want you to say 'one-third x cubed.' Okay?" She agreed, and walked away muttering "one thir dex cube under her breath". After a few minutes the other guy returned to the table.

When he began his daily rant about the failure of teachers to impart a basic knowledge of mathematics in their students, the first guy said, "I'll bet you five dollars that I can ask someone a basic question, and that they'll get it right."

"You're on!"

So the first guy called the waitress over and asked her, "What is the integral of x squared?"

She immediately responded, "One third x cubed." The first guy laughed and held out his hand to receive his winnings. The waitress looked down, met his eyes, and added, "Plus a constant."

[Keld Denar]

Can I blend in Engineering jokes?

Two engineers were walking down the sidewalk. The first one is pushing a bicycle. The second engineer says to the first: "What a nice bicycle, where did you get it?" The first engineer replies: "Funny story, I was walking down this very sidewalk when a young woman rode up to me on the bicycle, took off all of her clothes, and said 'take what you want from me!'" The second engineer muses on this for a little while, walking in silence, when finally he replies: "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you!"

[Don Julio Anejo]

A forest fire starts next to a small Californian town, so the mayor orders all of the firefighters to go and extinguish it before it reaches the town.

However, while all the firefighters are away, one of the houses starts to burn. The mayor, out of options, decides to send in the local "smart guys" - a physicist, a mathematician and a statistician to put the fire out, thinking they're probably smart enough to figure something out.

The physicist looks at the materials the house is made out of and calculates intensity and duration of the fire.

The mathematician looks at physicist's data and calculates the amount of water needed to extinguish the flame.

The statistician looks at the data collected by the two fellows and goes off to set more houses on fire so he has a better sample to draw conclusions from.

[Felyndiira]

This:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTby_e4-Rhg

[WalkingTarget]

Not so much a joke as an amusing limerick.

A dozen, a gross, and a score
plus three times the square root of four
Divided by Seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more.

(((12+144+20+(3*2))/7)+(5*11)=9*9

182/7 + 55 = 81

26+55=81

I'm also a big fan of the infinite mathematicians enter a bar joke already mentioned.

[Cealocanth]

"Life without geometry is pointless."

Face my puns!

[Kneenibble]

What did the 0 say to the 8?
Nice belt.



.....yeah, I don't do much math.

[IonDragon]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/math/1/d/1/1d1553468ab9a8e79faaa5e937bf7d05.png <3
Math

[Cyrano]

I've known this one for a while, so chances are it's already super-known. But on the off-chance this is new to anyone...

A physician, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting, enjoying a quiet lunch together in a park. Across the street they see a pair of individuals entering a building. About ten minutes later they reappear with a third person in tow. The physician exclaims, "Oh no! There must be an error in measurement!" The biologist proclaims "It's simple, they must have reproduced inside." The mathematician firmly concludes "If one more person enters that building it will be empty."

[Eldan]

A pair of mathematicians went out to lunch one day. While one was in the restroom, the other beckoned the waitress over and said, "When my friend comes back, I'm going to ask you a question. I want you to say 'one-third x cubed.' Okay?" She agreed, and walked away muttering "one thir dex cube under her breath". After a few minutes the other guy returned to the table.

When he began his daily rant about the failure of teachers to impart a basic knowledge of mathematics in their students, the first guy said, "I'll bet you five dollars that I can ask someone a basic question, and that they'll get it right."

"You're on!"

So the first guy called the waitress over and asked her, "What is the integral of x squared?"

She immediately responded, "One third x cubed." The first guy laughed and held out his hand to receive his winnings. The waitress looked down, met his eyes, and added, "Plus a constant."

So, what's the joke here? I get the math, but why is it funny?

[Keld Denar]

The mathematician that told the waitress the answer only gave her half of the answer. The +C part is important. But she knew it on her own. She could have solved the problem without the first mathematician telling her the answer. This disproves the second mathematician's theory, that "teachers fail to impart basic knowledge of mathematics".

Or that she's using her waitress tips to put herself through engineering school...

[mucat]

So, what's the joke here? I get the math, but why is it funny?

The waitress pulled a Lord Shojo.

The guy was assuming the waitress didn't know calculus, and the only way he could win the bet was to cheat. She played along, pretending to memorize the phrase he taught her phonetically. ("One thir dex cube").

The punch line ("plus a constant") is her way of saying "I'm not an idiot, you jerk."

[thubby]

would the root evil joke be inappropriate?

[IonDragon]

would the root evil joke be inappropriate?

Yes it would.

[Mushroom Ninja]

What's purple and commutative?
An abelian grape. (yes, this is a horrible pun)


What's, green, and homeomorphic to the open unit interval?
The real lime