Murphy's Law 4 (4 Times The Mayhem!)

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ooh, the campaign setting? If anyone's interested, I'd like to test it out in a play-by-post game.

It won't happen for at least a few months. Plot needs to happen first and I want to join in too.

[Illven]

Ooh, the campaign setting? If anyone's interested, I'd like to test it out in a play-by-post game.


It won't happen for at least a few months. Plot needs to happen first and I want to join in too.


I call DM (cue evil laugh)

[Darklord Xavez]

Ferengi think so.

You bet they do.:smallbiggrin:
-Xavez

[Marnath]

Dragons live to be about 1000, tops, in Aequar. Elves live to be about 450-ish while half-elves live to be about 180-200.

Oh, ok. :smallsmile: But even then wouldn't he still be alive? I was under the impression he's still pretty young?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh, ok. :smallsmile: But even then wouldn't he still be alive? I was under the impression he's still pretty young?

I didn't say definitely.

[Maxios]

Hey coffe, I was thinking about starting my own webcomic, and I was wondering how do you illustrate yours, because when I make webcomic strips, I can't get the characters right and they look diffrent in nearly every panel.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hey coffe, I was thinking about starting my own webcomic, and I was wondering how do you illustrate yours, because when I make webcomic strips, I can't get the characters right and they look diffrent in nearly every panel.

Well, what I do is that on the page where I make the comic I have standard templates. I have templates of each character and of small things that are difficult for me to make standard every time, like the question mark eyebrows, Matt's neutral expression, some types of weaponry, colors for backgrounds, and so forth. When i make the comic, I copy and paste the character templates and then edit them: Make them move by adjusting the legs and arms, rotate them, change their expressions, etcetera.

[Zexion]

Well, what I do is that on the page where I make the comic I have standard templates. I have templates of each character and of small things that are difficult for me to make standard every time, like the question mark eyebrows, Matt's neutral expression, some types of weaponry, colors for backgrounds, and so forth. When i make the comic, I copy and paste the character templates and then edit them: Make them move by adjusting the legs and arms, rotate them, change their expressions, etcetera.
Yup, that's basicallpretty much how it works. I use the same basic character models for my entire comic. :smalltongue::smallbiggrin:

But, Maxios, I recommend that you spend several days on your opening comic. The first comic is something that can take ages to get right.

[Jjeinn-tae]

Since we're asking questions on the process... What program do you use for the comic Coffee?

[Zexion]

Since we're asking questions on the process... What program do you use for the comic Coffee?
I use Inkscape!
But nobody asked me... :smallfrown:

[Silverraptor]

I use Inkscape!
But nobody asked me... :smallfrown:

Inkscape is the way to go.:smallwink:

[Allan Surgite]

I do believe that Coffee has stated that she uses Inkscape on several occasions.

[Marnath]

Every time I get on here we've derailed to something new. O.o

I have an on topic question!! What happened to the salblaze's remains?

[Maxios]

Well, what I do is that on the page where I make the comic I have standard templates. I have templates of each character and of small things that are difficult for me to make standard every time, like the question mark eyebrows, Matt's neutral expression, some types of weaponry, colors for backgrounds, and so forth. When i make the comic, I copy and paste the character templates and then edit them: Make them move by adjusting the legs and arms, rotate them, change their expressions, etcetera.

Alright. Thanks or telling me. I'll try to make my own webcomic. I'll let you guys know how it works out.

[Anitar]

Every time I get on here we've derailed to something new. O.o

I have an on topic question!! What happened to the salblaze's remains?

Giant volcano?

[Marnath]

Giant volcano?

seems like a decent idea, except didn't they say there's a temple right there where she ascended? That would be hard to keep usable if there was lava. :smallsmile:

[Jjeinn-tae]

seems like a decent idea, except didn't they say there's a temple right there where she ascended? That would be hard to keep usable if there was lava. :smallsmile:

Maybe the temple is made of force?

[HalfTangible]

seems like a decent idea, except didn't they say there's a temple right there where she ascended? That would be hard to keep usable if there was lava. :smallsmile:

If you look at the panel where Astrid ascended, she took the corpse with her.

[Maxios]

Alright. Thanks or telling me. I'll try to make my own webcomic. I'll let you guys know how it works out.

Update: I just finished the first strip. I'll start my thread for it either tonight or tomorrow.

[CoffeeIncluded]

If you look at the panel where Astrid ascended, she took the corpse with her.

You got it.

Also, if there is a homebrew and a PbP of Aequar in the future, I'm joining up. And I'm playing as a future character in the series.

[Lix Lorn]

I call Serrin.

[Illven]

I'll post a big 16 if/when Coffee posts a setting, assuming no one has any problems with me dm'ing

[RdMarquis]

I haven't seen the rest of the setting yet (well, none of us has), but I'd prefer to play an original character. Or maybe DM if there's a lot of interest.

[Mystic Muse]

I'd like to do an original character if the PBP starts.

[Darklord Xavez]

I'd like to do an original character if the PBP starts.

As would I, but we're probably not going to be able to use the 3.0 psionic rules. I like them better.:smallannoyed:
-Xavez

[Mystic Muse]

As would I, but we're probably not going to be able to use the 3.0 psionic rules. I like them better.:smallannoyed:
-Xavez

what about them is better?

and lets keep the psionics discussion to PMs so that we don't derail Coffee's thread further.

[Darklord Xavez]

what about them is better?

and lets keep the psionics discussion to PMs so that we don't derail Coffee's thread further.

Read my thread in the roleplaying games forum.
-Xavez

[CoffeeIncluded]

As would I, but we're probably not going to be able to use the 3.0 psionic rules. I like them better.:smallannoyed:
-Xavez


what about them is better?

and lets keep the psionics discussion to PMs so that we don't derail Coffee's thread further.

There are no psionics in Aequar.

And I'd really prefer it if people made OC's. The only reason I'd use this future character as my PC is that I'm using him for roleplaying purposes, to get his character down better. He has no idea what he wants to be; he started out as a cheery redhead with a bad leg and now he's a deadpan snarking, chain-smoking albino.

[Symmys]

He has no idea what he wants to be; he started out as a cheery redhead with a bad leg and now he's a deadpan snarking, chain-smoking albino.

All I ask is that he's awesome. :smalltongue:

[Lix Lorn]

All I ask is that he's awesome. :smalltongue:
Don't be silly, this is Coffee.
That goes without saying. :P

[Mina Kobold]

Can I have an OC in the setting too?


I'm split between playing the guy who think he's the big hero but is, in fact, the butt monkey and completely useless or the cloudcuckoolander who keeps getting in trouble...

But back on topic, it does indeed go without saying tat any of Coffee's characters are awesome :smallsmile:

[Symmys]

Don't be silly, this is Coffee.
That goes without saying. :P

Yes, I know. :smalltongue:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Don't be silly, this is Coffee.
That goes without saying. :P

Thank you! :smallbiggrin:

And I've been drawing some concept art of him (Sorry, the scanner's still broken). As much as I hate hate hate smoking, it really is appropriate for his character.

Update Friday. Saturday is Yom Kippur and I have school on Monday, so updates then are out of the question.

[Marnath]

Update Friday. Saturday is Yom Kippur and I have school on Monday, so updates then are out of the question.

Aww, I'll probably be out of town friday! I guess i'll have to wait.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I woke up at 5:30 AM with this story prompt in my head. This takes place in the sequel. It's all a character's thoughts.


Alistair walks up the slope, the wind whipping around him. Even in Tunit Island, the only place where the sea breeze does not blow is in the belly of the volcano.

He walks up to a slab of white marble, pulls out a large container of noodles, puts about half of it into a bowl, sits on the slab, and begins to eat. He takes his time, savoring the taste. When he finishes, he smirks at the marble.

"Well?" he asks. "Have you been watching?"

The slab does not answer. The body underneath silently decomposes. Ghosts never respond, not even for him. Especially not this one.

Alistair clasps his hands and smiles.

Ah, it had been a long battle of wits, one in which she had perished but a few years ago (He was there, at arm's length), but now his plan was in the final stages of completion. And two of them too, though the altar only called for the blood of one!

The boy then. He was more daring, more...Reckless. The girl was too cautious. Alistair saw how that chain-smoking albino (He had only seen the white-haired, violet-eyed young man for a few minutes, yet he could not conceive of him without a cigarette dangling from his fingers or clenched between his teeth) had looked at him with suspicion. The girl may not believe him, but she would listen. It would be too much trouble.

The albino was a sorcerer though, he could really mess things up...But then again, unlikely. He spent his fire spells lighting cigarettes rather than smiting foes. And if worst came to worst...Alistair knew of the intimate link between caster and familiar. It wouldn't be too hard to snap a rat's neck.

Then there was Loki...But he was of no concern. They had been allies once, but now he was the guardian of a deserted island, a half-drowned city, a fool, inexorably stuck in the past. And his one true foe was dead for years.

Ah, that battle between the minds, between the powers. Alistair smiles almost fondly at the memories. A worthy opponent for his intellect! It had been centuries since he had found an equal, and then there was her. And she had nearly won, too. But when The Messenger had betrayed her (A completely unexpected and absolutely marvelous stroke of luck), she inadvertently let her guard down for the first--And last--Time in her life. It was almost funny. Once he had pierced her magical defenses, she was surprisingly frail, her trachea as crushable as any other mortals'. He remembers how light she was as he held her up in the air by her throat, how weak she was as she struggled against him, and then, how her eyes rolled up and her body went slack as the bowl of unfinished noodles cooled on the table behind them.

He was almost disappointed at how easily she died.

And then he buried her here. He wanted her to see his great victory, wanted her to see the new world he would create, wanted her to see her hopes and dreams and life she once knew crumble. Alistair grins, bends over the grave, and whispers almost as he would to a lover.

"Well, my dear? It looks like I've finally won."

He turns to leave, to finish his preparations. And then looks back. She was a mere obstacle, albeit a great obstacle, to his plans, nothing more. He shouldn't put any emotional stock into it.

And yet...And yet...

He looks at the letters, crudely engraved in the marble. He carved them himself.

Melata Enimaynes
The Last Worthy Opponent

He leaves a bowl of noodles for the ghosts.

:smallamused:

[Lix Lorn]

...
CREEPY.
Also awesome, obviously.

[CoffeeIncluded]

...
CREEPY.
Also awesome, obviously.

Thank you! Anything specific? And yes, there WILL be a comic later tonight.
Alistair has his own plan, Loki has his own plan, Melata had her own plan but now she's dead, all of them are in various stages of completion, Demetri, Lucille, and Cyrus are in the center of it but they want to do their own thing...Why yes, there will be a Thirty Xanatos Pileup in the sequel to Murphy's Law.

[Lix Lorn]

Well... do we know any of those characters, or are they all To-be-Introduced?

Hooray for thirty xanatos pileups!

[CoffeeIncluded]

Well... do we know any of those characters, or are they all To-be-Introduced?

Hooray for thirty xanatos pileups!

No. The sequel has, except for about 5 characters (Most of them in the background), an entirely new cast. Too bad it'll be years...

And yeah, they're great. Think I can pull it off?

[Lix Lorn]

(nods) Thought so. I'll wait. XD

I bet you can, you're a great storyteller. :)
(Goes back to writing naruto fanfic)

[Jjeinn-tae]

No. The sequel has, except for about 5 characters (Most of them in the background), an entirely new cast. Too bad it'll be years...

And yeah, they're great. Think I can pull it off?

I predict Hector and his orc friend will be in it, they've shown up twice and are adventurers; they must be important.:smallsmile:

[Lix Lorn]

I predict Hector and his orc friend will be in it, they've shown up twice and are adventurers; they must be important.:smallsmile:
I support this theory. XD

[HalfTangible]

I predict Hector and his orc friend will be in it, they've shown up twice and are adventurers; they must be important.:smallsmile:

comic relief is ALWAYS important :smallbiggrin:

[Asta Kask]

I think Coffee has said they're just the Odd Couple Who Keeps Turning Up. Not necessarily connected to the story, they're there to stand around and look funny.

[CoffeeIncluded]

You'll see! :smallbiggrin:

What did you think of this story blurb though? I'm going to work on the comic and post it in a couple of hours.

[Jjeinn-tae]

You'll see! :smallbiggrin:

What did you think of this story blurb though? I'm going to work on the comic and post it in a couple of hours.

I am curious whether the narrator is trying to become a god, or is just a well-intentioned-extremist. He didn't seem like a very nice person, at least on the conscious depths he's aware of, towards the end it seems almost like he feels he's in the wrong.

Regardless, it is quite a bit of taunting, is it the next comic? Or one of the other prologues/sequels? Or will you not tell us?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm not telling you anything except that it's in the sequel. Sorry. :smalltongue:

But it's comic time! :smallbiggrin:

#85: She'll Actually Be Sensible For Once
http://i909.photobucket.com/albums/ac294/caffeineincluded/ShellActuallyBeSensibleForOnce.png

[mucat]

Awww...

That was a seriously happy strip! :smallsmile:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Awww...

That was a seriously happy strip! :smallsmile:

Thanks. :smallbiggrin: And did you read the little short on the previous page? I really want to see what you'll have to say about that. (It takes place during the sequel.)

[mucat]

Thanks. :smallbiggrin: And did you read the little short on the previous page? I really want to see what you'll have to say about that. (It takes place during the sequel.)

I haven't yet! (I saw it there, but wanted to wait until I had a chance to read it quietly rather than in ten-second intervals between crazy stuff at work.)

I'll remedy that in a couple hours when work ends. In the meantime, though, this really was an adorable episode!

[CoffeeIncluded]

I haven't yet! (I saw it there, but wanted to wait until I had a chance to read it quietly rather than in ten-second intervals between crazy stuff at work.)

I'll remedy that in a couple hours when work ends. In the meantime, though, this really was an adorable episode!

Thanks, Mucat! *Waits eagerly*

[CWater]

Hee! It's nice to see a happy Serrin, she's glad in such an innocent way. Well, well and what will the team name be?:smalltongue:

...We'll have to wait until next week, right?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hee! It's nice to see a happy Serrin, she's glad in such an innocent way. Well, well and what will the team name be?:smalltongue:

...We'll have to wait until next week, right?

That's what I love about Serrin. There's this genuine sweetness about her.

And yeah. Next week! :smalltongue:

Didja read the little short on the previous page?

[CWater]

Ah, I glanced at it, but unfortunately it's a leetle late over here, so I think I'll leave it for "tomorrow". I don't read English well while tired:smallamused:
All I can say now is that it looked interesting.:smallsmile:

[Raging Gene Ray]

And yeah. Next week! :smalltongue:



Oh...I thought the last panel was Serrin deciding that the team name would be "Yippee!"

[Jjeinn-tae]

Oh...I thought the last panel was Serrin deciding that the team name would be "Yippee!"

Shhh... Spoilers, you're not supposed to know yet.



Hmm, though what would she really name it I wonder.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ah, I glanced at it, but unfortunately it's a leetle late over here, so I think I'll leave it for "tomorrow". I don't read English well while tired:smallamused:
All I can say now is that it looked interesting.:smallsmile:

Thanks!


Oh...I thought the last panel was Serrin deciding that the team name would be "Yippee!"

Nope. :smalltongue:


Shhh... Spoilers, you're not supposed to know yet.



Hmm, though what would she really name it I wonder.

Well, if you read carefully and figure out a certain theme (It's pretty tricky, Silverraptor and Water-Smurf didn't get it until I told them), you might be able to guess on the topic of the team name, if not the actual name itself. Otherwise, wait until next Friday! :smallbiggrin:

[Jjeinn-tae]

Well, if you read carefully and figure out a certain theme (It's pretty tricky, Silverraptor and Water-Smurf didn't get it until I told them), you might be able to guess on the topic of the team name, if not the actual name itself. Otherwise, wait until next Friday! :smallbiggrin:

Ok, my guess on the team name, and their emblem...

Their team will simply be named "Fur" and their emblem will be a strange cylindrical type of evergreen tree.

[Tulio d Bard]

I woke up at 5:30 AM with this story prompt in my head. This takes place in the sequel. It's all a character's thoughts.

[awesomeness]

:smallamused:

That's great, Coffee! I wonder what Alistair's plans are...
Is that piece near the beginning or the end of the sequel?

And also nice update!

[RdMarquis]

:smallbiggrin: Serrin's cheerfulness seems to be contagious, because tonight's comic really cheered me up. By the way, Terrance and Gianna make a cute couple.

That little excerpt wasn't bad, either. It's refreshing to hear things from a villain's point of view and you made him feel sinister.

[Asta Kask]

I have a bad feeling about this. They'll end up with a thirty-syllable name of incomprehensibleness.

[CoffeeIncluded]

:smallbiggrin: Serrin's cheerfulness seems to be contagious, because tonight's comic really cheered me up. By the way, Terrance and Gianna make a cute couple.

That little excerpt wasn't bad, either. It's refreshing to hear things from a villain's point of view and you made him feel sinister.

Thanks everyone. And yep, Serrin's...I just love her.

*CoughCoughTerrenceGiannaCrackPairingCoughCough*


I have a bad feeling about this. They'll end up with a thirty-syllable name of incomprehensibleness.

Meh, only if she downs some coffee.

[Zanaril]

*CoughCoughTerrenceGiannaCrackPairingCoughCough*
You call that a crack pairing?

[CoffeeIncluded]

You call that a crack pairing?

Depends on what you do with it, and whether Fenrir is involved. :smallamused:

Nice avatar by the way. Didja read the short?

[Zanaril]

Didja read the short?
Yeah, it's good. You've got the mood down very well.

[HalfTangible]

Depends on what you do with it, and whether Fenrir is involved. :smallamused:

Nice avatar by the way. Didja read the short?

The Implication :smalltongue:
"I have something i need to tell you... I... I..."

"Yes..."

"I... l-love..."

"Yes?!"

"Fenrir."

"... what?"

[CoffeeIncluded]

Yeah, it's good. You've got the mood down very well.

Thanks! So, what do you think of Alistair and the scene and his interactions with Melata? :smallamused:

(Sorry, it's just that a lot of the sequel is mind games over fighting and I need to make the characters work seamlessly.)

[Lix Lorn]

Serrin is ADORABUBBLE!

[mucat]

Serrin is ADORABUBBLE!

Ain't she?

Y'know, one detail I missed on the first read: in the last frame, when Serrien catapults (:smallcool:) Fir into the air, Fir does not make the surprised-eyes expression.

Which kind of suggests that Serrin does this all the time and Fir is totally used to it. :smallsmile:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ain't she?

Y'know, one detail I missed on the first read: in the last frame, when Serrien catapults (:smallcool:) Fir into the air, Fir does not make the surprised-eyes expression.

Which kind of suggests that Serrin does this all the time and Fir is totally used to it. :smallsmile:

I told you, I love Serrin as a character.

And yep. Come on, isn't that to be expected?

(And did you read it yet? :smalltongue: Sorry if I'm pestering you.)

[Marnath]

What did you think of this story blurb though?


And did you read the little short on the previous page?


Didja read the little short on the previous page?


Didja read the short?


Thanks! So, what do you think of Alistair and the scene and his interactions with Melata? :smallamused:



(And did you read it yet? :smalltongue: Sorry if I'm pestering you.)

I sense a pattern here. :smallwink:
I read it and was intrigued, it looks like it will be a nice story. I'm confused though because I'm not sure exactly whats going on, but I imagine context will be along at some point to enlighten me.
As to the comic, D'aww happy serrin is adorable! She looks so excited. :smallsmile:

[CoffeeIncluded]

I sense a pattern here. :smallwink:
I read it and was intrigued, it looks like it will be a nice story. I'm confused though because I'm not sure exactly whats going on, but I imagine context will be along at some point to enlighten me.
As to the comic, D'aww happy serrin is adorable! She looks so excited. :smallsmile:

Okay, okay, I'll stop. :smalltongue: (It's just that I'm afraid people will miss it).

And yeah, it'll make sense later.

I think I just made everybody love Serrin even more. Isn't it nice to finally have a half-elf who isn't a brooding angstbucket? :smallbiggrin:

[Mina Kobold]

Okay, okay, I'll stop. :smalltongue: (It's just that I'm afraid people will miss it).

And yeah, it'll make sense later.

I think I just made everybody love Serrin even more. Isn't it nice to finally have a half-elf who isn't a brooding angstbucket? :smallbiggrin:

I thought it was the half-orcs and Drow who had patent on the angsty buckets? Must remember to check in the patent office :smalltongue:

But yeah, we all love Serrin a lot and we all think the little story blurb was intriguing :smallsmile:

[Asta Kask]

Okay, okay, I'll stop. :smalltongue: (It's just that I'm afraid people will miss it).

Link to it in your sig.

[Jjeinn-tae]

But yeah, we all love Serrin a lot and we all think the little story blurb was intriguing :smallsmile:

This is of course the greatest threat to Serrin's survival, and had she inherited her family's genre savvy she would know this. Whenever a hero has to die dramatically, it's always the overly happy one that everyone likes. It's just not as dramatic for anyone else to die, and it'll effect the party the most, especially the ones that were mean to them. Saphrin's threat was not idle, they will never be heard from again.


Enough doom and gloom though, I always considered half-elves to be the really happy ones, they have a quick human metabolism, yet have the playful nature of an elf. The angsty ones must be bouncing off the walls when they get home, all that energy must go somewhere.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I thought it was the half-orcs and Drow who had patent on the angsty buckets? Must remember to check in the patent office :smalltongue:

But yeah, we all love Serrin a lot and we all think the little story blurb was intriguing :smallsmile:

Yeah, but I noticed that half-elves are sterotypically angsty about their mixed-race blood. Though this is partially because the full elves are arrogant pricks. Not here though. :smallbiggrin:


This is of course the greatest threat to Serrin's survival, and had she inherited her family's genre savvy she would know this. Whenever a hero has to die dramatically, it's always the overly happy one that everyone likes. It's just not as dramatic for anyone else to die, and it'll effect the party the most, especially the ones that were mean to them. Saphrin's threat was not idle, they will never be heard from again.


Enough doom and gloom though, I always considered half-elves to be the really happy ones, they have a quick human metabolism, yet have the playful nature of an elf. The angsty ones must be bouncing off the walls when they get home, all that energy must go somewhere.

Serrin's a bit genre savvy; she had to have picked some things up. And look at the title of that comic again, Serrin's family is safe. And it was Luic who freaked.

Yeah, Serrin's blood is one part hemoglobin, four parts caffeine and red bull. The rest of her family isn't much better. I almost pity her ex-boyfriend. :smalltongue:

[MoleMage]

Yeah, Serrin's blood is one part hemoglobin, four parts caffeine and red bull. The rest of her family isn't much better. I almost pity her ex-boyfriend. :smalltongue:

Wouldn't this mean that you almost pity your future boyfriend(s)? Seeing as you're self-described as being of a similar level of energy...

[Jjeinn-tae]

Serrin's a bit genre savvy; she had to have picked some things up. And look at the title of that comic again, Serrin's family is safe. And it was Luic who freaked.

Yeah, Serrin's blood is one part hemoglobin, four parts caffeine and red bull. The rest of her family isn't much better. I almost pity her ex-boyfriend. :smalltongue:

I know Serrin's family is safe, but I have the striking of intuition that being Serrin is one of the most dangerous positions in the world.

Hmm, I would imagine that would be painful having so much caffeine running through the bloodstream... Does she naturally produce caffeine? Or is she guzzling down mountain dew and red bull whenever she's off-panel? :smalltongue:

[Marnath]

I thought it was the half-orcs and Drow who had patent on the angsty buckets? Must remember to check in the patent office :smalltongue:


Yeah see, this is what I thought. All the half-elves I've ever seen portrayed are either happy and hyper or smooth/suave operators. I don't think I've ever seen one that was sad about their heritage.

[Silverraptor]

Yeah, but I noticed that half-elves are sterotypically angsty about their mixed-race blood. Though this is partially because the full elves are arrogant pricks. Not here though. :smallbiggrin:



Serrin's a bit genre savvy; she had to have picked some things up. And look at the title of that comic again, Serrin's family is safe. And it was Luic who freaked.

Yeah, Serrin's blood is one part hemoglobin, four parts caffeine and red bull. The rest of her family isn't much better. I almost pity her ex-boyfriend. :smalltongue:

Actually, Lucrid is perhaps the only person who is not hyper most of the time. Also, I believe that Serrin has inherited one characteristic from him that will be amusing.:smallamused: (Shall not say any more for fear of being shot)

[CWater]

Serrin is adorable and funny, so of course we all like her:smallsmile:

...Just make sure she'll never contract the dreaded disease that all characters in the multistoryverse shudder, often the sad result from authors liking their characters too much, okay?:smallamused:

But seriously speaking, I believe she'll be fine.


Speaking of other things, there was this little short story:


I woke up at 5:30 AM with this story prompt in my head. This takes place in the sequel. It's all a character's thoughts.


Alistair walks up the slope, the wind whipping around him. Even in Tunit Island, the only place where the sea breeze does not blow is in the belly of the volcano.

He walks up to a slab of white marble, pulls out a large container of noodles, puts about half of it into a bowl, sits on the slab, and begins to eat. He takes his time, savoring the taste. When he finishes, he smirks at the marble.

"Well?" he asks. "Have you been watching?"

The slab does not answer. The body underneath silently decomposes. Ghosts never respond, not even for him. Especially not this one.

Alistair clasps his hands and smiles.

Ah, it had been a long battle of wits, one in which she had perished but a few years ago (He was there, at arm's length), but now his plan was in the final stages of completion. And two of them too, though the altar only called for the blood of one!

The boy then. He was more daring, more...Reckless. The girl was too cautious. Alistair saw how that chain-smoking albino (He had only seen the white-haired, violet-eyed young man for a few minutes, yet he could not conceive of him without a cigarette dangling from his fingers or clenched between his teeth) had looked at him with suspicion. The girl may not believe him, but she would listen. It would be too much trouble.

The albino was a sorcerer though, he could really mess things up...But then again, unlikely. He spent his fire spells lighting cigarettes rather than smiting foes. And if worst came to worst...Alistair knew of the intimate link between caster and familiar. It wouldn't be too hard to snap a rat's neck.

Then there was Loki...But he was of no concern. They had been allies once, but now he was the guardian of a deserted island, a half-drowned city, a fool, inexorably stuck in the past. And his one true foe was dead for years.

Ah, that battle between the minds, between the powers. Alistair smiles almost fondly at the memories. A worthy opponent for his intellect! It had been centuries since he had found an equal, and then there was her. And she had nearly won, too. But when The Messenger had betrayed her (A completely unexpected and absolutely marvelous stroke of luck), she inadvertently let her guard down for the first--And last--Time in her life. It was almost funny. Once he had pierced her magical defenses, she was surprisingly frail, her trachea as crushable as any other mortals'. He remembers how light she was as he held her up in the air by her throat, how weak she was as she struggled against him, and then, how her eyes rolled up and her body went slack as the bowl of unfinished noodles cooled on the table behind them.

He was almost disappointed at how easily she died.

And then he buried her here. He wanted her to see his great victory, wanted her to see the new world he would create, wanted her to see her hopes and dreams and life she once knew crumble. Alistair grins, bends over the grave, and whispers almost as he would to a lover.

"Well, my dear? It looks like I've finally won."

He turns to leave, to finish his preparations. And then looks back. She was a mere obstacle, albeit a great obstacle, to his plans, nothing more. He shouldn't put any emotional stock into it.

And yet...And yet...

He looks at the letters, crudely engraved in the marble. He carved them himself.

Melata Enimaynes
The Last Worthy Opponent

He leaves a bowl of noodles for the ghosts.

:smallamused:

This is really good. (I'll leave the judging of the language, word choices, etc. to those that are native English (I have nothing particular to complain of), and concentrate on the content.)
It's obscure enough to work as a prologue(or as a shameless attempt to tempt the audience:smallamused:), but not too much that you cannot get a grasp of it. The one whose thoughts these are, Alistair he was called, sounds a lot like a villain, at least he has a somewhat villaneus mind, if not outright evil (kills and threats sound pretty Evil, but then again, many things do get pass as Neutral too nowadays, given the right circumstances).

He is obviously planning something that recuires at least one of the two main characters mentioned. At least I assume they're both main characters, I think I can at least recall you mentioning the smoking albino before... And they seem to be somehow special or something, that's why this Alistair needs them. And high-flying plans he has...

Is this Melata gone for good I wonder; how much can a ghost affect things in Aequar?
By the way, that Messenger that is mentioned, I remember you speaking of "a Messenger Arc" concerning the current Murphy's Law -story, these have anything in common?

Buut, all in all, I liked it. The story moved along smoothly and you could follow Alistair's thoughts without too much trouble, i.e. the subject didn't change too quickly for it be annoying. Many hints, but nothing concrete, works for me. I hope the sequel will arrive one day, I'm already curious. This Alistair is interesting as a character too.

Hmm...I think that's all I have to say...oh, I also likeed the noodle theme, it helped holding the story together.:smalltongue:
Can't stand the taste of them myself though, or the smell, makes me nauseated:smallamused:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Wouldn't this mean that you almost pity your future boyfriend(s)? Seeing as you're self-described as being of a similar level of energy...

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.


Yeah see, this is what I thought. All the half-elves I've ever seen portrayed are either happy and hyper or smooth/suave operators. I don't think I've ever seen one that was sad about their heritage.

Then I guess it's a Mary-Sue thing?


Actually, Lucrid is perhaps the only person who is not hyper most of the time. Also, I believe that Serrin has inherited one characteristic from him that will be amusing.:smallamused: (Shall not say any more for fear of being shot)

What was that one again? (PM please).


Serrin is adorable and funny, so of course we all like her:smallsmile:

...Just make sure she'll never contract the dreaded disease that all characters in the multistoryverse shudder, often the sad result from authors liking their characters too much, okay?:smallamused:

But seriously speaking, I believe she'll be fine.


Speaking of other things, there was this little short story:



This is really good. (I'll leave the judging of the language, word choices, etc. to those that are native English (I have nothing particular to complain of), and concentrate on the content.)
It's obscure enough to work as a prologue(or as a shameless attempt to tempt the audience:smallamused:), but not too much that you cannot get a grasp of it. The one whose thoughts these are, Alistair he was called, sounds a lot like a villain, at least he has a somewhat villaneus mind, if not outright evil (kills and threats sound pretty Evil, but then again, many things do get pass as Neutral too nowadays, given the right circumstances).

He is obviously planning something that recuires at least one of the two main characters mentioned. At least I assume they're both main characters, I think I can at least recall you mentioning the smoking albino before... And they seem to be somehow special or something, that's why this Alistair needs them. And high-flying plans he has...

Is this Melata gone for good I wonder; how much can a ghost affect things in Aequar?
By the way, that Messenger that is mentioned, I remember you speaking of "a Messenger Arc" concerning the current Murphy's Law -story, these have anything in common?

Buut, all in all, I liked it. The story moved along smoothly and you could follow Alistair's thoughts without too much trouble, i.e. the subject didn't change too quickly for it be annoying. Many hints, but nothing concrete, works for me. I hope the sequel will arrive one day, I'm already curious. This Alistair is interesting as a character too.

Hmm...I think that's all I have to say...oh, I also likeed the noodle theme, it helped holding the story together.:smalltongue:
Can't stand the taste of them myself though, or the smell, makes me nauseated:smallamused:

Thank you! But what's that disease?

Thanks for the review, CWater. And the only thing I'll say is that Alistair doesn't care much for noodles, but they were Melata's favorite food, and he knew it. Kinda puts his oh-so-slowly eating the perfectly-cooked noodles while sitting on top of her grave thing in a whole new light, doesn't it. :smallamused:

Why yes, Alistair is arrogant.

[Mystic Muse]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.


That's just not being fair to yourself. Unless you have some horrible deformity, I can't see any reason you'd think that. Of course, I don't know you personally, so there could be something I just don't know about.

[Lix Lorn]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.
(Hides roses behind back)
Girlfriend, on the other hand...

[MoleMage]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.

Don't be that way. Share your interests with the boys and you might be surprised. And even if they're not interested what have you lost? Nothing. That's what.

Find a creative writing club or something; especially once you go to school. You'll draw some attention there, with your story-telling abilities.

[CWater]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.

Oh, shut it. You'll find him.:smallsmile:



Thank you! But what's that disease?
You mentioned it right above in your post.:smallamused:


Thanks for the review, CWater. And the only thing I'll say is that Alistair doesn't care much for noodles, but they were Melata's favorite food, and he knew it. Kinda puts his oh-so-slowly eating the perfectly-cooked noodles while sitting on top of her grave thing in a whole new light, doesn't it. :smallamused:

Why yes, Alistair is arrogant.
Indeed, you know what they say of love and hate?:smallamused: Then again, he didn't really express any real hate towards her, more like respect.

[CoffeeIncluded]

That's just not being fair to yourself. Unless you have some horrible deformity, I can't see any reason you'd think that. Of course, I don't know you personally, so there could be something I just don't know about.


(Hides roses behind back)
Girlfriend, on the other hand...


Don't be that way. Share your interests with the boys and you might be surprised. And even if they're not interested what have you lost? Nothing. That's what.

Find a creative writing club or something; especially once you go to school. You'll draw some attention there, with your story-telling abilities.


Oh, shut it. You'll find him.:smallsmile:

Thanks guys. :smallredface:


You mentioned it right above in your post.:smallamused:

You mean bad fanfiction turning her into an angstbucket?


Then again, he didn't really express any real hate towards her, more like respect.

Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Alistair and Melata were the ultimate rivals; they both knew that one would kill the other in the end, and they both set plans and counterplans in motion, and basically affected the entire plot of the sequel. However, even though they were both rivals and the winner would murder the loser, and they both knew this, Alistair and Melata had enormous respect for each other and each others' intellectual abilities. They were worthy opponents, and could have been friends in another world, and they both knew this.

That's why Alistair actually buried her, why, even though he taunted her with his imminent victory, he made sure her epitaph bestowed the highest praise, and left a dish of her favorite food on her grave.

If it were Melata who had killed Alistair, she would have done the same thing.

[Darklord Xavez]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.

Oh, come on. You're an excellent person, someone will like you enough.
-Xavez

[Lix Lorn]

Thanks guys. :smallredface:
(blows kiss)


You mean bad fanfiction turning her into an angstbucket?
Look on the bright side: It can't be worse than My Immortal. (Literally, it's metaphysically impossible.)


Alistair and Melata were the ultimate rivals; they both knew that one would kill the other in the end, and they both set plans and counterplans in motion, and basically affected the entire plot of the sequel. However, even though they were both rivals and the winner would murder the loser, and they both knew this, Alistair and Melata had enormous respect for each other and each others' intellectual abilities. They were worthy opponents, and could have been friends in another world, and they both knew this.

That's why Alistair actually buried her, why, even though he taunted her with his imminent victory, he made sure her epitaph bestowed the highest praise, and left a dish of her favorite food on her grave.

If it were Melata who had killed Alistair, she would have done the same thing.
That... I... I think I've got something in my eye...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Oh, come on. You're an excellent person, someone will like you enough.
-Xavez

Thanks, guys. :smallredface:


Look on the bright side: It can't be worse than My Immortal. (Literally, it's metaphysically impossible.)

...Is it wrong that I'd like to see an attempt?



That... I... I think I've got something in my eye...

Come on, what else were you expecting from me? I'm not saying anything else about the sequel, though. :smallamused:

[Marnath]

Then I guess it's a Mary-Sue thing?



Hush your silly talk. :smallwink:
Half-elves aren't sues, they're just bubbly and wonderful and everyone loves them ^.^ yes i'm being sarcastic :P


Look on the bright side: It can't be worse than My Immortal. (Literally, it's metaphysically impossible.)


It can always get worse.........


...Is it wrong that I'd like to see an attempt?



Yes, bad Coffee! You shouldn't torment yourself like that. >.>

[Mina Kobold]

You mean bad fanfiction turning her into an angstbucket?


Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

Alistair and Melata were the ultimate rivals; they both knew that one would kill the other in the end, and they both set plans and counterplans in motion, and basically affected the entire plot of the sequel. However, even though they were both rivals and the winner would murder the loser, and they both knew this, Alistair and Melata had enormous respect for each other and each others' intellectual abilities. They were worthy opponents, and could have been friends in another world, and they both knew this.

That's why Alistair actually buried her, why, even though he taunted her with his imminent victory, he made sure her epitaph bestowed the highest praise, and left a dish of her favorite food on her grave.

If it were Melata who had killed Alistair, she would have done the same thing.

I think it was the Mary Sue part that was the disease.

Also, that is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Wish I could write like that :smallsmile:

[RdMarquis]

...Is it wrong that I'd like to see an attempt?

Not if you don't value your very sanity.

On another note, please don't be so down on yourself. You are a genuinely nice person.

[Lix Lorn]

...Is it wrong that I'd like to see an attempt?
I'd write a My Immortal style badfic, probably shipping those two from the sequel, probably as a stereotypical high school fic, but I think I'd start taking sanity damage from the misspellings I'd need to do.
And I value the tiny amout of sanity I have left.


Come on, what else were you expecting from me? I'm not saying anything else about the sequel, though. :smallamused:
Can I ship them?

[CoffeeIncluded]

I think it was the Mary Sue part that was the disease.

Also, that is beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Wish I could write like that :smallsmile:

Thank you. :smallredface:


Not if you don't value your very sanity.

On another note, please don't be so down on yourself. You are a genuinely nice person.


I'd write a My Immortal style badfic, probably shipping those two from the sequel, probably as a stereotypical high school fic, but I think I'd start taking sanity damage from the misspellings I'd need to do.
And I value the tiny amout of sanity I have left.


Can I ship them?

Okay, okay, I won't ask for it!

Yeah, you can ship them if you want. In that other world, they probably would have gotten together. I wouldn't do it until the sequel came out though.

[Draconi Redfir]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.
*Raises hand*


On a more on-topic... topic… just gunna say that the dwarf-lady (i can never remember names >.<) is super cute in the first few panels. like a kid clinging to their parents leg or something XD

i also don’t see why anyone should feel bad for Serrin's future/past boyfriends. All that hyperactivity has got to be fun in at least once certain scenario :smallwink:

[HalfTangible]

Yeah, like anyone would ever want to be my boyfriend.

Such a line of thought is highly detrimental to one's mental state.

[Lycan 01]

You're a great girl with a good heart, a sense of humor, and a love of DnD, webcomics, and other "nerd stuff" most girls hate. You are a rare breed that many guys I know would fight tooth and nail just to be friends with, let alone date. Don't be too hard on yourself. :smallwink:


Excellent short story. Very well written - even though he's the bad guy, you have to respect Alistair and the way he regards his fallen foe. Even as he mocks her, he still shows some respect for her. And maybe hints of... something more? :smallamused:


Good comic update, too. Its fun to see Serrin spazzing out and aleviating the group tension. :smalltongue:


Also, you live in NYC, right? Where you there when the tornados hit? I saw stuff about that on the news... :smalleek:

[CoffeeIncluded]

On a more on-topic... topic… just gunna say that the dwarf-lady (i can never remember names >.<) is super cute in the first few panels. like a kid clinging to their parents leg or something XD

Gianna. And just Terrence's deadpan response.


i also don’t see why anyone should feel bad for Serrin's future/past boyfriends. All that hyperactivity has got to be fun in at least once certain scenario :smallwink:

Oh God, do I pity Rolf. :smalltongue:


You're a great girl with a good heart, a sense of humor, and a love of DnD, webcomics, and other "nerd stuff" most girls hate. You are a rare breed that many guys I know would fight tooth and nail just to be friends with, let alone date. Don't be too hard on yourself. :smallwink:

:smallredface: Thanks. I guess I don't get too much of that in school.


Excellent short story. Very well written - even though he's the bad guy, you have to respect Alistair and the way he regards his fallen foe. Even as he mocks her, he still shows some respect for her. And maybe hints of... something more? :smallamused:

Thanks. I feel I'm not too good at writing prose. At least, I'm not that great at description, which I why I prefer the webcomic format.


Good comic update, too. Its fun to see Serrin spazzing out and aleviating the group tension. :smalltongue:


That's Serrin for you! :smallbiggrin:

Also, you live in NYC, right? Where you there when the tornados hit? I saw stuff about that on the news... :smalleek:

Actually, I was in the middle of a swim meet. Even inside, we could hear the thunder. :smalleek:

(And actually I live right outside NYC. Like, literally right outside. So I didn't get directly hit, but it was still pretty bad.)

[Lycan 01]

Oh God, do I pity Rolf. :smalltongue:

You may be the only person who does, in that regard. :smalltongue:



:smallredface: Thanks. I guess I don't get too much of that in school.

Well, high school is not exactly the most accurate measurement of society and culture as a whole. College is much better in that regard, as high school is where most of the idiots lurk. :smallwink:


Thanks. I feel I'm not too good at writing prose. At least, I'm not that great at description, which I why I prefer the webcomic format.

Nonsense. Twas great! :smallbiggrin:



Actually, I was in the middle of a swim meet. Even inside, we could hear the thunder. :smalleek:

(And actually I live right outside NYC. Like, literally right outside. So I didn't get directly hit, but it was still pretty bad.)


Hm. Well, its still good to know you and your family weren't directly effected or anything. I didn't know New York got tornadoes, especially in the city!

[CoffeeIncluded]

You may be the only person who does, in that regard. :smalltongue:

I can just see Serrin running laps around her room while shouting excitedly while Rolf is passed out.



Well, high school is not exactly the most accurate measurement of society and culture as a whole. College is much better in that regard, as high school is where most of the idiots lurk. :smallwink:

I find out next year! :smallbiggrin:


Hm. Well, its still good to know you and your family weren't directly effected or anything. I didn't know New York got tornadoes, especially in the city!

Neither did I! :smalleek:

[Lycan 01]

Hm. Okay, I see your point, and I am reminded of "Death by Snu-Snu" from Futurama. :smalltongue:


College. Is. Awesome. :smallbiggrin: Seriously, you will love it. Even if the one you go to is different from mine, it'll still rock your socks off. No bullies, no cliques, all the high school cliches are gone. You can be yourself, and not worry about being judged. I go to a pretty conservative school, and I still see people with anime t-shirts, spikey neon hair, and random things that would have made people in high school hate you... but are "normal" in college.


They're pretty common in Mississippi. One almost hit my college last year, in fact. It touched down a few blocks away, IIRC. :smalleek:

[MoleMage]

Heh Gicko. Were I two to three years younger I'd probably agree with you. As it is, well, a Junior in college tracking down a senior in high school (third year university and last year pre-university for you non-Americans) from halfway across the country is just a little...creepy. So I won't entertain the idea.

Plus, from what I can tell she's a cat person. I'm a dog person. Would never work.:smalltongue:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Hm. Okay, I see your point, and I am reminded of "Death by Snu-Snu" from Futurama. :smalltongue:

Pretty much. :smalltongue:


College. Is. Awesome. :smallbiggrin: Seriously, you will love it. Even if the one you go to is different from mine, it'll still rock your socks off. No bullies, no cliques, all the high school cliches are gone. You can be yourself, and not worry about being judged. I go to a pretty conservative school, and I still see people with anime t-shirts, spikey neon hair, and random things that would have made people in high school hate you... but are "normal" in college.

You have just made me even more excited about college, if that's possible. Will I have time to work on my comic?

MoleMage, I'm more of a dog person, but that would still be extremely creepy.

[MoleMage]

You have just made me even more excited about college, if that's possible. Will I have time to work on my comic?

Well, I still have time to participate in numerous play-by-posts, play my video games, play in one real-life DnD campaign, create homebrew when I want, and sometimes work on my language for the race of gnolls in my homebrew system which I also have time to work on sometimes. Oh, and read like ten webcomics including yours, read fantasy novels (usually before bed), and play frisbee when we can get enough people for it. I don't do as many clubs as I could though.



MoleMage, I'm more of a dog person, but that would still be extremely creepy.

Well this changes everything. I need to travel halfway across the country to my original hometown up in ND, relieve my parents of the puppies (actually a twoish year old dog and two old dogs), then travel halfway across the country AGAIN and use them to attract your notice. Hah.:smallyuk:

Like I said before, try to find guys in your interests; clubs do exist for all manner of things at most colleges. Learn from the mistakes of geeks before you (me) and actually take part in those clubs.

[Lycan 01]

Coffee, I have more time than I know what to do with at college, and I'm a Junior who's taken the max amount of hours allowed for every semester up until this point. I took so many classes my first two years that I'm almost out of classes to take. I could graduate half a year early, if I wanted. And even though I worked my butt off for those first two years, I still had more than enough time to spend hours a day doing nothing - playing video games, surfing the web, writing fan/crack fics, running RPGs, hanging with friends... And I still have a 3.0 average... without even applying myself to most of my classes. This semester, I'm only taking 15 hours - 5 courses. I spent about four hours in class on Monday through Thursday. I go to class for an hour on Fridays. An hour. And that's with 15 hours, an average schedule. I could take 15 hours for the next two semesters, and graduate. I could take 12 for the next three, the minimum, and still graduate on time. I'm a History Major, though, and I have less courses than a science-y major would need, admitably. But I know several medical, biology, and dental majors. They still spend more time having fun than working most days.



In short, Coffee, you will have time for you comic. :smalltongue:

[Marnath]

I thought Terrence and Gianna were halflings, not dwarves?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thanks guys. That makes me feel better.


I thought Terrence and Gianna were halflings, not dwarves?

Terrence is a halfling, Gianna is a dwarf.

[Lycan 01]

Coffee, if you have time in high school for all this, you will definitely have time in college. I did way more work in high school than I've ever had to do in college, on average. I mean, reports and stuff are hard and time consuming - I need to work on a 5 page paper due Wednesday, actually - but generally speaking, classes aren't that demanding.

You'll enjoy it. Trust me. :smallsmile:

[Silverraptor]

Take it from me Coffee, you will have time to do this during your college year. And if you have trouble, you can always come to me so I can practice my therapist classes if you want to just want to talk. I'll listen any time you need me.:smallsmile:

(Speaking of which, check your pm soon.)

[HalfTangible]

Take it from me Coffee, you will have time to do this during your college year. And if you have trouble, you can always come to me so I can practice my therapist classes if you want to just want to talk. I'll listen any time you need me.:smallsmile:

(Speaking of which, check your pm soon.)

In junior college. The first thing i realize was 'god this class is cold!'

The first thing i realized that didn't involve classrooms was 'DAMN i have a lot of free time'

[Asta Kask]

Terrence is a halfling, Gianna is a dwarf.

Now I want a Terrence and Philip crossover.

[Allan Surgite]

My dense black core of cynicism warns against hoping that college will be good; hopes are the first step towards disappointment. Mind you, a little hope is never bad. Blah, this makes me seem a lot more... what's the word? Jaded, perhaps. Yes, jaded works. So, it makes me seem a lot more jaded than I am. Regardless, I wish you enjoy college when it comes~

Anyway! I've not read the prose as of yet, nor the comic in any great detail. Would you kindly put a link on this page, since I've only just caught up on the thread and have forgotten which page it's lurking on.

[CoffeeIncluded]

The comic's on the front page. The story is here. (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showpost.php?p=9373672&postcount=535)

[Darklord Xavez]

You're a great girl with a good heart, a sense of humor, and a love of DnD, webcomics, and other "nerd stuff" most girls hate. You are a rare breed that many guys I know would fight tooth and nail just to be friends with, let alone date. Don't be too hard on yourself. :smallwink:

Totally behind you on that.
-Xavez

[MoleMage]

Well, in theory its true, but from what I've seen, most geeks aren't like to fight tooth and nail over many things. Shyness kinda gets in the way of that.

However, their willingness to actually fight notwithstanding you'll definitely be piquing their interest.

[Dusk Eclipse]

Well, in theory its true, but from what I've seen, most geeks aren't like to fight tooth and nail over many things. Shyness kinda gets in the way of that.

However, their willingness to actually fight notwithstanding you'll definitely be piquing their interest.

I consider myself pretty geeky; and I would fight tooth and nail over many things (I am also a martial arts enthusiast so that might be the reason I would do that)

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm a true wizard. I'm not physically strong in any sense of the word, but I am smart.

[Dusk Eclipse]

Smartness is something I really found atractive, IMO there is no point on a relationship if you can't have a meaningful deep conversation.

[HalfTangible]

I consider myself pretty geeky; and I would fight tooth and nail over many things (I am also a martial arts enthusiast so that might be the reason I would do that)

Can i quote that? it's just too awesome XD


I'm a true wizard. I'm not physically strong in any sense of the word, but I am smart.

In that case you'll attract people actually capable of holding a conversation. That's the second best kind, next to weird people who might be good at conversations anyway.

[CoffeeIncluded]

In that case you'll attract people actually capable of holding a conversation. That's the second best kind, next to weird people who might be good at conversations anyway.

Unfortunately, I have serious social issues.

Now I have good news and bad news with the comic:

Bad news: Because of college apps and senior and swim team...Well, you know how much it's eating into my time.

Good news: When I'm swimming laps for 2 hours straight, my mind needs to wander to stay sane. (Yes, I have a very short attention span; I'm diagnosed with ADHD and take medicine and stuff). This gives me lots of time to think of the Aequar series.

I'm gonna need a flowchart for the sequel.

[John Cribati]

I'm a true wizard. I'm not physically strong in any sense of the word, but I am smart.

I'm a Monk. I'm powerful in theory, but when I get into a fight, I'm pretty much useless.

[Mystic Muse]

I'm a commoner with badly spread skillpoints.

[MoleMage]

I'm an expert. With no particular pattern to skill points. If magic existed, I'd be a sorcerer probably; except I don't know if I have enough Charisma.

[Lycan 01]

I'm a Bard, but we already knew that. :smallwink:


I have a few more things to add to the whole "Coffee having social issues and getting a boyfriend" conversation, but I am afraid we may be getting off topic. So, I'll just PM them to Coffee instead, rather than posting several paragraphs off off-topicness. :smalltongue:


Also, its a pity we have to wait, but I can be patient for new comics. All good things in time, after all.

[RdMarquis]

I'd probably be an Expert, too. Or maybe a Monk.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Only 2 more days to wait. Now let's get back on topic.

[Maxios]

In other news I'm currently working on a webcomic, and one of the characters is a Half-Orc who may or may not be of evil alignment.

[RdMarquis]

Great, I'll have something to look forward to on Friday.

[Maxios]

I am, I just have to actually make the strips. I'm still in the character designing phase.

[Mystic Muse]

I am, I just have to actually make the strips. I'm still in the character designing phase.

Ah okay.

To anyone wondering where my post went, I deleted it once I realized this wasn't actually a comic and was just a banner.

[Maxios]

Alrighty then.

[Silverraptor]

I'm a true wizard. I'm not physically strong in any sense of the word, but I am smart.

I have been placed as either a Fighter, Paladin, or a wizard in 3 separate tests. However, all three tests agree that I'm lawful good.

[Lord Raziere]

I've been placed as a sorcerer or a bard, but all agree I'm chaotic neutral.

[Mina Kobold]

I have been placed as either a Fighter, Paladin, or a wizard in 3 separate tests. However, all three tests agree that I'm lawful good.

Same here with the alignment part.

I always got placed as a wizard when I could actually find those tests, but that was years ago...

Anyway! Don't mind us, Coffee, we don't mind waiting :smallsmile:

[Mystic Muse]

Anyway! Don't mind us, Coffee, we don't mind waiting :smallsmile:

I do. My D&D group needs to respond already!

but not for this comic.:smalltongue:

[Darklord Xavez]

And yes, that is Wilson from that movie with Tom Hanks :smallcool:

Stop quoting the image! No likey screen stretch!
-Xavez

[Dusk Eclipse]

Can i quote that? it's just too awesome XD


Sure, but I don't see why that is awesome.

[HalfTangible]

Can we get the focus back where it belongs? Namely, on coffee's comic?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thank you, HalfTangible! Update tomorrow evening, I promise!

[Marnath]

Kewl. Can't wait to see what name serrin comes up with. Well, I can wait, it's just a figure of speech. :smallwink:

[Maxios]

We can elimate the Linear Guild, the Order of the Stick, and Saphire Guild for the possible name :smalltongue:

[HalfTangible]

We can elimate the Linear Guild, the Order of the Stick, and Saphire Guard for the possible name :smalltongue:

Fixed that for ya =P

I vote 'The Ragtag Band'

Or the 'The Misfit Brigade'

Or babblebabblebabble...

[Draconi Redfir]

my guess is AMAZING WHIMSICAL SUPER OPTICAL MESMERIZEAITION EXTRRRRRRRRRAVAGANZAAAAAAAA!!!

or "AWSOME" for short.

[Marnath]

I'd vote for the Unmchkin Bugbear guild, but I already took that for my FFRP.

Hey coffe, can I post one of my strips of my webcomic on here to see how the playgrounders like it before starting a whole thread for it?

Please stop hijacking Coffee's thread.:smallsigh:
It would be better to start your own thread right off the bat.

[mucat]

I'd vote for the Unmchkin Bugbear guild, but I already took that for my FFRP.

Hey coffe, can I post one of my strips of my webcomic on here to see how the playgrounders like it before starting a whole thread for it?

Maxios, it's not that we never go off topic around here. Hell, I do, and then I feel bad when Coffee calls me on it.

But see, it's not just Coffee wanting to keep the thread on-topic; the Forum rules require it. And when Coffee asks the mods to kindly let her start Murphy's Law Thread 5, she's gonna have trouble making her case if Thread 4 was ful of off-topic chatter.

Of your last 12 posts to this thread, 11 of them were about your own webcomic. And now you want to post a sample of it, and presumably have other people post their thoughts about it here, so you can "see how the Playgrounders like it."

With all due respect, please stop.


EDIT:
So in order not to look like an utter hypocrite, I'd better post something on-topic here!

Coffee, I did read the fragment you posted from the sequel. It's quite well done, both compelling and disturbing; I look forward to hating this villain in the sequel.. I keep trying to write a full response to it. That will take some time, and I keep running out of time this week, so apologies for the delay in feedback.

I hope I'll be able to get my thoughts into writing tonight; we'll see if it's before or after the new comic is ready! :smallsmile:

[Mina Kobold]

Maxios, it's not that we never go off topic around here. Hell, I do, and then I feel bad when Coffee calls me on it.

But see, it's not just Coffee wanting to keep the thread on-topic; the Forum rules require it. And when Coffee asks the mods to kindly let her start Murphy's Law Thread 5, she's gonna have trouble making her case if Thread 4 was ful of off-topic chatter.

Of your last 12 posts to this thread, 11 of them were about your own webcomic. And now you want to post a sample of it, and presumably have other people post their thought about it here, so you can "see how the Playgrounders like it."

With all due respect, please stop.

Besides, aren't there already threads or this kind of stuff?

Our Comic Lab In The Playground comes to mind when it comes to aspiring comics :smallsmile:

[HalfTangible]

Incredible, Daring, Inventive Overseers of Truth and Stuff.

See what i did there =D I made a reference and made fun of them at the same time

[Marnath]

Incredible, Daring, Inventive Overseers of Truth and Stuff.

See what i did there =D I made a reference and made fun of them at the same time

hehehe, nice. :smallsmile:

[Allan Surgite]

On the vignette; I felt it was quite interesting. It did feel a bit too... verby for my tastes, but that's understandable. I did occasionally need to read parts over once or twice ("He carved them himself" would have been better phrased, I think, as "He'd carved them himself", since the former implies, as the entire work is set in the past tense, that he was carving them at the time of writing, as opposed to in the past, which is, I think, what you're getting at), but it was largely quite well-done, and only a shame it was not longer! :smalltongue:

Should I have offended any sensibilities with this post, my sincerest apologies. This was intended in the name of honest criticism, as opposed to stuffing my orifices with pepper before I began typing.

[CoffeeIncluded]

*Sighs in relief* It's been a long week, but HERE IT IS!!!

If you guess the reason behind the name, you win a cookie.

#86: Talk About Timing
http://i909.photobucket.com/albums/ac294/caffeineincluded/TalkAboutTiming.png

Also:


Please stop hijacking Coffee's thread.:smallsigh:
It would be better to start your own thread right off the bat.

Thank you. Maxios, you're wasting post space and I really can't afford that right now. Also, college admission officials might be looking at this.

So no, Maxios, you can't. I don't mean to be rude, but please go start your own thread.

[John Cribati]

Burn Books --> Burn people?
Er... OK? This reminds me of a recent news thing involving a book that starts with "Q" (or "K" in some circles)

[Mystic Muse]

Love this one. I liked that Janine apologized and Lloyd makes a decent argument. It's not Necessarily true but it definitely can be.



Burn Books --> Burn people?
Er... OK?

I think the argument is "If you're willing to burn something because you don't agree with it, you might be just as willing to do the same thing to some one."

[mucat]

Yea LLoyd! Way to make Janine think for once!

Yea Janine! Way to think for once!

(Yeah, they both get a cheer for that. It was a joint breakthrough.)

Yea Serrin! Because Fir is adorable when she has to run full tilt to keep up!



...and the timing isn't absolutely perfect, but thirteen days ain't bad at all. Yea Coffee!

[CoffeeIncluded]

think the argument is "If you're willing to burn something because you don't agree with it, you might be just as willing to do the same thing to some one."

Yep. Of course there's a bit more to it. Just think about all we know with the relationship with Astridians and the Plavaan.


Yea LLoyd! Way to make Janine think for once!

Yea Janine! Way to think for once!

(Yeah, they both get a cheer for that. It was a joint breakthrough.)

Yea Serrin! Because Fir is adorable when she has to run full tilt to keep up!



...and the timing isn't absolutely perfect, but thirteen days ain't bad at all. Yea Coffee!

Thanks, Mucat! But what do you mean by 13 days?

Ooh, can you guess why Serrin chose Team Gale? It is appropriate, but you've got to find the link! :smalltongue: (I'll tell once someone gets it, SILVERRAPTOR YOU ARE INELIGIBLE)

[mucat]

But what do you mean by 13 days?
Ah, maybe I misunderstood what you meant by the title. In deference to board rules, I'll just say that book burning has been on my mind of late...

[CoffeeIncluded]

Ah, maybe I misunderstood what you meant by the title. In deference to board rules, I'll just say that book burning has been on my mind of late...

Oh. Oh, I see. It was about Serrin's timing.

[Marnath]

Without getting too in-depth(cause I like not getting in trouble:smalltongue:) I'll just say I liked the strip and I agree heartily with Lloyd, that's a slippery slope that has been tread before. While I don't get the reference, I'd like to submit that it is probably a pokemon reference? Idk.


Also, Hello College Admissions people! Welcome to the playground, here's some cookies. :smallsmile:
I hope you like what you see here! This is one of the most popular fan comics in the playground.

[RdMarquis]

Yikes. It sounds like Lloyd is speaking from first-hand experience. Considering how much care goes into writing a book (especially if the information contained within was hard to obtain), its not a very big jump from books to people.

Also, the name of the team is going to have me scratching my head for a while. Maybe Serrin imagines their adventure taking them all over the world, like the wind? That's my first guess, anyway.

[HalfTangible]

Yep. Of course there's a bit more to it. Just think about all we know with the relationship with Astridians and the Plavaan.

"He who destroys a good book kills reason itself"

Or something along those lines =/

And team gale... it sounds so familiar... like RIGHT on the edge of my memory...

[Lycan 01]

I think Lloyd has a point. Once you begin destroying written records to supress knowledge, eventually you'll have to destroy the people who know the knowledge itself...


Also...

"Here we are. Rock you like a hurricane."

Hurricanes... gale-force winds... get it? Sorry, had to make a Scorpions reference, even if it ain't even close. :smalltongue:

[Zanaril]

Thank you. Maxios, you're wasting post space and I really can't afford that right now. Also, college admission officials might be looking at this.

So no, Maxios, you can't. I don't mean to be rude, but please go start your own thread.

You know, it might be a good idea to get your own site if you do plan on showing them this comic. For one thing, having your own site would make it look a lot more professional than having it posted on a public forum.

For another, parading your internet alias around probably isn't a good idea.

[Allan Surgite]

Hm. I know Zephyr means "Wind"; perhaps "Gale" is an extension of that?

I've heard the idea that "burning books leads to the burning of people", even if it does refer to the slippery slope fallacy on quite a few levels.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Thanks, everyone. :smallsmile:


Hm. I know Zephyr means "Wind"; perhaps "Gale" is an extension of that?

Ha! HA! You got it! Lloyd Zephyr. Radic Quilla. Janine Nova. Matthew Silver. Tinder the Dragon. Serrin Peakane. It's all sky imagery!

This wasn't intentional at first; I realized it about halfway through creating the characters and then decided to run with it. :smalltongue:

[CWater]

Cool:smallwink: Sky is nice.

But could someone explain Peakane and Quilla to me? Not native English and all...:smalltongue:

About the comic:
(I love Lloyd's angry expression!:smallamused:) He's got the right idea, and I wonder has he wittnessed this logic in action somewhere in his past...

[HalfTangible]

Cool:smallwink: Sky is nice.

But could someone explain Peakane and Quilla to me? Not native English and all...:smalltongue:I am. STILL no idea :smallconfused:


About the comic:
(I love Lloyd's angry expression!:smallamused:) He's got the right idea, and I wonder has he wittnessed this logic in action somewhere in his past...

"He who destroys a good book kills reason itself"

In our world people pour their minds and souls into the really, really good books. In this world religion defines a lot of people's lives and character. Same logic, perhaps? :smallconfused:

[Lix Lorn]

Oh, a very nice comic as always, Coffee! Nice name, and I agree: What does peakane and quilla mean?

Book burning is a destruction of time, effort, a labour of love gone in a flash...

[Mina Kobold]

Oh, a very nice comic as always, Coffee! Nice name, and I agree: What does peakane and quilla mean?

I think peakane is some sort of peafowl, but that''s just a guess.

There is an Incan moon goddess named Mama Quilla, supposedly cried tears of silver...

Radic/Matt shipping, anyone? :smalltongue:

[HalfTangible]

Radic/Matt shipping, anyone? :smalltongue:

You're saying that NOW? Gah, man, the characters that hate each other at the start are ALWAYS shipped together, don't you read anything? =P

[Lycan 01]

Quilla, or at least aquilla, is Latin for eagle.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Quilla, or at least aquilla, is Latin for eagle.

Yes! Lycan's got it. And Peakane. Peakane, like a mountain peak? :smallbiggrin:

[Lix Lorn]

Aquila would be obvious. I play warhammer.

Ooooh. Peakane. Peak. Okay. XD Go Coffee.

[Marnath]

Serrin is adorable when she's happy. :smallbiggrin:
I have to ask though, where has Lloyd been keeping that chest of books at?

[Mystic Muse]

Serrin is adorable when she's happy. :smallbiggrin:
I have to ask though, where has Lloyd been keeping that chest of books at?

Hammerspace. All PCs have access to it.

[Mina Kobold]

Serrin is adorable when she's happy. :smallbiggrin:
I have to ask though, where has Lloyd been keeping that chest of books at?

Bag of holding?

[Maximum Zersk]

For books are not absolutely dead things, but do contain a potency of life in them to be as active as that soul was whose progeny they are; nay, they do preserve as in a vial the purest efficacy and extraction of that living intellect that bred them. I know they are as lively, and as vigorously productive, as those fabulous dragon's teeth; and being sown up and down, may chance to spring up armed men. And yet, on the other hand, unless wariness be used, as good almost kill a man as kill a good book. Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were in the eye. Many a man lives a burden to the earth; but a good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.
--John Milton

Hope it doesn't break any forum rules.

[Marnath]

Hammerspace. All PCs have access to it.

Ahh yes, how silly of me. :smallwink:

[Silverraptor]

(I'll tell once someone gets it, SILVERRAPTOR YOU ARE INELIGIBLE)

I just had a sudden image of you in a highly decorated military outfit tugging on a string that fired a bunch of anti-air flak guns and I was flying right over head in a cruise plane, only to be falling down with a parachute with several battle holes in them and I'm smoking up pretty good projected black from all the smoke and ash.

[Lix Lorn]

I just had a sudden image of you in a highly decorated military outfit tugging on a string that fired a bunch of anti-air flak guns and I was flying right over head in a cruise plane, only to be falling down with a parachute with several battle holes in them and I'm smoking up pretty good projected black from all the smoke and ash.
You...
...
What? XD

[HalfTangible]

For books are not absolutely dead things, but do contain a potency of life in them to be as active as that soul was whose progeny they are; nay, they do preserve as in a vial the purest efficacy and extraction of that living intellect that bred them. I know they are as lively, and as vigorously productive, as those fabulous dragon's teeth; and being sown up and down, may chance to spring up armed men. And yet, on the other hand, unless wariness be used, as good almost kill a man as kill a good book. Who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book, kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were in the eye. Many a man lives a burden to the earth; but a good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.
--John Milton

Hope it doesn't break any forum rules.

That's the quote I kept thinking of and mentioning in part :D yay

[Lycan 01]

You...
...
What? XD

She shot down his hopes and dreams. And in a "no kill like overkill" sort of way. :smalltongue:

[Draconi Redfir]

i dont understand how silver relates to the sky.

[Marnath]

i dont understand how silver relates to the sky.

"Every cloud has it's silver lining."

[CoffeeIncluded]

"Every cloud has it's silver lining."

Yep. And I've got a nice gift for all you readers!

His name's Demetri Petrov and he comes from the future; I put him here so I don't forget about his character design when I need to use him a few years from now. So be nice! :smalltongue:

http://i909.photobucket.com/albums/ac294/caffeineincluded/DemetriPetrov.png

Yes there are others. No, I'm not posting them. Be glad you're getting this piece of concept art.

[Marnath]

Yep. And I've got a nice gift for you!

His name's Demetri Petrov and he comes from the future; I put him here so I don't forget about his character design when I need to use him a few years from now. So be nice! :smalltongue:

*snip*

Yes there are others. No, I'm not posting them. Be glad you're getting this piece of concept art.

Awesome! I won a prize! ^.^

[CoffeeIncluded]

Awesome! I won a prize! ^.^

Not just for you, for everyone. Sorry.:smalltongue: (Also, please don't quote images. It eats up bandwith.)

[Lycan 01]

I'm not gonna lie. That's one of the most badass Wizards I've ever seen.

[CoffeeIncluded]

I'm not gonna lie. That's one of the most badass Wizards I've ever seen.

Not quite. Demetri Petrov is a deadpan-snarking, chain-smoking, albino sorcerer. :smallbiggrin:

And thanks! (If I may ask, is there anything in particular that you especially like?)

[Jjeinn-tae]

So is his fire magic purple then? He seems to be lighting his cigarette with that spell to me. Purple is a good color for fire, at least from mages.


...Now it'll be a year or two before we see him again, won't it.

[CoffeeIncluded]

So is his fire magic purple then? He seems to be lighting his cigarette with that spell to me. Purple is a good color for fire, at least from mages.


...Now it'll be a year or two before we see him again, won't it.

No, his magic aura itself is purple, the same color as his eyes. Yes, he's using magic to light his cigarette. And yes, it's going to be several years before you see him again.:smalltongue:

[Marnath]

Not just for you, for everyone. Sorry.:smalltongue: (Also, please don't quote images. It eats up bandwith.)

D'aaawww. :smalltongue:
Sorry, forgot to snip the image. It's fixed now.

[Lycan 01]

Sorcerer's get Familiars? :smallconfused:


I just like his general... feel, I guess? He seems like a rougish, in the persona not class sense, sort of magic-weilder, and I love the whole "light a cigarette with magic" thing. :smallbiggrin:

[Dusk Eclipse]

Sorcerer's get Familiars? :smallconfused:


I just like his general... feel, I guess? He seems like a rougish, in the persona not class sense, sort of magic-weilder, and I love the whole "light a cigarette with magic" thing. :smallbiggrin:

Poor poor sorcerers, they only class feature (casting not whistanding) is to obtain a familiar

[CoffeeIncluded]

Sorcerer's get Familiars? :smallconfused:


I just like his general... feel, I guess? He seems like a rougish, in the persona not class sense, sort of magic-weilder, and I love the whole "light a cigarette with magic" thing. :smallbiggrin:

Yeah, I like that about him too. And yes, sorcerers get familiars.

The reason I'm posting him is that if there's an Aequar game in the future, I'm playing as him.

[RdMarquis]

The design for Demetri is awesome, and making his familiar an albino as well was a nice touch.

[Allan Surgite]

Mouse! :D

And here was me thinking that my guess on the team name was a long shot.

[Lix Lorn]

He is AWESOME!

[Darklord Xavez]

Yeah, I like that about him too. And yes, sorcerers get familiars.

The reason I'm posting him is that if there's an Aequar game in the future, I'm playing as him.

Wouldn't you be DM, since you created Aequar?
-Xavez

[CoffeeIncluded]

Wouldn't you be DM, since you created Aequar?
-Xavez

No, I don't know the DnD rules well enough to be a DM. I'll play and make sure that the Aequar rules are followed though.

[Tulio d Bard]

Great update, great team name and great character design & concept!
And I don't remember seeing Lloyd that mad before...:smalleek:

[Draconi Redfir]

Poor poor sorcerers, they only class feature (casting not whistanding) is to obtain a familiar

now i'm wondering why Xylon dosent have one o.0 but thats offtopic.


albino dude looks badarse :smallbiggrin:

[Marnath]

I seem to remember hearing he killed it or something.

[Mystic Muse]

Great update, great team name and great character design & concept!
And I don't remember seeing Lloyd that mad before...:smalleek:

He's probably experienced it firsthand before.

[Tulio d Bard]

He's probably experienced it firsthand before.

I think so... :smalleek:
It doesn't need the book part, but just burning people would be enough.

[The Dark Fiddler]

No, I don't know the DnD rules well enough to be a DM. I'll play and make sure that the Aequar rules are followed though.

Well there's only one way you get better... :smalltongue:


now i'm wondering why Xylon dosent have one o.0 but thats offtopic.

I think the leading theory is that he got rid of it for an ACF to make his metamagic better.

[Silverraptor]

No, I don't know the DnD rules well enough to be a DM. I'll play and make sure that the Aequar rules are followed though.

Would you want me to DM?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Once I submit my Cornell application AND get to a certain part of the story, I'll post the homebrew.

[Illven]

Would you want me to DM?

Hey I already claimed DM, I just can't do anything till I get a homebrew setting.

[Mystic Muse]

Once I submit my Cornell application AND get to a certain part of the story, I'll post the homebrew.

Can we at least know how far away this part of the story is?

[CoffeeIncluded]

Can we at least know how far away this part of the story is?

Uhm, very soon. It starts about 4ish strips from now and ends about 10ish strips from now. So, sometime late next month or early November.

[Mystic Muse]

Uhm, very soon. It starts about 4ish strips from now and ends about 10ish strips from now. So, sometime late next month or early November.

Great!

Can't wait for the details!

[mucat]

Coffee --
All right, as I promised way too many times, I finally found a chance to sit down and organize my thoughts on that story fragment about Alistair and Melata.

First: it's very good. Powerful narrative, memorable characters -- a week after reading this fragment of only a few paragraphs, Alistair remains in my mind as a vivid character who I look forward to hating in future stories. So do the unnamed chain-smoking albino, and doomed, brilliant Melata, even though we met both of them only second-hand.

There are some things I think could make it even more powerful. Because of Alistair's respect for Melata, it could be a surprise to the reader that they were enemies, and an even more jarring surprise to know that he killed her. You might think of leaving these points ambiguous through most of the story, then letting them crash down on the reader near the end. (Of course, if the fragment were part of a larger story, the reader might already know these things in which case my advice wouldn't apply.)

I'm spoilering this next section for length…and I also want to make it clear that I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story. It's going to read as a point-by-point critique, but only because this is the best way I know to lay out the ideas I'm suggesting,not because I think I could have done a better job on the story!

To throw out some ideas, though…what if you kept all your story elements, but arranged them like this:

Alistair arrives at the grave with his noodles, eats his share of them. Have him a little less snarky toward Melata, a little more respectful: perhaps he 'gazes' at the marble rather than 'smirking', maybe leaves off the "Well" at the start of his sentence. Having him start off respectful and nostalgic will give away less to the reader.

He thinks about how ghosts never respond, then about how he buried her here where she could see his victory (this second element is one you introduced later, but it would go well here.) No indication yet that she won't want to see his victory. He's acting a little cold, not sorrowful or emotional, but let the reader classify him as "friend or lover who is too proud to express his grief" rather than "enemy". The "especially hers" part sounds like it refers to his loneliness, rather than her hatred of him.

Since he's already thinking of his eventual victory, it's easy to make the transition to thinking about the chain-smoking albino, and about the incompetent opposition from Loki. Reader starts to realize Alisair is a villain, and assumes Melata is one too, since we still think they're allies.

Alistair reflects about the only foe who was ever a true threat to him. Don't make it clear that it's Melata; if she has a title, use that instead of her name, and use it sparingly so the reader doesn't catch on that you're hiding something. Even pronouns, so the reader doesn't know his enemy is a woman, might be good -- again if it doesn't make it too obvious that you're writing around something.

Describe the final fight between them, much as you do now. But now you use female pronouns freely, and you mention the noodles on the table; the sharp reader remembers the half-eaten noodles from the beginning of the story. (In fact, in the flashback scene, you might mention "her noodles" rather than just "the noodles"; if the ones in the flashback belong to him, then all the reader picks up is that Alistair likes noodles.)

Then he looks at the tombstone again, reads the words he carved, and you bring the whole thing together; make it clear now that his enemy in the flashback is the one whose grave he is visiting. If you used a title to refer to Melata before, have it carved here next to her name. Return to the idea that she is placed here to witness the new world he's building, but this time make it clear that she will hate this, and he is gloating. You can still emphasize the respect he feels for her rather than the sarcasm; you don't need to go voerboard to make the readers hate Alistair right now, because they will anyway.

Have him leave the noodles for her. This was the most powerful moment in the story already; it might be even more so if the reader has just realized both that Melata is a hero who deserves better than this, and that the noodles were her favorite, not Alistair's. Still, the gesture indicates he might be capable of remorse, and maybe the reader softens their attitude toward Alistair a little.

And then, just when Alistair is coming across as the honorable bad guy, let him show as much snark to Melata as you want: yes, he respects her, but he also hates her and wants to gloat. At which point, if you're trying to make the reader love to hate Alistair, you have almost certainly succeeded.


Anyway, if any of these suggestions are useful to you I'm glad; if they don't work as part of the larger story, then no worries. Thanks for a memorable read, and I can't wait to see these characters again in the sequel. (I predict I'll be following your work as long as you keep publishing it. Hell, I might even that obnoxious old-timer fan who brags at book-signings, "I used to read Coffee's stuff way before she was famous.")

[Roc Ness]

'Kay Coffee. Thanks to your thread in the Friendly Banter section, I looked at this thread and got hooked. I will be lurking here now. :smallbiggrin:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Coffee --
All right, as I promised way too many times, I finally found a chance to sit down and organize my thoughts on that story fragment about Alistair and Melata.

First: it's very good. Powerful narrative, memorable characters -- a week after reading this fragment of only a few paragraphs, Alistair remains in my mind as a vivid character who I look forward to hating in future stories. So do the unnamed chain-smoking albino, and doomed, brilliant Melata, even though we met both of them only second-hand.

There are some things I think could make it even more powerful. Because of Alistair's respect for Melata, it could be a surprise to the reader that they were enemies, and an even more jarring surprise to know that he killed her. You might think of leaving these points ambiguous through most of the story, then letting them crash down on the reader near the end. (Of course, if the fragment were part of a larger story, the reader might already know these things in which case my advice wouldn't apply.)

I'm spoilering this next section for length…and I also want to make it clear that I'm not trying to tell you how to write your story. It's going to read as a point-by-point critique, but only because this is the best way I know to lay out the ideas I'm suggesting,not because I think I could have done a better job on the story!

To throw out some ideas, though…what if you kept all your story elements, but arranged them like this:

Alistair arrives at the grave with his noodles, eats his share of them. Have him a little less snarky toward Melata, a little more respectful: perhaps he 'gazes' at the marble rather than 'smirking', maybe leaves off the "Well" at the start of his sentence. Having him start off respectful and nostalgic will give away less to the reader.

He thinks about how ghosts never respond, then about how he buried her here where she could see his victory (this second element is one you introduced later, but it would go well here.) No indication yet that she won't want to see his victory. He's acting a little cold, not sorrowful or emotional, but let the reader classify him as "friend or lover who is too proud to express his grief" rather than "enemy". The "especially hers" part sounds like it refers to his loneliness, rather than her hatred of him.

Since he's already thinking of his eventual victory, it's easy to make the transition to thinking about the chain-smoking albino, and about the incompetent opposition from Loki. Reader starts to realize Alisair is a villain, and assumes Melata is one too, since we still think they're allies.

Alistair reflects about the only foe who was ever a true threat to him. Don't make it clear that it's Melata; if she has a title, use that instead of her name, and use it sparingly so the reader doesn't catch on that you're hiding something. Even pronouns, so the reader doesn't know his enemy is a woman, might be good -- again if it doesn't make it too obvious that you're writing around something.

Describe the final fight between them, much as you do now. But now you use female pronouns freely, and you mention the noodles on the table; the sharp reader remembers the half-eaten noodles from the beginning of the story. (In fact, in the flashback scene, you might mention "her noodles" rather than just "the noodles"; if the ones in the flashback belong to him, then all the reader picks up is that Alistair likes noodles.)

Then he looks at the tombstone again, reads the words he carved, and you bring the whole thing together; make it clear now that his enemy in the flashback is the one whose grave he is visiting. If you used a title to refer to Melata before, have it carved here next to her name. Return to the idea that she is placed here to witness the new world he's building, but this time make it clear that she will hate this, and he is gloating. You can still emphasize the respect he feels for her rather than the sarcasm; you don't need to go voerboard to make the readers hate Alistair right now, because they will anyway.

Have him leave the noodles for her. This was the most powerful moment in the story already; it might be even more so if the reader has just realized both that Melata is a hero who deserves better than this, and that the noodles were her favorite, not Alistair's. Still, the gesture indicates he might be capable of remorse, and maybe the reader softens their attitude toward Alistair a little.

And then, just when Alistair is coming across as the honorable bad guy, let him show as much snark to Melata as you want: yes, he respects her, but he also hates her and wants to gloat. At which point, if you're trying to make the reader love to hate Alistair, you have almost certainly succeeded.


Anyway, if any of these suggestions are useful to you I'm glad; if they don't work as part of the larger story, then no worries. Thanks for a memorable read, and I can't wait to see these characters again in the sequel. (I predict I'll be following your work as long as you keep publishing it. Hell, I might even that obnoxious old-timer fan who brags at book-signings, "I used to read Coffee's stuff way before she was famous.")

Wow. Thank you, Mucat. I always love to hear your analyses and critiques. I'm actually going to use this story in my creative writing class, so I'll probably use these pieces of advice, but this describes an actual scene in the comic, and the format there's going to be a bit different.

And I'm going to have to sell shirts out of my dorm room now, won't I. :smalltongue: (But I don't know now to trademark and copyright my stuff...)


'Kay Coffee. Thanks to your thread in the Friendly Banter section, I looked at this thread and got hooked. I will be lurking here now. :smallbiggrin:

Thank you Roc Ness! :smallbiggrin:

[Roc Ness]

Thank you Roc Ness! :smallbiggrin:

You're welcome.

*Looks at thread title*

Four times. :smallbiggrin:

EDIT: Hey Coffee, could I ask a question? In one of the earlier comics (just after Matt and Janine go all pervert on the other two) what is that green box thing Radic has Matt put away? :smallconfused:

[Marnath]

Giving out legal advice on here isn't a good idea.

[Jjeinn-tae]

Giving out legal advice on here isn't a good idea.

Not allowed then? I'll take it out.

And just because without the original post being removed makes this look weird, I wasn't actually suggesting anything, just stating what copyright law says.

[Zanaril]

Fan doodle.
http://i854.photobucket.com/albums/ab109/Magpiemanic/miscfanart/LloydZephyr.png
Why so serious, Lloyd?

(Someone kicked a puppy.)

[mucat]

Hey Coffee, could I ask a question? In one of the earlier comics (just after Matt and Janine go all pervert on the other two)...

Now that narrows it down. :smallwink:

[HalfTangible]

Now that narrows it down. :smallwink:

There's actually very few where they both go pervert in one comic. =P

[Marnath]

That's awesome Zanaril! ^.^

[CoffeeIncluded]

EDIT: Hey Coffee, could I ask a question? In one of the earlier comics (just after Matt and Janine go all pervert on the other two) what is that green box thing Radic has Matt put away? :smallconfused:

It's a stink bomb.


Fan doodle.
http://i854.photobucket.com/albums/ab109/Magpiemanic/miscfanart/LloydZephyr.png
Why so serious, Lloyd?

(Someone kicked a puppy.)

Ee! I love it!

Just one thing: That looks like a battleaxe, while Lloyd wields a halberd.

[Roc Ness]

Fan doodle.
<snip>
Why so serious, Lloyd?

(Someone kicked a puppy.)

:smallbiggrin:


Now that narrows it down. :smallwink:

Have you ever seen that thing where somebody squints at you real hard and has their lips upturned and their face generally squashed together? Yeah. My face is real ugly right now, isn't it? :smallwink:


It's a stink bomb.

Oh! Well, that explains things... :smallbiggrin:

[Marnath]

Ee! I love it!

Just one thing: That looks like a battleaxe, while Lloyd wields a halberd.

Sure looks like a halberd to me. They come in a lot of different shapes, this one is close to what he has in the comic.

[CoffeeIncluded]

Sure looks like a halberd to me. They come in a lot of different shapes, this one is close to what he has in the comic.

But don't halberds have the spear-pointy piece on top along with the axe blade? That's why halberds are such great weapons, they're a spear and an axe combined.

[Marnath]

But don't halberds have the spear-pointy piece on top along with the axe blade? That's why halberds are such great weapons, they're a spear and an axe combined.

My google-fu tells me those can be of varying lengths.

*edit: Maybe it's short because of forced perspective, you know maybe he's holding it at an angle.

Compare this (http://www.weirdworm.com/img/misc/10-weird-weapons/halberd.jpg) to this (http://www.warriors-wizards.com/Images/Halberds_European_Knights_Halberd_2612_124.jpg).

[Zanaril]

Now you mention it, it does look a bit battle-axey. :smalltongue:

[Marnath]

Now you mention it, it does look a bit battle-axey. :smalltongue:

So make the point longer. The rest looks fine. :smalltongue:


O.o
Hey coffee, you're quoting that image! I thought you yelled at me a few pages ago not to do that?:smallsmile:

[CoffeeIncluded]

So make the point longer. The rest looks fine. :smalltongue:


O.o
Hey coffee, you're quoting that image! I thought you yelled at me a few pages ago not to do that?:smallsmile:

I don't think Zanaril has to worry about bandwith as much as I do. Zanaril, do you want me to unquote the image?

[Zanaril]

I don't think Zanaril has to worry about bandwith as much as I do. Zanaril, do you want me to unquote the image?

Nah, my bandwith is plentiful.

[Lix Lorn]

I'm sure there is innuendo waiting to be found in that... :smalltongue:

Also, the pic's awesome, Zan'.

[CWater]

Nice picture Zanaril! Heh, I like the look on his face:smallamused:

Good to see someone else's fanart for a change:smallsmile:

[Asta Kask]

It's a stink bomb.

If we get a FAQ, that's going there... :)

[Darklord Xavez]

Nah, my bandwith is plentiful.

*open communications screen*

My people admire your wide tracts of bandwith.

Guess which game I've been playing too much of...
-Xavez
P.S. Nice picture.

[CWater]

Hehe, you guys are probably all gotten tired of my scribbles by now, but I wanted to post this little attempt I did:

Behold! My first entirely computer-coloured pic! (Okay, I know there's a lot of improvements that could be done, but hey, everyone's gotta start somewhere!:smalltongue:)
It's done from the same sketch that I posted a while ago.
http://i979.photobucket.com/albums/ae273/meriwater/FanArt/Cautious4.jpg

And one alternative coulouring, which was originally a cause of a mistake, but I thought it looked rather nice, so I just had to save it...:smallbiggrin:
http://i979.photobucket.com/albums/ae273/meriwater/FanArt/Cautious3.jpg
'Could use a little editing though..

[Lix Lorn]

Hehe, you guys are probably all gotten tired of my scribbles by now, but I wanted to post this little attempt I did:
Oh, get a drop of arrogance, you superstar-you. They rock.

[RdMarquis]

Personally, the coloring of the second one actually works well. It creates a sort of oppressive atmosphere where Lloyd feels alone with his thoughts and secrets. Tinder's question sort of surrounds him. The fan-art posted so far has all been pretty good, actually. Zanaril's drawing of Lloyd makes him look grim, in a cool way.

[Roc Ness]

*open communications screen*

My people admire your wide tracts of bandwith.

Guess which game I've been playing too much of...
-Xavez
P.S. Nice picture.

SPORE! :smallbiggrin:

[HalfTangible]

SPORE! :smallbiggrin:

blech :smallyuk: spore. Killer of my childhood dream of playing a seamless evolution sim. Even though my childhood dream is to write a book that gets on a best seller list besides the new york times.

[Darklord Xavez]

SPORE! :smallbiggrin:

Correct! You win a... (drumroll please)
HUGE MANATEE!
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_vCZlHTftV2I/ScgTJvPg58I/AAAAAAAAAtk/Ee9rAlTlvaY/s400/Oh+The+Huge+Manatee.jpg
[/insanity]
-Xavez

[CoffeeIncluded]

Guys, please get back on topic.

Oh, and update tomorrow evening! :smallbiggrin: (I'm going to start working on the template right now so that tomorrow when I get home and shower I can jump right into work.)

[Marnath]

Guys, please get back on topic.

Oh, and update tomorrow evening! :smallbiggrin: (I'm going to start working on the template right now so that tomorrow when I get home and shower I can jump right into work.)

Kewl. :smallsmile:
I totally forgot what the party is trying to accomplish, now. Something about a delivery? Or are we seeing the bandits safely to their new home?

[Dusk Eclipse]

YAY UPDATE!!!!

Now... what was the topic at hand? something about a comic?:smalltongue:


Serious now, IIRC the party were kinda escorting Serrin to some coronation of something along the lines of that, since her mother couldn't be the ambassador due some problem at the university

[CoffeeIncluded]

Serious now, IIRC the party were kinda escorting Serrin to some coronation of something along the lines of that, since her mother couldn't be the ambassador due some problem at the university

Yep. Prince Riley is about to be crowned King of Laria, and Saphrin was supposed to be the ambassador from the elven lands, but part of the academy blew up so she couldn't go, and Serrin's going in her place.

[Dusk Eclipse]

Yep. Prince Riley is about to be crowned King of Laria, and Saphrin was supposed to be the ambassador from the elven lands, but part of the academy blew up so she couldn't go, and Serrin's going in her place.

YAY...I got that right....wait that means now I have no reason to do an archive binge:smallfrown:


I'll probably do it anyway:smalltongue:

[Roc Ness]

Hooray update! :smallbiggrin: Huge manatee... :chuckle:

[Marnath]

Yep. Prince Riley is about to be crowned King of Laria, and Saphrin was supposed to be the ambassador from the elven lands, but part of the academy blew up so she couldn't go, and Serrin's going in her place.

Thanks for the recap. I'm too tired to check the archive, gotta work 14 hours for family again tomorrow. :smalltongue:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Well, it's about time! :smallbiggrin:

#87: I Don't Know Either
http://i909.photobucket.com/albums/ac294/caffeineincluded/IDontKnowEither.png

[Dusk Eclipse]

I love Tynder's face of glee as he runs to the bag of treasure, I am glad you didn't forget the fascination that dragons have toward piles of golds.

[Mystic Muse]

The expression on Tinder's face in the last panel is little unclear and somewhat disturbing.