College Essays itp

[Xyk]

Before I begin, I'd like to acknowledge the large number of college and school threads that have been circulating. But I think this is an important one for students, because just about everyone I know is stressing about these essays. Here, we can post ours, and NOT PLAGIARIZE, and let them be critiqued by noble souls. :smallbiggrin:

Here's mine:
I'm writing another, better one. I took this one down to avoid scumbags. The new one is definitely better. If anyone wants to see either of them, they can PM me.

I think it'll be fun.

[Kneenibble]

Only the one sentence at the end of the second paragraph really has anything to do with the essay's question. Otherwise it kinda reads "Nothing, I'm too good to do things."

Not that there's anything wrong with that: the assignment sounds ... pedestrian. But that's my criticism if you intend to take it seriously.

I would post one of the essays I'm proud of, but I'm sure nobody would read it and I don't blame them.

[RS14]

I'm sorry to say this, but I reccomend against this. Even if all playgrounders were trustworthy and would not plagarize, it is entirely possible that others searching for "college essays UO" would find your post and try to submit it themselves. Both applications would likely be discarded as likely plagarism.

[Savannah]

If you're wanting criticism, two things jumped out at me. 1) As you noted, you're pretty off-topic. As far as I can tell, you never answered the question at all. 2) I'm not sure if this is an essay for a college application or an essay in a college class, but in either case you probably don't want to say "trying half-heartedly to listen to whatever nonsense the teacher is spewing", as that makes it sound like you don't respect your teachers. In addition, if it's an application essay, I'd also take out (or heavily modify) the part with "I haven't studied because other interests took priority", as it makes it sound like you don't take school seriously.

I can't really contribute, as I can't remember anything I wrote for applications and my favorite papers from when I was in college are 8 - 24 pages long, so I don't think anyone would want to read them! :smalltongue:

[Skeppio]

:smalleek: The last essay I wrote was on 'Old Man and the Sea'. That was three years ago. I got an A. :smallbiggrin: Pity I probably threw it out ages back.

[Jade_Tarem]

I'm sorry to say this, but I reccomend against this. Even if all playgrounders were trustworthy and would not plagarize, it is entirely possible that others searching for "college essays UO" would find your post and try to submit it themselves. Both applications would likely be discarded as likely plagarism.

This. Even though playgrounders are awesome and probably wouldn't steal anything presented here, the internet itself contains large numbers of lazy/malicious people who would. Since GITP posts show up as search engine results, this could lead to serious problems - even get GITP branded as a cheat-site by some overzealous academic watchdog program/person.

[Skeppio]

:smallsigh: The watchdogs. Reminds me of high school. Can you believe they blocked Google of all things?

[Gullara]

:smallsigh: The watchdogs. Reminds me of high school. Can you believe they blocked Google of all things?

How does that make any sense? Do they not realize that there are other search engines that do the same thing essentially? People can be so dumb:smallsigh:

[Skeppio]

It was pretty funny when a few students found a way around the filter and passed the knowledge around. :smallamused:

But yeah, essays. I was always terrible at essays. Well, English in general, but essays were the bane of my education. I wouldn't want to post any I made in the past, even if I had them. :smallredface:

[Don Julio Anejo]

My last paper was titled "Comparative Study of Quantitative Methods to Determine Calcium Content in Soluble Mixtures" or something to that extent. The only readable thing is the introduction (spoilered below). The rest of it? I highly doubt more than 5 people in the whole world would want to read it.

Since the dawn of time man was fascinated by analytical techniques used to separate and quantify compounds. Going back as far as late Mesolithic/early Neolithic, primitive cave chemists tasted or smoked interesting looking compounds, making some fascinating discoveries along the way. Ancient Greeks theorized that all living matter is composed of four basic elements of earth, wind, water and fire. Medieval alchemists distilled everything they could, and amalgamated it with mercury if they could not. Renaissance gave us the scientific method, which made previous guesswork scientific and systematic. It remains the preferred method to this day. However unlike the olden days, many accurate analytical techniques now exist, which allow us to quantify the composition of a compound to a high degree of accuracy.

Some of these modern techniques are gravimetric analysis by precipitation, complexometric titration (EDTA), thermogravimetric analysis, titration by an acid or a base, atomic emission spectroscopy, potentiometric analysis using ion-selective electrodes, cyclic voltammetry analysis of RedOx complexes and gas chromatography.

[Dr.Epic]

For a Final, I quoted Watchmen on an essay, and for a midterm in another class, I quoted Spider-Man on an essay. I got A- in both those classes. :smallbiggrin:

[Xyk]

I do understand the criticism that I look lazy. I figure that will be off-set by the quality and rhetoric in the essay itself. It is a rough draft, so some things will be cleared up, specifically the part about an A on the paper and O's filled in. It's supposed to mean that I recieved an A, and filled in every letter O on the test. I'm going for eccentric genius, which is displayed earlier in the application with high test scores, talented and gifted, etc.

I'm mostly hoping to get it noticed above the sea of people saying "I'm a really hard worker who is dedicated to my academics". As a note, I do already barely have automatic admission (3.4 GPA) and am just looking for money (which would be my only way in, given ridiculous out-of-state tuition).

[Kaiser Omnik]

Hmm, never start an essay with the phrase "Since the dawn of time...". It is really cliché to do this and often wrong if not simply too general/irrelevant. :smalltongue:

[Helanna]

For a Final, I quoted Watchmen on an essay, and for a midterm in another class, I quoted Spider-Man on an essay. I got A- in both those classes. :smallbiggrin:

Haha, once for English, we did essays where you compare and contrast two works of literature that had to relate to a quote given to you. The quote was something about how in essence, all literature is basically about good versus evil.

I disagreed with the quote and proved my point with A Song of Ice and Fire and Watchmen. I got the paper back with an A and the note "Do you have a copy of Watchmen that I can borrow?"

My English teacher was fantastic. :smallcool:

[max-is-working]

Also, an essay is a statement, an assertion. It may be shorter than a thesis, but it should still have a thesis statement or a similar assertion of your main points.

The easiest thing to do is consider what you're trying to prove or the point of the story you're trying to tell. In the example below, the thesis is in blue.

How do we prove things? How do we tell stories? By adding details in correct order. Three supporting details are plenty. In the example below, the supporting details are called A, B, and C.

How do we make our essays extra special? By turning A, B, and C into mini-thesis with their own supporting details. If I say "I love my mother because she is kind, strong, and reliable," then my first paragraph (which talks about the kindness of my mother), I will talk about two or three kind things she does. The second paragraph (about the strength of my mother) will recount one or two things that show how strong she is. And so on.

How do we end our essays? By concluding it. What is a conclusion? A strong partner to the introduction. It's usually nice to have a generalization (a "universal truth") or a deduction based on what you've written. Also, it's good to answer the question (if the question asks "what are the three things" then you must list exactly three things in your conclusion). In the example below, we focus on "something that you have done on your own in the last two years that makes you feel good about yourself."

So, here's one way (just one way - there are other ways) to answer a college essay:



QUESTION: Tell us about something that you have done on your own in the last two years that makes you feel good about yourself.

When I recall the last two years, I feel good about (the one thing I'm talking about - that I did on my own). It is an accomplishment that I can be proud of because (A), (B), and (C).

I mention (A) because it is (A1: something good about A), (A2: something good about A), and (A3: something good about A). After all, (A1 defined), and (A2 explained), and, as (famous person) said, "(quote about A3)."

My accomplishment also required me to do (B). (B) was challenging because of (B1) and (B2). Fortunately, (here I tell the story of how I developed B1). Also, (here I tell the story of how my friends and family taught me B2).

Finally, I had to use (C). (C) is (whatever it is) because (whatever reasons C is). I will never forget how I learned (C).

By the time we get to college, we have all had many accomplishments in our lives, but only a few stand out as life-changing accomplishments. I am proud that I was able to do (the one thing I'm talking about). It is something that I have done on my own in the last two years that makes me feel good about myself, and I think I will continue to build on it, I will learn more things as a result of it, and I may even share it with my children some day.

[KenderWizard]

I liked max-is-working's essay. (Especially the part about B2. :smallsmile:)

Seriously, I think there's a lot of good advice on this page. I enjoyed reading Xyk's essay because it was interesting, but if I was marking it as an assignment or using it to determine whether or not to give a grant, I don't think interesting is enough. As others have pointed out, you're not really answering the question, and that will lose you a lot of marks. I also agree that coming across as eccentric is good, but coming across as just lazy is bad, and if people in this random sample read your described behaviour as lazy, it's quite likely that whoever is reading it on behalf of the university also will. Remember, even if they think you're lazy but very clever, if you're going for some kind of grant or scholarship, they're likely to pass you over in favour of someone who comes across as motivated and very clever.

I think you should choose some game-related achievement (if you want to talk about gaming), or some unusual achievement (if you want to come across as eccentric) and just describe everything about it.

[CoffeeIncluded]

If I have an essay on a topic I enjoy, then that essay becomes a piece of cake.

No. Seriously. When I took the AP English exam last year and saw that the last essay was on satire, I began giggling insanely for the next five minutes. I then wrote 9 pages in the next 45 minutes, six of which basically deified Terry Pratchett and Stephen Colbert, and then had enough time left to take a nap before the test ended.

I got a 5.

And even if it's not on a topic I enjoy, I can still do a good job. And if I'm asked to write on something that makes no sense, I can still do a fantastic job.

In my first English essay last year, we were asked to apply a quote to the book in our summer reading assignment. I thought to myself, "This makes no sense. The quote and book are completely incompatible." In fact, I told my teacher this flat-out. When it came time to write the essay, I wrote four pages on why I was unable to answer the question, as the book and quote were incompatible. I included several examples and character archetypes. I knew I was taking a huge risk, but this risk was the only option for me.

I got a 98 on that essay. My teacher said that I was the first person to mention character archetypes in an essay in 20 years, and that he would show this to the class as an example of a perfect essay, but that he wouldn't because everyone else in the class would try to do what I did, and he realized that only I could do it effectively; other students approached him and said that the book and quote were incompatible, but I was the only one to actually say so in my essay.

Of course, my college essay is going to be about this, how I can do things that are completely unexpected and yet fantastic.

[Malfunctioned]

If I have an essay on a topic I enjoy, then that essay becomes a piece of cake.

No. Seriously. When I took the AP English exam last year and saw that the last essay was on satire, I began giggling insanely for the next five minutes. I then wrote 9 pages in the next 45 minutes, six of which basically deified Terry Pratchett and Stephen Colbert, and then had enough time left to take a nap before the test ended.


This reminds me so much of my English Language essay where I had to write a small piece of text to entertain using another piece of literature as a style model. I reached into my bag, grabbed Thief of Time and wrote a nine page short story mocking the cliché of 'The Chosen One'. It got an A. Then we were given a small advert that consisted of a comic featuring four women trying to find out where to go to eat. I started taking it completely seriously and then devolved into mocking the artists sexist artwork and the ridiculously wooden dialogue. I got an B. Apparently I saw past the actual text and analysed more than what I simply saw. Even though I didn't.

[CoffeeIncluded]

This reminds me so much of my English Language essay where I had to write a small piece of text to entertain using another piece of literature as a style model. I reached into my bag, grabbed Thief of Time and wrote a nine page short story mocking the cliché of 'The Chosen One'. It got an A. Then we were given a small advert that consisted of a comic featuring four women trying to find out where to go to eat. I started taking it completely seriously and then devolved into mocking the artists sexist artwork and the ridiculously wooden dialogue. I got an B. Apparently I saw past the actual text and analysed more than what I simply saw. Even though I didn't.

Did your English teacher love you forever for that?

[Malfunctioned]

Did your English teacher love you forever for that?

One of them did. The other pretty much just rolled her eyes.

I consider that a win in my books. :smalltongue:

[CynicalAvocado]

unless i liked the topic, i did my essays the same way; half a page of intro, a relevant paragraph, 3 pages of blather(the golden pigs fly at midnight, but do not trust them for they speak only lies and heresy*), relevant conclusion

yeah, i hate awkward essay topics.

*i actually used this in an essay (describe something that happened and how it changed you)

[Haruki-kun]

If I have an essay on a topic I enjoy, then that essay becomes a piece of cake.

No. Seriously. When I took the AP English exam last year and saw that the last essay was on satire, I began giggling insanely for the next five minutes. I then wrote 9 pages in the next 45 minutes, six of which basically deified Terry Pratchett and Stephen Colbert, and then had enough time left to take a nap before the test ended.

I got a 5.

And even if it's not on a topic I enjoy, I can still do a good job. And if I'm asked to write on something that makes no sense, I can still do a fantastic job.

What's a 5.....?

Well, anyway, yeah, I'm like this, too. I'm fairly good at essay writing.... until my teachers are all like "oh, and you must cite at least 5 sources". :smallsigh:

Why? Why on Earth do I need to cite at least 5 sources? Most of the time, I've got quite enough with 2. and sometimes with 1. And you know what? It would be fine if they let us use any source we wanted. heck, even if they said "Oh, but don't use Wikipedia" that would be acceptable. But then they say "And at least three of the sources must be books" or "from the school website's database".

There is NOTHING on the school website's database! I find much more information anywhere else! :smallfurious:

/rant

[PhoeKun]

What's a 5.....?

A 5 on an AP test is the highest possible score. It denotes that some body of people somewhere in the country have recognized your ability in Subject X to be at the highest levels in the country for a student currently undergoing High School/whatever you want to call it. It looks kind of nice on a college application and might allow you to test out of certain lower level courses (for credit!), but apart from that the achievement pretty much exists in a vacuum.

To this day I have no idea what the criteria are for scoring a 5 on the AP English test, but it sounds like the graders have developed a sense of humor since I took it way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, which is kind of nice to hear. I remember a lot of people were angry on my behalf when I didn't score a 5...

[CynicalAvocado]

A 5 on an AP test is the highest possible score. It denotes that some body of people somewhere in the country have recognized your ability in Subject X to be at the highest levels in the country for a student currently undergoing High School/whatever you want to call it. It looks kind of nice on a college application and might allow you to test out of certain lower level courses (for credit!), but apart from that the achievement pretty much exists in a vacuum.

To this day I have no idea what the criteria are for scoring a 5 on the AP English test, but it sounds like the graders have developed a sense of humor since I took it way back when dinosaurs roamed the earth, which is kind of nice to hear. I remember a lot of people were angry on my behalf when I didn't score a 5...

where i'm from, a 5 is a bad score

[Haruki-kun]

where i'm from, a 5 is a bad score

Here, too. 5 means half the points. Or one twentieth of the points.

[PhoeKun]

where i'm from, a 5 is a bad score

Where I'm from, we can't make blanket statements like that because what represents a good score changes depending on how many points there on on the test to begin with.

For AP Exams, 5 is all the points there are. (http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/ap/exgrd_set.html)

[CynicalAvocado]

Where I'm from, we can't make blanket statements like that because what represents a good score changes depending on how many points there on on the test to begin with.

For AP Exams, 5 is all the points there are. (http://www.collegeboard.com/student/testing/ap/exgrd_set.html)

i'm talking about what scoring system i'm used to:smalltongue:

in band a 1 is the best you can get

[Helanna]

No. Seriously. When I took the AP English exam last year and saw that the last essay was on satire, I began giggling insanely for the next five minutes. I then wrote 9 pages in the next 45 minutes, six of which basically deified Terry Pratchett and Stephen Colbert, and then had enough time left to take a nap before the test ended.

I got a 5.

Best. Essay. Ever.

Makes me wonder if the people who graded it had heard of or liked Pratchett and Colbert.

As I recall, my question was something about exile, self-imposed or otherwise, and wrote about Tess of the D'Urbervilles on the ground that I had just crammed in order to finish the book before the test, and damned if I wasn't going to use it.


Edit: Haruki, on a random note, I really like your avatar.

[mucat]

Best. Essay. Ever.

Naw. Coffee probably wrote the Second. Best. Essay. Ever.

Because the best college essay in the multiverse is the famous Hugh Gallagher one (which I'm surprised hasn't been quoted yet in this thread.)

So without further ado (and spoilered for length):



3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby ****, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.
In the interest of full disclosure, this may or may not have been the essay he actually used for college admissions; reports vary. In any case, it's classic.

[Lady Moreta]

I remember reading that years ago :smallbiggrin:

I miss essay writing :smallfrown: I loved it. I think one of my favourites was the one I spent comparing the works of David Eddings to the Greek tragedies. We were supposed to be comparing the tragedies to modern drama, I figured DE was close enough. Got away with it because the lecturer happened to be a fan :smallbiggrin:

Of course, I was also very fond of my honours thesis. It's not every day you get to talk about Stargate in an honours thesis :smallbiggrin:

[Xyk]

I took my original one down. If anyone wants to see it or the brand new one that I'm writing that I like better, they can PM me. :smallbiggrin: