So, I just told the mother of my baby her dad is dead.

[Pika...]

The short of it: She has been looking for her father for her entire life (She is 35). She was about to give up, so I hired a private investigator to find him. The investigator is 99% sure she found the guy, but sadly he is dead. :smallfrown:

So, instead of helping I am the barer of terrible news, and the crusher of a life-long dream.


She may have a half-sister and two half-brothers, but that is not nearly the same, and we do not know if they will even want to know her and/or do a swab/blood test.


So, have any of you felt this awful before, or have had to break such awful news to someone? Especially someone you have grown to care about?

[Kiren]

I am sorry to here of what happened, at least you gave some closure to the ordeal.

When I was very young, my baby sister passed away. She had been born with down syndrome and severe heart problems. I still miss her sometimes, though I hadn't know her for even a year.

It was fortunate for my other sister to be born healthy.

Anyway, you did a good thing helping out, and don't let it get you down about the bad results.

[Lycan 01]

At least it brings her closure, rather than her spending the rest of her life hoping and waiting... :smallfrown:

[Marnath]

At least it brings her closure, rather than her spending the rest of her life hoping and waiting... :smallfrown:

+1 to this. Better the horrible truth than a question with no answer.

*edit: how's that going, anyway? Last I could remember they hadn't implanted the egg yet.

[Pika...]

Thanks folks. I guess you are right about the closure. I just hope she can build a relationship with her half-siblings or something.


And thanks for asking Marnath. We are still trying. She has conceiving issues, so I have moved up to Phili to be nearby so I can be a 24/7 donor. We are hoping. If not, we will be jointly saving to get her eggs transplanted to her spouse.

[Tonal Architect]

I wouldn't break the news to her unless I were absolutely sure. The investigator could be wrong, even if that's unlikely.

I think it's possible to run a DNA test off something as simple as a cigarette butt, so, questionable as it might be, I'd attempt to get a hold of something a test could be run from, and only when solid evidence was at hand, inform her. Even if an honest mistake, if it's really that important to her, an honest mistake would still be quite traumatic.

[Felixaar]

Better the horrible truth than a question with no answer.

You know, I'm not sure that I agree with this.

[Marnath]

You know, I'm not sure that I agree with this.

Good for you? We all process emotions differently, I didn't mean that to be a blanket statement.

[Telonius]

At least it brings her closure, rather than her spending the rest of her life hoping and waiting... :smallfrown:

Or just as bad, wondering. Exactly how it plays out is different for every adoptee, but I think that almost all of us have in the back of our minds the possibility that we'll never see our biological parents.