The Golden Sorceress-My Webcomic

[littlekKID]

I've started my own webcomic a few days ago, and while I know that posting stuff on the internet doesn't equal instant success, I would really liked to hear you opinion about it


http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/976103/the-start/

Thanks in advance:smallredface:

[busterswd]

Critiques:

-Artwork makes it sort of hard to tell what's going on.
-Plot lacks coherence and you are switching from scene to scene far too often, which isn't helped by the artwork.
-You are in need of quality control; spelling, grammar, text layout, etc. make it harder to read.


You've clearly got a story (or several) to tell but it's hard to understand what you're saying or tell what in the world is going on.

[Domochevsky]

^what he said.

I can tell that there's some artistic ability underneath all that, though. Promise showing, even. :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

Thanks for the Critiques!

now, regarding your notes:

In ''artwork'' are you talking about panle size and direction or the style?
because if it's the former, I'm trying to avoid it

The few first strips are supposed to be more of a ''presentation'' of some of the characters, instead of them appearing from nowhere mid-story, but the plot should settle around one location in the 10 strip, I gusses I could've done it with more grace...

since English is my secondary language,I've expected spelling and grammar mistakes, but after my dad didn't mention it, Ijust forgot about it, can you give me specific examples-so I could fix it?

[amandak695]

I've started my own webcomic a few days ago, and while I know that posting stuff on the internet doesn't equal instant success, I would really liked to hear you opinion about it


http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/976103/the-start/

Thanks in advance:smallredface:

Such a very amazing link!

[busterswd]

Energy blasts/attacks in particular are fairly blobby. One of the things that helps you in particular is your drawings tend to be very colorful, but in cases like where a the blue eyed girl is crying, it's not immediately obvious. Your shapes and general outlines lack consistency.

Don't be afraid to use a ruler for your panels. One of the things about your comic is that it's just sloppy, for lack of a better word, which detracts from whatever you're trying to do.

[littlekKID]

Don't be afraid to use a ruler for your panels. One of the things about your comic is that it's just sloppy, for lack of a better word, which detracts from whatever you're trying to do.

actually, I use a ruler-but only for the penciling, if you think it makes it looks sloppy, I'll start using it on the Inking as well

[Glass Mouse]

Hi.

I really like your writing. The characters are charmingly written, and your dialogue-pacing works really well. You use a lot of panels for conversations, which gives you more work, but the dialogue flows naturally.
Werewolf guy is my favorite of the "superheroes". I liked his winning comment.

I agree with the others that the scene-hopping is confusing, but mostly because...

If there's one thing you're in dire need of, it's backgrounds. A neat trick is to have an establishing panel whenever you switch scenes, showing where we are and which characters are involved. Remember, if readers aren't told or shown something, they can't know it.
It feels like you're drawing your characters very large so they'll fill everything out, and you won't have to draw anything else. It isn't a good idea.
I hope you won't mind me saying this, but your drawings are a bit shaky. It's purely an experience and technique issue, and it'll get continually better with practise. But (and now to my point) this makes it an even worse idea to scale up your drawings. Artistic mistakes get more obvious the larger they're drawn. Smaller drawings are more forgiving.
Drawing smaller would allow you to establish movement, surroundings and character position - and, honestly, the comic would be nicer to look at. Right now, I'm slightly bothered by the very large eyes all over the place.
For example, it might have allowed me to know how the blonde woman entered the comic (I've got no idea right now).

Uh, yeah. I actually rather like the style you've chosen - very cute and Powerpuff Girls-ish. With practise, your drawings will get smoother, and if you throw in some backgrounds, I think this could end somewhere cool.

I won't comment on the writing (since there isn't that much story to comment on), except what I already said; the scenes flow very well. It seems like there's an interesting story under way - I was hooked while reading, at least.

So, uh... keep at it, have fun, and good luck! I hope my input was useful :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

Hi.


Werewolf guy is my favorite of the "superheroes". I liked his winning comment.




thanks for the comment! but...why does everyone think The Black Tigeress is a man?
I mean, she looks kind of masculine, but ''Flamehair"\The Green Flame called her ''she'' a few times, oh well :smallsigh:




For example, it might have allowed me to know how the blonde woman entered the comic (I've got no idea right now).


she was supposed to be the woman that screamed in panel number 10 here:
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/979860/hi-get-your-own-hometown/

but I gusses I didn't explain it very well-sorry about it :smallredface:


again, thanks

[Glass Mouse]

thanks for the comment! but...why does everyone think The Black Tigeress is a man?
I mean, she looks kind of masculine, but ''Flamehair"\The Green Flame called her ''she'' a few times, oh well :smallsigh:

Uh... I just figured the shapeshifting-into-big-grey-fuzzy-creature-during-full-moon person was the werewolf that Vampire girl and the thug spoke of.

I just found the scene. Flamehair did call her she, but that scene was kinda confusing. I didn't see the Tigeress disappear (she went pretty red, though), so I didn't think Flamehair was talking about her ("you should hide before she'll - return").

Oh well. No big. She's still cool :smalltongue:

[Gez]

Should be tigress, not tigeress, by the way. :smalltongue:

[JTPetro]

Glass Mouse had some great critiques for you already, as did busterswd. Using a ruler tool for the borders would automatically improve the quality tenfold, and also (I'm not sure what program you use) use an ellipses tool for the speech bubbles as well. Handwritten, they tend to be wobbly and crowd the letters. Also, centering your text will make it look better:
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/253/9/d/tutorial__speech_bubbles_by_jtpetro-d2yffan.jpg

Just doing this will improve the readability quite a bit. And, as Glass Mouse said, never underestimate the importance of establishing shots. Especially if you're going to have one of those beginnings where you're going to introduce all your characters in the middle of various action scenes.

Creating comics takes hours, but to read them only takes minutes. Always err on the side of going slower, use more pages/panels to really make the scene and character actions clear. I do like how you have done this for little character moments, like the father coughing in the beginning. If you cut panels because you are in a rush to get through a scene or lazy (we all have these temptations sometimes, I know I do! Drawing the same thing over and over can get boring when you just want to get to the next scene already. :smallwink:), then it's going to show to your reader.
Another piece of good advice that I had to work on myself is, show don't tell. If you can show the reader, rather than having a character monologue or explain about something, definitely do it. I wish I could remember who said it, but I read once somewhere, paraphrased, that your comic should be able to tell a coherent story if you erase all the word balloons. You should be able to tell basically what's happening by the pictures alone. This takes a lot of practice and I have to avoid the urge to infodump. I'm not saying you do infodumps, but I just like to pass along this advice because it's so good.


There is definite potential! I gather from your screen name you're pretty young? Keep drawing and working on your storytelling!

[littlekKID]

and also (I'm not sure what program you use) use an ellipses tool for the speech bubbles as well. Handwritten, they tend to be wobbly and crowd the letters. Also, centering your text will make it look better:
http://fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/253/9/d/tutorial__speech_bubbles_by_jtpetro-d2yffan.jpg



Yeah, I got the same critique from my dad when he first saw the comic, and I've been using the rectangle tool (ellipses tools are evil) since strip 5 (although I don't know how to make a border around it, does someone know how to do it with photoshop?)-although they will be back in comic 10 becuase he was created before comics 5-9, but then they'll disappear

[JTPetro]

Hmm, I use GIMP...although I've heard it's like the poor man's Photoshop, so perhaps if I tell you how I do it, it'll be similar in Photoshop.

-do the text first. In GIMP, each bit of text will automatically create its own layer, so you won't have to worry about messing up the drawing. Size and center your text. you can "hide" the drawing layer to make sure your text sizes correctly and isn't hanging off the end of the page or whatnot..then, when you are done sizing and centering all your text...
-make a layer under the texts, but above the drawing, label it balloons or something easy
-make the shape you want over each bit of text, then choose "fill with background color" under the edit menu. Make sure BG color is white or whatever color you wish.
-to make the little pointy-at-speaker thingie, use the path tools and make a little wedge, making sure the ends of it are touching the rectangle/ellipse. Make sure you are still on the same layer as the word balloons!
-"select from path" is under the Edit menu in GIMP, but there might be an
analogue in Photoshop...
-this will select your little wedge. "fill with background color" here too
-use the magic wand tool to select the unbordered word balloon
-under Edit, there's "stroke selection". you can choose the size of your line.
-voila! when you get really fast at it, you can select multiples using the SHIFT key.

Now, it might be worth it to get GIMP for lettering (it's free) if you can't figure out how to make Photoshop do what you want. I use multiple programs for my comic because no one thing has everything for me.

And I tried Photoshop and Illustrator, and I could not get it*! Ugh. The learning curve was huge for me, though I might tackle it again one day or take a class or something. GIMP is fine for now...

*My experience with these programs went like this:
:smallsmile:
:smallconfused:
:smallannoyed:
:smallsigh:
:smallamused:
:smalleek:
:smallfurious:
:smallmad:
:smallfrown:


EDIT: I've noticed you do use rectangles in the later comics. Also, Blambot (http://www.blambot.com/) is a great resource for free comic fonts.

[littlekKID]

well, I'm out of prepared-in-advance strips, so I finally have the opportunity to use your tips: http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/985075/the-morning-after-the-battle/


tell me what you think :smallsmile:

[Domochevsky]

Still no straight panels. :smallwink: (You might want to adjust them on the computer, like paint.NET or somesuch, after scanning the page in.)

I have also no idea what's going on on that map in the last panel. <_<

Still, i encourage you to keep going and improving. :smallsmile:

[t_catt11]

Photoshop bubbles tutorial:

New layer (control+shift+n). Name layer "bubbles".
Ellipse tool, set to fill pixels (not paths or whatever), while color.
Draw approximate size.
Double click layer. Check stroke (bottom of the list). You can define size/color of the border here.
Add text to the bubble.

If it doesn't fit (75% of the time) - highlight the bubbles layer. Edit->transform->scale, drag until it is right.

Now, for the tail:

New layer (control+shift+n).
Custom shape tool, triangle. Draw an approximate tail (tall and skinny triangle). Now drag it over, and use edit->transform->rotate to point it at the character's mouth. Drop it to the bubble layer with merge down (Control+e). Voila! it picks up the border correctly.

For each new bubble, add a layer, size it, but don't do the border. Get it right (including the tail), then control+e to merge to the main bubbles layer.

[littlekKID]

Still no straight panels. :smallwink: (You might want to adjust them on the computer, like paint.NET or somesuch, after scanning the page in.)

I have also no idea what's going on on that map in the last panel. <_<

Still, i encourage you to keep going and improving. :smallsmile:

I've tried using the ruler this time, but after the 6th time the ruler wasn't 100% straight\my hand moved it a bit\ it decided it hate m-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:sm allfurious::smallfurious::smallfurious:





I've decided I'll stick to my hand, it's better for my sanity :smallbiggrin:


the map supposed to be covered in doodles and notes about which superhero lives in which hometown, sorry if it wasn't clear :smallredface:

[littlekKID]

there's a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/991116/on-the-phone/)

[Humbug]

To make borders in Photoshop, if you make the speech bubbles on a separate layer, there's a Stroke option in the Layer Properties menu. To access Layer Properties, double click the layer, (don't double click the layer name as it will just make you rename it) it will bring up the menu. Look for Stroke, and play with the settings.

[littlekKID]

To make borders in Photoshop, if you make the speech bubbles on a separate layer, there's a Stroke option in the Layer Properties menu. To access Layer Properties, double click the layer, (don't double click the layer name as it will just make you rename it) it will bring up the menu. Look for Stroke, and play with the settings.

tried to do, the borders were red ,couldn't find how to change color :smallfrown:


anyone have something to say about to plot\artwork? even if its negative, tell me
the worst review is silence

[Domochevsky]

Well, i continue to find the dialogue to be pretty good and the art is shaping up to be something cute with more practice. :smallsmile:

Oh, and the speech bubbles need to be bigger, so they dont "squish" the text.

(And i repeat: Needs better paneling. Srsly.)

[Humbug]

To change the colour of the stroke, just double click the box that's labeled colour. It will bring up the colour palette. Easy.

[Glass Mouse]

Yay, real backgrounds! The last two pages look a lot better in that regard, thumbs up :smallsmile:

I also noticed the speech bubbles. Words need space to breathe (or something), but it's an easy fix.

A character page is a great idea. There are a lot of characters by now, and most readers have the memory of goldfish (I know I do :smallwink:).

Oh yeah, and the punchline in the latest comic was nice. Way to poke fun at the whole superhero concept!

[littlekKID]

1. there's a new comic
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/999511/powers/

2. thanks for everyone for their Critiques :smallbiggrin:

3.
To change the colour of the stroke, just double click the box that's labeled colour. It will bring up the colour palette. Easy.
I can't find the damm thing :smallannoyed:

4.
Needs better paneling. working on it, I'm actually getting better in this, but I lost my ruler while I was making strip 12

5.
A character page is a great idea. There are a lot of characters by now, and most readers have the memory of goldfish (I know I do ). I'll start working on it tommrow.

6. again, the worst review is silence

7. thanks again!:smallbiggrin:

[Humbug]

I can't find the damm thing :smallannoyed:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v486/KuroiNeko05/stroke.jpg

[littlekKID]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v486/KuroiNeko05/stroke.jpg

that's the point, I can't GET to the menu you're showing. maybe it's a bug in my copy, but I can only get to the main layer style menu

[Glass Mouse]

that's the point, I can't GET to the menu you're showing. maybe it's a bug in my copy, but I can only get to the main layer style menu

Double click on the layer?

[Humbug]

I suppose just selecting the Stroke tab won't work? If it doesn't, then there probably is something wrong with your Photoshop, which is strange bug.

There is another method in making borders for bubbles, which is the one I use, but there's alot of steps to go through and might not be the most practical.

1. Create your bubbles in a separate layer.
2. Have an empty layer under the bubble layer, this will be your border layer.
3. Ctrl+Left Click the thumbnail in the bubble layer, this will select all the shapes in it.
4. At the top menu, go to Select>Modify>Expand>However thick you want your border to be.
5. Flood fill the modified selection with the colour you want on the border layer.

[littlekKID]

BEHOlD!!! a new comic :smallsmile:

http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1005097/second-day-at-work/




please comment

[Domochevsky]

Comment!

a) Give your text room to breath (more whitespace per chatbubble ...square)

b) Center your text (right now they're alligned left. Looks kinda unprofessional)

c) The panel lines have gotten a tad straighter, but not yet straight enough. :smallsmile:

d) The coloring is ...odd. Do you use the filler tool perchance? It leaves gaps and open pixels all over the place

[littlekKID]

Comment!

a) Give your text room to breath (more whitespace per chatbubble ...square)



...yeah, I use the automatic fill text...thingie that wasn't really designed for comics, I'll stop using it from strip 14 and onward :smallbiggrin:


b) Center your text (right now they're alligned left. Looks kinda unprofessional)
that was a stupid attempt at giving more space in the speakbubble, by adding a space in the beginning of any line, it was stupid-I'm sorry :smallfrown:


c) The panel lines have gotten a tad straighter, but not yet straight enough. :smallsmile:

I did used a ruler for that one, the lines kinda look sloopy becuase I tend to roll up the page, I try to avoide it now-but it's hard to get rid of an habit.


d) The coloring is ...odd. Do you use the filler tool perchance? It leaves gaps and open pixels all over the place

since I don't own a red pencil for the penciling, there's a "Leftovers" of the pencil lines that screw-up the coloring, I clean most of them-but a few got off my radar,sorry:smallredface: I'll try to find a red pencil

Thanks!!

[Glass Mouse]

that was a stupid attempt at giving more space in the speakbubble, by adding a space in the beginning of any line, it was stupid-I'm sorry :smallfrown:

Hey, don't apologize for stuff like that. It was an honest attempt, which is the best way to learn :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

I added a new comic :smallsmile:
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1010978/not-a-good-sign/

again,please comment, the worst review is silence

[littlekKID]

I made the Character Page, but for some reason, smack jeeves keeps giving me trouble

here's what it says

Error: Can only contain letters, numbers and dashes.

Error: Must be between 3 and 30 characters long.

(the name was "cast")


File Name: *
The name of the file (i.e. authors.html). Automatically ended in ".html", do not use an extension.

(the file is C:\Documents and Settings\Inbar Fink\My Documents\Characterpage)


does anyone knows what's this thing problem?

[Domochevsky]

...what exactly am i looking at in the last panel of the latest strip? The neon colors are highly distracting. >_>

For the technical problem: Did you name the file "cast.html" or just "cast"? either way, try the other one.

[littlekKID]

...what exactly am i looking at in the last panel of the latest strip? The neon colors are highly distracting. >_>

For the technical problem: Did you name the file "cast.html" or just "cast"? either way, try the other one.

1) the clothes of the two girls from strips 5-8 in a puddle of pink and blue goo, sorry if it wasn't clear :smallfrown:


2) tried, didn't work-thanks for trying anyway :smallsmile:


3) new comic
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1016203/you-and-your-big-mouth/

[littlekKID]

New comic :smallbiggrin:


http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1022174/gender-confusion/

[Domochevsky]

Hum... the spelling/sentence construction has gotten significantly worse in the last two pages. Did you reduce your efforts in that area? :smallconfused:

[littlekKID]

Sorry, I had a busy month, so I didn't had time to double-check my comic, I'll take care of strips 15 and 16 this Saturday

:smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

new comic :smallsmile:
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1028162/fight/

I hope the fight looks fine

[Domochevsky]

Mhm, it's a good start, i'd say. :smallsmile:

Buuuut...

Constructive Criticism, ho! o/

p6 - he/she strikes him with the left hand downwards, but leaves a mark on his left side (should be right) and he reels upwards (should be down and towards the reader.)

p7 - in the same vein he should move back from the readers side (his left) to bite him/her, not from up.

General - be less gratituous with the blood. It takes a moment from a strike for the juice to flow. Minor splatter, tops. :smallwink:


Alternate example of how this could have went:
http://www.nudecreator.org/Domochevsky/Raw_4.png

[littlekKID]

New comic
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1033759/what-ever-happend-to-em/

[Glass Mouse]

I like the depth of the second panel. And the details of the first. Nice job :-)

You still need to give the words more space. Letters like i or l tend to disappear completely when they're at the edge of your speech bubbles.

There are still quite a lot of grammatical errors. In the latest page, specifically, you forgot the -s on 3rd person verbs.
New sentences need to start with a capitalized letter (you do that most of the time, but it has to be consistent).
I'd throw a sentence at the end of sentences, too. This is minor, but still worth considering.
(English is not my first language, so my apologies if I got any of the grammar terms wrong).

The writing's still good, though (apart from the grammar), and there are a lot of funny lines. "I think I got glass in my cl"... "Twilight"... heh. Really good!

I also think you've improved A LOT since the beginning. The backgrounds are better, the characters are better drawn, the action flows more naturally, etc. And all in a short time. Good job on that, definitely!
Just keep it up :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

Behold! a one-time mid-week post!
http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1036990/talking-is-not-a-free-action/

[littlekKID]

a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1039931/well-she-is-the-title-character/)

[littlekKID]

There's a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1045420/black-vs-gold/)
Pleace comment

[littlekKID]

Here's a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1052119/choise/)


Sorry for the late update

[littlekKID]

http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1063653/thanks-captain-obvious/

please comment, the worst feedback is no feedback

[Elystan]

I actually enjoyed that. No constructive criticism.

[littlekKID]

http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1069843/black-and-white/


new comic :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1076952/pet-peeve/), please comment

[littlekKID]

A new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1082872/suprise/)

[littlekKID]

I made a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1089801/something-squidy/)

please comment

[littlekKID]

I made a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1096611/oh-you-will/)
please comment

[Domochevsky]

Pro:
- The text bubbles are a lot better
- Art has gotten cleaner
- Expressions are still ...well, expressive

Con:
- The story is kinda jumbly
- The grammar/sentence construction still needs work
- There's still a good deal of noise all over the panels. Dunno if you can clean that up with your current methods, though
- Please don't post every strip into this thread with a plea for comments... that's kinda... yeah. There are better methods to get known/comments. Like a comment system on the comic itself. >_>

[littlekKID]

there IS comment system on the comic itself, it just that nobody's using it .

[Domochevsky]

there IS comment system on the comic itself, it just that nobody's using it .

...wait, what? But there are comments. :smallconfused:

[littlekKID]

...wait, what? But there are comments. :smallconfused:

Yeah, barely

also, new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1109403/hes-back/)

[Neoriceisgood]

So I've decided to give this a read due to it being short and your posting habits indicating that you really, really would like some attention.

Considering the fact you clearly seem interested in making this a longer project of some sort & the added fact that you do want people to notice you, I'll just do what several other people have done, namely: giving you some C&C.

ART & CLEARNESS

I'll start out with some notes on the art, although it's gotten a bit better over time, I haven't seen a single page that didn't leave me with the feeling that it's quite ... sloppy.

There's several reasons behind this feeling, I'll make a short list of them.

1. I'm guessing you draw everything on paper and then scan it in to colour it? The white rims and odd discolourations near the edges of characters really make me feel like they're partly scanning errors of some sort. (correct me if I'm wrong);

Although this isn't necessarily entirely your fault, I can tell you that it does strongly affect the "feel" of your pages, quality wise.

When I see pages with little white blotches around the outlines, it makes me feel like the author tried to rush it rather than cleaning up those slight imperfections, it should be fully within your skill level to fix those, so why don't you?

2. (This one isn't super important, but more of an observation)
I'm having a bit of a hard time understanding why your style isn't more templated, I'm guessing coming up with proper templates/rules is a lot harder for you atm than just drawing them; But I do feel that you're taking a lot less of an advantage of the fact that you can just do "whatever you want" with your style.

In OOTS most characters look very alike cause they use a very simple preset template, in yours ... I guess it's "style", but it seems like a style that's directly "inspired" by more templated ones, so if you want to stick to it, I'd seriously suggest you think about ways to template the characters.

3. This kinda goes hand in hand with the templating part, but most of your characters are composed of extremely simple shapes/structures, I'm really wondering if the rather "unclean" way of drawing you have is really necessary for it.

Your style would be pretty fun/enjoyable if it was very clean and did what it should, but at the moment it feels like you yourself are having trouble getting the fairly simple shaped heads/eyes of your characters drawn.

4. I think your style would benefit a lot from variation in line thickness, if you draw it on paper you should consider getting a wider pen for added line variation.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Either way, I obviously can't tell you exactly what to do and how to do it, but I'd strongly suggest working on being able to portray (at least) your characters in a very clean and structured way as a lot of other complaints I'd have with your comic are almost entirely derived from it looking so sloppy at times.

I hope this has been kind of useful. :)

I do think you've got a core style going that could definitely be very enjoyable if cleaned up, I can actually recognise most of the more important characters despite it's simplicity (as you vary the shape of noses, eyes etc) and really feel like quite a few of them could totally end up looking "iconic".

But the style really really needs to be cleaned up before it reaches that point. :smallwink:

Hope this helps!

Kind regards,
Guido Bos

[littlekKID]

So I've decided to give this a read due to it being short and your posting habits indicating that you really, really would like some attention.
wow, I never realized that I look so obsessive with the updates and everything, I just want to know that SOMEONE cares that I waste my free time on this thing :smallsmile:


Considering the fact you clearly seem interested in making this a longer project of some sort & the added fact that you do want people to notice you, I'll just do what several other people have done, namely: giving you some C&C.

ART & CLEARNESS

I'll start out with some notes on the art, although it's gotten a bit better over time, I haven't seen a single page that didn't leave me with the feeling that it's quite ... sloppy.
Sorry that you feel that way, I'll try to do it better in the future

There's several reasons behind this feeling, I'll make a short list of them.

1. I'm guessing you draw everything on paper and then scan it in to colour it? The white rims and odd discolourations near the edges of characters really make me feel like they're partly scanning errors of some sort. (correct me if I'm wrong);

Corrcet, sorry about that, the scanner isn't mine (it's my dad's) and I still don't know who everything works :smallfrown:, but I think I'm getting better!

Although this isn't necessarily entirely your fault, I can tell you that it does strongly affect the "feel" of your pages, quality wise.

When I see pages with little white blotches around the outlines, it makes me feel like the author tried to rush it rather than cleaning up those slight imperfections, it should be fully within your skill level to fix those, so why don't you?

I'm trying too, those must have slipped of my radar


2. (This one isn't super important, but more of an observation)
I'm having a bit of a hard time understanding why your style isn't more templated, I'm guessing coming up with proper templates/rules is a lot harder for you atm than just drawing them; But I do feel that you're taking a lot less of an advantage of the fact that you can just do "whatever you want" with your style.
In OOTS most characters look very alike cause they use a very simple preset template, in yours ... I guess it's "style", but it seems like a style that's directly "inspired" by more templated ones, so if you want to stick to it, I'd seriously suggest you think about ways to template the characters.

forgive me for being a dumbass, but I didn't really get what you meant by "templated", do you mean that all my characters look alike (something I hear a LOT from my dad, and I'm trying to fix here-it's one of the first times my characters have NOSES), that my characters don't look like each other (which will be...new) or that my style isn't unique enough (which I can't do much about, beside the VERY different OotStyle, I never could do any style beside my own-and while my DP and IZ fan-art may have helped my developing my style, it was mostly developed by me drawing a lot of bad drawings until they got better



3. This kinda goes hand in hand with the templating part, but most of your characters are composed of extremely simple shapes/structures, I'm really wondering if the rather "unclean" way of drawing you have is really necessary for it.

Your style would be pretty fun/enjoyable if it was very clean and did what it should, but at the moment it feels like you yourself are having trouble getting the fairly simple shaped heads/eyes of your characters drawn.
again, I don't really got what you meant: "unclean" as in "you need to clean it more"-which I'll try to do, or that I need to stop drawing on paper (that wouldn't work I barely have free-time in high-school and paper have one major advantage: I can draw in school (also, I draw more when I'm bored)

4. I think your style would benefit a lot from variation in line thickness, if you draw it on paper you should consider getting a wider pen for added line variation.


maybe I should, that what my dad does :smallsmile:
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Either way, I obviously can't tell you exactly what to do and how to do it, but I'd strongly suggest working on being able to portray (at least) your characters in a very clean and structured way as a lot of other complaints I'd have with your comic are almost entirely derived from it looking so sloppy at times.

I hope this has been kind of useful. :)

I do think you've got a core style going that could definitely be very enjoyable if cleaned up, I can actually recognise most of the more important characters despite it's simplicity (as you vary the shape of noses, eyes etc) and really feel like quite a few of them could totally end up looking "iconic".

But the style really really needs to be cleaned up before it reaches that point. :smallwink:

Hope this helps!

Kind regards,
Guido Bos

yes it did, thanks

also, new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1115729/exposition/)

[littlekKID]

:smallsmile: new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1121661/he-knows-shes-in-there/)

[Neoriceisgood]

forgive me for being a dumbass, but I didn't really get what you meant by "templated", do you mean that all my characters look alike (something I hear a LOT from my dad, and I'm trying to fix here-it's one of the first times my characters have NOSES), that my characters don't look like each other (which will be...new) or that my style isn't unique enough (which I can't do much about, beside the VERY different OotStyle, I never could do any style beside my own-and while my DP and IZ fan-art may have helped my developing my style, it was mostly developed by me drawing a lot of bad drawings until they got better

What I said might've been confusing as it was more of an observation than "do this';

A comic like OOTS is very templated, but it also makes the art extremely consistent and clean.

Your comic characters [/i]feel[/i] templated, but because they're not, they just feel that way without any clear benefits.

What I'm saying is, think about what you want, do you want to improve your art to the level where it doesn't look templated at all and really looks like standalone art for each page?

Or do you feel like you'd be okay with something closer to OOTS, where your characters aren't necessarily hand drawn but rearranged templates you can quickly grab and repose ?

Right now your comic looks like option #2 but effort wise it's closer to #1 which I'd call the worst of both worlds.


From what you said though, I think you'd prefer everything uniquely drawn.

[littlekKID]

What I said might've been confusing as it was more of an observation than "do this';

A comic like OOTS is very templated, but it also makes the art extremely consistent and clean.

Your comic characters [/i]feel[/i] templated, but because they're not, they just feel that way without any clear benefits.

What I'm saying is, think about what you want, do you want to improve your art to the level where it doesn't look templated at all and really looks like standalone art for each page?

Or do you feel like you'd be okay with something closer to OOTS, where your characters aren't necessarily hand drawn but rearranged templates you can quickly grab and repose ?

Right now your comic looks like option #2 but effort wise it's closer to #1 which I'd call the worst of both worlds.


From what you said though, I think you'd prefer everything uniquely drawn.

you still havn't explained to me what "templated" mean?
also, a new strip (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1128181/the-hard-way/)

[Neoriceisgood]

Templated = a comic that uses templates, like OOTS.

Like ... it's pretty clear the characters aren't redrawn for every single page, in OOTS.

I don't really see what there is to explain. :smallconfused:

[littlekKID]

Templated = a comic that uses templates, like OOTS.

Like ... it's pretty clear the characters aren't redrawn for every single page, in OOTS.

I don't really see what there is to explain. :smallconfused:

well... English is not my mother tongue so I don't really got what you meant by ''templates''.
oh well-any kind of change in the Character design for any kind of reason will look a bit...odd.:smallsmile: (well I AM planning to remake the first few pages 'round the summer vacation, but it's more about making it bigger panels and more pages and gettting rid of the ugly speech-baloons :smallsmile:)


also-new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1134023/the-knees-have-it/)

[littlekKID]

new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1140133/help/) :smallbiggrin:

[littlekKID]

there's a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1146233/trapped/) :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1151703/sucker-punch/), and the plot really start to kick in

[littlekKID]

http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1158517/responsibility/ :smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1163757/echos-of-the-past/


:smallsmile:

[littlekKID]

after a small brake due to homework, there's a new comic (http://goldensorceress.smackjeeves.com/comics/1186896/the-mistress/):smallsmile: