So You Want to Be a Vampire... [Archive] - Giant in the Playground Forums

Danne

2010-09-29, 03:59 PM

Fifty-Eyed Fred

2010-09-29, 04:03 PM

Bah. Can't do it; the cost of shipping would kill me, and not in a manner which would let me live on as a vampire.

Danne

2010-09-29, 04:06 PM

*nods sympathetically* It is rather expensive. Though when I've heard that there's a "high price" involved, this wasn't the kind I was expecting.

Kallisti

2010-09-29, 04:15 PM

Apparently our good merchant hasn't been an immortal vampire for very long; I'd presume that if they had, they might have found time in their eternal unlives to take a basic course or two in spelling and grammar.

Snares

2010-09-29, 04:23 PM

BUT DONT WORRY EBAY HAS SPELLS TO HELP WITH THAT.

OK, so I managed to avoid cracking up for most of that description, but that sentence got me.

Eldpollard

2010-09-29, 04:23 PM

All I can say is fangs but no fangs.

Pyrian

2010-09-29, 04:36 PM

When you're only looking for suckers (hah), it helps to quickly weed out anybody with half a brain. :smalltongue:

Daze

2010-09-29, 05:09 PM

Even scarier is that the seller has a "perfect" merchant rating.

Danne

2010-09-29, 05:18 PM

Even scarier is that the seller has a "perfect" merchant rating.

Lots of satisfied vampire customers, apparently. :smallwink:

Haruki-kun

2010-09-29, 05:19 PM

Too bad. Looks like it's rather expensive. Then again, I became a vampire in Oblivion and boy did I regret that one. I don't think RL would be much better.

Vaynor

2010-09-29, 05:20 PM

The seller notes that there are 10 available, and I see 9 remaining.

:smalleek:

Haruki-kun

2010-09-29, 05:39 PM

The seller notes that there are 10 available, and I see 9 remaining.

:smalleek:

I noticed that, too. I'm hoping he was joking.

Istari

2010-09-29, 05:55 PM

It had one sold in the history O.O

Deth Muncher

2010-09-29, 06:24 PM

Who...bought that? Some guy named Vlad?

Coidzor

2010-09-29, 07:04 PM

What's that saying, again? Fools and their money...

Pinnacle

2010-09-29, 08:40 PM

Bah. Can't do it; the cost of shipping would kill me, and not in a manner which would let me live on as a vampire.

It says shipping is free.

Rae Artemi

2010-09-29, 09:08 PM

It says shipping is free.

That was the joke.

golentan

2010-09-29, 09:26 PM

What can I say, some people will sell their souls for a working weight loss program. (http://www.sluggy.com/comics/archives/daily/19980927)

Ignition

2010-09-29, 09:51 PM

Greatest eBay auction ever. :smallbiggrin:

Gullara

2010-09-29, 09:59 PM

Hahahaha lol ha rofl hahahahaha lolololol teeheehee *cough* haha... ha

Pretty much my reaction.

I have to put that on my watch list. I imagine it'll sell out to all those Twilight fanatics.

EDIT: The offer history is very long. That's got me worried.

And what are the chances that the guy who bought one is the same b***c that is out bidding me for a MTG card I want. If it is I'd better give up now because he has deep pockets.

Dr.Epic

2010-09-30, 04:05 AM

Has anyone else seen this (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&Item=260666836389&Category=102517&_trkparm%0As=algo%3DLVI%26its%3DI%26otn%3D1)?

Funny, I didn't think this was the kind of thing you could buy or sell...

Hey, I didn't think Twilight was the type of thing one could sell, but it looks like people are buying it. They should however put a disclaimer saying it will only work on people who's understanding of the world hasn't changed at all since preschool.

Coidzor

2010-09-30, 07:31 AM

What if there's no one who's actually taking it seriously but a bunch of people who are raising the bids for a lark to see how far the others are willing to go?

Sort of like how there's this thread discussing it...

I'm-a choose to believe that.

truemane

2010-09-30, 07:38 AM

I'm just amazed that, as an IMMORTAL VAMPIRE, among my many options for super powers are BOTH Immortality and Never Growing Old.

That's a pretty good deal. Usually you just get one or the other, and either grow asymptotically older and more feeble for eternity, or you stay young till you die of a stroke at 65.

Eldan

2010-09-30, 09:02 AM

I can choose my own weaknesses? Cool! I want to be weak to both light and darkness!

Haruki-kun

2010-09-30, 09:40 AM

Gullara

2010-09-30, 09:47 AM

I'm betting he bought it himself. There's just no way anyone could believe this.

.....right?

Have you met a Twilight fanatic? I have, and it was a relatively minor case of Twilight fanaticism. She probably would have bought this.

:smalltongue:

factotum

2010-09-30, 09:59 AM

How is this thing even still up there? I thought eBay had rules against this sort of listing.

Isak

2010-09-30, 10:39 AM

How is this thing even still up there? I thought eBay had rules against this sort of listing.

It's too amusing to report :smallbiggrin::smallsigh:

MoelVermillion

2010-09-30, 11:05 AM

onasuma

2010-09-30, 01:01 PM

There are loads of this sort of thing on ebay. Some are around 20,000 for djinns and similar things. It seems suprisingly lucritive.

Tonal Architect

2010-09-30, 01:18 PM

Funny thing is, he is also selling a teleportation spell, and, while he took it off listings (or worse, someone bought it omg) , there was also a werewolf spell.

Wonder if you can combine the three to make yourself a vampiric teleporting werewolf. Now that'd add 'awe' back in awesome.

edit: Hmmmm... The teleport thing seems to explain the free shipping. You probably get it delivered straight to your room.

Kallisti

2010-09-30, 01:34 PM

I notice the site says the spell comes with Ebay Buyer Protection--if you buy and and, shockingly, do not become an Immortal Vampire within a year, ebay will recompensate you for both the full purchase price and shipping. You'd think Ebay might be worried about losing money offering that kind of guarantee...

Darius Midnite

2010-09-30, 01:53 PM

I do have a lot of money I want to fritter away. Oh the temptation.

Worira

2010-09-30, 03:18 PM

I can choose my own weaknesses? Cool! I want to be weak to both light and darkness!

But then you could only go outside at...

This is the worst idea ever, is what I'm getting at.

Dr.Epic

2010-09-30, 05:00 PM

I can choose my own weaknesses? Cool! I want to be weak to both light and darkness!

Your weakness is an Oreo cookie?:smallconfused:

Danne

2010-09-30, 05:51 PM

I do have a lot of money I want to fritter away. Oh the temptation.

*chants* Do-it, do-it, do-it... :smallbiggrin:

...Heck, I just wanna know what you'd actually get. o_O

Deth Muncher

2010-09-30, 06:53 PM

*chants* Do-it, do-it, do-it... :smallbiggrin:

...Heck, I just wanna know what you'd actually get. o_O

I mean, if it's insured, and you'll get your money back if you don't get anything...go for it?

Haruki-kun

2010-09-30, 08:03 PM

I'm gonna suggest against it. It sounds like a scam of some sort. What if eBay has a loophole somewhere? It's not a small amount of cash, either.

Danne

2010-09-30, 08:06 PM

It sounds like a scam of some sort.

Gosh, really? What gave it away? :smalltongue:

Kallisti

2010-09-30, 08:21 PM

Haruki-kun

2010-09-30, 08:24 PM

Gosh, really? What gave it away? :smalltongue:

You know what I mean. :smalltongue:

Mewtarthio

2010-10-01, 12:25 AM

The Ebay Buyer Guarantee thing seems to have been put up by Ebay, not the seller. As far as I can tell, if you haven't become an Immortal Vampire within a year they have to give you your money back.

Ah, but how would you go about proving that you're not an immortal vampire, hmm? Vampires are, after all, masters of deception, so it would be foolish for eBay to take the word of a known vampire!

As a side note, I'm honestly a bit surprised that you guys are surprised by this sort of thing. People have been casting spells over the internet since the internet existed. Heck, just Google "love spell," and you'll get dozens of sites begging you to send them your money (half of which vehemently insists that they "really work" in their titles).

Protip: It is highly probable that they are lying. If they truly had the power to subvert people's free will over the internet, they would not bother asking you for your money.

Haruki-kun

2010-10-01, 12:29 AM

Protip: It is highly probable that they are lying. If they truly had the power to subvert people's free will over the internet, they would not bother asking you for your money.

Plot holes ahoy! :smallbiggrin:

bluewind95

2010-10-01, 02:37 PM

I also suggest against buying it, even with the guarantee. Thing is, even if eBay gives you back the money, they're not taking it away from the scammer, so you're just funding a scammer...

This kind of reminds me of a scammer I read about at a fish forum... who was selling things like whales and dolphins. So the forum members decided to troll a little and were asking for mermaids and asking for pictures and all. The scammer went along with it (sent a picture of a tank decoration in the shape of Disney's Little Mermaid) for a while, even, eventually giving up when they saw they would not get any money.

Personally I don't like scammers like that, taking advantage of the naive/ignorant/whatever that buy those things.

Ichneumon

2010-10-01, 02:50 PM

I can't recommend becoming a vampires. In the worst case scenario, there's a lot of sparkling involved.

Starbuck_II

2010-10-01, 02:59 PM

I would buy this vampire spell but I blew all my money on air guitars (http://cgi.ebay.com/Completely-Refinished-Vintage-Air-Guitar-/150500504869?pt=Guitar_Accessories&hash=item230a877525), it was a poor choice in retrospect :smallfrown:.

It was only a dollar. Heck, the dollars weighed more than the air guitar.

I'm curious if EBAY will pay you back within a year.

For a weakness, if I did the spell I'd choose world peace. I mean, what chance does the world have against you then? :smallbiggrin:

Strengths:
Magnificient bastard.
Ability to grant myself any power.

I'll admit the second power is cheating. :smalltongue:

Teddy

2010-10-01, 05:16 PM

For a weakness, if I did the spell I'd choose world peace. I mean, what chance does the world have against you then? :smallbiggrin:

There's nothing that unifies people such as an outside threat. When you've killed 99% of the world's population, they'll unite against you and you'll be dead.

You're, however, quite stupid if you manage to make the entire humanity your enemy...

I would choose the end of the universe, no, make that the multiverse. That way, I wouldn't have to suffer being the only thing left. Or I could just do a loophole saying that my weekness would be losing my immortality. :smallwink:

Strengths:
Magnificient bastard.
Ability to grant myself any power.

I'll admit the second power is cheating. :smalltongue:

What's this "cheating" you're talking about? We're talking about using magic to grant people immortality, remember.

chiasaur11

2010-10-02, 12:30 AM

Thajocoth

2010-10-02, 01:57 AM

Becoming a vampire would require Renfield Syndrome, Porphyria and OCD. The first gives a craving for blood, the second gives a harsh sensitivity to sunlight, and the third can cover most of the behavioral quirks.

That doesn't sound like a good thing to want, honestly.

Arachu

2010-10-02, 10:23 AM

... This must be some kind of dirty trick.

There's no spell to turn me back if I'm dissatisfied. How do I get my refund!?

:smalltongue:

Kallisti

2010-10-02, 11:49 AM

As a side note, I'm honestly a bit surprised that you guys are surprised by this sort of thing. People have been casting spells over the internet since the internet existed. Heck, just Google "love spell," and you'll get dozens of sites begging you to send them your money (half of which vehemently insists that they "really work" in their titles).

Oh, we know. It's just that fake love spells are so tame compared to fake Immortal Vampire spells that let you choose your own weakness and everything...

Danne

2010-10-02, 11:55 AM

As a side note, I'm honestly a bit surprised that you guys are surprised by this sort of thing. People have been casting spells over the internet since the internet existed. Heck, just Google "love spell," and you'll get dozens of sites begging you to send them your money (half of which vehemently insists that they "really work" in their titles).

Surprised? No, not really. Wildly entertained? Heck yeah. :smallbiggrin:

hobbitkniver

2010-10-02, 06:56 PM

Yes, I have seen this on an Iphone app that shows ridiculous things just like this. What kind of idiot would fall for this?

Gullara

2010-10-02, 07:14 PM

Yes, I have seen this on an Iphone app that shows ridiculous things just like this. What kind of idiot would fall for this?

The numerous kind. :smalleek:

Yes the end of the world is coming, and it will be enacted by fools and the ignorant.

Intelligent people of the world unite! Before the cataclysmic event we must perfect space travel, so we can abandon this doomed world for a new world.

We will call it Haven, for that is what it will be to us.

...

Or, you know, we could just ignore these silly scams and go on with our lives.

druid91

2010-10-02, 07:19 PM

The numerous kind. :smalleek:

Yes the end of the world is coming, and it will be enacted by fools and the ignorant.

Intelligent people of the world unite! Before the cataclysmic event we must perfect space travel, so we can abandon this doomed world for a new world.

We will call it Haven, for that is what it will be to us.

...

Or, you know, we could just ignore these silly scams and go on with our lives.

Nope it will be enacted by me, it's my job and I will destroy anyone who tries to take it. They'd just botch the whole thing.:smallwink:

LordOMud

2010-10-02, 09:03 PM

{Scrubbed}

Gullara

2010-10-02, 09:40 PM

Nope it will be enacted by me, it's my job and I will destroy anyone who tries to take it. They'd just botch the whole thing.:smallwink:

Let me ask you one question; Are you foolish, ignorant, or both?:smalltongue:

{Scrubbed}

A wizard did it. :smallamused:

meme powers go! wooooooooooooot!!!

Danne

2010-10-02, 09:46 PM

{Scrubbed}

...Wait, you're trying to rationalize this? For serious? :smallconfused:

VampireRot

2010-10-02, 09:50 PM

I'm gonna suggest against it. It sounds like a scam of some sort.

Nonsense! It works perfectly.

I guarantee it. Trust me, I'm a vampire. :smallwink:

:smalltongue:

Gullara

2010-10-02, 09:52 PM

Nonsense! It works perfectly.

I guarantee it. Trust me, I'm a vampire. :smallwink:

:smalltongue:

Really? Well I'd better offer him double what he's asking just so I know I'll get one. Thanks for confirming this for us.

...

By the way I'm kidding. :smalltongue:

LordOMud

2010-10-02, 09:57 PM

...Wait, you're trying to rationalize this? For serious? :smallconfused:

{Scrubbed}

Gullara

2010-10-02, 10:00 PM

{Scrubbed}

LordOMud

2010-10-02, 10:02 PM

{Scrubbed}

Gullara

2010-10-02, 10:05 PM

{Scrubbed}

:smallconfused:...

I...

...

Let's not get into this conversation.

LordOMud

2010-10-02, 10:11 PM

:smallconfused:...

I...

...

Let's not get into this conversation.
That's what I was thinking. I just thought I'd throw it out there

Gullara

2010-10-02, 10:17 PM

{Scrubbed}

Danne

2010-10-02, 10:20 PM

{Scrubbed}

If he(?) does, then we're getting into religion, and therefore we shall not discuss it.

Besides, what's it matter? :smallconfused: And how'd we get from making fun of ebay scams to this?

Gullara

2010-10-02, 10:21 PM

If he(?) does, then we're getting into religion, and therefore we shall not discuss it.

Besides, what's it matter? :smallconfused: And how'd we get from making fun of ebay scams to this?

Good point. That's why I didn't want to discuss it. I probably should have stuck to that.

druid91

2010-10-03, 09:57 AM

Let me ask you one question; Are you foolish, ignorant, or both?:smalltongue:

Both, we all are. What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?* There is the ignorance, and the foolishness is wanting to mess up the world at all.

*If you say 42..:smalltongue:

Tonal Architect

2010-10-03, 10:13 AM

I'm still curious as to what one gets if one buys the teleportation spell. *thinks real-life Jumper and concludes that That would be sweeeet*

Vampires sound dull. Teleporting across the globe? Visiting Erica Campbell while she's changing? Now that's something.

Danne

2010-10-03, 10:37 AM

I'm still curious as to what one gets if one buys the teleportation spell. *thinks real-life Jumper and concludes that That would be sweeeet*

I would want it to be delivered by someone teleporting to my door. Anything less and I'd want my money back. :smallwink:

golentan

2010-10-03, 11:55 AM

Both, we all are. What is the meaning of life, the universe and everything?* There is the ignorance, and the foolishness is wanting to mess up the world at all.

*If you say 42..:smalltongue:

Actually, it's 41. I prefer 41 because one of every U.S. coin in current circulation adds up to it.

Now here's a fun one I haven't seen mentioned. A tool to Deceive and Slaughter. (http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=290480966411#ht_2778wt_1129) It's a box, that when you buy it immediately turns around and sells itself again to the next poor schmuck, who then... Well. You get the idea.

Gullara

2010-10-03, 11:57 AM

Actually, it's 41. I prefer 41 because one of every U.S. coin in current circulation adds up to it.

Even better than that, 391. That's what every Canadian coin in circulation adds up to.

Fifty-Eyed Fred

2010-10-03, 01:35 PM

Actually, it's 41. I prefer 41 because one of every U.S. coin in current circulation adds up to it.

*counts*
For the pound, it's 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, 200, 500, which makes 888.

888 - the number of the pound?!? :smalleek:

factotum

2010-10-03, 03:17 PM

*counts*
For the pound, it's 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, 200, 500, which makes 888.

888 - the number of the pound?!? :smalleek:

The £5 coin is a purely commemorative coin which you don't see in normal circulation (although it IS legal tender)--does it really count for these purposes?

Fifty-Eyed Fred

2010-10-03, 03:43 PM

The £5 coin is a purely commemorative coin which you don't see in normal circulation (although it IS legal tender)--does it really count for these purposes?

Well, it is in circulation, it's just not very common.

But still, 888! :smalleek:

tonberrian

2010-10-03, 04:00 PM

If I want to transform into a vampire, there are certainly cheaper offers on Ebay.

Haruki-kun

2010-10-03, 04:32 PM

Well, it is in circulation, it's just not very common.

But still, 888! :smalleek:

*thinks*

For Mexican whole coins... 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50, 100..... 188

.....it ends in 88...... wow. Pratchett was right.