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Halaster
2010-10-04, 04:41 AM
Since this was seconded here (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=170660), I'll just go ahead and open the thread.

Often, DMs try to whet players' appetites for their games by telling them how awesome they will be, and, just as often, don't deliver the goods. Many DMs don't even notice that what they think is good DMing is actually rather lousy. They genuinely believe that their games have some unique, amazing style, when they are just boring and pretentious. So, post the things you heard DMs pitch their games with, and what that really turned out to mean.

I'll start with some of my own experiences:
DM said: "player empowerment"
DM meant: "I'm too lazy to think of a plot, you come up with one"

DM said: "gritty realism"
DM meant: "your characters get beat up all the time"

DM said: "everyone can die, your life-and-death decisions really matter"
DM meant: "I love TPK, decide however you want, you're all dead anyway"

DM said: "historically accurate setting"
DM meant: "boring history lesson that lets me get away with all sorts of politically incorrect stuff"

GodGoblin
2010-10-04, 05:14 AM
Finally a code breaker to DM jargon!

ok how about-
DM said: "Horror/suspense game"
DM meant: "I just bought Heroes of horror and will throw it at you"

DM said: "Homebrew setting"
DM meant:"Opinionated 'edgy' setting where elves are red and humans have 3 arms"

Heliomance
2010-10-04, 05:27 AM
DM said: "Use any books you want":
DM meant: Either "I am far better at optimising than you and the monsters you face will show it" or "I have no idea what I'm letting myself in for"

Chrono22
2010-10-04, 05:31 AM
DM said: "I have a few houserules."
DM meant: "I have a binder full of inconsistent and poorly written houserules, and draw resources from 5 different 3rd party supplements."

Psyx
2010-10-04, 05:33 AM
"Plot driven" - I've decided what's happening. Your choices are moot.

"Roleplay driven" - I have no plot. Talk amongst yourselves for 4 hours.

"Gritty" - Deadly

"Very heroic" - Makes carebears look un-fluffy. Risk = zero.

"Centred on X culture/race" - Which I'm an enormous fanboy of. I'll constantly tell you that you wouldn't do that, and insist that you pointlessly use snippets of the language and painfully roleplay out basic etiquette.

Altair_the_Vexed
2010-10-04, 05:37 AM
DM says: "I have my own unique setting"
DM means: "I've made a rip-off clone of something I read / something I watched"

DM says: anything at all
DM means: "My campaign plans will disintegrate within a few sessions of the players getting their grubby mits all over it."

Kaun
2010-10-04, 05:45 AM
DM says: "Low Magic setting..."
DM Means: "...for the PC's"

DM says: "Detailed backstory required!"
DM Means: "Tell me what you love so i can brake it:belkar:!!

Wings of Peace
2010-10-04, 05:47 AM
DM Says: "Welcome to the group everyone, it looks like we got a good number of players."

DM Means: "Welcome to Hell, I will water the crops with your character's blood and till the fields with their bones till only the strongest remain. That should make the group more manageable."

DarkEternal
2010-10-04, 05:47 AM
Honestly, all of these are good. Being a DM is an ungreateful, hard task so I don't really say anything to the DM, because I know that not a single person in the group would take over the duty.

Kaun
2010-10-04, 05:49 AM
Honestly, all of these are good. Being a DM is an ungreateful, hard task so I don't really say anything to the DM, because I know that not a single person in the group would take over the duty.

I think it is an ever so tongue in cheek thread.

I wouldn't take it all to seriously, hey as a long time DM i have droped a few of these before.

Fearan
2010-10-04, 06:02 AM
From personal experience
DM says: "Dark fantasy"
DM means: "I want some WoD in my D&D"

Cheesy74
2010-10-04, 06:06 AM
DM says: I think you guys will like the next encounter.
DM means: Just bring new character sheets to the next session.

dsmiles
2010-10-04, 06:10 AM
DM says: "I'm running a steampunk-ish campaign."
DM means: "I just started playing Warmachine, and I can't afford to buy any other minis right now."

Emmerask
2010-10-04, 06:25 AM
DM says: "I have my own unique setting"
DM means: "I've made a rip-off clone of something I read / something I watched"


:smallbiggrin:
To be fair though it is terribly hard to come up with something entirely new, as a dm I rip off stuff all the time and combine bits and pieces of rip-offs ^^

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-04, 06:26 AM
DM says: anything at all
DM means: "My campaign plans will disintegrate within a few sessions of the players getting their grubby mits all over it."

So far, this is the only part I agree with. Therefore, I stopped making plans. My adventures (as I have never managed to keep a single group long enough at once to play a campaign) tend to be the tabletop version of Mad-Libs.

Halaster
2010-10-04, 06:29 AM
Lovely examples so far.

The thread is neither intended to be fair, nor is it meant to disparage DMs. As a DM of many years myself, I know how difficult the job can be, and that someone has to do it. But I also think DMs should strive for excellence in their games, because it will be more fun for everyone involved, themselves included. So I think this might be an occasion for DMs to check their record and consider what they've been telling players, and then been doing in their games.

Besides, a DM who can't stand some good-natured teasing is in for a tough time anyway...

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-04, 06:33 AM
So I think this might be an occasion for DMs to check their record and consider what they've been telling players, and then been doing in their games.

In my case, I say nothing. They're lucky if I even tell them we're playing a game. For all they know, they might sit there for four hours listening to me pretentiously talking about philosophy.

One of the few things I've learned is to keep expectations low. That way, it is easier to be better than they expected.

The Glyphstone
2010-10-04, 06:34 AM
DM says: "I'm running a published campaign module".
DM means: "Got your tickets, everybody? All aboard, cause this railroad ain't stopping no matter what you do."

TheFallenOne
2010-10-04, 06:37 AM
DM said: "Use any books you want":
DM meant: "I am far better at optimising than you and the monsters you face will show it"

guilty -.-
but it works out well so far :smallwink:

GodGoblin
2010-10-04, 06:45 AM
DM says: "I want to try a different type of adventure"
DM means: "Please PLEASE dont blow it up again!"

Brendan
2010-10-04, 06:59 AM
DM: The door is locked.
- I have a plot idea in there, and DC 55 to open is perfectly fair for a second level party. No lookee.

DM: Brendan, you're hogging the popcorn. hand it over.
- lies. disregard this comment. Also, take another handful.

DM: You need to stop blowing everything up. By the way, you find a wand of fireball in the loot. But really, you've already destroyed three plot centric locations.
- DESTROY EVERYTHING!!1!

panaikhan
2010-10-04, 07:09 AM
DM says: "I've tweaked the setting a little"
DM means: "Forget that you know all the books backwards - none of it works"

DM says: "I've tweaked the monsters a little"
DM means: "You see that vampire? Don't bother trying stakes / sunlight / silver / garlic etc. etc. etc."

Myth
2010-10-04, 07:17 AM
For me:

I allow the players to die if they make stupid choices or play Stupid Evil or Chaotic Stupid heroes.

I like historical accuracy but don't impose too much information. Anyway i play PbP so people who sign up for a historical game have that same interest anyway.

Any 3.5 book allowed is always accompanied by "no gamebreaking cheese".

Realism means that common sense applies to what the rules don't specifically define.

Homebrew means very interesting NPCs and interactions that are not stereotypes and full of bad tropes.

Low magic setting defines who can cast and who can't. A DM who throws well built casters at "i hit him" characters is a moron who needs an ego boost. However it's your fault for not seeing him for who he is before you spend two days making a character.

You guys seem to either have been molested by twisted sick DMs for years, or like exaggerating for fun's sake. Or you are a teenager and play with other teenagers who want to kick ass and do cool stuff.

GodGoblin
2010-10-04, 07:18 AM
Some more come to mind

DM says: "In one foul swing the ogre beheads the DMPC you have all grown to love"
DM means:You are not meant to fight this guy.. RUN!!!

DM says: "Puzzle dungeon"
DM means: "Ive just finished watching re runs of the crystal maze" (My DM in that one even included the harmonica :smallannoyed:)

onthetown
2010-10-04, 07:27 AM
DM says: "We like to have a light-hearted campaign."

DM means: "We're going to sit and joke around for several hours and never make any actual progress."

panaikhan
2010-10-04, 07:27 AM
You guys seem to either have been molested by twisted sick DMs for years, or like exaggerating for fun's sake.

In a less-than serious campaign run by a friend of mine, he came up with a race of monsters - the B***ards. There were several 'flavours'.
Complete: These could alter their AC from round to round.
Utter: These could alter their HP from round to round.
Total: These could alter their BAB from round to round.

Any particular B***ard could be one or more of these variants.

Lhurgyof
2010-10-04, 07:27 AM
DM says: "I've tweaked the setting a little"
DM means: "Forget that you know all the books backwards - none of it works"

DM says: "I've tweaked the monsters a little"
DM means: "You see that vampire? Don't bother trying stakes / sunlight / silver / garlic etc. etc. etc."

Sometimes that's necessary for players who've read the Monster Manual several times. xD

Altair_the_Vexed
2010-10-04, 07:29 AM
For me:

I allow the players to die if they make stupid choices or play Stupid Evil or Chaotic Stupid heroes.

I like historical accuracy but don't impose too much information. Anyway i play PbP so people who sign up for a historical game have that same interest anyway.

Any 3.5 book allowed is always accompanied by "no gamebreaking cheese".

Realism means that common sense applies to what the rules don't specifically define.

Homebrew means very interesting NPCs and interactions that are not stereotypes and full of bad tropes.

Low magic setting defines who can cast and who can't. A DM who throws well built casters at "i hit him" characters is a moron who needs an ego boost. However it's your fault for not seeing him for who he is before you spend two days making a character.

You guys seem to either have been molested by twisted sick DMs for years, or like exaggerating for fun's sake. Or you are a teenager and play with other teenagers who want to kick ass and do cool stuff.

Um - hello? I only ever DM* - yes, I really mean it when I say "Low Magic", or "Unique homebrew setting", and I'm sure lots of other DMs are just as careful about describing things.
But we've also all probably met with a certain amount of amusing discrepency between what the DM says, and what she delivers.
Similarly, there are loads of player characters out there who are totally not as described by the players:
Player says: "I'm a suave sophisticated womaniser, with a rapier wit and lust for life!"
Player means: "I'm a tongue-tied stuttering social retard, with a coulpe of lame jokes and a cowardly streak a mile wide."

I'm taking these jabs at the DMs of the world as lighthearted fun, not considered critique.


So far, this is the only part I agree with. Therefore, I stopped making plans. My adventures (as I have never managed to keep a single group long enough at once to play a campaign) tend to be the tabletop version of Mad-Libs.
There's a really good article about doing away with plots over here (http://www.thealexandrian.net/creations/misc/prep-scenario.html).

*I'm exaggerating to make the point, just like this thread. I actually play in one game every couple of weeks (just started), and run two games, more often than that (been running for years).

Heliomance
2010-10-04, 07:31 AM
DM said: Please don't break my campaign setting into tiny pieces
DM meant: I'm about this far away from a nervous breakdown.

Poil
2010-10-04, 07:32 AM
DM says: If you really want to play that race you can.
DM means: You can't.

Kesnit
2010-10-04, 07:33 AM
DM says: "I've tweaked the monsters a little"
DM means: "You see that vampire? Don't bother trying stakes / sunlight / silver / garlic etc. etc. etc."

I don't see the problem with this. I played with a guy who did know the MM backwards and forwards. So when I took a quick stint the in DM chair, I changed the physical description of all the monsters. An ooze was still and ooze, but I now described it like Jell-o.

panaikhan
2010-10-04, 07:44 AM
I don't see the problem with this.
I never said it was a problem. I've done similar things myself.
Such as, blurring the descriptive line between Werewolf, and Wolfwere...
-edit- I think it was wolfwere - the one vunerable only to gold.

Heliomance
2010-10-04, 07:52 AM
A wolfwere is a wolf that turns into a human, rather than the other way around.

Emmerask
2010-10-04, 07:52 AM
I don't see the problem with this.

There is no problem with most of the stuff, just take them as a fun read, haha I totally did that to my players etc :smallwink:

DM says: It´s a sandbox campaign.
DM means: The Game will take place in a desert :smallbiggrin:

Morph Bark
2010-10-04, 07:52 AM
DM says: If you really want to play that race you can.
DM means: You can't.

Or: You can, but only a downpowered version, and not in this campaign.

panaikhan
2010-10-04, 07:58 AM
A wolfwere is a wolf that turns into a human, rather than the other way around.

I've remebered the name now. Lou-Garou.

Werekat
2010-10-04, 08:02 AM
DM says: "I've tweaked the setting a little"
DM means: "Forget that you know all the books backwards - none of it works"


Hee, guilty as charged. :) Especially with guys that *do* know the manuals backwards - it helps keep at least a little suspense in the game.

Let's see, what else have me and the DM's I've played with been guilty of...

DM says: I'm keeping the magic mysterious. Your characters probably won't know what really happened.
DM means: I'll make up a cool event, see which explanations you guys can come up with, and go with the coolest one.

DM says: Uh, you guys just did something completely unexpected, and let me rest a bit and get my thoughts together...
DM means: Good god you people have gotten on my nerves/I'm tired/I'd like to be doing something else right now, and so I'm just waiting for the clock to run out.
Alternatively: I was too lazy to prepare much today, so I'm out of stuff to throw at you.

DM says: You just don't know, ok?
DM means: Dammit, I've got a perfectly reasonable explanation that I don't want to spoil... Er... At least I think it's reasonable.

DM says: Just trust me.
DM means: You aren't going to like this turn of events, but I'm hoping the cool factor outweighs the bad later.

Shhalahr Windrider
2010-10-04, 08:24 AM
You guys seem to either have been molested by twisted sick DMs for years, or like exaggerating for fun's sake.
I should hope it’s the latter.

Really, it’s already been said that this thread is tongue strongly in cheek.


In a less-than serious campaign run by a friend of mine, he came up with a race of monsters - the B***ards. There were several 'flavours'.
Complete: These could alter their AC from round to round.
Utter: These could alter their HP from round to round.
Total: These could alter their BAB from round to round.

Any particular B***ard could be one or more of these variants.
Ooh! Sounds like it should be a template. Applicable to any creature.

RagnaroksChosen
2010-10-04, 08:39 AM
Kaun:
DM says: "Low Magic setting..."
DM Means: "...for the PC's"

Ya im guilty of this one. I like epic(not epic handbook) magic in a low magic world.... ancient magic empires that fell and now its low magic kinda deal.



Heliomance:
DM said: "Use any books you want":
DM meant: "I am far better at optimising than you and the monsters you face will show it"

heh used to be like this. alot.




My contribution:
DM:"Guys feel free to optimize a bit."
DM Meant:"You guys suck at character building and I want to through something harder then unarmed kobolds and goblins against you with out a potential TPK"

I used to use that one on my players.

Lord_Gareth
2010-10-04, 08:54 AM
From my IRL DM of many years (when I wasn't the one DMing)"

DM: I'm running a high-story campaign.
Translation: I'm going to wank about my Mary Stu race of elf expies until you all die of boredom.

And from myself:

DM: There is a lever.
Translation: I told you not to pull any levers before we even started this game. Let us witness the power of temptation.

Greenish
2010-10-04, 09:22 AM
I've remebered the name now. Lou-Garou.That's the one that's only vulnerable to inherited silver, I think.

Heliomance
2010-10-04, 09:24 AM
According to the Dresden Files, anyway

Greenish
2010-10-04, 09:30 AM
According to the Dresden Files, anywayThus it is written.

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 09:36 AM
DM: The monk is really a powerful class.
Translation: Go ahead and break my game, I have no idea what you can do.

Morph Bark
2010-10-04, 09:52 AM
DM: The monk is really a powerful class.
Translation: Go ahead and break my game, I have no idea what you can do.

DM: The Commoner is a really powerful and flavourful class.
Translation: LETS DO A CAMPAIGN ABOUT CATS GAISE

Alternatively: Welcome to a silly campaign that is all about Commoners. :smallamused:

TaliaJacta
2010-10-04, 10:16 AM
DM says: "Their leader wants to offer you a job..."
DM means: "THIS IS THE PLOT! FOLLOW THE PLOT HOOK OR I WILL BREAK DOWN AND CRY!"

DM says: "I've mapped out the whole city..."
DM means: "I spent hours planning for this session. Therefore, you should immediately make a beeline for the one location I overlooked."

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 10:18 AM
DM says: I like improvisation
DM means: I haven't planned anything and am going to make it all up on the spot.

I'm guilty of that one.

Greenish
2010-10-04, 10:20 AM
DM says: I like improvisation
DM means: I haven't planned anything and am going to make it all up on the spot.There is no disparity between the two statements.

Agent_0042
2010-10-04, 10:22 AM
DM Says: "There will probably be mature content."
DM Means: "OMG SEX! Lol!"

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 10:22 AM
There is no disparity between the two statements.

True. To be fair, I've been known to use "I like improvisation" to mean "I've been working overtime this week and haven't planned a thing."

Shhalahr Windrider
2010-10-04, 10:24 AM
There is no disparity between the two statements.
Quality improv has a pre-planned skeleton. It’s just the meat that’s made up on the spot.

Greenish
2010-10-04, 10:29 AM
Quality improv has a pre-planned skeleton. It’s just the meat that’s made up on the spot.Liking something and being good at it are two different things. :smallcool:

Dienekes
2010-10-04, 10:34 AM
I say this as the only GM my group has played with for years.

GM says: I like there to be actual consequences to a PCs actions and personalities.
GM means: I will twist everything you do around to needlessly screw over your characters. BWAHAHAHA!

TheFallenOne
2010-10-04, 11:10 AM
DM says: "We're playing in a homebrewed setting. Imagine medieval England with magic would be the short description."
DM means: "Medieval England(with bastardized names) with magic is the long description too. Also, for some reason said magic had no influence whatsoever on history, society or culture."

DM says: "I'd like to play in a historically accurate setting."
DM means: "My knowledge of what is historically accurate comes from movies and PC games."

DM says: "If you REALLY want to you can play something like that."
DM means: "I hate the very idea and will make you suffer for it."

DM says: "Combats will be tough, and if you're not careful you can die."
DM means: "I won't kill your characters(unless your do something really stupid), I just want to always give you the impression you could die."

Guilty of the last one. It's hard to compromise between keeping the players interesting characters alive and still giving them a sense of real danger. But works out well so far I think

arrowhen
2010-10-04, 11:22 AM
Players say: stop railroading us, jerk!
Players mean: You failed to guess the *exact* story we wanted you to tell us, jerk!

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 11:31 AM
DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.

DM says: You did WHAT?
DM means: Why can't I have non-suicidal characters for once?

Zaydos
2010-10-04, 11:37 AM
DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.


It always has, and it always will.

Players still don't get that though.

Sipex
2010-10-04, 11:37 AM
I hope none of you actually believe this stuff.

If so I feel sorry for your DMs. You don't deserve to be in ANY game.

edit: Besides the later stuff which is getting truthful. The beginning of this topic started out snide though.

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 11:46 AM
I hope none of you actually believe this stuff.

If so I feel sorry for your DMs. You don't deserve to be in ANY game.

edit: Besides the later stuff which is getting truthful. The beginning of this topic started out snide though.

To be fair, a lot of us are DM's and have admitted to pulling some of this stuff ourselves.

Yora
2010-10-04, 11:51 AM
But to be fair, I have seen some bad gms who are exactly like that.

Sipex
2010-10-04, 11:56 AM
Each side has it's bad and good, and I've used some of it, I admit, like:


DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.


But this topic started really snide, like some entitled PC. It seems that the mood has relaxed since then but you have to be careful.

On topic.

When the DM says: "You enter the bedroom, there's a fine carpet, a plain bed and a wardrobe with a fine design on it. You can make out the etchings and wear of the wardrobe from here, it must be worth a couple hundred gold."
He means: "There's stuff in the wardrobe guys, but it's probably trapped."

arrowhen
2010-10-04, 12:03 PM
DM says: Random encounter!
DM means: I give up. You idiots have been ignoring obvious plot hooks for the last hour and if I don't make *something* happen you're going to complain about me on the internet tomorrow.

Techsmart
2010-10-04, 12:10 PM
DM says: "I've tweaked the monsters a little"
DM means: "You see that vampire? Don't bother trying stakes / sunlight / silver / garlic etc. etc. etc."
I actually use this alot. I have several PCs who have a tendency to metagame the MM a little too much, so I toss them around a little so that the paladin breaks his silver-coated blade in half fighting a vampire. I also generate lots of custom monsters.

For my contribution to the mass.
DM Says: This route leads to lots of gold, this one to lots of RP, this one to lots of XP
DM Means: This one leads to your death, this one to your suffering, and this one to absolutely nothing.

DM Says: The giant commits suicide.
DM Means: I'm tired of this whole debuf process. the poor giant already has a -15 to EVERYTHING, so I'm ending this now.

DM Says: Your character is very good.
DM Means: don't roleplay so well, it might will kill you.

Keld Denar
2010-10-04, 12:12 PM
What the DM said: In front of you is an adamantine bound stone door with an unusually shaped keyhole.

What the PC's heard: In front of you is easily 6-7 thousand GP worth of adamantine that must be looted at all cost!

Greenish
2010-10-04, 12:22 PM
DM Says: The giant commits suicide.
DM Means: I'm tired of this whole debuf process. the poor giant already has a -15 to EVERYTHING, so I'm ending this now.If the giant could commit a suicide, it wasn't debuffed enough yet. :smallwink:

AsteriskAmp
2010-10-04, 12:31 PM
DM says: Infront of you is a gigantic door made of adamantinum with precious gems incrusted in it, the hinges are made of an alloy between adamantinum and mithrill, the door knob is made of a diamond.

DM means:
1) It's traped.
2) You will try to take it with you, you are going to be crushed by the weight.
3) Don't expect loot for the next 20 sessions.
4) No one is going to buy it from you.


DM says: Make a heart failure check.

DM means:
1) I'm bored
2) Stop messing with my campaign
3) You would complain if instead rocks fell.


DM says: The elf has red eyes and is looking at your wooden quiver.

DM means: He's cannibalistic and deeply attached to nature, also you are dead.

Player deducts: He's been playing Dwarf Fortress.


DM says: You see a roof/floor

DM means: There is a Lurker above/bellow

Naia
2010-10-04, 12:41 PM
Used this one myself... :smallredface:

DM says: So you insist on taking the long route through the mountains instead of crossing this dried-out lake with the rest of the party? Hand me the rule book - I have to look some stuff up, then.

DM means: Rocks fall. You die.

arrowhen
2010-10-04, 12:47 PM
DM says: The NPC's name is...
Players hear: ...

Keld Denar
2010-10-04, 12:49 PM
DM says: The NPC's name is...
Players hear: ...

I think its more like:

Players hear: (name mispronounced with result being an STD or genetalia)

Tyndmyr
2010-10-04, 12:54 PM
DM Says: You see a statue...
DM Means: You see a golem. He's gonna tear your face off.

DM Says: You see a treasure chest.
DM Means: Heh, I love mimics.

DM Says: You see an odd creature with antennaes inside the wooden room.
DM Means: Clericzilla THIS.

DM Says: Low-wealth campaign.
DM Means: If keeping you dirty, poor and naked is the way to make you follow the plot, then I consider this win/win.

DM Says: Low-magic campaign.
DM Means: I really haven't figured out the magic system.
Alternative Meaning: The last campaign consisted of an incantatrix, a planar shepard, a beholder mage, and a tainted scholar. And those were just the followers.

DM Says: We have a few house rules. I'll tell you about them as we go.
DM Means: Well, that'll fix 'em if they try anything cheesy.

Starfols
2010-10-04, 01:05 PM
DM: The monk is really a powerful class.
Translation: Go ahead and break my game, I have no idea what you can do.
I actually have a few friends that believe that. Monks are always super buffed in their campaigns.

DM: The Commoner is a really powerful and flavourful class.
Translation: LETS DO A CAMPAIGN ABOUT CATS GAISE

Alternatively: Welcome to a silly campaign that is all about Commoners. :smallamused:
I have the feeling that would be surprisingly, ridiculously fun. :smalleek:

GM says: I like there to be actual consequences to a PCs actions and personalities.
GM means: I will twist everything you do around to needlessly screw over your characters. BWAHAHAHA!
Alternatively: There is a spot in my preestablished plot for a hero, and you're it.

DM says: "Combats will be tough, and if you're not careful you can die."
DM means: "I won't kill your characters(unless your do something really stupid), I just want to always give you the impression you could die."

Guilty of the last one. It's hard to compromise between keeping the players interesting characters alive and still giving them a sense of real danger. But works out well so far I think
My problem isn't giving them a sense of danger, rather than keeping them from killing themselves. Even the most frequent of 'are you sures' can't keep them from walking into danger.

If the giant could commit a suicide, it wasn't debuffed enough yet. :smallwink:
:smallbiggrin:! Cookie for you.

Time for my own:
DM says: "I want this game to be focused more on character interaction."
DM means: "I want this game to be focused on NPC interaction."

DM says: "I want you to have a serious character."
DM means: "I want you to have a standard fantasy character."

DM says: "You guys aren't roleplaying!"
DM means: "You guys aren't following my plot hook!"

Ormur
2010-10-04, 01:06 PM
DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.


More specifically.
DM means: Because of plot points you couldn't possibly know about this idea will kill you and/or mean the end of the world.

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-04, 01:07 PM
What the GM says: "I'm using the Book of Erotic Fantasy."
What the GM means: "This is the closest I can get to asking my friends about how dating works."
What the players hear: "I'm going to make you more uncomfortable than you have ever been."

valadil
2010-10-04, 01:16 PM
"I'm running an open ended game with lots of choices."

I'm giving you two choices for each quest. If you pick wrong you get killed brutally by monsters 10 levels too high.

BeholderSlayer
2010-10-04, 01:24 PM
DM says: You guys probably will die.
DM means: I will throw a temper tantrum about how broken D&D rules are if you guys beat this encounter.

This is true for the other DM in my group, not me.

To everybody complaining, most of these comments are tongue in cheek. Don't take them too seriously, I know I don't (and I'm a DM).

Yora
2010-10-04, 01:24 PM
DM Says: You see an odd creature with antennaes inside the wooden room.
DM Means: Clericzilla THIS.
This?
http://kidicarus222.blogspot.com/uploaded_images/YipYip_sesame_street-702570.jpg

Ernir
2010-10-04, 01:29 PM
More specifically.
DM means: Because of plot points you couldn't possibly know about this idea will kill you and/or mean the end of the world.

:smallredface:

jguy
2010-10-04, 01:31 PM
God I love this whole thread as a player and as a DM

BRC
2010-10-04, 01:34 PM
When The DM (Me) Says: Defeating this encounter will take some creative tactics on your part.
What The DM (Me) means: Building this encounter took some creative interpretations of terms like "CR" on my part.

I like throwing my PC's into encounters that will slaughter them in a straight up fight.
Then when they come up with something clever, I get frustrated. When they don't, I start rapidly backtracking, toning down the monsters, removing their poisons, making them act stupidly, ect.

It's one of my failings as a DM.

Greenish
2010-10-04, 01:41 PM
This?
http://kidicarus222.blogspot.com/uploaded_images/YipYip_sesame_street-702570.jpgI wish. Conservation of detail in a wooden room.

Dienekes
2010-10-04, 02:01 PM
DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.


Ahh, my players caught onto that one, so now I just slide it in randomly when they have a good idea as well. Keeps them paranoid and on their toes.

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 02:16 PM
More specifically.
DM means: Because of plot points you couldn't possibly know about this idea will kill you and/or mean the end of the world.


Ahh, my players caught onto that one, so now I just slide it in randomly when they have a good idea as well. Keeps them paranoid and on their toes.

I usually use that one when they're suggesting something like "I want to try to jump over the 50-foot quicksand pit." Or "I want to stab the king in the room full of royal guards."

Mordar
2010-10-04, 02:28 PM
This?
http://kidicarus222.blogspot.com/uploaded_images/YipYip_sesame_street-702570.jpg

Zilla zilla zilla zilla zilla zilla?

Yep yep yep yep yep yep!

Hooray for fun nostalgia...between that and the "If the giant could commit a suicide, it wasn't debuffed enough yet" line I am very happy I read this thread!

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-04, 02:49 PM
GM: You see a dark pool of water...
Subtext: ...And if you stick your hand in it, I get to roll allllll theeeeese diiiiiice!

jguy
2010-10-04, 03:15 PM
DM Says: The location of your objective is several weeks of travel away.
DM Means: I have a bunch of travel based encounters in store for you, so you better not have any magical means of travel or I will be real upset.

Techsmart
2010-10-04, 03:20 PM
If the giant could commit a suicide, it wasn't debuffed enough yet. :smallwink:

good point. I'll hafta try harder next time :smalltongue:
Another one that comes up, between DMs, is when there are no campaigns and we are trying to figure out whos doing what.
DM1: when are you starting your campaign?
DM2: Im not sure, its not ready yet.
what DM2 means: I have most of it ready, but I won't start until you have a set day and time, and mine will "coincidentally" be on the same day at the same time.

subject42
2010-10-04, 03:31 PM
I think its more like:

Players hear: (name mispronounced with result being an STD or genetalia)

When I'm not DMing, we have a guy that loves to make a large number of complex, foreign-sounding names.

He doesn't do much of that anymore ever since "The Razor of Huitzilopotchle" became the "That Thing With the Spicy Chipotle".

Of course, my roommate may have rubbed it in a little by cooking Tex-Mex food every gaming session for the following few months.

Chrono22
2010-10-04, 03:34 PM
But this topic started really snide, like some entitled PC. It seems that the mood has relaxed since then but you have to be careful.

I'm a player who thinks he's entitled to a good game. Otherwise, I don't play. I'm also a DM that thinks he's entitled to provide my players with a good game. Otherwise, I don't DM. Having lofty expectations isn't a bad thing. No gaming is better than bad gaming, after all.

Drakevarg
2010-10-04, 03:43 PM
NPC Says: Everything here will kill you. But ESPECIALLY don't go over there.
DM Means: No, seriously. Don't go there. Screaming and blood and horrible death will happen.
Players Interpret: That must be the plot hook! Onward, comrades!

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-04, 03:45 PM
No gaming is better than bad gaming, after all.

You must be very lucky, then.

Chrono22
2010-10-04, 03:52 PM
You must be very lucky, then.
How so? I guess I could be lucky in that I have a pretty large pool of old gaming pals. We tend to be super critical and argumentative about our DMing. Fortunately we also have thick skins- and we can accept when we're wrong. So, my DMing has improved over time. So has theirs. Our latest campaigns have been pretty spectacular.
Between courtesy and honesty, I'd rather have honesty. I can't become a better DM or player if my players or DM aren't being truthful about their expectations/experience.

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-04, 03:54 PM
How so? I guess I could be lucky in that I have a pretty large pool of old gaming pals. We tend to be super critical and argumentative about our DMing. Fortunately we also have thick skins- and we can accept when we're wrong. So, my DMing has improved over time. So has theirs. Our latest campaigns have been pretty spectacular.

If you can afford to wait for other players / GMs, that makes you lucky in my book. I personally have no such chance. If I find enough players to play with, or better yet, a GM, I have to stick to them.

Tyndmyr
2010-10-04, 03:54 PM
Between courtesy and honesty, I'd rather have honesty. I can't become a better DM or player if my players or DM aren't being truthful about their expectations/experience.

This. I'm in a similar situation now, where people aren't afraid to say when they're tired of doing X, or dislike Y. It's good.

Nobody starts out as an awesome DM, there's just too much to learn. You'll pick it up faster if you get feedback about it.

Sipex
2010-10-04, 03:57 PM
How so? I guess I could be lucky in that I have a pretty large pool of old gaming pals. We tend to be super critical and argumentative about our DMing. Fortunately we also have thick skins- and we can accept when we're wrong. So, my DMing has improved over time. So has theirs. Our latest campaigns have been pretty spectacular.
Between courtesy and honesty, I'd rather have honesty. I can't become a better DM or player if my players or DM aren't being truthful about their expectations/experience.

Oh see, this isn't a problem. You're speaking about constructive criticism. What I was getting at with my comment was the tone of how this started didn't imply that at all.

It started out sounding like something someone would whine about when the DM wasn't around. "OMG guys, my DM thinks his campaign is awesome but it's not! Now I chide him behind his back instead of doing something sensible like leaving or telling him that I don't like the game."

Again, might be taking this wrong but it was worded pretty badly to start.

Tyndmyr
2010-10-04, 04:04 PM
Eh, I took it as humor.

I'm usually pretty blunt about the feedback, too. Typical feedback likely cannot be quoted in this forum due to use of obscenities, insults, and so forth. This works out fine so long as your group has the sort of dynamic where bluntness is accepted or approved of, and has the side effect of solving problems relatively quickly, one way or the other. The times where I've tried to suck it up and play through really bad DMing were the worst games. In retrospect, I should have either left or called them out on it. If everyone acts like there really isn't a problem, they may just believe it.

But most stuff in this thread is either humor, or reasonable observation. Don't really see any mean-spiritedness.

big teej
2010-10-04, 04:05 PM
Lovely examples so far.

The thread is neither intended to be fair, nor is it meant to disparage DMs. As a DM of many years myself, I know how difficult the job can be, and that someone has to do it. But I also think DMs should strive for excellence in their games, because it will be more fun for everyone involved, themselves included. So I think this might be an occasion for DMs to check their record and consider what they've been telling players, and then been doing in their games.

Besides, a DM who can't stand some good-natured teasing is in for a tough time anyway...

amen.

DM: inside the portcullis, just out of reach, you see a crude winch.
player: -old hag voice- "hellooo boys"
DM: what?
player: you said a crude wench
DM: -facepalm-

good times.....



DM says: "I'm running a published campaign module".
DM means: "Got your tickets, everybody? All aboard, cause this railroad ain't stopping no matter what you do."

haaaa...... I used this once (AND ONLY ONCE)

but I used the term "teaching module" because only one player in the group had any prior experience to dnd 3.x

whenever he and the other RolePlayer started to overthink the module I just got real quite and asked
"please don't hop off the rails, the module doesn't give me much to work with"
or "please don't run away from the plot :smallfrown: "

but that said, I think they've all enjoyed it very much

randomhero00
2010-10-04, 04:14 PM
DM: We're starting at 7pm sharp!
DM means: We're arriving between 6:30 and 7:30, then chatting for an hour before we start playing.

Gotta blame the players as much for that though :smallwink:

DM: [X Book(s)] are banned!
DM means: ...for PCs, watch out for the NPC villains!

^Graff
2010-10-04, 04:21 PM
In a Dragonstar game:

GM says: "Get creative with your character concepts, but don't get too stupid."
Players hear: "It's perfectly acceptable to play a flumph, an intelligent ooze, and an elven ranger who grew up in a forest and hates goblins."

GM says: "If you have a piece of equipment that you want but isn't included in the Starfarer's Handbook, let me know and I'll make it available."
GM means: "Night vision goggles, GPS, motion detectors."
Players ask for: "The rail gun from Red Faction. You know, the one with an X-Ray Scope that could punch right through tank armor and one-shot everything in the game, from three rooms over."

BRC
2010-10-04, 04:29 PM
DM says: So who would be up for a game of Paranoia?
DM Means: I've got an urge to kill some characters, I'd prefer to do it when you have backup clones, but it's your choice.

DM says: Can I see everybody's character sheet for abit?
DM means: Can I check everybody's will saves, spot checks, and listen checks to see who will not die horribly.

DM says: Who walked through the door first?
DM means: The door was trapped.

WarKitty
2010-10-04, 04:30 PM
DM says: Who walked through the door first?
DM means: The door was trapped.

Hey that's not what that means! It means there's an ambush behind the door!

BRC
2010-10-04, 04:36 PM
Hey that's not what that means! It means there's an ambush behind the door!
An Ambush is a kind of trap. A classic trick of mine is to have wounded enemies flee into another room, then wait in ambush with a delayed action to do something nasty to the first person to come through the door.

Katana_Geldar
2010-10-04, 04:38 PM
DM says: Who is closest to the (object)?
DM means: The (object) is trapped?

DM says: What's your AC again?
DM means: Prepare for a surprise round!

El Dorado
2010-10-04, 04:45 PM
DM Says: "Welcome to the group everyone, it looks like we got a good number of players."

DM Means: "Welcome to Hell, I will water the crops with your character's blood and till the fields with their bones till only the strongest remain. That should make the group more manageable."

This is the type of campaign I cut my teeth on. It's a weird mix of hazing and brainwashing. If you survive, it's oh so satisfying. :smallwink:

Tael
2010-10-04, 05:01 PM
DM says: You guys aren't roleplaying enough!
DM means: Stop optimizing dammit!

I get the feeling out current DM is thinking this. He hasn't said it yet, but over the last few sessions we lost all of our gear, were reduced to 15 pt. buys, and dumped into an aquatic world.

DM says: You've got the entire world to explore.
DM means: After 3 days of wandering, a traveling merchant directs you back towards the plot.

dsmiles
2010-10-04, 05:06 PM
Eh, I took it as humor.

Same here.

On with the show...

DM Says: "Hey guys, I got this new sourcebook."
DM Means: "Hey guys, I haven't read this splatbook yet, but I'm going to use it tonight anyways."

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-04, 05:17 PM
Says: Let's take a five minute break.
Means: Goddamn... how'd they pull that off?

TheMeMan
2010-10-04, 05:18 PM
When I'm not DMing, we have a guy that loves to make a large number of complex, foreign-sounding names.

He doesn't do much of that anymore ever since "The Razor of Huitzilopotchle" became the "That Thing With the Spicy Chipotle".

Of course, my roommate may have rubbed it in a little by cooking Tex-Mex food every gaming session for the following few months.

Actually, Huitzilopochtli is a real name, of an Aztec deity. The tutelary deity, actually, and the center of their religious pantheon, more or less.

Translated, his name is literally

"The Razor of the Humming Bird on the Left".

Pointless trivia.

Ormur
2010-10-04, 06:05 PM
:smallredface:

Well, if you didn't ask us whether we were sure the world would just end and we'd all die and we wouldn't want that. :smallsmile:

Rezby
2010-10-04, 06:28 PM
What the DM says: Here are 4 paths for you to take, one seems perfectly reasonable (jungle), one seems a little bit dangerous (narrow ledge with pterodactyls about), one you know nothing about because the NPCs are too scared ****less to go down (dwarves hate tundra coldness), and one that the NPCs actively tell you is far too dangerous to go to (a dark tunnel).

What the players hear: Ooh, that last one is definitely that trope of adventurers coming to the small town, busting down doors and kicking ass, while all the NPC noobs run around screaming how negative their max hp value is.

The the DM means: No, that last one is an encounter I designed for you guys for when you guys had gained 7 more levels, let me quickly lower the CR of that neothilid and those gray gluttons.

Arbane
2010-10-04, 06:41 PM
Not actually bagging on you, Myth, just trying to keep to the theme of the thread.


I allow the players to die if they make stupid choices or play Stupid Evil or Chaotic Stupid heroes.

Translation: "You failed to read my mind as to the nature of the threat? DIE!"



I like historical accuracy but don't impose too much information.

"Wallow in the lovely filth! And don't even THINK about playing a female character."



Any 3.5 book allowed is always accompanied by "no gamebreaking cheese".


"No Druids!"

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-04, 06:47 PM
DM says: So, this one time, with my last group I pulled this absolutely hilarious...
DM means: I have no sense of humor

DM says: He's an extremely powerful and famous...
DM means: You are going to ally him and you are going to like it
Players Hear: ITS MURDERING TIME

DM says: It's going to be a low magic campaign
DM means: Man, choosing spell lists takes FOREVER. I mean, since none of you are going to die anyway, why should I put in a bunch of effort for mooks?

DM says: There is a mages guild
DM means: Anyone who could be useful is now unavailable due to bureaucracy.

DM says: The area is inhabited only by a small tribe of kobolds
DM means: The area is inhabited only by a small tribe of kobolds (http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/)

Urpriest
2010-10-04, 06:51 PM
DM Says: The location of your objective is several weeks of travel away.
DM Means: I have a bunch of travel based encounters in store for you, so you better not have any magical means of travel or I will be real upset.

Guilty of this one...suffice it to say that I had to make up rules for high-jumping sea monsters in a hurry once the party reminded me that they had access to Phantom Steed.

DM: Sorry that the last campaign was so frustrating to figure out. This next campaign will be much more straightforward.
Translation: The plot hook that you need to find in order to save the world will be given to the Int 8 character whose player hates roleplaying. Have fun!

DM: I've put a lot of effort into this setting.
Translation: If you don't behave exactly how I expect you to then my campaign will fall apart.

DM: I would suggest that the divine casters in the party have some versatility.
Translation: As the campaign starts an artifact drops from the sky and removes all divine spellcasting ability and active divine spells.

Creed
2010-10-04, 06:58 PM
DM says: I'll be helping drive the plot along

DM means: I'll be the leader of the super-powerful empire that you have no chance of beating in any scenario, no matter how powerful you are. You can play the effing Grim Reaper and have to make a new character sheet for the next session.:smalltongue:


DM says: There is a man with a large sword in dark clothing

DM means: There is an oddly effeminate anti-hero inspired by either Final Fantasy or some other fantasy video game and he's about to kill you because he's emo.:smalltongue:

jguy
2010-10-04, 07:05 PM
Whoo I got quoted! Anyway:

DM says: I am going to make this an undead campaign
DM Means: I've decided to make 2 classes of spells pointless, make a rogue completely useless while still throwing traps at the remaining players, make you note every single missed crit, and severally reduce your treasure because all these zombies are dirt poor! Oh, and be prepared for a lot of stat and energy draining.

Kaun
2010-10-04, 07:15 PM
DM says: "I am a big fan of the rule of cool..."
DM means: "That way my NPC's can be extra awesome!!!!"

DM says: "All of a sudden another group of orc's rushes in from the tunnel to the south!"
DM means: "Wow that first load of orcs died fast!"

Skorj
2010-10-04, 07:29 PM
DM says: There is a mages guild
DM means: Anyone who could be useful is now unavailable due to bureaucracy.

DM says: The area is inhabited only by a small tribe of kobolds
DM means: The area is inhabited only by a small tribe of kobolds (http://www.tuckerskobolds.com/)

:smallredface: I'm sooo guilty of these two! :smallredface:

My other bad habit:

DM Says: Use whatever books you want, and have fun optimizing
DM Means: Only one of us has limited resources for encounters.

Shhalahr Windrider
2010-10-04, 07:37 PM
My bad habit:

DM-speak: The cultist you captured spends his time spouting crazed ramblings about his Dark God™ and Prophecies of Doom™

Normal-person-speak: Why’d you even bother capturing him? He’s not gonna give you any useful information.

Chrono22
2010-10-04, 07:40 PM
DM says: There is a man with a large sword in dark clothing

DM means: There is an oddly effeminate anti-hero inspired by either Final Fantasy or some other fantasy video game and he's about to kill you because he's emo.:smalltongue:
Effemiwhat?
http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/3025/guts39dc2.jpg

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-04, 07:44 PM
Effemiwhat?
http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/3025/guts39dc2.jpg

Oh, Guts is totally effeminate. We all know that he secretly buys tons of bags from Prada and calls people "girlfriend" in his spare time.

The-Mage-King
2010-10-04, 07:44 PM
DM: Alright, so you've got two choices now- roleplay out the time that you'd be using to gather supplies and get moving, or just say what you do, then get moving.

Means: Listen, I have a holdup planned for when you get on the trail, and I damn well am going to use it soon. You didn't get the hint that you should read the information packet, so I'm being forced to forcibly remind you of the plot.

Rising Chaos
2010-10-04, 08:15 PM
DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: That is a really bad idea that will get you killed.

DM says: You did WHAT?
DM means: Why can't I have non-suicidal characters for once?

I say this to the player's I GM with only a slight modification

DM says: Are you sure?
DM means: please do something else

Immediatly followed by...

DM says: ...Alright then...
DM means: DAMMIT LISTEN TO WHAT I IMPLY

also one I and my other friend are notorious for doind

DM says: This adventure is pretty hard, don't be surprised if you die
DM means: You won't

Lord_Gareth
2010-10-04, 08:18 PM
DM: I'm running a game based off of Dwarf Fortress.
Translation: Don't bother running. I've already barred all the doors and windows to my house. You're mine.

Rixx
2010-10-04, 08:19 PM
DM: No fighters allowed, except Dungeoncrashers.

Means:

DM: I have the free time and money to make characters drawn from every book, and you better as well, if you don't want to suck!

Cheesy74
2010-10-04, 08:21 PM
My bad habit:

DM-speak: The cultist you captured spends his time spouting crazed ramblings about his Dark God™ and Prophecies of Doom™

Normal-person-speak: Why’d you even bother capturing him? He’s not gonna give you any useful information.
Typically I give the guy at least a bit of useful info about who his leader is and the like.

Only accessible with liberal use of torture, but nonetheless.

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-04, 08:28 PM
DM says: arrrrrrrrgh
DM means: You put your chair on my foot

Tyndmyr
2010-10-04, 09:01 PM
DM says: arrrrrrrrgh
DM means: You put your chair on my foot

I like this one.

Shhalahr Windrider
2010-10-04, 09:07 PM
Only accessible with liberal use of torture, but nonetheless.
Only had one group use that successfully.

The group that got hit with this the most often was very Good. Including a Paladin. That tactic would have been a no-go.

Another group might have gotten something useful, but they gave up a bit more quickly than I thought they would. And this was the first time any of these players had seen one of my cultists, so it wasn’t a matter of knowing the DM’s bad habits. :smallsigh:

Doug Lampert
2010-10-04, 09:24 PM
What the DM says: Here are 4 paths for you to take, one seems perfectly reasonable (jungle), one seems a little bit dangerous (narrow ledge with pterodactyls about), one you know nothing about because the NPCs are too scared ****less to go down (dwarves hate tundra coldness), and one that the NPCs actively tell you is far too dangerous to go to (a dark tunnel).

What the players hear: Ooh, that last one is definitely that trope of adventurers coming to the small town, busting down doors and kicking ass, while all the NPC noobs run around screaming how negative their max hp value is.

The the DM means: No, that last one is an encounter I designed for you guys for when you guys had gained 7 more levels, let me quickly lower the CR of that neothilid and those gray gluttons.

That's one I NEVER tone down. I outright told them "This is a TPK waiting to happen, don't try it yet." If they want to try it then either:

(1) I've been going too easy on them and they've decided I won't TPK them. Fools! I will SHOW THEM ALL! Bwah ha ha!

Seriously, if you're going to tone that one down then why SHOULDN'T they ignore every danger sign you post and assume that they can kill absolutely anything?

or

(2) They're bored with the game and I need to start a new campaign anyway.

Either way they DIE! Notably that one has only happened to me ONCE in something like 35 years of gaming. If you encourage people to retire rather than suicide characters when they're bored of them and you're willing to kill PCs when they do something suicidal then they do far fewer suicidal things.

This can be bad if you WANT them to kick the door in, but honesty about intentions does wonders. And honesty about intentions includes MEANING it when you tell them "doing X will likely get you all killed".

DougL

Shatteredtower
2010-10-04, 09:25 PM
The DM says you have several choices.
The DM means you have the illusion of choice.

The DM expresses a liking for elves.
The DM means elves will be an NPC race that will lord it over you at every opportunity.

The DM says, "You see a halfling."
The DM means you're about to lose an organ -- your liver in a Dark Sun game, a kidney in any other setting.

Rising Chaos
2010-10-04, 10:01 PM
Another one I'm notorious for

DM says: This man is your commander
DM means: He will never die and will steamroller any opposition you encounter.

Ragitsu
2010-10-04, 10:33 PM
DM says: "You find a cache of extremely powerful firearms, and enough ammunition to wage a small war"

DM means: "You will be using up your newfound goodies at the next encounter"

jguy
2010-10-04, 10:50 PM
DM Says: You all wake up in jail with no memory of what happened.
DM Means: Remember all that time you spent buying equipment and picking a spell list? Pointless.

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-04, 11:03 PM
Says: Okay, you can have another roll on the treasure tables.
Means: Please take your elbow off of my neck.

BRC
2010-10-04, 11:06 PM
DM Says: I figured you guys were up to a little challenge.
DM Means: Abandon All Hope, ye who enters here.

Ryu_Bonkosi
2010-10-04, 11:43 PM
Typically I give the guy at least a bit of useful info about who his leader is and the like.

Only accessible with liberal use of torture, but nonetheless.

My party did this once. We had the Neutral Good cleric cast Zone of Truth, then the Lawful Evil Monk(ha), the neutral evil Sorcerer and myself the chaotic neutral rogue all locked ourselves in a room with him while the three "better" aligned members of our party waited outside.

Anyway:
DM says: I like playing by story.
DM means: All the class features I don't like on your characters are useless, and the tier system can go **** itself.

Mystic Muse
2010-10-05, 12:06 AM
Me: "I have a couple of house rules"
What I really mean: "I've made a couple of rules to try and balance out the game somewhat. I've banned weaker options and gamebreaking options as well as streamlining a few things. If you want to ignore my banning of the weaker options that's fine. Just remember that they were banned for a reason and you're to blame if your character dies."

Halaster
2010-10-05, 12:48 AM
I hope none of you actually believe this stuff.

If so I feel sorry for your DMs. You don't deserve to be in ANY game.

edit: Besides the later stuff which is getting truthful. The beginning of this topic started out snide though.

I think you missed the joke. Besides, my point is exactly that there are SOME games nobody deserves to be in, and that may well be mocked here and there as a reminder to players and GMs alike, that what we really want is to have fun, and that requires we be honest with ourselves and our fellow players and try to make the game as good as we can.

One from myself, just yesterday:
DM says: "Hey, nice of you to come around."
DM means: "You said you'd call first. Now I haven't prepared anything."

Oh, and, if there wasn't one yet, there should definitely be a "what DMs say and what players hear" thread. The examples that showed up here were already quite hilarious.

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-05, 12:57 AM
When I say, "Hey guys, ready to play?" what I usually mean is, "Hey guys, ready to play Deadlands?"

Temotei
2010-10-05, 12:58 AM
DM Says: "Welcome to the group everyone, it looks like we got a good number of players."

DM Means: "Welcome to Hell, I will water the crops with your character's blood and till the fields with their bones till only the strongest remain. That should make the group more manageable."

Must...add...to...signature. :smallbiggrin:

Dust
2010-10-05, 12:59 AM
DM says: "The roads are precarious and rarely-traveled, for bandits and monsters prey on the foolish who leave the relative safety of their city walls."
DM means: "Only 3 cities exist in the entire world. Sure hope you didn't make any urban-based characters!"

OracleofWuffing
2010-10-05, 01:13 AM
What the DM Said: "You can play as any race, except Drow."
What the DM Meant: "The BBEG is the entire Drow race."

What the DM Said: "Please show up to the table promptly, or I will play your character."
What the DM Meant: "We'll wait twenty minutes after the game starts and draw straws to see who will play your character because there's no way I can keep track of all those spells."

What the DM Said: "The dragon was hording ABC,XYZ,000 gold pieces."
What the DM Meant: "I forgot encumbrance existed."

What the DM Said: "Please buy your items carefully, you'll need to plan ahead if you want to survive this campaign."
What the DM Meant: "You'll be going into a cave with no light sources so get a torch, but don't you dare attempt to trigger traps with a 9-foot pole."

What the DM Said: "You are in a tavern."
What the DM Meant: "Yeah, I know, a tavern. Just take the plot hook so we can start killing dragons, okay?"

What the DM Said: "We'll start at level 1 so we can introduce the basics to the new person."
What the DM Meant: "New person's going to get crit-killed five seconds in."

What the DM Said: "You wake up naked in jail."
What the DM Meant: "You're gonna have to escape this jail."

What the DM Said: "The person says, 'It's been so long since I've seen anyone down here, go ahead and rest a spell!'"
What the DM Meant: "Fall asleep and you die."

What the DM Said: "I am very strict about whatever you say, your character says."
What the DM Meant: "Whatever you say, your character says, as long as the outcome is beneficial to me."

JonestheSpy
2010-10-05, 02:21 AM
DM: Let's shoot for a 7:30 start.
What DM means: I will light incense at the altar of Gygax and Arneson if we can get into character by 8:30. And pass me a beer.

DM: This will be a low-magic setting.
What DM means: Try acting like characters in a classic fantasy novel and not a goldang videogame, already.

DM: This will be an unconventional setting.
What DM means: I've stolen from a really cool book none of you have read.

Kurrel
2010-10-05, 03:30 AM
DM says : The Johnson smiles warmly at you...
DM means : You know too much and the Johnson is sending you into a trap.

Wonton
2010-10-05, 04:22 AM
DM Says: You open the diary, and, actually, I've typed it up, and... here it is.
DM Means: Guys, I had so much free time last week that I wrote 15 pages of backstory for this random NPC and will be gravely offended if you don't read the whole thing out loud.


DM said: "Use any books you want":
DM meant: Either "I am far better at optimising than you and the monsters you face will show it" or "I have no idea what I'm letting myself in for"
OR: I've given up on trying to balance your characters. I'm just gonna throw some obscure monsters from MM4 or Libris Mortis that are way above your CR at you guys instead, and leave it up to you to figure out how to not die.

DM Says: You actually step into the ? Roll a Fort save.
DM Means: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THAT WAY, STUPID!

DM Says: You see an idyllic cottage in the middle of a forested grove. Smoke gently drifts up from the chimney, and the door is open and looks very inviting.
DM Means: You guys are about to roll [I]so many Will saves!

DM Says: I've put a lot of work into this plot...
DM Means: All aboard! This train leaves in 1 minute!

All but the last are real examples from my campaign.

Shadowleaf
2010-10-05, 04:27 AM
DM says: That's a very elaborate solution.
DM means: Idiots. There's a very obvious solution, you're just missing it.

DM says: Before you stands a person of impressive power.
DM means: He's higher level than you, obviously a quest/plot NPC not to be triffled with.

DM says: Your spellbook has been stolen.
DM means: I should never have allowed you to play Wizard.

DM says: Optimization won't be in focus in this game.
DM means: I take the monsters traight from the manuals and don't bother to edit or revise their stats.

DM says: Who pays for pizza?
DM means: Obviously, I shouldn't be required to pay.

dsmiles
2010-10-05, 04:43 AM
DM says: "You find a cache of extremely powerful firearms, and enough ammunition to wage a small war"

DM means: "You will be using up your newfound goodies at the next encounter"

Guilty as charged. :smallredface:

DM Says: "I'll never give you any loot you can't use."
DM Means: "Selling loot for cash is a perfectly viable use of said loot."

Saintheart
2010-10-05, 04:51 AM
Oh my this thread is funny... :smallsmile:

DM says: Sure, you can play that race...
DM means: ... but I take level adjustment seriously and there's no buyoff.

DM says: I like detailed character backgrounds.
DM means: I'd like a name for your Doomed Hometown, and the names of at least three of your character's close family and friends who can be stuffed into the fridge and/or kidnapped by the BBEG.

DM says: The building you enter is a mysterious place filled with tiny knicknacks, jars, boxes. Dust lies in shafts of light. Various eldritch lights flicker around various items. A hard-faced dwarf emerges from a backroom to greet you.
DM means: You have entered a magic shop in my first campaign.

Same DM, three sessions later: You enter a shop.
DM means: You enter a shop which is magically protected by a Level 18 wizard's traps to prevent you from killing the vendor and stealing everything in the store.

DM Says: How bout we break for pizza?
DM Means: I forgot to order any and will be hitting you guys up for donations.

dsmiles
2010-10-05, 04:58 AM
DM Says: You see an idyllic cottage in the middle of a forested grove. Smoke gently drifts up from the chimney, and the door is open and looks very inviting.
DM Means: You guys are about to roll so many Will saves!


Is it made of gingerbread with candy decorations? :smalltongue:

Merk
2010-10-05, 06:25 AM
I'll admit a few of mine here...

DM says: The villagers are having a party, and you're invited!
DM means: I ran out of plot. Go pretend to get drunk where I look at my notes.

DM says: The NPC bard appears on the radio and starts telling jokes via Hideous Laughter, thus incapacitating all of the enemies!
DM means: Oops. The encounter was too difficult for all of you so I deus ex machina'd your butts.

DM says: A drunken master stole all of the booze in the world for himself to become godly.
DM means: I'm sick of sessions where the characters just get drunk and nothing happens.

DM says: A strange magnetic field prevents teleportation...
DM means: Stop trying to circumvent a good heist plot, wizard.

DM says: You defeated the drunken master and now the world has alcohol again. Congrats!
DM means: At this point I don't care if you get alcohol back because you're all about to die at the hands of my ridiculous end boss.

The Rose Dragon
2010-10-05, 06:48 AM
DM says: Who pays for pizza?
DM means: Obviously, I shouldn't be required to pay.

Guilty as charged. :smallredface:

Knaight
2010-10-05, 06:54 AM
GM: "Are you sure you want to do that"
Meaning: "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard and it will have horrible consequences. I just want you to know that."
Player Interpretation: "That is way more awesome than anything I planned and will make whatever you are doing a cakewalk"

GM: "You see the person that everyone has been referring to either reverently or in terror."
Meaning: "You went to go pick a fight with that? You knew this was a bad idea, run for it."
Player Interpretation: "Boss Fight Ho!"

GM: "This bunch of people over here are your troops."
Meaning: "Having your orders get people killed has infinite entertainment value"

GM: "I'm running a historical based game."
Meaning: "Those hundred odd hours of academic research I did on the October Revolution are going to see use somewhere. Also, I expect you to be able to convert between the Gregorian and Julian calenders in your head."
Player Interpretation: "Oh no. Its bad enough when its just a bunch of history jokes I didn't get."

GM: "This campaign is going to use abstract wealth."
Meaning: "The amount of effort and focus being put into loot is absurd, we all have better things to do with our time."

GM: "Remember, we aren't playing D&D"
Meaning: "The amount of effort and focus being put into loot is absurd, we all have better things to do with our time."

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-05, 07:21 AM
DM say: I've actually included some material here from my novel I'm working on
DM mean: I cannot write at all well.
(I DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS ONE IS TRUE BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN FOR ME)

DM say: This campaign is going to take place over a limited amount of time
DM means: Time stands still until I arbitrarily move the clock forward and declare you've wasted enough of it

DM says: He isn't going to be threatened by that
DM means: Why are you... no, stop picking fights with allies
Player Hears: Use more guns, guys, you've got to boost that intimidate check higher

DM says: WHY!? WHY!? WHY?! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxinbdstQwk)
DM means: NO! NO! NO!!!
Player hears: GOOD JOB PLAYER! DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!

Saintheart
2010-10-05, 07:23 AM
DM says: "You're surprised to see him cackle as he stands up from the seemingly-mortal blow you gave him and turn invisible."
DM means: "I am now cheating because the goddamn Barbarian one-shotted the BBEG in the middle of his Plot Exposition Speech."

Tyndmyr
2010-10-05, 07:29 AM
DM say: I've actually included some material here from my novel I'm working on
DM mean: I cannot write at all well.
(I DO NOT KNOW WHY THIS ONE IS TRUE BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN FOR ME)

Yes. Oh, definitely yes. So very many people exist who mistakenly believe they can write well.

I bet Dan Brown was one of those DMs once.

Name_Here
2010-10-05, 07:33 AM
DM says: Uh... You begin searching the room, It's made of handcut stone unremarkable really, there is of course the door out and the orcs you killed when you entered.

DM means: THERE IS NOTHING HERE!!!!! DON'T SEARCH FOR TRAP DOORS, DON'T INSPECT FOR TRAPS! I HAVE NEVER HAD TRAPS IN THIS CAMPAIGN BEFORE WHY WOULD I START NOW?

DM says: You sneak up to scout the fortress you see one guard. He seems incredibly bored as he stands there smoking idly.

DM means: There is no ambush here, you don't need to spend the next 15 minutes planning out a detailed assualt. It's one bored guard you could get drunk and still killing him or sneaking past him would be easier than hitting the ground when you spit.

panaikhan
2010-10-05, 07:39 AM
DM says: You sneak up to scout the fortress you see one guard. He seems incredibly bored as he stands there smoking idly.

DM subtext: What you DON'T see, are the 10 snipers on the second floor, waiting to open fire the minute you start something.

Saintheart
2010-10-05, 07:42 AM
DM says: The merchant indicates he won't sell the Wand of Watoomb to you.
DM means: The merchant indicates he won't sell the Wand of Watoomb to you without first participating in a sidequest I cribbed off Baldur's Gate II. :smallsmile:

Maryring
2010-10-05, 07:45 AM
What the DM Said: "The dragon was hording ABC,XYZ,000 gold pieces."
What the DM Meant: "I forgot encumbrance existed."

I actually remembered that. Unfortunately, the PCs didn't bother to get creative in order to get everything with them, so the remaining valuables went into the BBEG trust fund.

---

DM says: "... what?"
DM means: "Did you just cast wail of the banshee at your party/flip of Orcus/jump through a prismatic wall/kill the familiar of the local archmage?"

arrowhen
2010-10-05, 08:48 AM
DM says: Optimization won't be in focus in this game.
DM means: I take the monsters traight from the manuals and don't bother to edit or revise their stats.

Guilty as charged! Of course, I'll often be completely honest and tell my players, "If you make characters that are so absurdly overpowered for their level that it takes me four hours and a spreadsheet to come up with a monster that's an appropriate challenge for them, rest assured that I'm going to railroad your asses into fighting it!"

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-05, 09:28 AM
I actually remembered that. Unfortunately, the PCs didn't bother to get creative in order to get everything with them, so the remaining valuables went into the BBEG trust fund.


Heh, that's actually a personal favorite of mine.

DM says:"Okay, you find a 15 foot high obsidian obelisk covered in gold and jewels. It is a masterpiece and weighs six tons." (DO NOT QUESTION MY WEIGHT MATH THIS WAS JUST A HASTILY WRITTEN POST)

DM means: You don't actually get treasure per say.

Players hear: We must come up with an amusing scheme or we don't get treasure

Maryring
2010-10-05, 09:55 AM
Shouldn't the weight depend upon how much of the obelisk is gold and jewelry anyway. :smallamused:

DragoonWraith
2010-10-05, 10:13 AM
Not to mention we'd need the other dimensions (width and breadth) and shape to dispute your weight, even assuming it was of some uniform and known density.

In other words, you're in no danger of being called on it.

At the same time, I can't resist the temptation to add this:

Normal, non-pedantic person says: "per say"
Normal, non-pedantic person means: "per se"
DW hears: "GRAAAAAH!!!"

That really irks me.

Gametime
2010-10-05, 10:18 AM
Because I'm always in favor of pedantry:



Normal, non-pedantic person says: "per say"
Normal, non-pedantic person means: "per se"
DW hears: "GRAAAAAH!!!"



You can hear the difference? :smalltongue:

hamishspence
2010-10-05, 10:21 AM
DM says:"Okay, you find a 15 foot high obsidian obelisk covered in gold and jewels. It is a masterpiece and weighs six tons." (DO NOT QUESTION MY WEIGHT MATH THIS WAS JUST A HASTILY WRITTEN POST)

Obsidian has a specific gravity of 2.5 (so 2.5 metric tonnes per cubic metre)- I did some crude estimating and for a straight block 15 ft high that would be about 0.7 m thick.

If it tapers slightly (except for the top which can be a pyramid) it will need to be slightly thicker.

Seems like quite a reasonable shape for an obelisk- less than a metre thick at the base, 15 ft high.

Keld Denar
2010-10-05, 10:21 AM
Shouldn't the weight depend upon how much of the obelisk is gold and jewelry anyway. :smallamused:

Its just a model...

subject42
2010-10-05, 10:45 AM
Actually, Huitzilopochtli is a real name, of an Aztec deity. The tutelary deity, actually, and the center of their religious pantheon, more or less.

The best part is that my roommate is actually a Mexican citizen (who was required to learn that very thing in school) and an Aztec mythology buff (who studies that very same thing in her spare time).

I think that the moral of the story is that you shouldn't throw too many syllables at your players. We tend to get mixed up.

(Further reading: NPC cryptically refers to a device crafted using a technique known as "Archanotech". The players spend the next five sessions trying to find out how to reach a place called "Technarcana".)

Notreallyhere77
2010-10-05, 11:29 AM
DM says: "You're surprised to see him cackle as he stands up from the seemingly-mortal blow you gave him and turn invisible."
DM means: "I am now cheating because the goddamn Barbarian one-shotted the BBEG in the middle of his Plot Exposition Speech."

Guilty. When I encounter large amounts of Cheese, I counter with Fudge. And cheese, too, if possible, but mostly fudge.

Say what you want, but it works.

Drakevarg
2010-10-05, 12:25 PM
DM says: Who pays for pizza?
DM means: Obviously, I shouldn't be required to pay.

Of course not. I pay in sanity. :smalltongue:

jguy
2010-10-05, 12:54 PM
DM says: WHY!? WHY!? WHY?!
DM means: NO! NO! NO!!!
Player hears: GOOD JOB PLAYER! DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN!

I am so sigging this. Too dang funny.

jguy
2010-10-05, 12:57 PM
DM Says: You feel a cold wind and it seems to get dark suddenly
DM Means: This dragon is about to TPK you all for annoying the crap out of me for complaining about the lack of encounters.

Doug Lampert
2010-10-05, 01:08 PM
What the DM Said: "The dragon was hording ABC,XYZ,000 gold pieces."
What the DM Meant: "I forgot encumbrance existed."

Who forgot? I still remember fondly in 1981 or so putting a room with the biggest treasure they ever saw into one room. In copper.

In a homebrew setting which used copper as worth 1/7200 or so of its weight in gold (IIRC that's the ratio that held in Byzantine coinage, note that historically this HORRIBLY overvalued copper and most people appear to have refused to accept the coins or traded them at a discount to even that value).

But then D&D land undervalues gold so that campaign was mostly on a silver standard.

The PCs opened the door. Looked at the massive pile, got an estimate of the weight (well over 100 tons IIRC), closed the door, and left. For the rest of the campaign there was occassional discussion of going back, clearing the rest of the dungeon completely, building a stronghold on top, improving the access so mules could get to it, and then bringing in pack trains and workmen to clear that room.

They NEVER took anything except a few coins used to toss at potential traps. Every time they went through that dungeon (and they raided it multiple times over a year of play, going back every time they gained a couple of levels and going a bit further) but the copper room just didn't feel worth it. (They usually picked up copper and looted weapons that were less valuable than their wieght in copper, the room did have value, it was just the feeling of disgust over being unable to even dent it that kept them from bothering.)

DrWeird
2010-10-05, 01:10 PM
DM Says: Roll to confirm...uh..."Your greatsword cleaves the evil [Dungeon Endboss] in half with a single stroke. You have also forgotten your way out of the mines."

DM Means: **** YOU, I HAD AN ENTIRE THEME SONG PLANNED OUT FOR THIS FIGHT AND THE ****ING BARBARIAN ONE-SHOTTED HIM, ENJOY RUNNING INTO RANDOMS WHILE I BROOD!

Funny enough, I made him happy again by picking up the evil dwarven bard's horn and after lightly blowing on it and receiving OOC encouragement from him, blew on it full blast while standing in the middle of our party. 2d6 sonic damage to everyone, and I deafened our Wizard who went the next hour on every turn going "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

bokodasu
2010-10-05, 01:14 PM
The players spend the next five sessions trying to find out how to reach a place called "Technarcana".

They should have just checked a map; it's clearly a city that straddles the border of Techsas and Arcansas.

Chauncymancer
2010-10-05, 01:14 PM
What I says: "Who wants to play paranoia?"
What I means: "Oh, you're on rails. The train is behind you though."

Arbane
2010-10-05, 01:33 PM
What I says: "Who wants to play paranoia?"
What I means: "Oh, you're on rails. The train is behind you though."

Oh, good one.

DM says: "This campaign will be fairly plot-driven."
DM means: GROVEL BEFORE MY UBERNPCS OR DIE, PUNY MORTAL.

OracleofWuffing
2010-10-05, 03:13 PM
Who forgot? I still remember fondly in 1981 or so putting a room with the biggest treasure they ever saw into one room. In copper.
For what it's worth, when someone did bring up how much the gold would weigh (and the fact that only one of the PCs had enough leeway to carry anything of significant weight,) the DM responded, "So, anyways, you make it back to town with all the gold."

Gametime
2010-10-05, 04:23 PM
They should have just checked a map; it's clearly a city that straddles the border of Techsas and Arcansas.

Ba-dum psh. (http://instantrimshot.com/)

Knaight
2010-10-05, 05:05 PM
GM says: "This is based off my book."
GM means: "And you will behave as the characters in it did."

Ashram
2010-10-05, 05:14 PM
DM says: You're all 1st level commoner bumpkins who have never seen magic or been adventuring.
DM means: You metagame too much.

Shademan
2010-10-05, 05:38 PM
DM SAYS: now the bad guys are gonna be rEALLY evil...
DM MEANS: Y'all gonna get raped!

Saph
2010-10-05, 05:40 PM
DM says: "So you're going to do [x], then [y]. Is that right?"
Translation: "This is the stupidest plan I've ever heard. I'm repeating it back to you in the probably vain hope that hearing it out loud will make you realise how idiotic it is."

DM says: "This is a low-wealth campaign."
Translation: "Your gear will suck. No, you won't get anything better."

DM says: "Unfortunately the game's kind of full right now and we don't really have room for a new player. We'll get in touch if a space opens up, though."
Translation: "We'd rather chew broken glass than have you in the group."

DM says: "You stock up on supplies."
Translation: "You can buy anything in the Equipment chapter of the PHB. Please don't ask me individually about every 5sp purchase."

DM says: "I don't like the stereotype of [x]."
Translation: "Half the plot of the campaign will be twisted around to avoid something which I think is a cliche and which nobody else cares about."

DM says: "I'm not sure that's balanced."
Translation: "It's broken as all hell, I'm never going to allow it, stop asking."
Player hears: "I'm only saying no because I need more convincing. Please explain in detail how reasonable your character is with long and detailed arguments that compare it to other classes and builds."

DM says: "No."
Translation: "Hell no."
Player hears: "Maybe."

DM says: "Chris, I'm going to have to ask you to explain why you just stabbed the king in the crotch, and by 'explain' I mean 'explain in a way that makes some ****ing sense'."
Translation: (. . . actually, this one's pretty self-explanatory.)

arrowhen
2010-10-05, 05:54 PM
DM says: "Your spell mysteriously fails."
DM means: "Damn it, stop attacking the plot!"

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-05, 06:15 PM
DM says: "Unfortunately the game's kind of full right now and we don't really have room for a new player. We'll get in touch if a space opens up, though."
Translation: "We'd rather chew broken glass than have you in the group."

D:

I hear that a lot!

jguy
2010-10-05, 06:18 PM
I've said that a couple times.

The Glyphstone
2010-10-05, 06:19 PM
DM says: "This is a low-wealth campaign."
Translation: "Your gear will suck. No, you won't get anything better."


Alternate:

DM says: "This is a low-wealth campaign."
Translation: "I don't understand the WBL charts. But I'll still be giving you appropriate-CR challenges."

Ragitsu
2010-10-05, 06:40 PM
DM says: I recommend these skills.
DM means: Take these skills, or you will DIE.

Cerlis
2010-10-05, 06:50 PM
For me:

I allow the players to die if they make stupid choices or play Stupid Evil or Chaotic Stupid heroes.

I like historical accuracy but don't impose too much information. Anyway i play PbP so people who sign up for a historical game have that same interest anyway.

Any 3.5 book allowed is always accompanied by "no gamebreaking cheese".

Realism means that common sense applies to what the rules don't specifically define.

Homebrew means very interesting NPCs and interactions that are not stereotypes and full of bad tropes.

Low magic setting defines who can cast and who can't. A DM who throws well built casters at "i hit him" characters is a moron who needs an ego boost. However it's your fault for not seeing him for who he is before you spend two days making a character.

You guys seem to either have been molested by twisted sick DMs for years, or like exaggerating for fun's sake. Or you are a teenager and play with other teenagers who want to kick ass and do cool stuff.

You just multiclass paladin? Cus you got a stick up ur...

Zaydos
2010-10-05, 06:57 PM
DM says: I recommend these skills.
DM means: Take these skills, or you will DIE.

I've had a DM that said that.
He meant: Take these skills they will never be useful, and when you do find a way to use them I will raise the DC to impossible levels.

I stopped playing with him, after we stopped letting him DM. He was a worse player. I have sense met other people talking about the worst player they knew via his character's name; I said it sounded like him. It was. I can blame him for my extensive knowledge of the 3.0 PHB (except for the spells) since he'd always make you quote the rule for what you were trying to do.

Cerlis
2010-10-05, 08:31 PM
I hope none of you actually believe this stuff.

If so I feel sorry for your DMs. You don't deserve to be in ANY game.

edit: Besides the later stuff which is getting truthful. The beginning of this topic started out snide though.

as far as i can see saying people are being harsh to the GMs is like saying a person who is driving on the sidewalk is a bad driver.

GMs are people to. A player is awed by some cool character concept or neat idea and will cause havoc or get himself killed trying it. A GM likes a campaign setting idea and its very hard to emulate something without screwing it up.

Just think of a Campaign as an android and replace "human" with "The Concept the GM has for the setting" there are points where its normal DND adn its flavored, gets better and better, and then there are points when its some bastardized version with the DM trying to hold onto it and then there is the rare perfection.

DM's have perfectly reasonable reasons for screwing up, just cus they dont (usually) have characters doesnt mean they arent players.

And just cus DM's have perfectly reasonable reasons for screwing up doesnt mean that it isnt amusing in the ways they do.

Cerlis
2010-10-05, 08:41 PM
How so? I guess I could be lucky in that I have a pretty large pool of old gaming pals. We tend to be super critical and argumentative about our DMing. Fortunately we also have thick skins- and we can accept when we're wrong. So, my DMing has improved over time. So has theirs. Our latest campaigns have been pretty spectacular.
Between courtesy and honesty, I'd rather have honesty. I can't become a better DM or player if my players or DM aren't being truthful about their expectations/experience.

I wish you lived here.

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-05, 08:42 PM
DM says: "No."
Translation: "Hell no."
Player hears: "Maybe."


You win at thread.

Chrono22
2010-10-05, 08:48 PM
I wish you lived here.
AIM is your friend. Long distance D&D works.

The Glyphstone
2010-10-05, 08:50 PM
Another one I've encountered repeatedly:

DM says: Oh, that's a houserule I have.
Translation: I didn't know/misread that rule, but rather than admit I was wrong, I'm changing it to fit what I said.

big teej
2010-10-05, 08:59 PM
I
Oh, and, if there wasn't one yet, there should definitely be a "what DMs say and what players hear" thread. The examples that showed up here were already quite hilarious.

I second this idea


Its only a model...

fixed that for ye

and now, for my own contribution, this occured a few hours ago

DM: you named your character "epic mcfail"?
DM means: you are begging me to abuse my fumble chart thread
player hears: "I find this very ammusing, and it won't come back to bite you in the ass at all"

DM says: you realize you are begging me to kill this character?
DM means: if you say 'yes'... so help me, the first time you roll a 1, I'm pulling out the harshest fumble table I know
player hears: "I'm kidding'

:smallsigh:

Pyron
2010-10-05, 09:08 PM
Its just a model...

DM says:Guys, please. No Monty Python quotes.
DM means: I swear if I hear one more quote from that movie, I will drop rocks on the entire party!!!
Player thinks: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

Platinum_Mongoose
2010-10-05, 09:13 PM
I want to print up a stack of this xkcd (http://xkcd.com/16/) and hand them out as people quote Monty Python.

Zhalath
2010-10-05, 09:14 PM
DM says: "I think a little mood music is in order."
DM means: "Let's see you track your Power Attack when I'm pumping Metallica!"

DM says: "Yeah, we like the small efficient group."
DM means: "All these guys know the house rules. To teach you is too much effort."

DM says: "Whip up a new character."
DM means: "Whip up a new character at home, so we don't have to hear you count your ability modifiers out loud."

DM says: "There's one issue. The wizard's tower is warded against scrying and teleportation."
DM means: "OH IT LOOKS LIKE THE BOOT OF ELVENKIND'S ON THE OTHER FOOT NOW MR WIZARD."

DM says: "You see an empty hallway."
DM means: "DC 30 Search for traps, DC 25 to disable, complex skill check, 5 successes before 3 failures. Oh, and the water flooding may cause a lapse in concentration, so it comes out to..."

Lhurgyof
2010-10-05, 09:22 PM
AIM is your friend. Long distance D&D works.

Oh man, that would be great...

Knaight
2010-10-05, 09:29 PM
IRC and Skype also open up the wonderful world of long distance GMing, made easier with Maptools or similar. I get all my high quality gaming in that way, my face to face group tends towards hack and slash a bit.

Gametime
2010-10-06, 12:51 AM
I want to print up a stack of this xkcd (http://xkcd.com/16/) and hand them out as people quote Monty Python.

...You want to copy and distribute a verbatim quote of a comic that's all about not parroting the jokes and humour of those who have come before you? :smalltongue:

Kaww
2010-10-06, 01:39 AM
There are some funny statements here, I had quite a few laughs. Also I was surprised that 'Are you sure?' didn't appear on the first page... :smallconfused:

My .02$

Me: Are you sure you want to replace your lvl 12 tier 3 character with a lvl 12 non-optimized fighter?
What I meant: You have a tier 0 CoDzila, and 4 tier 2 party members. You sucked as a tier 3 and now you think you should leave all fighting business to them?

Me: This campaign is going to be all core.
What I meant: You suck at optimizing, so we are all gonna have very limited resources...

Me: This is gonna be a fun session, I put a lot of effort into it.
What I meant: Please, don't talk to each other, make spell lists and just listen a bit to what I have to say. If you don't I'll brake down and start playing Diablo II again.

Me: Are you sure that the sum of your survival ranks in a six player wilderness campaign should be 0?
What I meant: People this is gonna be a looong campaign. Most of the time you will spend hungry, dirty and lost.

Delusion
2010-10-06, 02:38 AM
DM says: I recommend these skills.
DM means: Take these skills, or you will DIE.

What players hear: Someone else in the group will take those skills anyway.

Serpentine
2010-10-06, 02:39 AM
DM Says: The location of your objective is several weeks of travel away.
DM Means: I have a bunch of travel based encounters in store for you, so you better not have any magical means of travel or I will be real upset.*raises hand* :smallredface: Not much of an issue nowadays, since my last DM (of which my game is an extension) asked everyone to avoid using Windwalk. Closest I've had since is a folded boat...

The best part is that my roommate is actually a Mexican citizen (who was required to learn that very thing in school) and an Aztec mythology buff (who studies that very same thing in her spare time).

I think that the moral of the story is that you shouldn't throw too many syllables at your players. We tend to get mixed up.I gave a "carry her around for months and don't get her killed" character an Aztec name that meant "water". They all renamed her "Brooke".
Now she's a parrot. And everyone forgets about her.

DM says: No, Clerics wouldn't wear armour, because they think their god will take care of them.
DM means: I've only ever played in a game that is heavily houseruled, and I think all those houserules are RAW.

Wookieetank
2010-10-06, 10:56 AM
DM says: After questioning the wounded minotaur you found in the woods, he tells you of how he escaped an Ogre city to the north.
DM means: This is just fluff to get the level 1 party together
Players hear: Ogre city? XPs and loots, Lets go now!
*DM facepalms*

Il_Vec
2010-10-06, 11:17 AM
DM says: So, tell me your character's background history.
DM means: So, tell me how I'm going to get you into the party and plot.
Player hears: So, tell me a good long story about your character's childhood.

Shhalahr Windrider
2010-10-06, 02:34 PM
DM says: After questioning the wounded minotaur you found in the woods, he tells you of how he escaped an Ogre city to the north.
DM means: This is just fluff to get the level 1 party together
Players hear: Ogre city? XPs and loots, Lets go now!
*DM facepalms*
See, here’s the problem. Law of Conservation of Detail. Give Players too many details about something, and the players will think it is important. This is only to be expected, as you have to cut out details on the unimportant stuff. Otherwise you’ll just spend the night describing empty rooms.

WarKitty
2010-10-06, 02:39 PM
DM says: A man steps out of the shadows. He's wearing a dark cloak...
DM means: This is the hook for your next quest.
Players hear: It's a trap. FIREBALL!!!

shadow_archmagi
2010-10-06, 02:51 PM
DM says: This is the hook for your next quest.
Players hear: It's a trap. FIREBALL!!!

I fixed that for you.

Ragitsu
2010-10-06, 03:17 PM
I've had a DM that said that.
He meant: Take these skills they will never be useful, and when you do find a way to use them I will raise the DC to impossible levels.

I stopped playing with him, after we stopped letting him DM. He was a worse player. I have sense met other people talking about the worst player they knew via his character's name; I said it sounded like him. It was. I can blame him for my extensive knowledge of the 3.0 PHB (except for the spells) since he'd always make you quote the rule for what you were trying to do.

To be fair, sometimes the GM truly means to use every, or near every Skill they suggest, but fate (rolls, bad or good) really does change things up to the point where they aren't necessary, OR roleplaying ends up carrying the weight of the campaign (compared to mechanics) :smallsigh:.


What players hear: Someone else in the group will take those skills anyway.

Good followup :smallsmile:.

---

DM says: "The NPC blushes and averts their eyes from you"
DM means: "Get ready for a romance subplot"

Flickerdart
2010-10-06, 03:52 PM
DM says: Technically, you can do this.
DM means: ...but woe betide you if you do.

big teej
2010-10-06, 04:21 PM
DM says: Technically, you can do this.
DM means: ...but woe betide you if you do.

player hears: GO FOR IT!!!

Zaydos
2010-10-06, 05:05 PM
To be fair, sometimes the GM truly means to use every, or near every Skill they suggest, but fate (rolls, bad or good) really does change things up to the point where they aren't necessary, OR roleplaying ends up carrying the weight of the campaign (compared to mechanics) :smallsigh:.


He suggested climb; there was a rope ladder. Apparently the DC to climb a non-magical rope ladder was higher than 25.

golentan
2010-10-06, 05:09 PM
These are all ones I use, not commentary on previous DMs.

DM Says: I tend to improvise and reward creativity.
DM Means: That was AWESOME using the docking clamp to catch the prisoner. More stuff like that please.
Players Hear: MOAR FIRE!!! BIGGER GUNS!!!

DM Says: If you have a problem, talk to me privately rather than in front of the others.
DM Means: I'm willing to hear you out. But undermine me and I will crush you.

DM Says: Homebrew's great if it's balanced.
DM Means: I like homebrew, but don't waste my time with game breakers.
Players Hear: Lightning warrior time.

DM Says: This is a custom setting.
DM Means: I have no idea what I'm getting myself into, and the setting doesn't work as advertised.

DM Says: Let me double check that.
DM Means: I knew I should have read the rule book / actually planned a plot.

Ormur
2010-10-06, 06:07 PM
DM Says: So you want to use antimagic field with your sculpt spell/mastery of shaping?
DM Means: Because I've just statted up this wonderful initiate of Mystra build that I want to kill you with.

Ragitsu
2010-10-06, 06:22 PM
He suggested climb; there was a rope ladder. Apparently the DC to climb a non-magical rope ladder was higher than 25.

D&D 3.5? That's interesting to note.

Zaydos
2010-10-06, 06:26 PM
3.0 actually. Yeah; it was a normal rope ladder (we had been detecting magic in the area; no magic), before battle. Apparently 25 is not enough to climb a rope ladder. Why I don't know.

Tira-chan
2010-10-06, 07:33 PM
World of Darkness:

What the ST says: Okay, we're going to be playing a mortals game.
What the ST means: You're going to be playing mortals. I'm going to be playing whatever kind of supernatural creature I feel like. Soon, you'll be playing cadavers.
What the players hear: It's going to be a race to see who can acquire the coolest template first.

Radiun
2010-10-06, 09:12 PM
World of Darkness:

What the ST says: Okay, we're going to be playing a mortals game.
What the ST means: You're going to be playing mortals. I'm going to be playing whatever kind of supernatural creature I feel like. Soon, you'll be playing cadavers.
What the players hear: It's going to be a race to see who can acquire the coolest template first.

ST Says: "So I've been playing Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines recently and..."
ST Means: "So my end game character will be joining you neonates..."

Scow2
2010-10-07, 09:25 PM
A shame someone started the "What DM Says/What Players Hear" thread... these two should be merged with the ultrafunny "What DMs Say/What DMs Mean/What Players Hear" comic trio.

That way, you can mock both bad DM's and bad Players at once!

Fiery Diamond
2010-10-07, 10:15 PM
DM says: I don't allow evil PCs in my campaign.
DM means: PCs are supposed to be heroes.
Players hear: So CN is okay, yeah? SLAUGHTER TIME!

DM says: If it doesn't say it in the rules, then I decide how it works.
DM means: Stop contradicting me.
Players hear: I need you to keep arguing with me.

DM says: Be nice to the other players.
DM means: Don't antagonize people.
Players hear: Be mean to the DM instead.

DM says: *NPC dialogue*
DM means: Listen up, because this might be important. Or it might not. You never know.
Some players hear: Blah blah blah, let's get on with it already!
Some players hear: Ever single syllable is vitally important! Let's take notes!


All of the above are from campaigns I ran.

WarKitty
2010-10-07, 10:46 PM
DM says: There's a bookshelf over on the wall, and some well-built chairs with silk coverings. In the center is a desk with papers on it. The room is lit by a set of small glowing orbs.
Players here: TREASURE!

Gametime
2010-10-07, 10:51 PM
DM says: *NPC dialogue*
DM means: Listen up, because this might be important. Or it might not. You never know.
Some players hear: Blah blah blah, let's get on with it already!
Some players hear: Ever single syllable is vitally important! Let's take notes!



In my experience, players will listen with rapt attention to utterly useless fluff and scan every choice of word for possible hidden meaning, only to conveniently zone out the instant I start imparting actual foreshadowing, clues, or explicit exposition.

It's uncanny.

Shadowleaf
2010-10-07, 11:28 PM
Vampire:

DM says: The Ventrue agrees to lend you the money you need.
DM means: This Ventrue is obviously a good guy.
Players hear: The Ventrue is evil, and is obviously trying to doublecross us somehow. Better eliminate him first.


Not that the players would be wrong in 95% of cases.

Fiery Diamond
2010-10-07, 11:41 PM
In my experience, players will listen with rapt attention to utterly useless fluff and scan every choice of word for possible hidden meaning, only to conveniently zone out the instant I start imparting actual foreshadowing, clues, or explicit exposition.

It's uncanny.

This happens to me too.

lightningcat
2010-10-08, 12:22 AM
DM says: There's a bookshelf over on the wall, and some well-built chairs with silk coverings. In the center is a desk with papers on it. The room is lit by a set of small glowing orbs.
Players here: TREASURE!

Or possibly: Everything is flamable. You should burn it. (This only seems to occur if you had a plot point or hook in the papers.)

Morithias
2010-10-08, 12:43 AM
DM says: *NPC dialogue*
DM means: Listen up, because this might be important. Or it might not. You never know.
Some players hear: Blah blah blah, let's get on with it already!
Some players hear: Ever single syllable is vitally important! Let's take notes!


All of the above are from campaigns I ran.

YOU have PLAYERS that take NOTES?!!? I so ENVY you!

Shadowleaf
2010-10-08, 01:14 AM
YOU have PLAYERS that take NOTES?!!? I so ENVY you!
You haven't?

In the 8 or so gaming groups I've been in, at least 1 has always taken notes - almost always the optimizer. He'll have an extremely detailed background, always take the storyteller/game master away for single sessions, have a gazillion contigency plans, and have all details nailed down - which is why he needs notes.

Heck, I had this one guy - he remembered everything we did through his notes. He usually updated me on what we had been doing.

And I was the storyteller. :smallredface:

Zaydos
2010-10-08, 01:18 AM
You haven't?

In the 8 or so gaming groups I've been in, at least 1 has always taken notes - almost always the optimizer. He'll have an extremely detailed background, always take the storyteller/game master away for single sessions, have a gazillion contigency plans, and have all details nailed down - which is why he needs notes.

I haven't. Have players have detailed backgrounds? Not till PbP. Or do any of the things your optimizers do, actually (okay I did 1 single session with 1 player 1 time to test out OpenRPG).

I have had extremely detailed backgrounds, would have been happy to take the game master away for single sessions, have had a gazillion contingency plans, and have had all the details nailed down; but then again I've been the optimizer in most groups I've played in.

I have had player's whose characters took notes in game though.

Shadowleaf
2010-10-08, 01:40 AM
I haven't. Have players have detailed backgrounds? Not till PbP. Or do any of the things your optimizers do, actually (okay I did 1 single session with 1 player 1 time to test out OpenRPG).

I have had extremely detailed backgrounds, would have been happy to take the game master away for single sessions, have had a gazillion contingency plans, and have had all the details nailed down; but then again I've been the optimizer in most groups I've played in.

I have had player's whose characters took notes in game though.
Huh. People around here are just weird, then.

I guess notes are pretty important for my submersion. I can't relate to a game, if I cannot remember things my character would. In real life I can easily remember the name of my childhood teacher, the queen's name, the local baker's name, the date of my country's holidays, etc.

All this would be near impossible to recall, if I didn't take notes for campaigns. It goes twice with recent events for my character - in real life, I doubt I'd forget what my attacker looked like, had I just been mugged in broad daylight. A tabletop description of a random encounter, however..

Halaster
2010-10-08, 02:17 AM
Nah, not weird, just cool. I have note-takers in several groups, and the one that doesn't have them is just so into the game they remember without notes.

The trouble is, if you're really playing, in-character and all, it's hard to keep up the notes-taking, so sometimes the notes may be incomplete, but I usually have someone trying to keep up. And then inform me the following session, what really happened, triggering some improv on my part....

Scarey Nerd
2010-10-08, 02:22 AM
DM says: This is my first time DMing, I'm interested to see how I'll do.
DM means: Be merciful! :smalleek:

Thrud
2010-10-08, 02:54 AM
DM Says - I will allow any reasonable build, using any source material that makes sense for your character.

DM Means - No

Player hears - I will allow any ... build, using any source material...

Delusion
2010-10-08, 02:56 AM
DM says after rolling dice: Oops.
Dm means: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE

Amiel
2010-10-08, 02:57 AM
DM said: "This will be a complex game of intrigue, Machiavellian politics, and a sophisticated diplomacy system"
DM means: "There will be guillotining and TPKs galore"

dsmiles
2010-10-08, 04:44 AM
YOU have PLAYERS that take NOTES?!!? I so ENVY you!

Ok, envy away, Morithias. You wouldn't envy the guy with the players that audio tape every session so that they can improve their notes in-between sessions. (Even though half their notes are meaningless to the plot in general, and the other half consist solely of faulty assumptions.)

Yep, had that happen. :smallsigh:

DM Says: You're in a 10'x10' room with a small, barred window.
DM Means: This is a cell. No need to search it. It's just a cell.
Players Hear: This is a secret entrance, to a secret passage, that leads to a secret room, full of PHAT LEWTS! WE MUST SEARCH EVERY INCH OF THIS ROOM!

Zaydos
2010-10-08, 07:16 AM
Huh. People around here are just weird, then.

I guess notes are pretty important for my submersion. I can't relate to a game, if I cannot remember things my character would. In real life I can easily remember the name of my childhood teacher, the queen's name, the local baker's name, the date of my country's holidays, etc.

All this would be near impossible to recall, if I didn't take notes for campaigns. It goes twice with recent events for my character - in real life, I doubt I'd forget what my attacker looked like, had I just been mugged in broad daylight. A tabletop description of a random encounter, however..

I gave up on taking notes myself because it took me away from the game too long. My players... well I've been the optimizer of my group since the beginning, and usually the role-player as well (both to an obnoxious level at times).

DM says: I'll consider homebrew from these forums.
DM means: I'm comfortable with it and have read a large amount of it already, don't bring me things from other sites.
Players hear: To d&dwiki!

-okay only had that happen once; some BG stuff; and a discovery that bold helps.

Kesnit
2010-10-08, 07:29 AM
DM says after rolling dice: Oops.
Dm means: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE

This happened at a 4e game last weekend. The DM had finally found his "DM dice" - and rolled at least 6 crits. At one point, this exchange occurred.

Me: If you rolled another crit, I am leaving and never coming back.
DM (laughing): Bye!

(That combat avoided a TPK only because my Gnome Artificer with 4 HP left managed to run away while the dragon ate the dead Druid and Fighter.)

Maryring
2010-10-08, 07:58 AM
Oooh. I've had that happen. As a DM, there was a session where I rolled pretty much nothing but 15+. Critical hitting with Disintegrate and failing the fortitude save = OUCH!

DM says: Yeah, you're absolutely correct.
DM means: Thank you for figuring out a plausible explanation to my plot-hole.

ghost_warlock
2010-10-08, 08:14 AM
DM says: As you enter the <BBEG>'s bedchamber, you see a beautiful woman chained to the wall.
DM means: It's totally a medusa that's going to try and kill you when you try to free her.
:smallsigh:

big teej
2010-10-08, 09:42 AM
DM says after rolling dice: Oops.
Dm means: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEEEE

hmmm

DM, after rolling dice: O.O oops..... (and or "uh oh.....")
DM means: oh sh@$ a 20 with x3(or x4) crit!
Player hears: YOU'RE DEAD!!!

Boren
2010-10-08, 10:45 AM
Wanna be DM says: Guys I have this really cool idea for a game and I'd really like to run it tonight.
Experienced players hears:Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! I wanna be the DM and I'm gonna sulk all night if I don't get my way. I don't care if I don't know the rules that well I wanna DM DM DM!!!!
Slowly resonates through the the players brain until it becomes:
I'm giving you an engraved invitation to actually play pun-pun.

golentan
2010-10-08, 05:08 PM
Wanna be DM says: Guys I have this really cool idea for a game and I'd really like to run it tonight.
Experienced players hears:Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! I wanna be the DM and I'm gonna sulk all night if I don't get my way. I don't care if I don't know the rules that well I wanna DM DM DM!!!!
Slowly resonates through the the players brain until it becomes:
I'm giving you an engraved invitation to actually play pun-pun.

No, the way it goes is

DM: I'd like to play for a session or two.
DM Means: I'd like just once to not be the one running these games. Just once, I'd like to actually get to play. Please, for the love of all that is good.
Half of Players Hear: Time to come up with excuses for why I can't run.
Half of Players Hear: *RAGE* DMPC THOUGHT MAKES ANGRY!!!

Zhalath
2010-10-08, 09:27 PM
DM says: (out of combat) Hey, what's your AC again?
DM means: Invisible stalker time!

DM says: Well, ask around town for information
DM means: What, you expect me to hand you a pamphlet on your current adventure? Do some work!
PCs hear: Time to visit the tavern.

DM says: One of the orcs is wearing some sort of special robes. He looks to be of some importance.
DM means: This guy is special and has info on next hook. Don't kill him and interrogate him after the battle.
PCs hear: Caster. Kill him now.

DM says: I'd like you guys to write me a little backstory about your character.
DM means: I need something to take from you in a horrible way. All RPGs start with a burning village, after all!
PCs hear: Great, back in English class. Let's see, son of wealthy wizard guild head who's very generous to his children...

Clovis
2010-10-09, 07:26 AM
DM (rolls dice): hee hee hee
DM means: oh, lovely crits! Let's see yall to weasel yourselves outta this one!

DM (rolls dice): damn it!
DM means: a fumble, how the hell did my beloved monster fumble. Oh, wait, did I swear aloud? Now I can't fudge it!!!

DM says: Look, you've got an artifact on your hands!
DM means: Bloody 'ell, I just told you the effing staff has mass heal, use it already!

DM says: Nope. Can't be done.
DM means: It would be too easy. Do it the hard way, use your brain.

DM says: the (insert NPC name/class/race here) looks annoyed.
DM means: stop milking for more info and/or resources!

...
Oh yes, we do take notes. And post them on googledocs for everyone to edit or reference. Our DM likes convoluted byzantine plots, whose quests have sidequests wot have side-side-sidequests... You never know which NPC becomes important later on and then you'd better know the reference.

dsmiles
2010-10-10, 05:58 AM
DM (rolls dice).
Player #1 says: What was that for?
DM says: Nothing.
DM means: Nothing, I just like to build the suspense once and a while.
Players hear: I have just rolled your DOOM! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Drascin
2010-10-10, 06:30 AM
DM (rolls dice): damn it!
DM means: a fumble, how the hell did my beloved monster fumble. Oh, wait, did I swear aloud? Now I can't fudge it!!!

In my case it's:

DM: (rolls) ...well, damn. Fumble.
Players hear: Aw, I lost my chance to kill you guys, damn it!
DM means: I actually just rolled an almost statistically impossible amount of damage that would kill you all, but I'll act as if I fumbled to not end the campaign right here.

Good thing my players are really rather gullible :smallbiggrin:

Dienekes
2010-10-10, 01:25 PM
In my case it's:

DM: (rolls) ...well, damn. Fumble.
Players hear: Aw, I lost my chance to kill you guys, damn it!
DM means: I actually just rolled an almost statistically impossible amount of damage that would kill you all, but I'll act as if I fumbled to not end the campaign right here.

Good thing my players are really rather gullible :smallbiggrin:

Wait... you fudge to help your PCs? And you call yourself a GM.

Fiery Diamond
2010-10-10, 04:25 PM
Wait... you fudge to help your PCs? And you call yourself a GM.

Wait...you fudge to hurt your PCs? And you call yourself a GM.

Snowfire
2010-10-10, 05:21 PM
Wait...you fudge to hurt your PCs? And you call yourself a GM.


It's the balance between the two that you need to get that's the hard part. Also, although it has been mentioned somewhere already (but I cannot be bothered going back through all the pages to find it).

DM says: You enter the room to find a lever in the middle of it.
DM means: Come on, for once be sensible.
Player hears: Lever? It must connect to a hidden door with treasure behind it!

This actually happened to me. The party survived only because the self-destruct spell I had in place didn't include a Dimensional Lock. Oh, and the fact that the sorcerer was a) alive (albeit barely) b) had a scroll of teleport.

MammonAzrael
2010-10-10, 05:42 PM
DM says: One of the orcs is wearing some sort of special robes. He looks to be of some importance.
DM means: This guy is special and has info on next hook. Don't kill him and interrogate him after the battle.
PCs hear: Caster. Kill him now.

I fully support the PCs in this case. DM can always give them plot hooks with notes in the dead orc's robes.

DM says: he has special abilities granted only to the most devout members of <insert important campaign faction here>.
DM means: This guy has a special PrC I made just for this <insert important campaign faction here>. And you guys are gonna love how badass he is. Also, totally balanced and fair.
Players hear: blah blah blah unique PrC blah blah NPC only blah too awesome and unfair for you to ever get.