The Faux-Logic of a child

[Fiery Diamond]

So, I was reading this thread, (http://www.giantitp.com/forums/showthread.php?t=170719) and someone linked to THIS article thing. It's very short, so it won't take you long to read. (http://www.drspock.com/article/0,1510,3901,00.html) It got me thinking. I want to hear some stories about children mis-assigning cause and effect and/or using what that article refers to as "egocentric" thinking. Funny stories, cute stories, unfortunate stories... I'm curious. So, playgrounders (especially you guys with preschoolers), do you have any examples to tell?

[Morph Bark]

I remember that as a kid (well, 9-10) I used to get mad a lot at my youngest brother for messing up my toys (an age difference of 6 1/2 years). As fate would have it, he tended to get into medical trouble soon after a lot of the time, and I would be frightened because of it and pray he wouldn't die or anything of the sort. Of course he'd get better all the time, it was just something like him having swallowed something, asthma, or something else. A few months later it would repeat itself again.

...that kind of stories?

[Innis Cabal]

No...things like "The Elevator works by lawn gnomes running under it."

[neoseph7]

My first "Scientific" Thought:

This was kindergarten, so I must have been about 4 or five I guess. There was a storm outside and I was looking at the lightning and listening to the thunder. There was a very noticible difference in time between the flash and the bang, so I came to the "logical" conclusion that it was fake. I am rather thankful that I did not have the means to test this.

On the plus side, I was never afraid of a storm growing up.

[mucat]

Shortly before I started kindergarten, there was a skit on Sesame Street where a cowboy-like Muppet moseyed into a room and drawled "Sorry I'm late." I thought that was a cool greeting, so when I showed up on the first day of school, I told the teacher in my most badass Muppet drawl, "Sorry I'm late."

Of course, she said "You're not late, dear." I still remember the flash of insight as I suddenly realized, "People only say that if they're actually late for something!"

[Morph Bark]

No...things like "The Elevator works by lawn gnomes running under it."

:smalleek: But... but doesn't it?

[thubby]

i used to think a lamp was haunted. the house used to groan whenever i tried to turn it on.
of course, it turns out the floorboards it was on were loose, but i was too scared to go near that lamp for years.

[Szilard]

I still use pseudologic all the time to "logically" come to the wrong conclusion. :smalltongue:

[shadow_archmagi]

:smalleek: But... but doesn't it?

Of course not! How could lawn gnomes run an elevator? They'd get beaten up by the Elevator Gnome's Union!

[Thajocoth]

My mom: "What are you going to be when you grow up?"
One of the children in her daycare, looking at her as if this is a completely ridiculous question: "Bigger!"

I saw her recently. It's been probably about 8 years. She is, in fact, bigger.

[Yora]

Back in school, a friend once told me his little brother answered the same question with "a lion".

Actually, that's a pretty cool idea.

Another story from a kid of some friends of my parents, who is the same age as me: His parents told him that Sesame Street would be on, when the long hand on the clock is at the 12, and the short hand is at the 6. Well, that can easily be arranged... :smallbiggrin:

The children of my aunt always narate what's happening when they play with Lego. The oldest even did it on her own before her brothers were born. No good examples come to my mind now, but the stories they made up were often just plain weird. :smalleek:

[Orzel]

The USB cord shoots tiny discs in my MP3 player

The Air Conditioner has ice in it.

[Yora]

At a birthday party of 3 and 4 year olds in december, the mother of the kid overheard the kids debating at the kitchen table, that there's something fishy about all these Santa Clauses you see in the main shopping streets. They finally came to an agreement, that they were all fakes, as there's only one actual Santa.
EXCEPT for the one at the department store. That one's the real one!

[Orzel]

At a birthday party of 3 and 4 year olds in december, the mother of the kid overheard the kids debating at the kitchen table, that there's something fishy about all these Santa Clauses you see in the main shopping streets. They finally came to an agreement, that they were all fakes, as there's only one actual Santa.
EXCEPT for the one at the department store. That one's the real one!

My cousin used to believe they were magic clones and transformed elves. Santa is a wizard.

[Thajocoth]

My brother believed in Santa long after he should've simply because "My mom wouldn't lie to me."

He's 19 now. He has not forgiven her. If he ever has kids (unlikely unless he adopts, as he's going to switch genders...), he will not "lie to them" about Santa.

[didub]

I'm not sure this entirely applies, but when I was three or four, I had recently learned that the polite way to ask for something was to insert "May I please". I walked up to our back door with arms full of something I'm sure I thought was very important and hollered "Open up this door!". To which my mom replied "Jacob, is that how to ask for something politely"
"May I please... *confusion*.... Is the door open yet?!"

[Admiral Squish]

My brother used to believe fire trucks sprayed fire out the hoses. He also thought every other question meant do every question except one.

[mucat]

]He also thought every other question meant do every question except one.
Hehe. I remember the look of horror on my brother's face when he was told that my dad worked "every other night". He thought it meant every night but that particular one, forever.

Of course, I was no better. I can remember seeing a "Help Wanted: Full-Time and Part-Time" sign, and thinking the full-time employees never got to leave work. I consoled myself with the thought that people probably only worked full-time until they made enough to buy a house, and then switched to part-time since they had somewhere to go home to. :smallsmile:

[CoffeeIncluded]

Mine's actually pretty morbid, but...

I was about...5ish? And I was watching the news with my dad and they were talking about a mass murder or something and they said that a bunch of people lost their lives and I was thinking, "Well, why can't they just go and find them again?"

[Marnath]

My brother was pretty little, and he was watching a weight-loss ad with us when he said "why don't they just cut it off with a knife?:smallconfused:"
I'd tell one of mine but I don't remember anything about my life before about 5-7 years ago. :smalleek:

[mucat]

Mine's actually pretty morbid, but...

I was about...5ish? And I was watching the news with my dad and they were talking about a mass murder or something and they said that a bunch of people lost their lives and I was thinking, "Well, why can't they just go and find them again?"
Yeah, I think most kids don't know at first that "lost" can mean more than one thing.

I remember thinking the narrator of the song "Clementine" was a terrible pessimist. I mean, he sang "You are lost and gone forever", but I was sure that if he just gave the girl enough time, she would find her way home. :smallconfused:

[Lady Moreta]

I remember thinking the narrator of the song "Clementine" was a terrible pessimist. I mean, he sang "You are lost and gone forever", but I was sure that if he just gave the girl enough time, she would find her way home. :smallconfused:

It took me years to realise what that song was actually about. That and Puff the Magic Dragon...

I used to believe that there was a little man inside the cassette player in the car, and that's how it turned the tape when it got to the end of the side. There was a tiny little man who somehow took the tape out flipped it and stuck it back in... I was an odd child.

[Juhn]

badass Muppet drawlI just felt the need to admire how surreal this phrase is with no context.

...Carry on.

[ScottishDragon]

When I was small I was convinced that my REAL parents were dinosaurs and my parents are replacements.This was told to everyone i met.:smallwink::smallamused:

[SensFan]

It took me years to realise what that song was actually about. That and Puff the Magic Dragon...
You do realize it's actually just about a dragon, and the loss of childhood innocence, right?

[Danne]

Oh boy, I work in summer camps, I have loads of these. :smallbiggrin:

So, last summer I was sitting comforting a little boy who had just been stung by a bee. In his mind:

- Boy bees are the ones that sting you, because boys are mean and girls are nice. Girl bees are actually very friendly.

- The reason he was stung was because he accidentally killed a bee the day before at his house. The other bees heard him telling his mom and decided to punish him.

- Bees don't watch t.v. They watch people instead. When they want to change the channel, they just fly somewhere else.

There was probably some more, but those were the best parts. ^_^

[Cristo Meyers]

I remember being convinced that cartoons were actually acted out by real actors in really colourful costumes. As such, whenever Wile E Coyote fell off a cliff and impacted the road below, I knew that it was just water and that's why he was OK. After all, at that height the splash would look just like the dust poof that always came up, right?

I also remember being completely perplexed as to why early cartoon violence activists were complaining about Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons. Duh, he's a coyote, he's hungry, that's why he's chasing the Roadrunner!

[Skeppio]

It took me years to realise what that song was actually about. That and Puff the Magic Dragon...

SensFan is quite right, it's about the loss of childhood innocence. The creator said so himself. I can see where people could think it's about drug use, but I'm afraid you are mistaken. The truth is far more innocent.

[Danne]

And here's one about myself:

When I was very little (about four or so), my mom used to tell me that she could stop the rain when we were driving down the highway. Of course, this too a lot of effort, so it only lasted for a few seconds, but it was very cool. Took me ages to figure out that the rain stopped because we were driving under an overpass. :smallwink:

[mucat]

When I was very little (about four or so), my mom used to tell me that she could stop the rain when we were driving down the highway. Of course, this too a lot of effort, so it only lasted for a few seconds, but it was very cool. Took me ages to figure out that the rain stopped because we were driving under an overpass. :smallwink:

Best. Mom. Ever.

[Marnath]

I agree! That's Hilarious. And I figured one out from me. When I was little my parents used to say we were going to visit hamburger royalty(burger king) and I could never make the connection no matter how many times I heard it, I was always confused what they meant, lol.

[Eruantion]

I've got a pretty good one. My parents always reinforced learning to read at an early age, and we played word games in the car. I remember one time we got to the letter D and my mom said "D is for duck!" I decided that I wanted to make up a word that rhymed with duck and started with a random letter. I chose F. And at age 3 I yelled out in the car "F is for F***!" Needless to say, I quickly learned that there are words you shouldn't say...

[Lady Moreta]

When I was small I was convinced that my REAL parents were dinosaurs and my parents are replacements.This was told to everyone i met.:smallwink::smallamused:

That makes you awesome :smallbiggrin:


You do realize it's actually just about a dragon, and the loss of childhood innocence, right?

Of course I know that :smalltongue: Heck, I didn't learn about the alternative views of the song til I was in my mid-20s.

My point was that, the dragon 'dies' when Peter grows up. I made the connection with Clementine because she also dies (or commits suicide perhaps? it's been a while since I heard the song, and I don't remember how it goes).

[Thajocoth]

I've got a pretty good one. My parents always reinforced learning to read at an early age, and we played word games in the car. I remember one time we got to the letter D and my mom said "D is for duck!" I decided that I wanted to make up a word that rhymed with duck and started with a random letter. I chose F. And at age 3 I yelled out in the car "F is for F***!" Needless to say, I quickly learned that there are words you shouldn't say...

My brother... 2nd or 3rd grade... Assignment was to draw something that started with the letter 'S'. He chose "Sex", though he didn't completely know what it meant yet. The picture was of him and his classmate lying in a bed. She was quite embarrassed... And my parents got a call...

[Aiani]

My brother... 2nd or 3rd grade... Assignment was to draw something that started with the letter 'S'. He chose "Sex", though he didn't completely know what it meant yet. The picture was of him and his classmate lying in a bed. She was quite embarrassed... And my parents got a call...

When I was little somehow I got the idea that sex was some kind of dance. From the way people talked about it I was sure that it was a very naughty dance.

[Anuan]

That and Puff the Magic Dragon...


Apparently, the legend surrounding this was caused by one douchebag writing in with a letter to a...radio show, I believe.

The writer was quite upset when he heard.

[Thajocoth]

When I was little somehow I got the idea that sex was some kind of dance. From the way people talked about it I was sure that it was a very naughty dance.

It's the naughtiest dance of all... I don't think you were really incorrect. Just missing a lot of details.

[Archdeacon GX]

I remember I used to have a recurring dream as a child that was particularly unsettling the first time I had it.

I dreamed that I was visiting my grandparents, and we were all together in the living room, but it was very dark because the lights were out. I could still see, and I noticed that my grandfather was a very large -- and I mean large like the size category here, his head was against the ceiling -- cartoony-looking skeleton. Needless to say, being a kid, it looked real to me. My grandmother on the other hand had the same body as ever, but her head was some kind of triceratops-dinosaur-monster thing from a video game I had been playing around that time, though I can't for the life of me remember what the game was. She asked me, "Do I look like a monster?" I nodded yes, and she told me to get a wash-cloth and wipe her face off, and so I did and she looked normal once more. Then I turned and saw my parents (in cartoony skeleton form) walking up the hallway to pick me up and take me home.

When I woke up, I thought my grandparents were dead. I was a sad little boy.

Ah, the power of dreams over the excessively young...

EDIT: And yes, I did have many strange recurring dreams such as this one. One in particular involved me having a job as a security guard at the mall, and I wasn't wearing any pants. Then I turned into a ghost and flew around the mall, which happened to have conveyor belts everywhere for some reason...maybe I thought it was a factory as well as a mall?

[Icewalker]

My brother used to believe fire trucks sprayed fire out the hoses.

Was your brother Ray Bradbury?

:smalltongue:

I don't remember any fridge logic child moments that I had...I remember in elementary school, once I learned that the tooth fairy didn't exist, that I decided to scientifically prove that it was just our parents taking it from our pillows, by not informing them about the loss of my tooth and then seeing if it vanished. I was already a scientist back then...

(My hypothesis was correct: with my parents not informed, the tooth remained. I taunted my parents in the morning. :smallbiggrin: )

[Dogmantra]

Oh man, I've got a good one. It'll make you crack up.

Right, when I was younger, I used to think it was acceptable to be different. Boy do I feel silly now.

[Weimann]

Huh... I can't seem to recall any particularly funny incident.

I was, however, mortally scared of a chair back when I was little. It was an big old, dark, heavy chair (I thought then; it turns out it was just as big as any other chair, and I sit on it regularly now) that stood in a corner of our summer house, and there was an indian hiding behind it! I knew he was lying there in wait for my, because I saw his plume of feathers poke up behind the chair's back. I was afraid to enter the room for several years.

Later, dad explained to me that it was a rolled up rug with it's fringes falling over the chair's back. He even showed to to me by putting the rug on the floor, and suddenly the indian dissapeared. I was convinced, however, that the indian had calculated with this and would come back the moment dad was gone. He never did, though. Sneaky indian.

[Trellan]

When I was little, I thought people actually died when an actor died in a tv show or movie. I understood that they were actors, I just thought they were actually dying. Suffice it to say, I couldn't understand why anyone, ever, would sign up for such a thing, and I ended up spending a lot of time trying to figure it out.

[Jade_Tarem]

A friend of mine once told me that when he was little, he assumed that traffic lights were controlled by the employees in nearby gas stations, since there's a gas station close to so many intersections.

I, too, believed that air conditioners and refrigerators contained ice, and believed that they simply got more ice from the same place that our faucet got its water.

Also, due to a badly-worded explanation from a cub scout instructor, I spent my early youth believing that ticks, when removed improperly, left their head or jawparts in your skin (this is true) - the mistake was that I also believed that the jawparts would continue to chew their way into your body, like demonic little bullets, meaning that a tick bite on the scalp could potentially be fatal.

My dad always wondered why I was so worried about being bitten by one... The day that I finally did get bit? We don't talk about that day.

[pendell]

My best stories involve sesame street.

If you go into my parent's basement, to where their TV and couch are, and you look at the coffee table there, you can still see my teeth marks in it. I know exactly how those teeth marks got there, When I was four years old, I watched a sesame street episode where Cookie Monster ate a coffee table. So *I* tried to eat the coffee table. It tasted awful. I made no headway and hurt my teeth, but the marks are still there.

I still remember this conversation I had with a playmate when I was in preschool -- again, about four years old. I went to preschool next year. In any case, we wanted to play cops and robbers, and I always wanted to be the robber. Why? 'Cops don't get married'. That's what I told my playmate, Mike Velgas. I have NO idea where I got this idea, but it was in my head.


Or there was the time, when I was eight years old, when I told my mom that all the dogs in the neighborhood were after me. She scolded me for talking crazy. In fact, I had just hit a dog with my lunch box, and I'd also just seen the movie '101 Dalmatians', where all the dogs talk to each other via 'the Twilight Bark'. And before THAT, I'd seen 'Watership Down'. And before THAT, I'd seen Bambi. For all my eight-year-old self knew, animals talked to each other in ways humans couldn't understand and cooperated together. My whole experience, as a Suburbanite, with animals was with talking animal movies, and then my parents were surprised when I actually believed the stuff they'd been cramming into me since birth!

This is also something that was a self-fulfilling prophecy. In point of fact, I did have a bad time with the dogs in that neighborhood. Now, as an adult, I believe it was because I was afraid of them and would run from them. Dogs are pretty good at smell and at body language, and if you run from them, why they will chase you. So I wasn't wholly wrong when I said that the dogs were after me... but not for the reason I thought they were.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Dvandemon]

I've never believed clouds were real as a kid, I always thought they were painted somehow, they just look so flat from down here.

[shadow_archmagi]

Oh man, I've got a good one. It'll make you crack up.

Right, when I was younger, I used to think it was acceptable to be different. Boy do I feel silly now.

Ho ho ho ho!

[Zaggab]

I remember when I realized that my dad didn't have that much hair. Of course, that wasn't that odd, because he had a pretty large head (compared to mine) so it was only natural that his hair was a little sparse, since the hair must spread over a larger surface.

Before I learned English, I tried to read English texts anyway. I knew that English was spoken in Britain. I also knew that Brits drank a lot of tea. Tea is te in Swedish. I found proof that English people were absolutely obsessed with tea, since the most common word i English texts was "the", which I read as English for "te"

[Symmys]

We have cicadas where I live. I thought for years that that was the sound heat makes.

[Delusion]

I was afraid of squirrels. Always believed that if you scared them they would jump on your face and bite of your nose.

[Rae Artemi]

I was afraid of squirrels. Always believed that if you scared them they would jump on your face and bite of your nose.

You do realize that this is entirely possible, correct?

[Keld Denar]

When I was living in Germany, I my little host brother sincerally thought that cows were purple from Milka chocolate advertisements. He had never seen a picture of a real non-purple cow. Funny.

[Delusion]

You do realize that this is entirely possible, correct?

:smalleek:

[Telonius]

My point was that, the dragon 'dies' when Peter grows up. I made the connection with Clementine because she also dies (or commits suicide perhaps? it's been a while since I heard the song, and I don't remember how it goes).

Strangely enough, when I was a kid, I thought that the last verse of "Puff" meant that the boy had died. I think I'd just been reading "The Velveteen Rabbit" at the time, those two are somehow connected in my memories.

[mucat]

Strangely enough, when I was a kid, I thought that the last verse of "Puff" meant that the boy had died.

You weren't alone. In my grade-school music class, when the teacher tried to get us to tell her what the end of the song meant, lots of people thought at first that Jackie died. (And then found it much sadder to realize that Jackie grew up and forgot about Puff.)


I am gonna make the claim, though, that no one dies at the end of the song. Puff is lonely and sad, but he goes back into the Imaginary Friends adoption queue to wait for another kid who believes he's real. Which, as I reasoned at the time, wasn't a big problem; there was a song about him, so free publicity. It was all those other dragons without songs who were in for a longer wait.

(Yeah, I was old enough to know the whole thing was fiction. Didn't stop me from speculating that the song was the Dragon equivalent of a kitten adoption poster, though.)

[smellie_hippie]

Cows standing on the side of a hill actually have shorter legs on the higher side of the hill. These would be "left side cows". The ones who may be going the otherway are clearly "right side cows".

More stripes on your running shoes make them faster.

[mucat]

More stripes on your running shoes make them faster.

Dude, they totally do.

Works for cars, too.

[onasuma]

Red 'wons go fasta'!

[Caustic Soda]

When my older brother was a kid, once there was only one piece of chocolate left, and they were three children. So he asks, concerned "but then what are the others supposed to get?"

A somewhat morbid one: When I was 4-5 or thereabouts, my grandfather on my mother side died. When we were in the church, I pointed at the crucifix and asked my mom "Is that Jesus?". When she said yes, I went "Huh. When are they gonna take him down :smallconfused:?"

[Thajocoth]

In my mom's daycare, whoever took the last X took all of the X. At the time of taking, it's the only one there... So one is all of them, ignoring the ones from before...

[bluewind95]

There is a saying in Spanish that applies when someone gets somewhere too early. It's "early enough to sweep", it seems, when you get there too early.

...So one day... someone... got to school waaaay early. So that someone's mother says "Well, we're here early enough to sweep"

.... That logically meant it was absolutely necessary for that little someone to go to the head janitor and ask for a broom. Very, very logical. Totally.

Totally don't now who that someone was. Totally.

[Dvandemon]

We have cicadas where I live. I thought for years that that was the sound heat makes.

Well that soundsis always there in movies, when they show the heat ripples

[Morty]

I remember when my brother and I were attempting to fly by strapping pillows to our arms and jumping off the sofa, flapping our arms. It made perfect sense at that time.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Oh man, as eldest of 10 kids (youngest just turned 6) there are so many I can't even remember them. It's like a daily occurrence.

I do know that, I, personally, loved the idea of a 'rest room' when I was younger. I'd go into malls or stores and get tired walking and my mom would eventually talk about the 'rest room'. I'd get so excited. I thought it'd be this nice room with benches for the parents to rest on, and lots of pillows and stuffed animals and blankets for the rest of us.

I also thought Root Beer was a brand of Chocolate Milk. I begged my mother one day to get me a root beer, because it looked so dark brown and chocolaty. She's like, 'I don't think you'll like it...' but I insisted. I took one sip and hurled. It wasn't chocolate.
20+ years later I still cannot drink root beer. Turns my stomach.

I also wouldn't eat hot dogs until I was nearly twenty. For some reason when I was younger, up to my early teens, the night I came down with the flu or some kind of stomach virus was always the same night I'd eaten a hot dog. Every. Single. Time. I don't know why, but it was. So I'd be up puking hot dogs.
Eventually I came to believe that hot dogs gave people the flu, and I refused to eat one.

Raisins was a third food I refused to eat. I could always swear that I thought I saw bugs running through them. Came to think raisins were their cocoons. Still find myself blanching when they are offered with some deep-rooted disgust. In cereal they're ok though. Beats me.

Oh! Here's a funny one I haven't seen in awhile. When I was younger dinosaurs and prehistoric creatures was my thing. I loved monsters. So we went to a museum, and they were giving out these vertical timeline charts of all the periods, down through the stone age. Every few million years would be this cool creature that existed then. At the very bottom was this cave man, but the drawing of his legs ended in jagged skin. Basically the artist had just scribbled the last inch to fit it on the poster. For a long time I would lie awake at night, troubled, trying to figure out how he walked on them, and why it didn't hurt.

Then there was my strange obsession with skeletons, zombies and vampires (yeah, I know, shocking for me isn't it). I led a very sheltered pre-adolescent childhood. If there was anything creepy, I wasn't allowed to watch it. Yet somehow I knew of these things, if not by name. I don't know how or why. I hated shower curtains because I kept having visions of bloody skeletons sneaking up on me. I'd worry about cloudy or stormy nights on christmas eve because 'what would happen to a reindeer if it hit something?' So in kindergarten I wrote this story about it. A reindeer hitting an airplane with its head and forgetting how to fly. It fell to the ground and rose up even though it was dead because it was so angry and thought Santa had hit it, still forgetting Santa was his friend. So he attacked the north pole, killed the elves, and ate up the other reindeer's eyes thinking that'd let him see better in clouds. The end.


Yeeeeah...

[Thajocoth]

I used to think girls were born with a hole in each earlobe.

[Anuan]

We have cicadas where I live. I thought for years that that was the sound heat makes.

...I'M NOT ALONE!

[Aiani]

...I'M NOT ALONE!

I was the same way too. Although I know better now I still associate that sound with heat.

[SaintRidley]

When I was small, I had a keen interest in money. I especially liked to have what I did have in coin form. Now, rationally, I understood that I had all different kinds of coins of differing sizes and colours. I knew a quarter was different from a dime and that they had different values.

Yet I still believed that all coins were pennies.

[Dada]

I was at my great-grandmothers ninety-years birthday, in a restaurant. I was very impressed with the decorative serviettes which had intricate patterns and holes. Naturally I asked my father how they were made, and he explained that a lot of people sat with scissors and needles to make the patterns. My aunt told me that it wasn't through and that they were made that way by a machine. What a dilemma. I thought hard for some time, then concluded 'I believe my dad, because I believe the one who owns me'.

[Eldan]

Back in school, a friend once told me his little brother answered the same question with "a lion".

That's nothing. My friend's little brother (3 or 4 at the time, I'd guess) answered "A Fish stick!"

[Sipex]

I used to think cars sprayed blood on you when they ran over you and that's why the people in car accidents always looked so bad (I think I saw episodes of law and order or something when I was young).

I also used to think cities only a few hours away were seperate countries because the maps I saw had ALLLL this white space between our city and the next one which MUST be water.

[AtopTheMountain]

Child has a small wagon, with four balls in it for some reason. They keep falling out because they don't all fit.

Child's mother: "You have too many!"

Child: "...No, I have four many. :smallconfused:"

[Eldan]

Heh.

Another one from myself:

I always had some trouble falling asleep, often lying awake for an hour or longer. When I was little, I found out that I could see pictures in front of my eyes when I closed them. These pictures were previews for my dreams.
Now, sometimes I didn't like those pictures: they looked too much like nightmares. So, I had to switch them.
Obviously, these pictures were beamed into my head, like TV signals. So, by turning my head in a different direction, I could get different pictures, and therefore different dreams.


I was a weird child.

[Thajocoth]

Heh.

Another one from myself:

I always had some trouble falling asleep, often lying awake for an hour or longer. When I was little, I found out that I could see pictures in front of my eyes when I closed them. These pictures were previews for my dreams.
Now, sometimes I didn't like those pictures: they looked too much like nightmares. So, I had to switch them.
Obviously, these pictures were beamed into my head, like TV signals. So, by turning my head in a different direction, I could get different pictures, and therefore different dreams.


I was a weird child.

Glowy images? Those are from recent light being inverted when your eyes stop receiving light when you close them (though, you could get them with open eyes too, but they're a bit harder to see.) This is combined with your optic nerve's ability to "fix" images that makes them actually appear to almost be something. I've always found those annoying... Still do.

[Zocelot]

That's nothing. My friend's little brother (3 or 4 at the time, I'd guess) answered "A Fish stick!"

My answer was "A firetruck"

Also, I thought for far, far too long that the muck on the bottom of lakes was duck poo, since that's what a friend told me while we were swimming.

[Partof1]

Apparently after sitting on Santa's lap at the mall for the first time after being able to communicate clearly, I said to my mom:
"That wasn't Santa, that was a man."
I don't recall this, but it strikes me as astoundingly astute for a 4 year old. I knew only of the concept of Santa, yet was able to distinguish what wasn't him.

Also, the center cushion on any couch, though the couch in my housein particular was mine. I knew to not call anyone on it if I didn't really know them, or they were outside my immediate family, but would instead stand and stare at them, I suppose telepathically willing them to move. I know not if I was successful with any regularity.

[Chambers]

When I was in 3rd or 4th grade I remember having an idea about the people who die in movies. You know, when the bad guys get shot up by the good guys and there's lots of explosions and things...as a 3rd grader I thought the people were actually getting shot / being blown up.

So...I figured out that the people that were dying in the movie (also in real life) were actually criminals in real life that were sentenced to die by execution, and the government allowed them to die in movies instead.

[Bor the Barbarian Monk]

Years ago, while living in an apartment with my ex, it was my turn to cook up dinner. Apparently, I could grill up a decent steak, and was doing that at one of the community grills when a neighbor's child came over to start talking to me.

Next to the grill was a picnic table. It was the type that had the benches attached to the table itself. The boy, only three years old, put one hand on the table and another on the bench, and began swinging himself in between them. It suddenly occurred to him to ask, "Can you do this?"

I'd been working on my paternal skills, and my ex always told me that if a child asks a question, they deserve an answer they can understand. Thus, I answered, "No, I can't. I'm too big."

The kid didn't even blink. As straight-faced as possible, he answered in all seriousness, "Well, will you be able to when you get little?" :smallbiggrin:

[Delusion]

Oh, I used to call myself a troll...

[Concrete]

Rocks are like gravel but bigger. There are rocks on top of gravel.
Therefore, it is obvious that rocks eat gravel, and grow bigger.
This lead me to spend half a day trying to lift the stones quickly enough to see their mouths, all the while egged on by my big brother...
My brother was a douche. :)

Another story...
My parents house is a two-story single family house, and it's pretty old...
Every night around midnight, we would hear something walk up the stairs, and then down again, even though everyone was asleep.
Our parents told us that it was the ghost of an old man who used to live there, but that it was a nice ghost.
So we weren't really that scared of it.
That was, of course, before our pre-school teacher told us that there were no such things as ghosts...:smalleek:

[mucat]

It wasn't ghosts. The rocks had followed you home...

[Concrete]

It wasn't ghosts. The rocks had followed you home...

My god...
It all makes sense... O.o

[Thajocoth]

Rocks are like gravel but bigger. There are rocks on top of gravel.
Therefore, it is obvious that rocks eat gravel, and grow bigger.
This lead me to spend half a day trying to lift the stones quickly enough to see their mouths, all the while egged on by my big brother...
My brother was a douche. :)

Is that how you became Concrete? You're the bigger rock now? :smalltongue:

[onasuma]

You know when you squinted your eyes in that certain way where you could see everything in double. I genuinely believed I was special and had the gift to see peoples souls.

[ForzaFiori]

The first time I found a cicada husk (the exoskeleton they drop off when they pupate), I thought that something had eaten it, and was freaked out. Thankfully, my mom fixed that when I told her.

I also have just started being able to eat at Hardees. In 5th grade, my appendix ruptured in a hardees while I was eating. Ever since, I've associated hardees with throwing up, abdominal pain, and hospital visits.

[The Linker]

I was afraid of squirrels. Always believed that if you scared them they would jump on your face and bite of your nose.


You do realize that this is entirely possible, correct?


:smalleek:

You challenged the delusion! :smalleek:


I had one from when I was, like, seven. I played a lot of video games, and the way I assumed they were made, some animator had to draw every single potential frame that might possibly come up in the game. Here's Mario on the bridge! Here's Mario on the bridge with an enemy a centimeter out of place! Here's Mario on the bridge with one more life than he had last time! Here's Mario on a bridge from a slightly different angle! Here's Mario on a bridge with a Wing Cap on! Here's Mario on a bridge with 3 coins instead of 2!

Here's Mario on a thwomp!...

[Helanna]

Holy crap. After looking up what a cicada sounds like, this thread FINALLY told me what made that sound that's in all my summer memories, but that I was beginning to think I made up. I've been wondering that for a while now.

And when I was a child . . . I wasn't under any sort of 'magical thinking'. I was just really, really dense and incapable of taking physical/social clues in. Some would say I still am, to some extent. :smalltongue:

Edit:


I had one from when I was, like, seven. I played a lot of video games, and the way I assumed they were made, some animator had to draw every single potential frame that might possibly come up in the game. Here's Mario on the bridge! Here's Mario on the bridge with an enemy a centimeter out of place! Here's Mario on the bridge with one more life than he had last time! Here's Mario on a bridge from a slightly different angle! Here's Mario on a bridge with a Wing Cap on! Here's Mario on a bridge with 3 coins instead of 2!

Here's Mario on a thwomp!...

Hehe, I'd almost forgotten I used to believe that all animations were made frame by frame . . . I could never figure out how anybody had enough time to do that.

[The Linker]

Obviously, the only reason a game broke when you went to an area you weren't supposed to reach was because the guy didn't have time to draw it before the game went out.

[Eldan]

Hey, I believed that too! Just after I stopped believing cartoons were made by stop-motion.

[Ravens_cry]

I remember when I was a child I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to be a police officer SO BADLY. When I started preschool I was so disappointed when I opened my first school book in pre-school and it taught me absolutely NOTHING about how to be a police officer. What a RIP OFF!

[Prime32]

I remember when I was a child I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to be a police officer SO BADLY. When I started preschool I was so disappointed when I opened my first school book in pre-school and it taught me absolutely NOTHING about how to be a police officer. What a RIP OFF!It's not like it's that hard. (http://axecop.com/index.php/acask/read/ask_axe_cop_5/)

[randman22222]

Oooh, I remember one...

I was looking at an atlas or globe or something before, and saw the International Date Line, with Monday on one side, and Sunday on the other. Of course, I had just discovered time travel, and was trying to explain this on my first day of Kindergarten, to my fourth grade buddy person. She had no idea what I was talking about, with my "plane that would only have to move more than one time zone per hour, and fly around the world a bunch of times!"

On being mean to younger siblings: I had a bunch of DIY learning thingums floating around, one of which was a box of wires and LEDs and buzzers and such. I let my little brother play with them, and I noticed he was trying to connect the two ends of the same wire. Before he managed, I said, "No! Don't do that! If you connect the ends of a wire, you'll explode the world!"
He looked up at me, terrified, slightly tearing up, and I don't remember what he said, but even then, I repeated that some time after, when he was playing with a set of Legos that had wiring.

...That was mean... :smallfrown:

[Thajocoth]

The first time I found a cicada husk (the exoskeleton they drop off when they pupate), I thought that something had eaten it, and was freaked out. Thankfully, my mom fixed that when I told her.

I also have just started being able to eat at Hardees. In 5th grade, my appendix ruptured in a hardees while I was eating. Ever since, I've associated hardees with throwing up, abdominal pain, and hospital visits.

I don't eat hot dogs because, after finding plastic in one, I stopped eating them for a few years, and then the next one I ate also had plastic in it. Both were Nathans. First one was softer wrapping-plastic. The second was harder, jagged, packaging-plastic in a zig-zag shape.

[Rockphed]

Then there was my strange obsession with skeletons, zombies and vampires (yeah, I know, shocking for me isn't it). I led a very sheltered pre-adolescent childhood. If there was anything creepy, I wasn't allowed to watch it. Yet somehow I knew of these things, if not by name. I don't know how or why.

Fairy Tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children know that dragons exist without being told. Fairy Tales teach children that dragons can die.


Heh.

Another one from myself:

I always had some trouble falling asleep, often lying awake for an hour or longer. When I was little, I found out that I could see pictures in front of my eyes when I closed them. These pictures were previews for my dreams.
Now, sometimes I didn't like those pictures: they looked too much like nightmares. So, I had to switch them.
Obviously, these pictures were beamed into my head, like TV signals. So, by turning my head in a different direction, I could get different pictures, and therefore different dreams.

I believe that I tried doing something similar for most of my childhood.


Oh, I used to call myself a troll...

I am a troll! See, I'm from southern Michigan, which means I live under the Mackinac* Bridge, which means I am a troll.

*I can never remember which spelling to use for the bridge, the island, and the city. I just know it is a place of fudge and bicycles.

[Keld Denar]

I am a troll! See, I'm from southern Michigan, which means I live under the Mackinac* Bridge, which means I am a troll.
I knew there was something strange about you from the first time I saw you post. This explains everything...

(I'm a Yooper, eh!)

[The Linker]

I remember when I was a child I wanted to be a police officer. I wanted to be a police officer SO BADLY. When I started preschool I was so disappointed when I opened my first school book in pre-school and it taught me absolutely NOTHING about how to be a police officer. What a RIP OFF!

I can just imagine the teacher's confusion.

"Oh, did you enjoy Brother Bear's Day Off?"
"IT DIDN'T TELL ME HOW TO BE A COP SO IT SUCKED"
"!?"

[Ravens_cry]

I can just imagine the teacher's confusion.

"Oh, did you enjoy Brother Bear's Day Off?"
"IT DIDN'T TELL ME HOW TO BE A COP SO IT SUCKED"
"!?"
Yep, my mother had it pretty hard.

[Concrete]

Is that how you became Concrete? You're the bigger rock now? :smalltongue:

Yes.
I ate those weaker than me, and now I Am Glorious.
:smallmad:

[Delusion]

Fairy Tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children know that dragons exist without being told. Fairy Tales teach children that dragons can die.





Can I sig that?:smallbiggrin:

[llamamushroom]

I don't know when I realised that the people on TV and in the movies were actors, but when I did I came to a very logical conclusion - they're acting, which is like pretending, so the "baddies" are really nice people pretending to be bad and the "goodies" are mean people pretending to be nice. I believed that for way too long, to the point I hid myself behind mum when we saw the Wiggles live. Then again, the Wiggles are the embodiments of evil, so my fear was justified.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

Fairy Tales don't teach children that dragons exist. Children know that dragons exist without being told. Fairy Tales teach children that dragons can die.
One of my favorite quotations ever :smallwink:

[Dvandemon]

I just learned the developmental stages of a child in AP Psych. One thing we learned was from a youtube video that showed a child's lack of conservation. It showed a little girl given one graham cracker while the researcher was given two, she believed this to be unfair until the researcher split hers in two. The entire class laughed at the realization of their former naivete

[Ravens_cry]

Children are often quite logical, they just have limited information on how the world works.
For example, I read of a child who was terrified of going on the elevator for the first time.
Think about what a child sees.
They see people going into a room, the doors close, and when the doors open, the people are gone.
Let that sink in, past your grown up knowledge, and let the fear inside.
Yes, horrifying isn't it?

[The Vorpal Tribble]

They see people going into a room, the doors close, and when the doors open, the people are gone.
Let that sink in, past your grown up knowledge, and let the fear inside.
Yes, horrifying isn't it?
See, that also depends on the child's personality. Me? I remember always thinking, 'COOL, I wanna go find where they went!'

[Ravens_cry]

See, that also depends on the child's personality. Me? I remember always thinking, 'COOL, I wanna go find where they went!'
Indeed.The thought freaked me out though. When I was a child I was pretty scared by escalators and dreaded the idea stepping on the last step. That people actually have had their foot caught this way doesn't help.
A horror movie based on how children can see the world could be brutal if done right.

[Eldan]

Oh, yes.

I always jumped over the last step of an escalator, because I was afraid it would suck me in and kill me. Of course grown-ups could step over it, they were much larger and wouldn't fit under it.

[The Vorpal Tribble]

A horror movie based on how children can see the world could be brutal if done right.
I had a similar thought for a sort of a horror book based on actual animals I've come across, but thought it might be 'too' depressing.

Got the idea when I was a technician for a satellite company and passed an air unit outside, that has that fan spinning within. A little lizard had apparently gotten inside, and was trying to squeeze out through the top grate. The fan had come on, knocking off its tail and back legs and it apparently had just been stuck there until it dried out.

Looking at it I thought what it would be like to be caught in such a predicament. It seriously is horrifying.

[Ravens_cry]

Oh, that poor, poor, lizard! What a way to go:smalleek:.

[CrimsonAngel]

When I was little... actualy, I still do this. Anyway, when I go to the mall, i'm not allowed to step on certain blocks, and then other blocks give me a certain number of points.

[Fri]

I used to say to my younger brother that my paper planes flies better because I put tiny machines in it. And he believed it for a very long time.

He still remember that lie (and I think still annoyed by it) now when we're both in college.

[Ravens_cry]

I used to say to my younger brother that my paper planes flies better because I put tiny machines in it. And he believed it for a very long time.

He still remember that lie (and I think still annoyed by it) now when we're both in college.

Ah, if your family can't tease you, who can?

[Rockphed]

Can I sig that?:smallbiggrin:

Sure, just know that I didn't make it up. According to a google search, G. K. Chesterton said something like what I posted. I thought I was quoting something from Discworld, but I guess I was quoting Chesterton, whoever he was.

[Science Officer]

Sure, just know that I didn't make it up. According to a google search, G. K. Chesterton said something like what I posted. I thought I was quoting something from Discworld, but I guess I was quoting Chesterton, whoever he was.

If I recall correctly, Good Omens (co-authored by Pratchett) was dedicated to Chesterton "a fellow who knew what was what". Pratchett is a fan of Chesterton, I suppose, so there's a connection there.
I recommend The Man Who Was Thursday by Chesterton.

On Topic:
When I was learning about traffic lights, I came up with a funny idea.
Of course green means go, red means stop, and yellow for wait or be careful, or something.
However I was under the impression that, on certain special occasions, the yellow light would shine pink, and everyone at the intersection would stop driving and eat cotton candy. I think it was to come out of the glove compartment.
I have no idea why I believed this.

[mucat]

When I was learning about traffic lights, I came up with a funny idea.
Of course green means go, red means stop, and yellow for wait or be careful, or something.
However I was under the impression that, on certain special occasions, the yellow light would shine pink, and everyone at the intersection would stop driving and eat cotton candy. I think it was to come out of the glove compartment.
I have no idea why I believed this.

Neither do I, but it's awesome, so from now on I believe it thoroughly. If I'm on my bicycle when it happens, the cotton candy will come out the bar ends.

[pendell]

If I recall correctly, Good Omens (co-authored by Pratchett) was dedicated to Chesterton "a fellow who knew what was what". Pratchett is a fan of Chesterton, I suppose, so there's a connection there.
I recommend The Man Who Was Thursday by Chesterton.


Quite a bit of G.K Chesterton's work is online and available for nd free. Some can be found here (http://www.ccel.org/index/author/C) and others can be found here (http://www.google.com/#q=G.k+chesterton&hl=en&prmd=ibl&source=univ&tbs=bks:1&tbo=u&ei=AYazTPWOJcG9nAfP4aGHBg&sa=X&oi=book_group&ct=title&cad=bottom-3results&resnum=18&ved=0CGMQsAMwEQ&fp=8f9faa37932bcf41), among other places. Pratchett was a fan? And C.S. Lewis was a fan, too. I like all three authors.

Back on topic ... when I was a kid, I believed that Santa Claus was real. Really real. And I argued emphatically with people who told me it wasn't true, because my parents had said he was real and my parents wouldn't lie, would they? The truth came as a bitter blow and I've never fully trusted anyone since then.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

[Thajocoth]

Back on topic ... when I was a kid, I believed that Santa Claus was real. Really real. And I argued emphatically with people who told me it wasn't true, because my parents had said he was real and my parents wouldn't lie, would they? The truth came as a bitter blow and I've never fully trusted anyone since then.

Respectfully,

Brian P.


My brother believed in Santa long after he should've simply because "My mom wouldn't lie to me."

He's 19 now. He has not forgiven her. If he ever has kids (unlikely unless he adopts, as he's going to switch genders...), he will not "lie to them" about Santa.

I guess this is more common than I thought. I heard my brother discussing it with a friend the other day... He's on the fence now about how he'll handle it if he has kids.

[RandomNPC]

As far as the holiday beings go I'm going with Pratchet on this one, you have to beleive, so that when you grow up you can beleive the big lies, Truth, Justice, that sort of thing.

As a kid I used to watch the signs in stores hanging by a single string twist in the air currents. The string would wind up and begin spinning the other way, and that usually happened right after I sneakily tried blowing at it. So I beleived I could blow on things ~20 feet away. When pointing this out to my parents they told me I was wrong and explained some air-currents type of science I didn't understand, and I kept doing it for a year of two after they told me I wasn't really doing it, and those signs just kept turning. Come to tink of it, I sometimes do that out of habbit and I've got a kid of my own I'm responsible for now.... Be warned his beleif will be among the strongest there is.

[bokodasu]

When I was a child I was pretty scared by escalators and dreaded the idea stepping on the last step. That people actually have had their foot caught this way doesn't help.

Oh, I had been reading this thread and thinking "nope, I was pretty rational for a kid" but then I remembered this one. Oddly enough, I got stuck in an elevator (one of those old-fashioned ones with the grate and the lever) for an hour once. Didn't bother me, but apparently the story was so scary to my cousin that he refused to go on any elevators ever. I was terrified of escalators. Going to the mall with the two of us was a real picnic.

We've always told my daughter that Santa is a game kids and grownups enjoy playing together, but not real. Same with all those holiday spirits. But she absolutely believes in the tooth fairy, even after we told her the stories about how my mom would forget to put money under my pillow for two or three nights in a row. Dunno what it is about that one - maybe because there's no tooth fairy at the mall.

(Bonus: because she's always believed that everyone's in on the game, she's never become That Kid who has to announce to everyone that Santa's not real and they've all been suckers all this time. She is a considerate gamer.)

My younger daughter is mostly preverbal, but the other day she was waving to the trees and plants because they were waving (in the wind). It was pretty clear she thought they were communicating with her.

[Sipex]

I guess this is more common than I thought. I heard my brother discussing it with a friend the other day... He's on the fence now about how he'll handle it if he has kids.

I think this is a natural stage in maturity for kids. You feel like your parents are horrible and that you'll be so much better. In my opinion it's wrong to stay at this point and eventually you should move into understanding. IE: My parents did it because I enjoyed it and in the end, I lived and developed after learning the truth.

[bluewind95]

My parents explained the reason behind the lie. That it was a very nice illusion to have, and a really nice thing for them too to see us so surprised when presents "magically" appeared. It was a tradition we all enjoyed, and so while I did feel it was rather... well... frustrating to have been lied to, I also had very fond memories of those times when we'd wake up super-early to sneak out and see what presents we had been brought. I realized that, if we'd known the secret, it wouldn't have been so magical. I couldn't begrudge them the necessary lie after that, and I even kept the secret while my sister learned the truth so she could have a few more years of that very nice illusion.

Tis just a bit of real "magic" parents can provide children with. It's something that goes away eventually, with age. I think it should be enjoyed fully by both parties, but it's also a delicate situation, from what I see, for it can feel like a big lie. For me, well, what I eventually learned wasn't that Santa didn't exist. It was that my parents *were* Santa. So Santa exists. It's just that Santa is the nickname and identity your parents take to bring you presents in such a way, that, as a child, it seems completely magical.

[Abies]

Of course I know that :smalltongue: Heck, I didn't learn about the alternative views of the song til I was in my mid-20s.

My point was that, the dragon 'dies' when Peter grows up. I made the connection with Clementine because she also dies (or commits suicide perhaps? it's been a while since I heard the song, and I don't remember how it goes).

Clementine slips and falls into a river, the Narrator can't swim so she drowns. The Narrator then consoles himself by hooking up with Clementine's little sister.


Strange child logic:

When being potty trained my brother would announce he had to "myimate" instead of urinate, since what others call "your" you call "my".

During an Easter mass I apparently became very concerned when a deacon carried a cross up to the altar. There was no doubt in my mind we were about to crucify that man. I actually disrupted the entire service with my crying. They stopped doing the cross carrying after that.

My Grandparents had a pool. At night grandpa would put a cover over it to keep out leaves and whotnot. Apparently there was some danger of drowing because of the cover, so he told up that sharks swam in the pool at night, and the cover was there so they could not get out. For far, far too long I believed that sharks really swam in pools at night.

Similar to the cicadas, I thought crickets was the sound night made. Needless to say my mother was very confused when I told her that night had gotten into my closet.

[Teddy]

Similar to the cicadas, I thought crickets was the sound night made. Needless to say my mother was very confused when I told her that night had gotten into my closet.

This is so much win. I'm trying to imagine how she opens your closet and it's pitchblack inside, complete with the sound of crickets. Also, this night-thing is rather harmless, almost benevolent in my mind, because crickets have always been a good thing to me.

[mucat]

All right, with all this talk about crickets and cicadas...this story isn't about the false logic of children, but about the false logic of adults.

I was working a few nights ago in my badly cluttered office. Suddenly an alarm goes off. It sounds like a cricket. My laptop alarm isn't set, though. I dig through the mess and find my other two alarm clocks, but neither of them are going off, and besides, they don't have cricket-like alarm settings. Ringtone, then? I find my phone after an extensive search; it isn't ringing (and anyway, it doesn't have a cricket ringtone that I know of. Damn; someone else must have forgotten their phone. Or maybe I left some random device lying around, and it's chirping to tell me its batteries are almost dead.

I track the location by homing in on the sound, but just when i get close, it stops. Cool; whatever it was, it turned off. So I go back to the work I was doing...and within three minutes, it goes off again. Some kind of damned snooze function? A nearly-dead battery drifting in and out of functional range? I try to triangulate the sound again, but like last time, it quits just when I get close.

We go through several more iterations of this before I figure it out: there's a cricket in the room.


The hell of it is, I was thinking of it the whole time as a "cricket noise", but apparently I had forgotten that the original cricket noise came from crickets.

[Ravens_cry]

This is so much win. I'm trying to imagine how she opens your closet and it's pitchblack inside, complete with the sound of crickets. Also, this night-thing is rather harmless, almost benevolent in my mind, because crickets have always been a good thing to me.
The wonderful thing is, they are right. What is night but when the part of the Earth you are on is in shadow and without a light in there night has indeed entered your closet.

[Maryring]

As a kid, I used to think that colours was a dimension, because dimensions were what made the world exist, and colours must be a neccessary part of what makes the world exist, because if there wasn't colour, there wouldn't be anything to show that things actually existed and were different.

[Onlyhestands]

I thought cats and dogs were the same species. Cats were female, dogs were the males.

I used to believe that my stuffed animals came to life when I wasn't looking at them. I used to try to turn around really quickly to look back at them before they could change back, but I was never quick enough.

[Partof1]

You'll get those stuffed buggers yet :P

[Lhurgyof]

I was always terrified of my beanie babies on the shelf. I swear to god they freakin moved all the time at night and it scared the living crap out of me. :smalleek:

In fact, it's still pretty creepy. I no longer have any stuffed animals... That friggin deer would turn its head. Still runs a chill down my spine.

[Starbuck_II]

I used to believe that my stuffed animals came to life when I wasn't looking at them. I used to try to turn around really quickly to look back at them before they could change back, but I was never quick enough.

That one wasn't false. They were...

[ScottishDragon]

I used to believe that my stuffed animals came to life when I wasn't looking at them. I used to try to turn around really quickly to look back at them before they could change back, but I was never quick enough.

Toy story doesn't help at all. I believed this for many years and spent nights awake trying to "spy" on my toys to see when they started moving.

[Rockphed]

I think this is a natural stage in maturity for kids. You feel like your parents are horrible and that you'll be so much better. In my opinion it's wrong to stay at this point and eventually you should move into understanding. IE: My parents did it because I enjoyed it and in the end, I lived and developed after learning the truth.

Maybe it was because I was almost the youngest of 7, but I am almost certain that the only time my parents ever talked about santa was when my older siblings sere in high school. Even then, I don't think any of us was fooled. While I did go through a stage where I thought my parents were horrible, horrible people, I have since come to terms with the fact that they are just 30 years older than me and take a different view of the world. I don't blame them for anything, but then there really is nothing to blame them for. I intend to treat my children in much the same way.


This is so much win. I'm trying to imagine how she opens your closet and it's pitchblack inside, complete with the sound of crickets. Also, this night-thing is rather harmless, almost benevolent in my mind, because crickets have always been a good thing to me.


I was working a few nights ago in my badly cluttered office. Suddenly an alarm goes off. It sounds like a cricket. My laptop alarm isn't set, though. I dig through the mess and find my other two alarm clocks, but neither of them are going off, and besides, they don't have cricket-like alarm settings. Ringtone, then? I find my phone after an extensive search; it isn't ringing (and anyway, it doesn't have a cricket ringtone that I know of. Damn; someone else must have forgotten their phone. Or maybe I left some random device lying around, and it's chirping to tell me its batteries are almost dead.

I track the location by homing in on the sound, but just when i get close, it stops. Cool; whatever it was, it turned off. So I go back to the work I was doing...and within three minutes, it goes off again. Some kind of damned snooze function? A nearly-dead battery drifting in and out of functional range? I try to triangulate the sound again, but like last time, it quits just
when I get close.

We go through several more iterations of this before I figure it out: there's a cricket in the room.

I have actually had crickets infest my room before. Well, not exactly my room, but there were a dozen or so in the basement(where my room was). Them things are annoying to track down, especially when there are more than one. So, yes, my closet was invaded by crickets.

[Ravens_cry]

When I was a child, I thought clouds looked like mashed potatoes. I also wondered what it would be like to be on one. I soon found out it was just fog up high, but I would still have dreams where I would jump from cloud to cloud.

[Caustic Soda]

@Rockphed and bluewind95:

One thing I don't really understand is why it is better to pretend that presents come from Santa, instead of acknowledging that they're from family members. Wouldn't it be (just as) heartwarming to know that they come from your family, because they love you? Here in Denmark we're upfront about gifts being from and to each other, instead of Santa. When I was a child, that was a nice feeling. Though not as nice or important as the joy at all the awesome new toys (and disappointing clothes) that I got :smallbiggrin:.

[Starbuck_II]

@Rockphed and bluewind95:

One thing I don't really understand is why it is better to pretend that presents come from Santa, instead of acknowledging that they're from family members. Wouldn't it be (just as) heartwarming to know that they come from your family, because they love you? Here in Denmark we're upfront about gifts being from and to each other, instead of Santa. When I was a child, that was a nice feeling. Though not as nice or important as the joy at all the awesome new toys (and disappointing clothes) that I got :smallbiggrin:.

Because knowing there is a stranger out there that cares about your safety is nice.
Your family loves you because you are related most likely. Santa loves you even though you aren't.

[Violet Octopus]

I used to have a little book that I'd fill with my "discoveries". Unfortunately I can only remember one of them.

When I was 6 I bought something from the school canteen. I'm not sure if it was me or the canteen-lady that misread the coins I gave, but in any case, I realised I hadn't given enough money. Yet I still received the food item, and change that by chance equalled my perceived debt (e.g. item cost $1.50, I perceived giving $1, but received 50c in change).

I concluded that this was always true: people would always give you the difference if you didn't have enough money. I never put my newfound knowledge into practice though. Maybe I should have become an investment banker :smalltongue:

[The Linker]

I think the benefit of Santa comes from "He knows when you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness' sakes!" Speaking from a parent's point of view (which I'm not, yet), an omnipotent judge of character that's around even when mommy and daddy aren't? Yes please! I'll take one!

[Eldan]

Our Christmas Present Giving Ceremony was... complicated.

For one thing, over here, Santa has nothing to do with it. Saint Nicholas comes around on the 6th of December in the evening. He then reads every child a list of their good and bad deeds and hands them a bag of sweets and, for some reason, peanuts. Actually, every larger village around here has a semi-official Santa organization, where parents can phone in an "order" a Santa on that evening. Usually, they are things like Boyscout Sergeants, teachers or other "trusted" men without kids of their own.

On Christmas, the way my parents told me, Baby Jesus and a group of angels came around and brought presents (that despite the entire family being Atheist). However, those presents were bought by family members then passed on to the relevant authorities. Of course, I quickly caught on to the fact that I would have to leave the house with one parent on the evening of the 24th, while the other would stay home to "cook dinner" just before we would then all together "be surprised" by the presents.

While my parents told me the story, I figured out it wasn't exactly true, and they knew that I knew. It was a kind of pretending together.

My parents did that a lot, telling me legends because they thought they were important to a child (and they were), while also telling me indirectly that they weren't strictly true. It's a strange combination, but it worked, and I was never really disappointed by my parents having lied to me.

[Meg]

Until I was three, I labored under the impressesion that you couldn't hear your own voice. I realised midway through a conversation with my uncle that I could hear my own voice, and I was so stunned. I told my uncle that I could hear myself, and his reaction was a bewildered "Um, yes?"

When I was 5 or so, my brother and I found a dead cat. Earlier that day, my dad had mentioned something about not being able to swing s cat without hitting a salesman. Naturally, we decided to test his hypothesis.

Hilarity ensued.

[The Linker]

"Hello, I represent Global MegaAAAGGGH OH GOD THAT'S DISGUSTING WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU"

[mucat]

When I was 5 or so, my brother and I found a dead cat. Earlier that day, my dad had mentioned something about not being able to swing s cat without hitting a salesman. Naturally, we decided to test his hypothesis.

Hilarity ensued.
I'm sure the cat's ghost totally forgave this indignity, as long as you actually did hit a salesman.

[Eldan]

That right there? Hilarious.

Which reminds me of this little conversation:

"Daddy?"
"Yes?"
"Remember when you told me about superstition this morning?"
*pause*
"Yeees?"
"Well, you were right! I spilled all the salt on the kitchen floor and had no bad luck all day!"

Of course, I then found out that it actually did lead to bad luck. :smalltongue:
Luckily, didn't break the bathroom mirror (I thought about it, but came to the conclusion that it would be dangerous.)

[Mewtarthio]

When I was little, I noticed that the lights on cars started blinking before they made turns. Naturally, I figured that they were being controlled by the only person who knew what the car was about to do: God. Yes, I believed that God himself was directly intervening and turning the blinkers on and off as a divine sign that the car was about to turn.

Re: Santa Claus: I don't have any memory of directly believing in Santa. The closest I have is my little sister's belief, which my other sister and I twisted beyond recognition (we had her believing that Santa was a giant fish, for starters). Still, I know I must have believed in Santa at one point, because my mother always tells me the story of how she broke the news to me.

Namely, she tried to explain that I couldn't get unlimited presents because presents were expensive. I countered that Santa makes the presents himself, so he doesn't have to pay. Mom then asked me to consider who really ends up paying for those presents. And so, in a moment of dawning horror, I blurted out, "Santa bills you?!"

[mucat]

One of my strange thoughts as a young kid was actually a horrifying one to me: What if inanimate objects are actually sentient, and feel everything that happens to them, but have no way to tell us so?

I especially felt sorry for cars; they have to run at full tilt for hours on end, with no way to tell anyone they're tired, and then sit outside all night in a snowstorm. I knew these things weren't actually alive, and that the idea made no sense, really. But the hell of it was, if was actually true, then a baseball bat or a fireplace log could also know it made no sense, but have no one to appeal to about the illogic of the whole thing...

[Thajocoth]

I figured it out because my mom had left out presents I was getting... Then lied and said they were for my cousins... Then I got them (And I've always had keep enough eyes that I could tell they were the same boxes, and therefore not a coincidence.)

I kept quiet about it. I didn't want to stop getting free stuff. I don't think I've ever actually said that I don't believe in Santa... At 27 now, I doubt my mom thinks I still believe in him.

Never believed in the tooth fairy, but wasn't going to pass up the free money there either. Easter Bunny was flat-out ridiculous. I think I've hid eggs more often than I've searched for them. (We switch up each year who hides and who finds. This year, I hid and my brother, mom and her bf searched.)

The fact that, if something broke, my parents would need to pay to replace or fix it, and therefore have less money to spend on me, led to carefulness. Namely, if I got angry at my parents for getting irrationally angry (the only kind they ever got, though I recently found out why), I couldn't do anything about it. The only times I ever felt like doing anything that'd break anything were out of vengeance. That went away during 3rd grade, when I went into an 8 year streak of pure apathy.

[Helanna]

I don't have any memory of ever believing in Santa Claus or anything at all. I know I must have at some point. I remember one afternoon just randomly asking my mom "So, just to make sure, Santa Claus isn't real, right?" And she was just kind of like "Nope." And I said "And the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny and all either?" And she said no. So that's when I knew for certain that they weren't . . . but I still don't remember actually believing in them.

Although my mom made a really terrible tooth fairy. :smalltongue: I'm trying to remember . . . I think it was my sister who started crying one morning because the 'tooth fairy' forgot to pick up her tooth. And then forgot for the next two nights as well.

And I remember one time my sister and I went into the basement near Christmas for something, and we saw a bunch of wrapped presents. I hastily explained it to my sister as "Santa's probably just storing them here because he's out of room at the North Pole." Don't really know if she believed me . . .

[Pinnacle]

I also wondered what it would be like to be on one. I soon found out it was just fog up high, but I would still have dreams where I would jump from cloud to cloud.

...
Are you suggesting that Mario lied to me?
:smalleek:

[Meg]

For the record, no salesmen were hit.

But my dad's reaction almost makes up for that. I left my brother in the yard, swinging the cat, and went to find my dad, all smug in my five-year-old correctness. My dad was talking to my grandma and to some of my aunts and uncles, and I barged in all, "Dad, you're wrong." "About what?" "You can swing a cat without hitting a salesman." "What... *puts it together* WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR BROTHER?" And then he ran out of the house like a man possessed. I can't remember what we did with the cat, but I have a feeling we flung it into the neighbor's field as a way of burial.

I feel pretty bad for people who never got to spend time on farms growing up. So much time unsupervised around dangerous equipment.

[AtopTheMountain]

I pretended to still believe in Santa for a few years after I stopped to keep getting extra presents, up until I was 9 or 10. Of course, then I told them, and we still had "Santa" bring presents, even though everyone in the house knew where they were really from. What a wasted few years of lying... :smallannoyed:

[AshDesert]

I remember thinking that there were a bunch of tiny people living in the TV and that VHS's were filled with scripts and costumes for them. I was amazed when I went to one of my playmate's houses and seeing a show I'd seen on my TV with all the same actors I saw on my TV at home.

[bluewind95]

@Rockphed and bluewind95:

One thing I don't really understand is why it is better to pretend that presents come from Santa, instead of acknowledging that they're from family members. Wouldn't it be (just as) heartwarming to know that they come from your family, because they love you? Here in Denmark we're upfront about gifts being from and to each other, instead of Santa. When I was a child, that was a nice feeling. Though not as nice or important as the joy at all the awesome new toys (and disappointing clothes) that I got :smallbiggrin:.

Because it wasn't the presents. It was the magic. See, if it's from parents and relatives (oh, we got those too.:smalltongue:), it's a mundane gift. They went and *bought* it. With Santa, see, it was magic from the start to the end. Think about it. You wrote a letter, and all you had to do was leave it somewhere, and Santa's magic would take it to him. No need to take it to a post office or anything of the sort. It would just get there. And then, in one night, Santa would come and deliver presents to every child in the world. It was already magical to think there was any being in the world that would be so kind as to do that. And then... he'd be able to do that nice deed no matter if the house was locked. He had the magic to make sure your present was delivered. And you'd never see him, he was that stealthy! Just thinking about how he'd manage that was pretty mind-boggling then. That was the magic of it. It wasn't mundane, it was logic-defying. Magic. It wasn't so much the presents, really, as the way they'd gotten there.

It's kind of like the appeal of surprise parties. It's just the way it's out of the ordinary.

[Fuzzie Fuzz]

Mine's actually pretty morbid, but...

I was about...5ish? And I was watching the news with my dad and they were talking about a mass murder or something and they said that a bunch of people lost their lives and I was thinking, "Well, why can't they just go and find them again?"

Heh, I was once in the backseat of a car while my mom and a coworker of hers (both were nurses) were talking about how a woman "lost her husband." I very calmly asked how she lost him, and if she was still looking for him.

[Brother Oni]

A creepy one from my wife; she wanted a barbie doll, but her father didn't want to buy her one, so he told her that a doll's hair grows at night.
Not helped by the fact that in Japan, traditional dolls are made with real human hair.

On a similar note, I had a friend who's uncle snuck into her room once while she was asleep and turned all her dolls round so that they were looking at her.

Hilarity ensued when she woke up.

[HalfTangible]

I once thought that nothing in the universe moved unless i did, in which case everything moved at once in relation to my position, which is why things moving fast looked blurred unless you're going at a similar speed.

I also thought this was true for everybody else.

I was also told that an angel lived in a sewer near my house.

[Meg]

I was also told that an angel lived in a sewer near my house.

Not gonna lie, that would make an awesome story.

[Katana_Geldar]

I was convinced theurtles and crocodiles lived in the pipes for some reason.

And that the girl over the back fence had five identical twin sisters. I was so credulous, still am a little.

[AtlanteanTroll]

I have a reversal of this. When I was two, my dad pointed at a bird and said, "Hey, look at the bird!" I said, "Daddy, that's a Cardinal!"